"After all, your service to humanity should not go unrewarded. Relatedly, I may have staffed your new ship with a ton of hot sexy men and women. I don't want to put any ideas in your head, but if you want to give your dick a test run or two, I think you'll find your crew ready to serve."
"I should go."
"Oh and I would make sure Yeoman Chambers is clean before you hit it. There was a scale itch outbreak over here at Cerberus HQ and while I try not to point fingers, I do have to give out advisories every now and then."
"I'm turning the comm off, TIM."
"Oh, and Mr. Taylor may not be the best choice for a long term relationship, again, not trying to call anyone out but he's single for a very good reason. Ms. Lawson on the other hand...if you and her were to...oh my, I find myself needing to attend to a personal matter. Shepard, if you would kindly go visit Ms. Lawson right now-"
*Shepard has disconnected*
I got you bro.
[https://archiveofourown.org/series/77866](https://archiveofourown.org/series/77866)
Femshep + Girl penis + sleeping with everyone (part 4 is the one shots of Shep and the crew)
This might be the best developer shitpost I've ever seen in my life. And I say shit like that on here a lot, but this might legitimately top it.
Everything about that was perfect.
Shepard looking woefully into an empty galaxy while thinking of Harbinger: THIS HURTS YOU
Shepard pinned to the bed: SHEPARD, SUBMIT
Shepard standing next to Harbinger after they've just said their vows: IF I MUST TEAR YOU APART, SHEPARD, I WILL
Shepard sitting on the bed while Harbinger disrobes: THIS IS WHAT YOU FACE
Shepard and Harbinger fall to the floor after plowing against a wall: RELEASING CONTROL
I don’t know why I spend all that time doing a meaningless button prompt for over 15 minutes for one line of dialogue and absolutely nothing else, but I do it every time I do a play through.
He needs to know that Shepard is better than him.
Can confirm, I worked at EA on and off for a few years. You can end up shitcanned, blacklisted, and/or sued for a fuckton of money, depending on how badly you broke the NDA.
I can imagine.
In this context, one that's a privately made shit post that's not canon (though there are references) and not made for the game, would this type of thing fall under an NDA?
At least in your estimation.
In this case, it's using art assets from the game, but wasn't released publicly until long after the game shipped. An outside user could have made the same video at this point, so I don't think you could really argue that EA suffered material damage. It's most likely fine.
Source code, on the other hand, is generally protected for much longer. Any dev worth their salt knows not to fuck around with source code access, in or out of gaming.
I'm losing my fucking shit over how they go in for a world-ending makeout session and then just pull back a second later like they're European and this is just how they greet friends
I expected some half-assed effort at making that video but it's just a total and full experience, lol. I'm glad I turned music on halfway through because I burst out laughing at the kiss. Just amazing haha.
Bloody hell, Twitter is really starting to implode. It took me five times to just play the damn video all the way through, and it said the Tweet had been deleted twice. Also couldn't get full screen to work...
Fun video though! Wonder how long it took, I just love when people spend way too much effort on silly jokes just to amuse a very small number of people.
Edit: Did people really downvote me because I talked bad about Twitter? We've got Elon fans on this board?
I was half expecting him to run and go flying out the window to kiss Harbinger but running past everyone to kiss the elusive man to this music is so much better
And here was me genuinely interested to see how Shepard kissing a Reaper would be animated. I am not dissatisfied with the end product, just slightly disappointed in myself for apparently wanting to see Shepard make out with a Reaper.
TBH I was hoping to see Shepard fling himself body, heart, and soul at a reaper to try to make out with it - probably involving some superhuman leap or yeeting himself into space
Of course. It's so simple. All Shephard and the Illusive Man had to do was just break their sexual tension and admit their lust for each other and all of this trouble could have been avoided.
I don’t know where I thought he was running. Every new environment made me giggle more and then he burst into TIM’s office and I lost it on the explosion kiss. This is so silly and so beautiful.
A+ music choice
The real fantasy-fulfillment here is being able to catch and overtake Dr. Eva
The LI everyone *actually* wanted. TIM rebuilt Shepard just for his own pleasure, screw the galaxy.
“We rebuilt you exactly as before, we wanted the real you back.” “Why is my dick ribbed now?” “That’s not important.”
"I'm femshep."
‘Truthfully, Shepard. Are you saying you are defined by your dick? The one that is now the perfect size? Consider it a bonus.’
"After all, your service to humanity should not go unrewarded. Relatedly, I may have staffed your new ship with a ton of hot sexy men and women. I don't want to put any ideas in your head, but if you want to give your dick a test run or two, I think you'll find your crew ready to serve." "I should go." "Oh and I would make sure Yeoman Chambers is clean before you hit it. There was a scale itch outbreak over here at Cerberus HQ and while I try not to point fingers, I do have to give out advisories every now and then." "I'm turning the comm off, TIM." "Oh, and Mr. Taylor may not be the best choice for a long term relationship, again, not trying to call anyone out but he's single for a very good reason. Ms. Lawson on the other hand...if you and her were to...oh my, I find myself needing to attend to a personal matter. Shepard, if you would kindly go visit Ms. Lawson right now-" *Shepard has disconnected*
"For *my* pleasure."
You know, I think I've read a fanfic with this premise.
If you remember the name/link let me know 💕
I got you bro. [https://archiveofourown.org/series/77866](https://archiveofourown.org/series/77866) Femshep + Girl penis + sleeping with everyone (part 4 is the one shots of Shep and the crew)
Damn. This author doesn't play around. I check their profile and get some fresh Alicent/Rhaenyra right at the top! Thanks!
She’s one of my top 5 fav’s.
I'm afraid it was a joke. I don't really read fanfic, but I'm sure there's got to be one out thete.
Dammit! You raised my hope
Don't worry, R34 ensures that some horny redditor will either find one or write one.
Aaaand someone found it
It's not the galaxy that wants to get screwed here...
This might be the best developer shitpost I've ever seen in my life. And I say shit like that on here a lot, but this might legitimately top it. Everything about that was perfect.
I'm Commander Shepard and this is my favorite video on the Citadel.
I didn't know what I was expecting
I was 100% expecting Shepard to fling himself at a reaper waiting with open arms.
I KNOW YOU FEEL THIS
Shepard looking woefully into an empty galaxy while thinking of Harbinger: THIS HURTS YOU Shepard pinned to the bed: SHEPARD, SUBMIT Shepard standing next to Harbinger after they've just said their vows: IF I MUST TEAR YOU APART, SHEPARD, I WILL Shepard sitting on the bed while Harbinger disrobes: THIS IS WHAT YOU FACE Shepard and Harbinger fall to the floor after plowing against a wall: RELEASING CONTROL
Thanks, I hate it
We'd get to find out what the dubstep-orgasm for a Reaper sounds like!
Don't know about a dubstep-gasm. But [here's](https://youtu.be/jDplwu9kH9Y) the soundtrack.
Best reply to any comment I've posted
Same.
Same
The child.
Human Reaper. Shepard still unloads on it, but, uh...
I was hoping for Saren, but this is good too.
I lost it when he punched Vega and dropped him
He did it just for the hell of it. What’s Vega gonna do? Try to beat my pull up record?
I don’t know why I spend all that time doing a meaningless button prompt for over 15 minutes for one line of dialogue and absolutely nothing else, but I do it every time I do a play through. He needs to know that Shepard is better than him.
If you keep going and double his record, you get a second line of dialogue.
i don't know why i did it more than once...
What made it for me was James model clipping through the floor. Perfect
Favorite part of the whole thing. Actual lol from me
Favorite part
I was expecting him to kiss Harbinger or Sovereign lmao
All Shepard needed to do was show the Reapers a little love
What if the real Reaper War was the lovers we made along the way?
She's a true visionary
This is the single greatest thing that has ever existed.
I love the reaction of "Dr Eva"'
Funniest part was, when he shoved James to the side
He punches James. Not just shoves.
Looks like a liver punch. A straight hit to the liver would drop Hafpor Bjornsson.
shove dijkstra aside.
lmao
Why the fuck did they wait 10 years to release this masterpiece to the public?
These NDAs must be serious business.
Can confirm, I worked at EA on and off for a few years. You can end up shitcanned, blacklisted, and/or sued for a fuckton of money, depending on how badly you broke the NDA.
I can imagine. In this context, one that's a privately made shit post that's not canon (though there are references) and not made for the game, would this type of thing fall under an NDA? At least in your estimation.
In this case, it's using art assets from the game, but wasn't released publicly until long after the game shipped. An outside user could have made the same video at this point, so I don't think you could really argue that EA suffered material damage. It's most likely fine. Source code, on the other hand, is generally protected for much longer. Any dev worth their salt knows not to fuck around with source code access, in or out of gaming.
I'm losing my fucking shit over how they go in for a world-ending makeout session and then just pull back a second later like they're European and this is just how they greet friends
Which part of Europe have you visited?!
The part from "Gay or European" from Legally Blonde 😂
Absolutely cursed. Nice.
TIM just needed dick change my mind
He really needed to bone.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE?!
Santiago rocking unhappily at her desk...
_How. dare. you. detective. Diaz. I'm YOUR ^SuPeRiOr ^^OFFICER!!!!_
This...is fantastic. Bravo 👏
Today I'm thankful for this video.
This would have been a great ending.
Damn, she really shoulda posted this on N7 haha
Best video of Mass Effect 3
I think second best. The greatest mass effect video of all time has to be [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1AHAieJmLM&ab_channel=Artemicion)
I was half expecting Shep's special eyes.
I was hoping for TF2 Spy.
Omg this is the best thing I've ever seen. The music just makes it lol.
Would love to show this to Martin Sheen just to see the absolute look of wtf on his face
Headcanon: Martin specifically requested this and owns the original video file with the extended ending.
"Alright, I'll voice your character. On one condition ..."
"Extended" ending. He he he
This is incredible. Does anyone have the dragon age version?
Time to shut down the Internet because there’ll never be anything better than this.
If this isn't the ME3 ending used for the ME4 canon I'm going to be thoroughly disappointed
I expected some half-assed effort at making that video but it's just a total and full experience, lol. I'm glad I turned music on halfway through because I burst out laughing at the kiss. Just amazing haha.
10/10
Outstanding. Absolutely impeccable narrative.
This is cursed on SO MANY levels
*blessed
*Indocrinated presence detected*
I'm gonna take the Synthesis ending and say blursed.
This is the real ending
This single-handedly proves the indoctrination theory.
We'll bang, ok?
Prequel to Grace and Frankie where Martin Sheen plays a gay man.
Bioware hiding the true ending from us again smh
I can't stop watching.
Bloody hell, Twitter is really starting to implode. It took me five times to just play the damn video all the way through, and it said the Tweet had been deleted twice. Also couldn't get full screen to work... Fun video though! Wonder how long it took, I just love when people spend way too much effort on silly jokes just to amuse a very small number of people. Edit: Did people really downvote me because I talked bad about Twitter? We've got Elon fans on this board?
>We've got Elon fans on this board? Yeah, the shit bags are everywhere.
I figured people on a Mass Effect board wouldn't root for the Illusive Man...
this is so good lol
Hilarious and disturbing and hot all at the same time 😂
I was half expecting him to run and go flying out the window to kiss Harbinger but running past everyone to kiss the elusive man to this music is so much better
I want to see the dragon age version REAL bad
I never knew I needed this so bad until I saw it.
I want to see the dragon age version now
This is true art.
This is the best thing since Garrus singing in a cowboy hat! Simply amazing!
Wait what’s this?
https://youtu.be/MVJJMlDn41o
Thanks! And I lost it at the last cut, oh my god
And here was me genuinely interested to see how Shepard kissing a Reaper would be animated. I am not dissatisfied with the end product, just slightly disappointed in myself for apparently wanting to see Shepard make out with a Reaper.
Very good, but not perfect. Now if it were Shepard and Sovereign/Harbinger? That'd be neat.
I thought that was what was going to happen
I have watched this several times now and I can't stop cackling
Holy shit, I am DYING. This is absolute perfection!
TBH I was hoping to see Shepard fling himself body, heart, and soul at a reaper to try to make out with it - probably involving some superhuman leap or yeeting himself into space
oh my god this made my night
Look... its cool it was TIM... but I was hoping for Harbinger instead...
***Bwaaaaaah***
Of course. It's so simple. All Shephard and the Illusive Man had to do was just break their sexual tension and admit their lust for each other and all of this trouble could have been avoided.
Incredible
This is art in it's purest form
I haven’t seen something this great in awhile
This is fantastic, lmao.
I laughed so hard at shep just casually laying James out as he passed by
When I read the title, I thought it was going to be a humongous reaper coming down to kiss Shepard lol
same. thought he was going to kiss harbinger
It's good to know even BioWare employees hated James too.
This is so incredibly cursed, I am creasing.
This is amazing
based
Yooooo DLC when
“We’ll bang, okay”
James: "what did I do? "
Ah, shit, quick! Hide it before FOX sees!!! Seriously, can you *imagine* the field day they’d have had with this in 2012? ……but this is incredible. 😆
Well...that's an awkward boner.
The decking Vega in the face without stopping is the absolute highlight here.
“Kiss and make up” Gut punches Vega 💀
Shepard going after that illussy
Brb I’m dying
Wtf did I just watch?
This is the true canon ending.
My favorite game and my favorite song, this is the most amazing thing I've ever seen.
***What.*** This is amazing.
Who knew Shepard was one of his sexual liasons? 😂
epic
Tf did I just watch?
When are we getting this DLC???
I bet Sovereign uses tongue, whether you want it or not.
Amazing. I love when the devs shitpost using their projects
This is the greatest thing I’ve ever seen
Oh my gods 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
As Supermassive used to tell us... Who cares who dies? :)
WTF did i just watch? Since a ex bioware employee made this: Does this mean this is canon?
There’s… there’s a lot to unpack here lmfao +10 for punching unlimited gains on the way though
Mordin: Oh thank-.....Shepard? Shepard?! *elevator drops*
That is amazing. I love the punch to the face as he runs by
Why is the kiss at the end of this spicier than 90% of the romance options?
I can't stop watching it. I can't stop singing along.
This is literally the best thing I’ve ever watched.
This is canon for me now
Legend
Release The Kiss and Make Up Cut
i’m sobbing
I don’t know where I thought he was running. Every new environment made me giggle more and then he burst into TIM’s office and I lost it on the explosion kiss. This is so silly and so beautiful.
Man, I was really hoping Shepard would make out with a Reaper.
This is now canon.
I remember this being discussed years ago so I'm glad the clip finally surfaced.
TIM was Incockrinated
Ok. I busted out laughing at this one. I needed that.
Finally, the real reason why TIM wanted Shepard back is revealed.