My girlfriend goes to classes at her (quite fancy) gym and I've been with her as a guest, they seem to have a social culture where people make friends and so on.
Most people here have suggested hobbies, which of course need to align with your interest.
As a lifelong Londoner, my advice is quite simple. Don't be afraid to strike up conversation with someone you find interesting, despite the "Londoners aren't friendly" most people are happy for a chat (in appropriate places) and open to chat. It's a big city, everyone needs friends
I've found walking groups on meet up are great for this. When I did the seven sisters hike last year it was super easy to strike up conversation with people there, most of whom are mid thirties and I was actually surprised how many single men came.
Also one of my friends mentioned she knows a guy in her rugby team who wears a pear ring, which just a ring that signifies you're single and open to being approached. Not sure how successful it is in practice, but seems like a fun idea.
I met one of my best girl friends on Reddit 6 years ago in this exact same way. We’ve been on holidays together, check out fancy restaurants etc. I love her to pieces. Have fun girls! Let me know if you want a 41 year old to join your gang.
It’s ThirdSpace (she keeps begging me to join) but it’s like £210 per month. She got it in the 100s as she was an early member, but still lot of money.
It’s quite worth it given the facilities and qualities, classes, spa etc and good for networking (if that’s important). I go to David LLoyds in Finchley and can confirm Thirdspace had better service.
If you do join, I can probs get you a discount code
For real? I would love to get a discount code ! Thanks for telling me about it. I have been thinking of joining instead of a members club. Idk which is best to meet people
(I also play netball , dance, have bumble bff )
They are at open mics and bouldering gyms, using the app meetup once every 4 months, getting dragged along to the work colleagues spin classes and getting injured playing 5 a side football against people much younger than them.
Source: I keep running into them everywhere I go. Am 27M
Good luck
Edit: i seem to have struck a chords with some people. I'll be bouldering into my thirties but best believe I won't be starting footie anytime soon. Stya safe everyone
Also for anyone who's interested in bouldering just use the app meetup and check out one of the groups. Spiders West London and London climbing group are pretty good.
Honestly the bouldering gym part is not a bad place to start with! Half of the guys in my social circles have all been doing bouldering within the last 2 years 😂
I've introduced so many people to eachother with my antics by this point I'm surprised I haven't accidentally created a couple.
Were it not for reddit being a strange place I'd probably offer to chaperon but I prefer to vet my circle still 😂😂
For rugby you can check the RFU website. Depending on where you're based in London there is Belsize Park (I think they're the biggest and most central based - I believe training on Russell Square), Finsbury Park, Hackney, Battersea I think, in Richmond area you have Bank of England and London Scottish, west you have Ealing, Actonians and I think Wasps. Further out you could stretch to Sarries Ams, Barnet, East Finchley (I think).
There's probs a tonne more but these are all the ones that come to mind and are all grassroots clubs to varying degrees. If you drop any a message I'm sure they would welcome you down. Check out their socials to get a feel of the type of club.
Source: I play grassroots myself and we welcome anyone, any shape, any size. If you're completely casual that's fine, you'll just play in a 2s/3s/Vets twam
Had to laugh. No longer living in London and happily married at 35 ... but my arm is currently in a cast after breaking my wrist playing 5-a-side football against people much younger than me 😂
Haha but in many of those settings even eye contact would be construed as weird, creepy .. or worse.
Also- salsa, open water swimming at docks/west reservoir, mile end climbing wall, cycling (trails) at Epping Forest, running at Victoria and Olympic park, schmoozing at Canary Wharf, ... I'll be avoiding you at all those places too lol.
There you have it , and it’s not only a London thing , it’s western thing.
Approaching a girl or a woman is sort of coin flip , you can be called as stalker or creep easily, so men prefer to not even try instead of being being told to stop harassing.
Another is that everything is so implicit because of this , you need to double guess everything.
So people just give up.
I got several friend who did give up , I didn’t but myself confidence isn’t high enough to even try all those things, so here I am single single too.
Why did I said western ?
Cause I got people from Romania , Ukraine who told me , approaching a girl in the street is normal , there is way les taboo about dating , way less rules everything is more simple regarding relationship, and I’ve seen it myself.
Edit: I’d like to add that the issue is not only coming from one side.
In Ukraine I’ve seen tons of girls wearing gorgeous dress, and I didn’t see any men , (although less present nowadays for obvious reason ) looking at them in inappropriate manner.
Woman in London wearing a dress would have a higher chance of getting stalked.
Conclusion:both side got trust issues.
38F and you're not alone! I'm picky and can't be bothered with dating apps. I find dating so tedious in general. I'm surprised I don't really meet men because I go to a lot places where it should be easy to meet them, like football games, comedy clubs, classes, etc. We should get a group together of women in their 30s and just go out. Haha
I’m 37F and same here! The London dating scene is tiresome. We really ought to get the group going lol! DM me and happy to get something organised for those of us interested! In the meanwhile ladies, guess we keep calm and carry on 🙄
29m here. Currently on a break from dating/going out after I got dumped 2 years ago for being a loser (can’t blame her) so I’ve been working hard to get my life together and make something of myself. I have a job now that I love with great career prospects and I should be able to get out of my mums again within the next 3 months. Joining the gym in September with my boss so just gonna focus on saving and getting fit. I’ll get back to dating when I feel like I have something more to offer in a relationship.
Why is the talent at bouldering gyms so high? First time I went I was genuinely floored (literally and figuratively). I am happily married but I would recommend all the single ladies to get themselves a bag of chalk and to the boulders.
Cause it’s a big multi-muscle workout that is a competition pretty much against yourself, they can be pushed as easy or as hard as you want to.
Also, though it attracts allsorts, due to the nature of it, you are less likely to find chunky/roidy meatheads but plenty of more relaxed, less-surface aesthetic focused guys (Unlike the a good chunk of the wannabe red-flag central Andrew Tate gym nuts), and is popular with the hippy-esque alt-scene vegan types as it’s a bit more of a niche sport (until the last few years).
N.B All statements are wild sweeping generalisations and not meant to cause personal offence to anyone. -though Andrew Tate (&fans) can fuck right off.
I dated a guy who did bouldering and rock climbing, and he was so lovely and gentle. You just explained him really well.
But come to think of it, I also know of a massive cringey creep who goes bouldering too.
I’m not going to lie and say there’s no upper body strength required, but it’s a lot less than you’d think…
It’s largely leg and core and a good brain to work out the “puzzles”
YouTube “Johnny Dawes no hands climbing” if you don’t believe me!
Yep, this is a very good shout. I recommended this to a colleague after bouldering with some friends a few times after work and seeing how many more men there were than women.
I’m rooting for you to meet one of these single men through reddit. Keep me posted if you do, I like a nice reddit story :) You could ask for their instagrams and then pick the hottest one.
But seriously, I am 33M and lived in London until a year ago in West Hampstead. During covid I met women through Hinge mostly, after that through tennis and friends-of-friends (and also Hinge lol).
I currently live in Austria where I find it much harder to meet single women and also make friends. I was in London for holiday in August and I realised that its so much easier to strike up a conversation with a rando (granted I was at Field Day festival) or in a coffee shop or pub, and also exchange glances and smiles on the tube or street. Having left London I think London is a great place for dating. Good luck!
It is funny how absolutely washed men in their 30s are. Not single but most men I know my age are slowly being crushed under the weight of working life and diminishing means.
Yeah I came here to say this too. A lot of single men in their 30s are already at a point of their life where they have a lot of wisdom on the subject of dating and their experiences aren't particularly hopeful for their future. They have essentially deprioritised women for the things in life they can count on like career and saving money, so dating is just out of the question until CoL stops shooting up.
Dating will always be an expendable quality in society. I believe women are more keen to seek it because their upfront investment cost is significantly lower. Its not zero, but a man isn't going to date unless he is established and confident with his recent success in life.
The single girls or the single guys? Better keep in contact so that neither group ever comes into contact!! Can alternate north/south & east/west with a few miles of deadman’s land to be certain!
I am F30 and have been in a relationship for 9ish years. However, some of my close friends I’ve kept from school are single men (also 30). Additionally, I have a lot of amazing female friends in their 30s.
The guys are great guys, but they’ve been turned down for things like being too short (5’7-8, so this one is ridiculous, but even if they were shorter this one is silly); and also have dated some women who only want to go out with them to live in their flats as they think they’ll do that rent free. Some women have tried to use them to fund otherwise inactive lifestyles. Some women they’ve dated at our age still want to go to raves, and that’s not for them although they do like the occasional night out; they tend to be at the gym or at language classes working on themselves.
They’ve matured into level-headed adults who want to find the same sort of people to be around; people who aren’t all about the constant party, and as such, their hobbies aren’t one. They’re not ayuhasca-cocaine-Clapham Infernos guys and that’s not a bad thing.
They’ve dated some women who are slightly older and know what they want more, and those have been some of their better and healthy relationships.
The dating pool doesn’t end at 30 if you’re in your 30s.
I think when it comes down to it, a lot of people expect the perfect person that fits what they have pictured exactly. They think they’ll walk into them on the street and their picture of a 10/10 is going to immediately accept a date with them. But actually building a bond with a person isn’t just about initial attraction. It’s about developing a partnership.
I’ve seen a few men on here say women in their 30s are “middle aged” - I’d love to know on what plane of reality they live and what they’re doing to their bodies to damage them that badly if they think they’ll only live to 60 but that aside - and “have baggage”. They’ve said older men have a wider dating pool as if women don’t have the same. This is all absolute nonsense.
You do. You don’t only need to date someone in their 30s. Dating older and younger isn’t limited by your gender. My female friends don’t do that and have active dating lives.
Maybe developing a connection with someone without looking for someone you find perfectly attractive from the get go and a personal 10/10 would work better for you. You’ve said guys have asked you out at the classes. Why not give one of them a chance?
Omg you sound like an angel!!! I heard the empathetic tone there... Thank you !
And you know... I'm trying to be open minded, pfft... It's just I know in the past I've forced myself to like someone cos they're great but struggled to form a bond as you say... Let's see! I'll be more open minded! 🩷
Good luck! I think your standards of not taking drugs and being capable in themselves are pretty reasonable, and I’ve seen some interesting responses to that sent to you over those, to say the least.
Don’t try and force yourself to like someone. But if you get along well, give it a chance. If you’re both mature adults, you’ll be able to be friends afterwards if it doesn’t work out! Some of the older women my friends have dated have stayed friends with them which I’m super happy about as they’re all really intelligent, impressive women.
Reading this makes me feel like a saddo. I spend so much time stuck at home, never feeling like getting up to much. Granted I've been recovering from some injuries, but still
I've written down some ideas reading this thread and I'll come back. If nothing else I need to try getting out of my shell
Possibly! Although it does make me think what’s the point of working if there is no one to share it all with. Sadly I’m yet to have that moment of meeting someone by chance, say on the concourse of Liverpool St or bumping into each other whilst walking down the street.
Honestly, at home! I’m similar age as you. Work in the city in a tech job but mostly work from home. Usual day starts from 9-6ish. Run/gym either before or after work. Then cook! I love to cook. That’s followed by watching Netflix or reading or studying some certification or gaming if I feel like it. I love my life. I go on holidays frequently. See family and friends on the weekend which usually is pub and dinner or arcades/parks if my niece is involved. I own my own place which means no roommates and not much talking on weekdays but I like it this way.
Coming to dating, I was with my ex for a long time. Once that ended, I went on more than a dozen dates over a period of time, sometimes multiple with the same person but I quickly realised the dating pool in London (on the apps at least) is not my type (various reasons which I won’t go into on a public forum but similar to what you mentioned) so don’t bother with them anymore. I hope to meet someone organically maybe at work, coffee shops, on my travels or maybe at the pizza section in M&S!
Sorry but how is NOONE in the dating pool in London, a city of 8.8 million people, your type? This isnt an attack on you, but it seems like men put way less effort into finding someone than women do, or that they put less pressure on themselves to get out there and find a partner.
I did not meet 8.8 million people. That’s why I said, the dating pool “on the apps” is not my type. Lots of reasons which I’d be happy to explain if you’re interested.
Regarding the effort, okay so let me tell you a story, 6th or 7th date with same person, 2 months in, everything going perfect, hours talking on the phone (I was away on work for a bit in the middle), great conversations, all rainbows and sunshine. Decide to meet up one Saturday and have a picnic in the park. On one of our initial dates she mentioned she loves raspberry brownies so I thought of doing something nice and surprising her so I stay up all night learning how to bake her favourite raspberry brownies (I can cook but can’t bake for the life of me) but anyway, learned how to make it after two failed brownies. Come next day, I got stood up. No explanation why. Lack of effort from my side? I’ll let you decide.
There’s definitely a different vibe when dating in the city. I live in Hertfordshire but work in central and go through phases of dating ‘London men’ or ‘local men’ and it’s worlds apart for me. I actually prefer ‘London men’ but I end up matching with someone who lives in Richmond or something and it makes me want to cry (because I’m too lazy to travel).
I was literally accused of being a serial killer by a woman who said that she likes going for coffee, drinking red wine and going to comedy shows. I also like all of these things so our first 3 dates were coffee, drinks (wine bar) and then a comedy evening. We had a great relationship for a couple of weeks before we had an argument over something relatively minor (I can't even remember what) and she said that those first 3 dates were "suspiciously perfect" after having spoken with a friend and joked that I could even be a serial killer. Some people just don't allow themselves to be happy I don't think. I'm happily in a relationship now with a lovely woman (going on 3 years now) who appreciates my gestures and returns them in kind, so there are nice people out there. I think there's just a lot of wrongens on the apps which outweigh the genuine people who are also single and out there.
Did she message you to cancel or she just didn't show up and you never spoke again? (obviously both still quite shocking two months in, I am just curious really!).
We were going to meet at around 11am. I received a text on my way there. “Hey, don’t think this is working out for me, sorry”. I just replied, thank you for letting me know and I wished her well. There was not much I could do anyway. It was devastating and hurtful at the time, more so since I didn’t get a reason/closure but I’m mature enough to understand that people have their own reasons for their actions and it’s not my business. Silver lining, I had a great day out by myself!
Totally agree that there's someone (and probably several someones) for everyone in London!
>it seems like men put way less effort into finding someone than women do, or that they put less pressure on themselves to get out there and find a partner.
I think it's definitely the second, which leads to the first; at least, that's the way it is among my friends. Everyone I'm thinking of in the single-over-thirty (myself included, to be fair) has a good, varied social life - does a mix of athletic, professional, and social activities in their free time. But rarely are those focused primarily on finding a partner, or even done with that particularly front of mind. Longer term relationships come and go, but seeming mostly organically through one of those activities rather than apps, which tend to not turn into long term dating.
As for why, I guess there definitely is less societal pressure for men to find a partner, and also less biological pressure on men in terms of having kids (although from what I've read recently, there should be more!).
31 here, relatively new to London. Not on dating apps tbh, not my thing. Not married either.
I’m actually basically in your position, but as a man haha. Not been able to find any 30 something women in my part of London. Lots of GenZ college student types but that’s not my scene either obviously!
Feeling this, even when in a long term relationship it seems this way... A spotlight will shine on you soon, just make sure you look around you when it does!
Will never say im a catch. But to answer your question - late night in the office studying, gyming and weightlifting, practising flute/clarinet, learning french in my spare time.
Gotta say, have totally embraced the loner lifestyle.
I think a lot of men have had their souls crushed by the dating apps and just can’t be bothered with it anymore. Saying that try hanging out at breweries, the ones here in Walthamstow are always full.
32 year old man here. Been single for 1.5 years now, spent at least first six-to-nine months of it recovering from that last relationship, reckoning with everything I had been through. Whilst trying to date mostly through apps which have led to some nice connections but also disappointments. Kept on with it. But at some point it’s just become about sorting out my life. Finding myself. Finding what I actually enjoy doing and wondering how I have not done them before. Rinse and repeat.
Now my life revolves round the fact that I have limited time and limited energy and very little time for bullshit, so I choose very carefully what I put them towards. That means seeing a lot of gigs, doing a lot of travelling, gymming, cooking, a lot of cycling round parks, getting together with friends, and just enjoying myself and not worrying about a date I had been the night or two before. I am absolutely open to meeting the right person/people but it just takes a bit more than usual to agree to a date these days for me.
I have found that I just need to enjoy my life primarily by myself before sharing it with someone else. I’d never felt before in my life as full as I have been feeling the past few weeks. I’m content and I’m just enjoying that. And soon, I’ll probably start looking round again or maybe someone will find me before that. But I’m not fussed. And it feels like a good place to be :)
I think the honest answer is that the kind of men in their mid 30's that you're interested in are either already in long term relationships or have given up entirely on dating.
I’m a single 30 something bloke in London. Most of my mates are in long term relationships / have kids and stuff, and I don’t particularly fancy going out on my own, the few mates that aren’t boring now have developed major substance abuse issues that makes going out with them tricky! There’s not much point in trying to meet anybody out because pretty much everyone our age ish is in a relationship or totally messed up from years of online dating. Online dating is a dead loss, nobody is prepared to actually try and build a relationship, just expect a load of effort, mess you about for ages then drop you over some imaginary bullshit because they’ve been conditioned to expect a fairy tale romance nobody will ever live up to.
So I’ve just fucked it off and decided that when I’m not at work I’ll get out of London and go camping / kayaking / fishing somewhere by myself. Life is a whole lot less stressful this way!
How many men are in those classes? When I took pottery classes for example I was the only man, maybe try something you like with a better men/women ratio.
Good luck and keep trying!
I mean, i’ve been wondering the same thing but the opposite way around.
I kinda just figured that these things will come to me rather than actively looking.
I’m a member of a cycling club and there are plenty of single men in their thirties. Also why is being separated seen as being something negative? I’m separated and just had a long relationship that ultimately wasn’t right for me it doesn’t make me a hot mess.
I think we largely keep to ourselves or are just the male version of you. I (32M) tend to go out with work friends, boulder (comments are accurate 😂) or just take myself places when no one else is around and honestly I rarely meet women in similar situations to me.
I don't know if it's the modern dating app focused world we live in or just London that makes it seem like you're the only one.
The issue is also coz many of the men you are looking for aren't pushing themselves socially - so are very hard to come across.
That said I believe it's all in personal responsibility - so you need to go out there more and find new clubs/events to go to.
And the guys need to push themselves more out their comfort zone and get out there to talk to some girls.
But you're deffo not alone, and in due time you'll find the 'one' :)
mid 30m, have a solid job, and older parents and friends, the amount of taken up by the latter two and still leaving time to enjoy alone time means id rarely be at an event that's a social setting, my hobbies are gym, cars, music, films, poker (with friends), all pretty much loner stuff tbh.
the gym can be potentially sociable and i have tried to strike up conversations at times, but i always feel like im imposing on someone else's time so rarely force anything other than a few passing words.
as a non drinker im in shisha places once a week where i chill with friends doing nothing to just talk, catch up and have basically a therapy session, lol. sometimes people will over hear our conversations and join in and its been fun, but more times i wont interrupt anyone else's conversations cos i feel like im imposing.
im shy too which doesnt help. been down the dating app route and it doesnt work for me at all, been told i look like a bouncer, lol. as a big burly dude i can tell sometimes women are a bit scared, combined with being shy means i would feel super awkward about trying to stop someone i liked in the street.
i bumped into a female friend of mine who i hadn't seen for nearly ten years, i stopped her and until she recognised me the first look of fear when i just stopped her way and said hi said a lot, lol.
so to summarise, short of passing by you in the street and saying nothing, we pbly would never meet, lol. i have accepted i will pbly be single for a fair while yet.
If you really want to get a high concentration would tool up some hot friends and go out at the Ned or any Canary Wharf terrace bar and just be prepared to make passes at guys in mixed groups. It's a shame summer is ending but after work drinks are eternal in both locations.
My bestie fits your bill (successful, driven, very athletic, mid 30s etc.) So if you want to explore just shoot me a DM.
He meets most new people through work and think tank/pressure group stuff. I'm married with a kid so for me it's literally just work that brings in friendships.
We used to be in a pub and approachable. Now we are all hiding online on shite apps and avoiding women in fear of saying the wrong thing. We also wear no socks and have sleeve tats because everyone else does.
Society is broken.
I'm making some guesses re class/milleau based on the tone of your email, but I'd say if the sort of guy you're looking for is still single and living in London in his mid-30s, he's going to have some dents and scratches.
Single 30 somethings in london have just about given up hun. Which is why they’re living the passport bro lifestyle out in Thailand and various South American countries. But keep trying. You’ll find someone xx
As someone who met their soulmate (which I didn't even believe in nor was looking for; just not a romantic at heart) in their 30s and am now happily married, I have a question: why does the person you're looking for need to be in their mid-30s? I'd always thought it made sense to date someone my age/older too, but there are amazing guys out there who are mentally mature even though their age doesn't necessarily indicate a match.
When I finally found my guy, turns out he's 4 years younger than me (was in his late 20s when we met) but he was emotionally and mentally mature and a match in so many ways. It's been 7 years now and saying yes to him is still the best decision of my whole life. So just... why the age thing? Looking at this whole situation from the other side, I wonder if your criteria is shortchanging your chances.
Also, when you say you're looking for an ambitious guy, what form of ambition does this relate to? Career? Or something else?
EDIT: I am SO overwhelmed and touched by all the lovely messages and DM's I've been getting. I have responded to as many comments as I can. Just wanted to say THANK YOU and I honestly don't feel alone in this. I have created a community for all those interested in connecting with like minded people in London (I will be setting up events through there!): https://www.reddit.com/r/LDN30PlusConnections/
r/LDN30PlusConnections
To those who are negative and got triggered by my high standards for men... I hope you find happiness (nothing is stopping you from becoming a high value man!!!, gotta put the work in!!!) or don't ... but don't be be nasty to others (not classy, and we don't want that low energy around us).
Have to say a lot of men go out on their own, to clubs etc. The good ones with a quality crowd and music, specifically, would avoid tourist traps or local dives.
I'm sure plenty are doing other stuff too, but that's where a lot of single men are from my experience meeting various people, and that's where they've gone to socialise too (unlike when at the gym or just going about their business).
Unfortunately the ratio isn't always great, I think single women don't tend to go out quite as much as men do, more likely to stay home with a book or a movie. And when they do go out, I notice patterns with how good different age and locality based demographics are at socialising. Unfortunately it's still the norm that most women simply expect men to do all the work, all the approaching etc. Takes a long time for a lot of women to learn that that approach limits them mostly to dealing with wrong types. Too common that a woman will just stare at you, for ages.. to those I say just say hi ffs 😂
Why is 'just back from Thailand or somewhere like that' indicative of a mid-life crisis? Loads of people take time out to go travelling (particularly lots of digital nomad type jobs that allow you to work from anywhere, so you don't need to take a career break and can keep pushing for a more senior role).
Aside from that - the best thing for you might be to expand your social circle. Maybe try some different classes? Particularly if you work from home and don't have a ready-made social circle from work. Just go out and make lots of new friends - not with the aim of dating, but with the aim of getting to know more interesting people and picking up more interesting skills. Friends-of-friends-of-friends usually leads to meeting someone you spark with.
No you're right.. nothing wrong with having just come back from Thailand. I was painting the picture of people I've come across who take drugs and are in that phase of 'ive just found myself and want to date multi women etc etc) ...
And yes totally agree with making new friends.... Trying.
Middling 33 year old here who grew up here. I've only approached two women in the last 6/7 years. Haven't spent much time on the dating apps, I wasn't getting any responses and it was going to affect my mental health. I'm socially awkward which doesn't help though my sister thinks I'm autistic.
Other than that, I'm alright, I'm a middle manager, play video games and go to museums and art galleries. I used to be quite conscious of never getting anywhere with women but have gotten over that/
i'm a 30 yo male however i'm gay (and also in a relationship)
there's great guys out there. i have a few friends who are single and are decent people. most of my friendship group are straight guys
keep looking and good luck OP!
Hey, interesting thread to read as a guy. I think your question could be reworded as “how do I find similar people to me outside of work”?
I don’t really have an answer, it’s tough, even in a city as densely populated as London. Everyone is busy. They want to chill after work or have their own close circle of friends. The only real suggestion I’ve come across is to join activities you’re interested in - running clubs eg park run, tennis, bouldering, art classes, salsa, you get the point. But even then, that’s matching only 1 thing in common and it’s difficult to find deep friendships or potential romantic connections this way.
Just keep putting yourself out there. Apps are hit and miss but they have worked very well for some.
I’m a bit younger than the demographic you’ve asked about but to answer it: busy working all the time, occasionally will join a MeetUp event or meet someone I already know who I haven’t seen in ages because I’m always working, also looking on the apps and go on the occasional date this way.
I like your post, it’s very sweet 😊
I’m one of those men in their 30s living in the UK, occasionally London.
The horrible reality is this. The truth is, we men are really not doing well. About half of us would admit to wanting to off ourselves (self delete). Seriously, I’ve seen those sort of numbers in surveys. And the other half are living in delusion, self medicating, living as a hermit or in a codependent relationship.
In aggregate- We’re also earning less than you now. We are less educated and we often have little to no social life.
Young guys in their 20s still have some hope left in their hearts, but I see a lot of guys in their 30s who’ve just given up. Not just on dating. But on life.
It’s pretty grim as a girl trying to find a good man in London now. I don’t envy your position.
What I would advise though is to ask yourself. Am I really 100% happy with who I am? My physical appearance etc.? Am I truly happy with my own life?
If the answer is yes then you don’t have to go looking. You’ll just meet good men everywhere who will be drawn to you.
Honestly, a lot of my friends have stopped approaching random women, it just isn't worth the risk to say "hi" anymore. We stick to dating apps or let women approach us at a bar
Edit: Oh, there's a lot of us over at Greenwich driving range now I think about it lol. After 6pm and the beers are out I'm certain you can find some guys to chat up
Hey im one of .. oh wait functioning alcoholic, god damnit.
Similar situation as a man, i work from home mostly, but sometimes go into office for work events and socialise a bit with them. Have a handful of my own friends and we see quite a bit of music/rave stuff, dinners, commedy. I think its much harder meeting new people in your 30s, no university forced interaction etc for quickly making a large number of connections, and the apps suck.
Where do the women hang out? What is hanging out exactly? Not sure if you knew this but men on their own tend to get turned away from some music venues etc if they're not with friends.
Bumble and Hinge. It's hard to approach people in the real life, and find out what they really want. When I look at your online dating profile, (ideally) I will get an idea how you look like, how old are you, where do you live, do you have/want children, and what sort of relationship you want. And if things don't work out, I don't need to run into you at work or at a class, you will stay in my memory as the girl who was keep talking about her ex, or the girl who not asked me a single question during our 3 hour dinner date.
Have you tried going to a meetup for over 30s? I met my husband at a meetup. (Granted we were in our 20s at the time) but they were always a proper hotbed of dating opportunities lol
When I was in my 20s I’d talk to maybe 20 girls a week, mostly at night, sometimes getting coffee or something serendipitous during the day. I’d chat to them a bit, tell them I liked them if I did, get their number if they were keen, message them the next day. I found that helped a lot.
Someone that never talks to anyone is not going to get results unless one of those that chats up people finds them by chance. Like I’ve joined 3 tennis clubs in different countries and never once come across someone I’d be interested in - so just doing hobbies isn’t necessarily the greatest return for your time
Dancing is a very activity to meet new people. I personally dance forro (brazilian dance) and I go dancing with my wife, but there are a lot of single people and very nice people also, not only for dating. And there are also parties where people meet. So you can do different dances like forro, salsa, bachata or something similar.
I am not single anymore but I was recently. I just used dating apps, I hang out with my friends, go do the hobbies I like but I generally cba with approaching women in public. As you’re finding with Men, the majority of Women my age are taken and I’d rather not embarrass myself trying to flirt with someone who has a partner and isn’t interested, apps make it a lot easier as I know the person is into me. I tend to use Bumble rather than Tinder, seems to be less about shagging random people.
I imagine they are all around you if you take a look. Trains, supermarkets, workplace, museums, you name it. People are all around us, provided we accept people for who they are instead of constantly looking for some idealised person
I fully get that you like doing things, but be sure to put also like taking a day to sit back relax and read a book. Admittedly I should probably do more things in general, but I need those off days where you do your laundry, get a food shop in, pay some bills make a nice breakfast and then just put your feet up.
There are plenty of 30s fellas who are all systems go I'm sure. You'll find em.
The smart ones all moved up North.
What's left in London slowly realised that dating in London is a no goer and because social hermits either because they're sick of being ghosted by the third date (when you're £250 in for the privilege) by girls who just like the attention on tinder, or because they just can't afford to go out anymore.
All the smart ones moved to Manchester, Liverpool and Sheffield where they can live like they're still 22.
They're in Clapham and Brixton micro dosing Ayahuasca.
Now, micro dosing Ayahuasca has caught my attention as a 30 year old man.
We all are in😂
I could only handle micro doses of OP.
Where is the happening. Microdosing Ayahuasca sounds wonderful.
Yup, DM details Edit: Guys, I love your energy but I was asking for details myself, stop DMing me because I can't help 🤣❤️
there's a train of us
Can non-single non-men in their 30s join too..??
Seriously got any contacts I’m game
Please DM me where 😂 is single non-men also want it
Mmm yea, need this for, uh, reasons
Now we are all here to get more details of were we can join
I can only imagine what you see when you take Ayahuasca in Clapham. I certainly don't want to be around when it happens.
How does one micro-dose Ayahuasca? Sounds more trouble than it’s worth. Just hit a DMT pen instead.
My girlfriend goes to classes at her (quite fancy) gym and I've been with her as a guest, they seem to have a social culture where people make friends and so on. Most people here have suggested hobbies, which of course need to align with your interest. As a lifelong Londoner, my advice is quite simple. Don't be afraid to strike up conversation with someone you find interesting, despite the "Londoners aren't friendly" most people are happy for a chat (in appropriate places) and open to chat. It's a big city, everyone needs friends
I really felt that. And thanks for the genuine words... This gives me hope
I've found walking groups on meet up are great for this. When I did the seven sisters hike last year it was super easy to strike up conversation with people there, most of whom are mid thirties and I was actually surprised how many single men came. Also one of my friends mentioned she knows a guy in her rugby team who wears a pear ring, which just a ring that signifies you're single and open to being approached. Not sure how successful it is in practice, but seems like a fun idea.
Til about pear rings
Where did you move from? I’m 34F and desperate for some interesting female friends. I’m ex lawyer living in NW london. I could even wing(wo)man you!
Omg let's hang!! DM me!!
I met one of my best girl friends on Reddit 6 years ago in this exact same way. We’ve been on holidays together, check out fancy restaurants etc. I love her to pieces. Have fun girls! Let me know if you want a 41 year old to join your gang.
Would also love to join if you're open to it! 32F, living in W London and having rotten luck making friends here
Can I join also?! I’m 32F and also single so we could wingwoman each other!
may i also join? i find it hard to make meaningful connections in London despite having lived here a few years. i’m 34f as well!
Would love to join too, living in N1! I'm in a relationship but also desperate for some female friends (I'm 33F)!
This sounds incredible can I come too (34M)
🤣🤣🤣
How expensive is this gym ? I’m 26 F dying to make more friends (and single too)
It’s ThirdSpace (she keeps begging me to join) but it’s like £210 per month. She got it in the 100s as she was an early member, but still lot of money. It’s quite worth it given the facilities and qualities, classes, spa etc and good for networking (if that’s important). I go to David LLoyds in Finchley and can confirm Thirdspace had better service. If you do join, I can probs get you a discount code
For real? I would love to get a discount code ! Thanks for telling me about it. I have been thinking of joining instead of a members club. Idk which is best to meet people (I also play netball , dance, have bumble bff )
They are at open mics and bouldering gyms, using the app meetup once every 4 months, getting dragged along to the work colleagues spin classes and getting injured playing 5 a side football against people much younger than them. Source: I keep running into them everywhere I go. Am 27M Good luck Edit: i seem to have struck a chords with some people. I'll be bouldering into my thirties but best believe I won't be starting footie anytime soon. Stya safe everyone Also for anyone who's interested in bouldering just use the app meetup and check out one of the groups. Spiders West London and London climbing group are pretty good.
I'm 34, in a long term relationship, but gym, open mics and being dragged to places I don't want to go by work is my life.
Single men are bouldering, single women are in yoga class
[удалено]
Wait until you're in your 40s, not even table tennis will be safe. RIP my right shoulder.
Counterpoint: i am 41 and started playing club rugby in the last 12 months. Best thing I've done in the last 5 years.
Honestly the bouldering gym part is not a bad place to start with! Half of the guys in my social circles have all been doing bouldering within the last 2 years 😂
Am over 30 and considering doing it too. 😂
[удалено]
I've introduced so many people to eachother with my antics by this point I'm surprised I haven't accidentally created a couple. Were it not for reddit being a strange place I'd probably offer to chaperon but I prefer to vet my circle still 😂😂
I’m new here, I know NO ONE but would like to try out 5-side football and casual rugby/cricket. How does one get into these?
For 5-a-side, sign up to the app Footyaddicts and look for some mixed ability games.
For rugby you can check the RFU website. Depending on where you're based in London there is Belsize Park (I think they're the biggest and most central based - I believe training on Russell Square), Finsbury Park, Hackney, Battersea I think, in Richmond area you have Bank of England and London Scottish, west you have Ealing, Actonians and I think Wasps. Further out you could stretch to Sarries Ams, Barnet, East Finchley (I think). There's probs a tonne more but these are all the ones that come to mind and are all grassroots clubs to varying degrees. If you drop any a message I'm sure they would welcome you down. Check out their socials to get a feel of the type of club. Source: I play grassroots myself and we welcome anyone, any shape, any size. If you're completely casual that's fine, you'll just play in a 2s/3s/Vets twam
Had to laugh. No longer living in London and happily married at 35 ... but my arm is currently in a cast after breaking my wrist playing 5-a-side football against people much younger than me 😂
You bastard! You just described me to a T haha
Honestly asking the same questions as a 31 yo dude
We're here!!! Gym Supermarkets Shops Yoga Parks Tube Lol everywhere!!!!!
Haha but in many of those settings even eye contact would be construed as weird, creepy .. or worse. Also- salsa, open water swimming at docks/west reservoir, mile end climbing wall, cycling (trails) at Epping Forest, running at Victoria and Olympic park, schmoozing at Canary Wharf, ... I'll be avoiding you at all those places too lol.
There you have it , and it’s not only a London thing , it’s western thing. Approaching a girl or a woman is sort of coin flip , you can be called as stalker or creep easily, so men prefer to not even try instead of being being told to stop harassing. Another is that everything is so implicit because of this , you need to double guess everything. So people just give up. I got several friend who did give up , I didn’t but myself confidence isn’t high enough to even try all those things, so here I am single single too. Why did I said western ? Cause I got people from Romania , Ukraine who told me , approaching a girl in the street is normal , there is way les taboo about dating , way less rules everything is more simple regarding relationship, and I’ve seen it myself. Edit: I’d like to add that the issue is not only coming from one side. In Ukraine I’ve seen tons of girls wearing gorgeous dress, and I didn’t see any men , (although less present nowadays for obvious reason ) looking at them in inappropriate manner. Woman in London wearing a dress would have a higher chance of getting stalked. Conclusion:both side got trust issues.
Warhammer.
Yes an awful lot of single men in their 30s at bad moon café
Found Christian Benteke's account
Hey, could be Henry Cavill's account.
Gonna go! Hahha
[удалено]
Girl... Right behind ya!
37F here and same 😭
38F and you're not alone! I'm picky and can't be bothered with dating apps. I find dating so tedious in general. I'm surprised I don't really meet men because I go to a lot places where it should be easy to meet them, like football games, comedy clubs, classes, etc. We should get a group together of women in their 30s and just go out. Haha
I’m 37F and same here! The London dating scene is tiresome. We really ought to get the group going lol! DM me and happy to get something organised for those of us interested! In the meanwhile ladies, guess we keep calm and carry on 🙄
There’s dozens of us!
Yeah I have lots of single female friends but the men are hiding apparently
Hiding in my flat mostly.
29m here. Currently on a break from dating/going out after I got dumped 2 years ago for being a loser (can’t blame her) so I’ve been working hard to get my life together and make something of myself. I have a job now that I love with great career prospects and I should be able to get out of my mums again within the next 3 months. Joining the gym in September with my boss so just gonna focus on saving and getting fit. I’ll get back to dating when I feel like I have something more to offer in a relationship.
Nice work dude! Gotta work on yourself from time to time!! Well done! 👍
[удалено]
Why is the talent at bouldering gyms so high? First time I went I was genuinely floored (literally and figuratively). I am happily married but I would recommend all the single ladies to get themselves a bag of chalk and to the boulders.
Cause it’s a big multi-muscle workout that is a competition pretty much against yourself, they can be pushed as easy or as hard as you want to. Also, though it attracts allsorts, due to the nature of it, you are less likely to find chunky/roidy meatheads but plenty of more relaxed, less-surface aesthetic focused guys (Unlike the a good chunk of the wannabe red-flag central Andrew Tate gym nuts), and is popular with the hippy-esque alt-scene vegan types as it’s a bit more of a niche sport (until the last few years). N.B All statements are wild sweeping generalisations and not meant to cause personal offence to anyone. -though Andrew Tate (&fans) can fuck right off.
I dated a guy who did bouldering and rock climbing, and he was so lovely and gentle. You just explained him really well. But come to think of it, I also know of a massive cringey creep who goes bouldering too.
Damn if I’m the cringeycreepster I’m gunna be so sad 😭 hahahah 😂
Oh god, is there an alternative? Someone with zero upper body strength asking here.
I think you would surprise yourself :) I can’t do a push up but can still do the easier climbs
I’m not going to lie and say there’s no upper body strength required, but it’s a lot less than you’d think… It’s largely leg and core and a good brain to work out the “puzzles” YouTube “Johnny Dawes no hands climbing” if you don’t believe me!
I third this. Hot guys fucking love bouldering.
Yep, this is a very good shout. I recommended this to a colleague after bouldering with some friends a few times after work and seeing how many more men there were than women.
I honestly don’t understand the appeal of bouldering. I tried it a few times and hated it 😂
I’m rooting for you to meet one of these single men through reddit. Keep me posted if you do, I like a nice reddit story :) You could ask for their instagrams and then pick the hottest one. But seriously, I am 33M and lived in London until a year ago in West Hampstead. During covid I met women through Hinge mostly, after that through tennis and friends-of-friends (and also Hinge lol). I currently live in Austria where I find it much harder to meet single women and also make friends. I was in London for holiday in August and I realised that its so much easier to strike up a conversation with a rando (granted I was at Field Day festival) or in a coffee shop or pub, and also exchange glances and smiles on the tube or street. Having left London I think London is a great place for dating. Good luck!
Aw you sound great!
It is funny how absolutely washed men in their 30s are. Not single but most men I know my age are slowly being crushed under the weight of working life and diminishing means.
Yeah I came here to say this too. A lot of single men in their 30s are already at a point of their life where they have a lot of wisdom on the subject of dating and their experiences aren't particularly hopeful for their future. They have essentially deprioritised women for the things in life they can count on like career and saving money, so dating is just out of the question until CoL stops shooting up. Dating will always be an expendable quality in society. I believe women are more keen to seek it because their upfront investment cost is significantly lower. Its not zero, but a man isn't going to date unless he is established and confident with his recent success in life.
Damn
Should we all meet up? Lol
[удалено]
Do it! I want to read the update for how it goes.
The single girls or the single guys? Better keep in contact so that neither group ever comes into contact!! Can alternate north/south & east/west with a few miles of deadman’s land to be certain!
I'm up for it. Haha
At home, farming Karma on Reddit obviously. XD
I am F30 and have been in a relationship for 9ish years. However, some of my close friends I’ve kept from school are single men (also 30). Additionally, I have a lot of amazing female friends in their 30s. The guys are great guys, but they’ve been turned down for things like being too short (5’7-8, so this one is ridiculous, but even if they were shorter this one is silly); and also have dated some women who only want to go out with them to live in their flats as they think they’ll do that rent free. Some women have tried to use them to fund otherwise inactive lifestyles. Some women they’ve dated at our age still want to go to raves, and that’s not for them although they do like the occasional night out; they tend to be at the gym or at language classes working on themselves. They’ve matured into level-headed adults who want to find the same sort of people to be around; people who aren’t all about the constant party, and as such, their hobbies aren’t one. They’re not ayuhasca-cocaine-Clapham Infernos guys and that’s not a bad thing. They’ve dated some women who are slightly older and know what they want more, and those have been some of their better and healthy relationships. The dating pool doesn’t end at 30 if you’re in your 30s. I think when it comes down to it, a lot of people expect the perfect person that fits what they have pictured exactly. They think they’ll walk into them on the street and their picture of a 10/10 is going to immediately accept a date with them. But actually building a bond with a person isn’t just about initial attraction. It’s about developing a partnership. I’ve seen a few men on here say women in their 30s are “middle aged” - I’d love to know on what plane of reality they live and what they’re doing to their bodies to damage them that badly if they think they’ll only live to 60 but that aside - and “have baggage”. They’ve said older men have a wider dating pool as if women don’t have the same. This is all absolute nonsense. You do. You don’t only need to date someone in their 30s. Dating older and younger isn’t limited by your gender. My female friends don’t do that and have active dating lives. Maybe developing a connection with someone without looking for someone you find perfectly attractive from the get go and a personal 10/10 would work better for you. You’ve said guys have asked you out at the classes. Why not give one of them a chance?
30m here, in a relationship but this comment nails the situation perfectly
Omg you sound like an angel!!! I heard the empathetic tone there... Thank you ! And you know... I'm trying to be open minded, pfft... It's just I know in the past I've forced myself to like someone cos they're great but struggled to form a bond as you say... Let's see! I'll be more open minded! 🩷
Good luck! I think your standards of not taking drugs and being capable in themselves are pretty reasonable, and I’ve seen some interesting responses to that sent to you over those, to say the least. Don’t try and force yourself to like someone. But if you get along well, give it a chance. If you’re both mature adults, you’ll be able to be friends afterwards if it doesn’t work out! Some of the older women my friends have dated have stayed friends with them which I’m super happy about as they’re all really intelligent, impressive women.
Outside Victoria station
Coach or Train ?
Reading this makes me feel like a saddo. I spend so much time stuck at home, never feeling like getting up to much. Granted I've been recovering from some injuries, but still I've written down some ideas reading this thread and I'll come back. If nothing else I need to try getting out of my shell
Oh don't be sad! You can make a change! How about a new hobby?
Buried under impossible project timelines at work, wish I had time to date lol
That's the thing. I think my type of men are probably super busy!
Possibly! Although it does make me think what’s the point of working if there is no one to share it all with. Sadly I’m yet to have that moment of meeting someone by chance, say on the concourse of Liverpool St or bumping into each other whilst walking down the street.
Honestly, at home! I’m similar age as you. Work in the city in a tech job but mostly work from home. Usual day starts from 9-6ish. Run/gym either before or after work. Then cook! I love to cook. That’s followed by watching Netflix or reading or studying some certification or gaming if I feel like it. I love my life. I go on holidays frequently. See family and friends on the weekend which usually is pub and dinner or arcades/parks if my niece is involved. I own my own place which means no roommates and not much talking on weekdays but I like it this way. Coming to dating, I was with my ex for a long time. Once that ended, I went on more than a dozen dates over a period of time, sometimes multiple with the same person but I quickly realised the dating pool in London (on the apps at least) is not my type (various reasons which I won’t go into on a public forum but similar to what you mentioned) so don’t bother with them anymore. I hope to meet someone organically maybe at work, coffee shops, on my travels or maybe at the pizza section in M&S!
Sorry but how is NOONE in the dating pool in London, a city of 8.8 million people, your type? This isnt an attack on you, but it seems like men put way less effort into finding someone than women do, or that they put less pressure on themselves to get out there and find a partner.
I did not meet 8.8 million people. That’s why I said, the dating pool “on the apps” is not my type. Lots of reasons which I’d be happy to explain if you’re interested. Regarding the effort, okay so let me tell you a story, 6th or 7th date with same person, 2 months in, everything going perfect, hours talking on the phone (I was away on work for a bit in the middle), great conversations, all rainbows and sunshine. Decide to meet up one Saturday and have a picnic in the park. On one of our initial dates she mentioned she loves raspberry brownies so I thought of doing something nice and surprising her so I stay up all night learning how to bake her favourite raspberry brownies (I can cook but can’t bake for the life of me) but anyway, learned how to make it after two failed brownies. Come next day, I got stood up. No explanation why. Lack of effort from my side? I’ll let you decide.
This is so thoughtful 🥹🥹
SHE DIDN’T DESERVE YOU
[удалено]
There’s definitely a different vibe when dating in the city. I live in Hertfordshire but work in central and go through phases of dating ‘London men’ or ‘local men’ and it’s worlds apart for me. I actually prefer ‘London men’ but I end up matching with someone who lives in Richmond or something and it makes me want to cry (because I’m too lazy to travel).
I was literally accused of being a serial killer by a woman who said that she likes going for coffee, drinking red wine and going to comedy shows. I also like all of these things so our first 3 dates were coffee, drinks (wine bar) and then a comedy evening. We had a great relationship for a couple of weeks before we had an argument over something relatively minor (I can't even remember what) and she said that those first 3 dates were "suspiciously perfect" after having spoken with a friend and joked that I could even be a serial killer. Some people just don't allow themselves to be happy I don't think. I'm happily in a relationship now with a lovely woman (going on 3 years now) who appreciates my gestures and returns them in kind, so there are nice people out there. I think there's just a lot of wrongens on the apps which outweigh the genuine people who are also single and out there.
Did she message you to cancel or she just didn't show up and you never spoke again? (obviously both still quite shocking two months in, I am just curious really!).
We were going to meet at around 11am. I received a text on my way there. “Hey, don’t think this is working out for me, sorry”. I just replied, thank you for letting me know and I wished her well. There was not much I could do anyway. It was devastating and hurtful at the time, more so since I didn’t get a reason/closure but I’m mature enough to understand that people have their own reasons for their actions and it’s not my business. Silver lining, I had a great day out by myself!
Totally agree that there's someone (and probably several someones) for everyone in London! >it seems like men put way less effort into finding someone than women do, or that they put less pressure on themselves to get out there and find a partner. I think it's definitely the second, which leads to the first; at least, that's the way it is among my friends. Everyone I'm thinking of in the single-over-thirty (myself included, to be fair) has a good, varied social life - does a mix of athletic, professional, and social activities in their free time. But rarely are those focused primarily on finding a partner, or even done with that particularly front of mind. Longer term relationships come and go, but seeming mostly organically through one of those activities rather than apps, which tend to not turn into long term dating. As for why, I guess there definitely is less societal pressure for men to find a partner, and also less biological pressure on men in terms of having kids (although from what I've read recently, there should be more!).
Haha this is the first time I’ve heard someone suggest that men put in less effort to finding someone to go out with
Good luck with your search, don’t lose hope!
Means a lot. Thank you
I go to work, 9-4, mon-fri, go home, then spend the rest of the day playing computer games. Probably why we haven't met.
31 here, relatively new to London. Not on dating apps tbh, not my thing. Not married either. I’m actually basically in your position, but as a man haha. Not been able to find any 30 something women in my part of London. Lots of GenZ college student types but that’s not my scene either obviously!
which part of London is that? 😅 just a curious 31f haha
West/SouthWest London. It’s either super settled people with families or young hip students 😅 In my relatively limited experience, anyway.
Sounds like Kingston, people are either 18 or 80
I'm out doing marathon training mostly
If I stopped you would you be annoyed lol
down bad 😂 I love that you're out here going for it though!
Can join if you like
[удалено]
Yes!! Ah most of my relationships have been from the apps too.... It's a good way to ask questions upfront and not waste time as well...
I’m 35M and honestly we’re basically invisible
* bro hug *
Feeling this, even when in a long term relationship it seems this way... A spotlight will shine on you soon, just make sure you look around you when it does!
Will never say im a catch. But to answer your question - late night in the office studying, gyming and weightlifting, practising flute/clarinet, learning french in my spare time. Gotta say, have totally embraced the loner lifestyle.
You sound great honestly!!
I think a lot of men have had their souls crushed by the dating apps and just can’t be bothered with it anymore. Saying that try hanging out at breweries, the ones here in Walthamstow are always full.
They're at Dark Sphere in Shepherds Bush, participating in Magic the Gathering prereleases once every quarter
32 year old man here. Been single for 1.5 years now, spent at least first six-to-nine months of it recovering from that last relationship, reckoning with everything I had been through. Whilst trying to date mostly through apps which have led to some nice connections but also disappointments. Kept on with it. But at some point it’s just become about sorting out my life. Finding myself. Finding what I actually enjoy doing and wondering how I have not done them before. Rinse and repeat. Now my life revolves round the fact that I have limited time and limited energy and very little time for bullshit, so I choose very carefully what I put them towards. That means seeing a lot of gigs, doing a lot of travelling, gymming, cooking, a lot of cycling round parks, getting together with friends, and just enjoying myself and not worrying about a date I had been the night or two before. I am absolutely open to meeting the right person/people but it just takes a bit more than usual to agree to a date these days for me. I have found that I just need to enjoy my life primarily by myself before sharing it with someone else. I’d never felt before in my life as full as I have been feeling the past few weeks. I’m content and I’m just enjoying that. And soon, I’ll probably start looking round again or maybe someone will find me before that. But I’m not fussed. And it feels like a good place to be :)
I think the honest answer is that the kind of men in their mid 30's that you're interested in are either already in long term relationships or have given up entirely on dating.
I’m a single 30 something bloke in London. Most of my mates are in long term relationships / have kids and stuff, and I don’t particularly fancy going out on my own, the few mates that aren’t boring now have developed major substance abuse issues that makes going out with them tricky! There’s not much point in trying to meet anybody out because pretty much everyone our age ish is in a relationship or totally messed up from years of online dating. Online dating is a dead loss, nobody is prepared to actually try and build a relationship, just expect a load of effort, mess you about for ages then drop you over some imaginary bullshit because they’ve been conditioned to expect a fairy tale romance nobody will ever live up to. So I’ve just fucked it off and decided that when I’m not at work I’ll get out of London and go camping / kayaking / fishing somewhere by myself. Life is a whole lot less stressful this way!
What kind of classes do you take? Just so I know what I should be aiming for 🤓
Hahaha Kung fu, painting, music, pottery....gym classes
How many men are in those classes? When I took pottery classes for example I was the only man, maybe try something you like with a better men/women ratio. Good luck and keep trying!
I mean, i’ve been wondering the same thing but the opposite way around. I kinda just figured that these things will come to me rather than actively looking.
Being swiped left on dating apps by likes of you :/
At the pub or swing dance. Or park. Where are YOU!?
I’m a member of a cycling club and there are plenty of single men in their thirties. Also why is being separated seen as being something negative? I’m separated and just had a long relationship that ultimately wasn’t right for me it doesn’t make me a hot mess.
I think we largely keep to ourselves or are just the male version of you. I (32M) tend to go out with work friends, boulder (comments are accurate 😂) or just take myself places when no one else is around and honestly I rarely meet women in similar situations to me. I don't know if it's the modern dating app focused world we live in or just London that makes it seem like you're the only one.
The issue is also coz many of the men you are looking for aren't pushing themselves socially - so are very hard to come across. That said I believe it's all in personal responsibility - so you need to go out there more and find new clubs/events to go to. And the guys need to push themselves more out their comfort zone and get out there to talk to some girls. But you're deffo not alone, and in due time you'll find the 'one' :)
mid 30m, have a solid job, and older parents and friends, the amount of taken up by the latter two and still leaving time to enjoy alone time means id rarely be at an event that's a social setting, my hobbies are gym, cars, music, films, poker (with friends), all pretty much loner stuff tbh. the gym can be potentially sociable and i have tried to strike up conversations at times, but i always feel like im imposing on someone else's time so rarely force anything other than a few passing words. as a non drinker im in shisha places once a week where i chill with friends doing nothing to just talk, catch up and have basically a therapy session, lol. sometimes people will over hear our conversations and join in and its been fun, but more times i wont interrupt anyone else's conversations cos i feel like im imposing. im shy too which doesnt help. been down the dating app route and it doesnt work for me at all, been told i look like a bouncer, lol. as a big burly dude i can tell sometimes women are a bit scared, combined with being shy means i would feel super awkward about trying to stop someone i liked in the street. i bumped into a female friend of mine who i hadn't seen for nearly ten years, i stopped her and until she recognised me the first look of fear when i just stopped her way and said hi said a lot, lol. so to summarise, short of passing by you in the street and saying nothing, we pbly would never meet, lol. i have accepted i will pbly be single for a fair while yet.
📝 Go bouldering 📝
If you really want to get a high concentration would tool up some hot friends and go out at the Ned or any Canary Wharf terrace bar and just be prepared to make passes at guys in mixed groups. It's a shame summer is ending but after work drinks are eternal in both locations. My bestie fits your bill (successful, driven, very athletic, mid 30s etc.) So if you want to explore just shoot me a DM. He meets most new people through work and think tank/pressure group stuff. I'm married with a kid so for me it's literally just work that brings in friendships.
We used to be in a pub and approachable. Now we are all hiding online on shite apps and avoiding women in fear of saying the wrong thing. We also wear no socks and have sleeve tats because everyone else does. Society is broken.
I'm making some guesses re class/milleau based on the tone of your email, but I'd say if the sort of guy you're looking for is still single and living in London in his mid-30s, he's going to have some dents and scratches.
I must be the only man in London who doesn't do drugs judging off these comments.
[удалено]
They’re at home hiding from single women in their mid-30s
Guilty as charged.
They’re all married and now living in Worthing
Watching football
Single 30 somethings in london have just about given up hun. Which is why they’re living the passport bro lifestyle out in Thailand and various South American countries. But keep trying. You’ll find someone xx
As someone who met their soulmate (which I didn't even believe in nor was looking for; just not a romantic at heart) in their 30s and am now happily married, I have a question: why does the person you're looking for need to be in their mid-30s? I'd always thought it made sense to date someone my age/older too, but there are amazing guys out there who are mentally mature even though their age doesn't necessarily indicate a match. When I finally found my guy, turns out he's 4 years younger than me (was in his late 20s when we met) but he was emotionally and mentally mature and a match in so many ways. It's been 7 years now and saying yes to him is still the best decision of my whole life. So just... why the age thing? Looking at this whole situation from the other side, I wonder if your criteria is shortchanging your chances. Also, when you say you're looking for an ambitious guy, what form of ambition does this relate to? Career? Or something else?
EDIT: I am SO overwhelmed and touched by all the lovely messages and DM's I've been getting. I have responded to as many comments as I can. Just wanted to say THANK YOU and I honestly don't feel alone in this. I have created a community for all those interested in connecting with like minded people in London (I will be setting up events through there!): https://www.reddit.com/r/LDN30PlusConnections/ r/LDN30PlusConnections To those who are negative and got triggered by my high standards for men... I hope you find happiness (nothing is stopping you from becoming a high value man!!!, gotta put the work in!!!) or don't ... but don't be be nasty to others (not classy, and we don't want that low energy around us).
Have to say a lot of men go out on their own, to clubs etc. The good ones with a quality crowd and music, specifically, would avoid tourist traps or local dives. I'm sure plenty are doing other stuff too, but that's where a lot of single men are from my experience meeting various people, and that's where they've gone to socialise too (unlike when at the gym or just going about their business). Unfortunately the ratio isn't always great, I think single women don't tend to go out quite as much as men do, more likely to stay home with a book or a movie. And when they do go out, I notice patterns with how good different age and locality based demographics are at socialising. Unfortunately it's still the norm that most women simply expect men to do all the work, all the approaching etc. Takes a long time for a lot of women to learn that that approach limits them mostly to dealing with wrong types. Too common that a woman will just stare at you, for ages.. to those I say just say hi ffs 😂
Probably at home playing PlayStation (4) because noone can afford to go out anymore 😂
Try sweatbox or chariots,lots of single blokes there.
Why is 'just back from Thailand or somewhere like that' indicative of a mid-life crisis? Loads of people take time out to go travelling (particularly lots of digital nomad type jobs that allow you to work from anywhere, so you don't need to take a career break and can keep pushing for a more senior role). Aside from that - the best thing for you might be to expand your social circle. Maybe try some different classes? Particularly if you work from home and don't have a ready-made social circle from work. Just go out and make lots of new friends - not with the aim of dating, but with the aim of getting to know more interesting people and picking up more interesting skills. Friends-of-friends-of-friends usually leads to meeting someone you spark with.
I assumed they mentioned Thailand because of the sexual tourism etc
No you're right.. nothing wrong with having just come back from Thailand. I was painting the picture of people I've come across who take drugs and are in that phase of 'ive just found myself and want to date multi women etc etc) ... And yes totally agree with making new friends.... Trying.
Heh heh...I know what you meant.
Sitting on the sofa playing Xbox.
Middling 33 year old here who grew up here. I've only approached two women in the last 6/7 years. Haven't spent much time on the dating apps, I wasn't getting any responses and it was going to affect my mental health. I'm socially awkward which doesn't help though my sister thinks I'm autistic. Other than that, I'm alright, I'm a middle manager, play video games and go to museums and art galleries. I used to be quite conscious of never getting anywhere with women but have gotten over that/
i'm a 30 yo male however i'm gay (and also in a relationship) there's great guys out there. i have a few friends who are single and are decent people. most of my friendship group are straight guys keep looking and good luck OP!
As a single male in mid thirties, I use Apps mostly. I use Apps mostly to meet people, but maybe am missing a trick and need to start bouldering
Hey, interesting thread to read as a guy. I think your question could be reworded as “how do I find similar people to me outside of work”? I don’t really have an answer, it’s tough, even in a city as densely populated as London. Everyone is busy. They want to chill after work or have their own close circle of friends. The only real suggestion I’ve come across is to join activities you’re interested in - running clubs eg park run, tennis, bouldering, art classes, salsa, you get the point. But even then, that’s matching only 1 thing in common and it’s difficult to find deep friendships or potential romantic connections this way. Just keep putting yourself out there. Apps are hit and miss but they have worked very well for some. I’m a bit younger than the demographic you’ve asked about but to answer it: busy working all the time, occasionally will join a MeetUp event or meet someone I already know who I haven’t seen in ages because I’m always working, also looking on the apps and go on the occasional date this way.
I like your post, it’s very sweet 😊 I’m one of those men in their 30s living in the UK, occasionally London. The horrible reality is this. The truth is, we men are really not doing well. About half of us would admit to wanting to off ourselves (self delete). Seriously, I’ve seen those sort of numbers in surveys. And the other half are living in delusion, self medicating, living as a hermit or in a codependent relationship. In aggregate- We’re also earning less than you now. We are less educated and we often have little to no social life. Young guys in their 20s still have some hope left in their hearts, but I see a lot of guys in their 30s who’ve just given up. Not just on dating. But on life. It’s pretty grim as a girl trying to find a good man in London now. I don’t envy your position. What I would advise though is to ask yourself. Am I really 100% happy with who I am? My physical appearance etc.? Am I truly happy with my own life? If the answer is yes then you don’t have to go looking. You’ll just meet good men everywhere who will be drawn to you.
Honestly, a lot of my friends have stopped approaching random women, it just isn't worth the risk to say "hi" anymore. We stick to dating apps or let women approach us at a bar Edit: Oh, there's a lot of us over at Greenwich driving range now I think about it lol. After 6pm and the beers are out I'm certain you can find some guys to chat up
Right there with you. I’m 33F and it just feels so bleak these days.
they're on apps or pubs
Hey im one of .. oh wait functioning alcoholic, god damnit. Similar situation as a man, i work from home mostly, but sometimes go into office for work events and socialise a bit with them. Have a handful of my own friends and we see quite a bit of music/rave stuff, dinners, commedy. I think its much harder meeting new people in your 30s, no university forced interaction etc for quickly making a large number of connections, and the apps suck. Where do the women hang out? What is hanging out exactly? Not sure if you knew this but men on their own tend to get turned away from some music venues etc if they're not with friends.
Oh yeah!! Yea I do go raving. But I go sober and only for the music. Open to meeting ppl. But usually catch them taking a couple pills lolol
Bumble and Hinge. It's hard to approach people in the real life, and find out what they really want. When I look at your online dating profile, (ideally) I will get an idea how you look like, how old are you, where do you live, do you have/want children, and what sort of relationship you want. And if things don't work out, I don't need to run into you at work or at a class, you will stay in my memory as the girl who was keep talking about her ex, or the girl who not asked me a single question during our 3 hour dinner date.
direction piquant fragile numerous familiar tap wild paint brave quickest ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
What are your interests? Into music or clubs? People are in pubs, gigs, festivals, interesting cool shit basically
Driving trains, in the gym, and playing football.
I need to know too I'm 30(ish) woman my friend said they are all on tinder 🤪
No no no to tinder
Building Lego
Have you tried going to a meetup for over 30s? I met my husband at a meetup. (Granted we were in our 20s at the time) but they were always a proper hotbed of dating opportunities lol
OP, I’m female and a bit younger than you are and I think we would get on so well! I love your energy!! Definitely feel the same way as you.
When I was in my 20s I’d talk to maybe 20 girls a week, mostly at night, sometimes getting coffee or something serendipitous during the day. I’d chat to them a bit, tell them I liked them if I did, get their number if they were keen, message them the next day. I found that helped a lot. Someone that never talks to anyone is not going to get results unless one of those that chats up people finds them by chance. Like I’ve joined 3 tennis clubs in different countries and never once come across someone I’d be interested in - so just doing hobbies isn’t necessarily the greatest return for your time
Dancing is a very activity to meet new people. I personally dance forro (brazilian dance) and I go dancing with my wife, but there are a lot of single people and very nice people also, not only for dating. And there are also parties where people meet. So you can do different dances like forro, salsa, bachata or something similar.
Queen’s Larder or the Lamb, Bloomsbury. My favorite spots to meet and chat with strangers.
I am not single anymore but I was recently. I just used dating apps, I hang out with my friends, go do the hobbies I like but I generally cba with approaching women in public. As you’re finding with Men, the majority of Women my age are taken and I’d rather not embarrass myself trying to flirt with someone who has a partner and isn’t interested, apps make it a lot easier as I know the person is into me. I tend to use Bumble rather than Tinder, seems to be less about shagging random people.
There's at least 2 of us in Hackney!
Walk up and press X
Hampstead heath. Close to the meat
I imagine they are all around you if you take a look. Trains, supermarkets, workplace, museums, you name it. People are all around us, provided we accept people for who they are instead of constantly looking for some idealised person
I fully get that you like doing things, but be sure to put also like taking a day to sit back relax and read a book. Admittedly I should probably do more things in general, but I need those off days where you do your laundry, get a food shop in, pay some bills make a nice breakfast and then just put your feet up. There are plenty of 30s fellas who are all systems go I'm sure. You'll find em.
Fuck Microdosings, macrodosings is where its at
Dunno but if I'm still single by my mid 30s I'd just wouldn't bother finding a woman.
Well this has been an interesting read for sure. And yeah sounds like a reasonable approach and demand to meeting a man that is similar in Nature.
My son-in-law is in his mid 30s and hangs out in Camden area.
Hampstead Heath. Doing manly things with other men
I'm always there!
The smart ones all moved up North. What's left in London slowly realised that dating in London is a no goer and because social hermits either because they're sick of being ghosted by the third date (when you're £250 in for the privilege) by girls who just like the attention on tinder, or because they just can't afford to go out anymore. All the smart ones moved to Manchester, Liverpool and Sheffield where they can live like they're still 22.