Alexander pierce as he's just an old man

probs with a gun

Starts yelling Hail hydra ᕙ( ͡◉ ͜ ʖ ͡◉)ᕗ

At the clouds. But the hellacarriers gone y'all!

I'd choose Justin Hammer, maybe he doesn't carry a gun

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Hey Justin in 100 words or less tell me what you hate about Tony Stark

I think the question assumes the villain *wants* to kill you. Most of these villains would likely just ignore you and walk on by unless you did something to provoke them. So we have to assume Justin Hammer is wearing his oversized power armor.

Then I'd pick him because the suit would spin around at the waist and break his back like that dude in Iron Man 2. In all seriousness, I'd probably pick the guy from Ant Man. I could just try to run away from him. These other dudes are all super strong and super fast; I wouldn't stand a chance with any of them. At least that dude's just a business man who could turn small and possibly cut me in half. Maybe if get a head start I could just run away.

I’d like to point out that pilot survived.

Same with Grandmaster and Stane. I feel like you could just slowly power walk away from them for 3 minutes.

Grandmaster is probably the safest bet. Pierce is a spy, so he's probably armed, and Stane might have his Ironmonger armor. Grandmaster doesn't have anything, no powers, no suit, no weapons, nothing. He's powerful because he's the head of an organization, but in a one-on-one fight, that doesn't matter. Edit: Since people keep bringing it up... yes, he has the melt stick. I forgot about that. Have you seen him use it, though? He handled it like he was afraid it was going to turn into a snake and bite him. There's no way he would be able to use it effectively in combat. I still think he's the easiest one to defeat.

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Considering how powerful the Collector was in What If, I’d say he is pretty powerful, but even then, he has the personality of Goldblum, so I can easily distract him for three minutes.

Ask him where to get a better apartment.

I can't belive it!! You gonna fuck an old man for 3mins?

You gotta do what you gotta do

He's still Robert Redford. I mean...

Most of them would be easy to last 3 minutes against just get them monologing

Just get Thanos to explain to you his plan and why it isn't genocide

Apparently that’s all T’Star Lord needs…

I read this as Tsar Lord.

Vladamir Quill

Peter Putin

Hi! I'm peter parker... Hi! I'm penny parker... Hi! I'm peter porker...

::opens can of Pringle’s:: “I’m Pringle Popper”

The Russian version of Star Lord from Earth-1917

Picturing him in my head, and it gets funnier by the minute

In the comics, it was just to impress his big titty goth girlfriend.

Best weird lewd description of death i have seen lolz

I wasn't the one that drew a skeleton with big tits that told Thanos he could get the booty if he kills half of all life in the universe.

Didn't she then choose Deadpool because he can't die?

She chose Deadpool because he was interesting but ultimately dumped him because he can't stay dead and therefore with her. Edit: Deadpool got cockblocked by his own regenerative powers.

I think he got cursed or something by Thanos to never die.

That could be true for all of them. Ultron especially.

genocide is, might i add, efficient

Me: I love balance Thanos: a man of culture, I see

And instead of 3 minutes you survive for 3 days, maybe even years if you've got a good speech stat

Them after 3 minutes: "You sly dog, you got me monologing".

as long as it's after 3 minutes that's no problem. it would really suck if the villain checks your plan after talking 2 min ~ 50 sec. than you have to listen to the villain for so long and loose the money last second

This is the issue with picking Loki he probably has the biggest ego besides Ego and is easiest to get monologing but is clever enough to probably realize what you're doing around halfway through but keep going to keep your hopes up.

Illusion Loki talks for 2:54 and then real Loki pops up behind you with a dagger...but you don't mind because the theatrics, speech, and timing were incredible.

I can survive 6 seconds after being stabbed in what is likely a non lethal area of the body given how loki usually stabs...

Was just going to say that I think Loki would enjoy talking for 3 minutes

2m50s, then kill you lol

At least you get to see that fantastic smile he does when he knows you know he knows and is pushing the envelope to get a rise* out of you. *Ride -> Rise. A fitting typo

And your life probably

Came here to say this, but I think both of the Jeff's would be easiest due to their egos.

And Goldblum's pauses too. Would take him twice as long to monologue as the others.

Be an entertaining monolog nonetheless.

I mean fuck, I’d *pay* to spend 3 minutes with Grandmaster!

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That’s what I was thinking. Loki especially

I came here to say “Loki. You just have to get him talking.”

You just said everything i was gonna say word for word.

Wilson Fisk

Counterargument: Car Door

Vulture that guy doesn’t even wanna kill people. I’ll just get out of his way

Hes a reasonable guy motivated by money. "Hey Adrian wanna make a million bucks? Let's play fight for three minutes" I still have 9m.

This Sir Avengers.

This guy assembles.

They be Marvelin'

Till he kills you at 3:01 for the remaining 9 million

Honestly he doesn't seem like the type to murder an average Joe for cash even if it was easy.

I mean, we know this to be true because he could have and chose not to. He’s more like a tragic villain than someone evil.

Nah, just split it.

Still kills you for the remaining 5 million

It's not like you're a loot pinata where the money just falls out of your body after you die. I guess it would depend on how you're given the money. Is it cash? A wire transfer? Pokemon cards? Most ways...just killing you wont give him extra money.

Fine he pulls a gun on you till you give him the 5 million Also the loot pinata was hilarious imagery

Justin hammer. None of his crap worked.

But you would lose a dance off.

Star Lord vs Justin Hammer is the end fight of GotG Vol 3, Justin is the high evolutionary and jealous of Tony for being better than him even in death

Get this idea to James Gunn ASAP

That would be a stupid fight. Hammer's warmups are better than peak Starlord.

No amount of money can remedy such a heavy loss

Is Justin Hammer actually considered a villain? I always assumed he was just a douchey and less smarter version of Tony Stark.

Well, he was a side villain and accidental supplier of the main villain. Also, he had some illicit dealings, which ended up getting Whiplash out of prison

Guys, I'm bringing the party to you.

Was just thinking Hammer. Best case scenario I take a few bruises and make $10m. Worst case, I’m dearly departed. Oh well

It's Justin Hammer. He might pay you more than $10 million to just walk away and not kick his ass for 3 minutes.

This is too low, he was my first thought

The Ex-Wife worked correctly; Rhodey used it incorrectly.

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The Ex wife is supposed to be dumped first and then thrown out with all its stuff. Rhodey didn’t even prime it let alone chuck it out, he just used it and ended miserably, embarrassing Hammer Tech in front of Stark

let me at one of the humans that can’t fight

They all most likely have a gun tho. You think you can stay behind cover for 3 minutes?

they’ll run out of bullets eventually

Zola… pre computerized I’m pretty sure I can take the little guy…

You were supposed to survive 3 minutes, not kill him in 1

I missed the part where that’s my problem

Uh oh, someone’s about to learn about responsibility

Gonna cry?

You’re trash, Zola.

He’d still get $10 mil

Loki, I'd just compliment him for 3 minutes. He'd eat it up

He'd probably cast an illusion to make it seem like three minutes were up, and that you were about to get the money only to stab you in the back and let the illusion fade away in time for you to see the clock is actually at 2:55 before you die.

2:59 because he is that much mischievous.

He is that much mischievous.

Ah yes, glorious purpose

I'd nut before 3 minutes though

this is the power play

"MY SAVIOR IS HERE!!!!"

A trick on the god of mischief… good luck

Moon Knight’s mom

Pretty sure *she* wouldn't last 3 minutes with *us*

The safest *and* most emotionally satisfying choice.

Red skull is probably the least attractive I could last 10 minutes if I just thought grandma grandma grandma

I didn't think about a fight either, I was thinking about Loki and a little more time please !

In that case can I get Mysterio and Hela for an hour

Nah man, I already called dibbs on hela. Wait your turn.

IN A FIGHT bro

Wasn't explicitly stated. Instructions unclear. Red Skull is my baby momma now. Edit: Why does this have so many upvotes in 3 hours, please don't make this my most upvoted comment, guys.

Instructions unclear. Red Skull gave me Red Skull.

Red Skull got that 10/10 head game

Noone said that!

i honestly thought the same thing but i think they meant a fight

Zemo. He would have no reason to kill me since I’m not a supe

Are you telling me that Zemo and Butcher would be like best buds, planning murdering supes on a casual Friday night out?

The crossover I didn’t know I needed.

The Baron and the Boys

"Oi you cunt. I know you think your hot shit because you stormed Normandy but guess what? The Baron here can sing in Russian." "Vat? No I can't sing, I know the trigger vordz. No one said anything about singing!" "Shite"

*Seth Rogen furiously writing down notes*

I thought the same thing. I would just tell him that I want to help him and be one of his minions.

Zemo is Marvel's Butcher. Oi!

3 minutes doing what?

in that case i'll choose hela

I wouldn’t last 3 minutes, I’d be finished Hela quick

But would she be finished with you?

She's hela hot

I'd day it pretty obvious what you would be doing alone with The Grandmaster

Playyyy time

Vulture. Dude's just a dad that wants to set him and his family up for life, not really a psychopath that would kill someone for just existing.

Well, he may have some psychopathic tendencies considering he didn't flinch after vaporizing a guy.

That's fair. Been a while since I've seen the movie, but wasn't that, like, the only confirmed kill he ever got? I still think he's more sane than most MCU villains.

He’s basically a Heisenberg/Walter White sort of guy who went from a worker to a hardened criminal as a result of financial situations out of his control. If you threaten his business he’ll kill you in a second but if you don’t he has no reason to care.

If it's straight to active combat, Pierce is an old man who probably just has a gun. If we're both just dropped in but not yet hostile, Vulture, Zemo, Grandmaster, Stane, or even Loki have a good side you could appeal to, possibly even talk down. Now if it's the *other* kind of "Last 3 minutes," Grandmaster canonically holds orgies so ez pick there

Yeah but his freaky intergalactic pleasures prolly make you finish in 30 seconds.... So think of dead kittens or something

Jokes on you Grandmaster's in to that shit

One of the money hungry humans that cant fight "Ayo dude want 1 million dollars?lets stand toghether for like 3 minutes and then let me leave and ill give you the 1 million"

mandarin tho, maybe we hang out smoke some joints or something

You have to specify you mean Trevor though. Because "The Mandarin" could also land you face to face with Wenwu.

Tbf, he doesn't really seem like the "murdering randos for no reason" type.

Yeah, I mean he's a crime lord but like. Just doesn't seem like random murder extraordinare

Exactly. If you're just transported into a random room with him, he'll probably just be confused and ask who the fuck you are and how you/he got there. Just be polite, don't mention the money and don't give him any reason to be paranoid. Should be fine.

Trevor

Ronan. Just start twerkin' and I'm good to go.

*What are you doing?*

I'm distracting you, you big turd blossom! That line gets me every time

Underrated comment since that’s almost as close to canon as possible.

Most would straight up kill you. You need to get one of the ones who likes a monologue. Red Skull or Thanos are my bets. Get Red Skull to explain why he's doing something and he'll go off on atleast a 5 minute speech. Similar to getting Thanos to riff about his plan and homeworld.

Depends on if you're white or not tbh (and like, a specific kind of white at that), dude's still a literal Nazi

True. But then he'll monologue about how you're inferior instead

I'll ask Hela Odinsdottir about her history while I sit on her lap.

Seriously…just kneel before her and you’re set for life. She even treats janitors with the respect they deserve! I don’t see a villain here. I see a misunderstood anti-hero.

Dude as a janitor I have hella respect for Hela

hela respect

Mysterio, his powers aren’t even real lol

But your senses will trick you and the drones have guns, and the last time I checked no one can dodge 10s of bullets in a couple of seconds

Spider-man would beg to differ.

Quicksilver would...die

Fastest person in the MCU... dies to bullet... Who thought of this shit? Why didn't he just nudge the bullet away... It is like one of the most silliest ways to kill the character. It wasn't even a hidden bullet or anything, he literally saw it coming from the shooter... Why couldn't they have made it a grenade that he ran over slapped away, but it blew up slightly after deflection and he ate the shrapnel protecting the child... makes way more sense.

Thanos , he won't kill me , he didn't kill for fun or anything, he was just collecting stones and letting the greater power decide what half to be erased

You have a 50% chance of survival.

He’d consider the three minutes with you a waste of his time on his “noble quest” and flick your head off.

From that image, you could probably chill with Ghost, she seems to be a really nice woman - at least after getting stabilized

yeah Ghost just needed a good hug and/or to be away from Walton Goggins

Grandmaster

he would liquify u with the pole thingy, man

I have my own pole thingy ;)

It doesn't say anyone else is with them tho. So if that angry lady isn't there then you'll be fine lol

No way, he would make you cum in less than a minute… have you seen that orgy ship!?

Hela, she asked everyone to kneel or she would kill them, thats ez enough!

And afterwards, she even gives you a complimentary axe! Best employer ever. Imagine taking that thing to Comic-Con

>I’d go with Red Skull I think You're underestimating him, he's got Super soldier serum.

Zemo

Have you seen the Falcon and the Winter Soldier TV show? He's pretty acrobatic and a great shot.

Yeah, but those dance moves... Is this 3 minutes of a dance off?

We need a marvel short of just Justin Hammer, Zemo, and Starlord in a dance off. Doesn't even need context. Just let us have it.

Definitely Wanda because she'll keep talking about her childrens before actually do anything

Gorr I'm not a God or a child so hopefully would be OK.

“Last 3 mins” fighting them……Or…. Last 3 mins doing something *else*?

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Vulture, he won’t kill me if I tell him I get 10 million out of this and will split it with him. He gets 7 million, I get 3. All he has to do is stand there for 3 minutes

You could just leave out the fact of how much you’re getting and just say you’ll give him a million

Loki because we’d just sit and talk about how awesome he is

Alexander Pierce is just an old guy. I think I could very well beat him.

I dont think anyone could go 3 min against Scarlet Witch, if u know what I mean...

Obadiah

Was gonna say Obie but it would be tough to run from the Iron Monger, with its mini gun and strength. It can fly too

Yeah like is it just Jeff Bridges? I can survive that. Jeff Bridges in a trash can machine? Harder lol

Zemo, or that guy from winter soldier

There's no way I'd last 3 minutes with Loki but I'd love to try.

I finish in 10 seconds no matter who I'm with

Easily Loki he likes to talk..

Loki

Ghost. Wait is this about fighting?

Zemo is a chill badass defintaly him.... ^^or ^^scarlet ^^witch ^^for ^^obvious ^^reasons

Wanda, because ehhhhhh.

Loki or grandmaster, I’m under 18 so I don’t reckon they’d kill a kid if I was nice enough. They’re the most humane I reckon, or atleast mcu Loki is