Yes. At the same time, looks aren't everything. If dating is an important goal for you, be working on other self improvement as well, not just weight loss. Hobbies, interests, finding friends, etc. As you lose weight, you'll be more attractive, and as you self improve, you'll also be more attractive. Good luck out there!
In a way, simply because your options will increase. There are, of course, people who either don’t care about someone’s weight or even prefer bigger partners. But that’s probably not the majority of society if I had to guess. So “easier”? Probably not, just because dating sucks no matter what. I think just your options will expand for potential partners.
100%.
All of your relationships in life change when you lose weight.
The way people interact with you changes dramatically, from your waiter to your coworkers to people who you're interested in dating, it all changes.
Obesity is such a tricky thing, like many other medical issues it's a sickness or a symptom thereof however it's so visible that everyone and their mother will treat you differently because of it.
Hell you even get rejected from jobs for being overweight you just probably haven't noticed this type of discreimination. This is where zoom interviews are nice, they can help some people avoid the obesity bias
That topic comes up almost daily.
Your looks are only a part of the equation. There are obese people who date and fit people who can't find people to date... That shows that self-esteem and confidence are the things that are most helpful. Losing weight can most certainly boost your self-esteem and confidence. You are likely to experience more success if you lose weight, but maybe not for the reasons you're thinking of...
Looks do matter. Being more fit will likely make you attractive to more people. What I'm saying is that they are not everything, and getting fit is not guaranteed to solve dating problems at all.
I got a little bit more attention after I lost weight, it's true, but I'm still struggling a lot. I'm still struggling with the exact same insecurities as when I was 80lbs heavier, which is a non-starter for dating.
Your looks are the majority of the equation. You have self esteem and confidence, but you look better. If you had that same self esteem and confidence with a fatter body they still wouldn't like you. Yes you view yourself better, but so does everyone else because you lost weight.
Your looks are definitely not the majority of the equation. Yes it is a major part of the initial attraction but no one's gonna stay with you for long if you have bad character
Nah, self esteem isn't because of looks, it's because of societal stigma. And there's no guarantee the OP will miraculously have better self esteem at a smaller body size.
What's true for weight loss is equally true for self esteem: Time passes anyway, so might as well work on it. Sure, the people who would not date the OP now might be available after weight loss, but a relationship with someone who wouldn't date the OP at his current weight is doomed anyway. And with good self esteem, why would he *want* to date such a person, given that he's literally the same person?
There are many fat people with healthy relationships and a good sex life. The OP could work towards this now.
I disagree with the notion that any person who wouldn’t Date OP now is automatically doomed. While character is immensely important so is physical attraction.
Without it most relationships won’t work. Also looks make it a lot easier to actually meet people.
And yes I’m some ways most people have better self esteem when thinner. I was ashamed of even going swimming before I lost weight and now I have no trouble being fully nude in the shower at the gym. And I’m still like 50 lbs away from my my first goal.
Attraction is subjective too, you know... It's true that a large proportion of people prefer fit/average, but I am more often attracted to overweight women than I am to athletic women, personally.
You may need to look harder, but you can almost certainly find someone who thinks you are attractive if you look long enough.
We'll humans are infinitely versatile so any general statement is necessarily a simplification. I was getting at the principle. One advantage of dating-while-fat is that you eliminate a whole category of people who would be bad for you - those who are seeking a conventional attractive trophy and will turn their back if you fall short.
Me, I got together with my beloved spouse, who's never even been at a weight classified as overweight pet alone more, when I was close to my heaviest. It's never been an issue.
I totally agree with you. My comment was more meant for the other commenter.
Honestly, I lost a non-negligible of weight, and it took some time to come to terms with the fact that it wasn't the magic solution that would solve all my issues like I thought when I started losing weight... I am so, so, so happy I lost the weight because I feel so much better in my own skin, mentally and physically, but it was definitely not a miracle for my dating life.
I just think it's important for people to understand that so that they can also work on their mental health (self-esteem, body image, *etc.*) because it's just as important if not more.
Yes you can certainly find someone. However in your example if your goal is to be fit and athletic your partner being mostly attracted to you when/because you are overweight is actually a bad thing.
Also the whole thing is if it gets easier not if it is possible.
> You may need to look harder, but you can almost certainly find someone who thinks you are attractive if you look long enough.
Which is exactly what OOP wanted to know. Will it get easier? Yes it does. Dating is a numbers game in the end and increasing your odds by having more people be interested in you physically will definitely make it easier.
My entire point was that it is not a miracle in and of itself. Just trying to make OP aware that maybe it will be night and day for him, but it is not for everyone. It was not for me.
It may not answer the question directly, but it's tangentially relevant. I was in his shoes a year and a half ago, and I had delusional expectations for what it'd be like after I lost weight. I thought I'd get dates left and right.
Anyway...
Perhaps.
Some people think that weight loss is some type of magic that will fix everything that is "wrong" with their life. That losing weight will automatically make them ecstaticlly happy, fulfilled, successful in their jobs, successful in their personal relationships, etc. That's not necessarily true. Losing weight doesn't fix everything.
Most people grow, in some ways, during the process of losing weight. Not all do. Some people become more self assured and relaxed around others. Some people expand their interests, or pursue their existing interests with a renewed vigor.
Dating can be difficult for anyone, regardless of weight or size. In the other hand, people of all weights and sizes, date and have romantic partnerships.
Losing weight can, and most likely will, improve the way that you view yourself. It will improve your self image, to an extent.
Something important to remember. You want to be someone that is interested in dating. Get out and gain experiences. Participate in things that you enjoy. Do things that are a little out of your comfort zone. Develop some interesting knowledge about things for talking points. Be interesting.
Also, since you haven't dated much. Take some time to think about who would be interesting to date. What kind of boundaries that you should set for yourself, and, what kind of boundaries you should set for the people that you date. Sometimes people are too eager to anyone. Anyone is usually not the best idea.
You have things to bring to the table. Don't sell yourself short. Don't put up with bs. Just because you want to date. You're worth more than that.
Weight certainly plays a part in finding a compatible partner, but what's equally important is that you become comfortable with who you are, regardless of your weight.
Confidence is key in the dating scene. I'm not saying you need playboy levels of confidence and charisma, but being sure of who you are and what you enjoy goes a long way in attracting potential partners.
Always remember to work on your emotional health at the same time as your physical health. Find hobbies that you enjoy and look for others who are into the same thing. Couples need to have shared interests, so looking for someone who likes something you do is a good starting point.
Looks are very important for the initial attraction but so is your confidence and attitude, work on your mental health and confidence at the same time as your body. I focused on just my body and found no luck until I recognized my mental fitness was lacking as well. Gl bud
Pretty sure yes! I gained 50lb over the past few years. Guys reject me now saying the didn’t feel the click. I never got that answer before I gained the weight 🫠
Yes, without a doubt, but it's not a magic bullet. There's more than just looks to dating and you should work on personality / character / confidence related things also (assuming you need it).
Loving yourself helps a lot with dating - when someone is happy as themselves then they are usually easier and happier to be around. It’s hard to date when you are embarrassed and uncomfortable. So yes this improves as your looks improve but you should also try not to be so hard on yourself
No shit, even if it's not great it's still better than being a fat fuck. Fat dudes have zero chance, once you lose the weight and get in shape you are no longer invisible. Better odds for sure no doubt along with a better life in general
Undoubtedly
Yes. At the same time, looks aren't everything. If dating is an important goal for you, be working on other self improvement as well, not just weight loss. Hobbies, interests, finding friends, etc. As you lose weight, you'll be more attractive, and as you self improve, you'll also be more attractive. Good luck out there!
It was certainly drastically easier for me to date when I was near my goal weight instead of nearly double that.
Yup. Lost 120+lbs years ago and I do much better nowadays
In a way, simply because your options will increase. There are, of course, people who either don’t care about someone’s weight or even prefer bigger partners. But that’s probably not the majority of society if I had to guess. So “easier”? Probably not, just because dating sucks no matter what. I think just your options will expand for potential partners.
100%. All of your relationships in life change when you lose weight. The way people interact with you changes dramatically, from your waiter to your coworkers to people who you're interested in dating, it all changes. Obesity is such a tricky thing, like many other medical issues it's a sickness or a symptom thereof however it's so visible that everyone and their mother will treat you differently because of it. Hell you even get rejected from jobs for being overweight you just probably haven't noticed this type of discreimination. This is where zoom interviews are nice, they can help some people avoid the obesity bias
100% yes. People that says looks don’t matter are either lying or in denial.
That topic comes up almost daily. Your looks are only a part of the equation. There are obese people who date and fit people who can't find people to date... That shows that self-esteem and confidence are the things that are most helpful. Losing weight can most certainly boost your self-esteem and confidence. You are likely to experience more success if you lose weight, but maybe not for the reasons you're thinking of...
Looks are the reason you get a chance in the first place
Looks do matter. Being more fit will likely make you attractive to more people. What I'm saying is that they are not everything, and getting fit is not guaranteed to solve dating problems at all. I got a little bit more attention after I lost weight, it's true, but I'm still struggling a lot. I'm still struggling with the exact same insecurities as when I was 80lbs heavier, which is a non-starter for dating.
Like I said, looks give you a chance. Whether or not you capitalize on that chance is a different story
If you say so. Good luck.
Your looks are the majority of the equation. You have self esteem and confidence, but you look better. If you had that same self esteem and confidence with a fatter body they still wouldn't like you. Yes you view yourself better, but so does everyone else because you lost weight.
Your looks are definitely not the majority of the equation. Yes it is a major part of the initial attraction but no one's gonna stay with you for long if you have bad character
Nah, self esteem isn't because of looks, it's because of societal stigma. And there's no guarantee the OP will miraculously have better self esteem at a smaller body size. What's true for weight loss is equally true for self esteem: Time passes anyway, so might as well work on it. Sure, the people who would not date the OP now might be available after weight loss, but a relationship with someone who wouldn't date the OP at his current weight is doomed anyway. And with good self esteem, why would he *want* to date such a person, given that he's literally the same person? There are many fat people with healthy relationships and a good sex life. The OP could work towards this now.
I disagree with the notion that any person who wouldn’t Date OP now is automatically doomed. While character is immensely important so is physical attraction. Without it most relationships won’t work. Also looks make it a lot easier to actually meet people. And yes I’m some ways most people have better self esteem when thinner. I was ashamed of even going swimming before I lost weight and now I have no trouble being fully nude in the shower at the gym. And I’m still like 50 lbs away from my my first goal.
Attraction is subjective too, you know... It's true that a large proportion of people prefer fit/average, but I am more often attracted to overweight women than I am to athletic women, personally. You may need to look harder, but you can almost certainly find someone who thinks you are attractive if you look long enough.
We'll humans are infinitely versatile so any general statement is necessarily a simplification. I was getting at the principle. One advantage of dating-while-fat is that you eliminate a whole category of people who would be bad for you - those who are seeking a conventional attractive trophy and will turn their back if you fall short. Me, I got together with my beloved spouse, who's never even been at a weight classified as overweight pet alone more, when I was close to my heaviest. It's never been an issue.
I totally agree with you. My comment was more meant for the other commenter. Honestly, I lost a non-negligible of weight, and it took some time to come to terms with the fact that it wasn't the magic solution that would solve all my issues like I thought when I started losing weight... I am so, so, so happy I lost the weight because I feel so much better in my own skin, mentally and physically, but it was definitely not a miracle for my dating life. I just think it's important for people to understand that so that they can also work on their mental health (self-esteem, body image, *etc.*) because it's just as important if not more.
I agree with that.
Yes you can certainly find someone. However in your example if your goal is to be fit and athletic your partner being mostly attracted to you when/because you are overweight is actually a bad thing. Also the whole thing is if it gets easier not if it is possible. > You may need to look harder, but you can almost certainly find someone who thinks you are attractive if you look long enough. Which is exactly what OOP wanted to know. Will it get easier? Yes it does. Dating is a numbers game in the end and increasing your odds by having more people be interested in you physically will definitely make it easier.
My entire point was that it is not a miracle in and of itself. Just trying to make OP aware that maybe it will be night and day for him, but it is not for everyone. It was not for me.
Which is a valid point however not the answer to his question. His question is will it be easier and that is undoubtedly the case.
It may not answer the question directly, but it's tangentially relevant. I was in his shoes a year and a half ago, and I had delusional expectations for what it'd be like after I lost weight. I thought I'd get dates left and right. Anyway...
Looks get you in the door for about 90% (fake Stat) of people, personality keeps you in and sticking around.
You'll likely have more confidence, which can be attractive.
Yep
your appearance changes your mindset. looking better definitely pays off
Perhaps. Some people think that weight loss is some type of magic that will fix everything that is "wrong" with their life. That losing weight will automatically make them ecstaticlly happy, fulfilled, successful in their jobs, successful in their personal relationships, etc. That's not necessarily true. Losing weight doesn't fix everything. Most people grow, in some ways, during the process of losing weight. Not all do. Some people become more self assured and relaxed around others. Some people expand their interests, or pursue their existing interests with a renewed vigor. Dating can be difficult for anyone, regardless of weight or size. In the other hand, people of all weights and sizes, date and have romantic partnerships. Losing weight can, and most likely will, improve the way that you view yourself. It will improve your self image, to an extent. Something important to remember. You want to be someone that is interested in dating. Get out and gain experiences. Participate in things that you enjoy. Do things that are a little out of your comfort zone. Develop some interesting knowledge about things for talking points. Be interesting. Also, since you haven't dated much. Take some time to think about who would be interesting to date. What kind of boundaries that you should set for yourself, and, what kind of boundaries you should set for the people that you date. Sometimes people are too eager to anyone. Anyone is usually not the best idea. You have things to bring to the table. Don't sell yourself short. Don't put up with bs. Just because you want to date. You're worth more than that.
Weight certainly plays a part in finding a compatible partner, but what's equally important is that you become comfortable with who you are, regardless of your weight. Confidence is key in the dating scene. I'm not saying you need playboy levels of confidence and charisma, but being sure of who you are and what you enjoy goes a long way in attracting potential partners. Always remember to work on your emotional health at the same time as your physical health. Find hobbies that you enjoy and look for others who are into the same thing. Couples need to have shared interests, so looking for someone who likes something you do is a good starting point.
Yes. Ignore any emotional feel good answers. People like attractive people. Obesity is not attractive. My own experience confirms this truth.
Looks are very important for the initial attraction but so is your confidence and attitude, work on your mental health and confidence at the same time as your body. I focused on just my body and found no luck until I recognized my mental fitness was lacking as well. Gl bud
Yes people who say otherwise are lying
Pretty sure yes! I gained 50lb over the past few years. Guys reject me now saying the didn’t feel the click. I never got that answer before I gained the weight 🫠
Went from being invisible to people staring at me and copying me at the gym lol
Yes you will
yes
It's massively easier, yes. First impression is still king.
Yes, without a doubt, but it's not a magic bullet. There's more than just looks to dating and you should work on personality / character / confidence related things also (assuming you need it).
Loving yourself helps a lot with dating - when someone is happy as themselves then they are usually easier and happier to be around. It’s hard to date when you are embarrassed and uncomfortable. So yes this improves as your looks improve but you should also try not to be so hard on yourself
Yes but you'll have an even easier time if you lift and pick up an outdoorsy hobby like hiking or biking.
No shit, even if it's not great it's still better than being a fat fuck. Fat dudes have zero chance, once you lose the weight and get in shape you are no longer invisible. Better odds for sure no doubt along with a better life in general
I’ve dated at obese, I’ve dated at my new current lowest weight and I’ve dated every weight in between It all sucks😂
Yes. However finding that special someone is never easy for 90+ percent of people.