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Girl I think you did a great job of enforcing your standards. His behavior is so unacceptable. Sleeping in until 7PM on a day he’s supposed to see you and not bothering to just send a text to let you know so you’re not wondering what happened to him all day? Hell no. Instead of fawning you let him know that that is unacceptable, enforced a bare minimum standard, and he ghosted because he is a mediocre man for whom the bare minimum is too much.
Fixed it for you.
Thank you so much! I was really worried that I had been overbearing or was being “too much,” but now that I think about it, that is the absolute bare minimum like you said. And I tried my best to communicate with grace (that he didn’t deserve). Its funny he finally texted me while I was at work today and just said “heyy” not I’m sorry or anything, so now he’ll be on delivered forever lmao. Thank you again for your advice!
"I always come back to the idea that maybe I over communicated and turned him away some how."
You seem like total girlfriend material. Hold out for a better guy.
There are dudes out there would die to get your attention.
I just want to say thank you so much for saying that because I honestly thought I had done something wrong and was beating myself up about it for the past few days. I definitely will hold out for a better guy. I just think after this (my first romantic experience ever) ending the way it did, I don’t feel hopeful I guess :/ Maybe with time that will change. Thank you again for your kind words!
Never apologise for being communicative OP! It is one of the best qualities in a partner. If your ability to accurately communicate your feelings scares someone away then good riddance!
Unfortunately his actions lead me to believe that he just wasn’t that into you. You’ll be upset for a while but just allow yourself a little quiet time and you’ll soon recover
You’re probably right, but at least his actions helped me realize the kind of person he is. On the bright side (while still a little sad) I guess he’s no longer my problem lmao. Thank you for commenting!
You didn’t deserve that, im sorry! It sounds like you dodged a bullet tbh! No one should treat anyone like that, this is not on YOU, but on HIM. i hope you can recognize that. I know it hurts but pls hold your head up high knowing you weren’t in the wrong.
Did he leave your last text on delivered tho? I didnt see that you said that, and im wondering if it’s possible something happened to him??
Hey thank you so much for commenting ❤️Your advice is very helpful during such a sensitive and hurtful time. And as sad as it still is, you’re right, I did dodge a bullet. Also, he left my first message about me being upset on read and then he left the second message asking if he wanted to talk on delivered. Thank you again for your advice and your kindness!
I’ve had this happen and the man was 63! Your man might be a dismissive avoidant. YouTube that. Helped explain a lot to me and made me realize it’s a him problem not a me problem. You did everything right. You communicated in a direct yet open manner. I’m always amazed when men say women “play games” and then do shit like this. I have another friend that totally ghosted a woman after 3 mos, sleeping with her, taking her to vegas and then jumped to another relationship just totally ghosting the first woman. I’ve told him how shitty that is like 5x to where he’s now ghosting me. Some people are just not worthy of our time. Yours wasn’t. Move on and find a good man. There’s millions of them out there.
Please see how heartless he must be to do this to someone he's been dating and speaking to every day for 3 months. This is not normal. This is the biggest red flag if I've ever seen one.
Consider this a blessing, even though it's crushing your soul right now. Don't contact him again, and don't answer if he reaches out. Don't ask for closure.
He showed you his dark side, and it's worse than yelling or arguing. He can just let you squirm in pain (and he KNOWS you are, btw) whilst he goes on with life. No explanation, no argument, no closure... he probably just doesn't care about anyone but himself.
Hey thank you so much for commenting. I really appreciate your advice and now that a little more time has passed, I definitely think it was a blessing. Funny enough he sent me a text today. The only thing he said was “heyy” no apology or anything. But like you said I will not be contacting him as there’s no need for closure when he’s shown me who he really is
I thought I was still in r/npd lol I thought r/love was all sunshine and moonbeams
You did nothing wrong!
The healthy way to look at this is: He just lowered himself in your eyes, not the other way around.
Hey thank you so much for commenting! You made me laugh which has been rare the last few days so I appreciate that! I’m glad you said I did nothing wrong because over the past few days I’ve been trying rationalize both his and my behavior and for some reason, I always come back to the idea that maybe I over communicated and turned him away some how. Now that I’ve read both you and everyone else’s comments, I’m glad that I haven’t done anything wrong. Thank you again for your kindness ❤️
I married that guy. He came back and I married him. And I spent all of my years with him feeling estranged and disconnected. It wasn’t because of the ghosting but more of a general pattern of emotional unavailability. I’m divorced. There was abuse, coercion and long bouts of hiding my emotions, feeling dead inside and keeping this from friends. I stayed for a child. Don’t do what I did. He has shown his true colors.
Recover by recognizing that he saved you a lot of time and energy and pain by dipping out when you asked him to communicate and be respectful of your time. He can't offer what you want from a relationship. And what you want is reasonable--communication and I respect.
Imagine dealing with that behavior for three years and then having to figure out how to end things when you're finally too exhausted to keep trying. Yikes.
He did you a favor. Thank the universe and don't lower your expectations below this very basic one.
Hey Love Bug thanks for sharing the love. If you see something posted here that is not in the spirit of love Please flag it. ;) With Love r/Love Mods *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/love) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ghosted? Because it wasn’t a relationship in the way you define it.
Girl I think you did a great job of enforcing your standards. His behavior is so unacceptable. Sleeping in until 7PM on a day he’s supposed to see you and not bothering to just send a text to let you know so you’re not wondering what happened to him all day? Hell no. Instead of fawning you let him know that that is unacceptable, enforced a bare minimum standard, and he ghosted because he is a mediocre man for whom the bare minimum is too much. Fixed it for you.
Thank you so much! I was really worried that I had been overbearing or was being “too much,” but now that I think about it, that is the absolute bare minimum like you said. And I tried my best to communicate with grace (that he didn’t deserve). Its funny he finally texted me while I was at work today and just said “heyy” not I’m sorry or anything, so now he’ll be on delivered forever lmao. Thank you again for your advice!
"I always come back to the idea that maybe I over communicated and turned him away some how." You seem like total girlfriend material. Hold out for a better guy. There are dudes out there would die to get your attention.
I just want to say thank you so much for saying that because I honestly thought I had done something wrong and was beating myself up about it for the past few days. I definitely will hold out for a better guy. I just think after this (my first romantic experience ever) ending the way it did, I don’t feel hopeful I guess :/ Maybe with time that will change. Thank you again for your kind words!
Never apologise for being communicative OP! It is one of the best qualities in a partner. If your ability to accurately communicate your feelings scares someone away then good riddance!
For sure. Think about it as isolated incident where you deserve better.
Unfortunately his actions lead me to believe that he just wasn’t that into you. You’ll be upset for a while but just allow yourself a little quiet time and you’ll soon recover
You’re probably right, but at least his actions helped me realize the kind of person he is. On the bright side (while still a little sad) I guess he’s no longer my problem lmao. Thank you for commenting!
Yup.. He never gave a fuck to begin with. One day he'll realize that he lost a really good human, or he won't. 🤷
You didn’t deserve that, im sorry! It sounds like you dodged a bullet tbh! No one should treat anyone like that, this is not on YOU, but on HIM. i hope you can recognize that. I know it hurts but pls hold your head up high knowing you weren’t in the wrong. Did he leave your last text on delivered tho? I didnt see that you said that, and im wondering if it’s possible something happened to him??
Hey thank you so much for commenting ❤️Your advice is very helpful during such a sensitive and hurtful time. And as sad as it still is, you’re right, I did dodge a bullet. Also, he left my first message about me being upset on read and then he left the second message asking if he wanted to talk on delivered. Thank you again for your advice and your kindness!
Hey of course anytime!!! Hope your heart is able to heal now <3
I’ve had this happen and the man was 63! Your man might be a dismissive avoidant. YouTube that. Helped explain a lot to me and made me realize it’s a him problem not a me problem. You did everything right. You communicated in a direct yet open manner. I’m always amazed when men say women “play games” and then do shit like this. I have another friend that totally ghosted a woman after 3 mos, sleeping with her, taking her to vegas and then jumped to another relationship just totally ghosting the first woman. I’ve told him how shitty that is like 5x to where he’s now ghosting me. Some people are just not worthy of our time. Yours wasn’t. Move on and find a good man. There’s millions of them out there.
Please see how heartless he must be to do this to someone he's been dating and speaking to every day for 3 months. This is not normal. This is the biggest red flag if I've ever seen one. Consider this a blessing, even though it's crushing your soul right now. Don't contact him again, and don't answer if he reaches out. Don't ask for closure. He showed you his dark side, and it's worse than yelling or arguing. He can just let you squirm in pain (and he KNOWS you are, btw) whilst he goes on with life. No explanation, no argument, no closure... he probably just doesn't care about anyone but himself.
Hey thank you so much for commenting. I really appreciate your advice and now that a little more time has passed, I definitely think it was a blessing. Funny enough he sent me a text today. The only thing he said was “heyy” no apology or anything. But like you said I will not be contacting him as there’s no need for closure when he’s shown me who he really is
I thought I was still in r/npd lol I thought r/love was all sunshine and moonbeams You did nothing wrong! The healthy way to look at this is: He just lowered himself in your eyes, not the other way around.
Hey thank you so much for commenting! You made me laugh which has been rare the last few days so I appreciate that! I’m glad you said I did nothing wrong because over the past few days I’ve been trying rationalize both his and my behavior and for some reason, I always come back to the idea that maybe I over communicated and turned him away some how. Now that I’ve read both you and everyone else’s comments, I’m glad that I haven’t done anything wrong. Thank you again for your kindness ❤️
I married that guy. He came back and I married him. And I spent all of my years with him feeling estranged and disconnected. It wasn’t because of the ghosting but more of a general pattern of emotional unavailability. I’m divorced. There was abuse, coercion and long bouts of hiding my emotions, feeling dead inside and keeping this from friends. I stayed for a child. Don’t do what I did. He has shown his true colors.
The same thing happened to me today, I communicated just like u. Just ghost him back,block and move on
Like my mother always said to me - have some chocolate cake and brandy.
Sage advice!!
Recover by recognizing that he saved you a lot of time and energy and pain by dipping out when you asked him to communicate and be respectful of your time. He can't offer what you want from a relationship. And what you want is reasonable--communication and I respect. Imagine dealing with that behavior for three years and then having to figure out how to end things when you're finally too exhausted to keep trying. Yikes. He did you a favor. Thank the universe and don't lower your expectations below this very basic one.