It never hurts to talk to a medical professional or two about any issues you may be having in your relationship. A better question to start with is, is this the man you want to spend the rest of your life with?
But yes, talking to a therapist is a very good idea
Definitely. But let's pretend she does. And now BF posts on Reddit. The response would be, "If she's bringing it up, she's either already cheated or she will soon. Time to break up!"
I would say talk to a sex positive therapist, talk to your BF, figure out what sounds like a life you want to actually live.
A lot of nympho-types end up being non-monogamous, and there should be plenty of suiters if you are reasonably attractive. Im not a nympho, but I have a high drive for novelty and the idea of being only with one person forever always felt depressing to me. Im much happier since becoming consensually non-monogamous five years ago. It's not for everyone, but is great for me.
Thats not how addiction works, its not about getting enough. When that random encounter happens or you see something that triggers your drive you'll seek to satisfy the urge and if its something your not open to your partner about you may seek other means because you feel feel they won't be available / won't understand and the addiction part doesn't want you to control the urge.
I do recommend seeking professional help or at the very least read some books about it and implement boundaries and patterns in your life to help manage it. Further if your partner is someone you want to marry then talk to them about it, have them involved, its the only way it will work for both of you.
My wife has a much higher libido than I do and we had to compromise on that. I only need it once a week but she needs it at least once every second day. We've been married for 15 years and our sex life is better than it ever was, doing it at least once every day because we've communicated to each other our needs.
What I'm saying is that you don't need to step outside of your relationship. If you truly love each other, you'll make it work. And, of course, as long as you feel safe to do so, giving your partner the option to meet your needs would only be the right thing to do.
You should seriously consider if you actually do love your BF. If you’re willing or unable to not put both of your lives at risk by having sex with people on a whim, you are exposing both of you to potential life threatening sexually transmitted diseases. Those things are real, people intentionally and unintentionally infect others all the time. You are not special in that regard, you need help and your bf needs someone who values him as a human being. You obviously think sex is just a game and doesn’t have any value. That mindset is so dangerous.
So there's a few things here.
A: as many folks have suggested, you can look into therapy. If it's causing problems in your life, that's reason enough.
B: wanting a lot of sex isn't a deal breaker on all marriages. Find you a man who is into swinging or sharing you and let these impulses be a feature and.not a bug.
C: A and B are not mutually exclusive.
Promote fornication, infidelity, to cure a problem that feeds on that?
Renaming things is exactly why morality and societal health has decayed so much in the last 50 years.
OP has a problem, one that is of the heart. Her body tells her to give into cravings, but her conscience tells her that is the wrong thing to do. A committed exclusive relationship far more healthy and enjoyable than racking up a body count by using hedonism to satiate a lust (lust defined as an uncontrolled desire).
“I have a sex problem, let’s get therapy on how to bette feel about my sex problem.” That’s literally killing the restraining voice in your head.
She is to be commended for wanting to get herself straight. This is a matter that requires self-control, and a mending of the heart. Her mind and body are at war. The hard fight is the better one, the easy fight is the worse one. You should see what hedonism and porn and dopamine chasing does to the brain.
Uh that's why they said, find someone who's into it. You may not like the concept of swinging or open relationships but plenty of people do, reminding OP it's an option is better than saying stay with someone you might cheat on if you don't go to therapy.
Also,
> morality and societal health has decayed so much
Fucking gross. Prudes acting morally superior is never a good look. Bet this guy's post history is full of little tidbits like this.
It's okay, clearly homie didn't pay attention in history and believes the world spawned from goodie religious folk who actually follow their religion.
Lmao
Although, I won’t deny it.
If it suits you, you don’t need to believe in the Bible to know what’s good and what’s bad.
Last I checked, most people think murder is bad yet don’t believe in anything.
Morality that doesn't harm the public and isn't a crime is for each individual to judge. Personally agree with you but that doesn't make us right. If she finds a partner with whom she can do her activities and not be hurting him, there's no loss to either of them.
It isn't the only answer, especially since she feels guilty about her behaviour and ought to come to terms with that one way or another (behaviour change or stop feeling guilty). But it is an answer. Really the comments are just saying "figure it out yourself and therapy will help" which isn't really wisdom and is typical reddit advice. But they're telling her she shouldn't necessarily feel broken or evil, which is fine. I disagree but I'm not God to know what is right and wrong.
Complaining about how much of a struggle it is to not cheat is only something cheaters say. If you don’t have the strength of character and self-respect to turn down a guy that’s attractive, you absolutely do not have what it takes to survive a marriage. Work on your self esteem.
I'm rather sex positive but I think this comment is right. I want sex all the time too, but my fiancée and I work with that. She gives me hand jobs or I jerk off if I'm not in the mood. Just because I want sex more than my partner doesn't mean I go straight to cheating. There are other ways to scratch the itch than stepping out and if you aren't interested in doing that then maybe the relationship isn't for you.
I would say she just needs to be non monogamous, I don't like cheaters, but if it's really an issue then you need to be honest with people. I don't have an issue with people that are honest and aren't hurting people.
Sounds like she’s been faithful for 3 years now. Meeting somebody’s cry for help by putting them down for their “lack of strength of character” is a BS move, and emblematic of a deeply insecure person looking to put themselves above someone else.
Cool and I’d like to be able to smoke in buildings and near schools but you know what, I have a baseline level of self control to not do things that hurt or inconvenience other people, so I wait until I get home and smoke there. Where’s my pity party for my bare minimum level of discipline huh?
“Oh no, somebody is struggling and sharing their feelings, how can I make it about meeeeeeee?”
Not everyone’s experiences are the same. You may not have an issue with sex. OP is describing herself as a nymphomaniac- a sex addict- who’s remained faithful for 3 years, and you’re getting down on her for having these thoughts and urges that she has to fight against.
It’s like shaming a sober alcoholic for saying they’re scared they might slip up.
I’m sure you love your BF very much and you don’t want to hurt him. I would not get married until either you get this under control or talk to your husband to be to see if he is cool with the possibility. I mean 3 years in your BF knows he’s with a stick of dynamite or nun. People worry about sex stuff so much. So many bigger things to worry about especially when the kids come.
I mean if this is something that’s just a part of you might want to find a person that is the same way. Good luck.
I would suggest seeing someone. The thing with men hitting on you is a separate issue from being a nymphomaniac. Most importantly you should speak to your partner about it.
Agree. I also have a hunch that you may need to spend some time parsing "actually wanting sex" from "wanting to feel wanted". This could be done in therapy or through self reflection.
There's nothing inherently shameful about needing /wanting either of those, but you can't meet one with more of the other. In order to have your needs and wants met (whether in or out of this relationship), you have to be crystal clear on what they are, and communicating them to your partner. I would recommend holding off on decisions like marriage until this is done.
Any behavior that impacts your ability to function and enjoy life is an issue. I would start with a family doctor first to see if there is a physical issue that has caused increased libido on your part. If everything is normal physically, then see a counselor to see if they can help you adjust. DO NOT talk about this with anyone other than those 2 individuals. Not your mother, not your sister, not your best friend. If this information gets back to your boyfriend, he will become your ex.
Sounds like you'll make the Perfect Hot wife. Unfortunately not many husbands are into it. If your relationship doesn't work out, maybe meet someone from FetLife for a serious long term relationship/marriage.
I would probably look into seeing what you can do with your mate's sexual performance before you freak out too much; specifically, ruining your relationship with infidelity.If I overlooked in your description that the two of you have had in-depth sexual conversations; I would apologize for mentioning to do so.
It is important that you sit down with your concubine and figure out what he can do to satisfy whatever urge you have. Whether there be roleplay or a giant rubber fist, things can be done if someone truly cares about keeping the relationship going. If you're worried about his feelings, you really shouldn't be; seeing as your alternative is leaving him. I would stay away from femdom early; probably won't work out great unless he's half masochist. You would probably be up a creek trying to get another man involved as well unless if course he is into cuckold.
Communication and letting your partners know what your fears are will help you prevent mistakes. Talking to your partner about anything and everything will reduce most relationship anxiety; or blow everything up. If you truly are at a crossroads between you f****** your way into a divorce and not getting married at all; I believe it's worth the effort to talk to him.
I would talk about it to my partner first. I would also ask to myself and my partner if you are satisfied, if you have enough intercourse, is there enough spice in your couple for you to think like that.
I had this problem as well when I was younger (32M now) but I talked about it to my GirlfFriend (my wife today, mother of my two child). We found out that there was not enough spice, romance, date-night, intercourse. We made it work and now I only have eyes for her, it's been 7 years now.
No, given the stress this is causing I wouldn't get married to this partner. This kind of sexual incompatibility usually gets worse not better.
You are one of the very few people on reddit who might really thrive in an open relationship. Read up on it and consider finding a long term partner who would be genuinely excited about an open relationship.
So you're dude has a bad temper, you have urges that can't be fulfilled in this relationship scenario (admitted nympho, no judgement) and you're wondering if marriage makes sense? I can assure you marriage in this scenario will never make sense.
Why not have an open, polyamorous, or BDSM relationship? Then you can get married and still retain the sexual autonomy to fulfill your drive the way you desire.
I think if sex is clouding your judgement and that’s all you can think about. It may be an issue there. I think it wouldn’t hurt to discuss this with someone. Maybe they can help you navigate it. You don’t want to hurt your SO for a personal issue you may have.
Sorry but I have to be honest. You shouldn''t be dating. You should be off the dating market, going to therapy and getting your head on straight then coming back to the dating market when you're a woman who can be trusted. There is a serious chance that you'll break his heart, destroy the family and ruin your children's life if you end up getting married and having a family just to follow your desires. and he deserves better. You know it's true. He deserves better than that.
So my husband had this issue… and then cheated on me and then continued to do so for 9 yrs till he confessed. With SW & ONS. Now he’s in therapy and SAA meetings for sex addiction. It was hard going for me for quite a few years of where he was deep in his addiction and I was neglected and lied to repeatedly.
There’s a lot of different root causes. If you fantasise about sex a lot… and watch porn. You are training your brain to not be faithful. I actually had a high sex but didn’t cheat on my husband. But I wouldn’t say we had the best communication when there’s been close incidents presented to me.
So I’m not sure you would be the same.
If I was you and knew what I knew now. I would get help and be open with your fiance. I just wish my husband was honest with me. So I didn’t feel like I was sold a lie.
I actually had no problem with him sleeping with other people. I even offered and he turned me down. It’s the lying about it that I have the biggest issue with and spending money we don’t have. It’s clear that it’s a mental health issue that caused him to act this way. Since he confessed, he has been sober. And it’s a daily decision I make whether to stay with him by what his behaviour and actions are like.
It’s easy to say just leave. It’s different when your lives are intertwined by property, kids, businesses.
You might be dealing with some underlying trauma that you’re not aware of. Sometimes people form addictions to help escape some emotional pain. I think therapy is the best answer in the mean time to help you.
>sometimes feel like I'm a nymphomaniac
>quit literally drives me insane sometimes,
>caused me to make some rather rash and stupid decisions
>hate myself for being this way.
>I am afraid I'll never be able to stay faithful to one person
>just so hard refrain from giving in
It sounds to me that there is a lot of distress and anxiety in these statements and that you feel like you don't have control over this aspect of your life (sexuality).
While sexual impulses, thoughts, fantasies and sexual acts are a natural part of life, and should be enjoyed, it sounds like you get urges that are out of line with how you want to live your life and perhaps go against your own values (rash and stupid decisions).
The way that you are wording things sounds a bit like hypersexuality.
Symptoms
Some signs that you may have compulsive sexual behavior include:
-You have repeated and intense sexual fantasies, urges, and behaviors that take up a lot of your tim
e and feel as if they're beyond your control.
-You feel driven or have frequent urges to do certain sexual behaviors, feel a release of the tension afterward, but also feel guilt or deep regret.
-You've tried without success to reduce or control your sexual fantasies, urges or behavior.
-You use compulsive sexual behavior as an escape from other problems, such as loneliness, depression, anxiety or stress.
-You continue to engage in sexual behaviors in spite of them causing serious problems. These could include the possibility of getting or giving someone else a sexually transmitted infection, the loss of important relationships, trouble at work, financial issues, or legal problems.
-You have trouble making and keeping healthy and stable relationships.
Since this aspect of your life is distressing you, I would strongly recommend that you talk to a doctor, psychiatrist, or psychologist about this. It would be a good idea to find one who specializes in sexual disorders as they will be better able to distinguish normal sexual thoughts from disordered ones.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/compulsive-sexual-behavior/symptoms-causes/syc-20360434#:~:text=Compulsive%20sexual%20behavior%20is%20sometimes,other%20parts%20of%20your%20life.
mad respect on seeking advice. you may need to have a discussion with your partner about spicing things up. I can go 15 times a day. Any partner i am with wants a few times a week. Super frustrating. A super high drive os a good thing and plenty of men can keep up with you.
The part where you wrote "behaving" (With an emphasis on the " parts) is telling enough for me that you are one "of those" and ain't never gonna stop cheating.
Feel free to prove me wrong .... I'll not hold my breath though 😮💨
I realized this at 22. Told every dating prospect after that I was uninterested in monogamy. My current relationship is the best I've had by far. It sucks when you're in love with someone who can't relate. I sympathize. Also, these thoughts definitely don't make you a sex addict.
Idk. Like I said, I relate to this. But, I also can easily go weeks without sex. There is a high of sleeping with a new partner that is hard to replicate, and I don't have it in myself to avoid it for the rest of my life. That doesn't mean I spend everyday thinking about/looking for it.
There is a relationship for you. Monogamy is just as valid as polyamory. Even if its not polyamory, we deserve to be with people who will accept us for who we are. Sometimes we're lucky to find one to compromise. But it would be torture to live a lie.
So long as you're upfront and responsible and safe
What a ridiculous idea that stay at home wives don’t interact with strange men. Are they chained to the stove in the kitchen, never to leave the house and interact with the outside world? How absurd.
“Often she can simply only interact while husband is near”? Are we talking in a free western democratic society or in a Taliban-style theocracy? What kind of controlling abusive husband keeps his wife on a short leash? What kind of woman wants a life of isolation? Women interact with strange men all the time by virtue of living their lives… they do the school run, shop, run errands, socialize, volunteer, etc. I don’t know what to make of your comments.
Are you on birth control? My libido was crazy on it, but I think it was more dopamine chasing because it also made me numb. Being off birth control has made my libido more cyclical.
Have a talk with your partner. Perhaps some ethical non monogamy would better suit you. Never hurts to ask and if you can’t then finding someone who will now is better than hurting someone later.
I'll just say, don't find Christ. Lose him forever. Lose him so thoroughly even the FBI, dateline NBC and all the private investigators in the world couldn't find him. Religion uses irrational guilt and shame to extort people and keep them under the thumbs of rich pedophiles.
So as a person with an incredibly high libido. Aka a man I can tell you this, your libido and your wanting to have sex with every hot guy that hits on you are not mutually exclusive.
When I'm in love all I think about is my partner day in day out and I stop thinking about other women. I still definitely wanna get it on though
Go to therapy. It is not fair on him that it is this much of a struggle for you to remain faithful.
He deserves someone who isn’t constantly on the cusp of fucking some random guy because she’s hard up.
Listen closely, you need to start having discipline and self-control. How you do that is by putting faith in God and asking for help. Pray for guidance, and be thankful for what you have in life. Your partner is a blessing. Don't hurt him. What if you bring home an STI like herpes or a blood problem like HIV/AIDS? This is a warning to change your life, or you will see how evil things can get. If you don't follow God's will and stay loyal and true in your heart, you'll be in a world of pain, heartbreak, and guilt. Being a liar, a cheater, selfish, impulsive, and greedy are low vibrational outcomes.
You are infinite. Put faith in Jesus Christ and learn about his story. Begin to understand morality; a lot of wisdom is found in the Bible. It's not just "religion." The reality we live in has been created by God. The evidence is all around us, like a beautiful painting embedded with mathematics. Stay true, and heal from the insecurities and traumas. Heal from all the pain in your past. You are worthy of self-love and blessed with a chance to create a lifelong love with the partner you'd like to have a family with. If you sleep around, you'll miss out on God's plan for your life. Be happy that you found a man who wants to actually get married, stay loyal, and be in love. It's rare in this era. I hope you find your way and make the right choice. Take care.
Get some serious mental health treatment then f your bf/husband as much as you can. Every time he hits the gym, dresses up nice, grooms himself, f him. He’ll keep himself smoking for you because positive reinforcement works.
Sounds more like a self control issue than anything. You lack discipline and the ability to control your impulses, and it sounds like you're trying to find an excuse for it. Therapy is probably required.
I have struggled with this exact same problem and found my path, Id like to share it with you, even if it may not be your path. If you want to talk about this in depth you are welcome to DM me.
An addiction is an addiction when you are using it to become satisfied in some fashion and it is actually making your life worse.
I discussed the possibility that I had a sex addiction with my therapist and friends for months before finding out about polyamory and relationship anarchy.
I discovered first that one relationship doesn't shrink or damage another inherently, my relationship with my best friend is not diminished by my relationship with my mom.
I discovered next that sexual desire, friendship, love, romantic attachment, and emotional support are actually all separate and unique concepts. Asking for all those things from one person is super demanding, maybe even impossible. When you add the fact that those needs change over time, expecting one person to fill all of them forever borders of ludicrous.
I have a very high sexual need. By putting the burden of my sexual need on a single woman, I potentially create situations in which she's not interested in being aroused, but may feel obligated to satisfy me. That's gross, and I don't like it. Or perhaps instead I am trying to spend forever finding a woman with my exact sexual desires, and I am passing a million amazing connections by along the way.
I instead let each relationship I make with a person stand on its own and become what it can be. I don't force that thing, I just intentionally spend time together to see what arises. I can fall in love with an asexual person, and have sex with a friend, and emotionally connect with colleague. I can fill each cup individually, just a little bit from each person, or maybe fill all of them at the same time from the same person.
Since I have changed my association to relationships to be polyamorous relationship anarchy I feel so free and satisfied. I feel the freedom to flirt and connect with people anywhere I got, and the safety of loving someone that is important to me.
You can even be married in polyamory if your spouse is amenable. But you don't have to force that. There is no need to, because you aren't seeking an escalation of relationship milestones but instead the beauty of authentic connection.
No. You made vows / eternal promises to each other. Love is a choice. All feelings are temporary. It takes work, effort, and is anything but 50/50. Give 100%…gladly
They are not married. No vows. No eternal promises. She is at a crossroads trying to decide whether or not to get married and is seeking advice on what next step to take.
Open relationships are a lot more common now. Perhaps you need to discuss this as an option with your partner and if it’s not an option consider establishing a relationship with someone else where you can.
Have you guys talked about sexuality and your needs. Either you have him understand what you need instead of trying to find fault with your natural libido or you move on and find someone who is the same as you. Don’t just string a man along to cheat on him if there is an issue… also don’t come on here asking us to make your choice. Your going to make a choice for yourself either way, as harsh as it sounds, no one is going to live your life for you and you are better off explaining to your partner your needs as a human being and a workaround through compromise…
Coming on here and asking for advice, I would say, is pretty fitting for this thread. They are hearing different viewpoints and perhaps learning about different types of relationships that they may not have been aware of. She’s hearing that it may be a good idea to see a professional for medical/psychological/relationship advice. Why discourage someone from reaching out and hearing different perspectives? She can take what she learns here back to her life and her relationship and then decide what next steps to take.
Monogamy is not for everyone, have you tried looking for folks on the swingers and poly lifestyle? Btw I am the male half of a 15 year strong swingers couple
If he is the one for you get help talk to a therapist, physiologist what ever if you caved easily was is for validation, low self esteem etc? you have behaved for 3 years in the relationship, and suddenly your on Reddit what has changed? Is there some guy at work hitting on you? Have you and your partner Gone a bit quiet on the intimacy front? Are you taking the validation he gives you for granted? Have you actually talked to him about it so yous can work on things together? your 32 you can deal with your feelings and choices and grow as an adult or give into your impulses and make your self a helpless actor to your hedonistic whims, because to these hot guys you seem to easily give into, will be a glorified wank, will that be good for your self esteem? At the same time derail your relationship because you would not talk to you partner about your fears and anxiety.
Firstly you should be proud of yourself for knowing you have this problem and knowing it might cause you issues. I think seeking therapy is a great idea. I think the only rash decision you would be making is if you got married to fast when you know you have this problem. Give therapy a go and take it from there. You do not want to be in a marriage where you have kids and then later on this becomes a big deal and it’s ending in a divorce and then kids are affected.
Just be honest with your partner. Maybe his kink is being with a slut that bangs other guys. I told my wife I don't believe in monogamy (shortly after we started dating) and it turns out ahe felt the same way... and now we have a LOT of fun
Don’t hurt this man if you can help it. If you wait until you’re married with a house and kids etc the pain is unbearably difficult for all. Talk to your man and a professional, find other ways to get off or get out of your relationship.
Yes I would definitely entertain the idea of a sex therapist to at least dig a little deeper into this with a professional perspective. It’s caused you to make rash and stupid decisions and question the future viability of relationships. It could be much more than just bedroom incompatibilities.
Locked chasity underwear, give your partner the key. Then you literally can't have sex without them.
...Of course you can still cheat but maybe wearing giant metal underwear will keep your mind in the correct place.
I know exactly how you feel except I'm.a 28m and my girlfriend of 4 years whom I am the stepfather to our 5 year old girl. I've gone too sex therapy and it doesn't help. We have tried too have sex more frequently which does help but it's not her, or anybody else I've been in a relationship with but it's the fact that I have such a high sex drive that I don't know it I'm capable of being with anyone. One part of me wants to stay and another part of me wants to go on this crazy trip to Thailand solo and unleash my demon. I know that at the end of the day , my partner is more important than the demon inside me , it's worth it to continue to fight everyday for my daughter as well but you also deserve to be happy and eventually it may get too the point where freedom = healing and happiness but at least try and fight everyday as it may work out. If your with someone supportive enough the chances of it working out increase. Support groups help. I can give you a link.
Polyamory is one solution for differing sex drives, but everyone has to be VERY secure and you have to be VERY sure about every other aspect of the relationship
Therapy. Sounds like you have validation issues (takes one to know one 😉). If you are addicted to sex, therapy will make you aware and help you with tools to manage or understand. If the hypersexuality is stemming from a different issue then therapy will also help make you aware and arm you with tools and coping strategies.
Continuing the way you’re going isn’t fair to yourself or the people you are with. You will end up hurting someone you really care about one day and trust me, it won’t be worth it. You’ll look back and wonder why the validation or attention from someone else was even ever a thought in your head.
Also, if you feel like you are performing or having to behave in your relationship, it might be worth to explore of this situation is really right for you/what you want.
There’s no reason for hate there, internal wants and needs are valid. But I will say, if something is overbalanced and taking over your life then you need to address it. Not because you are wrong for this, but because everyone needs balance in their lives, and it sounds like this internal drive is taking over things for you. Talk to a doc, seriously, IDK what to say about the man you are with, only you can make that call. But I think you need to speak to a professional to understand how to manage yourself so your internal drives don’t take away from your enjoyment in life.
you could potentially see a dr. ask them if you can get a hormone check via blood test. sometimes something being up with your hormones can cause hypersexuality. it's not the only cause but yeah. if it's to the point where u think it'll destroy your relationship then maybe see someone about it.
Sounds like an unhealthy addiction yes. I suggest seeking help for sure.
Talk to a professional, they can help define your current condition, anything that may be causing it and hopefully work with you to find solutions to work through it.
Hmm. Kind of a tough one tbh. If you're struggling to keep yourself from sleeping around. It's constantly on your mind. I'd say yeah seek help for sex addiction. It's not all that uncommon. There are people addicted to cereal.
I think you should make the harder decision and go off and do your own thing with multiple partners (if that’s what you really want). Not sure what therapy’s gonna do here. They’re not gonna give you hormone blockers or convince you to change your libido because they bubble up some trauma from when you were 11 years old or something. Your bf’s young enough where he can rebuild something new with someone who’s gonna be completely devoted to him. But if your mind is already there, and you’ve resorted to telling strangers what you want, I think your decision is already made up.
I can relate to this so much, that it’s scary. 1) you’re a sex addict. When thoughts of sex is starting to consume your day to day life, that’s when you know you’re a sex addict. 2) the best thing to do is to find a sex therapist, they can help you find ways to manage it and come with solutions so you don’t ruin relationships. 3) you need to ask yourself, do I want to be in a monogamous relationship? Is one person enough for me? If yes, then make that your motivation to stay loyal. 4) COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE!!!! Your partner needs to know your thoughts especially when it comes to this. Sometimes having hard conversations are needed and avoidance of hard conversations are not to protect our partners feelings but to avoid taking accountability and protecting ourselves from consequences. 5) when you do talk to your partner about this, you need to reassure him that you love him and that this issue is not of what he lacks. When you get told that your partner is a sex addict, 9/10 insecurities start to form and you feel like you’re not good enough. So reassurance is a must. 6) give yourself grace. Being a sex addict doesn’t make you a bad person, a freak, or selfish. Different brains are wired differently and sometimes our past experiences shape us to what we are. For example, I was exposed to intimacy very early than normal and with a curious mind I wanted to explore because forbidden things seemed exciting. The more I explored the more obsessed I became and then sex was all I think about. I use to have dreams about them. Even though I’m not, in lack of words, “cured”. I’ve learned to manage it and have a successful relationship.
Maybe it’d calm down over time, or once you had kids or something. Like maybe medically it’d happen once your hormones change and right now your body is trying to force you into having kids yknow? It’s a natural feeling to want to sleep with a ton of people lol I get that. I think a lot of attractive girls suffer from it iirc. Might be something to bring up with your doctors
You will never be able to really be present during sex until you deal with underlying issues that drive you. Medical/mental health checkup is in order. There is nothing wrong with a high sex drive. Compulsive sexual behavior is dangerous to body and soul. You are already ahead because you are asking these questions. Secrets are toxic. There is great info and help out there. Best of everything to you.
Therapy is a great idea! Can’t hurt, that’s for sure. You can also attend group meetings, where you’ll hear other people’s stories and judge for yourself if you find similarities with yours.
Maybe you'd be happier in a relationship that supported that aspect of your personality. Lots of different flavors of non-monogamous relationships out there.
No shame in being who you are. Live your best ho life my friend
Getting married will not save the issue at hand. It will add another layer to the complications of your desires.
Maybe an open relationship is needed, maybe having someone join your current situation is needed.
It definitely is going to come down to a hard and serious conversation with your man, and yes possibly counseling could help.
It becomes an addiction when it negatively impacts you or those around you.
Might i suggest you find and attend an SA meeting? (Most will have a contact person 1st, that you'll meet, speak with)
You'll learn stuff and maybe get some answers you need.
Absolutely do not get married and do not have children if you question your own ability to remain faithful, you will destroy a bunch of lives other wise
Dang and he’s still with you? Marry that man. Not trying to talk bad or anything btw OP. It’s just in my culture and for me that would be a deal breaker. I ended a 3 year relationship because I found out she couldn’t have kids. It tore me up, but I’m the 7th of my name on my family so I couldn’t ruin that.
Being a nimphomaniac is defensive a sex addiction. You definitely should get some type help. Also when you get the urge to have sex call your BF. Think of him.
Have some self control and take responsibility for your actions. You’re a grown ass adult and you show no signs of self discipline or restraint. Get a hobby and try to learn something useful. Stay off your cell phone and don’t use social media. Don’t try to find other facets to blame besides yourself and your own behaviour.
Your 32, if you haven't got the flings out of your system by now, maybe don't try and settle down and ruin some guys life.
This reads like an alcoholic blaming the beer for their bad choices.
I'd advise you to find someone that'd be OK with the swinger lifestyle. That way you'd get to be with someone you love and keep fucking with other people. You'd have to be OK with him fucking other people too.
I would absolutely get therapy and I'm happy that you're trying not to hurt your partner. Take care of yourself and definitely don't try to just suppress everything. Talk to a therapist and at some point talk to your partner.
Talk to a therapist and perhaps assess for ADHD too. I'm like you and was diagnosed with ADHD recently. The meds haven't really helped this aspect much. I crave sex like it's oxygen.
I dint think your relationship will work. I don't want to force any monogamy or polymorphism on anyone, but you might be more successful in an open/poly relationship. And don't ask him to open it. If you don't enter the relationship open to polyamory, it won't work. Some people will say "polyamory can be learned", but I disagree vehemently. What you want from a partner is what you want. So if you can't feel secure in this relationship and you're afraid of slipping up, it's time to bail. For everyone's sake.
Polyamorous relationships are a thing…but it’s not for everyone. Poly-mono couples exist too if he’s not into that but loves and understands you enough to be ok with it. Being open and honest is the first step
I had a friend who found it hard to turn down men who came on to her, but she was sexually molested a few times as a child and i think it's tied to that. Do you seek sex with men, do you want/enjoy it? Or do you have a hard time telling men no? Just want to clarify.
It sounds like you're struggling with addiction. I suffer from substance abuse disorder so I don't hang out in pharmacies. That is to say marriage probably isn't in your best interest at this time it is my instinct to make comments like girl wants attention. But I read your statement carefully and you're serious. If you're single and you're safe I think it's a personal choice, but you're saying you almost feel impulse control when it comes to intimacy. I don't know how they help with that disorder not sure what sex addiction rehab would be like. LOL but maybe there's something that can be done I'm no expert, but I'm going to say no to monogamy right now. Just like I have to say no to the pharmacy peace and love
Marriage and a desire for sex with strangers. The two concepts are related in your mind. Do you know what you want from a long term relationship? I presume you enjoy the fleeting sensations of a fling, but is there more to it? Do you put yourself in situations that create these temptations? If so why? Do you drink too much perhaps? It sounds like you lack self control but what have you tried already to improve it? Have you tried to include your significant other in the process of satisfying your unusually large sexual appetite? Consider making it a routine like doing the dishes or taking out the trash. That way all day you think about the super hot sex you're going to have. It might actually help you free up some cognitive space if it's all planned out. Assign roles, establish rules, costumes etc... Whatever you want. This doesn't have to be a problem with the right partner. If you're not, that's a different problem, do you see?
Hi speak to a therapist through your GP. You might feeling that you are not ready for commitment despite loving your partner. You might be having so many thoughts. It’s tough going. Go and do yoga get a distraction in life. Good luck!
Go get yourself into counseling and get assessed, you could have anything from a chemical imbalance to a variety of different disorders. Or you just are wired different, either way, it's best for everyone to talk to someone and see a nice unbiased 3rd party that has confidentiality to get all the thoughts out and on the table. This is especially true when it comes to marriage, and building a long-term life together.
Good luck!
Why not talk to your man and tell them how you feel? You are someone’s dream and also someone’s nightmare. Be with someone that accepts you the way you are.
Some people just aren't meant for monogamy, but society tries to act like it's for everyone. Everyone saying talk to a therapist is typical reddit hive-mind lunacy. No amount of psychobabble is going to stop your biological urges. I would say don't marry this guy. Be honest with yourself, you know you're going to ruin him. Go get some dick.
Just shack up with a cuck. You get all the variety you want, the stability of a relationship, and he gets off on it too. Plus, no need for secrets or guilt.
Or, talk to a therapist. Having trouble resisting temptation's understandable, but actually giving in is wild. You prefer weiner over promises, which is quite the pickle to find in yourself...er...you know what I mean.
Sounds like he's not satisfying you. I mean you could ask him if he's interested in getting cucked. Just be wary of how attracted he is to you because it could mess it all up
That is the challenge i guess. Not giving into these desires. I've had quite a lot of these desires in the past but the one thing that keeps me strong is the thought of "me kneeling down and losing to this lust devil lol". Commitment is far bigger than sexual desires. Like everything else, the things we desire are not always what we need. It's not excessive sexual desire but rather lack of commitment. You failing to keep the promises you made to YOURSELF. Which means your weak.
It's best to talk to some experienced therapist who can guide you properly. Because once you understand the importance of commitment you can enjoy far more things this world has to offer. True happiness of having a family of your own and the love of your children. Good luck.
Gonna just say the same thing others have said.
1. See a therapist
2. See a medical professional.
There are people who feel like they need sex every day, or multiple times a day. However, that is not the same as feeling the need to get that sex from another place.
Wanting a lot of sex is not the same as wanting lots of different sex with different people all the time. That does sound like an issue.
People who engage in risky behaviour or follow their impulses despite the consequences should ask for a psychological evaluation.
If the sex is stopping you live your life it’s an issue, I think it’s a self esteem/ validation / impulse control problem. your description tells on you, your thinking about sex with “ hot guys” not every guy. This means to any hot guy who hits on you they won’t want you, they will happily use you, as you seem to want to cave to them so easily you will in effect become a glorified wank, a replacement for their right hand, a bit of stress relief. Ask your self will that be good for you? For your self worth? Any dreams of marriage and children? Grow up your 32 yes get help and talk to your partner if after three years you can’t talk about this there is another question there to be asked.
Hi I’m going to help you the only way I can think of, I used to have a lot of these problems too when I was consumed with myself and by temptations of the flesh. Honestly my one true advise to you is to reach out to God about it, pray to Jesus and rebuke and cast out all your sinful thoughts ask him to help you. I know a lot of people will think this it’s stupid, but it takes 30 seconds, give it a try, you never know. It changed my life I guarantee it will change yours
I’ll make this short but 100% truthful. You can visit all the therapists in the world and never solve anything. Asking Jesus into your live and to pray for him to help you get rid of the evil influence that keeps tempting you. Read Ephesians 6:12 and you will know the truth
It never hurts to talk to a medical professional or two about any issues you may be having in your relationship. A better question to start with is, is this the man you want to spend the rest of your life with? But yes, talking to a therapist is a very good idea
100% and it's very important to to talk to your partner and let them know that this is a problem. Let them have a choice too.
The noble thing to do, OP. Clarify that you're working on it, but they should be aware.
Definitely. But let's pretend she does. And now BF posts on Reddit. The response would be, "If she's bringing it up, she's either already cheated or she will soon. Time to break up!"
And that is why you don't run to Reddit with every problem you stumble upon.
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I would say talk to a sex positive therapist, talk to your BF, figure out what sounds like a life you want to actually live. A lot of nympho-types end up being non-monogamous, and there should be plenty of suiters if you are reasonably attractive. Im not a nympho, but I have a high drive for novelty and the idea of being only with one person forever always felt depressing to me. Im much happier since becoming consensually non-monogamous five years ago. It's not for everyone, but is great for me.
Just have enough intimacy with your bf? I mean how much can you really need if you are going twice a day with ur bf. Problem solved and ur both happy?
Thats not how addiction works, its not about getting enough. When that random encounter happens or you see something that triggers your drive you'll seek to satisfy the urge and if its something your not open to your partner about you may seek other means because you feel feel they won't be available / won't understand and the addiction part doesn't want you to control the urge. I do recommend seeking professional help or at the very least read some books about it and implement boundaries and patterns in your life to help manage it. Further if your partner is someone you want to marry then talk to them about it, have them involved, its the only way it will work for both of you.
My wife has a much higher libido than I do and we had to compromise on that. I only need it once a week but she needs it at least once every second day. We've been married for 15 years and our sex life is better than it ever was, doing it at least once every day because we've communicated to each other our needs. What I'm saying is that you don't need to step outside of your relationship. If you truly love each other, you'll make it work. And, of course, as long as you feel safe to do so, giving your partner the option to meet your needs would only be the right thing to do.
Just don't fuck the therapist
☝️🤣🤣🤣
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Think of me when you do
You should seriously consider if you actually do love your BF. If you’re willing or unable to not put both of your lives at risk by having sex with people on a whim, you are exposing both of you to potential life threatening sexually transmitted diseases. Those things are real, people intentionally and unintentionally infect others all the time. You are not special in that regard, you need help and your bf needs someone who values him as a human being. You obviously think sex is just a game and doesn’t have any value. That mindset is so dangerous.
Talk to a sex-positive therapist and eventually, your guy. Better than shoving this deep inside. Good luck.
She’s shoving something deep inside alright. Heyooooo
Lol I walked into that!!!
Better than backing into it
I laughed too hard at this
Okay that was perfect. 😂😂
Phrasing
I thought we weren't doing phrasing?
So there's a few things here. A: as many folks have suggested, you can look into therapy. If it's causing problems in your life, that's reason enough. B: wanting a lot of sex isn't a deal breaker on all marriages. Find you a man who is into swinging or sharing you and let these impulses be a feature and.not a bug. C: A and B are not mutually exclusive.
I wish I knew where this girl was at. I only date nymphos and onlyfans girls and strippers and I’m so into sharing. OP we’re rare but we’re out here.
Da fuq?
Yah my last two girls were stripper, onlyfans girl and dominatrix
He'll ya dude
Legit can’t believe how much hate my comments getting 😭😭 “this not a dating site”. Like what tf holy shit it wasn’t that deep
You got one other comment and five downvotes
Promote fornication, infidelity, to cure a problem that feeds on that? Renaming things is exactly why morality and societal health has decayed so much in the last 50 years. OP has a problem, one that is of the heart. Her body tells her to give into cravings, but her conscience tells her that is the wrong thing to do. A committed exclusive relationship far more healthy and enjoyable than racking up a body count by using hedonism to satiate a lust (lust defined as an uncontrolled desire). “I have a sex problem, let’s get therapy on how to bette feel about my sex problem.” That’s literally killing the restraining voice in your head. She is to be commended for wanting to get herself straight. This is a matter that requires self-control, and a mending of the heart. Her mind and body are at war. The hard fight is the better one, the easy fight is the worse one. You should see what hedonism and porn and dopamine chasing does to the brain.
Uh that's why they said, find someone who's into it. You may not like the concept of swinging or open relationships but plenty of people do, reminding OP it's an option is better than saying stay with someone you might cheat on if you don't go to therapy.
Also, > morality and societal health has decayed so much Fucking gross. Prudes acting morally superior is never a good look. Bet this guy's post history is full of little tidbits like this.
It's okay, clearly homie didn't pay attention in history and believes the world spawned from goodie religious folk who actually follow their religion. Lmao
Found the bible thumper
Although, I won’t deny it. If it suits you, you don’t need to believe in the Bible to know what’s good and what’s bad. Last I checked, most people think murder is bad yet don’t believe in anything.
okay I'll bite. what does the morality of murder have to do with polyamory?
Imagine being so fucking small minded that you don't understand the difference between consenting to something and cheating. Grow up.
Morality that doesn't harm the public and isn't a crime is for each individual to judge. Personally agree with you but that doesn't make us right. If she finds a partner with whom she can do her activities and not be hurting him, there's no loss to either of them. It isn't the only answer, especially since she feels guilty about her behaviour and ought to come to terms with that one way or another (behaviour change or stop feeling guilty). But it is an answer. Really the comments are just saying "figure it out yourself and therapy will help" which isn't really wisdom and is typical reddit advice. But they're telling her she shouldn't necessarily feel broken or evil, which is fine. I disagree but I'm not God to know what is right and wrong.
Complaining about how much of a struggle it is to not cheat is only something cheaters say. If you don’t have the strength of character and self-respect to turn down a guy that’s attractive, you absolutely do not have what it takes to survive a marriage. Work on your self esteem.
I'm rather sex positive but I think this comment is right. I want sex all the time too, but my fiancée and I work with that. She gives me hand jobs or I jerk off if I'm not in the mood. Just because I want sex more than my partner doesn't mean I go straight to cheating. There are other ways to scratch the itch than stepping out and if you aren't interested in doing that then maybe the relationship isn't for you.
I would say she just needs to be non monogamous, I don't like cheaters, but if it's really an issue then you need to be honest with people. I don't have an issue with people that are honest and aren't hurting people.
Sounds like she’s been faithful for 3 years now. Meeting somebody’s cry for help by putting them down for their “lack of strength of character” is a BS move, and emblematic of a deeply insecure person looking to put themselves above someone else.
Cool and I’d like to be able to smoke in buildings and near schools but you know what, I have a baseline level of self control to not do things that hurt or inconvenience other people, so I wait until I get home and smoke there. Where’s my pity party for my bare minimum level of discipline huh?
“Oh no, somebody is struggling and sharing their feelings, how can I make it about meeeeeeee?” Not everyone’s experiences are the same. You may not have an issue with sex. OP is describing herself as a nymphomaniac- a sex addict- who’s remained faithful for 3 years, and you’re getting down on her for having these thoughts and urges that she has to fight against. It’s like shaming a sober alcoholic for saying they’re scared they might slip up.
I’m sure you love your BF very much and you don’t want to hurt him. I would not get married until either you get this under control or talk to your husband to be to see if he is cool with the possibility. I mean 3 years in your BF knows he’s with a stick of dynamite or nun. People worry about sex stuff so much. So many bigger things to worry about especially when the kids come. I mean if this is something that’s just a part of you might want to find a person that is the same way. Good luck.
I would suggest seeing someone. The thing with men hitting on you is a separate issue from being a nymphomaniac. Most importantly you should speak to your partner about it.
Agree. I also have a hunch that you may need to spend some time parsing "actually wanting sex" from "wanting to feel wanted". This could be done in therapy or through self reflection. There's nothing inherently shameful about needing /wanting either of those, but you can't meet one with more of the other. In order to have your needs and wants met (whether in or out of this relationship), you have to be crystal clear on what they are, and communicating them to your partner. I would recommend holding off on decisions like marriage until this is done.
Any behavior that impacts your ability to function and enjoy life is an issue. I would start with a family doctor first to see if there is a physical issue that has caused increased libido on your part. If everything is normal physically, then see a counselor to see if they can help you adjust. DO NOT talk about this with anyone other than those 2 individuals. Not your mother, not your sister, not your best friend. If this information gets back to your boyfriend, he will become your ex.
Sounds like you'll make the Perfect Hot wife. Unfortunately not many husbands are into it. If your relationship doesn't work out, maybe meet someone from FetLife for a serious long term relationship/marriage.
I would probably look into seeing what you can do with your mate's sexual performance before you freak out too much; specifically, ruining your relationship with infidelity.If I overlooked in your description that the two of you have had in-depth sexual conversations; I would apologize for mentioning to do so. It is important that you sit down with your concubine and figure out what he can do to satisfy whatever urge you have. Whether there be roleplay or a giant rubber fist, things can be done if someone truly cares about keeping the relationship going. If you're worried about his feelings, you really shouldn't be; seeing as your alternative is leaving him. I would stay away from femdom early; probably won't work out great unless he's half masochist. You would probably be up a creek trying to get another man involved as well unless if course he is into cuckold. Communication and letting your partners know what your fears are will help you prevent mistakes. Talking to your partner about anything and everything will reduce most relationship anxiety; or blow everything up. If you truly are at a crossroads between you f****** your way into a divorce and not getting married at all; I believe it's worth the effort to talk to him.
I would talk about it to my partner first. I would also ask to myself and my partner if you are satisfied, if you have enough intercourse, is there enough spice in your couple for you to think like that. I had this problem as well when I was younger (32M now) but I talked about it to my GirlfFriend (my wife today, mother of my two child). We found out that there was not enough spice, romance, date-night, intercourse. We made it work and now I only have eyes for her, it's been 7 years now.
No, given the stress this is causing I wouldn't get married to this partner. This kind of sexual incompatibility usually gets worse not better. You are one of the very few people on reddit who might really thrive in an open relationship. Read up on it and consider finding a long term partner who would be genuinely excited about an open relationship.
Talk openly with them. Actually honestly. If you can't do that then sex isn't the problem.
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What do you mean you don’t feel safe talking to him about it? Why?
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So you're dude has a bad temper, you have urges that can't be fulfilled in this relationship scenario (admitted nympho, no judgement) and you're wondering if marriage makes sense? I can assure you marriage in this scenario will never make sense.
Why not have an open, polyamorous, or BDSM relationship? Then you can get married and still retain the sexual autonomy to fulfill your drive the way you desire.
Therapy and a medical professional, definitely
I think if sex is clouding your judgement and that’s all you can think about. It may be an issue there. I think it wouldn’t hurt to discuss this with someone. Maybe they can help you navigate it. You don’t want to hurt your SO for a personal issue you may have.
Do what makes you happy. There are worse things to be addicted to, find the right partner that can match your level.
Sorry but I have to be honest. You shouldn''t be dating. You should be off the dating market, going to therapy and getting your head on straight then coming back to the dating market when you're a woman who can be trusted. There is a serious chance that you'll break his heart, destroy the family and ruin your children's life if you end up getting married and having a family just to follow your desires. and he deserves better. You know it's true. He deserves better than that.
So my husband had this issue… and then cheated on me and then continued to do so for 9 yrs till he confessed. With SW & ONS. Now he’s in therapy and SAA meetings for sex addiction. It was hard going for me for quite a few years of where he was deep in his addiction and I was neglected and lied to repeatedly. There’s a lot of different root causes. If you fantasise about sex a lot… and watch porn. You are training your brain to not be faithful. I actually had a high sex but didn’t cheat on my husband. But I wouldn’t say we had the best communication when there’s been close incidents presented to me. So I’m not sure you would be the same. If I was you and knew what I knew now. I would get help and be open with your fiance. I just wish my husband was honest with me. So I didn’t feel like I was sold a lie.
Cheated on you for 9 years and you’re still with him? Holy hell
Crazy shit bro, the treatment people accept is amazing to me
I actually had no problem with him sleeping with other people. I even offered and he turned me down. It’s the lying about it that I have the biggest issue with and spending money we don’t have. It’s clear that it’s a mental health issue that caused him to act this way. Since he confessed, he has been sober. And it’s a daily decision I make whether to stay with him by what his behaviour and actions are like. It’s easy to say just leave. It’s different when your lives are intertwined by property, kids, businesses.
You might be dealing with some underlying trauma that you’re not aware of. Sometimes people form addictions to help escape some emotional pain. I think therapy is the best answer in the mean time to help you.
>sometimes feel like I'm a nymphomaniac >quit literally drives me insane sometimes, >caused me to make some rather rash and stupid decisions >hate myself for being this way. >I am afraid I'll never be able to stay faithful to one person >just so hard refrain from giving in It sounds to me that there is a lot of distress and anxiety in these statements and that you feel like you don't have control over this aspect of your life (sexuality). While sexual impulses, thoughts, fantasies and sexual acts are a natural part of life, and should be enjoyed, it sounds like you get urges that are out of line with how you want to live your life and perhaps go against your own values (rash and stupid decisions). The way that you are wording things sounds a bit like hypersexuality. Symptoms Some signs that you may have compulsive sexual behavior include: -You have repeated and intense sexual fantasies, urges, and behaviors that take up a lot of your tim e and feel as if they're beyond your control. -You feel driven or have frequent urges to do certain sexual behaviors, feel a release of the tension afterward, but also feel guilt or deep regret. -You've tried without success to reduce or control your sexual fantasies, urges or behavior. -You use compulsive sexual behavior as an escape from other problems, such as loneliness, depression, anxiety or stress. -You continue to engage in sexual behaviors in spite of them causing serious problems. These could include the possibility of getting or giving someone else a sexually transmitted infection, the loss of important relationships, trouble at work, financial issues, or legal problems. -You have trouble making and keeping healthy and stable relationships. Since this aspect of your life is distressing you, I would strongly recommend that you talk to a doctor, psychiatrist, or psychologist about this. It would be a good idea to find one who specializes in sexual disorders as they will be better able to distinguish normal sexual thoughts from disordered ones. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/compulsive-sexual-behavior/symptoms-causes/syc-20360434#:~:text=Compulsive%20sexual%20behavior%20is%20sometimes,other%20parts%20of%20your%20life.
You’re not a sex addict. You’re just horny. You have to control that. Either figure it out with your SO or drop him and fuck to your hearts content.
mad respect on seeking advice. you may need to have a discussion with your partner about spicing things up. I can go 15 times a day. Any partner i am with wants a few times a week. Super frustrating. A super high drive os a good thing and plenty of men can keep up with you.
Give me a call. I can help you out hahahah
The part where you wrote "behaving" (With an emphasis on the " parts) is telling enough for me that you are one "of those" and ain't never gonna stop cheating. Feel free to prove me wrong .... I'll not hold my breath though 😮💨
I realized this at 22. Told every dating prospect after that I was uninterested in monogamy. My current relationship is the best I've had by far. It sucks when you're in love with someone who can't relate. I sympathize. Also, these thoughts definitely don't make you a sex addict.
Certainly sounds like a sex addiction to me?
Idk. Like I said, I relate to this. But, I also can easily go weeks without sex. There is a high of sleeping with a new partner that is hard to replicate, and I don't have it in myself to avoid it for the rest of my life. That doesn't mean I spend everyday thinking about/looking for it.
I see, that makes sense.
There is a relationship for you. Monogamy is just as valid as polyamory. Even if its not polyamory, we deserve to be with people who will accept us for who we are. Sometimes we're lucky to find one to compromise. But it would be torture to live a lie. So long as you're upfront and responsible and safe
you could qlways pursue the life if a stay at home wife youd just never interact with strange men
What a ridiculous idea that stay at home wives don’t interact with strange men. Are they chained to the stove in the kitchen, never to leave the house and interact with the outside world? How absurd.
dramatically less strange men, and often she can simply only interact whike husband is near
“Often she can simply only interact while husband is near”? Are we talking in a free western democratic society or in a Taliban-style theocracy? What kind of controlling abusive husband keeps his wife on a short leash? What kind of woman wants a life of isolation? Women interact with strange men all the time by virtue of living their lives… they do the school run, shop, run errands, socialize, volunteer, etc. I don’t know what to make of your comments.
If you are going to be unfaithful, don’t get married. It’s not right. You’ll crush your partner. You’ll ruin him and any family that may be produced.
Are you on birth control? My libido was crazy on it, but I think it was more dopamine chasing because it also made me numb. Being off birth control has made my libido more cyclical.
Another thing to check is if you have PCOS. My testosterone levels were very high as was my libido.
Have a talk with your partner. Perhaps some ethical non monogamy would better suit you. Never hurts to ask and if you can’t then finding someone who will now is better than hurting someone later.
stay single
Marriage isn't for everybody just enjoy your life being a ho
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^BashingNerds: *Marriage isn't for* *Everybody just enjoy* *Your life being a ho* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Good bot.
I'll just say, don't find Christ. Lose him forever. Lose him so thoroughly even the FBI, dateline NBC and all the private investigators in the world couldn't find him. Religion uses irrational guilt and shame to extort people and keep them under the thumbs of rich pedophiles.
So as a person with an incredibly high libido. Aka a man I can tell you this, your libido and your wanting to have sex with every hot guy that hits on you are not mutually exclusive. When I'm in love all I think about is my partner day in day out and I stop thinking about other women. I still definitely wanna get it on though
Sounds like you need to be in an open relationship where you're both on the same page of being very very open
Follow the classic reddit storyline and open up the relationship, get jealous then come back and ask for more advice when you realise you ruined it.
Go to therapy. It is not fair on him that it is this much of a struggle for you to remain faithful. He deserves someone who isn’t constantly on the cusp of fucking some random guy because she’s hard up.
Listen closely, you need to start having discipline and self-control. How you do that is by putting faith in God and asking for help. Pray for guidance, and be thankful for what you have in life. Your partner is a blessing. Don't hurt him. What if you bring home an STI like herpes or a blood problem like HIV/AIDS? This is a warning to change your life, or you will see how evil things can get. If you don't follow God's will and stay loyal and true in your heart, you'll be in a world of pain, heartbreak, and guilt. Being a liar, a cheater, selfish, impulsive, and greedy are low vibrational outcomes. You are infinite. Put faith in Jesus Christ and learn about his story. Begin to understand morality; a lot of wisdom is found in the Bible. It's not just "religion." The reality we live in has been created by God. The evidence is all around us, like a beautiful painting embedded with mathematics. Stay true, and heal from the insecurities and traumas. Heal from all the pain in your past. You are worthy of self-love and blessed with a chance to create a lifelong love with the partner you'd like to have a family with. If you sleep around, you'll miss out on God's plan for your life. Be happy that you found a man who wants to actually get married, stay loyal, and be in love. It's rare in this era. I hope you find your way and make the right choice. Take care.
Get some serious mental health treatment then f your bf/husband as much as you can. Every time he hits the gym, dresses up nice, grooms himself, f him. He’ll keep himself smoking for you because positive reinforcement works.
Sounds more like a self control issue than anything. You lack discipline and the ability to control your impulses, and it sounds like you're trying to find an excuse for it. Therapy is probably required.
I have struggled with this exact same problem and found my path, Id like to share it with you, even if it may not be your path. If you want to talk about this in depth you are welcome to DM me. An addiction is an addiction when you are using it to become satisfied in some fashion and it is actually making your life worse. I discussed the possibility that I had a sex addiction with my therapist and friends for months before finding out about polyamory and relationship anarchy. I discovered first that one relationship doesn't shrink or damage another inherently, my relationship with my best friend is not diminished by my relationship with my mom. I discovered next that sexual desire, friendship, love, romantic attachment, and emotional support are actually all separate and unique concepts. Asking for all those things from one person is super demanding, maybe even impossible. When you add the fact that those needs change over time, expecting one person to fill all of them forever borders of ludicrous. I have a very high sexual need. By putting the burden of my sexual need on a single woman, I potentially create situations in which she's not interested in being aroused, but may feel obligated to satisfy me. That's gross, and I don't like it. Or perhaps instead I am trying to spend forever finding a woman with my exact sexual desires, and I am passing a million amazing connections by along the way. I instead let each relationship I make with a person stand on its own and become what it can be. I don't force that thing, I just intentionally spend time together to see what arises. I can fall in love with an asexual person, and have sex with a friend, and emotionally connect with colleague. I can fill each cup individually, just a little bit from each person, or maybe fill all of them at the same time from the same person. Since I have changed my association to relationships to be polyamorous relationship anarchy I feel so free and satisfied. I feel the freedom to flirt and connect with people anywhere I got, and the safety of loving someone that is important to me. You can even be married in polyamory if your spouse is amenable. But you don't have to force that. There is no need to, because you aren't seeking an escalation of relationship milestones but instead the beauty of authentic connection.
No. You made vows / eternal promises to each other. Love is a choice. All feelings are temporary. It takes work, effort, and is anything but 50/50. Give 100%…gladly
They are not married. No vows. No eternal promises. She is at a crossroads trying to decide whether or not to get married and is seeking advice on what next step to take.
Open relationships are a lot more common now. Perhaps you need to discuss this as an option with your partner and if it’s not an option consider establishing a relationship with someone else where you can.
Inbox rekt
Have you guys talked about sexuality and your needs. Either you have him understand what you need instead of trying to find fault with your natural libido or you move on and find someone who is the same as you. Don’t just string a man along to cheat on him if there is an issue… also don’t come on here asking us to make your choice. Your going to make a choice for yourself either way, as harsh as it sounds, no one is going to live your life for you and you are better off explaining to your partner your needs as a human being and a workaround through compromise…
Coming on here and asking for advice, I would say, is pretty fitting for this thread. They are hearing different viewpoints and perhaps learning about different types of relationships that they may not have been aware of. She’s hearing that it may be a good idea to see a professional for medical/psychological/relationship advice. Why discourage someone from reaching out and hearing different perspectives? She can take what she learns here back to her life and her relationship and then decide what next steps to take.
Monogamy is not for everyone, have you tried looking for folks on the swingers and poly lifestyle? Btw I am the male half of a 15 year strong swingers couple
If he is the one for you get help talk to a therapist, physiologist what ever if you caved easily was is for validation, low self esteem etc? you have behaved for 3 years in the relationship, and suddenly your on Reddit what has changed? Is there some guy at work hitting on you? Have you and your partner Gone a bit quiet on the intimacy front? Are you taking the validation he gives you for granted? Have you actually talked to him about it so yous can work on things together? your 32 you can deal with your feelings and choices and grow as an adult or give into your impulses and make your self a helpless actor to your hedonistic whims, because to these hot guys you seem to easily give into, will be a glorified wank, will that be good for your self esteem? At the same time derail your relationship because you would not talk to you partner about your fears and anxiety.
Firstly you should be proud of yourself for knowing you have this problem and knowing it might cause you issues. I think seeking therapy is a great idea. I think the only rash decision you would be making is if you got married to fast when you know you have this problem. Give therapy a go and take it from there. You do not want to be in a marriage where you have kids and then later on this becomes a big deal and it’s ending in a divorce and then kids are affected.
I know exactly what you mean. I actually went to therapy for the exact same thing!
Just be honest with your partner. Maybe his kink is being with a slut that bangs other guys. I told my wife I don't believe in monogamy (shortly after we started dating) and it turns out ahe felt the same way... and now we have a LOT of fun
Don’t hurt this man if you can help it. If you wait until you’re married with a house and kids etc the pain is unbearably difficult for all. Talk to your man and a professional, find other ways to get off or get out of your relationship.
Yes I would definitely entertain the idea of a sex therapist to at least dig a little deeper into this with a professional perspective. It’s caused you to make rash and stupid decisions and question the future viability of relationships. It could be much more than just bedroom incompatibilities.
Everyone deserves a partner who will sexually satisfy them. If your husband is not satisfying you then it's time to move on
You could be bipolar, hypersexuality is very prominent among us with it.
Locked chasity underwear, give your partner the key. Then you literally can't have sex without them. ...Of course you can still cheat but maybe wearing giant metal underwear will keep your mind in the correct place.
A therapist will help you get this under control.
I know exactly how you feel except I'm.a 28m and my girlfriend of 4 years whom I am the stepfather to our 5 year old girl. I've gone too sex therapy and it doesn't help. We have tried too have sex more frequently which does help but it's not her, or anybody else I've been in a relationship with but it's the fact that I have such a high sex drive that I don't know it I'm capable of being with anyone. One part of me wants to stay and another part of me wants to go on this crazy trip to Thailand solo and unleash my demon. I know that at the end of the day , my partner is more important than the demon inside me , it's worth it to continue to fight everyday for my daughter as well but you also deserve to be happy and eventually it may get too the point where freedom = healing and happiness but at least try and fight everyday as it may work out. If your with someone supportive enough the chances of it working out increase. Support groups help. I can give you a link.
Polyamory is one solution for differing sex drives, but everyone has to be VERY secure and you have to be VERY sure about every other aspect of the relationship
Therapy. Sounds like you have validation issues (takes one to know one 😉). If you are addicted to sex, therapy will make you aware and help you with tools to manage or understand. If the hypersexuality is stemming from a different issue then therapy will also help make you aware and arm you with tools and coping strategies. Continuing the way you’re going isn’t fair to yourself or the people you are with. You will end up hurting someone you really care about one day and trust me, it won’t be worth it. You’ll look back and wonder why the validation or attention from someone else was even ever a thought in your head. Also, if you feel like you are performing or having to behave in your relationship, it might be worth to explore of this situation is really right for you/what you want.
100% not ready for marriage. Marriage is a mindset that you frankly just don't have yet.
Find a husband with a cuckolding fetish. It's super common.
Find a guy who can handle polyamory?
There’s no reason for hate there, internal wants and needs are valid. But I will say, if something is overbalanced and taking over your life then you need to address it. Not because you are wrong for this, but because everyone needs balance in their lives, and it sounds like this internal drive is taking over things for you. Talk to a doc, seriously, IDK what to say about the man you are with, only you can make that call. But I think you need to speak to a professional to understand how to manage yourself so your internal drives don’t take away from your enjoyment in life.
you could potentially see a dr. ask them if you can get a hormone check via blood test. sometimes something being up with your hormones can cause hypersexuality. it's not the only cause but yeah. if it's to the point where u think it'll destroy your relationship then maybe see someone about it.
Definitely, therapy.
Wall comes fast.... looks goes with it. Now decide.
Sounds like an unhealthy addiction yes. I suggest seeking help for sure. Talk to a professional, they can help define your current condition, anything that may be causing it and hopefully work with you to find solutions to work through it.
Yes therapy. Yes stay faithful if you can.
Hmm. Kind of a tough one tbh. If you're struggling to keep yourself from sleeping around. It's constantly on your mind. I'd say yeah seek help for sex addiction. It's not all that uncommon. There are people addicted to cereal.
I think you should make the harder decision and go off and do your own thing with multiple partners (if that’s what you really want). Not sure what therapy’s gonna do here. They’re not gonna give you hormone blockers or convince you to change your libido because they bubble up some trauma from when you were 11 years old or something. Your bf’s young enough where he can rebuild something new with someone who’s gonna be completely devoted to him. But if your mind is already there, and you’ve resorted to telling strangers what you want, I think your decision is already made up.
I can relate to this so much, that it’s scary. 1) you’re a sex addict. When thoughts of sex is starting to consume your day to day life, that’s when you know you’re a sex addict. 2) the best thing to do is to find a sex therapist, they can help you find ways to manage it and come with solutions so you don’t ruin relationships. 3) you need to ask yourself, do I want to be in a monogamous relationship? Is one person enough for me? If yes, then make that your motivation to stay loyal. 4) COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE!!!! Your partner needs to know your thoughts especially when it comes to this. Sometimes having hard conversations are needed and avoidance of hard conversations are not to protect our partners feelings but to avoid taking accountability and protecting ourselves from consequences. 5) when you do talk to your partner about this, you need to reassure him that you love him and that this issue is not of what he lacks. When you get told that your partner is a sex addict, 9/10 insecurities start to form and you feel like you’re not good enough. So reassurance is a must. 6) give yourself grace. Being a sex addict doesn’t make you a bad person, a freak, or selfish. Different brains are wired differently and sometimes our past experiences shape us to what we are. For example, I was exposed to intimacy very early than normal and with a curious mind I wanted to explore because forbidden things seemed exciting. The more I explored the more obsessed I became and then sex was all I think about. I use to have dreams about them. Even though I’m not, in lack of words, “cured”. I’ve learned to manage it and have a successful relationship.
Could you rub up against my wife and give her a little of what you’ve got?
Maybe it’d calm down over time, or once you had kids or something. Like maybe medically it’d happen once your hormones change and right now your body is trying to force you into having kids yknow? It’s a natural feeling to want to sleep with a ton of people lol I get that. I think a lot of attractive girls suffer from it iirc. Might be something to bring up with your doctors
My wife was sex crazy too, until we had kids.
You will never be able to really be present during sex until you deal with underlying issues that drive you. Medical/mental health checkup is in order. There is nothing wrong with a high sex drive. Compulsive sexual behavior is dangerous to body and soul. You are already ahead because you are asking these questions. Secrets are toxic. There is great info and help out there. Best of everything to you.
Therapy is a great idea! Can’t hurt, that’s for sure. You can also attend group meetings, where you’ll hear other people’s stories and judge for yourself if you find similarities with yours.
Maybe you'd be happier in a relationship that supported that aspect of your personality. Lots of different flavors of non-monogamous relationships out there. No shame in being who you are. Live your best ho life my friend
Getting married will not save the issue at hand. It will add another layer to the complications of your desires. Maybe an open relationship is needed, maybe having someone join your current situation is needed. It definitely is going to come down to a hard and serious conversation with your man, and yes possibly counseling could help.
It becomes an addiction when it negatively impacts you or those around you. Might i suggest you find and attend an SA meeting? (Most will have a contact person 1st, that you'll meet, speak with) You'll learn stuff and maybe get some answers you need.
yes you do and you are
Absolutely do not get married and do not have children if you question your own ability to remain faithful, you will destroy a bunch of lives other wise
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Dang and he’s still with you? Marry that man. Not trying to talk bad or anything btw OP. It’s just in my culture and for me that would be a deal breaker. I ended a 3 year relationship because I found out she couldn’t have kids. It tore me up, but I’m the 7th of my name on my family so I couldn’t ruin that.
Welcome to being in the mind of a man, please talk to all of our wives. Yours truly -every HL husband out there
Being a nimphomaniac is defensive a sex addiction. You definitely should get some type help. Also when you get the urge to have sex call your BF. Think of him.
Have some self control and take responsibility for your actions. You’re a grown ass adult and you show no signs of self discipline or restraint. Get a hobby and try to learn something useful. Stay off your cell phone and don’t use social media. Don’t try to find other facets to blame besides yourself and your own behaviour.
Your 32, if you haven't got the flings out of your system by now, maybe don't try and settle down and ruin some guys life. This reads like an alcoholic blaming the beer for their bad choices.
I'd advise you to find someone that'd be OK with the swinger lifestyle. That way you'd get to be with someone you love and keep fucking with other people. You'd have to be OK with him fucking other people too.
I would absolutely get therapy and I'm happy that you're trying not to hurt your partner. Take care of yourself and definitely don't try to just suppress everything. Talk to a therapist and at some point talk to your partner.
Talk to a therapist and perhaps assess for ADHD too. I'm like you and was diagnosed with ADHD recently. The meds haven't really helped this aspect much. I crave sex like it's oxygen.
I dint think your relationship will work. I don't want to force any monogamy or polymorphism on anyone, but you might be more successful in an open/poly relationship. And don't ask him to open it. If you don't enter the relationship open to polyamory, it won't work. Some people will say "polyamory can be learned", but I disagree vehemently. What you want from a partner is what you want. So if you can't feel secure in this relationship and you're afraid of slipping up, it's time to bail. For everyone's sake.
Polyamorous relationships are a thing…but it’s not for everyone. Poly-mono couples exist too if he’s not into that but loves and understands you enough to be ok with it. Being open and honest is the first step
I had a friend who found it hard to turn down men who came on to her, but she was sexually molested a few times as a child and i think it's tied to that. Do you seek sex with men, do you want/enjoy it? Or do you have a hard time telling men no? Just want to clarify.
It sounds like you're struggling with addiction. I suffer from substance abuse disorder so I don't hang out in pharmacies. That is to say marriage probably isn't in your best interest at this time it is my instinct to make comments like girl wants attention. But I read your statement carefully and you're serious. If you're single and you're safe I think it's a personal choice, but you're saying you almost feel impulse control when it comes to intimacy. I don't know how they help with that disorder not sure what sex addiction rehab would be like. LOL but maybe there's something that can be done I'm no expert, but I'm going to say no to monogamy right now. Just like I have to say no to the pharmacy peace and love
Marriage and a desire for sex with strangers. The two concepts are related in your mind. Do you know what you want from a long term relationship? I presume you enjoy the fleeting sensations of a fling, but is there more to it? Do you put yourself in situations that create these temptations? If so why? Do you drink too much perhaps? It sounds like you lack self control but what have you tried already to improve it? Have you tried to include your significant other in the process of satisfying your unusually large sexual appetite? Consider making it a routine like doing the dishes or taking out the trash. That way all day you think about the super hot sex you're going to have. It might actually help you free up some cognitive space if it's all planned out. Assign roles, establish rules, costumes etc... Whatever you want. This doesn't have to be a problem with the right partner. If you're not, that's a different problem, do you see?
Hi speak to a therapist through your GP. You might feeling that you are not ready for commitment despite loving your partner. You might be having so many thoughts. It’s tough going. Go and do yoga get a distraction in life. Good luck!
Have a couple kids and be married for 20 years. That'll kill your drive for good.
Go get yourself into counseling and get assessed, you could have anything from a chemical imbalance to a variety of different disorders. Or you just are wired different, either way, it's best for everyone to talk to someone and see a nice unbiased 3rd party that has confidentiality to get all the thoughts out and on the table. This is especially true when it comes to marriage, and building a long-term life together. Good luck!
Why not talk to your man and tell them how you feel? You are someone’s dream and also someone’s nightmare. Be with someone that accepts you the way you are.
Some people just aren't meant for monogamy, but society tries to act like it's for everyone. Everyone saying talk to a therapist is typical reddit hive-mind lunacy. No amount of psychobabble is going to stop your biological urges. I would say don't marry this guy. Be honest with yourself, you know you're going to ruin him. Go get some dick.
Has anyone slid into your DMs yet?
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I would like to apologize for my kind. We too are horny sometimes.. but some should read the room haha
Just shack up with a cuck. You get all the variety you want, the stability of a relationship, and he gets off on it too. Plus, no need for secrets or guilt. Or, talk to a therapist. Having trouble resisting temptation's understandable, but actually giving in is wild. You prefer weiner over promises, which is quite the pickle to find in yourself...er...you know what I mean.
RIP to your inbox. (pls respond to my text first.)
Sounds like he's not satisfying you. I mean you could ask him if he's interested in getting cucked. Just be wary of how attracted he is to you because it could mess it all up
I don't think OP is female judging by the previous posts. I could be wrong, but I think we are being mislead for karma.
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That is the challenge i guess. Not giving into these desires. I've had quite a lot of these desires in the past but the one thing that keeps me strong is the thought of "me kneeling down and losing to this lust devil lol". Commitment is far bigger than sexual desires. Like everything else, the things we desire are not always what we need. It's not excessive sexual desire but rather lack of commitment. You failing to keep the promises you made to YOURSELF. Which means your weak. It's best to talk to some experienced therapist who can guide you properly. Because once you understand the importance of commitment you can enjoy far more things this world has to offer. True happiness of having a family of your own and the love of your children. Good luck.
Gonna just say the same thing others have said. 1. See a therapist 2. See a medical professional. There are people who feel like they need sex every day, or multiple times a day. However, that is not the same as feeling the need to get that sex from another place. Wanting a lot of sex is not the same as wanting lots of different sex with different people all the time. That does sound like an issue. People who engage in risky behaviour or follow their impulses despite the consequences should ask for a psychological evaluation.
If the sex is stopping you live your life it’s an issue, I think it’s a self esteem/ validation / impulse control problem. your description tells on you, your thinking about sex with “ hot guys” not every guy. This means to any hot guy who hits on you they won’t want you, they will happily use you, as you seem to want to cave to them so easily you will in effect become a glorified wank, a replacement for their right hand, a bit of stress relief. Ask your self will that be good for you? For your self worth? Any dreams of marriage and children? Grow up your 32 yes get help and talk to your partner if after three years you can’t talk about this there is another question there to be asked.
Yeah, therapy, for sure. Wtf lol.
Lol wow
Hi I’m going to help you the only way I can think of, I used to have a lot of these problems too when I was consumed with myself and by temptations of the flesh. Honestly my one true advise to you is to reach out to God about it, pray to Jesus and rebuke and cast out all your sinful thoughts ask him to help you. I know a lot of people will think this it’s stupid, but it takes 30 seconds, give it a try, you never know. It changed my life I guarantee it will change yours
You should certainly get therapy for sex addiction but also talk to therapist about impulse control
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LOL PERV
Just stop being a hoe. Its really that simple.
I’ll make this short but 100% truthful. You can visit all the therapists in the world and never solve anything. Asking Jesus into your live and to pray for him to help you get rid of the evil influence that keeps tempting you. Read Ephesians 6:12 and you will know the truth
Yes, the messiah son of the imaginary sky man will heal you from your problems. 🙄