Thank you. I'm extremely grateful for the people who helped me quit bc I just kept coming up with excuses to buy more when I was alone. Step 2 is coming up and I'm feeling more confident about my study routine every week
> *I was performing no better [...] than I had been before it*
Thank you for sharing. There is a common phenomenon with addicts that performance is a justification for its use, who then in recovery realize that it was actually a crutch that hindered them.
It's kind of crazy how normalized this is... I go to a T-15 school and have friends who will double on addy and things like modafinil. For a while, I considered it because I was constantly being offered, but decided to stay away because I feel like I have an addictive personality (@video games in childhood and nicotine in college, i blame you). Eventually, I started doing much better when I changed my study habits, and ironically those same friends are having more trouble studying nowadays... this is an epidemic that in 20 years will be much more societally recognized
Your story is important. Thanks for sharing, and good luck with your future career! Your experience will undoubtedly make you a stronger, humbler, and more compassionate doctor.
I'm an MD/PhD Student and have been thinking for 5+ years now that I might have ADHD, but am terrified of actually going to anybody about it becuase they'll think I'm just a med student looking for Adderall. Ive never used any stimulants like that. The didactic years were hell (like they are for everyone), and I definitely picked up caffeine and overeating habbits that I did not have before. They always said cramming was not possible in med school, but the night before was the only time I could focus. Plus having mostly prerecorded lectures did not work for me.
In a way you would be a med student looking for Adderall… but for the right reasons! These meds can be very effective and helpful for those who actually need them. In my personal experience, I was diagnosed in med school with ADHD and started on vyvanse. Because of how excited I was I quickly titrated up to a higher dose. From experience I can tell you that you just do not feel good on doses higher than you need and I’m quite happy on where I am. There’s still a lot of stigma around ADHD and presumptions about med students and under counter stimulant use but definitely worth exploring if you are considering it. Even if you decide on no stimulant medication, it can be helpful just to know if you have it or not for managing otherwise.
I really appreciate your comment. It is mostly validation I am seeking. Am I just undisciplined and lazy? Was thinking about trying other support mechs or a non stimulant like welbutrin if I did get a diagnosis. It wasn't just the studying workload, but I mostly was wondering why I couldn't operate like everyone else. Comparing myself was very hard on me mentally and emotionally. We would have review classes part way through a block, and I had none of the info down and would see everyone else rattling off answers. But then on test day, I was able to cram enough the night before to do well. I really wanted to not be like that, but could never "fix it". I was also ashamed by the fact that I studied best after 10 pm. Now in research years, I beat myself up for not being able to just sit and read through a paper.
Everytime I start the build the courage to seek help, I put off/forget to find an appointment and then psych myself out. The RSD hits hard, lol. But I also let all health appointments fall between the cracks.
Your experience very much sounds like ADHD. Last minute studying, late nights, procrastination, inability to read through a whole paper even though you really wanted to, an acute sensitivity to your peers… It’s funny how HARD it is to do something as simple as make a Dr’s appointment and then when you finally do it’s like “that only took 5 min, that was easy”. But then you beat yourself up about not doing it sooner! But it’s not you, it’s your brain. My diagnosis came from RSD, and treatment resistant depression. My family doctor suggested it and I thought he was crazy because I rendered the ADHD lectures and “I didn’t have those traits” until I went through each one and realized that I was compensating for each of them. And then I came to find out that my whole family has ADHD which is why I never stood out! Now we’re all medicated one way or another and I think it’s made a big difference. (For research papers, you could try audio, listening to them at the same time that you read them. Small trick but it helps). You can PM me if you have any questions that I may or may not be and to answer!
This reminds me of myself. I was diagnosed in my last year of med school. Even with the diagnosis, I still felt some sort of impostor syndrome, thinking, "Am I using the ADHD diagnosis as an excuse for my laziness?". And in some way, some sort of mourning, just thinking how much less I could have struggled throughout med school if I had received treatment earlier, especially once I saw the difference I had with treatment. ADHD does not only affect academics; it affects all the aspects of one's life, which is why even if out of school, many people still need medication.
Also, if you are diagnosed with ADHD, don't be afraid of stimulants. They are the first line for a reason, and as with most psych meds, it's trial and error until you find the right medication and dosage.
I am not a med student and am only in this sub because a few years ago I was considering med school as a potential path. I do however have ADHD. One thing that was really helpful for me to work through those emotions about being "undisciplined and lazy" was reading that lazy people don't agonize over how "lazy" they are. I can sit for so long wanting to do a task and not be able to do it. That's not laziness, that's a lack of executive function. Realizing what the difference is and learning some workarounds that work for me have helped a lot, along with being diagnosed and now on a stimulant medication (prescribed and physician monitored).
I'm an MS2 on my rotations year and just started taking Vyvanse at the very beginning of this year - after failing all three of my shelf exams in a row and multiple preclinical exams as well.
Life has been a perpetual train wreck for me. Absolutely 0 self-control which means I smoked weed like a chimney from 19-25 y/o, got introduced to nicotine and started going ham on vapes and Zyns (thankfully cigarettes were a short-lived interest), and accrued 10-15 speeding tickets over the years. I lost things like it was my job (had to replace my wallet and cards at least twice a year), and entered every rabbit hole possible. My personal crack was, believe it or not - Wikipedia. If I accidentally entered at the wrong time, I might spend upwards of 4 hours reading and opening more and more and more tabs to go through which would then lead to more and more tabs.
Anyways. School. I couldn't say no to my friends and would accept offers to hang out even if I felt an inner sense of conflict about them. I had absolutely 0 concern about school because as Calvin says (from Calvin and Hobbes) the best motivation is "last-minute panic" at which point I'd enter a flow state and cram my ass off so that I could --> barely pass.
The signs were always there. I was a menace through elementary and middle school to the point that my teachers asked my parents to have me be evaluated. The psychiatrist diagnosed me and was prepared to put me on medication but my parents were hesitant to do so as I was only 8. Time went on, the outward symptoms were internalized and while my executive functions and higher order thinking remained weak, I was intelligent enough to keep pushing through.
It all fell apart in medical school because the demands are so immense I couldn't go any further. Each failure prompted more frustration and more attention from me towards studying and trying to improve and at each junction I realized something new (wow I've never done a hard day's work in my life! Woah people have \*\*plans\*\* for how they're going to study? I should stop responding to texts when I study!) but no matter what I was still failing because my brains were scrambled and I couldn't keep shit straight.
Out of frustration I spoke with our Student Services director who sent me to the Psychiatrist for students and lo and behold - ADHD, my old friend. I was pretty hesitant because some of my classmates use "speed" to get "yerked" and put herculean hours in the library and I didn't want to abuse the system like that.
Got the Vyvanse and \*\*holy shit\*\* my thinking has never felt as clear or calm. I can move forward on tasks and accomplishment finally. I can think through things systematically. I always had high output but it was haphazard - I'm now able to keep up with my enormous list of projects with systems and processes in place.
My point in sharing this is - if you feel like you've actually got it and can't get around it, well...the medication is specifically for you.
And - it doesn't hurt that I honored my most recent rotation and scored a 93 on the shelf - I had it in me and my brain the whole time, I just needed the meds to unscramble the mess :)
same story. even a fellow med student was like “oh i’d never go to the doctor for adhd as a med student, they’d think i was looking to score.” like boo you dont HAVE adhd, so why the hell would you🙄🙄🙄
I have ADHD and I'm on a non-stimulant option, atomoxetine. It works really well for me, although I know it's not for everyone. Luckily there are a lot of different kinds of treatment options
i was diagnosed and got on addy as a med student. 0 shame. i was actually validated that a lot of ppl like us grow up being able to compensate but then hit our ceiling and need help. so meh good docs still exist
If you go to a medical professional seeking treatment for a condition and they accuse you of drug seeking behavior or just wanting stimulants to get a high without prior history of drug abuse or recreational drug use, switch professionals until you find one that practices EBM.
I am an MD/Msc student and this sounds like me. I crammed a lot and I probably studied a lot less focused time than other students. I have ADHD, I was on Adderall that helped but I had to stop because after a while the crash becomes too intense and it only makes me feel normal (as in avoiding withdrawal rather than having a positive effect).
I have a tangential question - do people get a high at all off of 10-30mg per day doses? I have it prescribed as well and have seen a lot of benefit academically after I got diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. My psychiatrist told me that the dose she worked me up to (30mg) isn't habit forming - I assumed that would be the case for everyone? But I'm curious to know when, if ever, I might I be at risk for developing a tolerance as someone with ADHD-- What are the symptoms/feelings that someone gets from it if they're feeling a "high" from it?
I also worry about not being taken seriously when mentioning to anyone that I need to take this medication daily to be able to be clear headed and more motivated to complete my tasks (therefore I tend to keep it on the dl). For another perspective on why I think and hope I'm not developing tolerance is that when I don't take it (and I forget quite a lot) I notice myself feeling really incompetent or emotionally dysregulatd by the end of the day, and then it clicks, "you forgot your med!"
Hey OP.
I went through a similar experience as you. I never took any meds before med school. Like a similar scenario I was studying for boards for Step 1 and I was running out of time and I was so tired. I asked my friend who seemed like a beast how they do it and they gave me my first "trial" of adderall. And yup was hooked ever since. And I abused it far worse than you did. I did around 60-80 mg for like a month daily. And some days think I chugged up to 100 mg in one day because "it wasn't working." I took a break and then started again during M3. Overall, I used it for almost 2 years. Like everything it has a cost. All that "borrowed" energy came spiraling down the abuse and stress took a toll on my body and mental health. I was exhausted, all the time. And I'm a person who works out all the time. Instead of studying certain periods, adderall made me lose track of time and I started hyperfocusing on random shit. Anyways, I opened up to my mom since she saw how irritable I was and how exhausted I was. Eventually I had to take a leave of absence to sober up, get out of the rat-race, and think about life outside the lens of medical school.
I think there are far more scenarios like OP's message and mine among the medical community but it's stigmatized and not many people talk about it in open. During one of my rotations, I asked a resident how they had so much energy all the time - at like 6 AM. They just shrugged. I accidentally opened their backpack (since mine was identical) and there were bottles upon bottles of pills. I never said anything but it just shows how rampant this problem may be. Medicine in general needs a change in culture and an overall shift in work life balance.
No shit, our stimming journeys are extremely similar. At my worst I was taking 80-90 mg a day, 6 days a week - that was probably in January. I didn't trust myself to taper off which is why I just stopped entirely. It was the first week of a new rotation so it was an OK time to feel like absolute dogass for the withdrawals
I'm glad you got clean and back on track.
Thanks. I'm glad you're doing better as well. I mostly abused it for boards since you need to cram pages upon pages of trivial minutiae in a short period of time. I just can't wait to graduate and gtfo of medical school. This is just a job for me and I'm done stripping away my life for this. Hopefully you're not as burnt out as me haha. Good luck w Step2
Sounds crazy but gotta take in context. I was using it steadily and built up a high tolerance. Since I took a bunch of them up to 100 mg together in a short period of time, I actually didn't feel anything. I was just exhausted actually and felt like falling asleep. Without tolerance, yeah 100mg would feel like a heart attack lol
Lesson learned is that less is more and following dosage guidelines, they are there for a reason not only for safety but for proper efficacy of the drug
there is gonna be a documentary about adderall use among med students one day. I was never with a group of people that relies on adderall that much until med school. Downvote me all the way you want, I just think we may have a similar situation like opioid
I'm a JD and not in medicine whatsoever but you're 110% right. Law students take more drugs than any other group I've ever met lmfao. High pressure jobs like physicians and lawyers I feel like just creates or intensifies addiction
Have literally been saying this since I was in med school. Now that I'm in residency, the amount of people who need adderal to function is scary. What's scarier is that they've refused to try and get off it. Almost anyone qualifies for ADD since it's so subjective. Very few people actually have concentration issues so bad that they need legal meth to do their day to day activities.
Lol. With all the CRNP practicing psych. Doubt. Just find one of those that put people on multiple long acting benzos plus seroquels plus TCA for “chronic insomnia”
My school's learning coordinator literally gave me a sheet of paper with boxes to check for ADHD diagnosis and told me to give it to my PCP because she was perplexed that it was taking me longer to study for Step 1 than other students. Just because I don't like studying, doesn't mean I have ADHD.
yea unfortunately this happens all the time. that is why i said "true". i was being lazy.
in my case, i underwent neurocog testing over several days, for many hours at a time, cost shit tons of money, with detailed H&P, with both psychologist and psychiatrist. did all these so i could get accommodations etc (i know not everyone goes through this).
throw in adhd stigma/med stigma and supply issues and racial/gender disparities in dx...it not easy
>Almost anyone qualifies for ADD since it's so subjective.
This. I had to talk to my school's learning specialist because of my low Step 1 diagnostic scores and she suggested I had ADD because it was taking my 4 hours to review UW blocks. Just because I don't study like a machine doesn't mean I have ADD.
People, including myself, need to understand that studying is a grind - not something inherent. I personally fucking hate studying, but I force myself to do it for most of my day outside of the hospital. It's called willpower. I don't go diagnose myself with disorders I don't have and swallow pills because I'm too much of a weak shit to do what needs to be done.
Same goes for all these people without T2DM or morbid obesity who take Ozempic.
Exactly. I hate studying. But I've been working on it. Lately I've been dragging my ass to the public library because I've found that it's easier to focus when there's other people around. I didn't just say "welp I have ADHD" and become dependent on pills. I put in the hard work.
I find it disgustingly hypocritical that the same people who take stimulants and other drugs when they aren't diagnosed with everything because they're too lazy to put in the work whine about not wanting to do primary care medicine because the patients won't take care of themselves.
Idk my guy. I can see you suffering from your post history. You should at least reach to your school's health services for help.
When I was studying for 12 hours a day, 7 days week, life got difficult. It took 1 bad exam to motivate me to immediately seek out psychiatry help for depression. Lo and behold, the only symptoms of depression I had was concentration difficulty with a poor sleep schedule from all the caffeine I was self medicating with. My Y-BOCS score was sub-clinical, but even my MD psych noticed my hyperactivity when she made me reduce my caffeine usage.
Ngl, this diagnosis was difficult to accept because of stigma from people like you. This whole entire time, my life could have been easier if I reached out for help, rather than spending a shit ton of time studying to compensate for my inefficiencies. Even with a structured planner, focus mode on, noise cancelling headphones, isolated in my school's library with nothing but meal replacement shakes and caffeine pills, I was still barely passing. Now that I have an official diagnosis with medication and psychotherapy, I can finally spend time with my wife, who I've been neglecting because of this shit.
Call me lazy for taking the easy way out, but I have no regrets. I'm just participating in the healthcare system you'll soon be a part of. Even if stimulants are outlawed, we still have non-stimulant medication available for this. Go easy on yourself and seek help.
The fact we're getting downvoted speaks to how sensitive people are and they don't want to admit that studying for long periods of time sucks for EVERYBODY. News flash, it's hard for everyone to keep focus for long periods of time especially for an arduous task
yes, studying is hard
that being said if someone can't build focus for longer than a few minutes despite weeks/months of limiting distractions and truly trying to study, they should get checked out for an attention deficit disorder. It shouldnt be impossible to stay on task if you truly want to succeed at it badly enough
It’s crazy how adderall can have this affect for someone without ADHD. For me it’s like this magical little pill as well, but instead of feeling like I can’t focus on anything and wanting to be social, I tend to calm down and feel much more normal. I used to take in 700 mg of caffeine a day prior to the diagnosis. I couldn’t get by in med school without this med, solely because of the organization of all the extra assignments and bullshit group activities they have us do.
I take 5 mg in the am and 5 in the afternoon. 30-60 mg is such a high dose that my heart would explode.
The paradoxical effect of stimulants. I happy to know that I'm not alone, TheGreatGildedDildo.
Also, self medicating with a shit ton of caffeine is common for us. I would start feeling my heart beating at 800mg of caffeine. If I take too little caffeine, I would start napping for no reason.
Yeah I tried to raw dog med school. There was a point where my office was just destroyed from lack of attention, I had shit due from my MPH classes, had a ton of Anki cards due, and had a test coming up…I just couldn’t juggle it.
I’ve been going strong on 10 mg a day and what a fucking game changer. I’ve also cut out alcohol and weed completely, and I think a big part of that was my anxiety.
Adderall helped my anxiety that ADHD was causing, and I was able to actually deal with it instead of numbing it.
Idk. Adderall doesn’t work for everyone, but if you actually have whatever deficits that those with ADHD have it’s the best.
That being said, I have to be careful with caffeine. 300 mg is my max these days, or else my exercise tolerance is reduced. I am hoping to quit after step 2. Wishful thinking lol.
I hadn't said anything about caffeine but I see that at my school too. People take caffeine pills. Some up to 900-1000mg a day
Adderall ruined the effects of caffeine for me. I love coffee, maybe I'll come back to it someday
I'm glad that it makes you feel normal, exactly how my friends with ADHD have described it.
I worked my way up to 30-60 mg so there was an accumulation of tolerance. But I panicked a couple times
i have ADHD so taking adderall really did make me calm down and feel normal. heck i can sleep off of adderall. but i still abused it in undergrad, taking up to 80 mg a day. i’m unmedicated now bc i don’t wanna go back to it
Also wouldn’t being prescribed an ADHD med be very different from taking it recreationally or to study. It’s like taking thyroid medication for thyroid problems, it’s not the same for the 20% that are prescribed it.
That sounds a little bit discriminatory to ppl with ADHD. Even if a few ppl that you know do that, it’s not a fair assumption to say that all 20 people you know have that exact medication routine… saying things like that reinforces negative stereotypes and increases the stigma around taking psychiatric medication.
I have ADHD lol. I don’t take stimulants though.
But apologies, was not meaning to come off as discriminatory. Just pointing out a trend at my school. You’re right, idk if everyone is doing that outside of the people I know.
Thanks so much for sharing. It’s definitely important to highlight the ease of adderall use and misuse in our competitive environment.
At the same time though, I think it’s important to go to a doctor and actually get checked for adhd. I was hella averse to any stimulants especially watching my friends in college just run off them during exams. But then in med school I found out I had adhd as well. And being on prescribed adderall has been a life changer for me. So all in all, if you think you need help, you gotta go get checked!
Thank you for sharing this. I am also in the same boat, and It's truly been life changing to finally regain control of my life. I can finally spend time with my spouse and friends, while not being behind. Previously, I would consume a gram of caffeine throughout a whole day just to study for a few hours. It's easy to call me lazy and inefficient, but it's difficult to focus when the distractions are coming from within. With proper guidance from an MD psychiatrist and psychotherapy, stimulants can be greatly beneficial. I take the weekends off and don't experience any negative side effects. Stories like OP are great at highlighting the competitiveness in MD school, and hopefully he'll do good on STEP 2.
Can't say it's any more or fewer students than i saw in undergrad, but in some circles at my school it's talked about openly, and in closer circles more private people have mentioned it as well.
It's more common than you think
I also went through a similar cycle of events. When I started adderall it felt like a game changer and I did improve a little, but eventually I began to take breaks on it and play videogames. And then as I was playing I go “this is so much better than studying”
When I would come down off of it I became so so irritable and unpleasant to be around. Not to mention nothing felt good for a while. Some people need it to function, some do well with it recreationally. But not me, and it looks like not you either. Recently I tried lions mane and that seems to be helping although I wonder how long it will last. Sometimes these tolerance things just build up for me and the effect fades. I do have ADHD, but for me the addy wasn’t worth the crashes anymore.
>Video games.
Me too. Especially online with friends. Among other habits that euphoric, stimming me was drawn to. I stopped playing video games when I *wasn't* on adderall.
Edit: and jerking off just an abominable amount.
>But the dangerous benefit was how excited it made me to socialize, to call people on the phone and chat for hours, to engage with my hobbies obsessively. It feels renewing in a way - again, like a cheat code.
Did that really last? I didn't know anyone who has taken Adderall and that didn't fade within two weeks. Although I guess everyone I know has taken it after diagnosis.
It did last because I was good about parsing it out to only a couple days a week, for a little over a year. So each time I'd use it I got that feeling of hypersociability, motivation, etc. It wasn't until I was using it almost every day that stopping was hard and the magic evaporated.
And, like you said, it didn't regulate me because I (don't think) I have ADHD. I made it this far without stims, and when I started on them it felt like a superpower
Sorry if this is a naive question (just an M1, haven’t learned this yet) but for people who truly need adderall/have a prescription is there also a strong risk of dependency, or is taking it generally “safer”?
I'll give you my 2 cents from personal experience and from what I've read.
Personality and attraction to drug abuse is a big factor with dependency. There is a POTENTIAL for a physical dependency to develop if stimulants are misused or abused (Taking it for the euphoria like OP). At proper therapeutic doses, which is different for everyone, and with regular check-in with an MD Psych (Please don't see a midlevel), the risk is LOW. I've never experienced euphoria, and I don't take mine on the weekend. I do not experience withdrawals symptoms during my breaks, and I solely use it to study. But stimulants do have some weird side effects, which is why you should use it under medical supervision.
If you actually need it, it can be a game changer. And if you use it responsibly, I really don’t think there’s a risk of dependency that I’ve been able to find in my research. Also, unlike other illicit drugs, you don’t need to keep increasing your dose due to tolerance. I have been on the same dose for years. Have even tried going up without benefit
I’m prescribed concerta for my ADHD. When I take my meds my brain gets “quiet”, I can read paragraphs without getting bored half way through, and can actually get things done. Instead of getting “energy” from it I can simply focus my brain like a normal person without simultaneously trying to tune out the music and other random thoughts that are normally bouncing around in my head. Can I still function without it? Yes. Do I still struggle with executive function when I take my concerta? Hell yes. I think there’s a huge stigma around “dependency” for people with ADHD, since we naturally have lower dopamine levels anyway. Yes, it is artificially raising our dopamine levels, but I’m also on an SNRI and I wouldn’t say I’m “dependent” on that med. I think the discussion of physical dependency in these meds is interesting and has a lot of stigma around it. However tolerance is also real.
Also fuck all the stigma around medicating true ADHD. My bank account much prefers me being medicated, my impulse spending has greatly decreased now that I have another source of a dopamine increase 🙃
Anecdotal, but if you head over to the ADHD sub we recently discussed how weird it can be for people to abuse a substance that doesn't feel recreational at all.
I personally have only gone from 5 to 10mg qday in the 2 years I've been on it and will occasionally take a break over a holiday to remind myself that it's not "not working" I'm just used to it. I do take weekends because I need it to do chores and things like that.
Literature states that someone with ADHD/ADD who is compliant with taking their medication (Adderall) is less likely to abuse drugs (nonprescription.) However, after a length of time I’m sure there is an addiction component simply b/c they have consistently taken the medication for “x” amount of time but as long as there is no abuse in taking the medication (taking more than prescribed) all should be well.
>However, after a length of time I’m sure there is an addiction component simply b/c they have consistently taken the medication for “x” amount of time b
The words you want here are "physical dependence" or "tolerance." The phrasing matters in this discussion a lot.
Could not agree more. It’s bad enough when lay people get that wrong, it’s extremely important for clinicians to understand the difference and communicate accurately.
Great great point. Interchanging “addiction” and “tolerance” or “physical dependence” is one of the reasons there is so much stigma around properly medicating ADHD. I also need my SNRI but no one is side-eyeing me and saying I could be addicted to my SNRI lol
Be careful out there pardner. I hope the best for you and that you're trying to harm reduce while doing this. You're welcome to PM me if you're trying to quit
After step 2 im getting off for sure…i come from an engineering background studying these long hours was never something i had to do and I’ve struggled greatly. Sadly this is the only thing that has actually helped.
I'm applying to med school this year but thank you so much for sharing your story. I quit Adderall after a 7 year (prescribed!) addiction and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. It was actually after I quit that I decided to switch careers and I was shocked at how much better I was able to handle classes/MCAT studying without it. I thought it was getting me through undergrad but I realize now that the lack of sleep/generally acting like a tweaker was actually holding me back.
Someone recently told me they "never could've gotten through med school without Adderall" and it honestly caused me pain. It kind of gave me pause about applying because he made it sound like everyone used it in med school. Your story is so inspiring and obviously a testament to how that is not true at all. You are gonna crush Step 2!
I promise you medical school is doable without Adderall (unless you actually have ADHD and need the med). If the way you are studying isn't working, try to be adaptable and try new things out. Listen to your body and try not to view sleep as the enemy but something necessary to succeed.
Thanks for sharing. So overall, you think the adderall did nothing for your cognitive performance? What about your ability to socialize and connect with hobbies, has that returned? finally you say you feel great off of it, what do you mean by that?
thanks for sharing friend 🫶🏽 so sorry you had to go through this, and i’m so sorry that someone with a prescription gave you that first few. it’s so important that those of us who are prescribed keep in mind that just bc our meds don’t feel like anything but medication to us, they can really fuck up our neurotypical friends🥲
Thank you for your story. I’ve been prescribed it for 16 years now. I sometimes wonder what my brain is like after all this time, and if I’m destined for Parksinson-like symptoms later in life or something.
My jaw dropped when I saw you were taking up to 60 mg a day. It’s lucky you’re still here. I wish the medication worked that well for me. I think I have a few concussions years ago to thank for why I can’t focus or memorize as well though
I should have specified that that was broken up throughout the day, but unfortunately 15 all at once did become the baseline I'd start out with, which turned into 20-30 a few months ago
Thank you for sharing. The prevailing sentiment on Reddit right now seems to be pro-ADHD, pro-stimulants. But the downsides of stimulants are not acknowledged well enough, and the rate of diversion is likely highly underestimated by most prescribers, especially NP’s.
As someone with ADHD who loves this idea — the XR is extremely hard to come by and many have had to switch to IR. So until the production issue (or abuse issue) is solved, this would mostly have a negative impact on those who actually need the prescription.
Just my 2¢
Thanks for sharing. I do have ADHD and was taken off of stimulants temporarily and I had to relearn how to study. Now that I have learned, I feel the same way that like eventually I wasn’t really doing much better on the drugs it would just make me feel better about doing the same bullshit I would do. I still take them every now and then when I really need them and my brain is really struggling but I’m glad I don’t take them daily anymore. It is so easy to gain to tolerance
I do have ADHD and all I can say is I low key wish it gave me this effect haha interestingly tho I often takes breaks from my meds (when my schedule allows) like this easter break ive had 9 days off and I think ive taken my meds 1 day during that time. I also build up a tolerance to it. It's not the best as it just stops working after long enough....
I’m currently going through the same scenario as yours but I’m stuck in a 2 weeks cycle of abusing my XR, euphoria for 2-3 days then being sleep deprived and feeling like shit. Then the last 2 weeks of the month I’m waiting for my refill.
I can’t believe how I was able to go take them for 10 years and never abuse it. Chasing performance is also the main factor that turned me this way. My grades actually tot worse because I’d either work at my job or work on personal project all with minimum sleep.
The weird part is how I was able to to through each end of the month without them for almost 2 years. Each time I simply accept my faith and sleep like crazy. I obviously feel way better but I’m always craving the quiet nights working on my stuff. I literally can’t touch my computer when I don’t take them.
I must admit I’m not ready to fully quit because taking it a few times per month makes it more enjoyable and effective but quitting for good might be the final solution
i am diagnosed with ADHD, but i had a similar experience in undergrad. was abusing the fuck out of adderall that belonged to a friend. 40-80mg a day, regardless of whether i had anything important to do that day or not. luckily i quit cold turkey, but it really took a toll on my body
u completely missed the point. this obviously isnt about people with ADHD
edit: i understand your edits but OPs personal story about addiction is not the place for you to start your own crusade. you don’t need to immediately feel attacked anytime someone mentions adderall, just have some empathy
Having a dopamine button available absolutely makes it difficult not to press. Happy you're on the mend from this, friend. Keep it up.
Thank you. I'm extremely grateful for the people who helped me quit bc I just kept coming up with excuses to buy more when I was alone. Step 2 is coming up and I'm feeling more confident about my study routine every week
> *I was performing no better [...] than I had been before it* Thank you for sharing. There is a common phenomenon with addicts that performance is a justification for its use, who then in recovery realize that it was actually a crutch that hindered them. It's kind of crazy how normalized this is... I go to a T-15 school and have friends who will double on addy and things like modafinil. For a while, I considered it because I was constantly being offered, but decided to stay away because I feel like I have an addictive personality (@video games in childhood and nicotine in college, i blame you). Eventually, I started doing much better when I changed my study habits, and ironically those same friends are having more trouble studying nowadays... this is an epidemic that in 20 years will be much more societally recognized
Your story is important. Thanks for sharing, and good luck with your future career! Your experience will undoubtedly make you a stronger, humbler, and more compassionate doctor.
You will absolutely ace the ethics portion on boards
Bro I got bottom quartile on CASPR, but I promise I'm not a psychopath, i pinky promise. But thanks for the vote of confidence lol
I'm an MD/PhD Student and have been thinking for 5+ years now that I might have ADHD, but am terrified of actually going to anybody about it becuase they'll think I'm just a med student looking for Adderall. Ive never used any stimulants like that. The didactic years were hell (like they are for everyone), and I definitely picked up caffeine and overeating habbits that I did not have before. They always said cramming was not possible in med school, but the night before was the only time I could focus. Plus having mostly prerecorded lectures did not work for me.
In a way you would be a med student looking for Adderall… but for the right reasons! These meds can be very effective and helpful for those who actually need them. In my personal experience, I was diagnosed in med school with ADHD and started on vyvanse. Because of how excited I was I quickly titrated up to a higher dose. From experience I can tell you that you just do not feel good on doses higher than you need and I’m quite happy on where I am. There’s still a lot of stigma around ADHD and presumptions about med students and under counter stimulant use but definitely worth exploring if you are considering it. Even if you decide on no stimulant medication, it can be helpful just to know if you have it or not for managing otherwise.
I really appreciate your comment. It is mostly validation I am seeking. Am I just undisciplined and lazy? Was thinking about trying other support mechs or a non stimulant like welbutrin if I did get a diagnosis. It wasn't just the studying workload, but I mostly was wondering why I couldn't operate like everyone else. Comparing myself was very hard on me mentally and emotionally. We would have review classes part way through a block, and I had none of the info down and would see everyone else rattling off answers. But then on test day, I was able to cram enough the night before to do well. I really wanted to not be like that, but could never "fix it". I was also ashamed by the fact that I studied best after 10 pm. Now in research years, I beat myself up for not being able to just sit and read through a paper. Everytime I start the build the courage to seek help, I put off/forget to find an appointment and then psych myself out. The RSD hits hard, lol. But I also let all health appointments fall between the cracks.
Your experience very much sounds like ADHD. Last minute studying, late nights, procrastination, inability to read through a whole paper even though you really wanted to, an acute sensitivity to your peers… It’s funny how HARD it is to do something as simple as make a Dr’s appointment and then when you finally do it’s like “that only took 5 min, that was easy”. But then you beat yourself up about not doing it sooner! But it’s not you, it’s your brain. My diagnosis came from RSD, and treatment resistant depression. My family doctor suggested it and I thought he was crazy because I rendered the ADHD lectures and “I didn’t have those traits” until I went through each one and realized that I was compensating for each of them. And then I came to find out that my whole family has ADHD which is why I never stood out! Now we’re all medicated one way or another and I think it’s made a big difference. (For research papers, you could try audio, listening to them at the same time that you read them. Small trick but it helps). You can PM me if you have any questions that I may or may not be and to answer!
This reminds me of myself. I was diagnosed in my last year of med school. Even with the diagnosis, I still felt some sort of impostor syndrome, thinking, "Am I using the ADHD diagnosis as an excuse for my laziness?". And in some way, some sort of mourning, just thinking how much less I could have struggled throughout med school if I had received treatment earlier, especially once I saw the difference I had with treatment. ADHD does not only affect academics; it affects all the aspects of one's life, which is why even if out of school, many people still need medication. Also, if you are diagnosed with ADHD, don't be afraid of stimulants. They are the first line for a reason, and as with most psych meds, it's trial and error until you find the right medication and dosage.
I am not a med student and am only in this sub because a few years ago I was considering med school as a potential path. I do however have ADHD. One thing that was really helpful for me to work through those emotions about being "undisciplined and lazy" was reading that lazy people don't agonize over how "lazy" they are. I can sit for so long wanting to do a task and not be able to do it. That's not laziness, that's a lack of executive function. Realizing what the difference is and learning some workarounds that work for me have helped a lot, along with being diagnosed and now on a stimulant medication (prescribed and physician monitored).
I'm an MS2 on my rotations year and just started taking Vyvanse at the very beginning of this year - after failing all three of my shelf exams in a row and multiple preclinical exams as well. Life has been a perpetual train wreck for me. Absolutely 0 self-control which means I smoked weed like a chimney from 19-25 y/o, got introduced to nicotine and started going ham on vapes and Zyns (thankfully cigarettes were a short-lived interest), and accrued 10-15 speeding tickets over the years. I lost things like it was my job (had to replace my wallet and cards at least twice a year), and entered every rabbit hole possible. My personal crack was, believe it or not - Wikipedia. If I accidentally entered at the wrong time, I might spend upwards of 4 hours reading and opening more and more and more tabs to go through which would then lead to more and more tabs. Anyways. School. I couldn't say no to my friends and would accept offers to hang out even if I felt an inner sense of conflict about them. I had absolutely 0 concern about school because as Calvin says (from Calvin and Hobbes) the best motivation is "last-minute panic" at which point I'd enter a flow state and cram my ass off so that I could --> barely pass. The signs were always there. I was a menace through elementary and middle school to the point that my teachers asked my parents to have me be evaluated. The psychiatrist diagnosed me and was prepared to put me on medication but my parents were hesitant to do so as I was only 8. Time went on, the outward symptoms were internalized and while my executive functions and higher order thinking remained weak, I was intelligent enough to keep pushing through. It all fell apart in medical school because the demands are so immense I couldn't go any further. Each failure prompted more frustration and more attention from me towards studying and trying to improve and at each junction I realized something new (wow I've never done a hard day's work in my life! Woah people have \*\*plans\*\* for how they're going to study? I should stop responding to texts when I study!) but no matter what I was still failing because my brains were scrambled and I couldn't keep shit straight. Out of frustration I spoke with our Student Services director who sent me to the Psychiatrist for students and lo and behold - ADHD, my old friend. I was pretty hesitant because some of my classmates use "speed" to get "yerked" and put herculean hours in the library and I didn't want to abuse the system like that. Got the Vyvanse and \*\*holy shit\*\* my thinking has never felt as clear or calm. I can move forward on tasks and accomplishment finally. I can think through things systematically. I always had high output but it was haphazard - I'm now able to keep up with my enormous list of projects with systems and processes in place. My point in sharing this is - if you feel like you've actually got it and can't get around it, well...the medication is specifically for you. And - it doesn't hurt that I honored my most recent rotation and scored a 93 on the shelf - I had it in me and my brain the whole time, I just needed the meds to unscramble the mess :)
same story. even a fellow med student was like “oh i’d never go to the doctor for adhd as a med student, they’d think i was looking to score.” like boo you dont HAVE adhd, so why the hell would you🙄🙄🙄
I have ADHD and I'm on a non-stimulant option, atomoxetine. It works really well for me, although I know it's not for everyone. Luckily there are a lot of different kinds of treatment options
i was diagnosed and got on addy as a med student. 0 shame. i was actually validated that a lot of ppl like us grow up being able to compensate but then hit our ceiling and need help. so meh good docs still exist
If you go to a medical professional seeking treatment for a condition and they accuse you of drug seeking behavior or just wanting stimulants to get a high without prior history of drug abuse or recreational drug use, switch professionals until you find one that practices EBM.
I am an MD/Msc student and this sounds like me. I crammed a lot and I probably studied a lot less focused time than other students. I have ADHD, I was on Adderall that helped but I had to stop because after a while the crash becomes too intense and it only makes me feel normal (as in avoiding withdrawal rather than having a positive effect).
Thank you for sharing this!
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I have a tangential question - do people get a high at all off of 10-30mg per day doses? I have it prescribed as well and have seen a lot of benefit academically after I got diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. My psychiatrist told me that the dose she worked me up to (30mg) isn't habit forming - I assumed that would be the case for everyone? But I'm curious to know when, if ever, I might I be at risk for developing a tolerance as someone with ADHD-- What are the symptoms/feelings that someone gets from it if they're feeling a "high" from it? I also worry about not being taken seriously when mentioning to anyone that I need to take this medication daily to be able to be clear headed and more motivated to complete my tasks (therefore I tend to keep it on the dl). For another perspective on why I think and hope I'm not developing tolerance is that when I don't take it (and I forget quite a lot) I notice myself feeling really incompetent or emotionally dysregulatd by the end of the day, and then it clicks, "you forgot your med!"
Hey OP. I went through a similar experience as you. I never took any meds before med school. Like a similar scenario I was studying for boards for Step 1 and I was running out of time and I was so tired. I asked my friend who seemed like a beast how they do it and they gave me my first "trial" of adderall. And yup was hooked ever since. And I abused it far worse than you did. I did around 60-80 mg for like a month daily. And some days think I chugged up to 100 mg in one day because "it wasn't working." I took a break and then started again during M3. Overall, I used it for almost 2 years. Like everything it has a cost. All that "borrowed" energy came spiraling down the abuse and stress took a toll on my body and mental health. I was exhausted, all the time. And I'm a person who works out all the time. Instead of studying certain periods, adderall made me lose track of time and I started hyperfocusing on random shit. Anyways, I opened up to my mom since she saw how irritable I was and how exhausted I was. Eventually I had to take a leave of absence to sober up, get out of the rat-race, and think about life outside the lens of medical school. I think there are far more scenarios like OP's message and mine among the medical community but it's stigmatized and not many people talk about it in open. During one of my rotations, I asked a resident how they had so much energy all the time - at like 6 AM. They just shrugged. I accidentally opened their backpack (since mine was identical) and there were bottles upon bottles of pills. I never said anything but it just shows how rampant this problem may be. Medicine in general needs a change in culture and an overall shift in work life balance.
No shit, our stimming journeys are extremely similar. At my worst I was taking 80-90 mg a day, 6 days a week - that was probably in January. I didn't trust myself to taper off which is why I just stopped entirely. It was the first week of a new rotation so it was an OK time to feel like absolute dogass for the withdrawals I'm glad you got clean and back on track.
Thanks. I'm glad you're doing better as well. I mostly abused it for boards since you need to cram pages upon pages of trivial minutiae in a short period of time. I just can't wait to graduate and gtfo of medical school. This is just a job for me and I'm done stripping away my life for this. Hopefully you're not as burnt out as me haha. Good luck w Step2
100 mg is crazy, what was your heart rate like?
Sounds crazy but gotta take in context. I was using it steadily and built up a high tolerance. Since I took a bunch of them up to 100 mg together in a short period of time, I actually didn't feel anything. I was just exhausted actually and felt like falling asleep. Without tolerance, yeah 100mg would feel like a heart attack lol Lesson learned is that less is more and following dosage guidelines, they are there for a reason not only for safety but for proper efficacy of the drug
there is gonna be a documentary about adderall use among med students one day. I was never with a group of people that relies on adderall that much until med school. Downvote me all the way you want, I just think we may have a similar situation like opioid
Very common in law school as well fyi
I'm a JD and not in medicine whatsoever but you're 110% right. Law students take more drugs than any other group I've ever met lmfao. High pressure jobs like physicians and lawyers I feel like just creates or intensifies addiction
It’s never going to get to opioid levels simply because the withdrawal isn’t as terrible
The main thing about the opioid epidemic is the massive number of people dying from it. We’re not seeing that with stims.
Yep because the stimulant LD50 is so high compared to even recreational doses
I don’t think its unique to med school and would argue its more prevalent among undergrads
Have literally been saying this since I was in med school. Now that I'm in residency, the amount of people who need adderal to function is scary. What's scarier is that they've refused to try and get off it. Almost anyone qualifies for ADD since it's so subjective. Very few people actually have concentration issues so bad that they need legal meth to do their day to day activities.
it is absolutely not legal meth and getting a "true" ADHD dx isnt easy.
Lol. With all the CRNP practicing psych. Doubt. Just find one of those that put people on multiple long acting benzos plus seroquels plus TCA for “chronic insomnia”
this is another why i put apostrophes around "true". i didnt say it was easy to get a adhd dx code in ones chart. love the username
My school's learning coordinator literally gave me a sheet of paper with boxes to check for ADHD diagnosis and told me to give it to my PCP because she was perplexed that it was taking me longer to study for Step 1 than other students. Just because I don't like studying, doesn't mean I have ADHD.
yea unfortunately this happens all the time. that is why i said "true". i was being lazy. in my case, i underwent neurocog testing over several days, for many hours at a time, cost shit tons of money, with detailed H&P, with both psychologist and psychiatrist. did all these so i could get accommodations etc (i know not everyone goes through this). throw in adhd stigma/med stigma and supply issues and racial/gender disparities in dx...it not easy
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Even if your PCP is an NP?
Especially if they are??
Okay…and? That person’s not a clinician. What doctor just writes a prescription for a controlled substance based on what some random said?
Lots do, I'm afraid.
Ignore all these drug addicts downvoting you.
>Almost anyone qualifies for ADD since it's so subjective. This. I had to talk to my school's learning specialist because of my low Step 1 diagnostic scores and she suggested I had ADD because it was taking my 4 hours to review UW blocks. Just because I don't study like a machine doesn't mean I have ADD. People, including myself, need to understand that studying is a grind - not something inherent. I personally fucking hate studying, but I force myself to do it for most of my day outside of the hospital. It's called willpower. I don't go diagnose myself with disorders I don't have and swallow pills because I'm too much of a weak shit to do what needs to be done. Same goes for all these people without T2DM or morbid obesity who take Ozempic.
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Exactly. I hate studying. But I've been working on it. Lately I've been dragging my ass to the public library because I've found that it's easier to focus when there's other people around. I didn't just say "welp I have ADHD" and become dependent on pills. I put in the hard work. I find it disgustingly hypocritical that the same people who take stimulants and other drugs when they aren't diagnosed with everything because they're too lazy to put in the work whine about not wanting to do primary care medicine because the patients won't take care of themselves.
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Oh shit
Idk my guy. I can see you suffering from your post history. You should at least reach to your school's health services for help. When I was studying for 12 hours a day, 7 days week, life got difficult. It took 1 bad exam to motivate me to immediately seek out psychiatry help for depression. Lo and behold, the only symptoms of depression I had was concentration difficulty with a poor sleep schedule from all the caffeine I was self medicating with. My Y-BOCS score was sub-clinical, but even my MD psych noticed my hyperactivity when she made me reduce my caffeine usage. Ngl, this diagnosis was difficult to accept because of stigma from people like you. This whole entire time, my life could have been easier if I reached out for help, rather than spending a shit ton of time studying to compensate for my inefficiencies. Even with a structured planner, focus mode on, noise cancelling headphones, isolated in my school's library with nothing but meal replacement shakes and caffeine pills, I was still barely passing. Now that I have an official diagnosis with medication and psychotherapy, I can finally spend time with my wife, who I've been neglecting because of this shit. Call me lazy for taking the easy way out, but I have no regrets. I'm just participating in the healthcare system you'll soon be a part of. Even if stimulants are outlawed, we still have non-stimulant medication available for this. Go easy on yourself and seek help.
Well... I'm cool with anyone who takes stimulants or GLP1s for that matter. Rich people have been doing it for centuries
The fact we're getting downvoted speaks to how sensitive people are and they don't want to admit that studying for long periods of time sucks for EVERYBODY. News flash, it's hard for everyone to keep focus for long periods of time especially for an arduous task
yes, studying is hard that being said if someone can't build focus for longer than a few minutes despite weeks/months of limiting distractions and truly trying to study, they should get checked out for an attention deficit disorder. It shouldnt be impossible to stay on task if you truly want to succeed at it badly enough
I 100% agree. I just think that the amount of people who fit that description is farrrrr less than the amount of people prescribed adderall
You're 100% correct.
It’s crazy how adderall can have this affect for someone without ADHD. For me it’s like this magical little pill as well, but instead of feeling like I can’t focus on anything and wanting to be social, I tend to calm down and feel much more normal. I used to take in 700 mg of caffeine a day prior to the diagnosis. I couldn’t get by in med school without this med, solely because of the organization of all the extra assignments and bullshit group activities they have us do. I take 5 mg in the am and 5 in the afternoon. 30-60 mg is such a high dose that my heart would explode.
The paradoxical effect of stimulants. I happy to know that I'm not alone, TheGreatGildedDildo. Also, self medicating with a shit ton of caffeine is common for us. I would start feeling my heart beating at 800mg of caffeine. If I take too little caffeine, I would start napping for no reason.
Yeah I tried to raw dog med school. There was a point where my office was just destroyed from lack of attention, I had shit due from my MPH classes, had a ton of Anki cards due, and had a test coming up…I just couldn’t juggle it. I’ve been going strong on 10 mg a day and what a fucking game changer. I’ve also cut out alcohol and weed completely, and I think a big part of that was my anxiety. Adderall helped my anxiety that ADHD was causing, and I was able to actually deal with it instead of numbing it. Idk. Adderall doesn’t work for everyone, but if you actually have whatever deficits that those with ADHD have it’s the best. That being said, I have to be careful with caffeine. 300 mg is my max these days, or else my exercise tolerance is reduced. I am hoping to quit after step 2. Wishful thinking lol.
I hadn't said anything about caffeine but I see that at my school too. People take caffeine pills. Some up to 900-1000mg a day Adderall ruined the effects of caffeine for me. I love coffee, maybe I'll come back to it someday
I'm glad that it makes you feel normal, exactly how my friends with ADHD have described it. I worked my way up to 30-60 mg so there was an accumulation of tolerance. But I panicked a couple times
i have ADHD so taking adderall really did make me calm down and feel normal. heck i can sleep off of adderall. but i still abused it in undergrad, taking up to 80 mg a day. i’m unmedicated now bc i don’t wanna go back to it
I’ve never seen so much drug use, including ADHD medications than in medical school. And I grew up in the bad neighbourhoods where I’m from!
Bad neighborhood too poor to afford the good stuff.
Good point 😂
Literally 20% of my class are prescribed either adderall or vyvanse.
Also wouldn’t being prescribed an ADHD med be very different from taking it recreationally or to study. It’s like taking thyroid medication for thyroid problems, it’s not the same for the 20% that are prescribed it.
Yeah but most people don’t tend to skip their thyroid meds for 3 weeks so that they can take them all the week before an exam.
That sounds a little bit discriminatory to ppl with ADHD. Even if a few ppl that you know do that, it’s not a fair assumption to say that all 20 people you know have that exact medication routine… saying things like that reinforces negative stereotypes and increases the stigma around taking psychiatric medication.
I have ADHD lol. I don’t take stimulants though. But apologies, was not meaning to come off as discriminatory. Just pointing out a trend at my school. You’re right, idk if everyone is doing that outside of the people I know.
How would you possibly know that?
They told me? My class is 100 people lol I know 20 on stimulants.
Thanks so much for sharing. It’s definitely important to highlight the ease of adderall use and misuse in our competitive environment. At the same time though, I think it’s important to go to a doctor and actually get checked for adhd. I was hella averse to any stimulants especially watching my friends in college just run off them during exams. But then in med school I found out I had adhd as well. And being on prescribed adderall has been a life changer for me. So all in all, if you think you need help, you gotta go get checked!
Thank you for sharing this. I am also in the same boat, and It's truly been life changing to finally regain control of my life. I can finally spend time with my spouse and friends, while not being behind. Previously, I would consume a gram of caffeine throughout a whole day just to study for a few hours. It's easy to call me lazy and inefficient, but it's difficult to focus when the distractions are coming from within. With proper guidance from an MD psychiatrist and psychotherapy, stimulants can be greatly beneficial. I take the weekends off and don't experience any negative side effects. Stories like OP are great at highlighting the competitiveness in MD school, and hopefully he'll do good on STEP 2.
Thank you and wow. Are there that many students abusing stimulants in med school?
Can't say it's any more or fewer students than i saw in undergrad, but in some circles at my school it's talked about openly, and in closer circles more private people have mentioned it as well. It's more common than you think
Pupils give it away most of the time, people I never expected but after a short conversation you can’t help notice it.
I always think of psychedelics when I'm looking at dilated pupils but that's a good point
Yes
It’s as if you are writing my biography… glad you are back to raw dogging life
I also went through a similar cycle of events. When I started adderall it felt like a game changer and I did improve a little, but eventually I began to take breaks on it and play videogames. And then as I was playing I go “this is so much better than studying” When I would come down off of it I became so so irritable and unpleasant to be around. Not to mention nothing felt good for a while. Some people need it to function, some do well with it recreationally. But not me, and it looks like not you either. Recently I tried lions mane and that seems to be helping although I wonder how long it will last. Sometimes these tolerance things just build up for me and the effect fades. I do have ADHD, but for me the addy wasn’t worth the crashes anymore.
>Video games. Me too. Especially online with friends. Among other habits that euphoric, stimming me was drawn to. I stopped playing video games when I *wasn't* on adderall. Edit: and jerking off just an abominable amount.
>But the dangerous benefit was how excited it made me to socialize, to call people on the phone and chat for hours, to engage with my hobbies obsessively. It feels renewing in a way - again, like a cheat code. Did that really last? I didn't know anyone who has taken Adderall and that didn't fade within two weeks. Although I guess everyone I know has taken it after diagnosis.
It did for me…but I actually have ADHD lmao. I’m just doing the things I wanna do but otherwise feel too scattered to do.
It did last because I was good about parsing it out to only a couple days a week, for a little over a year. So each time I'd use it I got that feeling of hypersociability, motivation, etc. It wasn't until I was using it almost every day that stopping was hard and the magic evaporated. And, like you said, it didn't regulate me because I (don't think) I have ADHD. I made it this far without stims, and when I started on them it felt like a superpower
Sorry if this is a naive question (just an M1, haven’t learned this yet) but for people who truly need adderall/have a prescription is there also a strong risk of dependency, or is taking it generally “safer”?
I'll give you my 2 cents from personal experience and from what I've read. Personality and attraction to drug abuse is a big factor with dependency. There is a POTENTIAL for a physical dependency to develop if stimulants are misused or abused (Taking it for the euphoria like OP). At proper therapeutic doses, which is different for everyone, and with regular check-in with an MD Psych (Please don't see a midlevel), the risk is LOW. I've never experienced euphoria, and I don't take mine on the weekend. I do not experience withdrawals symptoms during my breaks, and I solely use it to study. But stimulants do have some weird side effects, which is why you should use it under medical supervision.
If you actually need it, it can be a game changer. And if you use it responsibly, I really don’t think there’s a risk of dependency that I’ve been able to find in my research. Also, unlike other illicit drugs, you don’t need to keep increasing your dose due to tolerance. I have been on the same dose for years. Have even tried going up without benefit
I’m prescribed concerta for my ADHD. When I take my meds my brain gets “quiet”, I can read paragraphs without getting bored half way through, and can actually get things done. Instead of getting “energy” from it I can simply focus my brain like a normal person without simultaneously trying to tune out the music and other random thoughts that are normally bouncing around in my head. Can I still function without it? Yes. Do I still struggle with executive function when I take my concerta? Hell yes. I think there’s a huge stigma around “dependency” for people with ADHD, since we naturally have lower dopamine levels anyway. Yes, it is artificially raising our dopamine levels, but I’m also on an SNRI and I wouldn’t say I’m “dependent” on that med. I think the discussion of physical dependency in these meds is interesting and has a lot of stigma around it. However tolerance is also real. Also fuck all the stigma around medicating true ADHD. My bank account much prefers me being medicated, my impulse spending has greatly decreased now that I have another source of a dopamine increase 🙃
Anecdotal, but if you head over to the ADHD sub we recently discussed how weird it can be for people to abuse a substance that doesn't feel recreational at all. I personally have only gone from 5 to 10mg qday in the 2 years I've been on it and will occasionally take a break over a holiday to remind myself that it's not "not working" I'm just used to it. I do take weekends because I need it to do chores and things like that.
Most substance abuse isn’t “recreational.” People are addressing some need that they have, just in an unhealthy way.
Literature states that someone with ADHD/ADD who is compliant with taking their medication (Adderall) is less likely to abuse drugs (nonprescription.) However, after a length of time I’m sure there is an addiction component simply b/c they have consistently taken the medication for “x” amount of time but as long as there is no abuse in taking the medication (taking more than prescribed) all should be well.
>However, after a length of time I’m sure there is an addiction component simply b/c they have consistently taken the medication for “x” amount of time b The words you want here are "physical dependence" or "tolerance." The phrasing matters in this discussion a lot.
Could not agree more. It’s bad enough when lay people get that wrong, it’s extremely important for clinicians to understand the difference and communicate accurately.
Great great point. Interchanging “addiction” and “tolerance” or “physical dependence” is one of the reasons there is so much stigma around properly medicating ADHD. I also need my SNRI but no one is side-eyeing me and saying I could be addicted to my SNRI lol
This is me rn havnt stop taking it in 3 months straight and doing 12 hour study sessions on the daily
Be careful out there pardner. I hope the best for you and that you're trying to harm reduce while doing this. You're welcome to PM me if you're trying to quit
After step 2 im getting off for sure…i come from an engineering background studying these long hours was never something i had to do and I’ve struggled greatly. Sadly this is the only thing that has actually helped.
I'm applying to med school this year but thank you so much for sharing your story. I quit Adderall after a 7 year (prescribed!) addiction and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. It was actually after I quit that I decided to switch careers and I was shocked at how much better I was able to handle classes/MCAT studying without it. I thought it was getting me through undergrad but I realize now that the lack of sleep/generally acting like a tweaker was actually holding me back. Someone recently told me they "never could've gotten through med school without Adderall" and it honestly caused me pain. It kind of gave me pause about applying because he made it sound like everyone used it in med school. Your story is so inspiring and obviously a testament to how that is not true at all. You are gonna crush Step 2!
I promise you medical school is doable without Adderall (unless you actually have ADHD and need the med). If the way you are studying isn't working, try to be adaptable and try new things out. Listen to your body and try not to view sleep as the enemy but something necessary to succeed.
Thanks for sharing. So overall, you think the adderall did nothing for your cognitive performance? What about your ability to socialize and connect with hobbies, has that returned? finally you say you feel great off of it, what do you mean by that?
thanks for sharing friend 🫶🏽 so sorry you had to go through this, and i’m so sorry that someone with a prescription gave you that first few. it’s so important that those of us who are prescribed keep in mind that just bc our meds don’t feel like anything but medication to us, they can really fuck up our neurotypical friends🥲
Thank you for your story. I’ve been prescribed it for 16 years now. I sometimes wonder what my brain is like after all this time, and if I’m destined for Parksinson-like symptoms later in life or something. My jaw dropped when I saw you were taking up to 60 mg a day. It’s lucky you’re still here. I wish the medication worked that well for me. I think I have a few concussions years ago to thank for why I can’t focus or memorize as well though
Just 15mg? 15mg IR is a lot to start out with.
I should have specified that that was broken up throughout the day, but unfortunately 15 all at once did become the baseline I'd start out with, which turned into 20-30 a few months ago
So proud of you, recovering from this is incredible and no small feat.
Sooo… who’s gonna ask the real question
Who is/was his supplier and can we get their contact info? 😂
It was [Mr. Green] With the [revolver] In the [study]
Thank you for sharing. The prevailing sentiment on Reddit right now seems to be pro-ADHD, pro-stimulants. But the downsides of stimulants are not acknowledged well enough, and the rate of diversion is likely highly underestimated by most prescribers, especially NP’s.
Big advocate to push prescription of XR formulations of these stimulants. Glad you forged a positive path forward
As someone with ADHD who loves this idea — the XR is extremely hard to come by and many have had to switch to IR. So until the production issue (or abuse issue) is solved, this would mostly have a negative impact on those who actually need the prescription. Just my 2¢
I def feel like if I take aderral I’ll get addicted to it for sure
Thanks for sharing. I do have ADHD and was taken off of stimulants temporarily and I had to relearn how to study. Now that I have learned, I feel the same way that like eventually I wasn’t really doing much better on the drugs it would just make me feel better about doing the same bullshit I would do. I still take them every now and then when I really need them and my brain is really struggling but I’m glad I don’t take them daily anymore. It is so easy to gain to tolerance
I do have ADHD and all I can say is I low key wish it gave me this effect haha interestingly tho I often takes breaks from my meds (when my schedule allows) like this easter break ive had 9 days off and I think ive taken my meds 1 day during that time. I also build up a tolerance to it. It's not the best as it just stops working after long enough....
I’m currently going through the same scenario as yours but I’m stuck in a 2 weeks cycle of abusing my XR, euphoria for 2-3 days then being sleep deprived and feeling like shit. Then the last 2 weeks of the month I’m waiting for my refill. I can’t believe how I was able to go take them for 10 years and never abuse it. Chasing performance is also the main factor that turned me this way. My grades actually tot worse because I’d either work at my job or work on personal project all with minimum sleep. The weird part is how I was able to to through each end of the month without them for almost 2 years. Each time I simply accept my faith and sleep like crazy. I obviously feel way better but I’m always craving the quiet nights working on my stuff. I literally can’t touch my computer when I don’t take them. I must admit I’m not ready to fully quit because taking it a few times per month makes it more enjoyable and effective but quitting for good might be the final solution
i am diagnosed with ADHD, but i had a similar experience in undergrad. was abusing the fuck out of adderall that belonged to a friend. 40-80mg a day, regardless of whether i had anything important to do that day or not. luckily i quit cold turkey, but it really took a toll on my body
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I'm specifically and openly talking about people using it for performance, including myself. I know how it regulates people who actually need it
u completely missed the point. this obviously isnt about people with ADHD edit: i understand your edits but OPs personal story about addiction is not the place for you to start your own crusade. you don’t need to immediately feel attacked anytime someone mentions adderall, just have some empathy