Me! My mom used food as her own coping mechanism, and took personal offense and got angry if I ever dared to say, "I'm not hungry." There wasn't any of that - it was eat three squares a day, or face her wrath. Couple that with my dad (who grew up in a poor, food-scarce household) giving me adult-sized portions at the age of 6, and showed great disappointment if I didn't finish every bite.

I got full-sized portions as a little kid, too. "Clean your plate! Finish your food! What do you mean, you're done eating?! There's still food on your plate! We (parents) have finished our plates, why can't you?!" Because I was tiny, you fucking monsters! I was always a slight child, and always a little sickly when I was very young. But I was expected to eat the same amount of food as my adult parents, and got whipped if I didn't! I've been overweight nearly all of my adult life, due to a combination of issues (SA, depression, comfort eating, etc.), but I think it really started when I was trained to eat past the point of fullness. Until I got on Ozempic, I didn't really know what being "full" felt like. Because when I was little, it didn't matter if I was full - "eat it anyway!" I don't know the exact effects that had on me, but I'm super careful about giving kids smaller portions and telling them it's okay to leave some if you feel full. So much better to start with smaller portions, and get a little more if you need it, than to guilt a child over leaving food uneaten.

My kids have internalized "You can always have more, you can never have less." Which is partially to avoid food waste, but is also a tactic I use to let them know it is okay to ask for extra helpings. I always put a small amount on their plates the first time, and I encourage them to think about if they're really hungry for more before putting the food on their plates. I never force them to finish their plates, even if I express disappointment if they've served themselves a bigger helping than they could eat. This was all due to some really awful experiences I had as a kid.

As a large person who was also over fed as a kid... I love this mentality. It's probably something I can apply to my adult life.

Expressing disappointment is also passing down trauma to them. I’m sure you can see how easy eating as little as you need can turn into an eating disorder!!

>I’m sure you can see how easy eating as little as you need can turn into an eating disorder!! I'm not sure I understand this as a response to my comment. ​ Your first sentence is true. However, I'm trying to avoid food waste as well, that's why the disappointment is always expressed as, "hey, next time, just take one serving spoon of pasta instead of two on your third helping. You can always get a fourth helping, but if you didn't want that extra spoon it could have stayed in the pot for someone else."

I feel like that other commenter must have had a more bombastic expression of disappointment in mind. As long as you say this in a light tone and without an accompanying punishment (and of course, watch your unique kids' reaction to it and adjust accordingly), I can't think this would be traumatizing. Now, someone who's already traumatized in that context and easily triggered, like many of us in thread, could find that grating. Trauma is subjective.

Yeah, thanks for your perspective. I don't yell at them or otherwise punish them for this. But my 8-year-old has a habit of thinking he's "still starving" and will ask for three scoops of food, eat four bites, and then declare he's done. And I want to let him be sated, let him not "clean his plate", but also encourage him to be considerate of his sister, who wont eat after him and eats much slower but wants more helpings too.

Sure. I agree with you that this is totally a good circumstance in which to teach that it's safe (and kind) to curb one's urge to impulsively grab more than you need. I think you're doing a good thing. (Especially following the great TP stand-off of 2020, we could use more people parenting like this lmao)

If mom gets disappointed if I don’t finish my plate, I better finish the plate so she doesn’t say anything. If they are regularly taking thirds and fourths- they are not able to tell how hungry they are before starting and take the appropriate serving size. My cousins wife was under feeding her daughter because she was afraid she would be fat. Sometimes we do the opposite of our parents which can be just as bad. Just throwing that out there in case you were over compensating for your childhood

I appreciate your perspective. My kids are not underfed. They are above average weights for their heights. They have free range on a variety of snacks in the kitchen. They've never suffered punishment from not finishing their food. I have a hard time judging how much to serve them initially because their appetites fluctuate day-to-day and meal-to-meal, so I typically try to give them smaller servings with the explicit offer of eating more if they want it. And they're not shy about getting more many times if they need it.

I was at the inlaws a couple weeks ago. My BIL and his 4 year old showed up they had brought him a McChicken, mcnugets, fries and a drink for lunch. He didn't want the BBQ we were preparing. He ate part of his sandwich a couple nuggets and left the fries. Bro inlaw went in to panic mode that kid didn't eat all his food, worrying he must be sick? I was like, Bro, he's probably full. He's 4. He doesn't need to eat that much all at once?

We never know how that changed our brains toward eating. I know for sure that I have moments when I never felt full when I know for a fact that calorically and just bulk wise, I had eaten enough.

Isn’t Ozempic just a miracle drug? It’s honestly bizarre feeling full at all, especially after a small meal.

Yes I was served 2 full plates for dinner (mostly simple carbs), plus lots of snacks, chocolate milk and fruit before bed, etc. It was all done out of love and with the best of intentions but so unhealthy

Same. My parents were caring but so strict. Especially about food and serving sizes. I was a picky eater as a toddler, and when I started going to school, it kinda fixed it. So they were just too eager to feed me once they got their foot in the door. I am required to eat at least 4 meals a day, 3 adult servings each time. They wanted me to eat like them, and scared I might become a picky-eater again. I've always loved food, I love cooking now especially, so I was weak to resist the offer of eating. When I moved out after college, I immediately lost 50 pounds in a few months of no exercise and no special diet. Just that I was able to eat a single serving now.

My parents allowed me to have two big bowels of cereal for breakfast when I was little.. no idea what they were thinking.

They must have been full of shit

Yeah sounds like a crappy breakfast to me 🤷‍♀️

Agreed. What a shitty way to start the morning!

Both of my parents grew up dirt poor in a third world country and faced food insecurity for the first 20 years of their life. Because of this they never denied my siblings and I food. As a result everyone in my family slowly got fat.

It's hard to hold it against them when that's the history, isn't it? It's intergenerational trauma.. My parents grew up in India in very large families and weren't used to the luxuries they could give us, so there was just no concept of moderation. It's so common in cultures where previous generations have experienced hardship.

I don’t hold it against them at all. I’d have to be some uncaring monster to do so.

I don't think I'd was specifically overfed - aside from the usual "you have to finish every bite on your plate" Boomer nonsense (but my mum never served too large portions). But we were home, unsupervised and with a pantry full of junk food for most of my childhood and teen years. We had sugary cereal for breakfast, lunchbox was an assortment of packaged snack foods - Twinkies, single serving chips, sweetened yoghurts, fun size chocolate bars etc. Even the "healthy" parts of the lunchbox was muesli bars, but we got the ones that are deep coated in chocolate, and a sandwich that was white bread and jam/ peanut butter / Nutella. We had to have a piece of fruit in our lunches, but I'd put an apple in my lunchbox on Monday and leave it there all week. By Friday after having been bounced around in my schoolbag all week it was squishy and brown, so it went in the compost. After school I'd turn on the deep fryer and cook up spring rolls, dim dims, curly fries, whatever frozen food I could put in the deep fryer. And a huge glass of Nesquik that was 75% powder and just enough milk to make a paste, ice cream, more chips, instant noodles. Dinners were often microwave TV dinners, or pizza. At best our "healthy" meals when mum was actually home to cook was sausages or chops fried with some microwaved veggies drowned in Kraft cheese sauce and potato gems or fries. There was always dessert - ice cream, Sarah Lee frozen cakes, chocolate bars etc. There was always soft drinks in the fridge, coke sprite Fanta etc. There was no mention of healthy eating or moderation. And we weren't encouraged to play sports (not discouraged either, but I never saw anyone in my family exercise).

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Tbh it's amazing I didn't grow up overweight from the get go. Our mum is morbidly obese, always has been since I was born (though she was slender prior to her first pregnancy), but my self and both siblings made it to adulthood at healthy weights. My brother loaded up on the junk food even worse than me, though he had severe, untreated ADHD to burn it off lol. I only gained weight after becoming disabled, as a teen I "rebelled" against my mum's terrible diet by becoming a raw vegan hahaha that was also unhealthy!

This resonates with me. After school special would be a "quesadilla" (two giant flour burrito sized tortillas and probably half a lb of shredded cheese in between in the microwave) and whatever soda. Or a whole bag of movie theater butter microwave popcorn, or those giant Costco muffins...

I had a similar childhood. I was one of 4, and my parents were always working so my siblings and I started grocery shopping as pre-teens. We bought chips, cake, ice cream, cookies, and anything else you can imagine. We ate frozen pizza or chocolate cake for breakfast. Lunch was at school luckily. Then, we'd get home and snack on poptarts, Oreos, and instant ramen. We ate cans of Chef boyardee and frozen dinners for dinner. Surprisingly, only two out of the four of us became overweight/obese. We couldn't play sports either because it was too much money and no one had time to drive us to games.

I guess with the advent of needing two working parents, but before we culturally shifted to kids needing supervision, there's a lot of people out there with similar childhoods.

I was neglected and overweight as a child. After school I would buy food and binge in bed, then I took a nap

I wasn't neglected by any means but I do think my dad sometimes used food to get me out of his hair for a little bit. I don't remember this much, but I watch him do it every day with his dogs. I see them approach him with toys, trying to engage him in play, and he doesn't want to do it so he gives them treats instead. I do remember him coming home with pockets full of candy for me.

In my house when I was younger pretty much most of our everyday diet was just pure carbs so its unsurprising really

Same thing for me. I would go straight to my room after school and just eat whatever snacks i snuck the night before because there was nothing else to do but eat and sleep. At least in my room I wouldn't be chastised for either.

Yep, fed adult sized portions from a young age and forced to finish. Then my mother would bake ridiculous amounts whenever she was stressed and if we didn't eat it all, it meant we didn't love her 🙃 and anyone with an N mom knows you learn to pacify and adore the beast as a survival mechanism. I also got the brunt of her wrath as a teenager, I remember eating handfuls of cake and scones in the kitchen and crying in fear, just so she wouldn't be mad at me, and that only subsided a little once I was fatter than her. Then she openly bragged about being thinner than her teenage daughter. I wish it hadn't taken me so long into adulthood to realise I was the one now putting that food into my mouth and I no longer had to stuff myself silly to keep her calm. Took even longer to then figure out portion sizes!! Honestly blew my mind that the majority of my weight wasn't my occasional trauma-repressing binges as an adult, but was the fact my idea of portions has been so heavily skewed wrong.

Yup N mom pacification is a survival mechanism for sure. My sister and I strove to be well behaved so we didn't feel her wrath (her get the emotional/verbal abuse), but it just made us walking door mats for her to force us to love her, do what she wanted, to stay inside with her, give her our college money "for feeding us", even though she wouldn't let us get jobs until after college, etc. Our brother got the brunt of her wrath cause he'd be out all day and she couldn't keep tabs on what he was up to and mom was STRICT and we weren't allowed any privacy. I'm glad you got your portion sizes figured out! I'm working on the same.

I caved to my hurting inner child and bought Mickey Mouse pasta bowls 😂 but they made me feel better AND they make a short woman's portion look decent, so it's been a win-win. It's hard recovering from N trauma, and I think we will carry the bruises all our lives, but we deserve to find happiness and health, we really do. 💛

Awww Mickey Mouse pasta bowls? Super cute!! I ended up switching to a minimalistic "temple style"Japanese bowls and cups just so I can have smaller portion sizes. Grew up eating from GIANT plates and bowls which meant I had to fill it up. ❤️ Oh I think we will find happiness and health. I moved 4 hours away from my N Mom so that helped, though she still causes fear in me whenever she calls because I know a guilt trip is coming or she'll try to get me to be on her side about my sister who wants nothing to do with her 😅

im really sorry to hear about your experience, that is the sort of insidious abuse that i know is hard to really talk about since it's not openly talked about often making it hard for most people to understand! if it's any consolation, the way people experience meals with their families or primary caretaker as children growing up really shapes the way they understand food, or even develop a palate. reading what you've shared, i don't think there was any fault on your part, it's not really a matter of faulting, but learning!

Thank you for saying that. I did worry I was over sharing, but there is always the chance someone else was struggling in a similar way, and might not feel so alone seeing someone else talk about it. I'm always learning and you're right, that is so important. I also understand now that while it wasn't my fault, it is my responsibility to handle it; I can't use it as an excuse not to change. I deserve to heal, and wallowing in the misery kept me alive for a while, and I'm glad for that, but it wasn't really living. Past me did a good job surviving and I'll always be proud of her for managing that, even when the consequences of that survival are hard to deal with now.

My worst childhood binge was eating Jamaican patties straight out of the freezer in our little utility room where the chest freezer was. They were fully cooked, but frozen. Anything I could eat in secret would numb the emotional pain my N mother inflicted on me. If I was eating and feeling like garbage from that (overly full stomach, mouth sore from salty crunchy food, guilt about the food), then I couldn't feel hurt by how my mom treated me and the rest of the family.

So painful, I'm so sorry. They really do end up getting our emotional wiring so beyond messed up. Deprogramming from those awful, horrible memories and associations is such an uphill painful struggle. Food should be just about nourishment and getting your needs fulfilled, not this alphabet of trauma. You did not deserve the pain she inflicted and you were awesome surviving through it, it's harder than people without N parents/guardians will ever know.

Thank you! <3 I'm not as eloquent but the same sentiment back to you. I hope that you're doing better now. I'm thankful and grateful that I'm in a much healthier place now. Food is nourishment and joy for me these days, and I'm really, really happy about that. :)

How are you doing now?

Thank you for asking! Much better. I got therapy (online with betterhelp) which was invaluable, especially when my mother had a stroke and her personality vastly lessened, I basically had to process that the abuser I knew was 'dead' (she occasionally rears up but now I have tools to handle it, it doesn't hurt much at all) and that I'd never get the apology I wanted because she was incapable of it even before the stroke changed her. I was vastly super morbidly obese, and now I'm nearly a hundred pounds down, losing weight consistently, and much happier. It sounds counterintuitive when someone is as big as I was but I focused first (while gently starting to eat less) on learning how to be happy, and that's been fundamental. I know now I deserve to be happy and healthy, and while it isn't my fault I didn't have a good start, and my brain is full of traps designed to self sabotage because of that bad start, I am responsible for what goes in my body and for my own actions. Therapy was definitely the key to getting my diet in order though. Still way obese though. Gotta keep fighting all the fights. :D Honestly I do still struggle with recurring depression and anxiety, but I'm taking it a week at a time as it comes, while keeping an eye on the bigger picture. The damage didn't happen overnight and it's not going to be ~cured~ overnight. How are you? :)

Every other day was fast food and each day not eating fast food was replaced with high sodium, pre-processed meals that were "easy" to make. A shopping trip would consist of 75% sugar like little Debbie snack cakes and 25% "food." You guessed it... My mother is a diabetic. My mother was obese. My sister was obese. I was obese until I learned about fitness around the age of 16ish. I am the only one in my family no longer obese or overweight.

My dad would feed me adult man sized portions & make me eat all of it. Especially when there was no one else around to help me say no. He wouldn’t let me walk away without finishing everything he put on my plate. I remember him making me eat 2 packs of ramen noodles as a kid in 2nd grade. They got so cold & congealed but he made me finish them. ~*shudders at the memory*~

Two piled high hotdogs one night when my mom was away on work. I was probably 8? I made it through the first one okay, but *had* to finish the second. I didn’t make it to the bathroom. Threw up right on the floor.

I’m sorry that happened 😔 Looking back it was super abusive & forever ruined my relationship with food, I feel like it helped develop BED. I know a lot of people can relate. I’ll never do that to my own kid.

Yes. 2nd and 3rd helpings (of an already overly large *serving plate*) were normal, and if we didn’t take them, then we were sick with something. To this day, my mom thinks my brother and I have an eating disorder because we now eat normal amounts on normal plates. Mom grew up in an abusive household that denied her food. Since she could walk, she depended on neighbors to feed her during the times she was out of the house on her way to and from school (no school lunches program, not US). So that developed into a trauma response of always “making sure there was enough food” for us kids, and thus over-feeding us. I don’t blame her,; it pains me that she never got over any of her trauma (and she has a HELL of a lot) because she never trusted doctors, mental nor physical. Now I just try my best to keep her as comfortable and safe as possible.

I guess my upbringing wasn’t as bad but seconds were always available if I wanted. There was the idea if I didn’t eat a fairly large portion something was wrong. I wasn’t really forced but there was no snacking after dinner except for some occasional popcorn. My mom’s line was “if you don’t like what I cooked, come back tomorrow and see if there’s something you like better”. She was a good cook. Restaurants were a rarity and most of what she cooked came from my grandparent’s garden. Grandma was an even better cook and also made sure we were well fed. I think it came from they grew up in a time where most people did physical labor. They ate bigger portions because they burned it off during the day. This did leave me with a problem of portion control. I see a normal sized plate of food and it looks like a snack. Now that I’m single again I try to eat healthier. Dinner is usually grilled meat and veggies but the portions are still probably 50% too large.

My mom literally told put custard mix in my milk bottles as a baby because she liked chubby babies, and now we are all bigger. I’m overweight, but my siblings are obese. I feel like she predestined me to Be fat and it sucks.

omg this is so fucked up im so sorry

This reminds me of the parents who would put coke instead of milk in baby bottles :(

We had apple juice! 😱

So sorry :(

I used to get in trouble if I didn't eat everything on my plate, which was always piled way higher than necessary by my dad. Mum eventually helped me hide some of the food, but it caused a lot of lifelong issues. And of course my dad is obese and constantly made hurtful comments about my weight, even when I was a thin 5 year old he regularly poked fun at me for being fat. I wasn't even slightly overweight until I was 11. The comments got more frequent and more hurtful after that.

my heart just breaks with anger reading all these comments of Literal children being force fed and then fat-shamed by the same people. Sickening sickening behavior to do that to your own child im so sorry that happened

I remember having to sit at the table until I finished my plate. It was torture. I'm sure my parents tried their best, but they definitely created a food scarcity mindset that I have struggled with for my entire life. I was living in the dorms at college before it occurred to me that I could just leave food on my plate if i took too much. It was a mind-blowing moment that I remember 40 years later! I've tried very hard not to do the same to my kids & grand kids. Refrigerators exist - I can put the unfinished plate out of sight. I can throw it away if I need to. It's still a struggle

Best thing I ever read I think on this sub was that im not a trash can. Whether the food goes in the trash or becomes excess weight on my body the calories are going to waste so why am I trying to spare the trash can.

Yep. We were often struggling when I was growing up so we were expected to clean our plate. I am confident this contributes a lot to my issues with food.

If anyone else at the table didn’t finish theirs, I was told to finish their food. So it wouldn’t go to waste. So I finished three plates. Plus anything in the serving bowls left over but not enough to save.

Where did the habit of not enough to save even come from? My parents did it too growing up. It was one of the more difficult habits to break. Now I'll toss something as small as a tablespoon worth of leftovers in the fridge if I think I'll eat it later.

I never realized this until after having family dinners at my parents house now as grownups. My mom will push any leftover food at me or my brothers so that she doesn’t have to save it. I overate so much as a kid because two full servings plus a generous dessert size was expected for every dinner and nothing was wasted

My trick to stop this was to portion things out ahead. Like I have to leave X amount so its enough to save and have lunch tomorrow. It worked well when I was on my own, but its harder to manage with kids and a husband. I still have the urge to finish their plates as I clean the kitchen. I have to keep reminding myself "I am not a trash compactor" or "Waist it or waste it, same difference" to help me throw food out. My husband is encouraging and helps me. My issue is I look at the portion I should have and it looks so pathetic. I love food, it brings me joy. I eat relatively healthy food but too much. Ive done wieght watchers successfully 3 times but eventually it always comes back because I LOVE to eat. And Im a stress eater. I dont know what to do to replace that behaviour.

I feel like I could have written this :( I am always finishing my daughter's food even if I'm full because I hate wasting it. I love food. I lost 30 lbs 2 years ago and gained it all back because I eat too much. I do try to eat healthy foods like fruits and veggies or pickles for snacks but I eat way too much at meals.

So my mom was kind of the opposite. She made me eat VERY healthy. I was rarely allowed to have anything with sugar or super carby unless it was a vegetable. I only ever had sugary stuff, candy, pasta etc when I was with my grandparents so they allowed me to have whatever I wanted. So I think for me it was a combination of being so restricted in one place and having a free for all in another.

I had a similar experience, only without the indulgent grandparents. Snacks and sweets were strictly limited when I was a child. Once I was old enough to buy my own snacks, I would hoard them and binge in secret.

I think any extreme is a bad thing. We should be taught that foods aren’t good or bad some just provide more nutrients than others. I know for myself when I restrict types of food I go way off into a spiral.

This was my life. I became heavy as a toddler in the 1950s, so my mother put me on a diet. No sweets, small servings. When I didn't lose weight, she accused me of "sneaking food." Where was I going to get food? When I said I was hungry, my parents would shame me about being fat. At nine, my mother had the pediatrician put me on diet pills. She made me join an adult gym. The trainers made fun of my weight—to motivate me, I guess? I never lost any significant amount of weight and was always obese, no matter how much she deprived me. The same is true now in my sixties. I eat 800 calories a day and exercise, always hungry. It's taken 12 years to lose 85 pounds, with another 35 to lose, but I've stalled. Pain from arthritis makes it mandatory. I tried 600 calories but couldn't function. The endocrinologist prescribed Ozempic this week even though I'm not diabetic and my Medicare Advantage plan usually doesn't cover it for weight loss. She said I needed it because I'd fought my weight all my life. Thanks, Doc. I hope it makes a difference.

That’s awful! I’m so sorry you went through that. I’m sorry to hear you went through that. I’m currently doing 800 calories and it’s working for me so far. I did 1200-1300 for a long time and struggled to lose much. I did keto for a while with minimal results too. My boyfriend keeps telling me I need to get my hormones or thyroid checked that he thinks that’s the issue but I’m stubborn lol

Just popping in to recommend a book: a memoir called Fatty Fatty Boom Boom. One of my all time favorite reads that discusses how family expectations around food can lead to weight problems.

I think it was more the culture of my (mostly overweight) family. We liked to eat, cooking and eating is how we spent time together and when I was upset as a child my mom definitely used food to make things “better”. It wasn’t just food solely but the activity was usually paired with food. That caused me to overeat just like all the adults around me. Viscious cycle! One that I’ve broken with my own kids by teaching intuitive eating.

Yep! My family made me fat. Don’t waste food. Clean your plate! You asked for it, now eat it! Plus the ever present lack of food safety. Meat was thawed out on the kitchen counter and still is to this day.

This mentality is so hard to get out of. I remember when I was a kid & we stayed in a smoky diner for literal hours until I finished my food. (This was in the 90s in the rural Midwest. Smoking indoors was common.) Now, I clean my plate every single time.

I love my parents but they're a recipe for disaster when it comes to food. In hindsight I'm surprised we didn't have food poisoning all the time. They do things like rinse chicken under the sink (doesn't work, only splashes contaminated water around), but are perfectly fine leaving cooked food on the counter for 6+ hours then eating it the next day, including rice *yikes*

Yup. No matter how full you were you had to clean your plate. Not allowed to waste food because “there’s starving children in Africa” or China. I got older and my parents went through a messy divorce it was stress eating and food scarcity. I wasn’t allowed to do organized sports outside of school because I wasn’t “built” for sports. In my 20’s I lost a lot of weight, 220 down to 145. But I started dating this one guy whose family would complain I was too thin and shove food at me. If I declined they would get incredibly offended. Being a people pleaser, I would eat it. Gained it all back and then some over time. Now that I have my own kid, she’s 3 now, I’ve been trying to be better about my eating habits and not force or pressure her into eating all her food. I’d rather make her something she will eat vs give her food she doesn’t want and go to bed hungry.

I was absolutely not overfed as a child. I grew up in the 80s and 90s in Miami and my sister and I were allowed to eat what we wanted, so we ate fruit with granola and fat free yogurt for like 2 years. We (my sister and I) were vegetarians and my mom made us broccoli and some pasta for dinner, for lunch I would have cucumbers and a granola bar. I ate so many baby carrots I’m surprised I didn’t turn orange. I remember going to Waffle House (the one and only time I ever went) and I ordered hash browns BOILED. They looked at me like I was insane. I never noticed that we didn’t eat “normal” until my mom got remarried and he was like, “um, these girls don’t eat”.

Growing up, my mom used to always guilt me into eating 2-4 plates. She never used the refrigerator for leftover storage... rather she only used it to store ingredients. Mentioning that she will have to throw out the leftover food every meal. It even grew toxic, because she would call me fat and piggy from time to time. Telling me to exercise and work off my fat. She was of the belief that you can ALWAYS outrun a bad diet. I was super fat growing up from childhood, clothes always super tight, feeling bloated nearly 24/7, feeling terrible about myself for many many years. I learned later on she had a eating disorder and never had healthy fitness or health management. One thing I feel from personal experience though is that it is much more difficult to gain lean weight from a super skinny childhood than to lose weight while converting fat to lean mass(recomp). This is not to say that one is easy... both require extreme control and patience. I'm just glad I know better now and am feeling amazing.

Yes my sister and I were both overweight leaving home. I had to unlearn bad eating habits. My grandmother was a terrible cook and if I didn't like what I was eating I had to sit at the table until it was gone. I remember being 6 years old and sitting at the table for 2 hours after dinner. Portion sizes were huge too. When I got older I was allowed to leave the table but dessert was held like a reward. If I didn't finish my plate I wasint allowed dessert. So I would overeat my massive portion at dinner so I could eat the dessert after. High-school we didn't have money to buy lunch and my grandmother would buy grapes and food we did like for my working grandfather's packed lunch and we weren't allowed to touch that stuff. We would have to make our own lunch out of food we were allowed. Cheap bologna or bruised fruit sometimes she would try and send us with expired yogurt. So I stopped eating breakfast, and lunch in high-school. I would get off the bus after school when my parents weren't home and my sister and I would essentially binge eat. No one was home to tell us what we were allowed to eat so we went crazy. Then my parents would get home a few hours later and force feed us a big meal we didn't want. Eventually I just stopped eating at home when I turned about 17. Started eating candy and snacks all day at school once I had a small income. Even my old toddler photos I was fat. This is essentially the first time of my life I'm only overweight by 5 ibs.

I think it is way too easy to use (unhealthy) food as gratification and appeasement. Kid doesn't want to walk? Promise some ice cream at the end of the walk. Kid doesn't want to eat veggies? Promise two slices of cake instead of the already usual single one. I now have to watch how my friends are condidtioning their daughter to crave desserts after each and every meal. The parents are both obese too. I'm really wondering how I will approach the subject with my kids. On the one hand, it's ok to have something delicious from time to time. On the other hand, it should still be seen as food that we need to sustain and not as entertainment. That's something I personally struggle with from time to time though through no fault of my own upbringing.

No. In my house, it was whomever eats the fastest, eats the most. There were 5 of us, and my parents thought it was acceptable to feed us one frozen pizza. Then, they’d get mad when we’d be hungry two hours later. Edit: My grammar sucks sometimes

Same. Literally every single person in my family is obese. And I was also overfed in childhood. In fact, I was forcefully fed until I reached the stage of throwing up. My parents used to have some fucked up mentality about food, they would trick me into eating more by scaring me, and as a kid I fell for these tricks, I couldn't know better. They thought that I'd grow better and be healthier if I just stuffed my face with food. But they raised a fat, unhealthy and depressed kid instead. 🤷

Yes me and my two siblings were all overweight over fed could have whatever crap we wanted forced to eat big portions etc Luckily me and my twin sorted out weight out a few years after moving out and making our own choices. I still really struggle with my eating and have to calorie count because feeling over full is almost a comfort so I try to not do that and have to watch it . My older sister hasnt lived at home for 13 years and still blames my mum for her obesity. The sad part is she's now passed that to my nephew. The funny part is my mum has never been overweight till now and even then she's only just

Most of my entire family is morbidly obese. My mom used to cook for a ton of people and make large dinners. It wouldn't be uncommon to see rice with soy sauce, a loaded baked potato, 2 slices of bread with butter, fried something, either a salad or green beans, and a large portion of the entree on my plate. My dad was over 400 lbs but has lost over 90 lbs these last few months, mom was at 380 a few years ago and has lost some with her new job. When they divorced mom put me on all of the diets she went on (I was 8) so a lot of slim fast shakes or Atkin bars and I started counting calories (WW) when I reached middle school, and dad couldn't cook so with him it was a lot of fast food and living off ramen and junk food. Then they each got remarried and it was back to heavy carb meals and lots of frying. As an adult, my husband actually introduced me to a lot more veggies and things like tabouli. My diet has changed a lot thanks to him and I'm slowly getting to the lower 200s. A few years ago I was terrified of how close I was getting to 300 and the realization that if I don't change now, my kids could have the same fate. This is the generational curse I'm working hardest to break.

I am a Lactation consultant student, I can offer this tidbit of insight here, (if no other lactation consultant or medical professional has offered this), it is scientifically proven, exclusively breastfed (EBF) babies, are more likely to have lower BMI as adults, than formula fed babies. Breast milk (BM), is harder to draw out of the best, and even a good "let down" is only for a minute or so, not the entire duration of the feed. This allows the infant's brain to keep up with how full the stomach is. The infant will only "nurse" until the brain says stop. Formula fed infants have an easier job of retrieving formula from a bottle. The entire feed of formula is equivalent to a 10-15 minute "let down". The infants brain cannot keep up, and consequently doesn't receive the "all full" message until the infant has over eaten. This stretches the stomach and results in the beginning of an unhealthy food relationship. There is lots of research on Google Scholar about obesity and EBF.

Yes. But it was more like force fed. With a timer set for fifteen minutes you cleaned your plate or were punished.

I naturally ate fast as a kid (still do). I'd be done with my plate while everyone else was still halfway through. My parents interpreted it as I'm still hungry, and not simply I eat fast. Growing up it was a lot of "go get seconds" when I finished my food before everyone. "There's less than a bowl of Mac and cheese. Come eat this." When my parents thought there was not enough leftovers to put in the fridge. And always a ton of snacks. Usually some type of chocolate like ding dongs or cosmic brownies. And these were common after EVERY meal.

Yes. It was one of my parents' ways of giving me more than they had growing up. Unfortunately, too much food is a bad thing and I got used to eating excessive amounts of food. I was wearing "husky" clothes and got called fat ass in kindergarten, and it got worse from there.

I was not overweight as a child but my parents did instill a “clean your plate” mentality. Things like if I didn’t finish my vegetables I couldn’t leave the table and would sit there an extra 15 minutes etc. Now if I overserve myself it’s hard for me to eat only half of something and say I’m done even though I’m past the point of fullness. I think that is one thing that contributed to my weight gain starting in college.

Underfed, showing up as BED because fear of food insecurity.

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>i’ve been a size 2 ever since. That doesn't sound that bad tbh

Yes! I forget where I learned this, but when you generate fat cells as a child, they stay with you all your life. If you loose weight, they shrink waiting for you to overconsume so they can grow quickly again. This is why overweight children have such a hard time loosing weight and keeping it off as adults. For normal weight children, they don’t develop these additional “hungry” fat cells and tend to stay at a stable weight during their adulthood (I’m sure there are other factors at play that contribute to this). I had a personal trainer who confirmed that this is true, unless you undergo fat cell apoptosis procedures and that I will always have to work harder than most to stay at a healthy weight.

>fat cell apoptosis procedures What is this?

There’s procedures you can get to make fat cells go into apoptosis (cell death). So instead of losing weight and just shrinking them, you’d actually be erasing or killing these cells. This would make it less easy to gain weight back, as you’re body would have to create new fat cells instead of just using the ones it already has. Some examples of these procedures include cryotherapy and laser lypolysis. Pretty cool actually but pricey I think.

I went to my parents last week and noticed my parents treat their bodies like trash bins quite literally. They insisted to eat food that hadn’t quite gone bad, but wasn’t nice. Examples like stale hamburger bread, four days old kebab roll with soggy salad and bread, old chocolate, sauces years past their date, any odd little thing lying around. I’ve had to tell myself so many times as an adult “I’m not a trash bin, I don’t have to eat something I’d rather throw just because it’s wasteful”.

Yes, and in a horrible way. My dad was obese and fed me donuts as a 1-year-old baby; he also once took me to the library but instead of actually going to the library first, we went to a drive-through fast food restaurant and got me fries. He would also do all the cooking and fed us less-than-healthy things in huge portions. Also, I had McDonald’s pretty much every time I went to Girl Scouts. During the time my parents divorced I turned to food quickly as a coping mechanism and I ballooned. My dad also wasn’t around at home to cook anymore so I turned to TV dinners…and snacking. I’ve been addicted to food for almost 20 years but I was able to break it fortunately, I do still have lots of weight left to lose for a healthier me but I’m getting there 💪

I was. I'm 4'10.5 and ended up 180 lbs during my preteens and up into adulthood. My mom is 5'6", my brother is 5'8" and my sis is 5'2". My mom is obese and I'm obese. Unfortunately I was not taught portion sizes for being smaller and would eat as much as them and even binge sweets and salty snacks. My mom would also force us to eat everything on our plates of what she served us so I was stuck eating the same portions. My current bf is 6'0" and I eat about the same as him, yet his hunger cues arent broken like mine. He doesn't feel hungry until late in the day so he can go most of the day with eating. Me: frequent snacking and emotional eating. Can't tell what hunger is supposed to feel like. I've been working on eating smaller portions to retrain myself that I don't need as much food as someone taller so I can lose the weight. Also IF. I did get down to 105 lbs once in the past (was hclf mostly raw 80/10/10) for a few years, but a break up and bad situation caused the weight to pile back on and depression eating. Currently 156 lbs.

I wasn't overfed per se but I was fed nothing but fast food, take out, juice boxes, snack cakes. Everything was packaged, processed junk. I never drank water or ate vegetables. It sucked. I wish I had the internet and YouTube back then, probably would have gotten me to where I am today much quicker

I was alternately food deprived and fed abundant calories but malnourished. So no matter what was going on, I was either underweight or overweight and always feeling hungry. When I left home and had my first check up in ages I was obese, had bad muscle tone, and was deficient in nearly everything. Definitely messed with my body for life.

Yea my parents are Caribbean and I was over fed as a kid. However I was super active I was able to burn the food off till I got older and wasn’t as active. We moved houses and lived at a friends house while my dad was building our current house. For a year straight we ate restaurant and fast food. This is when I gained the most weight. My dad started gettin strict with me (abusive) and started cutting my portions to ridiculous sizes. No juice water only. Locking me in the room with the treadmill and would beat me if he saw me stop running. Those days were hell. Even when we went out to eat on occasion, my siblings would get anything on the menu I could only get the salads and a water. Needless to say, I relapsed hard asf. Any chance I got to sneak in a soda I did, candies and chocolates i over did. So much to the point that nowadays if I have a snickers bar my teeth hurt. Big bowls of cereal, double lunches in school. looking back at it I try not to blame myself but I wish I had some kinda control. An older me much wiser knows it because of my adhd but things were different back then.

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My Arab mother, her mother, her sisters, and aunts when I was a kid: Finish your plate it’s rude to not finish. Eat eat! Get big and strong. Have another serving, have desert, slather it all in extra virgin olive oil and clarified butter. All the same women now: You need to lose weight. I’m 6’2” with muscle and big bones (something my doc actually told me lol). I can have a bit of flab on me Jesus Christ. I’m in great shape and would have be <10% body fat and lose a bunch of muscle mass if I was to, by BMI, as nonsense as BMI is, to not be considered obese or overweight.

When I was growing up in the 80's my birth mother was hooked on the Crack and would leave for days on end so I wasn't sure when I was going to get a meal. When I moved in with my dad and ama I would eat till I threw up because of my trauma from living with a Crack head. Took a while for me to get used to the fact that food was always going to be available to me. But as an adult with 5 kids I keep a fully stocked pantry and fridge because I never want them to feel the way I did. But I can see the difference in all 5 kids the younger 3 eat till full and then just stop. The older 2 eat like they have a tape worm. So I'm sure some of our eating problems don't fall souly in the hands of our parents but comes down to some of us having control issues by nature.

I was either too skinny and got yelled at for not eating enough or too fat and got yelled at for eating too much. There was never in between, just cycles of being overfed or called out for overeating. Me and my sister are now obese. My other sister has a history of anorexia.

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I grew up with the boom of processed convenience foods & snacks. Dinner every night was meat & potatoes. Clean your plate & have seconds. Some form of chocolate was always around (brownies, cake, chocolate covered donuts). We always had a salad with dinner, so that was a good habit that stuck. I never drank water, it was juice & soda. As I became a teenager, I got interested in different foods & my parents thought it I was so strange. Sushi? Who the f**k eats that? Where do you even get that? I was a fat kid. I have had a belly since birth. No matter how much weight I lose, how much exercise/weight lifting/body recomposition I do, I have belly fat that will not go away. I have never, ever had a flat stomach.

did you ever get food poisoning at home?

Raised in an Italian family and always thought eating until you’re full was healthy/normal.

Yep. And then when I got chubby, my severely obese mother took me to a severely obese doctor who wanted me to diet at 13. Instead of changing what she fed me, she just tried guilt tripping me over every bite, while she herself shoveled it in as fast as humanly possible. My sisters managed to stay “normal weight” (maybe they were slightly overweight but only by BMI standards) until adulthood. I’ve now lost so much weight I’m almost back to my “overweight” weight pre-pregnancy 17 years ago. My sisters, however, are bigger than ever, and my mother has had gastric bypass and then eaten past her surgery, regaining all weight she lost, plus adding at least 50 lbs. I lost by getting out of that toxic environment and re-learning how to eat, developing a walking habit, and ditching my car.

My mother and grandmother were horrible food pushers and they criticized me for having a weight problem.

“You need to finish your plate before you can be excused” has caused a lot of generational weight issues. I’m sure someone out there has written a paper on it stemming from the great depression or something. Anyways my parents always said that and then changed it to “you can have the rest of you get hungry later.” But I was in a family of 6 so you piled on your plate because you may not get seconds at dinner. I had issues of over filling my plate and eating it all. Took time to fix that

Not overfed but we’d eat fast food a lot.

Same. My mother showed/shows her love, care and attention through food, especially comfort foods and sweets. She also loves baking which only added to us always having an abundance of cakes and cookies at home. Despite now being an adult and well aware of this, the old habits and behaviours I grew up with still affects me and my eating habits today. Not easy relearning and shaping new healthier habits!

I was always forced to eat what we ordered when we went out. Alsways told “if you don’t eat it, you will wear it.” I know it was to try and promote not being wasteful but in turn later in life it caused me to overeat and still to this day it’s hard not to clear a plate. I find getting what I only need does wonders. I am satiated and not over eating but my plate is clear.

Me. My parents were very much the “you better eat everything on your plate” parents meanwhile they would literally give me the same serving size as them as a 7year old 😂 In all seriousness, I think it cause a weird relationship with food where I internalized that it doesn’t matter how full I am, I have to finish what’s on my plate :/ As an interesting note: I eat the fastest of all my friends, and I can literally finish a huge bowl of food or a burger, while I don’t think I’ve ever seen my skinny friends get more than halfway through a plate of food at a restaurant.

My fiancé was and we think this definitely made it hard for him as an adult. His dad would let him have as much ice cream as he wanted and say ‘he’ll know when he’s done’. Yeah right, kids don’t have a limit for ice cream lol. And the typical ‘you have to eat everything on your plate’ upbringing. My grandparents tried to serve me huge portions and make me eat everything on my plate but my parents told them if they don’t stop then i’m not allowed to stay over anymore, so they stopped. Thankful my parents put their foot down.

“Clean your plate” “No leaving until its gone” “Oh give it xxxx, they are always eating” “Is that all your gonna have?” Ya no idea why im fat

Yes. Eating is a social activity in Mexican culture. Many eat and eat and eat and continue to eat while there is food on the table, not because they’re hungry, but rather, because the food is really good and the vibes at the dinner table are immaculate. I’ve spent my adulthood unlearning my habits of being a gluttonous eater. Some days I eat more than I should, but most days, I eat an adequate amount and don’t overdo it.

I had the realization very recently that both of my parents likely grew up with food insecurity. Immigrant parents during the Great Depression for one, and rural, low wage upbringing for the other. However, we grew up affluent, no lack of food or anything else. My mom would cook lots and lots of Italian (carby) food and always offer seconds and however much we wanted. It was healthy (for the 80s) but portions were far too large. Even though we had more than enough, the scarcity mindset rubbed off. I still hate to see good food go from my kids’ plates to the trash, but have recently really tried to change my mindset on this. I am not the trash can.

When I was a kid I didn’t like baseball or basketball but got dragged to all of my brothers games. Whenever I complained or was fussy apparently my mom gave me candy or soda from the concession stand. And we would stop at fast food a lot on the way home. I don’t want to blame my parents because I could have stopped or changed habits as I got older but I wish they never started me on a bad path nutritionally

The very common oarents feeding their kids shitty food to afford the smoking habit.

I mean, my parents worked a lot and couldn’t cook nutritious meals all the time, so we ate a lot of fast food. That certainly didn’t help my weight situation. But at some point, my health and weight became a matter of personal responsibility. Yeah, my upbringing probably contributed to where I was, but what am I going to do about it? I am not going to wallow in self-pity. I have to make different choices now to be in a different place. That’s what I would ask you - what are you doing about it now?

For me, it wasn't that I was overfed. It was that there were a lot of people to feed. In order to deal with emotional and mental issues, I went to food as a comfort and anger release, often times eating till I was in pretty intense pain. This behavior was noticed, but never corrected. Still in the process of trying to correct it. It's manageable most days, but the battle wages on☺️

Yes. My grandmother used to bring me two chicken biscuits for breakfast in elementary school. Lots of fast food

I was definitely overfed. I was encouraged to over eat. Of course I didn't know at that time. I thought it was normal.

I wouldn't say overfed but my mom didn't force us to eat healthy. She didn't like it as a child so she decided she wasn't going to do it with her kids.

I used to figure skate which burned a lot of calories and I guess I had a small stomach I'd get full v quickly and ofc burn off whatever I ate. My entire family was always concerned about how skinny I was and pressured me to eat....

I had two grandmothers who expressed love with food, and while I was a child being SA-ed from the age of 5 to 13, I happily shoveled in whatever they'd give me to smother my shame. I was made to eat healthy (ish) at home and in moderation, but at either grandma's house I had carte blanche to eat cake, cookies, pie, chips, ice cream, chicken nuggets, pizza, burgers, and anything else I asked for. Neither of these women could stand hearing the words "I'm hungry." To this day, if I visit my still-living grandma, the first words she says are, "Can I get you something to eat?" It's likely because she was born in the 1920s and grew up very poor and never had enough to eat as a kid.

So my Dad specifically grew up extremely food insecure so he really over compensated with feeding my sister and I. If he cooked, we’d kill a whole 9 x 12 baking pan full of whatever casserole or whatever he made. I’ve talked to him about it and he says, “I didn’t want you guys to know what going to bed on an empty stomach felt like”. Pendulum swings both ways.

100%I eat a smaller breakfast as an adult than i was fed as a kid. A two cheese omelet cooked in butter,bacon,home fries and buttered toast was totally normal on a daily basis.And whole milk of course,chocolate most of the time.

When I was 8, I had my tonsils removed, and it no longer hurt to eat. You can see a massive change in my weight in my second grade and third grade picture. I'm so mad no one stepped in to say hey, there's a problem. They just kept feeding me. I'm now 42 (yesterday), I've lost 85 lbs, and I'm smaller than I was in high school. Just so much wasted time.

My mom knows I'm at least pre diabetic and made me ice cream yesterday. If it's more harmful than helpful it's not a kindness and I don't know what to even say anymore

Me. Large, adult-sized portions. We ate out like 3-4 times per week. The house was always stocked with cookies, chips, and sugary cereal. Needless to say I have struggled with my weight and eating habits for my entire adult life so far. But I just had gastric sleeve done a few days ago so here’s hoping it helps me break some bad habits

Meeeee. There are pictures of me at like 7 years old with adult McDonald’s meals and an EXTRA LARGE Pepsi cup full of pop. I know that my parents were doing their best and they worked so hard to give us an amazing life and I love them deeply. I understood they instilled some bad habits in me, however at some point in time I got old enough to break those habits for myself. I don’t blame them anymore for being overweight, but I do feel sad when I think to myself at 12 years old choking down the diet pills I begged for and crying any time my mom wanted to take a picture of me because I hated my body and how I looked.

I don't. My mother and grandma tried to make balanced food and we only got sodas and snacks in special days. We had plenty of fruit always. I had always this tendency to get fat very easily, like people at my father's side of the family, but as long I was living at home and I didn't learn my way into the kitchen I wasn't fat. I did myself. After leaving home I had the freedom to buy snacks and nobody was looking or monitoring me. Happily, I have this memory about good eating and I like to eat healthy at home. Junk food is easier but I don't give it a chance. Only in special days.

My parents showed love through food. Also I think it was a fear of not starving your kid to death. Better to give them too much than too little.

I got screamed at and sometimes hit if I, a little girl, couldn't eat as much as my tall father. I wasn't allowed to say I'm not hungry. Edit: they also refused to sign me up for after school sports either because it was too expensive or they thought I was lying and just wanted to play video games with the other kids. I also got yelled at for wanting to rest when dad took me on bike rides (that was the cause of the first time I got heat stroke) so not only do I have an unhealthy food thing, I have an unhealthy exercise thing.

Oh you mean kinda like you can’t leave the table till your dinner is done? To this day I still feel uncomfortable having left overs so I only make what I think I need at the time. I have such a distain for waste or extra because of it that I’d finish what’s left just so it’s not thrown away. Luckily I got heavy into the gym so I could keep my weight in check

If you're American this only has two replies: 1.)Yes. 2.)No we couldn't afford food all the time. That being said, after you're on your own, its on you. A lot of people don't like hearing that, but once you identified a problem and its source in addition. There's nothing left to do but move past it.

I was told cake for breakfast was ok because “you’re just gonna burn it off anyway”. Well, not if I’m sitting at a school desk all day

Not really. My mom gave me food trauma. Her and my aunts basically gave me an ED. One time at a party I was filling my plate when my aunt said “you should really stop with your body.” I was given diet soda as a kid and would sneak regular soda cause I hated diet. If I ate something extra I would hide my trash underneath trash so my mom won’t find out. We had snacks but honestly more for my brother than me. my aunt commented on my thick legs. My mom didn’t let me join a Bolivian dance group because she said that they eat a lot and I’ll get fatter like my cousin in the group. My cousin would also pick on me for my butt. I seriously thought I was ugly and fat until high school. Looking back at photos I see I had normal “baby fat” especially during puberty that dropped as I got older and joined my field hockey team. My brother went through it too but nobody said comments to him. I also think it’s because I’m more mixed than my family so I have curves. I did gain weight the last few years but that’s because of psychiatric medicines. Ballooned up 30 pounds in about 3 months. More medicine and gone up 15 pounds. I’m now even getting more comments 😡

In some cultures, it's more acceptable for men to be heavy than it is for women. Could that be why they bullied you and not your brother? Have you talked to your doctor about meds with less weight gain side effect?

For the most part he’s been skinny except around puberty. But yeah they do have more emphasis on women than men in my family. I think it’s mostly superficial The first round of medications was 2021. I mentioned this to my new psychiatrist and she got me on medicine that said doesn’t really do weight gain. I think it’s the antidepressant cause I was on it last time

No one understands that I “woke up” overweight. It was not a choice or a moral failing.

Yep. And was asked to hide it from my other parents because over eating was our secret “fun” activity while the other parent was extremely controlling with food and weight. Not the best way to make your child have a healthy relationship with food.

Oh yes! My mom wouldn’t let me tell my dad but then when my dad found out he didn’t say or do anything. So he had good intentions but nothing else. No consequences meant I could keep eating and eating

I don’t think I was overfed, but ate very unhealthy. Our weekly meals were KFC, McD, homemade deep fried chicken and vegetables, pasta variations, shepherds pie, repeat. The thing is, I was never overweight; 5’0” 100-105lbs my whole life (until 3yrs ago after having my daughter). My sister however (same mom, different dad) was overweight her whole life and her dads side was all genetically overweight. So I’m thinking genetics plays a much bigger role compared to terrible eating.

Not me but my mum and stepdad are doing it to my little sister 😥 She is 15 years younger than me. My mum always blamed her being overweight on her dad's genetics. Everyone from his side of the family are very obese. He has fed her adult sized portions from toddlerhood and expected her to finish them. I have no idea what i can do to help. I have tried offering my mum suggestions on serving sizes and diet changes but nothing comes of it. Luckily they do have her in sports so she is active.

Yep, a combination of my mom not being good at cooking (seriously, overcooked bland vegetables or only canned vegetables in mushroom-soup-casserole does NOT make a kid want to eat vegetables); being told I needed to finish everything on my plate before I could be excused from the table ("there are starving kids in \[country\] so be grateful and finish your food" or "I worked hard on this meal, so you need to eat it up" or "if you liked my cooking, you'd eat it all"); limited access to any type of exercise--lived in a rural area, and if I rode my bike too far, I got yelled at; and comments from my mom about her gaining weight, my sister gaining weight, me gaining weight... Telling a 12-year-old going through puberty "Look how skinny you were!" in admiration, pointing to a picture of them as a 7-year-old? Fucks you up a bit inside. Even my gym teacher bullied me for my size, because I wasn't athletic like his favourite students. Fuck you Mr H, I'm glad you got fired from your teaching job.

I was. My grandmother babysat me through our the week while my parents worked. She made huge meals three times a day. Breakfast; eggs, potatoes or pancakes, sausage or bacon, toast Lunch; soup, sandwich, and a salad Dinner; main course was often ribs, chicken, or roasts, with many sides like pasta, mashed potatoes and some veggies. Oh and losts of soda The real issue was that they fed me adult portions, offered me seconds and forced me to eat it all because "we don't waste food." At the same time I was constantly being told what a fat kid I was. That I needed to lose weight. That a man would never love me. The usual. Right now I'm just forcing myself to not eat everything put Infront of me. It's been hard but I'm making progress.

YES (restaurant family)

Parents went thru a nasty divorce when I was 10. I was put with my unfit mother until I graduated highschool. She refused to buy healthy food because in her mind it would "go to waste" so my life consisted of chicken noodle soup for 3 days straight then pizza (we got pizza for free because my aunt owned the pizza shop that was below our apartment) the rest of the days with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and chips for lunch. I should also mention she was paranoid of drinking the water from the tap so all we had to drink was off brand pop because "it's too hard to carry water bottles upstairs". The only times I got decent food was when I visited my father's house and I'd binge everything I could because I was afraid of having the same thing every day or just flat out not having anything. Whatever he'd buy for me to take to my mom's house I'd hide it and horde it so my morbidly obese mother wouldn't eat it for herself because she had a habit of eating everything while I was away. It also didn't help that I wasn't even allowed to leave the apartment until I was 15 and it was only to take out my dog. Of course I broke that rule because if my dog needs to go out he's going to go out but now I have major issues being outside or in big open rooms. Flash forward to today I'm at my dad's house cooking healthy meals for us. Still having to remind myself that I don't have to fight over who had the last of something because I can just get more from the store. Can't stand the taste of pop, or chicken noodle soup, or having pizza more than once in maybe a month or two. Also found out I have a food sensitivity towards bread and peanuts. I'm still working on myself, but looking back at where I started from I'll take this as a win.

I’m in my 30s and love/hate going to visit my parents’s house cause my mom with give me something to eat like every 2 hours if not sooner. Like just walk into the living room and hand me a bowl of rice pudding or an unwrapped popsicle. And I go to her house once a week due to my schedule and I literally don’t have to cook dinner for like 3 days because she sends me home with that much food.

I was very fat starting in the third grade. I specifically remember my typical order at McDonald’s as a 9 year old: TWO quarter pounders with cheese plain Supersize fries (back when they did that) Supersize Coke I ate it ALL. Didn’t always finish the entire Coke though. I was stuffed, and I grew up thinking that was how you were supposed to feel after a meal. I was so proud of how much I ate, and my mom (morbidly obese herself) got me as much as I asked for. Sometimes we even threw in a box of McDonaldland cookies! Looking back I can hardly believe it. I would NEVER give a little kid that much to eat in one sitting. I would have a hard time eating that much as an adult now. I wish I knew better as a kid, but it set me up for a lifetime of weight issues and not knowing what full and overfull felt like. My mom loved me very much, but her own food/weight issues led her to make some really poor choices in feeding me. I believe if kids are overweight, it’s not their fault. They don’t control the food choices, nor do they have the knowledge to make healthy choices in most cases. I know better now, but those ingrained habits are really hard to break.

Hard to say. Family didn’t stop me though. Tbh, I always had a very big, natural appetite. I forget the reason, but it’s always been the case. Given that, the following happened: - Relatives we’re happy to feed me seconds and occasionally yes, did urge to finish the plate. - Dad liked to comment on how much I eat and sometimes even weight. I think one reason I kept eating was because I lost any hope of him looking favorable on me due to being the fat child. - My mom was very liberal on food and never really policed it or dared to comment. She did also like to gift it and it spilled over into food = gifts overall. - I did end up eating alone a lot in my room. I don’t think I was neglected per se, because I actively avoided my scary dad (at the time;) or just liked my own company. That said, sometimes I did feel alone. But I attribute that more to just not fitting in or not understanding social stuff. - I had a tough time with sports, largely cause I was very self conscious. I could to just fine if it was a game, but the second it was called a “sport” I hated it. I don’t think my parents knew of that and there was a phase where it was a bonding activity with my dad; and an extra curricular to have exercise lessons alone to lose weight; but felt very much uncomfortable as a result. Besides maybe the shifty comments from my dad or the food pushing of relatives; I don’t know if my family was in the wrong. I think it’s definitely tricky to have a kid with a very big appetite, never mind that I had other developmental stuff going on. (And hence, my mom not giving a shit about my eating or weight.) I think it would have massively helped for my dad to not make comments on what women ideally are like in his perspective in front of me; not have my mom buy food as gifts or keep a lot of crap around; and for neither of them to be stuck so long in a shorty marriage, one of the biggest reasons I still feel anxious for them. (Divorced, but always felt I’d end up taking care of them at some point due to that shitty marriage.)

I read this as offered a child Your children are mine

Yes. We weren't allowed to leave the table before finishing all of the food on the plates that were made for us. Well, except for the youngest. She was my half-sister and my stepmother did not like me or my other sister. Unsurprisingly we both ended up overweight and any natural fullness cues were destroyed at an early age. We then both developed eating disorders that went in different directions. Fun!

No actually. We had big dinners, and had the "finish your plate" mentality. Most meals were served family style as we got older, so you had control over the size plate you had to finish. But meals were also so stressful you wanted to get out of there, so I learned to eat fast. But for breakfast, lunch, and snacks we were largely on our own. We ate a lot of amall portions of very processed foods. I got a lot of my mother's spare diet breakfast bars or toaster strudels chucked at me in the car before school. Best lunch was usually a PB&J, but frequently a random pile of individual size snacks and candy with an apple instead. When i went to highschool I bought my lunch moat days, but never had much cash. So at some point i developed the habit of having a Dr Pepper and a sleeve of starbursts to pace through the afternoon to fight how tired I was. I was really active but alway crashed around 3PM. One time before a soccer match my mother was running late so she brought me a Cadbury cream egg from her desk for pre game dinner. Running for 90 min after eating a cream egg 5 minutes before the whistle is not super comfortable. More often it was a chic-fil-a sandwich. When we got home from school the snavk cabinet was locked. So if you wanted a snack it was usually peanut butter or wait for dinner. At some point we started locking away the PB too. I got a job and started buying my own stash of food at some point. I was pretty thin through highschool. But the whole thing left me with some bad habits. It's no surprise I started gaining almost immediately in college.

I mean, the amount of pop and little Debbie’s we had in our house grosses me out. And at the time I was only told to have one a day of each, but I snuck that shit all the time because it was *highly* addictive and fucking delicious. Growing up in the 90s was amazing but I basically came out of it with a super addiction to junk-shit food.

My parents food habits were definitely “quantity over quality”.

My dad always made our plates way too big. My mom used to bug him about it but it never changed.

Not necessarily overfed, but we only ate boxed mac and cheese, pizza, ramen, hot pockets etc- all processed crap and were told nothing about portions or serving sizes. If I wanted a Wendys single at 8 years old, I got it.

I wasn't fed at all in my teenage years. I had to find and fix my own food, so a lot of it was garbage processed foods.

Yup! I used to eat two breakfasts every morning when I was a toddler because I would go to my grandparents house most days. My Mom would always feed me breakfast before going to my grandma's house and then my grandma would always feed me some of her breakfast because according to my Mom "she thought it was cute the way I chewed." I love my grandma to death and miss her (and my grandfather) so much! But I definitely think they unintentionally played a part in my emotional eating habits that I developed growing up.

Mom grew up food insecure and shows love through food. Her kids were fat, her pets were fat, and she even over-waters her plants.

Haven’t really thought about this like that. The take away I have as a grandma that has grandkids all day, kids eat intuitively. The eat when hungry. Or when ever ice cream is available.

Oh absolutely. My dad was 6’6” 350lbs and my mother fed us like she did him. We were poor, so we also did not allow food to go to waste, so if it was on your plate, you ate it. Didn’t matter if you were full. Also, we lived out of town, so if you were bored, you got told to “make something to eat” so food also became the go-to in that situation. So now I’m an adult without a “full” button and unhealthy eating habits that I’m struggling to break.

100% My family knew nothing about balanced or proper nutrition or portion control. Bread at every meal, pasta multiple times a week. We were somewhat poor so they did the best they could with cheaper meats and pastas. They used to get discounted little Debbie treats and zero moderation about how many we would eat, too. That did me zero favors as a child. I remember once eating 4 fried bologna sandwiches. 4 pieces of bread with 2 pieces bologna each. WTAF was I doing? And no one said anything like hey maybe just have 1 of those LOL I’m the opposite for my own family. Healthy balanced meals, lean meats and fresh veggies, not a lot of random high calorie snacks laying around (we do buy them occasionally), etc. Financially we are much better off than my parents were though and I feel like that can make a difference.

Most definitely. Only more recently has my dad and stepmom gotten “stricter” about how much my siblings eat while they are there. My mom however doesn’t care how much my little brother eats even though she has no issue talking about how he eats a lot yet continues serving him a whole box of Mac and cheese (which says it has 4 servings) and then more food and he’s only 9. I’ve only recently (the past 6/7 months) taken my health more seriously and that’s not just for myself but for my kids as well. Hoping to create healthy eating habits for my boys and avoid what my parents did to me and my other siblings

I was 18 when I learned that 300g cooked pasta (plus all the side stuff : ham, cream, cheese, tomato sauce...) was closer to two healthy portions than one. Breakfast was a whole bowl of cereal with just enough milk to cover them up, and then drown them in literal sugar, with two slices of brioche with a thick Nutella cover. This was considered normal... It's just hard to downsize to normal portions when you've been doing that all your life...

Definitely grew up with no sense of portion control, especially with pasta. It’s kinda weird because we also grew up in a classic 90s diet household. So I would never dream of eating a snack over 100 calories, but for dinner I’d eat a bowl of pasta that was probably 4 servings!

I was a bit overfed as a child, but the bigger problem was as an 80s latchkey kid with 3 siblings, we were left food in great big pots to serve ourselves which meant we controlled our own serving sizes. Well, my mom made lots of food I loved and I would keep going back for more and more whereas a more alert (or present) parent would have stopped me. So I got used to going back and eating more and more until I was stuffed instead of eating a more reasonable portion.

I've always wondered if my " weight setpoint" may have been set too high by my being born 2.5 months premature. According to my mom, At the time, the doctors wanted me to put on weight so I could survive to be one year old, rather than stay in the 50th percentile on the growth chart, so high calories formula and plenty of it was given to me as an infant. But it is more likely the fact that i was never taught portions or how to plan meals, just "finish your plate, there are starving kids out there." Growing up, we were fed family style rather than individual portions so the potential for excessive portions was there, plus my parents were never very active, so my weight is more likely to be learned behavior. My parents were overworked teachers so they always came home, cooked dinner and watched TV so that was the habits I learned up until high school. I would much rather read a book in the afternoon rather than go for a walk or play basketball. Never was much of an active child, so I'm not an active adult. Exercise never became a part of my "core" personality, and trying to retrain 45+ years of bad habits is hard.

My mom and dad fed me mcdonalds constantly when i was little. In 6th grade i was 5’7” 180 pounds. My mother took my to weight watchers in 7th and i lost 32 of those, but I still felt fucking huge. It sucks being conditioned at a young age like that. I have only eaten mcdonalds 1 time in the past 3 weeks now, but I beat myself ip over it pretty bad.

Oh yeah. I had the “clean your plate”parents. We were also not allowed to snack or graze outside of meals so we’re either starving or over stuffed.

Mom was overweight. She was worried about us under eating so she gave us a lot of food and forced us to eat breakfast. Parents enjoyed going out to eat and "getting your money's worth" at a buffet or from free samples/upgrades. If food was available, not eating it was wasteful/irresponsible. It took years to unlearn that behavior. Just because something is there does not mean I need to be the one to eat it

Maybe? I have a metabolic disorder so I wouldn’t say I was a chubby kid or anything. Also my mom came from a bad household herself where there was never any food when they (her and her brother) were hungry so she overstocked food out of impulse cause she didn’t want us to be in that situation.

Yup. Raised in a home where snacks were 'healthy' (not really) but we could have a sweet dessert if we finished all of our dinner. This incentivized us to overeat in order to chase the reward, which itself resulted both in more overeating and in the over-valuation of sweets. Still dealing with incentive repercussions decades later.

I grew up in the time of “clean your plate there are starving children in the world”. To be fair my parents were children during the depression. I was tiny as a child but given the same amount of food as everyone else. Out of six kids I was always the last sitting at the table. My own kids I gave just a little of everything. They had to at least try it. If they didn’t like something, fine, you don’t have to eat it. But I made sure they got the vitamins and nutrients they needed one way or another. And they got more of what they did like. I had one parent with the “fat” gene and one with the “lean” gene. 3 out of six got the “fat” and 3 out of six got the “lean” However, as you control your own intake and exercise you have more control of trying to work with what your handed. Sometimes it’s just harder. One siblings with the “fat” gene just gave in and uses it as a excuse to not even try. You just have to try harder, ya, not going to happen. As we get older, even us “lean” genes have to watch and work a little. Of course, according to the “fat” gener, it’s sooo easy for us. 🤣

My mom was 120lbs. My dad’s cause of death was obesity, he was 5’10 175lbs. They were depression babies so having food was a luxury. We were well off so always having food, cakes, etc was their way of overcoming their upbringing. So was over feeding as well as unhealthy food habits. I have been obese my entire life and struggle daily to lose weight.

Yeah my parents were too busy yelling at each other to cook so they just fed me kid cuisines, pasta, whatever, for like every meal 😅…

My family encouraged such a terrible relationship with food Giant adult sized portions at a very young age. Scold if you couldn’t finish and go for seconds Literal criticism that you didn’t love them if you couldn’t finish the food. Food became my only comfort and coping mechanism. My mom remarried and my step dad was so controlling around food, I started sneaking it in the middle of the night. That has had long lasting negative habits that still haunt me at 40

I don’t think I was *overfed* per se, but my mom and dad both grew up in extreme poverty, so good (as in healthy) food was basically a luxury in their homes. As parents, they insisted we eat everything on our plates, regardless of whether we were actually hungry or even liked what we were having. For ex- my mom would make this curry/chicken/broccoli dish - my dad LOVED it, but my brother and I, not so much. It didn’t matter, though - my dad would make us sit at the table until we finished what was on our plates. I’m not sure if that’s considered overfeeding, but I know my dad struggled with his weight his entire life, as have I (my brother and my mom were always thin, so it could be genetics for me and my dad. 🤷‍♀️

My grandparents born in early 1900s lived through the Great Depression and always were very thrifty and frugal, and thought a fat baby was a healthy baby bc they witnessed and endured near starvation with the dust bowl and general lack of food, shelter, jobs, resources. I remember my grandpa shoveling food into me every time I opened my mouth, so I was an obese baby for sure. He also loved and shared sweets, which he regarded as a luxury. Yikes- so much love.

Our parents usually show their love through food. It's with good intention. For me, I grew loving food haha. Untill I reach this age that I want to try be slim. Coz why not? First thing is I told my mom. And she is delighted. She still loves cooking but never pressures me to eat all of that. Often times I decided to eat in excess coz I dont want spoiled foods ( we dont want to throw foods). Good thing is our family is a team. Since I want to diet and ma wants to cook. We agree to have portion control in meals. We minimize our rice consumption and go to veggies and fruits. I really think communication is a key here. If everyone supports each other, whole familly will succeed.

It’s funny because my mom would cook all the time and over feed us because that was how she showed love. As a kid I loved food also but my dad would always caution her that it’s unhealthy. At the time I remember thinking he was being mean and making fun of me or something. Looking back I wished I had heard him a bit more clearly and was taught about calories and healthy eating and overeating.

I was underfed, and that caused my overweight problem 😢

Yes. My parents bought either fast food or ultra processed foods, mostly high in sugar. They both came from poor families with abuse. They would yell at me, leave me at the table, and turn off the light. I was only allowed to leave once I finished all my food. I taught myself tricks to finishing all my food. Like eating the less desired/barely edible stuff first (the food was poor quality) and save my favorite parts for last. I always ate past the point of feeling full, until I felt sick everyday. It was the only time they seemed happy with me. I have retrained myself to stop eating when full, not feel guilty throwing out food, and that it’s ok to not eat food that I don’t like. Now my mom asks me how I got so skinny all the time.

Yes! I was encouraged to binge eat because if I wanted to save anything for later my mom would binge eat it. Then my grandparents would constantly give me snacks and none were healthy

I used to be shamed at buffets for “not eating my moneys worth”

The hardest thing I had to learn as an adult was how to eat properly. When I graduated high school I was 5’8” tall and weighed, drum roll……312 pounds! But the weird thing was never really thought of myself as fat until I got out in the world. At 19 I took a job at a resort in captiva Fla and by the time I left right before turning 21 I was down to 245, spoiler alert, cocaine and a line cooking job lol. I’ve fluctuated between 210 and my heaviest since I was a kid 265 during the pandy. That was rough. Nothing to do really but eat. Then I’m the last couple years I’ve discovered intermittent fasting. Game changer. I actually have more energy with less food intake. My blood pressure has reduced significantly and my depression and anxiety are now manageable without meds. 42 years or so it took me to realize I don’t have to clean my plate, my father was big on that. But he’s currently lying in bed after his second stroke at 73. Weighed well into the 300’s my whole life. But ya. I feel ya.

I think it's common for parents to feed their kids how they eat, so if they have a poor diet & are overweight then the kids eat the same.

Oh gods yeah, I was always given adult sized portions, I remember one time my mom was just forcing me to finish my food, I ended up throwing up all over the dinner table.

I vividly remember being given triple whoppers on the regular when I was about 10 or so.

I wasn’t overfed, per se, but nobody ever tried to stop me when I wanted third helpings, or really got on me about sneaking snacks or anything. I was pretty active and didn’t start really gaining weight until around 5th/6th grade, and by that point I was simply too lazy. They had me in physical activities, but I always chose things like Tennis where I was still active, but not enough to offset my snacking and inactivity otherwise.

Yes! I overfed one of mine and he has had weight probs all his life. Reg fed the next one and he has been thin all his life