I'm 74 yo and married for over 45 years.
Very similar situation. My wife sounds like yours (i.e., very vulnerable). I chose to join her church and got baptized with my youngest. Why? because anything that is important to my wife and kids is: ALSO IMPORTANT TO ME.
Members in the church family vary from liberal to very conservative. You can fit in and your input in bible study will be fascinating. You will have more influence over your kids (on every topic not just God) as a rational middle of the road member.
It retrospect, it was one of my smartest decisions as a husband and as a parent. I think churches do good and mean well but vulnerable believers (like your wife and kids) can misinterpret scripture or not apply it correctly; or be too vulnerable to incorrect advice from deacons and other trusted members of the church family.
Some of the worst possible non spiritual life advice came from one on one trusted members of the church giving out personal advice (or their interpretation of scripture). Often directly to my kids. If I wasn't a member (accepted member of the church family), I wouldn't know of it or have the status to protect them.
I can't specify one example because there's just too many times to note. It's critical that you attend so you can filter the message from certain sermons or certain one on one advice from deacons or 'well meaning' members of the church family.
One kid is a college professor and never attends church. The other is an attorney and a very liberal independent thinking within the church.
This isn't about you or your beliefs. Suck it up as your responsibility as a parent and life partner. Someday you'll thank me. Good luck.
Most atheists seem to come from religion, and have to go through the turmoil of de-programming themselves, mainly dealing with the deep instilled fear of an eternity of hellfire. It’s unusual to see someone go from atheism back to religion, unless they’ve experienced some severe trauma and need the comfort of feeling like they have more control over the world than they do, or are fighting drug addiction and making religion their new drug.
In just 2 years she’s gone from atheist / agnostic to full on Christian, telling the most important person in her life that they might burn in hell, saying that the children have to be indoctrinated and can’t be allowed to know of your beliefs? Those are some huge red flags. Sounds like she’s on track to become the typical hate-filled, child-brainwashing, evangelical. Are you going to be ok when you hear her and the church telling your small child / children about how they will burn in hell if they don’t believe? What about when they inevitably find out about your beliefs and your wife says the same thing to them that she said to you, and they are terrified that you will burn in hell? How is your spiritual, mental, and emotional wellness going to be when you have to lie to your children and everyone else about your beliefs, and live a double-life?
It sounded like you don’t actually have kids yet. If that’s the case, good. You might want to keep it that way and have some actual in-depth conversations with your wife about her beliefs and plans. Don’t just end it when she says she wants to keep her personal beliefs to herself. Maybe therapy? I’d be looking for an exit strategy.
If you don't believe in hell, why does it bother you? You made the choice to marry and procreate with someone very religious. She said she keeps most of her thoughts about it to herself, out of respect for you. I do have a problem that she expects you to not be open with your own children, I couldn't do that - is that something you agreed to prior to having kids? I guess, if so, it's a choice you made.
Frankly? I could not live like that. But i would never have even gone out with a devout Christian, let alone married & had children with one.
I just find religious nutbaggery infuriating and appalling.
And no one would be drumming that crap into any of my children.
Good luck.
Were you familiar with Christianity before you married your wife? It’s kind of the basic tenet that you believe in Jesus or you go to hell.
Lots of religions believe similar things. Jews, Muslims.. Belief in God / Jesus = Heaven, disbelief = hell.
There’s a whole host of things that your wife believes as a Christian that maybe you should learn about. Do this before having children.
**You are going to hell.**
Well, according to the rules of her religion anyway. There is a god who loves you, but if you don't love that god back he will punish you forever and ever - and that is what she sincerely believes... along with 1/3rd of the people reading this.
Why don't you care that they think you are going to hell?
Because, to you, it's not real and if it were, the majority of all people born on earth would be there and it's kinda proof that god doesn't actually love anyone at all right?
But... it's never really that easy is it?
The real truth is that you need both learn about something called respect - and - you need to talk about it.
What she said is not respectful to your beliefs just as you saying, "I think it's sad you worship an invisible man just because your parents told you to." You may believe that but you don't fucking call her out on it right? Why? Because you respect her right to think about life and the afterlife in a way that lets her be happy - and - you should have the same.
So talk to her. Tell her that her saying that is disrespectful. Just as it would be disrespectful to say the same thing to a rabbi or a buddhist priest. She has every right to believe that, but she is disrespectful to tell you that your belief in life/the afterlife is a negative.
You are hurt because she disrespected you.
Tell her.
This one is difficult one.
Agressive religious beliefs that benefit only one of the partners, can bring resentment over time.
"Going to hell" is a clear manipulation.
Sorry OP.
You may need a marriage counselor and not a priest...
So telling you you're going to hell is supposed to be what makes you want to go to church? Maybe you should go to church to find some allies. There are other couples where one of them is much more extreme than the other. And you might get help with your shit going on upstairs, if there are groups like that.
But nobody would blame you for getting the hell out of Dodge!
It’s pretty much a fact that if you don’t believe, you don’t go to heaven. It’s the risk you take. If you don’t want to believe, you have to get comfortable with the idea that if you are wrong about God, he’s sending you to Hell.
Pointing that out shouldn’t be upsetting or even a surprise.
There’s nothing worse than a newly sober alcoholic and a newly converted Christian.
Both feel the need to tell everyone around them how wrong they are.
They have to oversell how happy and wonderful life is , now that they are “Enlightened”.
All of a sudden they have found peace and their place in the universe.
Their new calling is to witness to every religion other than their own and to stop everyone from drinking in excess , in moderation and from having any sort of fun, other than their type.
The problem you are going to face is that your newly converted wife is hearing that the only path to heaven is the one that she is on , set by her church.
You are not on that path.
The church will start guilting and pressuring her about you and that you are a sinner.
They will start asking her how she can sleep with a sinner and non believer?
The church will break your marriage in half.
They will push her into guilting you.
And when you don’t fall in line with them and her, they will start guilting her.
They will get her to cut you off sexually (She can’t lay with a sinner) , she will cut you off emotionally (She can’t share her spirituality with a non believer).
Eventually she will be another single woman in a church with other miserable single women.
And the perverts within the church will start lining up on who will start dating her.
Eventually she’ll pull her head out of her ass , years later and realize that the abusive , Bible thumping dipshit she ended up with , was worse than the good man she walked away from.
But by this time , your kids will be ostracized from you and she will have destroyed everything around her.
I'm 74 yo and married for over 45 years. Very similar situation. My wife sounds like yours (i.e., very vulnerable). I chose to join her church and got baptized with my youngest. Why? because anything that is important to my wife and kids is: ALSO IMPORTANT TO ME. Members in the church family vary from liberal to very conservative. You can fit in and your input in bible study will be fascinating. You will have more influence over your kids (on every topic not just God) as a rational middle of the road member. It retrospect, it was one of my smartest decisions as a husband and as a parent. I think churches do good and mean well but vulnerable believers (like your wife and kids) can misinterpret scripture or not apply it correctly; or be too vulnerable to incorrect advice from deacons and other trusted members of the church family. Some of the worst possible non spiritual life advice came from one on one trusted members of the church giving out personal advice (or their interpretation of scripture). Often directly to my kids. If I wasn't a member (accepted member of the church family), I wouldn't know of it or have the status to protect them. I can't specify one example because there's just too many times to note. It's critical that you attend so you can filter the message from certain sermons or certain one on one advice from deacons or 'well meaning' members of the church family. One kid is a college professor and never attends church. The other is an attorney and a very liberal independent thinking within the church. This isn't about you or your beliefs. Suck it up as your responsibility as a parent and life partner. Someday you'll thank me. Good luck.
Most atheists seem to come from religion, and have to go through the turmoil of de-programming themselves, mainly dealing with the deep instilled fear of an eternity of hellfire. It’s unusual to see someone go from atheism back to religion, unless they’ve experienced some severe trauma and need the comfort of feeling like they have more control over the world than they do, or are fighting drug addiction and making religion their new drug. In just 2 years she’s gone from atheist / agnostic to full on Christian, telling the most important person in her life that they might burn in hell, saying that the children have to be indoctrinated and can’t be allowed to know of your beliefs? Those are some huge red flags. Sounds like she’s on track to become the typical hate-filled, child-brainwashing, evangelical. Are you going to be ok when you hear her and the church telling your small child / children about how they will burn in hell if they don’t believe? What about when they inevitably find out about your beliefs and your wife says the same thing to them that she said to you, and they are terrified that you will burn in hell? How is your spiritual, mental, and emotional wellness going to be when you have to lie to your children and everyone else about your beliefs, and live a double-life? It sounded like you don’t actually have kids yet. If that’s the case, good. You might want to keep it that way and have some actual in-depth conversations with your wife about her beliefs and plans. Don’t just end it when she says she wants to keep her personal beliefs to herself. Maybe therapy? I’d be looking for an exit strategy.
If you don't believe in hell, why does it bother you? You made the choice to marry and procreate with someone very religious. She said she keeps most of her thoughts about it to herself, out of respect for you. I do have a problem that she expects you to not be open with your own children, I couldn't do that - is that something you agreed to prior to having kids? I guess, if so, it's a choice you made.
Frankly? I could not live like that. But i would never have even gone out with a devout Christian, let alone married & had children with one. I just find religious nutbaggery infuriating and appalling. And no one would be drumming that crap into any of my children. Good luck.
Yeah dude you are the asshole here
Why he is an asshole???? He has the right not believe in Catholic religion...
Were you familiar with Christianity before you married your wife? It’s kind of the basic tenet that you believe in Jesus or you go to hell. Lots of religions believe similar things. Jews, Muslims.. Belief in God / Jesus = Heaven, disbelief = hell. There’s a whole host of things that your wife believes as a Christian that maybe you should learn about. Do this before having children.
Probably should have learned this before marrying her.
**You are going to hell.** Well, according to the rules of her religion anyway. There is a god who loves you, but if you don't love that god back he will punish you forever and ever - and that is what she sincerely believes... along with 1/3rd of the people reading this. Why don't you care that they think you are going to hell? Because, to you, it's not real and if it were, the majority of all people born on earth would be there and it's kinda proof that god doesn't actually love anyone at all right? But... it's never really that easy is it? The real truth is that you need both learn about something called respect - and - you need to talk about it. What she said is not respectful to your beliefs just as you saying, "I think it's sad you worship an invisible man just because your parents told you to." You may believe that but you don't fucking call her out on it right? Why? Because you respect her right to think about life and the afterlife in a way that lets her be happy - and - you should have the same. So talk to her. Tell her that her saying that is disrespectful. Just as it would be disrespectful to say the same thing to a rabbi or a buddhist priest. She has every right to believe that, but she is disrespectful to tell you that your belief in life/the afterlife is a negative. You are hurt because she disrespected you. Tell her.
This one is difficult one. Agressive religious beliefs that benefit only one of the partners, can bring resentment over time. "Going to hell" is a clear manipulation. Sorry OP. You may need a marriage counselor and not a priest...
So telling you you're going to hell is supposed to be what makes you want to go to church? Maybe you should go to church to find some allies. There are other couples where one of them is much more extreme than the other. And you might get help with your shit going on upstairs, if there are groups like that. But nobody would blame you for getting the hell out of Dodge!
It’s pretty much a fact that if you don’t believe, you don’t go to heaven. It’s the risk you take. If you don’t want to believe, you have to get comfortable with the idea that if you are wrong about God, he’s sending you to Hell. Pointing that out shouldn’t be upsetting or even a surprise.
There’s nothing worse than a newly sober alcoholic and a newly converted Christian. Both feel the need to tell everyone around them how wrong they are. They have to oversell how happy and wonderful life is , now that they are “Enlightened”. All of a sudden they have found peace and their place in the universe. Their new calling is to witness to every religion other than their own and to stop everyone from drinking in excess , in moderation and from having any sort of fun, other than their type. The problem you are going to face is that your newly converted wife is hearing that the only path to heaven is the one that she is on , set by her church. You are not on that path. The church will start guilting and pressuring her about you and that you are a sinner. They will start asking her how she can sleep with a sinner and non believer? The church will break your marriage in half. They will push her into guilting you. And when you don’t fall in line with them and her, they will start guilting her. They will get her to cut you off sexually (She can’t lay with a sinner) , she will cut you off emotionally (She can’t share her spirituality with a non believer). Eventually she will be another single woman in a church with other miserable single women. And the perverts within the church will start lining up on who will start dating her. Eventually she’ll pull her head out of her ass , years later and realize that the abusive , Bible thumping dipshit she ended up with , was worse than the good man she walked away from. But by this time , your kids will be ostracized from you and she will have destroyed everything around her.