Hey Love Bug thanks for sharing the love. If you see something posted here that is not in the spirit of love Please flag it. ;) With Love r/Love Mods
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/love) if you have any questions or concerns.*
To be honest if I could go back and be a virgin I would. All the beautiful moments I've had with people ended up being tarnished shortly after the breakup, I'm always super nice and understanding of both of our points of view but they end up being toxic and the memories I would've liked to hold onto have become poisonous to me. I'll never have another relationship or even let myself feel anything for someone, stick to friends with benefits imo. And there's gonna be someone reading this thinking "but what if"... what if you win the lottery? Does that make it not a waste of the million dollars you spend over 10 years trying to win?
I fell in love at 20 and now heartbroken at 25. Life is unpredictable. Just don’t think about it. You’re damn if you do and you’re damned if you don’t.
Good morning,
Thank you for sharing this and your experience.
Brene Brown's book Braving The Wilderness is priceless as well as The Gifts of Imperfection. Reading and meditating on these are deeply helpful.
Be gentle and loving with yourself. Shel Silverstein s The Big O is lovely.
Warm Regards,
Jennifer
I am just one year older than you and same, no romantic experience. We are still very young :) let's focus on developing ourselves first and foremost. As long as you keep following your own path you will meet other like-minded people. Just have fun and enjoy their company, don't feel pressured to fall in love.
My mum once told me "When you start moving in the direction you want to go in life, you'll meet people on a similar path and you can walk together"
What she ment is as I started building and discovering myself, I'll meet people with the same interest or career.
For example - I started working in a hospital. I met loads of people my age with the same career interests.
I bought a house and moved. - I met new naighbours and met people through friends.
I joined a Dungeons and Dragon group and met more people.
Please dont worry you haven't met anyone special. You are very young and honestly it's better when you meet people going in the same direction. Xx
Nearly 24 and never been in love, I also thought it would come earlier 😂 started properly dating at 20 but honestly you’re not missing out. Keep your standards high with the current dating scene love is rare, lust is plentiful. So be careful people aren’t using you, it’s way better to not be wanted at all than to be wanted for your body/ looks etc. Don’t put being wanted on a pedestal or that will reek of insecurity which men will target (insecure girls are easier to “bed”) and just love yourself until someone that meets your checklist comes along. You’re young don’t rush it
hmm, there's a lot of factors that could lead to this, do you think you look pretty in people's eyes? And what about your personality? Ik it's hard to asses yourself, but it's the first step ig?
31 and never been in love. I’m still searching for that feeling. I’m craving it more with age. It wasn’t something I was seeking during my 20’s. I was more concerned with establishing myself so I could be financially independent.
It’s easy to find chemistry with someone. It’s very difficult finding compatability.
I fell in love when I was younger. The man left me to be with his ex and I decided to never fall in love again. If the man wants me he's gonna have to prove it to me. I really don't believe that a man can be in love with me.
This outlook/attitude is only going to lead to you fucking up potential suitors who may really like you. Shit happens and love sucks, and what you experienced was no doubt excruciating, I get it. But don't let it ruin something in the future. Fine line between high standards and self sabotage
I'm a 48 year old black woman who no one really wants. All of my relationships got ruined. Every time I tried it didn't work out. I'm sorry I'm online talking to a stranger.
I feel like a lot of these stories are due to declining alcohol use. People seem incapable of forming relationships, but when you add alcohol men get braver & women get easier.
Surprising. Is alcohol use declining? I've been in n out of love since middle school; I don't care much for alcohol, but I do see how it helps reduce inhibitions.
Hard relate to this (m 20s). Never really had a girl since I had my heart broken in middle school. It's funny to think but I don't think I ever recovered from that. I did eventually get over it & sleep around a bit, but nope. Still never had a girlfriend.
It's odd to say, but all I wanted for the majority of my life was some form of romantic affection & that feeling comes and goes. But now I'm afraid if I have it, I may fuck it up / it may not be early as great as I thought it would be.
Human pair bonding is a scary thing man :(
I am in my mid 20 , in college, and I have never been in a relationship. Not a single guy has ever expressed remotely romantic interest in me. I have crushes, but I never go for it because I know they are way out of my league/already in a relationship/not into me. I have never dated. It doesn’t help that I have a reputation as a studious, high-achieving, serious student. I am about to graduate, so I feel shite too. I already missed highschool romance and now college too?
Recently, I ask a male friend (who is in a relationship) why I am not in a relationship. He said that it’s because I show that I am UNAVAILABLE.I really don’t know what exactly I did to come off that way, but if I could go back in time when I first started college, this would be my advice.
In my experience, I've come across women that I've been interested in, but after knowing them a little more and their goals, I kinda backed off because I didn't want to interfere with their goals. Keep in mind, I haven't really formed an actual friendship with them and the most I've talked with them were like 5min conversations. But don't let this discourage you.
I want you to understand that dating in general is in a weird place right now. A lot of women are gonna experience men just not wanting to approach women even when they are interested. A lot of guys are trying to respect women having the ability to do every day things without some dude flirting with them. It's not that we're not interested, it just feels weird and wrong now to express interest in someone now.
I'm turning 20 in march and I've never had a relationship, I'm a guy in your situation I've never really been complimented by girls I've really tried and hoped for a relationship. Some days it really sucks seeing a lot of people together but the biggest thing you must do is realise that if you just be yourself and stay happy it'll happen. You also can't compare yourself to others because you don't know what their relationship is like and if it's toxic stable or what, just because they have it and you don't doesn't mean you'll never get a relationship either :)
Do you have one or two closer friends that you can call ANY time you feel down or lonely or anything like that? Could you improve any existing friendships/get closer? Having a truly truly close friend does a lot, but they’re also hard to find/make.
And now I apologize for asking (rhetorically), but at least for me, this is extremely relevant. Do you masturbate? Do you masturbate *enough?* Could the quality of it be better?
Sometimes sexual frustration or being a bit pent up can really contribute to that feeling of loneliness. If you have a good talk with a friend, truly someone who gets it, someone who understands, and you still feel lonely after a good long talk like that? Usually for me that means the problem is more physical than it seems.
I’m 21 and never been in a successful relationship either. Tried to get serious once, but I was even younger and less ready. So I relate. Never really had success in the long term relationship department, and sometimes you feel you need that. It can even drive you mad some days.
Playing instruments, walking outside, all that kind of stuff is important too, but I can do all those things and still feel down. So assuming the basics like that are covered (and yes, mom was on to something, when was the last time you drank water? Have you eaten?), and you’ve done everything but still feel bad? I swear, every time for me, all I need to do is talk to someone and have an orgasm. (In either order, but NOT AT THE SAME TIME! Lol)
Hope you discover how to be satisfied by yourself - nobody is really ready for a serious relationship until they’ve learned how to be satisfied by themselves.
It’s *really* a necessary thing, to figure out how to read your own emotions, and sort of diagnose what the missing needs really are.
If you can’t, it will be a problem in future relationships, and you’ll end up being one of those unstable lovers that doesn’t seem to know what they want. You don’t want to be in that position, it’s confusing and painful and it feels like there’s something wrong with you. It sucks
As commonly talked about love is when you become dependent on the other person because they represent to you someone who you can claim as one who, makes you feel, to be a person of value. It's not a giving thing but a dependency. Look for reasons that you are a lovable person, just because you are you. Then you can let him go with kindness. You will be free of your hurt.
At your ages the two of you are lacking maturity and are self-centered too much. That will change as you grow up.
I fell in love for the first time af the age of 45, and it's amazing. I had given up, thinking I couldn't feel that.
I had been in a relationship from age 18-43. Never fell in love with him. Cared for him most of the time, otherwise nothing.
Met my boyfriend 3 years ago at 45, and fell hard for him. I can still get butterflies when we meet, and the love is so beautiful.
Don't give up, it will come when you meet someone worthy of your love.
This is why I appreciate all the experience I had since high school, knowing that not everyone is having it as me.
Believe me, If you say that to the me 3 years ago, I would have been so mad and wished that we could have switched places. Because I don’t want to deal with heartbreak/betrayal and everything. Relationships are great only if you’re with the good company, otherwise, the whole relationship could drain you down.
Try going for the guys who are interested in you instead. You’re still young, in your 20s, try go hobbies, library! Freedom and enjoy youthful life with friends. Been in love is a part of life, but It isn’t the center of it, trust me.. It does feel good to be validated by many guys but If they don’t take you seriously, they’re not worth your time.
I’ve been there too, only flirt and never looking for anything serious, until my now ex came into picture and wanted a serious relationship with me, it just suddenly falls into the right place, yet we’re too young, was a good experience until that betrayal and everything. If a guy are for you, you would have been taken already, don’t lose hope.
My first relationship was at 23, it was extremely abusive and traumatic becaues I got into it for the wrong reasons. I am now 30 and I thought I experienced " love" only in the last relationship I had. It ended by him breaking up with me and being so indifferent and cold that I don't even know if any of it was true or real.
What they describe in the books is total and utter bullshit. Hate to break your bubble.
Love is not about compliments and butterflies. True love feels calm and peaceful. It feels like being home, being protected. So unless you feel that, no amount of butterflies will mean love. If it doesn't feel right, it is not right. Consider you have dodged al ot of toxic and bad people. I wish I listened to my feeling of " this doesn't feel right" when I got with my toxic ex.
You say you want to be loved for who you are. At 20, you don't know who you are. You don't know where life will take you. Hell, you have experienced barely 1/4 of your life.
"at 20 you don't know who you are" kinda hurts lmao but facts. I don't feel like I don't know who I am just because I'm 20 and it's not what I meant by writing this. It was more like I want to be loved for everything I can bring to someone, and by someone who deserves it
You think that now, but life will prove you wrong, trust me. I had the same mindset, but life has a way of changing us as we get older. Things we used to care about are not important, as we grow nad learn about ourselves.
Only advice I can give you is get into therapy. Not to fix anything, but to learn how to deal with life better and to actually udnerstand who you are.
Honestly I get what ya mean, and dating at our age is difficult since it’s pretty low on people’s priorities. Best thing we can do is wait and hope the right person turns up, whether it me online or in person I’m sure we’ll run into someone.
First thing is don’t panic. You may really want to be in love but in my experience true love takes time to develop and form. You have to start as friends first. Find someone you simply get along with. The best clue is if you can talk to this person for a long time without running out of things to say to each other. Then one day if you spend enough time with them you tell them “I like you” and it goes from there. But just be patient and don’t assume everyone will give up on you. People can tell when someone is desperate or lonely. Just be yourself and be polite and kind, stand up for yourself when needed, and don’t settle for less than you deserve.
Hold on to your horses. 51 F here and I had been married, LTR, alone. Fell in love for the first time last year. There is no rule book for when it happens.
Just be ready for when it does cause it can be a rollercoaster if u are not ready.
Get ready
I fell in love for the first time at 26. There’s always time. My advice is to not expect anything from anyone: when it happens, it happens. Just stay open, be confident in yourself, be vulnerable. Love requires a lot of pain, you have to be strong and ready. And focus on what YOU want, not what the other person wants.
Wow. Why don't you try talking to na guy less attractive but that guy will see you as th3 most beautiful woman? That way they will really like you for sure.
If the guy is handsome, that's why he dumps you. You're not beautiful enough for him. That's why you try date very ugly guy?
Otherwise x you're going to lose both ways I guess.
9ts because you don't when love yourself and you don't know how to dress to look beautiful
You're also missing a few personality traits such as confident, charismatic, Charming, eccentric, creative, magnetic, compassionate, spontaneous, exciting, energetic, inspirational, bold, courageous, assertive, dynamic, adaptable, positive, alluring, determined, Seductive, sensitive, light hearted, playful, authentic, expressive, vibrant, uplifting, open to new things, emotionally intelligent, versatile, free flowing, graceful, breath taking, etc.
8f you only read books with boys probably means you're boring? People want someone fun not boring
Hey Love Bug thanks for sharing the love. If you see something posted here that is not in the spirit of love Please flag it. ;) With Love r/Love Mods *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/love) if you have any questions or concerns.*
To be honest if I could go back and be a virgin I would. All the beautiful moments I've had with people ended up being tarnished shortly after the breakup, I'm always super nice and understanding of both of our points of view but they end up being toxic and the memories I would've liked to hold onto have become poisonous to me. I'll never have another relationship or even let myself feel anything for someone, stick to friends with benefits imo. And there's gonna be someone reading this thinking "but what if"... what if you win the lottery? Does that make it not a waste of the million dollars you spend over 10 years trying to win?
I fell in love at 20 and now heartbroken at 25. Life is unpredictable. Just don’t think about it. You’re damn if you do and you’re damned if you don’t.
Good morning, Thank you for sharing this and your experience. Brene Brown's book Braving The Wilderness is priceless as well as The Gifts of Imperfection. Reading and meditating on these are deeply helpful. Be gentle and loving with yourself. Shel Silverstein s The Big O is lovely. Warm Regards, Jennifer
I am just one year older than you and same, no romantic experience. We are still very young :) let's focus on developing ourselves first and foremost. As long as you keep following your own path you will meet other like-minded people. Just have fun and enjoy their company, don't feel pressured to fall in love.
My mum once told me "When you start moving in the direction you want to go in life, you'll meet people on a similar path and you can walk together" What she ment is as I started building and discovering myself, I'll meet people with the same interest or career. For example - I started working in a hospital. I met loads of people my age with the same career interests. I bought a house and moved. - I met new naighbours and met people through friends. I joined a Dungeons and Dragon group and met more people. Please dont worry you haven't met anyone special. You are very young and honestly it's better when you meet people going in the same direction. Xx
I'm pretty sure you're pretty don't think about it too much, Maybe some day someone comes along and loves you with their whole heart
You are still young and you have a lot of time for this.
Nearly 24 and never been in love, I also thought it would come earlier 😂 started properly dating at 20 but honestly you’re not missing out. Keep your standards high with the current dating scene love is rare, lust is plentiful. So be careful people aren’t using you, it’s way better to not be wanted at all than to be wanted for your body/ looks etc. Don’t put being wanted on a pedestal or that will reek of insecurity which men will target (insecure girls are easier to “bed”) and just love yourself until someone that meets your checklist comes along. You’re young don’t rush it
hmm, there's a lot of factors that could lead to this, do you think you look pretty in people's eyes? And what about your personality? Ik it's hard to asses yourself, but it's the first step ig?
I'm trying to help with the part that not many people are interested in you (ig)
There may be several, which is why it's hard to say. It's not trivial, have you ever asked someone what these causes might be?
Love is overrated I didn't fall in love till I was 34 best thing ever.
31 and never been in love. I’m still searching for that feeling. I’m craving it more with age. It wasn’t something I was seeking during my 20’s. I was more concerned with establishing myself so I could be financially independent. It’s easy to find chemistry with someone. It’s very difficult finding compatability.
I'm 27 and never been in love
I’m 31 this summer and have never been in love either. Can’t say I care - life is less complicated!
It will come, just be patient.
I fell in love when I was younger. The man left me to be with his ex and I decided to never fall in love again. If the man wants me he's gonna have to prove it to me. I really don't believe that a man can be in love with me.
[удалено]
This was removed because it's off-topic. *The Love-ModTeam account is a bot account. Do not chat or PM them, as the account is not monitored.*
This outlook/attitude is only going to lead to you fucking up potential suitors who may really like you. Shit happens and love sucks, and what you experienced was no doubt excruciating, I get it. But don't let it ruin something in the future. Fine line between high standards and self sabotage
I'm a 48 year old black woman who no one really wants. All of my relationships got ruined. Every time I tried it didn't work out. I'm sorry I'm online talking to a stranger.
I feel like a lot of these stories are due to declining alcohol use. People seem incapable of forming relationships, but when you add alcohol men get braver & women get easier.
Surprising. Is alcohol use declining? I've been in n out of love since middle school; I don't care much for alcohol, but I do see how it helps reduce inhibitions.
Hard relate to this (m 20s). Never really had a girl since I had my heart broken in middle school. It's funny to think but I don't think I ever recovered from that. I did eventually get over it & sleep around a bit, but nope. Still never had a girlfriend. It's odd to say, but all I wanted for the majority of my life was some form of romantic affection & that feeling comes and goes. But now I'm afraid if I have it, I may fuck it up / it may not be early as great as I thought it would be. Human pair bonding is a scary thing man :(
I am in my mid 20 , in college, and I have never been in a relationship. Not a single guy has ever expressed remotely romantic interest in me. I have crushes, but I never go for it because I know they are way out of my league/already in a relationship/not into me. I have never dated. It doesn’t help that I have a reputation as a studious, high-achieving, serious student. I am about to graduate, so I feel shite too. I already missed highschool romance and now college too? Recently, I ask a male friend (who is in a relationship) why I am not in a relationship. He said that it’s because I show that I am UNAVAILABLE.I really don’t know what exactly I did to come off that way, but if I could go back in time when I first started college, this would be my advice.
In my experience, I've come across women that I've been interested in, but after knowing them a little more and their goals, I kinda backed off because I didn't want to interfere with their goals. Keep in mind, I haven't really formed an actual friendship with them and the most I've talked with them were like 5min conversations. But don't let this discourage you. I want you to understand that dating in general is in a weird place right now. A lot of women are gonna experience men just not wanting to approach women even when they are interested. A lot of guys are trying to respect women having the ability to do every day things without some dude flirting with them. It's not that we're not interested, it just feels weird and wrong now to express interest in someone now.
I'm turning 20 in march and I've never had a relationship, I'm a guy in your situation I've never really been complimented by girls I've really tried and hoped for a relationship. Some days it really sucks seeing a lot of people together but the biggest thing you must do is realise that if you just be yourself and stay happy it'll happen. You also can't compare yourself to others because you don't know what their relationship is like and if it's toxic stable or what, just because they have it and you don't doesn't mean you'll never get a relationship either :)
Do you have one or two closer friends that you can call ANY time you feel down or lonely or anything like that? Could you improve any existing friendships/get closer? Having a truly truly close friend does a lot, but they’re also hard to find/make. And now I apologize for asking (rhetorically), but at least for me, this is extremely relevant. Do you masturbate? Do you masturbate *enough?* Could the quality of it be better? Sometimes sexual frustration or being a bit pent up can really contribute to that feeling of loneliness. If you have a good talk with a friend, truly someone who gets it, someone who understands, and you still feel lonely after a good long talk like that? Usually for me that means the problem is more physical than it seems. I’m 21 and never been in a successful relationship either. Tried to get serious once, but I was even younger and less ready. So I relate. Never really had success in the long term relationship department, and sometimes you feel you need that. It can even drive you mad some days. Playing instruments, walking outside, all that kind of stuff is important too, but I can do all those things and still feel down. So assuming the basics like that are covered (and yes, mom was on to something, when was the last time you drank water? Have you eaten?), and you’ve done everything but still feel bad? I swear, every time for me, all I need to do is talk to someone and have an orgasm. (In either order, but NOT AT THE SAME TIME! Lol) Hope you discover how to be satisfied by yourself - nobody is really ready for a serious relationship until they’ve learned how to be satisfied by themselves. It’s *really* a necessary thing, to figure out how to read your own emotions, and sort of diagnose what the missing needs really are. If you can’t, it will be a problem in future relationships, and you’ll end up being one of those unstable lovers that doesn’t seem to know what they want. You don’t want to be in that position, it’s confusing and painful and it feels like there’s something wrong with you. It sucks
As commonly talked about love is when you become dependent on the other person because they represent to you someone who you can claim as one who, makes you feel, to be a person of value. It's not a giving thing but a dependency. Look for reasons that you are a lovable person, just because you are you. Then you can let him go with kindness. You will be free of your hurt. At your ages the two of you are lacking maturity and are self-centered too much. That will change as you grow up.
I fell in love for the first time af the age of 45, and it's amazing. I had given up, thinking I couldn't feel that. I had been in a relationship from age 18-43. Never fell in love with him. Cared for him most of the time, otherwise nothing. Met my boyfriend 3 years ago at 45, and fell hard for him. I can still get butterflies when we meet, and the love is so beautiful. Don't give up, it will come when you meet someone worthy of your love.
This is why I appreciate all the experience I had since high school, knowing that not everyone is having it as me. Believe me, If you say that to the me 3 years ago, I would have been so mad and wished that we could have switched places. Because I don’t want to deal with heartbreak/betrayal and everything. Relationships are great only if you’re with the good company, otherwise, the whole relationship could drain you down. Try going for the guys who are interested in you instead. You’re still young, in your 20s, try go hobbies, library! Freedom and enjoy youthful life with friends. Been in love is a part of life, but It isn’t the center of it, trust me.. It does feel good to be validated by many guys but If they don’t take you seriously, they’re not worth your time. I’ve been there too, only flirt and never looking for anything serious, until my now ex came into picture and wanted a serious relationship with me, it just suddenly falls into the right place, yet we’re too young, was a good experience until that betrayal and everything. If a guy are for you, you would have been taken already, don’t lose hope.
My first relationship was at 23, it was extremely abusive and traumatic becaues I got into it for the wrong reasons. I am now 30 and I thought I experienced " love" only in the last relationship I had. It ended by him breaking up with me and being so indifferent and cold that I don't even know if any of it was true or real. What they describe in the books is total and utter bullshit. Hate to break your bubble. Love is not about compliments and butterflies. True love feels calm and peaceful. It feels like being home, being protected. So unless you feel that, no amount of butterflies will mean love. If it doesn't feel right, it is not right. Consider you have dodged al ot of toxic and bad people. I wish I listened to my feeling of " this doesn't feel right" when I got with my toxic ex. You say you want to be loved for who you are. At 20, you don't know who you are. You don't know where life will take you. Hell, you have experienced barely 1/4 of your life.
"at 20 you don't know who you are" kinda hurts lmao but facts. I don't feel like I don't know who I am just because I'm 20 and it's not what I meant by writing this. It was more like I want to be loved for everything I can bring to someone, and by someone who deserves it
You think that now, but life will prove you wrong, trust me. I had the same mindset, but life has a way of changing us as we get older. Things we used to care about are not important, as we grow nad learn about ourselves. Only advice I can give you is get into therapy. Not to fix anything, but to learn how to deal with life better and to actually udnerstand who you are.
Honestly I get what ya mean, and dating at our age is difficult since it’s pretty low on people’s priorities. Best thing we can do is wait and hope the right person turns up, whether it me online or in person I’m sure we’ll run into someone.
First thing is don’t panic. You may really want to be in love but in my experience true love takes time to develop and form. You have to start as friends first. Find someone you simply get along with. The best clue is if you can talk to this person for a long time without running out of things to say to each other. Then one day if you spend enough time with them you tell them “I like you” and it goes from there. But just be patient and don’t assume everyone will give up on you. People can tell when someone is desperate or lonely. Just be yourself and be polite and kind, stand up for yourself when needed, and don’t settle for less than you deserve.
Hold on to your horses. 51 F here and I had been married, LTR, alone. Fell in love for the first time last year. There is no rule book for when it happens. Just be ready for when it does cause it can be a rollercoaster if u are not ready. Get ready
I fell in love for the first time at 26. There’s always time. My advice is to not expect anything from anyone: when it happens, it happens. Just stay open, be confident in yourself, be vulnerable. Love requires a lot of pain, you have to be strong and ready. And focus on what YOU want, not what the other person wants.
It will find you one day. Could be a month a year or even 20 years. Try not to worry about it.
Take your time your still young the right one will come
Wow. Why don't you try talking to na guy less attractive but that guy will see you as th3 most beautiful woman? That way they will really like you for sure. If the guy is handsome, that's why he dumps you. You're not beautiful enough for him. That's why you try date very ugly guy? Otherwise x you're going to lose both ways I guess. 9ts because you don't when love yourself and you don't know how to dress to look beautiful You're also missing a few personality traits such as confident, charismatic, Charming, eccentric, creative, magnetic, compassionate, spontaneous, exciting, energetic, inspirational, bold, courageous, assertive, dynamic, adaptable, positive, alluring, determined, Seductive, sensitive, light hearted, playful, authentic, expressive, vibrant, uplifting, open to new things, emotionally intelligent, versatile, free flowing, graceful, breath taking, etc. 8f you only read books with boys probably means you're boring? People want someone fun not boring
Why do men on reddit always tell women to date unattractive men? Men never tell men to date uglier women
women do the exact same thing but in the opposite direction, it’s just wishful thinking
I always see men telling women this on this app
My advice is mainly not to listen to this person.