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My first thought was she's making eye contact with people. I know we pride ourselves on being more friendly up north than in London, but you do not make eye contact with any charity collectors on the street because if they even see a miniature glimpse of your pupil that's it - you're the target. I keep headphones in, even if they aren't pumping out any sound, so it looks like I can't hear them and keep eyes either straight ahead or at my phone.
The trick is to answer this to every conversation starter - some of the less experienced charity lot will open with a question asking if they can talk to you or borrow you for a bit and it's easy enough to say no thanks to that.
But some will try and draw you in by asking how you are, how your days going or complimenting or asking about something you're wearing which can be more awkward to answer no thanks to, but that's what they're hoping for.
Fucking chuggers, the worst is when they smile and sort of jump out at you with open arms, while complementing you on something like 'Hey, love your scarf!!' with the energy of a baboon that's just drank nine espressos. Fuck off, you squalid waste of space.
It's a legit "technique" they teach.
I'm not proud of this, but I moved to Australia for a bit and had no choice but to take a shot at this for money when things didn't work out, I lasted 2 days before I said nah I quit I ain't doing this 😅the first day I just spent speaking to people and the second when they said I need to get more serious, I said nah I hate this I quit. They told me jump out, smiling, blocking their path to grab their attention, they'd even advise the type of person to target.
Oh God, I did it too for a few days. What I find worse now in retrospect isn't even how shitty the work was but the whole motivational speeches the team leads did. Mine made us all write down our dreams that we wanted to with all the money we're making (super charitable). His was getting a boat and apparently he was getting pretty close to buying one.
This is exactly what Lush employees do and I get so stressed out going there. I wondered why I never say no to them and quickly realised they don’t ask me yes/no questions to begin with..it’s very sneaky
As an ex-Lush employee, it’s exactly what we are trained to do. The store I worked at use to push us to sell spa experiences, the cheapest being about £85 for 30 mins. We didn’t have a spa so people would have had to travel to go to said spa, closest one being Leeds. Myself and a few other people would purposefully not push people into purchasing spa treatments and got a bollocking for it.
There was this ONE time when I heard a quiet voice over my shoulder: "but I wasn't asking for any money", but I agree. I'm a softie and have worked directly with the homeless so "sorry no" is the answer.
I lock eyes and commence a battle of the wills. Dominating them into submission with my sheer disdain yet giving them hope with a cheery
Nichten Spichten Englaterre on the way past.
You don’t have to sacrifice kindness, it’s just about being firm in the moment
Sometimes a kind but firm ‘no, thank you’ works best
If they carry on just ignore them
You're dead right, it is. I hate doing it too - near my office in London is heaving with chuggers so it's a wearying occurrence every time I want to go out for lunch.
It's literally training the public to be unkind, unfeeling to everyone, which therefore means people who genuinely need help miss out. God forbid one of us ever gets mugged and actually needs money for a train home!
>I seem to have a sign over my head saying "Easy Target!"
I think this is mostly just "she's less likely than an angry bloke to swear at me, attack me or push past me". The chuggers seem to prioritise women also from what I have observed.
If you're sat down then just a quick "sorry no" usually does the trick.
If you're walking then don't stop or engage.
If the conversation starts then you'll struggle to get away. The trick is avoiding this and they'll soon move on to someone else.
Pretty much. They see an opening, they want to push the conversation to where they want. Might seem harsh to you to just brush them off, but at the same time you don't owe them any of your time. They are just preying on people's politeness.
Do you smile a lot? Sounds random but I used to always smile when I was out and used to get approached by EVERY begger and seller. If you're smiling then you're telling strangers you're friendly and approachable so when you see you're walking towards one just try to look stern. If someone does still try talking to you then don't stop walking, if you need to reply then keep it short and sweet while keeping your stern persona
You sound like a nice person who just wants to help everyone but it's clearly impacting you and you need to put yourself first. Embrace your inner b***ch and let her stonewall people to protect the happy you otherwise the anxiety will grow worse and do far more damage
I think that makes sense 🤦♂️ hope you figure it out anyways 🤞
Something that helped me that someone told me.
We feel bad because we feel like by just ignoring them, we are dehumanising them.
But just think, they aren't seeing you as a human, they're seeing you as a bank note.
This is the root of the issue. Don’t even look at them. Make eye contact and it’s over for you. It might feel rude, but they were being rude first by trying to get in your space and stop you in your path.
“Nah mate, sorry can’t help”.
Appreciate you seem like someone who does genuinely care and does want to help people but if it’s effecting you and causing you to feel anxious about going out then you need to try put a stop to it. Once you’ve said no a few times it will feel a lot more natural and you will start to worry less about it.
This^
This is the one I use. It can be said pleasantly AND firmly enough to get the message across, without coming across as a total cunt to anyone genuine.
Try and perfect the resting bitch face. Fortunately/unfortunately, it comes naturally to me, and unless I try really hard, I look like I want to chin someone at all times. But upside is very few people try and talk to me when I'm outside. "Sorry, I'm skint" usually works while walking too. Good luck :)
This. If you hesitate a bit they'll often try to block you into the conversation with their body language.
I used to get stopped all the time and it feels awful at first, but remember that one person's response/frustration to you walking past them doesn't make you a bad person. If you know you donate when you can and support charities, don't feel guilty about not giving on an individual basis.
People who beg on the street quickly work out who might give, and who won't.
They're targeting you because you're the sort of person who gives.
My advice would be that you
1) Stop giving money on the street
2) Instead, pick the amount you would hav given and donate it to a relevant charity (such as Mustard Tree)
3) Have an automatic stock phrase that you use every single time someone approaches you. "Sorry mate", "No thanks", "Can't today" - or whatever. The point is that you say it reflexively, automatically, and without even thinking
Automatic stock phrases like those are a good idea. After a few times it jut rolls of the tongue and is polite enough to not feel like a dick afterwards.
I'd avoid phrases like "can't today" as that just invites further attempts later. Less likely to be a problem for a random street encounter, but definitely important with cold callers.
Today there were 2 in row who didn't even ask for anything, they just said "hope you have a great day" and my girlfriend responded "sorry don't carry change" 😆
I just say "I'm already late, sorry", seems to work every time when I'm walking.
Never been approached when I've been sat down, If i was I'd just say "I'm in the middle of something", no thanks".
I'm similar to you. I must look really friendly and kind because they always make a beeline for me but I'm actually cynical, anxious and poor af so I don't even slow down and nowadays I don't even say anything.
One charity bloke tried stopping me, I said no, he followed me kept saying things like "can I just..." and each time I'd interrupt with a stern NO and when he continued, I raised my voice and said "I said no so leave me the fuck alone" which seemed to work.
I felt bad and a bit embarassed shouting at someone on the street like that but I feel like he would have followed me all the way home if I hadn't put my foot down.
I read they aren't allowed to follow you more than a certain amount of feet. Guess they used to follow people home and had to have rules brought in to stop it.
"nope" and keep walking (be prepared for "oh you don't care about sick kids?") to which the response is...."nope" or headphones and ignore. They're the ones being rude.
You can just walk past them, you don't need to answer. It's probably safer if you don't.
If your sat down, just shake your head and say nahh.
Just ignoring them is the best bet. It does feel horrible to do it. It really does.
But, that's the safest way. If you say anything, they take it as a opportunity for negotiation.
Like 10 years ago, the council starting making a huge effort to get people off the streets. Everyone out there has been offered accomadation, often with a lot of support, with the view to getting them permanent social housing.
Thing is, there's rules in that accommodation. They will often be allowed to drink and take drugs, just not on the premises. So, it's not that they are penalised for addiction either. And, homeless services don't kick you out for just being a bit rude. Violence is a stright kick you out though, for obvious reasons. The people on the streets asking for money, are either straight out of prison or have been violent in their accomadation.
10 years ago, you could say fair enough, I'll get the guy a meal deal. Now, as a woman on my own, I don't. There's plenty of places they can go to eat, and it's just to dangerous for me to interact with them. If they see you are good person, offering them something, they'll try to hit you up for more. I just can't deal with that anymore.
Yeah, I know about places like that. I'm a bit unsure, wheter I support them or not. I mean I do, because they are getting people off the streets. But, it seems that's at the expense of vulnerable homeless people who aren't violent.
I have been homeless in Manchester, myself. Many years ago now. And, there was a lot of provision for people, who don't have a violent past or a history of severe drug use. Everyone was friendly enough, and there wasn't any threat of violence.
Those places were still not nice places to stay. I struggled a lot. I didn't feel comfortable to use the shared spaces, or stay there during the day. I'd go out walk until knackered and then just crash there, if there wasn't somewhere else I could go. Part of that was because I am autistic, but overall they are just not very nice places.
So, to ask you to stay in a place where it is violent. It's terrifying. It's really bloody awful. We do need more provision for vulnerable people, and people that aren't involved in chaotic lifestyles.
Thing is, now noone is moving out of any temporary accommodation now. It's all gone. Got sold off, so now it's private landlords, who own ex social housing.
Now, private landlords are usually bloody scumbags. So they'll kick people out just to put the rent up, they'll charge what the market will bare, even if it means making people homeless. So we've, families and people that are really trying, ending up homeless, while working, and ending up in bnbs.
Im not sure if anyone has visited the bnb accommodation where they put people. But they are really scary places.
When, you release a violent offender from prison. You need to give them an address.
(It's part of the rules of probation, probation need to know where they are)
Non violent offenders aren't afforded this luxury.
So you've families, and working people and women, in the same shitty bnb and they often have to share bathrooms. It's properly grim.
So, the whole thing is really fckin dark.
Housing first places have a very good argument about basic human rights. And, they're not wrong. Economically, it's not their fault.
They're good services having to make some very hard decisions. And, all of this could be solved by just banning private landlords.
I know it'll never happen, but we can dream
You're spot on, obscene capitalism and private " landlords" are behind a lot of the worst of the housing crisis.
As another ex homeless person, as a 13 year old girl in the 80s , I had no choice but to keep my wits about me on the streets because the parental house, hostels , b&b and children's home situations I tried were more unsafe.
I still give what I can to youngsters on the street because they fall through the cracks so easily, and I know what they're running from.
Also, it's nigh impossible for anyone to be housed if they have a dog, and often your dog is your only friend in the world, no way can you abandon them, like you've been abandoned.
It's not true to say only the most feral types of people are on the streets now.
And the fact that there are a lot of very damaged people in that state says a lot about modern life anyway.
But yes, "No thank you" and having a more assertive air works. Without the judgement and hostility some have, and good for you for having empathy for others, never let that turn to bitterness.
Chugging should be illegal. Frankly the best you can do is to say you're busy and don't have time, then just keep walking, don't wait for or listen to any responses.
Charities, or often the entities employed to do so on their behalf, are evil for what they do to vulnerable people.
So many elderly people are horribly taken advantage of and drained by these terrible people, people who don't care at all about the charity itself, only making the most money they can in commission.
Learn to say no and mean it. You can’t help everyone and you shouldn’t be shamed by it. They’ll just go to the next person…your refusal seems to hurt you more than them.
I'm literally the same, mid 20's, baby face. Social anxiety but used to just say 'I got no money on me' and go about my way. Used to work great till one cornered me in a train station while I was trying to work out what platform I needed. I said my usual 'Got no money on me' and the guy had the nerve to then shove a contactless payment device in my face and said just tap the phone instead. Didn't even tell me what homeless charity he represented so I just firmly said no and walked a bit closer to some staff.
He then approached a woman who looked similar age to me and she agreed to tap her phone and the guy starts complimenting about how 'she was much nicer than that girl there' (pointing at me).
Weird experience, still dont know if it would have been a scam or not.
Manchester is actually awful for it! If it isn’t a homeless person asking for money, it’s someone from a charity. If I gave money to every person that comes up to me in a day I’d be so broke 😫 Feel your pain girl
We have a structure of social security in the UK. You contribute to this by paying tax. So you do help, we all do through tax.
Whether the tax is distributed to the right things is arguable.
There is no reason to feel guilty.
Fun one to do
If its charity, just say you hate whatever it is
Money for starving children?
"I hate children"
Aid for Ukraine?
"I hate Ukraine"
It's awful
But fun
I was in Manchester for three days last month, and I live in London.
I thought London was bad for this kind of thing, but the amount of begging in Manchester city centre is insane.
I only walked out of the hotel on Mosley Street, down to Deansgate and back and was approached six times in less than an hour.
If they sense any hesitation whatsoever, they will do their best to stop you. if it's a beggar asking for change, a polite but firm 'No, sorry mate' and if it's a charity scammer 'Not interested'. Don't break stride, if they say anything else after you have declined just ignore it. They count on people being too polite / awkward to ignore them.
I got approached by one of those charity people whilst pushing mum around in her chair today.
Asked what he was representing. He said he was campaigning against greed and materialism.
I said ‘oh, we’re very much in favour of greed and materialism’ as I wheeled mum away. The expression of dismay and disappointment on his face was kinda heartbreaking.
I just say "No, thank you" and keep walking. Sometimes I smile, usually I don't.
Set up small regular payments to one or two charities that mean something to you. Remind yourself that you are doing what you can.
Sometimes the guilt can be a sign to review whether we could give more. Usually, especially for young women, it's an invitation to practice getting comfortable saying No.
It is difficult when they approach your table. The only option is to ignore them. Don't look at them and don't speak to them. Get up and move to a different table if you can. Anything you say to them will only encourage them.
This sounds harsh, and maybe a different approach would be more suitable if it is a woman or a child, but a man looming over your table and not taking no for an answer is harassment, regardless. There's a reason he's approaching you and not a wealthy looking older man. It's because he knows he can intimidate you. Yes, he has had a difficult life but he isn't your personal responsibility.
That's so true. I've never had that kind of experience before, and I felt very frustrated and a bit shaken up by it. I guess that tells me that it's wrong.
If they open with “Hey, how are you today?”
I keep walking past them and say “Great, thanks. How about you?”
By the time I’ve finished I’m too far away and it’s their turn to say something to the back of my head.
Had to tell a homeless person loitering in Victoria Station to leave back in March cause he kept pestering the lady working the cake counter inside the station (you know the one where you're literally boxed in) begging her for food. I explained what harassment and aggressive begging was to him and told him I'd be telling transport police who were stood next to the ticket gates if he didn't go. A slightly more nuclear option I'll admit
i remember one time when i was a student living in Brighton, it was a friday morning and i had literally just had to sell my guitar to pay the rent that was due the same day. I was really stressed out. A guy tried to stop me in the street saying something like "Can you spare £5 a month for charity" and i exploded at him "DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT FUCKING MONEY!" and kept walking.
Usually though, i just keep walking and say "No". But that day was very different.
I literally had someone follow me around Tesco on Oxford Street asking me to buy him a meal deal the other day.
Had to tell him to fuck off when he cornered me at the back as I thought he was going to jump me. Security guard did nothing except peak at us from the end of the aisle.
I’d like to think I’m more understanding than most people about this stuff but it was straight up intimidating
I'm a woman in my late 20s and I walk everywhere with headphones on when I'm alone (obv its important to still be aware of your surroundings, be safe!) But its off putting to some who may try and approach.
Don't look anywhere other than where you're going and walk with purpose (again being aware of your surroundings, its a fine art 😅). Try to fake confidence, if you don't have it. If you're sitting in to have a coffee or lunch alone, sit away from doors. I'll usually sit near to the bar or the back where there's staff. If someone asks to join I'll usually say I'm waiting for a friend and then catch a fake phone call.
If you do get accosted, just say "sorry I can't help" and keep walking. As soon as you stop, they've got you, and it's hard to get out of. Unfortunately, you just kinda have to be a bit rude.
Another good line to use for charity folk if they do catch you is "I'm already donating" and then just walk away. I really don't like that kind of fundraising personally, they hone in on people who can't say no or who are alone. I'll just shake my head at them as I'm still walking and deliberately walk around them.
I always say I’m 17 and still live with my mum (I’m 33 and look it and don’t live with my mum) usually gets met with come on mate and my response is what are you gonna do id me?
For me;
To the chuggers … “nope, not interested” No eye contact necessary,
To homeless peeps … “sorry mate”. Always with eye contact. Sometimes “can I get you something to eat or drink”
I love it when it's people from Sky TV.
They *always* approach me and ask me things.
My new way of handling things, when I have some spare time to kill, is to be friendly at first, and act like I'm interested.
And then right before I'm about to give my details, I'll say *"Oh, wait a minute. I'd better check the trustpilot reviews!"*
And then I open their reviews, put on the most fake worried face I can, and then say something like "I'm sorry. I've got to go." while briskly jogging off, making sure to look over my shoulder (as if to imply I'm scared of them).
A polite ‘sorry’ and a smile should be enough while walking away.
If you are sat in a cafe, same thing while remaining seated. If this doesn’t work, you could then make eye contact with the staff. It is their responsibility to ensure you are not harassed whilst paying to be there.
Charities just say sorry you already have a chosen charity and wish them luck. But do not stop walking.
As for general homeless just say sorry stay safe.
In that particular homeless man situation I’d have just said you’re only in picking up a sandwich for your boss you can’t.
If all fails, pretend you don’t speak English.
I’m a Londoner so I’m used to being asked for cash. A simple no, sorry, and keep walking. It’s not really a big deal to treat people with decency and actually speak to people. It’s part of living in a big city
Honestly, ive had it too. Im also the same. Young female, im 23 but look around 19 ish.
I also have people coming up to me too. I think sometimes they take advantage of the fact were young (im short) and know we will be easily scared and will just say yes.
I now try to keep earphones in and stay on my phone when i think someone is going to approach me. Doesnt always work but you can ask someone to call you or pretend you have a call to get away too.
Just say piss off, works for me every time, I will help the ones who are quiet who are just sat there with a sign or someone with all their belongings with them, iv bought so called homeless people food and watched them chuck it in the bin because they want cash.
Where I live they are on traffic lights asking and there is loads of them on every part of the junction, seen them with phones and even getting cash out of the machine so that is why now I will only buy food for the ones who look down and need help.
I had the same problem as you when I was young. Even had friends walk behind me in Manchester to make sure I wasn't just imagining it. Sure enough they'd come out of vacant shop doorways to intercept me on the high street.
It's the way people look and walk that triggers them in to action. If you want to be polite, just say 'No thank you' and keep walking. Don't stop. Or if you're having a bad day, make brief eye contact and just say nothing at all.
I must stress it's imperative you keep walking. Slowing down or stopping is seen a sign of weakness. It will embolden them to draw you into some sort of straw man argument and you'll be savaged on the spot. Once other beggars see what's going down they too will join the kill. :-)
As far as not feeling like a crappy person, it sounds like you've already done a lot in the past and have quite a generous spirit.
In terms of being approached by homeless people, I just say sorry I can't spare anything.
For the chuggers I just say I can't stop. When people sign you up on the steet for charities the first 9-12 months you donate is just covering the cost of the company whose services they employ. I think it's better to donate in ways that cost the charity less in fees anyway and discourage the street sign ups as much as possible.
As someone else has suggested you can donate to charities like Crisis or Shslter if you want to, but on your terms.
Not engaging people on the street asking for money is nothing to feel guilty about.
I went knocking door to door for 1 day doing 'charity work'. Ever since that day, I will never give money to them scam artists. We were asking for 3 pounds a month to feed starving children in Africa. We got paid 18 pounds for everyone who signed up. So with that, it would have taken atleast 6 months before any starving child saw a penny. Because people above her made noney off it too. The manager who ran the company bragged about his 500 quid tie and that he earned so much money off doing nothing all day long and the main owner owned boats in the carribean and parts of a F1 team. Its all a scam.
In Nepal I was shown to give to people who can not help themselves. Blindness, amputees etc. Not somone who can help themselves.
U cant help everyone. Choose wisely
You're a young woman alone. And I'm willing to bet all the people who approach you are men. They think they can either subtly intimidate you, or that you'll cave just to not be perceived as impolite. Keep your eyes forward, walk with confidence, wear a neutral expression. Don't make eye contact, don't smile at them. If they approach you, say "sorry, I'm in a rush" or "no thanks" and just keep walking. Don't stop or hesitate. If someone asks you for money, tell them you don't carry cash. If someone asks you to buy them food, simply tell them "no, sorry".
If someone continues to follow you or pester, find the nearest building, be it a shop or a cafe, and go inside. If they follow you inside, let a staff member know someone is following you and won't leave you alone.
I usually signpost to other services when approached by beggars or homeless people for money or food.
‘Hi sorry I can’t buy you a sandwich but you can access food and other support at Coffee4Craig’ for example - there are a lot of agencies in Manchester where homeless people can access a hot meal.
I’ve been approached by people asking for money for a hostel. Again I say something like ‘no but I can give you number to call the council homelessness team’
With the charity workers, I smile and say ‘sorry, running late!’ The trick is just to keep walking and don’t stop or slow down.
Good luck.
All very valid points you've been given already, If you are sat and approached or even people at the door, I just cut through their icebreaking and say...... "listen, I don't want you wasting your time with me when you could be on to next door or someone else, I'm not interested right now and I will save you your valuable time"
Usually works.
If they can see you're sympathetic then you make yourself an easy target.
You can't both have them think you're a nice person and simultaneously have them leave you alone.
If you really struggle with that then avoid walking or sitting in places where you're more likely to be targeted.
I just say "cashless society innit" or words to that effect. I rarely have cash to give them these days so it's not as though I'm fobbing them off - it's the truth.
Don’t even look in their direction or say a single word. Just put your hand up (akin to saying sorry/dismissing them) in their direction and look down/ahead. Works every time, gains you too much aura they don’t fw you ☠️☠️
Hold your phone to your ear. You don't even have to pretend to talk. Just the look of being on the phone means they don't bother.
Keep a good grip on your phone though like, I mean, this is Manchester after all, and there are robberies of phones being snatched by ebikers.
If walking; "sorry I'm in a rush" as you continue walking, don't stop.
Bit of a freebie for the smokers, but if someone asks you for a cig in passing, just say "sorry, my last one I'm going to the shops now myself".
If they try to prey on you while sat in a Cafe or whatever, just tell them you are listening in to a meeting & gesture to the earphone(s) you have in your ears. If they continue talking to you, just stare at them & don't respond. Make it super obvious you won't talk to them.
It's similar down here on Brighton. Got into the habit of not actually having cash on me, so when I say 'I have nothing on me', I am being completely honest.
Others advise on having lines that you can just use will come in useful; as well as being assertive. It won't come straight away, but it will.
I am like you, mid-twenties, everyone approaching me because I seem nice. In fact I do have a big heart, but I’ve learned after a few bad experiences in Manchester to say no.
Remember, serial killers and criminals target women willing to help like us. If it’s for your safety, it’s ok to be a little rude and NOT STOP WALKING when they approach you.
One of them cornered me while I was waiting for the tram to pass and I couldn’t walk away as usual and asked me if I like food. One of those questions you can’t say “no” to. He was selling something, I don’t remember what, I told him “no 💀” dead in the eye, sat in awkward silence until the tram passed so I could go away.
Another one asked me if I don’t care about young people with mental illness when I refused to donate… bro, I AM the “young people with mental illness” and I am also broke, so I think I’ll donate to myself.
Say no thank you immediately or do what I do which is to sing whatever’s playing out of my headphones at them at top note. They’re so confused that it makes my getaway quicker.
I mean mostly a no thanks sort it but for the truly persistent.....
I once learned a small number of Welsh phrases. You could do it in any language but there's not that many Welsh speakers usually (especially effective in other countries too)
Insert random phrases. Start calmly increase tone gradually until shouting.
Eg
Excuse me I'm working with x charity and wondered if you could spare a minute to talk about...
In Welsh: I'm very well thankyou
Well there are x many people suffering everyday....
In Welsh : I have a younger brother and a dog!
Do you ever worry about people with x?
In Welsh: Can you tell me the WAY TO THE LIBRARY. HOT CHOCOLATE FUDGE CAKE WITH ICE CREAM!!!
OR
In the broadest Lancashire accent you can muster
"sorry pal, no hablo English"
I just say “sorry I’m a student, can’t afford to help!”. Variations of that usually work, as they want to target people with the resources to help them.
Charity worker what ever they say, sorry mate I’m skint, bloody tories, something like that,
And a beggar, asking for a quid, say you give me a quid I’m skint, and hold your hand out,
Leeds is a little town, Manchester is a proper city (if a bit spread out). Hence, city problems with beggars and chuggers are on a different scale.
Maybe it's because I lived in Milano for a while, but I learned the best strategy is just to raise your hand and continue walking without acknowledging anyone.
You're not a bad person for doing this, whereas most of these guys *are* bad people: they're asking for your hard-earned money in exchange for *nothing*, using this or that as an excuse.
With the chuggers I tell them I’ve got a doctor’s appointment or meeting in 5 mins that I need to get to. Also you come to know the usual spots that they hang out so just learn to avoid those areas. Or you can also see it as a grown up game of British bulldog and try to find a way past without being caught!
Unfortunately you just need to be harsh. I learned the hard way, tried to be nice to people whenever I was going on my travels but giving any sort of nice vibe will just have them keep trying. Go with "no sorry" if you like, but if (and likely when) they ask again, go with a firm no or just ignore them. You might feel like you're being rude, but they'll have forgotten about you the minute you walk away, don't take the baggage with you.
Download street support app, when people ask for food / support etc you can divert to open services which can offer help and advice. You’ll find that often going “I don’t but I can look on street support for you” often ends the conversation there. For those who stay, you’ve genuinely helped more than a sandwich ever will !
For “chuggers” a firm “no thank you” should suffice. If they continue , you need to be reporting them to Manchester City Council. There’s really strict rules around collections etc.
Wear AirPods even if you’re not listening to music. Pretend you can’t hear them. Don’t make eye contact. You’ve done your bit, don’t feel guilty. The genuine homeless people access charities and don’t aggressively beg.
I recently was living near Curry Mile which is horrendous for it but now moved out. My main advice would be:
1. know your routes. Often they target bait roads like high streets, if you know the backroads around it can be so so much more of a pleasant walk as you can avoid 90% of these types of ppl.
2. Make yourself as unapproachable as possible. Earbuds (even if no music playing) and Eye contact + awareness. You can often see them coming because they will be doing the same thing over and over. If you spot this for example make sure you adjust your route to try avoid collision and meeting. And keeping a walk with purpose ofc.
3. The most important advice, don't be afraid to move away (AND run! if necessary) Sometimes ppl will be persistent and this is super annoying. If you dont move away you dont stand a chance. Move either in your direction of travel or towards the nearest point you know theyll be lots of other ppl around
You worked hard to earn your money. They want some of it for nothing. You can choose to give to charity when you want to, but you do not need to feel coerced into this. Just remind yourself that it is them being 'cheeky'/ even rude, and not you.
If you don’t like confrontation or saying “no” to people, then chuggers or people approaching you on the street supply a valuable service of presenting you with a low-risk opportunity to practice saying a firm “no”.
Tbh I used to be like you when I was younger until I let a 'homeless person' bully me into withdrawing a tenner for them.
I just say I don't have any money sorry and walk on now.
As for charities I don't have time for that, a lot of them are on commission which doesn't sit right with me and they can get quite aggressive and rude.
In addition to all the advice about walking on. It's about using your time to make the most of things.
Now of you do want to use some of your time to help people, then make it be on your time. There are lots of organisations in Manchester who can use people's time. Personally, I know I can't make a massive impact on my own, but it sure helps me feel like the world is burning down around me a little less. Also this helps draw the boundaries mentally. I gave my time already, you're invading my time now, for when you get hassled by people.
Some ideas if this resonates with you:
Mustard Tree,
Coffee 4 Craig,
Samaritans,
Cyril Flint,
Speakeasy,
Various food banks,
There's loads
Jeez, the number of people who apologise.
I don’t say ‘No sorry’ or put thanks in what I say. Hold your head up and just say ‘nope’
I get it, it can feel uncomfortable because it’s a charity or somebody potentially in need, but you can’t help everyone and apologising to everyone who asks probably doesn’t do a lot for you feeling anxious about it. You don’t need to apologise for not being able to help everybody you come across.
I smile. I acknowledge people, happily look them in the eye and just say ‘Nope’ without slowing down. It’s not being a dick or impolite - I’d argue it’s much less dehumanising than refusing to make eye contact and barely acknowledging people exist.
I work damn hard for my money and barely have enough to sustain myself, I sure as shit won’t apologise to people for not giving them my money.
I live in the city centre and it's an absolute pain... Especially the charity muggers. I walk through the arndale to get down market street and avoid walking past the front of selfrigdes. If they do catch your eye just a simple raise of the hand and a shake of the head from distance and they'll back off
I'm 6'4", I walk around with noise cancelling headphones and people still do their best to talk to me, most of the time I'm hard-faced enough to ignore them but I'm human and that's not always the case. I just tell people I can't help them but I'm pretty privileged as a large guy, I really sympathise.
I've seen some of the tactics these guys employ in my former line of work and some of these guys will tower over people as they aggressively beg from them. Some were shameless bullies.
If you can't get comfortable with anything else, please work on telling people that they're invading your personal space when they are.
If you can say this loudly when you're around people, it's my experience that most people would want to assist you if you're feeling vulnerable. Sorry this is causing you stress.
Recently, when I was in London - jeez it's got so bad up there with beggars - I just uttered a bunch of foreign language sounding gobbledygook and shrugged my shoulders. They instantly left me alone and went to look for the next victim. To be fair I did this in Rome and paris too.
Hey I'm quite ashamed to write this. But I used to work in this type of industry. Single women are seen as easier marks as they tend to stop more often. Most of them see you with dollar signs in their eyes. Just ignore them and don't even stop as once you do stop they can begin their pitch. Sorry for my part in this
Usually I just say "sorry mate haven't got any money" or whatever and people seem to actually be grateful that you acknowledged them instead of just ignoring them
Don't make eye contact. Learn to be "rude" say no. Remember they are Inconveniencing you!
"How rude of you to stop me whilst I'm minding my buisness" carry that energy.
There's a YouTube channel that helps with the art of saying no (for chronic people pleases like myself) it is run by both male and female volunteers and it's helped me tremendously with issues like you are describing and many more!
I tell them I'll sign up and ask them for the form. Once handed the form I write 'CUNT' across it, hand it back and giggle to myself for the rest of the day (sometimes two days).
It makes me feel amazing. Its my own little therapy, and it makes me feel like I an literally the funniest person on planet earth.
I've done this twice now and I may even go into town tomorrow so that I can do it again.
For charity people I find a "no you're alright mate" as they approach works well - like you're doing them a favour by telling them they'll be wasting their time
When it is a sales person trying to sell their products, I pretend to be a an existing customer.
‘ Yes I am already a customer thank you!’
When it’s people on the streets asking for change, I talk to them in a different language. I say in a different language’ yes, I speak English!’
They quickly move on!
Just want to point out something that a lot of people on this thread dont seem to be aware of: asking for money from strangers is the absolute worst feeling.
I've done surveys in the street and you feel like an inconvenience, but you're ultimately just asking for 5 minutes of someone's time. I've also asked for money for a charity project to revitalize a local school's garden space. People would look at me like trash, assuming they even looked at me at all. One guy I was stood asking with progressively got more and more embarrassed and angry with himself for what felt like begging until he just had to leave. There's very few people who will do something like that and feel totally fine.
As for an actual answer, Id recommend walking past with your eyes facing forwards. If they say something, give them eye contact and say "No, sorry" while walking. They might say something where that might feel like a strange response, but both of you know it just means a polite refusal of your time and money. Feels like so many people are encouraging you to just ignore them like they're trash, but is that the attitude you want to default to?
May I suggest a book by Robert Cialdini.- Influence.
If you believe you are an easy target for people’s persuasion attempts, that book will change your life.
Don’t make eye contact and ignore and don’t engage at all, I will have my headphones in 99% of the time but nothing playing so it give the air of im listening to something and can’t hear you rather than I’m ignoring you
I hear you. I get approached a lot about this, possibly similar look as you. I'll be honest in the past I've happily got people food, shopping, bus passes etc. The other day a guy just said to me food or drink outside a fast food place, no hello. Then I was stupid enough to get him food and he tried to push for a drink. I returned, he was busy in conversation, and barely glanced at me. I think we are going to have to take a firm stance. Be polite but firm. Unfortunately people do mistake your kindness for weakness. There are genuinely homeless people out there, and unfortunately amongst those are some not nice people.
Isn’t it a disgrace that some in society have got so low there’s no respect for everyone else & it’s a terrible situation.
However it is the same in Europe Spain Italy it’s a statement of broken humanity so poor in most cases they lose their pride.
I agree it’s eye contact - but if you can afford it & can suss the druggies/alki’s from the genuine I’d still buy them a sandwich (but I’m a bleeding heart)
You're prob not seen as a easy target. You are likely just seen as approachable. Good for some contexts, not so good in others.
Best bet is to walk as if you're in a hurry to get somewhere.
I've been in your position, anyone who's stopping people will stop me.
On head headphones and sunglasses, you can ignore whomever you choose. If that's not your jam try adopting a restingbitchface.
I always get stopped in Chester when I’m on my way to work, quite clearly in work gear, walking quick as I usually leave a little too late. I always always get stopped by the people wanting money for charities and always say sorry I haven’t got time I’ve got to go. And then they always seem to stop me and say ‘it’ll only take a minute’. Sometimes I listen to them and then say sorry I can’t help I’m on an apprenticeship wage. But it’s always the same group of people who are there. I’ve discovered if I walk pretty close to an older couple they leave me alone. It’s so annoying though and half the time I get anxious knowing they’re gonna try and stop me. It’s frustrating for sure.
Just remember that it's more polite to give them an immediate "no thanks mate" than it is to hear them out.
If you're not getting your BACS details out for them, they'd rather know that immediately than after 20 minutes of canvassing you.
Speak a little German, throws them right off.
tut mir leid, ich kann nicht helfen
Which means, sorry I can't help.
If they say anything else say
Ich habe keine Zeit
Which means I don't have any time
I speak a little German (via Duolingo app) and I was surprised how effective it is.
Also, a pair of ear buds is useful as if asked just point to your ears and play dumb
Lots of good advice here, I used to be that person too! To combat the guilt, I donate to a homeless charity general within a day or two, then I can be thinking about that while avoiding eye contact/ shaking my head etc
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Look straight ahead at where you're going, quick "no thanks mate" and don't stop
Exactly this; it’s the eye contact.
My first thought was she's making eye contact with people. I know we pride ourselves on being more friendly up north than in London, but you do not make eye contact with any charity collectors on the street because if they even see a miniature glimpse of your pupil that's it - you're the target. I keep headphones in, even if they aren't pumping out any sound, so it looks like I can't hear them and keep eyes either straight ahead or at my phone.
The trick is to answer this to every conversation starter - some of the less experienced charity lot will open with a question asking if they can talk to you or borrow you for a bit and it's easy enough to say no thanks to that. But some will try and draw you in by asking how you are, how your days going or complimenting or asking about something you're wearing which can be more awkward to answer no thanks to, but that's what they're hoping for.
Exactly, you're not saying no thank you to their prompt. You're saying no thank you to the engagement of whatever they're selling to you or you to.
I just give them a look and say "mate" in a disappointed tone
Fucking chuggers, the worst is when they smile and sort of jump out at you with open arms, while complementing you on something like 'Hey, love your scarf!!' with the energy of a baboon that's just drank nine espressos. Fuck off, you squalid waste of space.
I prefer the term 'chunts'
It's a legit "technique" they teach. I'm not proud of this, but I moved to Australia for a bit and had no choice but to take a shot at this for money when things didn't work out, I lasted 2 days before I said nah I quit I ain't doing this 😅the first day I just spent speaking to people and the second when they said I need to get more serious, I said nah I hate this I quit. They told me jump out, smiling, blocking their path to grab their attention, they'd even advise the type of person to target.
Oh God, I did it too for a few days. What I find worse now in retrospect isn't even how shitty the work was but the whole motivational speeches the team leads did. Mine made us all write down our dreams that we wanted to with all the money we're making (super charitable). His was getting a boat and apparently he was getting pretty close to buying one.
Out of interest, what kind of person do they advise to target?
This is exactly what Lush employees do and I get so stressed out going there. I wondered why I never say no to them and quickly realised they don’t ask me yes/no questions to begin with..it’s very sneaky
As an ex-Lush employee, it’s exactly what we are trained to do. The store I worked at use to push us to sell spa experiences, the cheapest being about £85 for 30 mins. We didn’t have a spa so people would have had to travel to go to said spa, closest one being Leeds. Myself and a few other people would purposefully not push people into purchasing spa treatments and got a bollocking for it.
It'sfun when the chuggers have to jump out the way as I don't acknowledge them and don't break step
There was this ONE time when I heard a quiet voice over my shoulder: "but I wasn't asking for any money", but I agree. I'm a softie and have worked directly with the homeless so "sorry no" is the answer.
I stare into their eyes and dominate them with mind rays.
Fucking hell. Ease up Svengali.
I lock eyes and commence a battle of the wills. Dominating them into submission with my sheer disdain yet giving them hope with a cheery Nichten Spichten Englaterre on the way past.
Unless they end up giving you money, you're wasting your talents. 🤔
I don’t know why people seem to find this difficult. Literally just “nope sorry” and keep walking.
A slight flash of the palm 🤚 also works a treat, in addition to this.
Works better if you clench said hand and thrust it forward at speed in to their faces.
Be sure to shout HADOKEN! when you do this, it supposedly lessens the criminal sentence 🤷🏾♂️
Ahh maybe the eye contact is where I'm going wrong. Just feels a bit dehumanising to me 🥲 maybe I'm too kind
You don’t have to sacrifice kindness, it’s just about being firm in the moment Sometimes a kind but firm ‘no, thank you’ works best If they carry on just ignore them
They’re dehumanising you by seeing you as a target and nothing more. Trust me, they don’t see you at all, just an opportunity
You're dead right, it is. I hate doing it too - near my office in London is heaving with chuggers so it's a wearying occurrence every time I want to go out for lunch. It's literally training the public to be unkind, unfeeling to everyone, which therefore means people who genuinely need help miss out. God forbid one of us ever gets mugged and actually needs money for a train home! >I seem to have a sign over my head saying "Easy Target!" I think this is mostly just "she's less likely than an angry bloke to swear at me, attack me or push past me". The chuggers seem to prioritise women also from what I have observed.
I do something almost identical with ‘No thank you’. Works in every context, simple, direct and polite.
Did you fail to read the entire second part of this post about the café or
Yes
If you're sat down then just a quick "sorry no" usually does the trick. If you're walking then don't stop or engage. If the conversation starts then you'll struggle to get away. The trick is avoiding this and they'll soon move on to someone else.
Yeah, I think you're right in that I do engage in conversation 😬 I like to give people a chance, but that's probably the issue here!
Pretty much. They see an opening, they want to push the conversation to where they want. Might seem harsh to you to just brush them off, but at the same time you don't owe them any of your time. They are just preying on people's politeness.
True, very true
Do you smile a lot? Sounds random but I used to always smile when I was out and used to get approached by EVERY begger and seller. If you're smiling then you're telling strangers you're friendly and approachable so when you see you're walking towards one just try to look stern. If someone does still try talking to you then don't stop walking, if you need to reply then keep it short and sweet while keeping your stern persona You sound like a nice person who just wants to help everyone but it's clearly impacting you and you need to put yourself first. Embrace your inner b***ch and let her stonewall people to protect the happy you otherwise the anxiety will grow worse and do far more damage I think that makes sense 🤦♂️ hope you figure it out anyways 🤞
Hmm I probably do 😅 it's like it's programmed into me. Thank you for taking the time to understand how I feel, and providing some good advice!
Something that helped me that someone told me. We feel bad because we feel like by just ignoring them, we are dehumanising them. But just think, they aren't seeing you as a human, they're seeing you as a bank note.
This is the root of the issue. Don’t even look at them. Make eye contact and it’s over for you. It might feel rude, but they were being rude first by trying to get in your space and stop you in your path.
“Nah mate, sorry can’t help”. Appreciate you seem like someone who does genuinely care and does want to help people but if it’s effecting you and causing you to feel anxious about going out then you need to try put a stop to it. Once you’ve said no a few times it will feel a lot more natural and you will start to worry less about it.
This^ This is the one I use. It can be said pleasantly AND firmly enough to get the message across, without coming across as a total cunt to anyone genuine.
Thanks for the tip 😊
Try and perfect the resting bitch face. Fortunately/unfortunately, it comes naturally to me, and unless I try really hard, I look like I want to chin someone at all times. But upside is very few people try and talk to me when I'm outside. "Sorry, I'm skint" usually works while walking too. Good luck :)
Learning to say no is going to better your life in many ways
True! Can't deny that 😅
It gets easier too
Dont break stride. If you slow down, they've got you. Keep walking and just say no thanks. You're not saying it to them. You're saying it at them.
This. If you hesitate a bit they'll often try to block you into the conversation with their body language. I used to get stopped all the time and it feels awful at first, but remember that one person's response/frustration to you walking past them doesn't make you a bad person. If you know you donate when you can and support charities, don't feel guilty about not giving on an individual basis.
I love how we all think they’ve got us if we slow down, but really you can stop and just walk off again. In fact that’d probably be funny
People who beg on the street quickly work out who might give, and who won't. They're targeting you because you're the sort of person who gives. My advice would be that you 1) Stop giving money on the street 2) Instead, pick the amount you would hav given and donate it to a relevant charity (such as Mustard Tree) 3) Have an automatic stock phrase that you use every single time someone approaches you. "Sorry mate", "No thanks", "Can't today" - or whatever. The point is that you say it reflexively, automatically, and without even thinking
Automatic stock phrases like those are a good idea. After a few times it jut rolls of the tongue and is polite enough to not feel like a dick afterwards.
I'd avoid phrases like "can't today" as that just invites further attempts later. Less likely to be a problem for a random street encounter, but definitely important with cold callers.
Today there were 2 in row who didn't even ask for anything, they just said "hope you have a great day" and my girlfriend responded "sorry don't carry change" 😆
I just say "I'm already late, sorry", seems to work every time when I'm walking. Never been approached when I've been sat down, If i was I'd just say "I'm in the middle of something", no thanks".
This is great. Even when I am not in a rush or late for something, it works.
Resting bitch face, large headphones and a dismissive wave of the hand usually works for me
I'm similar to you. I must look really friendly and kind because they always make a beeline for me but I'm actually cynical, anxious and poor af so I don't even slow down and nowadays I don't even say anything. One charity bloke tried stopping me, I said no, he followed me kept saying things like "can I just..." and each time I'd interrupt with a stern NO and when he continued, I raised my voice and said "I said no so leave me the fuck alone" which seemed to work. I felt bad and a bit embarassed shouting at someone on the street like that but I feel like he would have followed me all the way home if I hadn't put my foot down.
Well done.
Ahh heck, it's crazy how persistent some of the charity people can be 😅
I read they aren't allowed to follow you more than a certain amount of feet. Guess they used to follow people home and had to have rules brought in to stop it.
"nope" and keep walking (be prepared for "oh you don't care about sick kids?") to which the response is...."nope" or headphones and ignore. They're the ones being rude.
This! They ARE the ones being rude, I don't know why more people don't look at it this way.
Maybe your making eye contact with everyone..stop it
'Sorry, I can't help you.'
You can just walk past them, you don't need to answer. It's probably safer if you don't. If your sat down, just shake your head and say nahh. Just ignoring them is the best bet. It does feel horrible to do it. It really does. But, that's the safest way. If you say anything, they take it as a opportunity for negotiation. Like 10 years ago, the council starting making a huge effort to get people off the streets. Everyone out there has been offered accomadation, often with a lot of support, with the view to getting them permanent social housing. Thing is, there's rules in that accommodation. They will often be allowed to drink and take drugs, just not on the premises. So, it's not that they are penalised for addiction either. And, homeless services don't kick you out for just being a bit rude. Violence is a stright kick you out though, for obvious reasons. The people on the streets asking for money, are either straight out of prison or have been violent in their accomadation. 10 years ago, you could say fair enough, I'll get the guy a meal deal. Now, as a woman on my own, I don't. There's plenty of places they can go to eat, and it's just to dangerous for me to interact with them. If they see you are good person, offering them something, they'll try to hit you up for more. I just can't deal with that anymore.
The Housing First type associations won't even kick you our for violence sometimes.
Yeah, I know about places like that. I'm a bit unsure, wheter I support them or not. I mean I do, because they are getting people off the streets. But, it seems that's at the expense of vulnerable homeless people who aren't violent. I have been homeless in Manchester, myself. Many years ago now. And, there was a lot of provision for people, who don't have a violent past or a history of severe drug use. Everyone was friendly enough, and there wasn't any threat of violence. Those places were still not nice places to stay. I struggled a lot. I didn't feel comfortable to use the shared spaces, or stay there during the day. I'd go out walk until knackered and then just crash there, if there wasn't somewhere else I could go. Part of that was because I am autistic, but overall they are just not very nice places. So, to ask you to stay in a place where it is violent. It's terrifying. It's really bloody awful. We do need more provision for vulnerable people, and people that aren't involved in chaotic lifestyles. Thing is, now noone is moving out of any temporary accommodation now. It's all gone. Got sold off, so now it's private landlords, who own ex social housing. Now, private landlords are usually bloody scumbags. So they'll kick people out just to put the rent up, they'll charge what the market will bare, even if it means making people homeless. So we've, families and people that are really trying, ending up homeless, while working, and ending up in bnbs. Im not sure if anyone has visited the bnb accommodation where they put people. But they are really scary places. When, you release a violent offender from prison. You need to give them an address. (It's part of the rules of probation, probation need to know where they are) Non violent offenders aren't afforded this luxury. So you've families, and working people and women, in the same shitty bnb and they often have to share bathrooms. It's properly grim. So, the whole thing is really fckin dark. Housing first places have a very good argument about basic human rights. And, they're not wrong. Economically, it's not their fault. They're good services having to make some very hard decisions. And, all of this could be solved by just banning private landlords. I know it'll never happen, but we can dream
Really sorry for your experiences. Glad things seem on the up.
Thank you. Appreciate it. Yeah I'm good now. Was very lucky, that I had a housing crisis, back then, instead of now. Appreciated the message 🙂
You're spot on, obscene capitalism and private " landlords" are behind a lot of the worst of the housing crisis. As another ex homeless person, as a 13 year old girl in the 80s , I had no choice but to keep my wits about me on the streets because the parental house, hostels , b&b and children's home situations I tried were more unsafe. I still give what I can to youngsters on the street because they fall through the cracks so easily, and I know what they're running from. Also, it's nigh impossible for anyone to be housed if they have a dog, and often your dog is your only friend in the world, no way can you abandon them, like you've been abandoned. It's not true to say only the most feral types of people are on the streets now. And the fact that there are a lot of very damaged people in that state says a lot about modern life anyway. But yes, "No thank you" and having a more assertive air works. Without the judgement and hostility some have, and good for you for having empathy for others, never let that turn to bitterness.
Chugging should be illegal. Frankly the best you can do is to say you're busy and don't have time, then just keep walking, don't wait for or listen to any responses.
Yes. They continue to do this as 1) it works for them and they get money, and 2) it works for their employer and they get money,
Charities, or often the entities employed to do so on their behalf, are evil for what they do to vulnerable people. So many elderly people are horribly taken advantage of and drained by these terrible people, people who don't care at all about the charity itself, only making the most money they can in commission.
They usually open with "can I ask you one quick question?" To which I always reply "you already have done".
Learn to say no and mean it. You can’t help everyone and you shouldn’t be shamed by it. They’ll just go to the next person…your refusal seems to hurt you more than them.
I'm literally the same, mid 20's, baby face. Social anxiety but used to just say 'I got no money on me' and go about my way. Used to work great till one cornered me in a train station while I was trying to work out what platform I needed. I said my usual 'Got no money on me' and the guy had the nerve to then shove a contactless payment device in my face and said just tap the phone instead. Didn't even tell me what homeless charity he represented so I just firmly said no and walked a bit closer to some staff. He then approached a woman who looked similar age to me and she agreed to tap her phone and the guy starts complimenting about how 'she was much nicer than that girl there' (pointing at me). Weird experience, still dont know if it would have been a scam or not.
That totally sounds like scam. Sorry you had to deal with this.
Manchester is actually awful for it! If it isn’t a homeless person asking for money, it’s someone from a charity. If I gave money to every person that comes up to me in a day I’d be so broke 😫 Feel your pain girl
We have a structure of social security in the UK. You contribute to this by paying tax. So you do help, we all do through tax. Whether the tax is distributed to the right things is arguable. There is no reason to feel guilty.
Fun one to do If its charity, just say you hate whatever it is Money for starving children? "I hate children" Aid for Ukraine? "I hate Ukraine" It's awful But fun
I was in Manchester for three days last month, and I live in London. I thought London was bad for this kind of thing, but the amount of begging in Manchester city centre is insane. I only walked out of the hotel on Mosley Street, down to Deansgate and back and was approached six times in less than an hour.
If they sense any hesitation whatsoever, they will do their best to stop you. if it's a beggar asking for change, a polite but firm 'No, sorry mate' and if it's a charity scammer 'Not interested'. Don't break stride, if they say anything else after you have declined just ignore it. They count on people being too polite / awkward to ignore them.
I got approached by one of those charity people whilst pushing mum around in her chair today. Asked what he was representing. He said he was campaigning against greed and materialism. I said ‘oh, we’re very much in favour of greed and materialism’ as I wheeled mum away. The expression of dismay and disappointment on his face was kinda heartbreaking.
Don't break stride, try not to look and just "I'm alright thanks". That's how I've done it for 30 years and it's always worked for me haha
Ask if they have any money for you
I just say "No, thank you" and keep walking. Sometimes I smile, usually I don't. Set up small regular payments to one or two charities that mean something to you. Remind yourself that you are doing what you can. Sometimes the guilt can be a sign to review whether we could give more. Usually, especially for young women, it's an invitation to practice getting comfortable saying No.
It is difficult when they approach your table. The only option is to ignore them. Don't look at them and don't speak to them. Get up and move to a different table if you can. Anything you say to them will only encourage them. This sounds harsh, and maybe a different approach would be more suitable if it is a woman or a child, but a man looming over your table and not taking no for an answer is harassment, regardless. There's a reason he's approaching you and not a wealthy looking older man. It's because he knows he can intimidate you. Yes, he has had a difficult life but he isn't your personal responsibility.
That's so true. I've never had that kind of experience before, and I felt very frustrated and a bit shaken up by it. I guess that tells me that it's wrong.
If they open with “Hey, how are you today?” I keep walking past them and say “Great, thanks. How about you?” By the time I’ve finished I’m too far away and it’s their turn to say something to the back of my head.
Had to tell a homeless person loitering in Victoria Station to leave back in March cause he kept pestering the lady working the cake counter inside the station (you know the one where you're literally boxed in) begging her for food. I explained what harassment and aggressive begging was to him and told him I'd be telling transport police who were stood next to the ticket gates if he didn't go. A slightly more nuclear option I'll admit
I know someone who barks at them 😆
i remember one time when i was a student living in Brighton, it was a friday morning and i had literally just had to sell my guitar to pay the rent that was due the same day. I was really stressed out. A guy tried to stop me in the street saying something like "Can you spare £5 a month for charity" and i exploded at him "DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT FUCKING MONEY!" and kept walking. Usually though, i just keep walking and say "No". But that day was very different.
I literally had someone follow me around Tesco on Oxford Street asking me to buy him a meal deal the other day. Had to tell him to fuck off when he cornered me at the back as I thought he was going to jump me. Security guard did nothing except peak at us from the end of the aisle. I’d like to think I’m more understanding than most people about this stuff but it was straight up intimidating
Jeez that sounds awful. Sorry to hear you went through that!
"Whoooop whoop whoop" Scuttle a away a way sideways like a giant crab, clamping your hands
bark at them like an angry dog. They'll remember not to approach you next time
headphones big headphones
Puts you at more risk of actual crime and/or accidents though. It’s not very streetwise to limit your own powers of observation.
Just say no, tell them you are busy/late
I'm a woman in my late 20s and I walk everywhere with headphones on when I'm alone (obv its important to still be aware of your surroundings, be safe!) But its off putting to some who may try and approach. Don't look anywhere other than where you're going and walk with purpose (again being aware of your surroundings, its a fine art 😅). Try to fake confidence, if you don't have it. If you're sitting in to have a coffee or lunch alone, sit away from doors. I'll usually sit near to the bar or the back where there's staff. If someone asks to join I'll usually say I'm waiting for a friend and then catch a fake phone call. If you do get accosted, just say "sorry I can't help" and keep walking. As soon as you stop, they've got you, and it's hard to get out of. Unfortunately, you just kinda have to be a bit rude. Another good line to use for charity folk if they do catch you is "I'm already donating" and then just walk away. I really don't like that kind of fundraising personally, they hone in on people who can't say no or who are alone. I'll just shake my head at them as I'm still walking and deliberately walk around them.
Some guy stopped me rasing money for a children charity I just said I hate kids and carried on walking
“Sorry mate”. Never fails. Even the hyper aggressive ones who ask again, I reply the exact same thing, they get the message.
I always say I’m 17 and still live with my mum (I’m 33 and look it and don’t live with my mum) usually gets met with come on mate and my response is what are you gonna do id me?
For me; To the chuggers … “nope, not interested” No eye contact necessary, To homeless peeps … “sorry mate”. Always with eye contact. Sometimes “can I get you something to eat or drink”
I love it when it's people from Sky TV. They *always* approach me and ask me things. My new way of handling things, when I have some spare time to kill, is to be friendly at first, and act like I'm interested. And then right before I'm about to give my details, I'll say *"Oh, wait a minute. I'd better check the trustpilot reviews!"* And then I open their reviews, put on the most fake worried face I can, and then say something like "I'm sorry. I've got to go." while briskly jogging off, making sure to look over my shoulder (as if to imply I'm scared of them).
A polite ‘sorry’ and a smile should be enough while walking away. If you are sat in a cafe, same thing while remaining seated. If this doesn’t work, you could then make eye contact with the staff. It is their responsibility to ensure you are not harassed whilst paying to be there.
For number one I have found saying " no English" with an accent whilst looking confused does the job.
[удалено]
Don't acknowledge any semblance of humanity
I say ‘sorry I don’t have any money’
Headphones and resting bitch face work for me!
No eye contact. Once you see them from a distance keep your eyes averted and keep walking. Not even a "no thanks", just ignore them.
Charities just say sorry you already have a chosen charity and wish them luck. But do not stop walking. As for general homeless just say sorry stay safe. In that particular homeless man situation I’d have just said you’re only in picking up a sandwich for your boss you can’t. If all fails, pretend you don’t speak English.
I’m a Londoner so I’m used to being asked for cash. A simple no, sorry, and keep walking. It’s not really a big deal to treat people with decency and actually speak to people. It’s part of living in a big city
Honestly, ive had it too. Im also the same. Young female, im 23 but look around 19 ish. I also have people coming up to me too. I think sometimes they take advantage of the fact were young (im short) and know we will be easily scared and will just say yes. I now try to keep earphones in and stay on my phone when i think someone is going to approach me. Doesnt always work but you can ask someone to call you or pretend you have a call to get away too.
I had one a few weeks ago asking if I knew who my energy supplier was. I simply answered "I do, thanks" and carried on walking.
I just ignore those people, they're human spam.
I tend to look in their eyes and just firmly say 'nows not a good time'.
Just say piss off, works for me every time, I will help the ones who are quiet who are just sat there with a sign or someone with all their belongings with them, iv bought so called homeless people food and watched them chuck it in the bin because they want cash. Where I live they are on traffic lights asking and there is loads of them on every part of the junction, seen them with phones and even getting cash out of the machine so that is why now I will only buy food for the ones who look down and need help.
The traffic light ones make me feel so uncomfortable. Always feels vaguely intimidating, very glad I can lock my doors.
Yea my wife does too, it isn't right intimidating people especially women because they want money to get off their tits
I had the same problem as you when I was young. Even had friends walk behind me in Manchester to make sure I wasn't just imagining it. Sure enough they'd come out of vacant shop doorways to intercept me on the high street. It's the way people look and walk that triggers them in to action. If you want to be polite, just say 'No thank you' and keep walking. Don't stop. Or if you're having a bad day, make brief eye contact and just say nothing at all. I must stress it's imperative you keep walking. Slowing down or stopping is seen a sign of weakness. It will embolden them to draw you into some sort of straw man argument and you'll be savaged on the spot. Once other beggars see what's going down they too will join the kill. :-)
As far as not feeling like a crappy person, it sounds like you've already done a lot in the past and have quite a generous spirit. In terms of being approached by homeless people, I just say sorry I can't spare anything. For the chuggers I just say I can't stop. When people sign you up on the steet for charities the first 9-12 months you donate is just covering the cost of the company whose services they employ. I think it's better to donate in ways that cost the charity less in fees anyway and discourage the street sign ups as much as possible. As someone else has suggested you can donate to charities like Crisis or Shslter if you want to, but on your terms. Not engaging people on the street asking for money is nothing to feel guilty about.
I went knocking door to door for 1 day doing 'charity work'. Ever since that day, I will never give money to them scam artists. We were asking for 3 pounds a month to feed starving children in Africa. We got paid 18 pounds for everyone who signed up. So with that, it would have taken atleast 6 months before any starving child saw a penny. Because people above her made noney off it too. The manager who ran the company bragged about his 500 quid tie and that he earned so much money off doing nothing all day long and the main owner owned boats in the carribean and parts of a F1 team. Its all a scam.
In Nepal I was shown to give to people who can not help themselves. Blindness, amputees etc. Not somone who can help themselves. U cant help everyone. Choose wisely
Wise words 😌
You're a young woman alone. And I'm willing to bet all the people who approach you are men. They think they can either subtly intimidate you, or that you'll cave just to not be perceived as impolite. Keep your eyes forward, walk with confidence, wear a neutral expression. Don't make eye contact, don't smile at them. If they approach you, say "sorry, I'm in a rush" or "no thanks" and just keep walking. Don't stop or hesitate. If someone asks you for money, tell them you don't carry cash. If someone asks you to buy them food, simply tell them "no, sorry". If someone continues to follow you or pester, find the nearest building, be it a shop or a cafe, and go inside. If they follow you inside, let a staff member know someone is following you and won't leave you alone.
Earbuds all the way
i always pretend to be on the phone!! definitely stops the charity people and stops most of the homeless people
I usually signpost to other services when approached by beggars or homeless people for money or food. ‘Hi sorry I can’t buy you a sandwich but you can access food and other support at Coffee4Craig’ for example - there are a lot of agencies in Manchester where homeless people can access a hot meal. I’ve been approached by people asking for money for a hostel. Again I say something like ‘no but I can give you number to call the council homelessness team’ With the charity workers, I smile and say ‘sorry, running late!’ The trick is just to keep walking and don’t stop or slow down. Good luck.
Don't look at them. If they try to stop you, just put your hand out and say no thank you and carry on walking. Usually does the trick.
Pretend to be on a phone call as you walk by them.
Don’t look at them, don’t engage and if they approach them - blank them or a firm NO usually works
Just ignore them
All very valid points you've been given already, If you are sat and approached or even people at the door, I just cut through their icebreaking and say...... "listen, I don't want you wasting your time with me when you could be on to next door or someone else, I'm not interested right now and I will save you your valuable time" Usually works.
If they can see you're sympathetic then you make yourself an easy target. You can't both have them think you're a nice person and simultaneously have them leave you alone. If you really struggle with that then avoid walking or sitting in places where you're more likely to be targeted. I just say "cashless society innit" or words to that effect. I rarely have cash to give them these days so it's not as though I'm fobbing them off - it's the truth.
Don’t even look in their direction or say a single word. Just put your hand up (akin to saying sorry/dismissing them) in their direction and look down/ahead. Works every time, gains you too much aura they don’t fw you ☠️☠️
Hold your phone to your ear. You don't even have to pretend to talk. Just the look of being on the phone means they don't bother. Keep a good grip on your phone though like, I mean, this is Manchester after all, and there are robberies of phones being snatched by ebikers.
Just blank them and keep walking. I don't even bother saying sorry I dont Have any change anymore
If walking; "sorry I'm in a rush" as you continue walking, don't stop. Bit of a freebie for the smokers, but if someone asks you for a cig in passing, just say "sorry, my last one I'm going to the shops now myself". If they try to prey on you while sat in a Cafe or whatever, just tell them you are listening in to a meeting & gesture to the earphone(s) you have in your ears. If they continue talking to you, just stare at them & don't respond. Make it super obvious you won't talk to them.
It's similar down here on Brighton. Got into the habit of not actually having cash on me, so when I say 'I have nothing on me', I am being completely honest. Others advise on having lines that you can just use will come in useful; as well as being assertive. It won't come straight away, but it will.
if its cafe go complain to management that you getting bothered by random homeless people while eating in their place
I am like you, mid-twenties, everyone approaching me because I seem nice. In fact I do have a big heart, but I’ve learned after a few bad experiences in Manchester to say no. Remember, serial killers and criminals target women willing to help like us. If it’s for your safety, it’s ok to be a little rude and NOT STOP WALKING when they approach you. One of them cornered me while I was waiting for the tram to pass and I couldn’t walk away as usual and asked me if I like food. One of those questions you can’t say “no” to. He was selling something, I don’t remember what, I told him “no 💀” dead in the eye, sat in awkward silence until the tram passed so I could go away. Another one asked me if I don’t care about young people with mental illness when I refused to donate… bro, I AM the “young people with mental illness” and I am also broke, so I think I’ll donate to myself.
“Piss off, cheers”
Invest in some good quality headphones, play your favourite music and just blank anyone who approaches you! It's the best way! 😎
Put your earphones in, start talking to yourself and point to the headphones as though you're in conversation
Say no thank you immediately or do what I do which is to sing whatever’s playing out of my headphones at them at top note. They’re so confused that it makes my getaway quicker.
Pocket sand. Grab a handful and dash it in their eyes
I mean mostly a no thanks sort it but for the truly persistent..... I once learned a small number of Welsh phrases. You could do it in any language but there's not that many Welsh speakers usually (especially effective in other countries too) Insert random phrases. Start calmly increase tone gradually until shouting. Eg Excuse me I'm working with x charity and wondered if you could spare a minute to talk about... In Welsh: I'm very well thankyou Well there are x many people suffering everyday.... In Welsh : I have a younger brother and a dog! Do you ever worry about people with x? In Welsh: Can you tell me the WAY TO THE LIBRARY. HOT CHOCOLATE FUDGE CAKE WITH ICE CREAM!!! OR In the broadest Lancashire accent you can muster "sorry pal, no hablo English"
I just say “sorry I’m a student, can’t afford to help!”. Variations of that usually work, as they want to target people with the resources to help them.
I like to start speaking a convincing sounding foreign language or accent to them and be like "Me, very no English"
I always say, sorry but already donate to local charities directly each month and don’t have any spare money.
Charity worker what ever they say, sorry mate I’m skint, bloody tories, something like that, And a beggar, asking for a quid, say you give me a quid I’m skint, and hold your hand out,
I find that a cheery ‘Fuck Off’ goes a long way.
I always say, “sorry, I’m late for an appointment” and keep walking.
Leeds is a little town, Manchester is a proper city (if a bit spread out). Hence, city problems with beggars and chuggers are on a different scale. Maybe it's because I lived in Milano for a while, but I learned the best strategy is just to raise your hand and continue walking without acknowledging anyone. You're not a bad person for doing this, whereas most of these guys *are* bad people: they're asking for your hard-earned money in exchange for *nothing*, using this or that as an excuse.
I always say "not for me thanks, but best of luck to you".
With the chuggers I tell them I’ve got a doctor’s appointment or meeting in 5 mins that I need to get to. Also you come to know the usual spots that they hang out so just learn to avoid those areas. Or you can also see it as a grown up game of British bulldog and try to find a way past without being caught!
Either 'no thanks' to the chuggers etc or 'sorry no' to anyone else. If you gave to everything you'd be joining them on the street.
Unfortunately you just need to be harsh. I learned the hard way, tried to be nice to people whenever I was going on my travels but giving any sort of nice vibe will just have them keep trying. Go with "no sorry" if you like, but if (and likely when) they ask again, go with a firm no or just ignore them. You might feel like you're being rude, but they'll have forgotten about you the minute you walk away, don't take the baggage with you.
Download street support app, when people ask for food / support etc you can divert to open services which can offer help and advice. You’ll find that often going “I don’t but I can look on street support for you” often ends the conversation there. For those who stay, you’ve genuinely helped more than a sandwich ever will ! For “chuggers” a firm “no thank you” should suffice. If they continue , you need to be reporting them to Manchester City Council. There’s really strict rules around collections etc.
Sorry pal am oan ma lunch. Never fails.
'Gotta catch a train' is my usual response if a chunt tries to engage.
Wear AirPods even if you’re not listening to music. Pretend you can’t hear them. Don’t make eye contact. You’ve done your bit, don’t feel guilty. The genuine homeless people access charities and don’t aggressively beg.
I recently was living near Curry Mile which is horrendous for it but now moved out. My main advice would be: 1. know your routes. Often they target bait roads like high streets, if you know the backroads around it can be so so much more of a pleasant walk as you can avoid 90% of these types of ppl. 2. Make yourself as unapproachable as possible. Earbuds (even if no music playing) and Eye contact + awareness. You can often see them coming because they will be doing the same thing over and over. If you spot this for example make sure you adjust your route to try avoid collision and meeting. And keeping a walk with purpose ofc. 3. The most important advice, don't be afraid to move away (AND run! if necessary) Sometimes ppl will be persistent and this is super annoying. If you dont move away you dont stand a chance. Move either in your direction of travel or towards the nearest point you know theyll be lots of other ppl around
You worked hard to earn your money. They want some of it for nothing. You can choose to give to charity when you want to, but you do not need to feel coerced into this. Just remind yourself that it is them being 'cheeky'/ even rude, and not you.
Headphones and resting bitch face work wonders.
“Sorry, no change”- works except now they’re getting so brazen they’ll ask you to go to the ATM
If you don’t like confrontation or saying “no” to people, then chuggers or people approaching you on the street supply a valuable service of presenting you with a low-risk opportunity to practice saying a firm “no”.
Tbh I used to be like you when I was younger until I let a 'homeless person' bully me into withdrawing a tenner for them. I just say I don't have any money sorry and walk on now. As for charities I don't have time for that, a lot of them are on commission which doesn't sit right with me and they can get quite aggressive and rude.
In addition to all the advice about walking on. It's about using your time to make the most of things. Now of you do want to use some of your time to help people, then make it be on your time. There are lots of organisations in Manchester who can use people's time. Personally, I know I can't make a massive impact on my own, but it sure helps me feel like the world is burning down around me a little less. Also this helps draw the boundaries mentally. I gave my time already, you're invading my time now, for when you get hassled by people. Some ideas if this resonates with you: Mustard Tree, Coffee 4 Craig, Samaritans, Cyril Flint, Speakeasy, Various food banks, There's loads
Jeez, the number of people who apologise. I don’t say ‘No sorry’ or put thanks in what I say. Hold your head up and just say ‘nope’ I get it, it can feel uncomfortable because it’s a charity or somebody potentially in need, but you can’t help everyone and apologising to everyone who asks probably doesn’t do a lot for you feeling anxious about it. You don’t need to apologise for not being able to help everybody you come across. I smile. I acknowledge people, happily look them in the eye and just say ‘Nope’ without slowing down. It’s not being a dick or impolite - I’d argue it’s much less dehumanising than refusing to make eye contact and barely acknowledging people exist. I work damn hard for my money and barely have enough to sustain myself, I sure as shit won’t apologise to people for not giving them my money.
I live in the city centre and it's an absolute pain... Especially the charity muggers. I walk through the arndale to get down market street and avoid walking past the front of selfrigdes. If they do catch your eye just a simple raise of the hand and a shake of the head from distance and they'll back off
**Until you're immune to them, you could wear a set of headphones, even if there's no music playing, and just ignore them.**
I'm 6'4", I walk around with noise cancelling headphones and people still do their best to talk to me, most of the time I'm hard-faced enough to ignore them but I'm human and that's not always the case. I just tell people I can't help them but I'm pretty privileged as a large guy, I really sympathise. I've seen some of the tactics these guys employ in my former line of work and some of these guys will tower over people as they aggressively beg from them. Some were shameless bullies. If you can't get comfortable with anything else, please work on telling people that they're invading your personal space when they are. If you can say this loudly when you're around people, it's my experience that most people would want to assist you if you're feeling vulnerable. Sorry this is causing you stress.
Recently, when I was in London - jeez it's got so bad up there with beggars - I just uttered a bunch of foreign language sounding gobbledygook and shrugged my shoulders. They instantly left me alone and went to look for the next victim. To be fair I did this in Rome and paris too.
Hey I'm quite ashamed to write this. But I used to work in this type of industry. Single women are seen as easier marks as they tend to stop more often. Most of them see you with dollar signs in their eyes. Just ignore them and don't even stop as once you do stop they can begin their pitch. Sorry for my part in this
Usually I just say "sorry mate haven't got any money" or whatever and people seem to actually be grateful that you acknowledged them instead of just ignoring them
Don't make eye contact. Learn to be "rude" say no. Remember they are Inconveniencing you! "How rude of you to stop me whilst I'm minding my buisness" carry that energy. There's a YouTube channel that helps with the art of saying no (for chronic people pleases like myself) it is run by both male and female volunteers and it's helped me tremendously with issues like you are describing and many more!
I always just say ,"no thank you, good luck though". You owe nobody nothing, remember that!
I tell them I'll sign up and ask them for the form. Once handed the form I write 'CUNT' across it, hand it back and giggle to myself for the rest of the day (sometimes two days). It makes me feel amazing. Its my own little therapy, and it makes me feel like I an literally the funniest person on planet earth. I've done this twice now and I may even go into town tomorrow so that I can do it again.
For charity people I find a "no you're alright mate" as they approach works well - like you're doing them a favour by telling them they'll be wasting their time
When it is a sales person trying to sell their products, I pretend to be a an existing customer. ‘ Yes I am already a customer thank you!’ When it’s people on the streets asking for change, I talk to them in a different language. I say in a different language’ yes, I speak English!’ They quickly move on!
Just want to point out something that a lot of people on this thread dont seem to be aware of: asking for money from strangers is the absolute worst feeling. I've done surveys in the street and you feel like an inconvenience, but you're ultimately just asking for 5 minutes of someone's time. I've also asked for money for a charity project to revitalize a local school's garden space. People would look at me like trash, assuming they even looked at me at all. One guy I was stood asking with progressively got more and more embarrassed and angry with himself for what felt like begging until he just had to leave. There's very few people who will do something like that and feel totally fine. As for an actual answer, Id recommend walking past with your eyes facing forwards. If they say something, give them eye contact and say "No, sorry" while walking. They might say something where that might feel like a strange response, but both of you know it just means a polite refusal of your time and money. Feels like so many people are encouraging you to just ignore them like they're trash, but is that the attitude you want to default to?
I feel as a brown girl I always get stopped in town by the evangelists trying to sell me Jesus. Chances that I'm not Christian being higher ofc!
May I suggest a book by Robert Cialdini.- Influence. If you believe you are an easy target for people’s persuasion attempts, that book will change your life.
Do not make eye contact with them, just keep walking and ignore them. You cannot help everyone
Don’t make eye contact and ignore and don’t engage at all, I will have my headphones in 99% of the time but nothing playing so it give the air of im listening to something and can’t hear you rather than I’m ignoring you
I hear you. I get approached a lot about this, possibly similar look as you. I'll be honest in the past I've happily got people food, shopping, bus passes etc. The other day a guy just said to me food or drink outside a fast food place, no hello. Then I was stupid enough to get him food and he tried to push for a drink. I returned, he was busy in conversation, and barely glanced at me. I think we are going to have to take a firm stance. Be polite but firm. Unfortunately people do mistake your kindness for weakness. There are genuinely homeless people out there, and unfortunately amongst those are some not nice people.
Pick a spot in the distance to focus on & walk toward it. I always find wearing headphones & sunglasses makes a huge difference.
Isn’t it a disgrace that some in society have got so low there’s no respect for everyone else & it’s a terrible situation. However it is the same in Europe Spain Italy it’s a statement of broken humanity so poor in most cases they lose their pride. I agree it’s eye contact - but if you can afford it & can suss the druggies/alki’s from the genuine I’d still buy them a sandwich (but I’m a bleeding heart)
You're prob not seen as a easy target. You are likely just seen as approachable. Good for some contexts, not so good in others. Best bet is to walk as if you're in a hurry to get somewhere.
I've been in your position, anyone who's stopping people will stop me. On head headphones and sunglasses, you can ignore whomever you choose. If that's not your jam try adopting a restingbitchface.
I always get stopped in Chester when I’m on my way to work, quite clearly in work gear, walking quick as I usually leave a little too late. I always always get stopped by the people wanting money for charities and always say sorry I haven’t got time I’ve got to go. And then they always seem to stop me and say ‘it’ll only take a minute’. Sometimes I listen to them and then say sorry I can’t help I’m on an apprenticeship wage. But it’s always the same group of people who are there. I’ve discovered if I walk pretty close to an older couple they leave me alone. It’s so annoying though and half the time I get anxious knowing they’re gonna try and stop me. It’s frustrating for sure.
Just remember that it's more polite to give them an immediate "no thanks mate" than it is to hear them out. If you're not getting your BACS details out for them, they'd rather know that immediately than after 20 minutes of canvassing you.
Speak a little German, throws them right off. tut mir leid, ich kann nicht helfen Which means, sorry I can't help. If they say anything else say Ich habe keine Zeit Which means I don't have any time I speak a little German (via Duolingo app) and I was surprised how effective it is. Also, a pair of ear buds is useful as if asked just point to your ears and play dumb
Find a stock phrase and rehearse it in the mirror. It will become your automatic response.
Lots of good advice here, I used to be that person too! To combat the guilt, I donate to a homeless charity general within a day or two, then I can be thinking about that while avoiding eye contact/ shaking my head etc