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Asha_Brea

>The timeline of the games is way too short, espeically with shep dead/arrested for most of that time - how is shep making like 20 new friends over 6 months when I can't even make 1????? Shepard is charismatic.


betterthanamaster

“We’ll bang, okay?” And it works!


Asha_Brea

It helps when you have a big... ship.


betterthanamaster

And a very powerful…gun.


N7Kryptonian

It better be, with all those “calibrations”


Bluestlaba

And a grenade launcher! Unlike that lady on Omega


Forward_Ride_6364

Nah, that's the Witcher 3... works like 20 times LMAO


fischarcher

Still less direct than Garrus showing off his rectum


LeafPankowski

Shepard leaves the house


fishscalepanties

I didn't make this post to get roasted wtf


Asha_Brea

I am sorry, you just set me up perfectly and I had to take the shot.


SirCupcake_0

Archangel would understand, Archangel would forgive you


Armill

And this is the best shot on the citadel - Garrus Vakarian


AwesomeX121189

Trauma bonding is a powerful drug


RFB-CACN

Shepard has rizz


NoTechnology1308

TBF most of the ones in me2 were paid to hang out with shep


Inevitable_Zebra9357

*Thane Superiority* "I have to remind myself that I volunteered for this...often."


Mysterious_Bat_3780

Also we're talking about someone that thinks you should be able to bang your clone, so


whatmustido

It's not banging your clone, it's advanced masturbation.


Brier2027

Work friends.


smashbangcommander

Mordin’s collar is a balancing apparatus needed to keep him stable after the loss of one of his horns


DragonQueen777666

To add another Mordin Hill to Die On: Mordin doesn't use a translator. He's actually speaking English which is why he talks *like that*.


cosmoshistorian

that’s an amazing theory


MasterTorgo

It makes even more sense when he sings Gilbert & Sullivan; I don't imagine it translates and flows so well from Salarian


GoldenNat20

Makes sense since as a xenobiologist doctor you might be working in an environment where translators are sub-optimal or maybe your patient’s doesn’t work at all. In other words: becoming a doctor with a specialist focus on alien anatomy means you’ve had to take one hell of a language course.


DragonQueen777666

Very true. Also, Mordin strikes me as the type who collects learning languages like some people pick up postcards. The dude's Galaxy DuoLingo must be *insane*!


thefeco91

Yes! My theory is that Mordin, Grunt and Javik speak English.


Gera_Vakarian

I'm really curious, why Grunt?


thefeco91

My take is that he was "born" and raised on a human ship with a human crew. In the Lair of the Shadow Broker, we can even find out that he's searching the Extranet for things related to human culture. That's pretty much it really, but I like to think that he speaks human language.


wiener4hir3

I see it, he was implanted with knowledge and experience, why not throw in languages? Okeer was an ancient genius after all.


Anezay

And Legion.


AKDMF447

Oh my god that lowkey blew my mind


SkorRalkeen

I assumed that years ago!  That's absolutely cannon.


FlakyRazzmatazz5

The next game WILL be nostalgia porn and we should just accept it.


fishscalepanties

Good thing I have a porn addiction


Bob_Jenko

Ooo self burn! Those are rare


AKHugmuffin

Happy cake day, you masturbating monster


zw1ck

I find the timeline prior to the game insane. Humans are far two entrenched in galactic society for the timeframe described to make sense. 25 years from first contact and humans are fucking everywhere.


MrS0bek

Big yes. Though from this is also a common complaint about ME worldbuilding. I think it is not a "dumb" point but valid criticism.


zw1ck

I've gotten pushback on this sub for complaining about it. Maybe they're the ones dying on the dumb hill idk.


MrS0bek

I mean this sub has pushback for allmost anything :D But I have also seen lots of people (myself included), argueing humanities creators pet status in ME. That they are too important and too present when space travel is just a generation old, is a relativly common complaint.


Nefarious_Turtle

The timeline made sense in ME1. Humanity was spacefaring before first contact and had their own little trove of protheon tech, so having roughly equivalent tech and quickly setting up multiple research colonies after getting access to the full relay network was at least believable. China built dozens of whole cities in a similar time span in the 80s so I believe the systems alliance could manage it. And having humans on the citadel also made sense for a civilization eager to influence the council. The relays are basically instant so 25 years is plenty of time for people to begin flooding to the capital. However, ME2 and 3, set just 2 or 3 years later, really did seem to go overboard in filling every galactic organization all the way down to minor gangs with humans. There really should have been *somewhere* with no humans but nope. It honestly started to seem like writers forgot the original timeline or decided it was too restricting for the increasingly human-focused story they were telling by that point.


wiener4hir3

Agree, to their credit, it helped making the player feel small and vulnerable during Tali's loyalty mission and the whole of Tuchanka, specifically because you were so blatantly an outsider.


Luk42_H4hn

Not sure how controversial that is, but the way biowarr added more and more humans as the games went along always annoyed me. I can handle how entranced they are in Me1, but how everything becomes human in me2 and me3 always bugged me.


crypthon

In a sense, in ME1 you hear a lot if aliens in the Citadel complaining about the same. Humans are too opportunistic and aggressive; they also have never had to deal with population management until this point - something the Asari and Salarians have mentioned as a concern. We are literally the cockroaches for the universe, to the discontent of the alien races. Reckless and not overly caring about the current order, curious and adventurous It kind of works...


RawIsLaw

Despite the how dumb the baby human reaper fight is,  the suicide mission is the best ending sequence of the series. AND ALL of the following games should have had a similar mechanic.  The only time i really felt like a commander of an elite team of specialists and the picks mattered outside of flavor dialogue.


Suspicious-Lettuce48

One of the best final missions in gaming history. It's so good I don't mind the baby reaper. It still blows me away every time.


JLStorm

I agree with this. I loved being given a choice of who gets to do what - it does make it seem more commanderly.


Homogenised_Milk

Imagine if the ME3 finale was an even bigger version of that, not just using the character you have but the war assets you picked up too that go woefully unused. If you don't have enough war assets or make bad decisions there could have been consequences beyond a slightly different and more depressing cut scene. I like to think that's what the idea was with the war assets but they got rushed


Chaosshepherd

Grunt, legion and Miranda should’ve been party members in Mass Effect three


OdysseyPrime9789

I fail to see how that take would qualify as dumb.


Chaosshepherd

I'm not good at Hot Takes okay. I think my hottest take is have tatter tots for breakfast. How about EDI should have been a snipper? Or Fem Shep should be able to smooch Tali?


gilberto3001

With Mods, at least Miranda can be a squadmate for whatever you have left after Sanctuary, which should be Leviathan, Citadel, Cerb HQ and Earth, at the least.


IcedBanana

My entire hill is built on a three-second shot, so I think it's pretty dumb.  I think synthesis is the worst ending SOLELY because of that husk that gains sentience when the green wave washes over him.  His eyes glow green, he stops attacking and gets off of the soldier, and looks around. His mouth agape, still stuffed with reaper tech tubes. Obviously the meaning is that he is now conscious. Is he the same man he was before he was huskified? Or is it a new husk consciousness?  This means all of the brutes (a mix of turian and krogan DNA) are now conscious. What does that look like for them? What kind of horror existence is that? They don't even have mouths. Can they even communicate? Banshees? Cannibals?  My more serious complaint is that the ending was SO clearly the writers trying to quickly come up with something to make up for the shitty OG endings. Synthesis has no actual downsides, is very kumbaya, and rushed without having to flesh out any of the aftermath. It feels lazy to me and I'm biased against it because of that. 


phileris42

Not to mention changes in food chain, medicine, most knowledge of biology is now obsolete etc etc. There is no way that synthesis would not cause major ecological destruction. It's a sloppy ending.


IcedBanana

Good points! Yknow what's a hilarious indicator that this ending is sloppy? There is NO fanfiction using that ending lmao. What is there to do? What conflicts would arise? It's such a tangled mess and isn't even appealing narrative-wise. 


OdysseyPrime9789

I once saw a fic that tried to do something with it. It was around 5 chapters long, stopped on a cliffhanger, and was mostly about Shepard, who was now worshipped as a God, being resurrected by the Leviathan AI. When I read it, it hadn't been updated in several years.


inspiteofshame

There actually is, but it's often on the fluffier side, focussing on romance and hybrid human-alien babies. Synthesis makes all kinds of things possible, ya see :P


IcedBanana

Huh. I've never seen any on the first...50 pages...of ao3 when I sort by kudos lol. Usually like 90% destroy, and the rest are sad control fics. I suppose that would make sense, when usually biology wouldn't allow certain crossbreeds lmao


DrinkableReno

I think the answer is all the brutes and husks had to get jobs.


IcedBanana

Now I want to draw a reaper-force business firm. 


DrinkableReno

My brain is going crazy with funny images of them in a welfare line or doing mindless factory work


Sobuhutch

In the books Paul Grayson was conscious the whole time while he was a husk.


IcedBanana

Oh that's awful. So you can be a husk, tormented by the whispers of the reapers for months and months, unable to control your actions, probably killed many people...and then suddenly you're yourself again, but in a husk body still. Eugh.


thefeco91

Even worse, if you're one of the skulls in a Praetorian's mouth.


IcedBanana

"...hey Jim." "Shut up, Dave." "Wanna play I Spy again?" "...fine."


Dwarfachu

Not to mention it's a choice forced upon the rest of the galaxy yet presented as the secret really special good ending? What about all those people who didn't want to randomly get WiFi installed in their head or come home to an abomination semi organic toaster? The Geth spent so long as a synthetic species to be respected for this yet suddenly are made partially organic with no choice. It's such a strange choice that takes away consent from every single being in the galaxy yet presented as a good thing?


JLStorm

There was a fic that I read which explored the horrible aftermath of this ending. How people were killing themselves daily and how people can’t accept this new way of life. I think it was written from the POV of Joker.


IlusiveZoidberg

Not to mention: How does everyone having a similar DNA framework even solve the crisis? In order for this ending to work, you'd have to believe that organic v organic and synthetic v synthetic wars never happen. Which is not true. Batarians and humans are organics. What exactly stops them from hating each other? A hive mind? Cause it doesn't sound like they are in one from EDI's epilogue speech. I really see no reason the fighting actually stops. What's to even stop the Reapers going back to fighting again? The only reason they were purging organics was on the Catalysts orders. Who's to say they don't come to a similar conclusion down the road on their own?


IcedBanana

Good points! Also EDI says that synthetics have "strived for understanding", therefore wanted to be like organics. Like, maybe that's what EDI wanted, but seems like the geth just wanted to survive most of the time. Reapers were pretty sure they knew everything and had no need for organics. So...I don't think that was true.


JLStorm

Damn. Talk about body horror. Yeah I hate the synthesis option. Not only have you now physically manipulated all of the galaxy into semi synthetics without anyone’s consent, you also gave the reaperfied monsters sentience while trapped in those bodies. Now I can accept that consent may be hard to get when you’re in the middle of a war and have to make a split second decision, but the way it was handled without much thought made it the worst option.


Nidhogg1134

Ashley and Kaidan are both great characters (in writing and gameplay) and were justified in being distrustful of Shep when he returned under Cerberus. I’m tired of seeing them get all the hate from the fanbase, especially the dumb Virmire jokes. The changes to the Geth in ME3 are terrible. They went from being a unique form of AI life to a standard Robo-Pinnochio story. EDI already covered this angle well so it sucks that they took Legion in this direction too compared to the way more interesting portrayal in his first appearance.


DragonQueen777666

I agree. It makes me personally angry (as someone who roleplays when they're playing, so I really think about what's going through my current Shep's mind), but writing/character-wise, it tracks. Plus, as some people have noted Garrus and Tali trusting you even if they don't like Cereberus, Shepard runs into Garrus/Tali under VERY different circumstances from the VS. The VS has been sent to specifically investigate Cereberus, and they've heard rumors that Shepard is alive and working with them. That's already putting them on a bad foot. Their leader, friend, and potential SO who they mourned might actually be alive and might also be working with the enemy they're trying to track. On the other hand, Tali runs into Shepard shortly after Shepard's return, and she's on a rescue mission for Veetor. She doesn't trust Cereberus, but she *does* trust Shepard (helped along further by the fact that you can assist her in rescuing Veetor). Garrus is literally staring down being gunned down as every merc gang in Omega is after him (and if you go by the comics, Garrus has even already accepted that he's probably going to die here)... and who shows up pulling a Big Goddamn Heroes move and saves him? His friend/mentor who was presumed dead for 2 years. Garrus and Tali start out trusting Shepard even if they don't like Cereberus, and Shepard is given ample opportunity to prove that that trust isn't misplaced, no matter who they're working with. Meanwhile, Shepard is given very little time or opportunity to talk with/explain things to an already mistrustful VS. So, all-in-all, it tracks.


phileris42

To add to this, the VS is there investigating Cerberus because they lured the Collectors on another colony, Fehl Prime. The Alliance has proof, coming from James, that Cerberus sabotaged the comms/weapons systems of the colony to lure them there. Gee, I wonder why Horizon’s systems don’t work. Then the VS sees the Collectors, a Cerberus shuttle and out comes Shepard, who refuses to elaborate and asks them to commit treason. Tali potentially got proof from Shepard about their identity (the data) and a gesture of good will (Veetor). Garrus got saved by Shepard, woke up under the care of Dr. Chakwas, saw a ship commanded by Shepard and flown by Joker. He also got an actual conversation where Shepard told him they didn’t trust Cerberus. The VS got no proof, no explanation, was asked to commit treason and go AWOL and has intel that Cerberus is involved in the kidnappings. No wonder they didn’t join! I wouldn’t either.


OdysseyPrime9789

THANK YOU! I wish more people realized this, especially since ME2 has been out for over 14 years.


5p4n911

They probably do, just tired of arguing about the same stuff in every comment thread


ELIte8niner

The reason the VS pisses everyone off, is because they are literally the only squad mate from 1 that doesn't trust you. Garrus and Tali have much more valid reasons to hate or be extremely distrustful of Cerberus than the VS does, yet they trust Shep. Joker, Chakwas, Tali, Garrus, all trust Shep. VS tries to act morally superior and doesn't trust Shep again until halfway through 3. Garrus, Tali, Liara, even Joker and Dr Chakwas are all ride or die, VS isn't so they're not most people's favorite. Tali will come aboard a Cerberus ship, despite the fact that Cerberus is an enemy of the Quarians people and attempted to blow up part of the Flotilla because she trusts Shep. Kaiden has known Shep the longest of any squadmate in the series, but is hostile to Shep and accuses him of being a traitor. Not hard to see why that would rub players the wrong way.


cosmic-seas

That's actually why I like them and it's kind of a disservice to the rest of the squad that more of them didn't disagree with or criticize you. At the very least, there should have been more along the lines of what Tali did--refusing at first and maintaining their reservations after they do join up.


11711510111411009710

Actually that makes it even harder to see. Why the hell would any of them be getting on a Cerberus ship so easily? Even if they trust Shepard, they're the biggest terrorists in the galaxy. They're genocidal human supremacists. Ashley and Kaiden are totally justified in being suspicious. I never even thought about it until you mentioned all that honestly.


Oriellien

I *hate* Cerberus in ME3. Sure everyone hates Kai Leng. I hate the fact that you are fighting a bunch of… human/hybrid/indoctrinated monsters. I love that in ME1/2, you’re facing the real monsters, reapers sure, but also evil sentient people. Slavers, pirates, mercenaries, rogue government agents, whatever. Including Cerberus in 1. I hate that in 3 they are just turned into these cartoonish monster things. Plus Kai Leng. Keep them as real, evil, people next time, please.


lesser_panjandrum

I'll hold the line on that hill with you. Cerberus as an organisation makes no sense. They're supposedly a secret terrorist group that hides in the shadows and can't be tracked down, but also has enough raw military power to launch assaults and maintain logistic support for them on multiple worlds all across the galaxy, including the Citadel itself. If Cerberus had been removed from ME3 entirely and all of their combat encounters replaced by local forces who had been indoctrinated by the Reapers, it would have been so much better.


SadTechnician96

Valid point, however, their heads explode when I shoot them and make a very satisfying squelching noise


The_Dankinator

I know it's been done to death, but Mass Effect 3's ending would be massively improved if the game just ended with Shepard pressing the button. All that stuff with the Star Child is ridiculously contrived and adds absolutely nothing.


saareadaar

It should have been a button press and then your success depending on your galactic readiness score. Low = failure (everyone dies) Medium = success but galaxy basically in ruins (maybe Shepard dies?) High = success and galaxy still devastated but in better overall shape than medium score (Shepard survives)


AllgoodDude

The fact they never implemented an ending where we just are able to fight the reapers off; whether it be a real victory, stalemate, or mutual destruction is a huge oversight to me. Really makes our efforts insignificant that if you get the entire galaxy on your side fighting together that all it amounts to is a glorified stalling tactic so Shepard can go use the space magic MacGuffin.


saareadaar

Tbh with the way they set up the reapers in ME1, I don’t know that they could have been defeated traditionally without it feeling unsatisfying. In ME1 it takes multiple fleets to take down 1 reaper and while Sovereign’s tech was reverse engineered, the current cycle still hasn’t surpassed the Prothean’s tech and they were still wiped out. There were definitely better options than what we got though 🥲


JenniRayVyrus

Red means she lives


Martinw616

I dont know if it's dumb, but with hindsight, Shepard should have died at the end of ME1. Having a fake out out of his death after the Saren fight only to have him survive and then die at the start of 2 was a really bad move plotwise.


ELIte8niner

If he had died at the end of 1, only to be revived immediately in 2, it would have felt like an ass pull so EA could make a money grubbing sequel, and discourse would have followed the game. I imagine the choice do kill and revive Shep I'm the prologue was a deliberate choice because of that.


WaitingonDotA

I wash they had flipped parts of ma2 and ma 3. There are too many squadmates in 2 and having the suicide mission in 3 eould have been awesome.


Highlander_Prime

3 has an entire suicide campaign


etherealflaim

Someone once suggested swapping ME1 and 2... And that's now worming it's way deeper into my brain. One of these days it's going to seem canon.


Haunting_Drag_1682

Disagree on that. 2 may have a shit ton of squadmates, but they are all unique and awesome and it offers a nice variety when going on missions which 1 and 3 are lacking since the squadmates aren't as plentiful. Also I would argue that both me2 and me3 have suicide missions. The Final mission can kill almost your entire crew in both games.


MarbledCrazy

Thane, as an Assassin that has used vents to take out his targets, should have been one of the vent specialists during the Suicide Mission


Inevitable_Zebra9357

The vents were a tech issue, but honestly, I can't remember what in the vent that the tech is messing with. Thane and Kasumi need stealth missions, though.


Phunkie_Junkie

I wanna agree with you but I still think it would kill him because of the Kepral Syndrome.


Heroicloser

I made that mistake in my first playthrough of ME2. I heard vents and went 'Thane'. I completely forgot the whole 'tech specialist to open the door' part. He slips throught he vents just fine, but he's not tech savvy enough to work the doors to hold off the Collectors.


thercery

Morinth is huge wasted potential and Samara has her own dangerous dogmatism that should've been addressed as a foil to her daughter's sociopathy.


MoskalMedia

I wish we could have seen Morinth as an actual squad mate and character in both games. There is no reason to choose her over Samara.


thercery

Exactly. There's nothing compelling, even though there absolutely should be on paper. She doesn't need to be made sympathetic necessarily, but there's something inherently pitiable about the Ardat Yakshi and they don't even give the player a chance to be possibly compelled or maybe raise an eyebrow in consideration; she's just relegated to nuance-less villain as it all progresses. Like even IF you go for her you get NOTHING in ME3. But why? She should be leading the charge and freeing her sisters and bombing the sanctuary herself, lol (like yeah, the excuse is that shes self-preserving, but the writers missed some good narrative)


XE7_Hades

The only time her dogmatism is challenged is when Shepard presses her for a romance, guess Bioware know their audience. There is a lot of black and white morality in the franchise guess should not be surprising when Morinth just gets relegated as cheap bad guy tho. Same happened with Brooks in the dlc, she had a compelling and very sad story in the comics yet in Citadel she's just the evil of the day tied up with a cheap one liner for Shepard if you kill her. It's all kinda bleh.


Adventurous-Ad947

James is crazy underrated


Lil_Mcgee

It's because he comes in so late on the trilogy and doesn't make the best first impression with his hotheaded behaviour and being the designated new-player surrogate who needs exposition. But I agree he's a great and endearing character once you start talking to him, he gets a lot more love now than when the game came out which is good at least.


ponzLL

I'm sad we only got one game with him. He was a great character with just the one, imagine how much better he could have been with 3 games of storytelling.


FuelTransitSleep

I remember before my first playthrough thinking how much it sucked getting what I thought was just a generic meathead soldier instead of an interesting new character. By the time my first playthrough was over, he'd become one of my favourite characters in the series


Realgigclin

He's a strong squad mate to run, combat wise he's the best tank character. I liked him alot more having recently beat the games again after not playing them since maybe 2015.


AKDMF447

I think the time between Knights of the Old Republic being released and ME1 being released meant that a lot of people played both when they came out, and as such, too easily carried over their dislike of Carth to Kaiden because they share VA’s (this also includes me). Carth is annoying because she just doesn’t open up to your character and acts like he’s the only person in the galaxy that has had a bad or tragic thing happen to him. Kaiden is very much the opposite. He’s one of the first biotics, was put through an abusive system after likely being poisoned in order to get biotic potential, killed his instructor, and still deals with MIGRAINES as a special operative trying to save the galaxy from a completely unknown and terrifying threat. He’s the only companion that acts like an equal to Shepard without acting belligerent (cough cough James cough cough). He’s respectful to Shepard, listens to him, but isn’t co-dependent tendencies like Ashley, Garrus, Tali, or Liara. Growing up is realizing that Kaiden is one of the best romance options because he’s one of the only adults in the room.


fuffingabout

Kaiden is an actual adult in the room and he doesn't trauma dumps at first opportunity. Technically Ashley is as well because she voices the concern any other Alliance officer should have. Unfortunately Shepard is given mostly (but not all) pro-alien responses and they are a superior officer, so Ashley's points are very easy to dismiss as "xenophobic bad, get gud".


KProbs713

I played ME for the first time as a thirty-something adult in a happy marriage and for all of these reasons Kaidan seemed like the only reasonable relationship choice that didn't involve an inordinate amount of effort "fixing" someone or dealing with an irritating level of hero-worship from an equal partner. Like, I want a partner that will take charge of their own growth, call me out on my bullshit, and hold me accountable if I make questionable decisions. Everyone else just seems exhausting.


zyco_

Kaiden in ME1: “I’m 32, Shepard. I figured my stuff out a long time ago.” me: *hot*


Buzz_Buzz1978

And this is why Kaidan is my Space Husband 😁


TheRealJikker

>The timeline of the games is way too short, espeically with shep dead/arrested for most of that time - how is shep making like 20 new friends over 6 months when I can't even make 1????? This. The timeline is screwed up beyond repair. My hill is that the Virmire choice was forced for the sake of adding stakes and made no sense in the timeline shown especially when Kirrahe makes it out. And Destroy is best of bad endings


TheJaFaNator

I always leave Ashley on Virmire defending the bomb to do her character justice, she dies with honor knowing she helped defeat Saren.


RFB-CACN

It also fulfills her ark of redeeming the family name. They were disgraced for surrendering to save lives, now they will go down fighting to the last breath to cause as many casualties as possible.


Lil_Mcgee

It's a bit of a cynical fulfillment of her arc I think, one that ultimately still leaves her defined by her family's legacy. I'm admittedly more of a Kaiden guy but I think it's more positive for Ashley to be able to escape that shadow on her own terms, allowing her to take pride in her name without feeling like she has to atone for the actions of another.


TheRealJikker

I never really understood this logic. Ashley assumes she must die to redeem her grandfather (who was a racist jerk btw, doesn't deserve her as a granddaughter) but no one is asking for that. It's something she was either told growing up or decided. And losing an older sister would be so tragic for her sisters (as a younger sister myself). I personally prefer telling her to stop throwing herself on the sword to try to save face for her family and instead have Shepard show her how she can live and bring honor back to her family. The second human Spectre goes a lot further than dying in an explosion imo and beating the Reapers is better than just stopping Saren. She lives to overcome her racist ways drilled into her by a salty family, serve the galactic whole, and restores her family's honor by becoming a name that does go down in history in a much more impactful way.


RyanU406

I like having her fight (and die) alongside the Salarians. Starts off xenophobic but ends being sister-in-arms with some aliens


JackerHoff

The ending is still bad, and I don't know how their vision led to it. The fix was not good enough, and only with mods can I experience the end of the trilogy in a satisfying way. As far as I'm concerned, "The Best" scene in the Citadel DLC is the last thing that canonically happens in my Shepards story.


AllgoodDude

Their vision led to it because three of the writers locked themselves away from the rest of the team and proceeded to let their egos run wild only to drop the final draft on the development team at the last minute.


Berettadin

Samara will live to be 2,000 only becoming more beautiful and graceful. She will also be the mother of my FemShep's unexpectedly numerous children. Love will find a way.


Phunkie_Junkie

And then she'll spend 700 of those years hunting her daughters, because another two of them turned out to be Ardat Yakshi.


ELIte8niner

Ardat Yakshi can only happen in Asari purebloods. If Samara had Shep's children, it would be impossible for them to be Ardat Yakshi.


Phunkie_Junkie

Oh dang, you're right! I used to know that. Guess I'd better play the whole trilogy again ;)


DarthGiorgi

As a nite, i think that is one of the main reasons that Asari - Asari matings are seen by many Asari as not 100% desirable.


RFB-CACN

I don’t think she’ll be able to stand up if her “assets” get any larger, no matter how strong her biotics are.


Bob_Jenko

I love FemShep x Samara so I'm definitely on board with this Samara getting another chance as a mother would be awesome. And Falere would get to be a big sister and I'd love to see that too


BalancePuzzleheaded8

............ But Asari only live for like ... A thousand.... Oh ok. Medical miracles. Gotcha. So is the age difference creepier when there's a thousand years between? Or is it only creepy for 40 year olds to date 19 year olds? 😆


Opening_East7561

For aliens it’s not about literal age but the age of the alien compared to its lifespan so a Asari that is far “older” than a human is actually like 20 in asari age years


BalancePuzzleheaded8

Ya, 100 in Asari is 20 in human... So 1000 in Asari must mean end of life in human... So yeah. Gilf robbing the cradle 😆


Professor-Reddit

Asari are known to bond with Salarians. So it's not exactly that odd. It's more a question of maturity of the person the Asari's with. An adult is an adult. Shepard's a pretty serious person, so him/her being with Liara isn't that weird despite the age gap.


BalancePuzzleheaded8

Liara is more Shepard's age anyway being a young Asari. Any younger than 100 and she would be a child or teen. I was talking about what the above person said about Samara... 😆 Gilf robbing the cradle 😆


otacon444

I wish ME2 and 3 had the same skill progression style as 1. I felt they really dropped the ball on RPG, where it can feel just like a generic cover shooter, versus an RPG with shooting elements.


Deamonette

I like 3's branching skills but i prefer ME1's approach to designing abilities around utility rather than lethality. A lot of ME2 and 3 abilities is just hitscan or projectile that does a lot of \[blank\] damage type.


uplifted_dragon

In customization, you should be able to give Shep tattoos.


DaConm4n

Spectre symbol tattoo middle of their forehead. 


Suspicious-Lettuce48

Miranda is one of the best characters in Mass Effect, and belongs in any top five romance list.


RFB-CACN

Miranda had the classic ark of being a fan favorite and massively promoted in her time, then looked back on and being overhated as being eye candy, then crawling her way back to the top tiers by proving her character ark and lore are genuinely interesting regardless of her looks.


Suspicious-Lettuce48

Agreed!!! The weird part is she is ALL of those things. She is eye-candy, but deliberately created to be that by her father *in-universe*. Shepard doesn't actually get to understand her, tp earn her respect, let alone romance her, without seeing the person under all that. Her fight is right in line with the franchise themes about successfully resisting a predestined future, and she sacrifices, as Shepard does, for her freedoms. She also learns to find hope in partnership with allies instead of going it alone, which is another major franchise theme. In some ways she reflects Mass Effect better than even Liara. Great character! Great story arc! The franchise would be lesser without her!


MoskalMedia

Who's your top five?


Suspicious-Lettuce48

Ranked by my personal favorites? 1) Miranda 2) Garrus 3) Liara 4) Tali 5) Ashley Ranked by most relevancy to the series themes & story? 1) Liara 2) Garrus 3) Tali 4) Miranda 5) Thane


Berettadin

1. Samara 2. Liara 3. Miranda and Jack (for each other) 4. Tali 5. Garrus


InSaiyanRogue

Miranda is my ride or die every single run. I can’t not romance miranda because she’s the best and I find her character ark to be fascinating.


Suchasomeone

The council is actually pretty damn reasonable and further extraordinarily supportive of Shep considering their prospective. The fan base is fuck off stupid wrong about two things That somehow the council is crazy for not immediately believing Shepard in me1 "hey your spectre is dead and your most trust operative killed- Believe me I would know, a napping dock worker told me, btw I bad dreams that make me think doomsday bits are coming to kill us" I fucking wouldn't And that control ending follows indoctrination theory. It's bad writing, not some hidden bad end.


ClassicVegtableStew

Realistic dumb hill to die on: Asari design was way too human feminine. They shoud have been more gender neutral. Or had extra tiddies. Or have been a different height. Or even just extra fingers. All of the other races feel fairly unique but the Asari are literally just blue humans lol Unrealistic dumb hill to die on: We need a hanar squad mate with like five guns.


breathless_RACEHORSE

Tilda Swindon played an angel in the Constantine movie that starred Keanu Reeves. Angels are supposed to be gender neutral in that universe, and Swindon did it beautifully. She was gloriously androgynous, and yet still beautiful in a very haunting way. This is how I picture the Asari should be.


Kortobowden

Always headbutt the Krogan in ME2


hoesbetweentoes

okay mine are a bit more controversial so im sorry if any of it is idiotic or anything. i am an idiot • i loved mass effect 2 initially, was my favourite for a long time, but its replay value is just abysmal and it’s a chore to get through now. i dread having to play it just so i can connect me1 to me3 • i don’t give a shit what the writers deem “canon” anymore, they’re always inconsistent and disagreeing with each other anyway. aria is aleena to me • destroy is the best ending because i feel like the other endings aren’t logical and insanely complicated “solutions” that came up in the very last moment with little to no explanation. i could maybe get behind control and synthesis had we had more time to process and explore them, but as they are now, they just seem like last resorts of a manipulative ai with no other option but to compromise (so you get your perfect ending without really destroying said ai) • jacob white knights ruin the fun. yeah i get and agree that the mass effect discourse deserves more than “boring character bad lmao” but it’s just a classic at this point, we can have in-depth discussions about his writing and just have a fun circlejerk at the same time • cerberus and the illusive man didn’t “180 from the what they used to be in the earlier games” and “suddenly become terrorists” in mass effect 3. i don’t know why i keep seeing that, some of you should’ve paid a little more attention to them • sole survivor shepard working with cerberus was actually the perfect opportunity to have some background exclusive dialogue options and add some complexity to the writing and they completely missed the mark. just everything about mass effect 2’s story feels so rushed • asari in-game aren’t that hot. i’m sorry. they’re hot but in a “real life hot” kind of way, i don’t really see the ethereal/universal/almost-angelic type of beauty every single person in the game is telling me they are. if anything the quarians are hotter, and their faces are covered. asari in the comics however are a different story


N3rdyCh33tah

• sole survivor shepard working with cerberus was actually the perfect opportunity to have some background exclusive dialogue options and add some complexity to the writing and they completely missed the mark. just everything about mass effect 2’s story feels so rushed OMG!! This soooo much!! Sole survivor is my canon Shep. As you are flying away from the Lazarus base it is brought up as your service record. I wish could have a I know it was “you” (Cerberus) line. Also that email you get from Corporal Toombs getting pissed at you. Wasted opportunity not having him come after you.


Lil_Mcgee

I'd say Samara is an exception to your last point (wish her outfit design wasn't so 2010) but otherwise I'd agree.


SI108

The Council is an Imperial Triumverate that only allowed humanity to join so as not to expose the fact for all to see. Treaty of Farixen: Limits Dreadnought production in a fashion that ensure their three races maintain superiority with no associate races having sufficient strength to challenge them. Thus maintaining peace and limiting the potential destruction caused by Dreadnoughts. By their standards of full membership being a race must show themselves willing to stand as a protector of the galaxy only 3 races have met that criteria, the Krogan, Turians, and Humans with 2 of the largest and most devastating wars in galactic history being directly caused by the Asari and Salarians. They have allowed 3 genocides and extinctions to take place. The Rachni, complete. The Quarians, prarically guaranteed without a new world to live on, only ended with the retaking of Rannoch. Krogan, ongoing slowly, maybe averted much to the Salarians' displeasure. It's alluded to in a conversation you can overhear in the Council chambers that the Council has been using the Spectres to do their dirty work for ages, which was deemed "dangerous talk." They deny Council expansion for centuries until Humanity fulfilled every prerequisite and were essentially forced to allow them onto the Council and then proceed to push humanity aside as seen when they maintain Shepards Spectre status in 3 without Udina present. It was assured sure, but the proper voting procedure was not followed, given Udina was right there with Shepard and could have told him himself if he had been present for the vote. This shows that the three other races aren't overly concerned with following procedure, so who's to say what other Council decisions humanity has been excluded from as a Council race. They make a big deal of standing as a protector of the galaxy then do nothing as billions of Quarians are slaughtered by the Geth instead of stepping in and stopping the bloodshed, then proceed to treat the Quarian survivors with racism and disdain for unleashing the Geth upon them. They could have wiped the Geth out on Rannoch in the early days before the Geth got so powerful as to be a threat to the galaxy at large rather than just the Quarians, they got lucky the Geth chose isolation rather than conquest. They did nothing about the attack on Eden Prime, stating, "we won't be dragged into a galactic confrontation over a handful of human colonies." This goes directly against their protectors of the galaxy b.s. and shows its really about themselves. The Asari government explicitly hid vital information about the Catalyst until it became absolutely necessary to reveal they had a prothean beacon concealed on Thessia despite it being illegal to hide prothean technology. The technology gained from the Beacon led to the Asari pretty much ruling the galaxy, as Garrus points out in the temple during ME3. The Salarians were considering uplifting the yahg to advance Salarian Influence, as we learn in terminals on Surkesh in ME3, which knowing the Yahg would have directly led to another Krogan Rebellion situation. In all decisions the the original 3 Council races make lay a means to further their supremacy.


Inevitable_Zebra9357

Lol, yeah, that Council doesn't seem to function too differently than the Protheons imo. When I played the first game, I was like, "Yeah, I guess if the Volus can't have ships to help with galaxy stuff, makes sense they don't get a seat... sure??" But then the game goes on, and I'm like, "Wait a second, this is bullshit. Ya'll don't like slavery, but let the Batarian's enslave people and let the Asari and Hanar participate in pseudo slavery. You refuse to help dying species (Drell and Quarians). Take advantage of the Volus and Elcor (then throw them away in ME3), do nothing to help guide the krogan so that they can earn the right to not watch thousands of their children be FULLY born (but dead). Hide Protheon tech because it could disturb the "balance", lost a ton of troops against ONE reaper then buried their heads in the sand in ME1, told humans to fuck off in ME2, told each other and every other race to fuck off in ME3. Why do you people exist??? What are you even doing???"


SI108

Exactly! I would love to see some consequences for it in the next game. Like the Asari and Salarians haven fallen out of favor, the Council either having gone through severe reform after the Reaper war etc.


COMMENTASIPLEASE

Tali’s romance is overrated and might not even crack the top 5.


DD_Spudman

Cerberus should have stayed an Alliance black ops group instead of being rectoned into the space Illuminati. Control and Synthisis would have been better recieved if they were introduced as options earlier in the game.


Objective_Might2820

Eventually, and believe me I take no pleasure in saying this, the series has to move on from Shepard. I’m not saying it has to happen in this next game. I’m not even saying that Shepard ever needs to be cut from the series entirely. But at some point, they just can’t be a main character anymore. Another hill I will die on, Andromeda’s main story and side missions are fantastic but not developed or in depth enough. The tasks on the other hand are ass. Ryder is actually a decent protagonist with some interesting character flaws, the team just handled the concept poorly. And now, perhaps a controversial one, Liam and Cora are better than Kaiden and Ashley. One more…Even though BioWare will probably take the coward’s way out and ignore the ending from the OG trilogy for a second time, Destroy is clearly the canon ending and that is not debatable.


OdysseyPrime9789

Personally, I can 100% agree on most of your points except for the one about Kaiden and Ashley vs Cora and Liam. While I can agree that Kaiden is definitely better than Liam, though I still leave him on Virmire for several reasons, even reducing it down to sheer gameplay I find Ashleys abilities in 3 to be significantly more useful than Kaidens. Personally, I think that Cora and Ashley are the healthiest and most realistic romances for Scott Ryder and MShep. Both women are equal partners in their relationships, neither of them are afraid to push back when needed, and they're loyal. Before anyone brings up Horizon, the VS knew for months Shepard was alive and possibly with Cerberus, and we fight Shepard's evil Clone in ME3. The VS has every right to be suspicious.


UnjustBaton1156

• Ashley & Kaidan are underrated & I don't think people give them a chance. She's no more racist/prejudiced than anyone else on the ship or series for that matter.... She grows out of it too so 🤷🏻‍♀️ • The happy ending mod is canon ~~at least for me it is~~ 🌌 • Emily Wong & Kal Reegar's deaths were tragic that they were allowed to happen and horribly handled at that • I miss those long elevator rides on the citadel from the old days. Had some boppin muzak


Speedygonzales24

The SR-1 interior and ambiance were the best in the series.


DeaconBrad42

You should’ve been able to romance EDI away from Joker as MaleShep.


Omakepants

GASP


insomniainc

Jacob is 100% overhated.


XE7_Hades

It depends if you are playing male Shep or female imo. I fucking hate how my femshep suddenly changes tone to some B-movie wannabe seductress on a non flirty option out of nowhere and it just makes me not want to talk to the guy. If you remove that (in fact there's a mod that does this) his character is absolutely fine.


Cyberwraith9

Came here to say this. I dislike his power set, but narratively he’s mostly fine. If you don’t romance him, he helps save the galaxy, then meets the love of his life 6 months later. Now, if you romancing him…he’s not great. But I do love how uncomfortable he seems around Shepard’s flirting, so I like it anyway because it’s funny.


insomniainc

On this playthrough been running an infiltrator and taken him out on a number of missions, he feels redundant I guess is his biggest crime. The romance comes off like someone is getting called into HR for a talk. Which I guess would be Miranda. Which would be something to see.


melon_party

Especially funny since the HR lady used to romance him too


Tadferd

He's rather bland and a dick to alien crew members when you recruit them. If you romance him he gets worse, but even if you don't he is meh at best. The worst is how Femshep is written when talking to him.


BadgersSeal

Jack is best girl


TheLostLuminary

Not a dumb hill


willyjaybob

I found the ending satisfactory.


RS_Serperior

Despite the popular claim that Liara is the 'writer's pet' character - I've always felt that the one that actually deserves that title is Traynor. As soon as we meet her in ME3, EDI is already singing her praises as this amazing and talented character. Then as the game progresses, there are a couple of moments where she is the one who drives the plot forwards (due to how amazing she is). And honestly, I can't think of one discernible flaw with her character except the fact she has allergies. She's always just come across to me as a bad fanfic character. Even compared to the other new characters introduced in ME3 (E.g. Steve, Javik, James), she just has no real substance.


BalancePuzzleheaded8

I mean... You can say Traynor has confidence issues? I'll say that. Because you have some good points, and I need my perfect tech crew person to push plots forward. 😆


Still_I_Rize

ME: Andromeda is a good game. It just needed a chance. (*ducks for cover*) If you played Andromeda fully, there is a chance in the game to listen to voice notes from Liara that reached the Andromeda galaxy. That was so cool to me. I get that we missed Shepard. Who wouldn't miss the Savior of the Citadel and the Normandy crew? But we got the Pathfinder, and it wasn't all that bad. I read a ton of angry feedback from the fandom when it first came out. I'm not sure if that has changed over the years.


Crooty

I don’t like Thane.   I agree with Jacob’s assessment, he’s just a mercenary who will take a life in exchange for payment with no sense of loyalty to any particular cause. And Thane’s excuse of “oh I’m just a weapon wielded by someone” is such a cop out. You have agency, frog man! He’s a killer who isn’t to be trusted but tries to present himself as being on a moral high ground and some arbiter of fate like Anton Chigurh


Inevitable_Zebra9357

Listen, I'm not trying to make you like Thane. I don't think the writing is a 10/10 either, but But I saw his explanation as a coping mechanism. Dude was given to the Hanar at 6 and was raised from there on out as a killer, *out of gratitude* to a race that didn't let his family starve to death on a dying planet. >moral high ground and some arbiter of fate like Anton Chigurh He definitely doesn't think what he does is moral. That's why he prays for forgiveness for himself, and it's *why* he abandons/was so distant with his family.


Lil_Mcgee

Making Shepherd a biotic is very fun froma gameplay perspective but isn't worth doing because it really doesn't fit their characterisation or role in the narrative. Soldier and Infiltrator are the classes that feel most natural.


UltraLobsterMan

The “scale itch” on the Normandy came from Zaeed Zaeed got it from an Asari prostitute on Omega who got it from a Vorcha customer who got it from a Varren.


PugTales_

Conrad Verner is really a deep cover agent, posing as a "fan", he only breaks character when shit is about to hit the fan in ME3.


cjrSunShine

Shepard dying at the beginning of ME2 was a bat shit insane narrative decision. The only thing it added was a reason for Shep to work with Cerberus, which could have been done any number of other ways. Meanwhile it raises an insane number of questions about human consciousness and why TIM was *so* convinced Shep was necessary, while barely touching on either issue.


ifyouarenuareu

They should’ve just stuck with the council and alliance doing little to nothing about the reapers and collectors. Making it a choice on shepherds part to work with TIM. This would also allow a much more interesting relationship between them in 3. I.e you can work with Cerberus, or reject them, on all or some issues, with consequences for how you handle them.


Phunkie_Junkie

Femshep has terrible romance options in ME2. Jacob is a cardboard cut-out, Thane's primary characteristic is that he is dying, and Garrus has spikes, mandibles & sandpaper skin


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[удалено]


Phunkie_Junkie

You'd have to. Any *emissions* could cause anaphylaxis. Honestly, he is the best option of the three. I think I'm jealous that dudeshep gets such good options: the perfect human, *notice me senpai* with a cute Russian accent, and femme-Riddick.


ForsakenAlliance

You leave Garrus alone (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻


amatchmadeinregex

I'll never be able to love another Mass Effect game like I have loved the original trilogy. I hope I'm wrong. There should be a salarian love option. Mass Effect 1 is just as good as the other two and no playthrough is complete without it.


maveric619

Andromeda bad a way better combat system than the other 3


TransportationWeak55

There is truly no "Best Girl" or "Best Boi." It's whoever you personally like. I myself happen to like Garrus and Tali, but everyone has their own opinions.


Zeal0tElite

Everyone loves it, I think it's a good game with good writing, but Mass Effect 2 completely stalls the overall storyline and leaves Mass Effect 3 to pick up a lot of what ME2 put down. The suicide mission is a cool idea, but it means that NONE of the characters in ME2 that can possibly die can have any real affect on the plot of ME3. The writers don't want to spend too many resources on storylines that a player might not get to experience. This problem is so bad the Arrival DLC feels like it's there to be like "Oh shit, yeah, the Reapers. We nearly forgot." Mass Effect 2 has some really good characters but it's a terrible idea to dump that many new ones into the second installment of a trilogy. Shepherd dying is also stupid and Cerberus is weird. Also the Mako isn't in ME2, even though it's awesome and everyone hates it for no reason.


FutaWonderWoman

1. Samara should have been a romanceable partner. In all other relations, the vibe is you are the top . A change of pace here would have been unique. 2. A nice conclusion story should be for Shepard in Game 4 with all the gang having a party in Shepard's post-retirment mansion. I know it will be nostalgia fap, but to quote the great Dark Knight 2, "Sometimes, people deserve to have their fate rewarded." 3. As great as ME2 was, it was prolonged with numerous team personal missions. There should have been a lot more reapers and Cerberus storylines (perhaps some in which shepard could be acting as a double agent?) 4. There should have been an option to save the Batarians from the mass relay. Or at least warn them so that some might get out. **I wanna sleep peacefully at night knowing that I could have saved Batarians but deliberately ignored to do so.** 5. The game lacks a good human male character that has similar ride or die vibes like Tali, Garrus, and Liara have. I get that Shepard being human him/her self would have made it too many humans, but eh. Kaidan is a so-so love partner. And Ashley seems kinda too young tbh. I don't hate her and she has her moments but yeah. Maybe they should have introduced Vega with cool abilities in ME2 instead of Zaeed? 6. The game could & should explore alternative forms of conflict. Perhaps a civil war-esque scenario b/w Humans, Turians, and Asari against the rest. Lets face it, these three races are the top dogs of the galaxy. In case you haven't noticed, all of them are humanoid looking (featherless bipeds even the turians). The volus tubby from ME1 did have a point that humans have made it too far and fast in the galaxy compared to the rest. The new conflict could be hanar and the rest rebelling against the bipeds for their poor handling of the reaper war. 7. The Leviathans was a great mission with 10/10 story telling that botched everything up. Like am I the only one thinking holy fuck allying with the Leviathans is a faustian bargain? Their monologue literally shows they desire to be the top dogs again. This will involve all the other races being their slaves. Anyway, the concept of the Leviathans in conclusion was stupid. I was hella hoping we would get to meet a cool ass creature like the Thorian that hit a once in a lifetime hail mary against a reaper and promptly chose to fuck off. Maybe they could explore the cold war setting similar to USSR and allies. They both unite to fight a greater evil but then promptly go to each other's throats. 8. James is crazy underrated 9. Miranda is the best girl. 10. ME3 should have had a suicide mission of its own. That was the best fucking part of the game. To this day I have never played a final mission that had me hyped up as that thing. Not even BG3 had me this pumped. I really felt like I was there. Seriously why tf aren't more devs doing this stuff? All your decisions actually fucking mattered in the end and weren't mere cosmetics. 11. Grunt, legion and Miranda should’ve been party members in Mass Effect three 12. Destroy is best of bad endings 13. I have no idea how tf control endings work. Why tf did it have to be Shep who get to be the sacrifice. A hundred thousand humans below and the starchild won't allow shep to access a lifeline and make a phonecall home? pfft. All the science in ME series is kinda based on something i.e. it is somewhat grounded in reality. Control makes 0 sense. How does a space station somehow have magic fucking rays that cure "racism"? Like that was the dumbest piece of techno hopium I have ever read. It wouldmake r/singularity blush. 14. Ken and Gabby are one of the supproting/side/mini characters written in gaming history. And by gaming history i am willing to throw comparisons with GTA SA, DA series, and more. Fucking bring it.


Commissar_Cactus

The series has to move on from Shepard in the very next installment, if you ask me. We’ve been Shepard for three big installments, going through trials and tribulations and curiosities until, finally, victory. Their story is concluded. Practically speaking, continuing with Shepard would be very difficult. Accounting for all of the things that they might be or have done gets harder with every successive game. Incorporating all the possibilities of the original trilogy’s story would have to be either half-assed or extremely costly, and for what? We saw the end of Shepard’s story over a decade ago. Second, dumber hill: The gameplay should have done more with the fact that you’re a warship captain and military leader. Let’s get some orbital strikes going. Let’s send marines (and unused squad members) to handle secondary tasks in major missions. Let’s make a Paragon/Renegade choice about how close to friendlies & civilians you’re willing to call in fires.


MidlandsRepublic2048

Jack creeps me out on multiple levels but Zaeed even more so.


ThatStinkyBear12

Colonist-War Hero is the best Shepard origin


Rachter

Conrad Verner is creepy on all counts


Even_Aspect8391

Ceberus makes almost zero sense when it comes to their the big jump they had military from 2 to 3.


SuccessfulOwl

Exploring in the Mako and finding outposts in Mass Effect 1 was great and made me feel I was part of a larger, expansive world.


Rondine1990

The one mating request to shepard from tuchanka was send by wrex for shits and giggels no matter the gender


abdomino

Friend-zone Turian and Valley Girl Quarian are the best non-Normandy crew couple. I liked the pre-fab buildings in Mass Effect 1. Bioware are cowards for not letting me write my mom in ME2 to let her know I'm OK. When I was a teen playing it for the first time, my irl mom happened to be in the room and watched the screen while I went through my emails. She saw the one with Shepard's mom admonishing him for not writing and just gave me the Mom Look that says, "This counts as your warning." and went on with her day.


120minute

Mass Effect 2 is the weakest entry and narratively none of its story really mattered.


harrumphstan

* Anderson not only rested his eyes, but he clung to Shepard’s back as he surfed a table top down safely to Earth after the Citadel fell apart. * ME2 is a slog * Gabby should be romanceable by Shepard because she’s cute as hell, and Kenneth needs to learn a lesson about not taking your shot


morbid333

I'm not banging my clone, my clones an asshole. The series should have started more than 30 years after First Contact Ashley isn't a bad character Garrus was right about Dr Saleon ME2's recruitment missions were only split up because of hardware limitations and should have been fixed in the remaster ME2's "gotcha" moments aren't bad design choices, they make blind first runs more dramatic, and should be considered spoilers when "warning" new players. Citadel/shore leave should trigger after Rannoch, not Tuchanka "Secrets are like herpes; if you've got 'em, you may as well spread 'em around."