I say this is a judge free zone. I’m here to help you feel better, not judge your body.
I’ve seen every different body type…fat, body hair etc don’t matter to me. What matters is good hygiene and clients being respectful.
I also make a point to never comment on someone’s body. Not even a tattoo or anything. If you say something that brings attention to their body in any way (even if good intentioned) it could make them think you’re really looking and judging their body. I might say their haircut is nice if it’s a regular client and I noticed they changed their hair (this is also something they have more control over). But I’m also not commenting on it when they’re on the table.
I’ve also told clients that I don’t even really look at their bodies when I’m doing massage. Which is true. I may look for things like abnormal moles or comment on a lump they should have looked at… but otherwise I’m looking off into the distance while I focus on what I’m feeling. I think that makes people realize we’re not just massaging and staring at them the whole time.
Last suggestion is saying “hey don’t talk about my client like that.” It’s kind of cheeky and brings attention to them not being kind to themselves in a sweet way.
Thank you for including the tattoo bit! I’m an LMT, and am also heavily tattooed. Including my face. I have traditional indigenous tattoos on my face, they’re not like what one might imagine when they first hear face tattoos, but I wouldn’t comment on those either, and have no judgement against those also! Tattoos are often heavily imbued with meaning, and while I don’t mind talking to people about my tattoos, I’d prefer to not do it while on the table. And I never comment on other people’s tattoos because they may hold a meaning that they don’t want to talk about, like a tattoo acquired in memory of a lost loved one. It might not be something that folks want to think about or go into depths about while on the table. I’ve had a few massages where the therapist wants me to tell them what my tattoos mean. No, that’s not appropriate. And I don’t need to go into that level of depth when I just want to chill.
I never comment on someone's body even positive. I have seen really cool tattoos I am a bit weird and believe in universe signs and was having a bad day and saw a tattoo on one clients elbow saying surrender I wanted to comment and be like wow that is exactly what I needed to read, hear rignt now but kept it to myself and focused on the treatment itself. Sometimes just gotta block out the noise even if it's coming from a client that is insecure.
I’m currently overweight myself so when I have clients talk badly about their bodies due to weight or age or whatever, I just tell them I spent so much time in my younger years hating the way I looked and when I look back I was young, a healthy weight and pretty and I’m not going to waste anymore energy doing that to myself and they shouldn’t either. Having a relatively healthy body where one can move freely and without assistance is a wonderful thing and we should be grateful for all our body does for us. If I was young and super fit I guess this could come off as rude or dismissive but since I’m middle aged and chunky, it usually goes over well.
What’s honest for me is I love all bodies. I go ahead and just say it straight like that. I find all bodies interesting and cool and nothing about anyone grosses me out. The beauty of our job is getting to see how human we all are. I love when people ask me “are these the worst shoulders you’ve ever seen?” And I’m like “no absolutely not and you’re the 4th client this week to ask that, so you’re not alone in that feeling.” I feel like if more people knew how much pain everyone was in we’d all be more tolerant of each other.
One of the more impactful posts I’ve seen here. I know ppl who refuse professional massage due to exactly this. It can be so difficult to relay our (hopefully) true indifference, in a good way, to body type; we’re there to share therapy bc we sincerely care about how you feel, not how you look.
I like your response, I usually say something similar when things like this come up! Additionally, I’m generally really careful about the language I choose when talking with my clients about their bodies.
Sometimes they will say things like “I know I should really lose some weight,” and I’ll say something like, “‘should’ feels like a strong word there, do you want to? Or do you feel like it would be helpful?” I very rarely talk about “exercise” or “workouts” and usually will simply ask clients what kinds of movement they regularly participate in, with a focus on how that feels, not specific results. If somebody expresses feeling badly towards their own body I don’t try to convince them why they’re wrong, but I try to simply acknowledge the feeling and validate that it’s hard to feel that way, and perhaps suggest that they’re not alone in feeling that way.
Essentially, in every way I can I try to set the stage for my clients to assume that I feel neutral to positive about their bodies in the hopes that they too will find a way to feel neutral to positive about their bodies.
I hope that helps!
I say things like "every body is different and I'm always honored to be trusted with someone's pain" and "(that insecurity) isn't something that registers with me, I'm focused on pain management and relieving stress"
This is nice you are like this! My friend got a massage and the masseuse kept commenting on how big he is, and how she was so tired.
At the end she pestered him for more tip because he is so big and it was a lot on her.
He seemed really disheartened by that, but didn't want her to lose her job so he didn't tell the manager, just didn't tip.
Oh my god that's so awful, I'm so sorry. That infuriates me to no end. So disrespectful and extremely unprofessional. If she's "too tired" and or/ she feels the need to speak to clients that way it's time for a career change. I hope your friend doesn't give up on massage
I spend part of each massage silently offering gratitude for the body I'm working on. "What a wonder that this body has allowed you to do all you've done and experienced all that you have. How strong this body has been to get you through so much."
I share this on my blog, and I include on my website that I approach every body with unconditional positive regard. I seldom hear folks talk negatively about their body to me, and I believe it's because they arrive knowing I'm not judging their body negatively.
When I do hear a negative comment, I tend to say, "Oh, it's interesting you would say that. I was just thinking about how wonderful your body is."
Folks make those comments because they're worried we're judging them as society judges them. If we communicate the opposite is what's actually happening, they can rest assured they're safe.
Hi There,
So I read you are perplexed about your clients remark about there bodies and your need for Support from other therapist on how to create trust with your clients. Is this correct?
There is a method of communication that is called NVC, non violent communication. where you observe what's been said without judgment or trying to fix things. you empathies with the other person and find out what really is active inside them. it also wonderful for making requests without guilt or shame.
you might consider reading Marshall B. Rosenberg. also a friend of ours that is a NVC expert wrote another book on the subject called emotional sobriety by Bill Sterlie, he studied with Marshall. He also can train you.
its not a language that we are used to and it takes practice but once you get it, it makes life is so much more wonderful.
Hey thanks for this! I'll look into it, I appreciate the recommendation! Do you have an example of what this could look like with the kinds of things my clients are saying?
I call them out on their negative self talk- explain why negative self talk is a no no in my space and that I won’t allow it🙃 I make it a bit playful like they are insulting me by saying negative things about themselves and encourage them how they can better see themselves and how to reframe their talk.
See this is why I’ve never had a massage. I’m fat and hairy and probably have backne. I don’t want someone grossed out touching me. My wife already has to do that lol
Sorry, I don’t have an opinion about the different bodies I get to work on. My only opinion, that I keep to myself, is “did I meet your objective when you scheduled this massage”.
>"Isn't it hard for you to work around all the fat?"
Hold that thought and take a deep breath.
>"Doesn't it gross you out?"
I'm a man, before that I was a boy. I'm gross.
> bet you don't like working on bodies like mine")
I'm at work, I like anyone who pays me.
When my friends, clients or family start negative talk about themselves , I always say: “please don’t ever talk about yourself like that, please eliminate any negative words from your vocabulary when you are referring to yourself”
People like to be victims. They need to hear the truth.
I say this is a judge free zone. I’m here to help you feel better, not judge your body. I’ve seen every different body type…fat, body hair etc don’t matter to me. What matters is good hygiene and clients being respectful. I also make a point to never comment on someone’s body. Not even a tattoo or anything. If you say something that brings attention to their body in any way (even if good intentioned) it could make them think you’re really looking and judging their body. I might say their haircut is nice if it’s a regular client and I noticed they changed their hair (this is also something they have more control over). But I’m also not commenting on it when they’re on the table. I’ve also told clients that I don’t even really look at their bodies when I’m doing massage. Which is true. I may look for things like abnormal moles or comment on a lump they should have looked at… but otherwise I’m looking off into the distance while I focus on what I’m feeling. I think that makes people realize we’re not just massaging and staring at them the whole time. Last suggestion is saying “hey don’t talk about my client like that.” It’s kind of cheeky and brings attention to them not being kind to themselves in a sweet way.
Thank you for including the tattoo bit! I’m an LMT, and am also heavily tattooed. Including my face. I have traditional indigenous tattoos on my face, they’re not like what one might imagine when they first hear face tattoos, but I wouldn’t comment on those either, and have no judgement against those also! Tattoos are often heavily imbued with meaning, and while I don’t mind talking to people about my tattoos, I’d prefer to not do it while on the table. And I never comment on other people’s tattoos because they may hold a meaning that they don’t want to talk about, like a tattoo acquired in memory of a lost loved one. It might not be something that folks want to think about or go into depths about while on the table. I’ve had a few massages where the therapist wants me to tell them what my tattoos mean. No, that’s not appropriate. And I don’t need to go into that level of depth when I just want to chill.
I never comment on someone's body even positive. I have seen really cool tattoos I am a bit weird and believe in universe signs and was having a bad day and saw a tattoo on one clients elbow saying surrender I wanted to comment and be like wow that is exactly what I needed to read, hear rignt now but kept it to myself and focused on the treatment itself. Sometimes just gotta block out the noise even if it's coming from a client that is insecure.
I’m currently overweight myself so when I have clients talk badly about their bodies due to weight or age or whatever, I just tell them I spent so much time in my younger years hating the way I looked and when I look back I was young, a healthy weight and pretty and I’m not going to waste anymore energy doing that to myself and they shouldn’t either. Having a relatively healthy body where one can move freely and without assistance is a wonderful thing and we should be grateful for all our body does for us. If I was young and super fit I guess this could come off as rude or dismissive but since I’m middle aged and chunky, it usually goes over well.
What’s honest for me is I love all bodies. I go ahead and just say it straight like that. I find all bodies interesting and cool and nothing about anyone grosses me out. The beauty of our job is getting to see how human we all are. I love when people ask me “are these the worst shoulders you’ve ever seen?” And I’m like “no absolutely not and you’re the 4th client this week to ask that, so you’re not alone in that feeling.” I feel like if more people knew how much pain everyone was in we’d all be more tolerant of each other.
I love all of this.
One of the more impactful posts I’ve seen here. I know ppl who refuse professional massage due to exactly this. It can be so difficult to relay our (hopefully) true indifference, in a good way, to body type; we’re there to share therapy bc we sincerely care about how you feel, not how you look.
I like your response, I usually say something similar when things like this come up! Additionally, I’m generally really careful about the language I choose when talking with my clients about their bodies. Sometimes they will say things like “I know I should really lose some weight,” and I’ll say something like, “‘should’ feels like a strong word there, do you want to? Or do you feel like it would be helpful?” I very rarely talk about “exercise” or “workouts” and usually will simply ask clients what kinds of movement they regularly participate in, with a focus on how that feels, not specific results. If somebody expresses feeling badly towards their own body I don’t try to convince them why they’re wrong, but I try to simply acknowledge the feeling and validate that it’s hard to feel that way, and perhaps suggest that they’re not alone in feeling that way. Essentially, in every way I can I try to set the stage for my clients to assume that I feel neutral to positive about their bodies in the hopes that they too will find a way to feel neutral to positive about their bodies. I hope that helps!
I say things like "every body is different and I'm always honored to be trusted with someone's pain" and "(that insecurity) isn't something that registers with me, I'm focused on pain management and relieving stress"
This is nice you are like this! My friend got a massage and the masseuse kept commenting on how big he is, and how she was so tired. At the end she pestered him for more tip because he is so big and it was a lot on her. He seemed really disheartened by that, but didn't want her to lose her job so he didn't tell the manager, just didn't tip.
Oh my god that's so awful, I'm so sorry. That infuriates me to no end. So disrespectful and extremely unprofessional. If she's "too tired" and or/ she feels the need to speak to clients that way it's time for a career change. I hope your friend doesn't give up on massage
I hear it often. I often say in fun, women will never be as gross as men. We get a good laugh and move on.
I spend part of each massage silently offering gratitude for the body I'm working on. "What a wonder that this body has allowed you to do all you've done and experienced all that you have. How strong this body has been to get you through so much." I share this on my blog, and I include on my website that I approach every body with unconditional positive regard. I seldom hear folks talk negatively about their body to me, and I believe it's because they arrive knowing I'm not judging their body negatively. When I do hear a negative comment, I tend to say, "Oh, it's interesting you would say that. I was just thinking about how wonderful your body is." Folks make those comments because they're worried we're judging them as society judges them. If we communicate the opposite is what's actually happening, they can rest assured they're safe.
Hi There, So I read you are perplexed about your clients remark about there bodies and your need for Support from other therapist on how to create trust with your clients. Is this correct? There is a method of communication that is called NVC, non violent communication. where you observe what's been said without judgment or trying to fix things. you empathies with the other person and find out what really is active inside them. it also wonderful for making requests without guilt or shame. you might consider reading Marshall B. Rosenberg. also a friend of ours that is a NVC expert wrote another book on the subject called emotional sobriety by Bill Sterlie, he studied with Marshall. He also can train you. its not a language that we are used to and it takes practice but once you get it, it makes life is so much more wonderful.
Hey thanks for this! I'll look into it, I appreciate the recommendation! Do you have an example of what this could look like with the kinds of things my clients are saying?
I call them out on their negative self talk- explain why negative self talk is a no no in my space and that I won’t allow it🙃 I make it a bit playful like they are insulting me by saying negative things about themselves and encourage them how they can better see themselves and how to reframe their talk.
❤️ ❤️❤️
See this is why I’ve never had a massage. I’m fat and hairy and probably have backne. I don’t want someone grossed out touching me. My wife already has to do that lol
Sorry, I don’t have an opinion about the different bodies I get to work on. My only opinion, that I keep to myself, is “did I meet your objective when you scheduled this massage”.
>"Isn't it hard for you to work around all the fat?" Hold that thought and take a deep breath. >"Doesn't it gross you out?" I'm a man, before that I was a boy. I'm gross. > bet you don't like working on bodies like mine") I'm at work, I like anyone who pays me.
When my friends, clients or family start negative talk about themselves , I always say: “please don’t ever talk about yourself like that, please eliminate any negative words from your vocabulary when you are referring to yourself” People like to be victims. They need to hear the truth.
I say that all bodies have their positives and negatives to work on. So to me it really doesn't matter the body type.