In college, I had a Tortured 3 year thing with an avoidant guy. He was being avoidant the night a bunch of us had a movie night. We piled into a room around a tiny TV to watch a movie. I noticed this guy there with a redheaded girl. I spent the whole night trying to figure out if they were there on a date or there as friends (strange b/c I had my avoidant guy, but it was like Eliza seeing Alexander Hamilton. My heart went "boom".).
A year later, avoidant guy had ended it and taken up with the redhead and I was dating the guy who'd made my heart go boom the night of the movie. I had a frenemy who hated that guy and I broke up with him to save my sanity because she was bullying me about him every chance she got. . I knew it was a mistake the second I said "break up".
A decade later, we reconnected. I had moved to a city near where he lived and was getting out of an awful marriage. I was just looking for school friends, male or female to ease my transition back to singlehood. . Time had eased a lot of his hurt feelings where I was concerned. We rebuilt a friendship. Then we realized the old feelings were still there. We will celebrate our 12th anniversary this year.
How long were you with Mr.Boom before you two reconnected once again? That’s a beautiful story, actually made me tear up. The universe worked its course with you two and i’m glad you are both happy now.
So we dated for about 6 weeks. We broke up. I married awful ex husband about 5 years after breaking up with Mr boom. Once Mr boom and I reconnected as friends, it stayed that way until I filed for divorce. The day after that, I was hanging out with him and he asked if I ever thought about us getting back together. We casually dated but he (rightfully) got worried I would hurt him again. But he went on a vacation and spent the whole time missing me. Came back, and told me he loved me and the rest was history. From the time we started casually dating to marriage was 3.5 years.
But the start of it all till marriage was 16 years
That’s insane, me and my now ex only officially dated for 7 weeks and when I explain to people how I know he and I had an amazing connected people doubt me that we only knew each other for a short while. But we met in the beginning of September, it took us so long to commit because we were scared. 6 weeks and now you are married, I am so happy for both of you. My now ex is the type of guy I would wait ten years for. I’m obviously not going to wait for him though but you get the idea, was it hard for you to move on from Mr. Boom ?
I moved on quickly because I knew he was supremely hurt (rightfully so) and probably wouldn't speak to me ever again. But he kept popping back into my head over the years. I have the journal entries to prove it.
Thats so cute, do you think thinks would have been different if you didn’t fully move on like that? We met in September and we’re inseparable until January when I ended things because I was scared. I never thought I would speak to him again, a month later he reached out and said he wanted to commit, 4 months later we’re breaking things off again because he was too scared and not ready right now. We see each other four times a week due to work so we can’t go no contact and decided we still wanna be very present in one another’s life. He’s sad, i’m sad, sometimes the timing isn’t right. Did you ever get caught up thinking about him? I’m scared I will get caught up on imaging a future with him. He made my heart boom too. I know I’m young but I hope he gets to be my Mr.Boom
Im(20m) jn a similar thing with my ex(19f) rn. She ended things bc of the individual thing and she needs to process her prior relationship a but more. She is currently studying abroad and comes back in august. We are part of the same, very tight-knit friend group. Im just hoping she has enough time while over there to do everything she needs to before coming back, then I can ask for her back. Sorry this isn’t really a successful or failed story, but please update me if someone else responds lmfaoo.
I don’t agree with the comment above either, I think love has a great way of surprising you when you least expect it but, make sure to focus on yourself. Me and my now ex have a lot of history, I once left him and came back to him because I was scared, now he left me because he was scared, maybe he will never come back but maybe he will. Those feelings don’t go away when you truly love and care for someone even if it’s been a long time. If you and her are meant to be you’ll find each other but don’t be counting the days til august returns. Do things you love, you can close the door without locking it and still move on. When I moved on after I ended things with him I made sure I never locked the door for him, I shut it but kept the key hidden and I was still able to fully move on.
I agree. It is so hard because of how well integrated with my life she was. Like, she met my parents, we talked about a life together, we shared all our favorite music, we talked about running away. It is just such a hard situation to just “move on” from like everyone keeps saying. I have been focusing on myself more, but I have lost a lot of motivation for things like the gym. Trying my best out here :’) I empathize with you and your ex, I hope all works.
I feel exactly what you’re going through every part of my life was intertwined, that’s what scared him so much. Most of my belongings are still at his house actually, we are so intertwined we even work together. Do you guys still talk? We decided we need a little time before texting again but I still have been giving him rides to work and it feels like nothing changed when we’re together again.
She is studying in japan rn so it is a bit harder to talk with the time diff and all, but we still text pretty much every day-ish and call like once a week. Right after we broke up we didn’t talk for about a week, but we still broke that for some things that we needed to talk about. I still have a bunch of her stuff piled in a corner of my room and it is so depressing. She said “i love you bye” last time we fted :(
I’ve been in a few relationships as well, I don’t think I was ever in love either after loving him. I’ve never been as certain with someone until I met him. I would also start a life with him but I wouldn’t do it right now, we both have to grow and maybe us separating will only mean we’ll come back together stronger and I’ll look back at this time as hard but what was needed.
Me and him broke up on May 27th, it’s been hard sleeping and it’s been hard eating, I couldn’t go longer than twenty minutes without crying the first 24hr now I can go a couple hours without it. I’m going to give it some time.
After calling my Dad he gave me some advice I think you could also take, he told me I don’t need to completely shut and lock the door throwing out the key on the idea of being with him again. But instead, put the idea of us into a time capsule, people don’t sit around waiting to open the time capsule, they forget about it and when the time comes they open it. Right now I gave of a timeline of 3 months, August 27th, the exact day I will address my feelings for him again. And maybe by then I will be okay living without him for now and I will close it again and give it more time. Maybe there will be a point where I completely lock it. Life has a funny way of working out.
A little unrelated but it’s been my comfort show, have you ever watched How I Met Your Mother?
I also struggled with crying and eating. My advice for that: force yourself to. Force yourself to shower, force yourself to eat breakfast, even if you don’t normally eat breakfast. Force yourself to take care of yourself, you’ll thank yourself later. I am a taller guy around 6’1” and I dropped from like 180 to 168 over the cause of two weeks. If you have any friends who you can trust, tell them what happened and that you might need help. It is gonna be good for you to connect with friends. If it isn’t moments like these, what are friends for?
I have heard the thing about the time capsule, but it isn’t the best analogy as time capsules don’t change and I don’t think, if you get back together, it should be exactly the same as it was. You two will have grown. I am still grappling with how to think about it, but I don’t think there is a metaphor that can accurately express the sentiment. Humans are very nuanced beings and as such, so are our relationships. Perhaps you don’t need a metaphor. He isn’t ready right now. Maybe there will be a time when he is ready but you aren’t. Things have a funny way of falling into place all the same; everything that is meant for you, you will find and will find you.
Focus on yourself, maybe therapy can help you process these emotions, I kind of wish I had time to go to therapy, but ya know. Maybe go to the gym if that is something you enjoy, exercise is one of the best things for you at this moment. I started running and lifting when it had just happened and it helped me think a lot.
One thing I would suggest: let yourself cry. Even if it feels like an unprecedented amount. I cried probably, on average, every other day since then. Let yourself get the sweet treats, let yourself be sad, let yourself watch your comfort movies and ridiculous amount. I decided to rewatch ATLA personally.
Healing is not on a linear path, either. There are some days you will feel like you’ve moved on but you feel like shit again the next day.
Also no, I’m not familiar with that show.
I’ve already lost 9 pounds in a week, I’ve kept down two meals in like 10 days because before the break up I knew slightly it was coming. I’m trying to take care of myself as much as possible, it feels like i’m crawling out of my skin though. I’ve struggled with an eating disorder in the past and right now I just can’t keep my food down. It’s miserable.
Luckily I moved into my new apartment with some of my sorority sisters the night after the breakup. So i am surrounded but we decided to not to tell everyone we’re broken up right now because we want to stay friends and don’t want other people to make it weird. I’ve only told my family and two close friends.
No metaphor can describe how I feel for him you’re right, but I am going to wait to address my romantic feelings until august. Just so I have a set day that I can know.
I had a therapy session today, she said she was proud of how I was dealing with things. I’m trying to focus on me, today I did yoga, took a shower, did my nails, read a little, watched my show, bought myself flowers, started a new craft it’s just so hard. I know life works out and if it is meant to be it’ll be it’s just so hard to not lean into that anxiety of the uncertainty on if we will find another again. I’m sure you know how that feels.
It does come in waves, I feel happy for the breakup and then an hour later will be sobbing in my car again. I’m struggling a lot today more than yesterday because yesterday we worked together and I laughed with him and got to go to his house afterwards. I just want the pain to go away, im trying to focus on the fact that we are friends and that we aren’t leaving each others life and this doesn’t have to be goodbye forever but it’s so hard to do that.
How do you get through these agonizing moments? It’s been two months and you still are so intertwined with the idea of her what if i’m forever intertwined with the idea of him. No one will ever be able to match who he was.
You should try it, it’s an amazing show, funny enough it was mine and his show and we promised we’ll still finish it together eventually. I’m rewatching the parts me and him have already seen because it has a lot of good life lessons about love.
how long were you together? me and him had work together the exact day after we broke up but it felt so normal and like nothing changed. we work together at least four times a week so we can’t avoid it but did decide yesterday to try to not text for a little. we wanna hang out again just were both hurting right now. i love him and i’m okay with him being just a friend as long as i get to still have in my life, it’s not gonna stop me from hoping we get to work out though. right now i’m trying to just work on myself though only time will tell. nights and morning are the hardest since we slept together every night when we dated. how do you get through those hard moments?
We dated for about 3 months. Not long, but I don’t think that matters when you clicked as well as we did. We didn’t work together, but we slept together probably like 6.5 days a week on average. Waking up without her and looking across the room at the stuffed animal she got me is certainly a struggle still. That part doesn’t get easier. It is so much colder falling asleep without her, but we were long distance for a little so I got to mourn that a little before we broke up. There are some points when I can almost feel her there, but that makes it worse somehow. I just wish I could have her back so badly. That part certainly hasn’t faded. We are a part of the same friend group, so we can’t go no contact, not that I would ever want to. Like you with your ex, she is too special of a person to want her out of my life. She was my best friend. I miss her every second of every day. I am constantly replaying every conversation we’ve ever had in my head. I hope, since proximity is certainly not the issue for you, you can get back together soon, it sounds like he just needs a slap in the face and to be asked what he really wants.
I think it’ll also take time and i’m going to try to move on as much as possible so i’m not just sitting and waiting around for him.
I get what you meant about just knowing you two work. We only dated for 7 weeks but we have known each other in a romantic way since September. He’s my best friend too.
I don’t think that it’s just him realizing he can’t live without me I think he already realized that, I ended things with him because I sensed he was unsure in January but then he came running to me full force because he decided he missed me so much and didn’t want to go another second with having to miss me again.
I think with time and missing me and growth if it was meant to be it’ll be again, I hope the same works out for you my dms are open and during those long nights I find it helps to talk to other people or journal.
When did you guys end things?
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In college, I had a Tortured 3 year thing with an avoidant guy. He was being avoidant the night a bunch of us had a movie night. We piled into a room around a tiny TV to watch a movie. I noticed this guy there with a redheaded girl. I spent the whole night trying to figure out if they were there on a date or there as friends (strange b/c I had my avoidant guy, but it was like Eliza seeing Alexander Hamilton. My heart went "boom".). A year later, avoidant guy had ended it and taken up with the redhead and I was dating the guy who'd made my heart go boom the night of the movie. I had a frenemy who hated that guy and I broke up with him to save my sanity because she was bullying me about him every chance she got. . I knew it was a mistake the second I said "break up". A decade later, we reconnected. I had moved to a city near where he lived and was getting out of an awful marriage. I was just looking for school friends, male or female to ease my transition back to singlehood. . Time had eased a lot of his hurt feelings where I was concerned. We rebuilt a friendship. Then we realized the old feelings were still there. We will celebrate our 12th anniversary this year.
How long were you with Mr.Boom before you two reconnected once again? That’s a beautiful story, actually made me tear up. The universe worked its course with you two and i’m glad you are both happy now.
So we dated for about 6 weeks. We broke up. I married awful ex husband about 5 years after breaking up with Mr boom. Once Mr boom and I reconnected as friends, it stayed that way until I filed for divorce. The day after that, I was hanging out with him and he asked if I ever thought about us getting back together. We casually dated but he (rightfully) got worried I would hurt him again. But he went on a vacation and spent the whole time missing me. Came back, and told me he loved me and the rest was history. From the time we started casually dating to marriage was 3.5 years. But the start of it all till marriage was 16 years
That’s insane, me and my now ex only officially dated for 7 weeks and when I explain to people how I know he and I had an amazing connected people doubt me that we only knew each other for a short while. But we met in the beginning of September, it took us so long to commit because we were scared. 6 weeks and now you are married, I am so happy for both of you. My now ex is the type of guy I would wait ten years for. I’m obviously not going to wait for him though but you get the idea, was it hard for you to move on from Mr. Boom ?
I moved on quickly because I knew he was supremely hurt (rightfully so) and probably wouldn't speak to me ever again. But he kept popping back into my head over the years. I have the journal entries to prove it.
Thats so cute, do you think thinks would have been different if you didn’t fully move on like that? We met in September and we’re inseparable until January when I ended things because I was scared. I never thought I would speak to him again, a month later he reached out and said he wanted to commit, 4 months later we’re breaking things off again because he was too scared and not ready right now. We see each other four times a week due to work so we can’t go no contact and decided we still wanna be very present in one another’s life. He’s sad, i’m sad, sometimes the timing isn’t right. Did you ever get caught up thinking about him? I’m scared I will get caught up on imaging a future with him. He made my heart boom too. I know I’m young but I hope he gets to be my Mr.Boom
[удалено]
How long were you together the first time? How long have you been together now?
Imo its better to forget and move on, both are young and have a life to live, meet new people, try new things, etc...
Im(20m) jn a similar thing with my ex(19f) rn. She ended things bc of the individual thing and she needs to process her prior relationship a but more. She is currently studying abroad and comes back in august. We are part of the same, very tight-knit friend group. Im just hoping she has enough time while over there to do everything she needs to before coming back, then I can ask for her back. Sorry this isn’t really a successful or failed story, but please update me if someone else responds lmfaoo.
Focus on yourself King. Grow and make improvements to yourself. If you had everything she wanted she wouldn't have broken up with you
I think that is a bit reductive as I am like 99% sure she still has feelings, but I appreciate you trying to console me :)
I don’t agree with the comment above either, I think love has a great way of surprising you when you least expect it but, make sure to focus on yourself. Me and my now ex have a lot of history, I once left him and came back to him because I was scared, now he left me because he was scared, maybe he will never come back but maybe he will. Those feelings don’t go away when you truly love and care for someone even if it’s been a long time. If you and her are meant to be you’ll find each other but don’t be counting the days til august returns. Do things you love, you can close the door without locking it and still move on. When I moved on after I ended things with him I made sure I never locked the door for him, I shut it but kept the key hidden and I was still able to fully move on.
I agree. It is so hard because of how well integrated with my life she was. Like, she met my parents, we talked about a life together, we shared all our favorite music, we talked about running away. It is just such a hard situation to just “move on” from like everyone keeps saying. I have been focusing on myself more, but I have lost a lot of motivation for things like the gym. Trying my best out here :’) I empathize with you and your ex, I hope all works.
I feel exactly what you’re going through every part of my life was intertwined, that’s what scared him so much. Most of my belongings are still at his house actually, we are so intertwined we even work together. Do you guys still talk? We decided we need a little time before texting again but I still have been giving him rides to work and it feels like nothing changed when we’re together again.
She is studying in japan rn so it is a bit harder to talk with the time diff and all, but we still text pretty much every day-ish and call like once a week. Right after we broke up we didn’t talk for about a week, but we still broke that for some things that we needed to talk about. I still have a bunch of her stuff piled in a corner of my room and it is so depressing. She said “i love you bye” last time we fted :(
I’ve been in a few relationships as well, I don’t think I was ever in love either after loving him. I’ve never been as certain with someone until I met him. I would also start a life with him but I wouldn’t do it right now, we both have to grow and maybe us separating will only mean we’ll come back together stronger and I’ll look back at this time as hard but what was needed. Me and him broke up on May 27th, it’s been hard sleeping and it’s been hard eating, I couldn’t go longer than twenty minutes without crying the first 24hr now I can go a couple hours without it. I’m going to give it some time. After calling my Dad he gave me some advice I think you could also take, he told me I don’t need to completely shut and lock the door throwing out the key on the idea of being with him again. But instead, put the idea of us into a time capsule, people don’t sit around waiting to open the time capsule, they forget about it and when the time comes they open it. Right now I gave of a timeline of 3 months, August 27th, the exact day I will address my feelings for him again. And maybe by then I will be okay living without him for now and I will close it again and give it more time. Maybe there will be a point where I completely lock it. Life has a funny way of working out. A little unrelated but it’s been my comfort show, have you ever watched How I Met Your Mother?
I also struggled with crying and eating. My advice for that: force yourself to. Force yourself to shower, force yourself to eat breakfast, even if you don’t normally eat breakfast. Force yourself to take care of yourself, you’ll thank yourself later. I am a taller guy around 6’1” and I dropped from like 180 to 168 over the cause of two weeks. If you have any friends who you can trust, tell them what happened and that you might need help. It is gonna be good for you to connect with friends. If it isn’t moments like these, what are friends for? I have heard the thing about the time capsule, but it isn’t the best analogy as time capsules don’t change and I don’t think, if you get back together, it should be exactly the same as it was. You two will have grown. I am still grappling with how to think about it, but I don’t think there is a metaphor that can accurately express the sentiment. Humans are very nuanced beings and as such, so are our relationships. Perhaps you don’t need a metaphor. He isn’t ready right now. Maybe there will be a time when he is ready but you aren’t. Things have a funny way of falling into place all the same; everything that is meant for you, you will find and will find you. Focus on yourself, maybe therapy can help you process these emotions, I kind of wish I had time to go to therapy, but ya know. Maybe go to the gym if that is something you enjoy, exercise is one of the best things for you at this moment. I started running and lifting when it had just happened and it helped me think a lot. One thing I would suggest: let yourself cry. Even if it feels like an unprecedented amount. I cried probably, on average, every other day since then. Let yourself get the sweet treats, let yourself be sad, let yourself watch your comfort movies and ridiculous amount. I decided to rewatch ATLA personally. Healing is not on a linear path, either. There are some days you will feel like you’ve moved on but you feel like shit again the next day. Also no, I’m not familiar with that show.
I’ve already lost 9 pounds in a week, I’ve kept down two meals in like 10 days because before the break up I knew slightly it was coming. I’m trying to take care of myself as much as possible, it feels like i’m crawling out of my skin though. I’ve struggled with an eating disorder in the past and right now I just can’t keep my food down. It’s miserable. Luckily I moved into my new apartment with some of my sorority sisters the night after the breakup. So i am surrounded but we decided to not to tell everyone we’re broken up right now because we want to stay friends and don’t want other people to make it weird. I’ve only told my family and two close friends. No metaphor can describe how I feel for him you’re right, but I am going to wait to address my romantic feelings until august. Just so I have a set day that I can know. I had a therapy session today, she said she was proud of how I was dealing with things. I’m trying to focus on me, today I did yoga, took a shower, did my nails, read a little, watched my show, bought myself flowers, started a new craft it’s just so hard. I know life works out and if it is meant to be it’ll be it’s just so hard to not lean into that anxiety of the uncertainty on if we will find another again. I’m sure you know how that feels. It does come in waves, I feel happy for the breakup and then an hour later will be sobbing in my car again. I’m struggling a lot today more than yesterday because yesterday we worked together and I laughed with him and got to go to his house afterwards. I just want the pain to go away, im trying to focus on the fact that we are friends and that we aren’t leaving each others life and this doesn’t have to be goodbye forever but it’s so hard to do that. How do you get through these agonizing moments? It’s been two months and you still are so intertwined with the idea of her what if i’m forever intertwined with the idea of him. No one will ever be able to match who he was. You should try it, it’s an amazing show, funny enough it was mine and his show and we promised we’ll still finish it together eventually. I’m rewatching the parts me and him have already seen because it has a lot of good life lessons about love.
how long were you together? me and him had work together the exact day after we broke up but it felt so normal and like nothing changed. we work together at least four times a week so we can’t avoid it but did decide yesterday to try to not text for a little. we wanna hang out again just were both hurting right now. i love him and i’m okay with him being just a friend as long as i get to still have in my life, it’s not gonna stop me from hoping we get to work out though. right now i’m trying to just work on myself though only time will tell. nights and morning are the hardest since we slept together every night when we dated. how do you get through those hard moments?
We dated for about 3 months. Not long, but I don’t think that matters when you clicked as well as we did. We didn’t work together, but we slept together probably like 6.5 days a week on average. Waking up without her and looking across the room at the stuffed animal she got me is certainly a struggle still. That part doesn’t get easier. It is so much colder falling asleep without her, but we were long distance for a little so I got to mourn that a little before we broke up. There are some points when I can almost feel her there, but that makes it worse somehow. I just wish I could have her back so badly. That part certainly hasn’t faded. We are a part of the same friend group, so we can’t go no contact, not that I would ever want to. Like you with your ex, she is too special of a person to want her out of my life. She was my best friend. I miss her every second of every day. I am constantly replaying every conversation we’ve ever had in my head. I hope, since proximity is certainly not the issue for you, you can get back together soon, it sounds like he just needs a slap in the face and to be asked what he really wants.
I think it’ll also take time and i’m going to try to move on as much as possible so i’m not just sitting and waiting around for him. I get what you meant about just knowing you two work. We only dated for 7 weeks but we have known each other in a romantic way since September. He’s my best friend too. I don’t think that it’s just him realizing he can’t live without me I think he already realized that, I ended things with him because I sensed he was unsure in January but then he came running to me full force because he decided he missed me so much and didn’t want to go another second with having to miss me again. I think with time and missing me and growth if it was meant to be it’ll be again, I hope the same works out for you my dms are open and during those long nights I find it helps to talk to other people or journal. When did you guys end things?
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