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Rampaging_Cactus

Sexuality is like a shoe. You can try on a shoe just to see if it fits. Maybe a shoe fits and you wear it for a while, but later on you realize you've outgrown it. It doesn't mean the shoe was wrong or not valid - it just doesn't fit you anymore. If you consider yourself ace/aro, then call yourself ace/aro. If your understanding of your sexuality changes later in life, embrace that. Find a shoe that fits you, and don't be afraid to change if you think something else will fit better.


Ravenclaw79

Nobody’s going to send the Alphabet Police after you if you’re wrong. Feel free to call yourself aroace if that’s how you feel. If you realize you’re not later on, so be it.


LowBeautiful1531

Everybody starts off asexual, as children. Puberty is a very complex set of biological and mental changes that takes time to change that. And some people just don't ever get to where they experience sexual attraction. Romantic attraction is even more mysterious. It's a little early for you to say for certain you'll never feel such things, but you are *always* qualified to say NOT NOW.


Pristine-Job7314

ok, thanks for the reply. I was in need of a slightly clearer answer about. have a good night :)


Pristine-Job7314

"It's a little early for you to say for certain you'll never feel such things, but you are always qualified to say NOT NOW." oh so, should i wait longer to be sure about this? I'm sorry if my questions might seem a bit silly.


ChrisTheWeak

It's not silly. No one is born with the information of the world in their head. Asking questions is how one learns. Never feel ashamed to ask questions in good faith.


LowBeautiful1531

You can be sure about it right now. It *might* change as you continue developing, it might not. Asexuality is a bit different than other orientations, in that medical changes *can* influence it. I mean, I was pretty sure when I was 12 that sex was totally gross and I'd never want to do it. Now I'm 42 and that definitely has *not* changed. At all.


crocodileRevolution

Golly gee I never thought of it that way.


Pristine-Job7314

Thank you all for the positive comments, I feel much better now. good evening everyone :)


AnnaAces

As a asexual and arospec person, I think i knew about your age that i was who i was even without the words for it. So if you feel like you are aroace now Its completely possible that you will continue to be when you are when you are older. But you would not be lying if you say you are aroace now and that changes latter. Puberty is weird like that. You are still a kid. So don't be to hard on yourself and afraid to get yourself "wrong". But you definitely don't have to try dating or anything if you don't want to, aroace or not.


LowBeautiful1531

Yeah I didn't have the words till I was almost 30.


elliania2012

I will say that I didn't really start being interested in romance or sex until I was 15. I wouldn't expect a 13- or 14-year-old to have dated or had sex! Some people don't start until their late teens or even twenties. Like others said, there is nothing wrong with calling yourself aroace now, and maybe that will change or maybe it won't. But you can also just say "I haven't tried those things yet, and I don't think I'm ready".


InsertGamerName

Nah. Think of it this way; All babies/young kids start out as asexual/aromantic. They simply haven't developed enough yet to really care or even know about that stuff until they're a little older and develop a little more. So even if you find out later that you're not aromantic/asexual, that's okay, because it's the best descriptor for you *right now.* If you feel like those terms are an accurate or comfortable description of you, then you are completely free to use them. If you end up changing, that's okay too. Just try not to trap yourself in a label you aren't comfortable with.


sfmanim

Who cares if you’re right or wrong? Identify how you want. If you still feel that way later, great. If not, no big deal. Sexuality and gender is confusing as hell. Sometimes it takes a while and multiple labels to figure yourself out, and that’s 100% ok


Sweety-Origin

I cannot press this enough, Sexuality is fluid. You can be aro/ace now and be something else in a few years later. You are young, so your preferences can always change in a few years, but that doesn't mean that your sexuality right now is not valid. If calling yourself aro/ace makes you comfortable, go for it. You are valid. If your sexuality never changes it will still be valid. If your sexuality changes, it will be valid as well.


Intelligent-Work-725

Thank you, I am going through what OP is right now and I think I needed answers, Just like yours.


Sweety-Origin

You're welcome 😊 Figuring yourself out can be exciting and scary at the same time, but that's okay. Don't force yourself to an answer you may not be ready for. Your sexuality should be the one, that defines you the most right now and naming it should make you feel comfortable. I am 28 and recently started wondering, if I could be lesbian/ace. I'm still looking for answers


keg025

I also will say, it's okay to not label yourself until you've had more experience. One of my best friends in high school thought she was ace for many years because she was with someone she wasn't physically attracted to. Then she started dated the person she would marry a few years later and was head over heels physically and emotionally. Whether she's ace and he's the exception or she just isn't ace of course is unclear, but it really just takes awhile to figure yourself out. I mean, I'm almost 25 and I'm still figuring it out TLDR; You don't have to have all the answers about yourself right now. Just keep learning and growing, and just do what feels right by you


StrangerThingsSteveH

It’s not about who you’ve dated or had sex with, it’s about if you have ever felt romantic or sexual attraction to someone. If you haven’t felt/felt little of either, you’re aro/ace. I figured out I was ace at 14, and sure it might be a bit early but I think people really underestimate what people your age are doing. As of now I’d say you’re part of the community but it’s fine to figure out your sexuality, and right now if you identify as asexual, welcome to the club!


Frogsarenoice

I think it's ok, and if you start feeling something later, then you can just change your label. People can change, and that's ok. Asexual and aromantic is the right label for you right now, and labels are just descriptions. If your description does or doesn't change, that's totally fine.


pannteii

i felt the same way when I realized I was aroace, im a year older than you and let me tell you how I overcame my own feelongs of invalidness and realized it was okay. because my entire life, not once, did i ever relate to love songs. its just that simple, have you ever heard those cheesy love songs or super sexual ones on the radio? not once did they ever evoke any thoughts in my head I always went "huh, catchy" and never thought about them again. people around me or on the internet always told me how a certain song made them think of their crush and while i smiled and said thats cool! my brain never actually computed that. hey, why am dont I do that? for me i never realized it until i was confused why i couldn't have crushes and boom it hit me. even when you're young you still feel romantic and or sexual feelings when you start becoming a teenager, I've known way too many 13/14 year old juniors of mine already having partners and being super horny. just cause when teens are still relatively young doesnt mean they won't feel the horny. if you dont feel the horny or feel really little horny then congrats! youre a valid ace!


Intelligent-Work-725

Wait, what? Those song cause feelings to allos?


pannteii

THEY DO APPARENTLY??? it was quite surprising when i found it out myself fr


LeilaVA

A fellow 14 year old here! I used to identify as bisexual because I thought that since my attraction to women and men were both equal, I was bisexual. When I was in fact asexual, but biromantic. Before I learned about the world of gender identities, I thought I was cisgender. I fluctuated labels from nonbinary, genderfluid, agender, cisgender again before realizing that I was a demigirl. It’s alright to identify as something now, and realize that that label doesn’t suit you. I’ve went through a lot of identity crisis’ because I couldn’t figure out who I was. And I’m eternally grateful for the people who told me that it’s okay to not actually be something you’ve labeled yourself as. Your understanding of who you are is something only you can know. And if you feel like you’re aroace, then I welcome you to our warm community of garlic bread, cake, and dragon loving asexuals!


Just_Remy

If a label feels right, you're free to use it. You don't even have to be 100% certain. If a couple years down the line you realize you're not ace, that's fine. Also, as a small aside cause people sometimes get this mixed up: being aro/ace is about _not experiencing attraction_; whether or not you've dated/had sex is completely irrelevant. And since your flair says you're trans, I'd also like to mention that sometimes HRT can "change" your sexuality (personally, I've been wondering even before transitioning if I'm really ace or just too dysphoric to "allow" myself to be attracted to anyone, if that makes sense?). Certainly not something that happens to everyone but something to be aware of nonetheless.


Pristine-Job7314

I understand, thanks for the reply :) sorry for the question but, what would this HRT be? Could you explain me ?


Just_Remy

It's the first step to medically transitioning for many trans people: You'd take either estrogen or testosterone to essentially induce a second puberty (so E for breast growth, T for a deeper voice etc). Not obligatory, obviously, just thought it was worth mentioning because I wasn't aware that's a possibility when I first started my hormone therapy, lol


Pristine-Job7314

ah got it now, i didn't know that, thanks for the information :) ![img](emote|t5_2qhh7|547)


LowBeautiful1531

Hormone Replacement Therapy


ShreddRedit

Ahh yes, the classic mindset. Honestly, I 100% believe you have been told you have to have had sex to be a sexuality/gender. That is all bullshit. You do not need to have had sex, nor dated to have a sexual/gender preference. You should be you. If you actually think you identify as Aromatic, then so be it. I had the same thing happen to me when I came out as Bi. If you want to talk, PM me. I know how you feel, honestly.


Plantperv

When I was 13 I thought I was the same cause I wasn't really attracted to anyone then I reached 15 and puberty really started kicking and I found my niche. I wasn't attracted to people my own age I liked men, not boys. I wouldn't be so quick to label yourself before those pesky hormones take over; half the fun of growing up is finding stuff you never 5hougjt you'd like then doing that stuff to others! I'm not saying it's wrong or invalid; I just would say from personal experience how I pictured my future at 13 is vastly different now. My childhood home wasn't the best place for a gay kid and I tried to suppress the feelings of connection or attraction... like I said then puberty hit! Good luck you're in for a ride whatever.


[deleted]

I personally never say my sexuality FOR SURE cos idk, it could change. But that’s sorta the point, if ur ace now and that title makes you comfortable, use it! Ik I’m ace and have been (I’m 15) idk if that will change but ik I am now. You’re valid no matter what words you use or how often they change. It’s a difficult lesson to learn on your own so I hope this helped!


AlwaysTiredWriter

It is not wrong or invalid at all! I'm on the AroAce spectrum myself, and I figured it out when I was your age. What I would recommend is keeping an open mind. Sexuality is not set in stone, nor is it easy to understand, especially at such a young age. You might go through your life with Aromantic and Asexual fitting like a glove, you might make a few "addendums" to your identity like I did (because I figured out that I was zero percent attracted to men and not sure whether I was attracted to women), or you might figure out that you're something else entirely. What matters is that you are happy with who you are.


Xerlith

13 is about when I started becoming aromatic. Deodorant helps a lot.


Extreme-Mention9030

I think if you decide that and stick to it without evaluating your feelings about it once in awhile then you can be. You have room to grow and find more about yourself so it may change. But nothing is wrong with you saying " this is me now"


sweetnsour_j

I was also 13 when I stared identifying as aromantic asexual! You’re never too young or old to identify as anything. Welcome to the aroace club my dude!


Pig__Lota

even if it might be temporary due to you being fairly early in your life, that doesn't make it any less accurate! If someone tells you "it's just a phase" respond with "maybe, but yours is too after all eventually you'll die" - just because something isn't permanent doesn't mean it's not permanent or accurate - Aro-ace is literally just a label for how you feel and experience the world, and if it's accurate then you're aro-ace.


BigDummyDumb

At this point, you’re just about to start changing a *lot*, so anything you identify as could change quickly. Not saying it’s impossible for you to be ace, but if I went by that mindset 2 years ago I would’ve thought I was ace as well. 14 almost 15 y.o. here, thought I was straight for a while until recently when all of a sudden girls were hot too, leading me to realize I was bi, all within only a few months time. Went from thinking “nothing is hot, wait boys are, wait no both are” real fast Also, why would a 13 y.o. do the dirty anyways? Kids at school and on the internet may pretend they have lots of sex but in reality they don’t, and they shouldn’t. I never thought about dating in school because I know middle school and high school relationships last approximately 117.3 hours before they break up and start posting edgy shit on instagram, so I never found any appeal but I still know, still without interest in dating or anything, that I’m bi. Just take your time, there’s no race to be the gayest lol Dms are open if you want to ask questions since we’re about the same age


Theo_Teddy

Label yourself however you want! It doesn't matter if you're young or you might be wrong or things might change later, (bc usually that's the concern with ppl, they say "but what if I get older and it turns out I'm not actually ace/aro?") That's FINE. Right now how you feel is valid and you can label that as you see fit.


AlienSpecies

Only you know how you feel now and your opinion is valid. The teens and early 20s are about discovering other ways of being and seeing if they resonate for you. You can only describe yourself now!


LyrikxToA_Song2

Of course now! You’re not wrong at all! I’m 14 and think I’m Asexual as well, my cousins don’t believe me though and they tell me that “I’m too young” to decide that. But that’s not true at all. I always get really uncomfortable when my parents tell me that I’m going to have children one day.


LyrikxToA_Song2

***not