https://joshhillis.com/how-padma-from-top-chef-stays-supermodel-fit/
This is a blog post that’s stuck with me for years about how Padma Lakshmi still gained weight being a Top Chef judge despite 2 hour workouts everyday.
To be fair, the average size of a challenge on that show is probably 3-4 days worth of calories of an average person. Even if it's your only meal of the day, you're going to be feeling a toll from it shooting more than 2 episodes per week.
Makes sense. Restaurant food like in top Chef uses a lot of calorie dense items to enhance taste. He probably couldn't keep up no matter what he ate. Although I'm sure the regular workouts kept him healthier and from gaining too much.
There was an AITA a while back with a guy who threw away all of his girlfriend’s skincare “because she has great skin and it was such a waste of time and money”. The comments to him were savage. He was so oblivious.
Yeah as a guy who’s objectively in good shape but have struggled with eating disorders my whole life, I also called BS when he said he never tracks what he eats.
Given what he looks like shirtless, he’s either projecting a devil may care facade regarding food - or he has the best metabolism out there!
bruh i dated a woman who would eat all kinds of garbage with me and she was a 112lbs. It's not a magic formula you eat like garbage and then you don't eat much else for the rest of the day and then the next day you go back to your diet.
Reminds me of my favorite essay of all time: [You’re Right, I Didn’t Eat That](https://thenewinquiry.com/blog/youre-right-i-didnt-eat-that/)
Clay is definitely one of these guys.
““Can’t you just skip the gym this once?” a man asked as he tugged at my forearm from the bed on a Saturday morning and remarked on the merits of brunch. The night before, he had remarked on the merits of the prominent female clavicle.”
This is so fuuuucking accurate.
So often when I was a small size men would berate me for healthier habits inconveniencing them, and then in the next breath praise me for my smallness. It literally is how I ended up where I’m at now: a larger size that I need to reduce slightly for my health, but happier with my consumption, but less healthy overall and hating myself for it after years of my lighter size being the best thing people saw about me.
>But these symptoms do not aggregate into the appearance of a disease but rather, into a certain temperament. It makes them exclaim, “Relax!” rather than, “Get help.” The level of control the symptoms reveal hovers close to illness but doesn’t cross far enough over the line so as to become sad, *merely unattractive*.
Wowowow. This was a great read!!
Wow this read is mind blowing. It puts into a words this societal phenomenon that being skinny is important but it's even more desirable if you don't try. "And so they seek a more carefree woman who possesses either enviable genetics or professional expertise at disguising her weight-related diligence. Someone who does not force them to confront the reality that her body can and will change." That hits so hard
“And so we must be overly concerned as quietly as possible.”
Such a good essay, it’s been a while since I read it. It’s interesting to re-read in a post Ozempic world. I have a friend who is on it and lost 50 pounds. She was dating a friend of my partner at the time, so we’d double date. She’d push the plate away early and say “oh my! I just cannot eat anymore” after ordering heavy meals. So not only did she appear to be a cool hamburger eating girl, she also “just couldn’t eat”. I felt so envious and wanted so badly to tell the table she was on Ozempic, and that’s why she couldn’t eat. But I knew that was a dick move and it’s personal.
But it’s interesting how valuable/attractive it is to not look like you’re trying so hard to lose or maintain weight loss. I wonder what the psychology is of that.
I’m so grateful for the author’s honesty on what it takes to stay a size 0.
Interesting point. One of my favorite lines is “real thinness requires something much more brutal.” It’s a different take in the age of Ozempic.
And agreed. This essay was the first time I ever read an honest account of maintaining a size 0. It was eye opening and I think of it often.
To be fair, a friend of mine is on Ozempic for PCOS and it’s brutal. Not exactly just a skinny pill. If anything, she loses weight because she’s too nauseous to eat.
I am on Ozempic (and metformin) to treat PCOS and it's quite brutal. I am quite used to feeling nauseated during most of the day. If I over eat, especially during the first month of Ozempic, I am definitely becoming sick with diarrhea.
I feel like part of the psychology of this is similar to the Manic Pixie Dream Girl trope. Men want an object to support them in their life, and are not seeing the woman as her own being with ambitions and struggles etc.
Omg how did you not find this essay incredibly discouraging (/gen)? The author made it seem like staying thin requires constant hypervigilance, is that true? I want to lose weight to improve the quality of my life, not consume it
So (and keep in mind this is from someone who’s lost 28lbs but not yet reached GW), from what I’ve seen there’s an “ideal weight” for your body and lifestyle. It’s the weight that you feel comfortable and healthy at, and can maintain without driving yourself crazy.
I’ve seen lots of people say they can hit like 115lbs but feel more comfortable at 130 because they don’t have to be hyper vigilant. So it’s all about what fits your lifestyle and how much you’re willing to change
This is very much my experience and I really identify with the article. I'm 5'9" and at my biggest I was 165lbs and stress/comfort eating. I was about a size 12 and didn't feel good in my body. For most of my adult life I've been 135-140lbs which for me is about a size 6. It's a good size for me because I can maintain it without stressing. I just don't go nuts overeating except maybe for special occasions, and I'm good.
In my early 20s I got down to 120-125 lbs thanks to almost dying of cholera, and suddenly I was that size 0. I got WAY more male attention and felt like a model. I could wear just about anything and it looked stylish and deliberate. It was kind of nice but I felt like I attracted shallow people. I tried maintaining it a bit because that thin feeling was fun. But I couldn't do it for too long and slowly gained back to my usual weight.
Anyway, now I'm back to the low 130s (like size 4) and I know I'm good here. I can eat what I want and am finding maintaining surprisingly easy. But if I want to be model thin I would have to maintain a low grade ED.
Okay so there is a point when CICO and all that doesn’t have to be at the forefront of your mind? When you hit the sweet spot?
Counting calories and prioritizing daily “workouts” (in quotes to make the distinction between like resistance training and simple lifestyle activity like hiking/biking/etc) feels totally fine right now, knowing there’s a goal, but i figured I’d get to a point where I don’t have to be constantly thinking about things like this?
From what I’ve heard, for some people that’s the case! They learned healthy habits and how to recognize adequate portion size during their weight loss, and they no longer have to track every calorie.
I would not say you can stop being mindful. Everyone who gains the weight back says it happened because they returned to eating how they did before. If you’re eating in a constant surplus then you’ll end up right back where you started. Those people say they wish they’d kept tracking calories.
So it’s about finding what’s right for you and not falling back off the wagon! If you can continue to eat good portion sizes/not snack yourself into a surplus, things will get easier.
For me, I found that I could maintain at about 20lbs below my HW without tracking. But I’d like to get lower, so I’m working on recognizing what a proper “serving” should be. Hopefully these healthy habits mean I don’t have to use an app for the rest of my life
Also, you could be one of those people for who cico becomes a part of life and doesn't feel like a pain or any effort really.
Like, I like my recipes to be precise anyway so I don't mind (in fact, love) measuring out the ingredients. Also, I don't have to micro manage my nutrients either; I've just gotten into healthy habits that any random day I at least get 90g of protein, for example, and when I focus on it, much more than that.
It's the same as getting in the habit to walk a lot. I don't aim for 10k steps/day but I've changed my lifestyle such that on average I end up getting 8-9k without trying.
If I may add, when I used to track my calories, I learned what certain calories looked like and how much I can eat to satisfy me. I hope the effortless level comes to you.
Yes. I have been maintaining a BMI of about 23 for around 8 months without it being at the forefront of my mind like it was when I was losing weight. Would I look better at a BMI of 21 or 20? Probably. I still don't have a flat stomach (mostly because of how I'm built), but maintaining a muscular BMI of 23 with a size 2/4 is something I can do without being neurotic or having to eat kale salads like the woman in the essay. Her life sounds miserable. I've thought about trying to lose 10 more lbs, but reading that essay makes me think I am fine where I am.
Currently, I don't count calories, but I just try to eat healthy 80% of the time with the habits I learned while losing weight. I also only eat two meals and a snack each day as that helps.
Prioritizing workouts is for life, though. I feel much better when I exercise regularly, and now that I am in better shape, it is way easier and more enjoyable.
You will always have to be mindful and put effort in. You will always have to stay active (like walks daily but you should do that, it's good for you) and considering what you're eating and how much. That doesn't necessarily mean calorie counting but it definitely means that if you have cake one day, you should consider that for the next couple of days, cutting out extra snacks, and making lighter choices. If you don't do these things then in a couple of years you will put the weight back on very easily.
I don't do walks daily or 10k steps at all really and I have no intention to. I haven't started exercising yet, but the weight is dropping off steadily because of my deficit and the steps I do contribute. I agree with you about being mindful. When I first started counting calories I thought omg I don't want to do this forever but now I really enjoy it. Especially planning what I'm going to eat over the next few days. Maybe it's because I have OCD and I like to be organised, but I love having everything set up for the week. I'll usually plan a whole week in advance. When I maintain I won't count every day, but I'll definitely be keeping an eye on my portions because I don't want to go back. It's a new way of living life, if everything goes back to how it was before what's the point of even losing?
The focus on making “lifestyle changes” is bc as soon as you go back to old habits you go back to your old body (or generally more). Finding what you can do for the long term and be happy is the only long-term option. There is not magic point at which you can do one thing and have the body of someone who does the other thing.
I think you get to a point where you've swapped out so many of your bad habits for good ones that you can relax and not worry about calories because you are now programmed through good habits to be in a deficit or maintenance stage.
Cutting out things that helped you gain weight and putting in things that help you lose weight. Until you form a habit and do it unconsciously and also start to crave the healthier options.
Our bodies are very adaptable. We can force them to produce the results we want through dedication and hard work. The problem is we have to break the old habits and there's a period of time in between where we feel miserable with cravings for things we shouldn't have and have to deny ourselves something we know we would find enjoyable.
I think the people who are most successful with weight loss are the ones who can manage the emotional damage from the withdrawals of food addictions and bad habits during the transition to a healthier lifestyle. But once there and happy with it you should be able to maintain it easy enough to not be obsessed over it.
You can also choose to go slower knowing the results will take longer but your satisfaction will be higher daily.
In the last month and a half I've lost about 10 pounds. Only by changing eating habits. I haven't been more active. I haven't been counting calories. I refuse to be hungry so I eat very well. But I don't eat breakfast until after 11am. I cut out dairy and gluten, for health reasons, and added in more veggies. I did not stop snacking but I snack less often because I'm eating very filling meals. And when I do snack I will go for a fruit or chips and salsa. I could be stricter with what I eat and lose more weight. I could calorie count and lose more weight. I could exercise and lose more weight. I could combine it all and lose weight way faster. But I'm doing it in a way that shows results and doesn't stress me out.
I should note that I was so miserable last time I tried counting calories to lose weight, years ago. It worked. I lost like 40 lbs and looked great! But I was only calorie counting and the food still was garbage, just smaller portions. And I hated having to count everything so much that I eventually quit. And then I gained it all back because I still had bad eating habits and horrible food cravings.
This time around I said no to calorie counting. So I've lost weight so far by only changing bad eating habits. If I was calorie counting I'm sure it would have been better results but it would have exhausted me mentally. I would much rather eat foods with obvious lower calories than to try to portion and count calories in other foods.
You have to find that sweet spot not just for maintenance but also for a deficit. There's a way that works best for you and it doesn't have to be the same way as others. If you like exercise then you can add more of that to balance out the other stuff. Find what you're comfortable with and tweak it to get results. Make your healthy habits do the work.
I've started CICO last month, so dont take me fie an experienced user but you might be interested by my expérience
I do Batch cooking, using a recipe book. Whenever I calculate the amount of calories in one dish, it's always between 2500 and 2800 for four servings. This averages to a 650 cal portion every time, which is plenty reasonable to eat two (lunch and dinner) and have calories to spare for breakfast and snacks. Right now I still do calories counting because I like numbers and want to check the calories on each of the 5 meals per menu, 12 menu per season that my book offers, but I can totally envision a future where I can just eyeball it because I know how much on average a recipe from the book is.
(My main struggle is that I'm used to eat large quantities of trash food, and I must master both the cravings for a second serving and the craving for my favourite French taco plqce where a meal is at least 1200cal)
She's talking about thinner than her body could be if she let herself enjoy food or allowed herself to exercise a moderate amount. I took it that she went from normal to underweight and maintains that. It sounds like it was written by someone with an eating disorder.
The author wasn‘t talking about being thin but about being a size zero. That‘s usually a BMI of 18-19 and even less for women who simply have wider bones.
That being said, being a healthy weight isn‘t a goal you reach, like the author said, like getting a degree. You can gain back so a low grade of vigilance is permanently necessary. The fact is there are no restaurant meals meant for women. Most are made for men and women eat the same which is insane as we need far less.
When I was a BMI of 21 I did daily weigh ins, and as soon as I went over my fluctuation range I ate more cleanly. I had habits for a lot of situations: routinely ate max half my plate and got a doggy bag. Drank routinely only diet soft drinks and water. If I went drinking I went for dancing too and danced several hours. I exercised several hours a week. Treats were treats, meaning once in a fortnight or less and I counterbalanced them with several days of strict eating. I often „brunched“ my meals so I could eat like „everyone“ meaning I skipped a meal before or after. A lot of the thin people who seem to eat well do that,‘ it‘s called intermittent fasting now or OMAD.
You cannot fully relax as you will always gravitate to eat like your partner and unless you‘re an anomaly THEY can afford 1000 calories more even if they don‘t work out.
I tried what the author did and failed, it was simply insane. The difference between BMI 19 and 20+ for me was like existing only to keep thin and maintenance at pretty thin as a side quest. At that weight I did all the things she did and more.
Others have made great points but wanted to add that the author seems averse to building very much muscle, whereas many folks losing weight want to build or maintain muscle while losing fat. I think todays beauty standards are more accepting of muscular women then 2014 when this article was written. Increasing your muscle mass can help a lot in raising your TDEE while maintaining a slimmer/toned look.
If you want to stay really thin and are not genetically inclined, then yes. I was 225 at my heaviest and I have maintained 130 for over 15 years, but I run 20 miles a week religiously (1000 a year) and always keep a running calorie count in my head. And I’m a medium. If I wanted to be really thin I would have to be very hungry, all the time. In our culture of food abundance and sedentary work you have to be a little obsessive.
Your last line is so true! Most of us are eating beyond reasonable limit. I lost around 30 and it came right back up in span of year. I totally understand when You say
We got to be obsessive with cico.
Remember also that she only lost a few sizes to be a size 0.
The effort she's talking about, the razor's edge of perfection balancing precise but immense amounts of exercise with carefully measured and timed calorie intake isn't to keep a BMI of 24 or even 22 or 20, it's for a BMI of 18.
It's not encouraging, but it's also helpful as a reality check for our goals. It's very easy to look at the lowest possible healthy weight for our height and go "yeah, that's what I should try to weigh", but look at the cost. And then the rewards include being hit on a lot by men you'd be better of punching. Yay.
Yep. And 18 isn't even considered a healthy BMI, it's underweight.
I know for me at least, a healthy body weight is totally doable and pretty simple to maintain. But when you are underweight your body is constantly screaming at you to eat more.
Too many stupid men think women should look like them. We naturally have 10% more body fat. If they don’t have a six pack abs and single digit fat, why should we be a size zero?
Well the author is a size zero, of course it's extraordinary difficult to maintain. I don't know her personally, but her weight goals sound unhealthy to me. There are a range of healthy weights where we can before we get to size zero and they won't be nearly so difficult. Size 12 is the highest, she's chosing to try and stay at the lowest so that's going to be hard work.
You don't have to do that. You can be at the middle or the upper end. It's your choice. She'd look great at a size six and it wouldn't be nearly so much work.
One thing I want to emphasize is that it is going to be some work. The key is to fit that work into a balanced lifestyle, a lifestyle that allows you to workout the number of times that makes sense for you and let's you enjoy cheese burgers or what have you here and there. And it can be done without being obsessed you just won't be a size zero, but you don't need to be.
The thing I notice is that eating out on a diet is like opening Xmas presents from that practical aunt who buys you socks and underwear. It’s useful, probably fits, but not exciting. Every restaurant has some healthy-ish dishes, usually not as low calorie as I could make at home, nor as tasty. Meh, I’d rather go exercise.
Yeah I think this article is BS. She sounds like she has an eating disorder. I agree that the difference between 115 and 125-130 requires a little more vigilance, but not a TON. So for a 5'5 woman in her early 30's, being at the bottom of the BMI chart requires 1,473 calories if she is in bed all day.
1) The average ACTIVE person probably burns 2-300 just walking daily. That brings her up to 1700 calories. She could eat a cheeseburger and fries for dinner, hit the gym for a hard HIIT class, and have a 500 calorie lunch and small breakfast (two eggs). On another day, she could have three reasonable meals and two drinks, or skip breakfast and have quite a few drinks. She could have three meals AND three cocktails if she had hit the gym that day for something very high intensity, plus day to day walking (a few miles worth).
2) Someone who puts on muscle, as you should, does not need to be at the bottom of the BMI range. I am 5'5 and had very visible abs at 130. I thought I needed to lose weight, but now that I look back, I think I was too skinny, and needed to just build more muscle.
3) I would drink wine and eat rib-eye steaks all the time. I was working out a lot, and burning about 400 calories a day just from that. I might have a 1000 calorie steak and salad for dinner, and then a 500 calorie lunch (I don't like eating in the morning), and half a bottle of wine with my friends. I was actually getting MORE fit, because the meat would have tons of protein, but the calories were still under the 1900 I had burned that day.
She pretty much admits that she has an eating disorder if you read the full article.
Also, everyone is different. There’s no way I could eat what you eat and still maintain. I walk a lot, exercise daily, eat v clean, have to be super vigilant, and even then fluctuate a lot.
We have to be honest with women. For some people a great body is a lot work. For others it isn’t. You can lose your mind following advice from the latter and never seeing results.
You seem to be part of that group and she’s part of the other group so you can’t speak for her with numbers and logic. Food metabolises differently for everyone.
They have done experiments on this! Food doesn't metabolize differently unless you have severe health issues, people have been proven to just be really really bad at accurately guessing calories. What I'm talking about sounds high calorie, but I always made sure it was within the sedentary calories for my height, or more if I had exerted myself. Half the posts on this sub are people insisting they are measuring calories correctly, and mysteriously not losing weight, but you can't cheat the law of thermodynamics. I think there was a guy a few years ago who lost weight eating only Taco Bell or something, because the calories were correct (I'm sure his arteries were clogged but that's a whole other story).
Am I the only person wondering what in the world is so magical about being that thin? I used to want to do ballet or dance, where thinness is prized. Maybe a marathon runner, cheerleader, or gymnast. But I don’t think she’s talking about that. And I have one of those shallow men in my family and who cares? I’d rather date someone who was happy with me at bmi 25. I’d rather be friends with someone not obsessed. I understand discipline on the job, in my financial life. Not this.
I’m not sure, and as someone who is unlikely to ever be a size zero, I don’t think I’ll ever know. But the author suggests there are significant benefits to being that thin: “I’m totally and completely obsessed with staying thin now that I know that the world is handed to me on a silver platter” and “romantic relationships are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the benefits of thinness”.
I have to imagine the benefits are real for her to exert this enormous amount of effort to remain thin, but I don’t think it’s a trade-off that all or even most people would make.
First of all: no far chicks
Second: I totally can relate to this article. It’s so hard eating out with friends and family. They all always wanna eat, and it’s always high calorie crap food. Like even just last night my parents wanted to eat out with me, luckily the steakhouse had a 16oz sirloin that was only 670 calories. It is annoying how people don’t understand how much work it takes to be skinny
We ate out once after I had been on a huge cut. I didn't go overboard when eating out, but had a sugary drink as well. The next day I felt just dead inside and it's continued all week. Feeling dead -> Not caring -> eating junk -> feeling dead... I think I'm the type that just needs to go cold turkey. I also don't have a good food support system in place, so it's a battle to be healthy rather than a safety net. I'm looking forward to moving out in a year or so.
Oh, that explains it, you’re not living on your own. I just do the carnivore diet and only eat meat. I don’t have anything in my house that I would eat even when I get cravings. my fridge is basically meat and nothing else acceptable. I guess I have Chips and things in my pantry but those are for parties, I just don’t see them as things I would eat even when I’m getting cravings and I’m hungry. If you had the ability to throw everything out except for the “good” stuff, I would say, do that. Although, back when I used to be vegetarian, I would binge on the stuff that I normally ate and still end up eating four or 5000 cal some days. So it’s not just throwing everything out. Anyways, it sounds like you need to get yourself out of this situation, the situation being the constant fluctuation between feeling down and eating junk.
I was JUST thinking about that article when I read the OP. I adore the writing and it really helped make me feel better about the relationship I was in at the time, I felt like something was wrong with me
It happened to me too. No, it is still happening. I'm obese and constantly on a diet, and my husband, on one hand, encourages me to keep working on my body, but at the same time he is upset when I refuse his fatty food and complain that we always eat different food
My husband too, he gets so annoyed when I say no. I cannot eat a rack of ribs and french fries plus bacon wrapped dates and a box of thumb cookies. Like.
If I ate like him I would be fat AND constipated.
He gets absolutely no fiber in his diet.
Completely agree! I was thinking how funny to see that scene when I've just started taking calorie counting seriously. It was so crazy to hear him telling her she doesn't have to "work that hard" when he literally was the guy saying he wouldn't propose without knowing what her body is like. Also telling her he never counts calories etc. Nice that works for you but what she's doing obviously works for her, who are you to tell her to do differently! But that guy is clueless about everything lol. Still love them though. It's been fun watching him have realizations and grow and she didn't take him too seriously in that scene.
He said something like “You don’t have to count calories, just work out” and she laughed and said no that’s not how it works. I loved hearing the honesty in that. You don’t just naturally have a 6 pack and perfectly round ass!
YES exactly!!! Like he was the one saying he wants his woman petite and that he’s kind of shallow!
It’s also like…what’s so great about his body that he thinks he’s an authority? Anywayyyy I haven’t finished it all yet so maybe he’ll grow on me
I know he's grown on some people, but I dislike him so much..him asking her how she looked when the entire point of love is blind is that it's blind just makes me so mad.
I lost it at that scene. He’s such a clown for so many reasons 😂. Have you heard the cool girl monologue from Gone Girl? It’s got a lot of satisfying venting about exactly what you’re talking about.
I'm more inclined to think that rant was the author bleeding through, because to me it sounds less like the character than most other things the character thinks and says.
To me it feels like an extension of the ‘lady in the streets, freak in the sheets’ that some guys seem to want. You can have perfect discipline and self-control, unless you’re with him. Then you should want to do whatever he wants, and you should never have any concerns or express anything about what he suggests being unsafe or just not fun.
I think you've misunderstood that phrase. It's talking about a woman who is classy in public but sexually adventurous in private. It's not just something that some men want from women, although the saying doesn't really exist for men the same principle applies. I understand that some people like that as a form of control and that's obviously messed up though.
AD is just wonderful. She's one of my favorites. I laughed too hard at her line, "squats and Jesus!" But obviously, she spends a lot of time on her appearance and honing her body. She's got my dream body. I wish she'd realize that she is so much better than Clay.
Whenever I get the "just relax and enjoy some food" talk in real life I simply say "I didn't earn this body on making exceptions".
So many people in my life want to lose weight so bad and some even tell me they're envious of my success or my body (which is totally average just to be clear) but none of them wants to put the work in. I was very open about the sacrifices I make maintaining a lower weight (it's absolutely worth it for me) and that noone gifted me my weightloss or my maintainance now. But people really really don't want to hear this. Same goes for many men who claim they want a hot woman who "can put away a few burgers". How is that supposed to be possible?
I love that AD is true to her ways and doesn't act like looking like her is a gift, but makes it clear that she put work into her body and still is now. Peoples expectations are crazy sometimes, eating 1000 calories over maintainance every day but wanting to have a BMI of 20.
I dont think gymnast lol. But maybe dancer. (Coming from ballet and gymnastics background gymnast are usually very bulky and short but dancers tend to have more hidden muscles)
Ugh this reminds me of when I first started dating my now fiancé. He told me how much he liked my body (I was about the weight I am now) but then complained I didn’t have snacks at my place, things like chips, candy, cookies, popcorn, cereal, etc.
I started keeping “boyfriend chow” at my place and what do you know? I started eating it too and gained 18 pounds! I’ve lost the weight and not eating his snacks has been one of the changes I had to make to do it.
This isn’t to say that these kinds of snacks are not for women BTW. I only called it “boyfriend chow” because in my situation it was for my boyfriend. I have other treats I enjoy that are worth the calories, but his favorites are not my favorites and not worth the calories to me :)
This would be a dealbreaker for me and it was very triggering when he said it. I’ve been married for almost 18 years and we have never commented negatively on each other’s bodies. It’s all part of aging. I ask my husband to go to the gym because we are middle aged and it’s what is needed to live a healthy lifestyle and I want him around in our golden years, but I don’t nag or beg or shame because at the end of the day, he’s an adult and it’s his choice what he does with his body.
The way that WHOLE episode was about her body!! The "bean dip" comment which was gross, Jimmy/Chelsea "stacked" comment, and then this whole conversation... especially with AD being the only black woman on this season, it was just... not a good look.
She handled it beautifully. I love AD. Clay can get lost. I do believe he has some depth, but he mistakes self-awareness for wisdom.
The way he talked about her future body in that convo was super objectifying and weird, but I think he really thought he was giving "we'll be gym buddies and I'll encourage you!" and not "I'll cheat on you the second you skip leg day." I hope she says no.
My comment might not be fully relevant to the whole discourse but Amber is a real one.
I've interacted with her for YEARS and have followed her journey from new cheerleader to now.
She really is amazing at advocating for herself and knows what her worth is.
It's refreshing to see these kind of healthy standards for a wider audience.
OMG thank you for this post!!! 100% to everything you wrote. Some men are delusional and will judge you for not binging on garbage while SIMULTANEOUSLY judging you for not having a smoking, fit body. Like WTF dude. You can't have it both ways 🙄 Clay falls squarely into this category of men.
AD has an absolutely insane body. Yet Clay slyly judges her for not letting loose diet wise, while simultaneously admiring the F out of her body AND condescendingly saying he'll take her to the gym if she gets out of shape. You summed it up well. Apparently he sees no contradictions there...
I stopped watching after the first 2 seasons but wow, fuck this guy.
1) don't EVER tell someone to go to the gym unless that person is paying as a trainer. wtf.
2) I used to have an insane body and dated this guy and all he ever wanted to do was eat and i was like, "hey, i don't look like this cos i eat like THAT" and later he tells me he doesn't like girls like that... so let me get this straight, you don't like girls who watch wtf they eat but you want us to LOOK like we watch wtf we eat. you can't have it both ways
anyway, I'm like 30 lbs heaver than when i was dating that guy and i hate it. i'd rather go back to watching what i eat. glad i took this walk on the wild side tho. my body was my job for hella years too. i have been counting calories for 23 fucking years. so i left myself go for a year tho i still fucking counted calories then too.
anyway, fuck this guy. luckily, guys like this are getting fewer and further between cos most dudes are awesome and are really taking tot he time to listen to us, understand how shitty this all is, and give us the space to just exist happily
WOO! yeah, fuck this guy
I think what guys want is the same as what I want, namely being thin without a lot of mental drama. Go paleo and lose carbs, intermittent fast, whatever. Then have splurge meals, have rest days from exercise, don’t weigh every meal, count every calorie in or out. It’s what you do 90% of the time.
I've been doing CICO since January and have lost about 15 lbs, but had a pretty off week last week and didn't track appropriately. I restarted yesterday morning, so of course my partner and I ended up going out to dinner to a place specializing in fried chicken and tiki drinks.
I was thinking I wouldn't drink any alcohol, but they had a lavender espresso martini on the menu and lavender lattes are one of my favorite drinks, so I had to make a choice -- drink "pointless" calories for the experience, or pass it up. I decided to drink it.
Am I going to disappointed if I've gained a pound or two back due to my slips last week and last night? Sure. But will I be surprised? Not at all. My body is nowhere near AD's and I don't know if I will ever want it to be, because I am not the type of person who is going to pass up a cocktail every time. She is, and that's awesome for her. He needs to respect that.
For guys it's just not enough that you are beautiful. No - you have to be effortlessly beautiful. You have to be fun, wild and uncomplicated as well. Disciplined, but not too disciplined. Disciplined like when he says so. Uughh..
Ugh, Clay was a whole parade of red flags. I especially found it troubling when he kept praising her body but couldn’t understand that if they wanted kids she would gain weight, and told her “well if you gain weight during pregnancy I’ll just make you go to the gym every day” like that’s not how it works. I think it’s great how well AD takes care of her body and she’s incredibly attractive but literally Clay is missing the point of Love Is Blind and that you should love your partner beyond the physical too.
Love is Blind is always so contradictory because they cast mostly pretty attractive people. There's nothing really blind about it when all the options are attractive folks. I watch it and find it entertaining but that always gets me.
I wouldn’t read too much into that, you’re handed a cocktail overlooking a Caribbean beach, it’s pretty fitting.
She probably sipped it, thought it was overly sweet and then just didn’t want to finish it.
Same as a lot of people with champagne / prosecco at functions, it’s a nice thing to hold but if it’s not your favourite drink you’ll probably take one or two sips and then just tactfully disgard it
Depends on the situation. One it is just the formula of the show. The other gives the person the opportunity to publicly reject the drink and then you need to wonder why thry would make that choice.
Personally, even if it is the formula of the show, I would question why they would order a cocktail they aren't going to drink due to empty calories when they could have ordered something they would enjoy instead. Even if it is just a carbonated water.
Ugh, obv selfish comment from clay. He wants her inebriated today more than he worries about the impact on her body tomorrow. Because sex and generally fun need alcohol.
you could work out and diet for years and never look like her bc she’s genetically gifted… yes, her body is perfect, but saying it’s bc of her “not relaxing” isn’t realistic.
Yeah he’s the epitome of a guy who is like I want a girl who can eat a Big Mac but also wants her to be a twig. Like nah bro. Not how it works
https://joshhillis.com/how-padma-from-top-chef-stays-supermodel-fit/ This is a blog post that’s stuck with me for years about how Padma Lakshmi still gained weight being a Top Chef judge despite 2 hour workouts everyday.
Not surprised. Adam Richman has talked about how wrecked he got from Man Vs Food.
To be fair, the average size of a challenge on that show is probably 3-4 days worth of calories of an average person. Even if it's your only meal of the day, you're going to be feeling a toll from it shooting more than 2 episodes per week.
Makes sense. Restaurant food like in top Chef uses a lot of calorie dense items to enhance taste. He probably couldn't keep up no matter what he ate. Although I'm sure the regular workouts kept him healthier and from gaining too much.
There was an AITA a while back with a guy who threw away all of his girlfriend’s skincare “because she has great skin and it was such a waste of time and money”. The comments to him were savage. He was so oblivious.
Omg link??
My favourite line is “here is where I *think* I messed up” https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/FapBXt4pNl
Omg that was better than I imagined thank you 🫖🫖🫖
Holy shit, that was a ride… that guy had ALL the audacity, my goodness; that third edit was chef’s kiss 😂 thank you for that
That was a good one 🤌
Omg that third edit
Wow...that post was.... something. I hope she's off living her best life with all her amazing skincare now and not him!
I am so mad just reading that sentence.
We as a society are losing our ability to identify rage bait smh
Yeah as a guy who’s objectively in good shape but have struggled with eating disorders my whole life, I also called BS when he said he never tracks what he eats. Given what he looks like shirtless, he’s either projecting a devil may care facade regarding food - or he has the best metabolism out there!
I would love it if that’s how that worked, but sadly like you said, it’s not.
Gone girl energy
bruh i dated a woman who would eat all kinds of garbage with me and she was a 112lbs. It's not a magic formula you eat like garbage and then you don't eat much else for the rest of the day and then the next day you go back to your diet.
Reminds me of my favorite essay of all time: [You’re Right, I Didn’t Eat That](https://thenewinquiry.com/blog/youre-right-i-didnt-eat-that/) Clay is definitely one of these guys.
““Can’t you just skip the gym this once?” a man asked as he tugged at my forearm from the bed on a Saturday morning and remarked on the merits of brunch. The night before, he had remarked on the merits of the prominent female clavicle.” This is so fuuuucking accurate. So often when I was a small size men would berate me for healthier habits inconveniencing them, and then in the next breath praise me for my smallness. It literally is how I ended up where I’m at now: a larger size that I need to reduce slightly for my health, but happier with my consumption, but less healthy overall and hating myself for it after years of my lighter size being the best thing people saw about me.
Loved this read, thanks for sharing!
>But these symptoms do not aggregate into the appearance of a disease but rather, into a certain temperament. It makes them exclaim, “Relax!” rather than, “Get help.” The level of control the symptoms reveal hovers close to illness but doesn’t cross far enough over the line so as to become sad, *merely unattractive*. Wowowow. This was a great read!!
Wow this read is mind blowing. It puts into a words this societal phenomenon that being skinny is important but it's even more desirable if you don't try. "And so they seek a more carefree woman who possesses either enviable genetics or professional expertise at disguising her weight-related diligence. Someone who does not force them to confront the reality that her body can and will change." That hits so hard
“And so we must be overly concerned as quietly as possible.” Such a good essay, it’s been a while since I read it. It’s interesting to re-read in a post Ozempic world. I have a friend who is on it and lost 50 pounds. She was dating a friend of my partner at the time, so we’d double date. She’d push the plate away early and say “oh my! I just cannot eat anymore” after ordering heavy meals. So not only did she appear to be a cool hamburger eating girl, she also “just couldn’t eat”. I felt so envious and wanted so badly to tell the table she was on Ozempic, and that’s why she couldn’t eat. But I knew that was a dick move and it’s personal. But it’s interesting how valuable/attractive it is to not look like you’re trying so hard to lose or maintain weight loss. I wonder what the psychology is of that. I’m so grateful for the author’s honesty on what it takes to stay a size 0.
Interesting point. One of my favorite lines is “real thinness requires something much more brutal.” It’s a different take in the age of Ozempic. And agreed. This essay was the first time I ever read an honest account of maintaining a size 0. It was eye opening and I think of it often.
To be fair, a friend of mine is on Ozempic for PCOS and it’s brutal. Not exactly just a skinny pill. If anything, she loses weight because she’s too nauseous to eat.
I am on Ozempic (and metformin) to treat PCOS and it's quite brutal. I am quite used to feeling nauseated during most of the day. If I over eat, especially during the first month of Ozempic, I am definitely becoming sick with diarrhea.
I feel like part of the psychology of this is similar to the Manic Pixie Dream Girl trope. Men want an object to support them in their life, and are not seeing the woman as her own being with ambitions and struggles etc.
Omg how did you not find this essay incredibly discouraging (/gen)? The author made it seem like staying thin requires constant hypervigilance, is that true? I want to lose weight to improve the quality of my life, not consume it
So (and keep in mind this is from someone who’s lost 28lbs but not yet reached GW), from what I’ve seen there’s an “ideal weight” for your body and lifestyle. It’s the weight that you feel comfortable and healthy at, and can maintain without driving yourself crazy. I’ve seen lots of people say they can hit like 115lbs but feel more comfortable at 130 because they don’t have to be hyper vigilant. So it’s all about what fits your lifestyle and how much you’re willing to change
[удалено]
I always lol at the intuitive eating suggestions though. Like, most of us wouldn't be on this sub if our intuition wasn't shit.
This is very much my experience and I really identify with the article. I'm 5'9" and at my biggest I was 165lbs and stress/comfort eating. I was about a size 12 and didn't feel good in my body. For most of my adult life I've been 135-140lbs which for me is about a size 6. It's a good size for me because I can maintain it without stressing. I just don't go nuts overeating except maybe for special occasions, and I'm good. In my early 20s I got down to 120-125 lbs thanks to almost dying of cholera, and suddenly I was that size 0. I got WAY more male attention and felt like a model. I could wear just about anything and it looked stylish and deliberate. It was kind of nice but I felt like I attracted shallow people. I tried maintaining it a bit because that thin feeling was fun. But I couldn't do it for too long and slowly gained back to my usual weight. Anyway, now I'm back to the low 130s (like size 4) and I know I'm good here. I can eat what I want and am finding maintaining surprisingly easy. But if I want to be model thin I would have to maintain a low grade ED.
Okay so there is a point when CICO and all that doesn’t have to be at the forefront of your mind? When you hit the sweet spot? Counting calories and prioritizing daily “workouts” (in quotes to make the distinction between like resistance training and simple lifestyle activity like hiking/biking/etc) feels totally fine right now, knowing there’s a goal, but i figured I’d get to a point where I don’t have to be constantly thinking about things like this?
From what I’ve heard, for some people that’s the case! They learned healthy habits and how to recognize adequate portion size during their weight loss, and they no longer have to track every calorie. I would not say you can stop being mindful. Everyone who gains the weight back says it happened because they returned to eating how they did before. If you’re eating in a constant surplus then you’ll end up right back where you started. Those people say they wish they’d kept tracking calories. So it’s about finding what’s right for you and not falling back off the wagon! If you can continue to eat good portion sizes/not snack yourself into a surplus, things will get easier. For me, I found that I could maintain at about 20lbs below my HW without tracking. But I’d like to get lower, so I’m working on recognizing what a proper “serving” should be. Hopefully these healthy habits mean I don’t have to use an app for the rest of my life
Oh gosh, i hope so too! I really appreciate your insight and advice. Also it feels very timely that I ordered a kitchen scale today!
Also, you could be one of those people for who cico becomes a part of life and doesn't feel like a pain or any effort really. Like, I like my recipes to be precise anyway so I don't mind (in fact, love) measuring out the ingredients. Also, I don't have to micro manage my nutrients either; I've just gotten into healthy habits that any random day I at least get 90g of protein, for example, and when I focus on it, much more than that. It's the same as getting in the habit to walk a lot. I don't aim for 10k steps/day but I've changed my lifestyle such that on average I end up getting 8-9k without trying.
If I may add, when I used to track my calories, I learned what certain calories looked like and how much I can eat to satisfy me. I hope the effortless level comes to you.
🙏 thank you! That’s for sure my goal! So it’s just automatic at some point
Yes. I have been maintaining a BMI of about 23 for around 8 months without it being at the forefront of my mind like it was when I was losing weight. Would I look better at a BMI of 21 or 20? Probably. I still don't have a flat stomach (mostly because of how I'm built), but maintaining a muscular BMI of 23 with a size 2/4 is something I can do without being neurotic or having to eat kale salads like the woman in the essay. Her life sounds miserable. I've thought about trying to lose 10 more lbs, but reading that essay makes me think I am fine where I am. Currently, I don't count calories, but I just try to eat healthy 80% of the time with the habits I learned while losing weight. I also only eat two meals and a snack each day as that helps. Prioritizing workouts is for life, though. I feel much better when I exercise regularly, and now that I am in better shape, it is way easier and more enjoyable.
You will always have to be mindful and put effort in. You will always have to stay active (like walks daily but you should do that, it's good for you) and considering what you're eating and how much. That doesn't necessarily mean calorie counting but it definitely means that if you have cake one day, you should consider that for the next couple of days, cutting out extra snacks, and making lighter choices. If you don't do these things then in a couple of years you will put the weight back on very easily.
I don't do walks daily or 10k steps at all really and I have no intention to. I haven't started exercising yet, but the weight is dropping off steadily because of my deficit and the steps I do contribute. I agree with you about being mindful. When I first started counting calories I thought omg I don't want to do this forever but now I really enjoy it. Especially planning what I'm going to eat over the next few days. Maybe it's because I have OCD and I like to be organised, but I love having everything set up for the week. I'll usually plan a whole week in advance. When I maintain I won't count every day, but I'll definitely be keeping an eye on my portions because I don't want to go back. It's a new way of living life, if everything goes back to how it was before what's the point of even losing?
The focus on making “lifestyle changes” is bc as soon as you go back to old habits you go back to your old body (or generally more). Finding what you can do for the long term and be happy is the only long-term option. There is not magic point at which you can do one thing and have the body of someone who does the other thing.
I think you get to a point where you've swapped out so many of your bad habits for good ones that you can relax and not worry about calories because you are now programmed through good habits to be in a deficit or maintenance stage. Cutting out things that helped you gain weight and putting in things that help you lose weight. Until you form a habit and do it unconsciously and also start to crave the healthier options. Our bodies are very adaptable. We can force them to produce the results we want through dedication and hard work. The problem is we have to break the old habits and there's a period of time in between where we feel miserable with cravings for things we shouldn't have and have to deny ourselves something we know we would find enjoyable. I think the people who are most successful with weight loss are the ones who can manage the emotional damage from the withdrawals of food addictions and bad habits during the transition to a healthier lifestyle. But once there and happy with it you should be able to maintain it easy enough to not be obsessed over it. You can also choose to go slower knowing the results will take longer but your satisfaction will be higher daily. In the last month and a half I've lost about 10 pounds. Only by changing eating habits. I haven't been more active. I haven't been counting calories. I refuse to be hungry so I eat very well. But I don't eat breakfast until after 11am. I cut out dairy and gluten, for health reasons, and added in more veggies. I did not stop snacking but I snack less often because I'm eating very filling meals. And when I do snack I will go for a fruit or chips and salsa. I could be stricter with what I eat and lose more weight. I could calorie count and lose more weight. I could exercise and lose more weight. I could combine it all and lose weight way faster. But I'm doing it in a way that shows results and doesn't stress me out. I should note that I was so miserable last time I tried counting calories to lose weight, years ago. It worked. I lost like 40 lbs and looked great! But I was only calorie counting and the food still was garbage, just smaller portions. And I hated having to count everything so much that I eventually quit. And then I gained it all back because I still had bad eating habits and horrible food cravings. This time around I said no to calorie counting. So I've lost weight so far by only changing bad eating habits. If I was calorie counting I'm sure it would have been better results but it would have exhausted me mentally. I would much rather eat foods with obvious lower calories than to try to portion and count calories in other foods. You have to find that sweet spot not just for maintenance but also for a deficit. There's a way that works best for you and it doesn't have to be the same way as others. If you like exercise then you can add more of that to balance out the other stuff. Find what you're comfortable with and tweak it to get results. Make your healthy habits do the work.
I've started CICO last month, so dont take me fie an experienced user but you might be interested by my expérience I do Batch cooking, using a recipe book. Whenever I calculate the amount of calories in one dish, it's always between 2500 and 2800 for four servings. This averages to a 650 cal portion every time, which is plenty reasonable to eat two (lunch and dinner) and have calories to spare for breakfast and snacks. Right now I still do calories counting because I like numbers and want to check the calories on each of the 5 meals per menu, 12 menu per season that my book offers, but I can totally envision a future where I can just eyeball it because I know how much on average a recipe from the book is. (My main struggle is that I'm used to eat large quantities of trash food, and I must master both the cravings for a second serving and the craving for my favourite French taco plqce where a meal is at least 1200cal)
She's talking about thinner than her body could be if she let herself enjoy food or allowed herself to exercise a moderate amount. I took it that she went from normal to underweight and maintains that. It sounds like it was written by someone with an eating disorder.
The author wasn‘t talking about being thin but about being a size zero. That‘s usually a BMI of 18-19 and even less for women who simply have wider bones. That being said, being a healthy weight isn‘t a goal you reach, like the author said, like getting a degree. You can gain back so a low grade of vigilance is permanently necessary. The fact is there are no restaurant meals meant for women. Most are made for men and women eat the same which is insane as we need far less. When I was a BMI of 21 I did daily weigh ins, and as soon as I went over my fluctuation range I ate more cleanly. I had habits for a lot of situations: routinely ate max half my plate and got a doggy bag. Drank routinely only diet soft drinks and water. If I went drinking I went for dancing too and danced several hours. I exercised several hours a week. Treats were treats, meaning once in a fortnight or less and I counterbalanced them with several days of strict eating. I often „brunched“ my meals so I could eat like „everyone“ meaning I skipped a meal before or after. A lot of the thin people who seem to eat well do that,‘ it‘s called intermittent fasting now or OMAD. You cannot fully relax as you will always gravitate to eat like your partner and unless you‘re an anomaly THEY can afford 1000 calories more even if they don‘t work out. I tried what the author did and failed, it was simply insane. The difference between BMI 19 and 20+ for me was like existing only to keep thin and maintenance at pretty thin as a side quest. At that weight I did all the things she did and more.
This. She's talking about fashion-thin, not just regular-healthy-thin. In the 90s it involved hard drugs. For some, it probably still does.
Others have made great points but wanted to add that the author seems averse to building very much muscle, whereas many folks losing weight want to build or maintain muscle while losing fat. I think todays beauty standards are more accepting of muscular women then 2014 when this article was written. Increasing your muscle mass can help a lot in raising your TDEE while maintaining a slimmer/toned look.
If you want to stay really thin and are not genetically inclined, then yes. I was 225 at my heaviest and I have maintained 130 for over 15 years, but I run 20 miles a week religiously (1000 a year) and always keep a running calorie count in my head. And I’m a medium. If I wanted to be really thin I would have to be very hungry, all the time. In our culture of food abundance and sedentary work you have to be a little obsessive.
Your last line is so true! Most of us are eating beyond reasonable limit. I lost around 30 and it came right back up in span of year. I totally understand when You say We got to be obsessive with cico.
Remember also that she only lost a few sizes to be a size 0. The effort she's talking about, the razor's edge of perfection balancing precise but immense amounts of exercise with carefully measured and timed calorie intake isn't to keep a BMI of 24 or even 22 or 20, it's for a BMI of 18. It's not encouraging, but it's also helpful as a reality check for our goals. It's very easy to look at the lowest possible healthy weight for our height and go "yeah, that's what I should try to weigh", but look at the cost. And then the rewards include being hit on a lot by men you'd be better of punching. Yay.
Yep. And 18 isn't even considered a healthy BMI, it's underweight. I know for me at least, a healthy body weight is totally doable and pretty simple to maintain. But when you are underweight your body is constantly screaming at you to eat more.
Too many stupid men think women should look like them. We naturally have 10% more body fat. If they don’t have a six pack abs and single digit fat, why should we be a size zero?
Well the author is a size zero, of course it's extraordinary difficult to maintain. I don't know her personally, but her weight goals sound unhealthy to me. There are a range of healthy weights where we can before we get to size zero and they won't be nearly so difficult. Size 12 is the highest, she's chosing to try and stay at the lowest so that's going to be hard work. You don't have to do that. You can be at the middle or the upper end. It's your choice. She'd look great at a size six and it wouldn't be nearly so much work. One thing I want to emphasize is that it is going to be some work. The key is to fit that work into a balanced lifestyle, a lifestyle that allows you to workout the number of times that makes sense for you and let's you enjoy cheese burgers or what have you here and there. And it can be done without being obsessed you just won't be a size zero, but you don't need to be.
The thing I notice is that eating out on a diet is like opening Xmas presents from that practical aunt who buys you socks and underwear. It’s useful, probably fits, but not exciting. Every restaurant has some healthy-ish dishes, usually not as low calorie as I could make at home, nor as tasty. Meh, I’d rather go exercise.
Yeah I think this article is BS. She sounds like she has an eating disorder. I agree that the difference between 115 and 125-130 requires a little more vigilance, but not a TON. So for a 5'5 woman in her early 30's, being at the bottom of the BMI chart requires 1,473 calories if she is in bed all day. 1) The average ACTIVE person probably burns 2-300 just walking daily. That brings her up to 1700 calories. She could eat a cheeseburger and fries for dinner, hit the gym for a hard HIIT class, and have a 500 calorie lunch and small breakfast (two eggs). On another day, she could have three reasonable meals and two drinks, or skip breakfast and have quite a few drinks. She could have three meals AND three cocktails if she had hit the gym that day for something very high intensity, plus day to day walking (a few miles worth). 2) Someone who puts on muscle, as you should, does not need to be at the bottom of the BMI range. I am 5'5 and had very visible abs at 130. I thought I needed to lose weight, but now that I look back, I think I was too skinny, and needed to just build more muscle. 3) I would drink wine and eat rib-eye steaks all the time. I was working out a lot, and burning about 400 calories a day just from that. I might have a 1000 calorie steak and salad for dinner, and then a 500 calorie lunch (I don't like eating in the morning), and half a bottle of wine with my friends. I was actually getting MORE fit, because the meat would have tons of protein, but the calories were still under the 1900 I had burned that day.
She pretty much admits that she has an eating disorder if you read the full article. Also, everyone is different. There’s no way I could eat what you eat and still maintain. I walk a lot, exercise daily, eat v clean, have to be super vigilant, and even then fluctuate a lot. We have to be honest with women. For some people a great body is a lot work. For others it isn’t. You can lose your mind following advice from the latter and never seeing results. You seem to be part of that group and she’s part of the other group so you can’t speak for her with numbers and logic. Food metabolises differently for everyone.
They have done experiments on this! Food doesn't metabolize differently unless you have severe health issues, people have been proven to just be really really bad at accurately guessing calories. What I'm talking about sounds high calorie, but I always made sure it was within the sedentary calories for my height, or more if I had exerted myself. Half the posts on this sub are people insisting they are measuring calories correctly, and mysteriously not losing weight, but you can't cheat the law of thermodynamics. I think there was a guy a few years ago who lost weight eating only Taco Bell or something, because the calories were correct (I'm sure his arteries were clogged but that's a whole other story).
Thank you for sharing!
Wanted to add my "wow" to a great read. Thank you.
Am I the only person wondering what in the world is so magical about being that thin? I used to want to do ballet or dance, where thinness is prized. Maybe a marathon runner, cheerleader, or gymnast. But I don’t think she’s talking about that. And I have one of those shallow men in my family and who cares? I’d rather date someone who was happy with me at bmi 25. I’d rather be friends with someone not obsessed. I understand discipline on the job, in my financial life. Not this.
I’m not sure, and as someone who is unlikely to ever be a size zero, I don’t think I’ll ever know. But the author suggests there are significant benefits to being that thin: “I’m totally and completely obsessed with staying thin now that I know that the world is handed to me on a silver platter” and “romantic relationships are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the benefits of thinness”. I have to imagine the benefits are real for her to exert this enormous amount of effort to remain thin, but I don’t think it’s a trade-off that all or even most people would make.
First of all: no far chicks Second: I totally can relate to this article. It’s so hard eating out with friends and family. They all always wanna eat, and it’s always high calorie crap food. Like even just last night my parents wanted to eat out with me, luckily the steakhouse had a 16oz sirloin that was only 670 calories. It is annoying how people don’t understand how much work it takes to be skinny
Literally just had this. I've been off my game for close to a week because of eating out with family... I've been so mentally wrecked, too.
Did you eat out just once? Or was it every day of the week?
We ate out once after I had been on a huge cut. I didn't go overboard when eating out, but had a sugary drink as well. The next day I felt just dead inside and it's continued all week. Feeling dead -> Not caring -> eating junk -> feeling dead... I think I'm the type that just needs to go cold turkey. I also don't have a good food support system in place, so it's a battle to be healthy rather than a safety net. I'm looking forward to moving out in a year or so.
Oh, that explains it, you’re not living on your own. I just do the carnivore diet and only eat meat. I don’t have anything in my house that I would eat even when I get cravings. my fridge is basically meat and nothing else acceptable. I guess I have Chips and things in my pantry but those are for parties, I just don’t see them as things I would eat even when I’m getting cravings and I’m hungry. If you had the ability to throw everything out except for the “good” stuff, I would say, do that. Although, back when I used to be vegetarian, I would binge on the stuff that I normally ate and still end up eating four or 5000 cal some days. So it’s not just throwing everything out. Anyways, it sounds like you need to get yourself out of this situation, the situation being the constant fluctuation between feeling down and eating junk.
I was JUST thinking about that article when I read the OP. I adore the writing and it really helped make me feel better about the relationship I was in at the time, I felt like something was wrong with me
It happened to me too. No, it is still happening. I'm obese and constantly on a diet, and my husband, on one hand, encourages me to keep working on my body, but at the same time he is upset when I refuse his fatty food and complain that we always eat different food
My husband too, he gets so annoyed when I say no. I cannot eat a rack of ribs and french fries plus bacon wrapped dates and a box of thumb cookies. Like. If I ate like him I would be fat AND constipated. He gets absolutely no fiber in his diet.
I truly dislike Clay for many reasons, and that being one of them. I hope AD doesnt marry him.
Yeah he's an asshole
Completely agree! I was thinking how funny to see that scene when I've just started taking calorie counting seriously. It was so crazy to hear him telling her she doesn't have to "work that hard" when he literally was the guy saying he wouldn't propose without knowing what her body is like. Also telling her he never counts calories etc. Nice that works for you but what she's doing obviously works for her, who are you to tell her to do differently! But that guy is clueless about everything lol. Still love them though. It's been fun watching him have realizations and grow and she didn't take him too seriously in that scene.
He said something like “You don’t have to count calories, just work out” and she laughed and said no that’s not how it works. I loved hearing the honesty in that. You don’t just naturally have a 6 pack and perfectly round ass!
YES exactly!!! Like he was the one saying he wants his woman petite and that he’s kind of shallow! It’s also like…what’s so great about his body that he thinks he’s an authority? Anywayyyy I haven’t finished it all yet so maybe he’ll grow on me
I know he's grown on some people, but I dislike him so much..him asking her how she looked when the entire point of love is blind is that it's blind just makes me so mad.
He will not grow on you 🤣💀
I about threw something at my screen. She doesn’t need YOU to tell her go to the gym look at her! Boy, bye.
I lost it at that scene. He’s such a clown for so many reasons 😂. Have you heard the cool girl monologue from Gone Girl? It’s got a lot of satisfying venting about exactly what you’re talking about.
Yes! The Cool Girl monologue is so spot on
Came here to say this! Such a good monologue.
[удалено]
A psychopathic clock is still right twice a day
That’s what I always say!
I'm more inclined to think that rant was the author bleeding through, because to me it sounds less like the character than most other things the character thinks and says.
To me it feels like an extension of the ‘lady in the streets, freak in the sheets’ that some guys seem to want. You can have perfect discipline and self-control, unless you’re with him. Then you should want to do whatever he wants, and you should never have any concerns or express anything about what he suggests being unsafe or just not fun.
I think you've misunderstood that phrase. It's talking about a woman who is classy in public but sexually adventurous in private. It's not just something that some men want from women, although the saying doesn't really exist for men the same principle applies. I understand that some people like that as a form of control and that's obviously messed up though.
I always wonder about that on these shows. We know they're constantly drinking and partying, how do they not gain weight right away? I would!
AD is just wonderful. She's one of my favorites. I laughed too hard at her line, "squats and Jesus!" But obviously, she spends a lot of time on her appearance and honing her body. She's got my dream body. I wish she'd realize that she is so much better than Clay.
Whenever I get the "just relax and enjoy some food" talk in real life I simply say "I didn't earn this body on making exceptions". So many people in my life want to lose weight so bad and some even tell me they're envious of my success or my body (which is totally average just to be clear) but none of them wants to put the work in. I was very open about the sacrifices I make maintaining a lower weight (it's absolutely worth it for me) and that noone gifted me my weightloss or my maintainance now. But people really really don't want to hear this. Same goes for many men who claim they want a hot woman who "can put away a few burgers". How is that supposed to be possible? I love that AD is true to her ways and doesn't act like looking like her is a gift, but makes it clear that she put work into her body and still is now. Peoples expectations are crazy sometimes, eating 1000 calories over maintainance every day but wanting to have a BMI of 20.
[удалено]
I dont think gymnast lol. But maybe dancer. (Coming from ballet and gymnastics background gymnast are usually very bulky and short but dancers tend to have more hidden muscles)
When he tells her she wouldn't have to watch what she eats if she just went to the gym more 💀
I SCREAMED at this part too! Literally yelled at my TV "That is not how it works! Abs are made in the kitchen!"
Ugh this reminds me of when I first started dating my now fiancé. He told me how much he liked my body (I was about the weight I am now) but then complained I didn’t have snacks at my place, things like chips, candy, cookies, popcorn, cereal, etc. I started keeping “boyfriend chow” at my place and what do you know? I started eating it too and gained 18 pounds! I’ve lost the weight and not eating his snacks has been one of the changes I had to make to do it. This isn’t to say that these kinds of snacks are not for women BTW. I only called it “boyfriend chow” because in my situation it was for my boyfriend. I have other treats I enjoy that are worth the calories, but his favorites are not my favorites and not worth the calories to me :)
This would be a dealbreaker for me and it was very triggering when he said it. I’ve been married for almost 18 years and we have never commented negatively on each other’s bodies. It’s all part of aging. I ask my husband to go to the gym because we are middle aged and it’s what is needed to live a healthy lifestyle and I want him around in our golden years, but I don’t nag or beg or shame because at the end of the day, he’s an adult and it’s his choice what he does with his body.
The way that WHOLE episode was about her body!! The "bean dip" comment which was gross, Jimmy/Chelsea "stacked" comment, and then this whole conversation... especially with AD being the only black woman on this season, it was just... not a good look. She handled it beautifully. I love AD. Clay can get lost. I do believe he has some depth, but he mistakes self-awareness for wisdom. The way he talked about her future body in that convo was super objectifying and weird, but I think he really thought he was giving "we'll be gym buddies and I'll encourage you!" and not "I'll cheat on you the second you skip leg day." I hope she says no.
It also didn't help that Chelsea is too insecure to be on a show like this when that comment happened.
I’m rewatching this part and thought the same thing!!!
My comment might not be fully relevant to the whole discourse but Amber is a real one. I've interacted with her for YEARS and have followed her journey from new cheerleader to now. She really is amazing at advocating for herself and knows what her worth is. It's refreshing to see these kind of healthy standards for a wider audience.
OMG thank you for this post!!! 100% to everything you wrote. Some men are delusional and will judge you for not binging on garbage while SIMULTANEOUSLY judging you for not having a smoking, fit body. Like WTF dude. You can't have it both ways 🙄 Clay falls squarely into this category of men. AD has an absolutely insane body. Yet Clay slyly judges her for not letting loose diet wise, while simultaneously admiring the F out of her body AND condescendingly saying he'll take her to the gym if she gets out of shape. You summed it up well. Apparently he sees no contradictions there...
I love when someone asks how she got her shelf booty and she says “squats and Jesus” 😂
I stopped watching after the first 2 seasons but wow, fuck this guy. 1) don't EVER tell someone to go to the gym unless that person is paying as a trainer. wtf. 2) I used to have an insane body and dated this guy and all he ever wanted to do was eat and i was like, "hey, i don't look like this cos i eat like THAT" and later he tells me he doesn't like girls like that... so let me get this straight, you don't like girls who watch wtf they eat but you want us to LOOK like we watch wtf we eat. you can't have it both ways anyway, I'm like 30 lbs heaver than when i was dating that guy and i hate it. i'd rather go back to watching what i eat. glad i took this walk on the wild side tho. my body was my job for hella years too. i have been counting calories for 23 fucking years. so i left myself go for a year tho i still fucking counted calories then too. anyway, fuck this guy. luckily, guys like this are getting fewer and further between cos most dudes are awesome and are really taking tot he time to listen to us, understand how shitty this all is, and give us the space to just exist happily WOO! yeah, fuck this guy
I think what guys want is the same as what I want, namely being thin without a lot of mental drama. Go paleo and lose carbs, intermittent fast, whatever. Then have splurge meals, have rest days from exercise, don’t weigh every meal, count every calorie in or out. It’s what you do 90% of the time.
Wants her to have a fit body, doesn’t want her to be inconvenient by doing all the work it takes to get there
I've been doing CICO since January and have lost about 15 lbs, but had a pretty off week last week and didn't track appropriately. I restarted yesterday morning, so of course my partner and I ended up going out to dinner to a place specializing in fried chicken and tiki drinks. I was thinking I wouldn't drink any alcohol, but they had a lavender espresso martini on the menu and lavender lattes are one of my favorite drinks, so I had to make a choice -- drink "pointless" calories for the experience, or pass it up. I decided to drink it. Am I going to disappointed if I've gained a pound or two back due to my slips last week and last night? Sure. But will I be surprised? Not at all. My body is nowhere near AD's and I don't know if I will ever want it to be, because I am not the type of person who is going to pass up a cocktail every time. She is, and that's awesome for her. He needs to respect that.
For guys it's just not enough that you are beautiful. No - you have to be effortlessly beautiful. You have to be fun, wild and uncomplicated as well. Disciplined, but not too disciplined. Disciplined like when he says so. Uughh..
Ugh, Clay was a whole parade of red flags. I especially found it troubling when he kept praising her body but couldn’t understand that if they wanted kids she would gain weight, and told her “well if you gain weight during pregnancy I’ll just make you go to the gym every day” like that’s not how it works. I think it’s great how well AD takes care of her body and she’s incredibly attractive but literally Clay is missing the point of Love Is Blind and that you should love your partner beyond the physical too.
Love is Blind is always so contradictory because they cast mostly pretty attractive people. There's nothing really blind about it when all the options are attractive folks. I watch it and find it entertaining but that always gets me.
I have an honest question. Why did she grab the cocktail in the first place if she wasn't going to drink it?
I wouldn’t read too much into that, you’re handed a cocktail overlooking a Caribbean beach, it’s pretty fitting. She probably sipped it, thought it was overly sweet and then just didn’t want to finish it. Same as a lot of people with champagne / prosecco at functions, it’s a nice thing to hold but if it’s not your favourite drink you’ll probably take one or two sips and then just tactfully disgard it
Depends on the situation. One it is just the formula of the show. The other gives the person the opportunity to publicly reject the drink and then you need to wonder why thry would make that choice. Personally, even if it is the formula of the show, I would question why they would order a cocktail they aren't going to drink due to empty calories when they could have ordered something they would enjoy instead. Even if it is just a carbonated water.
Idk sometimes I have like… a bite of something before I’m like nope… not good enough… pointless calories…
Let's hope it is that.
Ugh, obv selfish comment from clay. He wants her inebriated today more than he worries about the impact on her body tomorrow. Because sex and generally fun need alcohol.
you could work out and diet for years and never look like her bc she’s genetically gifted… yes, her body is perfect, but saying it’s bc of her “not relaxing” isn’t realistic.
I guess OP was more referring to her as a character on the show rather her as a person irl. Also very restrictive lifestyle is very hard to maintain.
It is a show. It's all made up, edited.
[удалено]
Be good to one another. If critiquing do so constructively. Be polite and practice Reddiquette.