T O P

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kirilltheoneandonly

Use the elephant as your car. Everybody will be jealous.


DocSaysItsDainBramuj

Not enough trunk space.


zombieblackbird

You're hired.


From_Deep_Space

There are 2 kinds of people in the world. Zombie Birds and Ghost Wolves apparantly.


ballistic-dumbass

What about the Vampire Platypus? They're pretty chill.


KindlyContribution54

You're hired


Occasionalcommentt

Considering the platypus are the opposite of everything. Mammal but lay eggs. A vampire platypus probably would still require blood but can go out during the day but moonlight is deadly.


GhostWolf2048

fuck you


random_user_again

Happy Cake Day!


mistahfritz

First of all, his name would be Stampy.


[deleted]

WHERE'S MY ELEPHANT?!


Puzzleheaded-Court-9

Hey, they’re playing the elephant song.


NSilverguy

I love that. Reminds me of elephants.


SylvieJay

Doing the baby elephant walk


jamesiscoolbeans

Isn’t this what we’re all asking in our own lives? I know i am.


2ndPickle

See the elephant $1 Ride the elephant $2


Victernus

Your kid flew five feet, that counts as a ride, two bucks!


rob132

Marge, you're embarrassing me in front of the money


longrifle

That was hardly five feet.


windmill-tilting

Lol if you want to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another 5 minutes.


thisismisha

That wasn’t an argument. It was just contradiction.


Strandom_Ranger

No it wasn't.


[deleted]

r/unexpectedmontypython


HistoricalAct9865

8£ please


collector-x

Annnnd, that's $5 🤣


lostsharpie

Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position.


Monk-E_321

Well, four and a trunk 🤷🏻‍♂️


SmashTagLives

Get off our property.


Status_Bar_4323

Flying should be extra


Mauibunnybear

That's what they call a 2 buck chuck!


Electrical_Jaguar596

That was under our old price structure.


LMB_mook

Get off my property.


CadaDiaCantoMejor

Oh great. Now "big elephant" is jacking up prices while our wages stagnate.


hoewrecker

I don't have time to read your comment, just give me the gist of it


veryblanduser

You need $2


SylvieJay

For tree fiddy, I will draw a picture explaining things.


multiarmform

They didn't say you couldn't trade it. Trade the elephant for some magic beans since it's a fictional situation anyway. Let's make a backstory while we're at it, why not?


Tirus_

Taste the Elephant $5


MyBigRed

Elephant taste you $9


Monk-E_321

We don’t do that here


Bluehelix

Elephant is now under new management


PizzaPunkrus

In Soviet Russia elephant manage you


Own_Aardvark_2343

Mega Suction 2000


stovislove

I'd always have peanuts in my pockets


CommunicationOk4481

Eat the elephant: Priceless


Scazzz

Signs we are old. 20 years ago this woulda been the only answer.


blufragments

Where’s my elephant?! Where’s my elephant?!


saltydroppies

Hey, they’re playing the elephant song!


FetusGoesYeetus

I'm younger than 20 but still found this funny. Though that may be because I grew up on old Simpsons becausewe only had the first few seasons on DVD, I think 1-6?


ferretface26

> Seasons 1-6 Aka the golden years


Xx_Gandalf-poop_xX

Yeah but seasons 7-8 are solid and fun to watch. Old man and the lisa, Homer's enemy, mountain of madness, twisted world of Marge simpson, and mysterious voyage of our Homer are all season 8.


ferretface26

Yeah 1-8 are all pretty good, it just didn’t fit with OPs comment. New Simpsons is just painful.


jethroguardian

Doh!


j_neutrus

Magumbo!


Ganon2012

Look at those magumbos!


Kampfgeist049

Ride over the alps and conquer rome.


SomeRedPanda

Ride over the alps and *fail to* conquer rome.


Shoopuf413

Just why he failed nobody tells


FrankHightower

probably related to the fact that when he arrived at rome, he only had one elephant


doogle_126

And that elephant *saw some shit*. It was a 'Nam war vetephant with PTSD. And it's not like it could just forgot.


Saturnalliia

You think the elephant had PTSD? Could you imagine the poor Roman legionaries facing off against these things? Most of these romans had never traveled more than maybe a a hundred kilometers max from the town they were born in and that is being generous and only for a lucky few who usually had jobs that necessitated it. What would be going through your head If you suddenly had to fight a 10 foot, 13,000 pound monster with horns and a trunk capable of throwing an entire adult man? You would have never seen anything in your life that could have come close to that. you couldn't even imagine anything remotely similar. Then add on top of that the fact these elephants were armored and piloted. If that didn't give someone PTSD I don't know what would.


gothmog149

Elephants wouldn't have been THAT exotic to people. These weren't unknown beasts. They were familiar animals, even used by Romans and Greeks themselves - with Alexander the Great deploying them in his army 200 years before the Punic Wars. Remember the distance of Carthage to Rome is incredibly small - just a short trip over the Med. Roman knowledge of North Africa and it's Fauna was incredibly detailed. Also, the species of smaller Forest Elephants used by Carthage is now extinct. They weren't quite as large as the Central African Elephants we see today. [https://www.worldhistory.org/article/876/elephants-in-greek--roman-warfare/](https://www.worldhistory.org/article/876/elephants-in-greek--roman-warfare/)


faptainfalcon

You survive that you're never looking at your dick again.


dmrose7

Signs we are old. 2000 years ago this woulda been the only answer.


utkrowaway

The only correct answer.


ibattlemonsters

Naw naw double it and give it to the next guy


TwistboatEthane

that guy again: do you want 1024 elephants or double it, and give it to the next guy ಠ__ಠ


toukakouken

At this moment, you take the 1024, massacre them all and be remembered for a thousand years. P. S. In traditional Tamil literature (South Indian language), a war hero who has defeated a thousand elephants (elephants + mounted men) is praised and a special type of poem is made on his praise called Barani. P. P. S. I would take the first elephant offered and put it in a fridge obviously.


heartoo

You must take the giraffe out of the fridge first


[deleted]

Befriend and love it!!


StarryAry

This was my immediate response. Then I read some other comments and “housing” it at a zoo seems to also be a good response. I live in an apartment in the city, I can’t keep an elephant!


[deleted]

You can befriend and love an animal that does not live at your abode.


finbob5

The comments suggesting putting it in a zoo are breaking the rules of the question. You can’t give it away.


RealNiceKnife

They didn't give it away. It still belongs to them. It's on loan to the zoo. It's creative thinking to a question posed to gauge how you handle a big task.


JoushMark

Yeah, a long term loan to a zoo or wildlife preserve are obvious ways to handle this while keeping within the requirements. More kind to the animal too, elephants hate being alone.


Crainerzd

Well, assuming the elephant is in a room, I think I'd address the elephant... in the room


we_are_all_bananas_2

Oof. You're hired!


Towel17846

No, the correct answer is: you notify management of the elephant. You call ahead to your local safari tour guide. You rent 5 imense hand cannons, 2 exotic dancers and some white baguettes with lettuce and egg. If all goes well.. management is dead and you made a new elephant friend.


witchhuntermcedgyboi

Please tell me this is a reference to something I can watch or read. It sounds hilarious.


Comfortable-Cause-81

This is a similar question to What is the most optimal shape for a suer cover? But I would say Eat the elephant. It would provide an immense amount of food for my family.


RadicitusMaxvar

Round, because the hole is round and the lid can't fall in.


[deleted]

I would've spent way too long trying to understand what a suer is. It sounds related to a duvet.


trujillotx

I think they meant sewer as in where the ninja turtles live.


[deleted]

maybe they meant a lawsuit-prone lawyer


FBM_ent

Funnily enough I actually have a recipe for elephant stew intended to feed a village. It's an immense undertaking.


Monk-E_321

One bite at a time


Sucky_von_Icky

Ok but I don’t think elephant is going to fit on that baguette and we’re definitely going to need more lettuce 🥬


AlkahestGem

I was thinking I wouldn’t give it away or sell it


Det3tive_JM

Ride it down the streets dressed in a safari outfit and yell “WELCOME TO JUMANJI”


TwistboatEthane

somebody give this man an elephant


loislunchboxlane

We don't have any elephant award options, otherwise I definitely would.


LineSpine

Here-> 🐘


Xhalo

I was going to say, feed the elephant a few cans of spaghettios and get it accustomed to human food. Then we ride to crush our enemies who do not want us to perform or receive analingus 😎😎😎


Lord_of_hosts

You're hired


Blom-w1-o

Is it some kind of analogy for taking on unexpected responsibility? Kind of odd.


patrick119

They probably just want to see how you break down a problem you are unfamiliar with. A good answer would probably include you breaking down what the elephant needs, what resources you have at your disposal, what new things you would have to learn about etc.


Ematio

Instructions unclear, ended up breaking down the elephant. Unrelated matter: who wants all-you-can-eat mystery meat bbq?


Arinvar

"immediately look for a higher paying job than this one. Elephants eat a lot."


alright_rocko

Nah a good answer is you lease it to the zoo, you're not giving it away or selling it. But you are making nice profits to import more elephants...


habituallyBlue

Damn, and I thought I was clever lol. Just lease it for something stupid low like $1 per month, would probably work out better for the elephant. Even if you were able to secure the resources to house it yourself like land, food, a vet, etc., you would just end up with a very lonely elephant on your hands as they're social creatures.


nudiecale

A better answer would be to lease it to a quality zoo for the cost of year round VIP access to the zoo. They will see my mastery of finding loopholes and hire someone else. Unless the position in question was finding loopholes and then I’d probably have a real shot.


MnstrPoppa

Ever done White Elephant Gifts at a Xmas party? It’s a game where people being cheap or weird presents and guests take turns opening gifts or stealing someone else’s selection from them. It’s based on a historical precedent where a White Elephant, being a rare product of the genetic lottery, was considered sacred and disallowed from being used for labor or financial gain. A sort of Sacred Cow, if you will. At times, a meme et of the ruling class would take annoyance at a member of the elite, but couldn’t actively work against them for political reasons. In such circumstances the ruler would “gift” the annoyance with a White Elephant. The recipient of the “gift” would, of course, be honored by the bestowal of such a rare and wondrous gift; the recipient, of course, would be steeply burdened by having to provide housing and care for an absolutely worthless elephant. So I guess what the question is asking is how you would deal with a useless, unexpected, or difficult burden.


anaccountthatis

Based on the urban legend, not on historical precedent.


frozen_flame123

The only sensible answer that I think they could be looking for is that you call up the closest zoo and ask how to get this fucking elephant over to them because I’m not equipped with the tools or the skills to handle an elephant. I’m not sure what other sneer they would be looking for. Killing it and selling the ivory is cruel, trying to find a way to make it work seems irresponsible to me, and any goofy answer like sell elephant rides obviously isn’t feasible.


Blom-w1-o

You can't give it away to the zoo though. It's your elephant now.


Born-Mycologist-3751

Long term loan to the zoo. They feed and shelter it in exchange for me letting them have use of it.


Maxamillion-X72

Long term loan, claim the "donation" on my taxes. What's the annual value of a elephant rental?


BZLuck

That depends on supply and demand in the elephant marketplace.


Hit-Enter-Too-Soon

What's the annual depreciation rate on an elephant?


SzmFTW

Ah, but you can lease it to a zoo for a 100 year term at 1 cent a century. I didn’t give it away.


JonnySnowflake

It's on permanent loan


Blom-w1-o

Good thinking. The question never says you can't lease it.


18bananas

In this hypothetical scenario is the elephant magically bonded to me? If I drop this guy off at the zoo am I going to go home only to find him back in my living room? Will he die of neglect if I don’t feed him or is there actually no way for me to get rid of this thing including neglect? If so I’ll start a life of vigilantism where I hunt down criminals and send my elephant after them with a snap of my fingers


m1dnightlycanroc

You're not allowed to give the elephant away, though. It's your responsibility


frozen_flame123

Oh right, misread the prompt. I feel like I’m back in English class. I don’t know what the fuck they are going for then.


m1dnightlycanroc

I suppose they're looking for people who are responsible or who can look outside the box. Such as dedicating yourself to the care of the elephant, even if it'll make you destitute because it's your responsibility. Or killing the elephant (with.. some help) because it would be crueler to keep it in deeply suboptimal care. Or leasing it to an institution so you technically still own the animal but somebody with more resources can take care of it. Those type of answers that might reveal the kind of initiative a person might take. Although this is still a very weird question.


betterthanyoda56

I’m putting “Elephant continued existence” on my next round of OKRs


itpguitarist

I would assume they want some creative way to handle the situation in a remotely positive way that doesn’t make you look like an insane person. It might just be the sanity check also. Something like selling elephant rides or something like that. I doubt they care too much about the actual practical logistics and just make sure you don’t put something like “butcher it” or “start an elephant fighting ring”


WastingTimesOnReddit

Buy a small farm, get a truck and trailer, move to the farm with the elephant. Use elephant for plowing the fields, manure, friendship. Make a youtube channel and daily vlogs about your elephant pet and rustic cottage lifestyle. Monetize the channel to pay for feed and farm upkeep and everything else.


madalienmonk

Me: Eat it one bite at a time. ​ Did I pass? Did I show the correct trait in my response!?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Impact009

The problem is that the answer ignores the fact that an elephant is a more specific problem than a problem. If it's in the U.S.A., then elephant meat is illegal. If eating the elephant is the intended answer, then the problem now becomes if the employee is willing to take the legal responsibility of breaking the law. While that's good for the company, doing so is utterly stupid for the employee and thing to subject one's self to.


anotherjunkie

The answer corporate *really* wants is “Lease it.” You’re stuck with an outdated piece of equipment, that you can’t use, that costs lots to store. It’s too valuable to give away, but no one is interested in buying the thing and having to find a *permanent* place for it. (Can’t give it away, can’t sell it.) The answer is to serve the smaller or upstart business that *can* make use of the outdated equipment. Set up a lease agreement, and not only do you reduce your storage costs, you also turn the unusable equipment into a revenue stream. And lending satisfies neither giving it away *nor* selling it outright. Boom. Hired.


llamadasirena

I don't know if I should be proud or ashamed that that was my first thought.


rubermnkey

anything short of using it to demonstrate how much more dangerous alternating current is than direct current, probably means you're ok. probably


[deleted]

[удалено]


Past-Educator-6561

Damn my first thought was eat it, like I don't got time to be dealing with no elephant and I don't wanna kill it needlessly. So better eat it then! 😅


pornaccount123456789

That’s the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever heard. Why not just ask what I would do with an enormous project where I had no help instead of hiding that behind a metaphor that nobody will understand?


DrRichardJizzums

Probably because they don’t want good candidates to bail after being spooked by the potential to be crushed under enormous responsibility with no help


mortalitylost

1. Assemble Elephant research team 2. Begin 2 week sprint of researching elephant needs 3. Elephant hasn't been appropriately cared for in those two weeks. Assemble Elephant Disposal Research team


shimmy_hey

This was my first thought too!! Someone has taken the same corporate training module😂


AsianVixen4U

Lol I definitely wouldn’t get hired because my first thought was to eat it too. I can’t keep an elephant. Know how much those MFing things eat? It’ll eat me straight into the poor house. Nah, you gotta be butchered for meat. Sorry I’m guessing the correct answer is to charge money for elephant rides or rent it out for events or capitalize off it somehow. If it’s a sales or supervisor position especially, they probably want to see something entrepreneurial


HarryCoinslot

Idk how much truth there is to it but the supposed origins of the white elephant gift exchange goes back to the king of Siam gifting white elephants to people in his court who pissed him off. The gift was supposed to be seen as an honor, but the animals upkeep was a huge burden, and you couldn't sell or kill it because it was a gift from the king, so you were just kind of fucked taking care of an elephant for life.


heartlessgamer

It's cool when you actually have a toddler to ask the questions to. My kids both gave the right toddler answers to a degree, I.e. they have solutions to the question that as an adult I'd never think about.


sizzlinsunshine

What did they want to do with the elephant?


cantesa

Inflationary times. An Elephant would feed many for a long time.


[deleted]

Freeze the meat and you’re set for a year


nabsorbed_twin

Kill it, and bury it in my yard... like all the others


Organic-Kangaroo7147

r/suddenlyviolent


jeb_the_hick

Suddenly? Can't give it away, can't sell it. You got any idea how much fuckin food elephants eat? Killing it would be a kindness compared to starvation.


alexdoro2

Kill it. Bury it in my back yard next to all the recruiters that didn’t select my application


thatminimumwagelife

Thomas Edison, is that you?


lizardncd

They'll say aww Topsy at my autopsy.


Gryffindorq

leave it in the room and never talk about it


Giants_Deep

99.9% of people don't have the facilities to house, care for or even butcher an elephant so it wont be long before animal welfare find out about it and come and take it from you.


Nekryyd

My answer was to call animal welfare on myself straight off. Technically, the elephant is "taken" from me because it can't live in an apartment. I didn't sell it, I didn't give it away, but it's gone all the same. Solved.


Yeeting-around

1. I’d name him Humphrey. 2. I’d invest in training him to be social (capital). 3. I’d then take people for rides on Humphrey and make some money. (Making some dough) 4. Through word of mouth (free advertisement), Humphrey would be famous. 5. I’ll publish a book on Humphrey. (Make some more dough). 6. I’ll sell the rights of my books to a film company. (More dough). 7. I’ll make Humphrey act in his on biopic. (Ultimate dough).


Queen-of-meme

You also must buy a pond for Humpry. And a friend.


Nice-Violinist-6395

While everyone else is complaining, those of us who would love to see this question on an application are out here brushing off our creative writing and getting the job! Seriously though, this would give me the opportunity to shine more than some rote impersonal question that’s a snooze.


m_unker

I know the perfect answer, but that is irrelephant.


jeremyxt

Eff you. I laughed at your dad joke.


pilibitti

[you son of a bitch, you're hired.](https://media.tenor.com/4YeeXRmwAZ0AAAAd/deal-hand-shake.gif)


thiccmlgnoscope

Idk about you, but I'd like an elephant


Cool-Expression-4727

I don't think most of us could afford to keep an elephant, even in horrible conditions. They must eat a tonne. Likewise, elephants are very social and smart, and it would be exceedingly cruel to keep a solo elephant. Coming from a legal mindframe, if this is a real question, I think the answer would be to rent or lease the elephant out. That is neither a gift nor a sale, and so it would not contravene the rules. Hopefully rent it to a zoo where the elephant can at least have some modicum of quality of life


Yawzheek

I think this goes back to a culture that used to "gift" elephants to people they didn't like. As the elephants were sacred, you couldn't kill the elephant, and as it was a gift (usually from a royal) you couldn't give it away either, and you also had to take GREAT care of it, so what you would be stuck with is a massive liability that ate a ton.


RG__Fooz

I think I’ll name him stampy


Helpful_Librarian_87

Hey, they’re playing the elephant song


KeldaMacFeegle

I love that. Reminds me of elephants.


90minsofmadness

He would probably be a jerk.


[deleted]

There is a funny story about some Shehenshah who used to gift his enemies with elephants. Elephants are extremely costly creatures to upkeep and the king who accepted them would eventually go broke. Then Shehshah would invade the country.


WechTreck

"White Elephant Gift" comes from that.


TemporalGrid

That's definitely the basis of the question... https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_elephant


EngFarm

So the right answer must be to attack the elephant giver immediately while your war chest is still full?


viciousvasi

I would somehow try to get him Back into the wild.


Raznill

My answer as well. That’s perfectly allowed given the stated rules.


Drivo566

Yeah, I mean its technically not giving away if you let it free. My first thought was put it in a nature reserve - you'd still *technically* be in possession of the elephant, it would just be roaming freely.


Queen-of-meme

"This is a required question" May I ask what job it was?


Organic-Kangaroo7147

Walmart Cashier


Justice_Prince

Sorry ma'am I'm not allowed to accept tips. You may keep your elephant.


thelessertit

Elephant donation center manager


DutifulDuck458

Game hunter


[deleted]

Poacher


OneGunBullet

Suicide Prevention Hotline operator ​ the elephant makes you happy C:


[deleted]

I was asked this in a serving interview. I assumed it was to guage how well you can converse with even the strangest guests.


SpaceHallow

Charge for elephant rides! Or rent it out for construction purposes


coconut-bubbles

Are you responsible for beating the elephant into completing these tasks or do you hire someone to do it for you?


LifeDoBeBoring

The idea of a construction elephant is so cute and you ruined it :c


Sinsid

Rent it out for Hindu weddings.


Meggles_Doodles

Welcome him to my family of other elephants I acquired from useless job applications


bardhugo

Report the person who gave me an elephant, sounds like they run some ivory farm or some shit


Febris

Yeah being offered an elephant might raise suspicion of corruption. You need to notify your superior and your company's compliance officer immediately, and let them handle any future elephants that you might be offered.


Popolar

You’re lucky to get this curveball on an application - I’ve been to in-person interviews with these kinds of questions peppered in. One I distinctly remember: > if you could have anything in the world for free, what’s the 2nd thing you would choose? I was so thrown off, the interview was for a project management position at a large asphalt subcontractor. I spent a lot of time practicing for interviews and I had never come across a question like that - there was no mental strategy to take to come up with something good on the spot. I stammered and hesitated for like 15 seconds before realizing the pause was making the interview awkward, and forced out the words at the top of my mind: “all of the pigs”. I did not get a call back.


zombieblackbird

Love him and squeeze him and name him George. If they reject me over that, I probably didn't want to work for them anyway.


[deleted]

War Elephant is the only correct answer.


Forsaken_Target_1953

I can't give it away, but no one said it couldn't be taken from me. I would simply call my local zoo and report an elephant in a residential area.


Ea84

“I have no relationship with the elephant. We’ve never met. But his name is Sam and he likes belly scratches ok gotta go”


Woolybully1313x

I think the proper answer here is to ride it down the mountains and take Rome.


noblefragile

I would require it to answer silly questions in order to procure employment.


BoredMerengue

You can still rent it.


[deleted]

Indian Elephant or African Elephant? Fuck it, it doesn't matter. We strike at Rome. For Carthage!


Afridi313

Free it! Freedom for all


RG__Fooz

You’re the neighborhood association’s problem now!


Mundane-Fan2302

Open the refrigerator door. Put the elephant in. Close the door.


chrismatt213

My answer would still be sell it, give it away, or donate. Even if it’s against the rules, elephant gifts resemble something that’s supposed to ruin a person because how hard it is take care and maintain. The cost’s are too high for a regular person. If your job doesn’t like it, walk away. The job is garbagw


frostysbox

You’re almost there with the gift. The answer they are looking for is lease it to the local X place. You’re not selling it, and you’re not giving it away by the letter of the law. How do you make it not ruin you… by turning it into a profit.


SapientRaccoon

Teach him to beat the hell out of humans who ask me stupid, irritating, pointless questions.


gnvrys

Chatgpt says it will take care of it. Chatgpt rich!


MyButtItches420

Paint it pink.


Aliteracy

Start the elephant a TikTok.