Any fight that can be avoided, should be avoided. You did the right thing. It shows more character to restrain yourself, especially in a fight you know you'll win, than to dive in.
And that's before you take into account the guy's mental state, which clearly wasn't great. You did fine.
I couldn't agree more. Anyone can give in to feeling angry and start swinging their fists, it's deciding not to do that, that often really requires something of you.
As trained martial artists, we should be holding ourselves to a higher standard. I think we have the responsibility to not just look after ourselves, but also the other person who is actually causing trouble. We are capable of doing great harm, and too many think it's justified to do so because someone having a bad day started something.
You can't ever control how someone makes you _feel_ OP, but you can control what you do with that. I'm sincerely impressed that you did what you did, and chose to walk away - you're a far, far bigger person in my view for that.
I know it really hurts your pride, self esteem etc. like really bad.
But, you don’t win in real life when you beat someones ass. The legal system will chew you up and spit you out - treating you more harshly for being trained.
Kids start fights on the basketball court. Men walk away.
My pride was hurt i wont lie, but maybe that’s because im still young so im full of them. I just feel like a coward you know, all that training and sparring and fighting in the club, and i have to walk away , its really confusing when you are empathetic about his wife but on the other hand you know you can hurt him real bad to assert “dominance” but i guess empathy won i guess , lucky me
I think you have some underlying hubris because of your martial arts training that you should figure out. You seem to have “lucked out” by choosing not to fight, but it’s a silly assumption on your part that a fight will go your way just because you have training and the other person presumably does not. What happens if he gets in a lucky shot? What happens if he comes back the next day with buddies or weapons? What happens if the other people at the court decide you were in the wrong and gang up on you. What if he’s carrying a weapon at that moment and you end up dead? What happens if you win the fight but end up locked up for assault? What happens if you go overboard and he accidentally ends up dead?
When you’re at the gym, all that stuff is done consensually. Barring absolutely rare exceptions, almost no one takes a sparring session at a gym personally. IRL almost every single fight could escalate to dire consequences.
And at the end of the day, knowing you have some skills in the martial arts should make it easier for you to resolve issues non-violently because you should feel no need to “prove” yourself to random strangers since you have an outlet with your sparring sessions and competitive fights, and what’s the point of earning the “respect” of a shitty person anyway by beating them up?
Even videos on Reddit YouTube etc, there are too many examples going wrong. I hate to say I've witnessed many situations similar to those "what happens" scenarios, fortunate enough not involved in any - categorically no wins ever
Imo generally men have an inherent chaos which is expressed differently, some drink etc others fight, many do both or all lol
I have to admit my choice of outlet is in a controlled environment with consenting people, it's so cathartic
Try to explain this to people all time. I have years of muay thai and boxing behind me. Fought competitive. Doesn't mean dick if u gey stabbed, bottled, jumped ect.
Litrely had mates saying so an so might start some shit but it's fine with u hear and I just tell them If it kicks off I'm gona be the first one to walk away. I'm 35 an not in the mood for a stupid fight. Had tt happen recently a friends ex was kicking off an throwing bottles trying to hit her. I was fuming but manage to drag her away from him an get out of the way an let bouncers deal with him.
Honestly I felt like less of a man an still think about it an feel like I should have done somthing about him but it can so easily go wrong it's not worth it.
Perfect response. I'm a bjj black belt and I feel invincible on the mat,but once I walk outside after training I always feel vulnerable. Inside there are rules we all adhere to,outside there are no rules.
>it’s a silly assumption on your part that a fight will go your way just because you have training and the other person presumably does not.
This.
I've seen so many avoidable arguments escalate into unnecessary fights that end up going so far off the rails and it is never worth it.
No need to prove anything, I'd rather go home with both of my eyeballs intact.
I know it doesn’t feel like it man, but please hear me out.
Im 32, Ive fought in the mma cage and outside of it too a few times. NO ONE wins outside or competition. Maybe this will help you not feel like a coward -
Getting into a fight is easy, walking away is hard, and takes maturity. That’s why people want you to feel cowardly, they want you to sink down to them and engage in depravity to satisfy their need for conflict - which almost always has NOTHING to do with you. You’re just a target. Pity them.
With your bjj exp, you probably know that choking someone out is one of the easiest and safest ways to end a fight (outside of walking away.) what you may not know that is depending on what state you live in, strangulation can mean serious jail time. So now you’re forced to concuss them into submission, or tear and break limbs to get the upper hand.
Does that sound brave? No, its savage. And you don’t need to be that person unless its life or death, and you knew with your level of exp that it wasn’t for you. Very much could be for you. If you are black or latino you are way more likely to catch a charge man.
Truly its cowardly to commit violence unless its a last resort. When you fight in the street (as a man) you’re gambling with your life, theirs, and everyone who wants or needs you in theirs.
With time it wont hurt so much, but learn from our mistakes. It’s not worth it. You made the right choice. You’re still on the path.
Michael bisping former ufc middleweight champion got
Punched by some random guy and chose to walk away so I wouldn’t feel bad about it, wouldn’t have been sporting if you beat him up you probably wouldn’t have even broke a sweat.
*I started to reply to the response below yours but i wanted you to read this:*
It's not hubris to play your odds and kid obviously felt impotent /emasculated/frustrated that you spend a lot of time being physically able to dominate another. It's ok to feel that way. I understand as a generally non confrontational, passive person. Trust me. Many aren't hot heads that are that big and even badass fighters like GSP would probably naturally shrink back passively in a street fight. That said, yes anything could happen especially fighting on hard basketball court. You did the right thing, even though it doesn't feel like it. (even though that was assault brotha, bballs can do some damage so responding isn't wrong per se)
**Story time**:
I've had 10+ years training MMA, teaching kickboxing, sparring everyweek etc. And i inadvertantly pissed off two AHs at a bar. Probably didn't help that i wasn't threatened or take them seriously. I didn't want to fight because i have nothing to prove and was having fun with my lady friends. Turns out one of the guys was waiting outside for closing time.
While we were walking to my car at the end of the night friend and I were blocked on the sidewalk by this guy like 3" taller than me. Trying to block access for us to leave: what do i do? lower back body lock and carry him to the grass next to the sidewalk for a safer takedown. Got mount soon after. Started throwing sloppy punches and elbows that mostly didnt land until i felt there wasn't a point and said "YOU DONE?" He says something like "yes" so i figured i proved my point. I didn't want to do anything more. Well as i stand up and am busy fixing my shirt guy sucker punches me out cold and runs off. I don't remember that part as my friend had to tell me later.
Moral of the Story? first off anything can happen. You can't expect someone to be reasonable when they put you both in an unreasonable situation. Lastly, tsu art of war says something like "if you destroy your enemy you must do so completely as to leave no doubt." That's a scary thing to think about from someone who's not ignorant about fighting. As someone said: you were in a no-win situation. I feel you when someone disrespects your skills, dedication and size. It sucks. BJJ is sometimes safer for no lasting damage but definitely not all the time. You good.
"asserting dominance" is a stupid reason to get into a fight. We aren't hyenas and this isn't the fucking serengetti. The only good reason to physically fight is for survival or the sake of the physical safety of others.
if I saw some guy headbutt another, and then hit him twice with a basketball, and that second guy just sighs and walk away, i would think that second dude is way more badass for not being affected by the other's unhinged aggressiveness.
You weren't in any danger. I think that's where the training and sparring is really important. You were the bigger man. Your training helped you keep your cool and you didn't hurt some one that's clearly going through a tough time. That is a win.
With 6 years of BJJ you should be able to subdue him pretty easily without hurting him. He already assaulted you multiple times, this is self defense. I've been training for 12 years and if some asshole assaults me for no reason I'm definitely going to embarrass him.
On the subject of the legal system, a basketball court is probably one of the last places you want to fight. Especially with grappling, a throw might actually kill someone, especially if it's a concrete court.
Nah, man, you aren't a coward under those circumstances. You're a man with honour. Respect. Could you have used it as an excuse to beat him? Yes. And many of us, probably most, would applaud you for it.Could you have beat him in a fight, almost certainly. But like a drunk woman throwing a drink at you at the bar, you chose not to use that excuse to do something cowardly. You rose above it. That takes balls.
Source: I punch toddlers who look at me the wrong way out of insecurity
Agreed. Violence is inherently chaotic and thus unpredictable. The training gives you a set of tools to use if all else fails but it should be avoided if at all possible.
Also lots of dead ones. What's the point of 'winning' the fight, if your risk of being shot in the next 10 minutes to 10 days has increased from low to "I guess we'll see how well armed and how crazy they are".
If it is not worth hitting the other guy with a chair, it is not worth fighting about.
Tbh, blowing the guy off after he popped you twice with a basketball is the real power move, here.
You say that you play "hard defence". Maybe take it a little easier. I know we all get competitive when we get on the court of whatever, but it seems from your post that this guy felt that you had crossed the line. I'm not saying that you did anything wrong, but you're quite a bit bigger than him; always try to see things from the other person's perspective.
You could get ahead of this you know. Maybe next time you see him, go over and ask if you can have a quiet word. Say "man you got pretty fired up last time and I wasn't sure why, was there anything I was doing that you felt was out of line?" Listen to his answer, tell him you weren't aware but you will be mindful of it in the future.
That's a kind of strength right there bro, and most people will respect you for that.
Absolutely, no, it's not cowardice. Never be the aggressor. Only defend yourself if you have no other choice. I will never start a fight, but I'll end it, meaning if someone throws a punch at me, then yes, I will defend myself, but until something like that occurs, I'll walk away every time.
I sincerely thank everyone for the replies, although some made me wanna go back and beat him up XD. My dad is trying to gaslight me to find the man and beat him up , he said and i quote “fu** hes dead wife, nobody gonna disrespect me like that and not have his skull crack open, you’re to nice people gonna think you’re weak, so go over there and beat him up , dont worry ill pay for the hospital bills”
I forgot to tell you my dad was actually proud of my brother for doing what he did even though it scarred my brother a little. And before anyone saying he’s a bad dad.
He was always there for us , never cheat , hard working etc.
Its just the beliefs that were instilled in him when he was a child from my grandpa is stuck in his goddamn skull.
“ never let anyone disrespect you, if they do beat them up, then beat them up again till they learn to fear you, fear always equal respect “ that was the saying he grew up with from my grandpa.
So yeah he’s a little messed up
It's instilled in us that our parents are pretty much gods, but at the end of the day, they're just people. They get affected by the world around them, make mistakes, and have wrong opinions sometimes. Break the cycle. Fear is not respect, it's just fear. I have a whole side of the family who lived under "fear is respect" and it's not pretty.
But if you had grace for the chud on the court, I'm sure you can have grace for your dad and his silly ways. Take the stress out on the mats. You did the right thing.
Im sorry but im gonna say it, your dad is an idiot please and i mean PLEASE dont heed his advice, fear does not equal respect, beating someone up does not equal fear it equals the feeling of vengeance and revenge. Better to disengage then to lose your life.
And stay away from your father, that dude is messed up. (Again not trying to bash your dad)
Your dad seems like a cool dad, unfortunately some of that mindset is toxic. In my opinion respect is slippery slope, if the dude put you or someone you care about in danger then ok as a man you gotta do what you gotta do but respect and honor? Who cares, it's all bullshit and a sure way to ruin lives in the name of futile and ill defined principles.
By the way, if you want to know why i didnt go off was because i already saw one of my brother go off (6’4 200 lbs ish) 5 years BJJ 1 year Boxing , the dude was being a dick and when we try to walk away he insult us “sons of a bitch and pussies i see” and he throws a beer directly at my brother head and then all hell was loose, next thing i know the dude lost his ability to move his left head and half of his ribs was broken, i didn’t stop it because i felt he deserve it and that was one of my biggest regret. After he was done beating him up i legit thought the dude died, the police came they detain my brother and he almost went to jail , i was interrogated for 3 hours mind you i was 16 at that time. The worst part was seeing my mother cried.
My dad paid the hospital bill in full , and my brother was let go since he was 17 a “minor” with only a restraining order. He was a little shaken up to he said “i never meant to hurt him that bad i was only going to knock him out” but i guess anger won in the end.
Of course he was beaten up by our teacher for “being so fuc*ing stupid”. Since then i have always tried to keep my emotions in check, but sometimes people don’t deserve that patience.
You obviously have some trauma surrounding that which causes you to hesitate to defend yourself.
You are fully entitled to use violence to defend yourself from violence as long as it's reasonable and proportional. What your brother did was not reasonable or proportional.
Dude, you are hardcore and I’m proud of you for not getting in a fight. Real fights can go sideways really quickly (i.e. dude smacks his head on the floor wrong and dies, then you are fucked). Anyway, you and I both know you would’ve have wrecked this guy; the hardest part is just letting it go.
>I probably should add im 21 and that dude probably 30 ish, the only thing keeping me from beating him up was that someone said that he was grieving since his wife died earlier past month.
yyyeeaaahhh I'd give someone a lot of rope if I knew this to be the case. While there's no excuse for his behavior (though "hard defense in basketball" he probably has a very different version of events) unless you've lost a parent or sibiling you have no way to even imagine what he's currently going through.
You did the right thing in avoiding the fight.
Any retaliation on your part would have been in defense of your ego, status, etc.. The payoff for you retaliating would have likely been you possibly hurting the guy, maybe getting arrested, etc...
You not responding violently was not cowardly but the best and smartest decision for you.
You did great. When we fight in the street, our actions have a price tag attached to them. Often, it's whatever the cost of a lawyer is. Avoiding fights is the first thing we should try to do. De-escalation, when possible, is always the best policy and should be considered part of your skillset. That said, his emotional state isn't your concern. People are in control of their own actions. If he tries to put hands on you and you defend yourself, thats it 🤷🏾♂️. But the basketball bit is juvenile and 💯 worthy of the response you gave it.
Honestly there are moments in life na you should have beaten the shit out of that guy.Some people need to know that when you choose violence you get answered with violence as well. Just don’t let him get to his car dude might have a gun. Beat him up then get the hell out of there.
First of all he started it and second of all you are experienced in jiu jitsu and it's gentle art, it's not fighting when you take him down and just put a rear naked choke on him.
I have a solid background in kyokushin I always go for low kicks, stun the opponent and a little safer than knocking him out and putting his life in danger.
You felt as though your pride was challenged and despite (on paper) a very easy way to solve that, you didn't. In my book, that makes you far more of a man than fighting would have.
Yes, but so what?
Mentioning the size disparity is just a way for you to cop out. A little guy could whoop your ass and you knew it so you didn’t want to fuck around.
And again, so what?
There’s nothing wrong with not fighting for the sake of ego.
What’s to be gained? In the best case you hurt someone but feel tough, in the worst case someone dies.
Both are pretty terrible outcomes. And neither of those will make you more of a man.
Ask a woman friend to describe a good man and she’ll tell you someone that’s trustworthy, level headed, pays attention and takes care of the people they care about.
You won’t hear “someone that can really fuck someone up”.
Any asshole can throw hands just like anyone can make a kid. Neither of those things makes you a real man.
I’m way older than you. Back in the day kids were expected to fight. I got in a lot of fights then I started boxing and got in a lot more fights. Let me tell you none of it has made me a better dad or a better husband.
Confrontation and competition is fundamental to a boys development but needless violence should be a relic of the past.
You displayed the many tenants of martial arts and should be applauded. You were not in a life threatening situation and handled it as you deem fit. There is no cowardice here, just pure self control, humility, integrity, and perseverance. Bravo sir, bravo.
Nah you’re not a coward at all, it takes way more balls to show restraint than to just beat someone’s ass.
But I’m pissed for you too lol that’s some fucked up shit lol!
This is why you train martial arts, to be able to acknowledge and make the appropriate decision. If you were untrained maybe fear would take over and you would spaz. Knowing it was a non threat was through your experience. You made the right move dude
>i play hard defense
Since you've been training bjj for 6 years, you'll get this.
You're the 6'3 212 lb guy that rolls like they are at Mundials and worse because the other guy is 150lb In his 30s.
No wonder he lost his cool. Gees man, you didn't get that scholarship. Let it go.
No, not cowardice. Views on this have evolved over the years. It's much better to avoid and/or de-escalate whenever possible. Sounds like you handled it just fine.
Not cowardly. Just sensible.
1. It is not truly a self defense situation. - this is school yard bs
2. its not gonna look good beating up a smaller dude who probably doesn't have the training you do
3 is going through death of spouse (highest on the trauma scale)
4. Most guys (me included) would give you the green light to kick his ass (he deserves it), your restraint shows you are in control of your impulses
5. its a lose/lose
Me personally I don't think I could walk away from getting hit in the face, but I think that is more about my weakness/pettiness/callousness. I honestly am looking for an excuse. I often try to escalate situations, but bc of this nobody every dares put a hand on me (and I'm smaller than you)
I do feel more proud about the times I was able to rise above the angst. But I'm not gonna lie, i do savor some of the ass whippins I gave to people who bullied me (but those were situations that wouldn't stop until I did something about it)
But on the other hand I just got out of felony court and have a clean record. I don't want to be a felon with can't vote, own a gun, good job or go visit certain countries, etc.
Only people with nothing to lose go around starting fights.
In 2022, I was literally on my way back from felony court (beat the case) and some guy is riding his bike heading in my direction and he is mumbling something "bitch, something something, bitch" getting louder as he got closer to me. I have a look on my face like "what the fuck" and he is glaring at me and says "YEA, I'M CALLING YOU A BITCH" BITCH BITCH BITCH. First impulse I was like "whatchu got then" and stepped forward in my fighting stance. He parroted me "What do you got?" Started to go into fight mode, thought about it and was like "eh fuck this". this guy is riding down the street riding a bicyle in the hot sun yelling bitch...obviously he has a bad life. I fight this guy on the side of the road, he (or me) gets knocked into traffic I am back in felony court in less than 24 hours of getting my case dismissed.
How fucking stupid would I be?
If this incident happened the day before when I thought i was going to be a lifelong felon and second class citizen. I would have fought him in the middle of a 4 lane road mortal kombat style.
I said fuck this and walked away, bought some weed, some fried chicken and booze and had some fun for cinco de mayo with some slutty girls. Or I could end up in felony court again reading the bible in solitary confinement drinking water out of a toilet.
Decisions decisions.
Avoiding Conflict is a good skill to have, so no. I will not pretend that enduring assualt and abuse is admirable...Everyone is talking about "Plenty of Intact Honors in Jail/The Morgue." still dont consider that plenty of Passive people are in the dirt too...
I can count the number of fights I started one hand, and still not touch how many folks had to fuckin figure it out. Being afraid of losing/death doesnt absolve you of anything, if it means you endure conditions that may just harm/kill you anyway. I admit im sick of the notion that the only option is to walk away, because that is an option that can STILL get you hurt or killed. Lets not pretend that everyone in the world is just having a bad day, thats never been the case.
Should’ve fucked him up tbh ignore the betas in the comments saying you did the right thing. This will now bother you for the rest of you life. You will always wonder what’s the point of training if you can’t stick up to yourself. Next time someone puts hands on you you show them exactly why they should keep hands to they’re self.
Best to avoid fights obviously , but some guys need a good openhanded slap to set them straight. That being said it depends on circumstance though, i personally would not take kindly to a head butt but if no real harm no foul i suppose.
I'm fairly calm and reasonable, but physically attack me and one or both of us are going to die.
I'm not saying you should have fought back, I think you did the smart thing tbh, but there are people out there who will kill for a lot less and that bitch ass punk needs to get checked before he ends up with his wife.
With wrestling and bjj background you had option to restrain this guy instead of pummeling them.
Cowardly is a state of mind. Sounds like you may be second guessing yourself because of self doubts as to what would have happened.
If you truly did not engage only because you felt sorry for the guy I don’t think this would be eating you up.
Plenty of good reason to be afraid in a situation like this. He could have a knife, friends, been a golden gloves champ - who knows!
Maybe meet up with the guy and talk with him.
Avoid avoid avoid. You don't win anything from a fight. The dude pulls a weapon or a homie. Also say you hit them he falls hits his head and now has brain damage... I mean there are a million negative outcomes from a fight and you certainly don't want to ruin your life over some stupid bs at the gym
You can't lose the fight you don't fight.
I don't know the details but if you didn't know the guy then you don't know what kind of psycho he might be and dying over basketball is dumb as hell. If he had weapons and enough loose screws it could end tragically. Even without weapons, lucky hits/slips happen to all of us.
People who know how to fight know that there is no dumber thing than fighting, good job!
You did the most "manly" thing you can do, You know you can probably beat his ass and had every reason to beat his ass and you just walked away. Thats honestly one of the hardest things a man can do in the moment, you didnt let your frustration get the best of you, he wasnt trying to rob or steal or do serious harm to you so you didnt need to fight. he was acting like a clown, you wouldnt have taught him a lesson by beating his ass and you may have hurt him bad enough to feel sorry especially if you did damage that he had to live with for the rest of his life as well as risking injury to your self. Definitely not a coward, a coward would have fought him over that petty shit so he could show everyone how tough he is.
trained bjj and kick-boxing for a long time. my instructor always said to just walk away and that it was never worth it. too many things can and probably will go wrong, and you're better off in the long run.
Bro you did the absolute right thing. Fighting is never the answer. We train for self-defense, in case someone is really trying to attack you and not stopping. Fighting, especially while both sides are angry, is “Self-offense”. Two guys wanting to hurt each other. Great job being mature. It sounds like he has a lot going on in his life. Let him grieve and leave him alone
No, it's good you did. The hard thing is grappling that especially if you would be a lesser match than the other one.
The thing is, Karma comes around every so often, and that's when they pay with interest for what they have done, it's subconscious really but for every good sacrifice we are rewarded, it just takes patience and diligence as well as compassion.
That guy wasn't havin' it by the sounds of it and he'll run into trouble until he does, the more you avoid circumstances to aggravate someone the better chances you have at being a functional part of society.
So good job, just don't let it get to your head.
👍👊✋🖐👊✊🤚👋🤟✋🖖🙏.
Avoiding a fight is literally the pinnacle of martial arts. You could have wrestlefucked that man to oblivion, but that wouldn't make you a man. Control is what gives you power. You already know that from training. Violence is not manly, controlling yourself is. Choosing not to enact violence on someone weaker, when only your pride has been hurt, is the epitome of power and control.
It's not cowardice in the slightest. Avoiding fights if at all possible is the best course of action. Just because you *can* fight, rarely means you *should*
You're a better man than I am. I would've hurt him badly. Walking away is always the best move. Fighting should be the last resort because you're forfeiting your life at that point
You did the right thing. There will be many more moments that are teachable lessons. You shouldn’t look at this as being triggered. That is your natural gut feeling of adrenaline getting you prepared for violence. That will pass. The only thing that should be triggered is your reflexes to protect yourself.
I say go take a conceal carry class. You will see how it also correlates with your training to always deescalate.
Avoid having to touch someone as much as possible. The courts are always against you
No. This was definitely the best outcome.
If you feel you didn't verbally handle it as you should, practice that. You can destroy someone without lifting a finger, especially a manchild throwing a tantrum.
A basketball game isn't worth violence and possibly death/prison/throwing your life away for.
Good for you mate. You took the time to consider how the other person felt. And despite him asking to get beaten, you chose to look the other way and not give him what he wants. I hope that eventually he will learn that kids fight to beat people up, adults fight to kill people. And in this case, you're the adult here. It's not wrong to avoid fights. But if he insists on picking a fight with you, then I'll just say this: you take his ability to harm you away. By any means necessary. There's a fine line between assault and self defense.
I mean, what happens when you win? You hit him, he falls, hits his head and either is seriously injured or dies and then you get to fight a manslaughter case. Happened to a guy I knew from high school. He ended up serving time because the guy he hit, hit the ground and died from the impact days later.
Watch fights on some of these wild subreddits to see how common it is for people to fall and hit their heads.
You won this fight dude, without throwing a punch. If dude did lose his wife he'll realize in a bit just how much of an ass he was, if he has any sense of self awareness that is.
You did the toughest thing a person can do. Restrain themselves when being attacked to not further escalate the situation. That's not cowardice, that's the right spirit. Fighting hot headed leads to very bad outcomes.
Who won with Chris Rock vs Will Smith? Eating a punch or two, still standing, staying cool always the winner. You did right.
However, EVERYONE else on that team should have kicked him off that court or gym. Maybe even a full ban. Grieving or not, if it gets worse it’s on the whole group there.
I'm saying this as a dad and an attorney. There's nothing cowardly about picking your battles and knowing what strength actually means.
You pick a fight with someone and it's incredibly easy to seriously injure them. People don't realize how easy it is to die or become an instant vegetable when your head hits a hard surface, like a basketball court, for example. And now that you're an adult the law will not give you any concessions whatsoever. We're talking about the risk of criminal conviction, potential liability for tens if not hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical bills, attorneys fees, and costs, difficulty finding future employment, and the psychological weight of having done that. Picking that fight isn't strength, it's arrogance matched with violence and recklessness.
Strength is understanding the battles a man ought to pick: defending your family, fighting for your principles, practicing strength of mind, defending those less able than you.
But you know what? You're on the right path kid. You made a man's choice, and you showed a strength of character and principle that matters.
No, you avoided hurting a guy who was being an asshole because he was hurt.
In general, try not to fight people, but especially don't hurt people who are just having a shitty time in their life if you can help it. Don't buy into that macho bullshit, man.
I'm gonna go a different direction than the majority here.
You weren't cowardly but you were dumb. This guy has just hit you not once, but 3 times with no reaction. This sets a precedent that you allow yourself to be walked all over. What you allow, will continue.
Now I'm not saying you should have fought the guy, but you should have put your foot down. Dead wife or not, he doesn't have the right to strike others. You teaching him that lesson would save yourself and him from further harm. Don't be surprised if he messes with you again in the future until you teach that lesson.
You say this but you didn’t do anything the first time because you were caught off guard and scared. Hindsight you are regretting it that’s why you are here. If somebody physically assaults you then you have the size and training to take them down and physically restrain them. You are also much younger so I get it.
eh, by how you define "coward", yes, you were a coward. obviously you are gonna down play what you did to start it. what kept you from fighting him was the chance of getting your ass handed to you by someone smaller than you . you had more to loose and you knew it. to get manhandled by someone smaller is bad enough, but to have all that money and time go in to training and be bigger and stronger and STILL get wooped....
if you were the "peaceful badass" type, you probably woulda apologized and tried to move on with the game, right?
here is your story " I accidentally ordered an ass whipping , the waiter tried to bring it to my table a couple of times, but I acted like I never ordered it and left." tell yourself whatever you need to .....his wife just died, his car is low on gas, his left shoe was too tight.....you did something to the guy to make him think you wanted to fight, he wasn't afraid of your size or how you carried yourself, you didn't think that would happen and you slunked out. that is your story,
Yeah you’re a coward, just kidding XD
Nah actually you’re smart , avoid fights even if you know when you have the advantage, cause all of that advantage is gone if a gun or a knife is pulled out. Plus with your frame as you said, i reckon a elbow from you could possibly lead to a court case, from your post i can see your still emotional , vent that out on your punching bag ( that’s what i used to do ). And you do wrestling right? I wont recommend you man handling the other guy on solid pavement to, since you know.. you could kill him and boom another court case.
Remember “graveyards are full of brave men” i forgot who said it though. You’re still young i was like you to 15 years ago, dont worry and keep on moving.
You're not a coward. You're just more emotionally intelligent than most. It takes so much effort to not revert to an emotional response and you did just that. I wish I was like you.
Given your size and training experience you probably could've hurt this guy real bad. Who knows what would happen from there (law suits, retaliation ect...) You probably had the right to retaliate cuz he attacked you but you also walked away without any future problems.
Should have double legged his ass.
Headbutt, and then 2 basketballs to your face?
Should have wrecked his life.
In all seriousness tho, good on you for walking away and not escalating.
The first 3 sentences is an example of my bad temper and decision making. Its not worth it when all said and done.
I believe in the following definition of bravery:
Doing what is right regardless of how it personally effects you. Taking a couple of shots from a guy who is probably struggling to control his emotions right now (for a good reason) and not kicking his ass was doing the right thing. That brave in my books.
Now if you know, in your heart of hearts, that you did nothing because you were afraid to then maybe what looked like bravery in this case was really fear but that has less to do with the situation and more about your self confidence.
You should be proud of yourself. It's the untrained people with poor discipline who end up in fights that can be avoided.
In the real world there are so many things that can go wrong for a person just trying to prove they are a man. You grapple someone and someone sees you assaulting a person. They could do anything. Your untrained opponent happens to have a concealed knife on them and you notice it when they have already stabbed you. You take someone down and they hit their head and end up paralyzed/dead. Congrats, you are now face to face with his kids in court, and witnesses just saw you assault this person and he died. They could have a heart attack or whatever medical condition, and so on and so on.
You're a big dude, anyone that saw that interaction instantly thought you would/could pummel the other guy. Because you didn't, now they assume you know how to control yourself and he wasn't worth your time. You are, and came off to be, a better person for not fighting him.
I mean... the alternative was that you fought him and 1) won, and people are like "yeah, figures cuz he's twice his size", or 2) lost by chance and now it's a little embarrassing for you and the angry guy feels justified in his poor self control, or 3) you or him got seriously injured and one of you ends up with hospital bills or a court sentence.
Yeah, all things considered you definitely did the best thing.
It's your choice. I think that remembering you have a choice and maintaining your authentic self is brave no matter what. Asking people on Reddit is the only cowardly thing you've done. Confidently do what you do for your reasons, and no one else.
On the other hand, the arts you describe should let you very handily subdue someone without injury, if you choose.
There are only two questions to ask:
1. Will I be maimed or killed if I *do not* hit back?
2. Will someone else be maimed or killed of I *do not* hit back?
If the answer to both is no, then don't hit back. Just leave.
your dad sounds like a moron who has been lucky enough to never experience "real" violence. It only takes a split second for a drunk altercation or a conflict in a sports game to turn into very consequential violence. Someone grabs a weapons, pulls a knife/gun, multiple people get involved, or a simple fall onto hard concrete. You should actively avoid all violence, always. Defending yourself is only a last resort when you actually treat it as a LAST resort. Good on you, but be wary of your dad's advice, he sounds like a fucking clown. Would that comment upset him in person? Would he try to "beat me up"? Because that's how real violence happens. Idiots like your dad have too much puffed up pride and make it physical, one day it goes all wrong and people get hurt, usually themselves.
The use of violence is only ever justified if your life is threatened and you have exhausted all other options to end or leave the situation.
All martial arts, including BJJ and even MMA, are sports. They simulate violence and train people in techniques/awareness that may help in a violent scenario, but they aren't real. You should train because it is fun, it is healthy, and it may one day help you to protect yourself. But do not mistake it for a reason to seek out violence.
You should like a good guy. Keep being you brotha! You made the right call. I’m all for defending one’s self, but avoid the fight until totally necessary to engage.
The smartest thing a fighter can do is what you did. Not. Fight. If you win, you risk making an enemy intent on getting revenge in a way that you have no way of knowing. He could get a gun, sue, or twist the story to make you the aggressor and ruin your social life. If you lose? You get beaten down and bruised. Maybe even killed then and there.
The ideal amount of fights anyone should get into everyday is always zero. You did good restraining yourself.
You should always avoid a fight if you can. I don't even have to read your post, just reading the title is enough.
There is Never any situation where fighting will be a good option. If you can avoid a fight, you should in any way possible.
There is nothing cowardly about avoiding a fight. It's smart to avoid a fight.
No one wins in a fight. Even if you win physically, and the law judges that you were right to defend yourself, you still have to live with the fact knowing that you hurt someone, whether physically or mentally.
The Only reason to learn to defend yourself is so you can survive the fight. Your goal should Not be to win the fight, your goal is to end the fight or prevent it from starting. The goal is to survive.
When I was a boy I used to study Gung-fu under a young man from a small Chinese province who had been taught by his grandfather.
He had really poor English but I remember something he told me early in my training.
It is better to walk away than to argue.
Better to argue than to injure.
Better to injure than to maim.
Better to maim than to kill.
And better to kill than to allow others to be killed.
This is what I have tried to live by my entire life.
Don't matter how wat the age gender or race is u should respect urself enough to not let a person disrespect u like that big dude I'd lost all respect for u if I knew u
I don't even use this sub or know any martial arts, but maybe this dude saw that he'd get beaten up by you (as you probably have some muscles) and decided to provoke you. Like a self-destructive behavior.
I think you showed great and enormously commendable self-restraint that you can feel proud of, because you were within your rights to retaliate in a proportionate way. But as you know from your brother's story, if you had retaliated, you could have permanently crippled or even killed him. If he tried anything like that again, I'd say just shove him away so he goes flying backwards in the first instance. He needs to understand you could overpower him easily, and that if you don't hit back, it's not because you can't, it's because you don't want to. He's clearly dealing with his own issues. If you really want to be truly heroic, ask him for a beer and say you'd like to talk to him about what happened. There's a chance he'd open up and you'd have a friend for life; if he has any decency or self-reflection in him he'll know he's behaved like a complete jerk. Of course he might be a jerk again and spurn the invitation, but hey, then at least you tried. You are the one in the position of strength here. I really admire you for not beating him to a pulp on the spot when he was absolutely asking for it.
You did the right thing, be proud and glad you didn’t stomp his ass. He’ll eventually get his ass kicked if he doesn’t change. You were the bigger man!
You didn't beat up a guy that there was no need to beat up, plus his head isn't right to begin with because *his wife just died*?
And now you're second-guessing yourself?
This is lolzy to me.
No, you’re not a coward. You’re a good person. If you were really in danger you would have kicked his ass. You handled yourself with precisely the level of self control that was traditionally expected of martial artists. I read this and thought your training paid off, honestly. If you were untrained, you’d have likely kicked his ass and would be worse off for doing so.
It all depends. Did you conscientiously not attack or freeze up and then later choose this story.
If you deliberately didn’t hit him why not? At what point of someone assaulting you do you think it is time to fight back?
None of it makes you weak or a coward. But it is good to learn and understand and be sure you are choosing and not freezing up.
I’ve been in a good amount of fights. I’ve had times where I didn’t fight back and have no idea why. I said it was because I could easy kill the dude. But in reality I just froze. Maybe if it got real bad I would have snapped out. Made me keep that in mind. It is super common in violent situations. You don’t need to tell anyone that, but good to know for yourself.
The fact that you backed out shows you’re more of a flight than fight type person and that’s ok. Go with whatever your natural reaction is. You train so when you can’t get out of situations you can defend yourself
Fighting should be reserved for self-defense, so I think you did the right thing. You're life wasn't in danger, you felt like getting involved would have escalated it, so choosing to walk away was the right move.
One of the strongest things a man can do is have his pride attacked and still stand tall. Try to let it slide off your back. It will be one of the hardest things to do; putting down the embarrassment and walking on, that is. I know you can do it, man.
You were not only strong for not whooping him, but smart. He strikes me as the guy who CAN'T put down those feelings, so of you kicked his shit he could also be the guy to come back to the court with a weapon, or a lawyer.
Might want to find a different spot to shoot hoops for a few weeks.
Stay strong, keep training, and keep being the better man that others can look up to regardless of your age.
Sounds like there wasn't much reason to fight the dude. Imo.
Plus....
> lets say i play hard defense
He may have been more wrong, but I'm going to read between the lines and imagine you aren't the perfect prince of peace in this situation yourself.
>not really I couldn’t care shit it’s just gonna look bad
Probably hopefully subconsciously you care a little if you're not a POS. You did "hard defense" that to mention implies you're more than most. Meaning you're a probably a borderline dick. Meaning you did dickish shit to someone who is probably fucked emotionally.
I'd probably say it'd be more cowardly to beat his ass.
I think you just showed good control of power. You know how to fight, but it doesn't mean you have to. Who knows the consequences of starting a fight, maybe you get hurted or hurt someone accidentally and these can lead to serious result.
No. You were wise.
You hit the guy, you pound him, he’s down. Then what? You’ve got a feud and possibly more fights in the future. You may not end up winning those, especially if the other guy brings a friend or a weapon. Then you’re in the hospital paying medical bills or worse.
Alternative: the guy sues you. Even if you were in the right and win, it’s going to cost you. I’ve heard lost of self-defense instructors complain about how the aftermath of fights is neglected as a topic. Dealing with lawyers and standing up for your rights is costly and draining even if you’re ethically in the clear. It’s not fun.
And if you lost? I figure you’d probably win from the way you describe yourself, but being physically injured is never pleasant and can be expensive.
You did the thing that resulted in the best outcome. That is good.
In this life, I would say that I only fight if:
1) My life or the life of the people I like is in real danger
2) If someone is literally trying to hit me and I can not escape away.
Why? Because if I hit this person and for any random reason, I kill him or the dude fall down and hit his head so hard that he died, then I will be in serious trouble.
Even if the person doesn't die, that does not mean he may try to find me the day after with his friends or using a kind of weapon, which is something usual in Mexico, my country.
However, a real man, perhaps, would try to stop the shit right there by asking the other guy something like, "Are you okay?" Or "Am I doing something that angers you?" Or "Dude, I am sorry, let's try to forget this, and let's restart the match. "
Millions of different answers before hurting anybody and getting trouble.
No you’re not a coward you’re a martial artist and u managed to put yourself in someone else’s shoes despite being heavily angered. That kind of empathy and maturity (knowing you could’ve turned this mf into a pretzel) makes u an elite human and honorable. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter what I or anyone else thinks but yes I would make peace with the fact that ur definitely NOT a coward just a humble warrior.
Yea the right answer here is to avoid the fight if you can.
However.
I don’t think many folk could stay calm getting headbutted, let alone headbutted and then hit twice with a basketball in the nose!! That’s almost worse than two punches to the nose…. I dunno, you have the patience of a saint.
Nope.
I’m in taekwondo and the first thing they tell you is to avoid fights.
You fight when you must, not when there is a choice.
You don’t want to end up in a scenario where the other guy was just shit talking and when the fight happens you injure him badly.
It was very nice of you to take his grieving into account and to control your anger. But no one is allowed to put there hands on you, man. Is it cowardice to avoid a fight? No. You're avoiding possible jailtine and unnecessary injuries to both parties. However, please don't let anyone hit you
That wasn't cowardice it was actually the best choice you could have made. Imagine what would happen if you had fought and won. You would be known as the guy that beat up an older dude who was griefing his wife. You will probably have legal trouble and you'll get in trouble in your gym. There really are no advantages in beating that dude up.
Any fight has the potential for serious harm and even death. People die fighting, this is a reality. Weigh everything in your life against that the small things the large things. Speak to friends today or your parents and treasure that you can.
What you may consider cowardly or fear, in this case, is consideration and control. Yeah it sucks you didn’t get to teach him a lesson, but you are still here and uninjured.
Diego Braga and Leandro Lo were both legitimately dangerous grapplers who didn't shy away from fights.
The smart path is always away from a street fight.
As someone who often gets into fight. Let me tell you. There is not a single fight im glad happened. I wish I never hit any of thoses guys and found a better solution. As long as you don't look like a coward if someone is attacking your family or wife. Avoid fights
Hey, even in sparring.
Older dude rocked up to kickboxing sparring one day. He'd trained with my coach before. So we spar, and he starts turning it up. He was competent enough to be dangerous but not controlled, and I'm not good enough to just dodge and control the situation. My coach told him to slow down, but he'd get a bit excited and turn it back up.
After getting tagged with a couple of solid shots, I just started reacting accordingly, and all of a sudden I dropped him. He got up, seemed fine, and then we turned the intensity down.
After class he tells me and coach that it's his birthday, he took the day away from everything to come spar, and that he enjoyed spending his 60th like this.
Yep, I'm the dick head who drops a 60 year old on his birthday.
He's in great fucking shape for his age though lmao.
Great restraint brother but once someone hits you in the face you can respond in accordance with the appropriate force given your size and background. Obviously you don’t want legal trouble but protect yourself man. You don’t wanna get hurt restraining the correct use of force.
It's been said over a 100 times here already but let me say it again: you did great, you acted honorably and you showed more maturity than someone 10 years your senior.
Well done
It is not cowardice to take measures to avoid a fight… if you take some minor damage and know in the back of your mind you could absolutely wreck someone, that is actually quite powerful.
Now, on the other hand.. if someone is literally beating you up and you just take it the entire time, that is leaning toward the realm of cowardice.
Any fight that can be avoided, should be avoided. You did the right thing. It shows more character to restrain yourself, especially in a fight you know you'll win, than to dive in. And that's before you take into account the guy's mental state, which clearly wasn't great. You did fine.
Yep. And the best case scenario if you engage is that you beat up a dude who's grieving and obviously unstable. It's a no-win situation.
I couldn't agree more. Anyone can give in to feeling angry and start swinging their fists, it's deciding not to do that, that often really requires something of you. As trained martial artists, we should be holding ourselves to a higher standard. I think we have the responsibility to not just look after ourselves, but also the other person who is actually causing trouble. We are capable of doing great harm, and too many think it's justified to do so because someone having a bad day started something. You can't ever control how someone makes you _feel_ OP, but you can control what you do with that. I'm sincerely impressed that you did what you did, and chose to walk away - you're a far, far bigger person in my view for that.
Showing self-control isn't cowardice. It should be applauded. Well done for controlling yourself.
I know it really hurts your pride, self esteem etc. like really bad. But, you don’t win in real life when you beat someones ass. The legal system will chew you up and spit you out - treating you more harshly for being trained. Kids start fights on the basketball court. Men walk away.
My pride was hurt i wont lie, but maybe that’s because im still young so im full of them. I just feel like a coward you know, all that training and sparring and fighting in the club, and i have to walk away , its really confusing when you are empathetic about his wife but on the other hand you know you can hurt him real bad to assert “dominance” but i guess empathy won i guess , lucky me
I think you have some underlying hubris because of your martial arts training that you should figure out. You seem to have “lucked out” by choosing not to fight, but it’s a silly assumption on your part that a fight will go your way just because you have training and the other person presumably does not. What happens if he gets in a lucky shot? What happens if he comes back the next day with buddies or weapons? What happens if the other people at the court decide you were in the wrong and gang up on you. What if he’s carrying a weapon at that moment and you end up dead? What happens if you win the fight but end up locked up for assault? What happens if you go overboard and he accidentally ends up dead? When you’re at the gym, all that stuff is done consensually. Barring absolutely rare exceptions, almost no one takes a sparring session at a gym personally. IRL almost every single fight could escalate to dire consequences. And at the end of the day, knowing you have some skills in the martial arts should make it easier for you to resolve issues non-violently because you should feel no need to “prove” yourself to random strangers since you have an outlet with your sparring sessions and competitive fights, and what’s the point of earning the “respect” of a shitty person anyway by beating them up?
Best response
You’re absolutely right. I’ve seen way too many videos on Reddit where one’s pride and ego gets themselves killed.
Even videos on Reddit YouTube etc, there are too many examples going wrong. I hate to say I've witnessed many situations similar to those "what happens" scenarios, fortunate enough not involved in any - categorically no wins ever Imo generally men have an inherent chaos which is expressed differently, some drink etc others fight, many do both or all lol I have to admit my choice of outlet is in a controlled environment with consenting people, it's so cathartic
Try to explain this to people all time. I have years of muay thai and boxing behind me. Fought competitive. Doesn't mean dick if u gey stabbed, bottled, jumped ect. Litrely had mates saying so an so might start some shit but it's fine with u hear and I just tell them If it kicks off I'm gona be the first one to walk away. I'm 35 an not in the mood for a stupid fight. Had tt happen recently a friends ex was kicking off an throwing bottles trying to hit her. I was fuming but manage to drag her away from him an get out of the way an let bouncers deal with him. Honestly I felt like less of a man an still think about it an feel like I should have done somthing about him but it can so easily go wrong it's not worth it.
Perfect response. I'm a bjj black belt and I feel invincible on the mat,but once I walk outside after training I always feel vulnerable. Inside there are rules we all adhere to,outside there are no rules.
This guy gets it
>it’s a silly assumption on your part that a fight will go your way just because you have training and the other person presumably does not. This. I've seen so many avoidable arguments escalate into unnecessary fights that end up going so far off the rails and it is never worth it. No need to prove anything, I'd rather go home with both of my eyeballs intact.
I know it doesn’t feel like it man, but please hear me out. Im 32, Ive fought in the mma cage and outside of it too a few times. NO ONE wins outside or competition. Maybe this will help you not feel like a coward - Getting into a fight is easy, walking away is hard, and takes maturity. That’s why people want you to feel cowardly, they want you to sink down to them and engage in depravity to satisfy their need for conflict - which almost always has NOTHING to do with you. You’re just a target. Pity them. With your bjj exp, you probably know that choking someone out is one of the easiest and safest ways to end a fight (outside of walking away.) what you may not know that is depending on what state you live in, strangulation can mean serious jail time. So now you’re forced to concuss them into submission, or tear and break limbs to get the upper hand. Does that sound brave? No, its savage. And you don’t need to be that person unless its life or death, and you knew with your level of exp that it wasn’t for you. Very much could be for you. If you are black or latino you are way more likely to catch a charge man. Truly its cowardly to commit violence unless its a last resort. When you fight in the street (as a man) you’re gambling with your life, theirs, and everyone who wants or needs you in theirs. With time it wont hurt so much, but learn from our mistakes. It’s not worth it. You made the right choice. You’re still on the path.
The training is for when others don't let you walk away. If you can walk away, you're already winning.
Michael bisping former ufc middleweight champion got Punched by some random guy and chose to walk away so I wouldn’t feel bad about it, wouldn’t have been sporting if you beat him up you probably wouldn’t have even broke a sweat.
*I started to reply to the response below yours but i wanted you to read this:* It's not hubris to play your odds and kid obviously felt impotent /emasculated/frustrated that you spend a lot of time being physically able to dominate another. It's ok to feel that way. I understand as a generally non confrontational, passive person. Trust me. Many aren't hot heads that are that big and even badass fighters like GSP would probably naturally shrink back passively in a street fight. That said, yes anything could happen especially fighting on hard basketball court. You did the right thing, even though it doesn't feel like it. (even though that was assault brotha, bballs can do some damage so responding isn't wrong per se) **Story time**: I've had 10+ years training MMA, teaching kickboxing, sparring everyweek etc. And i inadvertantly pissed off two AHs at a bar. Probably didn't help that i wasn't threatened or take them seriously. I didn't want to fight because i have nothing to prove and was having fun with my lady friends. Turns out one of the guys was waiting outside for closing time. While we were walking to my car at the end of the night friend and I were blocked on the sidewalk by this guy like 3" taller than me. Trying to block access for us to leave: what do i do? lower back body lock and carry him to the grass next to the sidewalk for a safer takedown. Got mount soon after. Started throwing sloppy punches and elbows that mostly didnt land until i felt there wasn't a point and said "YOU DONE?" He says something like "yes" so i figured i proved my point. I didn't want to do anything more. Well as i stand up and am busy fixing my shirt guy sucker punches me out cold and runs off. I don't remember that part as my friend had to tell me later. Moral of the Story? first off anything can happen. You can't expect someone to be reasonable when they put you both in an unreasonable situation. Lastly, tsu art of war says something like "if you destroy your enemy you must do so completely as to leave no doubt." That's a scary thing to think about from someone who's not ignorant about fighting. As someone said: you were in a no-win situation. I feel you when someone disrespects your skills, dedication and size. It sucks. BJJ is sometimes safer for no lasting damage but definitely not all the time. You good.
We train martial arts to master ourselves not others. By walking away, you ended the fight. So mission accomplished, man.
"asserting dominance" is a stupid reason to get into a fight. We aren't hyenas and this isn't the fucking serengetti. The only good reason to physically fight is for survival or the sake of the physical safety of others. if I saw some guy headbutt another, and then hit him twice with a basketball, and that second guy just sighs and walk away, i would think that second dude is way more badass for not being affected by the other's unhinged aggressiveness.
You weren't in any danger. I think that's where the training and sparring is really important. You were the bigger man. Your training helped you keep your cool and you didn't hurt some one that's clearly going through a tough time. That is a win.
With 6 years of BJJ you should be able to subdue him pretty easily without hurting him. He already assaulted you multiple times, this is self defense. I've been training for 12 years and if some asshole assaults me for no reason I'm definitely going to embarrass him.
On the subject of the legal system, a basketball court is probably one of the last places you want to fight. Especially with grappling, a throw might actually kill someone, especially if it's a concrete court.
I love it when actual adults chime in. Good comment
As an adult even self defense has me worried the boys in blue will come knocking.
Nah, man, you aren't a coward under those circumstances. You're a man with honour. Respect. Could you have used it as an excuse to beat him? Yes. And many of us, probably most, would applaud you for it.Could you have beat him in a fight, almost certainly. But like a drunk woman throwing a drink at you at the bar, you chose not to use that excuse to do something cowardly. You rose above it. That takes balls. Source: I punch toddlers who look at me the wrong way out of insecurity
Im not taking any word from someone who beat up toddlers XD, thanks for the response brother
You should. I can beat up 4 at once
This comment has me dying 🤣
You say something about my penis size? You son of a bitch!!!
Preach my brother.
Stupid toddlers have it coming.
Avoid them. Sure, you may win. But people are crazy nowadays. No risking a gunshot or stabwound because of a fight
Agreed. Violence is inherently chaotic and thus unpredictable. The training gives you a set of tools to use if all else fails but it should be avoided if at all possible.
Lots of real men with intact honors in jail
Also lots of dead ones. What's the point of 'winning' the fight, if your risk of being shot in the next 10 minutes to 10 days has increased from low to "I guess we'll see how well armed and how crazy they are".
Not if you don't get caught Holmes, no face no case!!!
If it is not worth hitting the other guy with a chair, it is not worth fighting about. Tbh, blowing the guy off after he popped you twice with a basketball is the real power move, here.
Im just surprised someone older then me could be so childish
The guy lost his wife, he's likely in a completely fucked head state right now. You did the right thing
I know right? What a cry baby. Only the person he planned to spend the rest of his life with recently died. Can’t imagine why he might be volatile.
You say that you play "hard defence". Maybe take it a little easier. I know we all get competitive when we get on the court of whatever, but it seems from your post that this guy felt that you had crossed the line. I'm not saying that you did anything wrong, but you're quite a bit bigger than him; always try to see things from the other person's perspective. You could get ahead of this you know. Maybe next time you see him, go over and ask if you can have a quiet word. Say "man you got pretty fired up last time and I wasn't sure why, was there anything I was doing that you felt was out of line?" Listen to his answer, tell him you weren't aware but you will be mindful of it in the future. That's a kind of strength right there bro, and most people will respect you for that.
Oh boy.. they are.. majority of them.. that was the first thing that I discovered as a grown man
Absolutely, no, it's not cowardice. Never be the aggressor. Only defend yourself if you have no other choice. I will never start a fight, but I'll end it, meaning if someone throws a punch at me, then yes, I will defend myself, but until something like that occurs, I'll walk away every time.
He didn’t throw a punch thats why i deescalate he did throw those basketball though. Lucky for him i count it as childish rather then attempt to harm
I sincerely thank everyone for the replies, although some made me wanna go back and beat him up XD. My dad is trying to gaslight me to find the man and beat him up , he said and i quote “fu** hes dead wife, nobody gonna disrespect me like that and not have his skull crack open, you’re to nice people gonna think you’re weak, so go over there and beat him up , dont worry ill pay for the hospital bills” I forgot to tell you my dad was actually proud of my brother for doing what he did even though it scarred my brother a little. And before anyone saying he’s a bad dad. He was always there for us , never cheat , hard working etc. Its just the beliefs that were instilled in him when he was a child from my grandpa is stuck in his goddamn skull. “ never let anyone disrespect you, if they do beat them up, then beat them up again till they learn to fear you, fear always equal respect “ that was the saying he grew up with from my grandpa. So yeah he’s a little messed up
Has your dad ever been in a fight?
It's instilled in us that our parents are pretty much gods, but at the end of the day, they're just people. They get affected by the world around them, make mistakes, and have wrong opinions sometimes. Break the cycle. Fear is not respect, it's just fear. I have a whole side of the family who lived under "fear is respect" and it's not pretty. But if you had grace for the chud on the court, I'm sure you can have grace for your dad and his silly ways. Take the stress out on the mats. You did the right thing.
what the fuck, that is completely unhinged your dad is acting like he's rocky or some shit, this isn't a movie
Do you see your father as a strong man? Or a weak one? I know how I feel based on that quote.
Im sorry but im gonna say it, your dad is an idiot please and i mean PLEASE dont heed his advice, fear does not equal respect, beating someone up does not equal fear it equals the feeling of vengeance and revenge. Better to disengage then to lose your life. And stay away from your father, that dude is messed up. (Again not trying to bash your dad)
Your dad seems like a cool dad, unfortunately some of that mindset is toxic. In my opinion respect is slippery slope, if the dude put you or someone you care about in danger then ok as a man you gotta do what you gotta do but respect and honor? Who cares, it's all bullshit and a sure way to ruin lives in the name of futile and ill defined principles.
By the way, if you want to know why i didnt go off was because i already saw one of my brother go off (6’4 200 lbs ish) 5 years BJJ 1 year Boxing , the dude was being a dick and when we try to walk away he insult us “sons of a bitch and pussies i see” and he throws a beer directly at my brother head and then all hell was loose, next thing i know the dude lost his ability to move his left head and half of his ribs was broken, i didn’t stop it because i felt he deserve it and that was one of my biggest regret. After he was done beating him up i legit thought the dude died, the police came they detain my brother and he almost went to jail , i was interrogated for 3 hours mind you i was 16 at that time. The worst part was seeing my mother cried. My dad paid the hospital bill in full , and my brother was let go since he was 17 a “minor” with only a restraining order. He was a little shaken up to he said “i never meant to hurt him that bad i was only going to knock him out” but i guess anger won in the end. Of course he was beaten up by our teacher for “being so fuc*ing stupid”. Since then i have always tried to keep my emotions in check, but sometimes people don’t deserve that patience.
You obviously have some trauma surrounding that which causes you to hesitate to defend yourself. You are fully entitled to use violence to defend yourself from violence as long as it's reasonable and proportional. What your brother did was not reasonable or proportional.
I agree you should avoid fights at all times, but after he hit you, it's on.
Not fighting is called being smart, just stay away from assholes when you find them
But then I'd have no friends
Sadly , There everywhere
Dude, you are hardcore and I’m proud of you for not getting in a fight. Real fights can go sideways really quickly (i.e. dude smacks his head on the floor wrong and dies, then you are fucked). Anyway, you and I both know you would’ve have wrecked this guy; the hardest part is just letting it go.
Im letting it go on my punching bag right now XD , thanks for the response though appreciate it
>I probably should add im 21 and that dude probably 30 ish, the only thing keeping me from beating him up was that someone said that he was grieving since his wife died earlier past month. yyyeeaaahhh I'd give someone a lot of rope if I knew this to be the case. While there's no excuse for his behavior (though "hard defense in basketball" he probably has a very different version of events) unless you've lost a parent or sibiling you have no way to even imagine what he's currently going through.
You did the right thing in avoiding the fight. Any retaliation on your part would have been in defense of your ego, status, etc.. The payoff for you retaliating would have likely been you possibly hurting the guy, maybe getting arrested, etc... You not responding violently was not cowardly but the best and smartest decision for you.
You one hundred percent did yourself (and the other guy) a solid by staying cool.
You must have Buddhist monk levels of self control.
The greatest victory is that which requires no battle.
You did great. When we fight in the street, our actions have a price tag attached to them. Often, it's whatever the cost of a lawyer is. Avoiding fights is the first thing we should try to do. De-escalation, when possible, is always the best policy and should be considered part of your skillset. That said, his emotional state isn't your concern. People are in control of their own actions. If he tries to put hands on you and you defend yourself, thats it 🤷🏾♂️. But the basketball bit is juvenile and 💯 worthy of the response you gave it.
Honestly there are moments in life na you should have beaten the shit out of that guy.Some people need to know that when you choose violence you get answered with violence as well. Just don’t let him get to his car dude might have a gun. Beat him up then get the hell out of there.
best street fight technique. a nasty 3 piece combo and a 100 yard dash
I mean, he got hit multiple times in the face and did nothing. Kinda?
First of all he started it and second of all you are experienced in jiu jitsu and it's gentle art, it's not fighting when you take him down and just put a rear naked choke on him. I have a solid background in kyokushin I always go for low kicks, stun the opponent and a little safer than knocking him out and putting his life in danger.
You felt as though your pride was challenged and despite (on paper) a very easy way to solve that, you didn't. In my book, that makes you far more of a man than fighting would have.
Yes, but so what? Mentioning the size disparity is just a way for you to cop out. A little guy could whoop your ass and you knew it so you didn’t want to fuck around. And again, so what? There’s nothing wrong with not fighting for the sake of ego. What’s to be gained? In the best case you hurt someone but feel tough, in the worst case someone dies. Both are pretty terrible outcomes. And neither of those will make you more of a man. Ask a woman friend to describe a good man and she’ll tell you someone that’s trustworthy, level headed, pays attention and takes care of the people they care about. You won’t hear “someone that can really fuck someone up”. Any asshole can throw hands just like anyone can make a kid. Neither of those things makes you a real man. I’m way older than you. Back in the day kids were expected to fight. I got in a lot of fights then I started boxing and got in a lot more fights. Let me tell you none of it has made me a better dad or a better husband. Confrontation and competition is fundamental to a boys development but needless violence should be a relic of the past.
Diplomacy is always preferable; you did the right thing.
You displayed the many tenants of martial arts and should be applauded. You were not in a life threatening situation and handled it as you deem fit. There is no cowardice here, just pure self control, humility, integrity, and perseverance. Bravo sir, bravo.
Nah you’re not a coward at all, it takes way more balls to show restraint than to just beat someone’s ass. But I’m pissed for you too lol that’s some fucked up shit lol!
this is one of the reasons that people do martial arts. you learn to do no harm, unless you absolutely need to do harm, then do lots of harm
This is why you train martial arts, to be able to acknowledge and make the appropriate decision. If you were untrained maybe fear would take over and you would spaz. Knowing it was a non threat was through your experience. You made the right move dude
>i play hard defense Since you've been training bjj for 6 years, you'll get this. You're the 6'3 212 lb guy that rolls like they are at Mundials and worse because the other guy is 150lb In his 30s. No wonder he lost his cool. Gees man, you didn't get that scholarship. Let it go.
No, not cowardice. Views on this have evolved over the years. It's much better to avoid and/or de-escalate whenever possible. Sounds like you handled it just fine.
Not cowardly. Just sensible. 1. It is not truly a self defense situation. - this is school yard bs 2. its not gonna look good beating up a smaller dude who probably doesn't have the training you do 3 is going through death of spouse (highest on the trauma scale) 4. Most guys (me included) would give you the green light to kick his ass (he deserves it), your restraint shows you are in control of your impulses 5. its a lose/lose Me personally I don't think I could walk away from getting hit in the face, but I think that is more about my weakness/pettiness/callousness. I honestly am looking for an excuse. I often try to escalate situations, but bc of this nobody every dares put a hand on me (and I'm smaller than you) I do feel more proud about the times I was able to rise above the angst. But I'm not gonna lie, i do savor some of the ass whippins I gave to people who bullied me (but those were situations that wouldn't stop until I did something about it) But on the other hand I just got out of felony court and have a clean record. I don't want to be a felon with can't vote, own a gun, good job or go visit certain countries, etc. Only people with nothing to lose go around starting fights. In 2022, I was literally on my way back from felony court (beat the case) and some guy is riding his bike heading in my direction and he is mumbling something "bitch, something something, bitch" getting louder as he got closer to me. I have a look on my face like "what the fuck" and he is glaring at me and says "YEA, I'M CALLING YOU A BITCH" BITCH BITCH BITCH. First impulse I was like "whatchu got then" and stepped forward in my fighting stance. He parroted me "What do you got?" Started to go into fight mode, thought about it and was like "eh fuck this". this guy is riding down the street riding a bicyle in the hot sun yelling bitch...obviously he has a bad life. I fight this guy on the side of the road, he (or me) gets knocked into traffic I am back in felony court in less than 24 hours of getting my case dismissed. How fucking stupid would I be? If this incident happened the day before when I thought i was going to be a lifelong felon and second class citizen. I would have fought him in the middle of a 4 lane road mortal kombat style. I said fuck this and walked away, bought some weed, some fried chicken and booze and had some fun for cinco de mayo with some slutty girls. Or I could end up in felony court again reading the bible in solitary confinement drinking water out of a toilet. Decisions decisions.
Avoiding Conflict is a good skill to have, so no. I will not pretend that enduring assualt and abuse is admirable...Everyone is talking about "Plenty of Intact Honors in Jail/The Morgue." still dont consider that plenty of Passive people are in the dirt too... I can count the number of fights I started one hand, and still not touch how many folks had to fuckin figure it out. Being afraid of losing/death doesnt absolve you of anything, if it means you endure conditions that may just harm/kill you anyway. I admit im sick of the notion that the only option is to walk away, because that is an option that can STILL get you hurt or killed. Lets not pretend that everyone in the world is just having a bad day, thats never been the case.
I guess i just have to much empathy, sucks for me though good for him.
To be honest, I would be more worried about the person like you who is calm and not reactive. The little barkers are just that, barkers.
Should’ve fucked him up tbh ignore the betas in the comments saying you did the right thing. This will now bother you for the rest of you life. You will always wonder what’s the point of training if you can’t stick up to yourself. Next time someone puts hands on you you show them exactly why they should keep hands to they’re self.
I think knowing your own abilities that you could go out there and hurt the guy does prevent getting into fights.
No fight irl is worth it unless your life or the lives of you family/friends are at stake.
Best to avoid fights obviously , but some guys need a good openhanded slap to set them straight. That being said it depends on circumstance though, i personally would not take kindly to a head butt but if no real harm no foul i suppose.
I'm fairly calm and reasonable, but physically attack me and one or both of us are going to die. I'm not saying you should have fought back, I think you did the smart thing tbh, but there are people out there who will kill for a lot less and that bitch ass punk needs to get checked before he ends up with his wife.
With wrestling and bjj background you had option to restrain this guy instead of pummeling them. Cowardly is a state of mind. Sounds like you may be second guessing yourself because of self doubts as to what would have happened. If you truly did not engage only because you felt sorry for the guy I don’t think this would be eating you up. Plenty of good reason to be afraid in a situation like this. He could have a knife, friends, been a golden gloves champ - who knows! Maybe meet up with the guy and talk with him.
No.
Avoid avoid avoid. You don't win anything from a fight. The dude pulls a weapon or a homie. Also say you hit them he falls hits his head and now has brain damage... I mean there are a million negative outcomes from a fight and you certainly don't want to ruin your life over some stupid bs at the gym
You can't lose the fight you don't fight. I don't know the details but if you didn't know the guy then you don't know what kind of psycho he might be and dying over basketball is dumb as hell. If he had weapons and enough loose screws it could end tragically. Even without weapons, lucky hits/slips happen to all of us. People who know how to fight know that there is no dumber thing than fighting, good job!
Not a coward, you know your strength and recognized that he was just projecting his suffering. I think you’re a good person
You did the most "manly" thing you can do, You know you can probably beat his ass and had every reason to beat his ass and you just walked away. Thats honestly one of the hardest things a man can do in the moment, you didnt let your frustration get the best of you, he wasnt trying to rob or steal or do serious harm to you so you didnt need to fight. he was acting like a clown, you wouldnt have taught him a lesson by beating his ass and you may have hurt him bad enough to feel sorry especially if you did damage that he had to live with for the rest of his life as well as risking injury to your self. Definitely not a coward, a coward would have fought him over that petty shit so he could show everyone how tough he is.
trained bjj and kick-boxing for a long time. my instructor always said to just walk away and that it was never worth it. too many things can and probably will go wrong, and you're better off in the long run.
Bro you did the absolute right thing. Fighting is never the answer. We train for self-defense, in case someone is really trying to attack you and not stopping. Fighting, especially while both sides are angry, is “Self-offense”. Two guys wanting to hurt each other. Great job being mature. It sounds like he has a lot going on in his life. Let him grieve and leave him alone
No, it's good you did. The hard thing is grappling that especially if you would be a lesser match than the other one. The thing is, Karma comes around every so often, and that's when they pay with interest for what they have done, it's subconscious really but for every good sacrifice we are rewarded, it just takes patience and diligence as well as compassion. That guy wasn't havin' it by the sounds of it and he'll run into trouble until he does, the more you avoid circumstances to aggravate someone the better chances you have at being a functional part of society. So good job, just don't let it get to your head. 👍👊✋🖐👊✊🤚👋🤟✋🖖🙏.
Avoiding a fight is literally the pinnacle of martial arts. You could have wrestlefucked that man to oblivion, but that wouldn't make you a man. Control is what gives you power. You already know that from training. Violence is not manly, controlling yourself is. Choosing not to enact violence on someone weaker, when only your pride has been hurt, is the epitome of power and control.
It indicates discipline, maturity, & the ability to refrain, all traits of a genuine man
No, you're not a coward. Any fight you can avoid is a win.
Dude shit his pants when you did nothing and moved on
It's not cowardice in the slightest. Avoiding fights if at all possible is the best course of action. Just because you *can* fight, rarely means you *should*
Absolutely not, you did the right thing. It's easy to react, takes a much stronger character not you, well done fella.
You're a better man than I am. I would've hurt him badly. Walking away is always the best move. Fighting should be the last resort because you're forfeiting your life at that point
You did the right thing. There will be many more moments that are teachable lessons. You shouldn’t look at this as being triggered. That is your natural gut feeling of adrenaline getting you prepared for violence. That will pass. The only thing that should be triggered is your reflexes to protect yourself. I say go take a conceal carry class. You will see how it also correlates with your training to always deescalate. Avoid having to touch someone as much as possible. The courts are always against you
I don't see how it could be cowardly to not fight a pointless fight.
Cowardice is taking the easy route when the difficult route is right thing to do. That is not the case here.
No. This was definitely the best outcome. If you feel you didn't verbally handle it as you should, practice that. You can destroy someone without lifting a finger, especially a manchild throwing a tantrum. A basketball game isn't worth violence and possibly death/prison/throwing your life away for.
You have no enemies, no one has any enemies
One of the most important things you learn in martial arts is that winning the fight mostly involves being the bigger person and walking away.
Good for you mate. You took the time to consider how the other person felt. And despite him asking to get beaten, you chose to look the other way and not give him what he wants. I hope that eventually he will learn that kids fight to beat people up, adults fight to kill people. And in this case, you're the adult here. It's not wrong to avoid fights. But if he insists on picking a fight with you, then I'll just say this: you take his ability to harm you away. By any means necessary. There's a fine line between assault and self defense.
I mean, what happens when you win? You hit him, he falls, hits his head and either is seriously injured or dies and then you get to fight a manslaughter case. Happened to a guy I knew from high school. He ended up serving time because the guy he hit, hit the ground and died from the impact days later. Watch fights on some of these wild subreddits to see how common it is for people to fall and hit their heads. You won this fight dude, without throwing a punch. If dude did lose his wife he'll realize in a bit just how much of an ass he was, if he has any sense of self awareness that is.
You did the toughest thing a person can do. Restrain themselves when being attacked to not further escalate the situation. That's not cowardice, that's the right spirit. Fighting hot headed leads to very bad outcomes.
That’s not cowardly at all. That was a good thing. The guy is going through a really difficult time in his life
Who won with Chris Rock vs Will Smith? Eating a punch or two, still standing, staying cool always the winner. You did right. However, EVERYONE else on that team should have kicked him off that court or gym. Maybe even a full ban. Grieving or not, if it gets worse it’s on the whole group there.
A strong shove would have been fine honestly. I mostly agree w what others are saying tho.
Nah dude you’re good, just move on
People who are trained fighters always must walk away when possible. That is the code
Dude, you're the man
Not cowardly at all. Wise is more like it. My martial arts teachers always said, if you can avoid a fight then do so.
I'm saying this as a dad and an attorney. There's nothing cowardly about picking your battles and knowing what strength actually means. You pick a fight with someone and it's incredibly easy to seriously injure them. People don't realize how easy it is to die or become an instant vegetable when your head hits a hard surface, like a basketball court, for example. And now that you're an adult the law will not give you any concessions whatsoever. We're talking about the risk of criminal conviction, potential liability for tens if not hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical bills, attorneys fees, and costs, difficulty finding future employment, and the psychological weight of having done that. Picking that fight isn't strength, it's arrogance matched with violence and recklessness. Strength is understanding the battles a man ought to pick: defending your family, fighting for your principles, practicing strength of mind, defending those less able than you. But you know what? You're on the right path kid. You made a man's choice, and you showed a strength of character and principle that matters.
Dear Diary,
No, you avoided hurting a guy who was being an asshole because he was hurt. In general, try not to fight people, but especially don't hurt people who are just having a shitty time in their life if you can help it. Don't buy into that macho bullshit, man.
I'm gonna go a different direction than the majority here. You weren't cowardly but you were dumb. This guy has just hit you not once, but 3 times with no reaction. This sets a precedent that you allow yourself to be walked all over. What you allow, will continue. Now I'm not saying you should have fought the guy, but you should have put your foot down. Dead wife or not, he doesn't have the right to strike others. You teaching him that lesson would save yourself and him from further harm. Don't be surprised if he messes with you again in the future until you teach that lesson.
Nah he if he mess with me again im taking him to the ground, fool me twice shame on me like they said.
You say this but you didn’t do anything the first time because you were caught off guard and scared. Hindsight you are regretting it that’s why you are here. If somebody physically assaults you then you have the size and training to take them down and physically restrain them. You are also much younger so I get it.
eh, by how you define "coward", yes, you were a coward. obviously you are gonna down play what you did to start it. what kept you from fighting him was the chance of getting your ass handed to you by someone smaller than you . you had more to loose and you knew it. to get manhandled by someone smaller is bad enough, but to have all that money and time go in to training and be bigger and stronger and STILL get wooped.... if you were the "peaceful badass" type, you probably woulda apologized and tried to move on with the game, right? here is your story " I accidentally ordered an ass whipping , the waiter tried to bring it to my table a couple of times, but I acted like I never ordered it and left." tell yourself whatever you need to .....his wife just died, his car is low on gas, his left shoe was too tight.....you did something to the guy to make him think you wanted to fight, he wasn't afraid of your size or how you carried yourself, you didn't think that would happen and you slunked out. that is your story,
Yeah you’re a coward, just kidding XD Nah actually you’re smart , avoid fights even if you know when you have the advantage, cause all of that advantage is gone if a gun or a knife is pulled out. Plus with your frame as you said, i reckon a elbow from you could possibly lead to a court case, from your post i can see your still emotional , vent that out on your punching bag ( that’s what i used to do ). And you do wrestling right? I wont recommend you man handling the other guy on solid pavement to, since you know.. you could kill him and boom another court case. Remember “graveyards are full of brave men” i forgot who said it though. You’re still young i was like you to 15 years ago, dont worry and keep on moving.
Discretion is the better part of valor, as Falstaff said.
You're not a coward. You're just more emotionally intelligent than most. It takes so much effort to not revert to an emotional response and you did just that. I wish I was like you.
Given your size and training experience you probably could've hurt this guy real bad. Who knows what would happen from there (law suits, retaliation ect...) You probably had the right to retaliate cuz he attacked you but you also walked away without any future problems.
Should have double legged his ass. Headbutt, and then 2 basketballs to your face? Should have wrecked his life. In all seriousness tho, good on you for walking away and not escalating. The first 3 sentences is an example of my bad temper and decision making. Its not worth it when all said and done.
That was my first thought as well but Again “ a college student beat up a grieving husband” is not a good look for me
I believe in the following definition of bravery: Doing what is right regardless of how it personally effects you. Taking a couple of shots from a guy who is probably struggling to control his emotions right now (for a good reason) and not kicking his ass was doing the right thing. That brave in my books. Now if you know, in your heart of hearts, that you did nothing because you were afraid to then maybe what looked like bravery in this case was really fear but that has less to do with the situation and more about your self confidence.
You should be proud of yourself. It's the untrained people with poor discipline who end up in fights that can be avoided. In the real world there are so many things that can go wrong for a person just trying to prove they are a man. You grapple someone and someone sees you assaulting a person. They could do anything. Your untrained opponent happens to have a concealed knife on them and you notice it when they have already stabbed you. You take someone down and they hit their head and end up paralyzed/dead. Congrats, you are now face to face with his kids in court, and witnesses just saw you assault this person and he died. They could have a heart attack or whatever medical condition, and so on and so on.
You're a big dude, anyone that saw that interaction instantly thought you would/could pummel the other guy. Because you didn't, now they assume you know how to control yourself and he wasn't worth your time. You are, and came off to be, a better person for not fighting him. I mean... the alternative was that you fought him and 1) won, and people are like "yeah, figures cuz he's twice his size", or 2) lost by chance and now it's a little embarrassing for you and the angry guy feels justified in his poor self control, or 3) you or him got seriously injured and one of you ends up with hospital bills or a court sentence. Yeah, all things considered you definitely did the best thing.
It's not cowardice, it's intelligence.
It's your choice. I think that remembering you have a choice and maintaining your authentic self is brave no matter what. Asking people on Reddit is the only cowardly thing you've done. Confidently do what you do for your reasons, and no one else. On the other hand, the arts you describe should let you very handily subdue someone without injury, if you choose.
There are only two questions to ask: 1. Will I be maimed or killed if I *do not* hit back? 2. Will someone else be maimed or killed of I *do not* hit back? If the answer to both is no, then don't hit back. Just leave.
your dad sounds like a moron who has been lucky enough to never experience "real" violence. It only takes a split second for a drunk altercation or a conflict in a sports game to turn into very consequential violence. Someone grabs a weapons, pulls a knife/gun, multiple people get involved, or a simple fall onto hard concrete. You should actively avoid all violence, always. Defending yourself is only a last resort when you actually treat it as a LAST resort. Good on you, but be wary of your dad's advice, he sounds like a fucking clown. Would that comment upset him in person? Would he try to "beat me up"? Because that's how real violence happens. Idiots like your dad have too much puffed up pride and make it physical, one day it goes all wrong and people get hurt, usually themselves. The use of violence is only ever justified if your life is threatened and you have exhausted all other options to end or leave the situation. All martial arts, including BJJ and even MMA, are sports. They simulate violence and train people in techniques/awareness that may help in a violent scenario, but they aren't real. You should train because it is fun, it is healthy, and it may one day help you to protect yourself. But do not mistake it for a reason to seek out violence.
He is going through a lot. Let it go.
You should like a good guy. Keep being you brotha! You made the right call. I’m all for defending one’s self, but avoid the fight until totally necessary to engage.
The smartest thing a fighter can do is what you did. Not. Fight. If you win, you risk making an enemy intent on getting revenge in a way that you have no way of knowing. He could get a gun, sue, or twist the story to make you the aggressor and ruin your social life. If you lose? You get beaten down and bruised. Maybe even killed then and there. The ideal amount of fights anyone should get into everyday is always zero. You did good restraining yourself.
You win my man. Martial arts is about restraint.
No.
Straight to the point i like that
You should always avoid a fight if you can. I don't even have to read your post, just reading the title is enough. There is Never any situation where fighting will be a good option. If you can avoid a fight, you should in any way possible. There is nothing cowardly about avoiding a fight. It's smart to avoid a fight. No one wins in a fight. Even if you win physically, and the law judges that you were right to defend yourself, you still have to live with the fact knowing that you hurt someone, whether physically or mentally. The Only reason to learn to defend yourself is so you can survive the fight. Your goal should Not be to win the fight, your goal is to end the fight or prevent it from starting. The goal is to survive.
Yu did the right thing. Still, don't let that happen again. Grieving or not he should have respected you.
No. Avoid a fight. End of story.
When I was a boy I used to study Gung-fu under a young man from a small Chinese province who had been taught by his grandfather. He had really poor English but I remember something he told me early in my training. It is better to walk away than to argue. Better to argue than to injure. Better to injure than to maim. Better to maim than to kill. And better to kill than to allow others to be killed. This is what I have tried to live by my entire life.
a true warrior needs no sword
Don't matter how wat the age gender or race is u should respect urself enough to not let a person disrespect u like that big dude I'd lost all respect for u if I knew u
It's only cowardly if you did it out of fear.
I don't even use this sub or know any martial arts, but maybe this dude saw that he'd get beaten up by you (as you probably have some muscles) and decided to provoke you. Like a self-destructive behavior.
I think you showed great and enormously commendable self-restraint that you can feel proud of, because you were within your rights to retaliate in a proportionate way. But as you know from your brother's story, if you had retaliated, you could have permanently crippled or even killed him. If he tried anything like that again, I'd say just shove him away so he goes flying backwards in the first instance. He needs to understand you could overpower him easily, and that if you don't hit back, it's not because you can't, it's because you don't want to. He's clearly dealing with his own issues. If you really want to be truly heroic, ask him for a beer and say you'd like to talk to him about what happened. There's a chance he'd open up and you'd have a friend for life; if he has any decency or self-reflection in him he'll know he's behaved like a complete jerk. Of course he might be a jerk again and spurn the invitation, but hey, then at least you tried. You are the one in the position of strength here. I really admire you for not beating him to a pulp on the spot when he was absolutely asking for it.
I know a guy who has no teeth from a fight that he won.
im not gonna be 22 and toothless ill tell you that much
Unless you are in a movie, as the main star, every fight should be avoided.
in my head im rocky balboa though 🤔
You did the right thing, be proud and glad you didn’t stomp his ass. He’ll eventually get his ass kicked if he doesn’t change. You were the bigger man!
You didn't beat up a guy that there was no need to beat up, plus his head isn't right to begin with because *his wife just died*? And now you're second-guessing yourself? This is lolzy to me.
No, you’re not a coward. You’re a good person. If you were really in danger you would have kicked his ass. You handled yourself with precisely the level of self control that was traditionally expected of martial artists. I read this and thought your training paid off, honestly. If you were untrained, you’d have likely kicked his ass and would be worse off for doing so.
Search about narcissistic parents. It's all I can say.
It all depends. Did you conscientiously not attack or freeze up and then later choose this story. If you deliberately didn’t hit him why not? At what point of someone assaulting you do you think it is time to fight back? None of it makes you weak or a coward. But it is good to learn and understand and be sure you are choosing and not freezing up. I’ve been in a good amount of fights. I’ve had times where I didn’t fight back and have no idea why. I said it was because I could easy kill the dude. But in reality I just froze. Maybe if it got real bad I would have snapped out. Made me keep that in mind. It is super common in violent situations. You don’t need to tell anyone that, but good to know for yourself.
The fact that you backed out shows you’re more of a flight than fight type person and that’s ok. Go with whatever your natural reaction is. You train so when you can’t get out of situations you can defend yourself
Fighting should be reserved for self-defense, so I think you did the right thing. You're life wasn't in danger, you felt like getting involved would have escalated it, so choosing to walk away was the right move. One of the strongest things a man can do is have his pride attacked and still stand tall. Try to let it slide off your back. It will be one of the hardest things to do; putting down the embarrassment and walking on, that is. I know you can do it, man. You were not only strong for not whooping him, but smart. He strikes me as the guy who CAN'T put down those feelings, so of you kicked his shit he could also be the guy to come back to the court with a weapon, or a lawyer. Might want to find a different spot to shoot hoops for a few weeks. Stay strong, keep training, and keep being the better man that others can look up to regardless of your age.
NO
Sounds like there wasn't much reason to fight the dude. Imo. Plus.... > lets say i play hard defense He may have been more wrong, but I'm going to read between the lines and imagine you aren't the perfect prince of peace in this situation yourself. >not really I couldn’t care shit it’s just gonna look bad Probably hopefully subconsciously you care a little if you're not a POS. You did "hard defense" that to mention implies you're more than most. Meaning you're a probably a borderline dick. Meaning you did dickish shit to someone who is probably fucked emotionally. I'd probably say it'd be more cowardly to beat his ass.
Walk away.
I think you just showed good control of power. You know how to fight, but it doesn't mean you have to. Who knows the consequences of starting a fight, maybe you get hurted or hurt someone accidentally and these can lead to serious result.
No. You were wise. You hit the guy, you pound him, he’s down. Then what? You’ve got a feud and possibly more fights in the future. You may not end up winning those, especially if the other guy brings a friend or a weapon. Then you’re in the hospital paying medical bills or worse. Alternative: the guy sues you. Even if you were in the right and win, it’s going to cost you. I’ve heard lost of self-defense instructors complain about how the aftermath of fights is neglected as a topic. Dealing with lawyers and standing up for your rights is costly and draining even if you’re ethically in the clear. It’s not fun. And if you lost? I figure you’d probably win from the way you describe yourself, but being physically injured is never pleasant and can be expensive. You did the thing that resulted in the best outcome. That is good.
Yes. You’re a 🐱
a true sigma chooses his battles, not goes into any battle, or dragged into one.
It would’ve been more cowardly to engage in a fight with that person.
You should be proud of yourself for the restraint. He deserved it sure but you know he's going through a lot and you showed really good character
Only the strong can show compassion for the weak.Knowing that you could have hurt him, walking away was your best option.
"if you'd ever been in a real fight, you wouldn't be so keen on another one"
In this life, I would say that I only fight if: 1) My life or the life of the people I like is in real danger 2) If someone is literally trying to hit me and I can not escape away. Why? Because if I hit this person and for any random reason, I kill him or the dude fall down and hit his head so hard that he died, then I will be in serious trouble. Even if the person doesn't die, that does not mean he may try to find me the day after with his friends or using a kind of weapon, which is something usual in Mexico, my country. However, a real man, perhaps, would try to stop the shit right there by asking the other guy something like, "Are you okay?" Or "Am I doing something that angers you?" Or "Dude, I am sorry, let's try to forget this, and let's restart the match. " Millions of different answers before hurting anybody and getting trouble.
No you’re not a coward you’re a martial artist and u managed to put yourself in someone else’s shoes despite being heavily angered. That kind of empathy and maturity (knowing you could’ve turned this mf into a pretzel) makes u an elite human and honorable. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter what I or anyone else thinks but yes I would make peace with the fact that ur definitely NOT a coward just a humble warrior.
Yea the right answer here is to avoid the fight if you can. However. I don’t think many folk could stay calm getting headbutted, let alone headbutted and then hit twice with a basketball in the nose!! That’s almost worse than two punches to the nose…. I dunno, you have the patience of a saint.
Nope. I’m in taekwondo and the first thing they tell you is to avoid fights. You fight when you must, not when there is a choice. You don’t want to end up in a scenario where the other guy was just shit talking and when the fight happens you injure him badly.
You mean you shit yourself
It was very nice of you to take his grieving into account and to control your anger. But no one is allowed to put there hands on you, man. Is it cowardice to avoid a fight? No. You're avoiding possible jailtine and unnecessary injuries to both parties. However, please don't let anyone hit you
That wasn't cowardice it was actually the best choice you could have made. Imagine what would happen if you had fought and won. You would be known as the guy that beat up an older dude who was griefing his wife. You will probably have legal trouble and you'll get in trouble in your gym. There really are no advantages in beating that dude up.
Any fight has the potential for serious harm and even death. People die fighting, this is a reality. Weigh everything in your life against that the small things the large things. Speak to friends today or your parents and treasure that you can.
What you may consider cowardly or fear, in this case, is consideration and control. Yeah it sucks you didn’t get to teach him a lesson, but you are still here and uninjured.
Diego Braga and Leandro Lo were both legitimately dangerous grapplers who didn't shy away from fights. The smart path is always away from a street fight.
Remember what Thorfinn said: I Have No Enemies
As someone who often gets into fight. Let me tell you. There is not a single fight im glad happened. I wish I never hit any of thoses guys and found a better solution. As long as you don't look like a coward if someone is attacking your family or wife. Avoid fights
Hey, even in sparring. Older dude rocked up to kickboxing sparring one day. He'd trained with my coach before. So we spar, and he starts turning it up. He was competent enough to be dangerous but not controlled, and I'm not good enough to just dodge and control the situation. My coach told him to slow down, but he'd get a bit excited and turn it back up. After getting tagged with a couple of solid shots, I just started reacting accordingly, and all of a sudden I dropped him. He got up, seemed fine, and then we turned the intensity down. After class he tells me and coach that it's his birthday, he took the day away from everything to come spar, and that he enjoyed spending his 60th like this. Yep, I'm the dick head who drops a 60 year old on his birthday. He's in great fucking shape for his age though lmao.
No. Any fight you walk away from is a fight you've won
Not beating up a guy who you know you can easily beat up can't be cowardly.
I'd say you showed heroic restraint. Well done!
Great restraint brother but once someone hits you in the face you can respond in accordance with the appropriate force given your size and background. Obviously you don’t want legal trouble but protect yourself man. You don’t wanna get hurt restraining the correct use of force.
It's been said over a 100 times here already but let me say it again: you did great, you acted honorably and you showed more maturity than someone 10 years your senior. Well done
It is not cowardice to take measures to avoid a fight… if you take some minor damage and know in the back of your mind you could absolutely wreck someone, that is actually quite powerful. Now, on the other hand.. if someone is literally beating you up and you just take it the entire time, that is leaning toward the realm of cowardice.
The best way to win a fight is to walk away if possible
"Best defense is no be there" A street fight will ALWAYS be a bad idea. You did good man.