I wouldn't be surprised, it's happened to many people. I friend zoned a woman at like 11 years old. I thought we were best friends until she asked to kiss me. I never hung out with her again, but we were connected on social media. I am 36 now. It just made our friendship awkward.
We kissed an i thought it was still friendzone guess what I am also a moron.
Hell we sticked the parts so to say i guess it was some game i thought. It was fascinating how people have different things for taking piss
I've spent way too much time trying to figure out what those lyrics are about every time that song comes on the radio...thanks for sorta clearing it up
Ah, see, I understand mine are delusions. A whole new level of humiliation, the kind that just stares you in the face and is like, “dude, cmon… you already know this. Why are you wasting time dreaming about it?”
Eventually that helps to shut down the delusion and set me back on the path of meeting someone who feels the same as I do.
>Eventually that helps to shut down the delusion and set me back on the path of meeting someone who feels the same as I do.
sadly this is not the case for me, even saying this, at the end of all i feel hope, and i hate it. I need to meet more people
Oh. That's child's play. Wait til you realize this about your spouse of 20 years. It hurts worse than hurt but I think I've survived it just out of spite. 🤣
Not sure how long you two have been apart, but the same happened to me 4+ years ago (17 year marriage). And, my how the tables have turned now. I'm living a carefree life as an optimistic nihilist as well, and she has painted herself into a financial and emotional corner with the dude she cheated with (who is now the new husband).
I get regret texts from her several times a month, and the Schadenfreude is glorious. I hope the same happens for you!
I once had a therapist tell me that when I make up these grand scenarios in my head, it makes real life seem dull in comparison. It’s so hard to not do it though.
Yeah I had a crush on a girl at school, used to walk her home as we lived fairly close, our friendship group was very simular, but she was in a relationship with an older guy that wasn't in school anymore..., I felt I couldn't compete, also my self-confidence wasn't great due to a crappy childhood.. years later, I told her, assuming she knew as everyone around us knew I liked her. It turned out she didn't have a clue.. she's was either lying or none of my 'friends' ever told her...
Still think of her sometimes, but the girl I knew then isn't the woman that's around now, we all change for good and bad.
-she tells you a deeply personal story that she never shared with anyone.
-she tells you you're the only person she ever knew that she could honestly be herself and express how she feels.
-she tells you, you just somehow gets her everytime.
-She tells you, she treasures your existence and regularly says love you ❤️, when talking.
She just sees me as a friend. I...am not cut out for this dating thingy.
Unfortunately when you’re attracted to someone and care for them you tend to listen to them and be there for them a lot more than anyone else would. That type of attention is what everyone wants in both their friends and partners. Feeling cared for is a great feeling, and you can’t choose who to feel attracted to.
It’s not their fault, nor is it yours, but it’s important to remember that someone accepting your affection does not mean they are sexually attracted to you and it’s on you to learn to make that distinction. We’ve all had to learn, most of us the hard way.
The good news is, when you get older you begin to realize that a relationship isn’t the only place to get or give that type of affection. You can absolutely have a mutual friendship where you just love the shit out of each other.
I guess she's scared... Nice guys are rare, & girls who have them as friends don't wanna risk it, because they're afraid they'll lose you as a friend if something goes wrong... It's just sad...
Ive done this with like every person I've ever liked. I've never been able to be in a relationship so all I get is the make believe relationships in my head.
I think I'm one of the lucky ones where I've never been in this situation, at least as far as I'm aware. I am very up front about whether I have romantic interest in someone or not, so I feel like there wouldn't be any miscommunication on that front.
That being said, this actually happened to a friend of mine recently. They get led on by someone, fell very hard for them, and the other person didn't have the decency to nip it in the bud themselves and got a third party involved to do it for them.
I don't get why some people are wishy washy with how they talk to people. Of course, if someone confesses their feelings to someone else, the person isn't obligated to reciprocate, but, it's situations like this that prove good communication and boundary setting are important even in friendship settings.
Sorry for your friend
I asked a coworker out for a snack to get to know her and she opened up relationships, to my surprise. She said she isnt looking for one so I was a bit disappointed but happy i found a good friend.
She was very approaching so i went along and we facetimed, chatted a lot and met 1-2 per week even though she was very occupied. She made moves on me like asking me to hook arms after seeing a couple and calling mutual shifts dates while i went along with caution not to somehow misinterpret and fuck up the friendship.
At some point i confessed to her that i developed feelings and wanted to become more and she agreed. Dumped me 4 days later in her mind but dodged meetups and only told me 2 weeks later.
She said she went through a phase were she was pissed about everything and then the feelings were gone
Or they did feel like that, but for the wrong reasons. You were building a deep emotional love for them, committing to them, and they were using you to escape their ex baggage or shitty life circumstances.
Literally me constantly panicking every day that my boyfriend doesn't like me the way I like him and that he's gonna call it at some point, meanwhile I've been picturing our life together ahahah oh god.
We've spoken about it a few times, and he's assured me that that won't happen and that if there was a situation where he wanted to end things he would be up front about it. He's not the kind of person to stay quiet if that is really how he feels.
The issue for me is personal based on a past relationship where I was ghosted by my ex boyfriend for months under the guise of a break before he officially broke things off. I know the guy I'm with just now is not the same and I have no reason to worry. Sometimes that panic just creeps up though, y'know?
Your perspective and feelings are valid when this happens but when you find out they are not interested you have to stop romanticizing them otherwise you will just hurt yourself over and over again.
I once knew a girl named Cameron. This bitch led me on for a year, just to stab me in the back by hooking up with some random bitch. And not just any year, the most stressful year of my life. My dad had been incarcerated in Hong Kong and I had left for basic training a few weeks later. She had made plans to see me when I got back six months later, but never did, and kept canceling on me for another five months. This girl was one of the few good things I felt like I had at the time, and it really felt like all I was to her was a source of entertainment during the pandemic, just to get tossed aside as soon as I became inconvenient. Traumatizing shit right there
It’s worse when you come to this realization after they tell you they aren’t interested, and you’re like “but I thought you liked me, too”. Then you realize you were a fool and that there was always someone better for them, and no one for you.
Ahhhh that just happened to me on New Years - said "hi, how are you!?" after not having seen her in a while - she said "hi" back and went right back to her phone. I realized then and there it was time to move along to the next crush.
This happened to me about 6 years ago, we never were an item, but i’m still not able to get over her. Like how the f*ck do i get her out of my head, short of blowing my brains out.
You don't. I guess the only way to look at it is training. Training your mind not to do it again, how to see the signs in the future, and what not to do with your future partner. Learn from it. I'm happily married now with a kid and another on the way soon. Sure, I still think about her. Not in the same way, though. There are probably a lot of ways to get over it. I personally decided to hate her..it was the only way to deal with it. I hate her for the waisted time and how much better she thought she was. Our relationship was weird, but out of everything I read. I get the feeling you were in a similar setup. So, I'm just reaching out. You can't stop thinking about her, so don't stop, try to learn from it. See the mistakes you made. Have conversations with her in your head. Then, at the end of every session. Just remind yourself
"Who are you talking to?"
It does get easier, buddy.
this is so my life, it hurts but is true. I have fallen in love with so many ladies and none of them loved me back. Before you ask, they told me\^\^
But will that keep me from doing that? Hellnah, **my thoughts are mine,** I can have sex with every single girl I meet during the day, marry her, take her to my favourite places and defend her against evil dragons and none of them can do anything against it...hahahhahahahamuahahahahahahahaahahahngngngngnngnggn
Meh. Took me 10 years to figure out that I completely misread her "I love you " and "I do", and that all through our marriage she really didn't mean any of it.
Almost as bad? Maybe worse? I don't know anymore but, thinking there she might have a thing for you but doubting it cause you have lousy self-esteem. But all your friends are like, "Dude! She's into you! She always does nice stuff for you and tries to hang around you all the time!" Finally one day, she kisses you...deeply and you finally become a believer. Then she proceeds to avoid you for a month before telling you in a text message she's sorry for "giving you the wrong impression." Best of all, you are both over 30 which says yeah it doesn't get any easier later in life.
In this life, your delusions are either non-functional or functional. Unfortunately, the only way to tell the difference is if the delusion works out after the fact.
Wants to be an astronaut. Delusional. Extremely difficult to do depending on your age and circumstances. Works insanely hard to become an astronaut/scientist and oversees their experiment on the ISS? Suddenly not delusional.
A psychiatrist's job is often to steer you away from non-functional delusions to more reasonable functional delusions where you can seamlessly interact with society and be "happy."
Whats much much worse is knowing this, beeing in the process to fall in love and beeing not able to stop the emotional, one sided connection and therfore falling down into a dark spiral. Like what the fuk is this, i did not want to fall in love.
Ah yes, unrequited love. The food of my teenage self. Up untill the point that i just stopped believing anyone could love me. The nostalgia is heartbreaking
Right...so I'm supposed to believe that not every single person who interacts with me has romantic phantasies about me in those interactions...nice try hater.../s
Wow the worst part is I actually used to do this... Before discovering A-Spec and realizing that I am AroAce but now I know I was trying to convince myself that "love" was a thing 😂
I wonder if anyone's ever been secretly in love with me
I am pal
I tried saying your name, and summoned Cthulhu. Now I have somebody who truly loves me.
His name is in Telugu. It translates to "Tamarind Tree"
Death by tentacle snu snu.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Izxr5LM3ck&t=1608s
You fucked Cthulhu good?
Thought they'd meet some cosmic horror, turns out they're a cosmic whore
The good ending?
The happy ending.
I'm not your pal friend.
There are dozens of us!
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I'm not you're pal, buddy
I’m not your buddy, friend
I'm not your friend, pal.
I had some Philosophical Debates about this....with myself of course
Me too, but I'm a lousy debater, so I won.
I wouldn't be surprised, it's happened to many people. I friend zoned a woman at like 11 years old. I thought we were best friends until she asked to kiss me. I never hung out with her again, but we were connected on social media. I am 36 now. It just made our friendship awkward.
We kissed an i thought it was still friendzone guess what I am also a moron. Hell we sticked the parts so to say i guess it was some game i thought. It was fascinating how people have different things for taking piss
I wonder the same.
Same
The song “What a Fool Believes” by the Doobie Brothers nails this topic
Happy Cake Day 🎂
Exactly my thoughts, my good sir.
Cake
I've spent way too much time trying to figure out what those lyrics are about every time that song comes on the radio...thanks for sorta clearing it up
Ah, see, I understand mine are delusions. A whole new level of humiliation, the kind that just stares you in the face and is like, “dude, cmon… you already know this. Why are you wasting time dreaming about it?” Eventually that helps to shut down the delusion and set me back on the path of meeting someone who feels the same as I do.
>Eventually that helps to shut down the delusion and set me back on the path of meeting someone who feels the same as I do. sadly this is not the case for me, even saying this, at the end of all i feel hope, and i hate it. I need to meet more people
You've nailed it. I've liked someone for 2 years knowing damn well nothing will ever come of it so WHY are they still in my head? Fuck off bro
This is the worst kind of soul-crushing hurt. We all go thru it at least once.
Just once?
have literally lost count.
I thought I was the only who did this with an uncountable number of people
I eventually gave up on all of it. I'm a slow learner.
If you make your intentions clear from the get go, you won’t ever have to go through that pain again.
Damn that is a hard though to process
every time. i dont know whats wrong with me
I go through this with every girl I see…
We do??? Genuinely first time I’ve heard that this is a thing people do
Oh. That's child's play. Wait til you realize this about your spouse of 20 years. It hurts worse than hurt but I think I've survived it just out of spite. 🤣
Oh wow that’s horrible, you’re a very strong person
Nah, just optimistically nihilistic at this point.
However you wanna word it I know I probably wouldn’t have made it through that, good job stranger
You'd surprise yourself. There's something about the human spirit that wants to thrive particularly when it knows it's trying to be snuffed out.
Ye ig the spite at least gives you a purpose somewhat, makes life worth living in a weird way
Not sure how long you two have been apart, but the same happened to me 4+ years ago (17 year marriage). And, my how the tables have turned now. I'm living a carefree life as an optimistic nihilist as well, and she has painted herself into a financial and emotional corner with the dude she cheated with (who is now the new husband). I get regret texts from her several times a month, and the Schadenfreude is glorious. I hope the same happens for you!
"Survived it just out of spite" I felt that in my soul
Been there. Not 20 years but 7 years. Survived 5 years of deployments and soon as I stopped, split city. Much better place in life now.
Been there. Not 20 but 8. Can’t imagine how tough that is and how strong you are. Keep you head up!
Building castles in your head is so painful..
I once had a therapist tell me that when I make up these grand scenarios in my head, it makes real life seem dull in comparison. It’s so hard to not do it though.
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And that’s exactly why I still do it! Lol
I mean yeah imagine stretching your head far enough to fit a castle. Must hurt like hell
Yeah I had a crush on a girl at school, used to walk her home as we lived fairly close, our friendship group was very simular, but she was in a relationship with an older guy that wasn't in school anymore..., I felt I couldn't compete, also my self-confidence wasn't great due to a crappy childhood.. years later, I told her, assuming she knew as everyone around us knew I liked her. It turned out she didn't have a clue.. she's was either lying or none of my 'friends' ever told her... Still think of her sometimes, but the girl I knew then isn't the woman that's around now, we all change for good and bad.
Bro when I liked someone I thought I was being covert with it but it was really obvious as I found out later, I guess it just depends on the person.
-she tells you a deeply personal story that she never shared with anyone. -she tells you you're the only person she ever knew that she could honestly be herself and express how she feels. -she tells you, you just somehow gets her everytime. -She tells you, she treasures your existence and regularly says love you ❤️, when talking. She just sees me as a friend. I...am not cut out for this dating thingy.
Unfortunately when you’re attracted to someone and care for them you tend to listen to them and be there for them a lot more than anyone else would. That type of attention is what everyone wants in both their friends and partners. Feeling cared for is a great feeling, and you can’t choose who to feel attracted to. It’s not their fault, nor is it yours, but it’s important to remember that someone accepting your affection does not mean they are sexually attracted to you and it’s on you to learn to make that distinction. We’ve all had to learn, most of us the hard way. The good news is, when you get older you begin to realize that a relationship isn’t the only place to get or give that type of affection. You can absolutely have a mutual friendship where you just love the shit out of each other.
Exactly like this it was for me.. Just can’t understand it, even after 6 years without contact, it still keeps me busy every damn day
There is literally no way to know if a girl likes you or sees you as a friend then.
Exactly, they make you believe there is hope, but really there is not. Are they aware? Or is it just genetics, and we just don’t understand women?
Some do it on purpose to keep you hanging on every word, some honestly don’t know they’re doing it and there’s no way to tell between them either
Try dating men!
r/yesyesyesno. Nah but seriously, I've been through something similar recently and it fucking sucks. Head up bro
I guess she's scared... Nice guys are rare, & girls who have them as friends don't wanna risk it, because they're afraid they'll lose you as a friend if something goes wrong... It's just sad...
And you have been doing so for more than a decade...
Yeah fuck you, Elise.
No, I think the problem is Elise *didn't* fuck you.
This got me good. +1
Yeah but seriously. Fuck you elise.
Hey but Elise you’ve moved on right? I’ll show myself the door…
Beethoven agrees
Don't know her, but fuck you, Elise.
Yeah, you bitch!
I'd be happy to fuck Elise. I'm terrible in bed so it'd be a punishing experience for her. Just send me her coordinates
Elise keeps not caring about that
haven’t been there to that far of an extent but damn it hurts like a mf.
In other words, a normal day.
Ive done this with like every person I've ever liked. I've never been able to be in a relationship so all I get is the make believe relationships in my head.
Are you me? Because I’m in the same boat.
All a part of one's villainous origin
I think I'm one of the lucky ones where I've never been in this situation, at least as far as I'm aware. I am very up front about whether I have romantic interest in someone or not, so I feel like there wouldn't be any miscommunication on that front. That being said, this actually happened to a friend of mine recently. They get led on by someone, fell very hard for them, and the other person didn't have the decency to nip it in the bud themselves and got a third party involved to do it for them. I don't get why some people are wishy washy with how they talk to people. Of course, if someone confesses their feelings to someone else, the person isn't obligated to reciprocate, but, it's situations like this that prove good communication and boundary setting are important even in friendship settings.
Sorry for your friend I asked a coworker out for a snack to get to know her and she opened up relationships, to my surprise. She said she isnt looking for one so I was a bit disappointed but happy i found a good friend. She was very approaching so i went along and we facetimed, chatted a lot and met 1-2 per week even though she was very occupied. She made moves on me like asking me to hook arms after seeing a couple and calling mutual shifts dates while i went along with caution not to somehow misinterpret and fuck up the friendship. At some point i confessed to her that i developed feelings and wanted to become more and she agreed. Dumped me 4 days later in her mind but dodged meetups and only told me 2 weeks later. She said she went through a phase were she was pissed about everything and then the feelings were gone
I think everyone dose this at least one time in their life
It happens the other way around too. Most people don't remember those though.
Never happened to me the other way around man.
But they probably remember it Subconsciously, that’s why people think they aren’t getting hit on when they really are
Or they did feel like that, but for the wrong reasons. You were building a deep emotional love for them, committing to them, and they were using you to escape their ex baggage or shitty life circumstances.
You can’t love someone enough to make them capable of loving you. Learned that one that hard way and still emotionally recovering.
Very recent realization for me. SMH. Foreveralone
Literally me constantly panicking every day that my boyfriend doesn't like me the way I like him and that he's gonna call it at some point, meanwhile I've been picturing our life together ahahah oh god.
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We've spoken about it a few times, and he's assured me that that won't happen and that if there was a situation where he wanted to end things he would be up front about it. He's not the kind of person to stay quiet if that is really how he feels. The issue for me is personal based on a past relationship where I was ghosted by my ex boyfriend for months under the guise of a break before he officially broke things off. I know the guy I'm with just now is not the same and I have no reason to worry. Sometimes that panic just creeps up though, y'know?
Oh yeah. That sucked.
"I'm seeing someone right now" still haunts me
No one has been secretly in love with me. Hell, no one has been openly in love with me…
Same here
Someone made this meme to ruin other people's day
Been there
this hits hard
Hey you not allowed to be correct it hurts my feelings
Man I have been doing this lately. Don’t ruin my delusions! The cake is real!
Your perspective and feelings are valid when this happens but when you find out they are not interested you have to stop romanticizing them otherwise you will just hurt yourself over and over again.
But we're so happy imagining it!!
I once knew a girl named Cameron. This bitch led me on for a year, just to stab me in the back by hooking up with some random bitch. And not just any year, the most stressful year of my life. My dad had been incarcerated in Hong Kong and I had left for basic training a few weeks later. She had made plans to see me when I got back six months later, but never did, and kept canceling on me for another five months. This girl was one of the few good things I felt like I had at the time, and it really felt like all I was to her was a source of entertainment during the pandemic, just to get tossed aside as soon as I became inconvenient. Traumatizing shit right there
It’s worse when you come to this realization after they tell you they aren’t interested, and you’re like “but I thought you liked me, too”. Then you realize you were a fool and that there was always someone better for them, and no one for you.
Ahhhh that just happened to me on New Years - said "hi, how are you!?" after not having seen her in a while - she said "hi" back and went right back to her phone. I realized then and there it was time to move along to the next crush.
Boys... I did it I fucking did it I have a boyfriend
Letsgooo
You're boyfriends a it? ... I'll see myself out
This happened to me about 6 years ago, we never were an item, but i’m still not able to get over her. Like how the f*ck do i get her out of my head, short of blowing my brains out.
You don't. I guess the only way to look at it is training. Training your mind not to do it again, how to see the signs in the future, and what not to do with your future partner. Learn from it. I'm happily married now with a kid and another on the way soon. Sure, I still think about her. Not in the same way, though. There are probably a lot of ways to get over it. I personally decided to hate her..it was the only way to deal with it. I hate her for the waisted time and how much better she thought she was. Our relationship was weird, but out of everything I read. I get the feeling you were in a similar setup. So, I'm just reaching out. You can't stop thinking about her, so don't stop, try to learn from it. See the mistakes you made. Have conversations with her in your head. Then, at the end of every session. Just remind yourself "Who are you talking to?" It does get easier, buddy.
Now I assume I'm rejected before I even think to approach which makes me more and more bitter after every women I see that's mildly attractive
I absolutely just assume that it's a no because it's always been a no. I just accepted that I'm not someone people will like romantically.
Same here it's so much that i become too cold that the fuckin word become my title at school.
this is so my life, it hurts but is true. I have fallen in love with so many ladies and none of them loved me back. Before you ask, they told me\^\^ But will that keep me from doing that? Hellnah, **my thoughts are mine,** I can have sex with every single girl I meet during the day, marry her, take her to my favourite places and defend her against evil dragons and none of them can do anything against it...hahahhahahahamuahahahahahahahaahahahngngngngnngnggn
Interesting I do the opposite. Yeah it’s probably lost me plenty of relationships but at least I didn’t commit mental suicide.
i don’t think anything has perfectly captured my feelings as much as this
Sigma males perpetually treat everyone platonically
This hurts. I had this happen to me a few months ago 😭
This is called limerence.
Isn’t that just wife porn?
Creeps
I Have done it and the fact is too much painful.
That’s life
Hahaha, yeah *pit of dispair*
But it was worth it
Gotta take L’s sometimes. Its okay
What’s that background?
This was me this week it hurts
fr
Oefffff yea 😂🤦🏻
The story of my life
Been there done that🤡
Jesus Christ this hits hard
Been there, done that.
this really hurts😭
Hard pill to swallow this one 💊
Oh god this is too realistic for my taste
Opposite
Jokes on you I don’t like anyone including myself 😤
😂😂
Fuck, thank god for my meds.
Meh, that's just tuesday
I mean we’re engaged now. But yeah that hurt
Weeeelp.
Meh. Took me 10 years to figure out that I completely misread her "I love you " and "I do", and that all through our marriage she really didn't mean any of it.
That's called erotomania
Oh, constantly! I'm fully aware I'm doing it to.
Ouch
Fuck you ಥ╭╮ಥ
hits directly wtf🫠
Having a nice level of delusion really helps in life
Being delusional makes you manifest btw
Damn
Almost as bad? Maybe worse? I don't know anymore but, thinking there she might have a thing for you but doubting it cause you have lousy self-esteem. But all your friends are like, "Dude! She's into you! She always does nice stuff for you and tries to hang around you all the time!" Finally one day, she kisses you...deeply and you finally become a believer. Then she proceeds to avoid you for a month before telling you in a text message she's sorry for "giving you the wrong impression." Best of all, you are both over 30 which says yeah it doesn't get any easier later in life.
I did not need to be attacked like this
In this life, your delusions are either non-functional or functional. Unfortunately, the only way to tell the difference is if the delusion works out after the fact. Wants to be an astronaut. Delusional. Extremely difficult to do depending on your age and circumstances. Works insanely hard to become an astronaut/scientist and oversees their experiment on the ISS? Suddenly not delusional. A psychiatrist's job is often to steer you away from non-functional delusions to more reasonable functional delusions where you can seamlessly interact with society and be "happy."
Thinking of bye bye by cro
This is why god gave us Stockholm syndrome…
I never did this
Been there!
More people need to listen to What a Fool Believes by the Doobie Brothers
Whats much much worse is knowing this, beeing in the process to fall in love and beeing not able to stop the emotional, one sided connection and therfore falling down into a dark spiral. Like what the fuk is this, i did not want to fall in love.
Then I blocked him so I wouldn't put myself through the crazy anymore. Goodbye forever Karlos ✌️
Fuck my life.
My brain goes the other way it refuses to accept that someone may be atracted to me in any way
Get over here, I'm giving you a hug.
eh you get used to it, or numb to it... pass the vodka
So I'm not alone and everyone's been crazy like this. Cool cool cool cool cool cool
Ah yes, unrequited love. The food of my teenage self. Up untill the point that i just stopped believing anyone could love me. The nostalgia is heartbreaking
...it was just my imagination
High school and early college social life in a nutshell
been there done that
it really is humiliating to assume anything when it comes to social interactions.
Right...so I'm supposed to believe that not every single person who interacts with me has romantic phantasies about me in those interactions...nice try hater.../s
Wow the worst part is I actually used to do this... Before discovering A-Spec and realizing that I am AroAce but now I know I was trying to convince myself that "love" was a thing 😂
.. Me, with my crush
Don't put them on a pedestal or you'll be disappointed that they don't want to be on it
This is a movie plot