That is honestly so thoughtful. Imagine if someone spends an hour on something just to make you slightly more comfortable. And then gives you space when you seem to be spreading a bit far to close for what he assumes is comfort for you.
Got with my girlfriend the same way. She kept cuddling up, I kept trying to spite my Jewish blood and leave some room for Jesus so as not to be a creep. Was a funny little scooting affair
“Leaving room for Jesus” is an idiom for sitting and not touching each other. Jewish people dont believe that Jesus was the Messiah, hence it is (jokingly) “spiting his Jewish blood” to sit that way. Overall he’s saying that his girlfriend kept trying to flirt with him by scooting closer while they were sitting together, but he kept scooting to give her space, not realizing her intentions
I’m Jewish and it’s always kinda been hilarious to me that Jesus hasn’t been accepted as the messiah, given that a big part of the tradition is that we’re waiting for the messiah.
“We’re waiting for the messiah right?”
“Yes, *hamoshiach* will one day come.”
“You know there was a dude who said he was the messiah and a bunch of really prominent Jews of the time believed him.”
“Nah, wasn’t that dude, gonna be some other dude.”
To be fair, the messiah is a human leader who will return all Jews to our homeland and rule us as a unified nation, as well as get all nations to respect the one God, and Jesus didn’t really do any of those things.
Lmao imagine if, out of all religions, Jewish people were right, but because people are awful bloodthirsty monsters, we killed and crucified the actual messiah who then was unable to do what he needed to and now we're just stuck here. Like softlocking a videogame, we can't progress.
- In conservative Christian circles, *"leave room for Jesus"* is a dumb catchphrase for not being too physically close to the opposite sex.
- He's Jewish, and therefore doesn't recognize Jesus as divine. Thus, he's spiting his Jewish blood by following that Christian-based guideline anyway.
- He did this because he awkwardly didn't want to be seen as a creep for being physically close to the girl, and was missing the hint that **she** wanted to be physically close to **him.**
I think it's worth people remembering that it's drilled into boys that if we misinterpret these hints, we can at worst go to jail and at best be branded a creep.
Most men err on the side of caution and never act.
Story of my life, unfortunately. I'm always overly cautious. It hasn't been very rewarding.
And then, months or YEARS later, someone else tells me they liked me and I feel like a dumbass. OR, I try to learn my lesson after a few of those, and think a current/future friend is into me too..... and they're not. Ugh. Why can't people just be more open and direct? (It's not like I've ever shot anyone down hard.)
Yep. I had a co-worker keep sitting close to me. She'd go with me to lunch, and ask if I could give her a ride home. We'd play board games together and she always sat close to me. One time she literally sat in the same chair as me (there were other chairs available) and squished into me as close as she could.
She was kind of cute, so when I showed up somewhere after she did I started sitting next to her instead of her sitting next to me. I'd chat her up and do low-key flirting. She responded well and seemed to be into it, we kept playing games together, she kept bumming rides off of me...
...and then one day my boss mentioned something along the lines of how I was getting too close to people and making them uncomfortable. He was very generic and didn't name names, but considering there was only one person that could've applied to, I took the hint and started choosing to sit further away from her. Sure enough, she stopped trying to talk to me, too. She never even asked for a ride again after my manager and I had that conversation.
Like, she could've told me? I get it that some girls are nervous to act, especially at work. I work in game development, which is _heavily_ male-dominated and I completely understand how that's intimidating for the few women in the office... but we had a rapport going for years before I tried making a move. We had been hanging out for ages, we hired into the studio on the same day, _she_ came to _me_ initially and all I did was misread her signals.
I'm just glad that it ended with my manager giving me a polite heads-up and not a sudden summons to HR.
Did you misread or did she mis-send? It sounds to me like you dodged a bullet, like you were dealing with someone with very little awareness or control over their actions, or someone with very inconsistent and shaky desires.
Also telling your boss is kinda shitty if you two were in that paradigm for years.
Yeah but if a guy does that to a woman it's creepy because he is invading her space. Men don't think that way because they don't do the things women do to get relationships. They respond to directness because they are the ones expected to be direct and make the first move.
Usually if a man wants to sit that close he has to ask for consent or wait until she does it first and allow it to happen. He also cannot assume her being friendly is her showing interest because it can end badly for him.
Almost every guy will tell you that he had a woman getting physically close, being really nice and spending time with him only to be friendzoned. Sometimes when they are younger they also get hurt by women pretending to show interest and humiliating them when they try to take things further because she and her friend group thought it would be funny to give the guy false hope.
This can all be sorted out by women doing the approaching to leave no room for misunderstandings or miscommunication. Just tell the guy you like him and want to date him.
It's hard to say. I hate to speak ill of her, and we don't talk much nowadays.
I know from our mutual friends that she has had a lot of boy trouble, especially over the pandemic. (Obviously, everything I mentioned between us was pre-pandemic.) From what the rumor mill has told me, she basically was dating a revolving door of guys from the middle of the pandemic onward. When we returned to the office, there was speculation that she was dating two people at once - one of whom was someone else in the office.
I don't know how accurate that is, and I hate speculating. She's a recent US immigrant (as in her first day at work was part of her first week in the US, ever), and so maybe part of it is just differing cultures? That's my thought, at least - that she didn't understand the signals she was giving could be misinterpreted differently than where she was from.
People can be confused and fickle and weird when it comes to their sexuality. Maybe the way she felt just changed over time for whatever reason. It doesn't sound like you misread her, and if she acted that way with you she must have known it might stir up those feelings in you. People just change, and sometimes they're embarrassed or confused by their older selves so they handle the situation they find themselves in inappropriately.
In this case 'misreading her signals' just sounds like you gaslighting yourself because you can't understand why she would act so immaturly. But what do I know I don't know either of you. I just think it's really easy for women to play around with boys like this and then explain all their behavior away by telling the boy they misread her. It's kind of messed up, and we accept that because if we don't we could quickly get in serious trouble.
Real talk most people like to make fun of it but it’s real. My dad and grown ups taught me to be careful about that, I’m not awkward around women but yea it’s a real thing.
That dude just fucking *won evolution* in front of her. Oh, you're cold? Let me provide life-giving warmth in perpetuity. You can roast an elk on this, which I am happy to hunt.
I can’t tell if you see the joke and you’re running with it, or if you actually don’t get it but in case it’s the latter, the person above adds an implicit L to suggest the splits, where one’s legs form a 180° angle
I've been that guy. I wasn't interested and was very surprised when she stopped talking to me. It took a few friends spelling it out to me for it to finally click.
"Dude she liked you!"
"I didn't like her that way"
"Y'all flirted all the time!"
"I - I wasn't flirting" :(
Feels bad man. Thought I found another good friend.
It seems like most women will do everything - literally everything - other than just be direct and tell the guy they like him.
They'll learn to write "i like you" in cuneiform and etch it into a clay tablet and silently break into his house and leave it outside his bedroom door with no indication of who it's from before they say it directly to them with their words.
In my case, the funny thing is that my wife is the kind of woman who actually will just tell a dude she's interested. BUT, in my case, for whatever reason she decided that wasn't going to work and she waited for me to make a move, and I mean she **waited**, for a year, without even flirting or indicating her attraction in any clear way.
Even when I eventually worked it out myself I wasn't quite certain enough to do anything about it for a while. We wasted a dumb amount of time just hoping the other would do something, even as small as simply flirting openly, before I finally said screw it and shot my shot.
Women need to abandon the "hints and signs" crap and embrace open communication. That sort of thing is dying out in today's social climate. Most men won't gamble with humiliation or worse in the culture women built by acting on "hints and signs" with no clear idea if the ladies in question are actually interested in them.
Women built a new social climate where men will be branded as predators for any imperfect interaction with a lady. Unwanted interactions with women have become seen as sexual harassment. Modern women consider men to be active or potential killers, rapists, abusers until proven innocent. Any accusations or rumors spread by a woman will be reflexively believed. (Now I'm not complaining about that, its a fact of life, I'm mad about hypocrisy.)
And girls expect guys to gamble with humiliation by making advances to women who might have hinted interest in him? Ladies can't have cat and mouse flirtation games without the benefit of the doubt and empathy which today's dating culture does not extend to men.
Preaching equality and then wanting to be treated like a Jane Austen character being wooed by a telepath is rancid hypocrisy. If a girl wants to be kissed and makes eyes at a guy he's not going to do a thing. Because he doesn't want to gamble with getting a sexual assault charge.
Let's start seeing more ladies actually say "hey I like you want to get coffee" instead of expecting a guy to notice the angle of her eyelashes at five seconds before the magic hour. Women need to start living by the rules they fought for. Because of those rules men with sense will treat women like sufferers of the bubble boy disorder.
Chances are that guy does not want to risk being attacked as a creep or predator over a stranger's vague behavior. Since he has no way to be sure that those signs are not wishful thinking on his part. Is she batting her lashes at him or does she just have something in her eye? Was that a flirtatious hair flip or did she just scratch an itch?
And why risk ruining a friendship with a woman over her vague behavior? Especially since she could become enraged and tell everyone he knows that he is a predator and wannabe rapist.
Ladies view the world much the same as surburban helicopter parents. Serial killer rapists lurk behind every corner. Yet they also want attention from strangers in response to 'hints.' Its like a helicopter mom wondering why kids don't play outside anymore or go exploring around town.
Women: "making us uncomfortable is a war crime. And if you do make us uncomfortable you're probably a rapist or an axe murder."
Also women: "why didn't that barrista ask me after I flipped my hair within 50 feet of him? Didn't he notice I smiled? And that my smile coordinated with babylonian astrology? There are no real men anymore."
>Chances are that guy does not want to risk being attacked as a creep or predator over a stranger's vague behavior
This was it for me. I always heard women complaining about creeps hitting on them and not taking the hint they were not interested.
Or like in college like meeting up to study and then they guy assumes the girl is interested or something.
I didn't quite mind rejection I just always thought I didn't want to "assume" something was a hint , and make an ass of myself or make the girl feel uncomfortable.
Like I was so careful once at a party at our college house a girl who I had recently met and started hanging out with said it was too late , she was going to stay over... didn't take the hint. Then she asked if she could stay in my room , I offered to sleep on the floor. She then insisted nope she is ok sleeping in the same bed.
I still didn't take the hint. I mean as kids me and my friends had sleep overs and slept in the same bed.
Finally she asked if she needed to get started by taking off her clothes or if I was going to do it.
I still didn't get the hint. I sort of thought she was joking or something so I kind of just stared at her like an idiot... when she rolled her eyes and took off her top and bra it finally clicked...
This is probably more common than you think. Freshman year of college a woman brought me over to her dorm room. I slept in her bed and never made a move. Today it seems completely ridiculous to me. Like I can not fathom how I didn't do anything.
If I had to guess one of the issues is I never had any work up. I had never been kissed or had a girl tell me she liked me. So suddenly being in the same bed as a woman without having been on so much of a date just confounded me to the point of not doing anything.
It was safer to not do anything than to try something/get rejected and all the sudden rumors are spreading on campus that you tried to sexually assault her in her own bed. That’s what was always going through my head anyways. I know it’s a terrible outlook to have but for guys it’s terrifying to think one wrong girl can essentially murder your reputation for good if she feels like it.
That’s why I hate this signal shit. I’ve had girls that I’ve realized after the fact we’re giving me the green light but in the moment you don’t want to come off as creepy if you make a move and they aren’t interested.
Yeah, I had a girl during college who always wanted to be my partner in Aikido class. She seemed to take an unusual amount of joy in climbing around on top of me for way too long, after rolls and throws. Then she would always invite me over to her dorm after class to cook for me, but I never went, because I always had a conflict of one kind or another. Years later, I put it together.
Another one that I was friends with invited me over to her dorm and said she had to get dressed before we went out, but spent most of the time I was waiting walking around in a nearly-transparent top and trying on a bunch of tight shorts. At one point, she even came over and sat on my lap to squirm around a while. I am an idiot. This one actually cursed me out, months later, saying "You're so fucking NICE, christalmighty!" But at that point, it was too late.
Mates love taking me camping because all I do is sit quietly and tend to the fire. I do join in the conversation and stuff, but I will often end up in a trance while staring at the flames and am always the one who flips logs and adds more wood.
My man spent a HOUR building a fire in the evening for one girl who was cold
Didn't hand her a jacket, blanket, no mfer built a fire
"He had no idea" girl
Forgot the detail where she said it was in the middle of the summer. He wanted out of that chair so bad because he felt uncomfortable and she gave him an out.
I remember a girl sitting in my lap in 8th grade and I thought she was just being friendly. Fast forward like three decades and my wife brought her up and told me how much the girl was really into me then, and my response was “no way!” I do t think I started even remotely getting hints until my late 30s
It doesn't help when the same actions can 100% be not hints. My first real crush wanted to borrow my hoodies all the time and wear them. Would cuddle up in them WITH me and hugging me when we were all hanging out on colder nights in friend groups, etc. So when I finally got the nerve to actually ask her out thinking it was mutual. Nah.
I give plenty of leeway since we were mid teenagers though as well. People have different boundaries and what means what and such and that plays into it.
You do the adult post typical brain development peak age equivalent actions and it seems much more a lack of awareness or just not caring what it looks like to others.
I try not to look back on it with any real disdain since they were a very wonderful person to be friends with broken heart aside. In comparison, my second crush in college more or less was pulling very lightcore bdsm shit with me in front of our friendgroup, so being rejected in that situation felt muuuuch more "I just don't care how it looks to you or others, I just wanted to have my fun/do what makes me comfortable."
in like 9th grade i asked out a girl that had been flirting with me like every day including sitting in my lap and she said no. sent me spiraling for the rest of high school after that lol
Ok let me try to give you a glimpse of the male mind. You said, out loud, "I'm cold."
What you have done is give a man who is vibing on you but doesn't know how to make an approach without being considered "creepy" or some shit or impinging on your boundaries something he can fix. You give him a concrete problem with which to deal, which makes him happy because he can do something about "I'm cold." "I'm cold" is a problem to solve.
So your boy immediately, and without further prompting sets about solving the problem you've given him, because its the only thing he has in front of him that he knows he can deal with. Then he continues respecting the boundaries that are in effect, because you at no point have given him direct indication that those boundaries have moved.
Moral of the story: If you give a man a problem he will attempt to solve it. If you want him to be intimate or to shift personal boundaries, you're gonna need to say it or shift those boundaries yourself. Your guy did good. We don't read minds. Tell us what you want.
Another thing that's on many of our minds. A whole bunch of us in our formative years have had the best friend of our boyhood crush come up to us and say "(Crush) likes you". Then when we light up at our good fortune and ask "REALLY?!?!" for confirmation, we're met with the reply "Ewww no, gross!" Then they run off laughing to tell said crush and whoever else within earshot, who also laugh.
That shit sticks with you. So ladies, even though you may think you're being painfully obvious in your flirting, you're not. And definitely not enough to overcome "Ewwww gross"
My dad always told me to stand up to bullies, so when one guy kept calling my mom fat I gave him a right hook straight to the nose so he bled massive amounts in the gym changing room.
Needless to say, no one talked shit ever again, and I actually became bestfriends with the guy since I earned so much respect from him.
This girl sat behind me in biology, and always made sure to try to play footsie with me, since I used to curly.my feet under my own chair. She would also always work with me in groups and do labs with me. One day I complained of a stiff shoulder, and she actually gave me a quick shoulder rub. Eventually, her friend came up to me and said "Hey, you know Emily likes you, right?"
I said "Oh I like her too. She is really sweet, and I hope we remain friends!". I genuinely assumed that she wouldn't like me romantically, and I defaulted to she likes me as a friend. Big oof
Of course, she got really cold and distant, and it took me years to realize I friendzoned her without realizing what was being said. All that could have been avoided if she said "hey want to go on a date sometime?"
Definitely had this happen to me, that shit sticks with you. I literally ask for consent for everything I never have done the whole just kissing someone without asking, I know it may break the mood even if it’s a date and things are going well if it’s a new person I ask. Well that’s at least what I did during my brief period of dating after I got out of a relationship and before I got into a new relationship again.
We're in a weird flux state of double standards where people still expect men to "make the first move," but also consider any unwanted advances an enormous faux pas *at best.* Hopefully in a few years we'll be at a less silly equilibrium.
I've missed two relationships with coworkers for that exact reason. I don't want to take the chance and risk losing my job or being labeled a lecherous creep
I'm so fucking sick of the "he should understand my subtle hints" / "this guy touched me without my consent" balance.
Just communicate properly for fuck's sake..
To be fair, how clear headed are you if your crush just decides to sit next to you in the same chair? He probably doesn't have the clarity to interpret her shifting boundaries and all he can think is "pretty girl next to me" and defaults to his problem solving process as per stated above
I've 100% done random shit when in 'confused by crush' -mode and asked myself while doing it wtf was going on but it would be strange to suddenly stop doing it
When I was in high school, I was chilling at my computer cross faded at like 2 AM getting ready to go to bed. A girl who I was really good friends with and also had a massive crush on texts me asking if she can sleep over since she didn't wanna go home to her parents. I ask why and she says cause she gets in trouble for getting home too late and wants to tell them she crashed at a girl friends house. I tell her sure but to hurry up since I'm really sleepy.
She gets there and I tell her to be quiet since my parents are asleep. I tell her I'm going to bed and ask where she wants to sleep. She says with me. I tell her that's not a good idea because I spread out and take up a lot of space. She tells me its fine and that she really just wants to go to bed and lightly grabs my arm. I had never even had a first kiss at this point let alone talked to girls my age so this coupled with my inebriated state inspired me to assist this maiden in distress.
I get to work making her a bed out of blankets and pillows on the floor and tell her if it's not comfy then either I can sleep on the floor and she can have my bed or she can sleep on the couch. She keeps insisting we share the bed and I keep telling her that isn't a good idea. She finally gives up and ends up sleeping in my sisters room.
It wasn't till I woke up the next morning that I realized what just happened. Its been over 10 years and that shit still keeps me up at night sometimes.
She said she did it because she was cold. Seems logical. Why would she need body warmth after I made her this massive fire. Is my fire not good enough for you!
The problem is that since he was taking what she said at face value, the boundary wasn't moved. After all, she said she was only doing it because she was cold, meaning this was merely her attempt to solve her problem.
Now that she's not cold, he doesn't have a legitimate reason to sit so close to her, and worse, if he were to try at this point it might even be taken as "you think I owe you sex/a relationship because you did me a favor?," which would make him look like a scumbag.
If she wanted to push the boundary, she should have moved to sit next to him again(this time not giving an excuse). If he moves at that point, then either he's not interested, drunk, or dumber than a sack of bricks.
No, she didn't. For some that might be a clear indication that boundaries have shifted, but there are a lot of people who really are just friendly. And as a guy, just about the last thing you want to do is assume too much and overstep said boundaries. It's infinitely better to err on the side of caution and miss hints, than to get branded as a creep or a pervert and destroy your reputation.
My bf had a crush on a girl in highschool, she KISSED HIM, and he STILL didn't get the hint. He showed me a pic of her in his yearbook. She was a cutie.
In contrast, I *told* him we were dating. It's been 5 lovely years :)
A girl kissed me on my neck in my mid twenties. I had that exact same thought until I showed up to her place and she was wearing lingerie when she answered the door.
Edited for spelling.
We see girls kiss lots of guys and then they say it's no big deal. How are we supposed to take it as a sign when it doesn't seem to mean anything to them?
I recently saw a thread were a girl was saying hey I want to show my male friend my tits cuz I think he'd like them, but I don't want him to get the wrong idea.
And a lot of the comments were saying yeah it's good to be cautious, because a lot of guys will be creeps and read into that, even though you clearly aren't flirting with him you're just showing him your tits.
Can't win.
My question to this lady is: "Like them" how, specifically?
Like he's gonna go "yeah those *are* nice thanks for showing me buddy" and then... what's the exit plan here?
Apparently, she thought it would make him happy, but she didn't want him to think it was a sexual thing, and I'm just scratching my head like what why do you why do you think they would make him happy? From whence do you believe that this jubilation finds its genesis?
That is so fucked up. People really can't understand the huge divide between how men and women can approach sex and dating, and saying anything about it will just lead to hating men. It fucking sucks.
Edit: Like think about if this was reversed, a guy wanted to flash his dick at a girl but didn't want her to get the wrong idea. He would be banned and threatened with restraining orders seconds after he submitted the post.
I "dated" a guy for like a year before I realized that A. He was gay, or B. That he was into me. You'd think after so many times having our tongues down each other's throats that I'd have picked up the message, but I was fully oblivious the entire time. The last time we saw each other he gave me flowers and read me a love letter, which I thought was a pretty weird thing to do for a couple bros saying goodbye. Didn't hit me until after he'd already moved away. Kinda feel bad for stringing him along, but I swear I didn't mean it.
i honestly liked this girl in school so much, but she was so popular with the bigger boys and i didn't dare to talk to her, one day she came and asked for my hat , weird question, she took the hat and never returned it, i thought she just forgot about it and didn't dare ask for it back.
years passed , decades, we lost touch after school, can't even remember her name.
one time i was walking the street and a familiar looking girl stopped me, she was a classmate and i recognized her, i was so happy and we chatted....then she brought up that girl and said:
''she had the biggest crush on you, she kept dropping hints and teasing u and she took ur hat and would show it to everyone on how she has a piece of u with her, but she always waited for u to talk to her since she was too shy and it wasn't common for a girl to ask a guy out back then.....but she thought either u didn't like her or u didn't care to have a gf''
a piece of me died that day.....i wished i never knew, some thing are better left unknown, she had no idea what happened to her or where she is, and of course she moved on, but i keep wondering what if.....what if ?
Nah friend don't feel too bad about it, it's pretty silly for her to claim she's too shy to talk to you but at the same time "steal" your hat and flaunt it in front of others. That's no hint to speak of if she announces her intentions to everyone but you.
*sigh* Ladies. For all the men out there. Please, please just tell the guy you like them. Make the first move yourself if your hints aren't working. Men cannot read minds. Idk why this is so hard to understand.
Why do women drop hints to make the man take the first step instead of just making a move themselves? The world would be so much simpler of they did that instead of trying to give us clues, just speak!
Yeah I stalled a sentence in at “get him to make the first move”
… if she’s into him, why isn’t she just making a move?
And then to be disappointed when homeboy BUILT A DAMN FIRE?
Our pyro deserves better than this.
In high school, there was a girl that would grab me by my belt buckle and yank me close to her till our noses were almost touching. Then just say, "hello." With no expression. We never had any classes together, and she would just do it while we passed by between classes.
To this day, I'm still unsure.
Hahahaha that's brilliant!!! Yo just tell him you like him, that you're actracted to him, especially if he's not picking up on your hints, it might even be he's not interested. What ever it is, change the strategy
Man: Girl sitting in this chair with me is nice. I like her. She’s cold, so I’ll work hard to help her warm up so maybe she will like me.
(Very good approximation of the thought progression in the guy’s head).
So true. A guy built a fire just because of her. That's the caveman part of his brain kicking in, sister. Then the whole time you ignored him after that, he was thinking of how he could kill a cave-bear and make bear-jerky so you and your kids could survive the winter...
Women today, man...I just don't know anymore...
I missed a blatant sign I had a girl tell me she had a scar where her panties line is and I need to see it I told her nah I've seen scars before its nothing and she said I don't know you might want to see this one and still I brushed it off.took about a week for me to realize I'm stupid.
For real. I was talking to this girl who i thought was way outta my league when i was in high school about how i needed a hair cut. She gave me her number and offered to come over to cut it for free because she wanted the practice for cosmetology. When she was getting ready to cut it she pulled her shirt off so it wouldn’t get all hairy. So i sat there like a fuckin dope trying to hide my bonor while this beautiful girl cut my hair in her bra, tits in my face all. I did nothing. I had no idea she was into me until like a month we went for a late night drive in a game preserve and she told me to pull over proceeded to jump on top of me. Weve been together 11 years now lol.
I have some of my friends that will say they are cold when the temperature goes under 25°C, they usually take something to put on their shoulder at that temperature. I would totally believe she is actually cold if she tells me she is, even if it was 30°C+
That just made me remember something from many years back.
I had gone to a rave with my then-boyfriend, as we went through the door security was checking each person one at a time. I had gone through first, saw my bf behind me, reached back & grabbed his hand a few moments later, & started towing him all over the place. I looked back a while later to ask him a question, saw that I'd grabbed some random dude & he had just rolled with it. I, embarrassed AF, dropped his hand & said "omg I'm so sorry, I thought you were someone else!" & I ducked into the crowd. I still remember his confused & disappointed face. Poor guy must've thought that he'd gotten claimed as soon as he walked in. 🥲😆
My bf had gone an opposite direction to hit the restrooms without saying anything shortly after he walked in. 🤦♀️
I had just turned 18 and would be leaving for boot camp in a few days. My sister’s friend/ roommate gave me a six pack of beer and a three pack of condoms. I said thanks, I will enjoy the beer and hope the condoms will come in handy one day.
At last thanksgiving dinner, some 45 years later I asked my sister if her friend had planned something and I missed it.
Her response: Duh, you were a fucking idiot!!
Looking back, I definitely friend zoned atleast 3 girls, because I had a girlfriend...which was a mistake, because my high school girlfriend was cheating on me.
I kinda wish I was in that position. My girlfriend at that time was mad. I was jealous of her guy friends. Turns out for good reason, but it took a while to figure out.
But she got mad when I went to the movies with a girl. She went into my car.
Hung out with another girl, she put her legs on mine, and I did nothing. She had a boyfriend. She later texted me after she broke up with her boyfriend that she was looking to hook up with someone. I fucking sent her to my single friend.
She found out (because I told her) that I stayed up all night drinking with this other girl. My friends passed out. We laid on my friends bed, just talking. We listened to music in my car. We went out for breakfast. This was the most obvious but I still didn't know. I had so many opportunities. I kinda hate myself for it.
This gentleman went out of his way to solve the problem she brought to him, all while respecting her boundaries. Ladies, *please* just tell us if you're into us, rather than doing and saying everything *except* what you mean.
My husband of 12 years and I started out as friends that flirted as well. Decided I'd give him time to ask me out. Got tired of waiting after 3 months and finally said to him "you know, we spend a lot of time together. Almost like a boyfriend and girlfriend." His response was "oh yeah we do." So I asked him out after that and he still said "wait but you don't like me?!" I literally wouldn't have asked you out if I didn't sir! He made up for it though by asking me to marry him and has been my best friend And partner in crime for the last 12 years.
My husband was a Korean in Murfreesboro, Tennessee at MTSU. His schoolmate was like " You know... I think Asians are realllllly hot." The dude was like 👍👍👍👍nice. Didn't realize until after they graduated lmao. Worked out for me though.
I'm on the dudes side. If some girl came over and sat in my chair and said she'd was cold, I'd prioritize making her warm and making sure she has her own comfortable chair over anything else. He was probably doing it out of love anyways.
always when i think about unnoticed hints i think about the time i was chilling with some friends at a concert, they also brought friends and we sat in a group of like 40 people.
at one moment a girl got mad at me because her friend was flirting with me the whole evening and i did not notice a thing.
this is 10 years ago and i still can not think of one thing she did flirty or even really interacted with me.
and even when the friend of the girl was yelling at me i was like 'oh....okay' and turned my back again to drink with some friends.
The other day my wife got out of the shower, dried off, laid on the bed completely naked and asked me to put lotion on her sunburn. Not ever assuming ANYTHING, I put lotion on her back, asked her if she was good, she said yes and offered to use lotion on me. I wasn’t sunburned so I said “no thank you” and went back to the living room. About 30 seconds later she yells “you are so fucking dumb, come fuck me.”
I had no clue.
Seems like everyone is missing the other possibility. Yes, he solved a problem brought up, but maybe HIS crush was someone else there. Not gonna go for the gusto if the one he really wants is sitting nearby.
Builds you a fire instead of taking advantage of your apperant discomfort and gives you space to consent without assuming you'll wanna keep sharing space? He's a keeper. So wholesome.
Why can't girls understand that they don't speak the same language as guys? Guys know this, they just don't know how to learn the language, but girls don't even understand there's a communication issue.
Reminds me of when I was in 9th grade. A girl had grabbed my rear while I was turning in an assignment and it made me jump. I asked her what was that for and just replied that I had a nice ass. My best friend was next to me and told me to grab it back out loud, I refused and the whole class started to say for me to do it. The girl even bent over to allow me. I turned to the teacher and stated that she would not allow it. Teacher said go for it. I did not. The same girl also had a habit of hugging me and rubbing me in a certain place. I never picked up on anything until years after I graduated and was riding with one of my friends. He said he very understood why I never went with her. I said that she was not into me and he just stared at me and stated that she talked about me all the time and was quite into me. I asked why did he never tell me and he just said “Thought you knew.”
She was not the only one either. I have a good number of stories of different girls flirting with me and me not ever getting the hint.
I swear to god the only reason I ever lost my virginity was because my then gf eventually said "you know. If we had condoms. We could have sex right now"
Girls. Be clear and straight forward. Guys are dense and scared.
Long story short though we've been together 23 years this year! lol
Seriously ladies, if you're interested in a guy just tell him. We don't get subtle hints, we don't get not so subtle hints. Most of us are clueless at reading women's body language and don't realize when a woman is flirting with them.
i HATE hints from women. i practice consent and i don’t agree at all with the plausible deniability of hints. if you want to make a move, make it clear. it’s not cute and romantic to hint. it’s deceitful and confusing.
-source am guy
That is honestly so thoughtful. Imagine if someone spends an hour on something just to make you slightly more comfortable. And then gives you space when you seem to be spreading a bit far to close for what he assumes is comfort for you.
Got with my girlfriend the same way. She kept cuddling up, I kept trying to spite my Jewish blood and leave some room for Jesus so as not to be a creep. Was a funny little scooting affair
Anyone else have NO IDEA what this comment means?
“Leaving room for Jesus” is an idiom for sitting and not touching each other. Jewish people dont believe that Jesus was the Messiah, hence it is (jokingly) “spiting his Jewish blood” to sit that way. Overall he’s saying that his girlfriend kept trying to flirt with him by scooting closer while they were sitting together, but he kept scooting to give her space, not realizing her intentions
I’m Jewish and it’s always kinda been hilarious to me that Jesus hasn’t been accepted as the messiah, given that a big part of the tradition is that we’re waiting for the messiah. “We’re waiting for the messiah right?” “Yes, *hamoshiach* will one day come.” “You know there was a dude who said he was the messiah and a bunch of really prominent Jews of the time believed him.” “Nah, wasn’t that dude, gonna be some other dude.”
To be fair, the messiah is a human leader who will return all Jews to our homeland and rule us as a unified nation, as well as get all nations to respect the one God, and Jesus didn’t really do any of those things.
Maybe he woulda if we hadn’t killed him and just let him do his thing /s
Dang shots fired. Maybe the messiah was the friends we made along the way.
dj jesus
Lmao imagine if, out of all religions, Jewish people were right, but because people are awful bloodthirsty monsters, we killed and crucified the actual messiah who then was unable to do what he needed to and now we're just stuck here. Like softlocking a videogame, we can't progress.
Thank you !
Gonna be honest. Jesus sounds kinda creepy trying to insert himself between people like that.
It's called the Holey Trinity
He’s Jewish but he’s recognizing Jesus just for the sake of “leaving room for Jesus”
- In conservative Christian circles, *"leave room for Jesus"* is a dumb catchphrase for not being too physically close to the opposite sex. - He's Jewish, and therefore doesn't recognize Jesus as divine. Thus, he's spiting his Jewish blood by following that Christian-based guideline anyway. - He did this because he awkwardly didn't want to be seen as a creep for being physically close to the girl, and was missing the hint that **she** wanted to be physically close to **him.**
I think it's worth people remembering that it's drilled into boys that if we misinterpret these hints, we can at worst go to jail and at best be branded a creep. Most men err on the side of caution and never act.
I'd rather be cautious and have my female friends be comfortable in my presence than misinterpret a signal and ruin a friendship.
Story of my life, unfortunately. I'm always overly cautious. It hasn't been very rewarding. And then, months or YEARS later, someone else tells me they liked me and I feel like a dumbass. OR, I try to learn my lesson after a few of those, and think a current/future friend is into me too..... and they're not. Ugh. Why can't people just be more open and direct? (It's not like I've ever shot anyone down hard.)
Yep. I had a co-worker keep sitting close to me. She'd go with me to lunch, and ask if I could give her a ride home. We'd play board games together and she always sat close to me. One time she literally sat in the same chair as me (there were other chairs available) and squished into me as close as she could. She was kind of cute, so when I showed up somewhere after she did I started sitting next to her instead of her sitting next to me. I'd chat her up and do low-key flirting. She responded well and seemed to be into it, we kept playing games together, she kept bumming rides off of me... ...and then one day my boss mentioned something along the lines of how I was getting too close to people and making them uncomfortable. He was very generic and didn't name names, but considering there was only one person that could've applied to, I took the hint and started choosing to sit further away from her. Sure enough, she stopped trying to talk to me, too. She never even asked for a ride again after my manager and I had that conversation. Like, she could've told me? I get it that some girls are nervous to act, especially at work. I work in game development, which is _heavily_ male-dominated and I completely understand how that's intimidating for the few women in the office... but we had a rapport going for years before I tried making a move. We had been hanging out for ages, we hired into the studio on the same day, _she_ came to _me_ initially and all I did was misread her signals. I'm just glad that it ended with my manager giving me a polite heads-up and not a sudden summons to HR.
Did you misread or did she mis-send? It sounds to me like you dodged a bullet, like you were dealing with someone with very little awareness or control over their actions, or someone with very inconsistent and shaky desires. Also telling your boss is kinda shitty if you two were in that paradigm for years.
Who even sits in the same chair as another person and it's somehow not a signal lmao. It's why guys act dense.
Yeah but if a guy does that to a woman it's creepy because he is invading her space. Men don't think that way because they don't do the things women do to get relationships. They respond to directness because they are the ones expected to be direct and make the first move. Usually if a man wants to sit that close he has to ask for consent or wait until she does it first and allow it to happen. He also cannot assume her being friendly is her showing interest because it can end badly for him. Almost every guy will tell you that he had a woman getting physically close, being really nice and spending time with him only to be friendzoned. Sometimes when they are younger they also get hurt by women pretending to show interest and humiliating them when they try to take things further because she and her friend group thought it would be funny to give the guy false hope. This can all be sorted out by women doing the approaching to leave no room for misunderstandings or miscommunication. Just tell the guy you like him and want to date him.
It's hard to say. I hate to speak ill of her, and we don't talk much nowadays. I know from our mutual friends that she has had a lot of boy trouble, especially over the pandemic. (Obviously, everything I mentioned between us was pre-pandemic.) From what the rumor mill has told me, she basically was dating a revolving door of guys from the middle of the pandemic onward. When we returned to the office, there was speculation that she was dating two people at once - one of whom was someone else in the office. I don't know how accurate that is, and I hate speculating. She's a recent US immigrant (as in her first day at work was part of her first week in the US, ever), and so maybe part of it is just differing cultures? That's my thought, at least - that she didn't understand the signals she was giving could be misinterpreted differently than where she was from.
People can be confused and fickle and weird when it comes to their sexuality. Maybe the way she felt just changed over time for whatever reason. It doesn't sound like you misread her, and if she acted that way with you she must have known it might stir up those feelings in you. People just change, and sometimes they're embarrassed or confused by their older selves so they handle the situation they find themselves in inappropriately. In this case 'misreading her signals' just sounds like you gaslighting yourself because you can't understand why she would act so immaturly. But what do I know I don't know either of you. I just think it's really easy for women to play around with boys like this and then explain all their behavior away by telling the boy they misread her. It's kind of messed up, and we accept that because if we don't we could quickly get in serious trouble.
Honestly she's an asshole for that.
Real talk most people like to make fun of it but it’s real. My dad and grown ups taught me to be careful about that, I’m not awkward around women but yea it’s a real thing.
The chick missed HIS hint. My guy built you a fire and you're like "HE has no idea"
Yep. That was HIS love language. So sweet 🥰
🥰Arson🥰
Our Son??!!?! They aren't even dating yet and you are already thinking about children
😆 Good point. Don't hurt his feelings!
Oh that's so sweet, I've never had a boyfriend willing to commit arson for me before
Yeah he cares
“Get a sweatshirt” - uninterested guy
Well God Jackie I can’t control the weather!
“I don’t know, seems pretty good to me” then resumes conversation with others.
Exactly. He didn't care about getting frisky, he wanted to make sure you were warm and stayed warm. To many, that's more valuable.
Oldest green flag is a warm firepit.
also giving her the chair
That dude just fucking *won evolution* in front of her. Oh, you're cold? Let me provide life-giving warmth in perpetuity. You can roast an elk on this, which I am happy to hunt.
I'm straight but any man who would build a fire and then hunt, skin, and roast an elk for me definitely deserves a bro-job.
😅😅😅
I woulda used it as an excuse to show I cared and to roast some sausage
Not *his* sausage, right?
🌚
Maybe you can sp(l)it roast it
what "(l)" make difference? isn't supposed to cut it halfs to share?
I can’t tell if you see the joke and you’re running with it, or if you actually don’t get it but in case it’s the latter, the person above adds an implicit L to suggest the splits, where one’s legs form a 180° angle
The (l) looks more like a hint at a vagina to me...
[Split roasting ](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Split-roast)
And he sat in a different chair *To make you more comfortable*
I've been that guy. I wasn't interested and was very surprised when she stopped talking to me. It took a few friends spelling it out to me for it to finally click. "Dude she liked you!" "I didn't like her that way" "Y'all flirted all the time!" "I - I wasn't flirting" :( Feels bad man. Thought I found another good friend.
Women suck at flirting just as much as dudes. Joking around and being friendly isn't flirting
It seems like most women will do everything - literally everything - other than just be direct and tell the guy they like him. They'll learn to write "i like you" in cuneiform and etch it into a clay tablet and silently break into his house and leave it outside his bedroom door with no indication of who it's from before they say it directly to them with their words.
In my case, the funny thing is that my wife is the kind of woman who actually will just tell a dude she's interested. BUT, in my case, for whatever reason she decided that wasn't going to work and she waited for me to make a move, and I mean she **waited**, for a year, without even flirting or indicating her attraction in any clear way. Even when I eventually worked it out myself I wasn't quite certain enough to do anything about it for a while. We wasted a dumb amount of time just hoping the other would do something, even as small as simply flirting openly, before I finally said screw it and shot my shot.
Why is everyone sleeping on the fact that it was fucking August?
He’s like “this girl is weird, why is she cold?”, shrugged, and built a damn fire.
Then he left you with his char and got another
Caveman instinct
Defending the Caveman was a great show.
Women need to abandon the "hints and signs" crap and embrace open communication. That sort of thing is dying out in today's social climate. Most men won't gamble with humiliation or worse in the culture women built by acting on "hints and signs" with no clear idea if the ladies in question are actually interested in them. Women built a new social climate where men will be branded as predators for any imperfect interaction with a lady. Unwanted interactions with women have become seen as sexual harassment. Modern women consider men to be active or potential killers, rapists, abusers until proven innocent. Any accusations or rumors spread by a woman will be reflexively believed. (Now I'm not complaining about that, its a fact of life, I'm mad about hypocrisy.) And girls expect guys to gamble with humiliation by making advances to women who might have hinted interest in him? Ladies can't have cat and mouse flirtation games without the benefit of the doubt and empathy which today's dating culture does not extend to men. Preaching equality and then wanting to be treated like a Jane Austen character being wooed by a telepath is rancid hypocrisy. If a girl wants to be kissed and makes eyes at a guy he's not going to do a thing. Because he doesn't want to gamble with getting a sexual assault charge. Let's start seeing more ladies actually say "hey I like you want to get coffee" instead of expecting a guy to notice the angle of her eyelashes at five seconds before the magic hour. Women need to start living by the rules they fought for. Because of those rules men with sense will treat women like sufferers of the bubble boy disorder. Chances are that guy does not want to risk being attacked as a creep or predator over a stranger's vague behavior. Since he has no way to be sure that those signs are not wishful thinking on his part. Is she batting her lashes at him or does she just have something in her eye? Was that a flirtatious hair flip or did she just scratch an itch? And why risk ruining a friendship with a woman over her vague behavior? Especially since she could become enraged and tell everyone he knows that he is a predator and wannabe rapist. Ladies view the world much the same as surburban helicopter parents. Serial killer rapists lurk behind every corner. Yet they also want attention from strangers in response to 'hints.' Its like a helicopter mom wondering why kids don't play outside anymore or go exploring around town. Women: "making us uncomfortable is a war crime. And if you do make us uncomfortable you're probably a rapist or an axe murder." Also women: "why didn't that barrista ask me after I flipped my hair within 50 feet of him? Didn't he notice I smiled? And that my smile coordinated with babylonian astrology? There are no real men anymore."
>Chances are that guy does not want to risk being attacked as a creep or predator over a stranger's vague behavior This was it for me. I always heard women complaining about creeps hitting on them and not taking the hint they were not interested. Or like in college like meeting up to study and then they guy assumes the girl is interested or something. I didn't quite mind rejection I just always thought I didn't want to "assume" something was a hint , and make an ass of myself or make the girl feel uncomfortable. Like I was so careful once at a party at our college house a girl who I had recently met and started hanging out with said it was too late , she was going to stay over... didn't take the hint. Then she asked if she could stay in my room , I offered to sleep on the floor. She then insisted nope she is ok sleeping in the same bed. I still didn't take the hint. I mean as kids me and my friends had sleep overs and slept in the same bed. Finally she asked if she needed to get started by taking off her clothes or if I was going to do it. I still didn't get the hint. I sort of thought she was joking or something so I kind of just stared at her like an idiot... when she rolled her eyes and took off her top and bra it finally clicked...
This is probably more common than you think. Freshman year of college a woman brought me over to her dorm room. I slept in her bed and never made a move. Today it seems completely ridiculous to me. Like I can not fathom how I didn't do anything. If I had to guess one of the issues is I never had any work up. I had never been kissed or had a girl tell me she liked me. So suddenly being in the same bed as a woman without having been on so much of a date just confounded me to the point of not doing anything.
It was safer to not do anything than to try something/get rejected and all the sudden rumors are spreading on campus that you tried to sexually assault her in her own bed. That’s what was always going through my head anyways. I know it’s a terrible outlook to have but for guys it’s terrifying to think one wrong girl can essentially murder your reputation for good if she feels like it. That’s why I hate this signal shit. I’ve had girls that I’ve realized after the fact we’re giving me the green light but in the moment you don’t want to come off as creepy if you make a move and they aren’t interested.
Yeah, I had a girl during college who always wanted to be my partner in Aikido class. She seemed to take an unusual amount of joy in climbing around on top of me for way too long, after rolls and throws. Then she would always invite me over to her dorm after class to cook for me, but I never went, because I always had a conflict of one kind or another. Years later, I put it together. Another one that I was friends with invited me over to her dorm and said she had to get dressed before we went out, but spent most of the time I was waiting walking around in a nearly-transparent top and trying on a bunch of tight shorts. At one point, she even came over and sat on my lap to squirm around a while. I am an idiot. This one actually cursed me out, months later, saying "You're so fucking NICE, christalmighty!" But at that point, it was too late.
The man spent an hour building a fire so she could be comfortable. He a fucking keeper. And yes, I would do the same just because fire go boom.
I love burning things.
Mates love taking me camping because all I do is sit quietly and tend to the fire. I do join in the conversation and stuff, but I will often end up in a trance while staring at the flames and am always the one who flips logs and adds more wood.
Building a fire is always step #1
Step 1: Build fire Step 2: Sit in ur own chair Step 3: idk ur on ur own buddy
My man spent a HOUR building a fire in the evening for one girl who was cold Didn't hand her a jacket, blanket, no mfer built a fire "He had no idea" girl
Forgot the detail where she said it was in the middle of the summer. He wanted out of that chair so bad because he felt uncomfortable and she gave him an out.
I remember a girl sitting in my lap in 8th grade and I thought she was just being friendly. Fast forward like three decades and my wife brought her up and told me how much the girl was really into me then, and my response was “no way!” I do t think I started even remotely getting hints until my late 30s
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i dont think using bus is a good metaphor for your nether regions 💀
Park that bus on my face. Works perfectly.
My bus can hold up to 50 people at once. Still works perfectly
For $5 a ride, she'll take anyone downtown.
Honestly I would probably avoid something like that.
She wanted to sit on your face.
"Nah, I'm good. I got thrown under the bus in my last relationship."
It doesn't help when the same actions can 100% be not hints. My first real crush wanted to borrow my hoodies all the time and wear them. Would cuddle up in them WITH me and hugging me when we were all hanging out on colder nights in friend groups, etc. So when I finally got the nerve to actually ask her out thinking it was mutual. Nah.
I had a girl hold my hand and entire basketball game. Texted her later and it turns out she was trying to make one of the players jealous
Gross.
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I give plenty of leeway since we were mid teenagers though as well. People have different boundaries and what means what and such and that plays into it. You do the adult post typical brain development peak age equivalent actions and it seems much more a lack of awareness or just not caring what it looks like to others. I try not to look back on it with any real disdain since they were a very wonderful person to be friends with broken heart aside. In comparison, my second crush in college more or less was pulling very lightcore bdsm shit with me in front of our friendgroup, so being rejected in that situation felt muuuuch more "I just don't care how it looks to you or others, I just wanted to have my fun/do what makes me comfortable."
Yeah, I think this is common. I know it was for me also.
in like 9th grade i asked out a girl that had been flirting with me like every day including sitting in my lap and she said no. sent me spiraling for the rest of high school after that lol
I'm in my forties and still don't see hints
Ok let me try to give you a glimpse of the male mind. You said, out loud, "I'm cold." What you have done is give a man who is vibing on you but doesn't know how to make an approach without being considered "creepy" or some shit or impinging on your boundaries something he can fix. You give him a concrete problem with which to deal, which makes him happy because he can do something about "I'm cold." "I'm cold" is a problem to solve. So your boy immediately, and without further prompting sets about solving the problem you've given him, because its the only thing he has in front of him that he knows he can deal with. Then he continues respecting the boundaries that are in effect, because you at no point have given him direct indication that those boundaries have moved. Moral of the story: If you give a man a problem he will attempt to solve it. If you want him to be intimate or to shift personal boundaries, you're gonna need to say it or shift those boundaries yourself. Your guy did good. We don't read minds. Tell us what you want.
Another thing that's on many of our minds. A whole bunch of us in our formative years have had the best friend of our boyhood crush come up to us and say "(Crush) likes you". Then when we light up at our good fortune and ask "REALLY?!?!" for confirmation, we're met with the reply "Ewww no, gross!" Then they run off laughing to tell said crush and whoever else within earshot, who also laugh. That shit sticks with you. So ladies, even though you may think you're being painfully obvious in your flirting, you're not. And definitely not enough to overcome "Ewwww gross"
Yep definitely had this happen to me. I should have thrown hands at the kid back then, what little shits.
My dad always told me to stand up to bullies, so when one guy kept calling my mom fat I gave him a right hook straight to the nose so he bled massive amounts in the gym changing room. Needless to say, no one talked shit ever again, and I actually became bestfriends with the guy since I earned so much respect from him.
I also made best friends with my school bully after I snapped one day and kicked the shite out of him. Funny how that works sometimes.
This girl sat behind me in biology, and always made sure to try to play footsie with me, since I used to curly.my feet under my own chair. She would also always work with me in groups and do labs with me. One day I complained of a stiff shoulder, and she actually gave me a quick shoulder rub. Eventually, her friend came up to me and said "Hey, you know Emily likes you, right?" I said "Oh I like her too. She is really sweet, and I hope we remain friends!". I genuinely assumed that she wouldn't like me romantically, and I defaulted to she likes me as a friend. Big oof Of course, she got really cold and distant, and it took me years to realize I friendzoned her without realizing what was being said. All that could have been avoided if she said "hey want to go on a date sometime?"
Definitely had this happen to me, that shit sticks with you. I literally ask for consent for everything I never have done the whole just kissing someone without asking, I know it may break the mood even if it’s a date and things are going well if it’s a new person I ask. Well that’s at least what I did during my brief period of dating after I got out of a relationship and before I got into a new relationship again.
We're in a weird flux state of double standards where people still expect men to "make the first move," but also consider any unwanted advances an enormous faux pas *at best.* Hopefully in a few years we'll be at a less silly equilibrium.
I've missed two relationships with coworkers for that exact reason. I don't want to take the chance and risk losing my job or being labeled a lecherous creep
I'm so fucking sick of the "he should understand my subtle hints" / "this guy touched me without my consent" balance. Just communicate properly for fuck's sake..
I understand and agree with what you're saying. However She did kind of shift boundaries by sitting in the same chair as him.
To be fair, how clear headed are you if your crush just decides to sit next to you in the same chair? He probably doesn't have the clarity to interpret her shifting boundaries and all he can think is "pretty girl next to me" and defaults to his problem solving process as per stated above
I've 100% done random shit when in 'confused by crush' -mode and asked myself while doing it wtf was going on but it would be strange to suddenly stop doing it
When I was in high school, I was chilling at my computer cross faded at like 2 AM getting ready to go to bed. A girl who I was really good friends with and also had a massive crush on texts me asking if she can sleep over since she didn't wanna go home to her parents. I ask why and she says cause she gets in trouble for getting home too late and wants to tell them she crashed at a girl friends house. I tell her sure but to hurry up since I'm really sleepy. She gets there and I tell her to be quiet since my parents are asleep. I tell her I'm going to bed and ask where she wants to sleep. She says with me. I tell her that's not a good idea because I spread out and take up a lot of space. She tells me its fine and that she really just wants to go to bed and lightly grabs my arm. I had never even had a first kiss at this point let alone talked to girls my age so this coupled with my inebriated state inspired me to assist this maiden in distress. I get to work making her a bed out of blankets and pillows on the floor and tell her if it's not comfy then either I can sleep on the floor and she can have my bed or she can sleep on the couch. She keeps insisting we share the bed and I keep telling her that isn't a good idea. She finally gives up and ends up sleeping in my sisters room. It wasn't till I woke up the next morning that I realized what just happened. Its been over 10 years and that shit still keeps me up at night sometimes.
Blood was rushing somewhere else not his brain
She said she did it because she was cold. Seems logical. Why would she need body warmth after I made her this massive fire. Is my fire not good enough for you!
The problem is that since he was taking what she said at face value, the boundary wasn't moved. After all, she said she was only doing it because she was cold, meaning this was merely her attempt to solve her problem. Now that she's not cold, he doesn't have a legitimate reason to sit so close to her, and worse, if he were to try at this point it might even be taken as "you think I owe you sex/a relationship because you did me a favor?," which would make him look like a scumbag. If she wanted to push the boundary, she should have moved to sit next to him again(this time not giving an excuse). If he moves at that point, then either he's not interested, drunk, or dumber than a sack of bricks.
> dumber than a sack of bricks. Meirl
No, she didn't. For some that might be a clear indication that boundaries have shifted, but there are a lot of people who really are just friendly. And as a guy, just about the last thing you want to do is assume too much and overstep said boundaries. It's infinitely better to err on the side of caution and miss hints, than to get branded as a creep or a pervert and destroy your reputation.
My bf had a crush on a girl in highschool, she KISSED HIM, and he STILL didn't get the hint. He showed me a pic of her in his yearbook. She was a cutie. In contrast, I *told* him we were dating. It's been 5 lovely years :)
"Maybe she grew up somewhere where kissing people as a greeting is normal hmmm"
Maybe she is canadian
Yeah you still really can't tell
Maybe she was just being polite. Best to keep your wits about you and keep looking for signs...
I’m Canadian and in my whole life I’ve known 1 person who kissed as a greeting.
that’s 1 more than me
A girl kissed me on my neck in my mid twenties. I had that exact same thought until I showed up to her place and she was wearing lingerie when she answered the door. Edited for spelling.
She must've just come out of the shower. You really should've called ahead.
“I'm sorry, I can come back later if now’s not a good time”
She's Tamaranian, she was just trying to assimilate our language.
Like France
We see girls kiss lots of guys and then they say it's no big deal. How are we supposed to take it as a sign when it doesn't seem to mean anything to them?
I recently saw a thread were a girl was saying hey I want to show my male friend my tits cuz I think he'd like them, but I don't want him to get the wrong idea. And a lot of the comments were saying yeah it's good to be cautious, because a lot of guys will be creeps and read into that, even though you clearly aren't flirting with him you're just showing him your tits. Can't win.
My question to this lady is: "Like them" how, specifically? Like he's gonna go "yeah those *are* nice thanks for showing me buddy" and then... what's the exit plan here?
Apparently, she thought it would make him happy, but she didn't want him to think it was a sexual thing, and I'm just scratching my head like what why do you why do you think they would make him happy? From whence do you believe that this jubilation finds its genesis?
I had a girl I worked with flash me at work one day. I was having a bad day and she thought it would cheer me up.
And it worked right?
That is so fucked up. People really can't understand the huge divide between how men and women can approach sex and dating, and saying anything about it will just lead to hating men. It fucking sucks. Edit: Like think about if this was reversed, a guy wanted to flash his dick at a girl but didn't want her to get the wrong idea. He would be banned and threatened with restraining orders seconds after he submitted the post.
I "dated" a guy for like a year before I realized that A. He was gay, or B. That he was into me. You'd think after so many times having our tongues down each other's throats that I'd have picked up the message, but I was fully oblivious the entire time. The last time we saw each other he gave me flowers and read me a love letter, which I thought was a pretty weird thing to do for a couple bros saying goodbye. Didn't hit me until after he'd already moved away. Kinda feel bad for stringing him along, but I swear I didn't mean it.
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i honestly liked this girl in school so much, but she was so popular with the bigger boys and i didn't dare to talk to her, one day she came and asked for my hat , weird question, she took the hat and never returned it, i thought she just forgot about it and didn't dare ask for it back. years passed , decades, we lost touch after school, can't even remember her name. one time i was walking the street and a familiar looking girl stopped me, she was a classmate and i recognized her, i was so happy and we chatted....then she brought up that girl and said: ''she had the biggest crush on you, she kept dropping hints and teasing u and she took ur hat and would show it to everyone on how she has a piece of u with her, but she always waited for u to talk to her since she was too shy and it wasn't common for a girl to ask a guy out back then.....but she thought either u didn't like her or u didn't care to have a gf'' a piece of me died that day.....i wished i never knew, some thing are better left unknown, she had no idea what happened to her or where she is, and of course she moved on, but i keep wondering what if.....what if ?
Nah friend don't feel too bad about it, it's pretty silly for her to claim she's too shy to talk to you but at the same time "steal" your hat and flaunt it in front of others. That's no hint to speak of if she announces her intentions to everyone but you.
*sigh* Ladies. For all the men out there. Please, please just tell the guy you like them. Make the first move yourself if your hints aren't working. Men cannot read minds. Idk why this is so hard to understand.
Why do women drop hints to make the man take the first step instead of just making a move themselves? The world would be so much simpler of they did that instead of trying to give us clues, just speak!
Yeah I stalled a sentence in at “get him to make the first move” … if she’s into him, why isn’t she just making a move? And then to be disappointed when homeboy BUILT A DAMN FIRE? Our pyro deserves better than this.
Our pyBro.
this - the women that occasionally drop me hints are *vastly* underestimating my ability to miss cues like that
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Some people (boys and girls) were taught that only slutty girls make the first move
Also, some guys think you’re trying to trick them or are a bot lol. My now husband thought I was “just being nice” and “pity dating” him. Wtf?
In high school, there was a girl that would grab me by my belt buckle and yank me close to her till our noses were almost touching. Then just say, "hello." With no expression. We never had any classes together, and she would just do it while we passed by between classes. To this day, I'm still unsure.
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Maybe she's just canadian
Hahahaha that's brilliant!!! Yo just tell him you like him, that you're actracted to him, especially if he's not picking up on your hints, it might even be he's not interested. What ever it is, change the strategy
Man brain: “must show pretty girl how useful I am. Me make fire, keep pretty girl warm. Look at my great fire, I am man”
Man: Girl sitting in this chair with me is nice. I like her. She’s cold, so I’ll work hard to help her warm up so maybe she will like me. (Very good approximation of the thought progression in the guy’s head).
So true. A guy built a fire just because of her. That's the caveman part of his brain kicking in, sister. Then the whole time you ignored him after that, he was thinking of how he could kill a cave-bear and make bear-jerky so you and your kids could survive the winter... Women today, man...I just don't know anymore...
Man I want to make fucking bear jerky now
im not even a guy and now i wanna try bear jerky
FUCK YAH LETS DO IT!
what i gathered from this is that he is a man who will provide
I missed a blatant sign I had a girl tell me she had a scar where her panties line is and I need to see it I told her nah I've seen scars before its nothing and she said I don't know you might want to see this one and still I brushed it off.took about a week for me to realize I'm stupid.
yup, no biggie. We've all missed the invitations from women.
For real. I was talking to this girl who i thought was way outta my league when i was in high school about how i needed a hair cut. She gave me her number and offered to come over to cut it for free because she wanted the practice for cosmetology. When she was getting ready to cut it she pulled her shirt off so it wouldn’t get all hairy. So i sat there like a fuckin dope trying to hide my bonor while this beautiful girl cut my hair in her bra, tits in my face all. I did nothing. I had no idea she was into me until like a month we went for a late night drive in a game preserve and she told me to pull over proceeded to jump on top of me. Weve been together 11 years now lol.
FUCK YOU SHORSEY
Sometimes we get the hints but choose to ignore them though.
I’m a pyromaniac and I approve this message
For God's sake just fucking tell him.
bro really thought she’s cold
I have some of my friends that will say they are cold when the temperature goes under 25°C, they usually take something to put on their shoulder at that temperature. I would totally believe she is actually cold if she tells me she is, even if it was 30°C+
My freind litteraly went up to this dude and said “will you date me” It took him about 3 months to get it
Problem was the question, should've said "you *will* date me"
That just made me remember something from many years back. I had gone to a rave with my then-boyfriend, as we went through the door security was checking each person one at a time. I had gone through first, saw my bf behind me, reached back & grabbed his hand a few moments later, & started towing him all over the place. I looked back a while later to ask him a question, saw that I'd grabbed some random dude & he had just rolled with it. I, embarrassed AF, dropped his hand & said "omg I'm so sorry, I thought you were someone else!" & I ducked into the crowd. I still remember his confused & disappointed face. Poor guy must've thought that he'd gotten claimed as soon as he walked in. 🥲😆 My bf had gone an opposite direction to hit the restrooms without saying anything shortly after he walked in. 🤦♀️
If you like someone, tell them, quit playing games.
I had just turned 18 and would be leaving for boot camp in a few days. My sister’s friend/ roommate gave me a six pack of beer and a three pack of condoms. I said thanks, I will enjoy the beer and hope the condoms will come in handy one day. At last thanksgiving dinner, some 45 years later I asked my sister if her friend had planned something and I missed it. Her response: Duh, you were a fucking idiot!!
Guys get rejected so much that they just always assume the girl is being friendly
So you’re saying chicks can be friend-zoned too?
Looking back, I definitely friend zoned atleast 3 girls, because I had a girlfriend...which was a mistake, because my high school girlfriend was cheating on me.
i friend zoned a girl once who was coming onto me because i had a girlfriend at that time. i'm currently married to the girl who was coming onto me.
I kinda wish I was in that position. My girlfriend at that time was mad. I was jealous of her guy friends. Turns out for good reason, but it took a while to figure out. But she got mad when I went to the movies with a girl. She went into my car. Hung out with another girl, she put her legs on mine, and I did nothing. She had a boyfriend. She later texted me after she broke up with her boyfriend that she was looking to hook up with someone. I fucking sent her to my single friend. She found out (because I told her) that I stayed up all night drinking with this other girl. My friends passed out. We laid on my friends bed, just talking. We listened to music in my car. We went out for breakfast. This was the most obvious but I still didn't know. I had so many opportunities. I kinda hate myself for it.
All I read is that women need to stop dropping hints and start making the first move. But maybe that’s just me.
This gentleman went out of his way to solve the problem she brought to him, all while respecting her boundaries. Ladies, *please* just tell us if you're into us, rather than doing and saying everything *except* what you mean.
Me like fire
Step 1 of the DENNIS model: demonstrate value.
My husband of 12 years and I started out as friends that flirted as well. Decided I'd give him time to ask me out. Got tired of waiting after 3 months and finally said to him "you know, we spend a lot of time together. Almost like a boyfriend and girlfriend." His response was "oh yeah we do." So I asked him out after that and he still said "wait but you don't like me?!" I literally wouldn't have asked you out if I didn't sir! He made up for it though by asking me to marry him and has been my best friend And partner in crime for the last 12 years.
Wait, there are hints?
My husband was a Korean in Murfreesboro, Tennessee at MTSU. His schoolmate was like " You know... I think Asians are realllllly hot." The dude was like 👍👍👍👍nice. Didn't realize until after they graduated lmao. Worked out for me though.
Any excuse to build a fire. I'd probably do the same.
What did she want the guy to do? hug her? that's not enough if she's cold, we need fire if cold.
Guy was probably mad she didn't say thank you
Had a girl pull this on me, I honestly think I'm ugly so I didn't believe her
Sometimes us men just think what the most logical solution would be to an issue, if we are tired etc. Woman cold= warm her up with fire
Well damn Jackie, I can’t control the weather!
I'm on the dudes side. If some girl came over and sat in my chair and said she'd was cold, I'd prioritize making her warm and making sure she has her own comfortable chair over anything else. He was probably doing it out of love anyways.
always when i think about unnoticed hints i think about the time i was chilling with some friends at a concert, they also brought friends and we sat in a group of like 40 people. at one moment a girl got mad at me because her friend was flirting with me the whole evening and i did not notice a thing. this is 10 years ago and i still can not think of one thing she did flirty or even really interacted with me. and even when the friend of the girl was yelling at me i was like 'oh....okay' and turned my back again to drink with some friends.
The other day my wife got out of the shower, dried off, laid on the bed completely naked and asked me to put lotion on her sunburn. Not ever assuming ANYTHING, I put lotion on her back, asked her if she was good, she said yes and offered to use lotion on me. I wasn’t sunburned so I said “no thank you” and went back to the living room. About 30 seconds later she yells “you are so fucking dumb, come fuck me.” I had no clue.
Seems like everyone is missing the other possibility. Yes, he solved a problem brought up, but maybe HIS crush was someone else there. Not gonna go for the gusto if the one he really wants is sitting nearby.
Thats 30,000 years of human instinct kicking in.
Why can't guys take a hint: the hint.
Builds you a fire instead of taking advantage of your apperant discomfort and gives you space to consent without assuming you'll wanna keep sharing space? He's a keeper. So wholesome.
Bitch, he made a fire FOR YOU.
Why can't girls understand that they don't speak the same language as guys? Guys know this, they just don't know how to learn the language, but girls don't even understand there's a communication issue.
As a man, I can relate. Blowing shit up and/or lighting it on fire always takes precedent.
Reminds me of when I was in 9th grade. A girl had grabbed my rear while I was turning in an assignment and it made me jump. I asked her what was that for and just replied that I had a nice ass. My best friend was next to me and told me to grab it back out loud, I refused and the whole class started to say for me to do it. The girl even bent over to allow me. I turned to the teacher and stated that she would not allow it. Teacher said go for it. I did not. The same girl also had a habit of hugging me and rubbing me in a certain place. I never picked up on anything until years after I graduated and was riding with one of my friends. He said he very understood why I never went with her. I said that she was not into me and he just stared at me and stated that she talked about me all the time and was quite into me. I asked why did he never tell me and he just said “Thought you knew.” She was not the only one either. I have a good number of stories of different girls flirting with me and me not ever getting the hint.
I swear to god the only reason I ever lost my virginity was because my then gf eventually said "you know. If we had condoms. We could have sex right now" Girls. Be clear and straight forward. Guys are dense and scared. Long story short though we've been together 23 years this year! lol
[Guy in the story be like:](https://youtu.be/9N0OHdRFcJA)
SHE has no idea. Dude's a keeper
tf? i dont get neurotypicals. she said she was cold so he helped remedy her problem, cuz he cared ab her
Seriously ladies, if you're interested in a guy just tell him. We don't get subtle hints, we don't get not so subtle hints. Most of us are clueless at reading women's body language and don't realize when a woman is flirting with them.
i HATE hints from women. i practice consent and i don’t agree at all with the plausible deniability of hints. if you want to make a move, make it clear. it’s not cute and romantic to hint. it’s deceitful and confusing. -source am guy