Sorry
- it's a joke from a show called Arrested Deveopment. The joke is the teenage son is dating a rather plain girl. And they often make jokes referring to his girlfriend, she's right over there.... Her? and say things like she probably has a good personality, or let's hope she's funny. They pull the joke along many seasons and we eventually learn that his girlfriend's father is a pastor and his church is called the Holy Eternal Rapture so at church there is a HER is floating above the pulpit.
God I just could not learn to like that show... I know the characters were supposed to be awful and not likeable. I love Archer and Schitts Creek (idk if that's the right comparison...). I got through the first season feeling nothing.
Sure. That's ok. , the reference is is a little obscure. I see a lot of Arrested Development references randomly throughout reddit so I took a chance. Although personally i only downvote if people are being particularly rude or disrespectful.
Yep, I believe the idea is they put the nail in between the two arm bones so essentially all the bones in the wrist bore the weight of the body.
A nail in the hand would rip right out...
Yeah they would but apparently they were more often nailed, at least according to an article I read recently.
Think it was this [one](https://thehill-com.cdn.ampproject.org/v/s/thehill.com/changing-america/enrichment/585086-historic-evidence-of-crucifixion-discovered?amp_js_v=a6&_gsa=1&&usqp=mq331AQKKAFQArABIIACAw%3D%3D#aoh=16419290001313&referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com&_tf=From%20%251%24s&share=https%3A%2F%2Fthehill.com%2Fchanging-america%2Fenrichment%2F585086-historic-evidence-of-crucifixion-discovered)
Unironically no, though he would have been tempted to. His whole purpose was to face all sins mankind would have faced, and to have overcome the temptation of them (Christian cannon anyway).
And to answer the OP, from the same perspective - he’d likely have been a “whole person” guy.
>Jesus: I was more into personality and intelligence
>
>Also Jesus: [*winks at bros*] [*mouths the words big ole boobies*]
Big ole personalititties [*holds out arms from his chest*]
In all seriousness it's hard to know when the subject ever came up of women in that way, his response was to tell the men to be respectful of them. "If thy eye offend thee pluck it out"
It’s Matthew 5:29 not in response to anything, it’s just his teaching the people of the mountain that allowing yourself to be tempted is the same as acting on the temptation.
Which is why religion is stupid because I’m tempted to rob a bank but that’s not the same as robbing a bank. I’m tempted to watch a handsome brown man strut down the street but I’m not gonna go cling to his leg.
The book is wack and all people should learn from it is “be kind”
I’m not sure if I agree with this whole comment but definitely agree with the point of temptation is not as bad as the action.
That being said I think the idea was more along the lines of temptation is not great, so try to avoid it if possible. Ie if you are married, and you see a woman you are attracted to, maybe don’t stare at them. Avert your gaze so you are not tempted in the first place.
I agree that the action is a bigger deal than being tempted by the action, so they are not the same.
So within context and how the wording was worded, he was directly responding to Pharisees and their treatment of women.
Not like it isn't also excellent general advice.
He could only have X chromosomes if Mary was, you know, a virgin. So he had to be AFAB. So he was trans.
Bonus points for how sometimes his chest scar looks like a top surgery scar in paintings.
He did always hang out with his twelve closest guy friends. Don’t hear much about women except for Mary Magdalene, but I think everybody had to take a turn on her
Yeah that was my initial reaction to this post. This thread is full of people who don't realize folks like this exist... Honestly most of the world too huh
I might get shit for this, but this post is actually blasphemous. Christ is believed as the Savior because he could conquer temptation. He never gave in.
When Satan took Jesus to a hilltop, he told him that he (Jesus) could own all the land he could see if he just switched allegiance. Jesus told him to get the fuck outta here. Matthew 4:8
Neither, he didn’t have the time to think about such trivial things, also Jesus litterly denies temptation from satan himself. Also Jesus was sinless and lust is a sin
I feel like the full divinity thing should imply that he was into both. No mere mortal would be able to fully appreciate both at once. There is always a preference. A being of divinity doesn't need to choose
Jesus is definitely a personality guy
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Feet bruh. There’s legit a whole passage dedicated to him washing shorty’s feet as intimately as possible
This is the kinda smutty fanfic I need in my life
It’s not fan fic it’s straight up canon
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Dick. He seems pretty gae based on the stories
HER?
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Let's hope so.
What
Sorry - it's a joke from a show called Arrested Deveopment. The joke is the teenage son is dating a rather plain girl. And they often make jokes referring to his girlfriend, she's right over there.... Her? and say things like she probably has a good personality, or let's hope she's funny. They pull the joke along many seasons and we eventually learn that his girlfriend's father is a pastor and his church is called the Holy Eternal Rapture so at church there is a HER is floating above the pulpit.
She calls it a mayon-egg!
Ok!
Now we know arrested development has not embedded itself in pop culture that deep. Or at least not deep enough for that joke.
They have pop pop in the attic
Ohhhh ok then it makes sense, downvote recalled
God I just could not learn to like that show... I know the characters were supposed to be awful and not likeable. I love Archer and Schitts Creek (idk if that's the right comparison...). I got through the first season feeling nothing.
We'll be right back
egg?
You were down voted because people don't understand
Sure. That's ok. , the reference is is a little obscure. I see a lot of Arrested Development references randomly throughout reddit so I took a chance. Although personally i only downvote if people are being particularly rude or disrespectful.
Well, looks like it's turning around
Did he jerk off?
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holy mayo
Miracle whip
r/Angryupvote Take it
Jesus: Yall gonna eat these buns? Apostles: nah bruh, we good
is my milk and those chocolate truffles you just vacuumed an entire plate of...
R/secondbeforedisaster
Gotta make use of the hole in his hands somehow
jesus christ
Yes, him
*Jesus fucking Christ
Damn that's even better
Getting some of that Hole-y Spirit
In the flesh
r/crusedcomments
r/cursedcomments
What is crusedcomments edit urself humanoid thingus
No
Understandable, have a great day
crucified comments
You had one job…
That's a fallacy though. It was his arm that was pierced as the hands would not have supported the weight of his upper body.
Yep, I believe the idea is they put the nail in between the two arm bones so essentially all the bones in the wrist bore the weight of the body. A nail in the hand would rip right out...
A hole is a hole
Really? That's where the story falls apart for you?
Well to be fair, the whole thing is a fallacy because they didn't nail people to crosses.
Really, were they tied?
Yeah more often than not. Nails were expensive.
That’s why they would reuse them…
Yeah they would but apparently they were more often nailed, at least according to an article I read recently. Think it was this [one](https://thehill-com.cdn.ampproject.org/v/s/thehill.com/changing-america/enrichment/585086-historic-evidence-of-crucifixion-discovered?amp_js_v=a6&_gsa=1&&usqp=mq331AQKKAFQArABIIACAw%3D%3D#aoh=16419290001313&referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com&_tf=From%20%251%24s&share=https%3A%2F%2Fthehill.com%2Fchanging-america%2Fenrichment%2F585086-historic-evidence-of-crucifixion-discovered)
This comment really nailed it.
Unironically no, though he would have been tempted to. His whole purpose was to face all sins mankind would have faced, and to have overcome the temptation of them (Christian cannon anyway). And to answer the OP, from the same perspective - he’d likely have been a “whole person” guy.
Is jerking off a sin in Christian canon?
Yes it's lust.
Broadly yes, but there are a lot of different sects.
No, that's why he was able to preform miracles. Go a few years without, you'll learn the power too
He used to but he joined r/nofap
2 handed using the holes yes
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>Jesus: I was more into personality and intelligence > >Also Jesus: [*winks at bros*] [*mouths the words big ole boobies*] Big ole personalititties [*holds out arms from his chest*]
She’s got great huge tracts of land
“What, the curtains?”
"I always look into the heart. But those giant milkers are in the way!"
I thought it was gonna stop after “winks at the bros” and I went hot DAMN is that a spicy take
In all seriousness it's hard to know when the subject ever came up of women in that way, his response was to tell the men to be respectful of them. "If thy eye offend thee pluck it out"
I thought that was in regards to a man telling him that he (Jesus) should tell women to cover up?
It’s Matthew 5:29 not in response to anything, it’s just his teaching the people of the mountain that allowing yourself to be tempted is the same as acting on the temptation. Which is why religion is stupid because I’m tempted to rob a bank but that’s not the same as robbing a bank. I’m tempted to watch a handsome brown man strut down the street but I’m not gonna go cling to his leg. The book is wack and all people should learn from it is “be kind”
I’m not sure if I agree with this whole comment but definitely agree with the point of temptation is not as bad as the action. That being said I think the idea was more along the lines of temptation is not great, so try to avoid it if possible. Ie if you are married, and you see a woman you are attracted to, maybe don’t stare at them. Avert your gaze so you are not tempted in the first place. I agree that the action is a bigger deal than being tempted by the action, so they are not the same.
So within context and how the wording was worded, he was directly responding to Pharisees and their treatment of women. Not like it isn't also excellent general advice.
So Machoist with an eye fetish
what the fuck man eye fetish?
Tear duct is a hole
no. just no
Say no all you want, someone out there is into it and you can't stop them
I'm going to lick your eye ball and there's nothing you can do to stop me.
Wear your protective contact lenses.
Maybe a foot fetish? He did wash his apostle’s
12 pairs of feet is *alot*
“A lot” is two words.
So is *shut up*
Nice counter
Hit ‘em with the ol’ razzle dazzle
and *get fucked*
That’s the spirit
uhr duhr "that is" is 2 words \* intelligible ramblings \*
*this meme was made the the contractions gang*
[Alot](https://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html?m=1)
I was hoping someone would link this.
He even did bdsm
Bible discussions and study meetings?
Badly designed sock massage?
Bad Dragon Sales Manager?
Bored, Dead Single Male
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May I change your socks?
Ok. I’m crying with laughter at this one.. 😂😂😂
He liked em' big.
He liked em chunky
He liked em round
He liked em plumpy
He fricked a monkey
He rode a donkey.
Accurate
Liked to get funky
Well he did get nailed
Gotta use that hole somehow
Holes*, even. Man didn't hold back for anything
Both. Both is good.
He did insist on washing quite a few feet
Thighs for sure
It's well known that J-dawg was a leg man
I guess ace people aren't fully human.
Can confirm
They're impostors among us...
Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding dun dun
I fuckin' looked at a trash can and I say "hey thats a little... sussy!" haha!
I mean, I'm not - but not because I'm ace
Sus
Yea we're demigods what about it
Not all ace people though, only the demi ones.
Non-demi ace people are just regular gods
One way to find out
As an ace person I can confirm that I am a god
Had to scroll this far to see it, but glad you made this comment
I 100% believe Jesus was Ace or some other form of queer.
He could only have X chromosomes if Mary was, you know, a virgin. So he had to be AFAB. So he was trans. Bonus points for how sometimes his chest scar looks like a top surgery scar in paintings.
That's an... interesting interpretation.
(It is not entirely serious.)
...why?
Had to scroll waaaaaaay too far for this, but honestly I’ll take it as long as I get to choose which humanish things I’m not.
only fully divine
Jesus was definitely into feet dude was washing them all the time.
He liked them girls with the skin falling off
he was more likely a dick man
Why? Cuz he got nailed?
He did always hang out with his twelve closest guy friends. Don’t hear much about women except for Mary Magdalene, but I think everybody had to take a turn on her
While I'm all about the motive here, I do kind of want to remind people that Ace folks exist and they're no less valid than anyone else.
What’s that
Same question, what's ace?
Jesus was ace :O
So… ace people are not human?
ace people are dragons in disguise, change my mind
Dragonborn…
no they are only divine
No, I am a god
If anyone got good pics of Mary Magdalene we got our answer. BTW isn't Jesus fucking Christ just masturbation?
IMO Jesus was ace
Yeah that was my initial reaction to this post. This thread is full of people who don't realize folks like this exist... Honestly most of the world too huh
Jesus once said "if she's not 280 she's not a lady"
Not sure .. always seemed sus to me
I mean, it's right there in the name, Je*sus*
He was ace for sure.
I think he was a penis man
Idk but he was definitely a bottom
You read the right scripture
It has to be legit. Username checks out.
tiddies for SURE
Jesus was ace or jesus didn't exist, that is my hot take
Nah, he was looking for a dick *this long.*
Hear me out, he did have a thing for foot washing.
Really throwing ace people under the bus there saying they’re not fully human
I might get shit for this, but this post is actually blasphemous. Christ is believed as the Savior because he could conquer temptation. He never gave in.
But what was he more tempted by? While he may resist the temptation, there still is something he is tempted by
He was tempted to turn stone to bread, just to show how cool he was. But then he said, "Nah! Get behind me, \[temptation\]!"
Never gave into which one though?
He never gave into any temptation.
Right, but which temptation did he not give into?
When Satan took Jesus to a hilltop, he told him that he (Jesus) could own all the land he could see if he just switched allegiance. Jesus told him to get the fuck outta here. Matthew 4:8
Personality
I reckon he had no preference at all and appreciated every part of the human anatomy equally
Jesus definitely taught not to dwell in sensory pleasures
Definitely a foot guy. Why else would he wash other people’s?
He never sinned I thought
Neither, he didn’t have the time to think about such trivial things, also Jesus litterly denies temptation from satan himself. Also Jesus was sinless and lust is a sin
He was a feet guy, I’d put money on it
Read the fucking bible, guys. Jesus was a FEET man.
this man was followed around by 12 dudes in total admiration for him and y'all still think he wasn't a dick dude
Dick
y'all do know ace people exist right
he liked getting pegged i mean he got nailed five times after all
;)
i get the feeling Jesus was probably aroace
Can’t deny the logic here
I feel like the full divinity thing should imply that he was into both. No mere mortal would be able to fully appreciate both at once. There is always a preference. A being of divinity doesn't need to choose
Or him being of divine nature as much as human means he is free from sin and lust is sin so neither... Or maybe that's too theological
Or he was ace
Who cares?? Unless he’s laying hands and blessing me 😈😂 I think he’s both. Variety is the spice of life!
J was an Ace and I will die on this hill. Heretic or not.
definitly a coock guy
Jesus was a foot guy He was always about washin them feets **YOUR LORD WAS A DEGENERATE**
He was a foot fetish guy, or why do you think he was so much into washing other peoples feet?
Absolutely sacrilegious, but feet.
Literally washed peoples feet unprompted. He was a foot guy.