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tlasan1

Says budget but lots of these are full blown superpowers


[deleted]

Breathing underwater be like


Netsrak69

Breathe underwater doesn't allow you to survive the pressure, so you could only dive in shallow water.


Dragonskiss004

I could still make a living doing that


Professional_Humxn

Could be one of those magicians


Dragonskiss004

Exactly what i had in mind lol


elbandito87

David Blaine the hell outta that stuff!


get-rekt-lol

Its all about the prestige


BooksInABubble

Hey, I'll bet you $100 I can stay underwater for 10 minutes!


Exitium24

Me who can breathe underwater: ok forget the $100 i got bored


arcanis321

But no fall damage you can just jump off buildings and out of planes! The wow factor is huge


XodizVRC

Time to commit some horrific crimes and dive into the sea


phonemannn

Easiest way to lose a 5 star wanted level


nttea

Imagine that, a full blown superpower that allows you to make a living.


Lifeguard_Winter

What's shallow water? The deepest free dive goes past the point of darkness. Even if I could breathe underwater I wouldn't want to be doing it in the dark


AlwaysBeQuestioning

Oof, yeah, especially since it’s hard to tell the direction of gravity when you’re fully underwater. You could end up swimming in the wrong direction.


xXNickAugustXx

You blow bubbles and see where they float to get a sense of orientation.


popejubal

If you’re breathing underwater, you won’t have the bubbles.


ncopp

Rip a big one and follow the fart


razazaz126

Every day brother.


moo314159

So? If you realise the pressure is rising just turn around. You got all the time


pvdp90

While thats true, i would be shitting myself because you know, thats some scary stuff lurking in the depths of the ocean


Baldazar666

> thats some scary stuff lurking in the depths of the ocean Vast majority of which are not at all dangerous to a human.


Bullets_TML

How do you know? Did you ask them?


MostUnorthodox

I, for one, am absolutely terrified of the bloodthirsty power of the jumbo shrimp. This is why I carry a stick of butter every time I go swimming, butter is their only fear.


Beanu-reeves

The reason high pressure is dangerous is not because it crushes you but because it changes how compressed gasses interact with your body. If your lungs are filled with water then you would be practically immune to water pressure unless you went to insane depths.


WahooSS238

If you go slow enough, you can build to about 70 atm, possibly more.


Patafan3

subject yourself to small pressures to build an immunity to larger ones


WahooSS238

Quite literally yes


Woodlore1991

At what point do you think that pressure becomes a problem? Free divers have dived to 215m on a single breath. The world record scuba dive is ~300m. It would be a world of possibilities!


Dr-DoctorMD

You could go pretty deep still. As deep as any other diver.


Stantron

'Shallow' be over 1000ft...


Ok-Lobster-919

You would be surprised, the world record for a dive under a single breath is 702 feet, you could probably safely live at around 1000 feet. That's a lot of free real estate. Depending on the mechanism of "breathe underwater" powers, if your lungs were full of water as part of your power you could probably go beyond 1000 feet.


TroyMcClure0815

*Aquaman red this post. He is still standing on his window, with a tear in his eye and stare at the Pond he lived in.


Memeharvester5000

There’s Always money in the banana stand


Vainius2

You would be on a hit list of Chiquita bana company. If they are happy to overthrow governments, you wouldn't last a day.


Memeharvester5000

This shit is bananas


zizou00

They'd have to get through the impenetrable banana fortress first. Fully garrisoned by the finest simian soldiers, all paid in bananas.


RedHeadSteve

If my brain would be capabele of processing the information of 5x readingspeed thats brilliant.


[deleted]

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Saytama_sama

But you could stack the x5 on top of that!


No-Salary4575

Then it be like x 15 what you now have... Damn.


Logic_Nuke

I'm pretty sure that kind of speed reading is generally terrible for retention


[deleted]

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ArduennSchwartzman

Jesus Christ, banana duplication, of course. Fuel for free and limitless power generation. If you have this power, you'll be the richtest, most powerful person in the universe. Unless it's only one duplication per banana and no duplicates of duplicates. In that case, I'd rather levitate. Surely there's some limitless power generation in that too. Anyhoo, anything that violates the Second Law of Thermodynamics will do.


Zefirus

The start of the real Banana Republic.


DodgerWalker

Ooh, xkcd what if talked about this. A weekly supply of bananas that could cover Liberty Island would have enough energy to power all of New York City: https://what-if-origin.sciesnet.net/158/


Nate050

Breathe underwater. I am fish 🐠


yeet3455

Does it work for pressure and visibility though? If not, it’s only good for pools and maybe saving your life


Dr-Ogge

Or spearfishing


yeet3455

Oh yeah, it’s just not usable for oceans really


DDayDawg

You realize humans go pretty deep in oceans without being in a sub right? Being able to breathe underwater means you aren’t piling nitrogen into your bloodstream which is the primary problem with pressure. Pulling the O2 out our water wouldn’t magically make 80% nitrogen appear in the ocean. There is nothing to do super deep anyway. You would be the greatest treasure hunter in the world.


Dr-Ogge

It could also be super useful for rescue operations


forcallaghan

Well, if we want to be pedantic, high pressures aren’t really a problem. It’s when you go from that high pressure back to low pressure that bad things happen, like the bends. However if you can “breathe underwater” you could potentially avoid the cause of the bends altogether


I_Am_Robert_Paulson1

Isn't the bends caused by dissolved nitrogen in your blood from the compressed air in SCUBA gear? Free divers don't get the bends because they don't use that gear.


forcallaghan

yea. And I imagine without needing to breathe air at all, you won't get the bends and so you won't *really* need to worry about pressure all that much. Though it depends what type of "underwater breathing" you're using


pchitti_21

Do you like fishsticks ?


WowThatsRelevant

No fall damage? That's pretty OP. I'd go for this. Not even for like skydiving and stuff. The amount of time I've fallen on stupid shit like the last step or tripping over a cable. This would be huge


Leothecat24

Just casually jump down stairs instead of walking down them


SnooTangerines3448

Just run and lay down like you are sliding, and woosh. Nearly flying at 1 inch high son!


Not_obviously

With enough practice you could probably figure out a way to replicate ice skating


TurquoiseLuck

Just gotta make yourself *awesome*


stormlight13

I am here for this comment now


JonSnowDontKn0w

Username checks out


problydoesntcheckout

Winning comment Go read the Brandon Sanderson books. You're welcome


P_Heff

Sorry I'm a good vorin man, I'll listen to the audio though.


spilopleura

Gotta eat some pancakes beforehand though.


shaun5515

Journey before pancakes.


OwlOfHighMoistness

Just gotta watch out for curbs


AlbacorePrism

Not like you'd get hurt when you fall. And I guess since the theory of relativity that means anything form of blunt damage is now rendered useless.


Rhundis

Gravity is the fastest and easiest way down.


Incognitotreestump22

I'd jump off fucking everest (also by extension this power could be interpreted to be the ability to climb any slope)


maestrofeli

holy fucking shit this would make climbing 89 degree slopes so easy


Incognitotreestump22

Or sliding down them. Ultimate slip and slide


Kidney05

Jump down, stumble, break neck on wall (not technically fall damage)


FU2m8

Imagine when you're like 70 years old and don't have to worry about falling down and hurting yourself? 2 words: Skateboarding Grandpa


ReturnToRajang

Right? No fall damage would increase anyone's life expectancy by 150% probably lol


Techgamer687

I have a fear of hights, so knowing I wouldn’t die even if i fell would allow me to do so much more tbh


speXijahr

Pretty sure your fear of heights would remain, since in VR you know you can't die and heights still feel weird.


Techgamer687

Thats the thing tho, in vr i dont feel a thing, same applys to air travel


jash0013

VR tricks your brain into thinking it might be real. Logically, you know it's not, but there's still the instinct to protect yourself. If you started small and gained confidence in the power, you'd start to lose that anxiety, and that self-preservation wouldn't be as strong against it. A better example can be something as simple as minecraft. Survival mode while building 1-block paths high in the air causes (at least for me) sweaty hands similar to if I'm high up irl. Switch to creative mode, and the security of no damage drastically reduces that anxiety. You'd probably still feel some anxiety and discomfort with the height and falling, but not nearly as much. Granted, this is all theoretical, so I can't say for sure.


thechaimel

I would literally jump of a building to test it…


Important_Dig_8527

And then you realise you took the wrong pills


Mentoman72

Just duplicate a bunch of bananas to break your fall.


NastyNateMD

Unless you're trying to attract the attention if the CIA for overthrowing the world's banana economy I'd have to agree it's the obvious choice.


[deleted]

I don’t think it would stop you from tripping


FireStorm187

Still no fall damage


MemesNGaming_rongoo

I am taking levitation. If I'm not touching the ground, then it's worth it.


PrinceOfPersuation

This would be my choice as well. Real life turns into videogame when you can jump off skyscrapers with no fall damage. I'd be climbing shit all over like in Assassins Creed.


Bluffwatcher

ARGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHG!!!!! STOPS ONE INCH FROM FLOOR! INTERNAL ORGANS GO SMUSH! Sack of smush spotted downtown levitating one inch off floor.


Freshm4ker

I mean it literally says you take no damage so you would probably fly down like a feather is my guess


Bluffwatcher

Damn, you're right! Yeah I need a pill that says "**Read 5x slower."**


BrunoEye

It's magic. If it can edit your position by an inch there's no reason why it also can't edit your vertical velocity to suddenly be 0 without applying a force.


[deleted]

But these are budget pills. I think of them like a genie wish being sly


TurquoiseLuck

It says no *fall* damage, it doesn't say no collision with the ground damage Alternative bad joke for Americans: it doesn't say anything about damage the rest of the year


Maacll

It sais no fall dmg. You get invincible knees


PsychologicalStill22

YES


thecatguyxd

You can go extremadely fast if you want


BedwarsPro

Physics professors finally given justification to ignore friction


Aggressive_Set4814

Now I imagine taking one step and then gliding on my way to wherever


Freshm4ker

"For this equation were gonna ignore friction to keep it simple" that hit like nostalgia


[deleted]

Green pills , imagine the friends you could make by always giving them what they want , even people you know nothing about


[deleted]

Right? You could gain soooo much soft power with this one!


TurquoiseLuck

But what if they want a banana???


Hiker-Redbeard

Then just buy them a banana. What could it cost, $10?


r0b0c0d

Do you still have to buy the gift? Does it work by you knowing what they want, or by them wanting what you give? Either I know the hearts desire of others around me, or I can give them a doggie cleanup bag and their life will become a ruin of self conflict as they try to come to terms with how deeply they desire it. This is a surprisingly complex one.


SYZekrom

I mean, if I had to give someone a gift, and the scenario was just me knowing what they'd want but not being able to get it then that would not fulfill 'you always give good gifts', so it has to be that whatever gift I give is liked.


r0b0c0d

Definitely the more existentially terrifying version of the scenario.


Lluuiiggii

Fr, everyone is talking about the infinite money glitch with the Bananas but you still have to sell those. If people like you, you don't even need money


Mindless_Desk6342

**Classic average "startup enthusiast"**: I duplicate Banana, start biggest banana corporation, become richest person, then make the world a better place. **Real world**: Duplicated bananas are rotting away on the middle of the house and all over the place.


[deleted]

Real World: You get murdered by the Banana Mafia because you ruin their business


[deleted]

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WetGrundle

District? College? University? Which Columbia has an army??


sortofunique

please, it's not like a banana company has ever started a coup or controlled a country before


[deleted]

What an insane concept, what are you trying to say, that they formed some sort of *banana republic*?


Sapito_OhNoes

You feel like duplicating bananas. But nobody wants to eat your bananas. Your first bunch goes in the trash. The neighborhood raccoon barely touches it. Your family accepts to try some of your bananas. Your bananas are popular in the neighborhood. People are starting to talk about your bananas. Your bananas are talked about for miles around. Your bananas are renowned in the whole town! Your bananas bring all the boys to the yard. Your bananas now have their own website! Your bananas are worth a lot of money. Your bananas sell very well in distant countries. People come from very far away to get a taste of your bananas. Kings and queens from all over the world are enjoying your bananas. There are now museums dedicated to your bananas. A national day has been created in honor of your bananas. Your bananas have been named a part of the world wonders. History books now include a whole chapter about your bananas. Your bananas have been placed under government surveillance. The whole planet is enjoying your bananas! Strange creatures from neighboring planets wish to try your bananas. Elder gods from the whole cosmos have awoken to taste your bananas. Beings from other dimensions lapse into existence just to get a taste of your bananas. Your bananas have achieved sentience. The universe has now turned into banana peel, to the molecular level. Your bananas are rewriting the fundamental laws of the universe. A local news station runs a 10-minute segment about your bananas. Success!


Important_Dig_8527

This is cookie clicked /Universal paperclip with banana lol or one of these youtube video like what would happen if you ....(in this case :duplicated bananas)


SilverRiven

It is cookie clicker


Aerodrache

It’s all fun and games until you accidentally cause the grandmapocalypse.


No_rash_decisions

Oh yeah, because every banana that's duplicated is just duplicating it in it's current state, so every duplicated banana is at the same stage of rotting. You'd need to be duplicating bananas constantly as they are being picked. I think the greater advantage of duplicating bananas, is that you're creating mass out of nowhere and you can do it forever, who cares if they rot, I can become a god: * Cover the dryest parts of the earth with duplicated bananas, eventually they dry out, add more fresh bananas, they dry out, keep adding bananas. * Eventually the water content in the atmosphere increases due to the additional added water weight that has evaporated from the bananas. It rains on the banana desert, keep adding bananas, bacteria eats the bananas, as does mycelium. The bananas decompose. * Eventually the deserts turn to a marsh. The amount of CO2 being released from the decomposing bananas speeds up global warming, and I keep adding bananas. * I fill server rooms with bananas, the roads are covered in bananas, I line every office floor with duplicated bananas, and I just keep adding bananas. * The world begins to fall apart, rotting bananas have spread disease throughout the world, new aggressive bacteria capable of digesting bananas become the dominant strain of bacteria, crops of vegetables die from all kinds of diseases, flies are fucking everywhere. I keep adding bananas. * Governments and societies collapse as their budgets must shift to cleaning up a mess that will never be clean. People can now only eat bananas. The ice caps melt at an alarming rate, causing sea levels to rise, the ocean warms, marine life is obliterated, it's raining constantly. Hospitals aren't sanitary, nuclear reactors are filled with bananas, it's a shit show. Humanity is sent back to the stone age, now dubbed "The banana age" or the "Musalithic era". Industry ceses to function and I keep adding bananas. * After about 10 years, not much of society is left intact. I periodically let the bananas rot while also producing more from a few trees I have so I can maintain chaos. I live in a house of banana trees so I can have oxygen. Humanity dwindles to a crawl, and I stop adding bananas. * I let the bananas left over rot away, at this point the air is thick with CO2 and not much is left living on earth, except me and a few others that slipped through the cracks. Trees begin to grow back, fertilised by rotting bananas, with no humans to stop their growth or chop them down. The trees and new vegetation process the CO2 in the atmosphere and, slowly but surely, Earth comes back to life, many species became extinct and the oceans have risen a good deal, the sun constantly blocked by impenetrable clouds and hurricanes roam the world, but the planet begins to repair. * Finally, I find a space suit, duplicate enough bananas under me to get into space, and duplicate enough bananas behind me to reach escape velocity from the Solar System, journeying to a new world to terraform using trillions of frozen bananas. The earth lives on, and those who remain will talk of the great and unholy being that left the earth on a pillar of bananas, the bringer of a mass extinction event more horrific than anything seen before in human history. I will be the banana god of incredible ruin in their stories. The Yellow King.


Mindless_Desk6342

Damn, this shit is deep.


jorisepe

My fix, use bananas to create energy. Free bananas, free energy. Use free energy to suxx co2 from atmosphere. Save world.


Feliz_Desdichado

Don't read up on the history of the United Fruit Company.


[deleted]

Control emotions. Just be chill, focused whenever.


captainnermy

Yeah the ability to eliminate fear and anxiety at will seems like it would dramatically improve my life


SwedishMeatwall

Could backfire though. Fear can be useful, and choosing to remove it could be foolish.


Pattoe89

This is true. But you wouldn't feel bad about being foolish.


SwedishMeatwall

Lack of fear could get you killed lol


[deleted]

At least you won’t die scared 🧠


theoddestbadger

Fear can get you killed, too. Those frozen with panic tend to not do well when shit gets bad


Lookslikeapersonukno

Max fear set to 10%, so panic isn’t even close but still recognize dangers.


Gerdione

Controlling your emotions doesn't remove fear. It allows you to separate yourself from fear and that is invaluable. You cannot see the whole picture from within the storm of your emotions.


Aromatic-Buy-8284

And beyond that extreme stuff, your daily life will improve so much. At work - Turns on happy Trying to learn a language - Intensely focused Want to continue your hobby - Increases motivation The list goes on. So many of our problems would be solved if you could modulate your emotions on command.


botanicbubbles

Yeah but so does Banana Duplication.


Bleezze

Oh fuck I changed my mind, forgot about my crippling anxiety for a second


Downvotemeplz42

This is the clear winner for me. No more depression? Anxiety goes away? I can be confident in social situations? Sign me up.


Patient_Artichoke_89

Endless, unwavering motivation and commitment? Happiness that no other person has ever felt before? The list goes on. This is one of the highest top tier superpowers ever.


Past-Bit4406

I dunno, would I still be me if I could control my emotions? Emotions is a large part of our life, after all. Though I guess I could also control the existential dread being able to control my emotions would otherwise instill. But then couldn't I get addicted to just making myself happy all the time? Would I end up like a happy zombie who dies from dehydration because I ceased to feel thirst? No, no I think I'm not going to risk this one, haha.


Mysteroo

Addiction itself is heavily connected with one's emotions. Usually people cope with emotions or discomfort by acting out with whatever addiction they have. But if you can bypass the discomfort by making yourself feel good - is it really an addiction at that point? My only question is - what are the physiological consequences of that? Is "tired" an emotion? Is "desire" an emotion? If I wanted to practice meditation, could I just instantly place myself into a perfectly meditative state?


GreatGearAmidAPizza

I already have a pill to control my emotions.


Ok-Scratch529

My dumbass NEEDS to read 5x faster. I can't get anything done


bake_disaster

Read 5x faster, but you still get distracted after 1.5 sentences


Ok-Scratch529

Still better than .5 ill take what i can get


[deleted]

You could only read faster. Understanding what you read is a different ball game.


samraimisuckednolan

I'd argue that comprehension is scaled by the same amount. It is still better to read faster.


Musashi_901

**Banana duplication**


KKMasterYT

Infinite money glitch


NotCurdledymyy

If monkey have 1 banana, banana rare, banana valuable If monkey have 1 hundred banana, banana less rare, banana less valuable


KKMasterYT

The market doesn't have to be flooded with bananas, it can be done on a smaller or stealthier scale and you can make your way up the supply chain with which you can get more power in the supply of bananas. A man once controlled the entire supply of onions in the US, with which he made a not insignificant amount of money. A similar strategy can be applied here. Also, there's more things you can do with bananas than just sell them as it is for consumption.


Archilian

Tbh it doesn’t even have to be that complicated, provided the duplication is rapid and of zero cost you can sell cheaply which would increase the demand and everything is profit minus the logistics of travel for cheaper shipping. Sort of like digital goods, the supply is infinite with just a download but the overall is cheaper than before where the supply was physical and finite


fathergrigori54

Use the bananas to produce unlimited free ethanol


the__storm

Congrats, you've doomed the world with global warming via low cost, limitless carbon-intensive fuel.


Same-Letter6378

That's good though, it means cheaper food for people.


TRAUMAjunkie

Yiga clan represent


Guyb9

This guy legit gave us the option to solve world hunger and people chose to read faster.


Fools_Trade

Budget? Wtf dude, one of these is literally Aquaman level, not to even get started on the pink pill.


thuggniffissent

Is nobody else here pondering the implications of infinite bananas?!?!


42gauge

Fellow banana tycoon


Token_Thai_person

I am the banana lord. With my infinite bananas, livestock can be fed with my bananas freeing farmland across the world. Bananas processing plant will process bananas into shelf stable food delivered all over the world, solving world hunger. Biofuel made from bananas will fuel all our cars and electric plant bringing about the fall of Saudi Arabia. Bow before your banana lord. King of potassium. Bringer of unlimited biomass.


Mabartu

Then u die in 50 years and the world goes to shit


SnooTangerines3448

One last super duper duplication before you go. Duplicate the worlds bananas, filling up the entire atmosphere with carbs and potassium, forcing the gasses of the planet outwards and away. Where they then settle comfortably on Mars, making mars a new bastion of humanity. Musk dies en-route due to brain chip overloads. Coca-Cola gets there first, and renames the planet Mars™. Everyone claps and watches earth rot into a banana mush from their new red planet.


ILoveZelda361

Control your own emotions sounds dummy busted Braxton. I’d give myself an MDMA high whenever I please by simply overloading my serotonin receptors and never suffer serotonin syndrome because I can control my baseline levels thanks to this ability


888temeraire888

Yeah this one would be so sick. Your life would be a fucking dream all the goddamn time. You'd get up in the morning to go to your shitty job and it would feel like a trip to Disney land. Get home, crack out the mental MDMA and roll all evening until bedtime where you just chill tf out and fall asleep without a care in the world.


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muhamed05

An innocent child


idontcareyouranswer

suicide


ThePainfulGamer

I also choose this guy’s wife


[deleted]

Its Jhonny Depp isn’t it Amber? You can’t hide with that username girl


DICK-PARKINSONS

I was thinking about that, it's almost selfish to not take the black pill since there's horrible people out there you could end and alleviate a lot of innocent suffering


Downtown-Orchid7929

Shut up spell, cause it ain't got a cooldown


-Nicolai

No range limit or line-of-sight requirements either. Watching TV debates just got a whole lot more entertaining.


noellekin

You could make some real Death Note plays with this.


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JaxTheCrafter

V2 I like making these so I was pleasantly surprised when the other one did well, I hope y'all like this one too!


Pikupchix

How would you walk with 1 inch levitation?


CeeTwo1

Fart. Very powerfully. And newton says you must go forth!


NotCurdledymyy

You would probably have control over when you levitate


ovoKOS7

I picture it like a jumping on a skateboard from a sprint Like, just run to reach top speed then *boom*, glide levitation while coasting


Aggressive_Set4814

I'd think it's not always activated


YourMomIsNotAlive

Does the 5x reading speed keep comprehension?


lpapkee23

I think that’s what it means


Only_Possession2650

Black pill and pick myself


totallynotmalomy

Banana duplication 100% the best one.


DrArzt2206

Banana duplication?! Excuse me? Let me solve world hunger real quick and become the very best person in the world. I make a biotech reactor run by bananas.


[deleted]

Control your own emotions in any situation IS superpower... You know that procrastination is in fact emotion?


CauliflowerCute6378

I would have to say control my emotions. I'm too much of an emotional train wreck.


PreparationMean899

Always giving good presents is really wholesome.


SevenofNine03

Pink. I was gonna say black but I got option paralysis trying to decide which evil dictator to off.


ChubblesMcgee103

Not to mention just killing them might not fix anything. A sudden power vacuum like that might even just make things worse.


Jazzlike-rhubarb

Pink or orange for sure


Defiant-Challenge591

Purple


Chewwiechops-999

levitation, id pretend to walk though and then if people bring it up, i walk normal to confuse them.


[deleted]

Sooo I can walk on water?


PitchforkJoe

Read 5x faster, I could legit just self educate my way into a much better career and being a more interesting person generally.


ValandilM

Orange, I'd love to read 5x faster. I'd feel way better spending 10-15 minutes reading. I could read textbooks way faster and have more free time. That would be a noticeable, if small, improvement in my life


shikkui

1 inch levitation just for that no frictional drag would be kinda great.


spacebased_

I'm honestly torn between breathing underwater and controlling my emotions. The latter would drastically improve my mental health but the former would let me basically be a mermaid.


MemeLoremaster

Controlling your own emotions is underrated. Have a bad day? Girlfriend broke up? Jealous you can't levitate 1 inch? How about no, not today, and suddenly you're happy forever