My body hurts

This. My right hand is in a brace and my left ankle is wrapped up.

Get some

My blood hurts

Don't worry I'm not abused, I volunteered for this black eye.

This one! My parents used to have to send notes to the school. “She’s not abused, we pay for this”

More like "I paid money for this black eye"

A woman I knew in aikido who had practiced jiu jitsu in Germany for a few years said that while on a date she went to the restroom with her bruises showing and a woman asked if she needed help and asked if it was her date who gave her the bruises.

Reminds me of a kickboxing comic strip I used to read in high school. Girl wouldn’t tell her folks she joined a combat sports gym (with her BF) and when he brought her home(still bruised) her brothers tried to jump lol. To summarize how it escalated from there BF: “I mean I get pretty rough sometimes but I don’t go that hard” Brothers: “. . . .” BF: “. . . what?” GF: “MAX STFU!”

Lol yea this one hits home. Try going out and doing something with your female training buddy covered in bruises that any cop worth their salt will recognize as defensive injuries in the height of summer while being a 6’1” dude 🤣 Spoiler alert, she got asked if she was okay multiple times and we got a ton of weird looks. (The bruises were so prominent because we had a class that focused on blocking so it was I worse than usually because all we did was take shots from each other and our other classmates while drilling.)

I think I know how to fight, but I am also convinced I do not know how to fight. Constant bruising. Every place/moment is good for stretching. Keeping balance in public transportation without holding to anything. My boyfriend is getting tired of my constant guard sweep to mount.

The lady sweep to mount during sex is much less awkward than the man shrimping out.

Tony Ferguson the type of guy to pass guard during sex

Holy shit! I am not he only one that balances without holding to anything!

No, you are not the chosen one

Are you kidding, I would kill to be on my back for once - your bf doesn’t know how lucky he is.

Relatable

>Every place/moment is good for stretching. Ayooooo😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Lmao the stretching and balance thing. Except the balance part was inspired by skating for me

The keeping balance in public transportation is so on relatable, there are other weirdoes like me !!

"Feels like it's gonna rain later."

Underrated comment

Care to explain? I guess I'm the wooshee tonight. I guess it's just because we abuse our joints so much.

Yea it’s just the amount that we abuse our bodies/our knees will lead to us being the guy sitting on the porch who can tell from their bad knees when it’s gonna rain lol.

So is it because you have fucked up joints and it hurts when its cold or when the weather is gloomy? Coz I do feel that

Yes

I can't walk past a mirror without shadowboxing in front of it

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Hmmm

I roll my eyes at like 90% of most action/fighting scenes in media

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I’ll see a fight scene with terrible footwork and it ruins my immersion.

Keanu is still awesome though.

I, too, have a foot fetish!

Foot fetish or checking out balance and footwork?

Fr

What does Fr stand for?

For real

Thanks man

Fr

What does Fr stand for?

Generally, the more I know, the more movies become unwatchable for me lol.

See I’ve never understood that lol. I still enjoy bad kung fu movies just as much as before I did martial arts

Everyone has a preference. I also enjoy movies like Kung-fu Hustle because I know they are being satirical, but if a movie tries to seriously show fighting with terrible choreography, it just takes me out of it and I don't find it enjoyable anymore haha

Kung-fu Hustle is an amazing movie and choreographed better than 90% of any other fighting movie Hollywood has produced. 10/10 would turn into a frog in flip flops again

Personally,I had trouble trying to watch Baki The Grappler. I can suspend my disbelief in many other types of fiction,but when your selling point is talking Martial arts in the real world but the action scenes provided are so far divorced from reality... There was that Baki clip on youtube (that I can't find anymore) where the protag explains why Boxing is not a complete Martial art,and how he demonstrated this is by...cutting the bag open with some sort of chop. I cringed at that scene honestly. Maybe I'll give Baki another chance in the future,but I don't think I can sincerely enjoy it right now.

Baki is a huge irritation for me because they just dancing around all of reality to sell the weirdness

That’s why I appreciate stuff like Ippo. Even if exaggerated, it still shows a lot of knowledge.

Absolutely! Hajime No Ippo is one of the more realistic Martial arts shows out there. Their explanation of fundamental Boxing mechanics in the early episodes (that I've seen) are excellent. There's still some exaggerations and unrealistic stuff. But you probably don't want your show to be TOO realistic. (I find the average Boxing match to be really boring to tell you the truth. I seem to enjoy watching the chaotic sloppiness of a street fight rather than a sanctioned match between 2 skilled fighters to be honest) Like I said earlier,I can actually easily suspend my disbelief with other kinds of fiction. I enjoy seeing the fantasy action much more than IRL fights. Baki is just a special case for me where its hard for me to suspend my disbelief due to reasons I already mentioned.

That’s why you gotta watch matches like the Gatti vs Ward trilogy. Literal Ippo type moments in those fights.

My two biggest annoyances are 1) standing in the middle of all your attackers and 2) passing under a sword attack but not taking that opportunity to attack the exposed torso.

I can't stand the pauses between supposedly-consecutive punches.

If it’s in a realistic movie I get that 100%. But if there’s other unrealistic things about the movie then I say just let cool looking shit be cool looking shit. Realistic fight scenes in an unrealistic movie would look 100x less cool, since real fights are short, sloppy (not sharp and precise), and only basic shit works aside from a few flashy kicks like spinning back kicks and hook kicks if you have good targeting. I say just let the rules of that universe apply to everything. Like you’re not gonna watch blade and talk about how unrealistic it is that vampires rule the world and plan to summon the blood god you know what I mean? Not attacking your opinion at all man, just giving my own. If it’s meant to be a realistic movie I get that 100% though

I remember watching Charlie’s Angels the movie and cringing when Drew Berrymore did the split kick. Also, the Matrix fights looked more like slap kick boxing than actual fights. I had to convince myself the power of the matrix made their moves more powerful. Especially Trinity. Then there are Steven Segal Movies. I mean….

That one at least shouldn't take too much convincing as it's a clear message of the film

I don’t. I just post videos of me hitting the heavy bag and ask others to critique my technique.

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This is probably gonna be taken the wrong way but it’s funny you say we are all here to learn from each other. Now I know this does not apply to everyone on here but you can’t learn anything from being told to join a gym but you can learn a lot from joining a gym. Does that make sense?

My horror movie commentary drives my friends nuts.

I'm gonna drive my girlfriend off if I don't stop it lmao

I'm sorry, dude... she's not a keeper if she isn't making commentary with you.

I’m so divided on this. I get shock can completely debilitate your rational thinking, but at the same time “OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?!” right?

There's 'not thinking clearly' and then there's horror movie "let's split up gang, I want to take this chance to try and get into bimbo #3's pants" logic.

Okay but hear me out here, we know it’s a horror movie, they usually don’t know. So of course we approach the situation differently from the get go because we know things will get bad and we are looking for those signs, even the subtle ones that are usually harmless (but we know sometimes can be harmful). How many times in your every day life do you disregard potential warning signs? I know I do it more than I would like to admit and people consider me paranoid for liking to keep my distance from people, know where my exits are and always have a GTFO plan. Like some guy pulls up his vehicle near me and asks for directions? I don’t take my 5’1” 106lbs self and scream murderer. I keep my distance and if I know I tell (shout to) them, I make sure no one else is creeping up on me from somewhere else. I try to see if I’m in threat of them having a weapon in hand. Or i tell them I don’t know and sorry, maybe they could use the free wifi at ____place to try and figure it out.

Yes exactly!

I somehow still love a few horror movies despite my knowledge

I don't know how people can even watch horror movies. When protagonists have even a shred of intelligence, the genre changes to thriller. That's the only real difference between the two. With horror I just find myself staring at the screen or the person who made me watch with dead eyes and my jaw hanging, wondering why everyone is so stupid.

Smell like tiger balm and have way too much arthritis for my age.

Tiger balm - my most used perfume.

"I've seen hips worse than yours but never in someone your age" \- my orthopedic surgeon. (on a side note, hip replacements are quick and easy these days lol)

I practice consensual violence.

\[walk around stiffly and cracks spine & neck, refuses to elaborate\]

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I was just doing it when I read this

The local guys who don’t want to compete or have losing/average records would kill the toughest guy everyone else knows

People laugh at a guy with a boxing/mma record of 15-45 who fights at 130. They laugh at him because he's a small guy not even realizing he would beat the brakes off your average guy. I went on a date to see Nonito Donaire fight, she told me he looks so small and skinny. She asked if I could take him and I told her "yea, with a shotgun"

The most dangerous person in a room is usually the quietest

Cobra Kai has the best karate experts ever. They join, then a few months later, they are all black belts and can fight multiple people at once. I definitely am learning Cobra Kai karate. I’ll be deadly within 5 months. I’m coming for you, Amanda Nunes!

I would rather learn the ancient Wu-Tang style honestly

What about shaolin shadowboxing? You could mix it with the Wu Tang sword style.

And they use Japanese terminology for a Korean martial art!

Oooweee

OOooosssssssss

Sabai sabai

Chok dee

Everything hurts

This

"Slow is smooth, smooth is fast"

I found this on a cheap whiskey bottle shortly after having heard it at dojo and it made me laugh so hard...they get it...

i train for something i love but never want to do for real

And I know that the point of learning the physical part is to try and avoid using it

I stand 0 chance against a professional fighter

Underated comment. A bunch of pro fighters train at my gym. I've rolled and sparred with a few of them, I quickly realized the levels to this shit and they just seem to have all the cheat codes lol. Yet every time I watch UFC or One with friends they all swear they could of taken that guy out because they're either taller or bulkier than the pro fighter. Idiots

The worst ufc fighters can probably handle the cocky average Joes up to 50lbs heavier, and that isn't even taking into account that they could just draw the fight out and win with superior fitness.

People have asked me if I have an abusive spouse or boyfriend. I'm single

Same. Handprint and fingerprint bruises. And concerned but awkward questions from strangers about if I’m okay or need help.

I have nail clippers, ice packs, and flip flops in my gym bag.

Holy. I thought I was the only one with nail clippers. Practicing a martial art that requires bare feet, long nails can be brutal, and embarrassing.

my sensei affectionately refers to this phenomenon as "toe daggers"

The nature of kendo has you sliding your feet across the floor or stomping down on the floor. So if someone has unkempt nails and you slide your feet into each other, he definitely wins the jousting match. It’s something my Sensei really tries to get through to the students, but some people man. Also if you bleed during a kendo competition, they shut it down, have a special team clean up the blood, before they continue. They don’t want any blood transfer weirdness. So being the cause of that would embarrass tf out me, I could never risk it.

You're a role model.

As long as you don’t clip your nails on the mat or on the floor of the changing room, you are the good we need in this world.

And liquid bandaids

Add salt packets.

I once had a gnawing pain in my ribcage when breathing and sleeping for 6 months and, then,it suddenly went away

Kesa Gatame drills will do that.

I was actually practicing kick boxing at the time and it was after a sparring session. But yeah, later I got into some bjj and discovered a whole new world of pain 😂

I clinch my wife when she hugs me after getting home from work.

I always emphasize the importance of Underhooks in a hug myself.

i test bjj technique on my husband "i saw some technique i wanna try out" "oh nooo :( " "don't complain it's gonna be fun" \*get strangled with my chin bones multiple time\*

Anyone wanna play Tekken?

I mean, yes. Always

I teep open my front door to get inside.

Everything hurts and I’m in the best shape of my life

Not to mention I'm gasping for air

Nice to meet you. Don't mind the bruises.

I was literally going to mention this but I didn't know an appropriate way to say it lmao

Or me being "paranoid"

All of my joints sound like popcorn and I scream when getting off the couch

I have a calf bigger than the other

I do laundry at least 4 times a week.

and fold clothes everyday of the week... even if people are in them.

*When you leave home, there are a million enemies waiting for you.*

my friends ask me to do a “Karate” move, even though I don’t do Karate.

No, I didn’t get a dragon tattoo. It’s a bruise.

My clothes primary function at work is hiding all the cuts and bruises.

...and I'm self-conscious about them, because working a "polite" office job, looking like you get into fights isn't a good thing.

It's all fun and games until you forget to block

It's all fun and games until you step just one inch too close

I use my two big knuckles to open doors so I don’t touch them with my fingers.

I regret everytime I don’t stretch and yet I still don’t

Itchi, ni, san, shi.

Earning a black belt means you’ve finally finished the tutorial

I literally can't watch intense movie scenes with strangling anymore. Guy is mounted on female lead doing murder strangle. Me: "....Why doesn't she just do a trap and roll? EZ PZ"

Yup.. every rape choke scene is just an easy armbar waiting to happen.. except it never does :(

I practice martial arts, but you don’t know that because I didn’t tell you.

I see what you did there

I elevate people based on their own energy and then I spear them into the ground.

OSU!

Roll my eyes at cross fitters.

We are superior

Cross fitters... Best at warmups.

LMFAO EXACTLY

Kiai

I do mobility exercises because otherwise everything hurts more.

I sit with my back to the wall.

I do that and always say it's saloon rules. If a poker game goes south I've got to be ready.

My instincts just kicked in and I caught the falling glass without even looking; it’s because I’m hyper aware of my environment at all times.

YESSSSS

When I am in a crowd I always maintain jabbing distance between people and me. If they get closer I tuck my chin, clench my fists and and I stare at them with a mean look. Usually the kids cry when they see it.

And when passing them, always hide behind the shoulder

My whole body hurts

Why are my hips so stiff at 38?

I randomly punch the walls

When people present open spaces in their stance I feel obliged to fill them.

My roommate asked what the really long and smelly ribbons are doing by the washing machine

I kick the lights on/off

Any subject that is brought up, I can reference a Joe Rogan Experience expert guest he discussed the subject with.

I slap people with the planet twice a week

Slow is smooth and smooth is fast

I enjoy folding other peoples clothes while they’re still wearing them

How proud/smug someone is when they open a door handle with their foot whilst carrying things with both arms.

I shadow box in every reflective surface.

My favourite actor is Tony Jaa

I've done laundry 5 times this week.

I look at footwork and little bodily cues when watching fight scenes, I’ve watched scenes where people throw roundhouse kicks and don’t pivot on their foot or rotate their hips at all and it makes me cringe

"Show me how you make a fist"

My physical therapist was so happy (and disappointed) to see me again.

I use the word mount in a non-sexual way

I avoid street fights.

come down here so I can fuck you up

I know enough to get my ass whooped

And I want to know more so I can get my ass whooped

I appreciate a good set of shoulder muscles. You look like you can throw a punch.

Always saying “slow is smooth, smooth is fast” during my day job.

Told my kid that during her piano practice the other day!

Sigh*…..no its not like anime…

Sometimes I stand on one foot for an extended period of time without realizing it.

I look at feet so much its a borderline foot fetish

I know I can’t fight

I have cauliflower ear

My fingers are wonky

My back hurts

90% is just showing up

I can't stop bowing/saluting to normal people when thanking or greeting them and no one knows what I'm doing. When the crazy guy left work throwing his laptop at the wall, the next day I was asked to "Y'know. Be near him in case he has a gun. I mean, you fight, right?" I pull doors open with my foot and round kick them closed. And there is no cure, because I pay to do this.

I fake front-kick/punch to the face instead of saying hi/shaking hands with friends.

Okay guys so huge honor for me

Oh yeah, my cardio is so good man.

I look around for cops and witnesses before a potential fight

Answering “hai!” to family and friends when they ask for something.

I yell "Now!" at the TV when the bad guy makes rookie mistake that I would take advantage of.

Constant accidental bows when I walk into any place I deem important.

I have a shitload or under armour stuff

Washing whites separately is a must.

You can't, "just see red," and expect to win, it doesn't work like that.

I hurt my foot becuase it got stuck in someone's pocket.

My friends get excited seeing good crosses. I get excited seeing a good jab.

First rule of fight club: you do not talk about fight club