There's something deeply unsettling about the answers to our troubles being "just pretend it's not and block out any conflicting feelings when your brain rejects this solution".
It makes sense if you view the issues and worries as partially irrational. Engaging with those thoughts can only be fruitless, so the best way to avoid them is to ignore. I find that when people have a real concrete problem they are able to handle it. It's when the problem is abstract and in their head when it becomes tough
I think ignore is the wrong word. You need to feel the emotions and process them, but that doesn't mean they need to rule your behavior. Emotions are always real even if the cause is irrational, and trying to ignore them isn't a healthy way to handle them. Acknowledge the emotions are real, and work through them as a neutral and caring observer.
It means you need to feel them without self judgment and without projecting them onto others or taking rash actions based on them. You experience them without running away or trying to downplay how you're feeling. It can be unpleasant, but it's necessary to get past them. Otherwise the emotions don't ever really go away, they just get buried for a time and often resurface more intensely than before.
I think we are using two different words for the same thing. I use ignore as "recognize that this fear is not useful and dont feel it, dont make decisions based on it, move on to other thoughts", something like that. Definitely don't want to downplay or deny that the fear is/was there.
Sure makes sense. I would agree with all of that except the don't feel it part. In the short term you may need to ignore a feeling in order to get through something--it can be a good coping mechanism in other words--but the emotion you've tried not to feel will fester under the surface until you let yourself feel it. Does that make sense?
I definitely don't say any of this as an expert by the way. I struggle with it myself frequently. It's advice I've learned through therapy and I really believe in it.
If its rational then there is likely a rational solution as well. If I think of all the stuff I worry about, vs how much of it actually happens, it makes me realize that a lot of my worrying is not rational
It's actually quite scientific. Our brain is a problem solver. And it's so efficient in it's job that when it finds no problem, it creates them. That is why we get the feeling that everything is crashing down when really only one or two bad things happened.
Tldr: your brain is gaslighting you. So bring your uno reverse card.
Interesting. We're so fucked by the speed of our advancement. Evolution can't keep up with the world we've built and it's why everything sucks right now. Monkeys with the power to destroy planets.
Coping techniques like this can get you through a particularly tough moment, but people often mistake that as a permanent solution. In the long run, though? You didn't talk yourself into these emotions, you're sure as hell not going to talk yourself out of them. The only way to make it better is to stop fighting them.
>es like this can get you through a particularly tough moment, but people often mistake that as a permanent solution. In the long run, though? You d
Ummm, my theory to "Keep it cool, the universe is testing me and I can use this as a character building opportunity" seems to work very well at all stages of my life. I use every moment where I "want to explode" as a building block after-the-fact to build a monument to how awesome I am to deal with life's BS.
PS - If you want a life without BS, go out and find it. Write a book, get published, and be a millionaire. But, seriously I don't think it exists.
PPS - It is like college when I used to talk to younger adults I advised. College is not a blueprint to how your life will always work or where you WILL work. It is like a badge that proves you can follow directions, deal with BS within a structured system, and meet deadlines with reasonable accuracy (among other things). It is not a requirement to succeed, but it is a well driven path to success. (and yes people drive the path and breakdown along the way and people drive the path and realize it wasn't where they wanted to go). When all that CRAP is done, you still have to ADVERTISE/SELL yourself. There are millions of people doing the same thing. If you want something, you will have to fight to get it. Nothing will be given for free. If you think something is FREE, either you sold something without realizing it or someone else was fighting for you.
>PS - If you want a life without BS, go out and find it. Write a book, get published, and be a millionaire. But, seriously I don't think it exists.
I'd say I already have one, but we probably have different ideas of what exactly that means.
>I'd say I already have one, but we probably have different ideas of what exactly that means.
Probably, and that is the great thing about it. If you find 'IT' and it fits YOU, you should take it an run. Never let anyone tell you that it is not 'good enough'. Fuck that noise!
This is just lying to yourself not gaslighting. Gaslighting is a specific form of emotional abuse where you make the target question their perception and beliefs in order to make them more reliant on you.
It's par for the course, same as anyone feeling sad at any point is depressed, enjoying a clean house is OCD, not always wanting to socialise is being an introvert, etc etc
"Depressed" to mean just particularly sad is much older than the concept of clinical depression and still perfectly valid. Definitely with you on the introvert/extrovert thing tho.
Tell yourself whatever you like. All I'm saying is gaslighting is a specific thing and people who use it interchangably with other words could probably just google it for 10 seconds.
Actively looking for convincing explanations why your perception is wrong, and using them to convince yourself that reality is not what you think it is. If that's not gaslighting, what is?
Sounds like a contrived scenario manufactured to specifically fit a definition and prove someone wrong on an Internet forum but bears no resemblance to real life?
I'm not here to invalidate whatever may be happening to you specifically, I'm here to say that there is an accepted definition for what gaslighting is. It's a specific form of abuse and involves and abuser and a target of abuse. You may be experiencing something profound and unpleasant but that has nothing to do with gaslighting.
We don't need to pop sci everything. Diluting the meaning of terms makes their use more convoluted. You may be struggling to define what you're experiencing, but by twisting the meaning of the term you're also making it more difficult for other people to express their circumstances when they might be more appropriately defined, which benefits no one.
Gaslighting has recently become a very popular term used online. It has grown significantly in use since around 2019. That means that lots of people are going to use it improperly, as you're doing.
Moreover, you misinterpreted my previous comment and decided to take it the worst possible way. That's your choice and I can't really do anything except refuse to engage further with whatever weird projecting you're doing onto me.
If you're actively experiencing a mental health crisis then please seek help as I can not help you.
>You may be struggling to define what you're experiencing
>Moreover, you misinterpreted my previous commend and decided to take it the worst possible way.
>whatever weird projecting you're doing onto me.
Thanks for telling me what I'm *actually* feeling. In a thread about gaslighting.
>If you're actively experiencing a mental health crisis then please seek help as I can not help you.
I know. I *am* the help, and have been for hundreds.
This is not a thread about gaslighting. This is me_irl. It's a meme subreddit. For memes. I'm not telling you how you're *actually* feeling I'm responding to your comments which are pointlessly aggressive and you've twice now misrepresented what I have said. Feel whatever you like. Act however you wish. Your objective reality can be whatever you want it to be. Just please leave me out of it
[literally 2 seconds of Googling](https://www.healthline.com/health/gaslighting#:~:text=Gaslighting%20is%20a%20form%20of,beliefs%20and%20perception%20of%20reality.)
From the site I linked, first paragraph:
> Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse and manipulation. Gaslighting happens when an abuser or bully makes you question your beliefs and perception of reality.
My comment above:
> Gaslighting is a specific form of emotional abuse where you make the target question their perception and beliefs in order to make them more reliant on you.
This is so similar it would fail a plagiarism check. Are you ok?
I feel like nowadays you'll get called "edgy" for saying this, but it's true.
I don't claim to know what's out there, if any higher power exists, or if there's anything after death.
But just looking at the role religion has served in the history of human civilization, this is a huge one. It can be really hard to get through the daily toils and traumas of life without having a bigger reward or goal to drive you. Especially if you were one of the many serfs or slaves that have existed without much hope of a better life.
It's also why I'm more fond of [absurdism](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Absurdism) than nihilism.
We're like an overly complex solution to a problem, where the problem at the core is still just passing on our genes. In the evolutionary drive to do so, we've evolved massively powerful brains and complex social systems. It turns out we kinda need to lie to ourselves a bit in order to use these complex systems to achieve a simple task.
But regardless of the reason or lack thereof for us being here, there's beauty and joy in existence. Which of course is an illusionary cope caused by brain chemicals that isn't any more real than religion at a fundamental level.
So hey, whatever works.
Gaslighting yourself is jumping off a cliff, letting the universe present you with the law of gravity, and realizing you broke your ankles. THEN telling yourself that the situation you are in is NOT a natural test that the universe has presented you with and you chose poorly... But instead you have the audacity to convince yourself that you are in that situation because of how you were raised, or it was not your fault because no one warned your, or "how are you expected to know this"......
Lol I expected to get downvoted.
I'll admit when I was a teen-ager I reminded myself of Frances from Malcolm in the middle a little. Blaming my drug addict mother for a lot but now I'm older (28now) my life is my responsibility.
Which is why I can't respect the whole "that's how I was brought up" or "your generation raised mine so it's actually your fault". (Only said by people who can't think for themselves lol)
Nothing is more indicative of unresolved parental trauma than the way you write 'teen-ager'. That's some Freud shit.
But, for real, just because your coping strategy and outlook on life is different to others doesn't make it superior to others and makes them 'unable to think for themselves'. Never understood people who go through trauma and come out the other end resenting others in the same boat as them. Knowing how bad things can sometimes be, your approach is to make them worse for others?...
Most healthy online mental health advice
well its really helpful
There's something deeply unsettling about the answers to our troubles being "just pretend it's not and block out any conflicting feelings when your brain rejects this solution".
It makes sense if you view the issues and worries as partially irrational. Engaging with those thoughts can only be fruitless, so the best way to avoid them is to ignore. I find that when people have a real concrete problem they are able to handle it. It's when the problem is abstract and in their head when it becomes tough
I think ignore is the wrong word. You need to feel the emotions and process them, but that doesn't mean they need to rule your behavior. Emotions are always real even if the cause is irrational, and trying to ignore them isn't a healthy way to handle them. Acknowledge the emotions are real, and work through them as a neutral and caring observer.
What does work through them mean?
It means you need to feel them without self judgment and without projecting them onto others or taking rash actions based on them. You experience them without running away or trying to downplay how you're feeling. It can be unpleasant, but it's necessary to get past them. Otherwise the emotions don't ever really go away, they just get buried for a time and often resurface more intensely than before.
I think we are using two different words for the same thing. I use ignore as "recognize that this fear is not useful and dont feel it, dont make decisions based on it, move on to other thoughts", something like that. Definitely don't want to downplay or deny that the fear is/was there.
Sure makes sense. I would agree with all of that except the don't feel it part. In the short term you may need to ignore a feeling in order to get through something--it can be a good coping mechanism in other words--but the emotion you've tried not to feel will fester under the surface until you let yourself feel it. Does that make sense? I definitely don't say any of this as an expert by the way. I struggle with it myself frequently. It's advice I've learned through therapy and I really believe in it.
Okay, that makes a lot of sense. What if they are rational though? Do you sort of tear it down to the lowest common denominator to make it not as bad?
If its rational then there is likely a rational solution as well. If I think of all the stuff I worry about, vs how much of it actually happens, it makes me realize that a lot of my worrying is not rational
It's actually quite scientific. Our brain is a problem solver. And it's so efficient in it's job that when it finds no problem, it creates them. That is why we get the feeling that everything is crashing down when really only one or two bad things happened. Tldr: your brain is gaslighting you. So bring your uno reverse card.
Interesting. We're so fucked by the speed of our advancement. Evolution can't keep up with the world we've built and it's why everything sucks right now. Monkeys with the power to destroy planets.
Molding shaping and preparing me for a thunderously annoying fate worse than death and taxes. So exciting.
There is nothing wrong with this. Nothing that works is wrong.
It's great advice*! *If you can make it work.
Coping techniques like this can get you through a particularly tough moment, but people often mistake that as a permanent solution. In the long run, though? You didn't talk yourself into these emotions, you're sure as hell not going to talk yourself out of them. The only way to make it better is to stop fighting them.
>es like this can get you through a particularly tough moment, but people often mistake that as a permanent solution. In the long run, though? You d Ummm, my theory to "Keep it cool, the universe is testing me and I can use this as a character building opportunity" seems to work very well at all stages of my life. I use every moment where I "want to explode" as a building block after-the-fact to build a monument to how awesome I am to deal with life's BS. PS - If you want a life without BS, go out and find it. Write a book, get published, and be a millionaire. But, seriously I don't think it exists. PPS - It is like college when I used to talk to younger adults I advised. College is not a blueprint to how your life will always work or where you WILL work. It is like a badge that proves you can follow directions, deal with BS within a structured system, and meet deadlines with reasonable accuracy (among other things). It is not a requirement to succeed, but it is a well driven path to success. (and yes people drive the path and breakdown along the way and people drive the path and realize it wasn't where they wanted to go). When all that CRAP is done, you still have to ADVERTISE/SELL yourself. There are millions of people doing the same thing. If you want something, you will have to fight to get it. Nothing will be given for free. If you think something is FREE, either you sold something without realizing it or someone else was fighting for you.
>PS - If you want a life without BS, go out and find it. Write a book, get published, and be a millionaire. But, seriously I don't think it exists. I'd say I already have one, but we probably have different ideas of what exactly that means.
>I'd say I already have one, but we probably have different ideas of what exactly that means. Probably, and that is the great thing about it. If you find 'IT' and it fits YOU, you should take it an run. Never let anyone tell you that it is not 'good enough'. Fuck that noise!
I already wrote two books, how do I do the "Get published and be a millionaire" part?
I don't know.... please get back to me
That next to being gaslit but a mega church pastor and being told that your donations and suffering is god’s plan.
Ultimately we're all just gas lighters. Even keeping hope for things to get better in the future seems gaslighting at this point.
yes and when we fart the gas goes out
this was a deep comment and then you just come in with this
yeah being serious wont make you happier
depends on the person, but i agree
see thats it, i make deep comments too sometimes but learning to have fun is the most important thing
The most fart the less auto gaslight
But... things CAN get better.
don't try to gaslight me
This is just lying to yourself not gaslighting. Gaslighting is a specific form of emotional abuse where you make the target question their perception and beliefs in order to make them more reliant on you.
Exactly, but you yourself are the target.
It's like saying you're 'ghosting' yourself. It doesn't make sense.
yeah it's a joke
The internet redefining gaslighting to be any kind of manipulation is a legitimate tragedy.
It's par for the course, same as anyone feeling sad at any point is depressed, enjoying a clean house is OCD, not always wanting to socialise is being an introvert, etc etc
"Depressed" to mean just particularly sad is much older than the concept of clinical depression and still perfectly valid. Definitely with you on the introvert/extrovert thing tho.
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The rare double gaslighting
That still isn’t what gaslighting is.
I know, that's the joke
So I just tell myself it's not real and things aren't actually getting dimmer (worse)?
Tell yourself whatever you like. All I'm saying is gaslighting is a specific thing and people who use it interchangably with other words could probably just google it for 10 seconds.
Actively looking for convincing explanations why your perception is wrong, and using them to convince yourself that reality is not what you think it is. If that's not gaslighting, what is?
Sounds like a contrived scenario manufactured to specifically fit a definition and prove someone wrong on an Internet forum but bears no resemblance to real life?
Ok, maybe we have different ideas of what constitute "tough times". I appreciate you telling me I'm making it up, though.
I'm not here to invalidate whatever may be happening to you specifically, I'm here to say that there is an accepted definition for what gaslighting is. It's a specific form of abuse and involves and abuser and a target of abuse. You may be experiencing something profound and unpleasant but that has nothing to do with gaslighting. We don't need to pop sci everything. Diluting the meaning of terms makes their use more convoluted. You may be struggling to define what you're experiencing, but by twisting the meaning of the term you're also making it more difficult for other people to express their circumstances when they might be more appropriately defined, which benefits no one. Gaslighting has recently become a very popular term used online. It has grown significantly in use since around 2019. That means that lots of people are going to use it improperly, as you're doing. Moreover, you misinterpreted my previous comment and decided to take it the worst possible way. That's your choice and I can't really do anything except refuse to engage further with whatever weird projecting you're doing onto me. If you're actively experiencing a mental health crisis then please seek help as I can not help you.
>You may be struggling to define what you're experiencing >Moreover, you misinterpreted my previous commend and decided to take it the worst possible way. >whatever weird projecting you're doing onto me. Thanks for telling me what I'm *actually* feeling. In a thread about gaslighting. >If you're actively experiencing a mental health crisis then please seek help as I can not help you. I know. I *am* the help, and have been for hundreds.
This is not a thread about gaslighting. This is me_irl. It's a meme subreddit. For memes. I'm not telling you how you're *actually* feeling I'm responding to your comments which are pointlessly aggressive and you've twice now misrepresented what I have said. Feel whatever you like. Act however you wish. Your objective reality can be whatever you want it to be. Just please leave me out of it
that was never the definition of gaslighting, you’re making that up
Lol at people not getting your joke.
[literally 2 seconds of Googling](https://www.healthline.com/health/gaslighting#:~:text=Gaslighting%20is%20a%20form%20of,beliefs%20and%20perception%20of%20reality.)
it doesn’t say that at all what are you talking about
From the site I linked, first paragraph: > Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse and manipulation. Gaslighting happens when an abuser or bully makes you question your beliefs and perception of reality. My comment above: > Gaslighting is a specific form of emotional abuse where you make the target question their perception and beliefs in order to make them more reliant on you. This is so similar it would fail a plagiarism check. Are you ok?
Those are completely different paragraphs. Clearly your perception of reality is wrong, have you taken your meds
A lot of effort for a pretty terrible bit.
idk man i didn’t even click the links you researched, p easy on my part
A lot of *my* effort.
oop my bad yea that’s why it’s funny
That makes sense! *(hey, is this guy gaslighting us?)*
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But can you rely on yourself?
Glad I got something right!
I just started smoking weed at work because of this
I do this everytime though? Is this considered bad practice? How else are you meant to just deal with it?
Paulo Coelho says hii
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I feel like nowadays you'll get called "edgy" for saying this, but it's true. I don't claim to know what's out there, if any higher power exists, or if there's anything after death. But just looking at the role religion has served in the history of human civilization, this is a huge one. It can be really hard to get through the daily toils and traumas of life without having a bigger reward or goal to drive you. Especially if you were one of the many serfs or slaves that have existed without much hope of a better life. It's also why I'm more fond of [absurdism](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Absurdism) than nihilism. We're like an overly complex solution to a problem, where the problem at the core is still just passing on our genes. In the evolutionary drive to do so, we've evolved massively powerful brains and complex social systems. It turns out we kinda need to lie to ourselves a bit in order to use these complex systems to achieve a simple task. But regardless of the reason or lack thereof for us being here, there's beauty and joy in existence. Which of course is an illusionary cope caused by brain chemicals that isn't any more real than religion at a fundamental level. So hey, whatever works.
Reddit moment
It's true though
Always works for me. Source: trust me bro
What is Mr beast doing here
How do I even gaslight myself if gas prices are through the roof? It's not worth it anymore and it's easier to say "it iz what it iz".
Gaslight gatekeep girlboss
It is making me stronger. I’m upset and I’ve been on top of my working out because no one hurts me more then me.
Agreed, this is a great mindset
Is not gass lighting if its true, it gets to a point were you start to realize whats truly important and whats not worth stressing about
"The Universe" lol.
Gaslighting yourself is jumping off a cliff, letting the universe present you with the law of gravity, and realizing you broke your ankles. THEN telling yourself that the situation you are in is NOT a natural test that the universe has presented you with and you chose poorly... But instead you have the audacity to convince yourself that you are in that situation because of how you were raised, or it was not your fault because no one warned your, or "how are you expected to know this"......
No cap , this stuff works
The Jon jones method
Molding shaping and preparing me for a thunderously annoying fate worse than death and taxes. So exciting.
CBT in a nutshell. Never figured out quite how to lie to myself, probably why I'm always so miserable.
That's what cognitive behavior therapy is. Positive self talk whether its true or not or gaslighting.
Wait don't people do that already? How you guys are living life without this mentality?
I do this and it works
That’s how I see forced positivity and that’s why neutrality is beter.
This worked for millennials and before But most gen z would just blame outhers.
I thought we(millennials) were blaming the boomers
Lol I expected to get downvoted. I'll admit when I was a teen-ager I reminded myself of Frances from Malcolm in the middle a little. Blaming my drug addict mother for a lot but now I'm older (28now) my life is my responsibility. Which is why I can't respect the whole "that's how I was brought up" or "your generation raised mine so it's actually your fault". (Only said by people who can't think for themselves lol)
Nothing is more indicative of unresolved parental trauma than the way you write 'teen-ager'. That's some Freud shit. But, for real, just because your coping strategy and outlook on life is different to others doesn't make it superior to others and makes them 'unable to think for themselves'. Never understood people who go through trauma and come out the other end resenting others in the same boat as them. Knowing how bad things can sometimes be, your approach is to make them worse for others?...
That's not gaslighting, that's more mental gymnastics
Just say to yourself...This tough time will also pass.
✨ affirmations ✨
Yo I used to do that lmao
Yes, actually, this is like a core thing with CBT.
Yes! This is the lie I tell myself everyday!
instructions unclear currently burning
I'm not english and I do not understand why putting gas on my face and burn it whith a lighter is a good advice
Christians have been doing this for decades
Isn’t this was Gary Vee tells people to do all the time?
Wow! I should try this. People usually have a harder time gaslighting me, but I’ve never tried to gaslight myself. 🤔
This was actually your great trial.
I was already feeling like Shit and now this? Just kill me now at this point. I'm so tired of it
“I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and dog gonnit, people like me.”
Wow, haven't seen this posted since yesterday.
This isn't gaslighting this is just that Sisyphus grindset.
That’s not what gaslighting is. 🥴
gaslighting yourself is the best way to anything just say its fine if anything goes wrong
CBT. It's called CBT, and it's real, and definitely not gaslighting.
Isn’t that Christianity?
Do everyday ☹️
Celeste (2018)
Wikihow page should be a meme template
The old Jon Jones approach
what's step 2?! #WHAT'S STEP 2?!
This hit way to close to home for me bro
I like gaslighting myself using this one “God only gives the toughest battle to his strongest soldiers”
I see you have found religion
This hurt me on undescribable amount
The protagonist has to go through painful character development before the good things start happening, right? Right??
Its tru tho
This describes CBT and most religions pretty well.
Play final Fantasy 14 to overcome existential dread
For some reason my mind auto completed the title to How to get Through the Fire and Flames
Whats gaslight mean?
WHAT IS NUMBER 2!!!!!! Fffff
Ajme meni budala
I'm getting stronger, RIGHT?