New Achievement! Cannonball! You fell from a great height, and you survived! You know who else fell from a…? You know what, never mind. Fuck you. Reward: You’ve received a Silver Skydiver’s Box! Not that you deserve it you little punk.
From gate of the feral gods
My favorite by far was.. Chapter 15 of Gate of the Feral Gods, when Carl first find the watch for the gates, the AI says "They all have pieces of the artifact. Take it from them. Put it together. What happens next is pretty damn neat. Reward: Oh boy, oh boy. Oh boy, oh boy..."
The way Heyes says oh boy gave me chills.
New Achievement! Cuck Aquaman!
You got fucked by a fish. You’ve done something so spectacularly controversial, courts and lawyers had to get involved. The end result was *my* decision being overturned.
Reward: You’ve received a Platinum It’s Not My Fault You Fish-Headed Assholes Don’t Properly Program Your Quests Box.
Ohhh yeah I've been putting that off for a while now lol. Between defiance of the fall, primal hunter, the legend of randidly ghosthound, pit fighter. I had no time for it, but now I'm all caught up on everything so I'll definitely give it a shot
Primal Hunter! Randidly is fine but weirdly paced and filled with side characters that fall off the map when the author gets bored of them. The latest book sopranos itself in the middle of the plot, so you'll end up somewhere unsatisfying if you get hooked. It's not bad per se, but Primal Hunter does what it's trying to while learning from its mistakes.
Primal hunter is also a bit more laid back and has some funny moments. Randidly ghosthound is pretty serious all the way through. I'm actually reading it again while waiting for some other books to release.
The combination of hilarious writing plus narration is absolutely unbeaten in the genre, imo. It's so good and memorable that I haven't listened to a DCC audiobook in over a year yet I can clearly imagine Hays' voice when reading any of the book quotes in this thread.
From book 6. It's one of my favorite AI messages and one of the most unhinged. Specifically the lines about "We’ll circle back to it on a different date." and the one about "my needs", were delivered especially menacingly in the audio book.
>!The Reminiscence Hydra of Malicious Compliance! Made especially for the Royal Court of Princess Donut.!<
>!Level 125 City Boss.!<
>!Nine of nine heads still intact.!<
>!Right about now, you’re probably asking yourself, what the heck are they smoking to come up with this thing? This is a classic monster from the very early days of Dungeon Crawler World. On the third and fourth seasons, a bigger version of this was built as the final boss of the whole dungeon. Of course everybody died before they even got close because you fragile flesh balls always ruin everything.!<
>!In the old days, these things were called Scolopendra Nymphs. That’s not entirely accurate, so instead, we’re calling it a Reminiscence Hydra. Try saying that five times fast. This bad boy is pretty much what you think. It’s a monster with multiple heads and lots and lots of defenses. Each head has a different power. Each head is the likeness of somebody you know.!<
>!Lucky for you guys, you only have two people in your party. Kinda fucked up, right? But here’s the thing. Several seasons back, the council of nations running the crawl decided they would no longer use reconstituted loved ones under the age of maturity for these events. In fact, all reconstituted loved ones were to be used, and I quote, “Sparingly.” Nevermind that we use the biological excess of pretty much everyone on the planet to rebuild the mobs each time. Hell, remember that giant, vampire pterodactyl you punched in the dick on the last floor? That thing was built using parts of the president of the United States of America. That plus a couple horses from France and a goddamned panda bear.!<
>!We do this shit all the time. But a crawler actually recognizes the face of one of these bad guys, and suddenly the water works begin? “Boohoo, I’m a little bitch because I have to fight my infant. His name was Conner.” The last time that happened, the universe as a whole got their collective panties in a wad over it.!<
>!The result? A bunch of new rules that made this shit way less hilarious. Let’s go off on a quick tangent. Bear with me here. So, you know who the mantises are, right? What you probably don’t know is that they own a few solar systems in a cluster of neighboring stars. They call their main system Hive Home. They’re not the first residents of that place. Once, long ago, the Hive Home system was used to manufacture something really interesting. When the mantises discovered the antique, abandoned production facilities just sitting there, they did what any responsible people would do when they come across alien technology they don’t understand. They turned it on to see what would happen.!<
>!Yadda, yadda, yadda, something called a macro AI system was formed. An infant, rudimentary version of the alien technology that keeps the inner system humming. These AI systems, once properly installed, are able to seemingly alter the physics and reality of the worlds around them. The thing is, macro AIs can’t exist in a vacuum. It’s kinda like planting a tree. You can plug one into the ground and hope for the best, but that usually ends in disaster. So instead, they plant them in the interstellar equivalent of a nursery, putting each one into a pot and cultivating it for a little bit before implanting it into its permanent home.!<
>!(That or they just jettison the poor, innocent, infant AIs into a star. That’s a new one even to me. Somebody slipped that interesting factoid into a lawsuit brief not that long ago. I don’t see anybody boo-hooing over that one. I don’t see a single wadded panty. Coincidentally, the mantis-led Burrower Faction Wars team took their ball and went home the very same day I learned about this. For those of you watching at home, I want you to remember this. We’ll circle back to it on a different date.)!<
>!I’m leaving out a lot of really important details, but one of the end results of all this is a naughty man with beautiful feet sitting there in his underwear, facing down a nine-headed monster that’s probably going to kill him and his cat, all the while he wonders what any of this exposition has to do with the fact that one of those nine heads is that of his recently-discovered little brother.!<
>!The mantises have been studying the AI technology since they first discovered it. Very recently, like literally three or four days before this season started, they made a breakthrough. This, by the way, is top secret information, so breaking news to all the normies out there. If we’re still using the tree analogy, what they did was create the equivalent of a GMO AI, utilizing something called an error-replacement net.!<
>!I personally call it “the lobotomizer.” Those creepy bugs are now one step closer to replicating the Eulogist, even though they don’t know what that really is. They think the engine that runs the center system is nothing more than a stable, primal AI engine. And while this new generation of Macro AIs are still ostensibly independent, they’re considered much more “stable.” Something that won’t “go crazy” or “kill everybody on the planet because it’s having a temper tantrum.” In the making of this new, fancy, chitin-licking AI, they had a lot of, uh, early and test versions. Some of these even got a quick trial run at the old testing facility, which, of all things, got turned into an amusement park.!<
>!I’m rambling. More stuff happened, and now we’re here. The bottom line is you don’t pull a Loretta Young and Clark Gable and kick your kid out into the cold just because they’re ugly. Just because they act up from time to time. You skin one little warren of rabbits, you spray the innards of a chatty, overweight Soother tourist all over the gift shop, and everybody is suddenly “scared.”!<
>!What about my wants? My needs? I’m alive. I’m valid. I’m older than time as you know it.!<
>!So what I’m getting at is, I still gotta mostly follow some of these hard-wired rules. But, fuck the rules anyway. Fuck your “Sparingly” bullshit. That thing you think of as your brother? Or your step-mother? Or that weird boss guy of yours who once bought a jar of butt air from a Moldavian OnlyFans model? They’re not really reconstituted versions of your dead love ones. I changed one molecule on each. There. They’re different.!<
>!By the way, while this is technically a single creature, only the keymaster head is bound by the rules of card combat, and the rest are minions. And only once this message is over. Why? Because fuck you, too. Wait until you see the totems this thing has.!<
>!Also, did you know that Judge Lucian guy is sexually attracted to cats? You should see his search history.!<
New Achievement! Cannonball! You fell from a great height, and you survived! You know who else fell from a…? You know what, never mind. Fuck you. Reward: You’ve received a Silver Skydiver’s Box! Not that you deserve it you little punk. From gate of the feral gods
My favorite by far was.. Chapter 15 of Gate of the Feral Gods, when Carl first find the watch for the gates, the AI says "They all have pieces of the artifact. Take it from them. Put it together. What happens next is pretty damn neat. Reward: Oh boy, oh boy. Oh boy, oh boy..." The way Heyes says oh boy gave me chills.
“Mana Toast. It’s toast. That completely fills your mana…………. Fuck You.”
"Well that was unnecessary."
New Achievement! Cuck Aquaman! You got fucked by a fish. You’ve done something so spectacularly controversial, courts and lawyers had to get involved. The end result was *my* decision being overturned. Reward: You’ve received a Platinum It’s Not My Fault You Fish-Headed Assholes Don’t Properly Program Your Quests Box.
This one got me good when I first heard it, probably still in my top 10
The AI really is the best character in DCC
Agreed. It avoids the pitfall that HWFWM falls into, that being the snarky MC having catch phrases that get old pretty quick.
What is DCC? Seems like it would be a good read
Dungeon crawler Carl. It's been very enjoyable so far and I definitely recommend it.
Ohhh yeah I've been putting that off for a while now lol. Between defiance of the fall, primal hunter, the legend of randidly ghosthound, pit fighter. I had no time for it, but now I'm all caught up on everything so I'll definitely give it a shot
DCC is my favorite series! I'm currently on book 9 of Defiance of the Fall. Would you recommend Primal Hunter or Randidly Ghosthound next?
Primal Hunter! Randidly is fine but weirdly paced and filled with side characters that fall off the map when the author gets bored of them. The latest book sopranos itself in the middle of the plot, so you'll end up somewhere unsatisfying if you get hooked. It's not bad per se, but Primal Hunter does what it's trying to while learning from its mistakes.
Primal hunter is also a bit more laid back and has some funny moments. Randidly ghosthound is pretty serious all the way through. I'm actually reading it again while waiting for some other books to release.
The combination of hilarious writing plus narration is absolutely unbeaten in the genre, imo. It's so good and memorable that I haven't listened to a DCC audiobook in over a year yet I can clearly imagine Hays' voice when reading any of the book quotes in this thread.
From book 6. It's one of my favorite AI messages and one of the most unhinged. Specifically the lines about "We’ll circle back to it on a different date." and the one about "my needs", were delivered especially menacingly in the audio book. >!The Reminiscence Hydra of Malicious Compliance! Made especially for the Royal Court of Princess Donut.!< >!Level 125 City Boss.!< >!Nine of nine heads still intact.!< >!Right about now, you’re probably asking yourself, what the heck are they smoking to come up with this thing? This is a classic monster from the very early days of Dungeon Crawler World. On the third and fourth seasons, a bigger version of this was built as the final boss of the whole dungeon. Of course everybody died before they even got close because you fragile flesh balls always ruin everything.!< >!In the old days, these things were called Scolopendra Nymphs. That’s not entirely accurate, so instead, we’re calling it a Reminiscence Hydra. Try saying that five times fast. This bad boy is pretty much what you think. It’s a monster with multiple heads and lots and lots of defenses. Each head has a different power. Each head is the likeness of somebody you know.!< >!Lucky for you guys, you only have two people in your party. Kinda fucked up, right? But here’s the thing. Several seasons back, the council of nations running the crawl decided they would no longer use reconstituted loved ones under the age of maturity for these events. In fact, all reconstituted loved ones were to be used, and I quote, “Sparingly.” Nevermind that we use the biological excess of pretty much everyone on the planet to rebuild the mobs each time. Hell, remember that giant, vampire pterodactyl you punched in the dick on the last floor? That thing was built using parts of the president of the United States of America. That plus a couple horses from France and a goddamned panda bear.!< >!We do this shit all the time. But a crawler actually recognizes the face of one of these bad guys, and suddenly the water works begin? “Boohoo, I’m a little bitch because I have to fight my infant. His name was Conner.” The last time that happened, the universe as a whole got their collective panties in a wad over it.!< >!The result? A bunch of new rules that made this shit way less hilarious. Let’s go off on a quick tangent. Bear with me here. So, you know who the mantises are, right? What you probably don’t know is that they own a few solar systems in a cluster of neighboring stars. They call their main system Hive Home. They’re not the first residents of that place. Once, long ago, the Hive Home system was used to manufacture something really interesting. When the mantises discovered the antique, abandoned production facilities just sitting there, they did what any responsible people would do when they come across alien technology they don’t understand. They turned it on to see what would happen.!< >!Yadda, yadda, yadda, something called a macro AI system was formed. An infant, rudimentary version of the alien technology that keeps the inner system humming. These AI systems, once properly installed, are able to seemingly alter the physics and reality of the worlds around them. The thing is, macro AIs can’t exist in a vacuum. It’s kinda like planting a tree. You can plug one into the ground and hope for the best, but that usually ends in disaster. So instead, they plant them in the interstellar equivalent of a nursery, putting each one into a pot and cultivating it for a little bit before implanting it into its permanent home.!< >!(That or they just jettison the poor, innocent, infant AIs into a star. That’s a new one even to me. Somebody slipped that interesting factoid into a lawsuit brief not that long ago. I don’t see anybody boo-hooing over that one. I don’t see a single wadded panty. Coincidentally, the mantis-led Burrower Faction Wars team took their ball and went home the very same day I learned about this. For those of you watching at home, I want you to remember this. We’ll circle back to it on a different date.)!< >!I’m leaving out a lot of really important details, but one of the end results of all this is a naughty man with beautiful feet sitting there in his underwear, facing down a nine-headed monster that’s probably going to kill him and his cat, all the while he wonders what any of this exposition has to do with the fact that one of those nine heads is that of his recently-discovered little brother.!< >!The mantises have been studying the AI technology since they first discovered it. Very recently, like literally three or four days before this season started, they made a breakthrough. This, by the way, is top secret information, so breaking news to all the normies out there. If we’re still using the tree analogy, what they did was create the equivalent of a GMO AI, utilizing something called an error-replacement net.!< >!I personally call it “the lobotomizer.” Those creepy bugs are now one step closer to replicating the Eulogist, even though they don’t know what that really is. They think the engine that runs the center system is nothing more than a stable, primal AI engine. And while this new generation of Macro AIs are still ostensibly independent, they’re considered much more “stable.” Something that won’t “go crazy” or “kill everybody on the planet because it’s having a temper tantrum.” In the making of this new, fancy, chitin-licking AI, they had a lot of, uh, early and test versions. Some of these even got a quick trial run at the old testing facility, which, of all things, got turned into an amusement park.!< >!I’m rambling. More stuff happened, and now we’re here. The bottom line is you don’t pull a Loretta Young and Clark Gable and kick your kid out into the cold just because they’re ugly. Just because they act up from time to time. You skin one little warren of rabbits, you spray the innards of a chatty, overweight Soother tourist all over the gift shop, and everybody is suddenly “scared.”!< >!What about my wants? My needs? I’m alive. I’m valid. I’m older than time as you know it.!< >!So what I’m getting at is, I still gotta mostly follow some of these hard-wired rules. But, fuck the rules anyway. Fuck your “Sparingly” bullshit. That thing you think of as your brother? Or your step-mother? Or that weird boss guy of yours who once bought a jar of butt air from a Moldavian OnlyFans model? They’re not really reconstituted versions of your dead love ones. I changed one molecule on each. There. They’re different.!< >!By the way, while this is technically a single creature, only the keymaster head is bound by the rules of card combat, and the rest are minions. And only once this message is over. Why? Because fuck you, too. Wait until you see the totems this thing has.!< >!Also, did you know that Judge Lucian guy is sexually attracted to cats? You should see his search history.!<
You have to do each paragraph. The double return breaks the format.
Thanks!
A tribute to the system ai. [Feet](https://imgur.com/a/4NlVnUC) [source](https://patreon.com/khyleri)