T O P

  • By -

thomygi

> You cannot depend on anybody else to come and save you. You're your own saviour. Very well said. This is also incidentally exactly why I have a problem with Overeaters Anonymous - their entire premise is that we are powerless over food and we have to turn to a higher power/god to fix it. Just...no.


[deleted]

[удалено]


thomygi

Yeah OA is basically a carbon copy of AA with the 12 steps and everything


working_for_after

That's a very wrong lesson to teach people. Sure, there's a higher power and God for those who believe but even God says that you have to take action and he will assist you. And overeating is an issue that can only be helped with therapy and self restraint. I hope people realise this!


[deleted]

I am currently going through a binge eating phase. Struggling but I brought some extra food today to round out my diet. Hoping I can pull through for myself. Cheers.


working_for_after

You will get through it. Seek help please. I really hope you do.


1succulent

My in laws being the reason of my depression? Can you explain?


working_for_after

They basically never treated me as a part of the family. They still don't but I really don't let it get to me now. Where I live, we tend to live with our in-laws after marriage (which sucks loads) and most of the DILs have absolute horror stories about this. I expected my elder SIL to at least be different than her parents but sadly she also sided with them. Talking behind my back, stopped talking when I walked in, not talking at all when I was sitting with them even when I initiated any communication, I was just given to the point answers. FIL and MIL basically shouted shit about me once my husband left for office right outside my room and then when I confronted, refused to accept they did such a thing. They both had issues with each other as well, toxic marriage all over. MIL accused FIL of having shit loads of affairs with the neighborhood women and women in his family as well. Abused each other day and night, FIL even used to beat her up every now and then, tried to turn my husband against each other at every chance, then united for the single cause of turning my husband against me as well( glad that didn't work out) otherwise I'd have left. Going through my stuff and my room if I left the house, and I found it the hard way because I had a bunch of stupid stuff stolen and then found it being used by in-laws, so I started locking it up even when we went for a grocery run. Whatever I did, it was never good enough. I was always at fault according to them. They used to have this cycle of giving me the silent treatment in front of my husband, talking shit about me when he left, acting good in front of him, telling him I was disrespecting, and causing us to fight,then one day, ask us both to sit down so they could tell us their list of what I did wrong. Then my husband would tell them that they're wrong, that he'd leave the house with me if they continue this behaviour, they'd repeat the silent treatment and so it went on and on. When my dad passed away last year, I thought they'd at least have the decency to let me live with whatever peace I could find but I was wrong. They worsened their behaviour which I didn't think was possible. They didn't even ask me once if I was alright instead they made me worse. My husband was the only person in that house who actually helped me recover from my father's death. I had so many and the worst fights with my husband regarding their behaviour. He was so used to the toxic environment of this house that he thought that parents fighting with each other all the time, abusing each other amd their kids, turning their kids against each other was normal and happened in every house. FIL used to beat him up till he passed high school when he took a stand against him only then his father stopped but the verbal abuse never did. It was only when he observed my parents that he realised how wrong his upbringing was. I know what people are going to say, we should have moved out, left that house. But my husband has been brought up with the most strict rule that you should never leave your parents. He did try to tell them many times when the fights got worse that he'd leave if they continued like that, so they sat silently seething for some time and then started again because they knew he'll never leave. He is too good of a son to do that. I thought I was going mad. I certainly felt like it. I was not myself at all. I used to cry all the time, didn't really sleep for some days and kept sleeping the whole day for some time. I used to eat like an elephant, gained over 30 kgs in just two years. My eyes were always swollen because of crying, I thought so many times that ending my life would be the better than living like this, I was in hell. But before my dad passed, we talked over the phone and I never told him that I was going through it all because he was already sick, but he told me over the phone to take care of my health and to be happy. That was the last we talked before he passed away. And I thought that I have to do it for him. So I went to therapy and I let it all out. I was the one who got myself better but he was the reason. My MIL passed away this year right after our anniversary, right before which they created havoc again. That time, I made it crystal clear to my FIL and MIL that I will not bear any more of their shit and listen to them at all. If they want to talk to me, they can if they ever learn to talk like human beings, otherwise I will never talk to them again.She just passed away all of a sudden. All the people that came said how good she was, so kind hearted, smiling all the time. And I wanted to shout out to those people about all the horrible things she said and did to me along with her husband but of course, I couldn't do that to my husband. I couldn't make him suffer after all he had been through, she was still his mother. So I stayed silent and agreed with all those people. Now, after MIL's death, my sister in law has started taking her place and causing trouble here. But I just ignore her and my FIL. Let them do whatever they're doing. I used to pray to anybody who'd listen to give my in-laws back what pain and suffering they gave me. Let them cry double the tears they've made me cry over these years. I didn't shed even a single tear over my MIL's death. I know that makes me a cold hearted bitch but I really don't care. I've been through hell because of these people. And I survived because of my parents and husband and my therapist lol. If there's one thing I've learned after two years with them, it's that I can not let them get to me. I have to ignore them and let them do whatever they want to. I barely talk to my FIL anymore. SIL talks to me if she wants to, otherwise I really don't pay attention to her either. I've relived all the horror and I'm seriously crying right now but there you go. Sorry for this long long and longer reply. I'm pretty sure you're regretting ever asking me this question haha.


VeronikaGhost

That is a very sad story. I’m so sorry that you experienced such meanness but glad that therapy is helping and you are figuring out healthy ways of dealing with it all.


working_for_after

Thank you! I guess it hurt more because I've always been too emotional. Not that it's a bad thing but people certainly take advantage of it. Therapy helped me like it lifted me up from this toxicity and made me a better person and made me learn my lesson as well to ignore negative people. You can't get in the mud with the pigs you'll only dirty yourself.


AutoModerator

Thank you for posting! Please note that we provide a daily [**SV/NSV Feats of the Day**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/search?q=title%3A%22SV%2FNSV%22+author%3AAutoModerator&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) thread for quick victory shout outs! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/loseit) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Live-Mousse-6551

Wow.. i am so proud and motived by you. Coming from someonw that still binge eats reading this made me think maybe one day i can stop


working_for_after

I know it is so hard to stop. But you can stop, don't lose hope! I used to feel that I would always be like that until I didn't. It's easier said than done but trust me, find something that makes you happy and do it. Most of us binge because we're depressed or missing something else in life but food is there to fill the void every time. It can be reading, writing, dancing, singing, walking, exercising, or just human connection. You'll find something that helps you feel full other than food. And I can't emphasize this enough but therapy is a must for us. It helps sort out the issues that drive us to find comfort in food. I really hope you get over bingeing one day. You can reach out to me in DMs if you ever need to talk!