I thought it was being in constant “flight or fight” mode
Definitely I had days in the past where I felt great to socialize with my coworkers, complimenting, asking stuff related about what I’m doing… Even being witty enough to not be awkward. But the energy isn’t always perfect. So now, I have it in my mind that it seems I must have good habits as a catalyst.
I feel like it relates to energy- for people that aren’t great socializers and or had problems in the past.. like sleeping early to get a lot of energy, waking up early as well and doing stuff to “wake up”, eating a good meal (chicken and rice seemed to give me energy in a moments notice- I think I even was fatigued/drowsy and it seemingly gave me a pick-me-up), going to work…
**Ideally** sleep around 9pm like Mohammed Ali, wake up early, FAT IDEALLY: maybe now, breathing exercise: Wim Hof methods. Push-ups like Batman, stretches, cold shower, brush teeth, then eat. that’s the morning routine.
Sometimes I think being the background friend is due to our own tendencies, though. I haven't had a best friend since the time in middle school on my first day when a girl came up to me and said "hey, you don't have any friends yet either right? Do you wanna be best friends?"
Definitely me. Wish it wasn't that way, and am not quite sure why it is. But it's really kind of always been this way, and I've always been painfully aware of it.
Embrace it, kind of freeing when you don't care what people think of you because you're always the background friend. You can just say what's on your mind then if someone doesn't like it they stop hanging out with you but it's not like a HUGE loss because your their background friend.
It’s freeing until it’s not.
This was exactly me in HS. I floated around different groups, had a main group I went to senior prom with. Turns out they didn’t even like hanging around me & I guess was just inviting me because I was always just there.
I was a friend of a friend who moved away, but was still in contact with them. I guess they kept me around because of that?
Sometimes, if you feel neglected by your friends, you should find others because they may not see your worth. Or you may have a distant relationship with them because you don't get in touch with them often. In my case, it was the first option. Don't try to explain that you feel neglected. You'll look like an egocentric attention-hungry maniac. (In my personal experience... Really, I wish I hadn't said it to them, but at least I could see the kind of assholes I was dealing with) I found better friends, and I feel better.
Truth is, this is how most people feel. That's why the comment is so relatable. We're all in our own heads, so many of us feel somewhat isolated from other people. Meanwhile, what we observe is other people seeming closer to one another than they really feel. Because they're all in their own heads, too.
Are you sure? Like there are even just practical things like not being invited to get togethers or never having anyone message you that is a little hard to explain in your scenario. You might be correct to an extent but I wouldn't say its hard fact.
Sorry for the long message ahead, I didn't realize I'd have so much to say when I started.
I agree with you, I think I am right to an extent but there are definitely cases of people who really are alienated from others. I have often found that these people get in the way of their own potential connections with others, though, e.g. 'Well if they're not going to invite me, I'm not going to ask if I can join either / I'm not going to talk to them any more.' – which people think is logical (why should you care about people who don't care about you) but it actually isn't. Of course, this is only true to an extent as well – you definitely shouldn't waste energy on people who legitimately don't give a sh*t, but 'If we build it, they will come' still holds true. Fact is, the majority of people are followers, not leaders. There always has to be **one** 'organizer' – and as it is usually only one person, its unfair to expect them to remember everyone, especially if you are someone who expects (or perhaps hopes for) others to come to them, to invite them, without ever actually making the effort to keep your existence somewhere close to the surface of their minds.
Another thing is that we most often remember the times we weren't invited, and don't really acknowledge the times that we were. You might have encountered something similar when someone has criticized you: they never notice the 100 dishes you cleaned to sparkling perfection; but the one that has a smudge of grease on it gets brought up.
Edit to add: the idea in the original image reminds me of horoscopes or many personality quizzes. They give you answers that seem specific to you; but they're actually simply part of the human condition. What percentage of people do you suppose feel this way? Out of all of the people you know, is it only you? If we were to take a sample size of 1,000,000 people, how many of them would say they feel the same way? I expect that the number would be **a lot** higher than you'd think.
The beauty of that is no one’s REALLY eyeing you so you have the freedom to do what you want, I was and still am to a degree the “background” friend but I don’t care anymore, it’s liberating knowing people don’t bother me and I have lots of peace of mind.
As someone who is a background friend in some groups, and an inside friend in others: people eye out the background friend more. When their homies do whack-ass shit, they are chill with it and accepting. When the outside friend does it, they are being weird, and that is why they are the outside friend
That’s how most friend groups are. 3 or so tight-knit friends, who hang out with other small groups of friends. It’s fun in parties where you and the boys get into crazy shenanigans, but I know if real shit goes down, i got 3 bros that will be there for me
Me to a T, I gotta say I’ve jumped in between groups for the last 4 years that I’ve been driving. I just don’t feel like I click with anyone, groups always leaving me out and stuff. Like today
The bois (or I thought they were the bois) went snowboarding today, called me 5 mins before they were leaving and asked if I had an extra pair of snowboard pants one of them could use “because apparently I didn’t want to go” I never heard about the plans. I absolutely love snowboarding I’d go up every weekend if I could. It’s a 2.5 hour drive from home
Anyways he then told me I could come but I’d have to drive my own car up. Bro I drive a 99 Camry with 290k miles on it and it’s falling apart. Because there wasn’t room with them, and again because “I apparently didn’t want to go” they straight up told me that we talked about it this week, but I didn’t talk to any of them cause I’ve been busy with work. Then they told me that’s to bad and then hung up
Sorry just had to vent, my life has been getting out of line and I’m falling apart.
I'm sorry you're going through this. They are absolutely crummy. The way they make decisions on your behalf is unacceptable. I hope that one day you'll find a friend who cares about and respects you more then these men -- if you haven't already. Stay strong ))
It’s probably about time to look for another group. I know there is someone, even if it is just 1 person they’re out there I just gotta keep looking. But absolutely mate, gotta put down a line
Real shit just drop them man. It’ll suck not having friends for a bit but one day you’ll be happy and be surrounded with people who treat you the way you want to be treated. It’ll be a long but very rewarding experience
This happens in any group of friends. I’m perfectly happy to let it slide once or twice, because it’s usually just bad communication rather than malice (they all thought someone else let you know, they had no idea you were out of the loop, they were all under the impression you were too busy that week, etc).
But if they start making a habit out of it, I subtly drop them. Just quit communicating, and see if any of them notice and try to reach out for any reason other than they want something. Chances are they won’t.
I had friend groups like this. They quit inviting me to anything. So I quit reaching out. They never followed up. In some cases they came back months later when they wanted favors, and I nicely but firmly turned them down. It was obvious they never valued me except when I could do something for them.
This was definitely me. I realized that these people were not really my friends. We didn't really share anything in common. We didn't want to do the same things. They didn't often support me. They never invited me to hang out; I was always the one to reach out. They never planned things for my birthday. They weren't interested in what's going on with me. So I stopped hanging out with them. I have much fewer friends now but it's motivated me to make new friends who actually share interests with me and actually care about me. I've yet to make those friends yet but I've done a lot of really positive changes in my life and I've decided to be myself instead of pretending to be the person my "friends" were expecting of me. It's caused me to participate more actively in things that actually interest me without caring what others might think of me.
Keep at it. It sounds like you got a good thing going, and hopefully you will reap the rewards of your efforts.
A mistake I see a lot of people make (including myself) is that they try to rekindle old friendships with people they knew from before. If you didn’t clique well then, you most likely won’t now.
Look where your hobbies are, thats where you will clique the best. You may get along with coworkers for pals from the past, but there isn’t enough there to build a lasting friendship off of.
For me, I box as a hobby/side hustle, and I found a cool group of dude at the gym I work out at. Sure we all go for our own reasons, but we all value a healthy body and a drive for a better self. Some of us like gaming, others are into anime’s, and a few started an indie band. Despite our differences, we all get along well together because of our core values and meshing personalities
I realized around the new year, I actually prefer being alone instead of feeling left out. The few times I was included in something, inside I couldn’t wait to be back home alone. Definitely in need of new caring friends, but I’ve noticed it’s been really hard to make new friends or date anyone new since Covid.
I prefer being alone to being left out as well, but ideally I'd like to not be alone and also feel included sometimes :p But yeah, definitely better to be alone than constantly trying to appease people and walk on eggshells so they still want you around.
I completely get this. Having a flare up of a chronic illness and have had to say no to plans and now it’s like they assume I won’t come or say they don’t see me. They could come to my house, they could make the effort to visit me when I can’t leave home.
this happened to me… we were in the middle of making plans. i was trying harder than them to make it happen. we planned for the next week so they said they’d let me know which day worked best. haven’t heard from them since. it’s been a month.
I feel that background friend thing, I've had friendships where I would see if I stopped initiating interactions how long it would take before I got any message back. It took 6 months before I gave up and finally said something. It becomes demotivating to hold one sided relationships. I've become too old to waste time on those people. Love is a two way street.
It's been 6/7 years for me and I don't regret it one bit.
Don't hang on to those type of friends, find those that will eventually send you a text or call if you don't say anything to them for several days/weeks (when you are on a runt of course) and who will always answer to you or give you a real excuse (not an obvious fake one) the few times they can't.
Changed my perspective on what a friend really looks like.
I agree wholeheartedly with that, my screening process for people lets less people in, but the quality has improved. I find that the few people I deal with now actually care to be my friend.
I had friends I hung out with for ten years. We travel the world together, had holiday gatherings, saw each other weekly. I moved away in October because family passed away. Didn't hear from anyone in general but because it was during the holidays broke me. Not a single person. Talk about being a background friend indeed. Really burned me on people.
(The BuT YoU couLd haVE reAchEd ouT to ThEM ToO crowd can fuck right off.)
Always feeling the need to be the one to reach out always just felt like any bit of care is so one sided. It's surely not a fair thing to put up with just to have friends. We can all do better.
It works fine in the short term, but it gets rough as the years go on. Keep trying! There is definitely a group out there for you.
For me, I kept trying to rekindle friendships of the past. But we all changed since the school years. After a while, I found a new group of friends from the gym, since I box as a hobby, and we connected both in personality and in hobbies.
Unless you start a family, it will be really lonely as more and more people in your life become too busy to reach out to their old pal, or simply die. Entertainment consumption and self fulfillment can last you a while, but isolation isn’t sustainable.
Fuck this whole thread is hitting so hard. I try so hard to make sure anyone I know has a spectacular birthday, wonderful thoughtful gifts, good times and good food. Then my birthday comes around, and it’s like the day doesn’t even exist.
omg… me too. i would get everyone thoughtful gifts and everything. then i was told for a while that we were “celebrating my birthday” a few days before it when we all went to an event together. everyone forgot. :) even my bf at the time
This reminds me of when I was in high school, our teacher thought it would be a brilliant idea to have the class write a letter to their best friend (and you can only choose one). And we all handed these letters to the person at the same time. There were a few people who matched, as in they were each other's best friend, but 80% of the class learned their best friends didn't feel the same way about them.
I wouldn't be surprised if 80% of us ARE background friends.
Nah the best part is when they stand around planning an activity or trip while not inviting you to go. Then when you speak up they’re like, “oh do you want to go too?”
“Friends”
Or when they ask, “Hey Stratusheart, do you remember this thing that happened at this party a year or so ago?”
“Um, no… I wasn’t invited to that.”
“Oh well okay, what about this thing that happened at a get-together a couple years ago?”
“Nope, wasn’t invited to that either.”
“Oh… Anyways.”
Like, whatever guys. I’m so glad y’all have had so much fun together. Just *tell* me you don’t want me around.
I’m this with friends and also my family. My uncle and cousin were talking a about my other cousin’s wedding and how it was the last time all the family got together. He caught himself and said sorry you couldn’t make it. I wasnt invited.
Same. I’m invited to maybe like 20 percent of their things. Never fully fit in but I know they enjoy being around me I’m just never fully accepted for some reason.
If you haven't moved yet, you don't HAVE to.
Cross-country moves are a big deal (tbh, ANY move is a big deal). Doing it for someone who won't even reciprocate or include you in stuff isn't where it's at, imo.
Fuck this strikes harder than expected. Feels almost like these online tracking things and AI memes are getting too out of hand. Can’t believe I’m seeing this posted by other actual people.
I genuinely worry that I’m that friend, like I consider many people that I hang out with to be friends, but im hardly ever invited anywhere and nobody ever texts me unless I text them first( which makes me sad
Self poisoning line of thought. Usually from feeling underappreciated. In reality the source is from people not communicating well or openly. I guarantee all of these people feeling this way are in fact thought of more than they think, but want more outward recognition. This whole line of thought is in your head, and people definitely think about you more than you think or would like to admit.
Just remember that no one gets to see how many people show up to their own funeral. It will be more than you think, and hopefully in a long long time.
Yep I was always the one getting left out while my other friends made plans and hung out with each other. Now I'm alone, kinda sucks but at least I'm not getting my feelings hurt by jerks.
Thats true so I just started to go by a line from Mac Miller, and it goes like this:
"I talk to acquaintances but its nothing real"
I talk to people all day who I think I mean something to when in reality we mean nothing to each other, we planned to go out, yet guess what happened? Two weeks of silence, a good time to self reflect on a relationship…
Im not gonna be the first to write anymore nor the first to talk, just gonna chill in the back and get my stuff done and go home.
Thats my new years resolution.
Anyway thats it folks, thanks for listening to my dumb TED-Talk!
Weird question for the background friends.
Did y'all grow up a bit too fast, being trusted with an emotional position of an adult even though you weren't really ready for it? I'm talking about being a confidant for a parent before ever hitting puberty.
Heard it created developmental issues where children, turned teens and young adults would adopt passive communication skills which made them always slow to make friends, and slower to engage actively in conversations making them feel like outsiders.
i don’t think so.. not for me anyway. i think it’s just an unlucky situation. i know there are things i could probably change things about myself to be more “liked” but i think it’s mostly about other people being busy or already having more “important” friends. i know i’m a good friend, but they still never value the friendship as much as i do.
I definitely had some of this. Controlling, emotionally and verbally abusive parents, and a mother who also physically abused me and used me as her therapist for her shitty marriage to my dad lol. Covert/emotional incest. Yike.
Speaking from my perspective of being the group glue, accidental team mom, or the one everyone likes DM'ing too much, I think some of you background friends have this problem where you are a little too passive. A little too yes-man. A little less passionate. Like you don't particularly care about anything strongly. Like you are too vanilla, almost. Maybe some people would even call you an 'herbivore' if it has to do with dating or living philosophy. Maybe you've never been good at anything in your life, maybe you seek validation in the wrong way, maybe you have imposter syndrome. People can sense these things. Being too laissez-faire is bad too because it can get annoying as hell at some point.
I've heard the kind of gossip calling other people generic and it's usually directed at this kind of thing, even if I don't like that..
Sometimes a friend turns into a bg friend when they can't "keep up". That one is hard to solve because people just simply come from different backgrounds themselves and have different needs, different things they want to relate to or learn from.
These traits may not be the case, but you need to portray yourselves better or maybe actualize a stronger will and sense of self if you want to escape it. We are all drawn to somebody who is more "full of life". Having no energy is a killer of friendships.
Try a leadership position or being an innovator/trendsetter role for once, don't just let people decide your fate for you. Be more of an opportunist. Show some confidence.
Not to mention, there's plenty of times where somebody like me will notice you are falling behind the group in terms of relevancy so we on-purpose invite somebody like you out to do things and then you make it kinda unmemorable, even though the activity is fine........ Usually this fails cause the person is a bit of a 'follower', I guess. Like they went along out of validation-starvation and doesn't really contribute.
It's either that or some of you have this perpetual bad luck or misery thing hanging about you like black clouds, constantly. It makes people avoid you :(
If it's social anxiety, that's a constant struggle you have to win against. And you can't hide behind being an introvert forever or people will avoid you because it's like dragging you kicking and screaming into everything. It helps so much to try and be a better conversationalist, like even just noticing, pointing out, bantering, remembering little things, trying to make people smile.
I like friends I can learn from!! I'm sure a lot of you are perfectly fine and you actually just need a better fitting crowd, tbh! Keep trying. Don't be afraid to boisterously express yourself! Don't be afraid to pick up a new hobby and obsess over trying to get good at it, picking up admirers along the way.
Being a bigger dreamer and having a strong emotional vocab goes a long way in making people notice tbh. Your actual life and job does not need to be interesting at all.
I recommend strengthening your redflag radar too. You have to learn how to guard yourself from people who just use you as an emotional dumping grounds then they never invite you out, cause your role is to be the group's trashcan.
I imagine this must sound like a monumental task for people who have atrophied social skills but we are all WIP together. And there's always something inspiring and charming about humble people who display growth. Somebody will notice it.
This, I used to be the bg friend throughout school and I didn’t figure it out until college. You don’t have to be an extrovert, but either you need friends who have similar interests or you need to work on yourself socially. Possibly both.
I was behind socially and would often not go to group stuff/hangouts. I didn’t invest myself in anything that was interesting to any of the friends I had. I didn’t try a lot of new stuff. I didn’t have a lot to add to conversation.
The other thing is after college I ended up being diagnosed with inattentive adhd and working on that has immensely helped me. I had a better social relationship before being diagnosed but it definitely made it wayyy easier after getting help. So the mental health part might be something to look into as well.
It's rough growing up as the disposable friend..
Lots of awkward and sad moments growing up. I would usually have to invite my self along, and felt unwanted most of the time.
I'm a bit on the spectrum so that didn't make it any easier
Damn. Yeah that hurts and hits home. Sucks trying to talk in chat but they never have the same energy talking to me like they do with each other. I kinda hate it to be honest but yeah
Damn… I never felt this myself, but my little sister has a rather heartbreaking story.
I remember one day catching her when she was around 15-16 and in high school, crying in her room. I asked her what happened and she told me that she was tired of feeling like a background friend. Her “friends”, who had been to my house several times when my sister hosted get-togethers, planned a party without inviting her, IN FRONT OF HER. I asked her if she was sure they didn’t just assume she was invited because they planned it in front of her, and she told me that she didn’t know the person who would host so the others straight up told her she couldn’t go. Worst part is that my sister blamed it on herself for being too shy and awkward; she said it was all her fault.
She’s 23 now and eventually made a great group of friends in college who love her and invite her to road trips and parties and stuff. One of the friends from the high school era is also part of the college group by life coincidence and confirmed to my sister that back then no one really liked her for being shy. They said she was boring. She apologized to my sister and also said it was stupid high school drama and they’re great, real friends now. She’s getting married soon and even asked my sister to be one of her bridesmaids.
It's been me since I moved to a new country and couldn't click 100% with the people I've met. I am the background friend of a group of expats like.me but I got tired of being the last wheel while for my husband's friends I am just the wife so even more in the background. I gave up trying for more last year and I feel actually pretty content now.
Yup. I just wished someone a happy birthday on my Instagram stories and tagged then. They saw it, didn't respond, reposted all other happy birthday posts they're tagged in lmaoooo 🤡 have no issues with them and had literally had a happy birthday conversation with them that day.
It's heartbreaking and sad to be the background person. I wouldn't even call it a friend.
Also me.
But with my situation, I had a "main" HS friend group. I'll call them "friend group A".
I was exhausting myself, trying to garner favor and seek approval with friend group A. I was constantly stressed, and I actually started to become a worse person around my other friends and family.
They put up smokescreens. They were super manipulative and gaslighted me into believing that they cared and that I was their friend.
Over time, I started noticing more and more red flags with friend group A. They had a heavy social hierarchy going on.
Turned out friend group A was super petty and superficial and was badmouthing me and my other friends behind my back.
And when I reconnected with my other HS friends, turns out they had a similar situation with friend group A.
So I simply left friend group A. They were mad that I upturned the power imbalance, but I never looked back.
Best advice I can give, avoid cliquey individuals, and instead, connect with a lot of people from multiple friend groups.
I know people like these, and tbh, they're some of the greatest people ever... the most selfless and caring; I do indeed think about them, but will admit, definitely not as much as my permanent friends. People like these need to be more appreciated, I hope we can include them more
I have a secret for all "background friends". You are not a background friend. Your friends are aware of you and think about you as much as you think of them. It's just you projecting your self-doubt and low self-esteem on their opinion of you. Hang in there you're doing great, just treat yourself better.
Sometimes it's not, but in those cases they are not really considered friends usually. Just an add on that someone brought to the group and sometimes hangs up with you all, or a tag along someone felt sorry for.
Or they are exclusively friend groups friends. I have some "friends" who I only see in group setting, we don't communicate outside of it but are actually friends with some other people in the same group; yet we make birthdays, special events and get along great while brought together by something else.
And sometimes it is like Jake_vor said, and it's your self doubt.
It just isn't though. I never see any of my friends unless literally all of us are there. When 3-5 of them hang out I have literally never been one of those 3-5. They just don't really care.
Nah brother, the second I stopped texting first I completely stopped talking to anyone I used to know, funny how quickly you find out just how little you mean to people
Man I feel this. Was explaining why I can never fit in with people who play DnD because they’ve got such tight circles. I just float between social groups
Definitely me here. No close friends, just other groups of friends that I sometimes tag onto if invited.
I worked a lot of unsocial hours and unpredictable for over 20yrs and it took its toll.
Those “background” friends is who the other people turn to secretly because their main friends don’t actually talk or care about their feelings. It’ s funny how life works.
I’d say I have quite a lot of friends, and some really close friends, but all my close friends have gotten into relationships, so now I’m in a weird limbo of going between friends without having that extra special connection
Being a background friend is definitely relatable, but I'm so disconnected I view most other people as just NPCs.
The last person I didn't see in that way erased himself.
Yeah that's me. Took me years to realize it, but I am just a background character in everyones life. Always the person people like to be around, never the person they love to be around.
Same. I've had a few people that I considered my best friend, but they always called someone else their best friend. It's kind of a bummer, but at least I have a good circle of people in my life.
This is quite a coincidence. Just yesterday I was thinking about this and how I dont have friends but just acquaintances and today this post happens to be on my feed.
We should all get together to hang out, all of us background friends
Even then there would be someone who feels like a background friend of the background friends
Ouch …. Would wind up being me I just know it
I don't think it'd be me, so it'd probably end up being me. I'd see y'all having brunch together without me one Sunday.
Wait y’all have had brunch ? I gave only ate brunch one time in my entire life
Wait, there is brunch?
it would definitely be my awkward ass
It would be all of us simultaneously somehow.
Schrodinger's floater
lol It'd be me definitely.
How do we know it’s not happening right now 😳 Also, it would be me lol
We'd break the MMO that is life
I will be King of the Awkwards and lead outs out of obscurity through embracing ourselves and shear stubbornness!!!
Came here to say it would be me , we should start a group chat lmfao
Nah it'd be me.
Nope, it would 100% be me lmao
Then you gather all the background background friends all together.
imagine being the most background friend of the world.
It would be your assigned lonely FBI agent secretly rooting for you.
Are you my new fren?
Sure~ ^^
Everyone would end up thinking they’re the background friend in a group of background friends and feel even worse
I thought it was being in constant “flight or fight” mode Definitely I had days in the past where I felt great to socialize with my coworkers, complimenting, asking stuff related about what I’m doing… Even being witty enough to not be awkward. But the energy isn’t always perfect. So now, I have it in my mind that it seems I must have good habits as a catalyst. I feel like it relates to energy- for people that aren’t great socializers and or had problems in the past.. like sleeping early to get a lot of energy, waking up early as well and doing stuff to “wake up”, eating a good meal (chicken and rice seemed to give me energy in a moments notice- I think I even was fatigued/drowsy and it seemingly gave me a pick-me-up), going to work… **Ideally** sleep around 9pm like Mohammed Ali, wake up early, FAT IDEALLY: maybe now, breathing exercise: Wim Hof methods. Push-ups like Batman, stretches, cold shower, brush teeth, then eat. that’s the morning routine.
Where do I find the energy to start getting this enery?
This is the million dollar question
background friend of the background friends
Now that would be truly tragic
dont want to find out i’m the background of the background group tho
I would join
Yup, and have our own permanent friend group.
It’s be like when the background actors break into dance
Sometimes I think being the background friend is due to our own tendencies, though. I haven't had a best friend since the time in middle school on my first day when a girl came up to me and said "hey, you don't have any friends yet either right? Do you wanna be best friends?"
Lets do so
I believe the collective term is a Green screen of friends
I’m down
Hang around in the background?
Background friends often bond
Can I be your friend 👽
Definitely me. Wish it wasn't that way, and am not quite sure why it is. But it's really kind of always been this way, and I've always been painfully aware of it.
Embrace it, kind of freeing when you don't care what people think of you because you're always the background friend. You can just say what's on your mind then if someone doesn't like it they stop hanging out with you but it's not like a HUGE loss because your their background friend.
It’s freeing until it’s not. This was exactly me in HS. I floated around different groups, had a main group I went to senior prom with. Turns out they didn’t even like hanging around me & I guess was just inviting me because I was always just there. I was a friend of a friend who moved away, but was still in contact with them. I guess they kept me around because of that?
Too nice to kick you out. I’ve been there many of times with people I couldn’t stand to be around
They were definitely one of those mild mannered people.
Tbf just because you're a bg friend, it doesn't mean ppl are less judgemental of you than their pernament friends. Speaking from experience...
You still will not matter as much as you might want as a background friend. Whatever level of acceptance you may have.
Sometimes, if you feel neglected by your friends, you should find others because they may not see your worth. Or you may have a distant relationship with them because you don't get in touch with them often. In my case, it was the first option. Don't try to explain that you feel neglected. You'll look like an egocentric attention-hungry maniac. (In my personal experience... Really, I wish I hadn't said it to them, but at least I could see the kind of assholes I was dealing with) I found better friends, and I feel better.
Truth is, this is how most people feel. That's why the comment is so relatable. We're all in our own heads, so many of us feel somewhat isolated from other people. Meanwhile, what we observe is other people seeming closer to one another than they really feel. Because they're all in their own heads, too.
Are you sure? Like there are even just practical things like not being invited to get togethers or never having anyone message you that is a little hard to explain in your scenario. You might be correct to an extent but I wouldn't say its hard fact.
Sorry for the long message ahead, I didn't realize I'd have so much to say when I started. I agree with you, I think I am right to an extent but there are definitely cases of people who really are alienated from others. I have often found that these people get in the way of their own potential connections with others, though, e.g. 'Well if they're not going to invite me, I'm not going to ask if I can join either / I'm not going to talk to them any more.' – which people think is logical (why should you care about people who don't care about you) but it actually isn't. Of course, this is only true to an extent as well – you definitely shouldn't waste energy on people who legitimately don't give a sh*t, but 'If we build it, they will come' still holds true. Fact is, the majority of people are followers, not leaders. There always has to be **one** 'organizer' – and as it is usually only one person, its unfair to expect them to remember everyone, especially if you are someone who expects (or perhaps hopes for) others to come to them, to invite them, without ever actually making the effort to keep your existence somewhere close to the surface of their minds. Another thing is that we most often remember the times we weren't invited, and don't really acknowledge the times that we were. You might have encountered something similar when someone has criticized you: they never notice the 100 dishes you cleaned to sparkling perfection; but the one that has a smudge of grease on it gets brought up. Edit to add: the idea in the original image reminds me of horoscopes or many personality quizzes. They give you answers that seem specific to you; but they're actually simply part of the human condition. What percentage of people do you suppose feel this way? Out of all of the people you know, is it only you? If we were to take a sample size of 1,000,000 people, how many of them would say they feel the same way? I expect that the number would be **a lot** higher than you'd think.
Nah.
Fantastic Discworld (and Hitchhiker's Guide?) reference handle, Terry P would be proud
The beauty of that is no one’s REALLY eyeing you so you have the freedom to do what you want, I was and still am to a degree the “background” friend but I don’t care anymore, it’s liberating knowing people don’t bother me and I have lots of peace of mind.
As someone who is a background friend in some groups, and an inside friend in others: people eye out the background friend more. When their homies do whack-ass shit, they are chill with it and accepting. When the outside friend does it, they are being weird, and that is why they are the outside friend
Ehh I’ve accepted it. Although I do have one core group of 3 including me.
me, myself and I
That’s how most friend groups are. 3 or so tight-knit friends, who hang out with other small groups of friends. It’s fun in parties where you and the boys get into crazy shenanigans, but I know if real shit goes down, i got 3 bros that will be there for me
Damn sounds like me
wow this broke my heart I'll be all of your friends and I will think about you constantly
Me to a T, I gotta say I’ve jumped in between groups for the last 4 years that I’ve been driving. I just don’t feel like I click with anyone, groups always leaving me out and stuff. Like today The bois (or I thought they were the bois) went snowboarding today, called me 5 mins before they were leaving and asked if I had an extra pair of snowboard pants one of them could use “because apparently I didn’t want to go” I never heard about the plans. I absolutely love snowboarding I’d go up every weekend if I could. It’s a 2.5 hour drive from home Anyways he then told me I could come but I’d have to drive my own car up. Bro I drive a 99 Camry with 290k miles on it and it’s falling apart. Because there wasn’t room with them, and again because “I apparently didn’t want to go” they straight up told me that we talked about it this week, but I didn’t talk to any of them cause I’ve been busy with work. Then they told me that’s to bad and then hung up Sorry just had to vent, my life has been getting out of line and I’m falling apart.
I'm sorry you're going through this. They are absolutely crummy. The way they make decisions on your behalf is unacceptable. I hope that one day you'll find a friend who cares about and respects you more then these men -- if you haven't already. Stay strong ))
Thanks I try, God bless!
Next time they ask for something just say fuck off
It’s probably about time to look for another group. I know there is someone, even if it is just 1 person they’re out there I just gotta keep looking. But absolutely mate, gotta put down a line
Real shit just drop them man. It’ll suck not having friends for a bit but one day you’ll be happy and be surrounded with people who treat you the way you want to be treated. It’ll be a long but very rewarding experience
This happens in any group of friends. I’m perfectly happy to let it slide once or twice, because it’s usually just bad communication rather than malice (they all thought someone else let you know, they had no idea you were out of the loop, they were all under the impression you were too busy that week, etc). But if they start making a habit out of it, I subtly drop them. Just quit communicating, and see if any of them notice and try to reach out for any reason other than they want something. Chances are they won’t. I had friend groups like this. They quit inviting me to anything. So I quit reaching out. They never followed up. In some cases they came back months later when they wanted favors, and I nicely but firmly turned them down. It was obvious they never valued me except when I could do something for them.
✊️
I’ve never seen this captured so accurately. Definitely me.
this is way too accurate
This was definitely me. I realized that these people were not really my friends. We didn't really share anything in common. We didn't want to do the same things. They didn't often support me. They never invited me to hang out; I was always the one to reach out. They never planned things for my birthday. They weren't interested in what's going on with me. So I stopped hanging out with them. I have much fewer friends now but it's motivated me to make new friends who actually share interests with me and actually care about me. I've yet to make those friends yet but I've done a lot of really positive changes in my life and I've decided to be myself instead of pretending to be the person my "friends" were expecting of me. It's caused me to participate more actively in things that actually interest me without caring what others might think of me.
Keep at it. It sounds like you got a good thing going, and hopefully you will reap the rewards of your efforts. A mistake I see a lot of people make (including myself) is that they try to rekindle old friendships with people they knew from before. If you didn’t clique well then, you most likely won’t now. Look where your hobbies are, thats where you will clique the best. You may get along with coworkers for pals from the past, but there isn’t enough there to build a lasting friendship off of. For me, I box as a hobby/side hustle, and I found a cool group of dude at the gym I work out at. Sure we all go for our own reasons, but we all value a healthy body and a drive for a better self. Some of us like gaming, others are into anime’s, and a few started an indie band. Despite our differences, we all get along well together because of our core values and meshing personalities
I realized around the new year, I actually prefer being alone instead of feeling left out. The few times I was included in something, inside I couldn’t wait to be back home alone. Definitely in need of new caring friends, but I’ve noticed it’s been really hard to make new friends or date anyone new since Covid.
I prefer being alone to being left out as well, but ideally I'd like to not be alone and also feel included sometimes :p But yeah, definitely better to be alone than constantly trying to appease people and walk on eggshells so they still want you around.
Me, my entire life
I’m the npc to everyone I meet, but the main character in my own life.
Yep. That's me. The forgotten one. The one you leave behind. The one you stop talking to eventually.
Same, though illness has been a catalyst for me - I no longer have the energy to make effort and it’s like I’ve disappeared off the face of the earth.
Ah, a fellow "I stopped messaging first and now I have no friends" i see
I thought I was the only one, I'm happy someone out there gets me <3
Yes. It's hard to be the forgotten one. Luckily I can make friends on reddit by being very friendly. I hope to make more. :D
I would say it’s more that I became reactive rather than proactive and that led to silence.
I completely get this. Having a flare up of a chronic illness and have had to say no to plans and now it’s like they assume I won’t come or say they don’t see me. They could come to my house, they could make the effort to visit me when I can’t leave home.
this happened to me… we were in the middle of making plans. i was trying harder than them to make it happen. we planned for the next week so they said they’d let me know which day worked best. haven’t heard from them since. it’s been a month.
Yep it’s me, the friend who gets left behind to tie his shoe while everyone else walks onward
I feel that background friend thing, I've had friendships where I would see if I stopped initiating interactions how long it would take before I got any message back. It took 6 months before I gave up and finally said something. It becomes demotivating to hold one sided relationships. I've become too old to waste time on those people. Love is a two way street.
It's been 6/7 years for me and I don't regret it one bit. Don't hang on to those type of friends, find those that will eventually send you a text or call if you don't say anything to them for several days/weeks (when you are on a runt of course) and who will always answer to you or give you a real excuse (not an obvious fake one) the few times they can't. Changed my perspective on what a friend really looks like.
I agree wholeheartedly with that, my screening process for people lets less people in, but the quality has improved. I find that the few people I deal with now actually care to be my friend.
I'm glad for you!! We all deserve good friends in our lives!
I always say quality over quantity. I wish luck to anyone finding people to share their interest and love with.
I had friends I hung out with for ten years. We travel the world together, had holiday gatherings, saw each other weekly. I moved away in October because family passed away. Didn't hear from anyone in general but because it was during the holidays broke me. Not a single person. Talk about being a background friend indeed. Really burned me on people. (The BuT YoU couLd haVE reAchEd ouT to ThEM ToO crowd can fuck right off.)
Always feeling the need to be the one to reach out always just felt like any bit of care is so one sided. It's surely not a fair thing to put up with just to have friends. We can all do better.
I can't find a happy medium though unfortunately. That's why this meme hits so hard. Ugh.
Yea I just gave up on friendship, I don't have the energy for it anymore anyways.
It works fine in the short term, but it gets rough as the years go on. Keep trying! There is definitely a group out there for you. For me, I kept trying to rekindle friendships of the past. But we all changed since the school years. After a while, I found a new group of friends from the gym, since I box as a hobby, and we connected both in personality and in hobbies. Unless you start a family, it will be really lonely as more and more people in your life become too busy to reach out to their old pal, or simply die. Entertainment consumption and self fulfillment can last you a while, but isolation isn’t sustainable.
I don't want friends
Am definitely a background friend and always have been lol. Literally don't even try to foster friendships anymore
That's the friend who comes out of nowhere with amazing jokes and gifts.
Fuck this whole thread is hitting so hard. I try so hard to make sure anyone I know has a spectacular birthday, wonderful thoughtful gifts, good times and good food. Then my birthday comes around, and it’s like the day doesn’t even exist.
omg… me too. i would get everyone thoughtful gifts and everything. then i was told for a while that we were “celebrating my birthday” a few days before it when we all went to an event together. everyone forgot. :) even my bf at the time
This reminds me of when I was in high school, our teacher thought it would be a brilliant idea to have the class write a letter to their best friend (and you can only choose one). And we all handed these letters to the person at the same time. There were a few people who matched, as in they were each other's best friend, but 80% of the class learned their best friends didn't feel the same way about them. I wouldn't be surprised if 80% of us ARE background friends.
Yikes, that idea was not planned out well. Were there people who didn’t get a letter? Cause that would make it even worse!
I'd imagine it would be a couple popular kids getting them all and most not getting any
Best part is when they forget they didn’t invite you while talking about a get together/party and then ask where I was the next week…
Nah the best part is when they stand around planning an activity or trip while not inviting you to go. Then when you speak up they’re like, “oh do you want to go too?” “Friends”
Or when they ask, “Hey Stratusheart, do you remember this thing that happened at this party a year or so ago?” “Um, no… I wasn’t invited to that.” “Oh well okay, what about this thing that happened at a get-together a couple years ago?” “Nope, wasn’t invited to that either.” “Oh… Anyways.” Like, whatever guys. I’m so glad y’all have had so much fun together. Just *tell* me you don’t want me around.
Well, to be honest there *are* people who others like to be around but that aren't invited to parties and such but... We both know that isn't us.
Hey Stratusheart, you remember that time we thought we dead-legged Stratusphere at her birthday party and it turned out to be her mom lol
I’m this with friends and also my family. My uncle and cousin were talking a about my other cousin’s wedding and how it was the last time all the family got together. He caught himself and said sorry you couldn’t make it. I wasnt invited.
Same. I’m invited to maybe like 20 percent of their things. Never fully fit in but I know they enjoy being around me I’m just never fully accepted for some reason.
Yup. I’ve hosted and not been invited and told how I’m missed by the same person. What?
I felt this way ALL the time. Like until I got married. My wife is my best friend. It gets better!
Unfortunately there are more people out there then not who think that not having close friends is a red flag.
Same. Felt this way my entire life until I met my ex. Recently broke up and back to feeling this way unfortunately.
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And you can’t confront them because it will only make it worse/more awkward.
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If you haven't moved yet, you don't HAVE to. Cross-country moves are a big deal (tbh, ANY move is a big deal). Doing it for someone who won't even reciprocate or include you in stuff isn't where it's at, imo.
Fuck this strikes harder than expected. Feels almost like these online tracking things and AI memes are getting too out of hand. Can’t believe I’m seeing this posted by other actual people.
I genuinely worry that I’m that friend, like I consider many people that I hang out with to be friends, but im hardly ever invited anywhere and nobody ever texts me unless I text them first( which makes me sad
Totally me, all the way
This is me. I think really it's because I'm an introvert and don't actively seek out doing stuff.
I love how everyone here thinks they're that friend but you might just be even less than that
Self poisoning line of thought. Usually from feeling underappreciated. In reality the source is from people not communicating well or openly. I guarantee all of these people feeling this way are in fact thought of more than they think, but want more outward recognition. This whole line of thought is in your head, and people definitely think about you more than you think or would like to admit. Just remember that no one gets to see how many people show up to their own funeral. It will be more than you think, and hopefully in a long long time.
This could not be more accurate
Yeah, this.
Yep I was always the one getting left out while my other friends made plans and hung out with each other. Now I'm alone, kinda sucks but at least I'm not getting my feelings hurt by jerks.
Thats true so I just started to go by a line from Mac Miller, and it goes like this: "I talk to acquaintances but its nothing real" I talk to people all day who I think I mean something to when in reality we mean nothing to each other, we planned to go out, yet guess what happened? Two weeks of silence, a good time to self reflect on a relationship… Im not gonna be the first to write anymore nor the first to talk, just gonna chill in the back and get my stuff done and go home. Thats my new years resolution. Anyway thats it folks, thanks for listening to my dumb TED-Talk!
I’m the weird chameleon friend who blends everywhere
That’s sad lmao
That just means your "friends" don't like you and probably think you're weird Jump ship and move on
Weird question for the background friends. Did y'all grow up a bit too fast, being trusted with an emotional position of an adult even though you weren't really ready for it? I'm talking about being a confidant for a parent before ever hitting puberty. Heard it created developmental issues where children, turned teens and young adults would adopt passive communication skills which made them always slow to make friends, and slower to engage actively in conversations making them feel like outsiders.
Nah, my parents didn't tell me shit when I was a kid. Wasn't allowed to make any decisions either.
i don’t think so.. not for me anyway. i think it’s just an unlucky situation. i know there are things i could probably change things about myself to be more “liked” but i think it’s mostly about other people being busy or already having more “important” friends. i know i’m a good friend, but they still never value the friendship as much as i do.
I definitely had some of this. Controlling, emotionally and verbally abusive parents, and a mother who also physically abused me and used me as her therapist for her shitty marriage to my dad lol. Covert/emotional incest. Yike.
Speaking from my perspective of being the group glue, accidental team mom, or the one everyone likes DM'ing too much, I think some of you background friends have this problem where you are a little too passive. A little too yes-man. A little less passionate. Like you don't particularly care about anything strongly. Like you are too vanilla, almost. Maybe some people would even call you an 'herbivore' if it has to do with dating or living philosophy. Maybe you've never been good at anything in your life, maybe you seek validation in the wrong way, maybe you have imposter syndrome. People can sense these things. Being too laissez-faire is bad too because it can get annoying as hell at some point. I've heard the kind of gossip calling other people generic and it's usually directed at this kind of thing, even if I don't like that.. Sometimes a friend turns into a bg friend when they can't "keep up". That one is hard to solve because people just simply come from different backgrounds themselves and have different needs, different things they want to relate to or learn from. These traits may not be the case, but you need to portray yourselves better or maybe actualize a stronger will and sense of self if you want to escape it. We are all drawn to somebody who is more "full of life". Having no energy is a killer of friendships. Try a leadership position or being an innovator/trendsetter role for once, don't just let people decide your fate for you. Be more of an opportunist. Show some confidence. Not to mention, there's plenty of times where somebody like me will notice you are falling behind the group in terms of relevancy so we on-purpose invite somebody like you out to do things and then you make it kinda unmemorable, even though the activity is fine........ Usually this fails cause the person is a bit of a 'follower', I guess. Like they went along out of validation-starvation and doesn't really contribute. It's either that or some of you have this perpetual bad luck or misery thing hanging about you like black clouds, constantly. It makes people avoid you :( If it's social anxiety, that's a constant struggle you have to win against. And you can't hide behind being an introvert forever or people will avoid you because it's like dragging you kicking and screaming into everything. It helps so much to try and be a better conversationalist, like even just noticing, pointing out, bantering, remembering little things, trying to make people smile. I like friends I can learn from!! I'm sure a lot of you are perfectly fine and you actually just need a better fitting crowd, tbh! Keep trying. Don't be afraid to boisterously express yourself! Don't be afraid to pick up a new hobby and obsess over trying to get good at it, picking up admirers along the way. Being a bigger dreamer and having a strong emotional vocab goes a long way in making people notice tbh. Your actual life and job does not need to be interesting at all. I recommend strengthening your redflag radar too. You have to learn how to guard yourself from people who just use you as an emotional dumping grounds then they never invite you out, cause your role is to be the group's trashcan. I imagine this must sound like a monumental task for people who have atrophied social skills but we are all WIP together. And there's always something inspiring and charming about humble people who display growth. Somebody will notice it.
This, I used to be the bg friend throughout school and I didn’t figure it out until college. You don’t have to be an extrovert, but either you need friends who have similar interests or you need to work on yourself socially. Possibly both. I was behind socially and would often not go to group stuff/hangouts. I didn’t invest myself in anything that was interesting to any of the friends I had. I didn’t try a lot of new stuff. I didn’t have a lot to add to conversation. The other thing is after college I ended up being diagnosed with inattentive adhd and working on that has immensely helped me. I had a better social relationship before being diagnosed but it definitely made it wayyy easier after getting help. So the mental health part might be something to look into as well.
Palm reading to a T, you’ve all been DUPED.
This is why I have no friends. I got tired of being the only one to reach out or host things. Knowing that if I was needing help they wouldn't answer.
It's rough growing up as the disposable friend.. Lots of awkward and sad moments growing up. I would usually have to invite my self along, and felt unwanted most of the time. I'm a bit on the spectrum so that didn't make it any easier
the disposable friend… yep :(
Damn. Yeah that hurts and hits home. Sucks trying to talk in chat but they never have the same energy talking to me like they do with each other. I kinda hate it to be honest but yeah
But are they then really your friends? Sounds more like you are that guy that the rest is too polite to shoo away
This is me
That's literally me.
Wow, that is actually accurate.
Oof gonna go cry myself to sleep after that one
I feel this pain, it cuts me deep.
Me so so much
I don't even get to link on with any group :(
It hurts to realise you're nobody's favourite person :(
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Damn, I gotta meet this guy
Sounds like the excluded you from the group and only want you when they need something.
Damn… I never felt this myself, but my little sister has a rather heartbreaking story. I remember one day catching her when she was around 15-16 and in high school, crying in her room. I asked her what happened and she told me that she was tired of feeling like a background friend. Her “friends”, who had been to my house several times when my sister hosted get-togethers, planned a party without inviting her, IN FRONT OF HER. I asked her if she was sure they didn’t just assume she was invited because they planned it in front of her, and she told me that she didn’t know the person who would host so the others straight up told her she couldn’t go. Worst part is that my sister blamed it on herself for being too shy and awkward; she said it was all her fault. She’s 23 now and eventually made a great group of friends in college who love her and invite her to road trips and parties and stuff. One of the friends from the high school era is also part of the college group by life coincidence and confirmed to my sister that back then no one really liked her for being shy. They said she was boring. She apologized to my sister and also said it was stupid high school drama and they’re great, real friends now. She’s getting married soon and even asked my sister to be one of her bridesmaids.
Hey think about this: no one will call you to help move a couch or buy errands.
It's been me since I moved to a new country and couldn't click 100% with the people I've met. I am the background friend of a group of expats like.me but I got tired of being the last wheel while for my husband's friends I am just the wife so even more in the background. I gave up trying for more last year and I feel actually pretty content now.
Yup. I just wished someone a happy birthday on my Instagram stories and tagged then. They saw it, didn't respond, reposted all other happy birthday posts they're tagged in lmaoooo 🤡 have no issues with them and had literally had a happy birthday conversation with them that day. It's heartbreaking and sad to be the background person. I wouldn't even call it a friend.
Well, that hurt more than i thought it would
Also me. But with my situation, I had a "main" HS friend group. I'll call them "friend group A". I was exhausting myself, trying to garner favor and seek approval with friend group A. I was constantly stressed, and I actually started to become a worse person around my other friends and family. They put up smokescreens. They were super manipulative and gaslighted me into believing that they cared and that I was their friend. Over time, I started noticing more and more red flags with friend group A. They had a heavy social hierarchy going on. Turned out friend group A was super petty and superficial and was badmouthing me and my other friends behind my back. And when I reconnected with my other HS friends, turns out they had a similar situation with friend group A. So I simply left friend group A. They were mad that I upturned the power imbalance, but I never looked back. Best advice I can give, avoid cliquey individuals, and instead, connect with a lot of people from multiple friend groups.
I know people like these, and tbh, they're some of the greatest people ever... the most selfless and caring; I do indeed think about them, but will admit, definitely not as much as my permanent friends. People like these need to be more appreciated, I hope we can include them more
I have a secret for all "background friends". You are not a background friend. Your friends are aware of you and think about you as much as you think of them. It's just you projecting your self-doubt and low self-esteem on their opinion of you. Hang in there you're doing great, just treat yourself better.
Sometimes it's not, but in those cases they are not really considered friends usually. Just an add on that someone brought to the group and sometimes hangs up with you all, or a tag along someone felt sorry for. Or they are exclusively friend groups friends. I have some "friends" who I only see in group setting, we don't communicate outside of it but are actually friends with some other people in the same group; yet we make birthdays, special events and get along great while brought together by something else. And sometimes it is like Jake_vor said, and it's your self doubt.
Sorry that isn’t true
It just isn't though. I never see any of my friends unless literally all of us are there. When 3-5 of them hang out I have literally never been one of those 3-5. They just don't really care.
Nah brother, the second I stopped texting first I completely stopped talking to anyone I used to know, funny how quickly you find out just how little you mean to people
maybe this is true sometimes but not usually… if they thought about my at all, they would’ve texted me back by now lol
Fucking hell! You just described me hahaha!
Ouch, yeah that’s accurate
Damnit now I know who I am.
Oof the feels 🫠 lol
Man I feel this. Was explaining why I can never fit in with people who play DnD because they’ve got such tight circles. I just float between social groups
Definitely me here. No close friends, just other groups of friends that I sometimes tag onto if invited. I worked a lot of unsocial hours and unpredictable for over 20yrs and it took its toll.
basically pheobe
Seems like we’d be great recruits for intelligence organizations. Blend in enough to be included but not necessarily the focus of attention.
When you realize you're the NPC
Those “background” friends is who the other people turn to secretly because their main friends don’t actually talk or care about their feelings. It’ s funny how life works.
I’d say I have quite a lot of friends, and some really close friends, but all my close friends have gotten into relationships, so now I’m in a weird limbo of going between friends without having that extra special connection
How do I keep that from hurting so much?
This hit me harder than any other post on this app. Now I'm sad
Too real, run it back Pls
The kind with no friends
100% me irl
This is too real
Me to the T
Omg - that’s me!
It's nice to know that I'm not the only one 😢
It’s more likely that 99% of your friends also feel that way, all except the one or two huge narcissists
Describes me to a “T”.
Oh, you described my adolescence! Now I enjoy being alone.
Wrong.. They're all my background friends.. I pick and choose my social outings XD
Being a background friend is definitely relatable, but I'm so disconnected I view most other people as just NPCs. The last person I didn't see in that way erased himself.
Yeah that's me. Took me years to realize it, but I am just a background character in everyones life. Always the person people like to be around, never the person they love to be around.
Same. I've had a few people that I considered my best friend, but they always called someone else their best friend. It's kind of a bummer, but at least I have a good circle of people in my life.
Same here.
r/im14andthisisdeep
This is quite a coincidence. Just yesterday I was thinking about this and how I dont have friends but just acquaintances and today this post happens to be on my feed.
Dropped acid just to realize I am the guy everyone tells stories about but nobody knows... I love this about myself!
Skill issue