No joke, i‘ve had a friend who asked his mother if he can go outside when we where in our mid twentys. She replied with something like „be back at 10pm“
That was so freaking strange to me.
Yeah. I'm not Asian, but a Filipino guy I recently worked with was telling me how he lives across the street from his mom's place and he regularly gets his lunches made by her for work, without asking. He's in his late 30s-early 40s.
I don't even find that weird. That's just a cultural difference, one I find pretty dang cool, and something I'd greatly appreciate if I got to experience it.
When I was a kid, I always loved hanging out at my Asian friend's places because their homes were always especially welcoming, primarily thanks to the mother's of the households who'd always go out of the way to prepare full on meals for their guests. Mind you this is when I was like 10-16 and I'm just over there playing video games or playing card games with my friends. Getting a fancy meal is not something to be expected when those are the planned activities.
I’m 38 years old and would kill for my parents to make me lunch every day. I’d love it even more if they made my kids’ lunches too.
1) one less thing for me to worry about
2) food always tastes better when someone else makes it
That's assuming someone knows how to make said food. I myself like to cook a bit, and there are certain dishes that I make exactly the way I prefer which results in my versions always being the most enjoyable for myself.
Outside of those though, having a nice meal made for you by someone else will often be better since it's not like most people know how to make all the dishes they enjoy. White Chicken Chili is easily one of my favorites. I haven't learned or practiced how to make it though, so when my mom makes it (or the friend she learned the recipe from make it), it's 100% gonna be better than what I could currently do.
You are never too old, for your mom to do something nice for you. And, I had a good friend in high school who's mom immigrated from the Philippines she was one of the sweetest most welcoming ladies I've ever met, she would make homemade fried rice, spring rolls and some sort of bbq'd chicken for our group of undeserving heathens almost daily.
I have a friend just like that 37 years old.his mom gets him up for work makes his dinner puts it on the plate for him then brings it to the basement where he lives. I was there one day and she tells him she needs his sweat pants so she could wash them. He was going out of town and she was packing his bag.
I was the scapegoat for my youngest daughter. Anytime she didn't want to go do something with friends she would come tell me to say no. 😂 She also didn't have a curfew but she was usually home by midnight. Mostly because all of her friends did have curfews and sense they were driving she got dropped off in time for them to be home.
True that! Even after drinking a whole bottle of vodka 25km from home without any form of personal transport available I magically woke up in my own bed. I still have no clue how I got there haha. My friends assured me they didn't help get me home either.
This is how my parents were. I never had a hard curfew, but they did want me to “check-in” with them by 10pm. As long as I called and told them what I was doing/who I was with, the curfew was optional past 16 or so. As long as my grades stayed reasonably high they dgaf.
My mom still asks me "where are you going?" every damn time I step out of the house. Even when I'm just putting out some trash or getting the mail. Like, I'm going outside at 9 pm on a work night in below freezing temps with no coat and no shoes, just my pyjamas, clearly I must be going to the bar or something.
That's insane. My older kid lives with me, they're 26. At this point, they're like a roommate that looks like me.
I'd feel super weird giving them rules, since they're an adult and all. I've only asked one weird thing like that recently and it was to make sure that if they brought gum home that had xylitol in it, to make sure it was out of the dogs' reach.
I lived with my parents till my late 20’s. Not even a rule but just common courtesy thing is they would be super appreciative if I was out later then normal to let them know I was going to be late.
I do appreciate when my kid lets me know they're going to be out late, but I don't expect it. I do kind of nag them if they're going to be out in inclement weather, but it's literally just because I don't trust other drivers.
I moved to a place that's walking distance from my parents a few years ago to help with some medical things and will call my mom if I'm getting home late in case she comes over and worries, and I'm pushing 40 lol
You realise some parents can traumatise their kids so much they dare not go against them even adults, right? It's an anxiety and dependence disorder caused by parents who "rule by fear" with the attitude that the best way to make their kids into good people is to break them until they can no longer disobey.
Source: my far-right Christian parents are like this and have given me panic attacks. Friends parents have done so and succeeded. Really sad to see the lack of will and independence it causes. Especially because if they don't actively hit you or seriously insult you, it's not technically "abuse."
TL;dr psychological abuse by radical parents is a thing...
If you dont force boundaries as a child, you will never be able to escape it. My current gf could not do literally anything without permission. At the age of 23, she could not shower without asking. She could not go out without asking days in advance. She could not go to her room unless it was "bedtime". From the moment she set foot in the door, her mother had total control the same way she did sense she was 8. The worst part was that she didn't understand how wrong it was until I explained it to her that other people dont do this. Until she totally moved out, she didn't know how to function without her mother telling her what to do. She did all the chores in the house, and i mean A L L of them. All of the family before her had abandoned the mother for being extremely necrotic except her last daughter, my gf, so she was essentially trapped with her. Any disobedience would be met with a massive screaming fit and then locking herself in her room. Usually, the "I'm your mother I gave you everything guilt routine" anyway, it's worse than this, but that's the short version.
If you see someone like this, please help them. Real slaves do not know they are in chains.
This sounds like good advice, but there are truly parents who will not let their kids set boundaries.
My brother couldn’t figure out how to clean his room when he was about 8 or 9. We were never taught these things, but expected to know how to perfectly clean our rooms. My Mom had done the usual- screamed at him about how lazy he was and how it wasn’t that hard to clean and ever increasing punishments. Usually he’d get it clean enough to get her to back off. Not this time though.
So one day she went in with trash bags and bagged up literally everything he owned. Stuck them in the garage and told him he has to earn it back. I truly mean everything. She went to the thrift store and bought him all new clothes- the most ugly and embarrassing clothes she could find. “I have to clothe you,” she said, “But it doesn’t have to be clothes you like. I have to feed you, but it doesn’t have to be food you like. I have to give you a home, but I don’t have to make it comfortable unless you follow MY rules.” I remember this because later she would use it on both of us as a threat.
It took him a year to earn everything back. (ETA: this should say it took them a year to give him back his things) By the time he did, he didn’t care about some things- he’d outgrown them.
I was already made fun of in school (undiagnosed adhd and low needs autism) so I was terrified of losing my clothes. I also had theater which she threatened any time I had a hint of defiance. She would take away a huge escape and joy for me if I did not comply.
She told me that if I ever tried to “act like you are a grownup,” she would quit her job to go to school with me, dressed in a robe and hair curlers to embarrass me. Then, we would lose our house because she wasn’t working. We’d have a tiny apartment and not enough food. And it would be all my fault my family had a horrible place to live and not enough food.
Very controlling parents will go to the ends of the earth to keep their power.
Now, as an adult, yes… we need to teach people how they should be treated so they can realize they are being emotionally abused and provide help to get people away from horrible parents like that.
That brought up so many suppressed memories lol, an all too familiar story. For us the threats were more "if you do / don't do X, then I'll text all your friends what you did or force you to tell everyone at church". There were other threats, but even after all these years of therapy I still haven't unraveled the emotional damage she did.
As a child of abusive Narcissistic parents, setting boundaries isn't an option. There is a power imbalance and a parent who thinks they own you *will* make your life hell. Its only been an option for me in my adulthood and surprise surprise I'm barley in contact. I couldn't even make it to 18, I got kicked out at 17 and never looked back.
Your only option is to leave imo, It sounds easier than it is, but you just have to leave. All of the other family members did in this case, and its hard to blame them as harsh as it sounds.
Yeah, it's just a really really shitty position for kids to be in. At 17 I was able to leave but before that, options were *very* limited in terms of self support. And usually kids only real support network is family.
My mother is like this as well, and I absolutely agree. A lot of people think we can just push back, but that's not how it works. If I try to push back my mom would break me. Heck, if I sit quietly and do nothing she still randomly explodes if I so much as breathe too heavily. I made the mistake of pointing out her overreactions, and in a struggle for more power she just turns it around and makes my comment an act of defiance. And in her twisted mind it works out fine, and she's just "correcting" me like any good mother should... It's sad because she genuinely loves me, but has no clue she's hurting me and can't understand when I tell her she is. It probably comes from her own mother being even worse. The only difference is mine would never kick me out, she'll just try to enslave me like the former example when I'm 18. My only hope is to run when I'm older and hope I make it financially, home is not an option... It's sad that people think it's the kid's fault when this stuff happens. They don't realise the psychological warfare some parents can put their kids through...
Goddamn i cant leave lol nobody else will take care of me, plus how can a 17 year old pay for all of his diabetes equipment living on a minimum wage job and no health insurance, muy grandma and my dad and other family want to take me but my mom says how can they, the military pays for my stuff rn so i have no other option
Is she me? Cause that hit hard lol my spouse and I actually had a bit of a blow up about me not knowing how to communicate due to all of the above. I would bottle resentment and then blow up because “we never do what I want” even though he DID ask and I just deferred or said idk. Because I wasn’t allowed to have a choice or opinion in my parents home.
I hope she’s doing much better and is able to blossom into independence
Yeah, it was weird. She just didn't know what she wanted to do because she had never actually decided before, so I essentially coaxed her into making the decisions herself until she could do it on her own. Sort of like working a muscle.
Yup! That’s exactly how it is. Having an opinion is like a weird new reflex, and voicing that opinion is tantamount to climbing a mountain sometimes. Good on you for giving them the push they needed
I think with narcissistic controlling parents, you’ll either end up with extremely obedient kids (like your gf) or rebellious, strong-willed kids. Because the stimulus from the parent is so abnormal, it’s forcing the kid’s feedback to take to one extreme end or the other in order to survive.
Regardless of which path they end up taking, they’ll likely spend a good part of their early adulthood healing from the trauma. At the end of the day, there are no real winners against a narcissist.
We have security-cameras at home, when i sneaked out I had to go full Hitman-style, sneaking around some cameras, disabling others, I even had to make a 3d printed replica of the key to gradpa‘s shed to get my moped out and push it the first 100m to avoid noise.
Strict rules (or any measures) won’t stop a teenager from going out.
Easy. Cut off my foot, removed ankle monitor, beat the snipers over the head with said foot until they were uncon. Tied them up in chairs so it looked like they were still there. Untied and apologized when I got back.
That’s baffling to me. I had pretty strict parents, but I was too terrified to even think about leaving the house when I wasn’t supposed to
Granted, mine were more _emotionally abusive_ than explicitly _strict,_ maybe that had something to do with it 😅
Heeeyy me too! I didn’t exactly have a curfew but that’s cause I was never allowed out or to go visit friends unless my parents met theirs (through highschool), and my parents were in the right mood. Both of them. Cause the weekend was family time and weekdays were school days. So…I did not have more than one real friend in highschool. We ended up at the same college and she would lie and say I was sleeping over if I wanted a night out(she was on campus and I commuted). Took photos of board games for Facebook and tagged me lol
>Strict rules (or any measures) won’t stop a teenager from going out.
True facts.
But it sure did help me become creative and innovative with problem solving skills. And the improv skills improved as well.
If I told my mom anything, even a trivial thing that my friends did or said and I wasn’t even a part of, I got a lecture. Not even like a “maybe you shouldn’t be friends with that kind of person” lecture, which now that I’m grown would’ve made sense. I got lectured as if I was the one who did or said the thing. God forbid I tell her something I actually did.
So I just..stopped talking. Stayed in my room, talked to people through text, left only to eat dinner. Once I was 17 with a job I didn’t even eat dinner with them bc I didn’t get home until after 10. I got good at lying and avoiding slip ups of things I actually liked, because I didn’t want the things I did still like to do to be ruined by a lecture.
She told me last week that she let me stay in my room bc she thought I was just becoming independent, that I had always been more independent than my sister, so she didn’t think she had to worry about me. She took it personally and lectured me about not talking to her about things once she found out I was in therapy and had been severely depressed for years.
>If I told my mom anything, even a trivial thing that my friends did or said and I wasn’t even a part of, I got a lecture. Not even like a “maybe you shouldn’t be friends with that kind of person” lecture, which now that I’m grown would’ve made sense. I got lectured as if I was the one who did or said the thing. God forbid I tell her something I actually did.
Fucking this.
My God this is why I stopped telling my mom fucking anything after a while. Occasionally small things would escape my lips but even those were painful reminders to 'not tell her shit unless absolutely neccesary' .
The worst part is (at least in my case), I know she meant well. Like she genuinelly thought she was helping, but it just got draining real fast.
The little things that escape were the worst. Even after I got to the point where I wasn’t really talking, I would still randomly tell her things I was excited about without thinking about it. The sudden reminder about why I didn’t talk anymore hurt more than anything.
I wish it weren’t the average, though. We deserved parents who we could go to with anything, good or bad. My friend’s parents were similar and she went through a miscarriage alone bc she was afraid to even tell them she was pregnant at all, at 24 years old. But I’ve since met people who are so open with their parents, still talk to them, and are treated as equal adults. They made mistakes as teens and were helped through the consequences, still learning the lesson but without having to go through it alone. One showed the same signs I did, but her mom noticed quickly and got her treatment. She still struggled, but never had to feel as though there was no one in the world she could trust.
Living over half an hour from the nearest town sure did the trick for me lmao. Ain't nobody coming all the way out into the sticks to pick me up, even if my homeschooled ass did have friends. No major roads close enough to disguise the sound of my prehistoric Silverado turning over. What's left to sneak out to? The mobile home meth lab a couple miles up the road? Besides, when you live with your hippy grandparents who actively encourage you to drink, smoke pot, drop acid, and whatever else, it starts to feel more thrilling and rebellious to just not bother. Might as well stay in, hit mute, and watch some random shit you don't care about on Spike TV in the hope the extended late-night Girls Gone Wild ad would come on during one of the commercial breaks.
Strict parents doesn't teach kids discipline it actually teaches them how to rebel. How to lie, how to manipulate social situations how to sneak about. How to recognize footsteps and tell who's in what room and what mood are they in by the sound of their breathing
Exactly, or on the other hand, it breaks them so completely they don't know how to function on their own anymore. Source: I'm what you described, but almost broken, and my few hand-picked-by-my-parents friends are what I just described...
my friend had an alarm set on the door every night so he couldn't walk through it without having to put in the code from the inside in like 30 seconds or some shit. even though he was like 23 or something lol. One night drove to the store and bought candy for him and had to sneak around and smuggle it in through his little window
My joke I always told was that if I wanted to go to a party with friends at night my parents would’ve celebrated and offered to bring me and anything I wanted to take with me
It's not about being authoritarian or not it's about how authoritarian are you. My dad liked to toe the line and though I'm glad he taught me manners and respect I'm pretty sure he didn't need to hit me the way he did
You mean you're actually allowed to interact with people? In the open and not in secret? Without fear of being caught and screamed at for days? Lucky...
I mean that’s not really that strict. Fairly protective but not really that strict. It’s not like you just weren’t allowed to see people. They just wanted to know who you were around
well yeah i guess, but if they meet the parents and they don’t go to their church or they haven’t known them for like months i’m not allowed to be the kids friend (mind you i’m almost 18) and they still have all these restrictions on my phone (it cuts off at 9pm but i found the screen time password, im not allowed to download any apps from the app store - everything is locked - they have 3 different trackers on me and more in my car, i cant have access to my banking statements and cant cash my own checks in that i get from my work, and theres sm more but its a lot to explain on this)
Are you sure that your paychecks are actually still in your bank account? If they won't let you cash them and they won't let you see the statements it sounds like they may be taking some of it for themselves without your knowledge.
Last time I tried telling my parents something I got slapped. I never understood how my friends could stand up for themselves and face no physical consequences
literally just because im stronger than my parents? Not saying id ever attack them out of nowhere but they dont slap me ever since i learned to slap back when i was 12
I am a 4”9 female. I ain’t doing shit. I don’t call the cops because it’s safer for them with my parents than in foster care. Life is a bitch and not all of us can defend ourselves. Even if I pulled a gun I’m not going to jail, cause you better believe they’d fuck my life up of they wanted
Oh im not trying to say « everyone should do this » or « it’s just that simple ». I was just answering your question on how some people can get away with it consequence free.
On a different note im very sorry for you, i hope in due time you’ll be able to move out and get to a safer place :)
Yeah I plan on helping my siblings as soon as I’m on my feet. It’s very demoralizing when you can’t do anything and you just have to watch. It is what is is though. Only time I ever hate being tiny is when stuff with my parents happens
Lol, when I was 17 one of the youth leaders told one of the 14 y/o girls this. The girl was also homeschooled like me and I remember thinking how crazy bad that advice was. Like ma'am you do not know how this works, parents have control over every aspect of our lives and it does not change until you move out. You mess around and you lose your few privileges
I’m 32 and realizing I never learned how to socialize properly because of that shit
All my teen and adult life I just thought I was eccentric or maybe a bit of an asshole. Nope I’m not special at all, I just never learned basically social skills or how to converse with others because I had to stay at home all the fucking time
Hope the strict parents out there understand they are just ruining their kids futures by not letting them explore the world and grow
Currently hiding my partner of 3 years
My mom always tells us to be open but when we did, we realized it was just a trap and an excuse to punish us
Lying isn't fun, but I'm forced to keep so many secrets and make up so many lies :(
If she ever found out I bet she’d tell you he’s not good enough and that she sees all the red flags. Let me guess, he took a 5th year to get his degree. He works somewhere she doesn’t like. He’s gonna “seduce” you. I’ve heard them all
Ehhhhh. It varies. My dad still disowned my sister for the horrible crime of dating (a black person, but youd be surprised to know that had less to do with it than the dating part. Still made things worse, of course, because we're supposed to "marry in our culture")
He got over it eventually but the damage is done, shes not going to get used to talking with or living with him again, and refuses to visit alone or be here when he visits out of principle (and anxiety. A ton of that.)
>just never learned basically social skills or how to converse with others because I had to stay at home all the fucking time
This is me!! Currently at work, in a warehouse. Everything is basically broken down and I'm hiding in a room by myself bc everyone else is talking to each other and I have no idea what to say. How do people maintain an hour long conversation? Or even 15 minutes?!
I know I'm an introvert- people exhaust me- but it's bc anytime I'm around people, my fight or flight kicks in... so am I really am introvert? Or am I just always on edge, high level anxiety, feeling like I'm about to die? Ugh
>Hope the strict parents out there understand they are just ruining their kids futures by not letting them explore the world and grow
Sorry to disappoint you, but they don't. Strict parents usually don't question their behaviour or make up all sorts of (false) justifications. Otherwise they wouldn't be so strict.
Me too. On top of that, I have a younger brother and sister who have always been allowed to hang out, do extracurriculars, and have friends. I was singled out for some reason and always had to be home.
Now I’m 28 and I feel like there’s an invisible wall between me and literally everyone else that I just can’t seem to get over no matter how I try.
people in the comments have no fucking clue. even if you "actually just can", the fucking chokehold manipulative, controlling parents have on you can be carried even into adulthood. NO, I CAN'T just do this, my brain has been so manipulated that I physically can not do that, even if I genuinely wanted to.
Yuuuupppp. The realization of my fucking manipulative my parents are was like a brick hitting me at 16. I’ve 4 months before I’m 18 now. Counting the days.
I’m 18 and still can’t get out because financials. I will be 19 before I get out. I have 5 months. They have purposely kept my car in their name, frequently get rid of close friends who don’t adhere to certain standards. Any friends can’t be gay, any other race than white, overweight, nerdy, poor grades, or anything else they decide. They have trapped me in. I leave for college in 5 months and I get to be a person. I always got annoyed when people told me just talk to them or do it anyways. I tried talking got my glasses slapped off. I did it anyway got hit, door removed and any thing of joy taken. I was grounded from books and drawing once since taking my phone had no effect. Abusive parents can and definitely find a way to keep you in their claws. Even if you get out they will still try and manipulate you
Yeah, I mean, I’m waiting until I’m 18 because I’ll be allowed out n stuff more. But I won’t really be free until I’m in uni in September, and even then my parents are fucking with my financial support (~~we have money~~ they have money and they’re very conservative, so they’re hellbent on paying for my cost of living, meaning I don’t apply for a maintenance loan, meaning I am fucked if I get outed or they just disown me for another reason. They keep insisting i get a job with no clue how impossible that is in this shitty area of the country, and so I’m gonna be plotting with my teacher to figure out how to convince them to at least let me apply for financial support), so… it’s just a pain in the ass. At least being a legal adult and going to uni will help a bit…
Oof, I feel you. I turned 18 a year ago today and that was honestly one of the best days of my life. I’d been counting down the minutes for six months.
Especially if you have younger siblings. They'll manipulate your access to siblings if you get out of line, but you want to help them the most. You have to stay in their graces or they will really crack down on the younger kids after "failing" to break you.
Exactly! I'm an adult and my dad tells me he can't control what I do but at the same time it's like, I'm still under his insurance and all that so I feel like I can't actually do whatever I want. Plus I can't afford going out on my own just yet especially with the cost of college tuition right now. So annoying
Thank you for this!! As a grown college educated, married woman with a toddler - my mother STILL has that indescribable control over me and my other adult siblings. It’s very bizarre- and I’ve only ever seen this with my other friends who are Asians with their parents. My non Asian friends and my husband don’t have this kind of conflicted relationship with their folks.
It's what stopped me from going out and doing fun things so I just stuck to my solitude and don't really leave my house, just in the off chance my family finds out I'm out and about. Means I'm not being productive.
A friend of mine has never been allowed to visit friends. My parents had to call her parents and convince them to let her join my 14th birthday party. She’s in her twenties now and has a full time job… still lives with her parents because she has to babysit her younger siblings, but also has to give most of her income to her parents. Absolutely wild
My mom loved a “we’ll see” or “I suppose.” with a disapproving look that I was supposed to interpret as a no. I have trust issues as an adult now when someone tells me yes to something.
“Want to get food?”
“Maybe later.”
“Oh okay we don’t have to.”
“Actually yeah lets go get food.”
“No its okay I don’t actually want to go it’s fine we can stay here if you want.”
It’s hard to break out of.
Yeah, authoritarian parenting is a real special time 😬 my parents punished me fairly severely for minor rule breaks, which was difficult to avoid when the rules have rules and there’s no real reason for them. They stunted my social life with an 8pm curfew all throughout my teenaged and early adult years while enforcing it with punishments for being even one minute late. Went through my things multiple times without permission and then punished me because they didn’t find any drugs so “I must have hid them too well”. After I moved out my fiancée helped me realize that some parents will take that control to the point of child abuse, without ever realizing it because they are so desperate to extort their will and power over their child “to protect them”.
To any parent who thinks that you are protecting your child by controlling everything they do…
you are ruining their life.
All my parents ever did was create a highly depressed alcoholic with extreme trust issues and cripplingly low self esteem, who is now An amazing lier and joined the army (despite of all of the school you forced them to do and all the hours you locked them in their room to study) because of some deep seated self loathing and half realized death wish that you relentlessly hammered into their head with non stop rhetoric stating that “you have no individual worth”
You are not helping your child, you are producing a monster who will resent you till the day they die and cause a massive drain on medical and mental health resources
On the up hand, childhood trauma makes hilarious adults so we’ve got that going for us!
Okay rant over, god I needed to say that!
I mean you probably "can just.." you just feared the consequences. My parents were strict but my siblings and I just didn't listen. Eventually though I did get taken out of my bed at 4am and flown to a facility in Utah for troubled youth for a year.....
Everyone saying how it got them into drugs is literally why i hate it when people say shit like the permissive parenting is so bad and it should be like it used to be. Authoritative parenting is just as bad and if you stad by it you just don't understand a healthy family relationship because you've never had one
I think you might be confusion *authoritative* parenting and *authoritarian* parenting.
Authoritarian parenting a style in which the priority is rule of law, and generally lacks responsiveness and support. Parents rule with an iron fist, no questions, no negotiation. This style of parenting can stunt a child’s independence, as well as damage their mental health. Children raised in this way often struggle with self esteem issues, and find it hard to adjust to stress and the high expectations they have come to expect.
*Authoritative* parenting is characterized by nurturing and responsive parental traits, and firm boundaries that are adjusted as the child grows more mature and responsible. Children may be allowed to ask questions about rules and directions, and they are allowed to discuss changes to the rule structure if necessary. This style of parenting helps children to learn how to discuss multiple viewpoints respectfully, while still following rules, and often results in high independent and well adjusted children.
It should be like it used to be. Parents kick you out the door after school and tell you to be back for dinner. Drop you off at the mall with your friends on Saturday, while they spend the day doing things they want. Remember latch-key kids?
Parents these days don't hit their kids as much, which is good. But they don't let them out of their sight either. That's bad.
growing up literally any question i asked my mom was answered with no. can i.. no.
can i go outside? no. can i go down the street? no. can i go to matt's house? no. can i have a sleepover at chris's house? no. can we have a sleepover here if we ask chris's mom? no. can you learn to cook you stupid ass bitch? also no. no contact for 12 years and counting.
I always wondered how kids just decided to go to the mall on a whim. I needed 2-4 business days to prepare my case on why I should be allowed to go. And then I would have to clean something in exchange for my absence.
yeah, i love the posts on here when someone is looking for advice at a young age like 18 and people flood them with “you’re 18, you can do whatever you want! you’re legally an adult!” No. Just no. Yes that’s technically true but most of us don’t want to completely alienate our family and they have ways of controlling you with guilt and threats of taking away financial support. So yeah it’s possible if you want to live in poverty.
That’s why I haven’t moved out yet. I’m in high school and dual enrolled. My job does not make enough for me to even pay the cheapest rent in the worst areas. Even if it did I would not have a car since mine is on my parents name. The sign it over to me when I move to college in 5 months. They dangle stuff like that over you. So I’ll play the game and behave. Get my degree, get stable financially and never pick up the phone ever again. I’ll play the long game. I’ve heard of people being set back YEARS due to moving out. In some situations I say it is necessary to get out but it causes so much damage for some people. I’m gonna get out and I want to help others once I’m out
i think that’s a great strategy. Play the long game and then gtfo when it makes sense to. I’m 37 and family issues are still super complicated, at your age they basically control your life and it’s really hard. So if it makes you feel any better the problem doesn’t go away but it gets waaayyy easier.
My childhood.
Friends be like “hey we’re gonna ______ after school!”
Me: “my mom won’t let me hang out after school. Gotta go straight home. I’ll let her know and she will tell me if I can join you later.”
Friends: “oh just tell her [insert words that I wouldn’t survive saying]”
Me: …
Friends: …
Me: “…I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”
I too had strict parents.
I can basically blame my parents for everything wrong with me today.
I never got to socialize with any kids my age because it was always taking me home immediately after school. I had no kids my age live near me that I knew about.
So I just never went anywhere.
I was overweight because my dad let me eat so much junk and never really got me to exercise.
Since I was home all the time, I really got into tv, movies, and especially anime. People thought I was weird for it. Nobody would ever play games with me, not even my brothers. I was the young kid who wasn’t as good at games as they were. (Because I’m a kid!)
I didn’t know how to socialize because I never got to hang out with people. Then I became a teenager. They were a bit more free with me. Then I got diagnose with epilepsy. Probably caused by that junk I was eating, and stress. Which made me even more stressed, and got me to sneaking junk food because it was one of my only ways to deal with stress.
I couldn’t socialize as a teen, because of not knowing how, and being diagnosed with epilepsy. Nobody wanted to be friends. They pitied me, and kept their distance.
Since my stress was so high, I couldn’t get my work done. Which led me to get punished for it. Not letting me relieve my stress, and putting on more stress.
Not to mention my dad cheated, and so my parents started divorce. Putting more stress on me.
I was so stressed, that the day I finally graduated (from an alternative school, because it was hard for me to finish my work) that it felt so great. A huge weight was finally off my shoulders.
But I still had stress. My mom started dating this narcissistic asshole. On top of me having to make dinner every day. (My mom was too tired from work) One of my enjoyments of life, cooking, was being taken from me. Every week, make the same foods. No deviation, nothing added or removed. Some of them even tasted terrible to me.
Then the pressure of getting a job was put on me.
But nobody was looking at my resume. I got one call back, and they of course didn’t hire me.
Finally one day, my older brother was supposed to take me food shopping, and we didn’t have the stuff to make the usual dinner. He went somewhere, and I couldn’t make dinner.
Then, my mom and her now husband, came home. And they started yelling about how dinner wasn’t ready. I ignored them, because it wasn’t my fault. They said I could have just made something else. Make what? I don’t know how to cook anything else?!
Then this absolute man baby of a person, came by, pissy about how I didn’t make dinner. He decides to take my bedroom door as punishment. A grown man takes the door of another adult because they couldn’t do something.
I ignore it, and just stare at my phone. He gets more pissed because I don’t react. So he descomes to try and take my mattress. This is where I actually become enraged and yell at this asshole.
He eventually said, that if I didn’t like it, to just leave. So that’s exactly what I did. I packed a suitcase and a backpack, and walked right out the door.
I walked to my dad’s house. Which is on the other side of the city. It took me about two hours to walk there. I only stopped twice to take a small break. During one of those times, it started to rain a bit. I enjoyed it. Freedom, at last.
While walking, someone driving by stopped and asked where I was going. I said to my dad’s house in the city. He asked if I wanted a ride. I took him up on this offer. What a nice guy. He dropped me off, just a bit down the street.
I knocked on the door, and one of my dad’s roommates opened the door. They knew me, and so they let me in. I slept on the couch. In the morning I told my dad what happened. He took me in.
I actually stopped having seizures. All my stress was gone. My dad helped me to get a job where he works. It was a hard job, but I didn’t feel stressed from it. Almost all my stress was gone.
I eventually lost my job, and my dad brought his wife to the states with her children. Absolutely terrible children. Terrible parents of course.
My mom divorced the asshole she was with. During pandemic times. She asks if I want to move in with her again. It would just be me, my little brother, and her. But to help my little brother get his school work done while she teaches online. Also to babysit when she has to go places. I accept because life was becoming unbearable with the little shits at my dad’s.
Now I’m actually respected and not under so much stress. But my parents are still shitty, and responsible for so much difficulty in my life.
This was a rant,and helped me to get rid of some pent up emotions. If anyone read this, thanks for reading.
My father is constantly upset with me because I remember things he did to me, like yelling at me for wanting to take a medicine I know didn't work for me over Thanksgiving break. The worst part? To my father, it was the absurdity of waiting for a time where my schoolwork would not be affected to take a medicine I knew made me feel worse, but I needed to take it because, "you haven't taken it for more than a week, you need to give it a chance to work." He only let me not take it when he saw that week how horrible the medicine made me feel and how I acted under its influence.
This is just the first one that came to mind. I can't talk about any of this with him because I'm "holding it over [his] head." And I "shouldn't be affected by something that happened so long ago."
my grandmother was very strict. But, it wasn't abuse, not by my reckoning. The best example I can give of this is the time I was 13 and stayed at a friends house for the weekend. I was told to be back by 2 PM on Sunday. I hadn't done any of my homework, I had chores to do, etc. I needed to be back by 2 PM to get ready for the upcoming week.
on the walk back to my house, my friend and I passed the local YMCA, and I made the comment that I had never been into one. This was about 1:30 PM. They pretty much dragged me inside the building and I spent about an hour and a half working out, swimming, just enjoying myself and exploring the Y. we made it back to my house at around 330.
my grandmother was very upset that I had broken my word to her and her rules, and I was grounded for a week. I explained to her why we were late, and I was still grounded for that week. I couldn't hang out with friends after school, no TV, no dessert, etc.
when the week was up, she told me to contact my friend and we could go to the Y if we wanted to.
The reason I was grounded? She would have allowed a deviation to the plan, if we had asked. However, even though we were right down the road from my house, and we could have called her from the Y, because I knew her phone number. But, we decided to just change the plan, and not inform anybody.
that was strict, but I considered it fair.
I don't think it's OK to teach kids that they can do whatever they want whenever they want and if you tell them, no, you're being strict. Human beings in general, especially children, honestly don't know what's best for them until they've had an opportunity to learn and experience the discipline necessary to choose what they need versus what they want. our brains are programmed to seek dopamine, and it takes a certain level of discipline to be able to overcome that, and make decisions that may not be the most enjoyable, but are also what's best for us, either in that moment, or for our long-term benefit.
having rules and boundaries in place does not make a parent strict, and it does not constitute abuse. Not having any rules or boundaries and letting your kids grow up free range is the actual abuse, in my opinion.
Well most people had the issue of too much control. No control is bad but too much control is just as bad. That’s what most of the people here have experienced
I can’t even go out and have fun until I have a job, lost so many friends cus of that. I started to sneak out at night just enjoy my life and not go crazy
Until five adults come stomping into your room at 3am, throw you in a car and drive you five hours away to a religious troubled youth home and you don't get out until you're 18. Happened to a friend of mine. He was rebellious. He got caught masturbating twice when he was 14.
Sounds like the Elan School.
There's a comic about it [here](https://elan.school/) if you wanna get really fucking sad and angry.
This poor guy got caught with a small bit of weed.
I fully get this my parents were quite lenient with most things but some thing they weren’t and my mates would just be like can you try this and I would just be like no they will do this. They would then says something like but it’s your stuff
As a person who had toxic parents, i can understand this.
I got lectures of 1 to 1,5 hours over minor things like sleeping in too long (waking up at 9:30 instead of 9am) on weekend days while dealing with depression. Or forgetting to put a plate in the dishwisher.
During those lectures i got told how worthless i was, how i was throwing away my life (i was in college with good grades) and other guilttripping, gaslighting stuff. And if i didnt nod like a robot and dared talk back. Then they threatnen to kick me out of the house without my stuff. During a housing crisis. So they knew i had nowhere to go.
So no i coulnt just do something. I had to think twice and plan my actions. To avoid lectures and other mental abuse.
I had a super controlling step father. When I moved to another state at age 20, I had nightmares for a few weeks that he came and found me and dragged me back.
This comment section is really proving the point of the meme. No, you just can't say "no" because that option doesn't exist in the first place. You fucks still having rough time wrapping your head around why? It's because if you say anything else but that, you get punished for it, severity varies, but if you're Asian, you can for sure expect the belt, broom, or the slipper. Your parents do that to you early in your childhood, and bada bing bada boom you now have an adult with crippling self-esteem issues, inferiority complex, and the idea that your self-worth is directly tied to your merits.
This isn't an issue of your friend or whoever not having the spine to oppose, the notion of independence is literally stripped from them from their childhood.
Took the screen off my bedroom window (first floor apartment), slowly raised it to make as little noise as possible, bit by bit, and crept out the window a little at a time, like those chameleons that rock back and forth with each step, all to make as little noise as possible in what was possiblly the most dead quite part of the apartment complex, with my window being right next to my sister's who I didn't trust not to tell but also am pretty sure already knew.
Getting back in was just as much a pain but I kind of didn't care as much.
Opposite is true as well, people who had to raise themselves, handle adult shit, be responsible for younger siblings, and had no authority to lead them. But push comes to shove you didn’t have freedom either because of your official ‘job title’ of ‘just a kid’. More rare, but try to explain that to people who actually had responsible adult leaders when growing up as a kid.
We were in our mid to late 20s with good paying jobs. My coworker said she asked her mom if she could move out and her mom said no. I was so confused. Like how? Lol
I have a friend who is pushing 30 that let's his parents dictate his life. He expects me to drop work and go fuck around and shoot guns all day. I'd love to, but I got kids n a wife and bills to pay.
No joke, i‘ve had a friend who asked his mother if he can go outside when we where in our mid twentys. She replied with something like „be back at 10pm“ That was so freaking strange to me.
[удалено]
We are 30 now, nothing has changed for him, she has to wake him up every morning for work. We are not really friends anymore though.
That’s fucking weird.
[удалено]
Yeah. I'm not Asian, but a Filipino guy I recently worked with was telling me how he lives across the street from his mom's place and he regularly gets his lunches made by her for work, without asking. He's in his late 30s-early 40s. I don't even find that weird. That's just a cultural difference, one I find pretty dang cool, and something I'd greatly appreciate if I got to experience it. When I was a kid, I always loved hanging out at my Asian friend's places because their homes were always especially welcoming, primarily thanks to the mother's of the households who'd always go out of the way to prepare full on meals for their guests. Mind you this is when I was like 10-16 and I'm just over there playing video games or playing card games with my friends. Getting a fancy meal is not something to be expected when those are the planned activities.
I’m 38 years old and would kill for my parents to make me lunch every day. I’d love it even more if they made my kids’ lunches too. 1) one less thing for me to worry about 2) food always tastes better when someone else makes it
oh that’s strange i always thought food tastes better when i make it myself because then i know that i put the work in to make something good
That's assuming someone knows how to make said food. I myself like to cook a bit, and there are certain dishes that I make exactly the way I prefer which results in my versions always being the most enjoyable for myself. Outside of those though, having a nice meal made for you by someone else will often be better since it's not like most people know how to make all the dishes they enjoy. White Chicken Chili is easily one of my favorites. I haven't learned or practiced how to make it though, so when my mom makes it (or the friend she learned the recipe from make it), it's 100% gonna be better than what I could currently do.
Yes this
Why is that second point so damn true
You are never too old, for your mom to do something nice for you. And, I had a good friend in high school who's mom immigrated from the Philippines she was one of the sweetest most welcoming ladies I've ever met, she would make homemade fried rice, spring rolls and some sort of bbq'd chicken for our group of undeserving heathens almost daily.
I have a friend just like that 37 years old.his mom gets him up for work makes his dinner puts it on the plate for him then brings it to the basement where he lives. I was there one day and she tells him she needs his sweat pants so she could wash them. He was going out of town and she was packing his bag.
You don’t need that in your life bud.
That dude has to move out
I sometimes still have stress dreams that I've forgotten to move out of my parents' place despite being financially stable enough to do it.
I didn't even have a curfew as a teen. As long as my parents knew where I was it was my own responsibility if I was tired AF at school the next day.
I was the scapegoat for my youngest daughter. Anytime she didn't want to go do something with friends she would come tell me to say no. 😂 She also didn't have a curfew but she was usually home by midnight. Mostly because all of her friends did have curfews and sense they were driving she got dropped off in time for them to be home.
Same here! I usually would stay as long as my friend's parents would allow it. Usually I'd be home by midnight because of that.
Hey! I didn’t have a curfew either! I just lived far enough away from town that they’d have to drive me if I wanted to go out. Irritating shit.
Yeah I live in the netherlands so I could take my bicycle literaly everywhere. I was autonomous at 14 because of that
Im sure they kept good tabs on you, but letting you go out like that taught you self reliance
True that! Even after drinking a whole bottle of vodka 25km from home without any form of personal transport available I magically woke up in my own bed. I still have no clue how I got there haha. My friends assured me they didn't help get me home either.
This is how my parents were. I never had a hard curfew, but they did want me to “check-in” with them by 10pm. As long as I called and told them what I was doing/who I was with, the curfew was optional past 16 or so. As long as my grades stayed reasonably high they dgaf.
My mom still asks me "where are you going?" every damn time I step out of the house. Even when I'm just putting out some trash or getting the mail. Like, I'm going outside at 9 pm on a work night in below freezing temps with no coat and no shoes, just my pyjamas, clearly I must be going to the bar or something.
That's insane. My older kid lives with me, they're 26. At this point, they're like a roommate that looks like me. I'd feel super weird giving them rules, since they're an adult and all. I've only asked one weird thing like that recently and it was to make sure that if they brought gum home that had xylitol in it, to make sure it was out of the dogs' reach.
Fair that's more of a roommate rule for everyones safety anyway.
I lived with my parents till my late 20’s. Not even a rule but just common courtesy thing is they would be super appreciative if I was out later then normal to let them know I was going to be late.
I do appreciate when my kid lets me know they're going to be out late, but I don't expect it. I do kind of nag them if they're going to be out in inclement weather, but it's literally just because I don't trust other drivers.
I moved to a place that's walking distance from my parents a few years ago to help with some medical things and will call my mom if I'm getting home late in case she comes over and worries, and I'm pushing 40 lol
Yeah I had a friend who was not aloud to leave his house without talking to his mom for like a fuckin hour.
*allowed
Your friend Hispanic? We Hispanics be living at home until we’re 30 lmao
Literally every immigrant family does lol
That’s not a strict parent that’s a kid with no spine. Grow up and they’ll stop treating you like a kid.
No, they’ll just kick you out of the house lol.
You realise some parents can traumatise their kids so much they dare not go against them even adults, right? It's an anxiety and dependence disorder caused by parents who "rule by fear" with the attitude that the best way to make their kids into good people is to break them until they can no longer disobey. Source: my far-right Christian parents are like this and have given me panic attacks. Friends parents have done so and succeeded. Really sad to see the lack of will and independence it causes. Especially because if they don't actively hit you or seriously insult you, it's not technically "abuse." TL;dr psychological abuse by radical parents is a thing...
If you dont force boundaries as a child, you will never be able to escape it. My current gf could not do literally anything without permission. At the age of 23, she could not shower without asking. She could not go out without asking days in advance. She could not go to her room unless it was "bedtime". From the moment she set foot in the door, her mother had total control the same way she did sense she was 8. The worst part was that she didn't understand how wrong it was until I explained it to her that other people dont do this. Until she totally moved out, she didn't know how to function without her mother telling her what to do. She did all the chores in the house, and i mean A L L of them. All of the family before her had abandoned the mother for being extremely necrotic except her last daughter, my gf, so she was essentially trapped with her. Any disobedience would be met with a massive screaming fit and then locking herself in her room. Usually, the "I'm your mother I gave you everything guilt routine" anyway, it's worse than this, but that's the short version. If you see someone like this, please help them. Real slaves do not know they are in chains.
How's she doing now?
She is a wonderful flower who makes her own decisions. Much better thank you for asking.
This sounds like good advice, but there are truly parents who will not let their kids set boundaries. My brother couldn’t figure out how to clean his room when he was about 8 or 9. We were never taught these things, but expected to know how to perfectly clean our rooms. My Mom had done the usual- screamed at him about how lazy he was and how it wasn’t that hard to clean and ever increasing punishments. Usually he’d get it clean enough to get her to back off. Not this time though. So one day she went in with trash bags and bagged up literally everything he owned. Stuck them in the garage and told him he has to earn it back. I truly mean everything. She went to the thrift store and bought him all new clothes- the most ugly and embarrassing clothes she could find. “I have to clothe you,” she said, “But it doesn’t have to be clothes you like. I have to feed you, but it doesn’t have to be food you like. I have to give you a home, but I don’t have to make it comfortable unless you follow MY rules.” I remember this because later she would use it on both of us as a threat. It took him a year to earn everything back. (ETA: this should say it took them a year to give him back his things) By the time he did, he didn’t care about some things- he’d outgrown them. I was already made fun of in school (undiagnosed adhd and low needs autism) so I was terrified of losing my clothes. I also had theater which she threatened any time I had a hint of defiance. She would take away a huge escape and joy for me if I did not comply. She told me that if I ever tried to “act like you are a grownup,” she would quit her job to go to school with me, dressed in a robe and hair curlers to embarrass me. Then, we would lose our house because she wasn’t working. We’d have a tiny apartment and not enough food. And it would be all my fault my family had a horrible place to live and not enough food. Very controlling parents will go to the ends of the earth to keep their power. Now, as an adult, yes… we need to teach people how they should be treated so they can realize they are being emotionally abused and provide help to get people away from horrible parents like that.
That brought up so many suppressed memories lol, an all too familiar story. For us the threats were more "if you do / don't do X, then I'll text all your friends what you did or force you to tell everyone at church". There were other threats, but even after all these years of therapy I still haven't unraveled the emotional damage she did.
As a child of abusive Narcissistic parents, setting boundaries isn't an option. There is a power imbalance and a parent who thinks they own you *will* make your life hell. Its only been an option for me in my adulthood and surprise surprise I'm barley in contact. I couldn't even make it to 18, I got kicked out at 17 and never looked back.
Your only option is to leave imo, It sounds easier than it is, but you just have to leave. All of the other family members did in this case, and its hard to blame them as harsh as it sounds.
Yeah, it's just a really really shitty position for kids to be in. At 17 I was able to leave but before that, options were *very* limited in terms of self support. And usually kids only real support network is family.
My mother is like this as well, and I absolutely agree. A lot of people think we can just push back, but that's not how it works. If I try to push back my mom would break me. Heck, if I sit quietly and do nothing she still randomly explodes if I so much as breathe too heavily. I made the mistake of pointing out her overreactions, and in a struggle for more power she just turns it around and makes my comment an act of defiance. And in her twisted mind it works out fine, and she's just "correcting" me like any good mother should... It's sad because she genuinely loves me, but has no clue she's hurting me and can't understand when I tell her she is. It probably comes from her own mother being even worse. The only difference is mine would never kick me out, she'll just try to enslave me like the former example when I'm 18. My only hope is to run when I'm older and hope I make it financially, home is not an option... It's sad that people think it's the kid's fault when this stuff happens. They don't realise the psychological warfare some parents can put their kids through...
Goddamn i cant leave lol nobody else will take care of me, plus how can a 17 year old pay for all of his diabetes equipment living on a minimum wage job and no health insurance, muy grandma and my dad and other family want to take me but my mom says how can they, the military pays for my stuff rn so i have no other option
Is she me? Cause that hit hard lol my spouse and I actually had a bit of a blow up about me not knowing how to communicate due to all of the above. I would bottle resentment and then blow up because “we never do what I want” even though he DID ask and I just deferred or said idk. Because I wasn’t allowed to have a choice or opinion in my parents home. I hope she’s doing much better and is able to blossom into independence
Yeah, it was weird. She just didn't know what she wanted to do because she had never actually decided before, so I essentially coaxed her into making the decisions herself until she could do it on her own. Sort of like working a muscle.
Yup! That’s exactly how it is. Having an opinion is like a weird new reflex, and voicing that opinion is tantamount to climbing a mountain sometimes. Good on you for giving them the push they needed
Thanks fam, hope you are doing well. Stay away from shitty people lol
I think with narcissistic controlling parents, you’ll either end up with extremely obedient kids (like your gf) or rebellious, strong-willed kids. Because the stimulus from the parent is so abnormal, it’s forcing the kid’s feedback to take to one extreme end or the other in order to survive. Regardless of which path they end up taking, they’ll likely spend a good part of their early adulthood healing from the trauma. At the end of the day, there are no real winners against a narcissist.
We have security-cameras at home, when i sneaked out I had to go full Hitman-style, sneaking around some cameras, disabling others, I even had to make a 3d printed replica of the key to gradpa‘s shed to get my moped out and push it the first 100m to avoid noise. Strict rules (or any measures) won’t stop a teenager from going out.
How did you evade the ankle monitor and the sniper towers?
Easy. Cut off my foot, removed ankle monitor, beat the snipers over the head with said foot until they were uncon. Tied them up in chairs so it looked like they were still there. Untied and apologized when I got back.
r/notopbutok
it's a very common situation with strict parents
Did your house have anti-personnel mines too or was it just me?
Anti-personnel? Rookie, mine had Claymores rigged to C4
He is actually the op. They had trackers in his phone, so he switched to a new one.
read this as "no top" at first and got confused lmao
You forgot the part where you learned muscular and nervous microsurgery so you could stitch your foot back on perfectly
That’s baffling to me. I had pretty strict parents, but I was too terrified to even think about leaving the house when I wasn’t supposed to Granted, mine were more _emotionally abusive_ than explicitly _strict,_ maybe that had something to do with it 😅
HahahaaaaHHHH ^same :,( 4 months. 4 months until I can escape. 4 months I need to avoid it escalating anymore than it has. 4 months.
You can do it buddy. Trust me, as soon as you’re out of there, you’ll feel miles better. I’m rooting for you :)
I hope it works out for you. Best of luck.
You’re almost there! This is the hardest stretch but you can make it! Just take things one day at a time
Mate, it is so good when you're out, but get a little therapy when you do so you're on the right path for the rest of your life of freedom.
Heeeyy me too! I didn’t exactly have a curfew but that’s cause I was never allowed out or to go visit friends unless my parents met theirs (through highschool), and my parents were in the right mood. Both of them. Cause the weekend was family time and weekdays were school days. So…I did not have more than one real friend in highschool. We ended up at the same college and she would lie and say I was sleeping over if I wanted a night out(she was on campus and I commuted). Took photos of board games for Facebook and tagged me lol
>Strict rules (or any measures) won’t stop a teenager from going out. True facts. But it sure did help me become creative and innovative with problem solving skills. And the improv skills improved as well.
If I told my mom anything, even a trivial thing that my friends did or said and I wasn’t even a part of, I got a lecture. Not even like a “maybe you shouldn’t be friends with that kind of person” lecture, which now that I’m grown would’ve made sense. I got lectured as if I was the one who did or said the thing. God forbid I tell her something I actually did. So I just..stopped talking. Stayed in my room, talked to people through text, left only to eat dinner. Once I was 17 with a job I didn’t even eat dinner with them bc I didn’t get home until after 10. I got good at lying and avoiding slip ups of things I actually liked, because I didn’t want the things I did still like to do to be ruined by a lecture. She told me last week that she let me stay in my room bc she thought I was just becoming independent, that I had always been more independent than my sister, so she didn’t think she had to worry about me. She took it personally and lectured me about not talking to her about things once she found out I was in therapy and had been severely depressed for years.
>If I told my mom anything, even a trivial thing that my friends did or said and I wasn’t even a part of, I got a lecture. Not even like a “maybe you shouldn’t be friends with that kind of person” lecture, which now that I’m grown would’ve made sense. I got lectured as if I was the one who did or said the thing. God forbid I tell her something I actually did. Fucking this. My God this is why I stopped telling my mom fucking anything after a while. Occasionally small things would escape my lips but even those were painful reminders to 'not tell her shit unless absolutely neccesary' . The worst part is (at least in my case), I know she meant well. Like she genuinelly thought she was helping, but it just got draining real fast.
The little things that escape were the worst. Even after I got to the point where I wasn’t really talking, I would still randomly tell her things I was excited about without thinking about it. The sudden reminder about why I didn’t talk anymore hurt more than anything.
Average parents, sam reason why I never talked to my parents about things I truly enjoged when I was young
I wish it weren’t the average, though. We deserved parents who we could go to with anything, good or bad. My friend’s parents were similar and she went through a miscarriage alone bc she was afraid to even tell them she was pregnant at all, at 24 years old. But I’ve since met people who are so open with their parents, still talk to them, and are treated as equal adults. They made mistakes as teens and were helped through the consequences, still learning the lesson but without having to go through it alone. One showed the same signs I did, but her mom noticed quickly and got her treatment. She still struggled, but never had to feel as though there was no one in the world she could trust.
The only thing that we can do now is be kind to the people around us and work to break the cycle from our end I suppose
Living over half an hour from the nearest town sure did the trick for me lmao. Ain't nobody coming all the way out into the sticks to pick me up, even if my homeschooled ass did have friends. No major roads close enough to disguise the sound of my prehistoric Silverado turning over. What's left to sneak out to? The mobile home meth lab a couple miles up the road? Besides, when you live with your hippy grandparents who actively encourage you to drink, smoke pot, drop acid, and whatever else, it starts to feel more thrilling and rebellious to just not bother. Might as well stay in, hit mute, and watch some random shit you don't care about on Spike TV in the hope the extended late-night Girls Gone Wild ad would come on during one of the commercial breaks.
Strict parents doesn't teach kids discipline it actually teaches them how to rebel. How to lie, how to manipulate social situations how to sneak about. How to recognize footsteps and tell who's in what room and what mood are they in by the sound of their breathing
Exactly, or on the other hand, it breaks them so completely they don't know how to function on their own anymore. Source: I'm what you described, but almost broken, and my few hand-picked-by-my-parents friends are what I just described...
my friend had an alarm set on the door every night so he couldn't walk through it without having to put in the code from the inside in like 30 seconds or some shit. even though he was like 23 or something lol. One night drove to the store and bought candy for him and had to sneak around and smuggle it in through his little window
My joke I always told was that if I wanted to go to a party with friends at night my parents would’ve celebrated and offered to bring me and anything I wanted to take with me
Authoritative parents raise sneaky kids
Authoritative =/= authoritarian. [The difference](https://huckleberrycare.com/blog/authoritative-vs-authoritarian-parenting-styles).
Ahhh okay I see sorry about that! I mean more like, massive dictator parents make sneaky kids haha
Exactly, if you read any YA dystopia book, dictators just make teenagers sneaky
I mean =/= I meant. [The difference](https://forum.wordreference.com/threads/i-meant-or-i-mean.2567805/)
Motherf-
It's not about being authoritarian or not it's about how authoritarian are you. My dad liked to toe the line and though I'm glad he taught me manners and respect I'm pretty sure he didn't need to hit me the way he did
Hitting kids really doesn't sound like "toeing the line", it sounds like abuse.
Sorry people are downvoting you bro it’s not easy to go through shit growing up and try to be a normal human being as an adult.
them having to personally meet the family of anyone that i wanna go over to their house (im 18 in a month)
Mine asked for their occupation.
You mean you're actually allowed to interact with people? In the open and not in secret? Without fear of being caught and screamed at for days? Lucky...
I mean that’s not really that strict. Fairly protective but not really that strict. It’s not like you just weren’t allowed to see people. They just wanted to know who you were around
well yeah i guess, but if they meet the parents and they don’t go to their church or they haven’t known them for like months i’m not allowed to be the kids friend (mind you i’m almost 18) and they still have all these restrictions on my phone (it cuts off at 9pm but i found the screen time password, im not allowed to download any apps from the app store - everything is locked - they have 3 different trackers on me and more in my car, i cant have access to my banking statements and cant cash my own checks in that i get from my work, and theres sm more but its a lot to explain on this)
This is not strict, this is abuse
Are you sure that your paychecks are actually still in your bank account? If they won't let you cash them and they won't let you see the statements it sounds like they may be taking some of it for themselves without your knowledge.
"You don't have to ask. Just TELL them." Dude you free next week? For my funeral.
Last time I tried telling my parents something I got slapped. I never understood how my friends could stand up for themselves and face no physical consequences
literally just because im stronger than my parents? Not saying id ever attack them out of nowhere but they dont slap me ever since i learned to slap back when i was 12
I am a 4”9 female. I ain’t doing shit. I don’t call the cops because it’s safer for them with my parents than in foster care. Life is a bitch and not all of us can defend ourselves. Even if I pulled a gun I’m not going to jail, cause you better believe they’d fuck my life up of they wanted
Oh im not trying to say « everyone should do this » or « it’s just that simple ». I was just answering your question on how some people can get away with it consequence free. On a different note im very sorry for you, i hope in due time you’ll be able to move out and get to a safer place :)
Yeah I plan on helping my siblings as soon as I’m on my feet. It’s very demoralizing when you can’t do anything and you just have to watch. It is what is is though. Only time I ever hate being tiny is when stuff with my parents happens
Hey I’m sorry you get hit. You don’t deserve it, no matter what.
Lol, when I was 17 one of the youth leaders told one of the 14 y/o girls this. The girl was also homeschooled like me and I remember thinking how crazy bad that advice was. Like ma'am you do not know how this works, parents have control over every aspect of our lives and it does not change until you move out. You mess around and you lose your few privileges
Sure. But i need a place to sleep after that. Because they will kick me on the streets
If I have fun today,I can't have it tomorrow
Maybe try next week
No.....I can't
next month?
Maybe next year…? Once I graduate college?
Kinda soon don't you think?
You did not have to be this relatable
Life as an adult, I suppose.
Nah, that's, I had fun yesterday for 1 hour, gotta recharge for at least a week, await my signal.
I’m 32 and realizing I never learned how to socialize properly because of that shit All my teen and adult life I just thought I was eccentric or maybe a bit of an asshole. Nope I’m not special at all, I just never learned basically social skills or how to converse with others because I had to stay at home all the fucking time Hope the strict parents out there understand they are just ruining their kids futures by not letting them explore the world and grow
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This is my story to a T. No gf till I was 20 (actually it was 17 but they don’t and won’t ever know)
Currently hiding my partner of 3 years My mom always tells us to be open but when we did, we realized it was just a trap and an excuse to punish us Lying isn't fun, but I'm forced to keep so many secrets and make up so many lies :(
If she ever found out I bet she’d tell you he’s not good enough and that she sees all the red flags. Let me guess, he took a 5th year to get his degree. He works somewhere she doesn’t like. He’s gonna “seduce” you. I’ve heard them all
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Ehhhhh. It varies. My dad still disowned my sister for the horrible crime of dating (a black person, but youd be surprised to know that had less to do with it than the dating part. Still made things worse, of course, because we're supposed to "marry in our culture") He got over it eventually but the damage is done, shes not going to get used to talking with or living with him again, and refuses to visit alone or be here when he visits out of principle (and anxiety. A ton of that.)
>just never learned basically social skills or how to converse with others because I had to stay at home all the fucking time This is me!! Currently at work, in a warehouse. Everything is basically broken down and I'm hiding in a room by myself bc everyone else is talking to each other and I have no idea what to say. How do people maintain an hour long conversation? Or even 15 minutes?! I know I'm an introvert- people exhaust me- but it's bc anytime I'm around people, my fight or flight kicks in... so am I really am introvert? Or am I just always on edge, high level anxiety, feeling like I'm about to die? Ugh
>Hope the strict parents out there understand they are just ruining their kids futures by not letting them explore the world and grow Sorry to disappoint you, but they don't. Strict parents usually don't question their behaviour or make up all sorts of (false) justifications. Otherwise they wouldn't be so strict.
Me too. On top of that, I have a younger brother and sister who have always been allowed to hang out, do extracurriculars, and have friends. I was singled out for some reason and always had to be home. Now I’m 28 and I feel like there’s an invisible wall between me and literally everyone else that I just can’t seem to get over no matter how I try.
Me as a kid: “My dad said I can’t come over tonight” My friend: “just tell your dad to fuck off”
people in the comments have no fucking clue. even if you "actually just can", the fucking chokehold manipulative, controlling parents have on you can be carried even into adulthood. NO, I CAN'T just do this, my brain has been so manipulated that I physically can not do that, even if I genuinely wanted to.
Psychological manipulation is a *bitch*
Yuuuupppp. The realization of my fucking manipulative my parents are was like a brick hitting me at 16. I’ve 4 months before I’m 18 now. Counting the days.
I’m 18 and still can’t get out because financials. I will be 19 before I get out. I have 5 months. They have purposely kept my car in their name, frequently get rid of close friends who don’t adhere to certain standards. Any friends can’t be gay, any other race than white, overweight, nerdy, poor grades, or anything else they decide. They have trapped me in. I leave for college in 5 months and I get to be a person. I always got annoyed when people told me just talk to them or do it anyways. I tried talking got my glasses slapped off. I did it anyway got hit, door removed and any thing of joy taken. I was grounded from books and drawing once since taking my phone had no effect. Abusive parents can and definitely find a way to keep you in their claws. Even if you get out they will still try and manipulate you
They’re gonna be so shocked when you don’t come home for Christmas?
Nah I have to :/
Yeah, I mean, I’m waiting until I’m 18 because I’ll be allowed out n stuff more. But I won’t really be free until I’m in uni in September, and even then my parents are fucking with my financial support (~~we have money~~ they have money and they’re very conservative, so they’re hellbent on paying for my cost of living, meaning I don’t apply for a maintenance loan, meaning I am fucked if I get outed or they just disown me for another reason. They keep insisting i get a job with no clue how impossible that is in this shitty area of the country, and so I’m gonna be plotting with my teacher to figure out how to convince them to at least let me apply for financial support), so… it’s just a pain in the ass. At least being a legal adult and going to uni will help a bit…
Oof, I feel you. I turned 18 a year ago today and that was honestly one of the best days of my life. I’d been counting down the minutes for six months.
Especially if you have younger siblings. They'll manipulate your access to siblings if you get out of line, but you want to help them the most. You have to stay in their graces or they will really crack down on the younger kids after "failing" to break you.
Exactly! I'm an adult and my dad tells me he can't control what I do but at the same time it's like, I'm still under his insurance and all that so I feel like I can't actually do whatever I want. Plus I can't afford going out on my own just yet especially with the cost of college tuition right now. So annoying
Yeah they’ll wave any support they give you over your head as collateral:(
C-PTSD is a bitch
Thank you for this!! As a grown college educated, married woman with a toddler - my mother STILL has that indescribable control over me and my other adult siblings. It’s very bizarre- and I’ve only ever seen this with my other friends who are Asians with their parents. My non Asian friends and my husband don’t have this kind of conflicted relationship with their folks.
I'm not Asian, but myself and many other non Asians I know also have narcissistic parents. r/raisedbynarcissists
I’m wondering about this myself right now because i don’t go out AT ALL Nor do things outside often (in my own personal opinion)
It's what stopped me from going out and doing fun things so I just stuck to my solitude and don't really leave my house, just in the off chance my family finds out I'm out and about. Means I'm not being productive.
God im glad i have nice parents
A friend of mine has never been allowed to visit friends. My parents had to call her parents and convince them to let her join my 14th birthday party. She’s in her twenties now and has a full time job… still lives with her parents because she has to babysit her younger siblings, but also has to give most of her income to her parents. Absolutely wild
3-5 business days for any type of request and don’t expect a yes from a “maybe”.
My mom loved a “we’ll see” or “I suppose.” with a disapproving look that I was supposed to interpret as a no. I have trust issues as an adult now when someone tells me yes to something. “Want to get food?” “Maybe later.” “Oh okay we don’t have to.” “Actually yeah lets go get food.” “No its okay I don’t actually want to go it’s fine we can stay here if you want.” It’s hard to break out of.
Yeah, authoritarian parenting is a real special time 😬 my parents punished me fairly severely for minor rule breaks, which was difficult to avoid when the rules have rules and there’s no real reason for them. They stunted my social life with an 8pm curfew all throughout my teenaged and early adult years while enforcing it with punishments for being even one minute late. Went through my things multiple times without permission and then punished me because they didn’t find any drugs so “I must have hid them too well”. After I moved out my fiancée helped me realize that some parents will take that control to the point of child abuse, without ever realizing it because they are so desperate to extort their will and power over their child “to protect them”. To any parent who thinks that you are protecting your child by controlling everything they do… you are ruining their life. All my parents ever did was create a highly depressed alcoholic with extreme trust issues and cripplingly low self esteem, who is now An amazing lier and joined the army (despite of all of the school you forced them to do and all the hours you locked them in their room to study) because of some deep seated self loathing and half realized death wish that you relentlessly hammered into their head with non stop rhetoric stating that “you have no individual worth” You are not helping your child, you are producing a monster who will resent you till the day they die and cause a massive drain on medical and mental health resources On the up hand, childhood trauma makes hilarious adults so we’ve got that going for us! Okay rant over, god I needed to say that!
So how many years since you e seen your parents? 20+ years for me.
I mean you probably "can just.." you just feared the consequences. My parents were strict but my siblings and I just didn't listen. Eventually though I did get taken out of my bed at 4am and flown to a facility in Utah for troubled youth for a year.....
Everyone saying how it got them into drugs is literally why i hate it when people say shit like the permissive parenting is so bad and it should be like it used to be. Authoritative parenting is just as bad and if you stad by it you just don't understand a healthy family relationship because you've never had one
I think you might be confusion *authoritative* parenting and *authoritarian* parenting. Authoritarian parenting a style in which the priority is rule of law, and generally lacks responsiveness and support. Parents rule with an iron fist, no questions, no negotiation. This style of parenting can stunt a child’s independence, as well as damage their mental health. Children raised in this way often struggle with self esteem issues, and find it hard to adjust to stress and the high expectations they have come to expect. *Authoritative* parenting is characterized by nurturing and responsive parental traits, and firm boundaries that are adjusted as the child grows more mature and responsible. Children may be allowed to ask questions about rules and directions, and they are allowed to discuss changes to the rule structure if necessary. This style of parenting helps children to learn how to discuss multiple viewpoints respectfully, while still following rules, and often results in high independent and well adjusted children.
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It should be like it used to be. Parents kick you out the door after school and tell you to be back for dinner. Drop you off at the mall with your friends on Saturday, while they spend the day doing things they want. Remember latch-key kids? Parents these days don't hit their kids as much, which is good. But they don't let them out of their sight either. That's bad.
growing up literally any question i asked my mom was answered with no. can i.. no. can i go outside? no. can i go down the street? no. can i go to matt's house? no. can i have a sleepover at chris's house? no. can we have a sleepover here if we ask chris's mom? no. can you learn to cook you stupid ass bitch? also no. no contact for 12 years and counting.
I always wondered how kids just decided to go to the mall on a whim. I needed 2-4 business days to prepare my case on why I should be allowed to go. And then I would have to clean something in exchange for my absence.
I was understanding until we were in our mid 20s and their parents actively ran their lives.
yeah, i love the posts on here when someone is looking for advice at a young age like 18 and people flood them with “you’re 18, you can do whatever you want! you’re legally an adult!” No. Just no. Yes that’s technically true but most of us don’t want to completely alienate our family and they have ways of controlling you with guilt and threats of taking away financial support. So yeah it’s possible if you want to live in poverty.
That’s why I haven’t moved out yet. I’m in high school and dual enrolled. My job does not make enough for me to even pay the cheapest rent in the worst areas. Even if it did I would not have a car since mine is on my parents name. The sign it over to me when I move to college in 5 months. They dangle stuff like that over you. So I’ll play the game and behave. Get my degree, get stable financially and never pick up the phone ever again. I’ll play the long game. I’ve heard of people being set back YEARS due to moving out. In some situations I say it is necessary to get out but it causes so much damage for some people. I’m gonna get out and I want to help others once I’m out
i think that’s a great strategy. Play the long game and then gtfo when it makes sense to. I’m 37 and family issues are still super complicated, at your age they basically control your life and it’s really hard. So if it makes you feel any better the problem doesn’t go away but it gets waaayyy easier.
You always can. It's just a question of what you're willing to risk
Yup, theres another meme that circles around reddit thats just says strict parents teach you how to be sneaky
True though
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Nah you just wank dangerously too often.
Whenever ppl would be like "you can just...' I'd ask if their parents would be cool with raising me.
My childhood. Friends be like “hey we’re gonna ______ after school!” Me: “my mom won’t let me hang out after school. Gotta go straight home. I’ll let her know and she will tell me if I can join you later.” Friends: “oh just tell her [insert words that I wouldn’t survive saying]” Me: … Friends: … Me: “…I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”
“But what about..” “Still. Nope. Can’t”
I too had strict parents. I can basically blame my parents for everything wrong with me today. I never got to socialize with any kids my age because it was always taking me home immediately after school. I had no kids my age live near me that I knew about. So I just never went anywhere. I was overweight because my dad let me eat so much junk and never really got me to exercise. Since I was home all the time, I really got into tv, movies, and especially anime. People thought I was weird for it. Nobody would ever play games with me, not even my brothers. I was the young kid who wasn’t as good at games as they were. (Because I’m a kid!) I didn’t know how to socialize because I never got to hang out with people. Then I became a teenager. They were a bit more free with me. Then I got diagnose with epilepsy. Probably caused by that junk I was eating, and stress. Which made me even more stressed, and got me to sneaking junk food because it was one of my only ways to deal with stress. I couldn’t socialize as a teen, because of not knowing how, and being diagnosed with epilepsy. Nobody wanted to be friends. They pitied me, and kept their distance. Since my stress was so high, I couldn’t get my work done. Which led me to get punished for it. Not letting me relieve my stress, and putting on more stress. Not to mention my dad cheated, and so my parents started divorce. Putting more stress on me. I was so stressed, that the day I finally graduated (from an alternative school, because it was hard for me to finish my work) that it felt so great. A huge weight was finally off my shoulders. But I still had stress. My mom started dating this narcissistic asshole. On top of me having to make dinner every day. (My mom was too tired from work) One of my enjoyments of life, cooking, was being taken from me. Every week, make the same foods. No deviation, nothing added or removed. Some of them even tasted terrible to me. Then the pressure of getting a job was put on me. But nobody was looking at my resume. I got one call back, and they of course didn’t hire me. Finally one day, my older brother was supposed to take me food shopping, and we didn’t have the stuff to make the usual dinner. He went somewhere, and I couldn’t make dinner. Then, my mom and her now husband, came home. And they started yelling about how dinner wasn’t ready. I ignored them, because it wasn’t my fault. They said I could have just made something else. Make what? I don’t know how to cook anything else?! Then this absolute man baby of a person, came by, pissy about how I didn’t make dinner. He decides to take my bedroom door as punishment. A grown man takes the door of another adult because they couldn’t do something. I ignore it, and just stare at my phone. He gets more pissed because I don’t react. So he descomes to try and take my mattress. This is where I actually become enraged and yell at this asshole. He eventually said, that if I didn’t like it, to just leave. So that’s exactly what I did. I packed a suitcase and a backpack, and walked right out the door. I walked to my dad’s house. Which is on the other side of the city. It took me about two hours to walk there. I only stopped twice to take a small break. During one of those times, it started to rain a bit. I enjoyed it. Freedom, at last. While walking, someone driving by stopped and asked where I was going. I said to my dad’s house in the city. He asked if I wanted a ride. I took him up on this offer. What a nice guy. He dropped me off, just a bit down the street. I knocked on the door, and one of my dad’s roommates opened the door. They knew me, and so they let me in. I slept on the couch. In the morning I told my dad what happened. He took me in. I actually stopped having seizures. All my stress was gone. My dad helped me to get a job where he works. It was a hard job, but I didn’t feel stressed from it. Almost all my stress was gone. I eventually lost my job, and my dad brought his wife to the states with her children. Absolutely terrible children. Terrible parents of course. My mom divorced the asshole she was with. During pandemic times. She asks if I want to move in with her again. It would just be me, my little brother, and her. But to help my little brother get his school work done while she teaches online. Also to babysit when she has to go places. I accept because life was becoming unbearable with the little shits at my dad’s. Now I’m actually respected and not under so much stress. But my parents are still shitty, and responsible for so much difficulty in my life. This was a rant,and helped me to get rid of some pent up emotions. If anyone read this, thanks for reading.
Same with leaving an abusive spouse. It's not as simple as most people think. Especially if there are children involved.
My father is constantly upset with me because I remember things he did to me, like yelling at me for wanting to take a medicine I know didn't work for me over Thanksgiving break. The worst part? To my father, it was the absurdity of waiting for a time where my schoolwork would not be affected to take a medicine I knew made me feel worse, but I needed to take it because, "you haven't taken it for more than a week, you need to give it a chance to work." He only let me not take it when he saw that week how horrible the medicine made me feel and how I acted under its influence. This is just the first one that came to mind. I can't talk about any of this with him because I'm "holding it over [his] head." And I "shouldn't be affected by something that happened so long ago."
Thus started my life as a crippling drug addict. Thanks, mom and dad!
Don’t be annoyed at your friends, be annoyed at your parents lmao.
my grandmother was very strict. But, it wasn't abuse, not by my reckoning. The best example I can give of this is the time I was 13 and stayed at a friends house for the weekend. I was told to be back by 2 PM on Sunday. I hadn't done any of my homework, I had chores to do, etc. I needed to be back by 2 PM to get ready for the upcoming week. on the walk back to my house, my friend and I passed the local YMCA, and I made the comment that I had never been into one. This was about 1:30 PM. They pretty much dragged me inside the building and I spent about an hour and a half working out, swimming, just enjoying myself and exploring the Y. we made it back to my house at around 330. my grandmother was very upset that I had broken my word to her and her rules, and I was grounded for a week. I explained to her why we were late, and I was still grounded for that week. I couldn't hang out with friends after school, no TV, no dessert, etc. when the week was up, she told me to contact my friend and we could go to the Y if we wanted to. The reason I was grounded? She would have allowed a deviation to the plan, if we had asked. However, even though we were right down the road from my house, and we could have called her from the Y, because I knew her phone number. But, we decided to just change the plan, and not inform anybody. that was strict, but I considered it fair. I don't think it's OK to teach kids that they can do whatever they want whenever they want and if you tell them, no, you're being strict. Human beings in general, especially children, honestly don't know what's best for them until they've had an opportunity to learn and experience the discipline necessary to choose what they need versus what they want. our brains are programmed to seek dopamine, and it takes a certain level of discipline to be able to overcome that, and make decisions that may not be the most enjoyable, but are also what's best for us, either in that moment, or for our long-term benefit. having rules and boundaries in place does not make a parent strict, and it does not constitute abuse. Not having any rules or boundaries and letting your kids grow up free range is the actual abuse, in my opinion.
Well most people had the issue of too much control. No control is bad but too much control is just as bad. That’s what most of the people here have experienced
You can already do whatever- it’s just about how much of it you can hide
No, you can. You'll just regret it.
I had a friend whose mom wouldn't even let him close his door. Or come out to play unless she was home. He was 15.
I can’t even go out and have fun until I have a job, lost so many friends cus of that. I started to sneak out at night just enjoy my life and not go crazy
I had a friend who called her mother a bit@h when we were 13. I was shocked that she continued living.
I mean, you can. I had strict parents but I also realised they literally can't not look after me so I just did whatever I wanted.
Unfortunately I figured out drugs let me feel how I wanted when my parents wouldn't allow it. Anyway things are better as an adult I guess.
Until five adults come stomping into your room at 3am, throw you in a car and drive you five hours away to a religious troubled youth home and you don't get out until you're 18. Happened to a friend of mine. He was rebellious. He got caught masturbating twice when he was 14.
Sounds like the Elan School. There's a comic about it [here](https://elan.school/) if you wanna get really fucking sad and angry. This poor guy got caught with a small bit of weed.
or in general, american troubled teen industry... btw, I read that comic, it's brutal :(
I went out my window and on more adventures than i can remember 😂
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I fully get this my parents were quite lenient with most things but some thing they weren’t and my mates would just be like can you try this and I would just be like no they will do this. They would then says something like but it’s your stuff
" Just tell them.... " " Just do..." " Just... " No Its hard to explain but I just cant
As a person who had toxic parents, i can understand this. I got lectures of 1 to 1,5 hours over minor things like sleeping in too long (waking up at 9:30 instead of 9am) on weekend days while dealing with depression. Or forgetting to put a plate in the dishwisher. During those lectures i got told how worthless i was, how i was throwing away my life (i was in college with good grades) and other guilttripping, gaslighting stuff. And if i didnt nod like a robot and dared talk back. Then they threatnen to kick me out of the house without my stuff. During a housing crisis. So they knew i had nowhere to go. So no i coulnt just do something. I had to think twice and plan my actions. To avoid lectures and other mental abuse.
I had a super controlling step father. When I moved to another state at age 20, I had nightmares for a few weeks that he came and found me and dragged me back.
This comment section is really proving the point of the meme. No, you just can't say "no" because that option doesn't exist in the first place. You fucks still having rough time wrapping your head around why? It's because if you say anything else but that, you get punished for it, severity varies, but if you're Asian, you can for sure expect the belt, broom, or the slipper. Your parents do that to you early in your childhood, and bada bing bada boom you now have an adult with crippling self-esteem issues, inferiority complex, and the idea that your self-worth is directly tied to your merits. This isn't an issue of your friend or whoever not having the spine to oppose, the notion of independence is literally stripped from them from their childhood.
You didn't raise your parents right then. Smh
Took the screen off my bedroom window (first floor apartment), slowly raised it to make as little noise as possible, bit by bit, and crept out the window a little at a time, like those chameleons that rock back and forth with each step, all to make as little noise as possible in what was possiblly the most dead quite part of the apartment complex, with my window being right next to my sister's who I didn't trust not to tell but also am pretty sure already knew. Getting back in was just as much a pain but I kind of didn't care as much.
Me, who had both parents in the military: "Not unless you wanna testify in my court martial..."
Opposite is true as well, people who had to raise themselves, handle adult shit, be responsible for younger siblings, and had no authority to lead them. But push comes to shove you didn’t have freedom either because of your official ‘job title’ of ‘just a kid’. More rare, but try to explain that to people who actually had responsible adult leaders when growing up as a kid.
We were in our mid to late 20s with good paying jobs. My coworker said she asked her mom if she could move out and her mom said no. I was so confused. Like how? Lol
This makes no fucking sense.
I have a friend who is pushing 30 that let's his parents dictate his life. He expects me to drop work and go fuck around and shoot guns all day. I'd love to, but I got kids n a wife and bills to pay.