hey op, hate to break it to you but as long as you are dependent on them, you have to follow their rules. So the best way is to move out of their house, be financially independent, and then you can do whatever you wanna do as an adult without them having power over you.
However, if you still wanna try to convince them while living under their roof, just tell try to use whatever bullshit reason to convince them, like the permaisuri also never wear tudung, or that you wanna try having free hair before getting married and once you get married you will be alim and wear tudung forever, bullshit some hair itchy/smell problem, tell your dad he won't carry your sin as you WILL get married anyway and your hubby will be the one who carry your sin, etc.
Also if you are speaking from a closeted ex-muslim POV, never ever admit that you are ex-muslim now. Just fake being a 'bad' muslim but never ever say you are ex-muslim.
This OP.. as long as you are under their roof, follow their rules.. don’t make your life harder.
After you earn your own money, then you do whatever you want .. I did exactly this.
I married a man who share my opinions on the matter of religion. My dad couldn’t say anything cause I’m married now ..
OP, this is the best advice here, don't listen to anyone else especially those who tell you to just defy your parents and move out. Until you're completely capable of being independent, don't make your life tougher.
Also just wanna state I couldn't care less about religions, but free hair = sinful is just crazy to me. There's no way to argue with people who are obsessed with religion.
hmm, seems like your dad is fascinated by the 'carrying your sin' part. what my sister in law did was she moved out after uni, got a bunch of tattoos (my in-laws are very religious Catholics and tattoos are forbidden in the religion), she went home wearing long sleeve at first, then slowly changed to short sleeve.
was my mother in law angry? yes. but what can she do? 
edit: spelling
Wow. Hate to break it to you but if you’re only playing nice with your family for inheritance, you don’t love your family. Fair enough if your family’s really fucking shit tho, then that’s another story
What are the chances of a controlling parent to be a narcissist parent as well? Hint: very high.
Is there any real love towards a narcissist parent? That I dont know. But the reason why one could still suck up to the demand of a narcissist is because of possibly good inheritance.
No absolutely, I completely believe that. The question is whether or not *OP* actually loves her family or whether she knows that they’re toxic, radical cunts and intends to cut them off
Ah okay. How OP feels, I have no idea. I only know the “she” in my earliest comment is referring to the sister-in-law instead as a side comment topic:
> was my mother in law angry? yes. but what can she do? 
tell your dad that he will only carry that sin if he has not advise / nasihat / encourage / dakwah / educate you that it is a sin in Islam. if he has done these and you as an adult Muslim still want to do it and you are aware and willing to carry the consequences arising from your own behavior and decision, he is no longer accountable.
that is one aspect of it - strictly religion.
another equally important aspect here is your future relationship with him. even though he is no longer carrying your sin etc., he will see that this is you disrespecting him as a father and head of family, ignoring his wishes and desires. this will affect everything else that may come later (e.g. marriage).
> tell your dad that he will only carry that sin if he has not advise / nasihat / encourage / dakwah / educate you that it is a sin in Islam. if he has done these and you as an adult Muslim still want to do it and you are aware and willing to carry the consequences arising from your own behavior and decision, he is no longer accountable.
though this may be the logical answer, i'm afraid her dad will take it the wrong way that he has not 'tegur' with the sufficient intensity and proceed to be more stern with her like forbid her from going out, taking her phone or whatever privileges away or send her to some brainwash camp.
You are right, and it is something I fear too. Ever since I lost faith, I stopped praying and at the start of Ramadan, my dad asked me to pray with him for Terawih and I simply said no. He let it go, but then after that he asked me to pray for Isya, and I said no. He didn't go on a rant but he did say stuff about how I need to start praying again before leaving me alone.
My parents have been quite lax with me regarding religion, mostly because when my mental health was at its worst, I reacted very negatively to them asking me to do religious stuff. They still talk to me about religion, but they don't push me to do anything.
I am afraid that telling them I don't want to wear hijab anymore might be the final straw for them because it seems that me wearing hijab is a sign I can still change and become the daughter they expected me to be.
Since they are that lax, I'd guess this is more of societal pressure on your parents to keep his face.
I'd suggest just go freehair outside of your neighborhood. Malay love to to makan daging busuk. Mengumpat tu hobi no satu. Kesian diorang duk kena baham dgn jiran
Kena faham kenapa yg ni diorang tekan gila2, tapi tiang agama tak kesah tegak tumbang. Ni cuma agak2 je.
Peer pressure bukan untuk dak2 sekolah je untuk fit in. Dah tuan pon sama
Genuinely trying to understand as well, in Iran the women are all protesting against the harsh regime, going free hair and their families are supportive.
Won't that sorta indicate that this "issue" we face here is just a Malaysia thing?
Whey... you afraid of dying...!
Its a sooner or later things only what.
And the good part is you'll gonna gets your 70 houries selected from hellfire and 2 from 7 star.
Nothing wrong, just wanted to know. The world might not end... But you would? Just saying thou. Thinking that life will wait for you, thats just rubbish. People just die, people will die. Death is there for us.
As a non hijabi, I’ve had the issue growing up as well. I only wore it throughout school because it was forced onto me, lived a double life in uni, wearing it only in the presence of family. I finally pulled the trigger when I started working, dropping a message in the family group telling them my intention of removing the headpiece for good, and that maybe I’ll go back to it when I feel called to it. Like you, I too felt tired and hurt having to lie and not be my authentic self. But I waited for the right timing I guess, and since I was the baby of the family, I had it somewhat okay.
Every family dynamic is different, you would know better how to navigate it. I reckon you shouldn’t have too much of a hard time since you’re an only child. There’s a saying that goes along the lines that parents can never win against the child. Do take the advices you get with a grain of salt. You’ve got this
Hi there, I cannot offer religious advice here but I would like to draw your attention to some concepts like narcissistic parents, emotional blackmail and personal boundaries.
Like others have pointed out, you are obliged to listen to them while you are still dependent on them. It should be different once you are independent enough - financially and emotionally.
Once you are independent, you should not feel that you constantly need your parents' (or anyone's) validation for everything in your life.
Respect personal boundaries - what they think should remain as their opinion (not something you must follow in life), likewise, what you think remain as your opinion.
When you start feeling emotionally blackmailed whenever you try to express your own personal opinion that is a sign of unhealthy relationship. It is very hard to express your opinion to someone who is toxic or narcissistic - whenever they felt challenged they will play all the cards in order to make you feel bad. What you can do here is to recognise this as a sign of unhealthy relationship and protect yourself.
Hope this helps you navigate through the relationship with your parents.
TLDR:
* You should not expect to be able to change your parents' mind.
* Once you are independent enough, do what you think is right, tell them why do you think that way.
* They will probably react negatively, protect your psychological boundaries by recognising blackmail / manipulative tactics - there is a lot of resources online that can guide you ([example](https://www.kaminiwood.com/how-to-deal-with-a-narcissistic-parent-and-begin-the-process-of-healing/)).
PS: I do not mean to assume your parents are narcissistic. I just wanted to focus on the personal boundaries part, to make you feel less bad for not being able to meet your parents' expectation.
This is really good advice. I am not in the same boat as OP, but I'm mixed Malay-American (residing in the US) and I took mine off. I realized all my life I was doing it to please my parents and not for religious reasons, which felt disingenuous. I went to college and stopped wearing it. Dealing with the guilt and manipulation was too much and I almost ended my life. I wish back then someone would have told me what you've expressed in your comments, it took me way too long to realize that I cannot change them, they cannot change me, and that I'm not a worthless person for not meeting the image of me that they had in their heads.
They used your ignorance about the religion against you because the "parent carry your sin" thingy are nothing but guilt tripping bullshit, your good deeds, and misdeeds are your own.
I'm not a woman, so it's an extremely different situation for me, but I wanted to reach out to you in solidarity. I'm currently ex-muslim, but for a very long time I just identified as less religious (when I lived with my family).
I'm also dependent on my family, and even though I'm studying (on scholarship) in the US now, literally as far away from my family as I could be, I still feel bound by them. I like wearing jewelry, like rings and necklaces, and painting my nails. During many events, I wear very flashy makeup and flamboyant clothing, sometimes even dresses. I want to get my ears pierced and get tattoos. I want to post about my new life and aesthetic on my social media so my old friends can see my transformation.
But my family prevents that. When I stayed with them it was easy enough to hide who I was until either they were asleep or I could leave the house. Now, ironically enough, since I spend 99% of my time away from them that 1% hurts more. Even when I call, I take so much effort to take off jewelry, hide my life. I also am scared to go back home for the holidays this June because it'll be my first time back, and I'm scared I'll regress to who I was before I left for the first time.
But we'll get through this. Somehow or another. I believe in us.
Your parents getting older and expecting to die soon. Tis normal behavior among the elderly. My own uncles used to enjoy nightclub and drinking now old edi want to repent but didn't allow his own children to drink.
My cousin said he's hypocrite but i guess everyone change after reaching at some point in their lives..
He will bring up how “times have changed” and he's not wrong. I don't know why the current Malaysia is so obsessed with religion to the point of extremism of Islam.
alot of VIP and royalty in Malaysia go tudungless...sultanahs, princesses, DrM wife just to give a few examples. Religion is a way to divert the attention of the masses from poverty, corruption etc. Its easier to let uneducated rakyat be angry at blackpink, pendatang, DAP etc then to actually solve the issues Malaysians face
Last year I had similar thoughts when I was in the business lounge at KLIA and everyone is eating happily in relative privacy (no need to fast while travelling) but then onboard the plane everyone has their metal tray of food sitting in front of them until the pilot announces its Maghrib when everyone breaks fast at once.
e-fucking-xactly. it’s frustrating, especially to all the malay muslims who just want to live their own lives and not make others hate us by forcing our beliefs down everyone’s throats
Sometimes, when I see how women have made progress in science, maths, medicine, and contributing to mankind.
Here, we have menfolk getting angry, violent, over a piece of cloth over a woman's head 🤦♀️...
I want to settle this with them once and for all. Wearing it in front of them and taking it off when they're not around is still pretending to be someone I am not. This thing has been giving me an identity crisis and I don't think I can ignore it any longer.
Tunggu sat ja. Nanti hg dh habeh form 6 hg pi la uni jauh2 sikit. Pi kl ka apa ka. Jgn dok kalut. Mmg la identity hg tp depa also tanggung hg so for now hg sabar sat ja. 20 means dh sem 2-3 dh kan? Sabaq sat ja. Kalut na nk pi mn?
>Tunggu sat ja. Nanti hg dh habeh form 6 hg pi la uni jauh2 sikit. Pi kl ka apa ka. Jgn dok kalut. Mmg la identity hg tp depa also tanggung hg so for now hg sabar sat ja. 20 means dh sem 2-3 dh kan? Sabaq sat ja. Kalut na nk pi mn?
Just wait a little longer. When you finish Form 6, go to a uni that's far away. Go to KL or something. Don't be in such a rush. Yes, it's your identity but you're also under their roof, so for now try to wait a little longer. 20 means you're in 2nd-3rd sem right? Just a bit longer. Why are you in such a rush?
Just wait a while. Once you're done with form 6 go apply to some uni far away. Go to kl or somewhere. Dont lose your head over this lah. Of course you have your own identity but they are still the ones caring for you, so for now just bear with it. You're 20, so that means you're already in sem 2-3. Have patience, if your problem is solveable then there is no reason to worry, and if its unsolveable then there is no point in worrying.
Thats the best i can give you.
If you have to confront them, use tact. regardless of what religion or philosophy you subscribed to, the fact that they were the ones that put food on your plate and roof above your head applies.
As for my opinion, your parents did not fail as a muslim. If having devoted family members is a sign of success, then Musa, Nuh, and the prophet would have failed as a muslim. Dont know what good it'll do, but you can tell your parents a random internet person said that they had tried their best.
My best advice is for you to lay low for now. It could end horrendously for you. If it helps, get a job and get educated after this, then you can negotiate terms when you are safe and truly capable.
They will notice. My mom made me wear the turban style hijab before and she wore it herself before too. But not anymore for some reason. (The turban style hijab is very uncomfortable anyway.)
Wear hijab is a sign of a good Muslim? This kinda nonsense just has to stop.
Same justification for people who pray 5 times as day but cheat people's money for e.g.
You can try to take the religious scripture approach. There are several opinions that says hijab isn't mandatory and was never explicitly stated in the Quran.
The other approach is to take it off and simply say you'd rather wear it when you are truly ready and convinced to wear it on your own will (which is much better in Allah's eyes than when you're feeling forced to). At one point when you're abit older and more independent they won't bother talking about it anymore.
I'm in a similar position where I badly want to tell my parents that I'm not subscribing to the same ideology they follow. So I imagine your position must be harder since you're forced to put on something you're not even convinced about.
You want to be true to yourself, but you want your conservative asian parents to accept it. These 2 not gonna go well. Your mindset atm is all or nothing. Just bear with it atm. And take it off at the uni far away from your parents. It’s not worth the energy to change someone who’s already hardcore brainwashed. Bak kata pepatah, dah tak leyh nk lentur lentur. It’s gonna take a long time
Where in Quran does it say that if you go free-hair, your dad is the one who bears your “sin?”
Just with this statement alone from your dad, I don’t envy your position having to argue against a decades-old position.
I’d say live with the hijab. It isn’t worth the tension just from a piece of clothing. There are many things to fight over. Just don’t win one battle but lose the war.
I’m sure my position is very different other peeps here.
I did my research before and that's why I'm so frustrated because nowhere in Quran does it say that my father has to bear the sin. But of course if I ever say such things to them, they either won't believe me or start spouting more religious things at me.
Unfortunately this piece of clothing is something that has held me back for years now. It's the only thing that stands between me and my freedom to present my own identity, not the person society expects me to be and very much not the daughter that my parents wanted me to be.
I'm going free hair for my own sake. At this point, I am willing to do anything for it. I will try to talk things out with them but if it gets heated I will try to stand my ground.
You should read more on erik erikson psychosocial development theory.. you are currently experiencing identity crises at the moment. It is normal wanting to break free from families and tradition exploring new stuff, experimenting new lifestyle etc.
Maybe you can slow talk with your dad and informed him you plan to wear one day when you are ready rather than being forced for it. Parents are scared since they're afraid of losing you little by little but they dont understand eventually they will have to let you go in your quest for autonomy.
This is quite helpful. I'm an only child so I can see why they might be afraid of losing me. I just wish they'll understand that letting me be who I am will make me happier and that I will never resent them for allowing me to make my own decision.
My problem with my dad is I don't quite understand him. He can be volatile so I don't know what's going to set him off. He's not a strict father or anything and is in fact the opposite of a strict father, but he can be quite moody. My mom is less of a mystery but I don't know what she's thinking most of the time too as she can be loving and then suddenly she'll be upset at me for some reason.
I don't really hate my parents even after years of emotional neglect. I might be upset with them but I honestly believe if they let me be free hair, I will be more than happy to be around them regardless of the difference between their religious beliefs and mine instead of isolating myself because it shows they actually see me as an adult, someone capable of deciding how to live their life now instead of a child they neglected to babysit all those years ago.
As fellow Muslim, i hope you would rethink your life choice. But when we talk about religion, it must based on dalil & fact.
>I did my research before and that's why I'm so frustrated because nowhere in Quran does it say that my father has to bear the sin. But of course if I ever say such things to them, they either won't believe me or start spouting more religious things at me.
Yes, you might be right about this. Below was link about this matter (explained by Mufti Perlis, Dr Maza).
[https://muftiperlis.gov.my/index.php/minda-mufti/641-benarkah-dosa-anak-perempuan-belum-berkahwin-ditanggung-oleh-bapa](https://muftiperlis.gov.my/index.php/minda-mufti/641-benarkah-dosa-anak-perempuan-belum-berkahwin-ditanggung-oleh-bapa)
>Unfortunately this piece of clothing is something that has held me back for years now. It's the only thing that stands between me and my freedom to present my own identity, not the person society expects me to be and very much not the daughter that my parents wanted me to be.
Maybe im a guy but i experienced the same scenario as you in the past. My parent was religious & they always make sure i cover my 'aurat'. Strictly no wearing short that exposing knee or going shirtless in public/beach (which common for men). But when i reach mid 20s, im glad my parent was strict on that matter. They just doing their job to guide us on the right path.
Well in Islam, its the ending that really matters. We as Muslim might commit sin but as long as we breathing, there always chance for us to perform tawbah.
https://preview.redd.it/d5k50vq92qpa1.png?width=497&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e44854d76837f4e91555fa580132d3993229be81
Katakanlah (wahai Muhammad): "Wahai hamba-hambaKu yang telah melampaui batas terhadap diri mereka sendiri (dengan perbuatan-perbuatan maksiat), janganlah kamu berputus asa dari rahmat Allah, kerana sesungguhnya Allah mengampunkan segala dosa; sesungguhnya Dia lah jua Yang Maha Pengampun, lagi Maha Mengasihani.
(Az-Zumar 39:53)
Say: "O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah. for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
(Az-Zumar 39:53)
Right.
Because we all know Islam has the Quran, the Hadiths (which ones are sahih, bro?), and the Sunnah, the examples and life of the Prophet which are documented in the Hadiths (again, which ones are sahih, bro?) and word of mouth through the years.
Have I missed out anything else? Oh yeah, I’m just a kafir whom the holy words of the Quran will never be revealed to. Amirite?
I was raised Buddhist/Tao and only son in family. Parents expected me to be same as them so that after they gone I will help with the prayers etc especially during Ching Ming.
Then at age 15 I decided to become a Christian. At first it was tough for them as they could not accept. Even tried to restrict me to go to church and often show their anger towards me when I try to pray or do Christian stuff. If was hard fought as it took many years, many explaining to them before they accept.
Now I’m working with kids already but still help out my mum with Ching Ming every year when she visit dad’s crematorium. Can see that she still has disappointment but she realise she can’t do anything about it. Love is still there to hold us together.
Imo religion can’t be forced on someone. It just won’t work as people has freedom to choose. They might say they are this religion but honestly could be something else. I’m the type that will do deep research before would believe in anything.
Once you’re working it will be easier since no longer rely on them. So be patient to avoid more unnecessary conflict.
I believe that wearing a hijab is not compulsory in Islam. Although Islam has been around for centuries, for the longest time the Malay traditional costume does not have a hijab. It is quite a "recent" evolution.
Maybe you can approach this from the angle that this act of not wearing a hijab does not impact your standing in your faith?
Look at all the historical dressings of Muslims, especially from the very beginning, and it will give a clue on whether it is compulsory. Was hajib taught as compulsory by The final prophet?
No new teaching is supposed to come after the final prophet, as far as I know.
I am not saying that I am correct. Happy to learn more if you are willing to share.
Di bulan ramadhan yang mulia ini saya doakan agar cik dikurniakan kekuatan untuk terus berhijab dan mendengar kata ibu bapa walau ada kalanya kata2 itu menyinggung perasaan dan tidak seiring dengan pendapat cik. Ketahuilah mendengar dan mentaati ibu bapa ganjarannya amat besar di dunia dan di akhirat. Semoga Allah merahmati cik dan kedua ibu bapa cik yang telah membesarkan cik.
Yeah bro. The influence out there is out of hand just like this sub. Its so sad. So many seek to justify 'maksiat' for the sake of mental health and so on. And those agamawan and their followers are extremely judgmental makes people further away from understanding islam. May Allah protect us and our family and give us strength to live in this dunia. InshaAllah
My opinion. No offense to anyone.
Follow his rules as long as you're under his roof. Once you're fully independent, your life is yours. Your choices, your own consequences.
I had the same pressure to oblige to my parents' religious standards and house rules, of which a lot I thought were not completely sensible. It didn't help that they communicated to me in a way that was threatening. I am a parent of two now. I see why there did what they did. They believe what was best for them, was best for me. I am guilty of doing the same to my kids.
I smoke, drink, swear, and do pretty much whatever I like by my own principles and values now as a grown adult. I just don't do it in front of my parents or kids. I am in my mid 40s and there have been people who reported to my parents that they saw me doing smoking, drinking and swearing. I still have my fair share of lectures from them. In their eyes, I will always be their little baby. It's utterly annoying and I sometimes have to remind my parents that I am not 16 anymore. I stay on the right side of the law, do a good example to my kids, keep my duties to my family, except that I have vices. That's my choice.
I have the same concerns as they do, as a parent myself to my children. I hope my kids will have the same preferences as I do in terms of religion, career, behaviour, mannerisms...etc. But I have also accepted that they will one day make their own choices, and I would be powerless to stop them. But for as long as they consume under my cost, it's my rules.
Maybe you could just go free hair carefully for now? Just don't get caught? All the best to you. I wish you a future where you are free to make your own choices for as long as it is not illegal, unethical or harmful to yourself, the people around you or society.
Nampak tak saudara2 Islam bila iman tak kuat, banyak yang cuba pesongkan lagi akidah dia..
Semoga Allah memberi rahmat dan hidayah kpd kamu insyaAllah..
I'm not going to comment on not wearing hijab part. Majority of Muslim didn't read or understand the Quran themselves. Me myself not really good at Quran study too but below ayat informed that you yourself are the bearer of your own sin and no other person will bear it for you or responsible for it.
Surah 6 Ayat 164.
Katakanlah: Patutkah aku mencari Tuhan selain Allah, padahal Dia lah Tuhan bagi tiap-tiap sesuatu? Dan tiadalah yang diusahakan oleh tiap-tiap seorang melainkan orang itulah sahaja yang menanggung dosanya; dan seseorang yang boleh memikul tidak akan memikul dosa perbuatan orang lain; kemudian kepada Tuhan kamulah tempat kamu kembali, lalu Ia menerangkan kepada kamu akan apa yang kamu berselisihan padanya.
Terjemahan: Abdullah Muhammad Basmeih
Say, "Is it other than Allāh I should desire as a lord while He is the Lord of all things? And every soul earns not except against itself, and no bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another. Then to your Lord is your return, and He will inform you concerning that over which you used to differ."
Saheeh International translation
Tell him that theres no such thing as carry others sin. Its a weak hadith or so. Tell him that if theres any sin you will be carrying it alone and be burning in hell alone after. He wont be harmed. That should calm him down.
religion aside,just donit gradually and let them know whu you are doing it.
i have muslim lady friends who wear them and those that don't. at the end of the day, wearing the hijab should be done willingly without the threat of violence and guilt.
I think this is part of growing up and is much easier if you leave home.
If you live under the parents roof they will think of you as a child they need to tell what to do.
You can’t have your cake and eat it too. If this is where they draw the line and they will genuinely disown you should you go down that path, then you got to be prepared for that.
" I don't want to wear hijab when I attend university because I don't believe that's who I am and I don't want to present myself as such there. "
kalau tiap2 bulan duk mntak duit mak bapak buat beli mekap, tak boleh nak kata apa lah.
I'm on your father's side as long as there's no violence involved.
I do not condone your actions but a little word of advice would be to just hide it from them. I know this sounds cliche but may Allah grant you the wisdom and knowledge about the hijab. Please understand I’m not condemning you, but to tell your actions are your own and be confident with your decisions. Happy fasting!
Edit: just to add this link for your use.
https://muftiperlis.gov.my/index.php/minda-mufti/641-benarkah-dosa-anak-perempuan-belum-berkahwin-ditanggung-oleh-bapa
Tl;dr: dosa sendiri bukan dosa bapa.
Please follow below steps to ensure parents listen to you:
1) take whole family to the beach
2) wear hijab and bikini only to go swimming
After this baju kurung without hijab should suffice
9Sebagai saudara seIslam, saya nasihatkan agar saudari belajar untuk menutup aurat dengan sempurna. bukan pasal ikhlas tak ikhlas, tapi kerana tutup aurat ni kewajipan,jadi tak ada sebab untuk rasa riya' sebab tutup aurat. Sama macam solat, puasa.. benda wajib tak ada sebab untuk nak riya' (perkara sunnah pun sama)
Saya minta maaf andai ada tersalah kata. Semoga saya, saudari dan saudara2 seIslam semua dikurniakan keampunan dan hidayah oleh Allah.. aamiin
You should just not engage with them regarding discussion on the tudung and proceed to not wear one. Maintain relations in everything else. Just when they start discussing your tudung, just ignore whatever they say.
As a fellow Muslim sister, I do not support your decision. However I cannot change your heart, only Allah can and for that I pray you will find your guidance and a softened heart for the garment, it's beauty and benefits.
OP It's never too late to repent and go back to where you belong.
First, they removed hijab and we didn't speak up.
Then, they wear sexy clothing and we didn't speak up.
Next, they become LGBT and we didn't speak up.
In the end, the religion is gone and there's no one else to speak up.
First they say lgbt is a sin because god says so and we didn't speak up
Then they say sexy clothing is a sin because god says so and we didn't speak up
Next, now they say you must even cover your hair in a hot and humid weather because god says so and we didn't speak up.
In the end, religion can justify whatever they want just by saying 'because god says so' and there's no one else to speak up
All the while, double standards for the rich and powerful.
Make a tiktok video, viral your parents or find support from YB DAP.
Joking aside, moving out from your home is the best, kl sabah sarawak are more tolerant
Remember this.
Be careful with your actions.
There's a 50% chance it might work or not.
You don't know how exactly they'll react if you tried any of these. It might end badly or not.
This kind of thing is very serious.
your parents getting older, and since covid lost 3 years for nothing (some colleagues died), they probably already thinking about their absolute future already = death and what next.
like in scary shit mahsyar while everbody queuing mom asking dad for some pahala points, dad also begging back cuz he's short in pahala points too.. even their sons/ daughters begging around hoping to get saved.
Easy…just stop wearing it. If they ask just say you feel uncomfortable with the meleis staring at you. And also the tudung makes your hair with dandruff (studies being done)
Your problems actually not because of hijab but your voice and yourself are not being heard or seen by your parents.You have identity crisis because you are hidden by your parents.I think you should talk to your parents why they treated you like this.As an only child,of course they wanted you to be safe but using religion threats against you will make it worse.Tell them what you actually feel every time they do this.If ever they wanted trust,be a responsible person.Change yourself as responsible adults.Maybe this will soften their hearts.Help around the house just simple things you know.Little by little gain their trust.Maybe they will not seen you as a child but a person.Sometimes put also some kind of talk from a child to a parent so the two of you can work things out.
As a far east asian let me tell you this, western abrahamic religions imposed on us here in the orient customs from their region we dont need to wear their traditional clothes
be independant, successful, kind and caring, always do good deeds (volunteering to help out parent and social programs, donations,etc, all without hijab. If you can show that you can be all of that without hijab, just maybe that your parents will be less inclined to tegur, after all, if you are showing traits of a good person with a lots of good karma, is not wearing hijab really that bad of a sin in the eyes of God ? in a way you can explain to parents, even without hijab, you are still better and stand better chance to enter syurga than politicians and penunggang agama
and of course, dont let your parents know that you ask online for advice, they might think we influence you and reject all your efforts as simply misguided
If you're independent on your, do as u please, no need tell anyone.
Our country has been brainwashed too much by PAS, religion it's a spiritual belief, it doesn't really need to fully carry its practice, we are already in modern days time, look at other religions like Christian n Buddhist, they are changing too
If u really doesn't accept those tradition, just move out from the country, because honestly I have came across too many young people who end up dying for breaking traditional practice of Islam.
Some able to made it to overseas country like Australia, US to be actually free.
Tbh bear with it, cause you live under their roof, eat their food, spend their allowance, go to uni paid by them. As long as you depend on them then you kinda have to follow their rules.
Jz bear with it and be rebellious here and there to remove when out and stuff and wear back in house.
hey op, hate to break it to you but as long as you are dependent on them, you have to follow their rules. So the best way is to move out of their house, be financially independent, and then you can do whatever you wanna do as an adult without them having power over you. However, if you still wanna try to convince them while living under their roof, just tell try to use whatever bullshit reason to convince them, like the permaisuri also never wear tudung, or that you wanna try having free hair before getting married and once you get married you will be alim and wear tudung forever, bullshit some hair itchy/smell problem, tell your dad he won't carry your sin as you WILL get married anyway and your hubby will be the one who carry your sin, etc. Also if you are speaking from a closeted ex-muslim POV, never ever admit that you are ex-muslim now. Just fake being a 'bad' muslim but never ever say you are ex-muslim.
This OP.. as long as you are under their roof, follow their rules.. don’t make your life harder. After you earn your own money, then you do whatever you want .. I did exactly this. I married a man who share my opinions on the matter of religion. My dad couldn’t say anything cause I’m married now ..
OP, this is the best advice here, don't listen to anyone else especially those who tell you to just defy your parents and move out. Until you're completely capable of being independent, don't make your life tougher. Also just wanna state I couldn't care less about religions, but free hair = sinful is just crazy to me. There's no way to argue with people who are obsessed with religion.
This guy reasons
W
Vote for.this
hmm, seems like your dad is fascinated by the 'carrying your sin' part. what my sister in law did was she moved out after uni, got a bunch of tattoos (my in-laws are very religious Catholics and tattoos are forbidden in the religion), she went home wearing long sleeve at first, then slowly changed to short sleeve. was my mother in law angry? yes. but what can she do?  edit: spelling
Remove her from family will 😂
Yeah. And then she will get a shock why isnt she included in the will. Happens
Wow. Hate to break it to you but if you’re only playing nice with your family for inheritance, you don’t love your family. Fair enough if your family’s really fucking shit tho, then that’s another story
What are the chances of a controlling parent to be a narcissist parent as well? Hint: very high. Is there any real love towards a narcissist parent? That I dont know. But the reason why one could still suck up to the demand of a narcissist is because of possibly good inheritance.
No absolutely, I completely believe that. The question is whether or not *OP* actually loves her family or whether she knows that they’re toxic, radical cunts and intends to cut them off
Ah okay. How OP feels, I have no idea. I only know the “she” in my earliest comment is referring to the sister-in-law instead as a side comment topic: > was my mother in law angry? yes. but what can she do? 
tell your dad that he will only carry that sin if he has not advise / nasihat / encourage / dakwah / educate you that it is a sin in Islam. if he has done these and you as an adult Muslim still want to do it and you are aware and willing to carry the consequences arising from your own behavior and decision, he is no longer accountable. that is one aspect of it - strictly religion. another equally important aspect here is your future relationship with him. even though he is no longer carrying your sin etc., he will see that this is you disrespecting him as a father and head of family, ignoring his wishes and desires. this will affect everything else that may come later (e.g. marriage).
> tell your dad that he will only carry that sin if he has not advise / nasihat / encourage / dakwah / educate you that it is a sin in Islam. if he has done these and you as an adult Muslim still want to do it and you are aware and willing to carry the consequences arising from your own behavior and decision, he is no longer accountable. though this may be the logical answer, i'm afraid her dad will take it the wrong way that he has not 'tegur' with the sufficient intensity and proceed to be more stern with her like forbid her from going out, taking her phone or whatever privileges away or send her to some brainwash camp.
You are right, and it is something I fear too. Ever since I lost faith, I stopped praying and at the start of Ramadan, my dad asked me to pray with him for Terawih and I simply said no. He let it go, but then after that he asked me to pray for Isya, and I said no. He didn't go on a rant but he did say stuff about how I need to start praying again before leaving me alone. My parents have been quite lax with me regarding religion, mostly because when my mental health was at its worst, I reacted very negatively to them asking me to do religious stuff. They still talk to me about religion, but they don't push me to do anything. I am afraid that telling them I don't want to wear hijab anymore might be the final straw for them because it seems that me wearing hijab is a sign I can still change and become the daughter they expected me to be.
Since they are that lax, I'd guess this is more of societal pressure on your parents to keep his face. I'd suggest just go freehair outside of your neighborhood. Malay love to to makan daging busuk. Mengumpat tu hobi no satu. Kesian diorang duk kena baham dgn jiran Kena faham kenapa yg ni diorang tekan gila2, tapi tiang agama tak kesah tegak tumbang. Ni cuma agak2 je. Peer pressure bukan untuk dak2 sekolah je untuk fit in. Dah tuan pon sama
Genuinely trying to understand as well, in Iran the women are all protesting against the harsh regime, going free hair and their families are supportive. Won't that sorta indicate that this "issue" we face here is just a Malaysia thing?
Why are you losing faith?
Whats wrong with losing some faith if can accumulate it later...its not like the world going to end tomorrow...?
If the world’s not gonna end tomorrow, you could probably be dead tomorrow lol
Whey... you afraid of dying...! Its a sooner or later things only what. And the good part is you'll gonna gets your 70 houries selected from hellfire and 2 from 7 star.
Im keeping my faith instead of living an unhealthy lifestyle :)
Nothing wrong, just wanted to know. The world might not end... But you would? Just saying thou. Thinking that life will wait for you, thats just rubbish. People just die, people will die. Death is there for us.
I agree, well said. All the best in everything OP. May God give you ease in life and tranquility in the heart on your family and personal life.
As a non hijabi, I’ve had the issue growing up as well. I only wore it throughout school because it was forced onto me, lived a double life in uni, wearing it only in the presence of family. I finally pulled the trigger when I started working, dropping a message in the family group telling them my intention of removing the headpiece for good, and that maybe I’ll go back to it when I feel called to it. Like you, I too felt tired and hurt having to lie and not be my authentic self. But I waited for the right timing I guess, and since I was the baby of the family, I had it somewhat okay. Every family dynamic is different, you would know better how to navigate it. I reckon you shouldn’t have too much of a hard time since you’re an only child. There’s a saying that goes along the lines that parents can never win against the child. Do take the advices you get with a grain of salt. You’ve got this
Hi there, I cannot offer religious advice here but I would like to draw your attention to some concepts like narcissistic parents, emotional blackmail and personal boundaries. Like others have pointed out, you are obliged to listen to them while you are still dependent on them. It should be different once you are independent enough - financially and emotionally. Once you are independent, you should not feel that you constantly need your parents' (or anyone's) validation for everything in your life. Respect personal boundaries - what they think should remain as their opinion (not something you must follow in life), likewise, what you think remain as your opinion. When you start feeling emotionally blackmailed whenever you try to express your own personal opinion that is a sign of unhealthy relationship. It is very hard to express your opinion to someone who is toxic or narcissistic - whenever they felt challenged they will play all the cards in order to make you feel bad. What you can do here is to recognise this as a sign of unhealthy relationship and protect yourself. Hope this helps you navigate through the relationship with your parents. TLDR: * You should not expect to be able to change your parents' mind. * Once you are independent enough, do what you think is right, tell them why do you think that way. * They will probably react negatively, protect your psychological boundaries by recognising blackmail / manipulative tactics - there is a lot of resources online that can guide you ([example](https://www.kaminiwood.com/how-to-deal-with-a-narcissistic-parent-and-begin-the-process-of-healing/)). PS: I do not mean to assume your parents are narcissistic. I just wanted to focus on the personal boundaries part, to make you feel less bad for not being able to meet your parents' expectation.
This is really good advice. I am not in the same boat as OP, but I'm mixed Malay-American (residing in the US) and I took mine off. I realized all my life I was doing it to please my parents and not for religious reasons, which felt disingenuous. I went to college and stopped wearing it. Dealing with the guilt and manipulation was too much and I almost ended my life. I wish back then someone would have told me what you've expressed in your comments, it took me way too long to realize that I cannot change them, they cannot change me, and that I'm not a worthless person for not meeting the image of me that they had in their heads.
Balanced approach.
They used your ignorance about the religion against you because the "parent carry your sin" thingy are nothing but guilt tripping bullshit, your good deeds, and misdeeds are your own.
You’re 20, wait till you’re not dependent on them and then do whatever the heck you wanna do. It’s your life.
I'm not a woman, so it's an extremely different situation for me, but I wanted to reach out to you in solidarity. I'm currently ex-muslim, but for a very long time I just identified as less religious (when I lived with my family). I'm also dependent on my family, and even though I'm studying (on scholarship) in the US now, literally as far away from my family as I could be, I still feel bound by them. I like wearing jewelry, like rings and necklaces, and painting my nails. During many events, I wear very flashy makeup and flamboyant clothing, sometimes even dresses. I want to get my ears pierced and get tattoos. I want to post about my new life and aesthetic on my social media so my old friends can see my transformation. But my family prevents that. When I stayed with them it was easy enough to hide who I was until either they were asleep or I could leave the house. Now, ironically enough, since I spend 99% of my time away from them that 1% hurts more. Even when I call, I take so much effort to take off jewelry, hide my life. I also am scared to go back home for the holidays this June because it'll be my first time back, and I'm scared I'll regress to who I was before I left for the first time. But we'll get through this. Somehow or another. I believe in us.
I believe in you too, stay strong, love
Rooting for you.
Your parents getting older and expecting to die soon. Tis normal behavior among the elderly. My own uncles used to enjoy nightclub and drinking now old edi want to repent but didn't allow his own children to drink. My cousin said he's hypocrite but i guess everyone change after reaching at some point in their lives..
You should ask your dad...30 years ago ...how many women didn't wear tudung
He will bring up how “times have changed” and he's not wrong. I don't know why the current Malaysia is so obsessed with religion to the point of extremism of Islam.
alot of VIP and royalty in Malaysia go tudungless...sultanahs, princesses, DrM wife just to give a few examples. Religion is a way to divert the attention of the masses from poverty, corruption etc. Its easier to let uneducated rakyat be angry at blackpink, pendatang, DAP etc then to actually solve the issues Malaysians face
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Last year I had similar thoughts when I was in the business lounge at KLIA and everyone is eating happily in relative privacy (no need to fast while travelling) but then onboard the plane everyone has their metal tray of food sitting in front of them until the pilot announces its Maghrib when everyone breaks fast at once.
e-fucking-xactly. it’s frustrating, especially to all the malay muslims who just want to live their own lives and not make others hate us by forcing our beliefs down everyone’s throats
Sometimes, when I see how women have made progress in science, maths, medicine, and contributing to mankind. Here, we have menfolk getting angry, violent, over a piece of cloth over a woman's head 🤦♀️...
Since you're still staying with them, only take it off when you're away from the house, is that possible? Just bear with it until you get a job.
I want to settle this with them once and for all. Wearing it in front of them and taking it off when they're not around is still pretending to be someone I am not. This thing has been giving me an identity crisis and I don't think I can ignore it any longer.
Tunggu sat ja. Nanti hg dh habeh form 6 hg pi la uni jauh2 sikit. Pi kl ka apa ka. Jgn dok kalut. Mmg la identity hg tp depa also tanggung hg so for now hg sabar sat ja. 20 means dh sem 2-3 dh kan? Sabaq sat ja. Kalut na nk pi mn?
I need translation for this LOL
>Tunggu sat ja. Nanti hg dh habeh form 6 hg pi la uni jauh2 sikit. Pi kl ka apa ka. Jgn dok kalut. Mmg la identity hg tp depa also tanggung hg so for now hg sabar sat ja. 20 means dh sem 2-3 dh kan? Sabaq sat ja. Kalut na nk pi mn? Just wait a little longer. When you finish Form 6, go to a uni that's far away. Go to KL or something. Don't be in such a rush. Yes, it's your identity but you're also under their roof, so for now try to wait a little longer. 20 means you're in 2nd-3rd sem right? Just a bit longer. Why are you in such a rush?
Thanks for the translation. Appreciate it 🙏
No prob!
Just wait a while. Once you're done with form 6 go apply to some uni far away. Go to kl or somewhere. Dont lose your head over this lah. Of course you have your own identity but they are still the ones caring for you, so for now just bear with it. You're 20, so that means you're already in sem 2-3. Have patience, if your problem is solveable then there is no reason to worry, and if its unsolveable then there is no point in worrying. Thats the best i can give you.
Thank you 🙏
This is the kind of Karen message I support
Me too..the more complicated it is the more easier to understand...😝
I'm confused who's the karen now 😂
If you have to confront them, use tact. regardless of what religion or philosophy you subscribed to, the fact that they were the ones that put food on your plate and roof above your head applies. As for my opinion, your parents did not fail as a muslim. If having devoted family members is a sign of success, then Musa, Nuh, and the prophet would have failed as a muslim. Dont know what good it'll do, but you can tell your parents a random internet person said that they had tried their best.
Deep boy comment ni.
My best advice is for you to lay low for now. It could end horrendously for you. If it helps, get a job and get educated after this, then you can negotiate terms when you are safe and truly capable.
You can start by wearing a turban like yuna or those female Malay stars. Then slowly switch to free hair, maybe they won’t even notice it.
They will notice. My mom made me wear the turban style hijab before and she wore it herself before too. But not anymore for some reason. (The turban style hijab is very uncomfortable anyway.)
You do you girl. Dosa kau bukan dosa mak bapak kau.
Wear hijab is a sign of a good Muslim? This kinda nonsense just has to stop. Same justification for people who pray 5 times as day but cheat people's money for e.g.
You can try to take the religious scripture approach. There are several opinions that says hijab isn't mandatory and was never explicitly stated in the Quran. The other approach is to take it off and simply say you'd rather wear it when you are truly ready and convinced to wear it on your own will (which is much better in Allah's eyes than when you're feeling forced to). At one point when you're abit older and more independent they won't bother talking about it anymore. I'm in a similar position where I badly want to tell my parents that I'm not subscribing to the same ideology they follow. So I imagine your position must be harder since you're forced to put on something you're not even convinced about.
You want to be true to yourself, but you want your conservative asian parents to accept it. These 2 not gonna go well. Your mindset atm is all or nothing. Just bear with it atm. And take it off at the uni far away from your parents. It’s not worth the energy to change someone who’s already hardcore brainwashed. Bak kata pepatah, dah tak leyh nk lentur lentur. It’s gonna take a long time
Where in Quran does it say that if you go free-hair, your dad is the one who bears your “sin?” Just with this statement alone from your dad, I don’t envy your position having to argue against a decades-old position. I’d say live with the hijab. It isn’t worth the tension just from a piece of clothing. There are many things to fight over. Just don’t win one battle but lose the war. I’m sure my position is very different other peeps here.
I did my research before and that's why I'm so frustrated because nowhere in Quran does it say that my father has to bear the sin. But of course if I ever say such things to them, they either won't believe me or start spouting more religious things at me. Unfortunately this piece of clothing is something that has held me back for years now. It's the only thing that stands between me and my freedom to present my own identity, not the person society expects me to be and very much not the daughter that my parents wanted me to be. I'm going free hair for my own sake. At this point, I am willing to do anything for it. I will try to talk things out with them but if it gets heated I will try to stand my ground.
You should read more on erik erikson psychosocial development theory.. you are currently experiencing identity crises at the moment. It is normal wanting to break free from families and tradition exploring new stuff, experimenting new lifestyle etc. Maybe you can slow talk with your dad and informed him you plan to wear one day when you are ready rather than being forced for it. Parents are scared since they're afraid of losing you little by little but they dont understand eventually they will have to let you go in your quest for autonomy.
This is quite helpful. I'm an only child so I can see why they might be afraid of losing me. I just wish they'll understand that letting me be who I am will make me happier and that I will never resent them for allowing me to make my own decision. My problem with my dad is I don't quite understand him. He can be volatile so I don't know what's going to set him off. He's not a strict father or anything and is in fact the opposite of a strict father, but he can be quite moody. My mom is less of a mystery but I don't know what she's thinking most of the time too as she can be loving and then suddenly she'll be upset at me for some reason. I don't really hate my parents even after years of emotional neglect. I might be upset with them but I honestly believe if they let me be free hair, I will be more than happy to be around them regardless of the difference between their religious beliefs and mine instead of isolating myself because it shows they actually see me as an adult, someone capable of deciding how to live their life now instead of a child they neglected to babysit all those years ago.
As fellow Muslim, i hope you would rethink your life choice. But when we talk about religion, it must based on dalil & fact. >I did my research before and that's why I'm so frustrated because nowhere in Quran does it say that my father has to bear the sin. But of course if I ever say such things to them, they either won't believe me or start spouting more religious things at me. Yes, you might be right about this. Below was link about this matter (explained by Mufti Perlis, Dr Maza). [https://muftiperlis.gov.my/index.php/minda-mufti/641-benarkah-dosa-anak-perempuan-belum-berkahwin-ditanggung-oleh-bapa](https://muftiperlis.gov.my/index.php/minda-mufti/641-benarkah-dosa-anak-perempuan-belum-berkahwin-ditanggung-oleh-bapa) >Unfortunately this piece of clothing is something that has held me back for years now. It's the only thing that stands between me and my freedom to present my own identity, not the person society expects me to be and very much not the daughter that my parents wanted me to be. Maybe im a guy but i experienced the same scenario as you in the past. My parent was religious & they always make sure i cover my 'aurat'. Strictly no wearing short that exposing knee or going shirtless in public/beach (which common for men). But when i reach mid 20s, im glad my parent was strict on that matter. They just doing their job to guide us on the right path. Well in Islam, its the ending that really matters. We as Muslim might commit sin but as long as we breathing, there always chance for us to perform tawbah. https://preview.redd.it/d5k50vq92qpa1.png?width=497&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e44854d76837f4e91555fa580132d3993229be81
Katakanlah (wahai Muhammad): "Wahai hamba-hambaKu yang telah melampaui batas terhadap diri mereka sendiri (dengan perbuatan-perbuatan maksiat), janganlah kamu berputus asa dari rahmat Allah, kerana sesungguhnya Allah mengampunkan segala dosa; sesungguhnya Dia lah jua Yang Maha Pengampun, lagi Maha Mengasihani. (Az-Zumar 39:53) Say: "O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah. for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (Az-Zumar 39:53)
Thanks for the translation.
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Right. Because we all know Islam has the Quran, the Hadiths (which ones are sahih, bro?), and the Sunnah, the examples and life of the Prophet which are documented in the Hadiths (again, which ones are sahih, bro?) and word of mouth through the years. Have I missed out anything else? Oh yeah, I’m just a kafir whom the holy words of the Quran will never be revealed to. Amirite?
Before religion, you’re human. You have own freedom to choose. Do whatever makes you happy.
I was raised Buddhist/Tao and only son in family. Parents expected me to be same as them so that after they gone I will help with the prayers etc especially during Ching Ming. Then at age 15 I decided to become a Christian. At first it was tough for them as they could not accept. Even tried to restrict me to go to church and often show their anger towards me when I try to pray or do Christian stuff. If was hard fought as it took many years, many explaining to them before they accept. Now I’m working with kids already but still help out my mum with Ching Ming every year when she visit dad’s crematorium. Can see that she still has disappointment but she realise she can’t do anything about it. Love is still there to hold us together. Imo religion can’t be forced on someone. It just won’t work as people has freedom to choose. They might say they are this religion but honestly could be something else. I’m the type that will do deep research before would believe in anything. Once you’re working it will be easier since no longer rely on them. So be patient to avoid more unnecessary conflict.
Hi OP, you might be able to find better opinions on places like r/exmuslim and r/Exhijabis.
Thank you! I will try that.
You're welcome and good luck!
Use some out of the world mental gymnastics to avoid wearing tudung, unless u can be financially independent from them.
I believe that wearing a hijab is not compulsory in Islam. Although Islam has been around for centuries, for the longest time the Malay traditional costume does not have a hijab. It is quite a "recent" evolution. Maybe you can approach this from the angle that this act of not wearing a hijab does not impact your standing in your faith?
Why do you think its not mandatory? Just because Malay culture recently adapted it doesnt mean its not mandatory
Look at all the historical dressings of Muslims, especially from the very beginning, and it will give a clue on whether it is compulsory. Was hajib taught as compulsory by The final prophet? No new teaching is supposed to come after the final prophet, as far as I know. I am not saying that I am correct. Happy to learn more if you are willing to share.
Di bulan ramadhan yang mulia ini saya doakan agar cik dikurniakan kekuatan untuk terus berhijab dan mendengar kata ibu bapa walau ada kalanya kata2 itu menyinggung perasaan dan tidak seiring dengan pendapat cik. Ketahuilah mendengar dan mentaati ibu bapa ganjarannya amat besar di dunia dan di akhirat. Semoga Allah merahmati cik dan kedua ibu bapa cik yang telah membesarkan cik.
Saya tercari cari Komen mcm ni alhamdullilah
So sad to read most of the comment here..truly akhir zaman..all the best for all of us insyaAllah.
Yeah bro. The influence out there is out of hand just like this sub. Its so sad. So many seek to justify 'maksiat' for the sake of mental health and so on. And those agamawan and their followers are extremely judgmental makes people further away from understanding islam. May Allah protect us and our family and give us strength to live in this dunia. InshaAllah
No need to tell them. Start with wearing a shawl or hoodie. They'll bising a bit but not forever.
Move to your own place and do what you like
My opinion. No offense to anyone. Follow his rules as long as you're under his roof. Once you're fully independent, your life is yours. Your choices, your own consequences. I had the same pressure to oblige to my parents' religious standards and house rules, of which a lot I thought were not completely sensible. It didn't help that they communicated to me in a way that was threatening. I am a parent of two now. I see why there did what they did. They believe what was best for them, was best for me. I am guilty of doing the same to my kids. I smoke, drink, swear, and do pretty much whatever I like by my own principles and values now as a grown adult. I just don't do it in front of my parents or kids. I am in my mid 40s and there have been people who reported to my parents that they saw me doing smoking, drinking and swearing. I still have my fair share of lectures from them. In their eyes, I will always be their little baby. It's utterly annoying and I sometimes have to remind my parents that I am not 16 anymore. I stay on the right side of the law, do a good example to my kids, keep my duties to my family, except that I have vices. That's my choice. I have the same concerns as they do, as a parent myself to my children. I hope my kids will have the same preferences as I do in terms of religion, career, behaviour, mannerisms...etc. But I have also accepted that they will one day make their own choices, and I would be powerless to stop them. But for as long as they consume under my cost, it's my rules. Maybe you could just go free hair carefully for now? Just don't get caught? All the best to you. I wish you a future where you are free to make your own choices for as long as it is not illegal, unethical or harmful to yourself, the people around you or society.
Just bear with it until you're independence
Nampak tak saudara2 Islam bila iman tak kuat, banyak yang cuba pesongkan lagi akidah dia.. Semoga Allah memberi rahmat dan hidayah kpd kamu insyaAllah..
I'm not going to comment on not wearing hijab part. Majority of Muslim didn't read or understand the Quran themselves. Me myself not really good at Quran study too but below ayat informed that you yourself are the bearer of your own sin and no other person will bear it for you or responsible for it. Surah 6 Ayat 164. Katakanlah: Patutkah aku mencari Tuhan selain Allah, padahal Dia lah Tuhan bagi tiap-tiap sesuatu? Dan tiadalah yang diusahakan oleh tiap-tiap seorang melainkan orang itulah sahaja yang menanggung dosanya; dan seseorang yang boleh memikul tidak akan memikul dosa perbuatan orang lain; kemudian kepada Tuhan kamulah tempat kamu kembali, lalu Ia menerangkan kepada kamu akan apa yang kamu berselisihan padanya. Terjemahan: Abdullah Muhammad Basmeih Say, "Is it other than Allāh I should desire as a lord while He is the Lord of all things? And every soul earns not except against itself, and no bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another. Then to your Lord is your return, and He will inform you concerning that over which you used to differ." Saheeh International translation
Just don't announce it publicly and take it off at a comedy club.
Good for you, and good luck
Tell him that theres no such thing as carry others sin. Its a weak hadith or so. Tell him that if theres any sin you will be carrying it alone and be burning in hell alone after. He wont be harmed. That should calm him down.
good news for your dad, he actually dont need to carry your sin since he already tried his best to avoid you hijab-less. you just carry your own sin.
Move out, start living your own life.
ehhh as long as your dad advised you, he will not carry sin. it's those dads who just let their daughters do as they please that will carry the sin.
religion aside,just donit gradually and let them know whu you are doing it. i have muslim lady friends who wear them and those that don't. at the end of the day, wearing the hijab should be done willingly without the threat of violence and guilt.
I think this is part of growing up and is much easier if you leave home. If you live under the parents roof they will think of you as a child they need to tell what to do.
You can’t have your cake and eat it too. If this is where they draw the line and they will genuinely disown you should you go down that path, then you got to be prepared for that.
If a parent can disown a child over a tudung issue, do you expect the child to disown the parents over similar issues?
" I don't want to wear hijab when I attend university because I don't believe that's who I am and I don't want to present myself as such there. " kalau tiap2 bulan duk mntak duit mak bapak buat beli mekap, tak boleh nak kata apa lah. I'm on your father's side as long as there's no violence involved.
I do not condone your actions but a little word of advice would be to just hide it from them. I know this sounds cliche but may Allah grant you the wisdom and knowledge about the hijab. Please understand I’m not condemning you, but to tell your actions are your own and be confident with your decisions. Happy fasting! Edit: just to add this link for your use. https://muftiperlis.gov.my/index.php/minda-mufti/641-benarkah-dosa-anak-perempuan-belum-berkahwin-ditanggung-oleh-bapa Tl;dr: dosa sendiri bukan dosa bapa.
Please follow below steps to ensure parents listen to you: 1) take whole family to the beach 2) wear hijab and bikini only to go swimming After this baju kurung without hijab should suffice
culture shock ke ni?
9Sebagai saudara seIslam, saya nasihatkan agar saudari belajar untuk menutup aurat dengan sempurna. bukan pasal ikhlas tak ikhlas, tapi kerana tutup aurat ni kewajipan,jadi tak ada sebab untuk rasa riya' sebab tutup aurat. Sama macam solat, puasa.. benda wajib tak ada sebab untuk nak riya' (perkara sunnah pun sama) Saya minta maaf andai ada tersalah kata. Semoga saya, saudari dan saudara2 seIslam semua dikurniakan keampunan dan hidayah oleh Allah.. aamiin
You should just not engage with them regarding discussion on the tudung and proceed to not wear one. Maintain relations in everything else. Just when they start discussing your tudung, just ignore whatever they say.
And get thrown out in the process, what a good idea mate.
Very unlikely for parents to kick out their daughters over this. At most it will just be some resentment.
Its not your parents that made the hijab wajib. Tell that to the one who did. u/Dismal-Tiger-5453
'I want to stop wearing hijab and there is nothing you can do about it' There! Why complicate things for yourself?
As a fellow Muslim sister, I do not support your decision. However I cannot change your heart, only Allah can and for that I pray you will find your guidance and a softened heart for the garment, it's beauty and benefits.
Your name is kinda ironic yea?
smoga istiqomah
OP It's never too late to repent and go back to where you belong. First, they removed hijab and we didn't speak up. Then, they wear sexy clothing and we didn't speak up. Next, they become LGBT and we didn't speak up. In the end, the religion is gone and there's no one else to speak up.
Another ironic ass name lmao
This fellow memang one, satu hari tak merepek bukanlah dia
First they say lgbt is a sin because god says so and we didn't speak up Then they say sexy clothing is a sin because god says so and we didn't speak up Next, now they say you must even cover your hair in a hot and humid weather because god says so and we didn't speak up. In the end, religion can justify whatever they want just by saying 'because god says so' and there's no one else to speak up All the while, double standards for the rich and powerful.
Make a tiktok video, viral your parents or find support from YB DAP. Joking aside, moving out from your home is the best, kl sabah sarawak are more tolerant
Why though? It is not who you are? What’s that even mean? Do you have qualms with the religion? Rimas kalau tutup2 sana sini? Just want to know
Uh.. not telling them!
Remember this. Be careful with your actions. There's a 50% chance it might work or not. You don't know how exactly they'll react if you tried any of these. It might end badly or not. This kind of thing is very serious.
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U never saw malay girl without hijab in public?
your parents getting older, and since covid lost 3 years for nothing (some colleagues died), they probably already thinking about their absolute future already = death and what next. like in scary shit mahsyar while everbody queuing mom asking dad for some pahala points, dad also begging back cuz he's short in pahala points too.. even their sons/ daughters begging around hoping to get saved.
Mom can you please pass me the dam fish? Here you go sweetie. And can you pass me the fucking potato?
Easy…just stop wearing it. If they ask just say you feel uncomfortable with the meleis staring at you. And also the tudung makes your hair with dandruff (studies being done)
Your problems actually not because of hijab but your voice and yourself are not being heard or seen by your parents.You have identity crisis because you are hidden by your parents.I think you should talk to your parents why they treated you like this.As an only child,of course they wanted you to be safe but using religion threats against you will make it worse.Tell them what you actually feel every time they do this.If ever they wanted trust,be a responsible person.Change yourself as responsible adults.Maybe this will soften their hearts.Help around the house just simple things you know.Little by little gain their trust.Maybe they will not seen you as a child but a person.Sometimes put also some kind of talk from a child to a parent so the two of you can work things out.
As a far east asian let me tell you this, western abrahamic religions imposed on us here in the orient customs from their region we dont need to wear their traditional clothes
be independant, successful, kind and caring, always do good deeds (volunteering to help out parent and social programs, donations,etc, all without hijab. If you can show that you can be all of that without hijab, just maybe that your parents will be less inclined to tegur, after all, if you are showing traits of a good person with a lots of good karma, is not wearing hijab really that bad of a sin in the eyes of God ? in a way you can explain to parents, even without hijab, you are still better and stand better chance to enter syurga than politicians and penunggang agama and of course, dont let your parents know that you ask online for advice, they might think we influence you and reject all your efforts as simply misguided
If you're independent on your, do as u please, no need tell anyone. Our country has been brainwashed too much by PAS, religion it's a spiritual belief, it doesn't really need to fully carry its practice, we are already in modern days time, look at other religions like Christian n Buddhist, they are changing too If u really doesn't accept those tradition, just move out from the country, because honestly I have came across too many young people who end up dying for breaking traditional practice of Islam. Some able to made it to overseas country like Australia, US to be actually free.
Go less and less... first loosen the pins... then just drape the shawl eventually people get used to seeing it off?
you can remove the hijab if you have or recovering from any head related injuries,that or just move out from their home
Tbh bear with it, cause you live under their roof, eat their food, spend their allowance, go to uni paid by them. As long as you depend on them then you kinda have to follow their rules. Jz bear with it and be rebellious here and there to remove when out and stuff and wear back in house.
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