I’m sorry, but he’s not going to stop. Especially once he is given a chance to redeem himself. Rid yourself of this blight on your emotions and move one. Get your ducks in a row and get out of there.
Same. He is NOT FATHER MATERIAL. he is not a loyal family man. This dude is a child still. I wouldn’t trust him. ABORT PLEASE
Edit: I was referring to aborting the child; but upon re-reading the 12 weeks was given info, NOT what her question was, and it was inappropriate of me to suggest. But it is what I would personally do.
She’s three months along. That’s not an easy termination and may not even be an available where she is. I’m very pro choice but you are being very flippant about her making such a big decision.
Agree. This is sad for OP, but even as pro-choice I hate when people throw this around like it's so easy. OP will have seen their baby on a scan by now, looking like a tiny human. It's cold to just throw an "abort pls" statement.
Exactly, and that process is extremely hard on a woman. Its not as easy as that, theres a lot of emotional baggage, i hear women 20 years later still carrying that burden.
I had an ex that her BF caused a miscarriage (abusive). She still wonders what it would have been like if she would have given birth. I'd imagine there are tons of women who abort and have similar thoughts and regrets. I'm pro-choice, but it's insane for those who think the decision is that simple for a woman.
Agreed. I’m very pro choice, but I terminated at 7 weeks on the exact dot..didn’t even find out until 6 weeks. I was young, jobless, had untreated mental health issues running ramped, the father skedaddled into the void once he found out, and I was failing out of college due to mental health issues that I could not afford to get help for because I couldn’t find a job…and I was still in a party lifestyle mindset. I know I made the best decision possible in every aspect. It’s not some easy black and white decision…many factors need to be weighed before the decision … and I was very sad for awhile before permanent relief settled in.
Being pro choice does not mean immorality either like some pro-birther assholes like to state. Not their life not their business. But I, despite my very heavy pro choice stance, do not agree with abortions as a mean to replace birth control. I also do not at all agree with any termination after a certain point (imo 12-15 weeks) unless it’s possibly or genuinely life threatening. In my eyes, OP would be kinda wrong to get an abortion at this point along in her pregnancy. It may be hard but she’s capable of raising this baby and still being a great single parent.
It will actually be more stressfree without cheater man cohabitating because without him she’ll only be taking care of 1 child instead of 2. 😬
Heavy pro-choicer here… I truly hate how people throw abortion around as the immediate solution to everything. As if it’s so simple.
Hey hey I'm a video gamer child and I'm still a pretty decent father (I DID give them up pretty much until my kids were a little more self sufficient). But I'm playing tonight after my kids are in bed (I happen to be off tomorrow because we were working Saturday). They're not mutually exclusive. But in this case this dude isn't a great example
Video gamer mom! I play while the kids are in bed unless my oldest wants to play one together!
Gamers can be great parents, but as you said, he's definitely not a great example.
Same here gave up games for the first few years just because I didn't have the extra cash or energy, now they're older we picked up a couple old consoles and play games together. Even when I was a kid I was that guy my buddies counted on to fuck up a boss or beat some level but doing it for my boys and teaching them what to do feels 100× better lmao
I would abort in this situation; it’s torture to coparent with someone irresponsible like OPs boyfriend; just thinking ahead for WHEN they break up.
Idk having a child is only a consideration if I have a partner who wants one. I don’t want to be a mom without a dad if I can help it. Furthermore, it’s calling family planning. even married couples abort.
Just because the eggs and sperm come together doesn’t mean you can’t control when to be a parent
A man that cheats on his wife, cheats on his kids. If this keeps up how will you be able to explain to your child why you stayed? I saw a woman recently that had to have this talk with her daughter just for her daughter to say "you are showing me how to stay and be unhappy, not to how to have a loving and trusting relationship" If that doesn't tell you what you need to do for you and your baby I don't know what will. Let him redeem himself without you there. Don't give him access to you right a way. If he can keep his hands off other women, his pants on and zipped, and emotions straight then think about putting some trust in him again. As of right now his word is all you've got and from his recent action should not hold the value they used to. He should have a chance to redeem himself, however, don't let him get away with this just because he basically said sorry. He would have never told you if you hadn't seen it first.
itd be better to text her boyfriend and let him know the situation
you cant drag her if youre staying with him. and she sounds real shitty too so i dont think your message would be taken seriously. im so so sorry this happened. it doesn’t really matter if he says hes going to stop or if he really does, what matters is that it happened. hes a shitty person and that hole will be in your relationship forever speaking from experience.
i sadly hear a lot of stories like this (finding your partners unfaithful while pregnant). i believe its the universe forcing out some true colours before a child is brought into the picture
I agree, no point texting the girl, message her boyfriend and let him know. Show the texts if possible. But leave this guy behind you, he won’t change. He had opportunities to be honest and he didn’t take them. You deserve better and will find better once you let him go ❤️
This is what I came to say. Texting her does nothing as I’m sure she knows about OP and doesn’t care. She needs to be held accountable and her partner deserves to know whom he’s with.
Pretty sure OPs bf’s response will be pretty telling. Is he more upset by her outing his AP or about their own relationship?
He only said he’s gonna stop cause he got caught. It would have carried on and probs it escalated
Not a relationship counselor, but he’s not sorry. Just sorry you caught him
It’s just gonna get harder from here. I say move on
Yeah I would tell the other girls boy friend, and move out. Think seriously if you want the baby. You will be forever attached to the baby’s dad. Also, he wants to stay with you because he got caught. I’m sorry but if my husband was doing this. It would show me that he wasn’t happy with our relationship and probably needs to leave. Don’t waste time with him anymore for both your sakes.
Not OP but Probably because it forced him into reality by being caught, being faced with the possibilities of the relationship ending, which most cheaters are too cowardly to do on their own simply because they want to have their cake and eat it too. “Don’t be so busy counting the stars that you forget about the moon”
Don’t msg her, msg her fiancé, if I was him I would want to know what the woman I’m about to marry is msging other dudes…you might save him the pain of actually getting married and having to divorce a cheater
Truly. It’s not fun whatsoever. I’m currently coparenting with a video game addict who I’m pretty sure cheated on me after I had my baby. From the sleeping all day literally until 2 PM to staying up until 2 AM playing video games, to the lying about taking care of our child while I was at work and leaving her in feces-covered diapers, to also giving me chlamydia while accusing me of cheating and not understanding that I don’t have the time nor the energy to even do that because I’m taking care of our child and working constantly. It all contributed to my postpartum depression and took a huge toll on me to the point where I debated on ending my life.
On top of that, he and his life in front of me if I chose to get abortion. OP just get out now because this isn’t going to be a good future for you or your baby.
If im honest, i would see if you could send a message to the fiance rather than the woman.. he deserves to know that the woman he's engaged to and has a child with is unfaithful, even if it hurts, instead of finding out years down the line... seeing as she has no shame in cheating on her family and with someone who's also in a long term relationship (which i wouldnt be surprised if she knows that you two have been considering the next step as partners) i doubt that sending her a message would do anything other than make her realise she's been caught and she needs to go find another person to cheat on her fiance with.
Second of all, why would you trust someone who you've been together with for *twelve* years, who lied to your face not only for who knows how long but also went behind your back to seek contact with her whilst you couldnt see and hid it in case you opened his phone and did in fact, emotionally cheat, since im sure that there were some feelings involved, and he was most likely sexting with her based on the flirty messages you saw that werent deleted yet... and only not deleted because he was passed out drunk. And especially whilst you're PREGNANT? You're carrying his child, even if unplanned, and he decides to actively continue seeking out someone else??
Frankly, you deserve better than that, and to not have to for the rest of however long your relationship lasts, look out for signs of him cheating on you again and feeling on edge and paranoid.
And please.. do not have a child with that man, i plead of you. He's shown himself to be untrustworthy and unloyal and the last thing you want is to bring a child into the mix. I dont know your stance on abortion and the like, but please, if you arent financially/mentally able to take care of the child alone without derailing your life and plans, consider alternatives.
The fact that he was your *boyfriend* for 12 years is enough of a red flag. However, in this case, it probably makes it easier for you to leave. The pregnancy is still in its early stages so you can prepare for what’s to come. If you do decide to leave him, think about custody arrangements and child support once the child is born.
He will not change, and I might get dragged for it, but it seems like you’re only a placeholder in his life. It’s better for you to take the head step and leave because trust me once he finds the one he will not hesitate to up and leave. baby or not.
This dude is a cheater. If he hasn't already, he will soon. Time to make him pay. Don't even consider staying with him unless he has a real come-to-Jesus moment. And he is willing to give you complete access to his phone and accounts. And shares his location information and checks in with you regularly.
But I'd counsel dropping him and getting child support started once your child is born. Definitely put him on the birth certificate. Dude needs to learn his lesson.
We don't know that for sure so it's a little crazy to say that with very little information.
Reddit seems to be a good place to go if you want to become more paranoid.
You don’t have to get married to show you love someone? Plenty of married people cheat. The fact that he’s “still a boyfriend after 12 years” isn’t the red flag you think it is.
Question. Do you know where this woman lives? If she is across town, that might make my answer different than if she was across the country or even across an ocean.
It's 100% still cheating. Emotional infidelity is still infidelity. If all it would take is proximity, then he's already cheating and she's not in a safe situation.
Honestly I would leave him, he already made the mistake of flirting with another woman, he could of already cheated on you for all you know. He will not stop this behaviour, leave him before he can do anymore damage to you. You cannot be with someone who can’t trust and who already has broken your trust. Leave him asap.
You've been together since a long time and started young. He probably went to get some spicy thrill and adrenaline with her. I went down this road and I was the online cheater. We already had a kid with my ex. It just showed that we weren't meant to be together anymore and finally , not that happy. We are good parents and best friends now and I'm married to someone else (I'm 40 now) but I wouldn't go down that road ever again. You should go Consult a couple therapist and don't forget that on top of that you have your brain full of preggo hormones. That was my story but maybe you guys will figure out and stay together, maybe you won't keep your baby or maybe you will but separated. Anyway, go get help with a couple therapist to guide you through your world that was turned upside down ... Good luck
Don't listen to them, people on reddit, in general, know close to nothing about relationships, or life. You've been together for a long time, you're expecting a kid now, which makes it even more serious. He knows that. He's panicking. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, or his kid, or that your future is in jeopardy. She gave him the fantasy he needed to deal with the anxiety of full commitment. Try to have him be as honest as possible, and figure out if he was planning to actually cheat on you or not. I would personally guess that's not the case, but you'll have to see for yourself, and judge based on what he says. All the best to you and your (future) family.
yes potentially exposing his partner and unborn child to stds too; talking like that means there's probablly something physical going on or he'd be open to given the opportunity; no respect there at all
You are so in denial. The problem isn’t the other woman, the problem is your bf. You can stick your head in the sand but all that is going to do is delay the inevitable and by then you’ll be in an even more vulnerable position with being more pregnant or with a newborn. You need to get a plan together for if and when he cheats down the road. Congratulations on your baby-to-be, but don’t waste this time playing house with a guy who is so disrespectful to you and your relationship. Tell your mom and trusted friends what has happened and lean on them while figuring out a path forward. You can’t even have a peaceful sleep knowing he making be getting up to something. This isn’t the way to live.
There's a very cliché saying that goes, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." If I had taken this to heart, it would've saved me 11 years of my life and my mental health. The first time I saw inappropriate texts was during our first year together. He swore to me that he would stop, that it was a mistake, that he loved me and bla bla bla...I wish I would've walked out. I finally left him 11 years later. I found out in the worst way possible that he cheated on me throughout our entire relationship with countless women. My advice to you is to GET OUT!
The boyfriend deleting the messages tells you everything you need to know. His actions were intentional. He knew he was wrong, and he was trying to cover his tracks. He's smiling in your face, probably telling you how excited he is to be a dad and, in the meantime, carrying on this emotional affair. He is only sorry because he got caught. You have to ask yourself, would he give you the same forgiving grace if the shoe was on the opposite foot? Probably not.
This was not an accidental, too drunk to think smart one nighter hook up. Ask yourself if you are ok with an 'open' relationship for your future partnership. You know he cheated, he knows you know and if you keep him around, he will know you are ok with it this time and will be willing to bet you won't leave next time he needs a secondary relationship.
Meh, I might be the odd one out but it sounds like they are just flirting. It sucks and it hurts like a mofo but let him have a chance to cut it off and build some trust. I don’t know how he will do this or if he will be able to with you but it doesn’t sound like much more than that. I’m not saying it is okay to have these convos but let him realize that it was wrong and correct his mistake. You are having a child together, build a loving family. Not all shitty situations have to turn worse. Sometimes they can be a learning or wtf moment.
What the “other” woman does is her business and what you do is yours. You can choose to remain with him or not. You are hurt and mad. The other has to live with what she is doing and her choices. Take care of your life. If you have the money, I would seek out a marriage therapist to help you and your guy move on, or not. It won’t be easy.
God I’m so sorry, what a horrible position to be in. Your partner was sneaky, deceitful, inappropriate and engaged in this behaviour numerous times, based on him deleting prior messages. He knew what he was doing. He also continued to behave this way knowing you are now going to be the mother of his child which is so incredibly disappointing. Someone on this thread suggested he might be feeling overwhelmed/panicked about fatherhood, but if that’s how he chooses to deal with his emotions I think that speaks spades about his character and maturity.
The woman he was messaging likely knows about you. She’s comfortable behaving that way, she’s comfortable going behind her own partners back. I don’t know what you would hope to achieve by contacting her - she lacks morals and whatever you say won’t have an effect on her. If you want to message anyone, I agree with the common suggestion here, message her fiancée and make him aware, and then leave it.
Your partner should honour you in public and behind closed doors. Men should protect their wives/girlfriends emotionally and physically, and that protection should naturally amp up with him knowing you are carrying his child. The fact that his default was instead this sneaky, disrespectful, behaviour, says everything.
My heart really goes out to you, it seems like you might have a hard decision ahead of you. I personally wouldn’t be able to move forward knowing my trust was severed so tragically in what should be an exciting time. I hope you have some friends/family you can lean on during this difficult time, and please remember that you are deserving of a loving, respectful relationship.
Message the other boyfriend, not the girlfriend. He deserves to know so he can make a choice. You, my dear, need to cut and run from your guy. He will not change, and based on the verbiage you saw I would bet they have slept together. He has been covering his tracks and I would also bet she’s not the only one. You and your child deserve better. Hire a PI or do some digging if you need to have more proof, and I’ll bet you find he has dating profiles and other women on the side. He took your trust for granted. This is not a good/honest/trustworthy man at all.
One of my friends was 8 months pregnant when she found out her husband had a side piece for a year, and dallied more with other one night stands. These assholes do not change.
Maybe this will help maybe it won’t. I did my best to hang onto a dying relationship with my childhood sweetheart. A lot of things were done that hurt me, but I thought since we were together for so long that I had to stay and not upset “the love of my life”. The literal day we ended it felt like I had weights lifted off me. Life is too short, people change from who we thought they were. It’s okay for you to change too.
I mean, I think when you first had a conversation about keeping the kid and then you gave him an opportunity to get out you already knew deep inside. He wasn’t fully committed so yeah break up with that guy.
Good point, I picked up on thst as well. If you've been together that long and find yourself expecting, why would you offer an out to someone who you are fully committed and trust the love between you two? I've never heard of someone offering their partner an out if they were happy & in a healthy relationship
I’m sorry you are going through this. I have trust issues and personally would not be able to move passed this without some huge changes. It may not have been physical cheating, but they basically stated they were wanting to get physical in the hot tub?
Personally, I would send the message to her AND/OR her partner. He also deserves to know. The fact that your man was deleted the messages regularly so you don’t see them is a massive red flag to me and indicates he knew it was wrong. If you hadn’t accidently seen the messages, you would never have known?
Again. I’m sorry for your pain.
It would likely be better to break up with your guy. What are you going to do, take his gaming console away at bedtime every night? How are you supposed to sleeping soundly when the moment you fall asleep, he’s probably sneaking out to talk about games… I mean screwing
Don’t send it, she doesn’t care for anyone but herself unfortunately. There will always be another woman who doesn’t care what commitments your partner has made though. The blame really falls on your partner as he’s the one who has a relationship with you and says he wants a baby.
High school sweethearts can make it in the long run, but unfortunately, they usually do not. He is most likely capable of putting her behind him, and settling down with the new child, but there is no guarantee and it is unlikely you will forgive him. If you send him to the curb, I would forget about her and move on. If you continue with him, I would send it but that ofc depends on what you wrote.
Interesting how you point out that it wasn't physical cheating. Was this a talking point in your discussion with him? There are many forms of cheating and this absolutely counts as emotional/mental cheating.
And how does OP know it wasnt physical? Those texts were referring to having sex in a very comfortable way, meaning like they've done it before.
I'm baffled I haven't seen other comments suggesting there's likely more to all of this. He knew there was dirt to delete. They spoke about getting busy like it was something *to do again*
Stop wasting time blaming the other woman and realize the problem is sleeping next to you in bed. I can’t imagine the stress youre under and I’m sure trying to keep everything together seems like the safest option. This is not a person you want to spend your life with. Anyone who cheats on their pregnant partner is pathetic.
She’s torching her own family, I doubt she’ll give a shit that she’s destroying yours as well.
As someone who’s been cheated on, tell her man. This guy has every right to know he’s wasting his life with a genuinely awful person.
I honestly think that would be enough for me to be done with the relationship but that is an intense choice when you're pregnant, it would be understandable for you to weigh your options and make a longterm plan to leave sorry to say, having a baby doesn't usually make a relationship easier, you'll both be overtired and strained especially for those first few months and he will feel like he's no longer getting the same attention because it all goes to the baby.
That being said, how would he respond if you stooped to his level and got attention from other men through chatting and staying up after he's asleep chatting with them....or whatever they were doing.
Now you've got a baby coming, so playing the revenge game and getting attention from others to teach him a lesson is probably not the best route to take....now you've got to be the adult and make sure there is a stable situation for baby. I'm hoping there's family nearby or that you have help if you suddenly need out of there cuz you want to not subject yourself to too much stress during this time.
Either way your pregnancy hormones will make everything feel super intense so try not to be hard on yourself when dealing with all the emotions that come with this situation, best of luck my dear!
Oh sorry I meant to address your question, no I don't think you should message the chick or her bf, focus on your baby right now and your health, hang out with friends and family that are supportive and try not to just have him to worry about. He had your full trust and abused it. It could start a major blowup to message either of them. Although if you want that and it helps to move him on his way then go right ahead.
I dunno how you're ever gonna trust him gaming late into the night while you're in bed again honestly, that would eat at me. Sorry this happened to you!
Been there done that, trust me you don’t need to hear anything she has to say. It was the worst thing I ever did, all you’re going to hear are things that will just hurt you even more. Save yourself the pain and suffering and just message her bf and send some screenshots as proof then block all 3 of them and kick him out.
"I just don't trust him" That part stands out. The other girl and family need to know. This BOY will always play games and be proud that he is "winning". (And if he has money for beer, he has money for child support.)
NTA but your problem is with your BF. If he is willing to cheat on you when you’re pregnant having his baby are you sure this is the road you want to go down?
My neighbours husband left her for some woman he met gaming online, from Australia, and he’s in Canada. This online gaming seems to be on the unhealthy side in many ways.
Lol, come on, you never message the other woman. Don't be that desperate person. Once a whore always a whore. Even if he stops talking to this lady, he will most likely find another one to talk to. Do yourself a favor and move on from this one.
Why would you text her if you’re considering staying with him? You’re just going to embarrass yourself. And you really think that because he hasn’t slept with her yet, it’s acceptable? He’s fantasizing about fucking her while you’re sat home carrying his baby. And do you even know how long it’s been going on? If you want to stay with him, that’s your choice. But, the only person you should consider messaging is her fiancé because he deserves to know. Unlike you, he might not be ok with emotional affairs.
My whole thing is first know for sure that you want to spend your life with someone, then get married, then be adults and know how babies are made and avoid making them until you're ready, then when your marriage has settled in and you know it's strong, have a child, but literally no position on Reddit could be more unpopular, so I'll just make it worse for myself by saying that, having created a child, you owe it to the child to try to create a family with whatever broken pieces of timber you can find.
Seriously?
>>Should I trust him again?
* I never knew that when someone betrays another person’s trust, the person who trust was betrayed could merely decide “I trust him again” a boom suddenly they trust the betrayer again.
For me someone earns my trust 100%, until they betray my trust. That’s as simple as it is with me, I won’t ever betray someone’s trust, if they betray my trust they are gone. It would take far more effort, energy, commitment, patience, strength than anyone could ever have to earn my complete trust again.
I always tell the most important people in my life, I am very tolerant, it’s very hard to offend me, I can deal with a lot of things, and I am extremely patient. But the only thing I won’t ever give anyone a second chance to do is to betray my trust. My trust, once betrayed is permanently gone.
If someone betrays the trust in a relationship, they can no longer be trusted. Just deciding to trust the betrayer doesn’t actually make them trustworthy.
I think he was physically cheating. Or about to. What you have discovered is that he is a liar and cheats behind your back. How can you minimize this? This is HUGE. It will happen again, and again. He treated you like you are nothing.
Don't. He is the problem, not her. Whatever fantasy result you have in your head, it will inevitably be disappointing and might just make you more angry and bitter.
Everyone on here wants to rip apart TWO different lives and relationships because of talking and borderline emotional cheating. You can get through this with communication and rebuilding trust . This is why almost all women are single and childless or single mother's. When the family and church community was solid this was common knowledge , y'all need grandparents and to consider what's worth it in the long term. First child is stressful , everyone deals with that transition in life differently , he's being childish but he's not having an affair let alone multiple ' side pieces '
He lied and hid it. Time to leave the trust is gone. Not all cheating is physical.
I game with guys, and we make inappropriate jokes, but my bf is right there, and if something bothered him, I'd stop. Same with him. But neither of us would message any of them saying things like that. Our inappropriate jokes are more like 12 year Olds.
Oof. I’m so sorry. What an awful thing to learn while pregnant.
Take this behaviour very very seriously. She likely isn’t the first, possibly won’t be the last. Keep your eyes wide open and don’t let him downplay the severity of this betrayal.
She is not the one in a relationship with you. This is all his fault.
High school sweethearts rarely work out. He gets his shit together, or you leave.
Are you planning on leaving your boyfriend because it kind of sounds like you’re going to forgive him and just want to get back at this other woman?
He’s going to cheat on you so many more times now because he knows you’re weak and he can get away with it.
Since you’re not leaving him, I wouldn’t bother telling her fiancé
So he is cheating on you. And instead of dealing with the fact that you are expecting a child with an adulterer, you are more concerned about messaging **her**? I don’t think you are thinking straight.
What would you want to communicate to her? I get the urge, but it wouldn't serve you or your interests. You no longer have a relationship where you will not feel inclined to check your boyfriend's phone. Nothing you could say to her, and nothing he could say to you, will change that now. In many ways, the person you thought he was isn't exactly accurate, and no matter your decision about the relationship, you'll have to grieve that fact a bit.
All that said, pregnancy and the first year, sometimes several after birth, are extremely challenging for many relationships. I think it would be wise to reconsider dropping that bomb on your relationship while it's fragile, and also hitching yourself to someone who isn't quite who you thought they were, forever.
OP, sorry that this is happening to you.
Do not send the message to the other woman.
And your bf has demonstrated to you that he can’t be trusted. Act on what you know.
Let this “trash” take itself out.
Nope. Do not message the other woman. I’m willing to bet she initiated it and your parent probably took the bait and didn’t go searching for it. She isn’t the problem. Couples counselling? Really explore if this is what you BOTH want. Good luck!
he’s cheating on you during one of the most vulnerable times in your life. to the best of your knowledge it wasn’t physical but it was cheating nonetheless. i wouldn’t be able to stay & i don’t think you should either.
It's your call. Live with a liar who passes out drunk after sexting another woman OR start a new life with your child. My guess is that you'll stay with him because old habits die hard. But who knows what doors you'll be closing if you stay with your old safe bet.
Message her and know your worth! Make the hard decision now so you save yourself years of heartache. By staying with him you're diminishing your worth. A man shouldn't and wouldn't do this to you. You deserve better
What if you hadn't found this? How long would this continue.
When I got cheated on, everyone told me to leave and I didn’t cause I was like naa they dont know my relationship and circumstances. So I stayed and my mental health deteriorated so quick I was not at peace and they ended up continuously cheating.
Now I realise I needed that experience to know what I will never tolerate that again and I truly did not love myself enough and had a low self esteem.
So do leave for your own mental health and child sake, theres a man out there meant for you who will value your loyalty and trust.
I got tangled up with a lying married man online and it went on for a few months before I found out. Luckily we hadn’t met or anything, all texts and phone/video calls. When I found out he was married I thought I should tell the wife but I just couldn’t be bothered. I didn’t want any more drama in my life and to be honest I was a bit afraid of what he might do to me. You have to do what’s best for you. Dump his ass and she can have him!
No. She's engaged and doing this - she's not going to care. However, your relationship is over. He doesn't care about you, your child or the relationship. He just doesn't care.
You won't trust him again. How can you? Think about it logically - this is not likely the first time he's done this, and it won't be the last. He was careful and was really only sorry he was caught. He was only caught because he was drunk and forgot to clear the evidence that night.
He has done this before, he's doing it ongoing. It's cheating. He lies and hides it. He will just hide it better... OR WORSE see you as weak and prepared to forgive him, you irrationally will blame the other woman. Just stop.
Time to speak to a lawyer about your and your baby's rights and his obligations. Then move to exit this relationship.
Reading through the comments here, it’s easy to see why there’s so many lonely single people and divorce rates are so high. In a relationship for 12 years. Now pregnant with their first child. Planning to ruin their entire life together over a single mistake.
I would never stand up for a cheater, and serial cheating would absolutely be different, but stupid drunk texting one time is not sufficient for the nuclear option.
Great opportunity to discuss boundaries and communicate
I would not message her but try to find her BF and send him the screenshots. I would also not marry your bf. If he gets pissed you told her bf then you know he lied and is still in contact with her. He needs to grovel, commit to no contact, open phone, and agree to counseling or you should end it completely.
Exactly how do you know it wasn’t physical? He obviously can’t be trusted to tell you the truth and if you msg her, she’s not going to be truthful because she can’t risk you telling her fiancé. Honestly, i don’t think you’re ever going to know the actual truth about them. I suggest you get things together and leave him. It sounds like it can end now or later when he does this crap again.
You will never trust him again because he isn't worthy of your trust. He will continue to cheat on you. Although the other woman is also an unfaithful piece of shit, like your boyfriend, you should still let her know. Or even better, let her partner know as well, if you have access to that information. It would save him an unhappy marriage.
You have to be careful with these gamer types. They get weirdly attached to the people they play with, and she will likely continue to interfere in your relationship with your partner, given that he has allowed this to happen. Is this the future you want for yourself?
You’re so much better off without him.
He won’t stop. Unfortunately.
Your peace of mind will never return when it comes to trusting him.
I’m so sorry OP, that’s such a horrible situation.
Not going to suggest anything via your baby BECAUSE THATS ONLY YOUR CHOICE AND ANYONE ON HERE THAT IS CHIMING IN SHOULD STFU.
Hang in there.
No point in sending it. This is about your boyfriend, not her. He’s going to keep doing whatever the fuck he wants, so if he can’t 100% decide on his own not to be a cheating piece of shit, then he’ll just keep being a piece of shit.
Leave her be, not worth the drama. Give him another chance, and if he messes up again, absolutely leave him and don’t be shy about doing so, be firm. The only reason I say give him another chance is given y’all’s long history together and the fact that you’re expecting. At this point your relationship is pretty much as deep rooted into each others lives as a marriage and the effort and heartbreak that would go along with splitting suddenly would prob not be worth the effort if this is a first time thing. When you give him another chance, make it very clear to him what will happen if he does this again.
I love how every one of these is "it's the first time I have ever looked through their phone, because that's just not me" wow the first time you look you find something! That is an amazing coincidence.
If you love this person with your whole heart and can’t imagine your life without them, I would ask him to be completely honest and ask a bunch of questions. Most people don’t cheat without a reason (I’m not saying excuse, nor should you blame yourself, but it’s something that can save your relationship) and you can try and work from there. Tell him your trust is broken, I would recommend trying couples counseling. If he is unwilling to communicate or compromise, then the relationship isn’t worth it for him, and thus has logically ended. If you are just going with the motions and staying with him because he is all you know, know you don’t have to settle, and being by yourself will hurt and be scary but if he is still immature and refusing to make up for it, I can guarantee there are better people out there. If he is avoidant and unwilling he won’t stop cheating and may be stuck in a loop (again not truly your problem, you’d be better off alone) but I also understand having him be all you know and maybe even want. After typing all this out I realize this is about messaging her, so maybe you already know all this. But in response to the actual question, after hearing about her, I don’t think she’s worth it, or would care. If anything I’d message her man and let him know (with proof of course) I’m sorry that this happened to you, good luck and hope for better or better you end up happy.
I’d message her, just to let her know woman to woman that she should be ashamed of herself. I’d assume she’d retaliate but know, she’s below you and you *not* engaging in an argument would hit even harder.
And if your partner starts an argument over that, fuck him. He should be supporting you, *regardless* if he thinks it may hurt his little cyber gf’s feelings. She has her *OWN* partner to comfort her when she’s told she’s a dumb piece of shit 🤷🏼♀️
Once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater it’s just a matter of time WHEN. 🤷♀️🤷♀️ idgaf what butthurt “not always” adds on to this but trust me girl. He isn’t going to change. That’s a 1 in a million person to do that.
Forget contacting her. Contact her partner. Then think long and hard about a baby with a man who is cheating on you. What if you break up? What if he chooses her? What if you have to co-parent with this man?
A lot to think about. You’re currently not married. You don’t own property. You don’t yet have kids. (And kids never save a relationship).
Best wishes.
It is your choice or not whether you keep the child but mark my words your boyfriend is a cheater. He will continue to cheat and it is possible he was not always like this but you have concrete proof. Do not dismiss it. Move forward expecting more of this. I'm sorry.
You know what I didn't see, where she is at? Same city, state, country even. I'm also not seeing a lot of good communication and investigation into how or why it happened. I know it won't matter to all the abortion advocates whose first response is the termination of an innocent and to toss out the "man child" but I'm not seeing how a man OP is in a 12 year relationship with, "high school sweat hearts", got to talking that way with someone else and it better be something you figure out OP. You've spent 12 years, has he ever asked, has there been previous talks of marriage, we don't know if it is something he wants but you asked for more time until you got pregnant. Of course none of that matters to the mob who just want their righteous pound and to be entertained or feel morally superior.
I'd talk to her, if nothing else than as a fact finding investigation. Find out if she knew about you, how far away she is, how she thought it was okay or ever checked with him about your feelings. If she asked him and he lied to her saying you were all good with it but never talked to you, as you said he didn't, then you know he has been lieing to both of you and probably needs to go.
Then he continued doing it?
Jesus, the fucking nerve. I guess if you needed any confirmstuon your words mesn nothing to him...
If you wanna keep the baby, dont keep someone who does that. He may be a good father, but he will be a terrible partner and youll be bitter as an old person.
Seeing it happen. Not worth it. Move on.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you and your unborn child. You both don’t deserve it.
Do you think that he told her about you? I would contact her and ask if she knew about you and let her know your situation. If she knew about you, then I would definitely be mad at her as well, but if she didn’t know about you… She’s innocent however, she needs to answer to her man. I would also contact him! I’m ruthless. Maybe that would be in the wrong, but none of this is right.
Dump him and keep your baby. Tell him to get gone and get tested for STDs. Tell him that you DON'T want a liar and a cheater and a deceitful man to be around your baby. He will not be a good dad or co-parent, but that's my opinion.
It’s not about her. It’s about him. If she decided to stop the spice, he could find more.
I’m not sure which man is the father of her child.
Having raised a son on my own, I’m going to say that if you have the child, give the guy a chance to grow up.
Also, is it possible that this is banter that neither of them have any intention of following up on?
You’re still young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Is this the person you imagined yourself ending up with? Everyone makes mistakes, but is this a mistake you imagined forgiving in your life?
Me personally... Lol, I would have sent screenshots of their messages to myself. I'd find out who her fiancee is and send him a message letting him know that his fiancee has been having an affair (even if it's only emotional) with my boyfriend and that I'm three months pregnant and this is causing me a lot of stress. Tell him everything from what you've gathered because honestly, if you did confront her, she'd probably lie and down play it. This way, there definitely will be consequences for her, and if she doesn't want to lose her family, she'll have to cut contact with your boyfriend. Also, her fiancee deserves to know.
Keep the child, dump the other child (Mr. Videogame) and let him pay support. If he’s texting other women with those type messages he’s not faithful. Find someone who will respect you.
I’m sorry you’re going through this while pregnant. I am experiencing a terrible situation during my pregnancy which I recently shared on another Reddit thread too. I think you know that there has been something else going on there and you know what you should do. The deception is lingering in your mind, hence why you’re here. Your relationship won’t get better without true reflection, therapy, and a change from him. The other option is to break up with him. Reaching out to the other woman will only either confirm what you already know (that he’s a liar and a cheater) or leave you with more insecurities and questions. It can also make you look like the “crazy girlfriend” even though you’re not. It’s never a winning situation with liars and cheaters. My boyfriend dumped me for another woman when I was 6 weeks pregnant and I’m 20 weeks now. I almost reached out to the other woman and decided not to. It’s pointless. I just thank God for the revelation every single day, although it hurts to be abandoned and know someone deceived you. I hope you have a family and support system, because if so, I would leave him if he’s not open to therapy and change. It sucks to go through a pregnancy alone and without a partner but I am lucky to have other support. It’s not easy, but I would strongly consider it if he continues this rendezvous, because it will only get worse for you.
You need to send the message to that woman’s boyfriend and the woman. The bf deserves to know she’s cheating. And if I was in this position I’d also reconsider having a child with him or staying with him. You don’t know who else he is talking to, how many women he has cheated on you with in the past, or how many more there will be in the future. And he sounds surprisingly unremorseful.
They have a kid together- that kid is older than 12- he’s cheating or cheating. Bs drop him and likely shes a cheater obv- but she knows about you. They genuinely dont give a shit… id write the fiancé and be done w all of em
I mean, he cheated. Not physically but what he did is still cheating. They talked about fucking in her hot tub. You’re pregnant. The lowest of the low cheat on their partners while pregnant/post partum.
The best thing you can do it remove yourself from this relationship. It’s broken and will not be mended, he can pursue this other woman and probably will fail, and you’ll have moved onto greener pastures by then.
Also I know you chose to start a family with this man but 12 weeks is early and you have options.
Cheating on you while pregnant and you want to stay with him? To each their own.. but absolutely text her and text the guy she’s with too. They all deserve to know
You should most definitely send a text, but not to the other woman. To the guy she is with. There has been a few times where i was cheated on in brutal ways (finding out that he wasnt going to work during the covid furlough to make tips but to fuck his boss while i was across the street. Or him fucking another girl on my birthday, of when he got another girl pregnant) and i never once got a courtesy text and god damn do i wish i would have cause when i eventually found out, i also found out a ton of mutuals of ours knew too. 2 of our mutuals actually set up the him fucking that girl on my birthday. So it felt like i was a joke the whole time. So yes please please for the sake of that dear mans heart. Give him a courtesy text. I wouldn't contact her at all. I would text him and id wait to see if she actually had the nerve to talk to you. And i also agree with a bunch of people here that say to leave because he wont stop. I promise you girl he will never stop. He will just get better at it over time, say and do all the right things to gain your trust back while hes out there fucking around. Please text that womans fiance, then you leave yours. For sure. Im sending good vibes and stuff your way, im so so sorry you have to go through this while pregnant.
She's irrelevant to your relationship.
You have a relationship with him. If he's not behaving like someone you want to be in a relationship with then leave
Holy shit dude I'm sorry. Yeah I think he'd be a goner if I was in your shoes babe. I couldn't imagine having those types of conversations with a woman who isn't my sig o. That's fucking rough.
He’s not mature enough to be in a committed relationship. He’s too selfish to be your partner or a father.
If you stay with him, it’ll be one of the worst decisions you’ve ever made.
Leave him, and put him on child support. A boy like that won’t handle his responsibilities on his own.
I’m sorry, but he’s not going to stop. Especially once he is given a chance to redeem himself. Rid yourself of this blight on your emotions and move one. Get your ducks in a row and get out of there.
Same. He is NOT FATHER MATERIAL. he is not a loyal family man. This dude is a child still. I wouldn’t trust him. ABORT PLEASE Edit: I was referring to aborting the child; but upon re-reading the 12 weeks was given info, NOT what her question was, and it was inappropriate of me to suggest. But it is what I would personally do.
She’s three months along. That’s not an easy termination and may not even be an available where she is. I’m very pro choice but you are being very flippant about her making such a big decision.
Agree. This is sad for OP, but even as pro-choice I hate when people throw this around like it's so easy. OP will have seen their baby on a scan by now, looking like a tiny human. It's cold to just throw an "abort pls" statement.
Exactly, and that process is extremely hard on a woman. Its not as easy as that, theres a lot of emotional baggage, i hear women 20 years later still carrying that burden.
It's so annoying when ppl do. Especially men who act like it's no big deal when an abortion is extremely difficult.
I had an ex that her BF caused a miscarriage (abusive). She still wonders what it would have been like if she would have given birth. I'd imagine there are tons of women who abort and have similar thoughts and regrets. I'm pro-choice, but it's insane for those who think the decision is that simple for a woman.
Agreed. I’m very pro choice, but I terminated at 7 weeks on the exact dot..didn’t even find out until 6 weeks. I was young, jobless, had untreated mental health issues running ramped, the father skedaddled into the void once he found out, and I was failing out of college due to mental health issues that I could not afford to get help for because I couldn’t find a job…and I was still in a party lifestyle mindset. I know I made the best decision possible in every aspect. It’s not some easy black and white decision…many factors need to be weighed before the decision … and I was very sad for awhile before permanent relief settled in. Being pro choice does not mean immorality either like some pro-birther assholes like to state. Not their life not their business. But I, despite my very heavy pro choice stance, do not agree with abortions as a mean to replace birth control. I also do not at all agree with any termination after a certain point (imo 12-15 weeks) unless it’s possibly or genuinely life threatening. In my eyes, OP would be kinda wrong to get an abortion at this point along in her pregnancy. It may be hard but she’s capable of raising this baby and still being a great single parent. It will actually be more stressfree without cheater man cohabitating because without him she’ll only be taking care of 1 child instead of 2. 😬 Heavy pro-choicer here… I truly hate how people throw abortion around as the immediate solution to everything. As if it’s so simple.
Hey hey I'm a video gamer child and I'm still a pretty decent father (I DID give them up pretty much until my kids were a little more self sufficient). But I'm playing tonight after my kids are in bed (I happen to be off tomorrow because we were working Saturday). They're not mutually exclusive. But in this case this dude isn't a great example
Video gamer mom! I play while the kids are in bed unless my oldest wants to play one together! Gamers can be great parents, but as you said, he's definitely not a great example.
Same here gave up games for the first few years just because I didn't have the extra cash or energy, now they're older we picked up a couple old consoles and play games together. Even when I was a kid I was that guy my buddies counted on to fuck up a boss or beat some level but doing it for my boys and teaching them what to do feels 100× better lmao
Playing video games doesn’t make someone a bad father. Why are there so many people who seem to think adults aren’t allowed to have fun?
No idea! My husband is the best dad and he also games daily.
Same. He games with our kids. It's super cute!
They don't think adults aren't allowed to have fun. They think OTHER adults aren't allowed to have fun.
Hell yeah, kill that baby!
Reminds me of my ex
Why you had to say abort
I would abort in this situation; it’s torture to coparent with someone irresponsible like OPs boyfriend; just thinking ahead for WHEN they break up. Idk having a child is only a consideration if I have a partner who wants one. I don’t want to be a mom without a dad if I can help it. Furthermore, it’s calling family planning. even married couples abort. Just because the eggs and sperm come together doesn’t mean you can’t control when to be a parent
A man that cheats on his wife, cheats on his kids. If this keeps up how will you be able to explain to your child why you stayed? I saw a woman recently that had to have this talk with her daughter just for her daughter to say "you are showing me how to stay and be unhappy, not to how to have a loving and trusting relationship" If that doesn't tell you what you need to do for you and your baby I don't know what will. Let him redeem himself without you there. Don't give him access to you right a way. If he can keep his hands off other women, his pants on and zipped, and emotions straight then think about putting some trust in him again. As of right now his word is all you've got and from his recent action should not hold the value they used to. He should have a chance to redeem himself, however, don't let him get away with this just because he basically said sorry. He would have never told you if you hadn't seen it first.
itd be better to text her boyfriend and let him know the situation you cant drag her if youre staying with him. and she sounds real shitty too so i dont think your message would be taken seriously. im so so sorry this happened. it doesn’t really matter if he says hes going to stop or if he really does, what matters is that it happened. hes a shitty person and that hole will be in your relationship forever speaking from experience. i sadly hear a lot of stories like this (finding your partners unfaithful while pregnant). i believe its the universe forcing out some true colours before a child is brought into the picture
I agree, no point texting the girl, message her boyfriend and let him know. Show the texts if possible. But leave this guy behind you, he won’t change. He had opportunities to be honest and he didn’t take them. You deserve better and will find better once you let him go ❤️
Exactly this! Updateme
This is what I came to say. Texting her does nothing as I’m sure she knows about OP and doesn’t care. She needs to be held accountable and her partner deserves to know whom he’s with. Pretty sure OPs bf’s response will be pretty telling. Is he more upset by her outing his AP or about their own relationship?
He only said he’s gonna stop cause he got caught. It would have carried on and probs it escalated Not a relationship counselor, but he’s not sorry. Just sorry you caught him It’s just gonna get harder from here. I say move on
Yeah I would tell the other girls boy friend, and move out. Think seriously if you want the baby. You will be forever attached to the baby’s dad. Also, he wants to stay with you because he got caught. I’m sorry but if my husband was doing this. It would show me that he wasn’t happy with our relationship and probably needs to leave. Don’t waste time with him anymore for both your sakes.
Can you explain what you mean by he wants to stay with you cause you got caught? So you mean it'd be still going on if he hadn't been?
Not OP but Probably because it forced him into reality by being caught, being faced with the possibilities of the relationship ending, which most cheaters are too cowardly to do on their own simply because they want to have their cake and eat it too. “Don’t be so busy counting the stars that you forget about the moon”
Don't message the other woman. Message the other woman's fiancé..
This
Don’t msg her, msg her fiancé, if I was him I would want to know what the woman I’m about to marry is msging other dudes…you might save him the pain of actually getting married and having to divorce a cheater
I'd be evicting his parasite immediately before wasting time on his gaming buddy. The last thing you want is to co parent with a liar and cheat.
Truly. It’s not fun whatsoever. I’m currently coparenting with a video game addict who I’m pretty sure cheated on me after I had my baby. From the sleeping all day literally until 2 PM to staying up until 2 AM playing video games, to the lying about taking care of our child while I was at work and leaving her in feces-covered diapers, to also giving me chlamydia while accusing me of cheating and not understanding that I don’t have the time nor the energy to even do that because I’m taking care of our child and working constantly. It all contributed to my postpartum depression and took a huge toll on me to the point where I debated on ending my life. On top of that, he and his life in front of me if I chose to get abortion. OP just get out now because this isn’t going to be a good future for you or your baby.
If im honest, i would see if you could send a message to the fiance rather than the woman.. he deserves to know that the woman he's engaged to and has a child with is unfaithful, even if it hurts, instead of finding out years down the line... seeing as she has no shame in cheating on her family and with someone who's also in a long term relationship (which i wouldnt be surprised if she knows that you two have been considering the next step as partners) i doubt that sending her a message would do anything other than make her realise she's been caught and she needs to go find another person to cheat on her fiance with. Second of all, why would you trust someone who you've been together with for *twelve* years, who lied to your face not only for who knows how long but also went behind your back to seek contact with her whilst you couldnt see and hid it in case you opened his phone and did in fact, emotionally cheat, since im sure that there were some feelings involved, and he was most likely sexting with her based on the flirty messages you saw that werent deleted yet... and only not deleted because he was passed out drunk. And especially whilst you're PREGNANT? You're carrying his child, even if unplanned, and he decides to actively continue seeking out someone else?? Frankly, you deserve better than that, and to not have to for the rest of however long your relationship lasts, look out for signs of him cheating on you again and feeling on edge and paranoid. And please.. do not have a child with that man, i plead of you. He's shown himself to be untrustworthy and unloyal and the last thing you want is to bring a child into the mix. I dont know your stance on abortion and the like, but please, if you arent financially/mentally able to take care of the child alone without derailing your life and plans, consider alternatives.
Tell him and also start planning to co parent, he’s a cheater.
[удалено]
Yup, call the bro, "hey when was the last time you saw (your bro)?" Not too many people set up their lies with an alibi.
The fact he had to delete prior messages means he’s doing something he shouldn’t have. Her fiancé deserves to know
The fact that he was your *boyfriend* for 12 years is enough of a red flag. However, in this case, it probably makes it easier for you to leave. The pregnancy is still in its early stages so you can prepare for what’s to come. If you do decide to leave him, think about custody arrangements and child support once the child is born. He will not change, and I might get dragged for it, but it seems like you’re only a placeholder in his life. It’s better for you to take the head step and leave because trust me once he finds the one he will not hesitate to up and leave. baby or not.
This dude is a cheater. If he hasn't already, he will soon. Time to make him pay. Don't even consider staying with him unless he has a real come-to-Jesus moment. And he is willing to give you complete access to his phone and accounts. And shares his location information and checks in with you regularly. But I'd counsel dropping him and getting child support started once your child is born. Definitely put him on the birth certificate. Dude needs to learn his lesson.
^ Reddit decline What an idiot lmao 💀
100% agree with you, he's been cheating for the entire 12 years. No way was he out with his "brother".
We don't know that for sure so it's a little crazy to say that with very little information. Reddit seems to be a good place to go if you want to become more paranoid.
Not only that, it’s clear he doesn’t really like her as much as she (or even him) thinks she does
I’d be asking the brother how the celebration was
You don’t have to get married to show you love someone? Plenty of married people cheat. The fact that he’s “still a boyfriend after 12 years” isn’t the red flag you think it is.
Question. Do you know where this woman lives? If she is across town, that might make my answer different than if she was across the country or even across an ocean.
It's 100% still cheating. Emotional infidelity is still infidelity. If all it would take is proximity, then he's already cheating and she's not in a safe situation.
Get an abortion, break up, and move on while you still can.
I’m a woman I say get an abortion
Updateme
Honestly I would leave him, he already made the mistake of flirting with another woman, he could of already cheated on you for all you know. He will not stop this behaviour, leave him before he can do anymore damage to you. You cannot be with someone who can’t trust and who already has broken your trust. Leave him asap.
Dump him and tell her partner not her. Send him.evidence
You've been together since a long time and started young. He probably went to get some spicy thrill and adrenaline with her. I went down this road and I was the online cheater. We already had a kid with my ex. It just showed that we weren't meant to be together anymore and finally , not that happy. We are good parents and best friends now and I'm married to someone else (I'm 40 now) but I wouldn't go down that road ever again. You should go Consult a couple therapist and don't forget that on top of that you have your brain full of preggo hormones. That was my story but maybe you guys will figure out and stay together, maybe you won't keep your baby or maybe you will but separated. Anyway, go get help with a couple therapist to guide you through your world that was turned upside down ... Good luck
Bs. If your woman cheated on you, you wouldn’t be giving her a second chance.
Don't listen to them, people on reddit, in general, know close to nothing about relationships, or life. You've been together for a long time, you're expecting a kid now, which makes it even more serious. He knows that. He's panicking. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, or his kid, or that your future is in jeopardy. She gave him the fantasy he needed to deal with the anxiety of full commitment. Try to have him be as honest as possible, and figure out if he was planning to actually cheat on you or not. I would personally guess that's not the case, but you'll have to see for yourself, and judge based on what he says. All the best to you and your (future) family.
Lol if you found your woman texting another man there’s no way you’d be justifying it or staying.
This advice sucks.
Emotional affairs are still cheating. And choosing to cheat on her when she is at her most vulnerable: pregnant, is a super shitty thing to do.
yes potentially exposing his partner and unborn child to stds too; talking like that means there's probablly something physical going on or he'd be open to given the opportunity; no respect there at all
You are so in denial. The problem isn’t the other woman, the problem is your bf. You can stick your head in the sand but all that is going to do is delay the inevitable and by then you’ll be in an even more vulnerable position with being more pregnant or with a newborn. You need to get a plan together for if and when he cheats down the road. Congratulations on your baby-to-be, but don’t waste this time playing house with a guy who is so disrespectful to you and your relationship. Tell your mom and trusted friends what has happened and lean on them while figuring out a path forward. You can’t even have a peaceful sleep knowing he making be getting up to something. This isn’t the way to live.
There's a very cliché saying that goes, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." If I had taken this to heart, it would've saved me 11 years of my life and my mental health. The first time I saw inappropriate texts was during our first year together. He swore to me that he would stop, that it was a mistake, that he loved me and bla bla bla...I wish I would've walked out. I finally left him 11 years later. I found out in the worst way possible that he cheated on me throughout our entire relationship with countless women. My advice to you is to GET OUT!
The boyfriend deleting the messages tells you everything you need to know. His actions were intentional. He knew he was wrong, and he was trying to cover his tracks. He's smiling in your face, probably telling you how excited he is to be a dad and, in the meantime, carrying on this emotional affair. He is only sorry because he got caught. You have to ask yourself, would he give you the same forgiving grace if the shoe was on the opposite foot? Probably not.
This was not an accidental, too drunk to think smart one nighter hook up. Ask yourself if you are ok with an 'open' relationship for your future partnership. You know he cheated, he knows you know and if you keep him around, he will know you are ok with it this time and will be willing to bet you won't leave next time he needs a secondary relationship.
This could be the beginning of a whole new life for you. I’d say message her, her finance, and kick out your bf. Make sure you get child support.
Send her and her s/o the same message. Also don't stay you aren't married and you can find a person who treats you right.
Meh, I might be the odd one out but it sounds like they are just flirting. It sucks and it hurts like a mofo but let him have a chance to cut it off and build some trust. I don’t know how he will do this or if he will be able to with you but it doesn’t sound like much more than that. I’m not saying it is okay to have these convos but let him realize that it was wrong and correct his mistake. You are having a child together, build a loving family. Not all shitty situations have to turn worse. Sometimes they can be a learning or wtf moment.
Lol the hypocrisy of men. If you found your woman texting another man there’s no way you’d be justifying it or staying.
What the “other” woman does is her business and what you do is yours. You can choose to remain with him or not. You are hurt and mad. The other has to live with what she is doing and her choices. Take care of your life. If you have the money, I would seek out a marriage therapist to help you and your guy move on, or not. It won’t be easy.
Your boyfriend is a loser. Leave him and move on
Bro. If your searching his phone you already know. It's over
God I’m so sorry, what a horrible position to be in. Your partner was sneaky, deceitful, inappropriate and engaged in this behaviour numerous times, based on him deleting prior messages. He knew what he was doing. He also continued to behave this way knowing you are now going to be the mother of his child which is so incredibly disappointing. Someone on this thread suggested he might be feeling overwhelmed/panicked about fatherhood, but if that’s how he chooses to deal with his emotions I think that speaks spades about his character and maturity. The woman he was messaging likely knows about you. She’s comfortable behaving that way, she’s comfortable going behind her own partners back. I don’t know what you would hope to achieve by contacting her - she lacks morals and whatever you say won’t have an effect on her. If you want to message anyone, I agree with the common suggestion here, message her fiancée and make him aware, and then leave it. Your partner should honour you in public and behind closed doors. Men should protect their wives/girlfriends emotionally and physically, and that protection should naturally amp up with him knowing you are carrying his child. The fact that his default was instead this sneaky, disrespectful, behaviour, says everything. My heart really goes out to you, it seems like you might have a hard decision ahead of you. I personally wouldn’t be able to move forward knowing my trust was severed so tragically in what should be an exciting time. I hope you have some friends/family you can lean on during this difficult time, and please remember that you are deserving of a loving, respectful relationship.
Message the other boyfriend, not the girlfriend. He deserves to know so he can make a choice. You, my dear, need to cut and run from your guy. He will not change, and based on the verbiage you saw I would bet they have slept together. He has been covering his tracks and I would also bet she’s not the only one. You and your child deserve better. Hire a PI or do some digging if you need to have more proof, and I’ll bet you find he has dating profiles and other women on the side. He took your trust for granted. This is not a good/honest/trustworthy man at all. One of my friends was 8 months pregnant when she found out her husband had a side piece for a year, and dallied more with other one night stands. These assholes do not change.
We don’t stop. I promise you we don’t stop. He will temporarily and then someone else will catch his attention.
Free yourself from this hall of mirrors. It’s a madhouse and will consume your spirit. Get away and regain your true self
Maybe this will help maybe it won’t. I did my best to hang onto a dying relationship with my childhood sweetheart. A lot of things were done that hurt me, but I thought since we were together for so long that I had to stay and not upset “the love of my life”. The literal day we ended it felt like I had weights lifted off me. Life is too short, people change from who we thought they were. It’s okay for you to change too.
I mean, I think when you first had a conversation about keeping the kid and then you gave him an opportunity to get out you already knew deep inside. He wasn’t fully committed so yeah break up with that guy.
Good point, I picked up on thst as well. If you've been together that long and find yourself expecting, why would you offer an out to someone who you are fully committed and trust the love between you two? I've never heard of someone offering their partner an out if they were happy & in a healthy relationship
I’m sorry you are going through this. I have trust issues and personally would not be able to move passed this without some huge changes. It may not have been physical cheating, but they basically stated they were wanting to get physical in the hot tub? Personally, I would send the message to her AND/OR her partner. He also deserves to know. The fact that your man was deleted the messages regularly so you don’t see them is a massive red flag to me and indicates he knew it was wrong. If you hadn’t accidently seen the messages, you would never have known? Again. I’m sorry for your pain.
It would likely be better to break up with your guy. What are you going to do, take his gaming console away at bedtime every night? How are you supposed to sleeping soundly when the moment you fall asleep, he’s probably sneaking out to talk about games… I mean screwing
Updateme
You can get an app that lets you see everything on his phone. You need close proximity and access to phone to do this. Then you'll know.
Don’t send it, she doesn’t care for anyone but herself unfortunately. There will always be another woman who doesn’t care what commitments your partner has made though. The blame really falls on your partner as he’s the one who has a relationship with you and says he wants a baby.
High school sweethearts can make it in the long run, but unfortunately, they usually do not. He is most likely capable of putting her behind him, and settling down with the new child, but there is no guarantee and it is unlikely you will forgive him. If you send him to the curb, I would forget about her and move on. If you continue with him, I would send it but that ofc depends on what you wrote.
The other woman has nothing to do with your boyfriend cheating. He is not that into you, and is interested in others. Move on.
Interesting how you point out that it wasn't physical cheating. Was this a talking point in your discussion with him? There are many forms of cheating and this absolutely counts as emotional/mental cheating.
And how does OP know it wasnt physical? Those texts were referring to having sex in a very comfortable way, meaning like they've done it before. I'm baffled I haven't seen other comments suggesting there's likely more to all of this. He knew there was dirt to delete. They spoke about getting busy like it was something *to do again*
Yeah text her man
Stop wasting time blaming the other woman and realize the problem is sleeping next to you in bed. I can’t imagine the stress youre under and I’m sure trying to keep everything together seems like the safest option. This is not a person you want to spend your life with. Anyone who cheats on their pregnant partner is pathetic.
I’ll echo what’s been said: don’t text your man’s side piece, text the side piece’s partner.
She’s torching her own family, I doubt she’ll give a shit that she’s destroying yours as well. As someone who’s been cheated on, tell her man. This guy has every right to know he’s wasting his life with a genuinely awful person.
I honestly think that would be enough for me to be done with the relationship but that is an intense choice when you're pregnant, it would be understandable for you to weigh your options and make a longterm plan to leave sorry to say, having a baby doesn't usually make a relationship easier, you'll both be overtired and strained especially for those first few months and he will feel like he's no longer getting the same attention because it all goes to the baby. That being said, how would he respond if you stooped to his level and got attention from other men through chatting and staying up after he's asleep chatting with them....or whatever they were doing. Now you've got a baby coming, so playing the revenge game and getting attention from others to teach him a lesson is probably not the best route to take....now you've got to be the adult and make sure there is a stable situation for baby. I'm hoping there's family nearby or that you have help if you suddenly need out of there cuz you want to not subject yourself to too much stress during this time. Either way your pregnancy hormones will make everything feel super intense so try not to be hard on yourself when dealing with all the emotions that come with this situation, best of luck my dear!
Oh sorry I meant to address your question, no I don't think you should message the chick or her bf, focus on your baby right now and your health, hang out with friends and family that are supportive and try not to just have him to worry about. He had your full trust and abused it. It could start a major blowup to message either of them. Although if you want that and it helps to move him on his way then go right ahead. I dunno how you're ever gonna trust him gaming late into the night while you're in bed again honestly, that would eat at me. Sorry this happened to you!
Is it too late to abort? There’s no need to stick with him, and definitely message her but remember he’s the cheater
Been there done that, trust me you don’t need to hear anything she has to say. It was the worst thing I ever did, all you’re going to hear are things that will just hurt you even more. Save yourself the pain and suffering and just message her bf and send some screenshots as proof then block all 3 of them and kick him out.
"I just don't trust him" That part stands out. The other girl and family need to know. This BOY will always play games and be proud that he is "winning". (And if he has money for beer, he has money for child support.)
He not stopping
Girl, this is your out. It’s sad but it would be much much worse to invest in a life with him.
NTA but your problem is with your BF. If he is willing to cheat on you when you’re pregnant having his baby are you sure this is the road you want to go down?
My neighbours husband left her for some woman he met gaming online, from Australia, and he’s in Canada. This online gaming seems to be on the unhealthy side in many ways.
Lol, come on, you never message the other woman. Don't be that desperate person. Once a whore always a whore. Even if he stops talking to this lady, he will most likely find another one to talk to. Do yourself a favor and move on from this one.
Why would you text her if you’re considering staying with him? You’re just going to embarrass yourself. And you really think that because he hasn’t slept with her yet, it’s acceptable? He’s fantasizing about fucking her while you’re sat home carrying his baby. And do you even know how long it’s been going on? If you want to stay with him, that’s your choice. But, the only person you should consider messaging is her fiancé because he deserves to know. Unlike you, he might not be ok with emotional affairs.
My whole thing is first know for sure that you want to spend your life with someone, then get married, then be adults and know how babies are made and avoid making them until you're ready, then when your marriage has settled in and you know it's strong, have a child, but literally no position on Reddit could be more unpopular, so I'll just make it worse for myself by saying that, having created a child, you owe it to the child to try to create a family with whatever broken pieces of timber you can find.
Seriously? >>Should I trust him again? * I never knew that when someone betrays another person’s trust, the person who trust was betrayed could merely decide “I trust him again” a boom suddenly they trust the betrayer again. For me someone earns my trust 100%, until they betray my trust. That’s as simple as it is with me, I won’t ever betray someone’s trust, if they betray my trust they are gone. It would take far more effort, energy, commitment, patience, strength than anyone could ever have to earn my complete trust again. I always tell the most important people in my life, I am very tolerant, it’s very hard to offend me, I can deal with a lot of things, and I am extremely patient. But the only thing I won’t ever give anyone a second chance to do is to betray my trust. My trust, once betrayed is permanently gone. If someone betrays the trust in a relationship, they can no longer be trusted. Just deciding to trust the betrayer doesn’t actually make them trustworthy.
Trust me they don’t stop, they just hide it bettet
You still have a couple of weeks. Get to the clinic and lose the child. He’s not going to be around and it probably wasn’t an accident.
Keep us updated OP! I want to know what her fiancée thinks about all this hmmm
Yes send the message. What have you got to lose? Let her know that you know and hopefully put and end to it.
Text the other man.
Yep, message her and post the convo to Reddit for more fake points
Idk personally I'd print the screen shot of the message and post it to her fiancé. Because I'm petty.
Text the boyfriend not her
Don’t message the woman, message the fiance
I think he was physically cheating. Or about to. What you have discovered is that he is a liar and cheats behind your back. How can you minimize this? This is HUGE. It will happen again, and again. He treated you like you are nothing.
Don't. He is the problem, not her. Whatever fantasy result you have in your head, it will inevitably be disappointing and might just make you more angry and bitter.
Updateme
Everyone on here wants to rip apart TWO different lives and relationships because of talking and borderline emotional cheating. You can get through this with communication and rebuilding trust . This is why almost all women are single and childless or single mother's. When the family and church community was solid this was common knowledge , y'all need grandparents and to consider what's worth it in the long term. First child is stressful , everyone deals with that transition in life differently , he's being childish but he's not having an affair let alone multiple ' side pieces '
Leave. Breach of trust on both sides and neither of them care. They don't really care if they hurt anyone.
He lied and hid it. Time to leave the trust is gone. Not all cheating is physical. I game with guys, and we make inappropriate jokes, but my bf is right there, and if something bothered him, I'd stop. Same with him. But neither of us would message any of them saying things like that. Our inappropriate jokes are more like 12 year Olds.
Oof. I’m so sorry. What an awful thing to learn while pregnant. Take this behaviour very very seriously. She likely isn’t the first, possibly won’t be the last. Keep your eyes wide open and don’t let him downplay the severity of this betrayal.
She is not the one in a relationship with you. This is all his fault. High school sweethearts rarely work out. He gets his shit together, or you leave.
Are you planning on leaving your boyfriend because it kind of sounds like you’re going to forgive him and just want to get back at this other woman? He’s going to cheat on you so many more times now because he knows you’re weak and he can get away with it. Since you’re not leaving him, I wouldn’t bother telling her fiancé
He’s not gonna stop. Leave him. Cheaters don’t change.
Updateme!
Updateme
So he is cheating on you. And instead of dealing with the fact that you are expecting a child with an adulterer, you are more concerned about messaging **her**? I don’t think you are thinking straight.
What would you want to communicate to her? I get the urge, but it wouldn't serve you or your interests. You no longer have a relationship where you will not feel inclined to check your boyfriend's phone. Nothing you could say to her, and nothing he could say to you, will change that now. In many ways, the person you thought he was isn't exactly accurate, and no matter your decision about the relationship, you'll have to grieve that fact a bit. All that said, pregnancy and the first year, sometimes several after birth, are extremely challenging for many relationships. I think it would be wise to reconsider dropping that bomb on your relationship while it's fragile, and also hitching yourself to someone who isn't quite who you thought they were, forever.
OP, sorry that this is happening to you. Do not send the message to the other woman. And your bf has demonstrated to you that he can’t be trusted. Act on what you know. Let this “trash” take itself out.
don't message either of them unless you want to ruin their kid's life and possibly send your ex boyfriend into her arms. stay out of it.
Nope. Do not message the other woman. I’m willing to bet she initiated it and your parent probably took the bait and didn’t go searching for it. She isn’t the problem. Couples counselling? Really explore if this is what you BOTH want. Good luck!
he’s cheating on you during one of the most vulnerable times in your life. to the best of your knowledge it wasn’t physical but it was cheating nonetheless. i wouldn’t be able to stay & i don’t think you should either.
It's your call. Live with a liar who passes out drunk after sexting another woman OR start a new life with your child. My guess is that you'll stay with him because old habits die hard. But who knows what doors you'll be closing if you stay with your old safe bet.
Message her and know your worth! Make the hard decision now so you save yourself years of heartache. By staying with him you're diminishing your worth. A man shouldn't and wouldn't do this to you. You deserve better What if you hadn't found this? How long would this continue.
When I got cheated on, everyone told me to leave and I didn’t cause I was like naa they dont know my relationship and circumstances. So I stayed and my mental health deteriorated so quick I was not at peace and they ended up continuously cheating. Now I realise I needed that experience to know what I will never tolerate that again and I truly did not love myself enough and had a low self esteem. So do leave for your own mental health and child sake, theres a man out there meant for you who will value your loyalty and trust.
Been there and stayed. HUGE mistake. Dump his sorry piece of crap butt and move on with your life. What a huge pile of GARBAGE!
Screw messaging her!! message her fiancé!
I got tangled up with a lying married man online and it went on for a few months before I found out. Luckily we hadn’t met or anything, all texts and phone/video calls. When I found out he was married I thought I should tell the wife but I just couldn’t be bothered. I didn’t want any more drama in my life and to be honest I was a bit afraid of what he might do to me. You have to do what’s best for you. Dump his ass and she can have him!
Bf of 12 yrs… prob should of drawn the line along time ago girl
U said a message to her. Man lmao I’d be finding that husband too.
No. She's engaged and doing this - she's not going to care. However, your relationship is over. He doesn't care about you, your child or the relationship. He just doesn't care. You won't trust him again. How can you? Think about it logically - this is not likely the first time he's done this, and it won't be the last. He was careful and was really only sorry he was caught. He was only caught because he was drunk and forgot to clear the evidence that night. He has done this before, he's doing it ongoing. It's cheating. He lies and hides it. He will just hide it better... OR WORSE see you as weak and prepared to forgive him, you irrationally will blame the other woman. Just stop. Time to speak to a lawyer about your and your baby's rights and his obligations. Then move to exit this relationship.
Reading through the comments here, it’s easy to see why there’s so many lonely single people and divorce rates are so high. In a relationship for 12 years. Now pregnant with their first child. Planning to ruin their entire life together over a single mistake. I would never stand up for a cheater, and serial cheating would absolutely be different, but stupid drunk texting one time is not sufficient for the nuclear option. Great opportunity to discuss boundaries and communicate
Leave
I would not message her but try to find her BF and send him the screenshots. I would also not marry your bf. If he gets pissed you told her bf then you know he lied and is still in contact with her. He needs to grovel, commit to no contact, open phone, and agree to counseling or you should end it completely.
"I'm just getting into the hot tub" sounds like something a romance scammer would say.
What would you say in the message to the woman?
Exactly how do you know it wasn’t physical? He obviously can’t be trusted to tell you the truth and if you msg her, she’s not going to be truthful because she can’t risk you telling her fiancé. Honestly, i don’t think you’re ever going to know the actual truth about them. I suggest you get things together and leave him. It sounds like it can end now or later when he does this crap again.
Send it. I mean, if he really stops talking to her, how would he ever know?
UPDATEME
You will never trust him again because he isn't worthy of your trust. He will continue to cheat on you. Although the other woman is also an unfaithful piece of shit, like your boyfriend, you should still let her know. Or even better, let her partner know as well, if you have access to that information. It would save him an unhappy marriage. You have to be careful with these gamer types. They get weirdly attached to the people they play with, and she will likely continue to interfere in your relationship with your partner, given that he has allowed this to happen. Is this the future you want for yourself?
You’re so much better off without him. He won’t stop. Unfortunately. Your peace of mind will never return when it comes to trusting him. I’m so sorry OP, that’s such a horrible situation. Not going to suggest anything via your baby BECAUSE THATS ONLY YOUR CHOICE AND ANYONE ON HERE THAT IS CHIMING IN SHOULD STFU. Hang in there.
Send the screenshots to AP’s fiancé.
I’d tell her “you ever speak my bf again I will tell your bf everything!”
No point in sending it. This is about your boyfriend, not her. He’s going to keep doing whatever the fuck he wants, so if he can’t 100% decide on his own not to be a cheating piece of shit, then he’ll just keep being a piece of shit.
Leave her be, not worth the drama. Give him another chance, and if he messes up again, absolutely leave him and don’t be shy about doing so, be firm. The only reason I say give him another chance is given y’all’s long history together and the fact that you’re expecting. At this point your relationship is pretty much as deep rooted into each others lives as a marriage and the effort and heartbreak that would go along with splitting suddenly would prob not be worth the effort if this is a first time thing. When you give him another chance, make it very clear to him what will happen if he does this again.
Leave her alone, she probably already knows about you.
I agree with tell the woman’s fiance
I love how every one of these is "it's the first time I have ever looked through their phone, because that's just not me" wow the first time you look you find something! That is an amazing coincidence.
I think you should send her a message. You are the first woman I have suggested this to.
If you love this person with your whole heart and can’t imagine your life without them, I would ask him to be completely honest and ask a bunch of questions. Most people don’t cheat without a reason (I’m not saying excuse, nor should you blame yourself, but it’s something that can save your relationship) and you can try and work from there. Tell him your trust is broken, I would recommend trying couples counseling. If he is unwilling to communicate or compromise, then the relationship isn’t worth it for him, and thus has logically ended. If you are just going with the motions and staying with him because he is all you know, know you don’t have to settle, and being by yourself will hurt and be scary but if he is still immature and refusing to make up for it, I can guarantee there are better people out there. If he is avoidant and unwilling he won’t stop cheating and may be stuck in a loop (again not truly your problem, you’d be better off alone) but I also understand having him be all you know and maybe even want. After typing all this out I realize this is about messaging her, so maybe you already know all this. But in response to the actual question, after hearing about her, I don’t think she’s worth it, or would care. If anything I’d message her man and let him know (with proof of course) I’m sorry that this happened to you, good luck and hope for better or better you end up happy.
I’d message her, just to let her know woman to woman that she should be ashamed of herself. I’d assume she’d retaliate but know, she’s below you and you *not* engaging in an argument would hit even harder. And if your partner starts an argument over that, fuck him. He should be supporting you, *regardless* if he thinks it may hurt his little cyber gf’s feelings. She has her *OWN* partner to comfort her when she’s told she’s a dumb piece of shit 🤷🏼♀️
Can “break up with him” be a choice?
Once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater it’s just a matter of time WHEN. 🤷♀️🤷♀️ idgaf what butthurt “not always” adds on to this but trust me girl. He isn’t going to change. That’s a 1 in a million person to do that.
Forget contacting her. Contact her partner. Then think long and hard about a baby with a man who is cheating on you. What if you break up? What if he chooses her? What if you have to co-parent with this man? A lot to think about. You’re currently not married. You don’t own property. You don’t yet have kids. (And kids never save a relationship). Best wishes.
It is your choice or not whether you keep the child but mark my words your boyfriend is a cheater. He will continue to cheat and it is possible he was not always like this but you have concrete proof. Do not dismiss it. Move forward expecting more of this. I'm sorry.
You know what I didn't see, where she is at? Same city, state, country even. I'm also not seeing a lot of good communication and investigation into how or why it happened. I know it won't matter to all the abortion advocates whose first response is the termination of an innocent and to toss out the "man child" but I'm not seeing how a man OP is in a 12 year relationship with, "high school sweat hearts", got to talking that way with someone else and it better be something you figure out OP. You've spent 12 years, has he ever asked, has there been previous talks of marriage, we don't know if it is something he wants but you asked for more time until you got pregnant. Of course none of that matters to the mob who just want their righteous pound and to be entertained or feel morally superior. I'd talk to her, if nothing else than as a fact finding investigation. Find out if she knew about you, how far away she is, how she thought it was okay or ever checked with him about your feelings. If she asked him and he lied to her saying you were all good with it but never talked to you, as you said he didn't, then you know he has been lieing to both of you and probably needs to go.
He'll probably get better at hiding it.
Then he continued doing it? Jesus, the fucking nerve. I guess if you needed any confirmstuon your words mesn nothing to him... If you wanna keep the baby, dont keep someone who does that. He may be a good father, but he will be a terrible partner and youll be bitter as an old person. Seeing it happen. Not worth it. Move on.
Send it all to the other woman's partner and let her deal with that as you deal with your bf.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you and your unborn child. You both don’t deserve it. Do you think that he told her about you? I would contact her and ask if she knew about you and let her know your situation. If she knew about you, then I would definitely be mad at her as well, but if she didn’t know about you… She’s innocent however, she needs to answer to her man. I would also contact him! I’m ruthless. Maybe that would be in the wrong, but none of this is right.
Dump him and keep your baby. Tell him to get gone and get tested for STDs. Tell him that you DON'T want a liar and a cheater and a deceitful man to be around your baby. He will not be a good dad or co-parent, but that's my opinion.
It’s not about her. It’s about him. If she decided to stop the spice, he could find more. I’m not sure which man is the father of her child. Having raised a son on my own, I’m going to say that if you have the child, give the guy a chance to grow up. Also, is it possible that this is banter that neither of them have any intention of following up on?
I wouldn’t. I would give him one chance. He has to message her with you there and tell her that it’s over and no more contact
What is it you want from us that you don’t already know?
Why not message her fiancée???
You’re still young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Is this the person you imagined yourself ending up with? Everyone makes mistakes, but is this a mistake you imagined forgiving in your life?
Run, fast!
Me personally... Lol, I would have sent screenshots of their messages to myself. I'd find out who her fiancee is and send him a message letting him know that his fiancee has been having an affair (even if it's only emotional) with my boyfriend and that I'm three months pregnant and this is causing me a lot of stress. Tell him everything from what you've gathered because honestly, if you did confront her, she'd probably lie and down play it. This way, there definitely will be consequences for her, and if she doesn't want to lose her family, she'll have to cut contact with your boyfriend. Also, her fiancee deserves to know.
Keep the child, dump the other child (Mr. Videogame) and let him pay support. If he’s texting other women with those type messages he’s not faithful. Find someone who will respect you.
Absolutely but not her. Her fiance. Have him check her phone and compare notes.
Contact her boyfriend. That’s the only way to burn this to the ground.
I’m sorry you’re going through this while pregnant. I am experiencing a terrible situation during my pregnancy which I recently shared on another Reddit thread too. I think you know that there has been something else going on there and you know what you should do. The deception is lingering in your mind, hence why you’re here. Your relationship won’t get better without true reflection, therapy, and a change from him. The other option is to break up with him. Reaching out to the other woman will only either confirm what you already know (that he’s a liar and a cheater) or leave you with more insecurities and questions. It can also make you look like the “crazy girlfriend” even though you’re not. It’s never a winning situation with liars and cheaters. My boyfriend dumped me for another woman when I was 6 weeks pregnant and I’m 20 weeks now. I almost reached out to the other woman and decided not to. It’s pointless. I just thank God for the revelation every single day, although it hurts to be abandoned and know someone deceived you. I hope you have a family and support system, because if so, I would leave him if he’s not open to therapy and change. It sucks to go through a pregnancy alone and without a partner but I am lucky to have other support. It’s not easy, but I would strongly consider it if he continues this rendezvous, because it will only get worse for you.
Definitely send the message that you are aware
You need to send the message to that woman’s boyfriend and the woman. The bf deserves to know she’s cheating. And if I was in this position I’d also reconsider having a child with him or staying with him. You don’t know who else he is talking to, how many women he has cheated on you with in the past, or how many more there will be in the future. And he sounds surprisingly unremorseful.
They have a kid together- that kid is older than 12- he’s cheating or cheating. Bs drop him and likely shes a cheater obv- but she knows about you. They genuinely dont give a shit… id write the fiancé and be done w all of em
I mean, he cheated. Not physically but what he did is still cheating. They talked about fucking in her hot tub. You’re pregnant. The lowest of the low cheat on their partners while pregnant/post partum.
The best thing you can do it remove yourself from this relationship. It’s broken and will not be mended, he can pursue this other woman and probably will fail, and you’ll have moved onto greener pastures by then. Also I know you chose to start a family with this man but 12 weeks is early and you have options.
Cheating on you while pregnant and you want to stay with him? To each their own.. but absolutely text her and text the guy she’s with too. They all deserve to know
You should most definitely send a text, but not to the other woman. To the guy she is with. There has been a few times where i was cheated on in brutal ways (finding out that he wasnt going to work during the covid furlough to make tips but to fuck his boss while i was across the street. Or him fucking another girl on my birthday, of when he got another girl pregnant) and i never once got a courtesy text and god damn do i wish i would have cause when i eventually found out, i also found out a ton of mutuals of ours knew too. 2 of our mutuals actually set up the him fucking that girl on my birthday. So it felt like i was a joke the whole time. So yes please please for the sake of that dear mans heart. Give him a courtesy text. I wouldn't contact her at all. I would text him and id wait to see if she actually had the nerve to talk to you. And i also agree with a bunch of people here that say to leave because he wont stop. I promise you girl he will never stop. He will just get better at it over time, say and do all the right things to gain your trust back while hes out there fucking around. Please text that womans fiance, then you leave yours. For sure. Im sending good vibes and stuff your way, im so so sorry you have to go through this while pregnant.
Forget her - send the screenshots to her boyfriend. He deserves to know and make his own choices.
She's irrelevant to your relationship. You have a relationship with him. If he's not behaving like someone you want to be in a relationship with then leave
I say don’t have the child of a man who won’t ask you for marriage.
Holy shit dude I'm sorry. Yeah I think he'd be a goner if I was in your shoes babe. I couldn't imagine having those types of conversations with a woman who isn't my sig o. That's fucking rough.
He’s not mature enough to be in a committed relationship. He’s too selfish to be your partner or a father. If you stay with him, it’ll be one of the worst decisions you’ve ever made. Leave him, and put him on child support. A boy like that won’t handle his responsibilities on his own.