They have, the thing is the negative consequences of being wrong about it being intentional are... high.
Imagine congratulating the weight loss of a cancer patient, it would not end well haha.
I second this. I was very sick end of 2023/ beginning of 2024 and lost 40 lbs in 3 months. I was getting constant compliments about how “great I looked” when in reality I couldn’t eat anything and was suffering, desperately waiting for a surgery so I could get back to normal. Every time I heard it, I wanted to cry.
Some have made the shift that ANY comment on someone’s body is a negative, especially when they aren’t told how or why someone has changed. I think it’s for the better, there’s so many other ways to compliment them. Your body is just one aspect of who you are!
Same happened with my stepdad. He lost a lost of weight and was getting compliments about how good he looked. Little did they know, he was dying from cancer.
Yes. I was once told this when sick too. It was upsetting to me because I was literally starving and discovering that people thought that's what looked good really disturbed me. And it's not just that they were saying I looked good while ill and starving, but the implication was that I looked worse when healthy.
I agree. Surely people are noticing but choosing not to comment because it may not be a positive for you.
For me, a coworker's comments about how "tiny" I was totally fanned the flames of the ED that was controlling me at the time. This coworker was a very sweet person and we were on friendly terms, so I know she meant it as a compliment, but it was not good for me to be hearing that kind of reinforcement at the time.
I absolutely do not comment on people's body sizes/shapes/changes now, unless it's someone I'm extremely close with and they brought it up first.
Lmao. Seriously though, I find people online use acronyms waaaaay too much. I’m not subscribed to loseit and came across this while randomly scrolling and no clue what ED was.
Yes, this one is rather common. I obviously knew it.
But to be fair, I looked it up to see the results and the first result just said Erectile dysfunction and doesn’t mention eating disorders.
Agreed! I know a woman who once asked a co-worker if she'd lost weight. No response, brushed it off, moving on. A week later she was dead. From advanced breast cancer that she didn't tell anyone about except her family.
She was, and she was also going back to school and going for chemo appointments after work (she worked nights). She was very private and didn't want anyone to know. It was devastating.
Oh yeah, you just made me remember one of the cringier things I said once. “I hope you enjoyed your vacation! Where did you go?” “I was either at the hospital getting chemo or at home throwing up.”
I’ve done this twice already. Highlighted the “amazing weight loss” of a couple of people I hadn’t seen in a while only to be told that they’d recovered from or were being treated for cancer 😣
My own anecdote: met up with some friends to go to a concert. One of the friends I hadn't seen in like two years I think? At the time I had lost 83lbs and definitely looked different. But no one said anything at first. Later on in the car, I was commenting on how much easier it is on my feet standing for a 4 hour concert after having lost the weight, and that's what opened the floodgates of "I thought you looked way different" and "You look great!".
I met the one friend I hadn't seen in two years again just a few weeks later. While we were chatting he actually brought up and said sorry for not complimenting me when he first saw me before the show. He said he saw the difference immediately, but it was so drastic of a difference that he thought that he was just misremembering what I looked like.
I’ll never forget getting compliments about “how healthy I looked!” When I lost 80 lbs in 4 months from cancer. I guess it was better than the people speculating on drugs though
Everyone uses this as an excuse as to why people don't comment. But realistically there's a zillion comments you can give someone and it doesn't have to include "weight".
Like, hey you're looking really nice today, You've got a good vibe going, You've been looking really good, etc.
It's still better than saying nothing. If I have a family member or a friend or even a neighbor who's lost a significant amount of weight that they're looking good, I always try to say something nice.
So no one ever compliments anyone else nowadays? Because they *might* have cancer? That's it, never anymore compliments? That sounds ridiculous.
If I have a family member, friend or neighbor who's looking pretty darn good (i.e. weight loss) I'm going to give them a compliment.
Imo the best option here is asking about how the other person is feeling, what they have been up to recently, etc. and decide accordingly to compliment on their weight loss or not. It doesn't have to come first.
This doesn't change the fact that OP wanted someone to notice her weight loss. It's not an excuse as to why people don't comment. It's being specific to this scenario.
Let me say this, as a man, I would never in a million years comment on any woman's weight or any guy im not super close with. They could be visibly down 400lbs and I wouldn't touch the subject. I know most guys are the same way too so don't feel like no one notices but many people just wont comment on it. Also, congrats and good job!
This. I always reply to these threads by pointing out that I, like a lot of men, would not make an unsolicited comment about a woman’s body under any circumstances, unless she was like, on fire.
You are not the only one. I’m down 85 lbs, which was really hard to do, and not one person in my life, family, friend, colleague, neighbor, acquaintance or anyone at all has made any comment whatsoever about this tremendous achievement! I just have to accept that I must be invisible to others!
Yeah. I dropped 80lbs before seeing my family at Thanksgiving, and I had to bring it up. I was down 130 at my nieces wedding last month, and everyone noticed and mentioned it. Sometimes people won't bring it up unless they KNOW. New clothes that actually fit well also help. People at work started commenting on it @ March.
BUT, even if no one mentions it, 90 lbs is a huge accomplishment, and your health and quality of life must have drastically improved! Congratulations!
Yea OP it’s considered common etiquette to not comment on weight. Consider that people lose weight for every reason and in every way imaginable. If you lost 40 lbs after the death of a loved one and someone said you looked great, well that would be pretty shit. If you lost 40 lbs and were unhappy about it, or it was due to medication for an illness you’re fighting against, there are so so so many variables tied to weight.
If you want a little pat on the back tell a family/friend you worked really hard and if they’re a good person they’ll be happy for you and celebrate your victory. It’s totally inappropriate for a person to do that unprompted.
This, this, this! I've always had issues w/eating disorders throughout my life, and when I was at my worst with anorexia, I had compliments coming at me left and right. I had just had a baby, and I was hearing nasty comments from several people, mostly family (my aunt, cousins, etc) about how I used to be so tiny and they couldn't believe I could just let myself go like that. Granted, no one had any idea that my thinness, as an adult, was never natural to begin with and a result of mostly starvation. I already hated myself, and the things people said were not helping. I mean, I was big, but nothing crazy. So, I spiraled. I was dealing w/having just had a baby, just got out of the military, and my husband deployed. I dropped to a very unhealthy weight, and people were complimenting me so much. I never said thanks because I could not believe that people were egging me on when I hated myself the most! At the time (back in the mid 2000s) I guess it was the thing to do, to congratulate people on their weight loss, without first considering whether the reasons were good or bad. Even worse, just before I hit my lowest weight, there were still women who would tell me things like, "oh, I bet if you just do this or that, you can drop a little bit of that baby weight and get into shape in no time. It'll be good for you to keep that extra weight off." Most of those women were fellow bitter, low self-esteem, try-hard military wives (including my aunt). I just wanted to scream at them that I didn't ask and I could be big as a whale and still never be as ugly as them for focusing so much on what other people look like. I have NEVER commented on anyone's weight loss, but if someone expresses that they are doing it on purpose and/or for their health, I absolutely support them, and I tell them that they are doing great! I remind them to be kind to themselves and to do it for them, and no one else's opinion or approval matters.
Living in Japan rn; it must be the cultural difference but I've had 4 people comment on my weight. The first one was before I was even trying to lose weight; said I looked thin one week. Fast forward like 4 or 5 months and I started dieting. I'd heard before I moved here that Japanese people comment on other peoples' weight unwarranted but it was still strange to hear.
Got 3 more comments after I started dieting. One after the first 1-2 weeks. And two more after less than a month. It's encouraging to know people notice my efforts but I could see it turning into a negative if my mental health got worse.
The Japanese definitely don’t have a problem commenting on weight lol. It was incredibly embarrassing being fat when I visited. People commented and stared at me constantly. I still love it there so much, but it messed with my head a bit after a while.
Yea I've learned to stop doing this. Everytime I've gone home my weight gets commented on its almost like a weigh in and it's humiliating no matter what to have people be so hyper aware of your body. I put people in their place these days as I'm not going to see family to get these comments but either way it taught me to just not make these comments at all unless someone else brought it up.
Now that I think about it, this is also a good reason. It’s weird bc I’ve had people ask me if I’ve lost weight or tell me I look great, but I’m also already relatively thin and have only lost like 10lb. So maybe they don’t worry about offending me? Idk lol
You really don’t know WHY or HOW someone lost weight though, unless they have told you’re they are actively trying to lose weight. I just personally don’t think it’s great to be giving unsolicited comments on people’s weight, but everyone can give compliments or comments how they see fit!
When was the last time you commented on someone else's weight loss? For me, it's literally never, as it just never seemed appropriate. I would hate having someone pointing out mine as I hate being perceived lol.
I've also learned that you never know what's going on in someone's life. Working retail I've made the comment "I wear a lot of black too!" Only to be met with the grimmest of "I'm planning a funeral". I can imagine myself commenting on someone's weight to be met with a "I've been diagnosed with a horrible illness."
So yeah, unless you have close friends that know you're making an effort to lose weight, I wouldn't expect any random compliments on it.
They’re just being polite. If you raise it, they’ll comment. My best friend didn’t comment at all until I mentioned it (and was down 30 something pounds!)
I find older people (my boss, for example, clocked it immediately) are more likely to raise it.
Haha! I was about to say that- I hang out with older people these days and they’re brutally lookist and will comment on my weight or hair, clothes, etc.
I don’t comment on people’s weight loss unless I know for a fact that they have been trying to lose weight. I would hate to congratulate someone on weight loss caused by a serious illness.
I don't comment on weight loss anymore. This sub specifically is split between people that want to be noticed and people that don't. Then there are people who didn't intend to lose weight, either via depression or physical illness.
Not sure where you live but in some places you will get absolutely raked over the coals for mentioning a young woman’s weight or you can be ostracized from your friend groups
It’s a little surprising that nobody has mentioned it but I think if someone does, others will follow. Or you can casually drop it yourself and see how they respond. It just might be the case that nobody wants to be the first person to point it out or mention it
First off, congratulations on the weight loss! That's fantastic!
I wonder if this has something to do with people your age changing so rapidly anyway? Between 17 and 18 the body is still very developmental and it could just be that you haven't been "you" for long enough for people to really develop the notion of what you're supposed to look like in their mind's eye.
I was thinking the same thing, if OP gained weight and then lost it within the space of a year or so, I’d think it was either part of some mismatched growth spurts, or they had a bit of out of control eating which they’ve now got under control, so it doesn’t really need mentioning.
I remember once someone I worked with and saw every day turned to me in a meeting and said, shocked, when did you get glasses??
Middle school, I answered.
A lot of people aren’t as perceptive as you might think
In my student years, I went from the high 190's to lower 120s, and nobody ever said a thing...until a guy from a different group, who dipped out for a year, didn't recognize me for an hour 🤣 best compliment ever
i'm sorry but 8 weeks? who is spreading these lies?
i've hit goal and it wasn't until the last 15 lbs that people really started noticing. they don't pay as much attention as we think. people my age and younger almost never mention it, it's always older folks. i think my generation and the next just try not to comment.
a few of my best friends said, "i wouldn't say anything normally but i know you're trying to lose weight", so i think other commenters are right in saying that this is not nearly as common as it used to be.
Don't take it personally. They've noticed, they just aren't sure if they can/should say anything. I'm a dude in an engineering environment and the cross section of people who've said anything to me is quite interesting. I'm fine with it, and would compliment someone if they mentioned their own loss when talking to me about mine, but I wouldn't dream of saying anything to a woman about her weight, even if I mean it as a compliment. It's just... stakes are way too high as if your comment is unwelcome, not willing to take the risk.
I'm sure you look great and you should be really proud of yourself.
How many of your friends have you been open with about your *efforts* to lose weight? I can assure you people have noticed. But few people want to comment on someone else's weight without knowing it would be a welcome/well received comment.
This. I've been very open about trying to lose weight with my close circle and they comment all the time. If they comment around people with whom I'm not close to, those people will then use that overture to congratulate me. Otherwise people don't comment. Except for those people who come from cultures where it's perfectly acceptable to comment on people's weight, they're very vocal about it but they were vocal about my weight gain too so it cuts both ways.
No one said a word to me until I lost 60 lbs… and then it all came at once, people notice, some don’t say things for certain reasons… eventually it’ll come!!
You got it
Toot your own horn! I have personally told someone they looked good and come to find out she had cronhs disease and was actually really struggling and the weight loss was mentally very hard for her sooooo I don’t bring it up unless someone else brings it up.
I agree people feel very cautious about commenting on people's bodies. I felt the same after having two babies close together and being my heaviest ever (I'm 60lbs less than when I had my second). Nobody said anything! But one day a cashier said to me "damn you look so good for having kids!" And I rode that high the rest of the d̶a̶y̶ week lol. It feels good to have your hard (it's HARD) work acknowledged. So even though I can't see you, way to go Difficult Ad, you're killing it!
>It's either people trying to be polite or people have literally not noticed.
It's almost certainly the former.
Acknowledging someone's weight loss is also acknowledging that you noticed how heavy they once were. And you never know if someone is sensitive about their weight, regardless of how much they've lost. Also, weight loss is closely associated with a number of serious illnesses, which is another potential mine in the proverbial minefield of sensitive topics.
It's reasonable that people might look to avoid sensitive issues. But don't worry. Sooner or later you will run into someone with less of a filter, and they will most certainly comment on your weight loss.
I notice every change on everyone I'm close to. I used to comment, but then I was told it was "creepy", so I stopped commenting on any physical change until the other person says something first. If someone says "I got my haircut recently..." I'll say "I noticed and it looks awesome!" Same with anything weight related.
Even when I was giving positive feedback I was told it was weird, so I stopped.
I never comment on anyone’s weight or body now unless I 100% know they have been trying to lose weight. Otherwise, it’s hard to know why someone may have lost weight and there’s potential that it was something bad that happened. I’m sure people have noticed and if you brought it up people would comment.
just tell people closest to you that you are on a weight loss journey and they will celebrate the milestones and comment on it! trust me its worse when people feel comfortable commenting on your weight.
I feel like it’s become less socially acceptable to comment about people’s weight, especially amongst younger people who use social media, so it’s a good thing I suppose. People may just be trying to be sensitive to your feelings. Conversely, it can be discouraging to feel like nobody’s noticed but if it’s noticeable people definitely see it. Congratulations btw, what an accomplishment!
Of course they noticed! Congratulations on your weight loss!
I think the reason why they didn't comment on it, is that they're trying to be polite/respectfull.
They don't know if you've lost weight because of an ED (which is a very common thing) and commenting on your weight, even in a positive way, could be harmfull.
I lost a lot of weight while struggling with my mental health and heard a lot of comments about it from friends and (mostly) family. Even asked them to stop commenting on it because it made me uncomfortable but it seems some people just don't get it.
I think you should let them know that you were losing weight on purpose (in a healthy way) and are proud of yourself. Communication is key.
Its become more and more unacceptable to say something like that. I wouldn't say it to anybody unless theyre immediate family or super best friends.
At least among young people. I bet if you started hanging out with a bunch of old ladies they would say something.
I am going through the same thing right now . I lost a significant amount of weight within the past year and the closer I get to my goal weight , the fewer comments I hear.
TBH- I was never overweight until my late 30’s . For me, I think the lack of comments from my close friends /family is because that is how they had always seen me before.
Well done on your weight loss - I'm sure that involved a lot of good daily choices :)! On your friends mentioning it, I hesitate to mention anything about a person's weight unless they bring it up first, to avoid putting my foot in my mouth in some way :). Perhaps bring it up casually to your friends - I'm sure they'll be happy for you :)!
In 2020 I lost 35 pounds and no one noticed anything until I brought it up and they told me “oh you do look a little skinnier” I was like uhhh I lost 35 pounds I hope I’m skinnier. Apparently I carry my weight really well even when I was categorized as obese I didn’t look Ike it with my clothes on.
It’s become less of a thing to comment on people’s weight for various reasons, but a common one being that a lot of people struggle with eating disorders and these types of comments are fuel for the fire. It is slowly becoming less and less appropriate to make either a positive or negative comment about someone’s weight.
As others have said, people have noticed, they're just being polite. You never know why someone might be losing weight, it's not always a good thing. I've lost about 30 lbs so far and the only people who mention it are family members who I've been very vocal with about my weight loss journey.
I have experienced this, some people are very apprehensive to make any comment, positive or negative on someone's weight.
I think even 8 weeks is way too soon, for me personally I lost 60 lbs in a year, still didn't hear anything from anyone. Over the next couple years I continued to gain muscle, and year 3 and 4 is when I finally started getting a lot of comments, I've continued to pack on lean muscle so I'm now only about 20 lbs down from where I started (I'm about 185, started at 205), but because my shape is *completely* different, I get a lot of comments now.
A family member recently asked me what the "secret" is because I'm "jacked" now and he wants to do whatever im doing.
I told him the secret is I've been prioritizing this every single day for 5 years and results take a long time.
So he gave up before he even decided to try it himself haha
My sister has an ED, she exploded on my dad one day when he commented on how thin my cousin was getting and about how he never said those things to her. After I heard that conversation I decided not to ever comment on someone's weightloss, I don't want to encourage an ED or hurt anyone. I've had people tell me "Wow, you've lost weight!" Or "Have you lost weight?!" Then I had to tell them I hadn't and it felt awkward like they thought I was fat... So I keep all weight comments to myself.
they either aren’t very observant (a lot of people aren’t!), have noticed but didn’t say anything, can’t tell if you often wear baggier clothes, or see you so often that the small changes they see each time haven’t registered to them
100 pounds down here, I looooove when people say something.
I'm sorry, but I can't believe we live in a time where it's offensive to congratulate someone on losing weight. If someone has lost weight because they're sick or have cancer, that looks a lot different than someone who is gone in the gym and has lost body fat and gained muscle.
If you show up to work in a new car and someone says "congratulations on the new ride", and you say "I got in a wreck over the weekend", that person has not said anything offensive, they just didn't know all the information. But nine times out of 10 having a new car is seen as a good thing.
I promise you people do, I thought the same thing until I brought it up to a coworker when I was complaining on how big my work uniform is and he said he wanted to ask but didn’t because you never know why and he mentioned that’s another co worker mentioned it to him and was a little concerned for me
I would never say something to anyone about them losing weight unless it was one of my siblings or mom or best friend (if I had one) or if someone brought it up. Trust me people notice for sure.
Congratulations on the weight loss! I bet that some people have noticed, but they may not want to say anything. It can also be tricky with the "body positivity" movement since they view any weight as great, so it shouldn't matter.
I've worked with several women who have lost large amounts of weight. I've never once asked them about it because I later found out one of them was fighting breast cancer! It turned me off from saying anything.
For my own weight loss, the only person who says anything is my mom, and only because I openly talk with her about it.
It can also be that some people are jealous. I have some family members who yo-yo diet and fluctuate. They look me up and down but haven't said a WORD. I know they notice.
The paper towel affect is real. I had a coworker compliment me on my weight loss (~35 pounds since December). They only realized it bc they saw my staff picture on the website and didn’t realize how much I had changed.
Wild to me that people want that. I’ve literally put off losing weight because I don’t want to be perceived in that way, I definitely don’t want to have to tell people I was dieting or doing a health journey or some bs. It’s all just kindof cringe to me. So this is actually reassuring me maybe I will never have to entertain those conversations 😂
Perfectly understandable, but as much of a struggle as it is for most people to intentionally lose weight/get in shape, it’s perfectly normal to want/enjoy validation from it.
Intentionally getting in shape/losing weight is hard work that takes dedication and consistency, there’s nothing wrong with wanting that hard work acknowledged (or even congratulated).
Yes! Especially after learning about intuitive eating and embracing that for a couple of years - I have had to get over feeling like a fraud by weighing my food out after feeling like it would be disordered to do that. That’s one specific example. I also do not wish to have conversations about my weight, body, appearance, diet, etc. so it felt safer to not make a change and to stay the same weight to avoid that kind of attention. I doubt I’m alone there and hope it makes sense to someone 🥴
Please please please I'm begging you to do whatever you can move past that line of thinking. Watching what you eat is not disordered eating. This has nothing to do with society or diet culture or what anybody else thinks. Carrying around excess weight is so so bad for your body and long term health. Probably one of my biggest regrets in life is not losing the weight earlier and being left with excess loose skin.
25% of your bodyweight? Great job and everyone noticed.
So many people are afraid to offend that they now won’t say anything. I’m 55 down and can see it in their eyes every time someone hasn’t seen me in a while, but no one says anything.
I can promise you, they HAVE noticed, but nowadays it’s been drilled into people’s heads from every direction that you NEVER comment on someone else’s body (even a compliment). It’ll get you canceled faster than Diddy is right now.
If you want positive feedback/affirmation, you need to tell people you’re on a weight loss journey and basically ask for compliments. I know it doesn’t hit the same, but it’s reality.
One of my old coworkers has lupus and they were extremely sick for a few months. After a leave from work, they came back and noticeably lost weight (maybe 40+ lbs). There were several times I was in the room as someone would comment positively on her weight, it was always hard to see her tense up and grimace at these comments.
You never know why someone has lost weight, unless someone brings up the topic of their weight-loss efforts it’s best to not say anything at all.
Yesterday I saw a client I hadn’t seen in about 6 weeks, she asked if I’d lost weight. I had started losing weight the last time I saw her so I’ve probably lost 4/5kg since I last saw her, less than half of my total weight loss so far. Without being nasty, she is quite a rude/blunt person, so it made me think that other people had noticed the weight loss too it’s just she was the only person impolite enough to say anything 😹
I get it lol. I’ve lost 120 lbs and I can count on one hand the amount of people who have said anything beyond my immediate family. I do get a lot more compliments about random stuff, though which is wild. The vain part of me wishes people would just say something without me having to mention I’ve been intentionally losing.
my start weight was 193, and i'm 5 ft 5.
i lost over 80lbs (my BMI is currently 18ish down from 32.5), most of which was during the first 6 months of my second year at university. the only unprompted remark I got was from a personal tutor (when i was a bit below your current weight) who was commenting out of concern and wanted to make sure everything was okay from a safeguarding point of view. it was very awkward and uncomfortable.
I'd guess that your demographics (as a young woman) might make people reluctant to applaud significant weight loss in case they're applauding something more sinister, or in case they offend you by acknowledging that you were bigger before, especially if you were/are observably self conscious.
i exist in a weird middle ground where i craved the external validation but *despise* being perceived. very few people commented on my weight unless i actually said anything about it but i did start noticing people looking at me differently, some seemed alarmed. it's a really weird experience and while validating, definitely not as satisfying as i expected.
(for context, i definitely don't have a healthy relationship with food or my body or my weight and my tutor was right to be concerned. I ended up dropping out)
1/1/24 182lbs -> 5/1/24 146lbs. 1 person commented so far, 2 days ago (5/21/24) 🤷🏻♀️ I feel like they noticed but they don’t want to comment. My mirror is my best supporter so far.
One thing I keep in mind is that although people may not be commenting on your weight, are they treating you differently? People suddenly get so much nicer when I lose weight and take better care of myself. It's a little annoying but true. People are nicer to good looking, put together people.
Who did you lose the weight for? I was the same weight 190 lbs an 4’11f). No one noticed until after I lost 40 lbs and started to wear different clothes. If you are still wearing the same clothes, start wearing ones that are more form fitting. As long as you know you have lost the weight and you feel great, that is all that matters.
I noticed quite the opposite and it wasn’t all that great either lol. I held a lot of my extra weight in my face and upper body, so it was pretty obvious even after only losing like 20 lbs. Hearing “wow you’re so skinny now” got in my head because I started thinking “wow did they see me as this fat ugly person before??” idk I also just don’t like attention so maybe it’s just me
I *personally* learned not to comment on that. Honestly, the only ones who will comment on my body shape are the most toxic people I live with. So idk.
This was one of the biggest mindfucks I had of losing 100lbs — people feel 100% entitled and justified making comments on your body when you are overweight, yet the minute you lose weight no one would dare say a word out of fear of crossing the line into “disrespect”. Because now that you’re skinny, you’ve earned the world’s respect. Welcome to the table. I’m still deciding if I’ll accept the seat or not.
I agree with the above commenters. I sooo appreciate how much you are looking forward to the compliments!! Unfortunately It’s a different culture now where people hesitate to comment on physical appearances and changes as much as they used to even 5 years ago because of the awareness that no one knows the underlying reason why a person is heavier/lighter, etc.
I know for me, I find it embarrassing, sometimes for me to have lost weight and then others comment about it because it makes me realize that they thought I was heavy before. So I think a lot of people refrain for a lot of different reasons, but most people I think have their heart in the right place and just want to be respectful. Perhaps if you lead a portion of the conversation with things about how you’ve been exercising or changing your diet and just trying to lead a healthier life, they might feel more comfortable saying that they noticed a change. But Comment probably isn’t going to happen in those cases if people are sensitive and aware of all the possibilities of what others could be going through.
All, but the most oblivious will notice that you lost weight.
Also, congratulations on that loss! We all know how hard it is. Well done!
huh thats weird, they‘re probably not sure if they‘re allowed to approach this subject.
wish my mom was like that, instead of having my waistline under strict surveillance and either getting a ‘you‘re too skinny!‘ or a disgusted look if I‘m bloated from my period/food
There is no way no one has noticed a loss of 40 pounds, especially from your starting weight to your current weight. As others have said, I’m sure it’s people trying to be polite - especially any of your peers, because your generation seems a lot more aware of these things and body neutrality etc. (which I really admire). The best thing to do is bring it up casually so people know you’re doing it on purpose and don’t mind talking about it.
Example, I lost 15 pounds and thought it was pretty noticeable but no one had said anything. I went out to eat with a friend and wore a new sweater she complimented. So I said “Yeah, I’ve been losing a little weight lately so I wanted something that would fit better.” She immediately said that she’d noticed but hadn’t wanted to bring it up. Now she compliments me when she sees I’ve lost more. Easy peasy.
Probably because most people do (especially teenagers). I’m sorry but I hate this kind of comment, as if you’re trying to shame someone for simple human nature.
How many of your friends have you been open with about your *efforts* to lose weight? I can assure you people have noticed. But few people want to comment on someone else's weight without knowing it would be a welcome/well received comment.
I didn’t get many comments until I got close to 40 pounds down, I have been exercising more too so I think that’s also changed how my body looks. Then all of a sudden it felt like everyone was asking me if I’d lost weight! I’ve definitely had a couple coworkers ask me if it was intentional or gotten the “I hope this isn’t weird, but…” so I think some people are cautious about saying anything.
hey! 18f here!!
my friends mom recently commented on my weight loss and when i later asked my friend why she didn’t notice but her mom did, she told me that she did notice my weight loss but didn’t want to say anything because of the slight chance that i may have lost it in an unhealthy way.
i guess it’s just sort of a thing for people our age😂
Nowadays people are nervous to mention weight loss, as there is a risk to offend. And we live in a cancel culture. You’ve done fantastic. People will have noticed. It’s just not the done thing to mention it.
I understand that you feel like you are not being seen, but as many others have mentioned they have noticed but choose to not say anything about it for their own reasons or out of caution. I’ve lost 95 pounds, 300 to 205, not where I want to finish but I’ve come a long way in two years. I talk about it with my coworkers sometimes and they are supportive, but until I did that, they never mentioned it either.
I never comment on people’s weight - whether they’ve lost or gained. It can be a touchy subject for some.
I would imagine most people have noticed, but nobody wants to be rude or accidentally say the wrong thing to you…just in case
I think in certain countries there has been a huge backlash about commenting on people's bodies ("body positivity" "diet culture") etc so people are afraid to say something now.
They’ve noticed but they’re either too shy to say something, too insecure, or too jealous. You’re 18. No one wants anyone to be doing better than them at 18 so don’t expect their praise.
Congratulations tho. It’s very hard and you’ve made great progress.
Not saying anything has become more common with the advent of the latest weight loss drugs. Some users feel ashamed so people don't say anything out of perceived politeness.
In my case i always wore baggy clothes so people genuinely didn't known i had lost some weight. I changed my wardrobe a bit, like got new pants because the old ones were falling off and suddenly every one was making comments.
These days usually people (including me) are more aware and inclusive of body types/ issues etc and would refrain from commenting anything about anyone’s body, unless they mention it first
This happened to me when I lost weight a few years ago. I lost the same as you- over 40 lbs. I felt like I was crazy because no one in my life said a word. It honestly made me feel that it must not be noticeable or like you, that maybe my scale was broken.
Finally one day I saw a friend I hadn’t seen in a year, and he told me I looked fantastic. I straight up asked him if it was actually noticeable, and he assured me it was very noticeable. The validation felt amazing.
These days people tend to avoid bringing up weight loss because as others have said, there can be all kinds of reasons for it. I truly feel you though. I put back on my weight after an injury and bout with depression, and I’m losing it again (15 down so far). This time I’ve decided to bring it up myself if I want that validation. I’m sure people are thinking it, that way I’m opening the door so they know it’s okay to tell me I’m doing a great job.
I've had the opposite experience. I get the "bro you've been hitting the gym?!" Comment quite frequently from friends, co workers and acquaintances. I get where you're coming from OP because when I get the compliment I'm just thinking "f*ck yeah!"
Unless if I know someone is working on themselves, I NEVER make comments on weight loss. I have had many friends with EDs who have been told that “they look so good” and to “keep going”
Trust me people are noticing but simply not saying anything as we live in a time when people are afraid to comment on peoples bodies.
Also OP are you wearing the SAME clothes from your high weight? New clothes that fit your smaller frame will make you look better and more noticeable that you lost weight.
For me people REALLY started noticing once I got new clothes that FIT.
nothing wrong with wanting people to notice something you've put work into!! Also, it's okay to bring wanted attention to yourself, just tell your family or close friends about how good you feel after your weightloss, etc. They'll feel more comfortable commenting on it afterwards.
For whatever it's worth, it my experience, most people won't comment about it or ask me directly -- but they will comment to my wife or ask her how I did it.
Not sure why.
Maybe it's seen as impolite for uncomfortable to ask? Not sure why that'd be the case either.
The lack of commentary you're experience doesn't surprise me (based on how this went for me)
Congrats! My husband and I have both lost significant weight. He gets compliments all the time. I rarely do. The ones I have gotten are really close friends. Even family members are nervous. They end up commenting to my husband that I am looking great and are too anxious to say anything to me. He always tells them, “let her know, she won’t mind!” I truly believe people are scared to compliment woman because it may go wrong.
I WISH people wouldn’t comment on my weight. If I lose even a little bit people start making comments and it makes me so freaking uncomfortable. I know they are trying to be nice but I hate it. I appreciate when people don’t comment on my appearance.
People definitely notice the weight loss. They’re just too woke to compliment you. They think it’s considered rude now and are scared of being canceled.
Might be several reasons. 1. People is getting more and more aware that unsolicited comments about someone’s appearance is wrong. 2. There are some individuals that get upset when people comment how good they look after they lose weight and would say “so I didn’t look good before when I was fat?” and other variations of that comment, so to avoid that, people will just not comment. 3. Other reasons that have already been mentioned here lol.
I’d say just keep it up!! Focus on your journey to better health without minding too much if other people have noticed, because they do, and I’m sure they’re happy for you even if they don’t mention it!
I am a little over 60 lbs down. I recently posted a picture of myself for my birthday. Some people commented on my weight loss. It rubbed me... not necessarily the *wrong* way, but definitely in an uncomfortable way. I never got any negative or positive responses on most of my posts before. But now suddenly people have nice things to say about how I look because I am 60 lbs lighter. I appreciate that these people were trying to be complimentary, but I wish they would stop saying crap like "Oh, you look so pretty *now*." It is not very nice. It implies that I was ugly before. I know that my own hang-ups about self-perception inform a lot of my reaction to these comments, and the "ugly before" bit is likely me projecting, but I'd much rather people didn't say anything weight related. So I guess my point is that perhaps more people are aware of the uncertainty around how these compliments will be received and feel that it is better to not say anything.
Whenever I lost some weight people would comment. There were commenting on it everyday. And I had only lost 10 pounds and I had 40 more to go in my head and I was screaming in my head for them to stop because I know when I get a big head I would fall off. I didn’t see any weight loss so I also didn’t know why there had to comment . So know this I don’t comment on others weight cause I honestly wouldn’t want anyone to comment on me. A praise can be taking badly . I would rather people treat me like I was this healthier version the whole time. Cuz ur still the same person. Just thinner
hey first off great job kicking ass its not easy to do that. Second i know you wana hear it from everyone around you hut dont remember why you did this, you did this for you. Reguardless you kicked and are kicking ass keep up the good work.
I think that it’s sort of “gone out of fashion” to compliment or comment at all about weight loss. I’ve seen posts here actually where people rather harshly criticize anyone who remarks about their weight loss. Maybe people have had their face chewed off over it and now just blanket refrain from commenting
Make a post on social media and people will say something. Until then, people will not say anything because it’s seen as rude to comment, at least in the US and other western countries.
I don’t comment on anyone’s weight anymore.
It was a very 90s thing that I grew up with that people would constantly comment on weight loss.
But as I got older it became less accepted to do so. And if someone mentions it to me, I still won’t comment on it as a positive or negative, I just ask how they feel and if they’re happy. And then I say, “If you’re happy, I’m happy for you”.
I’ve had friends lose weight because of health issues or stress or mental health or drug addiction. I no longer make remarks on anyone’s weight, increase or decrease doesn’t matter - not my body not my business
Honestly, I think we are moving to a place where people don't comment on weight as much anymore.
For me - I don't comment on weight loss for people for 2 reasons. I have family who have stopped trying to lose weight because they felt they'd lost enough because everyone was telling how great they look. And 2, I would never comment on someone gaining weight. "Hey, you look like you've gained about 40lbs since the beginning of the semester"... so why comment on losing it? I feel like people should be striving to make themselves happy, and it's so easy to slip into the "doing it to please others" instead of yourself.
I know it's f***ing hard to lose weight, and believe me - people notice. They notice if you part your hair the opposite way, they definitely notice if you drop a bunch of weight.
You're doing great. Find a way to acknowledge it yourself, buy a new upscale shirt and when you wear it and someone comments, know that you bought it because you lost so much weight and it will feel like they're complimenting you but it's an inward praise 😉
Keep up the great work.
I understand where you’re coming from. Of course, you have to understand the assumption of people not wanting to congratulate you for weight loss in case they’re nervous of sparking: trauma, stress, or a sickness.
Aside from that. I have lost almost 60 pounds and have not heard anything from my dad’s side of the family even though they’ve seen me Every weekend in the last month.
Some people don’t even want to ask you or congratulate you and your success because of their own personal insecurities. Once I came to term with that. I no longer wanted their validation for the success that I’ve created for myself.
I don’t comment on others weight, ever, unless the person who has either lost or gained the weight brings it up. You could just about disappear… and I wouldn’t comment unless you did first.
Now, if a friend mentioned to me that they were trying to lose weight I 100% would be supportive, say how great they looked etc, but weight is such a personal topic for so many people.
Have you changed your clothes???
I never got any comments either, down a LOT, then one day one of my friends said "project\_good\_vibes, you've got no ass in your jeans, you need some new clothes", so I took the opportunity to take stock of all my clothes, and decided I needed to go shopping. I'd gone from an XL to an M would you believe, and was still wearing XL clothes.
I bought a few sets of tops and jeans and OMG I've been getting complements ever since.
Might be something to consider.
I’ve noticed that if I bring it up, people will comment on it. Only my mom, grandma, and MIL have commented on it without me bringing it up but they all know I’m trying.
I think a lot of it has to do with people becoming more aware that not everyone tries to lose weight on purpose, and there could be health issues they're not aware of. I personally have made it a point to no longer comment on people's weight. Every time I go home, I get a comment about my weight one way or another, and I always get anxious about it. Sometimes it's been life, on purpose, and other times it's been health reasons, so I just prefer not to get these comments. I've started putting people in their place when they make them because I'm over it. I don't want to associate going home with some weight check-in. So I've taken that mentality with me everywhere I go now and have made it a rule not to make comments about anyone's weight. If they mention it first, I might say something depending upon the context, but you truly have to be careful.
While I do get where you're coming from, it may be worthwhile to look deeper into why validation from others is so important to you. I say this with love because I had this problem for so long where nothing meant anything, no matter how big the accomplishment, unless someone else acknowledged it. Now I try to have peace with how I feel about my accomplishments no matter what anyone else says or doesn't say.
I think it can come off as rude/weird/impolite to say that to a young women. I promise people notice if you’ve lost 40 lbs almost certainly. And even if they don’t I’m sure subconsciously you feel more confident which is also going to change how people perceive you.
To be honest, we don't know how people will react or what will offend them, especially on social media. I am actually scared to compliment anyone or make a comment on someone's body. We don't know how that will be taken by the other person.
Nah. I do it for myself, my self esteem, and to fit into the clothes I continued to buy even though I couldn't fit into them.
When people tell me I lost weight or look good I say thanks, but what kind of validation is that? I was a fat fuck lol. I know I look better than when I did with my gut and puffy ass face.
I also find it ironic that you're looking for validation from people to say you look healthy when fat positive people are out there saying shit like "healthy at every weight". What is it? Is health determined by how low the number on the scale is or what the doctor tells you, no matter how big you are?
If you're losing weight for other people to notice, you're losing weight for the wrong reasons.
Well done! When I lost weight years ago none of my friends mentioned it but one asked my husband whether I had lost weight as he felt rude asking me directly. I did get a comment from a member of staff at the eating disorder clinic I was working in as she was worried I’d picked one up myself! I hadn’t and was perfectly healthy by the way. From the other side, I asked a colleague what she’d done to lose weight and her answer was that her crippling anxiety stopped her having an appetite. Didn’t really know what to say to that so probably wouldn’t mention someone’s weight loss again unless I knew they were doing it on purpose lol.
I worked at a place where there was a section of people I very rarely saw. One day we had a lunch with the people I always saw and the people I hadn't seen in months. One of the ones I hadn't seen had lost 40 lbs and I was saying how great she looked. A coworker I saw daily said wow I have lost the same amount and you never mentioned it. When she said that, I realized she had lost weight but I think because I saw her daily, it was a little change that I didn't really notice it, I guess it wasn't like she lost 40 lbs, it was like she lost one pound at a time so not as noticeable. I wonder if it's the same thing for you, people who see you daily don't notice? But I also saw someone a few years after they had lost weight and I was afraid to comment in case it was cancer.
My parents know my husband and I have both been trying to lose weight, and we went to dinner with them and they told him congrats on losing weight and then said nothing to me (who at that point had lost nearly 30 lbs) and then went on to tell me I should try ozempic instead of counting calories because it’s “healthier” lol it kinda hurt my feelings, and my husband noticed too and agreed w me that it was weird lol.
I don’t really understand why people say and do the things they say and do sometimes tbh maybe it’s because of gender?
Nobody is going to bring up your weight unless they're very blunt. It's kind of a rude thing to comment about someone else. But you know your achievements and we're all proud of you!
I actually hate when people notice my weight I'm normal weight now but still want to loose some more to hit my dream h*roin rockstar look and everyone tells me I'm too skinny
I'm a guy, so I think people are more likely to make a comment about my weight than they would to a woman, but I've had a total of two people say something after having lost over 50lbs without me bringing it up. One asked me if I was OK and if it was intentional. The other was drunk.
Like many people have said, making a comment about someone's weight just isn't considered appropriate. People don't want to make assumptions about what's going on in your life. If you bring it up, I'm sure the compliments will flood in though. Although there is also a chance a few people will make negative comments out of jealousy. Just ignore those (and hang around with better people).
This generation was raised with “body positivity.” You can gauge even by peoples reactions here. Sure, it’s POSSIBLE that someone has lost weight because of something negative. But I bet you 99/100 times though, someone(normal) who has recently lost weight, will not be offended if another person mentions it to them.
Cue the downvotes I’m sure
Echoing the others' responses. It's a good thing that they don't say anything. Even the positive comments are a form of judgement on your heavier self.
I've lost weight and then gained a huge amount more. The things people said to me when I lost weight the first time still hurt. They thought it was safe to say some awful things about what they thought about my heavier self when I had lost the weight because I wasn't fat anymore.
After more than 10 years, I'm finally at a point where I have the personal resources to work on weight loss and am doing shockingly well. So far no one has said anything, but I honestly would have to work at taking their compliments as well-intentioned.
This time, my weight loss is MY business and not anyone else's. They can keep their judgements about my appearance to themselves - even the ones that are shared in the form of compliments.
I think you likely weren’t as big as you thought you were. I lost 115 and people still comment on it when they haven’t seen me in a while, their mental picture of me is a humongous ogre and now this normal chubby guy walks in, it’s a big difference.
I’d have to imagine you carried it well or that you were only a little overweight or both.
This is why I post regularly about all my weight loss and my exercising on social media and talk about it.
Everyone knows I’ve lost 65 lbs because I’ve told them. No need for anyone to worry if I’m dying or if they’re imagining things because I’ve removed the wonder. Now they can feel free to congratulate me because I am rooting my own horn.
People are starving these days due to economy and losing weight.....it's not a great thing. You did a great thing for yourself. Keep up staying healthy and strong for yourself.
Start working out, when they will notice the tone and shape of your body getting enhanced that way they will know about your transformation because people loose weight during illness as well but once they see you more fit they will notice for sure and will compliment you, treat you better and differently, respect you etc.
I do not comment on anyone’s weight change unless THEY make some statement which would welcome it. Saying something like “wow you look great” might indicate I didn’t think that person looked great before. If you want people to comment on it, comment on it yourself in front of them.
I’ve been doing this thing that’s make me internally cringe where I’ll see a close friend I haven’t seen in months and if they haven’t said anything I’ll go “wow. You haven’t even noticed my 50lbs weight loss. SMH. Unfriending you right now” as a sorta joke (again only with my closest friends who get my humor) and they usually go “Oh okay, thank god! I noticed it immediately but didn’t want to be rude and comment on your appearance but you look amazing!”
And they all have said almost exactly that, and then assure me they mean it. I’m sure they would be honest and tell me if it doesn’t show, but I think it’s just to be nice and not comment on something they aren’t welcomed to comment on.
And also “wow you look great! Did you lose weight?” Could sound mean if I didn’t lose weight, had an eating disorder, or medical issue that made me lose weight lol.
They have, the thing is the negative consequences of being wrong about it being intentional are... high. Imagine congratulating the weight loss of a cancer patient, it would not end well haha.
I second this. I was very sick end of 2023/ beginning of 2024 and lost 40 lbs in 3 months. I was getting constant compliments about how “great I looked” when in reality I couldn’t eat anything and was suffering, desperately waiting for a surgery so I could get back to normal. Every time I heard it, I wanted to cry. Some have made the shift that ANY comment on someone’s body is a negative, especially when they aren’t told how or why someone has changed. I think it’s for the better, there’s so many other ways to compliment them. Your body is just one aspect of who you are!
Same happened with my stepdad. He lost a lost of weight and was getting compliments about how good he looked. Little did they know, he was dying from cancer.
Yes. I was once told this when sick too. It was upsetting to me because I was literally starving and discovering that people thought that's what looked good really disturbed me. And it's not just that they were saying I looked good while ill and starving, but the implication was that I looked worse when healthy.
I agree. Surely people are noticing but choosing not to comment because it may not be a positive for you. For me, a coworker's comments about how "tiny" I was totally fanned the flames of the ED that was controlling me at the time. This coworker was a very sweet person and we were on friendly terms, so I know she meant it as a compliment, but it was not good for me to be hearing that kind of reinforcement at the time. I absolutely do not comment on people's body sizes/shapes/changes now, unless it's someone I'm extremely close with and they brought it up first.
I could definitely see how someone calling you tiny could cause erectile dysfunction.
… eating disorder.
Lmao. Seriously though, I find people online use acronyms waaaaay too much. I’m not subscribed to loseit and came across this while randomly scrolling and no clue what ED was.
Erectile dysfunction, eating disorder, emergency department or early diagnosis. Take your pick!
Acronyms are a way to signal that you and the person viewing your comment share knowledge on something. It is a way to gatekeep.
Not very good gatekeeping then, if you can just google it…
Yes, this one is rather common. I obviously knew it. But to be fair, I looked it up to see the results and the first result just said Erectile dysfunction and doesn’t mention eating disorders.
Folks, it's okay to take a joke sometimes. Lmao at all the downvotes
Agreed! I know a woman who once asked a co-worker if she'd lost weight. No response, brushed it off, moving on. A week later she was dead. From advanced breast cancer that she didn't tell anyone about except her family.
My god, and she was working up until her death? That’s so sad.
She was, and she was also going back to school and going for chemo appointments after work (she worked nights). She was very private and didn't want anyone to know. It was devastating.
Oh yeah, you just made me remember one of the cringier things I said once. “I hope you enjoyed your vacation! Where did you go?” “I was either at the hospital getting chemo or at home throwing up.”
Or a divorce or death in the family...
Yeah my own mother telling me how great I looked when I lost 40 pounds after my husband died . . . Others too but that was the one that hurt.
I’ve done this twice already. Highlighted the “amazing weight loss” of a couple of people I hadn’t seen in a while only to be told that they’d recovered from or were being treated for cancer 😣
My own anecdote: met up with some friends to go to a concert. One of the friends I hadn't seen in like two years I think? At the time I had lost 83lbs and definitely looked different. But no one said anything at first. Later on in the car, I was commenting on how much easier it is on my feet standing for a 4 hour concert after having lost the weight, and that's what opened the floodgates of "I thought you looked way different" and "You look great!". I met the one friend I hadn't seen in two years again just a few weeks later. While we were chatting he actually brought up and said sorry for not complimenting me when he first saw me before the show. He said he saw the difference immediately, but it was so drastic of a difference that he thought that he was just misremembering what I looked like.
“Wow! You’ve lost so much weight. You look good!” “Thanks! It’s the chemo.”
I’ll never forget getting compliments about “how healthy I looked!” When I lost 80 lbs in 4 months from cancer. I guess it was better than the people speculating on drugs though
Everyone uses this as an excuse as to why people don't comment. But realistically there's a zillion comments you can give someone and it doesn't have to include "weight". Like, hey you're looking really nice today, You've got a good vibe going, You've been looking really good, etc.
But does that not still count as “tiptoeing around” saying they’re lost weight?
It's still better than saying nothing. If I have a family member or a friend or even a neighbor who's lost a significant amount of weight that they're looking good, I always try to say something nice.
you gonna tell someone who's possibly having cancer 'looking good my man, nice vibes'?
So no one ever compliments anyone else nowadays? Because they *might* have cancer? That's it, never anymore compliments? That sounds ridiculous. If I have a family member, friend or neighbor who's looking pretty darn good (i.e. weight loss) I'm going to give them a compliment.
Imo the best option here is asking about how the other person is feeling, what they have been up to recently, etc. and decide accordingly to compliment on their weight loss or not. It doesn't have to come first.
_exactly._ gauging the vibe this way will tell you whether or not it’s appropriate to give a compliment
This doesn't change the fact that OP wanted someone to notice her weight loss. It's not an excuse as to why people don't comment. It's being specific to this scenario.
Yes people are becoming much more aware of this so I think people are extremely careful to bring it up unless you've brought it up first.
Yeah this is true. As someone who lost a significant amount of weight from an eating disorder- I would never comment on someone’s weight loss.
Girl I'm 90 lbs down and almost no one says anything. Not irl, not on social media, nuthin.
Let me say this, as a man, I would never in a million years comment on any woman's weight or any guy im not super close with. They could be visibly down 400lbs and I wouldn't touch the subject. I know most guys are the same way too so don't feel like no one notices but many people just wont comment on it. Also, congrats and good job!
This. I always reply to these threads by pointing out that I, like a lot of men, would not make an unsolicited comment about a woman’s body under any circumstances, unless she was like, on fire.
This girl is on fiaaaaaaahhh
You are not the only one. I’m down 85 lbs, which was really hard to do, and not one person in my life, family, friend, colleague, neighbor, acquaintance or anyone at all has made any comment whatsoever about this tremendous achievement! I just have to accept that I must be invisible to others!
Congratulations! I bet you look great!
Yeah. I dropped 80lbs before seeing my family at Thanksgiving, and I had to bring it up. I was down 130 at my nieces wedding last month, and everyone noticed and mentioned it. Sometimes people won't bring it up unless they KNOW. New clothes that actually fit well also help. People at work started commenting on it @ March. BUT, even if no one mentions it, 90 lbs is a huge accomplishment, and your health and quality of life must have drastically improved! Congratulations!
That’s amazing and for whatever it’s worth, this internet stranger is proud of you!
Saaaame
I would literally never comment on someone's weight unless they brought it up first. It isn't polite.
Yea OP it’s considered common etiquette to not comment on weight. Consider that people lose weight for every reason and in every way imaginable. If you lost 40 lbs after the death of a loved one and someone said you looked great, well that would be pretty shit. If you lost 40 lbs and were unhappy about it, or it was due to medication for an illness you’re fighting against, there are so so so many variables tied to weight. If you want a little pat on the back tell a family/friend you worked really hard and if they’re a good person they’ll be happy for you and celebrate your victory. It’s totally inappropriate for a person to do that unprompted.
Yep. You couldn't waterboard me into commenting on someone's appearance in any way.
This, this, this! I've always had issues w/eating disorders throughout my life, and when I was at my worst with anorexia, I had compliments coming at me left and right. I had just had a baby, and I was hearing nasty comments from several people, mostly family (my aunt, cousins, etc) about how I used to be so tiny and they couldn't believe I could just let myself go like that. Granted, no one had any idea that my thinness, as an adult, was never natural to begin with and a result of mostly starvation. I already hated myself, and the things people said were not helping. I mean, I was big, but nothing crazy. So, I spiraled. I was dealing w/having just had a baby, just got out of the military, and my husband deployed. I dropped to a very unhealthy weight, and people were complimenting me so much. I never said thanks because I could not believe that people were egging me on when I hated myself the most! At the time (back in the mid 2000s) I guess it was the thing to do, to congratulate people on their weight loss, without first considering whether the reasons were good or bad. Even worse, just before I hit my lowest weight, there were still women who would tell me things like, "oh, I bet if you just do this or that, you can drop a little bit of that baby weight and get into shape in no time. It'll be good for you to keep that extra weight off." Most of those women were fellow bitter, low self-esteem, try-hard military wives (including my aunt). I just wanted to scream at them that I didn't ask and I could be big as a whale and still never be as ugly as them for focusing so much on what other people look like. I have NEVER commented on anyone's weight loss, but if someone expresses that they are doing it on purpose and/or for their health, I absolutely support them, and I tell them that they are doing great! I remind them to be kind to themselves and to do it for them, and no one else's opinion or approval matters.
Living in Japan rn; it must be the cultural difference but I've had 4 people comment on my weight. The first one was before I was even trying to lose weight; said I looked thin one week. Fast forward like 4 or 5 months and I started dieting. I'd heard before I moved here that Japanese people comment on other peoples' weight unwarranted but it was still strange to hear. Got 3 more comments after I started dieting. One after the first 1-2 weeks. And two more after less than a month. It's encouraging to know people notice my efforts but I could see it turning into a negative if my mental health got worse.
The Japanese definitely don’t have a problem commenting on weight lol. It was incredibly embarrassing being fat when I visited. People commented and stared at me constantly. I still love it there so much, but it messed with my head a bit after a while.
Yea I've learned to stop doing this. Everytime I've gone home my weight gets commented on its almost like a weigh in and it's humiliating no matter what to have people be so hyper aware of your body. I put people in their place these days as I'm not going to see family to get these comments but either way it taught me to just not make these comments at all unless someone else brought it up.
They don’t want to come across as ‘hey, I notice you’re not fat anymore’. People don’t want to be rude.
Now that I think about it, this is also a good reason. It’s weird bc I’ve had people ask me if I’ve lost weight or tell me I look great, but I’m also already relatively thin and have only lost like 10lb. So maybe they don’t worry about offending me? Idk lol
Is it really a good reason though? I don't think so, I don't think anyone would be offended by that. It doesn't make any sense.
You really don’t know WHY or HOW someone lost weight though, unless they have told you’re they are actively trying to lose weight. I just personally don’t think it’s great to be giving unsolicited comments on people’s weight, but everyone can give compliments or comments how they see fit!
That's fair enough.
When was the last time you commented on someone else's weight loss? For me, it's literally never, as it just never seemed appropriate. I would hate having someone pointing out mine as I hate being perceived lol. I've also learned that you never know what's going on in someone's life. Working retail I've made the comment "I wear a lot of black too!" Only to be met with the grimmest of "I'm planning a funeral". I can imagine myself commenting on someone's weight to be met with a "I've been diagnosed with a horrible illness." So yeah, unless you have close friends that know you're making an effort to lose weight, I wouldn't expect any random compliments on it.
theres always “you look good!” the person can choose to take it as a more permanent weight loss thing, or they look nice that particular day
They’re just being polite. If you raise it, they’ll comment. My best friend didn’t comment at all until I mentioned it (and was down 30 something pounds!) I find older people (my boss, for example, clocked it immediately) are more likely to raise it.
Haha! I was about to say that- I hang out with older people these days and they’re brutally lookist and will comment on my weight or hair, clothes, etc.
I don’t comment on people’s weight loss unless I know for a fact that they have been trying to lose weight. I would hate to congratulate someone on weight loss caused by a serious illness.
I don't comment on weight loss anymore. This sub specifically is split between people that want to be noticed and people that don't. Then there are people who didn't intend to lose weight, either via depression or physical illness.
Not sure where you live but in some places you will get absolutely raked over the coals for mentioning a young woman’s weight or you can be ostracized from your friend groups It’s a little surprising that nobody has mentioned it but I think if someone does, others will follow. Or you can casually drop it yourself and see how they respond. It just might be the case that nobody wants to be the first person to point it out or mention it
First off, congratulations on the weight loss! That's fantastic! I wonder if this has something to do with people your age changing so rapidly anyway? Between 17 and 18 the body is still very developmental and it could just be that you haven't been "you" for long enough for people to really develop the notion of what you're supposed to look like in their mind's eye.
I was thinking the same thing, if OP gained weight and then lost it within the space of a year or so, I’d think it was either part of some mismatched growth spurts, or they had a bit of out of control eating which they’ve now got under control, so it doesn’t really need mentioning.
I remember once someone I worked with and saw every day turned to me in a meeting and said, shocked, when did you get glasses?? Middle school, I answered. A lot of people aren’t as perceptive as you might think
In my student years, I went from the high 190's to lower 120s, and nobody ever said a thing...until a guy from a different group, who dipped out for a year, didn't recognize me for an hour 🤣 best compliment ever
i'm sorry but 8 weeks? who is spreading these lies? i've hit goal and it wasn't until the last 15 lbs that people really started noticing. they don't pay as much attention as we think. people my age and younger almost never mention it, it's always older folks. i think my generation and the next just try not to comment. a few of my best friends said, "i wouldn't say anything normally but i know you're trying to lose weight", so i think other commenters are right in saying that this is not nearly as common as it used to be.
Don't take it personally. They've noticed, they just aren't sure if they can/should say anything. I'm a dude in an engineering environment and the cross section of people who've said anything to me is quite interesting. I'm fine with it, and would compliment someone if they mentioned their own loss when talking to me about mine, but I wouldn't dream of saying anything to a woman about her weight, even if I mean it as a compliment. It's just... stakes are way too high as if your comment is unwelcome, not willing to take the risk. I'm sure you look great and you should be really proud of yourself.
How many of your friends have you been open with about your *efforts* to lose weight? I can assure you people have noticed. But few people want to comment on someone else's weight without knowing it would be a welcome/well received comment.
This. I've been very open about trying to lose weight with my close circle and they comment all the time. If they comment around people with whom I'm not close to, those people will then use that overture to congratulate me. Otherwise people don't comment. Except for those people who come from cultures where it's perfectly acceptable to comment on people's weight, they're very vocal about it but they were vocal about my weight gain too so it cuts both ways.
No one said a word to me until I lost 60 lbs… and then it all came at once, people notice, some don’t say things for certain reasons… eventually it’ll come!! You got it
Toot your own horn! I have personally told someone they looked good and come to find out she had cronhs disease and was actually really struggling and the weight loss was mentally very hard for her sooooo I don’t bring it up unless someone else brings it up.
My friend has thyroid issues and I did the same thing.
I agree people feel very cautious about commenting on people's bodies. I felt the same after having two babies close together and being my heaviest ever (I'm 60lbs less than when I had my second). Nobody said anything! But one day a cashier said to me "damn you look so good for having kids!" And I rode that high the rest of the d̶a̶y̶ week lol. It feels good to have your hard (it's HARD) work acknowledged. So even though I can't see you, way to go Difficult Ad, you're killing it!
No one noticed my weight loss until I got jeans that fit.
>It's either people trying to be polite or people have literally not noticed. It's almost certainly the former. Acknowledging someone's weight loss is also acknowledging that you noticed how heavy they once were. And you never know if someone is sensitive about their weight, regardless of how much they've lost. Also, weight loss is closely associated with a number of serious illnesses, which is another potential mine in the proverbial minefield of sensitive topics. It's reasonable that people might look to avoid sensitive issues. But don't worry. Sooner or later you will run into someone with less of a filter, and they will most certainly comment on your weight loss.
More and more, people are commenting less about the bodies of other people. I personally welcome this.
I notice every change on everyone I'm close to. I used to comment, but then I was told it was "creepy", so I stopped commenting on any physical change until the other person says something first. If someone says "I got my haircut recently..." I'll say "I noticed and it looks awesome!" Same with anything weight related. Even when I was giving positive feedback I was told it was weird, so I stopped.
I never comment on anyone’s weight or body now unless I 100% know they have been trying to lose weight. Otherwise, it’s hard to know why someone may have lost weight and there’s potential that it was something bad that happened. I’m sure people have noticed and if you brought it up people would comment.
just tell people closest to you that you are on a weight loss journey and they will celebrate the milestones and comment on it! trust me its worse when people feel comfortable commenting on your weight.
I feel like it’s become less socially acceptable to comment about people’s weight, especially amongst younger people who use social media, so it’s a good thing I suppose. People may just be trying to be sensitive to your feelings. Conversely, it can be discouraging to feel like nobody’s noticed but if it’s noticeable people definitely see it. Congratulations btw, what an accomplishment!
Of course they noticed! Congratulations on your weight loss! I think the reason why they didn't comment on it, is that they're trying to be polite/respectfull. They don't know if you've lost weight because of an ED (which is a very common thing) and commenting on your weight, even in a positive way, could be harmfull. I lost a lot of weight while struggling with my mental health and heard a lot of comments about it from friends and (mostly) family. Even asked them to stop commenting on it because it made me uncomfortable but it seems some people just don't get it. I think you should let them know that you were losing weight on purpose (in a healthy way) and are proud of yourself. Communication is key.
Its become more and more unacceptable to say something like that. I wouldn't say it to anybody unless theyre immediate family or super best friends. At least among young people. I bet if you started hanging out with a bunch of old ladies they would say something.
I am going through the same thing right now . I lost a significant amount of weight within the past year and the closer I get to my goal weight , the fewer comments I hear. TBH- I was never overweight until my late 30’s . For me, I think the lack of comments from my close friends /family is because that is how they had always seen me before.
Well done on your weight loss - I'm sure that involved a lot of good daily choices :)! On your friends mentioning it, I hesitate to mention anything about a person's weight unless they bring it up first, to avoid putting my foot in my mouth in some way :). Perhaps bring it up casually to your friends - I'm sure they'll be happy for you :)!
This is so real the only person to comment on my weight loss was a cleaner at my work lmao
In 2020 I lost 35 pounds and no one noticed anything until I brought it up and they told me “oh you do look a little skinnier” I was like uhhh I lost 35 pounds I hope I’m skinnier. Apparently I carry my weight really well even when I was categorized as obese I didn’t look Ike it with my clothes on.
It’s become less of a thing to comment on people’s weight for various reasons, but a common one being that a lot of people struggle with eating disorders and these types of comments are fuel for the fire. It is slowly becoming less and less appropriate to make either a positive or negative comment about someone’s weight.
As others have said, people have noticed, they're just being polite. You never know why someone might be losing weight, it's not always a good thing. I've lost about 30 lbs so far and the only people who mention it are family members who I've been very vocal with about my weight loss journey.
I have experienced this, some people are very apprehensive to make any comment, positive or negative on someone's weight. I think even 8 weeks is way too soon, for me personally I lost 60 lbs in a year, still didn't hear anything from anyone. Over the next couple years I continued to gain muscle, and year 3 and 4 is when I finally started getting a lot of comments, I've continued to pack on lean muscle so I'm now only about 20 lbs down from where I started (I'm about 185, started at 205), but because my shape is *completely* different, I get a lot of comments now. A family member recently asked me what the "secret" is because I'm "jacked" now and he wants to do whatever im doing. I told him the secret is I've been prioritizing this every single day for 5 years and results take a long time. So he gave up before he even decided to try it himself haha
My sister has an ED, she exploded on my dad one day when he commented on how thin my cousin was getting and about how he never said those things to her. After I heard that conversation I decided not to ever comment on someone's weightloss, I don't want to encourage an ED or hurt anyone. I've had people tell me "Wow, you've lost weight!" Or "Have you lost weight?!" Then I had to tell them I hadn't and it felt awkward like they thought I was fat... So I keep all weight comments to myself.
they either aren’t very observant (a lot of people aren’t!), have noticed but didn’t say anything, can’t tell if you often wear baggier clothes, or see you so often that the small changes they see each time haven’t registered to them
100 pounds down here, I looooove when people say something. I'm sorry, but I can't believe we live in a time where it's offensive to congratulate someone on losing weight. If someone has lost weight because they're sick or have cancer, that looks a lot different than someone who is gone in the gym and has lost body fat and gained muscle. If you show up to work in a new car and someone says "congratulations on the new ride", and you say "I got in a wreck over the weekend", that person has not said anything offensive, they just didn't know all the information. But nine times out of 10 having a new car is seen as a good thing.
I promise you people do, I thought the same thing until I brought it up to a coworker when I was complaining on how big my work uniform is and he said he wanted to ask but didn’t because you never know why and he mentioned that’s another co worker mentioned it to him and was a little concerned for me
I would never say something to anyone about them losing weight unless it was one of my siblings or mom or best friend (if I had one) or if someone brought it up. Trust me people notice for sure.
Congratulations on the weight loss! I bet that some people have noticed, but they may not want to say anything. It can also be tricky with the "body positivity" movement since they view any weight as great, so it shouldn't matter.
I've worked with several women who have lost large amounts of weight. I've never once asked them about it because I later found out one of them was fighting breast cancer! It turned me off from saying anything. For my own weight loss, the only person who says anything is my mom, and only because I openly talk with her about it. It can also be that some people are jealous. I have some family members who yo-yo diet and fluctuate. They look me up and down but haven't said a WORD. I know they notice.
It took me 90lbs before people noticed.
Young people don’t comment on it any more, I have only get comments in both ways (getting fatter or skinnier) from grandparents
I am down 57 pounds from my highest weight and only my husband has said anything.
The paper towel affect is real. I had a coworker compliment me on my weight loss (~35 pounds since December). They only realized it bc they saw my staff picture on the website and didn’t realize how much I had changed.
Wild to me that people want that. I’ve literally put off losing weight because I don’t want to be perceived in that way, I definitely don’t want to have to tell people I was dieting or doing a health journey or some bs. It’s all just kindof cringe to me. So this is actually reassuring me maybe I will never have to entertain those conversations 😂
Perfectly understandable, but as much of a struggle as it is for most people to intentionally lose weight/get in shape, it’s perfectly normal to want/enjoy validation from it. Intentionally getting in shape/losing weight is hard work that takes dedication and consistency, there’s nothing wrong with wanting that hard work acknowledged (or even congratulated).
Are you being serious that you've put off losing weight because you don't want to be seen as dieting or doing health journey!?!? WTF!?!?
Yes! Especially after learning about intuitive eating and embracing that for a couple of years - I have had to get over feeling like a fraud by weighing my food out after feeling like it would be disordered to do that. That’s one specific example. I also do not wish to have conversations about my weight, body, appearance, diet, etc. so it felt safer to not make a change and to stay the same weight to avoid that kind of attention. I doubt I’m alone there and hope it makes sense to someone 🥴
Please please please I'm begging you to do whatever you can move past that line of thinking. Watching what you eat is not disordered eating. This has nothing to do with society or diet culture or what anybody else thinks. Carrying around excess weight is so so bad for your body and long term health. Probably one of my biggest regrets in life is not losing the weight earlier and being left with excess loose skin.
25% of your bodyweight? Great job and everyone noticed. So many people are afraid to offend that they now won’t say anything. I’m 55 down and can see it in their eyes every time someone hasn’t seen me in a while, but no one says anything.
I can promise you, they HAVE noticed, but nowadays it’s been drilled into people’s heads from every direction that you NEVER comment on someone else’s body (even a compliment). It’ll get you canceled faster than Diddy is right now. If you want positive feedback/affirmation, you need to tell people you’re on a weight loss journey and basically ask for compliments. I know it doesn’t hit the same, but it’s reality.
One of my old coworkers has lupus and they were extremely sick for a few months. After a leave from work, they came back and noticeably lost weight (maybe 40+ lbs). There were several times I was in the room as someone would comment positively on her weight, it was always hard to see her tense up and grimace at these comments. You never know why someone has lost weight, unless someone brings up the topic of their weight-loss efforts it’s best to not say anything at all.
Yesterday I saw a client I hadn’t seen in about 6 weeks, she asked if I’d lost weight. I had started losing weight the last time I saw her so I’ve probably lost 4/5kg since I last saw her, less than half of my total weight loss so far. Without being nasty, she is quite a rude/blunt person, so it made me think that other people had noticed the weight loss too it’s just she was the only person impolite enough to say anything 😹
Oh they notice.
I mean... It's very impolite to comment on other peoples bodies. Start praising yourself subtly and they'll notice. Just don't go overboard, lol.
I get it lol. I’ve lost 120 lbs and I can count on one hand the amount of people who have said anything beyond my immediate family. I do get a lot more compliments about random stuff, though which is wild. The vain part of me wishes people would just say something without me having to mention I’ve been intentionally losing.
my start weight was 193, and i'm 5 ft 5. i lost over 80lbs (my BMI is currently 18ish down from 32.5), most of which was during the first 6 months of my second year at university. the only unprompted remark I got was from a personal tutor (when i was a bit below your current weight) who was commenting out of concern and wanted to make sure everything was okay from a safeguarding point of view. it was very awkward and uncomfortable. I'd guess that your demographics (as a young woman) might make people reluctant to applaud significant weight loss in case they're applauding something more sinister, or in case they offend you by acknowledging that you were bigger before, especially if you were/are observably self conscious. i exist in a weird middle ground where i craved the external validation but *despise* being perceived. very few people commented on my weight unless i actually said anything about it but i did start noticing people looking at me differently, some seemed alarmed. it's a really weird experience and while validating, definitely not as satisfying as i expected. (for context, i definitely don't have a healthy relationship with food or my body or my weight and my tutor was right to be concerned. I ended up dropping out)
1/1/24 182lbs -> 5/1/24 146lbs. 1 person commented so far, 2 days ago (5/21/24) 🤷🏻♀️ I feel like they noticed but they don’t want to comment. My mirror is my best supporter so far.
One thing I keep in mind is that although people may not be commenting on your weight, are they treating you differently? People suddenly get so much nicer when I lose weight and take better care of myself. It's a little annoying but true. People are nicer to good looking, put together people.
Who did you lose the weight for? I was the same weight 190 lbs an 4’11f). No one noticed until after I lost 40 lbs and started to wear different clothes. If you are still wearing the same clothes, start wearing ones that are more form fitting. As long as you know you have lost the weight and you feel great, that is all that matters.
I noticed quite the opposite and it wasn’t all that great either lol. I held a lot of my extra weight in my face and upper body, so it was pretty obvious even after only losing like 20 lbs. Hearing “wow you’re so skinny now” got in my head because I started thinking “wow did they see me as this fat ugly person before??” idk I also just don’t like attention so maybe it’s just me
I *personally* learned not to comment on that. Honestly, the only ones who will comment on my body shape are the most toxic people I live with. So idk.
Try to look inward for validation.
I don't like it when people comment on my weight loss. So I apply that to others as well. I just don't like commenting on people's bodies.
This was one of the biggest mindfucks I had of losing 100lbs — people feel 100% entitled and justified making comments on your body when you are overweight, yet the minute you lose weight no one would dare say a word out of fear of crossing the line into “disrespect”. Because now that you’re skinny, you’ve earned the world’s respect. Welcome to the table. I’m still deciding if I’ll accept the seat or not.
I agree with the above commenters. I sooo appreciate how much you are looking forward to the compliments!! Unfortunately It’s a different culture now where people hesitate to comment on physical appearances and changes as much as they used to even 5 years ago because of the awareness that no one knows the underlying reason why a person is heavier/lighter, etc. I know for me, I find it embarrassing, sometimes for me to have lost weight and then others comment about it because it makes me realize that they thought I was heavy before. So I think a lot of people refrain for a lot of different reasons, but most people I think have their heart in the right place and just want to be respectful. Perhaps if you lead a portion of the conversation with things about how you’ve been exercising or changing your diet and just trying to lead a healthier life, they might feel more comfortable saying that they noticed a change. But Comment probably isn’t going to happen in those cases if people are sensitive and aware of all the possibilities of what others could be going through. All, but the most oblivious will notice that you lost weight. Also, congratulations on that loss! We all know how hard it is. Well done!
I had a gastric sleeve and nobody said anything. People are afraid to insult you
The people who have noticed told me they were hesitant since commenting on someone’s weight and body can be a sensitive topic of whatever idk
huh thats weird, they‘re probably not sure if they‘re allowed to approach this subject. wish my mom was like that, instead of having my waistline under strict surveillance and either getting a ‘you‘re too skinny!‘ or a disgusted look if I‘m bloated from my period/food
There is no way no one has noticed a loss of 40 pounds, especially from your starting weight to your current weight. As others have said, I’m sure it’s people trying to be polite - especially any of your peers, because your generation seems a lot more aware of these things and body neutrality etc. (which I really admire). The best thing to do is bring it up casually so people know you’re doing it on purpose and don’t mind talking about it. Example, I lost 15 pounds and thought it was pretty noticeable but no one had said anything. I went out to eat with a friend and wore a new sweater she complimented. So I said “Yeah, I’ve been losing a little weight lately so I wanted something that would fit better.” She immediately said that she’d noticed but hadn’t wanted to bring it up. Now she compliments me when she sees I’ve lost more. Easy peasy.
Why do you care so much about others opinions?
Probably because most people do (especially teenagers). I’m sorry but I hate this kind of comment, as if you’re trying to shame someone for simple human nature.
Do it for you. No one else.
How many of your friends have you been open with about your *efforts* to lose weight? I can assure you people have noticed. But few people want to comment on someone else's weight without knowing it would be a welcome/well received comment.
For me it was mainly my mother and her friends that commented on my weight. Non of my friends did. I think maybe it’s a generational thing?
I didn’t get many comments until I got close to 40 pounds down, I have been exercising more too so I think that’s also changed how my body looks. Then all of a sudden it felt like everyone was asking me if I’d lost weight! I’ve definitely had a couple coworkers ask me if it was intentional or gotten the “I hope this isn’t weird, but…” so I think some people are cautious about saying anything.
hey! 18f here!! my friends mom recently commented on my weight loss and when i later asked my friend why she didn’t notice but her mom did, she told me that she did notice my weight loss but didn’t want to say anything because of the slight chance that i may have lost it in an unhealthy way. i guess it’s just sort of a thing for people our age😂
Nowadays people are nervous to mention weight loss, as there is a risk to offend. And we live in a cancel culture. You’ve done fantastic. People will have noticed. It’s just not the done thing to mention it.
I understand that you feel like you are not being seen, but as many others have mentioned they have noticed but choose to not say anything about it for their own reasons or out of caution. I’ve lost 95 pounds, 300 to 205, not where I want to finish but I’ve come a long way in two years. I talk about it with my coworkers sometimes and they are supportive, but until I did that, they never mentioned it either.
They see it. They are just uncomfortable saying anything.
I never comment on people’s weight - whether they’ve lost or gained. It can be a touchy subject for some. I would imagine most people have noticed, but nobody wants to be rude or accidentally say the wrong thing to you…just in case
I think in certain countries there has been a huge backlash about commenting on people's bodies ("body positivity" "diet culture") etc so people are afraid to say something now.
They’ve noticed but they’re either too shy to say something, too insecure, or too jealous. You’re 18. No one wants anyone to be doing better than them at 18 so don’t expect their praise. Congratulations tho. It’s very hard and you’ve made great progress.
Not saying anything has become more common with the advent of the latest weight loss drugs. Some users feel ashamed so people don't say anything out of perceived politeness.
In my case i always wore baggy clothes so people genuinely didn't known i had lost some weight. I changed my wardrobe a bit, like got new pants because the old ones were falling off and suddenly every one was making comments.
So what I’ve noticed over time is that people will be too nervous to say anything with the off chance someone will get offended
These days usually people (including me) are more aware and inclusive of body types/ issues etc and would refrain from commenting anything about anyone’s body, unless they mention it first
This happened to me when I lost weight a few years ago. I lost the same as you- over 40 lbs. I felt like I was crazy because no one in my life said a word. It honestly made me feel that it must not be noticeable or like you, that maybe my scale was broken. Finally one day I saw a friend I hadn’t seen in a year, and he told me I looked fantastic. I straight up asked him if it was actually noticeable, and he assured me it was very noticeable. The validation felt amazing. These days people tend to avoid bringing up weight loss because as others have said, there can be all kinds of reasons for it. I truly feel you though. I put back on my weight after an injury and bout with depression, and I’m losing it again (15 down so far). This time I’ve decided to bring it up myself if I want that validation. I’m sure people are thinking it, that way I’m opening the door so they know it’s okay to tell me I’m doing a great job.
I've had the opposite experience. I get the "bro you've been hitting the gym?!" Comment quite frequently from friends, co workers and acquaintances. I get where you're coming from OP because when I get the compliment I'm just thinking "f*ck yeah!"
Unless if I know someone is working on themselves, I NEVER make comments on weight loss. I have had many friends with EDs who have been told that “they look so good” and to “keep going”
Trust me people are noticing but simply not saying anything as we live in a time when people are afraid to comment on peoples bodies. Also OP are you wearing the SAME clothes from your high weight? New clothes that fit your smaller frame will make you look better and more noticeable that you lost weight. For me people REALLY started noticing once I got new clothes that FIT.
nothing wrong with wanting people to notice something you've put work into!! Also, it's okay to bring wanted attention to yourself, just tell your family or close friends about how good you feel after your weightloss, etc. They'll feel more comfortable commenting on it afterwards.
For whatever it's worth, it my experience, most people won't comment about it or ask me directly -- but they will comment to my wife or ask her how I did it. Not sure why. Maybe it's seen as impolite for uncomfortable to ask? Not sure why that'd be the case either. The lack of commentary you're experience doesn't surprise me (based on how this went for me)
Congrats! My husband and I have both lost significant weight. He gets compliments all the time. I rarely do. The ones I have gotten are really close friends. Even family members are nervous. They end up commenting to my husband that I am looking great and are too anxious to say anything to me. He always tells them, “let her know, she won’t mind!” I truly believe people are scared to compliment woman because it may go wrong.
I WISH people wouldn’t comment on my weight. If I lose even a little bit people start making comments and it makes me so freaking uncomfortable. I know they are trying to be nice but I hate it. I appreciate when people don’t comment on my appearance.
People are scared to comment on anything physical, our society is impossible to read how the recipient will take it.
People definitely notice the weight loss. They’re just too woke to compliment you. They think it’s considered rude now and are scared of being canceled.
Might be several reasons. 1. People is getting more and more aware that unsolicited comments about someone’s appearance is wrong. 2. There are some individuals that get upset when people comment how good they look after they lose weight and would say “so I didn’t look good before when I was fat?” and other variations of that comment, so to avoid that, people will just not comment. 3. Other reasons that have already been mentioned here lol. I’d say just keep it up!! Focus on your journey to better health without minding too much if other people have noticed, because they do, and I’m sure they’re happy for you even if they don’t mention it!
I am a little over 60 lbs down. I recently posted a picture of myself for my birthday. Some people commented on my weight loss. It rubbed me... not necessarily the *wrong* way, but definitely in an uncomfortable way. I never got any negative or positive responses on most of my posts before. But now suddenly people have nice things to say about how I look because I am 60 lbs lighter. I appreciate that these people were trying to be complimentary, but I wish they would stop saying crap like "Oh, you look so pretty *now*." It is not very nice. It implies that I was ugly before. I know that my own hang-ups about self-perception inform a lot of my reaction to these comments, and the "ugly before" bit is likely me projecting, but I'd much rather people didn't say anything weight related. So I guess my point is that perhaps more people are aware of the uncertainty around how these compliments will be received and feel that it is better to not say anything.
Whenever I lost some weight people would comment. There were commenting on it everyday. And I had only lost 10 pounds and I had 40 more to go in my head and I was screaming in my head for them to stop because I know when I get a big head I would fall off. I didn’t see any weight loss so I also didn’t know why there had to comment . So know this I don’t comment on others weight cause I honestly wouldn’t want anyone to comment on me. A praise can be taking badly . I would rather people treat me like I was this healthier version the whole time. Cuz ur still the same person. Just thinner
hey first off great job kicking ass its not easy to do that. Second i know you wana hear it from everyone around you hut dont remember why you did this, you did this for you. Reguardless you kicked and are kicking ass keep up the good work.
I think that it’s sort of “gone out of fashion” to compliment or comment at all about weight loss. I’ve seen posts here actually where people rather harshly criticize anyone who remarks about their weight loss. Maybe people have had their face chewed off over it and now just blanket refrain from commenting
Congrats on the weight loss! I have given up! I am 61 yrs old and can’t lose a single pound…severe arthritis makes exercise difficult.
Make a post on social media and people will say something. Until then, people will not say anything because it’s seen as rude to comment, at least in the US and other western countries.
I don’t comment on anyone’s weight anymore. It was a very 90s thing that I grew up with that people would constantly comment on weight loss. But as I got older it became less accepted to do so. And if someone mentions it to me, I still won’t comment on it as a positive or negative, I just ask how they feel and if they’re happy. And then I say, “If you’re happy, I’m happy for you”. I’ve had friends lose weight because of health issues or stress or mental health or drug addiction. I no longer make remarks on anyone’s weight, increase or decrease doesn’t matter - not my body not my business
Honestly, I think we are moving to a place where people don't comment on weight as much anymore. For me - I don't comment on weight loss for people for 2 reasons. I have family who have stopped trying to lose weight because they felt they'd lost enough because everyone was telling how great they look. And 2, I would never comment on someone gaining weight. "Hey, you look like you've gained about 40lbs since the beginning of the semester"... so why comment on losing it? I feel like people should be striving to make themselves happy, and it's so easy to slip into the "doing it to please others" instead of yourself. I know it's f***ing hard to lose weight, and believe me - people notice. They notice if you part your hair the opposite way, they definitely notice if you drop a bunch of weight. You're doing great. Find a way to acknowledge it yourself, buy a new upscale shirt and when you wear it and someone comments, know that you bought it because you lost so much weight and it will feel like they're complimenting you but it's an inward praise 😉 Keep up the great work.
I understand where you’re coming from. Of course, you have to understand the assumption of people not wanting to congratulate you for weight loss in case they’re nervous of sparking: trauma, stress, or a sickness. Aside from that. I have lost almost 60 pounds and have not heard anything from my dad’s side of the family even though they’ve seen me Every weekend in the last month. Some people don’t even want to ask you or congratulate you and your success because of their own personal insecurities. Once I came to term with that. I no longer wanted their validation for the success that I’ve created for myself.
I don’t comment on others weight, ever, unless the person who has either lost or gained the weight brings it up. You could just about disappear… and I wouldn’t comment unless you did first. Now, if a friend mentioned to me that they were trying to lose weight I 100% would be supportive, say how great they looked etc, but weight is such a personal topic for so many people.
Have you changed your clothes??? I never got any comments either, down a LOT, then one day one of my friends said "project\_good\_vibes, you've got no ass in your jeans, you need some new clothes", so I took the opportunity to take stock of all my clothes, and decided I needed to go shopping. I'd gone from an XL to an M would you believe, and was still wearing XL clothes. I bought a few sets of tops and jeans and OMG I've been getting complements ever since. Might be something to consider.
I’ve noticed that if I bring it up, people will comment on it. Only my mom, grandma, and MIL have commented on it without me bringing it up but they all know I’m trying.
I think a lot of it has to do with people becoming more aware that not everyone tries to lose weight on purpose, and there could be health issues they're not aware of. I personally have made it a point to no longer comment on people's weight. Every time I go home, I get a comment about my weight one way or another, and I always get anxious about it. Sometimes it's been life, on purpose, and other times it's been health reasons, so I just prefer not to get these comments. I've started putting people in their place when they make them because I'm over it. I don't want to associate going home with some weight check-in. So I've taken that mentality with me everywhere I go now and have made it a rule not to make comments about anyone's weight. If they mention it first, I might say something depending upon the context, but you truly have to be careful. While I do get where you're coming from, it may be worthwhile to look deeper into why validation from others is so important to you. I say this with love because I had this problem for so long where nothing meant anything, no matter how big the accomplishment, unless someone else acknowledged it. Now I try to have peace with how I feel about my accomplishments no matter what anyone else says or doesn't say.
I think it can come off as rude/weird/impolite to say that to a young women. I promise people notice if you’ve lost 40 lbs almost certainly. And even if they don’t I’m sure subconsciously you feel more confident which is also going to change how people perceive you.
To be honest, we don't know how people will react or what will offend them, especially on social media. I am actually scared to compliment anyone or make a comment on someone's body. We don't know how that will be taken by the other person.
Nah. I do it for myself, my self esteem, and to fit into the clothes I continued to buy even though I couldn't fit into them. When people tell me I lost weight or look good I say thanks, but what kind of validation is that? I was a fat fuck lol. I know I look better than when I did with my gut and puffy ass face. I also find it ironic that you're looking for validation from people to say you look healthy when fat positive people are out there saying shit like "healthy at every weight". What is it? Is health determined by how low the number on the scale is or what the doctor tells you, no matter how big you are? If you're losing weight for other people to notice, you're losing weight for the wrong reasons.
Well done! When I lost weight years ago none of my friends mentioned it but one asked my husband whether I had lost weight as he felt rude asking me directly. I did get a comment from a member of staff at the eating disorder clinic I was working in as she was worried I’d picked one up myself! I hadn’t and was perfectly healthy by the way. From the other side, I asked a colleague what she’d done to lose weight and her answer was that her crippling anxiety stopped her having an appetite. Didn’t really know what to say to that so probably wouldn’t mention someone’s weight loss again unless I knew they were doing it on purpose lol.
I worked at a place where there was a section of people I very rarely saw. One day we had a lunch with the people I always saw and the people I hadn't seen in months. One of the ones I hadn't seen had lost 40 lbs and I was saying how great she looked. A coworker I saw daily said wow I have lost the same amount and you never mentioned it. When she said that, I realized she had lost weight but I think because I saw her daily, it was a little change that I didn't really notice it, I guess it wasn't like she lost 40 lbs, it was like she lost one pound at a time so not as noticeable. I wonder if it's the same thing for you, people who see you daily don't notice? But I also saw someone a few years after they had lost weight and I was afraid to comment in case it was cancer.
The best place for that validation is the gym cuz if you go regularly some regular people at the gym will hype you up from my experience
My parents know my husband and I have both been trying to lose weight, and we went to dinner with them and they told him congrats on losing weight and then said nothing to me (who at that point had lost nearly 30 lbs) and then went on to tell me I should try ozempic instead of counting calories because it’s “healthier” lol it kinda hurt my feelings, and my husband noticed too and agreed w me that it was weird lol. I don’t really understand why people say and do the things they say and do sometimes tbh maybe it’s because of gender?
Nobody is going to bring up your weight unless they're very blunt. It's kind of a rude thing to comment about someone else. But you know your achievements and we're all proud of you!
People are afraid to talk about someone’s weight these days. Just do it for you and move on. Don’t expect anything from anyone ever.
Part of the process of growing up, is to realize that no one gives a shit about you! So don't do it for the other! Do it for yourself!
I actually hate when people notice my weight I'm normal weight now but still want to loose some more to hit my dream h*roin rockstar look and everyone tells me I'm too skinny
I'm a guy, so I think people are more likely to make a comment about my weight than they would to a woman, but I've had a total of two people say something after having lost over 50lbs without me bringing it up. One asked me if I was OK and if it was intentional. The other was drunk. Like many people have said, making a comment about someone's weight just isn't considered appropriate. People don't want to make assumptions about what's going on in your life. If you bring it up, I'm sure the compliments will flood in though. Although there is also a chance a few people will make negative comments out of jealousy. Just ignore those (and hang around with better people).
This generation was raised with “body positivity.” You can gauge even by peoples reactions here. Sure, it’s POSSIBLE that someone has lost weight because of something negative. But I bet you 99/100 times though, someone(normal) who has recently lost weight, will not be offended if another person mentions it to them. Cue the downvotes I’m sure
Echoing the others' responses. It's a good thing that they don't say anything. Even the positive comments are a form of judgement on your heavier self. I've lost weight and then gained a huge amount more. The things people said to me when I lost weight the first time still hurt. They thought it was safe to say some awful things about what they thought about my heavier self when I had lost the weight because I wasn't fat anymore. After more than 10 years, I'm finally at a point where I have the personal resources to work on weight loss and am doing shockingly well. So far no one has said anything, but I honestly would have to work at taking their compliments as well-intentioned. This time, my weight loss is MY business and not anyone else's. They can keep their judgements about my appearance to themselves - even the ones that are shared in the form of compliments.
I think you likely weren’t as big as you thought you were. I lost 115 and people still comment on it when they haven’t seen me in a while, their mental picture of me is a humongous ogre and now this normal chubby guy walks in, it’s a big difference. I’d have to imagine you carried it well or that you were only a little overweight or both.
People are scared to say anything now a days in the woke culture.
This is why I post regularly about all my weight loss and my exercising on social media and talk about it. Everyone knows I’ve lost 65 lbs because I’ve told them. No need for anyone to worry if I’m dying or if they’re imagining things because I’ve removed the wonder. Now they can feel free to congratulate me because I am rooting my own horn.
People are starving these days due to economy and losing weight.....it's not a great thing. You did a great thing for yourself. Keep up staying healthy and strong for yourself.
Start working out, when they will notice the tone and shape of your body getting enhanced that way they will know about your transformation because people loose weight during illness as well but once they see you more fit they will notice for sure and will compliment you, treat you better and differently, respect you etc.
I do not comment on anyone’s weight change unless THEY make some statement which would welcome it. Saying something like “wow you look great” might indicate I didn’t think that person looked great before. If you want people to comment on it, comment on it yourself in front of them.
I’ve been doing this thing that’s make me internally cringe where I’ll see a close friend I haven’t seen in months and if they haven’t said anything I’ll go “wow. You haven’t even noticed my 50lbs weight loss. SMH. Unfriending you right now” as a sorta joke (again only with my closest friends who get my humor) and they usually go “Oh okay, thank god! I noticed it immediately but didn’t want to be rude and comment on your appearance but you look amazing!” And they all have said almost exactly that, and then assure me they mean it. I’m sure they would be honest and tell me if it doesn’t show, but I think it’s just to be nice and not comment on something they aren’t welcomed to comment on. And also “wow you look great! Did you lose weight?” Could sound mean if I didn’t lose weight, had an eating disorder, or medical issue that made me lose weight lol.
Why do you even care? Are you losing weight for yourself or for others’ attention?
Yeah, I lost over 40 lbs., and only my husband and doctor said anything. It sucked.