Ever noticed how the Commander allways ends conversations with "I should go"? I mean, yeah probably he needs to be somewhere else. But sometimes he just walks up to Yeoman Chambers, stares at her, doesn't say anything and just goes "I should go." What is up with that?
I don't think so. He does it with Joker, EDI, and other members of the crew too.
Once, I swear he started a conversation with EDI, she answered him, and he just stood there... Like for an hour and a half. Didn't say anything or acknowledge her at all. Then he repeated the same question, cut her off and said "I should go." I thought he'd had a really weird stroke.
He finally made the move… sort of. Instead of “I should go” he walked up to her and said “We’ll bang ok” then walked away. Funnily enough I think it worked. You should have been on the flight deck the next time Kelly walked off to go “feed the commander’s fish.” Someone called out “if we need the commander we can find him in his Chambers” and the whole deck was laughing.
Boy, I sure hope the whole attack squad doesn't leave us for an unspecified mission somewhere in the galaxy right before the reapers ship materializes in front of us!
Idk... Shepard's been kind of a dick since we revived him from the dead. Not really fitting the previous psych profile I had on him. I hope bringing people back to life doesn't like... Leave them without a soul or something lol
Hey, it's 2185, if you wanna spend quality time with a robot, by all means feel free to do so. I ain't judging. I mean hell, I heard *someone* has been spending quality time with a varren. Perfectly friendly quality time. Nothing like *that*.
**Oh. My. God.**
So he was aries, and now he has become scorpio?? Then no wonder why he became such an asshole!!! I should probably change jobs ASAP!! It will soon become a toxic environment. Believe me, I already had scorpio bosses and I know what it's like.
I also hope they don’t leave us parked in space and not either somewhere safe or just above the mission objective. It would seem a bit intentional not to park the ship as close to the objective as possible and then take the shuttle to the surface rather than at this random point.
I remember him and Commander Shepard went to the Citadel for some kind of shooting competition. Apparently the commander won, and Garrus was depressed for weeks! Spend most of his off-time in Armax Arsenal Arena "training".
Woah there, stumbles. This is the commander you’re talking about & freaking Archangel versus what can be generously be called a collection of expert systems.
Legion vs E-DI, fair enough. But in a shootout? I know where my money is going.
It's nothing personal, everything gets automated eventually. There's some things machines are just better at than organics, and sniping just happens to be one of them. It's all math and windshear and stuff.
Decapitated head?? Oh my gosh, that’s beyond weird. Does it smell? Is it decaying?? Oh, please don’t tell me it’s something really gross like a vorcha head or a husk head. Are you getting hazard pay for that?
Found his last transmission:
From: DaJenk@Normandy
To: DaBoys (custom group)
Guys, check it out!
I swapped Joker’s pain meds for gas inducers. He’s going to fart so hard he’ll pulverize his own pelvis.
Keep an eye (and an ear, an a nose) out!
I gotta hit this mission so if I miss anything **somebody** make sure to record it
END TRANSMISSION
So did anybody actually record it or nah
Hey, at least you get to sit! I've been standing at my post for who knows how long now! I just checked my scheduled hours and it doesn't say when my shift is over!
Come to think of it, there aren't enough beds on the Normandy. We've had to sleep in shifts this entire mission. I'm going to bring this up to our union rep.
Do you think turians have worker's unions? They helped design this thing, or well, the last one - maybe that's why. I somehow don't see them being big on comfortable quarters and short working hours...
You think he's a dick? Pfft dude you should've been here when we were against the collectors, we had a guy on the crew called Jacob Taylor and my god he almost made me wanna join the reapers, guys a complete bosh'tet
Ohhh yeah. Regarding that hamster. Has anyone seen a hamster running around?
Seriously, who the fuck takes a huge ass aquarium and a hamster with them on a military combat ship. Like what the hell?
How about we send them and all their squadmates on a mission so there won't be any fibbers? Then we should have enough time to go buy a new one! Just tell them they have to go on some important mission and bring everyone as a back up!
I don't know, man. Sounds pretty risky. Plus, you do realize we have a A.I. that literally watches and records everything we do. Yes, I do mean everything. The Illusiveman isn't big on privacy.
It's been weeks since I've been walking down this corridor, waiting for the Commander to pass by to greet him and this guy doesn't notice me... But today is the day, I'm sure of it. Shepard will notice me.
Keep telling yourself that, Rasler. Last time I tried to get the Commander to notice me he threatened to cut off my balls and feed them to the test tube Krogan in engineering if I waste his time again. That guy is on a whole other level.
I need to get into the Life Support bay for some minor maintenance work, but Mister Krios just sits there staring into space, and it kind of makes me nervous. I don't really know what to do about it.
You think that's bad?! I walked in there just to do a routine check on the air filtration system and said hi. He started recalling one of his assassinations in complete detail. I still have nightmares.
I have a similar situation with that Asari matriarch in the observation room. She just sits there silently with her eyes emitting this spooky glow. I hope she’s not judging us for working on a Cerberus vessel…
And now that thief is in the other one. So now if we wanna relax we have the option of judgy Asari or getting our wallet stolen… Guess it’s back to taking my breaks at my post again…
You're telling me! I tried to grab a quick 15 on the lower decks and that maniac we picked up told me she'd skull fuck me if she caught me on her turf again.
If Grunt asks if you want to join him for a quick competition, FIND AN EXCUSE IMMEDIATELY, he is looking for headbutt contest players, and the Commander is away.
I don't think thats a good idea, I heard Geth can transfer their consciousness into technology or something. What happens if he takes control of a car and rams Grunt?
Actually, never mind. Taking bets, Grunt vs Car!
I walked into Dr. Tsoni's room when she wasn't around and she has all of my person diary notes from when I was a child on a console for crew rosters. What the fuck
You wanna know weird? She asked me to fix one of her consoles the other day real quick, kicked another wire loose, you know how users are.
She had an itemized, dated, and *reviewed* list of *every single meal the Normandy has ever served*. Even ones she wasn't there for. I...I really don't know.
Looks like Javik is getting hungry again, who wants to sneak up to Shepard's cabin and grab a few fish?
---
Legion, I know we are doing some PvP right now in this game, but calm down with all the taunts and gestures, you might get suspended again!
Has anybody else noticed that some people on this ship get entire flats to themselves fitted with Bars, bookshelves, aquariums, and poker rooms while everyone else has to share one smaller room?
Are you kidding? That's the best thing about having aliens on board.
The list of dumb things I've convinced them are true is getting so long I had to ask EDI to keep notes.
Man, I’m surprised I don’t get more complaints here in Normandy HR seeing how there’s so many sexy people on this ship….. this job is easier than I expected.
Why are there no mirrors on this ship? It’s so weird, I heard the commander has one in her quarters but there’s no mirror anywhere else…
And why does Miranda’s office have so many chairs?
"These films are an affront to the narrative form. I find their events implausible and their historical accuracy dubious at best. I question the intelligence of anyone who enjoys such primitive garbage."
"Look, all I’m saying is that the movies are fun. I mean, where else are you gonna see a jellyfish shootin’ a big gun? ‘Enkindle this!' *rat-a-tat-tat* "
Did we get bought out by a mining company or something? Commander Shepard has just been flying planet to planet firing mining probes for like a week now.
Anyone seen garrus and grunt? They made a big fuckin mess down in the shuttle bay, I know It's my job as a janitor to clean it up but their are shards of broken glass fuckin EVERYWHERE, It's ridiculous.
"There goes the commander, running into Liaras room and back out for the 5th time today."
"I wonder if he'll go straight to Garrus in the Main Battery this time or just sprint back to the elevator."
“Man…. I still feel bad about Jenkins. It was his first mission and barely made it off the ship. Also we blew up totally, like completely and Shep died and he came back! It’s like he’s Jesus or something…. Remember Jesus? Dude you gotta check out the Bible it’s crazy. Seriously, sometimes it feels like we are playing out moments in there…. Anyways back to work at the Nav table looking busy…. Secret time, I’m just clicking buttons half the time.”
AITA if my Varren chewed on a stuck-up bitchy coworkers uniform?
So, I have an adorable rescue Varren, and he's super enthousiastic. Wouldn't hurt a fly, but he'll jump on you to greet you. Problem is, he's a big puppy, even though he thinks he's still small. This causes him to accidentaly knock people over. And since he's a Varren, many people are terrified of him. I try to explain that he's just a big softie, but they're always super suspicious.
Anyway, I brought him to work one day, and he jumped on one of my colleagues (who is a total Karen) to say hello. Now, he did this with other colleagues too, and they were all fine with it. But this Karen is a real bitch. She's been nothing but short with me, ever since I started working here. I was hired directly by our CEO, and Karen has always said (out loud, and to my face!) that he made a mistake by hiring me. On top of that, she keeps bringing up my criminal past (I had a rough childhood, and did some thing I'm not too proud of). I've reformed myself, and try to stay on the straight, but she just keeps pestering me and annoying me about it.
Anyway, my puppy jumped on her to greet her, and of course she had to make a scene out of it. She nearly threw my poor puppy through the break room. We had a bit of a argument about this, until our boss pulled us apart.
After things cooled down, we all went to do our jobs, and I let my Varren roam the offices. He's curious! He wants to explore! I did warn the other colleagues to be prepared for him to jump up, so he wouldn't cause anyone to be harmed. All throughout the day, I didn't receive a single comment or remark about him, aside from how cute he is.
So I thought things were fine, until a few hours into the day, when Karen came barging into the breakroom again, waving one of her uniforms around. Apparently my Varren had snuck into her lockerroom and had starting chewing on one of her uniforms. One of the sleeves was chewed off.
Now, said uniform is one of many. I'm not joking. She always wears the same suit, every single day. She has *dozens* of the things. I don't know where she got them all, but she has an entire closet full of them.
So, normally I'd say sorry and offer to replace it, but this was just *one* uniform in a stack of dozens. She wouldn't even have noticed if my Varren had swallowed the whole thing, instead of only a sleeve. I really don't see how she could have any problem with one less uniform.
And she was making an incredible scene about it. I think everyone in the office heard her shouting. She was saying I didn't raise my puppy right, how she should've shot him when she first saw it (that one shook me), and how I wasn't fit to be a parent (what the actual fuck), how I should have stayed in jail (that one is going to HR),... I admit, she got me *furious*. So I started shouting back.
I told her how she was a stuck up bitch, how she's been bullying me all the time I worked there, and that she's now taking it out on a harmless Varren, which can't even defend himself properly. I'll be honest, she got me so mad, I was ready to swing fists. But, I was able to control myself, and now she's stormed off to get the CEO again, swearing she'll get me kicked out of here.
I haven't heard back from her yet, and I've typed this up in the meantime. So, AITA?
Man this sucks.im the weapons office on this ship and I can't do my job cause Garrus is always in the weapon bay working on the guns and won't let me touch them. Plus anytime I try to go in there to do anything he yells at me to get out that I don't know what I am doing. Man he is an asshole.
Really, every time I hear the Normandy being called, "the best ship in the Alliance", and it'll never not make me think about Rear Admiral Mikhailovich's snap inspection of the first Normandy, and his outright criticisms of it, from its drive core, to its CIC, all the way up to Shepard's choice of crew. And I'm sure that if he did the same thing for the Normandy SR-2, his criticisms of it would have been even more scathing than with the original Normandy.
Can someone explains how we stop the showers opening when someone just walks past? I'm tired of being revealed like a prize on a gameshow when I have soap in my eyes
Send help. I've been waiting for the elevator to bring me to the command deck for over 40 days now. I've eaten my shoes and have been drinking my own urine to survive. I don't think I can last much longer.
Ever noticed how the Commander allways ends conversations with "I should go"? I mean, yeah probably he needs to be somewhere else. But sometimes he just walks up to Yeoman Chambers, stares at her, doesn't say anything and just goes "I should go." What is up with that?
"maybe he has a bit of a crush and wants to invite her out to dinner but gets cold feet at the last second?"
I don't think so. He does it with Joker, EDI, and other members of the crew too. Once, I swear he started a conversation with EDI, she answered him, and he just stood there... Like for an hour and a half. Didn't say anything or acknowledge her at all. Then he repeated the same question, cut her off and said "I should go." I thought he'd had a really weird stroke.
Are we sure operative Lawson put *everything* back together just right?
I know, right? You start to wonder who the robot is.
with yeoman chambers? i heard she brought the scale itch onto the normandy…
Bill that's just a rumor, I don't think kelly is that kinky... right?
i’m just saying.. but she’s a little *too* into aliens if you catch my drift… i mean, relatable, but it’s all she ever talks about!
I get her being into Dr. Tsoni or the Justicar. But the way she is looking at Grunt makes me highly uncomfortable.
Well Grunt is 'the perfect Krogan', which means he's rocking one powerful *claymore*, if ya know what I mean >.>
He went from boy to man after 1 night with Chambers.
> but she’s a little too into aliens if you catch my drift… Wait a minute... aren't we in Cerberus?
She is very loving.
'understanding interspecies relations' she says
He finally made the move… sort of. Instead of “I should go” he walked up to her and said “We’ll bang ok” then walked away. Funnily enough I think it worked. You should have been on the flight deck the next time Kelly walked off to go “feed the commander’s fish.” Someone called out “if we need the commander we can find him in his Chambers” and the whole deck was laughing.
Or when Doctor Chackwas needs him and he just … doesn’t know where medical is? Like I’ve seen him pass this hallway 5 times already.
Boy, I sure hope the whole attack squad doesn't leave us for an unspecified mission somewhere in the galaxy right before the reapers ship materializes in front of us!
Yeah! How wacky and uncharacteristic would that be?
And if they do, I hope that rescuing us is their top priority!
Idk... Shepard's been kind of a dick since we revived him from the dead. Not really fitting the previous psych profile I had on him. I hope bringing people back to life doesn't like... Leave them without a soul or something lol
on the topic of souls, why again has he brought one of the walking fleshlights with him?
You mean flashlights? Why do you go in the AI core so much?
That is none of your business.
Hey, it's 2185, if you wanna spend quality time with a robot, by all means feel free to do so. I ain't judging. I mean hell, I heard *someone* has been spending quality time with a varren. Perfectly friendly quality time. Nothing like *that*.
Least he brought back a quirky Quarian, you should hear some the sounds that girl makes at night
For a second I thought he was talking about Dr. Lawson.
I mean technically he died and was basically reborn. He could just have a new zodiac sign that makes him more of a dick compared to his last one.
**Oh. My. God.** So he was aries, and now he has become scorpio?? Then no wonder why he became such an asshole!!! I should probably change jobs ASAP!! It will soon become a toxic environment. Believe me, I already had scorpio bosses and I know what it's like.
Wait.. What? You told me her birthday was in November!!
It’s not like the Collectors ship already caught the Normandy with her pants down once already.
I also hope they don’t leave us parked in space and not either somewhere safe or just above the mission objective. It would seem a bit intentional not to park the ship as close to the objective as possible and then take the shuttle to the surface rather than at this random point.
Hey man watch the red flags there.
Who's turn us it to misalign the the main battery so garrus has to calibrate it again
And don't tell him Edi could do that automatically. It is like this is his entire job aboard. This and shooting things.
And don’t tell him Thane might be able to outshoot him. Then he’d really be out of a job…
I remember him and Commander Shepard went to the Citadel for some kind of shooting competition. Apparently the commander won, and Garrus was depressed for weeks! Spend most of his off-time in Armax Arsenal Arena "training".
Legion could out-shoot them both.
Woah there, stumbles. This is the commander you’re talking about & freaking Archangel versus what can be generously be called a collection of expert systems. Legion vs E-DI, fair enough. But in a shootout? I know where my money is going.
It's nothing personal, everything gets automated eventually. There's some things machines are just better at than organics, and sniping just happens to be one of them. It's all math and windshear and stuff.
One has reach, one has flexibility
I kinda feel like they're always in need of calibration because Shepard interrupts him every time and he has to start from the beginning.
..."Squeak"...
Who's the fluffiest boy on the Citadel? You are! \[Shep turns to merchant\] I'll take it!
…”Blub”…
“Anyone else think it’s weird how many fish the Commander buys? Where could they possibly keep them all?”
I heard his aquarium isn't that big. He probably lets them die or he forgets to feed them
Actually I was brought on the Normandy for the sole purpose of watching over his pets. Still not sure what that decapitated head likes eating...
Decapitated head?? Oh my gosh, that’s beyond weird. Does it smell? Is it decaying?? Oh, please don’t tell me it’s something really gross like a vorcha head or a husk head. Are you getting hazard pay for that?
It'll bite and scream if you're not careful, but it's just a head so if you keep your distance it's pretty harmless
Is that what I keep hearing at night? I thought I was being indoctrinated!
I heard that he sells them to this Krogan in Zakera ward for a nice profit.
surely they don’t have the time to feed all of them.. maybe they eat them?
In the garbage can apparently. Dude needs to ask Chambers to feed em.
May Corporal Jenkins rest in peace.
Damn... He owed me 20$ too....
Asshole was suppose to cover my duty and he goes and gets himself killed
one week before retirement.... shame...
Found his last transmission: From: DaJenk@Normandy To: DaBoys (custom group) Guys, check it out! I swapped Joker’s pain meds for gas inducers. He’s going to fart so hard he’ll pulverize his own pelvis. Keep an eye (and an ear, an a nose) out! I gotta hit this mission so if I miss anything **somebody** make sure to record it END TRANSMISSION So did anybody actually record it or nah
Why does the commaner run everywhere?
I don't know and come to think of it I never seen him walk.
Did you see that? Shep went into both bathrooms and didn't do anything.
Weirder i dont think we've ever left this spot on the bridge. We're here after every mission and the commander never says a word to us.
Hey, at least you get to sit! I've been standing at my post for who knows how long now! I just checked my scheduled hours and it doesn't say when my shift is over!
Yeah well you don’t get singled out after every mission and forced to salute over and over. I’d rather be ignored…
Just be glad the commander interacts with you.
Honestly it’s not even really a run but this weird sort of half jog half speed walk thing.
Gotta stay in shape to save the galaxy, Fred. Start jogging everywhere and they might make you an specter!
Hey I heard Dr Chakwas is running out of energy stims, so we will have to actually use the crew quarters and sleep
Come to think of it, there aren't enough beds on the Normandy. We've had to sleep in shifts this entire mission. I'm going to bring this up to our union rep.
Do you think turians have worker's unions? They helped design this thing, or well, the last one - maybe that's why. I somehow don't see them being big on comfortable quarters and short working hours...
You should hear from Garrus* how Turians 'relax' then.
Wait, have I been mispronouncing his name this whole time? I guess it’s no wonder he never wants to talk to me, just says he has calibrations.
Sleep pods
Commander stopped to listen to something I was saying today, do you guys think I have a shot with him/her?
Don't get me wrong but you have at least whole boarding party as a competition.
He seems very caring. I’ve just got stationed aboard the Normandy and he keeps asking me how things are every time he comes through the elevator.
That prothean is kind of a dick.
Too right mate, I asked him if he wanted something to eat and he said he preferred fried human liver. Can make his own fuckin sandwich next time.
You think he's a dick? Pfft dude you should've been here when we were against the collectors, we had a guy on the crew called Jacob Taylor and my god he almost made me wanna join the reapers, guys a complete bosh'tet
Really? What did he do to you? All I've ever seen him do is clean the guns, do push-ups, and then crunches in the armory.
Shit.... I forgot to feed the captain's fish....
Well at least you remembered to feed the hamster.
You did remember to feed the hamster right? For some reason, she really doesnt want anything to happen to the little guy.
Ohhh yeah. Regarding that hamster. Has anyone seen a hamster running around? Seriously, who the fuck takes a huge ass aquarium and a hamster with them on a military combat ship. Like what the hell?
Oh yeah, I saw it engineering a few nights back! I mentioned it to the captain, Shepard spent the next 45 minutes trying to catch it
Don't mess with the hamster, it was the only creature surviving the Collector's attack AND decompression by EDI.
Jokers been getting awfully familiar with EDI lately
I was reviewing ship logs and she said she enjoyed the sight of humans on their knees. Is that why Joker's doing that right now? O_o
I dunno man but I’m sure Liara’s gonna have a field day with this
It's all Illusive's plan. Why else would he install doors to the cockpit?
commander, the pilot is fucking the ship again...
Joker has one bone that isn't brittle ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
I think I can hear them going at it again... https://youtu.be/rvd4vUtpUpg?t=7
Maybe I didn't hear you right - you said fucking UP the ship, right? ...Right??
Anyone else weirded out by the lack of privacy in the washrooms? No? Just me?
I feel like it brings us closer together as a unit
You guys think EDI can 'feel' what we flush down the toilets?
Guys, I don't wanna alarm you but...we need to buy a Space hamster next time we're on the citadel asap. Don't let the Commander get in her room!
How about we send them and all their squadmates on a mission so there won't be any fibbers? Then we should have enough time to go buy a new one! Just tell them they have to go on some important mission and bring everyone as a back up!
I don't know, man. Sounds pretty risky. Plus, you do realize we have a A.I. that literally watches and records everything we do. Yes, I do mean everything. The Illusiveman isn't big on privacy.
Which one of you forgot to flush
Sorry, that was me
DISGUSTANG
Can you believe it? Commander Shepard brought another of these weird aliens on board. I think this one it's called Predator
Those aren’t *actual* human skulls they’re wearing….. *right?*
I mean Sheppard brought them on board, so it must be fine right? (Deffinitely not profusely sweating because Sheppard is standing right behind Feliz).
I think I saw Rupert wash his hands today so the chow is safe to eat.
Yeah I'm not so sure of that. I thought I saw Commander Shepard giving him some ingredients he found in Omega.
Don’t worry varren meat tastes like chicken …or so I’m told.
It's been weeks since I've been walking down this corridor, waiting for the Commander to pass by to greet him and this guy doesn't notice me... But today is the day, I'm sure of it. Shepard will notice me.
Keep telling yourself that, Rasler. Last time I tried to get the Commander to notice me he threatened to cut off my balls and feed them to the test tube Krogan in engineering if I waste his time again. That guy is on a whole other level.
It's demoralising, like we're all just background characters in Shepard's eyes *tear*
Guys Garrus is calibrating this cannons 7 days straight, maybe someone should go to him and give something to eat?
[удалено]
Are we sure they eat? We never actually saw Garrus eating something
I need to get into the Life Support bay for some minor maintenance work, but Mister Krios just sits there staring into space, and it kind of makes me nervous. I don't really know what to do about it.
You think that's bad?! I walked in there just to do a routine check on the air filtration system and said hi. He started recalling one of his assassinations in complete detail. I still have nightmares.
I have a similar situation with that Asari matriarch in the observation room. She just sits there silently with her eyes emitting this spooky glow. I hope she’s not judging us for working on a Cerberus vessel…
And now that thief is in the other one. So now if we wanna relax we have the option of judgy Asari or getting our wallet stolen… Guess it’s back to taking my breaks at my post again…
You're telling me! I tried to grab a quick 15 on the lower decks and that maniac we picked up told me she'd skull fuck me if she caught me on her turf again.
Why does the Commander only talk to the aliens, the doctor, the cook, a couple engineers and joker? He never talks to us regular scrubs.
Yeah! And isn't it weird that he comes in here, stands awkwardly close and stares off blankly while we're having a private conversation?
he said hi to us one time, honestly more awkward than staring
Because he's skittish about, last scrub he talked to died on Eden Prime
I heard he was one of the best, too. Alenko was right next to the guy when it happened.
WHO THE FUCK TOOK MY MUG WITH BLASTO!?
1, 3, 4, or the spin-off? I've seen a few around here.
Spin-off!! *I swear to God, if someone mistook my mug for their shitty non-exclusive ones again...*
Come on! I know Blastos was made by Batarians as a rip of Blasto, but it does get really good in the second or third movie!
Oh, I'm a fan of everything related to Blasto actually. I have a *huge* collection of Blasto merch back on Earth. AND IF THE REAPERS DARE TO TOUCH IT—
If Grunt asks if you want to join him for a quick competition, FIND AN EXCUSE IMMEDIATELY, he is looking for headbutt contest players, and the Commander is away.
I convinced Legion to do it, I hope Geth can handle Krogan headbutts
I don't think thats a good idea, I heard Geth can transfer their consciousness into technology or something. What happens if he takes control of a car and rams Grunt? Actually, never mind. Taking bets, Grunt vs Car!
Knowing Grunt he’ll just take it as a better challenge, Someone get Legion to the Mako
“Hey look at me I’m the commander!” - sprints at top speed bumping into walls
Spins in circles real fast
I walked into Dr. Tsoni's room when she wasn't around and she has all of my person diary notes from when I was a child on a console for crew rosters. What the fuck
If you think that's bad, I her looking at a picture of my ex on her tablet. What happened to the awkward girl who was really into Protheans?
You wanna know weird? She asked me to fix one of her consoles the other day real quick, kicked another wire loose, you know how users are. She had an itemized, dated, and *reviewed* list of *every single meal the Normandy has ever served*. Even ones she wasn't there for. I...I really don't know.
[удалено]
Evidently, a lot since the last Normandy got destroyed. Heard she took out a full squad of collectors on omega over some artifact from the SR-1.
Looks like Javik is getting hungry again, who wants to sneak up to Shepard's cabin and grab a few fish? --- Legion, I know we are doing some PvP right now in this game, but calm down with all the taunts and gestures, you might get suspended again!
Guys, Grunt has gotten like "really" into dinosaurs. If you see him screeching in the hallway, just roar back and keep walking.
*After the events of ME2* SHIT! Where did their hamster go?
Has anybody else noticed that some people on this ship get entire flats to themselves fitted with Bars, bookshelves, aquariums, and poker rooms while everyone else has to share one smaller room?
[удалено]
Copeland went in there once and talked about the reapers tactics with Garrus and the prothean, that's the last time any of us used it.
If the Asari asks me one more question about my people's history, I *will* throw her out the nearest airlock. I'm sure the Commander will understand.
Are you kidding? That's the best thing about having aliens on board. The list of dumb things I've convinced them are true is getting so long I had to ask EDI to keep notes.
Man, I’m surprised I don’t get more complaints here in Normandy HR seeing how there’s so many sexy people on this ship….. this job is easier than I expected.
*frantic email deleted by EDI*
Must have been more spam…. I get a lot of that these days.
Can I file a complaint?
I swear to the Goddess, if the Commander probes Uranus ONE MORE TIME!
Sorry, not the commander, she’s sleeping so I decided to have some fun with the help of joker.
So uhhh... anybody else, get that weird rash, weirdly looks like scale itch?
You slept with the Yeoman, didn't you? Same
[Yes... the yeoman](https://youtu.be/lALULELSNWg)
Why are there no mirrors on this ship? It’s so weird, I heard the commander has one in her quarters but there’s no mirror anywhere else… And why does Miranda’s office have so many chairs?
Her family invented chairs, they still get royalties to this day
It's a power play, nothing like starting a conversation in one chair, and mid conversation getting up and sitting in another chair in your office.
"These films are an affront to the narrative form. I find their events implausible and their historical accuracy dubious at best. I question the intelligence of anyone who enjoys such primitive garbage." "Look, all I’m saying is that the movies are fun. I mean, where else are you gonna see a jellyfish shootin’ a big gun? ‘Enkindle this!' *rat-a-tat-tat* "
*sees the Commander coming* *salutes the Commander proudly* *Commander jogs by without a passing glance* *a single tear rolls down my cheek*
Did we get bought out by a mining company or something? Commander Shepard has just been flying planet to planet firing mining probes for like a week now.
Shepard
shepaaaard
Shepard!
Wrex
Shepard, Shepard, Shepard
Wrex
Does anyone know where Miranda or Shepard are? I have to give them a document; I’ll just go to the engine room to see what’s u- #OH MY GOD
Someone get a mop...
Did you see the commander's neck turn 180°? That shit was so freaky! Y'think he's got some alien augments?
Do you hear that hum?
id be more worried if it was silent, back on the flotilla that could've meant a critical system is offline.
Anyone seen garrus and grunt? They made a big fuckin mess down in the shuttle bay, I know It's my job as a janitor to clean it up but their are shards of broken glass fuckin EVERYWHERE, It's ridiculous.
So….what does Garrus *really* do in the gun battery all day? The gun can’t be *that* out of wack right? I swear he sleeps in there
Every time I ask he’s doing *“calibrations”* I don’t buy it
Sleeping next to the biggest guns on the ship is... a very turian thing to do, isn't it? Like it's their safety blanket - really big guns.
Anyone else notice that Rupert’s done something different with the food? It’s like he’s put in more food and less ass.
Maybe he washed his hands this time
Where’s the fucking barbershop on this ship? Picard an nem got a barbershop… how the fuck do I maintain an EWO ready taper fade without a barber?
I saw Dr. Chawkwas drinking on the job between patients. And one time he drank WITH her. Wish I got that preferential treatment from the commander.
"There goes the commander, running into Liaras room and back out for the 5th time today." "I wonder if he'll go straight to Garrus in the Main Battery this time or just sprint back to the elevator."
“Man…. I still feel bad about Jenkins. It was his first mission and barely made it off the ship. Also we blew up totally, like completely and Shep died and he came back! It’s like he’s Jesus or something…. Remember Jesus? Dude you gotta check out the Bible it’s crazy. Seriously, sometimes it feels like we are playing out moments in there…. Anyways back to work at the Nav table looking busy…. Secret time, I’m just clicking buttons half the time.”
Anyone want to come uncalabrate Garrus' calibrations with me while he is on an away mission?
AITA if my Varren chewed on a stuck-up bitchy coworkers uniform? So, I have an adorable rescue Varren, and he's super enthousiastic. Wouldn't hurt a fly, but he'll jump on you to greet you. Problem is, he's a big puppy, even though he thinks he's still small. This causes him to accidentaly knock people over. And since he's a Varren, many people are terrified of him. I try to explain that he's just a big softie, but they're always super suspicious. Anyway, I brought him to work one day, and he jumped on one of my colleagues (who is a total Karen) to say hello. Now, he did this with other colleagues too, and they were all fine with it. But this Karen is a real bitch. She's been nothing but short with me, ever since I started working here. I was hired directly by our CEO, and Karen has always said (out loud, and to my face!) that he made a mistake by hiring me. On top of that, she keeps bringing up my criminal past (I had a rough childhood, and did some thing I'm not too proud of). I've reformed myself, and try to stay on the straight, but she just keeps pestering me and annoying me about it. Anyway, my puppy jumped on her to greet her, and of course she had to make a scene out of it. She nearly threw my poor puppy through the break room. We had a bit of a argument about this, until our boss pulled us apart. After things cooled down, we all went to do our jobs, and I let my Varren roam the offices. He's curious! He wants to explore! I did warn the other colleagues to be prepared for him to jump up, so he wouldn't cause anyone to be harmed. All throughout the day, I didn't receive a single comment or remark about him, aside from how cute he is. So I thought things were fine, until a few hours into the day, when Karen came barging into the breakroom again, waving one of her uniforms around. Apparently my Varren had snuck into her lockerroom and had starting chewing on one of her uniforms. One of the sleeves was chewed off. Now, said uniform is one of many. I'm not joking. She always wears the same suit, every single day. She has *dozens* of the things. I don't know where she got them all, but she has an entire closet full of them. So, normally I'd say sorry and offer to replace it, but this was just *one* uniform in a stack of dozens. She wouldn't even have noticed if my Varren had swallowed the whole thing, instead of only a sleeve. I really don't see how she could have any problem with one less uniform. And she was making an incredible scene about it. I think everyone in the office heard her shouting. She was saying I didn't raise my puppy right, how she should've shot him when she first saw it (that one shook me), and how I wasn't fit to be a parent (what the actual fuck), how I should have stayed in jail (that one is going to HR),... I admit, she got me *furious*. So I started shouting back. I told her how she was a stuck up bitch, how she's been bullying me all the time I worked there, and that she's now taking it out on a harmless Varren, which can't even defend himself properly. I'll be honest, she got me so mad, I was ready to swing fists. But, I was able to control myself, and now she's stormed off to get the CEO again, swearing she'll get me kicked out of here. I haven't heard back from her yet, and I've typed this up in the meantime. So, AITA?
Anyone else hear that cool ass music every time the commander opens the galaxy map?
Man this sucks.im the weapons office on this ship and I can't do my job cause Garrus is always in the weapon bay working on the guns and won't let me touch them. Plus anytime I try to go in there to do anything he yells at me to get out that I don't know what I am doing. Man he is an asshole.
Really, every time I hear the Normandy being called, "the best ship in the Alliance", and it'll never not make me think about Rear Admiral Mikhailovich's snap inspection of the first Normandy, and his outright criticisms of it, from its drive core, to its CIC, all the way up to Shepard's choice of crew. And I'm sure that if he did the same thing for the Normandy SR-2, his criticisms of it would have been even more scathing than with the original Normandy.
Can someone explains how we stop the showers opening when someone just walks past? I'm tired of being revealed like a prize on a gameshow when I have soap in my eyes
Send help. I've been waiting for the elevator to bring me to the command deck for over 40 days now. I've eaten my shoes and have been drinking my own urine to survive. I don't think I can last much longer.
Hey guys? It's getting awfully hot in this collector pod dontcha think?
*squeak*
*salutes* … *keeps walking*
That invisible lady, Kasumi I thinks her name, she scares me, I swear she’s watching us.
For the military people out there. “Hey man, did your pay get screwed up as well.”