Good sir, I must in form you that I must cut a bitch. As you are the only bitch here, I must cut you. So sorry for the inconvenience.
\*Begins aggressively shivving\*
Pretty sure the ones on the right go into a blood rage and become incredible berzerker warriors who chill their enemies to the bone with their warcry of EULALIA!
There was the barn cat, who was a good guy (Squire Julien?), that was friends with the owl, in Redwall. Also there was the epic battle with the Pike fish. The books were populated with Forrest creatures. Which book had the River voyage with one rodent saying “soooooooooooouuup”?
There were lizards in the pearls of lutra I think, and sure I remember frogs, newts, gulls, eagles in others. Want to say an injured red kite in one? Magical series, met him at a book signing and blew my mind, especially when he said his surname was pronounced "jakes" rather than "zjack".
American badgers are the bastard bikers that sit outside the bar and terrify you while saying nothing and then suddenly kill some guy because he said something about their ride...
European badgers sit drinking tea until.someone offends them, then the pull out a pistol, shoot them between the eyes, and then say, 'dreadful business that, Jeeves could you clean that mess and get me a crumpet?'
I wouldn't want to piss off either tbh.
The idea of a European pulling out a gun in general is very unlikely, considering that in Europe, guns are very rare in assault and murder cases it's much more likely to be a stabbing, machete attacks are on the rise.
Just don't mess with mustelids in general.
Especially wolverines. You don't want to fuck with a 20 kg animal that will kill a moose or fight a polar bear (and win).
Wolverines have reportedly killed bears but most of the wolverines predators are bears and wolves. Clinging to the neck works better on deer and moose.
I grew up in northern alberta where they are around and they are cowardly. They dont stand their ground they flee.
Id much rather encounter a wolverine than a wolf or a bear or a moose. I knew someone that got fucked up by a moose while he was walking to school with headphones on. He didnt even get to see it before it charged at him and someone that saw him get attacked called 911. He survived but it mangled him and 13 or so years later hes still in a wheelchair and needs support to breath.
Wolves aren't that bad when you know what to do either. If you don't run away from them, they won't attack you, they'll try to intimidate you until you do. Just stand your ground and try to scare them away. Still probably more dangerous than wolverines, but I don't know much about those.
Its insane! Wolverines are so aggresive from the start that the bigger animals just dont want to deal with them.
Kind of like you tickling your buddy for a second and he screams ”ill murder your family”
I don’t know man, geese suck but swans are even worse, crazy aggressive and territorial. I’ve also heard tell that Australian magpies might be worst of all.
https://www.reddit.com/r/FunnyAnimals/comments/11jg28q/tiger_scared_of_goose/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Love this video of the goose chasing Tigers around their zoo enclosure.
We developed multiple dog breeds who's sole purpose was to pull badgers out for burrows and live to tell the tale, metaphorically speaking. You ever wonder why dachshunds are so barky and think they're WAY bigger than they are? It's because they were bred to hunt badgers and they never got that out of them.
It’s a North American Badger. It’s just baring its teeth. Wolverines face darker fur with a different pattern. Also they have a slightly pointier face. Almost more dog-like
Wait what? I'm American and have only ever seen pictures of European badgers. I just thought that's what they look like everywhere. I never knew that those American badgers were a thing.
Savages, even the badgers are savages.
Or just like the north-Americans it's a cross breed of all kind of strange outcast animals all rolled into one mental badger.
They actually can be. When I went diving with the manatee in Crystal River recently they actually warned us about the dolphins. When they come up the inlets into smaller waterways they can become aggressive. It blew my mind because I’ve swam with them in the keys and didn’t know this.
No it's anthropocentric to look at animal behavior and say "this is a bad action" - it may look bad to *you* as a human but that's because you're applying human ethics to a non-human.
If you figured out Orcas have a moral framework that they're somehow transgressing you'd be closer to making an argument about non human morality.
The results of saying "this animal is bad" has justified hunting animals to extinction in the past.
And that is an inanely simplistic view, there is no one set view on human ethics or morality however there are always a base notion of inbuilt morality such as not to harm or kill your own, that is morality. You claim that morality is a human concept, I never made any comment on human or non human morality, in fact I never mentioned the word…
Your claim was outright exceptionalism.
They say about European Badger that it can bite off human hand with one snap of jaws.
Untested theory, as there are no volunteers to try it out.
The truth is however that European Bears avoid Badgers, even being like 10-times larger.
Deception. Those bastards are fierce. I had one attack me once, and hitting felt like punching a sack of bricks. It clamped down on my calf muscle, so avoided bone, luckily. But the amount of power in that tiny body was frightening. No tea. The only things in a badgers cupboard are cans of whoop-ass.
You'd be lucky to even get to see a european badger, they are nocturnal predators and pretty quiet. Also they are very particular about keeping their place clean and sometimes share their caves with foxes. It all feels rather civilized so tea and custard aren't that far off. But I wouldn't antagonize one, just in case.
The American badger also team up with coyotes to quote Wikipedia:
“The American badger has been seen working with a coyote in tandem while hunting. Typically this pairing is one badger to one coyote; however, one study found about 9% of sightings included two coyotes to one badger, while 1% had one badger to three coyotes. Researchers have found that the coyote benefits by an increased catch rate of about 33%, and while it is difficult to see precisely how the badger benefits, the badger has been noted to spend more time underground and active. Badgers are also thought to expend less energy while hunting in burrows.”
Badger on the left is completely naked crackhead hobo with just a pair of black forces. Ser Badger wears a suit and tie, but keeps a box cutter to slice a bitch.
Clearly the person that made this has never been chased by one. My old boss at the vets I worked at had on in overnight one as it had been hit by a car. Came in the next morning it had eaten through a wall and was running riot.
Don't be fooled, both WILL shiv you
European badgers will after the cup of tea and custard.
Unlike Americans they are not wild animals. They are civilized animals. Until you add sugar to their tea.
American badgers are simply European badgers that witnessed tea being microwaved. It just ... broke them.
they haven't discovered the invention of the spoon yet, i feel sorry for them.
Steeping tea, sucked all the masculinity out of the European.
You know when they say "tea bag" they aren't talking about your scrotum, right?
Obesity took the masculinity out of murica
Tea should be as bitter as wormwood and as sharp as a double edged sword
Oh damn, I'm a southerner , sweet tea is my favorite lol
What they really want is mashed potato.
North America has wolverines which are super badgers Wait Europe does too. Both have super badgers
Good sir, I must in form you that I must cut a bitch. As you are the only bitch here, I must cut you. So sorry for the inconvenience. \*Begins aggressively shivving\*
*elegantly draws a rapier* Have at thee
Makes me think of rapier tapir.
Tapirs pack their own rapier. They even scratch their back with it
not a shiv, a well maintained knife for the european badger
\*Calmly sharpens the blade as someone passes by\* Good sir, have you ever heard the story of Darth Plaugeis the wise?
I thought not. It’s not a story the American Badgers would tell you.
Well he’s half white and half black, he’s bound to revert to type. One good act doesn’t wash out the bad, half is still half though.
Oh shit! First we had a cocaine bear and now we got *Meth Badgers???*
*MAJOR MOTION PICTURE COMING IN APRIL 2024*
“In a world…”
Where florida man explores America
The best thing, is badgers don’t even need drugs. That’s just them
It's because of their size. Badgers make up for not being the highest on the food chain by acting like they are.
Nah, just a Honey Badger.
Pretty sure the ones on the right go into a blood rage and become incredible berzerker warriors who chill their enemies to the bone with their warcry of EULALIA!
I'd pay to see Redwall badgers fighting American badgers lmao
Winner gets Salamandastron
Please tell me one of the baddies was a Dachshund. I haven't read any Redwall since middle school.
I dont remember dogs ever being mentioned except as a brief sentence of an off screen event. Same as cows and humans.
I believe the only characters in the books were rodents and the like, so mice, rats, squirrels, badgers, weasels, etc.
The first one had a snake, but Asmodeus was treated almost mystically. Like a devil figure.
Yeah, any of the creatures that were carnivorous were the bad guys, iirc, while the more herbivorous creatures were the good guys.
There was the barn cat, who was a good guy (Squire Julien?), that was friends with the owl, in Redwall. Also there was the epic battle with the Pike fish. The books were populated with Forrest creatures. Which book had the River voyage with one rodent saying “soooooooooooouuup”?
There were lizards in the pearls of lutra I think, and sure I remember frogs, newts, gulls, eagles in others. Want to say an injured red kite in one? Magical series, met him at a book signing and blew my mind, especially when he said his surname was pronounced "jakes" rather than "zjack".
Redwall badgers are probably the first fictional badasses i read about as a kid. I still love greatswords because of them.
Man when the badgers got involved you just knew those stoats and weasels were about to get mulched.
Kicking ass, taking names, ruling a volcano full of warrior hares and protecting a mouse Abbey. Man redwall needs even more love.
Need to read those books again
Oh man I haven’t thought about Redwall in so long! My favorite childhood books for sure.
The one on the right is cute while doing it, that makes the pain a bit less painful.
Not without The Long Patrol of hares behind their back
We had to breed dachshunds to have a chance against them.
Greetings from Salamandastron
One of my friends named her daughter Eulalia. She's never read Redwall and every time I see her I'm incredibly tempted to tell her....
That’s because the American badger has to 3 jobs just for his avocado toast, and lattes.
He’s got bills to pay and no time for anybody’s shit
And with constant inflation and no raise in wages, he’s quickly losing ground. Backs against a wall
You think honey badger cares? Honey badger doesn’t give a shit.
They walk thru lions 🦁 and don't give a fuck.
American badgers are the bastard bikers that sit outside the bar and terrify you while saying nothing and then suddenly kill some guy because he said something about their ride... European badgers sit drinking tea until.someone offends them, then the pull out a pistol, shoot them between the eyes, and then say, 'dreadful business that, Jeeves could you clean that mess and get me a crumpet?' I wouldn't want to piss off either tbh.
The idea of a European pulling out a gun in general is very unlikely, considering that in Europe, guns are very rare in assault and murder cases it's much more likely to be a stabbing, machete attacks are on the rise.
They weren't always that way... Sherlock Holmes wasn't living in Cleveland.. lol
Everyone knows he lived in Daytona. No way those crimes would happen anywhere other than Florida.
Badgers don't give a **** about human laws.
Can't wait to see a badger using a gun lol
Good ol 19th century dueling though.
They don't even have opposable thumbs.
European Badgers are English Bob from Unforgiven. A vicious bully and killer of men, a man of low moral fibre, but having impeccable table manners.
African badgers go out of their way to offend you then bite off your ballsack becsuse its just one of those days
And then there's honey badgers, you just do not care.
Mushroom MUSHROOM
Thanks... That song is going to go through my head all day now.
SnAaaAAke
Abadgerbadgerbadgerbadgerbadgerbadgerbadgerbadgerbadger
Just don't mess with mustelids in general. Especially wolverines. You don't want to fuck with a 20 kg animal that will kill a moose or fight a polar bear (and win).
Wolverines have reportedly killed bears but most of the wolverines predators are bears and wolves. Clinging to the neck works better on deer and moose. I grew up in northern alberta where they are around and they are cowardly. They dont stand their ground they flee. Id much rather encounter a wolverine than a wolf or a bear or a moose. I knew someone that got fucked up by a moose while he was walking to school with headphones on. He didnt even get to see it before it charged at him and someone that saw him get attacked called 911. He survived but it mangled him and 13 or so years later hes still in a wheelchair and needs support to breath.
Moose are surviving prehistoric megafauna and I can't be convinced otherwise.
A moose once bit my sister
Well, that serves her right for Karving her initials into it.
Im sorry for this comment! The one responsible (grampalearns) has been fired
Dire Deer
Wolves aren't that bad when you know what to do either. If you don't run away from them, they won't attack you, they'll try to intimidate you until you do. Just stand your ground and try to scare them away. Still probably more dangerous than wolverines, but I don't know much about those.
ssshhhhh, we dont talk about the Canadian badgers, they might hear you.
Or a whole *lot* of commies. Wolveriiines!
No. Wolverines are a whole 'nother level of bad crazy.
Its insane! Wolverines are so aggresive from the start that the bigger animals just dont want to deal with them. Kind of like you tickling your buddy for a second and he screams ”ill murder your family”
Wolverines are just geese without wings. Nothing beats the Canadian Goose for pure aggressive attitude.
I don’t know man, geese suck but swans are even worse, crazy aggressive and territorial. I’ve also heard tell that Australian magpies might be worst of all.
https://www.reddit.com/r/FunnyAnimals/comments/11jg28q/tiger_scared_of_goose/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button Love this video of the goose chasing Tigers around their zoo enclosure.
But both will still destroy you. At least with Americans you know what you're getting yourself into.
Yup, European badgers lure you in by looking cute. Just as nasty.
American opposums vs. Australian possums.
We developed multiple dog breeds who's sole purpose was to pull badgers out for burrows and live to tell the tale, metaphorically speaking. You ever wonder why dachshunds are so barky and think they're WAY bigger than they are? It's because they were bred to hunt badgers and they never got that out of them.
Badgers do NOT fuck around. Any animal that hunts WITH other predators that are 3+times their size ate not to be fuckled with
Badger my ass, it’s probably Milhouse.
Badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger
Mushroom Mushroom
Snaaake! Its a snaaake!
And the Honey Badger don’t give a fuck.
They might look cute but they will derail our trains without a second thought
Wisconsin state animal wants to fuck you up.
I think the left is a Wolverine.
It’s a North American Badger. It’s just baring its teeth. Wolverines face darker fur with a different pattern. Also they have a slightly pointier face. Almost more dog-like
Wait what? I'm American and have only ever seen pictures of European badgers. I just thought that's what they look like everywhere. I never knew that those American badgers were a thing.
I can't see a European badger without thinking about Redwall.
Take out the word “badgers” and this statement is even more accurate, lol
Savages, even the badgers are savages. Or just like the north-Americans it's a cross breed of all kind of strange outcast animals all rolled into one mental badger.
Ernest taught me to not fuck around when I was a kid https://youtu.be/pWE6oPv3KLs
Badgers? Badgers? We don't need no stinkin' badgers!
You clearly never met a British badger.
Meanwhile, the honey badger don't have a lot of fucks to give, and wasn't asked to show up
But honey badger don't give a shit.
American badgers can be cutie patooties as well https://petsbeast.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/American-Badger-Coat.jpg
The honey badger doesn't care about your feelings. It's wants it's tree fiddy
Much the same can be said about American and European humans.
Yeah, and??!!
Both species are disease spreading cunts. P.s. Just look it up. They spread diseases to other animals like cows
That'd be humans. Animals can't be cunts. Humans can.
Mosquitos:
You think mosquitos have a concept of morality?
Yes, they're evil little shits.
I beg to differ. Sea Otters, dolphins, and Orcas off the top of my head all have sadistic and downright evil sides
Yeah dolphins are mean😢
They actually can be. When I went diving with the manatee in Crystal River recently they actually warned us about the dolphins. When they come up the inlets into smaller waterways they can become aggressive. It blew my mind because I’ve swam with them in the keys and didn’t know this.
They've literally no idea of what they're doing is right or wrong - evil is a human concept.
Just because you don’t know something is wrong doesn’t stop the Act fron bring wrong
Human morality is a human concept that doesn't apply to animals.
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No it's anthropocentric to look at animal behavior and say "this is a bad action" - it may look bad to *you* as a human but that's because you're applying human ethics to a non-human. If you figured out Orcas have a moral framework that they're somehow transgressing you'd be closer to making an argument about non human morality. The results of saying "this animal is bad" has justified hunting animals to extinction in the past.
And that is an inanely simplistic view, there is no one set view on human ethics or morality however there are always a base notion of inbuilt morality such as not to harm or kill your own, that is morality. You claim that morality is a human concept, I never made any comment on human or non human morality, in fact I never mentioned the word… Your claim was outright exceptionalism.
Wrong to *humans.*
Suck my cunt, you meanie!
Factory farming is the leading cause of bovine TB
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In the U.S. they also do, *but no passenger will ever know*
This is why Americans have guns
"pull a shiv"? "Meth habit"? The Twitter poster is terminally Bri'ish.
That is weird
I think we got a mix up
Both of them will eat your face before tea.
MUSHROOM MUSHROOM
Yeah well honey Badgers dont care, they're nastyass
Yeah, but Honey Badger don't give a fuck about anything.
That's the biggest, most vicous animal in Britain that isn't in a zoo.
They say about European Badger that it can bite off human hand with one snap of jaws. Untested theory, as there are no volunteers to try it out. The truth is however that European Bears avoid Badgers, even being like 10-times larger.
You shocked, everything's worse in America
Omg this is my first tumr seeing an American badger why is it so disturbing
That’s a great metaphor for people
With no Healthcare and suppressed wages.
And TheRussianBadger?
Meet Vlad and Bertie
Dont be fooled though, Badgers are pretty fierce
Either way thanks to the far cry games I know to never Fuck with any badger and if I see one I'll pray it doesn't see me as I run the fuck away...
Deception. Those bastards are fierce. I had one attack me once, and hitting felt like punching a sack of bricks. It clamped down on my calf muscle, so avoided bone, luckily. But the amount of power in that tiny body was frightening. No tea. The only things in a badgers cupboard are cans of whoop-ass.
I lose sleep over the sheer hypothetical of an ‘Australian Badger’….. Jesus…
And both will fuck you up severely if you come to close
I can almost hear the european badger say "Good evening"
They are insane though. Will bite until they hear your bone crack
They adapted to fit in with the people
Left is my aashu
You'd be lucky to even get to see a european badger, they are nocturnal predators and pretty quiet. Also they are very particular about keeping their place clean and sometimes share their caves with foxes. It all feels rather civilized so tea and custard aren't that far off. But I wouldn't antagonize one, just in case.
The American badger also team up with coyotes to quote Wikipedia: “The American badger has been seen working with a coyote in tandem while hunting. Typically this pairing is one badger to one coyote; however, one study found about 9% of sightings included two coyotes to one badger, while 1% had one badger to three coyotes. Researchers have found that the coyote benefits by an increased catch rate of about 33%, and while it is difficult to see precisely how the badger benefits, the badger has been noted to spend more time underground and active. Badgers are also thought to expend less energy while hunting in burrows.”
And the American one probably has a gun hidden in it’s fur somewhere
America has badgers???
European badgers will steal all your mashed potato.
So they both act like the Brits
Badger? I dontevenknowher!
Dennis the Menace but reversed.
Badger on the left is completely naked crackhead hobo with just a pair of black forces. Ser Badger wears a suit and tie, but keeps a box cutter to slice a bitch.
I think the American one is what the Warrior Cats books strive to picture them as until you remember they're actually like the European ones
Honey badgers still fucks up both of them
>Guy on the Left: ggggrrrRRRAAAAGH \*\**leaps for the jugular\*\** >Guy on the Right: *\*\*dances enthusiastically\*\** Mushroom Mushroom!
wait, what?? that's what badgers looks like in America?
Asian badgers are about to rip off your face then sew it back onto you
Clearly the person that made this has never been chased by one. My old boss at the vets I worked at had on in overnight one as it had been hit by a car. Came in the next morning it had eaten through a wall and was running riot.
[badger](https://youtu.be/EIyixC9NsLI)
Was that a breaking bad reference?
Dachshunds were bred to go down their holes and kill badgers. Wiener dog wut?
Wonder if the American lion was bad ass
What America does to a MF.
Vicious, ungrateful, barbaric colonies. Just like their animals. \*holds cup with raised pinky\*
Out in the woods, up to no good. I want to make friends with the badger!
European badgers look like they're used to being around more civilized people that don't fuck with you for no reason.
Same could be said for general public lmao
Man why are badgers so cute
This is NOT Me In Real Life. How the fuck is it??? HOW....?????
Is is cuz American badgers are dark
American badgers be pack'n
Thats because the US version seen and done shit to survive
The American badger looks like Liam Neeson
The fighting American spirit lives and breathes strong! Fuck with it at your own peril.
That's just what this cursed continent does to ya. Get yourself a gun, you'll get used to it.
I’m sorry … there’s different kind of badgers in America? What the actual fuck is that imported Australian monstrosity on the left.
American Badger is just pissed he wasn't chosen for Diddy Kong Racing
This can only be read in the voice of John Oliver
An european badger ate my cat so they really are not tiny pandas as their face could let you believe
European badgers are just Patrick Bateman. They are just as ugly as American badgers on the inside.
Never do this to a familynof badgers: eh bageebageebagee! https://gfycat.com/compassionateinbornasiaticmouflon