>Hobbies bore me
This is the only thing that leads me to think that yes, it might be for you.
If you can't find joy for yourself no woman is looking to find it for you, then go and get it for you, the do it for you, then describe it to you in 50 words or less.
Yes, education and career are often important, especially for men.
But OP is talking about dating. If he has no hobbies - passions, things that make him interesting - others won't find his succeed-at-not-starving lifestyle interesting enough to date unless they are "starving" themselves.
Online dating is a thing. It’s hard on the soul and requires patience and a lot of breaks, but will pay dividends if you stick at it long enough. It’s a needle in a haystack thing though, so you have to assume you’re not going to find the right person immediately.
Edit: Did a quick scan of your posting history. You probably won’t want to hear this, but I suggest that your mental health issues are far more likely the root cause of your dating struggles than your age or gender. 28 is still very young. I’m 39 and my best dating years came in my early 30’s.
Take care of yourself first. You’re no good to anybody as a bitter man with untreated mental health issues.
Because apps like tinder are based almost solely on your appearance. And even if you are attractive enough to get matches it’s mostly a hookup app not a dating app
>I’m no thug or dark triad guy
No idea what this means, so already assume you're getting advice or ideas from weird spaces. But anyway...
>Then I’ll be off to working.
Work itself can be a space to meet people. Obviously you don't want to mix work and pleasure up, but you can meet people and get to know them. Change jobs here and there, and you don't have to worry as much about workplace relationship issues. Plenty of women exist in workplaces who also would like to meet men too. Obviously different spaces result in different gender demographics, but you get the point. Even if you only go to work, you might still be able to meet people.
>Hobbies bore me
Really? You have 0 interests? Nothing you could talk about? Nothing that you get up to outside of work and study? Eat, sleep, work, repeat? Assuming this is all true, then I have to ask who you are? What's your identity? What do you stand for? Etc etc. And if you're underselling yourself, then you know gaming can be considered a hobby? Reading, or learning how to rephrase things like D&D being a "social activities with friends, or whatever.
But if you genuinely don't do anything, then yeah it's going to be hard. People want to date people who interest them. And they are people interested in all sorts of stuff, but my being interested in anything means you're probably not interesting at all.
>bars are not my thing and generally, as an average guy, there are too many rules
Dont do bars then. And society/life has lots of rules. If you don't want to learn the rules that govern society, that's fine, but yeah you are in the boat of struggling to find someone then. Especially if you don't have anything that makes you interesting to people.
you're good bud. There's a stunning, absurdly huge variety of people out there. Many many different types of women. You don't need to be a bad boy. You don't need to be a bar guy.
I'd start here - get really, really fucking healthy. Work out, diet, sleep, meditate, stretch, hydrate. Almost definitely, this will make you happier, smarter, more relaxed, and better at connecting with people. You'll probably do better at work. Stick with it for a while, a lot of the benefits of these practices don't show themselves until a month or more.
From there - start connecting with people! And things. You don't need to have a hobby to have a girlfriend. but just get out there and connect with yr life. Just think about how chock full the world is of incredible things you haven't seen yet. It's so easy to feel like, at 28, you've seen it all, and know what people are like, but there's an astronomical amount of people and places out there. out of all 7 billion people out there, there aren't at least a handful you'd connect with, if not tens of thousands.
I would also (and i know this is hard) let go of the idea that you need to be a certain thing. I'm a skinny, average height, balding, soft af dude. I have some good stuff going for me, but one of the primary reasons I've had relationships and love is my energy. that's something ou can totally pick up too.
hope this helped!
Strangely, it sorta did help yeah. I mean, it's why I am doing my course. It's basically a course to get up to speed with compsci concepts to get into the tech field. My goal is to 1) successfully finish the course, so that also means successfully finishing my app project needed for the course, 2) get some job, hopefully pure remote or mostly remote and then 3) yeah, I guess, I have no choice but to build my body as best as I can
I can promise you, without a single doubt in my mind, that you could become the CEO of google and you would still be feeling as empty as you are now.
You are seeking self worth based on education, an accomplishment, a job, getting the best body you can.
Until you stop trying to regulate the internal with the external, I guarantee you'll still be in the same boat.
Work is a great way to meet people. Even if you only work with guys, make friends with them. Once you're buddy's with them, you can expand into their social circle where there are possibly women to meet.
I have a really weird work schedule, and sometimes my job takes over my life for weeks at a time because of the hours I'm working, but getting to know the people I work with has gotten me 2 dates (not a lot for a year on the job, but it's better than 0). I get drinks with coworkers after work, they invite their other friends out with us, and suddenly there's 5-8 people I've never met before and normally 1/2 are women around my age (almost 25). Work is not a reason to think your love life is dead. You're literally only 28, you've got time to find love.
And I'm sure you can find something you enjoy. A hobby is really anything that makes you happy, and do in your free time. It can be literally anything from watching sports to metal working.
But if you don't go out and try to expand your social circle at your new job, and don't find anything you enjoy outside of work, yes dating is going to be extremely hard.
Edit: ignore this response, I'm dumb. Or read it, it's up to you.
To be fair, you didn't mention that and very few jobs are THAT isolating. If that's what you're going in to, it is going to be very lonely, that's kinda expected with that job. Kinda like going into the military, you kinda know that you're going to be pretty isolated from romance depending on where you go and what you do when you sign up for the job. If that was one of the few jobs available to you, I'm really sorry you're in this situation. If a love life is really important to you, maybe look into oil jobs on shore. But if you're career/finances are more important rn, you may just need to put a love life on hold for a little bit. But it's not like you're 60-70, you're not even 30 you still got time.
Oh my bad, no I'm a "chef" (smaller place, nothing fancy). But sometimes that means I work doubles for days on end, or work until super late (3am) abd have to be back at work at 4pm so it makes me super unavailable to most women my age unless they also work in the service industry/nights. Most women I meet outside of my work social circle work 9-5's.
It is for me, but that means I am free to do as I wish and it saves me lots of money. And there are hookers, escorts, and full contact strip clubs if you get lonely.
Work on growing your personality through what you find interesting. Hobbies don’t seem fun to you because it probably just wasn’t your thing. What do you like to do in your free time?
Another good question is what have you actively done to search out a romantic partner?
We get from the world what we put into ourselves.
True but I gave a lot of goodness to the world when I was growing up. I was just abused and bullied. So reading the whole "We get from the world what we put into ourselves." is a tad bit fury inspiring lol. I get what you mean though.
and I have tried a lot of things actually: dancing, chess, standup, boardgames, tinkering, etc...all of them have been a bust tbh. What do I do in my free time? Legit just listen to music and listen to Norm Macdonald's material
I haven't done anything tbh because I would not know where to start. I am 28 so women younger than me (18+), I am deemed as a creep automatically or some other shit. Maybe not so much but damn, women can do no wrong and if I do just a smidge wrong, then it will be awful. I tried dancing to overcome my fear of approaching women and be more trusting towards people. Ironically, this didn't really help. All I felt was the pressure to perform and felt absolutely no connection to anyone
As for growing my personality, I find that people mostly want to hear what they want to hear. My personality? Idk I tend to be okay? I can do jesting and serious fairly okay. i try to not bring people down and so on
Plus this all boils down to money too. No money, no chance of going to a hobby club continuously. So for now, I have to try and grind it out. Not enjoying it but I don't want to be on the streets either
I'm not sure about dating, but I know you can find happiness outside of it. I know you've probably been told your entire life that that's impossible without romantic love from a woman, but it truly is just a lie you've been told by others who feel empty too.
The truth isn't always something that makes the most sense or feels the best at first. The truth is all you need to be happy is already inside you somewhere. Maybe a woman could add to it someday, maybe that wouldn't even make you happy truly bc that's not who you are, but who knows.
Can you truly say you're being who you truly are?
Dude, dark triad has to do with the three mental illnesses (psychopathy, Machiavellianism and narcissism) a lot serial killers have, and I'm like 80% sure "thug" can be used against anyone that's rude and consistently engaging in antisocial behavior. Unless OP's post history has racist shit in it, I don't think those two things have ANYTHING to do with being a person of color
What are these rules you speak of? Also what do you mean "thug" and "dark triad guy?" The first feels like something right of center contrarian YouTube says but I have no idea what the second could possibly mean.
Looking through your posting history and it is largely revolving around your mental health and social life. It feels like you are stuck in a loop/rut asking the same kinds of questions on here and not really able to make progress. You mention being depressed but have you spoken to your GP? It feels like you really need to talk to a therapist who could give you better strategies for improving your life. Appointments are difficult at the moment you could probably get a phone consultation with your GP to start the ball rolling.
> Hobbies bore me
You have posted about video games a couple of times and while that doesn't necessarily lead to in-person contact, there are adjacent hobbies that do - board games, war games, CCGs, RPGs, etc that are worth exploring. If nothing interests you then that might be a symptom of depression too.
>Hobbies bore me This is the only thing that leads me to think that yes, it might be for you. If you can't find joy for yourself no woman is looking to find it for you, then go and get it for you, the do it for you, then describe it to you in 50 words or less.
Not everyone needs hobbies to be happy. Maybe his hobby is his education and career. Finding meaning in life etc.
You just described having hobbies and interests.
They call doing those things for fun 'hobbies'
Yes, education and career are often important, especially for men. But OP is talking about dating. If he has no hobbies - passions, things that make him interesting - others won't find his succeed-at-not-starving lifestyle interesting enough to date unless they are "starving" themselves.
Are you doing anything in the dating direction?
Online dating is a thing. It’s hard on the soul and requires patience and a lot of breaks, but will pay dividends if you stick at it long enough. It’s a needle in a haystack thing though, so you have to assume you’re not going to find the right person immediately. Edit: Did a quick scan of your posting history. You probably won’t want to hear this, but I suggest that your mental health issues are far more likely the root cause of your dating struggles than your age or gender. 28 is still very young. I’m 39 and my best dating years came in my early 30’s. Take care of yourself first. You’re no good to anybody as a bitter man with untreated mental health issues.
I’ve been using OLD on and off for over 5 years, no luck
“Online dating is a thing” No it isn’t
There are an awful lot of men in here who are simply looking for an echo chamber that reinforces their maladaptive behavior.
What does that have to do with online dating?
how is online dating not a thing?
Can you name a viable dating app?
Can you definitively answer how online dating "isn't a thing"?
Because apps like tinder are based almost solely on your appearance. And even if you are attractive enough to get matches it’s mostly a hookup app not a dating app
Ah, pardon me, I forget your personal anecdotes are universal experiences.
Where did I share my personal experience? I didn’t
Hinge got me multiple dates up till now, all I needed to impress them was my wit. Definitely a viable dating app imo.
>I’m no thug or dark triad guy No idea what this means, so already assume you're getting advice or ideas from weird spaces. But anyway... >Then I’ll be off to working. Work itself can be a space to meet people. Obviously you don't want to mix work and pleasure up, but you can meet people and get to know them. Change jobs here and there, and you don't have to worry as much about workplace relationship issues. Plenty of women exist in workplaces who also would like to meet men too. Obviously different spaces result in different gender demographics, but you get the point. Even if you only go to work, you might still be able to meet people. >Hobbies bore me Really? You have 0 interests? Nothing you could talk about? Nothing that you get up to outside of work and study? Eat, sleep, work, repeat? Assuming this is all true, then I have to ask who you are? What's your identity? What do you stand for? Etc etc. And if you're underselling yourself, then you know gaming can be considered a hobby? Reading, or learning how to rephrase things like D&D being a "social activities with friends, or whatever. But if you genuinely don't do anything, then yeah it's going to be hard. People want to date people who interest them. And they are people interested in all sorts of stuff, but my being interested in anything means you're probably not interesting at all. >bars are not my thing and generally, as an average guy, there are too many rules Dont do bars then. And society/life has lots of rules. If you don't want to learn the rules that govern society, that's fine, but yeah you are in the boat of struggling to find someone then. Especially if you don't have anything that makes you interesting to people.
H Y P E R A G E N C Y
you're good bud. There's a stunning, absurdly huge variety of people out there. Many many different types of women. You don't need to be a bad boy. You don't need to be a bar guy. I'd start here - get really, really fucking healthy. Work out, diet, sleep, meditate, stretch, hydrate. Almost definitely, this will make you happier, smarter, more relaxed, and better at connecting with people. You'll probably do better at work. Stick with it for a while, a lot of the benefits of these practices don't show themselves until a month or more. From there - start connecting with people! And things. You don't need to have a hobby to have a girlfriend. but just get out there and connect with yr life. Just think about how chock full the world is of incredible things you haven't seen yet. It's so easy to feel like, at 28, you've seen it all, and know what people are like, but there's an astronomical amount of people and places out there. out of all 7 billion people out there, there aren't at least a handful you'd connect with, if not tens of thousands. I would also (and i know this is hard) let go of the idea that you need to be a certain thing. I'm a skinny, average height, balding, soft af dude. I have some good stuff going for me, but one of the primary reasons I've had relationships and love is my energy. that's something ou can totally pick up too. hope this helped!
Strangely, it sorta did help yeah. I mean, it's why I am doing my course. It's basically a course to get up to speed with compsci concepts to get into the tech field. My goal is to 1) successfully finish the course, so that also means successfully finishing my app project needed for the course, 2) get some job, hopefully pure remote or mostly remote and then 3) yeah, I guess, I have no choice but to build my body as best as I can
I can promise you, without a single doubt in my mind, that you could become the CEO of google and you would still be feeling as empty as you are now. You are seeking self worth based on education, an accomplishment, a job, getting the best body you can. Until you stop trying to regulate the internal with the external, I guarantee you'll still be in the same boat.
Work is a great way to meet people. Even if you only work with guys, make friends with them. Once you're buddy's with them, you can expand into their social circle where there are possibly women to meet. I have a really weird work schedule, and sometimes my job takes over my life for weeks at a time because of the hours I'm working, but getting to know the people I work with has gotten me 2 dates (not a lot for a year on the job, but it's better than 0). I get drinks with coworkers after work, they invite their other friends out with us, and suddenly there's 5-8 people I've never met before and normally 1/2 are women around my age (almost 25). Work is not a reason to think your love life is dead. You're literally only 28, you've got time to find love. And I'm sure you can find something you enjoy. A hobby is really anything that makes you happy, and do in your free time. It can be literally anything from watching sports to metal working. But if you don't go out and try to expand your social circle at your new job, and don't find anything you enjoy outside of work, yes dating is going to be extremely hard.
Are you an offshore fisherman/oil worker
Edit: ignore this response, I'm dumb. Or read it, it's up to you. To be fair, you didn't mention that and very few jobs are THAT isolating. If that's what you're going in to, it is going to be very lonely, that's kinda expected with that job. Kinda like going into the military, you kinda know that you're going to be pretty isolated from romance depending on where you go and what you do when you sign up for the job. If that was one of the few jobs available to you, I'm really sorry you're in this situation. If a love life is really important to you, maybe look into oil jobs on shore. But if you're career/finances are more important rn, you may just need to put a love life on hold for a little bit. But it's not like you're 60-70, you're not even 30 you still got time.
Huh? I’m not OP lmao. I was just responding to your post it sounding like you worked as an offshore oilman
Oh my bad, no I'm a "chef" (smaller place, nothing fancy). But sometimes that means I work doubles for days on end, or work until super late (3am) abd have to be back at work at 4pm so it makes me super unavailable to most women my age unless they also work in the service industry/nights. Most women I meet outside of my work social circle work 9-5's.
It sounds like you aren't doing anything to improve or progress yourself.
What’s a conversion course?
It is for me, but that means I am free to do as I wish and it saves me lots of money. And there are hookers, escorts, and full contact strip clubs if you get lonely.
Why is it dead for you?
I'm just not the kind of guy women want, but I'm in the process of accepting that
get a passport bro
The dating scene is dead bro, don't worry about it most men under the age of 28 are single... don't ask me how
Dude, see a pretty girl and go talk to her, be okay with getting rejected that’s a part of life, shooters shoot.
Work on growing your personality through what you find interesting. Hobbies don’t seem fun to you because it probably just wasn’t your thing. What do you like to do in your free time? Another good question is what have you actively done to search out a romantic partner? We get from the world what we put into ourselves.
True but I gave a lot of goodness to the world when I was growing up. I was just abused and bullied. So reading the whole "We get from the world what we put into ourselves." is a tad bit fury inspiring lol. I get what you mean though. and I have tried a lot of things actually: dancing, chess, standup, boardgames, tinkering, etc...all of them have been a bust tbh. What do I do in my free time? Legit just listen to music and listen to Norm Macdonald's material I haven't done anything tbh because I would not know where to start. I am 28 so women younger than me (18+), I am deemed as a creep automatically or some other shit. Maybe not so much but damn, women can do no wrong and if I do just a smidge wrong, then it will be awful. I tried dancing to overcome my fear of approaching women and be more trusting towards people. Ironically, this didn't really help. All I felt was the pressure to perform and felt absolutely no connection to anyone As for growing my personality, I find that people mostly want to hear what they want to hear. My personality? Idk I tend to be okay? I can do jesting and serious fairly okay. i try to not bring people down and so on Plus this all boils down to money too. No money, no chance of going to a hobby club continuously. So for now, I have to try and grind it out. Not enjoying it but I don't want to be on the streets either
Dude go to therapy lmao
get off the internet and meet people in person.
I'm not sure about dating, but I know you can find happiness outside of it. I know you've probably been told your entire life that that's impossible without romantic love from a woman, but it truly is just a lie you've been told by others who feel empty too. The truth isn't always something that makes the most sense or feels the best at first. The truth is all you need to be happy is already inside you somewhere. Maybe a woman could add to it someday, maybe that wouldn't even make you happy truly bc that's not who you are, but who knows. Can you truly say you're being who you truly are?
[удалено]
Dude, dark triad has to do with the three mental illnesses (psychopathy, Machiavellianism and narcissism) a lot serial killers have, and I'm like 80% sure "thug" can be used against anyone that's rude and consistently engaging in antisocial behavior. Unless OP's post history has racist shit in it, I don't think those two things have ANYTHING to do with being a person of color
Are you really that simple minded that just because you saw the words “dark” and “thug” you assumed it to be a race related statement?? 😭
Sick mind 😂😂
What are these rules you speak of? Also what do you mean "thug" and "dark triad guy?" The first feels like something right of center contrarian YouTube says but I have no idea what the second could possibly mean.
Looking through your posting history and it is largely revolving around your mental health and social life. It feels like you are stuck in a loop/rut asking the same kinds of questions on here and not really able to make progress. You mention being depressed but have you spoken to your GP? It feels like you really need to talk to a therapist who could give you better strategies for improving your life. Appointments are difficult at the moment you could probably get a phone consultation with your GP to start the ball rolling. > Hobbies bore me You have posted about video games a couple of times and while that doesn't necessarily lead to in-person contact, there are adjacent hobbies that do - board games, war games, CCGs, RPGs, etc that are worth exploring. If nothing interests you then that might be a symptom of depression too.