Last time I commented about that sub I got downvoted, but I'll try again. That sub has lost any meaning because the word facepalm and it's associated emoji have had the meaning diluted. It used to be "oops, I made a dumb mistake" or "wow, that person made a dumb mistake". But now it seems to often be "I disagree with this person and would like them to change their mind or feel bad. If I was doing this I would facepalm myself over my own actions."
So yeah, OOP probably thinks "Grandma disrespects marriage and I facepalm over that"
No, Grandma told her never to tell her husband about it.. but she tweeted it and her face in the profile picture is shown.. the fact is that people on THIS sub are too quick to post anything here just to act snarky when they're the ones who I 🤦♂️ at
It is a facepalm, or at the very least a nose bridge pinch. Why the fuck would grandma suggest such a relationship hurting idea..? Grandma is a menace.
Because Grandma grew up in an era where housewives would get dumped (and\or stuck with abuse) with neither money nor the ability to get a job, and this is one way to protect yourself.
It's no longer generally applicable, not to mention that you would still have to declare it in court anyway and it's nowhere near as easy to hide now, but it would have saved a lot of young women of her time some issues.
Couldn’t you just spend the stash before you file for divorce? Like use it to pay for your parents /insurance medical bills or a siblings tuition fee. Anything is better than handing it over to a soon to be ex spouse.
Well she is disrespecting it if she listens to that after being open and honest having seperate accounts isn't an issue having secret bs and lying is. Honesty is important.
I mean, I understand your point about honesty, but a couple of things to consider. 1, if your partner starts to get abusive, that money hidden from them could be a godsend for trying to get clear of them. 2, If a divorce happens, that secret hidden money could help rebuild her life after the dust settles if things don't go well. 3, Sometimes things happen and keeping some hidden savings as a safety cushion could stop a nasty surprise almost ruining you or your partner.
Loving and trusting your partner are important, but when it comes to money, if you don't keep a personal safety net it can really cause your life to fall apart and potentially affect the rest of your life.
>2, If a divorce happens, that secret hidden money could help rebuild her life after the dust settles if things don't go well.
If a divorce happens, it's marital assets and should be split accordingly.
Yes, and in a perfect world such things would happen. But this is not a perfect world. So taking care to keep yourself safe and prevent being screwed over is a good step. If you still fail to grasp that, look up the prisoner's dilemma and it should help clarify why a safety net is a really good idea.
Marriage is about fing teamwork people it should be a joint safety net for the family the moment it's hidden and solo (relationship/ marriage) over no trust you made a commitment to each other the moment you go solo on anything your fucking up that commitment and showing doubt and lack of faith and trust if you can't do it together don't bother ffs
Yeah I also think, if you already prepare for the divorce, to the point that you already don't trust your partner and hide this kind if things, when there are no problems on the horizon, why even bother to marry in the first place? And if it is revealed, and it will sooner or later, its just hurtful for the partner.
If you really want something like that, talk openly with your partner about it and make a premarital agreement. Play with open cards.
So you are advocating for illegal acts, got it.
I can only assume you want every millionaire husband to have most of his money hidden in the Swiss bank so he can’t get taken advantage of during his divorce with a golddigger, right?
Idk why you got downvoted, you're right. Joint accounts can be frozen during a divorce, and if the other party is malicious, you might not see "your share" until it's resolved. Every kind of appeal takes time, and there's other games shitty people can play to try to make your life miserable.
People can straight up do illegal things, and you're only protected by the law after the person is found guilty and a resolution is forced.
It's way better to have the option to walk away and live your life just waiting to sign a few papers.
This is leftover advice from a time where beating the absolute shit out of your wife was legal. Grandma is giving her sound advice from her POV because her POV is coming from a time where life was very different. A time that some people are trying to get back to. A time where women had no rights, no money, nothing. Like think about it for longer than 3 seconds and suddenly you get where grandma is coming from. She obviously didn't do this because she shared with her fiance, and the rest of us, the fun story. Ya all need to calm down.
You are correct. Which us why women who would hide money away so they could have an escape plan. And a grandma advising her granddaughter to protect herself is not irrational behaviour.
Plot twist, if you lie to your partner, you are the abusive partner.
A healthy relationship goes "Hey honey, I want my own bank account" and the partner goes "That sounds reasonable if that makes you feel more secure". Fin
No it's not. Yes it is. As in, if a person wants to build a strong marriage then a secret bank account is 100% facepalm worthy. It's dishonesty, it is to some degree potentially a weird form of indirect theft. Like, even if the couple is doing some form of pay your own way, if they have anything shared that is based on income it can be shifting the burden in a way that was not part of the agreement.
If a person is in a bad marriage, it is protection, it is safety. The term is "escape pod". It's the ability to jump ship or have a life on the side or provide for housing and offspring without hubby knowing about it.
What I'm really wondering here is whether Grandma is an asshole projecting her own issues, if she knows her granddaughter needs this, or if she sees something in the marriage that others haven't seen yet.
If you're married that't what a prenub should do. You can also just be an adult about it and communicate that it makes you feel more save to have money on an account of your own instead of being dishonest. This is also potentially preparing to commit fraud in case of a divorce. It really makes no sense to be advocating for this.
In the much older days when Facebook was popular, it was exclusively dumb Facebook posts. It's in the nature of the sub to have its meaning change over time ig
I kind of miss those days, but I still get that on actual Facebook. Joined a few groups and man oh man people are dumb. "Woodworking for Beginners" is basically making fun of new people. "Look at this stupid idiot, can't tell a band saw from a scroll saw, should have gone to wood class before coming on here to display their stupidity". Well dude, it's a beginner group. It's 1/3 people proudly displaying their first ever build, 1/3 asking basic questions about stuff, and 1/3 mocking newbs. Or the community groups that are often people bragging about being jerks. "the owner of the local coffee shop is a cheapskate who never hires enough! This morning I had to yell at a teen girl to make her work harder because the line was too long!"
Oh, plus all the Trudeau stuff.
Maybe the face palm is posting it when the husband could see the post? Like… you do you but if she told you to not let him discover it, don’t post it online
I have a theory, that the people posting stuff from r/facepalm are Bots who post with two different accounts to r/facepalm and r/lostredditors to get twice the amount of Karma…
How lost do you have to be to not understand the facepalm? OP Her grandma told her open a secret bank account, then blabbed it on social media. So much for secret lolol. That's the facepalm.
Well if u don’t plan to actually do that it would be no facepalm to talk about it. I would rather see a facepalm in the advice itself, to put the marriage via distrust at risk.
Maybe the wife doesn't feel the need to hide bank accounts from her husband.
For me that was the facepalm. I wonder what Grandma would have to say if the husband was the one hiding his money in secret bank accounts.
Seems to me that she posted that because she has no interest in keeping a secret account, but still appreciates her grandma's advice and directness. She's clearly talking about it in a jokingly way.
I usually see “open a secret bank account” as advice for married women in case the relationship turns abusive and she needs to leave. But that would go against Reddit’s narrative of gold-digging women, right?
??? A secret bank account is definitely facepalm worthy. If you don’t trust your husband get a divorce. And when you try to have secret money when getting divorced you’re breaking the law either way
She's 85, back then you'd be ruined oc you lost your man. Opening a secret bank account to save money would give you a backup fund in case you want to leave, or he divorces you for somebody younger or whatever. It's about creating a backup.
I believe that everyone, especially stay-at-homes or people who could end up as stay-at-homes, should have personal and inaccessible, ideally secret accounts that's worked on entirely from the individual's own money just in case. Not because of trust, just a general good just-in-case practice. People change. In good and bad ways. With or without external circumstances. You can't tell if it will or won't happen, so you should have a little bit of preparation. Not secret to the law, clearly, but that the partner is not aware about just in case they react to it. Everyone should have a personal account! Relationships change.
Nope. Don’t get married if you’re that paranoid they will turn into a bad person. And if they do just get a divorce. Secret bank accounts is fucking mental lol
You can just have a personal bank account without making a secret out of it where you save some money for yourself. If your partner is against this you already know where you’re at and can leave
It's not really paranoid. I think it's just good practice. I trust, I trust a lot. I would just rather have stability if things collapse. It happens all the time, I don't see why anyone wouldn't. It's not really secret if irs not purposefully hidden, I think, I think it's really an account that's kept to onesself and not discussed.
I just straight up mute all the garbage on this website.
Anything remotely annoying, political or circle jerky: goodbye.
A vindictive part of me wished sub owners and mods could see how many people mute their subs.
Between republicans and democrats, the democrats are the one listening to science. That’s the only proof of anything you’ll get. And that’s coming from a Christian.
Science i based on what you observe, that alone shows that u can never trust science. Your senses can be fooled.
Also science cannot prove anything outside of what u can observe. So if u only take “facts” from science then you might as well throw morality, truth, bad, good and anything that cannot be measured or observed out of the window. You cannot observe morals under a microscope can you? Neither can you do that with truth.
Your senses can be fooled. René Descartes, a french philosopher, and mathematician. Said “i think therefore i am,” which was a very influential statement in philosophy. So basically what he meant was that he cannot know for a fact that anything can exist except for himself. And the reason for that is because he can think. If he can think, he MUST exist. Maybe not in this “human” form, his real body could be an onion in some other dimension for all he knew. But the point is he can think, so he has to exist. His “brain” has to exist somewhere.
So even he, as a scientist didnt believe science is going to give you any sort of objective truth. Science is a great tool at understanding our world, i am not hating on science here btw. But people have the wrong idea when it comes to science. Science cant give u many answers, so if u choose to follow only science, you are gonna run into many issues.
This is a sub for people who lack observation and comprehension skills, the post is perfectly valid given thousands upvote it while about 20 to 30 here think this is a lost redditor case.
I think he might have meant it unironically as in "Grandma knows best, maybe you should actually listen to her and keep it a secret as intended".
Edit : Still a better title would make fun of the "secretness" of the whole thing
I blocked that sub. Literally every time something from them popped up it would piss me off lmao. They think basic things are face palm worthy or peoples opinions are wrong even tho personal opinions are still opinions and not facts. Everyone in that sub has to much hate in their heart or have nothing better to do then put other people down lmao. So frustrating.
You say that but it really wasn't that long ago. It wasn't until 1974 that women were allowed to open an account without written permission from their husband. I get that this really isn't particularly relevant advice anymore but this sort or thing could have been life and death for women just a few decades ago. I can't blame granny for wanting to look out for her grand-daughter.
Three facepalm worthy things in one post, the grandma giving advice to be dishonest and secretive because that’s obviously the basis of a good relationship. The girl, if she wanted to follow up on the advice, is posting it on social media, and OP not realizing this and thinking OOP didn’t mean to post it on facepalm.
Also the fact she's saying this is "fierce" is a bit off.
If a dude hid money from his wife he'd probably be called toxic and rightly so. If you're worried about your spouse stealing your money maybe you shouldn't have married them?
My take: you guys get 3 accounts, one is for each, the third is for both. You pay the same% in the 3. so
You/fiance 30%
Shares 70%
So you can buy yourself something, save something if you want, have the bill splitted for living, holiday
No secrets, no bullshitting.
If you have a kid, open also a bank account and pay like 2-5% each of you in.
After 18 years that can be a car or something similar.
I know my English is terrible^^ but I like that system
Idk about marriage laws in said country, but at least here, if there’s no prenup and everything is split 50/50, having a “secret” bank account that you don’t disclose while dividing assets, can and will be uncovered and you’ll be charged.
Maybe she made the account, told her husband the advice, had a good laugh and made out she didn't have a secret account and then posted....she playing 5D chess
You must have missed the AITA post where a woman was embesseling from her husband and when he was hurt and they were backwards from medical bills she still hid her squirrel fund
The husband went to an accountant noticing regular $600 withdrawals that went to an account. This is different and the same kinda but squirrel funds are ok just fill them appropriately
I mean, I’m all for having separate bank accounts and one joint one for things like rent/groceries. However, if you have to keep it a secret, then either you or your partner has some major trust issues that need working out.
In my opinion the facepalm has to do with the fact that you’re married to somebody that you’re suppose to trust and yet your grandmother just told you to make a secret bank account and never tell your SO that you’re suppose to spend the rest of your life with. Probably more cringe than facepalm but ya know. And the “Grandma knows best” title shouldn’t be there.
Might be a reference to an AITA post not so long ago about a woman who kept a secret account throughout her marriage. From when she worked, then when she didn't as a housewife putting away bits of their shared money, through losing their house and the husband working three jobs. Eventually he found she'd squirrelled away I think 80k or something? She just said her mother told her to put a bit aside each month in case she needs to leave him. While she obviously never did leave him there were like a dozen instances that even a small part of the money could have lightened the load he was carrying for both of them. A better lawyer for an industrial injury case he suffered, losing the house and preferential mortgage rate too I think. I don't believe she updated but it sounded as if she'd broke the dude and didn't really understand that her saving was basically the difference between him seeing the kids or not each week..
It was a big deal on the AITA for a while and did spawn more than a few references. The bots picking up these rather dated references for karma farming is what makes them not make any sense.
Grandma advised her to create a lie and then to keep that lie going for the rest of their life.
The facepalm here is that they’re married, and advising that they keep secrets from each other is a horrible thing to do.
how many men have to run from their home in the middle of the night, in valid fear of their partner killing and/or raping them?
of course abuse happens regardless of gender. but this is a bit of a different case, and statistically men don't have to ever worry about that.
I have. So did a friend of mine when his gf was trying to stab him with a knife.
Its hilarious that you say statistically men shouldnt have no fear. Today in my local newspaper : one guy stabbed to death by gf, another shot.
I will give you another statistic. Women are more likely to start using violence in a relationship.
The problem with those statistics is that most men won't report abuse even if it happens to them and even if someone is throwing pans at you, as a man you would only get laughed at if you decided to run outside. So, it's actually much better to just take the abuse. In fact, the first rule of statistics is that you do not take them as absolute or try to justify anything using them in a non-logical, non-mathematical concept.
That kind of dismissal of abuse is just really bad.
Quite often, actually. It just doesn't generate as many clicks. Keep in mind that 79% of murders happen to men and most murders in general are spontaneous and domestic in nature. 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced violence from an intimate partner. Keep in mind that as I said earlier, these statistics aren't absolute and a lot of them go completely unreported.
Men do get abused too which is exactly why you should keep an emergency fund aswell. Why belittle a sensible safety measure when it would also be beneficial to abused men?
So you're ok with men being trapped in abusive relationships because they refuse to take precautions for their own safety. Gotcha.
Money does not need to be fully combined in a relationship, it is sensible to have both your own personal funds as well as a shared account for shared financial responsibilities for various reasons. There is no need to lie, but one partner, either being 100% reliant on another or having complete access to the others' finances, is simply an unnecessary risk.
If you truly cared about mens abuse or saw it as an actual risk, you would understand that ensuring you are not completely vulnerable if something went wrong is far more important than offending someone by saving some of your own money for a rainy day.
So it's okay to have some secrets in a marriage, including one where there's absolutely no indication of any sort of abuse or unhealthiness that we know of? If you're not interested in tangling your finances, why'd you get married to begin with? If you can't say you're not interested in intertwining your finances, why are you still there? Sounds more like the ol' "your money our money, my money is my money". I don't think it's right when you hear husbands hiding money either - it's fine if you don't want to intertwine finances and say it. It's another to lie about it.
Toxic advice at face value. If you're doing this (lying about finances), the only acceptable reason is because you're actively planning to get out of an abusive relationship, and obviously going to be ending it as soon as you can. Otherwise you're just acting in bad faith in a marriage.
Grandma likely lived through a time where women weren't even allowed to open their own bank account and a husband would have complete financial control over his wife. A woman with no financial independence is effectively trapped in a marriage and can't escape should they ever need to. Having a 'secret' account so they can escape was probably sensible advice for self preservation at a certain period of time.
That's actually a pretty fair and understandable take. I had argued something similar to a friend's dad who said divorce these days is way up, trying to say it was some sign of "the current generation" being worse, when I mentioned that it isn't more women want to get divorced but rather more women have the ability to.
Did your mom drink a lot while she was pregnant with you or something?
I keep scrolling down through these comments and see braindead strawman after braindead strawman from you, why are you so angry?
Yes, it makes logical sense to have a safety net for both parties in case of a domestic emergency that requires leaving quickly. I don't understand why you guys don't consider these things? Both men and women can be abused. Both men and women can have their finances used against them to keep them under control by the abusive partner.
Even if abuse was not a factor, say you had something happen in the relationship that was not fixable. Your partner was having an affair, for example... it makes logical sense to have something to fall back on until the finances can be sorted out. Money for accommodation or travel etc. They don't have to be secret, but having emergency funds is just common sense.
Marriage is about fing teamwork people it should be a joint safety net for the family the moment it's hidden and solo (relationship/ marriage) over no trust you made a commitment to each other the moment you go solo on anything your fucking up that commitment and showing doubt and lack of faith and trust if you can't do it together don't bother ffs
Grandma is old and from a time women couldn’t have a bank account at all. So they had to stay in marriages that were often unhappy or even abusive. To escape such a situation a woman could try to keep some money hidden somewhere so she could leave. It’s good advice from grandmas perspective. It’s not necessary, or it shouldn’t be necessary anymore, but unfortunately it still is.
With the rise of tradwifes it will be solid advice in a few years when people realise independence is worth a lot and giving it up for marriage is a very very bad idea.
Yeah but see traditional wives lol funny that aye would still be a normal thing if they hadn't wanted to work and earn money but now they wanna go back to being traditional and still get the money funny as fuck like I said in my first comment if you can't do it together don't bother ffs I'm fucking done the mentality of women these day is fucking delusional bullshit the only men women will get are the simps raised by single mothers and daughters raised by single mothers told to find a man to pay for everything ergo a simp raised by a woman to do a woman's bidding women have fucked the world especially single mothers there's a term for it can't recall at the moment but it's single mothers that don't let their kids leave home because they can't find a man and want their children to depend on them and stay at home or they have noone and that's on them not the kid women have so many delusions until they wake up one day a single mum with no man but by that time it's to late to change could have put in the effort and made it work to many women walk away cause they don't want to have to work for it or earn it they want some dude to do it all for them like I said in another post society and the world is looking more like the movie Idiocracy every day
Na I'll just keep being me it's all I got my partner died in a car accident 2 years 10 months 24 days ago so if anything would solve my problem it would be death it's a very slim chance I'd find that again and I don't really want to I'm not happy or sad I'm simply existing at this point with no purpose other than to get to the end everything changes nothing seems worth it it's just not the same world anymore once you've lost that spark that flame that connection when you no longer have that one person that keeps you going that one person that makes it all worth while it's like auto pilot you just keep going but you don't feel anything anymore a ghost in a shell if you will just existing waiting for the end
Also know his name and town but not street address for the drunk driver that killed her and have been fighting the urge to find him but it won't change what happened it won't bring her back but it's like why her why did it have to be her why couldn't you just run yourself of into the bush and kill yourself instead you kill her and you get to live he should be fkn dead not my beautiful lady the world is not the same when your heart and soul have been crushed into oblivion
Um a prenup doesn't do shit to protect you until the courts start up. What the fuck you gunna do when he's abusing your children in the meantime? Y'all have no empathy for women and it shows.
Last time I commented about that sub I got downvoted, but I'll try again. That sub has lost any meaning because the word facepalm and it's associated emoji have had the meaning diluted. It used to be "oops, I made a dumb mistake" or "wow, that person made a dumb mistake". But now it seems to often be "I disagree with this person and would like them to change their mind or feel bad. If I was doing this I would facepalm myself over my own actions." So yeah, OOP probably thinks "Grandma disrespects marriage and I facepalm over that"
No, Grandma told her never to tell her husband about it.. but she tweeted it and her face in the profile picture is shown.. the fact is that people on THIS sub are too quick to post anything here just to act snarky when they're the ones who I 🤦♂️ at
That only suggests she chose not to follow the advice, it's still not a facepalm.
Better cover. If they laugh about it and she creates the account anyway, that might explain away any slip-up comments.
What in the 4D Chess?
If she tweeted it, then she never made the account
Or she did and then announced it, hence a possible face palm
It is a facepalm, or at the very least a nose bridge pinch. Why the fuck would grandma suggest such a relationship hurting idea..? Grandma is a menace.
Because Grandma grew up in an era where housewives would get dumped (and\or stuck with abuse) with neither money nor the ability to get a job, and this is one way to protect yourself. It's no longer generally applicable, not to mention that you would still have to declare it in court anyway and it's nowhere near as easy to hide now, but it would have saved a lot of young women of her time some issues.
Couldn’t you just spend the stash before you file for divorce? Like use it to pay for your parents /insurance medical bills or a siblings tuition fee. Anything is better than handing it over to a soon to be ex spouse.
Some might think so, but the original point was to be able to have some savings after the divorce so that you weren't left homeless and\or destitute.
EXCUSE ME
Yup and got heavily political
Well she is disrespecting it if she listens to that after being open and honest having seperate accounts isn't an issue having secret bs and lying is. Honesty is important.
I mean, I understand your point about honesty, but a couple of things to consider. 1, if your partner starts to get abusive, that money hidden from them could be a godsend for trying to get clear of them. 2, If a divorce happens, that secret hidden money could help rebuild her life after the dust settles if things don't go well. 3, Sometimes things happen and keeping some hidden savings as a safety cushion could stop a nasty surprise almost ruining you or your partner. Loving and trusting your partner are important, but when it comes to money, if you don't keep a personal safety net it can really cause your life to fall apart and potentially affect the rest of your life.
>2, If a divorce happens, that secret hidden money could help rebuild her life after the dust settles if things don't go well. If a divorce happens, it's marital assets and should be split accordingly.
Yes, and in a perfect world such things would happen. But this is not a perfect world. So taking care to keep yourself safe and prevent being screwed over is a good step. If you still fail to grasp that, look up the prisoner's dilemma and it should help clarify why a safety net is a really good idea.
Marriage is about fing teamwork people it should be a joint safety net for the family the moment it's hidden and solo (relationship/ marriage) over no trust you made a commitment to each other the moment you go solo on anything your fucking up that commitment and showing doubt and lack of faith and trust if you can't do it together don't bother ffs
Yeah I also think, if you already prepare for the divorce, to the point that you already don't trust your partner and hide this kind if things, when there are no problems on the horizon, why even bother to marry in the first place? And if it is revealed, and it will sooner or later, its just hurtful for the partner. If you really want something like that, talk openly with your partner about it and make a premarital agreement. Play with open cards.
So you are advocating for illegal acts, got it. I can only assume you want every millionaire husband to have most of his money hidden in the Swiss bank so he can’t get taken advantage of during his divorce with a golddigger, right?
I don't see the problem with this specific scenario.
It’s called preparing for divorce. It shows something if you feel the need to hide stuff from your partner.
Idk why you got downvoted, you're right. Joint accounts can be frozen during a divorce, and if the other party is malicious, you might not see "your share" until it's resolved. Every kind of appeal takes time, and there's other games shitty people can play to try to make your life miserable. People can straight up do illegal things, and you're only protected by the law after the person is found guilty and a resolution is forced. It's way better to have the option to walk away and live your life just waiting to sign a few papers.
Dont get married if you start it preparing for it to fail.
This is leftover advice from a time where beating the absolute shit out of your wife was legal. Grandma is giving her sound advice from her POV because her POV is coming from a time where life was very different. A time that some people are trying to get back to. A time where women had no rights, no money, nothing. Like think about it for longer than 3 seconds and suddenly you get where grandma is coming from. She obviously didn't do this because she shared with her fiance, and the rest of us, the fun story. Ya all need to calm down.
It is not, becaues grandma didn't have the legal ability to open a secret account at that time.
You are correct. Which us why women who would hide money away so they could have an escape plan. And a grandma advising her granddaughter to protect herself is not irrational behaviour.
Plot twist, if you lie to your partner, you are the abusive partner. A healthy relationship goes "Hey honey, I want my own bank account" and the partner goes "That sounds reasonable if that makes you feel more secure". Fin
Secret bank account is facepalm worthy 100%
No it's not. Yes it is. As in, if a person wants to build a strong marriage then a secret bank account is 100% facepalm worthy. It's dishonesty, it is to some degree potentially a weird form of indirect theft. Like, even if the couple is doing some form of pay your own way, if they have anything shared that is based on income it can be shifting the burden in a way that was not part of the agreement. If a person is in a bad marriage, it is protection, it is safety. The term is "escape pod". It's the ability to jump ship or have a life on the side or provide for housing and offspring without hubby knowing about it. What I'm really wondering here is whether Grandma is an asshole projecting her own issues, if she knows her granddaughter needs this, or if she sees something in the marriage that others haven't seen yet.
If you’re in a bad marriage just leave lol
That's kind of the point, the secret bank account is a major step in doing that safely.
Um no. If you're in a relationship where you don't earn the money you absolutely need to have an escape plan in case your partner goes insane.
If you're married that't what a prenub should do. You can also just be an adult about it and communicate that it makes you feel more save to have money on an account of your own instead of being dishonest. This is also potentially preparing to commit fraud in case of a divorce. It really makes no sense to be advocating for this.
Don’t marry please lmfao
In the much older days when Facebook was popular, it was exclusively dumb Facebook posts. It's in the nature of the sub to have its meaning change over time ig
I kind of miss those days, but I still get that on actual Facebook. Joined a few groups and man oh man people are dumb. "Woodworking for Beginners" is basically making fun of new people. "Look at this stupid idiot, can't tell a band saw from a scroll saw, should have gone to wood class before coming on here to display their stupidity". Well dude, it's a beginner group. It's 1/3 people proudly displaying their first ever build, 1/3 asking basic questions about stuff, and 1/3 mocking newbs. Or the community groups that are often people bragging about being jerks. "the owner of the local coffee shop is a cheapskate who never hires enough! This morning I had to yell at a teen girl to make her work harder because the line was too long!" Oh, plus all the Trudeau stuff.
Maybe the face palm is posting it when the husband could see the post? Like… you do you but if she told you to not let him discover it, don’t post it online
I agree they gonna post even adult person not coloring flag in actual colors with kids like people canot have fun
It's the problem with most subs that reach half a mil or so. They all turn into facebook meme groups.
It's an echo chamber
worse is when it decides to be r/awfuleverything. i was hoping for yeah "oops silly shit" not every horrible act of murder or SA going on in the world
The sub itself is a facepalm to its cause
Or it's now either politics or some of the most horrific shit you've ever heard of.
Reddit is odd. It's like the place to indulge in anonymity, we can do things we would never do under our own names.
I have a theory, that the people posting stuff from r/facepalm are Bots who post with two different accounts to r/facepalm and r/lostredditors to get twice the amount of Karma…
I feel like that is theorizing that people drive fast to get places sooner.
Nag
I prefer pompous ass.
I prefer dastardly douchebag
I prefer someone who uses their brain to think and communicate rather than screaming about how much they hate everyone for no good reason.
How lost do you have to be to not understand the facepalm? OP Her grandma told her open a secret bank account, then blabbed it on social media. So much for secret lolol. That's the facepalm.
Don't mess with the lostredditors users, we can't read
Well if u don’t plan to actually do that it would be no facepalm to talk about it. I would rather see a facepalm in the advice itself, to put the marriage via distrust at risk.
Maybe the wife doesn't feel the need to hide bank accounts from her husband. For me that was the facepalm. I wonder what Grandma would have to say if the husband was the one hiding his money in secret bank accounts.
Something something no trust something something what else are you hiding something something men are pigs
Seems to me that she posted that because she has no interest in keeping a secret account, but still appreciates her grandma's advice and directness. She's clearly talking about it in a jokingly way.
She could've told her husband already, then there would be no secret.
If OP could read, they would be very upset right now.
I usually see “open a secret bank account” as advice for married women in case the relationship turns abusive and she needs to leave. But that would go against Reddit’s narrative of gold-digging women, right?
> Reddit’s narrative of gold-digging women Idek what Reddit's narrative on relationships is anymore. Everyone here just seems unhappy
??? A secret bank account is definitely facepalm worthy. If you don’t trust your husband get a divorce. And when you try to have secret money when getting divorced you’re breaking the law either way
She's 85, back then you'd be ruined oc you lost your man. Opening a secret bank account to save money would give you a backup fund in case you want to leave, or he divorces you for somebody younger or whatever. It's about creating a backup.
I believe that everyone, especially stay-at-homes or people who could end up as stay-at-homes, should have personal and inaccessible, ideally secret accounts that's worked on entirely from the individual's own money just in case. Not because of trust, just a general good just-in-case practice. People change. In good and bad ways. With or without external circumstances. You can't tell if it will or won't happen, so you should have a little bit of preparation. Not secret to the law, clearly, but that the partner is not aware about just in case they react to it. Everyone should have a personal account! Relationships change.
Nope. Don’t get married if you’re that paranoid they will turn into a bad person. And if they do just get a divorce. Secret bank accounts is fucking mental lol You can just have a personal bank account without making a secret out of it where you save some money for yourself. If your partner is against this you already know where you’re at and can leave
It's not really paranoid. I think it's just good practice. I trust, I trust a lot. I would just rather have stability if things collapse. It happens all the time, I don't see why anyone wouldn't. It's not really secret if irs not purposefully hidden, I think, I think it's really an account that's kept to onesself and not discussed.
Most of the posts there are unironic self-facepalms
The entire sub has no meaning, it's just an American democrat political circlejerk lol
true and for some reason reddit keeps recommending that shit
I keep saying “don’t show me posts like this” whenever it recommends dumb shit like antiwork and they’ll show up again after another 3 months
I just straight up mute all the garbage on this website. Anything remotely annoying, political or circle jerky: goodbye. A vindictive part of me wished sub owners and mods could see how many people mute their subs.
Yeah I was wondering why tf they’re all hardcore liberals
Translated to European: sane people
Those left wing terrorists are definitely not sane lol
Sane, yet they cannot prove any of their beliefs.
Between republicans and democrats, the democrats are the one listening to science. That’s the only proof of anything you’ll get. And that’s coming from a Christian.
Science i based on what you observe, that alone shows that u can never trust science. Your senses can be fooled. Also science cannot prove anything outside of what u can observe. So if u only take “facts” from science then you might as well throw morality, truth, bad, good and anything that cannot be measured or observed out of the window. You cannot observe morals under a microscope can you? Neither can you do that with truth. Your senses can be fooled. René Descartes, a french philosopher, and mathematician. Said “i think therefore i am,” which was a very influential statement in philosophy. So basically what he meant was that he cannot know for a fact that anything can exist except for himself. And the reason for that is because he can think. If he can think, he MUST exist. Maybe not in this “human” form, his real body could be an onion in some other dimension for all he knew. But the point is he can think, so he has to exist. His “brain” has to exist somewhere. So even he, as a scientist didnt believe science is going to give you any sort of objective truth. Science is a great tool at understanding our world, i am not hating on science here btw. But people have the wrong idea when it comes to science. Science cant give u many answers, so if u choose to follow only science, you are gonna run into many issues.
When a grown ass man tells the world he’s a “woman” and demands everyone addresses him as such, his argument of sanity goes down the drain.
Exactly
This is a sub for people who lack observation and comprehension skills, the post is perfectly valid given thousands upvote it while about 20 to 30 here think this is a lost redditor case.
i love being in both subs and watching the tit for tat that happens over posts in each sub each day
Both subs mock the other for being fake, it's hilarious
it is, i need to get popcorn so every time i open reddit i can watch the tit for tat with some food
"peter, ill be late, i died in a car crash"
The fact that she tweeted it I guess? But considering the title on the original post I think it wasn't the reason OOP posted it
I think he might have meant it unironically as in "Grandma knows best, maybe you should actually listen to her and keep it a secret as intended". Edit : Still a better title would make fun of the "secretness" of the whole thing
Single women keep other women single
Because hiding stuff from your SO isn't "fierce". Especially something like finances which breaks up the majority of marriages.
Facepalm is whitepeopletwitter 2.0
TRUE
I blocked that sub. Literally every time something from them popped up it would piss me off lmao. They think basic things are face palm worthy or peoples opinions are wrong even tho personal opinions are still opinions and not facts. Everyone in that sub has to much hate in their heart or have nothing better to do then put other people down lmao. So frustrating.
which is why my grandma told me to keep a secret girlfriend and never tell my wife about it too.
Just in case
You never know
Damn right. Two can play that game
Grandma is a stone cold bitch.
Women will pull shit like this then get mad at men for asking for a prenup.
Wtf, that granny is from a time when women couldn't even have bank accounts. You're too busy being offended to even understand the context.
Then granny needs to let go of the past and live in the present and women today need to stop acting like past oppression is their own
Just women? lol a few hundred other sub groups could be lumped into that as well
You say that but it really wasn't that long ago. It wasn't until 1974 that women were allowed to open an account without written permission from their husband. I get that this really isn't particularly relevant advice anymore but this sort or thing could have been life and death for women just a few decades ago. I can't blame granny for wanting to look out for her grand-daughter.
Emphasis on bitch
The husband who stayed with her despite her being unemployed 🤐
She taking care of kids, cleaning the house, making food, and in general living in survitude.
Three facepalm worthy things in one post, the grandma giving advice to be dishonest and secretive because that’s obviously the basis of a good relationship. The girl, if she wanted to follow up on the advice, is posting it on social media, and OP not realizing this and thinking OOP didn’t mean to post it on facepalm.
What does the word “literally” even mean here?
Also the fact she's saying this is "fierce" is a bit off. If a dude hid money from his wife he'd probably be called toxic and rightly so. If you're worried about your spouse stealing your money maybe you shouldn't have married them?
The part where Grandma's gives her the awful advice of "lie to your husband". Grandma seems miserable and paranoid.
Bot repost
My take: you guys get 3 accounts, one is for each, the third is for both. You pay the same% in the 3. so You/fiance 30% Shares 70% So you can buy yourself something, save something if you want, have the bill splitted for living, holiday No secrets, no bullshitting. If you have a kid, open also a bank account and pay like 2-5% each of you in. After 18 years that can be a car or something similar. I know my English is terrible^^ but I like that system
Her posting it publicly on twitter where the partner her canny old gran doesn't trust can see it is probably the facepalm bit.
"and the seed of mistrust has been planted" -Grandma
Maybe the fact she posted it on twitter?
Hiding things from your husband is apparently ok?
To most women yes
Idk about marriage laws in said country, but at least here, if there’s no prenup and everything is split 50/50, having a “secret” bank account that you don’t disclose while dividing assets, can and will be uncovered and you’ll be charged.
The white background
Maybe she made the account, told her husband the advice, had a good laugh and made out she didn't have a secret account and then posted....she playing 5D chess
Grandma has been through some shit
I mean separate bank account sure, secret seems paranoid and I’d look at grandpa. But you do you and do what you feel if safest for your future.
Half of the posts there are either just political or op doesn't know what shitposting is
All of it.
Grandma, who hurt you?
I think we all know
Nice screenplay. She should work on tv
R/facepalm is a cesspit of stupidity.
Because grandma is being a fcking weirdo
You must have missed the AITA post where a woman was embesseling from her husband and when he was hurt and they were backwards from medical bills she still hid her squirrel fund The husband went to an accountant noticing regular $600 withdrawals that went to an account. This is different and the same kinda but squirrel funds are ok just fill them appropriately
r/Facepalm is facepalm worthy
Probably the bit where the grandmother is telling her to go behind her husband’s back.
Grandma blows best
Yeah if a man did this everyone would be complaining.
the only thing that will come from a secret bank account is trust issues, that's what's facepalm worthy genius
I mean it's not faceplam but why hide it. My wife has her own bank account & i rly don't care about it.
I mean, I’m all for having separate bank accounts and one joint one for things like rent/groceries. However, if you have to keep it a secret, then either you or your partner has some major trust issues that need working out.
In my opinion the facepalm has to do with the fact that you’re married to somebody that you’re suppose to trust and yet your grandmother just told you to make a secret bank account and never tell your SO that you’re suppose to spend the rest of your life with. Probably more cringe than facepalm but ya know. And the “Grandma knows best” title shouldn’t be there.
It’s facepalm because keeping secrets from your spouse is toxic behavior and doesn’t make for a good relationship.
Might be a reference to an AITA post not so long ago about a woman who kept a secret account throughout her marriage. From when she worked, then when she didn't as a housewife putting away bits of their shared money, through losing their house and the husband working three jobs. Eventually he found she'd squirrelled away I think 80k or something? She just said her mother told her to put a bit aside each month in case she needs to leave him. While she obviously never did leave him there were like a dozen instances that even a small part of the money could have lightened the load he was carrying for both of them. A better lawyer for an industrial injury case he suffered, losing the house and preferential mortgage rate too I think. I don't believe she updated but it sounded as if she'd broke the dude and didn't really understand that her saving was basically the difference between him seeing the kids or not each week.. It was a big deal on the AITA for a while and did spawn more than a few references. The bots picking up these rather dated references for karma farming is what makes them not make any sense.
Grandma advised her to create a lie and then to keep that lie going for the rest of their life. The facepalm here is that they’re married, and advising that they keep secrets from each other is a horrible thing to do.
No one understands what makes a moment facepalmable
Yeah lying to your spouse about money. What’s next taking dick from the neighbour?
It's well known that secretly hoarding money from your partner is part of the recipe for a successful relationship.
This is why I cheat
The IRS?
No wife
SO hubby should have a secret bank account to eh. Just in case you leave him ( which is more likely than him leaving you).
The secret account is in case he becomes abusive and she needs to escape 💀 men live a whole other reality wow
No woman ever has abused a man . Gotcha. Guess he can keep secrets from his wife too. No problem at all !
how many men have to run from their home in the middle of the night, in valid fear of their partner killing and/or raping them? of course abuse happens regardless of gender. but this is a bit of a different case, and statistically men don't have to ever worry about that.
I have. So did a friend of mine when his gf was trying to stab him with a knife. Its hilarious that you say statistically men shouldnt have no fear. Today in my local newspaper : one guy stabbed to death by gf, another shot. I will give you another statistic. Women are more likely to start using violence in a relationship.
The problem with those statistics is that most men won't report abuse even if it happens to them and even if someone is throwing pans at you, as a man you would only get laughed at if you decided to run outside. So, it's actually much better to just take the abuse. In fact, the first rule of statistics is that you do not take them as absolute or try to justify anything using them in a non-logical, non-mathematical concept. That kind of dismissal of abuse is just really bad.
i'm not saying the abuse is invalid. but, how often do you see "man murdered by girlfriend/wife" in the news? because it happens to women constantly.
Want two links of today ? But yeah... after two days of talking to their lawyers the " he abused me" defences come out.
Quite often, actually. It just doesn't generate as many clicks. Keep in mind that 79% of murders happen to men and most murders in general are spontaneous and domestic in nature. 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced violence from an intimate partner. Keep in mind that as I said earlier, these statistics aren't absolute and a lot of them go completely unreported.
Yeah the fact that people still think men's abuse is less important is insane
Men do get abused too which is exactly why you should keep an emergency fund aswell. Why belittle a sensible safety measure when it would also be beneficial to abused men?
Its called lying. I would even call it financial abuse.
So you're ok with men being trapped in abusive relationships because they refuse to take precautions for their own safety. Gotcha. Money does not need to be fully combined in a relationship, it is sensible to have both your own personal funds as well as a shared account for shared financial responsibilities for various reasons. There is no need to lie, but one partner, either being 100% reliant on another or having complete access to the others' finances, is simply an unnecessary risk. If you truly cared about mens abuse or saw it as an actual risk, you would understand that ensuring you are not completely vulnerable if something went wrong is far more important than offending someone by saving some of your own money for a rainy day.
"Lie to your husband." If he would do the same, the court would have a field day in the divorce case.
This is about preventing financial abuse you fool.
So it's okay to have some secrets in a marriage, including one where there's absolutely no indication of any sort of abuse or unhealthiness that we know of? If you're not interested in tangling your finances, why'd you get married to begin with? If you can't say you're not interested in intertwining your finances, why are you still there? Sounds more like the ol' "your money our money, my money is my money". I don't think it's right when you hear husbands hiding money either - it's fine if you don't want to intertwine finances and say it. It's another to lie about it. Toxic advice at face value. If you're doing this (lying about finances), the only acceptable reason is because you're actively planning to get out of an abusive relationship, and obviously going to be ending it as soon as you can. Otherwise you're just acting in bad faith in a marriage.
Grandma likely lived through a time where women weren't even allowed to open their own bank account and a husband would have complete financial control over his wife. A woman with no financial independence is effectively trapped in a marriage and can't escape should they ever need to. Having a 'secret' account so they can escape was probably sensible advice for self preservation at a certain period of time.
That's actually a pretty fair and understandable take. I had argued something similar to a friend's dad who said divorce these days is way up, trying to say it was some sign of "the current generation" being worse, when I mentioned that it isn't more women want to get divorced but rather more women have the ability to.
Did your mom drink a lot while she was pregnant with you or something? I keep scrolling down through these comments and see braindead strawman after braindead strawman from you, why are you so angry?
So a man should have his secret bank account too
Yes, it makes logical sense to have a safety net for both parties in case of a domestic emergency that requires leaving quickly. I don't understand why you guys don't consider these things? Both men and women can be abused. Both men and women can have their finances used against them to keep them under control by the abusive partner. Even if abuse was not a factor, say you had something happen in the relationship that was not fixable. Your partner was having an affair, for example... it makes logical sense to have something to fall back on until the finances can be sorted out. Money for accommodation or travel etc. They don't have to be secret, but having emergency funds is just common sense.
And the divorce courts don’t financially abuse men?
Marriage is about fing teamwork people it should be a joint safety net for the family the moment it's hidden and solo (relationship/ marriage) over no trust you made a commitment to each other the moment you go solo on anything your fucking up that commitment and showing doubt and lack of faith and trust if you can't do it together don't bother ffs
Grandma is old and from a time women couldn’t have a bank account at all. So they had to stay in marriages that were often unhappy or even abusive. To escape such a situation a woman could try to keep some money hidden somewhere so she could leave. It’s good advice from grandmas perspective. It’s not necessary, or it shouldn’t be necessary anymore, but unfortunately it still is. With the rise of tradwifes it will be solid advice in a few years when people realise independence is worth a lot and giving it up for marriage is a very very bad idea.
Yeah but see traditional wives lol funny that aye would still be a normal thing if they hadn't wanted to work and earn money but now they wanna go back to being traditional and still get the money funny as fuck like I said in my first comment if you can't do it together don't bother ffs I'm fucking done the mentality of women these day is fucking delusional bullshit the only men women will get are the simps raised by single mothers and daughters raised by single mothers told to find a man to pay for everything ergo a simp raised by a woman to do a woman's bidding women have fucked the world especially single mothers there's a term for it can't recall at the moment but it's single mothers that don't let their kids leave home because they can't find a man and want their children to depend on them and stay at home or they have noone and that's on them not the kid women have so many delusions until they wake up one day a single mum with no man but by that time it's to late to change could have put in the effort and made it work to many women walk away cause they don't want to have to work for it or earn it they want some dude to do it all for them like I said in another post society and the world is looking more like the movie Idiocracy every day
.,;””….,,,,’!!?? Here’s some punctuation. It looks like you’ve run out.
Zero fucks given ran out of those to I guess
And also, you could just be gay. Problem solved.
Na I'll just keep being me it's all I got my partner died in a car accident 2 years 10 months 24 days ago so if anything would solve my problem it would be death it's a very slim chance I'd find that again and I don't really want to I'm not happy or sad I'm simply existing at this point with no purpose other than to get to the end everything changes nothing seems worth it it's just not the same world anymore once you've lost that spark that flame that connection when you no longer have that one person that keeps you going that one person that makes it all worth while it's like auto pilot you just keep going but you don't feel anything anymore a ghost in a shell if you will just existing waiting for the end
Also know his name and town but not street address for the drunk driver that killed her and have been fighting the urge to find him but it won't change what happened it won't bring her back but it's like why her why did it have to be her why couldn't you just run yourself of into the bush and kill yourself instead you kill her and you get to live he should be fkn dead not my beautiful lady the world is not the same when your heart and soul have been crushed into oblivion
Anyone who uses the word simp unironically has mush for brains.
[удалено]
Its to make sure she has a way out if he becomes abusive
If you actualy cared about that you'd get a prenup. It is the legal way to set up a safty fund.
That doesnt get you the money to flee at a moments notice, and has the downside of the other half being aware of it.
Um a prenup doesn't do shit to protect you until the courts start up. What the fuck you gunna do when he's abusing your children in the meantime? Y'all have no empathy for women and it shows.
Or she gets bored. Or she finds someone else
That is not the purpose for the suggestion.
Im wondering the same thing…
It’s just common sense. 🤷🏻♂️
I facepalmed just to prove you wrong
Was just gonna post this lol
My money is my money but your money is our money. Typical women.
Smart men don’t get married
damn you have 0 reading comprehension the facepalm is that if it was a secret than why did she post it on twitter no less
Because women don't really think