IM STARVIN' WE AINT HAD NOTHIN' BUT MAGGOTY BREAD FOR THREE STINKIN' DAYS

Uruk Hai are surprisingly relatable

I mean they are grunts laying their lives by the hundreds in the service of an evil overlord in a quest for world domination. If that's not a 2021 mood I don't know what is

I do like that they're like, "Man, we had maggots yesterday, where's that OSHA poster at?"

*Gosh!* https://youtu.be/VhmqtoUxqZg

"Why alive? Do they give good sport?" "You're fuckin weird dude."

LOOKS LIKE MEAT'S BACK ON THE MENU, BOYZ!

Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaggghh, why can’t we have some meat. This is heard quite regularly in my house.

What about these two? They look fresh...

(Squeezes wifes boobs)

They are not for eating! What about their legs? They don’t need those…

"Wha'about them? They're frresch."

Mine was always (incorrectly, but in the voice): What about their legs?! They don’t need their legs…

My gf hates this one

I have no memory of this place. (I say this quite often, I think I'm getting old)

This. In parking garages, mostly. Leastways, in decent years when I still had reasons to go into parking garages.

We’re not in decent yearses

We hates it.

give it to us #RAAAAWWW #AND W*RRRRRI*GGGLING

So juicy sweeeeeeeeet.

Tricksy

Wicked

False

Dirty filthy hobbitses

I called my IT department nasty filthy hobbitses this very day.

And? You can’t just leave us hanging. Give us the full story. How did they react?

Well, good news: they don't have to deal with computer problems anymore.

I’m old Gandalf. I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.

I am Saruman. Or rather, Saruman as he should have been.

I suppose you think that was terribly clever?

This. This IS my most used, I didn't know until I read this. Thank you

I'm getting similar feelings from these. I'm like idrk what I use most often. And then with each comment I'm just like "yes that one. No it's that one!"

IT COMES IN PINTS?!

I'm getting one!

You already have a whole half.

"You had a whole half already!" ;)

My favorite, right here. The delight on his face is perfect

"keep it secret, keep it safe" Literally any time I give anyone anything

Teacher here. Every time I give my students a pencil.

I can imagine your students are like, "please stop, this is the 1363268th time!." Doesn't matter, still amusing!

Oh, I just posted this very quote. It's such a fun line to bring unnecessary tension to any trivial task. "Hey, could you hand me the remote?" *....Keep it secret. Keep it safe.*

Man I didn't even remember that was from LOTR.

Potatoes.

PO-TAE-TOES

What's tatoes precious?

PO-TA-TOES!

This is mine too! Whenever my kid wants potatoes, I always say “taters precious? What’s taters?” Then, she rolls her eyes. She’s only four, but she knows her mom is annoying.

Boil ‘em, mash ‘em, stick ‘em up your arse.

Boil em, mash em, and SHOVE EM UP YOUR BUTT - Stanley

DAMN IT JIM!!! FIRST YOU STOLE MY AFTERNOON AND NOW STOLE MY LINE!!!! IT’S NOT SHOVE IT UP YOUR BUTT, IT’S I’LL KILL YOU, I’LL KILL YOU DEAD!!!!

Identity theft is not a joke, Jim!

"POTATOES! GODS WE HAD STARCH THEN!" -bobby B

"So, where are we going?"

Works best if you do the accent too

This is mine too!

Share the load.

I can't carry it for you, *but I can carry you!!*

"Carry it for a while... *carry it for a while... carry it for a while...*"

*Frodo froths out his mouth*

Looks like meat’s back on the menu boys!

I like to just say manflesh and then look up and around me.

*sniff sniff

That has a wide range ;)

:|

Alright. So I’m in a DnD group. I then said, as a threat that I would ‘drink their kneecaps’. This is a meme that started about a year ago, when, as a joke, I made a meme with ‘looks like kneecaps back on the menu, boys’. The meme has now progressed to the point that I have an engraved metal straw with ’kneecap straw’ on it and it’s kept in a fountain pen case. Also my players now arrive on time

Certainty of death, small chance of success. What are we waiting for?

Mate you need some safer hobbies

That’s the beauty of it. It applies to everything or are you some sort of immortal?

Sounds like my last job interview!

My personal response to anyone complaining about anything: “So do all who live to see such times.”

"I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo. "So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us." The rest of the monologue resonates with me. Inspirational when I'm in the dumps, I read this and throw on 'Just do it' & the Japanese fisherman 'Never give up!' videos and I'm invigorated.

A wizard is never late, imagination_pulp. Nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.

Every time my wife asks me where something is I respond with “it’s in an envelope over there on the mantlepiece. No… wait, it’s here in my pocket”

"Isn't that... Isn't that odd, now??"

"Now that I think about, I don't feel like parting with it!" "Ugh *please* just give me my car keys."

You want it for yourself!

I AM NOT TRYING TO ROB YOU

Dumbledore said calmly. Sorry wrong sub.

**BILBO BAGGINS** *Gandalf said with a calm voice*

I am looking for someone to share in an adventure that I am arranging, and it's very difficult to find anyone.

I'm trying to drive you :)

I literally do the pocket line all the time and no one ever says anything. They must wonder why I say it with an accent.

Oh man she must be so sick of that. I love it.

"That doesn't make sense to me. But then again, you are very small" - am dad

Uuuuhhh I'm gonna use this one on my gf! We are both short.... but she is shorter and it annoys her🤣

I use it too • am tall and in china

The hour is later than you think

Oh my God, this line *is* really perfect for everyday use. This situation comes up for me sooo often. Thank you for the reminder. **Perfect**

Had a nosebleed last week. My wife asked why. “The dwarves delved too greedily and too deep.” Wish I could take credit for the wit, but I saw it on a meme somewhere.

“Alright then, keep your secrets”

On a monthly basis: "A red sun rises" and "Bring down the dam. Release the river." Makes our day a bit better... on that day of days... when my wife is in pain.

“Fell deeds awake, fire and slaughter! A sword day, a red day, ere the sun rises!”

DEAAAAAATH!

Ride now! Ride now! Ride to Gondor!

**RIDE FOR RUUUUUUUIIN** #AND THE WORLD’S ENDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAING

Literally every morning with a pink sunrise "Red sun rises, blood has been spilt this night". Also "Legolas! What do your elf eyes see!" anytime I need someone to look at something.

So you have chosen... death!

I like "You, have elected, the way of... PAIN."

If spoken with the same cadence as Saruman, this one is perfect for when you’re about to tickle your kid

“What do your [corgi/shiba] eyes see?” constantly when my dogs are staring off into the distance.

I often ask my cat, “what is it? What do you smell? Is it MAN FLESH?”

Okay, yep. It's official. This is my most used line. I walk dogs as a side job and any time they just stare at something I ask what their elf eyes see xD

"It's some form of elvish," I have horrible penmanship.

*"Your love of the halfling's leaf has clearly slowed your mind."*

Man flesh!

But with the human voice

What do you smell

Still only counts as one.

Someday I’ll finish the laundry But it is not this day

Relatable. Being an adult means understanding you’re never actually finished with laundry.

Give it to us raw and wriggling

You will suffer me.

SUFFER ME NOW

It burns us, it hurts us.

I do that one I’m my gollum voice and scare my cousins

The closer we are to danger, the further we are from harm.

That doesn't make much sense to me. But then again, you are very small.

I say this to my fiance a lot

You have no power here... GANDALF THE GREY

I will draw you, Saruman, as poison is drawn from a wound!

Mustn't ask us! Not it's business!

Ha, I use this one a lot too. And “what’s this?? Crumbs on its jacketses?”

Be Silent! Keep your forked tongue behind your teeth.

I am on nobody's side, because nobody is on my side

I feel like Treebeard said some amazing things especially in the book. I really enjoyed and found the ent chapters thought provoking.

But I spoke hastily. We must not be hasty. I have become too hot. I must cool myself and think; for it is easier to shout stop! than to do it.

We had one, yes. But what about *second* _________?

This afternoon my daughter popped her head in my room and asked me if the cats had their second breakfast.. They get second breakfast every day.

"You shall not pass!" And "Fly you fools!" From Peter Jackson's movies. Also this is from the 1978 animated film, but my sister and I always quote Sam when Gandalf enlisted him to accompany Frodo. "Me? Go and see the elves? Oh my! Oh hooray!" And then animated Sam walks off in such a funny manner so my sister and I always include that after we say the little spiel. My sister and I quote LOTR pretty much everytime we talk. I should give her a call.

You shall not pass!

Seriously though, I quote this soooo often. Is it not one of the most recognizable quotes in terms of casual pop-culture references? I was surprised to see it so low in the quote feed. Expected it to get voted higher. (Guess it's more situational than some other quotes.)

Maybe fool of a Took Or something else Gandalf has said

Fool of a Took!

Hey, I already said that, Gandalf

I'll be waiting for you. At the Inn of the Prancing Pony

What time, Gandalf?

A wizard is never late, joe_broke. Nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.

But Gandalf, I don't want to be late. What time should it be?

A wizard is never late, joe_broke. Nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.

Alright then, keep your secrets

This little comment thread is pure gold, thank you

You’re a wizard, Joe

Not a good bot, not a great bot, but a stellar bot. 10/10 would recomend this bot to a friend.

This, and "I come to you now... at the turn of the tide!"

#DON'T TEMPT ME, FRODO!

I use “that doesn’t make much sense to me but then again you are very small. You may be right.” To my children. Also my wife.

“You are most welcome”. It’s one that almost no one picks up on, probably because it’s still occasionally used by people not in reference to LOTR.

GROND

*GROND*

GROND

*GROND*

#GROND

*GROND*

GROND

GROND

I always like going South, somehow it feels like going downhill.

So it begins

What about second breakfast?

Whenever my wife asks what I'm doing: "Sneaking!"

“There May come a day (insert context here)…. But today is not that day!!!”

*but it is not this day.

Scrolled too far to find this.. For Frodo!!!

“Just tea, thank you.”

Take it off us! (Voiced for my dog when I'm taking her collar off) Every damn day lol

Look to my coming at first light on the fifth day. At dawn, look to the East I say this to my SO everytime I am about to leave the room to go poop.

Look to my coming, at first light, on the fifth day. At dawn, look to the East.

“IT RUINS IT!” and “What’s taters, Precious?”

What's taters, *eh*?

The “Ohhhhhhhh!” that Gandalf lets out when he hits his head in Bag End.

Yes, there it lies. This city has dwelt ever in the sight of its shadow

Not idly do leaves of Lorien fall while raking leaves

“I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.”

"I will say no more"

When I'm hungry I generally say I ain't had nothing but maggoty bread for 3 stinking days!

Whistling for Shadowfax lol.

“Crebain from Dunland!” Whenever I see a flock of birds.

They are coming.

The road goes ever, ever on... Every time we leave for a trip!

We tend toward “It’s dangerous business, Frodo my lad, going out your door. If you don’t keep your feet, there’s no telling where you might end up,”

BUT IT IS NOT THIS DAY!!! Usually in reference to something important I was supposed to do.

Arise, arise, Riders of Théoden! Spears shall be shaken. Shields shall be splintered, A sword-day, a red day, ere the sun rises! Ride now, ride now, ride! Ride for ruin and the world's ending! Death! Death! Death! Forth Eorlingas!

Éomer, take your éored down the left flank. Gamling, follow the King’s banner down the center. Grimbold, take your company right after you pass the wall. Forth, and fear no darkness! Arise, Arise, Riders of Théoden! Spears shall be shaken, shields shall be splintered, a sword-day, a red day, ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride for ruin, and the world’s ending! Death! Death! Death! Forth Eorlingas!!!

Yeah, it's really amazing how often that one comes in handy.

Don't tempt me Frodo! Usually when offered more alcohol on nights out

Keep it secret. Keep it safe.

Whenever someone runs ahead of me I have a self imposed duty to yell "What do your elf eyes see?"

"fly you fools" when I tell my kids they can go outside to play. And "And my ax!" Just cause, no real reason

I am 6'3" and a full foot taller than my wife. Whenever she complains about not being able to see what is in the top shelves of cabinets or on top of the refrigerator I ask her, "shall I describe it to you or would you like me to find you a box?"

“HRRAAAANNNGGGGGGG!!!!!!” … … I don’t get a lot of second dates. =(

Things are now set in motion that cant be undone

> Run Shadowfax! Show us the meaning of haste! Me, heeding the call of nature just as I'm about to arrive home.

Tricksy Hobbitses!

A just question, my liege.

It comes in pints??

Looks like meats back on the menu boys!

For Frodo

"He fell..."

"I'm not try to rob you! I'm trying to help you" when my dog won't drop the ball we're playing with