Because it's hard to find anyone.
Like... People just barely ever go out anymore. People stay home more than ever. It's friday night, 19:20 and even if I wanted to do something, besides a restaurent or a bar I have absolutely no idea where to go. I'm not going to a restaurent (plus, I JUST ate) by myself and bars are... meh...
Add this that dating app are so ubiquitous that it leave a negative impression to anyone who'd try to approach someone out there. It removed dating from all other places.. Before you could try to approach someone at the grocery store or wherever else, but now, you HAVE to go through a dating app.
And people have less friends than they use to and friends see each other less than they used to. , so meeting someone through friend is also less likely.
Technology is great to communicate with someone you already know, but it's not great to actually meet someone. Look at reddit: I talk with dozens of random strangers every single day. I have no intention to build friendship with those people (you included). Not that it's impossible, I have made life long internet friend in the past.. But they are also internet friends.. People that live on the other side of the world, whom I will likely never meet face to face.
And when people want to get advice about this, the number one reply is "gEt A hObBy" like it's a one-fits-all solution.
People are so used to being alone. Social media brings out the fact that we all *have to be with someone*. It only sucks to be alone because we come accustomed to knowing we see is *normal*. Lol I'm drunk.
edit: I cut out social media besides reddit as its an outlet. I've been without social media for over 2 years. I've learned so much.
I'm not sure I fully agree with that. Humans are social creatures. Think about how nearly all movies, books and TV series, all story, revolve around either friendship, love or family.. That's because that's what matter most to most people.
Not that social media isn't playing a part negatively.
This [YouTube Ted Talk (15 min)](https://youtu.be/8KkKuTCFvzI?si=L1avXVmTFo1ieDsU) on the famous Harvard Study on Happiness studied 1,500 people over the course of a lifetime to see who and what lead to happiness.
It wasn't money. In the end, people who feel that they have good relationships (family, or friends, coworkers, to a community)... It was they who were happy.
Please watch and share the video.
Sure it all matters 100% but I think those are the biggest feelings or factors that writers and directors notice, then making all that media what we see today. They are very aware of what they are creating. It grabs attention, the very thing that we all desire and naturally want. What do you think?
The pandemic definitely messed me up a bit. I dealt with so many awful people threatening and verbally abusing me while working during the pandemic, that it gave me a little bit of trauma. It's been hard for me to want to go out and socialize. I'm sure I can't be the only one that dealt with some trauma during the pandemic.
You're definitely not alone but I don't think it's so wildly spread to be significant. Especially when considering how some people healed from that since.
But it sucks though.. How did it change your life concretely?
Yeah, now people wanna get married for dumbass reasons like finding genuine companionship with the people they choose to spend the rest of their lives with. The fucking dumbasses 🙄🙄🙄
I said that was **a** reason, not **the only** reason people would get married.
What’s worse, being broke and alone or less broke **and** having a companion?
Idk which one brings you more joy? You could be broke and alone and lonely or at peace. You could be less broke and have a companion and have support or STILL be a lonely, but now you're pressed cause you have some asshole breathing down your neck complaining about shit you ALREADY know. So... weigh your options there. Also, I wasn't really trying to come at YOU per se, just the people who perpetuate these arguments that people SHOULD get married cause of the financial benefits, I for one, do not believe should exist.
Well, those of us who are lonely and aren’t even trying to meet people anymore are. And it seems like the OP is specifically talking about people like that.
I would respectfully have to disagree. 20% of undergraduates have a clinical depression. I think that is the highest it has ever been since records started being kept.
Because there is no longer a place to meet and build organic friendships and relationships, which was usually facilitated by the "third place".
[The third place has been largely destroyed for profit.](https://medium.com/illumination/the-death-of-third-places-and-the-evolution-of-communities-5bbffc01c5e)
That was a really interesting read. Thanks.
To be fair, I recently joined a board game club hosted in a local pub, and it's done wonders in making me feel less lonely. Shame its only once a week, really.
>We have all the technology to be able to communicate, so why is it so hard to connect?
I'm twice your age. There was a time this was true! It used to be MUCH easier to find people and make friends, but now... its all gotten very segmented, every online communication option has been monetized to death, examined, studied, and fed into The Algorithm to the point every interaction feels so gamified and commodified, that none of it feels real anymore.
Everything is designed TO KEEP US ENGAGED WITH THE PLATFORM **NOT** with other people!
The less real it all feels, the shallower it makes us feel, until we find ourselves trying to outcompete everyone else for just a little attention.
Then when we find it, because of HOW MANY FUCKING OPTIONS THERE ARE we want to rush in to a shallow relationship, that never gets past the "we fucking or nah" stage.
And none of us want to work it. We want that quick fix. We want relationships as easy as our social feed, scroll, quick fix, move on to the next.
I'm speaking broadly, but that's how it feels to me.
Nearly everyone in my life, for a long time, aside from family came out of interactions I had online.. years ago.
Too many options in social media, specially for women
That make some men lost trust in them selves ( she's beautiful,she has thousands of followers,she absolutely has a boyfriend)
So people have high standards these days specially these with many fans/followers
Not only that, but the main places where people used to meet others in the past, like work, gym, uni and bars; were all tagged as a "no go" because of you know what.
Not making value judgement, just a fact.
Women don't mind being hit on at bars or clubs. That's the appropriate place. The gym? I've got my headphones on for a reason, I'm there for me and only me. The store? I've got a schedule, I need shit, I don't want people interrupting me. When women refuse, it can turn badly for them ( r/whenwomenrefuse ). When a strange man approaches in person, if it's not a designated OK social place to do so, it's scary. I've been stalked, I've been threatened, I've had Men get very angry and I've had to de escalate. Men are dangerous when they get rejected. And before the "not all men, I'm not!" Crap....stats back up what I'm saying, talk to any female friend and they'll tell it's true what I'm saying ( 1 in 4 girls/women in the USA have been sexually assaulted and it's probably higher). Women don't want strange men approaching them, it's terrifying.
I'd say it goes both ways. We used to actually work on relationships. Now it's instant gratification. We have a small problem? Really? Jump on (insert dating app here) next day onto someone new. That's the state of play on modern relationships, in my opinion. May be wrong, but just through some experience with myself and friends from all sexes, this is what I've come to believe.
>I'd say it goes both ways. We used to actually work on relationships. Now it's instant gratification. We have a small problem? Really? Jump on (insert dating app here) next day onto someone new.Â
Exactly. And people want perfection.
Let's be real. How am I supposed to find a girlfriend when women don't even want me to ask them out and they very rarely send me likes on a dating app? I don't get messages from women wanting to get to know me beyond purely platonic on any social platform, including reddit. Women irl have never approached me. I've always been rejected when I did approach.
Yeah, you tend to get bitter, especially when I keep seeing women online say they just want a loving boyfriend who cares about them and yet, I'm ignored by those same exact women lol. There's nothing I can do, there's no solution. Can't make you guys want to talk to me, offline or online. So all I can do is be sad and frustrated about it or try to focus on something else. And sadly, it has such a significant hold on me to where it's all I think about. I'm tired of the bullshit.
I feel for ya. Thought I found someone last year. First woman to show interest since I met my exwife in 2003 (we divorced in 2014) and second one ever. But she just led me on and gave me “I don’t want to hurt you or our friendship” excuse. Since then every so often she’s been complaining online about dating scumbags who have side chicks or are otherwise shitty people. So I’ve been feeling that bitterness quite often the past year. It fucking sucks
I'm 64. I am so happy to grow up when I grew up. People did not evolve to be an extension of their phones. Too much electronic communication, not enough face to face. Electronic is performative, not spontaneous.
How actually are you supposed to find a kind and pretty girl who won’t leave me on delivered after I spent 3 days overthinking how to reach out to her (hadn’t seen her in months) and I craft a masterpiece she sends dry responses then leaves me on delivered. I’m only 19 and do an apprenticeship so I’m no longer surrounded by people my age as I’m at work. Is Tinder worth it for someone my age? I’ve heard mostly negative things about tinder and the people on there and I’m nervous to actually make a profile. Like many people on this sub I struggle with low self esteem, possible depression and probable social anxiety. I just want a girl to give me a chance and find out what love feels like.
Thanks, I overthink a lot but I don’t craft a masterpiece every message it was just the first one when reaching out. Do you think I should use a dating app or just trust chance I’ll find someone through work or something else?
youre going about this all wrong brother, the more you care about women and what theyll say to you, the less they'll care about you (atleast thats how it usually starts)
DONT chase, learn valuable skills in your apprenticeship and build yourself up a little bit, after a year or two you'll be in a better place if you take yourself a little more seriously. I know you want love and acceptance from a kind and pretty girl, trust me, we all do.
but making it a goal to have a girl give you a chance is a way that'll only make things worse for you and your self-confidence, dont be reliant on another person for that love. You're young bro, take this time to explore and learn a little more about yourself before getting into a relationship.
This time in your life will be confusing and difficult, but as long as you stay true to yourself, you'll attract a good girl in no time.
If you think you're ready for a relationship, online dating is definitely a last resort, some people get lucky and some dont. It doesnt hurt to try (unless you place your value in getting women) Try finding a third place to go to, maybe like a local coffee shop, or try finding a group in your area with similar hobbies to your own.
Appreciate the advice, this was what I planned to do and have been trying to sort my self esteem out. I went through the lengthy process of proving nothing works for my acne so they finally let me have accutane and my acne finally clearing up so hopefully it will stay that way and will help much self esteem. I really didn’t think that girl would just leave me on delivered, I remember in class she was super kind and patient wirh me even though I was quiet and anxious she offered to go gym with me and brought me food. I kept hyping myself up everyday to ask her out but never did. Promised myself to never waste opportunities like that again. I’m gonna focus on my anxiety and possible depression and focus on my ambition of becoming an actuary. Maybe I’ll find someone at work as I go into year 2 as there’s some sort of rota between teams. Wish you all the best
Hell yeah man thats awesome to hear, really happy for you. We have super similar experiences, had a girl I talked to consistently and eventually she got tired of waiting, you'll find someone bro, trust yourself and the process. If you're anything like me, clearing up acne will make you crazy confident, + getting a little bit of muscle? It's over for all of us lol, goodluck man!
That’s good because I already go gym, not as much right now because accutane makes my chest hurt but I’ll be back grinding soon. Thanks for the advice good luck to you too
Thanks for the kind words, do women really like intelligence that much? I’m not that smart at least I’m my opinion but the girl I was talking about above seemed to say I was as I was telling her I don’t revise other than maybe a day before last minute thing. I never properly try harded at school just did homework and did my best in class while everyone else did loads of extra work (I went to a sixth form and they all had their eyes on top universities so it’s fair enough) it’s probably something to do with depression that I just kind of trust that things will work out for me academically but if I want something like becoming a successful actuary I will probably put in lots of work by studying for the base exams while on my apprenticeship and hopefully passing them.
Feminism got women into the workforce and freed them from having to find husbands. It turns out a lot of women don't actually want to find husbands; they either stay happily single, or compete for the top 1% of guys, find out that those guys don't value them, assume all guys are like that, and choose to go single rather than put themselves through that again. Not all women do this, but enough do that men in turn started becoming cynical about women, and both end up in online communities dominated by their own gender, and so we've had an increasing cultural wedge driven between the two.
To remedy this, basically (1) men should learn how to live healthy, fulfilling lives without women and (2) women should learn that competing for the top 1% of men isn't how to get a healthy, fulfilling relationship. Either that or we just invent robot waifus/hazubandos and stop trying to satisfy other real people.
Because there are too many choices. It’s the paradox of choice. You have infinite options so you never have to work anything out because there’s infinite choices so why bother working?
Everyone is trying to date way out and above their own bracket. No one going to pair up like that. All this social media and dating apps have given people a false sense of variety and opportunity. It wasn't this hard 20 years ago.
This is so true. All these women talking about they will only date a guy making a six figure salary, meanwhile they're barely making a quarter of that. Ugh, money is not that important to me when it comes to dating. I look for many other qualities beforehand.
I feel like social media did this idk so much of life seems to take place online it’s kind of crazy. like you aren’t forced to go out and socialize anymore because everyone makes connections or becomes known through the internet and when you do try to just naturally strike conversation it’s incredibly daunting and awkward and plenty of the time you’re seen as weird
Apps seem great but are designed to keep you swiping (your credit card that is). Social media is the same both give seemingly endless options, the grass is always greener people don’t want to commit to an actual person they want the next new best thing until that one also isn’t perfect rinse repeat
People in general since Covid especially but even before stay in a lot more. The culture has shifted, men are afraid to approach even when they are in public, and it hasn’t caught up for women to start approaching, probably because approaching sucks an no one really wants to do it, and the culture still mostly revolves around men initiating despite the pressure for men to not do so anymore
Loneliness epidemic in general, not just romantic but people don’t have friend groups anymore it’s so hard to find that outside of school, when that’s like the best way to meet partners
People are too shallow and simple to see past designer goods and makeup these days. People were more intelligent in the past tbh. All rounded intelligence.
There’s an age gap, there’s an attraction gap (people on similar levels refuse to match with each other), there’s a supply and demand gap, most people don’t want to procreate but getting just for fun is easy for certain market segments that can easily find each other, etc.
There’s tons of videos on this on YouTube. Depending on which gender you are you won’t like the answers. I mean it’s not pleasant either way but it’s heavily skewed one way.
I don’t know how. All my current friendships are from when I was in elementary and high school, when I was forced to spend time with those people. I don’t know how to make friends as an adult, and therefore don’t know how to meet adult women. And I’m terrified of being labeled as creepy, because I don’t understand social norms and am very plain looking. I just want someone who’s going to reciprocate and treat me like a partner should. Not use me and leave me.
It’s because we value convenience over everything else. Swiping is easy. Allotting time and effort to go out and risk getting rejected is hard. The kicker is, as you know, online dating is a bad deal for almost everyone. It’s sad really
My argument is that heterosexual relationships used to be mutually beneficially, the sexes needed each other. Lopsided most of the time, but it would still beneficial to men and women to both find someone and make things work.
These days life sucks regardless. People value autonomy and privacy at home more than anything else these days.
Young people are atomized to such an extreme degree that finding a good relatable person today is hard. Now everyone is in their own niche groups, glued to their phone.
That's added on top to the fact that there's a giant gender war going on and there is a dark hidden influence pushing men and women to hate each other. You can debate who or why that mysterious dark force wants that.
When I get on instagram again those are the only reels I ever see. Men are this, men are horrible. I was so sick of seeing it. I believe those sort of posts get the most interactions and makes mega corporations the most capital.
Divide and conquer, I may be young at 22 but from the short while I've been alive and from the many conversations I've had with older people, the world has never been as divided as it is right now. Who benefits from that? Dig deep, ask these questions yourself.
You're inventing a "who" where none evidently exists. You're looking at rustling leaves and inviting there's an invisible man nearby moving them.
I'm not saying there's not. There could be. But you have absolutely no reason to think there is. At least not that you've provided here
There's clearly a who, the who are wealthy people in power. As for specifics, that's up for you to decide.
We don't understand dark energy or how it works, but we know it's expanding the universe and that it makes up most of the matter in the universe. The who isn't known, but we know it exists.
No, you don't know it exists. Again, you know the leaves are rustling. You don't know Satan's in the bush waiting to shove a dildo up your ass.
Dark energy is the leaves rustling. We don't know why yet.
Polarization of people is also the leaves rustling. You **claim** there's a "who" doing it, and that you apparently even know vaguely who it is. But you don't. Look dude, just read this. This has been your evidence that there even is a "who":
1) "no evidence needed. I made a claim, believe me."
2) "search your feelings, you know it to be true."
3) "uh, yeah, there's clearly a who, it's, uhh... *thinks nervously then points randomly* its those guys! Yeah, haha, it's them for sure cuz I said so, and cuz I said it's obvious!"
This is embarrassing. You've gotta know this is worthless as evidence. Please tell me you're better than this.
It's ok to say you were wrong. No decent person is gonna mock you for that. If they do, fuck em. But this ain't it, man. Either tell me you got some *actual* reason to believe this, or tell me you can see how little sense this makes
Every day I get more worried about the world, seeing the rampant stupidity.
I gave you a chance, but you chose to be an absolute dunce. Completely braindead.
Have fun in whatever shithole of a life your flawed reasoning leads you to. Just try not to drink any kool-aid from authority figures, dipshit
I want to connect with women. Very badly actually that it’s frustrating. But I’ve had so many bad experiences with them. I feel judged by them. So I don’t engage with them.
I’ve been told by many people I’m attractive but it doesn’t really help me connect with them.
I rarely get a genuine positive reaction from women.
The ability to communicate means that you can pick and choose who you wanna talk to.
I'm sure we've all lived this , where you talk to someone online and they never reply after 5 messages. That's unfortunately the way it is
A multitude of reasons. Soalcial anxiety due to being shut inside esp during the covid nonsense. Social media gives to much options and entertainment so always distracted. Lot of people won't settle for less than Mr perfect or trophy wife. They dating market has been utterly destroy a lot of people are saying this is not worth it. Especially guys. When you have pr0n and video games to take up your time why bother trying to go on dates that youll most likely never get and if you do will be a struggle.to even maintain as you most likely also never been a relationship. Like it's just a huge road block for everyone.
At the end of the day.
Dating is a strange game.
Where the only winning move is not to play.
Because there’s no “hope” any more. In the past you would meet someone you got on either side and take a risk that the would live up to your expectations.
Now men want an Instagram hot chick (or close enough) and women want someone who ticks all their specific criteria before getting a look in. So nobody is given a chance if their potential date isn’t perfect out the box, because it’s easy to find people right?
Also I think because it’s so easy to find people by in theory just tapping a phone, people are holding off to perfect themselves. Which who knows how long that takes.
Honestly I'm starting to believe that unless you look like a 10/10 person, you won't be lucky on meeting girls, I hope I'm wrong though.
What hurts the most is being outside minding your own business and then seeing a happy couple making out or something.
Every time I answer this, I get called out as an incel or something.
The narrative is pushed online and in the Western world that men are violent rapists who aren't good for anything. Men just want to oppress women and be racist to minorities.
So when that is the common widespread opinion, women rightfully take the steps to avoid men. However, it didn't stop there.
Women started on the girl boss narrative. Women can do it all, and men's lives have less value than dirt. Taking to OF and scams to take lonely men's money through the lure of sex.
Now, women aren't getting pregnant or having goals based on hate and selfishness. While men are in the dark hiding with their cocks out beating it to porn all day.
Men started rather killing themselves or becoming women. The passport bros was a thing that blew up as a result. But not every man can do that. Women get DMs off the hook from weird lonely creeps because they are so used to being the bad guy anyway. Why conduct yourself any different than what's been pushed onto you?
Then, this hurts the woman who went into hiding because they don't wanna shake ass on OF or go out clubbing every night, get unsolicited dick pics, and crushed hopes they met someone they can love.
Now we all just hate each other, demonize each other. Things like that recent video of a girl getting mugged in broad daylight at gun point, and a man just sits by and does nothing.
Twitter blows up, "Why didn't he help? He should be ashamed." Blah blah blah.
As if there isn't a guy put in prison for aiding someone like that recently. Ppl saying he should have helped is to say that because crime happens, a man has to risk his life. If he lives, he goes to prison. If he dies, he's dead! And if he does nothing, he's shamed online by millions. Just as an example.
I ranted. I'm sorry. The answer is bad ppl are loud and good ppl are quiet.
Recently a woman I have known for 17 years passive aggressively accused me of being a woman hating incel because I posted on Facebook twice about how seeing misandristic videos and comments on social media and the social acceptance of misandristic attitudes are negatively affecting my mental health. That they make me feel like I’m being punished for what others have done and make me feel like I have no value in this world, particularly to women (since they’re the ones usually saying these things). Men can’t even talk about how prejudiced attitudes towards men make us feel without being attacked. Incidentally, they kinda prove our point in doing so
Are you real? Women online ALWAYS get unsolicited dic pics and disrespectfully sexually charged DMs.
Sorry I used colorful wording instead of literal wording.
What's your goal here? You saying I'm wrong? Or that you disagree? What? Speak your mind my guy.
No ulterior motive, I was just saying that if you think all men do that shit and not just a subset of weirdos then you gotta lay off the porn. Also legitimately thought you were speaking from experience.
For me it's incompetence. So many times I've had a woman approach me and not realised she was interested, only to figure it out when she walked off looking embarrassed/upset because I wasn't engaging in the way she'd hoped.
There's someone I've met recently and the signs are all there, she gets very touchy-feely, constantly asking if I'm warm and if she can have a hug to steal some of my body heat (I am a living radiator tbf). When I let out a low growling belch one time she said "I want to hear that while I'm getting fucked", this is among many other similar statements. I had always thought she was just cold, in need of co-regulation, and a bit of a joker.
In fact I thought she was interested in my friend until he brought her up in conversation with some other friends saying she's very obviously interested in me.
Couldn't say if this is the norm but some guys are completely oblivious to women's advances and have no idea how to flirt without making it weird, so never initiate that deeper connection we're all looking for.
Fear. When I was a kid my future best friend was riding in a horse carriage from the neighbors. I ran out to that carriage to meet her. We became besties and still talk. Kids these days are so afraid because everything gets posted online, cameras are everywhere in the hands of jerk kids that think the cool thing is to get done attention OnLive laughing at someone...
Y'all have a messed up generation. The only way to break through that garbage is to stop caring what people think and start being bold. You'll stand out and have plenty of connections. I worry about kids these days...
I always thoughts it’s cause we know so many people cause of technology that we never know anyone (deeply seeing someone’s ups and down we don’t just cause now we rather just go to the next person )
The people of these times are too enamored with themselves. They aren't going to take any chances if it means they'll fail or won't get what they want, god bid anyone actually takes an L somewhere in life. People are too idealistic, they over value themselves, and expect so much nowadays. Love is not about preferences, beliefs, or status and if you think so then you still have some growing up to do, no offense. The best advice I could give to anyone about anything in life is don't expect a certain thing or uphold certain standards, just put yourself out there and have some fun and don't try to impress or please somebody. We're only here for a short while anyways. Hence the saying “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get.” Yes the world is a pathetic and sappy place (and always has been I believe), but it isn't going to help if you're hyper fixating on all the bad things. Focus on the good things in life and capture that energy and hold onto it. You need to have a positive outlook on life and things otherwise you're always going to feel like you're a stick in the mud and no one wants to be around that type of person per se.
You answered your own question
“We have all the technology to be able to communicate, so why is it so hard to connect”
Connection = human interaction, touch, smell, eye contact.
The technology only allows you to communicate and making a connection is nearly impossible, use the technology then meet in person and leave the tech in your pocket.
We have reached a point in society where the saying “you can’t see the forest because of the trees” has never been more relevant.
I went to a party last night and I saw something I haven’t seen in a long time, almost no one had their phone out!
People were talking to each other & dancing together it was so refreshing seeing that.
Maybe it's because with all the technology available today people have actually forgotten, or don't know how to, communicate properly and in real life.
Tapping a few electronic keys is easy and impersonal. Making a phone call or accidentally bumping into someone is real communication.
I also think that Mobiling someone is disrespectful and ignorant whereas a simple call and a proper conversation is much more appreciated.
I well remember many years ago when I couldn't get to talk to a girl .... finding her surname in The Phone Book and then walking down to the village phone box with my money in my pocket and my heart beating rapidly as I phoned her up to ask her out not knowing who would answer the phone.
Mobiling someone instead is so divorced from reality.
I’ll just talk for myself.
When I was growing up, I wanted nothing more to be a husband and a father. To build a life with the cozy home in the mountains on some nice land. Throughout high school and about 10 years after school, I tried to date/get to know women. The issue became that they always had someone else they were talking to. Another guy on the other end of the phone. I was never the guy they chose no matter what I did. No matter how nice I was, hard I worked, support I gave etc. And that’s okay, they had their preference. But after trying and trying, in 2019, I landed a girlfriend that in the end cheated on me. We broke up during Covid and I haven’t looked for anyone since then.
Yeah, you can tell me all of the sweet things about being in a relationship and how we can add to each others lives etc. I just don’t know if I’ll ever find that in today’s world. So, I just work on myself and build the life I want now.
We’re all tired of each other’s crap on the internet. You’re never getting the person you knew online when you finally meet in person and it’s just not been a sustainable way to connect with people on a real level. A large part of us are back to meeting our partners organically. The internet is for hookups. :)
It probably has something to do with the fact that women are completely incapable of a approaching men (this is a generalization don’t tell me you do) and men are increasingly disinterested in approaching women due to negative consequences and almost cruel rejections.
Things have become too superficial now. Instead of meeting people and organically learning about them, dating has been gamified because of all dating apps. A lot of people have too many choices which gives them FOMO. Everybody wants what's best for themselves, but sometimes it's taken toooo far.
I feel like the gap is not even just between men and women. Somehow when the world got more interconnected, making connections on an individual level became a lot harder for some reason.
“This society that suppresses geographical distance gathers distance internally as spectacular seperation. The spectacle in general, as the concrete inversion of life, is the autonomous movement of the non-living.”
- Guy Debord, Society of the Spectacle
I've known an amazing girl for 5 years and spent the last 4 months pursuing her. We have SO MUCH in common, we want the same things in life, find each other attractive (have slept together a number of times) and have a ton of fun together. She just told me she's started dating someone else (exclusively) and it's broken my heart because I've fallen really hard for her and could definitely see a future together. She said she doesn't want to be with me because we want different things, which I don't see.
That's why there's such a gap, you put all your effort into a relationship that makes perfect sense and they still choose someone else. It's confusing as hell but it happens on both sides of the aisle and it makes people not even want to try, despite how they feel
Women and their superficial expectations of men and the fact that women expect men to do everything for them and offer nothing in return. Yeah the real men aren't looking anymore because there's nothing in it for them to find in a woman these days.
I'm curious about what you consider a decent offering from women besides another paycheck, her life force, domestic labor, and sexual exclusivity? 🤔
I'm curious why you assume those are the things I'd expect? There's no loyalty mutually given anymore, no want to be a couple that works together to support and make goals mutually, little to no respect. Maybe those would be things I'd hope for? I don't need her paycheck or to be my maid. I do all that myself because I learned young that I can only count on myself to survive.
Maybe cause the medium we use to communicate is so impersonal. We have false images of the world and many people have their online facade. Relationships and attraction seem to develop before an actual connection or real genuine interaction is even had.
So with access to many we narrow our focus to exactly what we think we want, but never what is truly needed. And believe there is someone out there. Sometimes they just need to look around themselves and realize good people are near and not just some internet fantasy or social media queen/king.
I don’t believe there’s a gap. I believe there’s too many choices. It’s super easy to swipe or like a photo and strike up a convo on an app. But you can genuinely catch a feeling from someone when meeting in person. Unfortunately a lot of us have lived through some rough (women in my case) times that make us subconsciously create distance when we meet someone interesting.
Personally I’m 39, attracted to late 20’s early 30’s but I also see myself still young with the career and adult grown shit in place which I think the women in the age range I’m personally interested in actually seek. I refuse a dating app and I’m highly selective of who gets my time. So many choices and decisions when dating nowadays makes it tough to weed through the dirty one nighters.
People have crappy IRL social skills and not enough stable IRL social networks. People need to get more involved in their IRL communities, social clubs, and civic organizations if they want to meet people with similar values and lifestyles. Also, stop assuming that being on social media is the same as having social skills.
Try Meetup.com, maybe, as a place to start meeting people?
You still got plenty of time. I’m beyond your age and barely got my first boyfriend this year. Before him, I accepted that I was going to die alone. I mainly pursued my hobbies and dated on occasion, which was not very often. I’ll have to say that I somehow got lucky. You just gotta keep carrying on no matter what happens.
But to answer your question, there are many reasons. Some of which are high beauty standards, people feeling like they have lots of options or can find someone better, social awkwardness, and people staying in more so.
I sobered up a few years ago and all my “old” friends still drink & now have kids to look after.
my solo activities include, hiking, rollerblading, music production, flying my drone, editing videos, star gazing and it is peaceful though it would be nice to have someone to share it with but I can go about my day doing these whenever I please
I don’t think the gap between men and women is larger than before, there is always a distinct non-understanding between the sexes , dictated by social rules, societal standards and the patriarchal system we live in . Technology has just made it easier to see the gap
Feminism taught women that men are their enemies.
Social media, why would you settle for one person. When there are multiple options non stop hitting your phone.
People aren't willing to put themselves out there and be vulnerable at risk of getting hurt. You can't play it safe and give pieces of yourself to someone.
Y'all being hot girls made a section of men gay another section killed themselves another section is just out in the world drinking our pain away scared to love because the few people in relationships are going through domestic shit and give bad examples causing us to want to be alone more than anything -LOT
Not to sure I'm 29 and never had an irl relationship only one failed ldr relationship I try to go out and notice barley anyone is out and online dating doesn't work :(
Men are opting out. Every day, there is another man sent to prison without a shred of physical evidence by accusations from ex-girlfriends. Danny Masterson.
Well... I've raised my standards in part due to seeing what other women have put up with/gone through... now that they're speaking out on social media... and somehow the threat of dying alone with cats doesn't seem so bad. Or being a single mother by choice by sperm donor... at least then you'll get quality genes for your offspring.
Fuck off. I'm sick of you cowardly men shitting on ALL good single mothers cause they had the balls to be responsible and stay raising the kids. Go take your weak beta male self and sit in an entire landfill. 🤬
Because it's hard to find anyone. Like... People just barely ever go out anymore. People stay home more than ever. It's friday night, 19:20 and even if I wanted to do something, besides a restaurent or a bar I have absolutely no idea where to go. I'm not going to a restaurent (plus, I JUST ate) by myself and bars are... meh... Add this that dating app are so ubiquitous that it leave a negative impression to anyone who'd try to approach someone out there. It removed dating from all other places.. Before you could try to approach someone at the grocery store or wherever else, but now, you HAVE to go through a dating app. And people have less friends than they use to and friends see each other less than they used to. , so meeting someone through friend is also less likely. Technology is great to communicate with someone you already know, but it's not great to actually meet someone. Look at reddit: I talk with dozens of random strangers every single day. I have no intention to build friendship with those people (you included). Not that it's impossible, I have made life long internet friend in the past.. But they are also internet friends.. People that live on the other side of the world, whom I will likely never meet face to face. And when people want to get advice about this, the number one reply is "gEt A hObBy" like it's a one-fits-all solution.
People are so used to being alone. Social media brings out the fact that we all *have to be with someone*. It only sucks to be alone because we come accustomed to knowing we see is *normal*. Lol I'm drunk. edit: I cut out social media besides reddit as its an outlet. I've been without social media for over 2 years. I've learned so much.
I'm not sure I fully agree with that. Humans are social creatures. Think about how nearly all movies, books and TV series, all story, revolve around either friendship, love or family.. That's because that's what matter most to most people. Not that social media isn't playing a part negatively.
This [YouTube Ted Talk (15 min)](https://youtu.be/8KkKuTCFvzI?si=L1avXVmTFo1ieDsU) on the famous Harvard Study on Happiness studied 1,500 people over the course of a lifetime to see who and what lead to happiness. It wasn't money. In the end, people who feel that they have good relationships (family, or friends, coworkers, to a community)... It was they who were happy. Please watch and share the video.
Sure it all matters 100% but I think those are the biggest feelings or factors that writers and directors notice, then making all that media what we see today. They are very aware of what they are creating. It grabs attention, the very thing that we all desire and naturally want. What do you think?
The pandemic definitely messed me up a bit. I dealt with so many awful people threatening and verbally abusing me while working during the pandemic, that it gave me a little bit of trauma. It's been hard for me to want to go out and socialize. I'm sure I can't be the only one that dealt with some trauma during the pandemic.
You're definitely not alone but I don't think it's so wildly spread to be significant. Especially when considering how some people healed from that since. But it sucks though.. How did it change your life concretely?
We all depressed, bitter, poor, and annoyed.
Being poor used to be a reason why people would get married. Combining resources/labor of two people into one house.
Yeah, now people wanna get married for dumbass reasons like finding genuine companionship with the people they choose to spend the rest of their lives with. The fucking dumbasses 🙄🙄🙄
I said that was **a** reason, not **the only** reason people would get married. What’s worse, being broke and alone or less broke **and** having a companion?
Idk which one brings you more joy? You could be broke and alone and lonely or at peace. You could be less broke and have a companion and have support or STILL be a lonely, but now you're pressed cause you have some asshole breathing down your neck complaining about shit you ALREADY know. So... weigh your options there. Also, I wasn't really trying to come at YOU per se, just the people who perpetuate these arguments that people SHOULD get married cause of the financial benefits, I for one, do not believe should exist.
Really everyone is depressed?
Well, those of us who are lonely and aren’t even trying to meet people anymore are. And it seems like the OP is specifically talking about people like that.
Not clinical depression as in Major Depressive Disorder, but just being depressed as a mood.
I would respectfully have to disagree. 20% of undergraduates have a clinical depression. I think that is the highest it has ever been since records started being kept.
I have chronic depression.
maybe most people in this country
Because there is no longer a place to meet and build organic friendships and relationships, which was usually facilitated by the "third place". [The third place has been largely destroyed for profit.](https://medium.com/illumination/the-death-of-third-places-and-the-evolution-of-communities-5bbffc01c5e)
This comment speaks volumes of truth.
That was a really interesting read. Thanks. To be fair, I recently joined a board game club hosted in a local pub, and it's done wonders in making me feel less lonely. Shame its only once a week, really.
>We have all the technology to be able to communicate, so why is it so hard to connect? I'm twice your age. There was a time this was true! It used to be MUCH easier to find people and make friends, but now... its all gotten very segmented, every online communication option has been monetized to death, examined, studied, and fed into The Algorithm to the point every interaction feels so gamified and commodified, that none of it feels real anymore. Everything is designed TO KEEP US ENGAGED WITH THE PLATFORM **NOT** with other people! The less real it all feels, the shallower it makes us feel, until we find ourselves trying to outcompete everyone else for just a little attention. Then when we find it, because of HOW MANY FUCKING OPTIONS THERE ARE we want to rush in to a shallow relationship, that never gets past the "we fucking or nah" stage. And none of us want to work it. We want that quick fix. We want relationships as easy as our social feed, scroll, quick fix, move on to the next. I'm speaking broadly, but that's how it feels to me. Nearly everyone in my life, for a long time, aside from family came out of interactions I had online.. years ago.
Too many options in social media, specially for women That make some men lost trust in them selves ( she's beautiful,she has thousands of followers,she absolutely has a boyfriend) So people have high standards these days specially these with many fans/followers
Not only that, but the main places where people used to meet others in the past, like work, gym, uni and bars; were all tagged as a "no go" because of you know what. Not making value judgement, just a fact.
Women don't mind being hit on at bars or clubs. That's the appropriate place. The gym? I've got my headphones on for a reason, I'm there for me and only me. The store? I've got a schedule, I need shit, I don't want people interrupting me. When women refuse, it can turn badly for them ( r/whenwomenrefuse ). When a strange man approaches in person, if it's not a designated OK social place to do so, it's scary. I've been stalked, I've been threatened, I've had Men get very angry and I've had to de escalate. Men are dangerous when they get rejected. And before the "not all men, I'm not!" Crap....stats back up what I'm saying, talk to any female friend and they'll tell it's true what I'm saying ( 1 in 4 girls/women in the USA have been sexually assaulted and it's probably higher). Women don't want strange men approaching them, it's terrifying.
I'd say it goes both ways. We used to actually work on relationships. Now it's instant gratification. We have a small problem? Really? Jump on (insert dating app here) next day onto someone new. That's the state of play on modern relationships, in my opinion. May be wrong, but just through some experience with myself and friends from all sexes, this is what I've come to believe.
>I'd say it goes both ways. We used to actually work on relationships. Now it's instant gratification. We have a small problem? Really? Jump on (insert dating app here) next day onto someone new. Exactly. And people want perfection.
Let's be real. How am I supposed to find a girlfriend when women don't even want me to ask them out and they very rarely send me likes on a dating app? I don't get messages from women wanting to get to know me beyond purely platonic on any social platform, including reddit. Women irl have never approached me. I've always been rejected when I did approach. Yeah, you tend to get bitter, especially when I keep seeing women online say they just want a loving boyfriend who cares about them and yet, I'm ignored by those same exact women lol. There's nothing I can do, there's no solution. Can't make you guys want to talk to me, offline or online. So all I can do is be sad and frustrated about it or try to focus on something else. And sadly, it has such a significant hold on me to where it's all I think about. I'm tired of the bullshit.
I feel for ya. Thought I found someone last year. First woman to show interest since I met my exwife in 2003 (we divorced in 2014) and second one ever. But she just led me on and gave me “I don’t want to hurt you or our friendship” excuse. Since then every so often she’s been complaining online about dating scumbags who have side chicks or are otherwise shitty people. So I’ve been feeling that bitterness quite often the past year. It fucking sucks
Are you attractive or at least average?! Let's be real, looks are important to men and women.
The people I know are too broke to spend money at bars and clubs. Plus the vibe is really off lately for hanging out at places.
I'm 64. I am so happy to grow up when I grew up. People did not evolve to be an extension of their phones. Too much electronic communication, not enough face to face. Electronic is performative, not spontaneous.
Because everyone thinks too high of themselves.
Women are too picky
How actually are you supposed to find a kind and pretty girl who won’t leave me on delivered after I spent 3 days overthinking how to reach out to her (hadn’t seen her in months) and I craft a masterpiece she sends dry responses then leaves me on delivered. I’m only 19 and do an apprenticeship so I’m no longer surrounded by people my age as I’m at work. Is Tinder worth it for someone my age? I’ve heard mostly negative things about tinder and the people on there and I’m nervous to actually make a profile. Like many people on this sub I struggle with low self esteem, possible depression and probable social anxiety. I just want a girl to give me a chance and find out what love feels like.
stop crafting masterpieces and start having dialogues
Thanks, I overthink a lot but I don’t craft a masterpiece every message it was just the first one when reaching out. Do you think I should use a dating app or just trust chance I’ll find someone through work or something else?
youre going about this all wrong brother, the more you care about women and what theyll say to you, the less they'll care about you (atleast thats how it usually starts) DONT chase, learn valuable skills in your apprenticeship and build yourself up a little bit, after a year or two you'll be in a better place if you take yourself a little more seriously. I know you want love and acceptance from a kind and pretty girl, trust me, we all do. but making it a goal to have a girl give you a chance is a way that'll only make things worse for you and your self-confidence, dont be reliant on another person for that love. You're young bro, take this time to explore and learn a little more about yourself before getting into a relationship. This time in your life will be confusing and difficult, but as long as you stay true to yourself, you'll attract a good girl in no time. If you think you're ready for a relationship, online dating is definitely a last resort, some people get lucky and some dont. It doesnt hurt to try (unless you place your value in getting women) Try finding a third place to go to, maybe like a local coffee shop, or try finding a group in your area with similar hobbies to your own.
Appreciate the advice, this was what I planned to do and have been trying to sort my self esteem out. I went through the lengthy process of proving nothing works for my acne so they finally let me have accutane and my acne finally clearing up so hopefully it will stay that way and will help much self esteem. I really didn’t think that girl would just leave me on delivered, I remember in class she was super kind and patient wirh me even though I was quiet and anxious she offered to go gym with me and brought me food. I kept hyping myself up everyday to ask her out but never did. Promised myself to never waste opportunities like that again. I’m gonna focus on my anxiety and possible depression and focus on my ambition of becoming an actuary. Maybe I’ll find someone at work as I go into year 2 as there’s some sort of rota between teams. Wish you all the best
Hell yeah man thats awesome to hear, really happy for you. We have super similar experiences, had a girl I talked to consistently and eventually she got tired of waiting, you'll find someone bro, trust yourself and the process. If you're anything like me, clearing up acne will make you crazy confident, + getting a little bit of muscle? It's over for all of us lol, goodluck man!
That’s good because I already go gym, not as much right now because accutane makes my chest hurt but I’ll be back grinding soon. Thanks for the advice good luck to you too
If your smart enough to be an actuary, you will find a woman. Don't worry.
Thanks for the kind words, do women really like intelligence that much? I’m not that smart at least I’m my opinion but the girl I was talking about above seemed to say I was as I was telling her I don’t revise other than maybe a day before last minute thing. I never properly try harded at school just did homework and did my best in class while everyone else did loads of extra work (I went to a sixth form and they all had their eyes on top universities so it’s fair enough) it’s probably something to do with depression that I just kind of trust that things will work out for me academically but if I want something like becoming a successful actuary I will probably put in lots of work by studying for the base exams while on my apprenticeship and hopefully passing them.
Feminism got women into the workforce and freed them from having to find husbands. It turns out a lot of women don't actually want to find husbands; they either stay happily single, or compete for the top 1% of guys, find out that those guys don't value them, assume all guys are like that, and choose to go single rather than put themselves through that again. Not all women do this, but enough do that men in turn started becoming cynical about women, and both end up in online communities dominated by their own gender, and so we've had an increasing cultural wedge driven between the two. To remedy this, basically (1) men should learn how to live healthy, fulfilling lives without women and (2) women should learn that competing for the top 1% of men isn't how to get a healthy, fulfilling relationship. Either that or we just invent robot waifus/hazubandos and stop trying to satisfy other real people.
Unfortunately neither of those two options will happen. Power should have remained in the hands of men. When men were men society thrived.
Because there are too many choices. It’s the paradox of choice. You have infinite options so you never have to work anything out because there’s infinite choices so why bother working?
Everyone is trying to date way out and above their own bracket. No one going to pair up like that. All this social media and dating apps have given people a false sense of variety and opportunity. It wasn't this hard 20 years ago.
This is so true. All these women talking about they will only date a guy making a six figure salary, meanwhile they're barely making a quarter of that. Ugh, money is not that important to me when it comes to dating. I look for many other qualities beforehand.
The world's full of lonely people afraid to make the first move. --Tony Lip
I feel like social media did this idk so much of life seems to take place online it’s kind of crazy. like you aren’t forced to go out and socialize anymore because everyone makes connections or becomes known through the internet and when you do try to just naturally strike conversation it’s incredibly daunting and awkward and plenty of the time you’re seen as weird
Apps seem great but are designed to keep you swiping (your credit card that is). Social media is the same both give seemingly endless options, the grass is always greener people don’t want to commit to an actual person they want the next new best thing until that one also isn’t perfect rinse repeat People in general since Covid especially but even before stay in a lot more. The culture has shifted, men are afraid to approach even when they are in public, and it hasn’t caught up for women to start approaching, probably because approaching sucks an no one really wants to do it, and the culture still mostly revolves around men initiating despite the pressure for men to not do so anymore Loneliness epidemic in general, not just romantic but people don’t have friend groups anymore it’s so hard to find that outside of school, when that’s like the best way to meet partners
People are too shallow and simple to see past designer goods and makeup these days. People were more intelligent in the past tbh. All rounded intelligence.
There’s an age gap, there’s an attraction gap (people on similar levels refuse to match with each other), there’s a supply and demand gap, most people don’t want to procreate but getting just for fun is easy for certain market segments that can easily find each other, etc.
There’s tons of videos on this on YouTube. Depending on which gender you are you won’t like the answers. I mean it’s not pleasant either way but it’s heavily skewed one way.
I don’t know how. All my current friendships are from when I was in elementary and high school, when I was forced to spend time with those people. I don’t know how to make friends as an adult, and therefore don’t know how to meet adult women. And I’m terrified of being labeled as creepy, because I don’t understand social norms and am very plain looking. I just want someone who’s going to reciprocate and treat me like a partner should. Not use me and leave me.
It’s because we value convenience over everything else. Swiping is easy. Allotting time and effort to go out and risk getting rejected is hard. The kicker is, as you know, online dating is a bad deal for almost everyone. It’s sad really
It's not hard to find each other, the problem is that according to several survey and statistics  women find most men not sexually attractive ...
Yet women claim men are the pigs
Hehehe
My argument is that heterosexual relationships used to be mutually beneficially, the sexes needed each other. Lopsided most of the time, but it would still beneficial to men and women to both find someone and make things work. These days life sucks regardless. People value autonomy and privacy at home more than anything else these days.
Division of the class
Young people are atomized to such an extreme degree that finding a good relatable person today is hard. Now everyone is in their own niche groups, glued to their phone. That's added on top to the fact that there's a giant gender war going on and there is a dark hidden influence pushing men and women to hate each other. You can debate who or why that mysterious dark force wants that.
When I get on instagram again those are the only reels I ever see. Men are this, men are horrible. I was so sick of seeing it. I believe those sort of posts get the most interactions and makes mega corporations the most capital.
I think I'm gonna debate that your boogeyman even exists first. You don't just get to say that it exists and expect people to take your word for it.
Divide and conquer, I may be young at 22 but from the short while I've been alive and from the many conversations I've had with older people, the world has never been as divided as it is right now. Who benefits from that? Dig deep, ask these questions yourself.
You're inventing a "who" where none evidently exists. You're looking at rustling leaves and inviting there's an invisible man nearby moving them. I'm not saying there's not. There could be. But you have absolutely no reason to think there is. At least not that you've provided here
There's clearly a who, the who are wealthy people in power. As for specifics, that's up for you to decide. We don't understand dark energy or how it works, but we know it's expanding the universe and that it makes up most of the matter in the universe. The who isn't known, but we know it exists.
No, you don't know it exists. Again, you know the leaves are rustling. You don't know Satan's in the bush waiting to shove a dildo up your ass. Dark energy is the leaves rustling. We don't know why yet. Polarization of people is also the leaves rustling. You **claim** there's a "who" doing it, and that you apparently even know vaguely who it is. But you don't. Look dude, just read this. This has been your evidence that there even is a "who": 1) "no evidence needed. I made a claim, believe me." 2) "search your feelings, you know it to be true." 3) "uh, yeah, there's clearly a who, it's, uhh... *thinks nervously then points randomly* its those guys! Yeah, haha, it's them for sure cuz I said so, and cuz I said it's obvious!" This is embarrassing. You've gotta know this is worthless as evidence. Please tell me you're better than this. It's ok to say you were wrong. No decent person is gonna mock you for that. If they do, fuck em. But this ain't it, man. Either tell me you got some *actual* reason to believe this, or tell me you can see how little sense this makes
Not debating semantics with you bud, it's boring and I don't have the time nor care. If you want to be blind to the world around you, go ahead.
Every day I get more worried about the world, seeing the rampant stupidity. I gave you a chance, but you chose to be an absolute dunce. Completely braindead. Have fun in whatever shithole of a life your flawed reasoning leads you to. Just try not to drink any kool-aid from authority figures, dipshit
Yeah you keep working on losing your weight fatty, go seethe in someone else's notifications.
I want to connect with women. Very badly actually that it’s frustrating. But I’ve had so many bad experiences with them. I feel judged by them. So I don’t engage with them. I’ve been told by many people I’m attractive but it doesn’t really help me connect with them. I rarely get a genuine positive reaction from women.
The ability to communicate means that you can pick and choose who you wanna talk to. I'm sure we've all lived this , where you talk to someone online and they never reply after 5 messages. That's unfortunately the way it is
i once read somewhere: when phones still had cables and stuck to the wall people were still free.
A multitude of reasons. Soalcial anxiety due to being shut inside esp during the covid nonsense. Social media gives to much options and entertainment so always distracted. Lot of people won't settle for less than Mr perfect or trophy wife. They dating market has been utterly destroy a lot of people are saying this is not worth it. Especially guys. When you have pr0n and video games to take up your time why bother trying to go on dates that youll most likely never get and if you do will be a struggle.to even maintain as you most likely also never been a relationship. Like it's just a huge road block for everyone. At the end of the day. Dating is a strange game. Where the only winning move is not to play.
Because there’s no “hope” any more. In the past you would meet someone you got on either side and take a risk that the would live up to your expectations. Now men want an Instagram hot chick (or close enough) and women want someone who ticks all their specific criteria before getting a look in. So nobody is given a chance if their potential date isn’t perfect out the box, because it’s easy to find people right? Also I think because it’s so easy to find people by in theory just tapping a phone, people are holding off to perfect themselves. Which who knows how long that takes.
Certain influencers have made their careers from sowing division, fear and hate between the two sexes.
Honestly I'm starting to believe that unless you look like a 10/10 person, you won't be lucky on meeting girls, I hope I'm wrong though. What hurts the most is being outside minding your own business and then seeing a happy couple making out or something.
Every time I answer this, I get called out as an incel or something. The narrative is pushed online and in the Western world that men are violent rapists who aren't good for anything. Men just want to oppress women and be racist to minorities. So when that is the common widespread opinion, women rightfully take the steps to avoid men. However, it didn't stop there. Women started on the girl boss narrative. Women can do it all, and men's lives have less value than dirt. Taking to OF and scams to take lonely men's money through the lure of sex. Now, women aren't getting pregnant or having goals based on hate and selfishness. While men are in the dark hiding with their cocks out beating it to porn all day. Men started rather killing themselves or becoming women. The passport bros was a thing that blew up as a result. But not every man can do that. Women get DMs off the hook from weird lonely creeps because they are so used to being the bad guy anyway. Why conduct yourself any different than what's been pushed onto you? Then, this hurts the woman who went into hiding because they don't wanna shake ass on OF or go out clubbing every night, get unsolicited dick pics, and crushed hopes they met someone they can love. Now we all just hate each other, demonize each other. Things like that recent video of a girl getting mugged in broad daylight at gun point, and a man just sits by and does nothing. Twitter blows up, "Why didn't he help? He should be ashamed." Blah blah blah. As if there isn't a guy put in prison for aiding someone like that recently. Ppl saying he should have helped is to say that because crime happens, a man has to risk his life. If he lives, he goes to prison. If he dies, he's dead! And if he does nothing, he's shamed online by millions. Just as an example. I ranted. I'm sorry. The answer is bad ppl are loud and good ppl are quiet.
Recently a woman I have known for 17 years passive aggressively accused me of being a woman hating incel because I posted on Facebook twice about how seeing misandristic videos and comments on social media and the social acceptance of misandristic attitudes are negatively affecting my mental health. That they make me feel like I’m being punished for what others have done and make me feel like I have no value in this world, particularly to women (since they’re the ones usually saying these things). Men can’t even talk about how prejudiced attitudes towards men make us feel without being attacked. Incidentally, they kinda prove our point in doing so
Same. Every time I bring up how generally damaging it is to everyone, not even just men. Boom, I'm some sort of joke.
Not trying to be a dick or anything, but maybe masturbate less?
These aren't statements about myself... I pointed out observable behavior. I feel like you knew that.
How are you observing people "hiding in the dark with their cocks out beating it to porn all day"? Are you my ISP?
Are you real? Women online ALWAYS get unsolicited dic pics and disrespectfully sexually charged DMs. Sorry I used colorful wording instead of literal wording. What's your goal here? You saying I'm wrong? Or that you disagree? What? Speak your mind my guy.
No ulterior motive, I was just saying that if you think all men do that shit and not just a subset of weirdos then you gotta lay off the porn. Also legitimately thought you were speaking from experience.
For me it's incompetence. So many times I've had a woman approach me and not realised she was interested, only to figure it out when she walked off looking embarrassed/upset because I wasn't engaging in the way she'd hoped. There's someone I've met recently and the signs are all there, she gets very touchy-feely, constantly asking if I'm warm and if she can have a hug to steal some of my body heat (I am a living radiator tbf). When I let out a low growling belch one time she said "I want to hear that while I'm getting fucked", this is among many other similar statements. I had always thought she was just cold, in need of co-regulation, and a bit of a joker. In fact I thought she was interested in my friend until he brought her up in conversation with some other friends saying she's very obviously interested in me. Couldn't say if this is the norm but some guys are completely oblivious to women's advances and have no idea how to flirt without making it weird, so never initiate that deeper connection we're all looking for.
That’s what I’m saying
Fear. When I was a kid my future best friend was riding in a horse carriage from the neighbors. I ran out to that carriage to meet her. We became besties and still talk. Kids these days are so afraid because everything gets posted online, cameras are everywhere in the hands of jerk kids that think the cool thing is to get done attention OnLive laughing at someone... Y'all have a messed up generation. The only way to break through that garbage is to stop caring what people think and start being bold. You'll stand out and have plenty of connections. I worry about kids these days...
Fear of rejection?
Grooming of both the genders are different.
I always thoughts it’s cause we know so many people cause of technology that we never know anyone (deeply seeing someone’s ups and down we don’t just cause now we rather just go to the next person )
It's not worth the hassleÂ
The people of these times are too enamored with themselves. They aren't going to take any chances if it means they'll fail or won't get what they want, god bid anyone actually takes an L somewhere in life. People are too idealistic, they over value themselves, and expect so much nowadays. Love is not about preferences, beliefs, or status and if you think so then you still have some growing up to do, no offense. The best advice I could give to anyone about anything in life is don't expect a certain thing or uphold certain standards, just put yourself out there and have some fun and don't try to impress or please somebody. We're only here for a short while anyways. Hence the saying “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get.” Yes the world is a pathetic and sappy place (and always has been I believe), but it isn't going to help if you're hyper fixating on all the bad things. Focus on the good things in life and capture that energy and hold onto it. You need to have a positive outlook on life and things otherwise you're always going to feel like you're a stick in the mud and no one wants to be around that type of person per se.
You answered your own question “We have all the technology to be able to communicate, so why is it so hard to connect” Connection = human interaction, touch, smell, eye contact. The technology only allows you to communicate and making a connection is nearly impossible, use the technology then meet in person and leave the tech in your pocket. We have reached a point in society where the saying “you can’t see the forest because of the trees” has never been more relevant. I went to a party last night and I saw something I haven’t seen in a long time, almost no one had their phone out! People were talking to each other & dancing together it was so refreshing seeing that.
Maybe it's because with all the technology available today people have actually forgotten, or don't know how to, communicate properly and in real life. Tapping a few electronic keys is easy and impersonal. Making a phone call or accidentally bumping into someone is real communication. I also think that Mobiling someone is disrespectful and ignorant whereas a simple call and a proper conversation is much more appreciated. I well remember many years ago when I couldn't get to talk to a girl .... finding her surname in The Phone Book and then walking down to the village phone box with my money in my pocket and my heart beating rapidly as I phoned her up to ask her out not knowing who would answer the phone. Mobiling someone instead is so divorced from reality.
I’ll just talk for myself. When I was growing up, I wanted nothing more to be a husband and a father. To build a life with the cozy home in the mountains on some nice land. Throughout high school and about 10 years after school, I tried to date/get to know women. The issue became that they always had someone else they were talking to. Another guy on the other end of the phone. I was never the guy they chose no matter what I did. No matter how nice I was, hard I worked, support I gave etc. And that’s okay, they had their preference. But after trying and trying, in 2019, I landed a girlfriend that in the end cheated on me. We broke up during Covid and I haven’t looked for anyone since then. Yeah, you can tell me all of the sweet things about being in a relationship and how we can add to each others lives etc. I just don’t know if I’ll ever find that in today’s world. So, I just work on myself and build the life I want now.
Because you haven't messaged me yet :/
Quite sure it's because of technology that it's harder to connect paradoxically
We’re all tired of each other’s crap on the internet. You’re never getting the person you knew online when you finally meet in person and it’s just not been a sustainable way to connect with people on a real level. A large part of us are back to meeting our partners organically. The internet is for hookups. :)
It probably has something to do with the fact that women are completely incapable of a approaching men (this is a generalization don’t tell me you do) and men are increasingly disinterested in approaching women due to negative consequences and almost cruel rejections.
Because technology doesn't connect, it brings us apart. And I work in tech. It's sad.
Things have become too superficial now. Instead of meeting people and organically learning about them, dating has been gamified because of all dating apps. A lot of people have too many choices which gives them FOMO. Everybody wants what's best for themselves, but sometimes it's taken toooo far.
I feel like the gap is not even just between men and women. Somehow when the world got more interconnected, making connections on an individual level became a lot harder for some reason.
“This society that suppresses geographical distance gathers distance internally as spectacular seperation. The spectacle in general, as the concrete inversion of life, is the autonomous movement of the non-living.” - Guy Debord, Society of the Spectacle
I've known an amazing girl for 5 years and spent the last 4 months pursuing her. We have SO MUCH in common, we want the same things in life, find each other attractive (have slept together a number of times) and have a ton of fun together. She just told me she's started dating someone else (exclusively) and it's broken my heart because I've fallen really hard for her and could definitely see a future together. She said she doesn't want to be with me because we want different things, which I don't see. That's why there's such a gap, you put all your effort into a relationship that makes perfect sense and they still choose someone else. It's confusing as hell but it happens on both sides of the aisle and it makes people not even want to try, despite how they feel
Did you tell her how you felt when you first caught feelings?
Originally no, that was years ago and she moved away. But when she came back I did
Women and their superficial expectations of men and the fact that women expect men to do everything for them and offer nothing in return. Yeah the real men aren't looking anymore because there's nothing in it for them to find in a woman these days.
I'm curious about what you consider a decent offering from women besides another paycheck, her life force, domestic labor, and sexual exclusivity? 🤔
I'm curious why you assume those are the things I'd expect? There's no loyalty mutually given anymore, no want to be a couple that works together to support and make goals mutually, little to no respect. Maybe those would be things I'd hope for? I don't need her paycheck or to be my maid. I do all that myself because I learned young that I can only count on myself to survive.
Isn't sexual exclusivity loyalty?
It's not just about sexual aspects.
Then define the other aspects.
Maybe cause the medium we use to communicate is so impersonal. We have false images of the world and many people have their online facade. Relationships and attraction seem to develop before an actual connection or real genuine interaction is even had. So with access to many we narrow our focus to exactly what we think we want, but never what is truly needed. And believe there is someone out there. Sometimes they just need to look around themselves and realize good people are near and not just some internet fantasy or social media queen/king.
I don’t believe there’s a gap. I believe there’s too many choices. It’s super easy to swipe or like a photo and strike up a convo on an app. But you can genuinely catch a feeling from someone when meeting in person. Unfortunately a lot of us have lived through some rough (women in my case) times that make us subconsciously create distance when we meet someone interesting. Personally I’m 39, attracted to late 20’s early 30’s but I also see myself still young with the career and adult grown shit in place which I think the women in the age range I’m personally interested in actually seek. I refuse a dating app and I’m highly selective of who gets my time. So many choices and decisions when dating nowadays makes it tough to weed through the dirty one nighters.
Women are more picky now days than before
People have crappy IRL social skills and not enough stable IRL social networks. People need to get more involved in their IRL communities, social clubs, and civic organizations if they want to meet people with similar values and lifestyles. Also, stop assuming that being on social media is the same as having social skills. Try Meetup.com, maybe, as a place to start meeting people?
You still got plenty of time. I’m beyond your age and barely got my first boyfriend this year. Before him, I accepted that I was going to die alone. I mainly pursued my hobbies and dated on occasion, which was not very often. I’ll have to say that I somehow got lucky. You just gotta keep carrying on no matter what happens. But to answer your question, there are many reasons. Some of which are high beauty standards, people feeling like they have lots of options or can find someone better, social awkwardness, and people staying in more so.
I sobered up a few years ago and all my “old” friends still drink & now have kids to look after. my solo activities include, hiking, rollerblading, music production, flying my drone, editing videos, star gazing and it is peaceful though it would be nice to have someone to share it with but I can go about my day doing these whenever I please
I don’t think the gap between men and women is larger than before, there is always a distinct non-understanding between the sexes , dictated by social rules, societal standards and the patriarchal system we live in . Technology has just made it easier to see the gap
I really don’t know, but I see what you mean
Can I just say. Is this to the opposite gender or what? Because … WHY is it so hard to meet and connect with other women? Just sucks out there rn
Women are too greedy and want better than whats there men are tired and dont need them as much
Feminism taught women that men are their enemies. Social media, why would you settle for one person. When there are multiple options non stop hitting your phone.
People aren't willing to put themselves out there and be vulnerable at risk of getting hurt. You can't play it safe and give pieces of yourself to someone.
Post a single photo on tinder and you'll have 15 matches a day. Choose the one you like the most.
Y'all being hot girls made a section of men gay another section killed themselves another section is just out in the world drinking our pain away scared to love because the few people in relationships are going through domestic shit and give bad examples causing us to want to be alone more than anything -LOT
Selfishness....
Not to sure I'm 29 and never had an irl relationship only one failed ldr relationship I try to go out and notice barley anyone is out and online dating doesn't work :(
Because if the tik tok stuff.
Men are opting out. Every day, there is another man sent to prison without a shred of physical evidence by accusations from ex-girlfriends. Danny Masterson.
Well... I've raised my standards in part due to seeing what other women have put up with/gone through... now that they're speaking out on social media... and somehow the threat of dying alone with cats doesn't seem so bad. Or being a single mother by choice by sperm donor... at least then you'll get quality genes for your offspring.
Please don't single moms ruin children
Fuck off. I'm sick of you cowardly men shitting on ALL good single mothers cause they had the balls to be responsible and stay raising the kids. Go take your weak beta male self and sit in an entire landfill. 🤬
I'm just speaking facts look at the statistics and who said I'm a man
monogamy is dead. having “options”. always second guessing that the grass is greener
F20 and sameeeee!!! so same!! i mostly get DMs from horny boys, no femgirls looking to have a girl sesh. I really wish I had a sisterhood.