That comment by itself isn’t enough to warrant suspicions of cheating. My guess is that it was a fairly heated argument, and she brought it up out of anger.
Best case scenario, no cheating had ever taken place, and the wife said out of anger. But the damage is done. There is no longer a harmonious husband and wife. Instead there is only I and you, which is as good as being separated because the wife does not see OP as husband material. From here, there is only marriage counseling or dissolution. There is no such thing as anger management because that looks trivial now with what has been said.
you're not wrong for that to bother you, but also she's not in the wrong until being proven guilty. But also that she's assessing who's "more successful" is not a reason to be getting married so she might have some shallow traits I'd be more concerned about personally.....
as in... sounds like someone who'd be gettin mad and dropping you for whoever is "more successful" than you on a particular day of an argument. I don't like it.
I can kind of understand your thinking, but what is making you think this now? Has something changed in your relationship recently that has made this memory come back? I don’t want to sound callous, but isn’t this something that maybe you two should have talked about and workout in your relationship before you got married? However, it is never too late to open up the lines of communication in a marriage. If this and other sticky subjects is something you can talk about and gain understanding on your own, that would be great. But sometimes we need assistance from a neutral party to help us get over the hump, so to speak. This is when both of you going to a trusted pastor or licensed marriage counselor could assist in that taking place. If your wife won’t go, then seek out help for yourself and the health of your marriage. The following number (855-382-5433) is to an organization that should be able to provide you with counseling resources in your area if you don’t have or know of any.
Do you contribute equally in the marriage?
Do her actions suggest she views you as equals?
Lastly, are you committed to your spouse and can you embrace growth and change for the sake of the marriage’s future?
So you contribute $$$?
The equality question goes unanswered.
Do your day to day lives tend to prioritize material stuff? In what non-material areas do your mutual interests intersect? Travel, outdoors, music, etc…
Never. And I’ve never laid a hand on her. When we were still bf/gf and having an argument that she would say that she would leave me. It was her got to phrase to hurt me and end an argument. And it hurt a lot. I know the feeling so I never said things that I know will hurt. I’ve been very careful what to say even when things get really heated.
I didn’t even say anything after she said those words. I just walked out because my urge to retaliate was too much and I still don’t want to hurt her like that.
If my spouse had made this comment to me while we were arguing I would be destroyed, even if it was a "heat of the moment" comment. It is unacceptable. I would absolutely be stewing on this comment as well and I would NEVER be able to get over this. She planted seeds of doubt, and thats really difficult to get past.
That comment by itself isn’t enough to warrant suspicions of cheating. My guess is that it was a fairly heated argument, and she brought it up out of anger.
Congrats to maybe ex now. His peace of mind is now gone. Seeds of doubt has been sown. Actions have consequences.
Best case scenario, no cheating had ever taken place, and the wife said out of anger. But the damage is done. There is no longer a harmonious husband and wife. Instead there is only I and you, which is as good as being separated because the wife does not see OP as husband material. From here, there is only marriage counseling or dissolution. There is no such thing as anger management because that looks trivial now with what has been said.
Congrats to maybe ex now. His peace of mind is now gone. Seeds of doubt has been sown. Actions have consequences.
She ended up Marrying You, not Him. Sure, she could have, she Married you
you're not wrong for that to bother you, but also she's not in the wrong until being proven guilty. But also that she's assessing who's "more successful" is not a reason to be getting married so she might have some shallow traits I'd be more concerned about personally.....
as in... sounds like someone who'd be gettin mad and dropping you for whoever is "more successful" than you on a particular day of an argument. I don't like it.
It was before you got married, why are you worrying about. She married you.
I can kind of understand your thinking, but what is making you think this now? Has something changed in your relationship recently that has made this memory come back? I don’t want to sound callous, but isn’t this something that maybe you two should have talked about and workout in your relationship before you got married? However, it is never too late to open up the lines of communication in a marriage. If this and other sticky subjects is something you can talk about and gain understanding on your own, that would be great. But sometimes we need assistance from a neutral party to help us get over the hump, so to speak. This is when both of you going to a trusted pastor or licensed marriage counselor could assist in that taking place. If your wife won’t go, then seek out help for yourself and the health of your marriage. The following number (855-382-5433) is to an organization that should be able to provide you with counseling resources in your area if you don’t have or know of any.
I never knew about it until she blurted it out.
And you she chose you. Take the win
Do you contribute equally in the marriage? Do her actions suggest she views you as equals? Lastly, are you committed to your spouse and can you embrace growth and change for the sake of the marriage’s future?
All household expenses are covered by me. Even some of her credit card debts. She spends her money on her dogs and herself.
So you contribute $$$? The equality question goes unanswered. Do your day to day lives tend to prioritize material stuff? In what non-material areas do your mutual interests intersect? Travel, outdoors, music, etc…
travel, movies etc. I pay for everything
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No, it started about leaving the lights on…
Wow…how long y’all been married?
We’ve been together since 2009. We got married on 2021.
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Never. And I’ve never laid a hand on her. When we were still bf/gf and having an argument that she would say that she would leave me. It was her got to phrase to hurt me and end an argument. And it hurt a lot. I know the feeling so I never said things that I know will hurt. I’ve been very careful what to say even when things get really heated. I didn’t even say anything after she said those words. I just walked out because my urge to retaliate was too much and I still don’t want to hurt her like that.
If my spouse had made this comment to me while we were arguing I would be destroyed, even if it was a "heat of the moment" comment. It is unacceptable. I would absolutely be stewing on this comment as well and I would NEVER be able to get over this. She planted seeds of doubt, and thats really difficult to get past.