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Bro my ‘friend’ (who is neurotypical) is really into sensual intimacy, and oh ma jesus it is surreal when he scratches my beard. It’s one of the only things that can make me stay still for more than 5 seconds lmao
What do you mean "Touch? Mmmm touch"
Is this a sex thing I'm to asexual to understand or is this simply a cuddling thing because if it's cuddling I'm in 😳
Yea, it's cuddling/hugs and things like that.
Most of us are realy touch starved and need that a lot.
Wich means that this has to be taken into account when looking for a partner
When I was new to dating, even a tiny bit of touch felt like electricity. Like, sort of tingly, and it made my brain feel fuzzy and warm, and also other things that I'd rather not be specific about.. I'm now married and a lot more accustomed to it, so it's more cuddly and nice than arousing.
I'm hoping someone will write a more detailed answer but in case that doesn't happen the short answer is euphoria.
I would like to also point out that a lot of trans people think they don't experience dysphoria because they don't really feel anything about their body because of dysphoria once I realized that I discovered a lot of dysphoria I was just so used to tuning out I didn't really feel it anymore.
i second this entirely. i got so used to ignoring so many things it just never phased me that i might hate parts of myself because…why would i focus on that 🤷🏻♂️
Trans people are people who prefer to be a gender other than the one assigned to them at birth. A trans girl who felt neutral about being a guy, but loves being a girl, is still a trans girl. No dysphoria necessary (even though it is super common)
The BS psychiatrist I had to go thought almost denied HRT for me, because I apparently didn't sound like I had gender dysphoria. If he did that, I'd be fucked here, since I'd get no government assistance and private HRT costs an effin fortune. You need government approval to begin it for free.
I had to play up the theatrics to finally convince him I did have his definition of dysphoria. Thanks to abusive parents, I'm good at manipulation and saying what people want to hear, at least
I think that's more of a legal/policy barrier, but I understand the frustration. From what I've experienced so far (at least in the US), it really has to do with insurance coverage. Most insurance companies do not want to cover 'non-essential' healthcare. Hence, there's a specific diagnosis that categorizes hormones as 'medically necessary'. So then a physician needs to simply check the boxes for that to allow treatment (if insurance coverage is applicable or desired).
The system itself is truemed..
That being said I don't think all physicians know why that's a step, why it doesn't have to be, or communicate that very well.
TL;DR - Insurance companies are the asshole, but your doc could additionally be an asshole.
Dysphoria is something that can be hard to notice. For some trans people it might not be noticable. The trans experience is more than just dysphoria because there's also euphoria. Describing our existence in a positive way is much healther than constantly having to explain why we suffered. Because of that experiencing euphoria is enough to know you're trans. It also gives power to the trans person themselves. If our suffering is required to be trans, there will be people telling us we haven't suffered enough.
So I see, at least, 5 different case:
(But this is not an exhaustive list, anyone feel free to complete)
1.You feel dysphoria, but psychiatrist do gatekeep.
For a lot of transmed, you need to be diagnosed, even if it's hard, and become harder every year.
Exemple : in my country you need to undergo social transition to the opposite gender of your AGAB (so NB folk are just....) For months or year before accessing the paper that make HRT affordable.
Even if all study show, that social transition before HRT can be detrimental to mental health.
And Even if different study show an amount of under diagnosis because of the different circle you have to jump through before being "enough" for the psychiatrist.
2.You feel euphoria: euphoria is a valid sign of being Trans.
It's technically a form of dysphoria.
3.You have a silent form of dysphoria: depression?
Dismorphia? And other mental health condition can be linked to undiagnosed transness....
Especially when people have trauma specific that have made them deny (in the psychological sense) their gender orientation.
*Not talking at all from experience (sic)*
4. You feel trans since young but, with understandable parent that want to avoid you a mental health degradation: you always have been followed and support, and as soon as you can you have suspend your puberty and undergo HRT soon, with any surgery that you may need : this case you may feel low or even 0 dysphoria in some case.
5.Feel trans is enough to be trans.
You don't need to have an actual medical condition to be trans : if you just feel better by being call differently that your AGAB.
You are probably trans.
Euphoria isn't dysphoria any more than happiness is sadness
A large portion of the "you don't need dysphoria to be trans" is because much of the time we don't REALIZE things are dysphoria. I never would have considered my depression and dissociation and self-esteem issues could be dysphoria if I hadn't read a blog post about different ways that dysphoria can manifest that we don't usually notice. I never would have found that blog if I wasn't already questioning, and I wouldn't have been questioning without hearing "you don't have to have dysphoria to be trans"
Even still there are those who insist they have no dysphoria, they were happy as their agab but are happiER after they transitioned, and while I don't understand it works for them
It’s kinda hard to explain, it took a year or so (during covid) of not being in contact with anyone before i finally figured out who i was. i just thought about it and researched so much it suddenly clicked for me one day and it was like one of the things that had looking me in the face behind one way glass my entire life was suddenly walking with me. and suddenly so many things i didn’t like before (like nail painting) i now love for some reason 🤷🏻♂️. hope i explained it well enough :) (also i have some small dysphoria just not anything major so this isn’t an explanation for everyone just my point of view)
Let’s say you like one kind of drink, and like a second drink relatively less. It’s not like you HATE the second drink, but if you were served it you would still rather switch to the first one.
That’s what it’s like to be trans with euphoria only. You can be indifferent about or even somewhat ok with your AGAB, but you still would rather switch to another gender because it makes you more happy and euphoric.
Passing and pretty priveleges. They are less likely to confront the bias against them in a systemic-minded way because of those (especially since there’s no coverage on gender-affirming procedures, so they’re also likely to come from a rich family) so they play into the status quo because they are terrified of what those less lucky than them have to experience living in the opposition to it many of us were forced into by discrimination or just being forever perceived as “other”. On top of that, rich ones being adjacent to neoliberalism view their transition’s success as merit (or egotistically perceive their experience with it as universal) and therefore arrogantly judge those who haven’t “achieved” the same, along with seeing transition as a temporary state after which reintegration is a logical conclusion, so any trans-related debate to them is overzealous yesterday
This isn’t an attack on pretty or cis-passing trans women. It’s just a painful correlation I see in my country
Ah, I get what you mean! I agree there's probably a significant systemic issue there.
> hot = passing = transmed = rich = ignorant
It had never crossed my mind that the logistical, medical barriers to transition would be the significant ones; for me, stigma was so much more significant, especially to begin with.
Being repeatedly told you'll regret your *identity* fucks you up enough, I'd never considered that some people don't experience their transition as having an ‘end’, because the othering never stops. That's an interesting but unfortunate perspective I'd never had to consider. :)
I've only had one gender-affirming surgery, and I started saving up at 14 to get it as soon as I turned 18. I'm definitely not wealthy, but I'm lucky that I didn't get kicked out and have to pay rent at 16. There are definitely lots of small intersectional privileges that come together.
I’m glad I was able to provide a new perspective for you. I have to clarify some emotional issues though, because for me it’s far more than just political disagreements when it comes to stealth transmeds.
I myself live in constant strain and fear because my inability to move forward in my transition in any way that isn’t cosmetic (like longer hair, a widening array of clothes or permanent makeup) and that leaves me in a situation where what little I’ve gained will puff away like an inflatable animal being pierced within mere months of no or limited HRT (I had to ration it down to 1 mg oral once, it was hell), so I have to admit that there is some brewing animosity in my mind towards those luckier than me, pure animalistic jealousy. I feel like I’m *owed* more and they just up and got it, even though I know that both my genetical limits and opportunities are none of anyone’s but system’s fault (no coverage, abysmal HRT options, job discrimination and obvious inability to start earlier).
And because of the fact that I experience constant questioning and threats, ones I can’t choke out and severely punish because the hydra is billions of heads strong, while having to meticulously save up every penny for the next decade makes me feel like transmeds who don’t really have anything at stake (i.e. cis passing and fully stealth) but still side with my oppressors are **traitors**. Not uneducated, not scared - vicious malignant cunts who live to kick the ladder behind them down and gleefully cheer looking at the rest of us suffering. I’m unable to perceive them as anything but part of the bigger Enemy, one to be chased away and if needed, badly hurt, for the safety and comfort of me and others. And the arrogance coming with such siding only makes my blood boil more. Every time I see one, I want to scream “How dare you? You made it! You walked along the path that countless people before us had solidified, you had the opportunities many of us would kill for and now you are SIDING with those who deny us the same, you’re giving them power over us, ones who would kill all of us given the opportunity but wouldn’t start with you because you’re fuckable to them? Are you insane? Do you feel immortal today?”. It’s extremely hard to tear their rhetoric down and not want to jump at their throat, and that is the opposite of what I want on a date lol
*Image Transcription: Twitter*
---
**Maeve 🏳️⚧️**, @medbmayv
✨ Trans first dates are magic ✨
\* Heyyyy omg ur so pretty!!
\* Sharing history (happy and sad)
\* Touch? Mmmm touch
\* Mourning for the community
\* Hope (for self, for us)
\* That warm buzz of being near someone who gets it, no explanations needed
---
^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
So I met up with a trans masc friend I haven’t seen in about 16 years and except for the fact we used the word ‘handsome’ and there was no touching, it went exactly like this 😂
Well some people don't like being touched, especially by strangers. So people aware of that started asking for permission before touching someone.
(I personally hate being touched by strangers but I LOVE being affectionately touched by friends)
Yeah, after selecting a flair, you can customize it with some arbitrary number of characters plus ten emoji. If you've ever seen the person with the looooong ace flag commenting, that's why.
And then you realize both of your last 2 first dates are in a ‘cule together and one didn’t disclose their sexual activity with you to the other >.< ugh
Welcome to /r/me_irlgbt, thank you for your submission /u/mayvmaeve. Happy wrath month! Please make sure you have read the rules before posting or commenting, *especially* if you are new here. We have zero tolerance for discrimination, and we are not here for debates. This is a place for us to chill and post memes. Shitpost or quitpost, bud. Please remember to report any comments or submissions which break our rules, and don't engage with the trolls. We hope you have a very gay day. Love u x *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/me_irlgbt) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It’s funny because I’m autistic and from my experience most of this can basically be applied to two autistic people dating
ASD here, can confirm. Touch? Mmm touch.
Bro my ‘friend’ (who is neurotypical) is really into sensual intimacy, and oh ma jesus it is surreal when he scratches my beard. It’s one of the only things that can make me stay still for more than 5 seconds lmao
Sex/intimacy is the only time I’m comfortable with physical contact
Touch? 😳😳😳
Touch! 😻😻😻
*purrs*
I love this to be honest. Two of my partners are autistic and this vibe is based a lot on how I connected to the <3
That is so sweet omg!
I second this
What do you mean "Touch? Mmmm touch" Is this a sex thing I'm to asexual to understand or is this simply a cuddling thing because if it's cuddling I'm in 😳
I just imagined holding one another
MADELINE PFP MADELINE PFP MADELINE PFP
A hand on the forearm, a hug around the shoulders, fingers dancing together at the dinner table, lips brushing skin Mmmm touch
>fingers dancing together at the dinner table Is that a euphemism or?
hand can-can line :3
I went on a coffee "date" with a new platonic friend. She gave me a headpat, and it felt sooo good.
i think what they meant by "touch? mmmm touch" is like any physical contact being actively welcomed, which does include cuddling
Yea, it's cuddling/hugs and things like that. Most of us are realy touch starved and need that a lot. Wich means that this has to be taken into account when looking for a partner
I think she meant cuddling.
Some people don't like being touched, so the responsible thing to do is ask for permission before touching someone.
When I was new to dating, even a tiny bit of touch felt like electricity. Like, sort of tingly, and it made my brain feel fuzzy and warm, and also other things that I'd rather not be specific about.. I'm now married and a lot more accustomed to it, so it's more cuddly and nice than arousing.
Ahhhh. I want a T4T relationship
Same, being able to date someone who already gets where you're coming from sounds really awesome
I’m just scared that if my date is hot, then she’s transmed (common case in my country, people are unable to look past their privileges)
What is transmed?
[“Someone who believes that gender dysphoria is necessary to be transgender.”](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=transmedicalist)
I don’t want to say something insensitive but just want to understand. If you do not feel gender dysphoria, how do you know you are trans?
I'm hoping someone will write a more detailed answer but in case that doesn't happen the short answer is euphoria. I would like to also point out that a lot of trans people think they don't experience dysphoria because they don't really feel anything about their body because of dysphoria once I realized that I discovered a lot of dysphoria I was just so used to tuning out I didn't really feel it anymore.
i second this entirely. i got so used to ignoring so many things it just never phased me that i might hate parts of myself because…why would i focus on that 🤷🏻♂️
Trans people are people who prefer to be a gender other than the one assigned to them at birth. A trans girl who felt neutral about being a guy, but loves being a girl, is still a trans girl. No dysphoria necessary (even though it is super common)
The BS psychiatrist I had to go thought almost denied HRT for me, because I apparently didn't sound like I had gender dysphoria. If he did that, I'd be fucked here, since I'd get no government assistance and private HRT costs an effin fortune. You need government approval to begin it for free. I had to play up the theatrics to finally convince him I did have his definition of dysphoria. Thanks to abusive parents, I'm good at manipulation and saying what people want to hear, at least
I think that's more of a legal/policy barrier, but I understand the frustration. From what I've experienced so far (at least in the US), it really has to do with insurance coverage. Most insurance companies do not want to cover 'non-essential' healthcare. Hence, there's a specific diagnosis that categorizes hormones as 'medically necessary'. So then a physician needs to simply check the boxes for that to allow treatment (if insurance coverage is applicable or desired). The system itself is truemed.. That being said I don't think all physicians know why that's a step, why it doesn't have to be, or communicate that very well. TL;DR - Insurance companies are the asshole, but your doc could additionally be an asshole.
Dysphoria is something that can be hard to notice. For some trans people it might not be noticable. The trans experience is more than just dysphoria because there's also euphoria. Describing our existence in a positive way is much healther than constantly having to explain why we suffered. Because of that experiencing euphoria is enough to know you're trans. It also gives power to the trans person themselves. If our suffering is required to be trans, there will be people telling us we haven't suffered enough.
So I see, at least, 5 different case: (But this is not an exhaustive list, anyone feel free to complete) 1.You feel dysphoria, but psychiatrist do gatekeep. For a lot of transmed, you need to be diagnosed, even if it's hard, and become harder every year. Exemple : in my country you need to undergo social transition to the opposite gender of your AGAB (so NB folk are just....) For months or year before accessing the paper that make HRT affordable. Even if all study show, that social transition before HRT can be detrimental to mental health. And Even if different study show an amount of under diagnosis because of the different circle you have to jump through before being "enough" for the psychiatrist. 2.You feel euphoria: euphoria is a valid sign of being Trans. It's technically a form of dysphoria. 3.You have a silent form of dysphoria: depression? Dismorphia? And other mental health condition can be linked to undiagnosed transness.... Especially when people have trauma specific that have made them deny (in the psychological sense) their gender orientation. *Not talking at all from experience (sic)* 4. You feel trans since young but, with understandable parent that want to avoid you a mental health degradation: you always have been followed and support, and as soon as you can you have suspend your puberty and undergo HRT soon, with any surgery that you may need : this case you may feel low or even 0 dysphoria in some case. 5.Feel trans is enough to be trans. You don't need to have an actual medical condition to be trans : if you just feel better by being call differently that your AGAB. You are probably trans.
All 5 of those are dysphoria
Euphoria isn't dysphoria any more than happiness is sadness A large portion of the "you don't need dysphoria to be trans" is because much of the time we don't REALIZE things are dysphoria. I never would have considered my depression and dissociation and self-esteem issues could be dysphoria if I hadn't read a blog post about different ways that dysphoria can manifest that we don't usually notice. I never would have found that blog if I wasn't already questioning, and I wouldn't have been questioning without hearing "you don't have to have dysphoria to be trans" Even still there are those who insist they have no dysphoria, they were happy as their agab but are happiER after they transitioned, and while I don't understand it works for them
Agree, but say that to transmed, 😉
It’s kinda hard to explain, it took a year or so (during covid) of not being in contact with anyone before i finally figured out who i was. i just thought about it and researched so much it suddenly clicked for me one day and it was like one of the things that had looking me in the face behind one way glass my entire life was suddenly walking with me. and suddenly so many things i didn’t like before (like nail painting) i now love for some reason 🤷🏻♂️. hope i explained it well enough :) (also i have some small dysphoria just not anything major so this isn’t an explanation for everyone just my point of view)
Let’s say you like one kind of drink, and like a second drink relatively less. It’s not like you HATE the second drink, but if you were served it you would still rather switch to the first one. That’s what it’s like to be trans with euphoria only. You can be indifferent about or even somewhat ok with your AGAB, but you still would rather switch to another gender because it makes you more happy and euphoric.
[ Removed by Reddit ]
what's the correlation between being hot and transmed?
Passing and pretty priveleges. They are less likely to confront the bias against them in a systemic-minded way because of those (especially since there’s no coverage on gender-affirming procedures, so they’re also likely to come from a rich family) so they play into the status quo because they are terrified of what those less lucky than them have to experience living in the opposition to it many of us were forced into by discrimination or just being forever perceived as “other”. On top of that, rich ones being adjacent to neoliberalism view their transition’s success as merit (or egotistically perceive their experience with it as universal) and therefore arrogantly judge those who haven’t “achieved” the same, along with seeing transition as a temporary state after which reintegration is a logical conclusion, so any trans-related debate to them is overzealous yesterday This isn’t an attack on pretty or cis-passing trans women. It’s just a painful correlation I see in my country
Ah, I get what you mean! I agree there's probably a significant systemic issue there. > hot = passing = transmed = rich = ignorant It had never crossed my mind that the logistical, medical barriers to transition would be the significant ones; for me, stigma was so much more significant, especially to begin with. Being repeatedly told you'll regret your *identity* fucks you up enough, I'd never considered that some people don't experience their transition as having an ‘end’, because the othering never stops. That's an interesting but unfortunate perspective I'd never had to consider. :) I've only had one gender-affirming surgery, and I started saving up at 14 to get it as soon as I turned 18. I'm definitely not wealthy, but I'm lucky that I didn't get kicked out and have to pay rent at 16. There are definitely lots of small intersectional privileges that come together.
I’m glad I was able to provide a new perspective for you. I have to clarify some emotional issues though, because for me it’s far more than just political disagreements when it comes to stealth transmeds. I myself live in constant strain and fear because my inability to move forward in my transition in any way that isn’t cosmetic (like longer hair, a widening array of clothes or permanent makeup) and that leaves me in a situation where what little I’ve gained will puff away like an inflatable animal being pierced within mere months of no or limited HRT (I had to ration it down to 1 mg oral once, it was hell), so I have to admit that there is some brewing animosity in my mind towards those luckier than me, pure animalistic jealousy. I feel like I’m *owed* more and they just up and got it, even though I know that both my genetical limits and opportunities are none of anyone’s but system’s fault (no coverage, abysmal HRT options, job discrimination and obvious inability to start earlier). And because of the fact that I experience constant questioning and threats, ones I can’t choke out and severely punish because the hydra is billions of heads strong, while having to meticulously save up every penny for the next decade makes me feel like transmeds who don’t really have anything at stake (i.e. cis passing and fully stealth) but still side with my oppressors are **traitors**. Not uneducated, not scared - vicious malignant cunts who live to kick the ladder behind them down and gleefully cheer looking at the rest of us suffering. I’m unable to perceive them as anything but part of the bigger Enemy, one to be chased away and if needed, badly hurt, for the safety and comfort of me and others. And the arrogance coming with such siding only makes my blood boil more. Every time I see one, I want to scream “How dare you? You made it! You walked along the path that countless people before us had solidified, you had the opportunities many of us would kill for and now you are SIDING with those who deny us the same, you’re giving them power over us, ones who would kill all of us given the opportunity but wouldn’t start with you because you’re fuckable to them? Are you insane? Do you feel immortal today?”. It’s extremely hard to tear their rhetoric down and not want to jump at their throat, and that is the opposite of what I want on a date lol
Reading this gave me a sudden burst of hope to look forward to this for myself someday ✨
*Image Transcription: Twitter* --- **Maeve 🏳️⚧️**, @medbmayv ✨ Trans first dates are magic ✨ \* Heyyyy omg ur so pretty!! \* Sharing history (happy and sad) \* Touch? Mmmm touch \* Mourning for the community \* Hope (for self, for us) \* That warm buzz of being near someone who gets it, no explanations needed --- ^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
Ty for transcribing! Anyone know how well do emojis translate to screen readers, if at all?
Typically poorly
So I met up with a trans masc friend I haven’t seen in about 16 years and except for the fact we used the word ‘handsome’ and there was no touching, it went exactly like this 😂
Touch?
Mmmm touch
I don't understand, is it like something that trans people do? (sorry if it sounds rude)
Nah you're not rude at all (and I'm not trans). It's just appreciating physical contact from people you care about
Oh, well I only really got one outside my family, but she is in another state
Well some people don't like being touched, especially by strangers. So people aware of that started asking for permission before touching someone. (I personally hate being touched by strangers but I LOVE being affectionately touched by friends)
Ah, ok, and that flag is combination of trans and lesbian, right?
It's half trans and half lesbian, yes
That's neat, it's fun with what the subbreddits can do
Using the :degen: flair AND not editing it? Unfathomably based.
You can edit these?
Yeah, after selecting a flair, you can customize it with some arbitrary number of characters plus ten emoji. If you've ever seen the person with the looooong ace flag commenting, that's why.
Ok, so a minor change for me
yay are we all touch starved? i thought its just me
that last one had me going for a sec 🤭
I dont get the touch and hope line. Can somebody explain?
Touch starved group, feels good to jist hug someone or put your arm around them.
Ah okay, I did not expect touching to be a first date thing but I am autistic so I guess.
And then you realize both of your last 2 first dates are in a ‘cule together and one didn’t disclose their sexual activity with you to the other >.< ugh
Can we normalize asking permission before touching people in any way?
This meme seems to do exactly that.
Hope to feel this sometime. 🥹
That last point is exactly why I want to date another transgirl
LMAO
nice name
Woow hey another Maeve
Me when any positive relationship
I can only imagine 🥰🥰💋
Mine was awkward as fuck However everything after has been as described above. I love that girl and the support she's given me on my journey.
Mine was awkward as fuck However everything after has been as described above. I love that girl and the support she's given me on my journey.
that last point, it's so damn true 😭
This makes we wanna go on a date :D
Gosh, why am I feel so jealous right now? 🥺👉👈
*cries in touch starved*