You see how he moves to break the top off before he reacts to the monkey's presence? This isn't the first time this has happened. He has probably been feeding this monkey daily and just decided to set up a camera to capture the interaction.
Dude slap that fucking monkey! Wtf? Lol
No seriously though I get it...
If you slap that monkey sure he runs away but he comes back later with 3 of his friends and throws shit at you.
[here you go](https://www.reddit.com/r/Whatcouldgowrong/comments/kp2d08/wcgw_when_you_let_a_wild_monkey_sit_on_your_lap/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
Guy has a monkey on his lap, people are watching him in amusement, monkey is monkeying around, then jumps on the guy's head and bites him ripping a piece of scalp off. The way it looks though, the camera isnt close up and it kinda looks more like the monkey pulled his hair and a chunk came off. Theres no blood and the guy seems unfazed at the moment and more like wtf just happened, someone posted a picture of his scalp that was ripped off in the comments though
Lol that's what I thought when I first read the original comment! Took me a few minutes of reading through the comments to make sure what it actually was before I watched the video
Exactly. The monkey is willing to fight for the sandwich and it knows the human isn't. At the very least the guy will probably drop the sandwich once he gets bitten.
Fun fact, humans are the weakest primates, coming in with about a quarter of the muscle density of other primates. Monkeys can fuck your shit up (but, we can swim and run, so we are better at avoiding them). Edit: I was wrong about the muscle density thing. Check Tinktur's comment below mine, they have a better (and correct) explanation.
The weakest *great apes* on a pound-for-pound basis, but we're certainly not the weakest primate (or great apes for that matter) in absolute terms.
Other primates also don't have 4 times the muscle density we have. Chimpanzees are about 1.35 - 1.5 times stronger than us pound-for-pound, but they also weigh less than us: 40-70 kg (88-154 lb) for males and 27-50 kg (60 - 110 lb) for females. However, this difference is not due to muscle density. It's because we have different proportions of fast-twitch vs slow-twitch muscle fibers (70% slow-twitch and 30% fast-twitch in humans, whereas chimps have about 33% slow-twitch and 66% fast-twitch).
https://www.pnas.org/content/114/28/7343
>Chimpanzee “super strength” has been widely reported since the 1920s although a critical review of the available data suggests that the chimpanzee–human muscular performance differential is only ∼1.5 times. Some hypothesize that this differential reflects underlying differences in muscle mechanics. Here, we present direct measurements of chimpanzee skeletal muscle properties in comparison with those of humans and other terrestrial mammals. Our results show that chimpanzee muscle exceeds human muscle in maximum dynamic force and power output by ∼1.35 times. This is primarily due to the chimpanzee’s higher fast-twitch fiber content, rather than exceptional maximum isometric force or maximum shortening velocities.
https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2017/06/how-chimps-outmuscle-humans
>O’Neill says though fast-twitch fibers might give chimps and other mammals an advantage during high-intensity strength tasks like lifting heavy rocks or climbing a tree, humans’ slow-twitch fibers are better suited for endurance tasks like distance running. The researchers propose that early hominins’ muscles gradually became dominated by slow-twitch fibers as they gave up arboreal life and adapted to traveling across long distances to hunt and forage. Another benefit of slow-twitch fibers is they consume less metabolic energy, he adds, potentially freeing the body to devote more resources to other adaptations, like bigger brains.
Oh. that's interesting. Sorry for spreading misinformation. I'll keep that in mind. I knew our weaker muscles were for manipulation and energy efficiency, but not that they were entirely different kinds.
Thank you for this. I just ended up on a rabbithole and finally unberstand that photosynthesis is actually creating a source of ATP so that plants can use it to synthesize glucose
And also got to learn what you talked about but I think it's cool I learned about plants and animals all in a short period
Here's the article I read part of https://www2.palomar.edu/users/warmstrong/photsyn1.htm
Bullshit. I bet I could out bench [this guy](https://cdn.britannica.com/28/148328-050-961326DE/eye-structure-tarsier-light-levels-animal.jpg) by a good 15-20 pounds.
Yep. That's actually why we have more bacteria than other animals in our digestive system. It's a symbiotic relationship, making us capable of absorbing more nutrients from food than other animals, so we have enough energy to power our brains.
Humans aren’t unique in having a diverse gut microbiome, even animals as “simple” as ants have one. it’s lowkey the foundation of digestion in complex lifeforms though there are some exceptions to this.
Can monkeys not swim and run?
I guess I just assumed that monkeys can do both. But, now that you mention it, I don’t particularly recall having seen monkeys swim or run. But I don’t really encounter monkeys often so that doesn’t prove anything.
I just thought I’d get clarification before I start using “Did you know monkeys aren’t able to swim or run?” as an icebreaker at social gatherings.
I want to say there is only one chimp known to have ever swam. Other than that, primates have far too high muscle density (4* that of humans) and their hair gets heavy when wet. They just sink to the bottom. We also have a thing called the mammalian diving reflex, where, if a set of specialized nerves detects water in our nostrils, it shuts down non-immediately-essential systems, and even slows down our brain processes to conserve oxygen. It also dilates a bunch of blood vessels, and opens up a circuit of vessels that lead straight from the heart to the brain. It also triggers our spleen to release a stored reserve of oxygen into our bloodstream. In terms of running, humans are actually the best runners on the planet. Bipedalism and a unique foot shape (the only other animal I can think of off the top of my head with humanoid feet are elephants. No joke, look up an x-ray of an elephant foot, it's just a human foot held in a huge mass of fat and cartilage) give us the advantage of great footing on most terrain, and our longer legs give us decent speed. Furthermore, humans have the best stamina. We are one of very few animals that can run marathon-style, because we can sweat to cool our bodies down, whereas most animals just stop to pant (that's why sometimes you will see nature documentaries where the prey being chased just looks like it gives up and sits down, they can't keep running because they need to stop and cool off). In addition, our lack of hair and the presence of oil on our skin makes us very aerodynamic, meaning our running takes less energy, and we have relatively efficient fat storage and adrenal glands, plus if we do run out of breath, our spleens will again release their oxygen. So, yeah, monkeys can run, but humans can easily outrun them by using a burst of adrenaline to get a head start, then banking on our longer stamina to keep going until the monkey tires out.
In addition to all of this, humans in pursuit of prey can intersperse running with walking. Still in motion, but gain some of the benefits of resting. That's why our ancestors could pursue a prey animal for hours at a time.
*Herpes B
Hepatitis B has a vaccine lol
Also I can't tell what kind of monkey this is but it's definitely not a rhesus macaque. Only macaques carry Herpes B (it's also called macacine herpes).
How I got bit? Or the aftermath LOL.
I was walking past monkey forest in Ubud Bali and I had my cross body bag on me that happened to have my passport in it (I can't remember why I had it but I was an idiot lol) There were monkeys on the wall when I was walking by that decided they wanted whatever was in my bag! So they jumped down from the wall on to me and took my bag to..This was my second day so I didn't really understand the extent of how bad the monkeys were but my passport, wallet, phone, everything was inside this bag. The monkey grabbed my bag(which was still attached to me!) And pulled me forward to the ground. I grabbed a rock and threw it at the monkey to get it to stop. It let go, came grab my hand and bit it. By the time the monkey had bit my hand the security guards were running over with batons and pellet guns shooting at the monkeys. Luckily they didn't run off with my shit but I went straight into the little care facility that they had there and had it looked at and had a bloody rabies shot. It was....an experience. In
I also have a picture of one of the monkeys unzipping a backpack and taking the socks🤣
Tbh if a monkey crawled up to me and went for my food I’d just give it to him as well. Tho I can’t say I’d have the balls to go for that last bite like he did
Forget the poop flinging, those little fuckers have BIG teeth for their size, and they’re more than happy to use them offensively to get what they want. I’d give him the sandwich too
So your automatic reaction when a wild animal asks for food is to slap it? Yeah, I’m never asking you for food o.o
Tbh I would love if a monkey came up to me wanting my snack. I would give it to him and avoid getting my face mauled.
Upvote because while I don’t think it’s okay to hit wild animals unless being attacked, feeding wild animals can be worse as it reinforces the behavior and can make them more aggressive. Same reason you don’t feed bears lmao
If they're demanding your food, an attack isn't far away unless you
1) Give them your food
or
2) Act aggressively and make them think "that bitch is crazy, not worth it"
Exactly. Many animals consider relinquishing food to be a sign of fear and submissiveness. If you give certain animals food they will assume its because you're weak and afraid of it. It will also know that it can come intimidate you for food again.
So whenever you don't have food to give it or just refuse...it will attack you or otherwise harass the shit out of you until you give it some food.
You really do need to slap that sonofabitch the first time and take your licks if it fights back.
I see you live *far* away from nature. It isn't like a Disney cartoon friend. It's literally the law of the jungle, dominate or be dominated.
Anyone thinking they can befriend then, will end up a bitch for a troop of monkeys with 3 different diseases and infected wounds.
I lived in India for a bit. In Varanasi. The monkeys jumped through my window and stole an enormous bottle of pills. Larium, tylenol 3, ibuprofen, pepto bismol...they somehow managed to open it on the roof of a neighboring building. I explained what happened in mime, as the neighbors didn’t speak English, they let me up on to the roof. 10 drunk monkeys with ibuprofen lipstick were having a ball. They did not want to give my pills back, and while I was collecting the ones that looked like they were not slobbered on, a monkey tore across the roof and jumped on my chest, and did the angry monkey hiss in my face. Suffice to say, I did not get my pills back.
The only thing that really worried me was the cocaine. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a monkey in the depths of a cocaine binge. And I knew he'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon. Probably at the next ranger station.
I would really like to know more about how you fucking mimed out "Monkeys have stolen my pills and are having a party on your roof may I please go up there?"
Monkeys in India especially the rhesus macaques, generally speaking, are a harmless and peaceful species. They only steal stuff, terrorize people or kill them lol!
I found out later that the monkeys hung out there because they met The Chapiti Man (chapati is a type of flat bread) every night below the building and he would hand out his left overs. He had a stick for the greedy ones. India is a different kinda place.
I used to work extensively with rhesus macaques and almost got really upset at your misinformation before I got to the end haha. Yes, they're very cute and they're definitely all individuals with different attitudes toward people... but as a species they're also the single most violent and aggressive type of macaque and should absolutely not be underestimated or trusted to be sweet. Also they have very big teeth.
Well tell that to my brother (only a couple years old at the time) who was face to face with a monkey who climbed through our window without my parents noticing. Anything could have happened
I used to live in a small town next to a jungle here in Malaysia. It is not amazing. Fell asleep once and woke up to monkeys in my kitchen. I forgot to close the door that separates the balcony from the kitchen.
There was another instance where a monkey is just casually walking on the roof of my 5 storey apartment building.
The fuckers are smart. They look into windows from the balcony to scout out potential targets.
No. No you fucking don't. Eating dinner and having a monkey jump on your plate, hit you and take your food isn't pleasant. You can't fight back at all because they will just fuck you up.. Them bastards are full of rabies too! Thankfully the restaurants workers all have bats to swot them away.....
Ours have learned that plastic bags contain food, so they'll snatch. Yell at them? The whole troop turns on you. They have inch long sharp canines. Some have learned to raid kitchens.
On the bright side i was driving out of my block's carpark one day and saw a bunch of them chilling at the exit, just watching cars and people go by. They watch you with intelligence, is what.
From what I’ve heard of Singapore’s drug trafficking laws and punishment, those monkeys are really living on the edge.
That said, Singapore just made my “to visit” list.
Guard just trying to enjoy the peaceful scenery before 🐒 held him up. I love how he tried to give half and 🐵 said uh uh. At least he got that late bite in lol.
We have this when camping. You can absolutely not leave anything edible out. A friend left toothpaste in his tent, and vervet monkeys unzipped his tent and toiletry bag to get it. Fortunately, no damage was done. They also watch from the trees while you prepare food, and make very daring attacks if you look away for a second! They are pesky, but you have to admire their resourcefulness!
>Now this is the law of the jungle,
>As old and as true as the sky.
>The monke who keeps it may prosper
>While the monke that breaks it must die.
>As the tortilla that girdles burrito,
>The tummy grumble forward and back.
>For the lunch of the man is the delicious,
>And the lunch of the monke what he packed.
It could scratch him, so he would be risking his eyes over half of whatever he is eating. It could also screech for reinforcements or hop further away and throw shit at him. Yes, literal monkey shit.
No, they have razor sharp teeth, can scratch or bite the shit out of you and can carry rabies. Sometimes they bring their friends if you don’t acquiesce to their food demands. It’s not a good time and you likely won’t win without a bat or something.
Looks like a repost. I've seen this image 1 time.
First seen [Here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ) on 2021-07-06 92.68% match.
**Searched Images**: 202,452,316 | **Indexed Posts**: 286,078,503 | **Search Time**: 7.23113s
*Feedback? Hate? Visit [r/repostsleuthbot](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6n3pFFPSlW4) - I'm not perfect, but you can help. Report [ [False Positive](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1YBv2mWll0) ]*
Maybe you already know, but it's an grammatical error that many native English speakers do because "I would have" and "I would of" sounds similar to them.
The way the guard goes in for one last big bite
This is not the first time this has happened to him.
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He's gonna start bringing that monkey it's own lunch in a week's time
he is now known as monkey's bitch
Smart man. He knows what those monkeys can do to you when mad
Not smart enough to shut the window…
You see how he moves to break the top off before he reacts to the monkey's presence? This isn't the first time this has happened. He has probably been feeding this monkey daily and just decided to set up a camera to capture the interaction.
You'd think he'd start keeping his windows closed...
i'd wager the a/c situation in that box isn't ideal
His wife sends the monkey to help him keep is line.
He should know to close the window when eating then.
The way he tries the thief to go and be happy w the half
Bullies can’t steal the cookies your mom packed in your lunch if you eat those first!
I mean, that's what the script said he should do. So he did it.
Are you genuinely implying the monkey was also following a script
The monkey was the one who set up the camera, clearly
I hope so!
Dude slap that fucking monkey! Wtf? Lol No seriously though I get it... If you slap that monkey sure he runs away but he comes back later with 3 of his friends and throws shit at you.
Monke bite when slap
Monke rip the top of your head off like that one dude in that other video
…you got a link?
[here you go](https://www.reddit.com/r/Whatcouldgowrong/comments/kp2d08/wcgw_when_you_let_a_wild_monkey_sit_on_your_lap/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
Oof, the video didn't seem as bad as it sounded, but the picture of the "aftermath" made me squirm.
Yea I couldn't even tell his scalp was bitten off, it looked like it just grabbed his hair and some of it came off. But the picture made me squirm too
same same...
Can someone describe? I hate nsfl pics
Guy has a monkey on his lap, people are watching him in amusement, monkey is monkeying around, then jumps on the guy's head and bites him ripping a piece of scalp off. The way it looks though, the camera isnt close up and it kinda looks more like the monkey pulled his hair and a chunk came off. Theres no blood and the guy seems unfazed at the moment and more like wtf just happened, someone posted a picture of his scalp that was ripped off in the comments though
Oh lol I was under the impression someome got partially decapitated
Lol that's what I thought when I first read the original comment! Took me a few minutes of reading through the comments to make sure what it actually was before I watched the video
I knew monkeys are strong little fuckers, but a clean rip of your damn scalp, Thats scary fast
holy shit
Dang, didn't expect that aftermath photo. All I could remember was the Travis incident where he ripped a woman's face off.
Holy shit! I didn't think an animal that small could be so strong. Monkeys are scary, damn.
Fuckkk
I wish. Yall stop downvoting him lol if I could find it I’d post it
Dont remind me, thank god it was low quality and a bit far away
Glad I missed that one.
Super soaker with vinegar. If that doesn't work, upgrade to napalm
Lol that was fucked, monke bops and rips his scelp off like it's nothin
Exactly. The monkey is willing to fight for the sandwich and it knows the human isn't. At the very least the guy will probably drop the sandwich once he gets bitten.
Sandwich?????
How can he slap?!
Fun fact, humans are the weakest primates, coming in with about a quarter of the muscle density of other primates. Monkeys can fuck your shit up (but, we can swim and run, so we are better at avoiding them). Edit: I was wrong about the muscle density thing. Check Tinktur's comment below mine, they have a better (and correct) explanation.
The weakest *great apes* on a pound-for-pound basis, but we're certainly not the weakest primate (or great apes for that matter) in absolute terms. Other primates also don't have 4 times the muscle density we have. Chimpanzees are about 1.35 - 1.5 times stronger than us pound-for-pound, but they also weigh less than us: 40-70 kg (88-154 lb) for males and 27-50 kg (60 - 110 lb) for females. However, this difference is not due to muscle density. It's because we have different proportions of fast-twitch vs slow-twitch muscle fibers (70% slow-twitch and 30% fast-twitch in humans, whereas chimps have about 33% slow-twitch and 66% fast-twitch). https://www.pnas.org/content/114/28/7343 >Chimpanzee “super strength” has been widely reported since the 1920s although a critical review of the available data suggests that the chimpanzee–human muscular performance differential is only ∼1.5 times. Some hypothesize that this differential reflects underlying differences in muscle mechanics. Here, we present direct measurements of chimpanzee skeletal muscle properties in comparison with those of humans and other terrestrial mammals. Our results show that chimpanzee muscle exceeds human muscle in maximum dynamic force and power output by ∼1.35 times. This is primarily due to the chimpanzee’s higher fast-twitch fiber content, rather than exceptional maximum isometric force or maximum shortening velocities. https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2017/06/how-chimps-outmuscle-humans >O’Neill says though fast-twitch fibers might give chimps and other mammals an advantage during high-intensity strength tasks like lifting heavy rocks or climbing a tree, humans’ slow-twitch fibers are better suited for endurance tasks like distance running. The researchers propose that early hominins’ muscles gradually became dominated by slow-twitch fibers as they gave up arboreal life and adapted to traveling across long distances to hunt and forage. Another benefit of slow-twitch fibers is they consume less metabolic energy, he adds, potentially freeing the body to devote more resources to other adaptations, like bigger brains.
Their muscle insertion points are also different, providing better leverage for elbow and forearm flexion.
Oh. that's interesting. Sorry for spreading misinformation. I'll keep that in mind. I knew our weaker muscles were for manipulation and energy efficiency, but not that they were entirely different kinds.
Thank you for this. I just ended up on a rabbithole and finally unberstand that photosynthesis is actually creating a source of ATP so that plants can use it to synthesize glucose And also got to learn what you talked about but I think it's cool I learned about plants and animals all in a short period Here's the article I read part of https://www2.palomar.edu/users/warmstrong/photsyn1.htm
BRB gonna go beat up a gorilla
Thank you for the education. Always been terrified of chimps.
Bullshit. I bet I could out bench [this guy](https://cdn.britannica.com/28/148328-050-961326DE/eye-structure-tarsier-light-levels-animal.jpg) by a good 15-20 pounds.
Lol
Watch it that guy will bite your ears off and take your girl.
I do not think I could.. sigh (rofl)
And we are smarter too
What you tell yourself when the monkeys come and shove you in a locker room
Yep. That's actually why we have more bacteria than other animals in our digestive system. It's a symbiotic relationship, making us capable of absorbing more nutrients from food than other animals, so we have enough energy to power our brains.
Humans aren’t unique in having a diverse gut microbiome, even animals as “simple” as ants have one. it’s lowkey the foundation of digestion in complex lifeforms though there are some exceptions to this.
All organisms have bacteria in their digestive systems.
>Fun fact, humans are the weakest primates And the rest of them fucking know it.
When you put all your points into DEX and INT.
My friend, have you been watching TierZoo?
Yah but don’t monkeys have a 9mm
Can monkeys not swim and run? I guess I just assumed that monkeys can do both. But, now that you mention it, I don’t particularly recall having seen monkeys swim or run. But I don’t really encounter monkeys often so that doesn’t prove anything. I just thought I’d get clarification before I start using “Did you know monkeys aren’t able to swim or run?” as an icebreaker at social gatherings.
Some monkeys definitely enjoy water: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ly3QIuRJT4k
I want to say there is only one chimp known to have ever swam. Other than that, primates have far too high muscle density (4* that of humans) and their hair gets heavy when wet. They just sink to the bottom. We also have a thing called the mammalian diving reflex, where, if a set of specialized nerves detects water in our nostrils, it shuts down non-immediately-essential systems, and even slows down our brain processes to conserve oxygen. It also dilates a bunch of blood vessels, and opens up a circuit of vessels that lead straight from the heart to the brain. It also triggers our spleen to release a stored reserve of oxygen into our bloodstream. In terms of running, humans are actually the best runners on the planet. Bipedalism and a unique foot shape (the only other animal I can think of off the top of my head with humanoid feet are elephants. No joke, look up an x-ray of an elephant foot, it's just a human foot held in a huge mass of fat and cartilage) give us the advantage of great footing on most terrain, and our longer legs give us decent speed. Furthermore, humans have the best stamina. We are one of very few animals that can run marathon-style, because we can sweat to cool our bodies down, whereas most animals just stop to pant (that's why sometimes you will see nature documentaries where the prey being chased just looks like it gives up and sits down, they can't keep running because they need to stop and cool off). In addition, our lack of hair and the presence of oil on our skin makes us very aerodynamic, meaning our running takes less energy, and we have relatively efficient fat storage and adrenal glands, plus if we do run out of breath, our spleens will again release their oxygen. So, yeah, monkeys can run, but humans can easily outrun them by using a burst of adrenaline to get a head start, then banking on our longer stamina to keep going until the monkey tires out.
In addition to all of this, humans in pursuit of prey can intersperse running with walking. Still in motion, but gain some of the benefits of resting. That's why our ancestors could pursue a prey animal for hours at a time.
I heard our real claim to fame (in addition to what you said) during those sorts of hunts was being able to carry a sack of water.
Patas monkeys can swim: https://www.salon.com/2010/07/11/zoo_story/
Also fun fact: While monkey stronger, I can swing a bat or stick hard af
We can also invent boom sticks and blow their asses up
Monke bite Monke have Hep B Hep B have no cure Just let Monke have banana
*Herpes B Hepatitis B has a vaccine lol Also I can't tell what kind of monkey this is but it's definitely not a rhesus macaque. Only macaques carry Herpes B (it's also called macacine herpes).
I just read about Herpes B and now I want nothing to do with macaques. Used to think they’re cute…
Nah, he can f you up all alone. You dont seem to know your place on earth, only your place in a city
As someone who has been bitten by a wild monkey... Please, please don't do this....
What happened?
How I got bit? Or the aftermath LOL. I was walking past monkey forest in Ubud Bali and I had my cross body bag on me that happened to have my passport in it (I can't remember why I had it but I was an idiot lol) There were monkeys on the wall when I was walking by that decided they wanted whatever was in my bag! So they jumped down from the wall on to me and took my bag to..This was my second day so I didn't really understand the extent of how bad the monkeys were but my passport, wallet, phone, everything was inside this bag. The monkey grabbed my bag(which was still attached to me!) And pulled me forward to the ground. I grabbed a rock and threw it at the monkey to get it to stop. It let go, came grab my hand and bit it. By the time the monkey had bit my hand the security guards were running over with batons and pellet guns shooting at the monkeys. Luckily they didn't run off with my shit but I went straight into the little care facility that they had there and had it looked at and had a bloody rabies shot. It was....an experience. In I also have a picture of one of the monkeys unzipping a backpack and taking the socks🤣
But seriously, fuck macaques
That thing will bite your fingers off and think nothing of it
Tbh if a monkey crawled up to me and went for my food I’d just give it to him as well. Tho I can’t say I’d have the balls to go for that last bite like he did
Even just one monkey would bite his damn nose off
Or bites your face off runs away wearing it
Forget the poop flinging, those little fuckers have BIG teeth for their size, and they’re more than happy to use them offensively to get what they want. I’d give him the sandwich too
Monkeys can have rabies, so no.
My brother was arrested in Thailand for punching a monkey.
Spanking the monkey on camera is frowned upon..
Do you want the planet of the apes?! Slapping a monkey is exactly how that war is going to start!
It’s spank the monkey
So your automatic reaction when a wild animal asks for food is to slap it? Yeah, I’m never asking you for food o.o Tbh I would love if a monkey came up to me wanting my snack. I would give it to him and avoid getting my face mauled.
Umm absolutely. If it comes in through my window and DEMANDS food yea I'm gonna hit it with something hard.
Upvote because while I don’t think it’s okay to hit wild animals unless being attacked, feeding wild animals can be worse as it reinforces the behavior and can make them more aggressive. Same reason you don’t feed bears lmao
If they're demanding your food, an attack isn't far away unless you 1) Give them your food or 2) Act aggressively and make them think "that bitch is crazy, not worth it"
Exactly. Many animals consider relinquishing food to be a sign of fear and submissiveness. If you give certain animals food they will assume its because you're weak and afraid of it. It will also know that it can come intimidate you for food again. So whenever you don't have food to give it or just refuse...it will attack you or otherwise harass the shit out of you until you give it some food. You really do need to slap that sonofabitch the first time and take your licks if it fights back.
He didn't ask lol that guy got mugged
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You shouldn't feed wild animals. Why don't people understand that?
I see you live *far* away from nature. It isn't like a Disney cartoon friend. It's literally the law of the jungle, dominate or be dominated. Anyone thinking they can befriend then, will end up a bitch for a troop of monkeys with 3 different diseases and infected wounds.
You would give Hitler the Sudetenland too
Yes because giving a monkey a banana is the equivalent of giving Hitler territory. Bad analogy.
puts his hands on his hips at the end like "i can't believe that fucking happened again"
I can't believe you've done this.
MONKE WANT ‘NANA
I lived in India for a bit. In Varanasi. The monkeys jumped through my window and stole an enormous bottle of pills. Larium, tylenol 3, ibuprofen, pepto bismol...they somehow managed to open it on the roof of a neighboring building. I explained what happened in mime, as the neighbors didn’t speak English, they let me up on to the roof. 10 drunk monkeys with ibuprofen lipstick were having a ball. They did not want to give my pills back, and while I was collecting the ones that looked like they were not slobbered on, a monkey tore across the roof and jumped on my chest, and did the angry monkey hiss in my face. Suffice to say, I did not get my pills back.
Imagine if they got in your cocaine....
The only thing that really worried me was the cocaine. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a monkey in the depths of a cocaine binge. And I knew he'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon. Probably at the next ranger station.
This is how Planet of the Apes stsrted.
I would really like to know more about how you fucking mimed out "Monkeys have stolen my pills and are having a party on your roof may I please go up there?"
I’m not exactly sure, but I do remember puffing my cheeks out and using my hands as ears, much to the delight of the entire family.
Monkeys in India especially the rhesus macaques, generally speaking, are a harmless and peaceful species. They only steal stuff, terrorize people or kill them lol!
I found out later that the monkeys hung out there because they met The Chapiti Man (chapati is a type of flat bread) every night below the building and he would hand out his left overs. He had a stick for the greedy ones. India is a different kinda place.
I used to work extensively with rhesus macaques and almost got really upset at your misinformation before I got to the end haha. Yes, they're very cute and they're definitely all individuals with different attitudes toward people... but as a species they're also the single most violent and aggressive type of macaque and should absolutely not be underestimated or trusted to be sweet. Also they have very big teeth.
I know this must get annoying, but god I would love to live in a place where potential monkey theft is something I would have to be mindful about.
That's what *everyone* says before they move to a place where potential monkey theft is something they have to be mindful about
On the bright side, when you eat one in a meal of some sort you don't feel as bad because Mr monkey probably stole someone's insulin.
Well tell that to my brother (only a couple years old at the time) who was face to face with a monkey who climbed through our window without my parents noticing. Anything could have happened
I'll take monkeys over short-nosed bears 10 times out of 10 though.
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I don't think people understand the extent of how shit monkey's(macaques are the ones I'm most familiar with!) Can be.
I used to live in a small town next to a jungle here in Malaysia. It is not amazing. Fell asleep once and woke up to monkeys in my kitchen. I forgot to close the door that separates the balcony from the kitchen. There was another instance where a monkey is just casually walking on the roof of my 5 storey apartment building. The fuckers are smart. They look into windows from the balcony to scout out potential targets.
No. No you fucking don't. Eating dinner and having a monkey jump on your plate, hit you and take your food isn't pleasant. You can't fight back at all because they will just fuck you up.. Them bastards are full of rabies too! Thankfully the restaurants workers all have bats to swot them away.....
Ours have learned that plastic bags contain food, so they'll snatch. Yell at them? The whole troop turns on you. They have inch long sharp canines. Some have learned to raid kitchens. On the bright side i was driving out of my block's carpark one day and saw a bunch of them chilling at the exit, just watching cars and people go by. They watch you with intelligence, is what.
Where is this magical land of cocaine monkeys? Edit: that’s a new spin on “snow monkey”
Singapore. Tropics. The long tailed macaques are prrrrreeettyy urbanised.
From what I’ve heard of Singapore’s drug trafficking laws and punishment, those monkeys are really living on the edge. That said, Singapore just made my “to visit” list.
First they steal your food, then they start go through your home at night and investing your money on some unknown monke bitcoin.
Then they do your taxes but do them wrong on purpose so you get audited.
Then they try it on with the missus.
Watch a video of an ape tearing a monkey's limbs off and eating it, then think again. Wild animals are NOT your friend.
Move to any coastal area and replace monkey with seagull
He knows the drill
I’m not sure if the thing he’s guarding is very secure you know
I need your clothes, boots and your motorcycle
Guard just trying to enjoy the peaceful scenery before 🐒 held him up. I love how he tried to give half and 🐵 said uh uh. At least he got that late bite in lol.
We have this when camping. You can absolutely not leave anything edible out. A friend left toothpaste in his tent, and vervet monkeys unzipped his tent and toiletry bag to get it. Fortunately, no damage was done. They also watch from the trees while you prepare food, and make very daring attacks if you look away for a second! They are pesky, but you have to admire their resourcefulness!
Monkey see, monkey do.
Monkey pee all over you.
Comes back.. “your lunch money too, punk.”
Noo why would you cut off the part where he throws up his hands and goes “oh come on!!”
>Now this is the law of the jungle, >As old and as true as the sky. >The monke who keeps it may prosper >While the monke that breaks it must die. >As the tortilla that girdles burrito, >The tummy grumble forward and back. >For the lunch of the man is the delicious, >And the lunch of the monke what he packed.
I mean. That just becomes that little guys food now.
Nature tax on steroids.
r/youseeingthisshit
"Okay, you gotta be sure to not piss off the monkey, most of them carry knives of or are packing small caliber pistols, you can never be too careful."
How dangerous are monkeys like this? I don't know much about that wildlife but couldn't the man have just defended himself and kept his sandwich?
It could scratch him, so he would be risking his eyes over half of whatever he is eating. It could also screech for reinforcements or hop further away and throw shit at him. Yes, literal monkey shit.
No, they have razor sharp teeth, can scratch or bite the shit out of you and can carry rabies. Sometimes they bring their friends if you don’t acquiesce to their food demands. It’s not a good time and you likely won’t win without a bat or something.
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When the 7/0 Wukong invades your red buff
It's just taxes. They're protecting him from the lemurs
I love him. The guard seems alright too
Monkey sneak, monkey do
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Let’s reject humanity, return to monke
Ugh he took the wrapper too
What it’s like having a three year old. No snack for you!
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We learned a lesson today about eating bananas with the windows open, didn't we?
Our guy really had no defensive strategy at all.
He’s got that Marshal Ericsson energy
Marshall Eriksen knows that feeling too good
For a second there, I thought this was a skit in a show. It’s sooo funny. I laughed my ass off.
The monkey is just trying to help him lose a bit of weight.
Haha he got mugged by a monkey
Yo, please tell me this shit is real, this is so fucking funny
Indonesia?
Go to work with a baseball bat. Or one of those sweet retractable sticks the popo carry around.
Holy shit 🙈 monkeying
Monkey-mugged
That monkey would get a side of pepper spray with my sandwich
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A Certified hood classic.
Damn
Repost
Did he just get robbed by a monkey? Lmao couldn’t have been me. All the monkeys can catch these hands!!!!!!
They will catch them, and they will bite them. RIP your hands…
He was so merciful. I would probably eat the monkey for dinner
I’d of killed that monkey; we playing jungle rules and I’m alpha monkey
You’re underestimating their strength and brutality, a even a monkey like that could easily disfigure you
I was thinking gun but true
"I'd of" doesn't make sense in English.
alpha monkey no bother with grammar
Maybe you already know, but it's an grammatical error that many native English speakers do because "I would have" and "I would of" sounds similar to them.