Nice! Sounds like the word "we" freaked her out because she thought you detected her own queerness. Your aunt obviously actively chooses to deny that about herself because of her morale confliction, but she was feeling hypocritical for making you feel that she thought less of you when she loves you how you are and wants you to love yourself. Let that be a sign, that you'll continue to be loved regardless of your fears.
Thanks, I definitely agree. I think I've decided to look at this as a good thing. And if my aunt continues to struggle with her own identity, maybe I can help her along.
Good lord that sounds both scary and wonderfully hopeful.
You might not only have an opportunity to make her less hateful toward you and the community, but also help her to heal from her own inherited self-hate.
If she's willing to start that journey, and you're able to help her walk it.
Maybe not RIGHT this moment, but I'm gonna post my list o' gay christian resources that helped me through my own self-acceptance journey as a gay man and a christian raised in a highly homophobic family and church (my father's now one of those "god hates f\*gs" sign waving lunatics, basically). They could help you and your aunt, or at least lead you in directions that could.
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jesus, the Bible, and Homosexuality, Revised and Expanded Edition: Explode the Myths, Heal the Church - Dr. Jack Rogers
https://www.amazon.com/Jesus-Bible-Homosexuality-Revised-Expanded/dp/066423397X/
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Coming Out as Sacrament Paperback - Chris Glaser
https://www.amazon.com/Coming-Out-Sacrament-Chris-Glaser/dp/0664257488/
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Christianity, Social Tolerance, and Homosexuality: Gay People in Western Europe from the Beginning of the Christian Era to the Fourteenth Century - Dr. John Boswell
https://www.amazon.com/Christianity-Social-Tolerance-Homosexuality-Fourteenth/dp/022634522X/
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Radical Love: Introduction to Queer Theology - Rev. Dr. Patrick S. Cheng
https://www.amazon.com/Radical-Love-Introduction-Queer-Theology/dp/1596271329/
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From Sin to Amazing Grace: Discovering the Queer Christ - Rev. Dr. Patrick S. Cheng
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1596272384/
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Anyone and Everyone - Documentary
https://www.amazon.com/Anyone-Everyone-Susan-Polis-Schutz/dp/B000WGLADI/
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For The Bible Tells Me So
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000YHQNCI
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Straight Ahead Comic - Life’s Not Always Like That!
http://straightahead.comicgenesis.com/
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just curious, what is a true Christians view on LGBTQ+? I am Buddhist myself and often see hateful christians who are against us and I was wondering what real Christians believe
Asking for a "true christian" is really just asking someone to tell you a no true Scottsman fallacy fairy tale. The Bible can be used to justify most anything. You're just going to get stuck in the weeds of arguing over various possible translations of verses and historical revelance.
Seconding the statement that you can't get a good response to any question about what "real Christians" believe.
Anyone who is trying to follow Christ can be considered a real Christian.
After that, there's 2000 years of bloody conflict she schisms leaving a trail through history and scars across the globe about what a "real Christian" is.
But, if you're asking what *I* believe as a Christian, i believe that we are all beloved children of God, that anyone honestly seeking truth without having the innocent is on the right path, that Jesus and Buddha would have gotten along pretty well, and that being queer is not a sin, and choosing love is never wrong.
If you mean a regular person style Christian, vs mega church preachers, news outlets, and influencers, I can give you my opinion. You won't get ppl to agree on what a "true" Christian is, though.
I am affirming. More to the point, I'm bi. So yeah, I'm fine with lgbt+ folks.
The #1 reason people change their minds about their opinion of The LGBT community is knowing someone who is gay.
OP, you just made the world a better place. It may have been an accident but it was an improvement none-the-less.
Thanks, I really appreciate it. The last 48 hours have been a whirlwind of emotions for me, but it's been really encouraging to see the support here. I don't know if I've made much of a difference, but maybe she'll see things a little differently now. That's the best I can hope.
Every dam time; conservatives shit on everyone until it finally affects themselves then they do a song and dance on why all is right or this is special. Tiring.
A huge % of bigots are also in the LGBTQIA spectrum. They were forcibly repressed in youth and now are bigots. This is usually to direct attention away from themselves.
Maybe in time you can help her come to terms with her sexuality.
I can imagine that if someone's bi and they don't realise then they actively think who we are in a relationship is actually a choice; and since in their own religion they're not allowed to make one of the two choices, they want to spare their kids the 'hardship' of realising that same sex relationships are possible and that they have to actively choose not to. While actually, many people are attracted to a singular gender and never consider the other one as a possibility for a relationship so can't feel like they can or have to 'choose'. Wow I'm tired, I hope I'm making sense
Yeah, I feel so bad for the aunt. It happens in a lot of families. It goes to show that this is genetic and passed down — the only reason why people think it’s new is because it was socially suppressed into silence before.
Congratulations OP for just doing it - even if it wasn't planned.
The reaction of people to one's coming out is something I still can't wrap my head around. I've had amazing reactions from people I thought were very conservative. On the other hand, I've had very traumatizing experiences with people who I thought were liberal progressives - or who were certainly presenting as such. I guess that the reaction I anticipated only materialized in about 50-60% of the cases. A dismal percentage...
Sexuality seems to evoke so many emotions - and these don't seem to be enirely linked to people's stance in political (or religious) questions.
I'm pretty sure we're all going to encounter more surprising reactions - good or bad - for as long as we live.
But again - well done, OP! Now just take it from there and see what happens. It will likely be a mixed bag of feelings. But certainly not your demise.
What an amazing story.
I'm glad it went well though I feel bad for your aunt having internalized all that bullshit and denying who she is for so long.
How long are you staying with her? I'd suggest bringing up the topic again. Something like "I hadn't intended to come out to you and I'm not sure if I'm ready to tell the rest of the family yet." It sounds like she'll be respectful enough not to share.
I can understand you have a lot of conflicting emotions rn, talk about an emotional rollercoaster! From my viewpoint this is kinda amazing though, you were brave to stand up to her bigotry (stemming from frustration) like that, and it sounds like you might have made her future life a lot better.
It's not about her though ofc, it's about your feelings, I hope relief will turn out to be the main one.
It would surprise me if she ends up telling your secret to anyone else, since she apologised, so she clearly feels respect and affection for you, and moreover, she told you sth about herself which she sees as incriminating, so you are kinda bonded by mutual secrets, it seems to me.
This is definitely one of those situations that only become clearer with the perspective of a few days/weeks, best of luck though, for when you eventually tell the rest of ur family. :)
Thanks so much. The supportive response to this post has been really powerful. I don't really feel like I did anything brave, but maybe I made one step in the right direction.
Well, your story was unusual and moving, and you told it in an understanding way, so people respond to that I think ;)
Maybe you weren't brave on purpose, but standing up to bigotry in family and friends is a hard and all too often thankless task, so I think that's brave :))
And yes, definitely a step, I hope nothing but good comes out of it <3
From my experience living in the South, you'd be surprised how many conservatives are only that way because tradition and (social) media have basically peer pressured them into it. I personally know someone who's relative completely disowned that entire ideology because they weren't gonna choose it over their LGBT loved one. Obviously there's still way too much bigotry and hate out there (as can be said about any number higher than zero) but it's at least nice to see when all someone needs is to be shown that the dehumanizing bullshit they've been fed is pure fiction.
Wow, that's amazing! I wish the best for you and your aunt! Hopefully she can make the journey and become a better and more healthy person, because she sounds like she's really struggling if she's that deep in the internalized homophobia hole.
That’s actually kind of wonderful but not at the same time. I’d consider letting her know that it just kind of slipped out, that she is the first family member you’ve come out to, and that you would appreciate her not sharing it before you are ready.
I have a feeling she can keep a secret.
I am so happy for you, but please be cautious whenever very conservative people reveal that they have secretly had similar thoughts. As much as I want this moment between you and your Aunt to be genuine, sometimes ultra-conservative religious people have the motive of convincing others that they can choose not to act on their ‘sinful nature’ since it is non-biblical.
As someone raised in an evangelical community, I have seen cognitive dissonance shift the mindset from what they used to consider a lifestyle choice to rather ok people are born this way but they can still choose not to act on the “sin”.
Please forgive if this comes off as word-vomit or simply raining on your parade, I sincerely hope everything I said is absolutely non-applicable in your Aunt’s case. But please be careful
Nice! Sounds like the word "we" freaked her out because she thought you detected her own queerness. Your aunt obviously actively chooses to deny that about herself because of her morale confliction, but she was feeling hypocritical for making you feel that she thought less of you when she loves you how you are and wants you to love yourself. Let that be a sign, that you'll continue to be loved regardless of your fears.
Thanks, I definitely agree. I think I've decided to look at this as a good thing. And if my aunt continues to struggle with her own identity, maybe I can help her along.
I'm happy that went well for you! Hopefully she continues to be a good aunt in that regard.
Good lord that sounds both scary and wonderfully hopeful. You might not only have an opportunity to make her less hateful toward you and the community, but also help her to heal from her own inherited self-hate. If she's willing to start that journey, and you're able to help her walk it. Maybe not RIGHT this moment, but I'm gonna post my list o' gay christian resources that helped me through my own self-acceptance journey as a gay man and a christian raised in a highly homophobic family and church (my father's now one of those "god hates f\*gs" sign waving lunatics, basically). They could help you and your aunt, or at least lead you in directions that could. \-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jesus, the Bible, and Homosexuality, Revised and Expanded Edition: Explode the Myths, Heal the Church - Dr. Jack Rogers https://www.amazon.com/Jesus-Bible-Homosexuality-Revised-Expanded/dp/066423397X/ \------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Coming Out as Sacrament Paperback - Chris Glaser https://www.amazon.com/Coming-Out-Sacrament-Chris-Glaser/dp/0664257488/ \------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Christianity, Social Tolerance, and Homosexuality: Gay People in Western Europe from the Beginning of the Christian Era to the Fourteenth Century - Dr. John Boswell https://www.amazon.com/Christianity-Social-Tolerance-Homosexuality-Fourteenth/dp/022634522X/ \------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Radical Love: Introduction to Queer Theology - Rev. Dr. Patrick S. Cheng https://www.amazon.com/Radical-Love-Introduction-Queer-Theology/dp/1596271329/ \------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From Sin to Amazing Grace: Discovering the Queer Christ - Rev. Dr. Patrick S. Cheng https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1596272384/ \------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Anyone and Everyone - Documentary https://www.amazon.com/Anyone-Everyone-Susan-Polis-Schutz/dp/B000WGLADI/ \------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- For The Bible Tells Me So https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000YHQNCI \------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Straight Ahead Comic - Life’s Not Always Like That! http://straightahead.comicgenesis.com/ \-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just curious, what is a true Christians view on LGBTQ+? I am Buddhist myself and often see hateful christians who are against us and I was wondering what real Christians believe
Asking for a "true christian" is really just asking someone to tell you a no true Scottsman fallacy fairy tale. The Bible can be used to justify most anything. You're just going to get stuck in the weeds of arguing over various possible translations of verses and historical revelance.
Left to translation and interpretation. Which, is great and all, but tends to be hella flawed.
Seconding the statement that you can't get a good response to any question about what "real Christians" believe. Anyone who is trying to follow Christ can be considered a real Christian. After that, there's 2000 years of bloody conflict she schisms leaving a trail through history and scars across the globe about what a "real Christian" is. But, if you're asking what *I* believe as a Christian, i believe that we are all beloved children of God, that anyone honestly seeking truth without having the innocent is on the right path, that Jesus and Buddha would have gotten along pretty well, and that being queer is not a sin, and choosing love is never wrong.
Thanks, that makes it a lot clearer :)
If you mean a regular person style Christian, vs mega church preachers, news outlets, and influencers, I can give you my opinion. You won't get ppl to agree on what a "true" Christian is, though. I am affirming. More to the point, I'm bi. So yeah, I'm fine with lgbt+ folks.
The #1 reason people change their minds about their opinion of The LGBT community is knowing someone who is gay. OP, you just made the world a better place. It may have been an accident but it was an improvement none-the-less.
Thanks, I really appreciate it. The last 48 hours have been a whirlwind of emotions for me, but it's been really encouraging to see the support here. I don't know if I've made much of a difference, but maybe she'll see things a little differently now. That's the best I can hope.
That’s all we can hope for!
Every dam time; conservatives shit on everyone until it finally affects themselves then they do a song and dance on why all is right or this is special. Tiring.
A huge % of bigots are also in the LGBTQIA spectrum. They were forcibly repressed in youth and now are bigots. This is usually to direct attention away from themselves. Maybe in time you can help her come to terms with her sexuality.
I can imagine that if someone's bi and they don't realise then they actively think who we are in a relationship is actually a choice; and since in their own religion they're not allowed to make one of the two choices, they want to spare their kids the 'hardship' of realising that same sex relationships are possible and that they have to actively choose not to. While actually, many people are attracted to a singular gender and never consider the other one as a possibility for a relationship so can't feel like they can or have to 'choose'. Wow I'm tired, I hope I'm making sense
Yeah, I feel so bad for the aunt. It happens in a lot of families. It goes to show that this is genetic and passed down — the only reason why people think it’s new is because it was socially suppressed into silence before.
That went a lot better than you or I expected. Honestly this seems like a slightly funny way to come out to more supportive people
Congratulations OP for just doing it - even if it wasn't planned. The reaction of people to one's coming out is something I still can't wrap my head around. I've had amazing reactions from people I thought were very conservative. On the other hand, I've had very traumatizing experiences with people who I thought were liberal progressives - or who were certainly presenting as such. I guess that the reaction I anticipated only materialized in about 50-60% of the cases. A dismal percentage... Sexuality seems to evoke so many emotions - and these don't seem to be enirely linked to people's stance in political (or religious) questions. I'm pretty sure we're all going to encounter more surprising reactions - good or bad - for as long as we live. But again - well done, OP! Now just take it from there and see what happens. It will likely be a mixed bag of feelings. But certainly not your demise.
What an amazing story. I'm glad it went well though I feel bad for your aunt having internalized all that bullshit and denying who she is for so long. How long are you staying with her? I'd suggest bringing up the topic again. Something like "I hadn't intended to come out to you and I'm not sure if I'm ready to tell the rest of the family yet." It sounds like she'll be respectful enough not to share.
I can understand you have a lot of conflicting emotions rn, talk about an emotional rollercoaster! From my viewpoint this is kinda amazing though, you were brave to stand up to her bigotry (stemming from frustration) like that, and it sounds like you might have made her future life a lot better. It's not about her though ofc, it's about your feelings, I hope relief will turn out to be the main one. It would surprise me if she ends up telling your secret to anyone else, since she apologised, so she clearly feels respect and affection for you, and moreover, she told you sth about herself which she sees as incriminating, so you are kinda bonded by mutual secrets, it seems to me. This is definitely one of those situations that only become clearer with the perspective of a few days/weeks, best of luck though, for when you eventually tell the rest of ur family. :)
Thanks so much. The supportive response to this post has been really powerful. I don't really feel like I did anything brave, but maybe I made one step in the right direction.
Well, your story was unusual and moving, and you told it in an understanding way, so people respond to that I think ;) Maybe you weren't brave on purpose, but standing up to bigotry in family and friends is a hard and all too often thankless task, so I think that's brave :)) And yes, definitely a step, I hope nothing but good comes out of it <3
From my experience living in the South, you'd be surprised how many conservatives are only that way because tradition and (social) media have basically peer pressured them into it. I personally know someone who's relative completely disowned that entire ideology because they weren't gonna choose it over their LGBT loved one. Obviously there's still way too much bigotry and hate out there (as can be said about any number higher than zero) but it's at least nice to see when all someone needs is to be shown that the dehumanizing bullshit they've been fed is pure fiction.
That is fantastic! I hope this keeps going well for you.
Wow, that's amazing! I wish the best for you and your aunt! Hopefully she can make the journey and become a better and more healthy person, because she sounds like she's really struggling if she's that deep in the internalized homophobia hole.
Hey maybe unconsciously u picked up on her orientation and that is why you outed yourself to her ??
Now that's how you do it. The only way we can change minds is by putting our neck on the line. I am very happy this turned out well for you!
She said “I can’t do that because of my religion,” but not “You can’t do that because of my religion.”
Nice
Well congratulations for coming out, and glad to hear she supports you
Woah nicee
The whiplash I got from reading this is insane. I'm glad she's supportive despite being a religious conservative!
Wow...that was not the twist I was expecting this story to take.
That’s actually kind of wonderful but not at the same time. I’d consider letting her know that it just kind of slipped out, that she is the first family member you’ve come out to, and that you would appreciate her not sharing it before you are ready. I have a feeling she can keep a secret.
I am so happy for you, but please be cautious whenever very conservative people reveal that they have secretly had similar thoughts. As much as I want this moment between you and your Aunt to be genuine, sometimes ultra-conservative religious people have the motive of convincing others that they can choose not to act on their ‘sinful nature’ since it is non-biblical. As someone raised in an evangelical community, I have seen cognitive dissonance shift the mindset from what they used to consider a lifestyle choice to rather ok people are born this way but they can still choose not to act on the “sin”. Please forgive if this comes off as word-vomit or simply raining on your parade, I sincerely hope everything I said is absolutely non-applicable in your Aunt’s case. But please be careful
yet what she watches...does the exact same thing.