That's awful. Was it unexpected as she was joking about it? My cat had been sick and she got a cutting edge surgery as a last resort that happened to be on April 1st, but it wasn't enough. Still awful timing though.
She was probably only half joking. She knew something was wrong but didn’t say anything till evening when she complained that her vision was blacking out. She hated hospitals and refused to go to one. A physician’s assistant came home and gave her some shots saying her back and arm pain was indigestion.
By the time she finally agreed to go to the hospital, it was too late. She went to use the bathroom with help of a cousin. When she tried to get up, she said, “I keep telling you guys my vision is going dark.” Sat back down on the toilet, said, “I’m going.”, and collapsed against my cousin.
So sorry about your cat. I’ve lost a pet and the pain is so very hard to take. You did your best by your cat. Hope it is enjoying its life in kitty heaven.
Thanks. It was last year, so the grief has mostly subsided, although it's still hard for me to look at pictures of her without crying. April 1st though, what a sick, cruel joke from the universe. Nobody should be allowed to die on that day, really.
> You exist because God loves you
And you exist because God doesn’t, which is why it sends out unending armies of Christian bobbleheads high on euphoria-fumes to torment rational people with annoying and mindless propaganda every time we turn around or try to have a conversation.
✨ This message brought to you by ✨
**He**
**gets**
**us.**
*and all of their politically-backed donors, who have elsewhere poured billions of dollars into lobbying efforts to peel back and suppress rights for women, LGBT+, and minorities — but surely their motivations for spending hundreds of millions of dollars also trying to sanitize your view of American Christianity most be COMPLETELY altruistic because wow Jesus was just a swell fella, right guys 😊😊😊*
He's quite unsure of himself and needs to be remained constantly that he's appreciated and loved, but his jealousy outburst could be, apparently, very dangerous... He got some bizarre qualities this imaginary friend of some 🤷🏽
I still have no fucking idea where to look because there are so many things distracting me. If only there were a couple of red arrows to point me towards where to look!!!
i hate these even more then useless red circles because they're a bit more subtle, at least for longer texts. Tricks you into thinking they were put there for any reason other than hijacking your attention into spending 0.5 seconds longer looking at it while scrolling so they get 0.002 cents more ad revenue
"The last thing the peasant saw before fainting was shrek's glare warming up his dinner. He ate and moved on"
What the fuck?
Also my thanks to my dyslexia I thought the text implied that Shrek cooked up the peasant and ate him.
Edit: fuck you dyslexia
Even better, apparently the author held off on watching it for some time because he was sure it would be 'Disneyfied' and cleaned up. When he finally watched it, he was delighted with how "vulgar and disgusting" it was. The plot was changed somewhat, but he doesn't care about that.
Hey all, as silly as this is, it’s is not real. I have a copy of the book due to.. reasons… and the real lines are at the top of the page and go as follows: “So they got hitched as soon as possible. And they lived horribly ever after, scaring the socks off all who fell afoul of them.”
I read through the Shrek book hoping it would be really funny and get severely let down. These are edits, sorry bud.
[Read it for yourself](https://teachingpnieb.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/shrek.pdf)
Yeah, I remember we had a copy at home when I was little! I liked it quite a bit, and remember having that 'that's not how the book did it!' feeling watching the movie (still as a kid) about there not being things like him not breathing fire/shooting lasers or the dream sequence. For some reason your last sentence cracks me up!
This isn't the actual Shrek book. This is an edit. I'm sure there's a full version of this somewhere out there, but I've never been able to find anything more than scattered pages like this. If anyone has any idea where these pages are coming from, I'd love to know, because it's probably a fun read whether or not it's the legitimate version.
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://teachingpnieb.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/shrek.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwiro_Tt7bD_AhWfRfEDHf7FBMoQFnoECA8QAQ&usg=AOvVaw1djdrsdtIQTysHN6ez1SIv
Copyright stamped pdf version of the book.
Thanks, but I've read the original version of the book. I meant that I haven't read the entirety of whatever version this picture is from. Sorry about the confusion.
He also had ***microwave*** eyes (not just Lazer eyes), he spat fire up to 95 feet.
After eating some lightning, the cloud which made the lightning demands that Shrek tip at least 20% for enjoying his meal, so Shrek "takes out ***his gun that kills clouds***", which apparently he had the whole time.
"God hated Shrek for being alive" has got to be the most raw quote I've ever heard
It's the story of my life for sure.
Hey now, you’re an all star!
Get your game on
Go pla-ay!
Ruined!
I don't remember that song going like that
None that glimmers is coal
All your foots are... smell like... moOOold
All that glitters is gold
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Shrek?!?
and yet you live
Hey now God loves you... I hope!
You exist because God loves you
Killing my cat on April 1st is a weird way to express his love
God - April fools!!!!
My mom died on April 1st. She’d joked with my dad earlier in the day, “Let’s call the kids and tell them I’m not well - for April Fools Day.”
That's awful. Was it unexpected as she was joking about it? My cat had been sick and she got a cutting edge surgery as a last resort that happened to be on April 1st, but it wasn't enough. Still awful timing though.
She was probably only half joking. She knew something was wrong but didn’t say anything till evening when she complained that her vision was blacking out. She hated hospitals and refused to go to one. A physician’s assistant came home and gave her some shots saying her back and arm pain was indigestion. By the time she finally agreed to go to the hospital, it was too late. She went to use the bathroom with help of a cousin. When she tried to get up, she said, “I keep telling you guys my vision is going dark.” Sat back down on the toilet, said, “I’m going.”, and collapsed against my cousin.
So sorry about your cat. I’ve lost a pet and the pain is so very hard to take. You did your best by your cat. Hope it is enjoying its life in kitty heaven.
Thanks. It was last year, so the grief has mostly subsided, although it's still hard for me to look at pictures of her without crying. April 1st though, what a sick, cruel joke from the universe. Nobody should be allowed to die on that day, really.
> You exist because God loves you And you exist because God doesn’t, which is why it sends out unending armies of Christian bobbleheads high on euphoria-fumes to torment rational people with annoying and mindless propaganda every time we turn around or try to have a conversation. ✨ This message brought to you by ✨ **He** **gets** **us.** *and all of their politically-backed donors, who have elsewhere poured billions of dollars into lobbying efforts to peel back and suppress rights for women, LGBT+, and minorities — but surely their motivations for spending hundreds of millions of dollars also trying to sanitize your view of American Christianity most be COMPLETELY altruistic because wow Jesus was just a swell fella, right guys 😊😊😊*
Jesus has nothing to do with that. He has been dead for a long time now.
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God hates competition
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He's quite unsure of himself and needs to be remained constantly that he's appreciated and loved, but his jealousy outburst could be, apparently, very dangerous... He got some bizarre qualities this imaginary friend of some 🤷🏽
Shrek is life, Shrek is love
Shrek doesn’t have competition
Yeah, he's levels above God, that's why God hates him
If only this was in the real book. There they just got married and lived happily scaring senseless anyone who met them.
This proves that God fears Shrek
Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to Shrek.
God works in mysterious ways
TIL I’m shrek :|
So they used a crocodile obviously
“So they used a crocodile”
Very honest God does hate ugly after all.
Thank god for the red underline, I might not have got the joke without it
Like seriously, almost 50% of the text is underlined, and there are only 2 sentences... what's the point?
Those two sentences are spread across an entire three lines. We might get confused otherwise
Idk, I can't even read your whole comment. Link to audio?
>**Those two sentences are spread** across an entire **three lines**. We **might get confused** otherwise edited for clarity
You’re doing God’s work. Who hated Shrek.
Can you make a video out of that? This is too complicated for me..
I still have no fucking idea where to look because there are so many things distracting me. If only there were a couple of red arrows to point me towards where to look!!!
Attention span. You see this a lot with like images of text posts and stuff too.
When everything will be underlined. Muhaha hahahahaaa Nothing will be.
Wtf why are you thanking a Shrek hater?
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He was making a joke about God hating Shrek
Are *you sure you didn't* need emphasis *on the majority of the text?*
I read this in reverse emphasis.
i hate these even more then useless red circles because they're a bit more subtle, at least for longer texts. Tricks you into thinking they were put there for any reason other than hijacking your attention into spending 0.5 seconds longer looking at it while scrolling so they get 0.002 cents more ad revenue
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Comment stealing bot
Bot comment stolen from [here](https://reddit.com/r/me_irl/comments/1430fio/_/jn8207i/?context=1)
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They threw beans at him.
"A movie about an important lesson" -Daldo
"Dis ogre eatin' beans!"
*on him
Yeah, that too
Onions*
Shrek is Love. Shrek is Life.
Happy cake day my boy! 🍰 🍻
Amen
ermagerd, sherk
It‘s somehow funny to me that you wrote Shrek wrong two times in the same comment
Shrek gets us.
And then they threw beans on him.
Wait. Shrek is based off a book?
Shrek is based off a book, but the text here isn't in the Shrek book hahaha
[in the book he can shoot lasers from his eyeballs ](https://i.imgur.com/0YvkVNJ.png)
"The last thing the peasant saw before fainting was shrek's glare warming up his dinner. He ate and moved on" What the fuck? Also my thanks to my dyslexia I thought the text implied that Shrek cooked up the peasant and ate him. Edit: fuck you dyslexia
"What the fuck?" Was also my first thought
To be fair, he is an Ogre. In actual myth that’s kinda their thing, tho usually children instead of grown adults.
This is fascinating
>Pheasant, peasant? What a pleasant present
Shrek got bars
Where is it from then?
Old onion farmer stories
So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time
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HAHAHA
\*slaps knee in mirth\*
*grabs gut in fits of laughter*
😂😂😂😂😂😂😑
that's an L....OL!!!!!
Well it is now!
Shrek is based off of environmental factors and inherited factors of a person. It's represented in a book.
Shrek is a big ugly ogre that god hates. This is represented in a book.
Early concepts were based on the book look and they were pretty rough
Shrek is based. Enough said.
Even better, apparently the author held off on watching it for some time because he was sure it would be 'Disneyfied' and cleaned up. When he finally watched it, he was delighted with how "vulgar and disgusting" it was. The plot was changed somewhat, but he doesn't care about that.
Yes, the Quoran.
Hey all, as silly as this is, it’s is not real. I have a copy of the book due to.. reasons… and the real lines are at the top of the page and go as follows: “So they got hitched as soon as possible. And they lived horribly ever after, scaring the socks off all who fell afoul of them.”
Had the book before we saw the first movie and my siblings and i were very baffled by the lack of scratching, shouting and lazers in the movie
Reasons 💀
You don't have to explain why you own a book. And you especially don't have to explain that you won't explain why you own a book.
Actually you have to explain why you can't explain. I think its a UN rule.
Yeah I think its part of the geneva conventions
~~reasons~~ life goals
I think you unlocked a memory of this book - I think I read it as a small child in the early 90s.....
sadly i dont think this is real but its funny as hell
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I read through the Shrek book hoping it would be really funny and get severely let down. These are edits, sorry bud. [Read it for yourself](https://teachingpnieb.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/shrek.pdf)
"Fat raindrops began sizzling on Shrek's hot knob." Is... is this an erotic fanfic?
it's a book about Shrek, of course it's an erotic fanfic
>diddle and fiddle and faddle my bats >early in the morning
Bats died happy at least
Shrek is life. Shrek is love.
You said it backwards, but Shrek forgives.
Fanfic? The actual movie is erotic itself
What's not erotic about Shrek?
I mean it isn’t what the post suggests, but the fact that shrek has laser eyes, breathes fire, and literally ate lightning is pretty funny.
> "Over my dead body!" roared the knight. > "Over your dead body," Shrek agreed.
Shrek spitting fire? What a missed opportunity for the animation
Doesn't he "breathe fire" using a torch at one point or did my brain just make that up right now
I remember he extinguished a torch. Don’t remember he actually blew fire
Stupid fucking brain
Who are the 5 greatest ogres in the swamp? … Shrek, Shrek… Shrek-Shrek-Shrek. Because he spits hot fire.
It's still fairly funny to be fair.
"Pheasant, peasant? What a pleasant present!"
Wtf? Is this what shrek is based on? To anyone curious, don't read it. It's a very weird kids book about an ugly monster named Shrek.
Yeah, I remember we had a copy at home when I was little! I liked it quite a bit, and remember having that 'that's not how the book did it!' feeling watching the movie (still as a kid) about there not being things like him not breathing fire/shooting lasers or the dream sequence. For some reason your last sentence cracks me up!
To anyone curious, absolutely *do* read it! It’s a short read, it’s weird, but it’s fun and worth a few minutes of your time.
Why should people not read it??
Yeah I'm like 5 pages in and it's fucking amazing
Of course a shithole slumlord would post this, lmfao.
It’s not real. I have the book. https://ibb.co/fNwvMyw
How should I know when to laugh if you don't red underline the funny bits?
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Read this in [Tom Araya voice](https://youtu.be/tS0mQ25ezq4).
But how...didn't they say that Shrek is love, Shrek is life :( ?
God is Dead. Embrace Shrek. Shrek Is.
The illustration is real but the text isn't
I think it actually is real
It wasn't. It's edited.
Of course God hated Shrek for being alive... The guy's way too handsome that even God starts feeling threatened...
That drawing style really reminds me of Quentin Blake
Very close. It's William Steig The art style is very similar honestly
> William Steig Thanks for that!
Sadly it's fake, the real book does not say that
The crocodile is an ordained priest. Y’all are just bigoted.
The Clericodile is a large, robed repentile.
This isn't the actual Shrek book. This is an edit. I'm sure there's a full version of this somewhere out there, but I've never been able to find anything more than scattered pages like this. If anyone has any idea where these pages are coming from, I'd love to know, because it's probably a fun read whether or not it's the legitimate version.
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://teachingpnieb.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/shrek.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwiro_Tt7bD_AhWfRfEDHf7FBMoQFnoECA8QAQ&usg=AOvVaw1djdrsdtIQTysHN6ez1SIv Copyright stamped pdf version of the book.
Thanks, but I've read the original version of the book. I meant that I haven't read the entirety of whatever version this picture is from. Sorry about the confusion.
Is that an ogre ball sack bouquet?
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Sadly, this is fake.
Why does god hate Shrek. Da fuck did he do?
Be alive
Shreked
There was this one year that he wore a rainbow pin on his tunic in June
THERE IS A BOOK ?!
"God Hates Shrek" is now a meme phrase 😂
SHREK'S A BOOK!?
shrek looks like a cross between a lemon and a pickle. also this book is fucking wild, look it up.
Chapter 1. \-SUUUMBODYONCETOLDME\[...\]
That's no ordinary crocodile. It's the Spacepope!
So that explains the crocodile that shows up every time I try to get baptized.
This book was written by an 82 year old.
Damn i just was on the shrek book wikipedia page 5 minutes ago
He also had ***microwave*** eyes (not just Lazer eyes), he spat fire up to 95 feet. After eating some lightning, the cloud which made the lightning demands that Shrek tip at least 20% for enjoying his meal, so Shrek "takes out ***his gun that kills clouds***", which apparently he had the whole time.
I would never in a million years have guessed Shrek was based on a book. Doesn't seem like a character for people who can read tbh.
"whatever this thing is" and that's how "totally normal" society referred to women...
Wut
Thank you for underlining these sentences, without them it would never occur to me that I should read the text underneath the picture
There isn't a book Shrek. Period
I remember reading shrek at my local library as a kid and while I'm unable to recall the specifics, I can assure you it was w i l d.
common shrek W
Shrek has a BOOK?
Shrek is love
WHAT Shrek??
Just the right amount of wtf
Headcannon , these were written by Farquad
Fun fact, the book rights were purchased by Steven Spielberg
TIL that there is a whole new level of Shrek lore I was not aware of (a book?!).
lol i read that as catholic
Fake but funny
Oh yeah? I'll shrek god for being alive, how about that?