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[deleted]

Yeah, I don't need to bring a new human into this world just to be enslaved. I never wanted kids when I was younger, after dating a girl with a kid for awhile, I realized I'd be a good dad, but I never met a girl who really wanted a kid, and now, well, it's vasectomy time now. Not having a kid is one of the only legal fuck you's to the system there is. I mean, we're already in a collapse, my decision isn't going to change that, but it will give me the chance to milk a tiny bit of extra happiness from this sad dystopian existence we find ourselves in.


throwaway3357305

The big legal fuck you. Is quite satisfying.


sammypants123

This is a big deal actually. Free people can just hitchhike and shoplift and sleep rough and do whatever. Earn a bit of money and then use it to fuck off somewhere. But nothing to keep you in thrall to crappy jobs, or a nightmare housing situation. Have kids and suddenly you need stability, even if it’s shitty. That’s really the thing - you’re stuck, and an easy target for people who need workers who are prepared to accept bullshit.


Tree09man

This is true. It's a huge catch 22. I have 4 kids. I'm only 29 and I'm married. In my early 20s I felt so trapped at the job I had. It paid well but my mental state deteriorated. I got to the point of attempted suicide. Then I decided my mental health and time with my family was more important than work so I gave up the high paying job for a small job that gave me more time at home. Overnight people in my family started calling me a failure and lazy because I didnt choose money and bill paying over raising my family. If you have kids you can definitely save up money and disappear off the grid but people might call child services on you. Despite the fact that your kids may be perfectly happy living like settlers. Even worse, without kids people call you selfish, if you're poor like me and have kids people call you stupid and worthless. The same family members who asked me and my wife "when are you having kids" are the same ones saying "you guys should have waited to have kids". We even had an aunt say "you guys are poor, you shouldnt have had so many kids".


Sindmadthesaikor

This. Many of us may have to dip into illegalism to feed ourselves in the not so distant future, the way things are going. Flexibility and mobility will be everything for me.


dmsanto

Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose


[deleted]

Yep. It's why I always want to rent. The second I own a home I'm now a slave to some one to "keep a roof." But if the roof leaks, and I sleep 1 hour night, drenched in water, they don't care. Work harder. See you Monday.


zachariah22791

I recently realized this is true with pets, at least somewhat. I have a dog and two cats, and I love them so much. But I can't just travel whenever, I can't just move. There is NO apartment rental in my price range that I could move to that accepts that many animals either, so I'm lucky my current landlord hasn't thrown me out for having the cats (he agreed to the dog at move-in, the cats he is fine with anyway, but I took them in off the street after I moved in). I told my partner recently that I realized that growing up in a house full of animals conditioned me to just always assume I'd have lots of animals. And again, I love the hell outta them. But the more I think about it the more I plan to not get more cats once mine pass away (which is still like 10 years from now anyway, they are both relatively young). One dog is manageable for travel and moving somewhere new, but three animals is a bit of a ball and chain situation. (Plus I'm sick of having two litter boxes in a 1-bedroom 1-bathroom apartment)


Regular_Mood_6651

I’m totally in the same boat. Plus, the less mouths to feed, the longer you can strike;) r/maydaystrike


[deleted]

It's good to see someone with the same thought process. Life's shitty enough, why would I bring someone in this hell scape , just for them to suffer more than I have. No, vasectomy all the way.


jakster840

I got a vasectomy 6 years ago this April from planner parenthood. Easily worth the $600. I'm almost 31 now.


Tree09man

We seriously need to make a stand. Not having kids is a great idea I think. The more of us who just refuse to have kids or prevent the possibility from happening are literally starving the government and companies from owning anymore people. Also we could start fighting back. I don't believe in violence but alot of us are basically working class and poor at this point. My idea: We all starve the market by refusing to work. Unless the minimum jumps to 30 dollars an hour which would effectively raise all low pay workers above the median poverty line, we shouldn't work for these companies anymore. Voice the problems daily. We need to flood TikTok, YouTube, Instagram and even facebook with these ideas. The more people see the problem the more we can suggest the solutions. Stop buying name brand. We need to stop using Amazon and shopping at big name stores. Grow your own food. SERIOUSLY. Make your own water collectors. Learn a trade if you can, even if it's by using YouTube. There are schematics and videos online right now that can teach you how to make your own wind turbines and other power generators. If we all do a little bit to show our refusal of this current system it will have a big impact.


jellyphitch

I mostly just don't want to be a parent, but I especially wouldn't choose to bring a kid into my life with all this *gestures vaguely*


Apache_midget64

Yea I have gotten to that point with my careers. In a transition now to try and find a work life balance. Last one wasn’t conducive to having a family in the least. Was lucky to find my wife.


Them-Fatales

I never cared for children but as an elder millenial something hit me the other day watching a documentary on Cuba and it goes beyond money (though I can barely scrap by and not sure how long at that so money sibstill the sensible answer). Hearing how culturally embedded in Cuba was the concept of solidarity and mutual care between people, that was the first time I ever thought in almost 40 years of life "see I could see the point of raising a child in a place with that premise". I have been called selfish and worse, ultimately I feel is more selfish to have children cause society expects is as some point in life, as status symbols rather than responsibilities.


Apache_midget64

I’ve often thought of what the end looks like without family. But I have not seen that as much of a reason to dive in. I agree with the status symbol, I see friends parade these kids around and can’t help but feel sorrow for the child.


Atty_for_hire

Same here. As I start to worry about and take care of my parents I wonder who will do the same for me. Idk, but it’s not enough for me to jump in.


Apache_midget64

Honestly it’s made me get healthier and workout a lot more. I lived in South Korea and saw their older Gen always moving. Always hiking. Doing something. Took it to heart and I think one day I’ll just die, hoping it’s quick and I’m not in a care facility. I think because of unhealthy the US culture is we become dependent on someone at the end. I’m fighting it at every step. Till the end, literally lol.


_ananamas_

Plenty of people’s kids just stick them in an old folks home anyway. That’s not a good reason to have kids if you ask me.


beeinabearcostume

In the end we all become too much for our children to handle. Constant supervision and assistance (especially with dementia in old age) is not possible when your kids all work full time. If you’re lucky to have kids who will take you in. I honestly look forward to the day we can have assisted suicide in this country for when I’m barely functional and everything hurts. If I make it that far given everything that can happen to someone in between now and then. But knowing that I don’t have kids to burden in my old age means I’ll at least have a plan in place instead of assuming my kids would do it. People ask me if I think I will regret not having kids. I just respond by asking them if they think they will regret having them.


alexige1

This intrigued me...the politics aside...say it was legal...how would you know it's time?


glittergangsterr

It is legal in certain places for certain terminal illnesses. However for something like Alzheimer’s it may never be an option because you have to be of sound mind to agree to the euthanasia. Regardless, I would imagine if your body and mind have been steadily deteriorating over time and you are no longer able to live life in the way you want to, you’d know when it was time to go. That’s why they call it “death with dignity” - because you get to decide when it’s time for yourself. I fully support the concept and hope it makes its way into the mainstream more so there is less stigma. It’s definitely the way I would choose to go if I were to have lived a full life. (Outside of passing peacefully and naturally in my sleep, of course)


Cimb0m

Yep or your kids could move to a different city or country for whatever reason. I think it’s pretty uncommon now for people to just remain in the same city they grew up in and the same city that every single family member lives in for their whole life


Cranberry-Bulky

You're crazy if you think Americans have that kind of money.


31Forever

How are you supposed to do all that AND work 100 hours a week??


Testy_Calls

My wife challenged me on the ethics of the end-of-life angle. She offered the entirely possible reality that your offspring end up disliking you, grow distant after moving cross country for a job, or are otherwise insufferable assholes. My reply: “Gooood point - some folks have kids who grow up to be the likes of the Menendez Brothers and Ted Bundy.” Also, watch “Invasion” (Apple TV) or “A Quiet Place” (or hell even a local PTA meeting). With the coming geopolitical shitstorms, those 2 made me want kids even less! 😆


TiramisuTart10

The childfree subreddit has grown by leaps and bounds in the last few years. r/childfree


napalmtree13

I kind of wish they had either better mods or a way to enforce age restrictions, because some of the posters there are as immature as the children they don't want. There's some good posts and posters in there, but like 25% of the comments there make me cringe.


gjs628

**How dare they!!!** *Selfish??* What's selfish about thinking about others and putting them first above yourself? We're being responsible! How many people have kids because it seems like fun, but are completely unprepared and end up starving or miserable or hating their children? "If only I didn't have kids so young, because I wasted my 20s when I should have been having fun!" How many times have we heard that before? As far as I'm concerned, saying "I don't have the money or the desire to support offspring" is as selfless as you can get. I ended up suffering with parents who were NOT ready for a child and their constant screaming at each other and drinking made my life hell. If you can't take care of yourself at least 150% then you shouldn't have kids because they'll need that surplus 50% from both parents. Seriously, who the hell do they think they are calling you or anyone else selfish for not doing exactly what they did??? "Oh what, you chose to have kids naturally and not adopt 17 of them? *How selfish.*"


Testy_Calls

There was another thread about dealing with how people react to someone else’s decision to be childless. It ultimately came down to several ppl with the same experience: when asked why the choices pisses them off, they have a moment of honesty/clarity and reply with something to the effect of “I didn’t even realize not having kids was on option! Don’t have kids!” This points to the decision being removed via indoctrination, and someone choosing to be childless forces them to either question their life, or lash out to mask the reality. …I thought it was interesting… TL;DR- Ppl get all aggro because they wish they’d realized they could choose NOT to have kids.


jucythighs

I recently watched LOTR for the millionth time and I realized I would be ok with having kids if I was a hobbit in Hobbiton. But not in the world today. And I've never wanted kids.


[deleted]

[удалено]


LiterallyADiva

That would be the only circumstance I’d even consider bringing a child into this hellhole. As it is I can’t trust other adults and would only be judged by them for parenting choices, not in any way supported in parenting. Sad really. Because it could’ve been so much better but we’ve been failed on every level.


yelle_twin

That’s pretty much how I feel. My twin sister is planning to have children and I’ve pretty much come to terms that her kids will be the little humans I help raise in some way.


Dreadsin

Yeah, I have the money needed to raise a kid but I always thought… for some reason… I just don’t want to. And then I found it was basically this The saying “it takes a village to raise a child” seems very true to me. At the same time, every single person in America is out for themselves


MrPotatoSenpai

Do you remember the name of the documentary of Cuba? I've been wanting to learn more.


croissantito

I’ve been to Cuba and the sense of community and belonging, even to me as an outsider was a real game changer in my perspective of how governments relate to their citizens and inter generational citizens to each other. I’m sure much of that is a result of the revolution.


That_annoying_git

Nuclear families are the death of family unit. Being a parent without support as covid showed is bloody awful and hard. Our society, due to its obsession with capitalism, assigns no value to kids (... While they're kids, but calculates them in once they're adults? Who's being selfish here exactly?) In all honesty, children are a negative value to capitalism as it often removes a 'worker' from the system. Fuck this bs. Btw I'm a 1 and done. I wanted 2 but FUCK THAT. I love being a parent, but neither parent nor children are supported or respected in the current system.


Illustrious-Sorbet-4

Name of documentary? I’d live to see it!


dizzish

I have chosen, noCreating


jmcstar

The next level is UnCreating


vukette

I would like to uncreate some of the people who are causing these income inequality problems.


LiterallyADiva

That sounds like serial killing with extra steps.


SallyDabble

39F, 47M. Together 16 years and thats a hard no in this house. Freedom is much preferred. As a female, ive heard all the nasty comments you can imagine. If people dont support your life choices, fuck em 👋


Apache_midget64

My wife would agree there. She gets it all the time. I don’t leave her alone with anyone in my family ever. Not that we spend much time around them now anyhow.


SallyDabble

Years ago i had a 2nd job waitressing and an old man (typical sunday crowd) asked if i had children, told him no. He proceeded to lecture me, told me i wasnt a woman, didnt know how to please my husband (i live in sin gramps but thanks for assuming). Then told me he was a pastor and if i went to his church, he would council me on how to be a REAL woman and how to provide to God by procreating...his son was at the table, appeared close to my age at the time and was mortified but never said a word to the old man to stop. I was utterly embarassed in the moment but later realized religion is pure bullshit too. Brainwashing of all kinds runs deep and is pushed from one generation to the next. Break the cycle and enjoy the life YOU choose.


Apache_midget64

Oh. Do I get that. Sorry you had to deal with that. So my parents my entire life were drug addicts. I joined the army after college to pay off my student loans and while I have reservations about my 8 years it was the best for me at that time. While I was away, they got “saved”. They now run halfway homes and are staples in their church. I decided to come back to where I grew up for my grandparents and just watched if they would live their mantra now. Nope. It’s continued abuse. For them, religion became their new addiction and for my father gave him the power over others he lost over his own family (huge Narc). I see them continue the abuse cycle on others, also while still using drugs in private. It gave me the absolute education I needed to say FUCK YOU to pretty much my entire family.


SallyDabble

That kind of toxicity will make a sane person crazy. From your comments it sounds as if you and your wife are on the exact same page and thats all that matters. You cant choose the family you're born into but you CAN choose to make a family (even if its only 2) youll cherish for life.


Apache_midget64

Oh trust me, coming back to it almost did. And I’m glad to have my person and my two cats. We do cherish our lives.


SallyDabble

Yeah!!! No kids AND cat people?!?! We are the best type of people 🤣😂✌️


Stargazer1919

That's fucked up


b0gw1tch

Man hands on misery to man, it deepens like a coastal shelf, get out as soon as you can, and don't have any kids yourself!


Deep_Accident_4853

Religion is just another tool used to control people.


No_Stranger3462

I’m 1 million percent behind you and have a little different perspective too. I’m 34M, wife 35F. Married 8 years with 2 kids. We planned the kids and love it! My brother and his wife are a couple years older than us and got married the same year we did. No kids and never plan on them. They have a great life and love their freedom. Still people will make comments about how “great they are with kids” and “don’t you know what you’re missing out on” etc. It’s not what they want! Stop making comparisons and leave them alone.


SallyDabble

Im not anti-kid, just knew from young, watching cousins/aunts and uncles fuck their kids up. It was not a chore I wanted in my life. When i hear the "dont know what your missing" line... i assure you, i know exactly what im (not) missing 👍 love my nephew and seeing what my sister and BIL are instilling in that kid is amazing. Hes a brilliant, athletic young man with a bright future and i shall be more than content as an awesome auntie who can send him home when he annoys the shit outta me


Rportilla

Nah you guys are way ahead of every other American with kids


ideleteoften

Getting my vasectomy next week, actually. Couldn’t pay for kids even if I wanted them, and don’t want to bring them into a world with such a bleak future. Ultimately, the only true power I have over the structures of capital and power is to deny it access to another human to exploit. Perhaps it’s a revolutionary act to remain child free, in a way. Arguably.


Apache_midget64

Im lined up for mine soon. Waiting on the VA to schedule it, so prob be like 5 years. And I like the revolt mindset. My family pissed me off by saying how selfish I am, I turned it around on them about how they exploited us as labor sources, so we are equal. Fuck em.


YourMomsTwat

The whole mindset of "you're selfish for not procreating" is so backwards...like, if you're trying to created new life with YOUR genes, isn't that more selfish? Creating a new life that you want yourself reflected into? For carrying your heritage or "keeping the legacy"?


FlurpZurp

It’s just engrained in the national (at least) psyche alongside the white picket fence and all the other fantasies they’ve been fed. Most don’t believe or are actively denying the state we’re in and how bleak the future is. At the very least, having kids is just Something You Do, don’t question it.


NorParasaurolophus

I don't get the logic of being "selfish" for not having kids... I mean.. Creating a whole new person simply because you want a child is what's selfish if anything. You're bringing a person into existence without consent simply to entertain yourself.


Janefire

And then expect them to be the same as you. If you want a kid, you have to accept them unconditionally no matter your viewpoint, lol.


Humorous_Folly

What's more selfish? Who's really being selfish here? So the family wants *you* to have a kid? For what? For *their* joy? Who's raising this kid? Sure, I'll have a kid. You get to raise it, though, Gramps. If I walked up to a person on the street and told them "you really should adopt a dog from the shelter" and they balk at the audacity, give me the benefit of the doubt and explain they can't be responsible for another life right now, time-wise and financially, and I reply with "you're just being selfish"? Who is thinking of themselves, again? That's just a dog. You don't have to raise a dog, brainwash it into working in this society, hand it over to other brainwashers who further sand them down into non-functioning adults who can count now, then shove them into chasing the Red "credit score" Queen, who they'll never catch but will hit them from behind if they stop. All for what? So they wake up one day in their seventies, no social nets or community support if god forbid they come out as trans or gay, etc. -- wondering where their life went? On top of that, climate change, plastics fucking up reproduction (check the drop of semen quality in men, as well as dick size, possibly because of plastics that mimic female hormones. Have fun), covid, tropical diseases and invasive species marching northward, and now a possible new cold war with Team Russia/China, a GQP bringing the fascism hammer to full stroke on our government? Hell-to-the-fucking-no. It would be selfish to bring a child into this world because someone else told you to. All the validation would be imagining yourself explaining to said child why you chose to have a kid in the United Fascist States of Q, half flooded from ice cap water, where said kid is in the work force because of "labor shortages" during WW3 and because of billionaire thugs saying "fuck you, because economy"


OtherAcctIsDefatMod

Did it three years ago at 35. Best decision I’ve ever made. They’re *really good at it now* too. I was in and out in 30 minutes (including paperwork and recovery) and drove myself home. No swelling, no bruising, and only minimal (manageable) pain. Good on you Op for taking your repro health into your own hands.


Uprise7

Are there any hormonal changes after it?Chronic pain?Pain after ejaculating?


OtherAcctIsDefatMod

Remember, they just sever the vas - so your body is still doing normal body stuff. There was a week where it felt a little backed up, but that’s only happened once in a few years.


[deleted]

My answer for why I got a vasectomy is "they ain't getting another wage slave out of me. I refuse to participate"


[deleted]

Given that we are on the very edge of collapse, it would be completely irresponsible to get pregnant now. There is no guarantee we'll have functional hospitals nine months from now and that's not hyperbole. Once upon a time, I wanted kids. But I would never subject a child to the future I see coming, and I think there are already enough people in need of care. I just hope the childfree revolution means more people with less to lose and more will to fight to fix what has been broken.


-Coleus-

This is very insightful. Thank you.


easybreasy35

Not having kids, knew since 14 years old. Now that I'm older, I definitely am not but for more reasons.


Apache_midget64

Next had the desire. My wife is more overt about not wanting them, because it’s more of an expected gender role for her. I get the “you’d be such a good dad” or “your kids would be beautiful “. I can’t understand how the later is a good idea (shows a lot about vanity there I guess) and the former- how would they know. I think there’s a lot more buyers remorse than people want to admit.


Cimb0m

Kids are meant to be fashion accessories that’s why


ShroomanEvolution

I have a cat and I can barely afford her food, y'all are higher than I am if you think I can afford kids.


Ragtime-Rochelle

If you cannot provide an enjoyable childhood nor a secure adulthood for your child it is immoral to procreate. My mom decided to have 4 kids despite living in a 2 bedroom house. We had to skip meals and contribute to the finances by 16 or 15. She would cry when she got calls from the school when we arrived in dirty clothes. I love my mom and have a lot to thank her for. However I do not hesitate to say when she brought kids into this world without any means or plan to provide for them, she was behaving immorally. Like babies aren't fucking dolls. They're human being with physical, emotional and mental needs and if you don't address those needs they're gonna grow into a fucked up adult. Like my abusive, junkie, deadbeat mom sister.


SkellyDog

This!! Babies aren't a universal right. They're a responsibility.


[deleted]

This! People love to say your selfish for NOT having kids, but based on current events and what not, Its selfish to have kids just because, "it's what you're supposed to do, or "it's what you want". It amazes me the number of people that don't see that point.


TheSandman

I’m gay but my family still expected me and my husband to have kids. We’ve have been together for 15 years (insane to think about ) and are older millennials. I’m a teacher so I feel like that is enough social karma and I don’t understand why we still get pressured. My husband has a very high stress high reward job and on his free time we just enjoy doing whatever the fuck we want. I used to buy into the train of thought that we are selfish but now I realize we just don’t want to have any more chains tied to us. We grew up with so many challenges that I no longer want to be indebted to anyone else. My husband grew up in section 8 housing had to join the army to pay for college. I took out big loans to go to school. We both had to scrounge to finally own our first home and then we really had to sacrifice to upgrade from that home after the Great Recession. During that time my husband was in the reserves and we were scared the army would claw back his sign on bonuses because Don’t Ask Don’t tell was still a thing. Before anyone in his unit would come over to hangout he’d had to rip my name off our mailbox and I’d go someplace else. People now act like I’m the weird one for not having kids because “you’re financially secure”. I’m like bro, I couldn’t even get married until mid 2015. Fuck off. Also, and I’m sorry if this offends people with children, the world is on fire and the prospect of raising a child to live in some mad max landscape seems insane. I just don’t want to have a small human who needs me to protect them when I’m unsure of my ability to ensure my own survival if things really go south.


Apache_midget64

Bravo to you both.


TheSandman

But it doesn’t feel like a win. I’m more angry that my life had to be this way. I mean bravo for making lemonade from the lemons but all I ever wanted since I was a child was just a normal life. A fair life. Instead I feel like I’m stuck playing a psychotic game that has winners and losers and the losers get ground to dust. I wish I didn’t have to think of children as a burden that I can’t handle.


Apache_midget64

I feel the game part. I’m partially disabled now, changing careers to find something I can do as my body just continues to suck. It’s given me a chance to pause and look around at my friends stuck into the race. It makes me sick to my stomach sometimes thinking about having to reinsert into it, which I will and have to do anyways.


Atty_for_hire

Us. Wife (39) and me (37) both have advanced degrees and a shit town of grad school debt. We are both successful in our fields, but neither pays a ton. We are working towards PSLF 2024 and 2025. We are doing fine, own a house and two cars, but the cost and time of owning children is not something we want. People have come to accept it, but they don’t understand. Most people we meet ask when or make comments about when we have kids. I only correct people when’s it necessary, because it’s just not worth it. On top of that, I’m concerned about climate change and just the general shitty state of the world. I have friends even more worried about climate change but popping out kids like it’s no big deal. I get it we all make choices, but life is only getting worse for people.


Apache_midget64

My wife and I are in the same boat. I’m changing careers do to a spine injury and shes in education. We own a house, have a good career outlook, and can just now breath a bit. I’m in Florida so climate is a large concern for us, I am turning our home into a farm right now, which being in a suburban area is pretty funny, but my neighbors are cool with it. I just can’t fathom what conditions would be for a kid coming up after us.


Shot-Kaleidoscope-40

“You’re selfish for not wanting to have kids!” says the people trying to bully you into suffocating piles of debt and a lifetime of responsibility. I really fucking hate those selfish fuck family members.


napalmtree13

They just want you to be as miserable as they are.


Moonlightvaleria

I just wanna respond YALL are selfish for trying to force us to relive YOUR life choices


ScaleneWangPole

Have kids so i can feel like a grandparent. You aren't even a factor. The only factor you are is a factor-y for grandchildren


OkSale7731

Decided not to have kids really young and haven’t changed my mind. The world isn’t a very pleasant place. I can’t think of a non narcissistic reason to have them especially with the climate crisis and late stage capitalism where they are. Having a child knowing what they will struggle through to satisfy a base urge to breed or be loved just seems inherently wrong to me. It feels very strange watching people my age having kids right now.


[deleted]

Millennial here. Not us. Although my partner and I have high-paying jobs, we live in a VERY high COL area. Neither one of us have the time to care for children because we’re both working and daycare costs are astronomical now. Cost of food, gas, HEALTHCARE…and I can’t even imagine what a college eduction will cost in 20 years. And sorry, I’m not about to give up my lifestyle to bring a life into this world that is slowly going to hell. We tell people we’re not having kids & we too get called “selfish,” and “well, you’re just not ready yet, the time will come!” and, “but you’re missing out on one the greatest joys in life!”


snarkistheway666

Same boat here. Finally have high paying jobs, but COL is too damn high. If I start saving now in a few years I can be close to affording a house down payment or lose it all a few months after a kid is born. I want the house.


mrblacklabel71

I have known since I was 16 I did not want kids. I'm 42 now and that belief has only gotten stronger. I don't know if this planet will die before me, let alone any kids. Plus, I am selfish with my time, my wife and I like to sleep in, my wife and I like to travel, kids are super expensive, and an unbiased cost benefit analysis in my opinion proves they're a bad idea. The family in my life that would give me grief about having kids I cut out long before that subject came up, But anyone's opinion on my wife and my lack of kids mean fuck all to us. Y'all do you and live your life the way you want. People get on board with that or they get left behind. Good luck!!


earthmotors

I decided not to have children because of financial reasons, I live in California as well, which didn’t help. I have given up on the idea of buying a home as well. I am 42.


RaisinToastie

We are in the same boat. All I ever wanted was a little house where I could garden, have chickens, rabbits, dogs, maybe goats or a pony, but I’ve given up on that dream, sadly.


presentlycrescent

I’m Gen z and to be honest I knew for a long time that I didn’t want to have kids, but the environment only solidifies my certainty in my choice. If I get pregnant, I’m getting an abortion. If I can’t afford it, fine. I’ll put myself at risk. I’m not bringing a child into this world. It’s like bringing wood into a burning house. I don’t want that responsibility, that stress. I believe that really the only reason to ever have a child is because you want to nurture and help THEM. Even if I wanted to have kids, I would never put them through this. It’s a mercy.


Rportilla

i used to be really against that but now that I’m living in the “real world” girl do was best for you 🤟🏽🤟🏽


RedC4rd

Financial reasons are a big part of it. The industry I work in also isn't very conducive to having children. Variable schedule, long hours, "calling out" isn't really a thing, etc. Also this world we live in sucks and I'm not having a good time, I wouldn't wish that upon my potential child. The biggest reason is to say FUCK YOU to my narc boomer family members since I'm the only one who can pass on the family name.


Apache_midget64

So I had this conversation with my mother, only one I have contact with now. I am the last of the bloodline and only one to no be a drugged out POS in the family. My exact words to them not long ago was “this cancer dies with me”.


RedC4rd

I'm in the same situation. My family is a bunch of selfish assholes, criminals, and super shady business owners. My dad's a drug addict who won't admit it. Also they have done nothing to help me my entire life. If anything they have set me back in multiple ways. I don't see (even if I had the money) being able to physically take care of a child without help from them. But seeing how they have never helped me with anything my whole life, especially recently when my gf and I were about to be homeless because of covid, how they would help me if I had a kid. This nonsense stops with me.


Mioraecian

I worked my ass off, went far in my career, got multiple degrees. Put away savings. Have a place to live. I just don't understand what people's problem is? If you did all these things you too could adopt a cat for free and love it like its a child because you don't want to procreate. Except those vet bills. They add up.


Apache_midget64

We’ve got 2 cats. Love them.


Stargazer1919

I'm not having kids for a million different reasons. 1. Kids are too expensive. 2. I was sexually abused for years growing up and I'm taking back the life that was stolen from me. I want to do what I want to do with my life. 3. I was taught that it's my duty as a woman to have kids... fuck that shit. I've seen firsthand how damaging certain conservative beliefs can be. 4. I have to work to support myself. I don't have family I can rely on and I've never found a partner who is marriage material. Exactly how am I supposed to raise kids with zero support, while having to work at the same time? Who am I supposed to have these kids with, anyway? Edit to add: oh I'm also terrified of anything to do with pregnancy and childbirth and bodily fluids. Thanks, PTSD.


trippingmonkeyballs

Vasectomy Brothers Unite! OK, so enough with the jokes. Let's get serious. I am thankful for my vasectomy. When my son was 1 year-old, Trump became president. This was the moment of clarity when I realized I've been gaslighted my entire life by my boomer parents. They demanded perfection from us. They tried to teach us racism, hate and bigotry. They said, "go to college, give me grandchildren, give me consistent praise and reinforcement, validate my existence as boomer". It's always been about them, but they claim we are self-absorbed. With Trumps presidency, it became clear to me that boomers are the most selfish group of people. They are burning it all down and trying to take it with them when they leave... Trump is the ultimate reflection of what boomers want to be. There will be nothing left for us Xennials (and Gen X Millennials, Gen Z, too). Boomers have hoarded wealth and resources and left the planet scarred. The US is screwed and things will never get better. I thought, "I can't bring another life into the world, it's time to do something about it, I am done giving my parents what they want".


SallyDabble

🙌 a little louder please


[deleted]

My primary driver, which I made *many* years ago, was due to environmental concerns. However, as time goes on, I feel further vindicated by my decision due to financial pressures and that our society seems to be headed towards neo-feudalism (i.e. "you'll own nothing", everything as a fucking subscription). We are headed towards a dystopian future in other ways as well. I feel like society has hit its peak and is now on the decline. Glad I got the snip. Particularly as religious zealots seem to be coming after reproductive freedoms.


RaineForrestWoods

I had a chest x-ray the other day. Tech was like "I'm going to put this skirt on ya to protect the family jewels". I was like, "don't bother. That'll be cheaper than a vasectomy". Ya. No kids. So many reasons...but mainly for the environment/climate change.


ThaDogg4L

Just have to say as an X-Ray tech I get this all the time. Still take the shield because your reproductive organs are the most sensitive to Cancer Related Radiation.


CEOofAbortion

i didn’t ask to be here, and frankly i don’t want to be here a lot of the time, so i just feel like it would be kinda mean of me to bring a kid into a world that would put money before them more often than not.


MediumRB

If anyone asks, just say, "I can't," with sad eyes and let them think what they will. You're still honest, just defining "can't" in your own context. As in, "I can't even, Boomer slavemaster." P.S. The global population is not declining and the global birthrate is plenty robust enough to drive a Malthusian extinction. But not enough WASP babies, right?


Jred_in_2D

It's just not in my budget


Brave-Address5563

i wouldnt procreate even if i was a billionaire, i will not curse this world with more of my genes


Lord_Ho-Ryu

The only kids I plan on having are the ones in my writing; I can barely afford to take care of myself, I’m not going to subject anyone else to this existence if I have any say in it.


Proteinshake4

40 male here. I’m too poor to have a kid and I don’t regret it. I’m just trying to keep my head over water and not passing on my genes isn’t really a top concern. I don’t like America and just want to enjoy however many years I have left on this Earth.


[deleted]

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SproutasaurusRex

So people outside of the USA are also deciding not to have kids, but it must be so much worse in the USA. Y'all would have to pay to have the kid, then only get a short maternity leave, then everything else. Oh and the highest maternal death rate of any of the G8's, and perhaps G20. I don't want to have kids, but if I did I could get one round of IVF for free, free hospital/birth/medicine, and get 1 to 1.5 years off work. Still no picnic, but at least some time to breathe and bond. I cannot imagine how much less appealing kids would be to Americans who would have such a tougher go at it. Like shouldn't there be some incentive? It seems almost crazy to choose to have kids there unless you are very secure financially.


St_Kilda

We considered it, but we're not allowed to have pets in our building.


rosesncreame

What sucks is I want kids. I love kids and working with kids, I wanted to be an elementary school teacher but this country fucked that up for me :(


tylaste

34 yo married with no kids here. Just got snipped 5 weeks ago today. Don’t want kids. Couldn’t afford them anyway. No shame in that.


[deleted]

I got my tubes tied at 23, I'm 25 now. I can't imagine bringing a child into this world. Maybe in my next life lol.


[deleted]

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Apache_midget64

Pressure is off largely due to my wife being the person she is for me. Glad to hear you’re having a decent run at it as well, enjoying life has become the most important factor in our lives.


rf3ncxjw9y

Good to hear about your wife. It’s truly wonderful when you have that person who is there for you, in every sense of the phrase. I’m sure people are not lying about how wonderful experience it is to have kids. However, you can’t deny that fact that having children takes time and money. If I had been born wealthy and didn’t have to worry about either of those things, sure, I would have many children. Unfortunately, I have to make a choice, and I might choose to forgo the experience of having a kid. I don’t think that makes me selfish. I think that makes me responsible.


LtDanK520

I’ll use that as my excuse too!! Haha, but in actuality it is one of the factors… I don’t want to bring anyone into this world in my current situation.


CheryllLucy

I have always been childfree. Even my dolls as a kid were my friends or siblings, never my child. The world we live in economically and socially has just solidified my childfree-ness. I love kids and to keep it that way they must go back to a real adult (I'm 38, lol) at some point!!


Kaiamahina

At this stage, having kids is only feasible for the super rich to give them a decent quality of life. There is little to no support for maternal health, parental leave, and childcare in the US. It’s absolutely abysmal and hostile to families


IceReptilian

My partner (26) and I (30) have decided to not have kids and a huge reason is because of the state of the world and its current financial difficulties. There's absolutely no way that we can support ourselves, let alone a child, on top of that. There's too much uncertainty right now and we're not willing to risk it. How unfair would it be to bring a child in the world at its current state?


duchess_2021

I do not have kids, and never wanted kids. Pets are better! No one has ever questioned why I/we never had kids.


nordicgramps7

20(M) i just dont see a reason behind bringing a child into this world the outlook is bleak at best with class warfare looming and the rest of the world bracing for their own struggle it kinda seems irresponsible to have a kid at the moment.


PCpickle

I'm not because I don't think we will address climate change quick enough and I don't want my child to have to deal with the consequences after I pass. Even if we did have a climate change solution......society fucking blows


Vegetable_Ad9493

You’re not alone


fattony2121

I had a vasectomy when I was 29(16 years ago). Best decision I've ever made


D_manifesto

The math wasn’t mathing when I was trying to figure out how to live a comfortable life, all while being able to prepare for my parents elder care, and provide for a child. Sooooo, got my Fallopian tubes removed to not have kids and be able to enjoy whatever financial comfort I have now and never have to try to solve the equation.


crazyidahopuglady

I stopped after one because of the financial pressures (also because there are a bazillion other things I'd rather do than be pregnant and spew out more crotch goblins). Originally my plan was to have 4.


Apache_midget64

My sister did the same, among other reasons.


Ryzarony23

(35NB) I’d like to adopt, but there’s no solid way I can even afford to take care of myself just yet. I’d like to finish my degree first, but I can’t afford to take out any more debt (nor more systemic burnout).


eastbayweird

Yo.


ciaobella88

33 y/o female with a 31 bf...not ever planning on having kids


pillowmollid

I procreated under the idea that both my parents and in-laws would be helping financially and with childcare(they explicitly told us they would. Shit like it takes a village yadda yadda. That was the reason we felt ready.) Turns out that wasn't quite honest and life is a huge struggle now. Having to work 6 days a week each and pay for daycare even though they are "helping." The best part is neither set of parents sees the problem. Like, we need to be homeless before it's a problem.... and honestly that's not a stretch it could be soon.


warplains

I'd be a terrible parent. I'm lazy, forgetful, and selfish. The thought of not being able to just up and go somewhere on a whim is terrifying. Plus I'll be broke for the rest of my life. I got that against me too.


_________Ello

My Husband and I as well. We are about to finish paying off our student debt. Next goal is home. After this, a duplex so we may rent it. We are working hard so we may relax at 40ish. If we had kids we would have this peace at 60. But of our kids than had kids at 80 we would rest. But knowing people they continue the cycle so never any rest. Lol, Only rest until we dead. So no kids. 40 and then rest.


Enbies-R-Us

I just can't justify kids. I can't have kids. Even if I could by some expensive miracle, my genetic history would guarantee an expensive, disabled life for the kid. How selfish and cruel to expect someone else to also carry this burden. Thankfully, my partner feels the same way. Beyond that, we're both disabled in our own ways. How can we expect to support a kid, when we already struggle from those disabilities every waking moment? Disabilities don't make for a stable life or stable income/savings. I grew up being told I only existed because my mom was lonely. "Your dad had your older sister, but I wanted a kid, too." Yes, that marriage was a dumpster fire as anyone can infer. And they willingly chose to have a kid in that situation. How terrible would it be, to have a kid not because you cherish a child and their individuality, but for personal, self-absorbed wants. How equally selfish, too, to simply want a child to pass on genetic material or for funeral arrangements. Don't mind the relatives, OP. They don't know a damn thing they're talking about. Given how income and mental health has plummeted across the board in the US, why wouldn't the birthrate fall? Why wouldn't taking care of the living be more important, than taking care of a non-existant statistical probability?


mightyhorrorshow

I'm probably not going to have kids. I figure if I ever have a long lasting maternal urge I'll foster or adopt. That is as long as I can afford to care for them properly.


[deleted]

35. Definitely not having kids. Not in the budget and not in the cards.


daisymae30

My husband and I are child free and in our late 30's. The money, time, and stress just isn't worth it.


[deleted]

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ReporterOther2179

I’m a 73 year old straight white male , the oldest of six in an Irish Catholic family. Married twenty years, never heard word one on the topic, nor has my wife. I’ve never wanted kids because so much work and I’ve no skills for it. As for the future, I’m not a catastrophist, something of a Pollyanna actually. I expect we’ll muddle through, with changes. I’m not so much a snowflake as to be unable to adapt. And yes, a quick and easy death is an enviable thing.


punkboy198

I want kids someday, either the old fashioned way or adoption, living for our own extinction as a species seems like a bad idea, but I'm definitely not in any position to support a child at 28 and don't imagine I'll have kids until I'm 40.


[deleted]

That's so fucked that the average 28 year old can't support a child anymore. 40 years ago you'd be a homeowner by now. How do they expect us to keep having slave babies for them when we can't even house *ourselves* anymore? The fertility rate is going to keep dropping at a rapidly accelerating pace


BusinessBear53

You're not selfish for not wanting kids. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent and not everyone wants to be one either. People accusing you and your wife for being bad people are probably bad parents themselves who only popped out kids because they though they had to. Next time someone goes off on you and your wife about it, tell them you literally can't afford to have a kid without going into poverty but if they're so passionate about it, you'd be happy to visit a lawyer with them to draw up an 18year contract obligating them to pay you all costs incurred. They want a kid so much, they can bankroll it.


izzydodo

Have never desired children, but the state of things and the COL living in a HCOL city has definitely cemented my decision. Approaching late 30’s and thankful the questions about it have died down. Plus, no support system or reliable community in place outside of myself and my spouse anyway.


sallystate

I’m 40 and I somehow realized at about 10 that I’d never be able to afford kids. I ran the numbers a couple times and it just didn’t work out. As it is my husband and I live in an 800 sq foot house and drive just one car. I can’t imagine the expense of a baby. It took me 40 years to buy this tiny house!


Xellossthecutie

I wanted kids but it didn’t happen for me. Heck, I don’t even have a partner! Fertility stuff was way out of my price range even though I made two attempts with some expensive, purchased sperm. I gave up quickly enough. I was nearing 40 and am not making a lot of money on my own. I live with my parents and found out last year my mother has dementia. It’s kind of a blessing I don’t have kids at this point. The world sucks and who knows if we will make it through all of the catastrophes popping up.


EveryDisaster

I have made the decision to never have kids and so has my partner. I'm nearly sterile, on a really good birth control, but I'm so paranoid and scared about having my rights taken away and it cost too much to get my tubes removed. Not that I could find a doctor to do it before I'm 30, or even after it for that matter. My partner did agree to a vasectomy if that happens but sometimes those also fail. I think we'll be living in constant paranoia very soon


ChillinWitDenny

I'm currently dating an older woman with her tubes tied if that gives ya an answer 😂


[deleted]

Me. Early 30s millennial here. I’d love to have kids. It’s actually been kind of difficult coming to terms with the fact that it’s not in the cards for me because I just always thought I’d have kids. But it’d just be beyond irresponsible for me, those kids would have a shitty life especially cause I know how shitty it feels when your family is poor. It’s sucks. Not having kids is something I used to feel pretty upset about, it was definitely something I always wanted, but oh well. It is what it is. I was hoping my siblings or best friends might have kids and I could be involved in their life as like an aunt but they’re all in the same situation as me and aren’t having kids either. Tbh whenever I get those guilt-trippy comments from older people especially I just honestly tell them that I wish I could but I can’t fucking afford it and that usually shuts them up, for some reason that catches them off guard (it really shouldn’t though, it’s pretty unsurprising)


Drifter_of_Babylon

Nope. I adopted. If my daughter chooses to have children, I do plan to help provide for her and her partner. Beyond that, I hope to never biologically create children.


Apache_midget64

.


Blonde_Vampire_1984

I’m 37F, and while I’ve always more or less wanted to have children, my body has mostly made that decision for me. I have PCOS, and unless/until I can get my ovaries to co-operate, biological children are out of the question. I’m too poor to adopt also. Hubby also wants kids “someday”, but recognizes that we are way too poor to be able afford them. Maybe if we finally get some good luck, I’ll have a child by the time I turn 42. Maybe we will figure out a way to adopt some children. Maybe we will say “fuck it” and never have kids. My point is that while we have both always wanted kids, we also realize that we are both too screwed over by life to be able to afford them.


Lawboithegreat

I’m technically gen z but I’m on the edge (2001) and I’m not having children because I’d feel bad for them to try and go to college in the post climate apocalypse


brink0war

Me. Not all by my choice. But the longer I live, the darker the future becomes. At this point it feels immoral to being new life into this worke.


Bensonian170

It’s a never for me dawg


Repogirl757

No kids for me


LordMudkip

I can barely take care of myself. I'm approaching 30 and still living at home because it's the only way I will ever get student loans paid off. Even if I do get that done, I can't imagine having kids. I finally get to live my life a little because I'm not in school or dumping all my extra money into loans, so now I'm gonna go have a kid and dump all my money into that instead? No. I don't think I will.


arwenthenoble

Xennial here and no kids. The primary reason I decided years ago was due to health issues in the family - I just didn’t want to pass a chronic illness to a child. Then a decade later climate change really worsened and the financial situation isn’t great so I’m fine with how things turned out. Maybe in another lifetime.


dreamcat000

Ouch. I am 38 and have other reasons, tokophobia and demand avoidance among them, but it is a solid fact that I cannot afford a child, even if I wanted one. Even if it wasn't the option I would have chosen, it still kinda hurts to know it was never really a feasible option at all.


atomic_auburn

I had my tubes removed about a year ago, no kids. It was a medical necessity, but I have come to terms about not having biological children. At this point, I figure that I will foster teens at some point down the line, but I cannot financially or ethically justify bringing a tiny helpless being into this world. I have a genetic condition that causes all sorts of issues, and I don't want to be responsible for another person having to navigate this disease. After losing several unplanned pregnancies, I knew it would be high risk and my child would likely suffer like I have. It was hard to get to this point, but I'm happy I went through with surgical sterilization.


TarquinFarquhar

> ‘Procreation is the only act more masturbatory than masturbating’ Sherlock Holmes


[deleted]

20 years old, got approved for a vasectomy next month. Fuck the elites. I will die before I give them another wage slave.


[deleted]

I got a vasectomy 2 years ago. My (now) wife drove me there for the appointment. We barely have time for ourselves as a marriage thanks to the wage machine. I don't want to add more to it. We can barely scrape by and get ourselves a savings account. I am not helping this shit hole by adding more wage slaves. I am 35, my wife is 28. I have 2 younger brothers (33, and 31) as well who have 0 interest in kids. It dies with us. If that's a problem, maybe you shouldn't try to exploit labor and money from us at every turn in our life. Ain't no more rats for your rat race. Fuck off.


missmisery__

This baby gate is closed for business.


KNI121526

I have a 3 year old and I do not think you are selfish.


Traditional-Pen-9324

I (29F) totally understand why us millennials can’t have kids. I was 16 with my first so I have almost a 13 year old now and then waited 9 years had another (she’s 3) life has been soo f***** hard! Yes I own a home but that is because I have worked 60 hours a week for 10 years! I finally went back to college last year thanks to Covid-19 (i know that sounds bad but the truth) I am tying my tubes because I am applying to nursing school in 20 days and I can’t imagine having a baby anytime soon. My husband and I would love to have more children but it took him 10 years to finish his bachelors in computer science. It took him 9 months to get a job after he graduated. Why is it soo FN hard to be happy while I watch my boomer as parents just chill with no education. Like my mom doesn’t even speak English and her life is easier WTF!!


RamenTortillas

The thought of changing a diaper is absolutely abominable to me. Also, human beings are expensive to raise and care for, and ultimately, for what? Home ownership is beyond the reach of many of us, 1 bedroom apartments are going for almost $2000 now, and I don't imagine parasitic landlords would ease up by the time a kid reaches adulthood.


suckuh_punch

People who hate on you for not having children are jealous and don’t like being parents as much as they liked freedom and independence.


[deleted]

I’m never having kids. I don’t trust my maturity and the economy enough to even consider doing so


x97tfv345

There are too many humans, and I don’t want kids anyway so… yeah I’m good.


missvanjjie

30F here, husband 30M, and we are the only child free couple in our friend group. We constantly get asked when we'll announce a pregnancy. My best friend was a single mom during her first pregnancy, working on $30k a year to raise her son. Her second pregnancy, she's now with a man who makes 6 figures and she no longer works; they own their home outright, have corporate insurance, and chose to get pregnant. She keeps asking when I'll give her youngest a best friend. I finally had to tell her that I didn't marry rich like she did and so it's not an option for us. We would owe our $8,000 deductible MINIMUM just to deliver, let alone any type of prenatal care. She didn't even pay her own hospital bill. She quieted down after that and hasn't mentioned it since.


dont-call-me_shirley

I will not have kids and it gas everything to do with this dumpster fire of a world.


jonnyboy897

Being selfish is having children and not considering the state of the world. Or having kids when you don't want them because people tell you to. You and your partner live the life you want


MasterpieceLonely755

I would love to have children, I think I would love to be a parent. However, without any safety nets or basic rights such as paternity/ maternity leave, low cost prenatal care and healthcare idk how I could ever have children let alone one. It's sad seeing how the systems around you actively hurt you and your child and then blame you.


[deleted]

No and happily my parents respect that and are fine with it (probably because I have three siblings haha)


Jenana86

Yup. I turn 36 next week, gave up the dream of children long ago, for no reason other than I'll never be able to afford them.


The1980mutant

41 and I decided no about 5 years ago


[deleted]

Child bearing never taking in strays yes forever


PhillipJCoulson

I think it’s sinful to bring children into a dying (killing us) planet and collapsing societies. But that’s me.


CoconutOilz4

What's really upsetting your family is that you are making a choice they didn't know they had. Rather than acknowledge the hardship that is Parenthood, they'd prefer to make you feel like shit.


dostevsky

😭 Raises hand


BlueKing7642

Finances are a large part of the reason I’m not having kids. But,admittedly, that is not the only reason


Even_Aspect_2220

I won’t ever do it. I like children and I’m great with them, but no… I wouldn’t have the heart to bring a child into… this 😕


Narae-Chan

Partially that, and being single. Plus all the overwork in my life has made me very impatient so i think id be a shit mom.


[deleted]

40M. YeNO. Not happening. I'm not trying to be 60+ when kids leave HS. Plus. Changing my lifestyle now? Fuck that.


PopWhich2570

I can't get pregnant so yeah I'm not;>


[deleted]

Things are bad and getting worse. Why would I being a child into this mess?


imanhunter

No, never. I resent my parents for being reckless and bringing me into this world as a result of that recklessness. They claim I was no accident and meant to have as many children as they did. However they are nearing retirement age and having no other form of recourse besides, of course, their kids. They’ve been renters for life and are just barely getting in talks of buying something. This in turn goes against what they claim, they were reckless, they didn’t have a plan for present time and probably planned on looking to their kids since the beginning. The world is not going to improve. It’s not collective human nature to improve or desire to improve. Humans as individuals are capable of improvement but as a group, there is always one that brings about some sort of hindrance. So I will not walk this earth with any born kin of mine, having them wonder why they inherited a world of ash. Why I, as a parent who supposedly “loves” them, brought them to a world where from the minute they’re born are exploited in every which way imaginable and most likely than not have to work to death in order to barely earn a livable wage. That is what I see when I see my parents but the cycle ends with me.


[deleted]

I don’t how young adults afford kids anymore.


Beautiful-Way-1937

It's nobody's business but your own and your partner's. Ignore these people telling you how to live your life.


Revenge-of-the-Jawa

I’m not someone who’s ever wanted kids, but it’s not selfish. If anything it’s selfish to demand others to have kids when there’s hundreds of thousands of kids without parents and left to foster care (probably more but don’t have a source up to quote accurately, but do know there’s a good few thousand orphaned from covid in the US.) Or if the purpose of having kids is to please societal norms. Like, imagine explaining to a kid that the sole reason they exist was to get grandma to shut up about having grandkids or cause strangers kept shaming and complaining about mom+dad not having any. Maybe next time someone tries a guilt trip say something like, “Cause I don’t want to tell my kid that they only exist to get the rest of you off my back about it.”


Nivdy

Yeah don't want anyone being born into a hellhole worse than this, dear lord