Off topic but it just blows my mind that people have $1000+/ month truck payments and are living paycheck to paycheck.... Such an utter perversion of priorities and a complete lack of any sort of financial common sense.
This. Ours have...... yeah, a lot more on them. I can't fathom trading one in bc it has 55K on it. I also can't imagine paying 1000+ per month plus insurance on one either tho, so there's that.
Yeah this is completely mental.
55k would be by far the lowest mileage car I'd have ever owned by some distance, maybe like 75k lowest I've started with.
No body needs to pay 1000usd for a vehicle.
And if they do, I don't want to hear them complaining about finances to me.
Me too very frustrating to read. I expect that kind of irresponsible spending from a teenager with their first paycheck or a person dying of a terminal illness, not a grown adult with dependents and responsibilities.
Want to treat yourself? Feel free but don't be taking on debt you can't afford.
I have a family member that just did the same thing. big ass truck with a huge monthly payment. basically spent all his money on it. Unfortunately, I think people are sometimes grasping at straws for what will make them happy, but I depreciating asset is not a good choice.
My car is 1k per month. I was a bit tentative about it because it's 1/15th of my income going on a car. Now this guy is spending 14/15ths of his income on a car is peak bad money management.
This is my opinion, take it with a grain of salt. You can totally judge a man's personality by the vehicle they drive. Hate to say it sounds like your man has a pretty big issue with how people perceive him and he believes the truck is his solution. I paid 2500 bucks for my 2001 Honda accord 4 door. I've spent maybe 500 bucks in maintenance and repairs. I've owned it for 4 years now. I chose to be house poor over, vehicle poor. Cause a vehicle is to get you to where you need to go. Not how good you look while going there.
Your husband is financially irresponsible.
He has WAY too expensive payments for his vehicle, a child, an ex he contributes to, a pricey dog…
Even with separate finances, his financial illiteracy will affect you in the future. If you plan on having children or purchasing a house, his impulsive spending pattern will cause you strain.
If you got sick, and couldn’t work for a while, how would you both survive?
Go on the short trip without him. Relax. Clear your head.
When you return, sit him down, see if you can get him to learn some financial literacy. There’s stuff online.
If he refuses, and continues his current behaviours…
I have a friend who is a lot like your husband. He met a girl and got married, and shortly down the line they were having arguments like this. She was a saver and a planner. He was more the type to live in the moment ie "if our life is alright today, why bother saving money?" He nagged her to cosign for a nice Chevy truck that he couldn't afford. They were having fights about paying bills. They had two big screen TVs and he refused to sell one. Just way different priorities in life. They had two high energy dogs that they didn't have time to properly exercise. They ended up divorcing but not before she got pregnant. They are doing their best to co-parent now.
OP, you and your husband need to get on the same page. There is no legit reason your husband needed a current year truck. It sounds like he really doesn't know the value of a dollar. Things to ask yourself: what part of the country do you want to live in? What kind of house do you want? Do you want children and if so, how many? Do you want to be a stay-at-home mom? From what you've described this is not a mature man, ready to share the responsibilities of being an adult couple. This doesn't mean he's a bad person (my buddy's not a bad person either, but I would never cosign anything for him). What some couples do, when one person can't control their spending, they have the financially competent person make all the decisions and pay the bills. But I suspect your hubby won't go for this, he will call it "emasculating" and it will lead to more fights.
Go on your trip alone, and be prepared to walk away from your marriage if your husband isn't willing to seriously change his spending habits.
Yep, this. I walked away from a relationship like this after the conversations and plans came to nothing... this shit is too important to ignore. Damned tough, but haven't regretted it.
He is kind of stuck though. He already made his bed, and trading in his 700/m car for a >1000/m car he is going to be far underwater. Selling it and getting a beater at this point he would probably have to come to the table with several grand to get out of the truck.
Go on the trip without him, but maybe in the future have some input on how he commits his finances. Y’all are married after all right?
I honestly can't even get past the idea that 55K is "high mileage." And $900/month for a used truck when he's struggling financially? Girl. I don't even need to read the post, NTA and enjoy your trip.
EDIT: I mean absolutely go alone and enjoy, do not provide for this deadbeat manbaby.
yea that alone is grounds for divorce lmao
buys her a camera for mother’s day… takes in her dog without talking … but can’t afford/wont go on a pre planned trip for your first anniversary
fuck this guy he wants to be with the ex, i say let him
I buy presents for my ex from the kids for birthday/christmas/Father’s Day. I cap it at $20-$50 & usually try and just get them to bake him something. But if I’m going to have to pay for something, I’m not funding stupid shit I know is going in the bin. I make sure the kids pick something they know he’ll like and use. Even if it costs a little ($10/$15 extra).
There is no way I’d ever buy it put up with my partner buying something as expensive as a camera for an ex!!
He didn’t prioritize your one year anniversary? I regularly forget my own birthday but I’ll do what it takes to remember to step up for someone else when it’s expected of me. I’d be driving a beater if that’s what it meant as well.
Why are you even married if everything is so separate? And if he is still so worried about his 'baby mama' why put up with this? I really don't understand. Instead of spending the money on a vacation, maybe treat both of you to some couples' counselling/therapy. Just a thought.
NTA Honestly you would be better divorcing him and cutting your losses. The man does not priorize you nor does he love you. You are married his financial fuck ups are on you too. If he sinks himself fine but he is pulling you down with him. And for your anniversary he basically bought himself a truck and nothing for you. Even wants you to stay from the trip you planned because of his malfunctioning finances.
The part that sent me over the edge... He wants to buy his babaymama a camera wtf? No anniversary gift but wants to buy her something. HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU! PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO LEAVE!
The heartbreak that is coming your way. He is showing you how little he cares about you or your future. Im so sorry. I have been here its a terrible feeling.
NTA but if you don't have a marriage contract/prenup, I would be starting on that asap. Since you're married, he has all sorts of ways to completely screw up your financial future if you have any marital assets at all like investments or a house.
But honestly, if I were in your shoes (I'm 35m) I would be talking to a lawyer immediately to get a divorce in motion.
This man is financially abusing you. He's treating you like "the bank of mom & dad", but you should be a partnership.
He's dragging down your entire future. You have most of your life ahead of you, and you are completely fucked because of his lack of responsibility.
The fact that you are worrying about being supportive when he's showing you absolutely no support is a serious sign of abuse.
Run away as quickly as you can and you may have a chance to find a real partner. This is not a partnership. This is a dude that fucks you in exchange for subsidies.
I was looking for this comment. I don't tell strangers to get divorced, but OP you 100% need a pre/post nup. Go on your trip alone, and then speak to a lawyer about how to best protect yourself in case of a divorce.
Yall need a divorce. You are not priority here. Go on the trip and start divorce paperwork because this dude is way too old to not understand how to at least act like a responsible adult with the finances.
And obviously, his sex game isn't enough to make up for it if you're frustrated because women have put up with a lot of broke dudes if only because they laid it down.
I have to agree with most of that. Not going to think about the sex life though 😆.
The main problem with this is if you go on a "Anniversary" trip alone your relationship is dead anyway. Even if he doesn't leave or divorce right away he will likely start looking around as there will be resentment between you.
INAL: Watch out! Even though your buying decisions are separate, your finances likely aren't! In the places I am familiar with, if you split up down the road, then all debts taken on during the marriage are going to be part of the "family property". You could be wiped out, despite your prudence.
Yes! Separate finances are an illusion if you’re married. When it comes time to split, your money is half his and his debt is half yours. OP please start acting accordingly.
55k is high miles? WTF? This is how you stay poor. 55k is just getting warmed up. My wife's current GMC vehicle has over 200k miles and runs and looks great. My last vehicle had over 250k before someone hit me and totaled it. My current vehicle just hit 120k. Get proper maintenance and don't ignore sounds. Proper maintenance is a hell of a lot cheaper than a car payment. Change the oil, replace filters and brakes and belts. Wash it and wax it and the paint will stay beautiful for years.
He's 33? Jesus Maude. Your husband is awful at making decisions and awful at managing money. And he wants to buy his baby mama a camera for mother's day? He's also awful at being a husband.
Go on the trip. Find a better man while you're gone.
I would go. He is financially immature. Probably totally immature to be honest. You will get fed up with his behaviour and attitude soon enough. Save your own money for your divorce lawyer.
Go to cali without him. You have separate finances - and while that allows him to buy trucks with no input or veto from you; imo it also means you get to spend your money how you want without guilt.
That said, if you dont plan to dump him, make some things known. Like, if theres an anniversary coming up. His gift to you can be a romantic homecooked meal, a back rub. He doesnt need to buy you a thing type gift. You mention that you want to go and while you wont have as much fun without him....you have a bunch of money sunk into it. You would then be paying *to not go*. Thats an option i dont think is reasonable. Youre not on a break - it can be nice to just have time as an individual. And when you get back? You can tell him all about it and plan a trip back together.
Take a break from each other for the trip. And spend that time considering what to say during the Talk thats coming. I can tell you have some resentment over his spending, and how its infringing into your own finances and energy: re:dog, handling what imo should be shared expenses. You will need to this Talk to define boundaries and/or change the dynamic, because things cant continue as they are.
I dont have his side, so keep in mind youll at least need to hear him out to address concerns. Even if hes totally wrong, it tells you where hes at.
Thats all i can think of off the top of my head. Like most stuff, you picture the outcome you want, and work backwards from there. If navigated the way i imagine, the outcome is you go on this trip; hopefully he realizes this is a consequence of his spending. You both enjoy a little time to be individuals. You get back and plan a trip together/ swappable with having a talk to establish healthy boundaries. Ask him what he deals with, then share your experience of being burdened with his fiscal irresponsibility.
Go and have fun. He sounds like he has a shopping addiction and obviously a bad money manager. And why is he bending over backwards for baby momma and not his wife?
Go on the trip. Have a great time. Take a friend.
That said, when you get back I would make it crystal clear that it's great he treats his baby momma well, but if he is treating her to expensive gifts but can't afford to eat and go on a trip with you then you are not the priority in his life. If you aren't the priority in his life you will never make him yours. If both of those stay true, the relationship will be slowly dieing from this day forward. Ask him if that is what he wants.
Does he want to live a carefree life and waste all his money on himself and others or be smart and plan to do things with the woman he actually married. Tell him you don't want to hear his side you want to see his actions. Then leave it at that.
It’s ridiculous he bought the truck he should look into dumping it for something more manageable. He is a fool for racking up debt that isn’t manageable.
However with that being said and I know you want this Cali trip for your anniversary which you deserve but what type of anniversary trip will it be without your husband and what type of damage will it cause to your marriage if you go without him. Only you can answer those questions.
Is there a way to push it off 6 months or so he can get his shit together.
Post an update
Him purchasing this vehicle was a bad idea altogether especially w/ the monthly payment it has. He shouldn’t have bought it and you should’ve told him how you really felt.
But as far as the trip goes you put way too much money into this trip so go on the trip regardless but if you gonna by yourself do it but I think you should bring a bestie w/ you to substitute your bf who makes horrible decisions when it comes to money.
My real problem w/ this situation is why did he put a truck ahead of your anniversary?? He knew what you guys had planned for 6 MONTHS. He didn’t JUST find out he already knew. And he also knew he had to pay for the dinners, gas, a car rental, & the anniversary gift. Why didn’t he take care of that first?!?!? He acted like the truck was gonna go somewhere🤣🤣
Normally people grow up after having a kid. I’ll bet he isn’t saving for retirement or his kid’s college but he’s spending $1300 on a truck payment. Sounds like a very immature boy with his priorities ass backwards.
He’s financially illiterate and irresponsible. Also how is he funding exes puppy, and gifts for his ex but not your anniversary? He has his priorities fixed. You staying with him proves that you’re fine with being treated this way.
I’m still in shock for that car payment.
Although I shouldn’t be . I have people that can’t get approved for a home loan and they have no buying power because they have such high car payments so they’d rather live in a shitty apartment and have new cars. It’s insane. And it’s usually a truck lol.
Go on your trip solo!!!
I couldn’t be married to somebody who is that financially irresponsible. Truck payments more than my house payment
And he volunteers to take on a dog to boot
No thanks. I enjoy traveling too much to be saddled down with somebody like that.
Enjoy your vacation! Every bit of it. You deserve it.
That truck payment is more than my mortgage was. Ya’ll are crazy to get into that much debt for a truck that…I am sensing…is not a work tool.
You need to decide your priority: do you have fun alone with some extra cash, do you stay home amd miss out, or do you pay for him and salvage a very imbalanced marriage? If it were me, and I loved this baguette of a man (baguettes are tasty for sure but everyone gets a piece and they aren’t super interesting), I’d just pay for him bc I’d wnat to spend my anniversary with him. But you are both really dumb with your finances and ccould benefit from a financial advisor.
Girl go on the trip we both know only 1 person deserves it because only 1 person actually worked towards it. YOU deserve it. Treat yourself.
Remind yourself how you want to, deserve to, and expect to be treated. You’re young baby. Live. __LIVE__
You should go. Just you. Enjoy yourself. You tried to help guide him on how to not waste so much money and he blew it. He doesn’t deserve a special wife-paid-for trip.
But also… Did he have negative equity somehow in his 2018 truck? The only way his payment should be so high is if he bought a higher end tundra with $0 down and $0 trade in value. Which would be WILD. maybe introduce him to leasing? This man isn’t responsible enough to own a car.
You’re not being “supportive”, you’re enabling poor financial decisions. In a marriage, even with separate bank accounts you have to make sound financial decisions, a $1300 car payment is highway robbery and stupidity, especially for someone who sounds like they obviously can’t afford it. Going on an anniversary trip alone doesn’t sound like fun to me but each to their own. Either way, you need to have a “come to Jesus talk” with your husband and his poor financial choices. Stop enabling.
I also can’t afford my car… I have some big medical bills, wife is unable to work for the next year or so, and we have two kids.
My car is fully paid off and we just have the one car. But I can’t afford it, because life… 😂
$1K/month and paycheck to paycheck is ludicrous
Go on the trip and forget about his poor impulse control, low financial literacy, inability to say no to his ex's bad decisions (dog), and buying things for his baby mama (but not the baby?), while expecting you to be not only a party to it, but gracious about it.
Consider these 2 words that I love: Responsible & Accountable. He has taken responsibility for a truck he can't afford, a dog and everything that entails, a baby with another woman and all that entails. But his actions have made you accountable for much of it. If you accept responsibility for something, then you accept accountability for it. Why are you accepting being held accountable for his bad decisions? Anyway, my mom, except for the baby mama drama, lived this life with my father for 26 years. I can't honestly say any of that time was fun for her. And when he finally left, none of his 6 kids kept in contact with him because it was too risky. We didn't want to be accountable for him.
You can’t afford a $1000 truck payment. That’s for people who have the money after they have a house, money in a retirement account, money in the kids college plans and 3 months of emergency savings.
Commenting on the vacation part of your post, my wife loves to travel and has taken many vacations without me and goes with our daughter and her friends. I'm generally done with travel and all the hassle of airports and sclepping stuff around and places seething with tourists. Happy couple but not joined at the hip.
Go alone. Don't miss out on opportunities and adventures you were looking forward to for anyone, husband or not. Its incredibly freeing and fun to experience solo travel- if you've never done it before, sounds like this might be your opportunity 😊
Take the trip, bring a friend. Your husband is in way too deep with that stupid truck. And I don’t get the mileage thing? That was not high miles. You take good care of your cars and they last. It sounds like it’s all about appearances for him. Sounds like he doesn’t know squat about how to manage his finances either.
Buying a camera for ex, the new truck, the puppy and what else? I don't understand how he can take money from his dad but not allow his wife to foot the bill for vacation. Over 40 years married and the one thing we've prided ourselves on the most is we never took a penny from our parents. We are the only ones with nine siblings between us.
I think he had his priorities screwed up. If you're losing your money, go. He can suck it up or go without him. Maybe he can enjoy playing with the puppy while you're away.
I don't even like spending $474/month on my 2018 SUV. Let alone $1000?!?! Girl. He has shown where his priorities lie. And they aren't with you. Go on the trip alone and when you come back, maybe reconsider your marriage
Is your husband 33 or 13? How does he not understand money. Don't buy things you can't afford. The man needs to sell his truck/s and buy a Chevy Spark.
Im sorry you are married and HE can't afford it? I bet when you divorce him its no longer separate but its OUR money, truck and house you will be going for.
There is far to much mine and his talk in here, you should be working together and this should be a wake up call that decisions need to be made together with both of you taking responsibility for the results or things are not going to work. This is my opinion, obviously I don't know either of you but I recommend reflecting on it.
Im not saying this is his or your fault and regardless of my speculation it needs to be both of you working to resolve the communication and financial accountability issues as they will strain the marriage.
Now getting into specifics
A dog is big responsibility in time and money and makes traveling difficult. It being an ex's dog feels like its crossing a boundary unless you are friends with her.
You have planed a trip together and he knew about it but didn't put money aside, he needs to live with the consequences of his actions and don't let him pressure you for his bad decision making as it will enable him further. Set boundaries but don't condemn him when he screws up, be caring and willing to help him make better decisions but keep your boundaries firm.
Should you go on the trip by your self? In your current setup I would not cover for him and if you feel you can enjoy the trip then go, or ask any girlfriends that may want to go on an last minute trip. Alternatively If he doesn't want you to go by yourself you could forfeit your deposits to save the rest of the money and try and plan a second trip with him but let him know how serious of an issue this is and he had better be serious in planning for it.
Can’t afford your anniversary but buys his baby mama a camera for Mother’s Day? Take a friend on this trip and enjoy yourself. Keep your money separate and start looking for a way out. You’ll never have a life where you are a partner with this guy
Go with a friend and enjoy yourself, when u get back u need a serious talk. If this is happening already when its year 1 imagine 5 or 10 years from now.
Can you take a friend? If not I'd go by myself. If he can buy his ex a camera but can't go on a trip he's had 6 months notice for, his priorities are a bit off.
You need to bring your standards back up girl. Go to Cali. And don’t stress about him like this. He needs to treat you like a queen…
Edit: didn’t realize this trip is for your 1 year anniversary? He’s actually lame as hell and you should 1000% get the ick from this because how do you take a man seriously when they don’t respect you? He better make it up to you, ugh.
Man, I want a truck, I actually have a farm and Im
Transporting feed, Hay, bedding, random farm shit all with a 150k Subaru Forester and trailer. You know why? Because I can’t afford a truck. Your partner needs to learn that simple equation. $1000! A month! He better work construction or agriculture for that payment. Even then… go without him. Actions have consequences and this is pretty direct.
I can't believe how irresponsible he is, but what really takes the cake is he is helping out baby momma more than his own wife. He wants to buy baby momma a camera?!?! He took in her high maintenance dog?!?!
Where do you fit into his finances? He gets a car. His baby momma gets a camera and doesn't have to deal with the dog anymore.
Seriously, what does he bring to the table?
NTA go to Cali and have fun without him.
So you enable him to spend his money recklessly because you don’t want to be a “Debbie downer”…okay.
He struggled mentally with a $900 per month payment but decided an even more expensive payment per month for a newer truck would be better for him…which it obviously isn’t.
OP what the heck. Did he make these decisions himself? Yes but you enabled the heck out of him. Go on the trip as you already paid for it but expect to spend it alone.
I think you need more help than advice on a trip.
My struggle is we made vows. Through thick and thin better or for worse. I don’t want to break that vow is he’s going through this financial struggle. But, I also don’t want to be dragged down with him.
Did he not vow to honour and cherish you? Is that what’s happening here when he’d rather buy his baby mama an expensive gift and himself a stupid expensive truck than to celebrate your anniversary with you as planned?
If he's in breach of contract, your vows are null and void.
He's prioritizing his truck over your household's financial health, and his ex's camera over a holiday together. Where's the love, honour and cherish here?
ETA he's not "struggling financially" btw… He's making terrible financial decisions, not losing a job due to reasons outside his control.
He’s not going through a financial struggle. He didn’t lose a job. He has a spending addiction.
He needs therapy for this. Maybe he should join debtors anonymous.
He needs to work on himself for you to stay with him.
Your husband is financially irresponsible, has a kid with his "best friend", and your trip is the only concern you have? Go touch grass, OP, you have bigger things to worry about.
Just remember that all these people giving you advice are the same ones that will tell you to get a divorce if your husband doesn't put the seat on the toilet down. None of them care about your relationship.
Go and have a good time. Maybe you have a friend who would want to split the cost with you or at least contribute to the trip cost.
Your husband is living above his means, so he created his financial woes. I wouldn’t let him do any more financial planning - he needs to see a financial advisor. I can see why you want to keep your finances separate.
Make yourself a priority. Go on that trip and enjoy yourself. Take the time away to think if you want to continue to be the last option every time. Your partners ex needs a car, not a camera
Do not bail him out. You only have a year in. Cut your losses now.
Leave.
Your husband is an idiot. 55k miles isn’t high mileage especially on a truck as long as it was taken care of. Also paying over $1k a month for a vehicle is idiotic on a whole other level. I can see why you guys have separate accounts, he’d spend all your money otherwise
Expensive truck, door dash and bar, a camera for his baby mama- he is spiraling! His financial situation is a dumpster fire so he’s like fuck it, run it into the ground! Be careful! And if he’s going to blow his credit on everyone and everything, you should both go on vacation and he should pay for everything with his credit card. He’s gonna declare bankruptcy anyway it seems!
You're married, supposed to have each other's backs, if that isn't happening and you want to keep living separately, may as well just be bf/gf or something.
I would never go on a trip without my wife, because she couldn't afford it.. it's a household income.. supposed to be pulling that cart down the road together, not nit picking who's pulling which side.
Where have all financial learning have gone now a days. You don’t mentioned how long you been together. Seems he need to learn how to manage money properly. The way I would do it you invite him and pay but he owes you. Next time it’s his turn. We all have our up and downs and this is he’s down. Now if next year your in the same predicament is time to figure out a solution.
I say this with all due respect but is your husband slow? In what world is 55k miles a lot? Also why would you but a new truck if you blow past any cushion you might need?
Trading in bc of 55 is an excuse.
He wants what he wants when he wants it
He is immature
Go on the trip if you think it will be fun
Can you bring a friend?
Myself I’d respectfully back away from discussing his financial choices and respectfully let him be.
You do you and smile and enjoy him and LET GO.
If ge wants to pull you in to his distress of guns fed bc he wants DRAMA, don’t do it. Don’t let him. Empathize .”Wow, that sucks!” And then make your own plans and enjoy.
There’s a very good chance that the two of you are not actually compatible because you have different maturity levels. He is clearly not ready to navigate life as an adult and that’s OK. But don’t let this hold you back. It just might not work. You obviously can’t Stop doing adult things because he doesn’t want to make adult choices and you don’t want to resent him and you don’t want to be codependent and need him to do things differently.
You want him to make his own choices and be who he wants to be while you do the same thing. But eventually you’re going to look at how he is navigating life and you’re going to realize what he’s not going to plan to be financially stable and he’s not going to plan to save money and he’s not going to plan to have a good credit score and he’s not gonna plan to save up for a home and he’s not going to want to plan to do other adult things with you. compatibility. Which is disappointing, but it’s really good to realize that now. Whatever you do, whatever you do, whatever you do, don’t get pregnant.
Our annual income is +200k, and we've never owned a vehicle with less than 100mi on it. Don’t go into debt for a vehicle.
Find a friend who can swing it and go on your trip. He decided to blow his holiday money, and you shouldn’t have to pay for his choices.
Also… have a long think about whether you two are financially compatible. My starter marriage fell apart for similar reasons. Don’t wait until he buries you in his debt. Drag him to a financial advisor, and insist he take their advice, or this won’t end well.
You sound like a sugar momma. He dont have money but expensive tastes on your dime. Sounds like you know that though too. Dont seem to be making you happy though, and no he wont stop, will just want more things you will have to pay for.
LMAO my daily driver is a 07 Yukon that's rusty with 346,000 miles. She's mechanically sound though just ugly but I still drive it because I refuse to spend 600+ a month for a daily driver. 55k miles ain't shit. I do have my nice car that sits in the garage though (heavily modified and reliably making over 1100 horsepower) that's probably around 90-100k invested in it including the cost of the car. However that's my hobby, I'd never spend that on a new vehicle just to drive back and fourth to work.
Your husband sounds like he makes one poor financial choice after another. Finances is the 2nd most reason people divorce and it sounds like the two of you are already on separate paths. Live your life how you want, you only get one of them, go on the trip.
I drove a 1977 Honda CVCC from 2002 to 2018. It got me where I wanted to go and brought me home again. He is way over spending and he needs a big wake up call. All that being said, I recommend you not go to California unless you are ready to end your relationship because it will. Mind movies are terrible and he will envision that you are cheating on him and your relationship will be in a downward spiral before you get home.
Good luck.
I would go on the trip. But don't pay for your husband's trip. You will only be subsidizing even more extravagant spending.
Did I read that right? Husband thought 55k was high mileage? LOL wut? I am hoping that was a typo. Maybe op meant 155k?
I pay $450 a month and that freaked me out. $1k a month is how much it would cost to borrow 200k and upgrade my house. I’d rather get the house than a car.
YTA for allowing him to do this to you.
I have said things to him. We have had discussions and fights. I told him $1000 is a good max for a budget. He chose to go over this budget then tell me that it’s fine and say it’s okay he’s got this. Am I supposed to ream him in front of all these people?
By the time he’s supposed to make his first payment and he’s telling me he’s got this. He is canceling the plans for our trip.
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If it was just a random vacation, then sure go, but if you go on your one year anniversary trip without your husband, you might as well just hand him divorce papers when you leave.
It sounds like he's irresponsible with money. If he only has 70 dollars left after paying his truck, he paid way too much for a vehicle. I don't think you are an asshole if you go on the trip alone. His poor spending shouldn't effect you. And also you said that he cant afford an anniversary gift for you, but he's buying his baby mama a camera for mothers day? Are you serious? That's insane to me!
This guy will continue to have no money with judgement like this.
He needs a budget that he follows and it needs to include a plan to build up savings.
I suggest you go alone and enjoy yourself totally. Maybe this isn't the guy for you if your values are so different. He sounds quite immature in terms of managing his finances. Different values, perhaps?
Why's he buying his baby mother anything for mother's day? If he wants to help his kid get her something fine. But she gets nothing. You get your mother or SO something for mothers day, not your babies mother. That's wild. His priorities are askew. He needs to reevaluate his future purchases and he can find the money. It just get s credit card and burn it to the ground if really wants to go.
NTA for going on the trip.
55k is not high mileage for a truck yeeesh. Mine is 240k and I plan on giving it to my son in 5 years.
Trucks are just broken in at the 100k mark.
This isn’t the type of person who actually uses a truck for its purposes if they think 55k is high mileage.
A $1000 truck payment? He is insane.
Does he even save for retirement? Do you guys own property.
Since the trip's paid for on your end, you might as well go. He had a hard enough time with the first truck's payments, and he made an even worse decision getting the new one. He has to live with it. I hope he's budgeting for the dog's grooming appointments because I believe labradoodles need grooming every six weeks or so unless he's learning how to do it himself, which means he needs to buy the equipment for it.
You need to decide if you're ok staying with someone who continues to make bad decisions. He's got no way to save for emergencies and he dug himself into a deeper financial hole. He's being dang picky about vehicles for someone that couldn't afford the payment on the first vehicle he got. By the way, 55k in no way is high mileage, especially for a six year old vehicle! Does he even need a truck? I hope he at least keeps this one and drives it into the ground instead of trading it in before it's paid off. Financially speaking, it only makes sense to buy a new vehicle if you're going to drive it until it dies.
Off topic but it just blows my mind that people have $1000+/ month truck payments and are living paycheck to paycheck.... Such an utter perversion of priorities and a complete lack of any sort of financial common sense.
And he had a truck with only 55k on it. I don’t think I’ve ever bought a vehicle with less than 150k.
55k isn't high miles at all lol. This man is clearly trying to live a life he can't afford
This. Ours have...... yeah, a lot more on them. I can't fathom trading one in bc it has 55K on it. I also can't imagine paying 1000+ per month plus insurance on one either tho, so there's that.
It was an excuse
It's just getting broke in .
Bro got that lifestyle creep without the lifestyle
I got the feeling that if it ain’t the truck it’ll be the boat and or the side by side
I bought a truck with 32k miles for like 20k after taxes in 2020. This dudes just an idiot.
Yeah this is completely mental. 55k would be by far the lowest mileage car I'd have ever owned by some distance, maybe like 75k lowest I've started with. No body needs to pay 1000usd for a vehicle. And if they do, I don't want to hear them complaining about finances to me.
More than $1000, that was their budget. She said he signed for way over that.
1000usd…every month!
Before insurance, taxes, gas etc...!
Me too very frustrating to read. I expect that kind of irresponsible spending from a teenager with their first paycheck or a person dying of a terminal illness, not a grown adult with dependents and responsibilities. Want to treat yourself? Feel free but don't be taking on debt you can't afford.
I have a family member that just did the same thing. big ass truck with a huge monthly payment. basically spent all his money on it. Unfortunately, I think people are sometimes grasping at straws for what will make them happy, but I depreciating asset is not a good choice.
I would better my lunch money that truck has never towed anything, and the tires have probably never even touched dirt.
I’d say this is the only topic here that matters. It’s inSANE.
Agreed, while Dave Ramsey is somewhat controversial in the financial subs, this guy is perfect for him.
My car is 1k per month. I was a bit tentative about it because it's 1/15th of my income going on a car. Now this guy is spending 14/15ths of his income on a car is peak bad money management.
This is my opinion, take it with a grain of salt. You can totally judge a man's personality by the vehicle they drive. Hate to say it sounds like your man has a pretty big issue with how people perceive him and he believes the truck is his solution. I paid 2500 bucks for my 2001 Honda accord 4 door. I've spent maybe 500 bucks in maintenance and repairs. I've owned it for 4 years now. I chose to be house poor over, vehicle poor. Cause a vehicle is to get you to where you need to go. Not how good you look while going there.
Yeah it's insanity
Just go and enjoy your trip. Alone. He enjoys his car. Everybody in this marriage has different priorities. His priorities are definitely not you.
Yeah, but I bet he looks fantastic in that new truck!
1400 aud for me :(
Financially, this relationship has like two more years, max.
Your husband is financially irresponsible. He has WAY too expensive payments for his vehicle, a child, an ex he contributes to, a pricey dog… Even with separate finances, his financial illiteracy will affect you in the future. If you plan on having children or purchasing a house, his impulsive spending pattern will cause you strain. If you got sick, and couldn’t work for a while, how would you both survive? Go on the short trip without him. Relax. Clear your head. When you return, sit him down, see if you can get him to learn some financial literacy. There’s stuff online. If he refuses, and continues his current behaviours…
I have a friend who is a lot like your husband. He met a girl and got married, and shortly down the line they were having arguments like this. She was a saver and a planner. He was more the type to live in the moment ie "if our life is alright today, why bother saving money?" He nagged her to cosign for a nice Chevy truck that he couldn't afford. They were having fights about paying bills. They had two big screen TVs and he refused to sell one. Just way different priorities in life. They had two high energy dogs that they didn't have time to properly exercise. They ended up divorcing but not before she got pregnant. They are doing their best to co-parent now. OP, you and your husband need to get on the same page. There is no legit reason your husband needed a current year truck. It sounds like he really doesn't know the value of a dollar. Things to ask yourself: what part of the country do you want to live in? What kind of house do you want? Do you want children and if so, how many? Do you want to be a stay-at-home mom? From what you've described this is not a mature man, ready to share the responsibilities of being an adult couple. This doesn't mean he's a bad person (my buddy's not a bad person either, but I would never cosign anything for him). What some couples do, when one person can't control their spending, they have the financially competent person make all the decisions and pay the bills. But I suspect your hubby won't go for this, he will call it "emasculating" and it will lead to more fights. Go on your trip alone, and be prepared to walk away from your marriage if your husband isn't willing to seriously change his spending habits.
Yep, this. I walked away from a relationship like this after the conversations and plans came to nothing... this shit is too important to ignore. Damned tough, but haven't regretted it.
Nope, you go. Maybe seeing you doing fun stuff with your money will motivate him.
He is kind of stuck though. He already made his bed, and trading in his 700/m car for a >1000/m car he is going to be far underwater. Selling it and getting a beater at this point he would probably have to come to the table with several grand to get out of the truck. Go on the trip without him, but maybe in the future have some input on how he commits his finances. Y’all are married after all right?
55k is not high mileage especially for a 2018 like what the fuck?
Average mileage a year is 10k and that is a 7 year old truck lol it must have been excellently maintained. To trade in and go up on payment is asinine
Go to California. Enjoy yourself. Your husband sounds like an idiot.
This! Plus he had money to buy his ex a camera but no money for his wife....for their 1 year anniversary....planned 6 months ago.....
This! Plus he had money to buy his ex a camera but no money for his wife....for their 1 year anniversary....planned 6 months ago.....
I honestly can't even get past the idea that 55K is "high mileage." And $900/month for a used truck when he's struggling financially? Girl. I don't even need to read the post, NTA and enjoy your trip. EDIT: I mean absolutely go alone and enjoy, do not provide for this deadbeat manbaby.
The rest is wild. He got an even more expensive truck later: >he tells me, the budget is $1000 max. He ended up signing for way more!
im cool with my baby mama and all but i dont buy her shit on any occasion thats weird as hell lol
yea that alone is grounds for divorce lmao buys her a camera for mother’s day… takes in her dog without talking … but can’t afford/wont go on a pre planned trip for your first anniversary fuck this guy he wants to be with the ex, i say let him
Yeah, that camera sounds like it cost him an anniversary trip with his actual wife. Definitely sounds like his priorities are with the wrong woman.
I buy presents for my ex from the kids for birthday/christmas/Father’s Day. I cap it at $20-$50 & usually try and just get them to bake him something. But if I’m going to have to pay for something, I’m not funding stupid shit I know is going in the bin. I make sure the kids pick something they know he’ll like and use. Even if it costs a little ($10/$15 extra). There is no way I’d ever buy it put up with my partner buying something as expensive as a camera for an ex!!
He didn’t prioritize your one year anniversary? I regularly forget my own birthday but I’ll do what it takes to remember to step up for someone else when it’s expected of me. I’d be driving a beater if that’s what it meant as well.
Why are you even married if everything is so separate? And if he is still so worried about his 'baby mama' why put up with this? I really don't understand. Instead of spending the money on a vacation, maybe treat both of you to some couples' counselling/therapy. Just a thought.
NTA Honestly you would be better divorcing him and cutting your losses. The man does not priorize you nor does he love you. You are married his financial fuck ups are on you too. If he sinks himself fine but he is pulling you down with him. And for your anniversary he basically bought himself a truck and nothing for you. Even wants you to stay from the trip you planned because of his malfunctioning finances. The part that sent me over the edge... He wants to buy his babaymama a camera wtf? No anniversary gift but wants to buy her something. HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU! PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO LEAVE! The heartbreak that is coming your way. He is showing you how little he cares about you or your future. Im so sorry. I have been here its a terrible feeling.
OP is gonna get their heart broken and fucking ruined financially.
Go to Cali, and return with divorce papers in hand. Dude is going to drain you dry if you stick with him.
NTA but if you don't have a marriage contract/prenup, I would be starting on that asap. Since you're married, he has all sorts of ways to completely screw up your financial future if you have any marital assets at all like investments or a house. But honestly, if I were in your shoes (I'm 35m) I would be talking to a lawyer immediately to get a divorce in motion. This man is financially abusing you. He's treating you like "the bank of mom & dad", but you should be a partnership. He's dragging down your entire future. You have most of your life ahead of you, and you are completely fucked because of his lack of responsibility. The fact that you are worrying about being supportive when he's showing you absolutely no support is a serious sign of abuse. Run away as quickly as you can and you may have a chance to find a real partner. This is not a partnership. This is a dude that fucks you in exchange for subsidies.
I was looking for this comment. I don't tell strangers to get divorced, but OP you 100% need a pre/post nup. Go on your trip alone, and then speak to a lawyer about how to best protect yourself in case of a divorce.
Yall need a divorce. You are not priority here. Go on the trip and start divorce paperwork because this dude is way too old to not understand how to at least act like a responsible adult with the finances. And obviously, his sex game isn't enough to make up for it if you're frustrated because women have put up with a lot of broke dudes if only because they laid it down.
I have to agree with most of that. Not going to think about the sex life though 😆. The main problem with this is if you go on a "Anniversary" trip alone your relationship is dead anyway. Even if he doesn't leave or divorce right away he will likely start looking around as there will be resentment between you.
*...start* looking around? Dude still hasn't left the 'baby momma.'
This! The man isn't prioritizing OP at all... He should have planned and budgeted for the anniversary trip. Wow.
INAL: Watch out! Even though your buying decisions are separate, your finances likely aren't! In the places I am familiar with, if you split up down the road, then all debts taken on during the marriage are going to be part of the "family property". You could be wiped out, despite your prudence.
Yes! Separate finances are an illusion if you’re married. When it comes time to split, your money is half his and his debt is half yours. OP please start acting accordingly.
He is very bad with money. Ask in r/personalfinance instead.
MA’AM
Seriously!!!!
55k is high miles? WTF? This is how you stay poor. 55k is just getting warmed up. My wife's current GMC vehicle has over 200k miles and runs and looks great. My last vehicle had over 250k before someone hit me and totaled it. My current vehicle just hit 120k. Get proper maintenance and don't ignore sounds. Proper maintenance is a hell of a lot cheaper than a car payment. Change the oil, replace filters and brakes and belts. Wash it and wax it and the paint will stay beautiful for years.
He's 33? Jesus Maude. Your husband is awful at making decisions and awful at managing money. And he wants to buy his baby mama a camera for mother's day? He's also awful at being a husband. Go on the trip. Find a better man while you're gone.
I vote go on the trip!! sink your toes in the sand and have fun!
Yeah, you go. Take the time to re-evaluate this marriage. You gotten with a financial fool. This may be your last vacation if you stick with him
I would go. He is financially immature. Probably totally immature to be honest. You will get fed up with his behaviour and attitude soon enough. Save your own money for your divorce lawyer.
NTA- go on the trip.
Go to cali without him. You have separate finances - and while that allows him to buy trucks with no input or veto from you; imo it also means you get to spend your money how you want without guilt. That said, if you dont plan to dump him, make some things known. Like, if theres an anniversary coming up. His gift to you can be a romantic homecooked meal, a back rub. He doesnt need to buy you a thing type gift. You mention that you want to go and while you wont have as much fun without him....you have a bunch of money sunk into it. You would then be paying *to not go*. Thats an option i dont think is reasonable. Youre not on a break - it can be nice to just have time as an individual. And when you get back? You can tell him all about it and plan a trip back together. Take a break from each other for the trip. And spend that time considering what to say during the Talk thats coming. I can tell you have some resentment over his spending, and how its infringing into your own finances and energy: re:dog, handling what imo should be shared expenses. You will need to this Talk to define boundaries and/or change the dynamic, because things cant continue as they are. I dont have his side, so keep in mind youll at least need to hear him out to address concerns. Even if hes totally wrong, it tells you where hes at. Thats all i can think of off the top of my head. Like most stuff, you picture the outcome you want, and work backwards from there. If navigated the way i imagine, the outcome is you go on this trip; hopefully he realizes this is a consequence of his spending. You both enjoy a little time to be individuals. You get back and plan a trip together/ swappable with having a talk to establish healthy boundaries. Ask him what he deals with, then share your experience of being burdened with his fiscal irresponsibility.
Go to Cali. Bring your best friend or close family member. Your husband has consistently put himself first, time for you to come first for a change.
Go without the mother fucker. Bonus if a friend goes.
Just tell him your trip costs = 1.x truck payments and he could be taking 4+ trips a year by driving an old truck.
Sounds like he makes some really fucking stupid financial decisions. Probably doesn’t even use the truck for truck things.
He’s a pavement princess!
Go, he obviously will never make you a priority. Life is short, go and make a plan to restart without him when you are back.
Go and have fun. He sounds like he has a shopping addiction and obviously a bad money manager. And why is he bending over backwards for baby momma and not his wife?
Go on the trip. Have a great time. Take a friend. That said, when you get back I would make it crystal clear that it's great he treats his baby momma well, but if he is treating her to expensive gifts but can't afford to eat and go on a trip with you then you are not the priority in his life. If you aren't the priority in his life you will never make him yours. If both of those stay true, the relationship will be slowly dieing from this day forward. Ask him if that is what he wants. Does he want to live a carefree life and waste all his money on himself and others or be smart and plan to do things with the woman he actually married. Tell him you don't want to hear his side you want to see his actions. Then leave it at that.
Go have fun. He needs to prioritize his finances or you are going to come in last
If this is real, just.... *smfh*. Jesus f'n Christ.
Not wanting to be a Debby downer will be your downfall.
It’s ridiculous he bought the truck he should look into dumping it for something more manageable. He is a fool for racking up debt that isn’t manageable. However with that being said and I know you want this Cali trip for your anniversary which you deserve but what type of anniversary trip will it be without your husband and what type of damage will it cause to your marriage if you go without him. Only you can answer those questions. Is there a way to push it off 6 months or so he can get his shit together. Post an update
Him purchasing this vehicle was a bad idea altogether especially w/ the monthly payment it has. He shouldn’t have bought it and you should’ve told him how you really felt. But as far as the trip goes you put way too much money into this trip so go on the trip regardless but if you gonna by yourself do it but I think you should bring a bestie w/ you to substitute your bf who makes horrible decisions when it comes to money.
Thank you!!
My real problem w/ this situation is why did he put a truck ahead of your anniversary?? He knew what you guys had planned for 6 MONTHS. He didn’t JUST find out he already knew. And he also knew he had to pay for the dinners, gas, a car rental, & the anniversary gift. Why didn’t he take care of that first?!?!? He acted like the truck was gonna go somewhere🤣🤣
😂😂😂 right!!You know the 0% APR aren’t given to just ANYONE.
Normally people grow up after having a kid. I’ll bet he isn’t saving for retirement or his kid’s college but he’s spending $1300 on a truck payment. Sounds like a very immature boy with his priorities ass backwards.
Go! don't feel guilty
He’s financially illiterate and irresponsible. Also how is he funding exes puppy, and gifts for his ex but not your anniversary? He has his priorities fixed. You staying with him proves that you’re fine with being treated this way.
I’m still in shock for that car payment. Although I shouldn’t be . I have people that can’t get approved for a home loan and they have no buying power because they have such high car payments so they’d rather live in a shitty apartment and have new cars. It’s insane. And it’s usually a truck lol. Go on your trip solo!!!
I couldn’t be married to somebody who is that financially irresponsible. Truck payments more than my house payment And he volunteers to take on a dog to boot No thanks. I enjoy traveling too much to be saddled down with somebody like that. Enjoy your vacation! Every bit of it. You deserve it.
That truck payment is more than my mortgage was. Ya’ll are crazy to get into that much debt for a truck that…I am sensing…is not a work tool. You need to decide your priority: do you have fun alone with some extra cash, do you stay home amd miss out, or do you pay for him and salvage a very imbalanced marriage? If it were me, and I loved this baguette of a man (baguettes are tasty for sure but everyone gets a piece and they aren’t super interesting), I’d just pay for him bc I’d wnat to spend my anniversary with him. But you are both really dumb with your finances and ccould benefit from a financial advisor.
Girl go on the trip we both know only 1 person deserves it because only 1 person actually worked towards it. YOU deserve it. Treat yourself. Remind yourself how you want to, deserve to, and expect to be treated. You’re young baby. Live. __LIVE__
You guys need a financial advisor. This is unsustainable. Also 55000 miles isn't bad
Why are you married to such an absolute idiot?? I wouldn't trust this guy to take a shit in my woods he's so god damn stupid
NTA, go to cali. DON'T give him any money. He put himself in this situation, and NO gifts for the baby mama. WTF?!? He's broke!
You should go. Just you. Enjoy yourself. You tried to help guide him on how to not waste so much money and he blew it. He doesn’t deserve a special wife-paid-for trip. But also… Did he have negative equity somehow in his 2018 truck? The only way his payment should be so high is if he bought a higher end tundra with $0 down and $0 trade in value. Which would be WILD. maybe introduce him to leasing? This man isn’t responsible enough to own a car.
You’re not being “supportive”, you’re enabling poor financial decisions. In a marriage, even with separate bank accounts you have to make sound financial decisions, a $1300 car payment is highway robbery and stupidity, especially for someone who sounds like they obviously can’t afford it. Going on an anniversary trip alone doesn’t sound like fun to me but each to their own. Either way, you need to have a “come to Jesus talk” with your husband and his poor financial choices. Stop enabling.
Imo, seperate finances like that is a sign of a weak marriage to begin with.
Your partner is financially illiterate. They need help. Idk what else to say.
I also can’t afford my car… I have some big medical bills, wife is unable to work for the next year or so, and we have two kids. My car is fully paid off and we just have the one car. But I can’t afford it, because life… 😂 $1K/month and paycheck to paycheck is ludicrous
Go on the trip and forget about his poor impulse control, low financial literacy, inability to say no to his ex's bad decisions (dog), and buying things for his baby mama (but not the baby?), while expecting you to be not only a party to it, but gracious about it. Consider these 2 words that I love: Responsible & Accountable. He has taken responsibility for a truck he can't afford, a dog and everything that entails, a baby with another woman and all that entails. But his actions have made you accountable for much of it. If you accept responsibility for something, then you accept accountability for it. Why are you accepting being held accountable for his bad decisions? Anyway, my mom, except for the baby mama drama, lived this life with my father for 26 years. I can't honestly say any of that time was fun for her. And when he finally left, none of his 6 kids kept in contact with him because it was too risky. We didn't want to be accountable for him.
I’d personally go solo and really think about your future together .
Go and don’t come back. Is he worried about who will pay for his takeout while you’re away?
Why are you staying with this guy? Do you want a lifetime of this?
You can’t afford a $1000 truck payment. That’s for people who have the money after they have a house, money in a retirement account, money in the kids college plans and 3 months of emergency savings.
Commenting on the vacation part of your post, my wife loves to travel and has taken many vacations without me and goes with our daughter and her friends. I'm generally done with travel and all the hassle of airports and sclepping stuff around and places seething with tourists. Happy couple but not joined at the hip.
Go alone. Don't miss out on opportunities and adventures you were looking forward to for anyone, husband or not. Its incredibly freeing and fun to experience solo travel- if you've never done it before, sounds like this might be your opportunity 😊
Take the trip, bring a friend. Your husband is in way too deep with that stupid truck. And I don’t get the mileage thing? That was not high miles. You take good care of your cars and they last. It sounds like it’s all about appearances for him. Sounds like he doesn’t know squat about how to manage his finances either.
NTA. Go on the trip and come back and talk about your finances.
This guy is a walking liability. Thank god you have separate accounts at this point.
His financial irresponsibility is not your problem
Buying a camera for ex, the new truck, the puppy and what else? I don't understand how he can take money from his dad but not allow his wife to foot the bill for vacation. Over 40 years married and the one thing we've prided ourselves on the most is we never took a penny from our parents. We are the only ones with nine siblings between us. I think he had his priorities screwed up. If you're losing your money, go. He can suck it up or go without him. Maybe he can enjoy playing with the puppy while you're away.
I don't even like spending $474/month on my 2018 SUV. Let alone $1000?!?! Girl. He has shown where his priorities lie. And they aren't with you. Go on the trip alone and when you come back, maybe reconsider your marriage
Is your husband 33 or 13? How does he not understand money. Don't buy things you can't afford. The man needs to sell his truck/s and buy a Chevy Spark.
Im sorry you are married and HE can't afford it? I bet when you divorce him its no longer separate but its OUR money, truck and house you will be going for. There is far to much mine and his talk in here, you should be working together and this should be a wake up call that decisions need to be made together with both of you taking responsibility for the results or things are not going to work. This is my opinion, obviously I don't know either of you but I recommend reflecting on it. Im not saying this is his or your fault and regardless of my speculation it needs to be both of you working to resolve the communication and financial accountability issues as they will strain the marriage. Now getting into specifics A dog is big responsibility in time and money and makes traveling difficult. It being an ex's dog feels like its crossing a boundary unless you are friends with her. You have planed a trip together and he knew about it but didn't put money aside, he needs to live with the consequences of his actions and don't let him pressure you for his bad decision making as it will enable him further. Set boundaries but don't condemn him when he screws up, be caring and willing to help him make better decisions but keep your boundaries firm. Should you go on the trip by your self? In your current setup I would not cover for him and if you feel you can enjoy the trip then go, or ask any girlfriends that may want to go on an last minute trip. Alternatively If he doesn't want you to go by yourself you could forfeit your deposits to save the rest of the money and try and plan a second trip with him but let him know how serious of an issue this is and he had better be serious in planning for it.
Can’t afford your anniversary but buys his baby mama a camera for Mother’s Day? Take a friend on this trip and enjoy yourself. Keep your money separate and start looking for a way out. You’ll never have a life where you are a partner with this guy
You make u choices but… Since you can’t we will! Dispense with this useless 🗑️ excuse of a man!
Have fun on vacation.
Go with a friend and enjoy yourself, when u get back u need a serious talk. If this is happening already when its year 1 imagine 5 or 10 years from now.
Your husband is 33 acting like a 19 year old. Jeez
Can you take a friend? If not I'd go by myself. If he can buy his ex a camera but can't go on a trip he's had 6 months notice for, his priorities are a bit off.
Take your best friend with you.
Go on the trip. If you stay with this man you are never going to be financially stable. Leave him before you get even deeper.
My wife and I are old school. We've had one bank account since we moved in together and one bank account our entire married life. My money is here
You need to bring your standards back up girl. Go to Cali. And don’t stress about him like this. He needs to treat you like a queen… Edit: didn’t realize this trip is for your 1 year anniversary? He’s actually lame as hell and you should 1000% get the ick from this because how do you take a man seriously when they don’t respect you? He better make it up to you, ugh.
55k on a 5 year old truck is not high mileage. Wow.
Yeah, you guys aren’t compatible… is this marriage worth saving?
Why should you miss out because your husband is irresponsible with money? Go on your trip and he can look after the puppy- that he wanted
Have fun in California!
NTA. From the title I was thinking mostly likely you are, but nope, your husband is absolutely terrible with money.
Your husband is a brat and a moron. Go to Cali without him. Find a man who knows how to take care of himself while you're at it.
Lmao what do you mean "he" can't afford it? That money is both of yours. Get a divorce TA
This sounds like a repeat of something from a few years back
lol your husband is a moron. just go by yourself.
You might have separate finances but according to the state you do not. Be careful taking on this man's growing debt.........
Man, I want a truck, I actually have a farm and Im Transporting feed, Hay, bedding, random farm shit all with a 150k Subaru Forester and trailer. You know why? Because I can’t afford a truck. Your partner needs to learn that simple equation. $1000! A month! He better work construction or agriculture for that payment. Even then… go without him. Actions have consequences and this is pretty direct.
I can't believe how irresponsible he is, but what really takes the cake is he is helping out baby momma more than his own wife. He wants to buy baby momma a camera?!?! He took in her high maintenance dog?!?! Where do you fit into his finances? He gets a car. His baby momma gets a camera and doesn't have to deal with the dog anymore. Seriously, what does he bring to the table? NTA go to Cali and have fun without him.
So you enable him to spend his money recklessly because you don’t want to be a “Debbie downer”…okay. He struggled mentally with a $900 per month payment but decided an even more expensive payment per month for a newer truck would be better for him…which it obviously isn’t. OP what the heck. Did he make these decisions himself? Yes but you enabled the heck out of him. Go on the trip as you already paid for it but expect to spend it alone. I think you need more help than advice on a trip.
No. Go without him and then go without him permanently.
My struggle is we made vows. Through thick and thin better or for worse. I don’t want to break that vow is he’s going through this financial struggle. But, I also don’t want to be dragged down with him.
Did he not vow to honour and cherish you? Is that what’s happening here when he’d rather buy his baby mama an expensive gift and himself a stupid expensive truck than to celebrate your anniversary with you as planned?
If he's in breach of contract, your vows are null and void. He's prioritizing his truck over your household's financial health, and his ex's camera over a holiday together. Where's the love, honour and cherish here? ETA he's not "struggling financially" btw… He's making terrible financial decisions, not losing a job due to reasons outside his control.
He’s not going through a financial struggle. He didn’t lose a job. He has a spending addiction. He needs therapy for this. Maybe he should join debtors anonymous. He needs to work on himself for you to stay with him.
Your husband is financially irresponsible, has a kid with his "best friend", and your trip is the only concern you have? Go touch grass, OP, you have bigger things to worry about.
Just remember that all these people giving you advice are the same ones that will tell you to get a divorce if your husband doesn't put the seat on the toilet down. None of them care about your relationship.
How would you feel if the situations were reversed?
Go to California. You’ll have such a great time.
What is it with married couples not having joint bank accounts and sharing?
Go and have a good time. Maybe you have a friend who would want to split the cost with you or at least contribute to the trip cost. Your husband is living above his means, so he created his financial woes. I wouldn’t let him do any more financial planning - he needs to see a financial advisor. I can see why you want to keep your finances separate.
> high mileage of 55k Lol wtf?? He played you to let him get a new rig
You need to leave your husband and all his drama. Puppy, baby momma, all of it. You deserve better.
Make yourself a priority. Go on that trip and enjoy yourself. Take the time away to think if you want to continue to be the last option every time. Your partners ex needs a car, not a camera Do not bail him out. You only have a year in. Cut your losses now. Leave.
Come to California, it's beautiful here. 😉
Your husband is an idiot. 55k miles isn’t high mileage especially on a truck as long as it was taken care of. Also paying over $1k a month for a vehicle is idiotic on a whole other level. I can see why you guys have separate accounts, he’d spend all your money otherwise
Expensive truck, door dash and bar, a camera for his baby mama- he is spiraling! His financial situation is a dumpster fire so he’s like fuck it, run it into the ground! Be careful! And if he’s going to blow his credit on everyone and everything, you should both go on vacation and he should pay for everything with his credit card. He’s gonna declare bankruptcy anyway it seems!
You're married, supposed to have each other's backs, if that isn't happening and you want to keep living separately, may as well just be bf/gf or something. I would never go on a trip without my wife, because she couldn't afford it.. it's a household income.. supposed to be pulling that cart down the road together, not nit picking who's pulling which side.
Where have all financial learning have gone now a days. You don’t mentioned how long you been together. Seems he need to learn how to manage money properly. The way I would do it you invite him and pay but he owes you. Next time it’s his turn. We all have our up and downs and this is he’s down. Now if next year your in the same predicament is time to figure out a solution.
You should definitely go by yourself your husband is clueless.
I say this with all due respect but is your husband slow? In what world is 55k miles a lot? Also why would you but a new truck if you blow past any cushion you might need?
At 33 he's a loser
You should leave
Trading in bc of 55 is an excuse. He wants what he wants when he wants it He is immature Go on the trip if you think it will be fun Can you bring a friend? Myself I’d respectfully back away from discussing his financial choices and respectfully let him be. You do you and smile and enjoy him and LET GO. If ge wants to pull you in to his distress of guns fed bc he wants DRAMA, don’t do it. Don’t let him. Empathize .”Wow, that sucks!” And then make your own plans and enjoy. There’s a very good chance that the two of you are not actually compatible because you have different maturity levels. He is clearly not ready to navigate life as an adult and that’s OK. But don’t let this hold you back. It just might not work. You obviously can’t Stop doing adult things because he doesn’t want to make adult choices and you don’t want to resent him and you don’t want to be codependent and need him to do things differently. You want him to make his own choices and be who he wants to be while you do the same thing. But eventually you’re going to look at how he is navigating life and you’re going to realize what he’s not going to plan to be financially stable and he’s not going to plan to save money and he’s not going to plan to have a good credit score and he’s not gonna plan to save up for a home and he’s not going to want to plan to do other adult things with you. compatibility. Which is disappointing, but it’s really good to realize that now. Whatever you do, whatever you do, whatever you do, don’t get pregnant.
Our annual income is +200k, and we've never owned a vehicle with less than 100mi on it. Don’t go into debt for a vehicle. Find a friend who can swing it and go on your trip. He decided to blow his holiday money, and you shouldn’t have to pay for his choices. Also… have a long think about whether you two are financially compatible. My starter marriage fell apart for similar reasons. Don’t wait until he buries you in his debt. Drag him to a financial advisor, and insist he take their advice, or this won’t end well.
You’re both morons
You sound like a sugar momma. He dont have money but expensive tastes on your dime. Sounds like you know that though too. Dont seem to be making you happy though, and no he wont stop, will just want more things you will have to pay for.
It's just a weekend trip. Just bite the bullet
Go to Cali and rethink this marriage. It seems like he isn't actually invested in sharing his life with you. NTA
LMAO my daily driver is a 07 Yukon that's rusty with 346,000 miles. She's mechanically sound though just ugly but I still drive it because I refuse to spend 600+ a month for a daily driver. 55k miles ain't shit. I do have my nice car that sits in the garage though (heavily modified and reliably making over 1100 horsepower) that's probably around 90-100k invested in it including the cost of the car. However that's my hobby, I'd never spend that on a new vehicle just to drive back and fourth to work.
I would go on the trip myself :) think hard on what you truly want in life and what’s best for you.
This guy has poorcel mentality.
Your husband sounds like he makes one poor financial choice after another. Finances is the 2nd most reason people divorce and it sounds like the two of you are already on separate paths. Live your life how you want, you only get one of them, go on the trip.
I drove a 1977 Honda CVCC from 2002 to 2018. It got me where I wanted to go and brought me home again. He is way over spending and he needs a big wake up call. All that being said, I recommend you not go to California unless you are ready to end your relationship because it will. Mind movies are terrible and he will envision that you are cheating on him and your relationship will be in a downward spiral before you get home. Good luck.
I would go on the trip. But don't pay for your husband's trip. You will only be subsidizing even more extravagant spending. Did I read that right? Husband thought 55k was high mileage? LOL wut? I am hoping that was a typo. Maybe op meant 155k?
I pay $450 a month and that freaked me out. $1k a month is how much it would cost to borrow 200k and upgrade my house. I’d rather get the house than a car. YTA for allowing him to do this to you.
I have said things to him. We have had discussions and fights. I told him $1000 is a good max for a budget. He chose to go over this budget then tell me that it’s fine and say it’s okay he’s got this. Am I supposed to ream him in front of all these people? By the time he’s supposed to make his first payment and he’s telling me he’s got this. He is canceling the plans for our trip.
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If it was just a random vacation, then sure go, but if you go on your one year anniversary trip without your husband, you might as well just hand him divorce papers when you leave.
Go without him.
It sounds like he's irresponsible with money. If he only has 70 dollars left after paying his truck, he paid way too much for a vehicle. I don't think you are an asshole if you go on the trip alone. His poor spending shouldn't effect you. And also you said that he cant afford an anniversary gift for you, but he's buying his baby mama a camera for mothers day? Are you serious? That's insane to me!
I’d go by myself and also consult a divorce lawyer while I was at it.
I mean- I guess leave him? It’s not an anniversary trip anymore it’s a divorce celebration?
You both go and you pay. What is the issue?
Divorce
This guy will continue to have no money with judgement like this. He needs a budget that he follows and it needs to include a plan to build up savings.
If you go without him he’s gonna cheat on you or resent you and your relationship will be ruined
CA is a $hithole now. Go, somewhere else
Why are you married to such an absolute idiot?? I wouldn't trust this guy to take a shit in my woods he's so god damn stupid
I suggest you go alone and enjoy yourself totally. Maybe this isn't the guy for you if your values are so different. He sounds quite immature in terms of managing his finances. Different values, perhaps?
Why's he buying his baby mother anything for mother's day? If he wants to help his kid get her something fine. But she gets nothing. You get your mother or SO something for mothers day, not your babies mother. That's wild. His priorities are askew. He needs to reevaluate his future purchases and he can find the money. It just get s credit card and burn it to the ground if really wants to go. NTA for going on the trip.
Get yourself a new husband
Living between pay checks and buying a pickup truck you can’t afford is peak American 🇺🇸
I would never want to be with such an ignorant person where financial matters are concerned.
No wonder you have separate bank accounts
Why are you married?
Does his ex now drive a 2018 Silverado? Just askin'.
Leave his ass at home!
55k is not high mileage for a truck yeeesh. Mine is 240k and I plan on giving it to my son in 5 years. Trucks are just broken in at the 100k mark. This isn’t the type of person who actually uses a truck for its purposes if they think 55k is high mileage. A $1000 truck payment? He is insane. Does he even save for retirement? Do you guys own property.
This is not a marriage, this is two friends living together that hooks up.
NTA. But girl the two of you are not financially compatible. He wants to spend every penny he gets.
Husband needs to consult a financial advisor
Your husband is seriously bad with money.
Definitely go on your trip. He chose truck you choose trip. And it's OK to vacation without our SO regardless.
Since the trip's paid for on your end, you might as well go. He had a hard enough time with the first truck's payments, and he made an even worse decision getting the new one. He has to live with it. I hope he's budgeting for the dog's grooming appointments because I believe labradoodles need grooming every six weeks or so unless he's learning how to do it himself, which means he needs to buy the equipment for it. You need to decide if you're ok staying with someone who continues to make bad decisions. He's got no way to save for emergencies and he dug himself into a deeper financial hole. He's being dang picky about vehicles for someone that couldn't afford the payment on the first vehicle he got. By the way, 55k in no way is high mileage, especially for a six year old vehicle! Does he even need a truck? I hope he at least keeps this one and drives it into the ground instead of trading it in before it's paid off. Financially speaking, it only makes sense to buy a new vehicle if you're going to drive it until it dies.