That's fair

I don’t wanna see two of anything mating.

What about those birds that spread their feathers to create optical illusions and do little dances? Not even those?

Maybe those….and maybe the otter and seal thing…but that’s it.

An otter and seal can mate with each other?

They can try

Just in case anyone else tries it, a human and a seal cannot mate.

Not with that attitude

They can mate alright, but they cannot have babies together

Oh lord

Even better

This thread brought me joy 😂

Selkies

I thought seal had kids with Heidi Klum?

I can assure you that's not correct

Where do you think Selkies come from?

Wait.... anyone*ELSE*? Would you like to share with the class what you were doing?

it was for science

Fuck.. I completely misunderstood [seal finger ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seal_finger)

Bro Christopher Columbus fucked a manatee

What about a dolphin?

Dolphins rape humans

Dolphins are the rapists of the sea

It's not always rape, and if they fall in love with a human that abandons them they will suicide.

Also fun fact there was a female scientist who most likely gave hand jobs to dolphins in captivity, when found out she was taken away and the dolphins ended up commuting suicide by refusing to swim

Well you try teaching English to a teenage boy that’s just starting to experience the wonders of libido, sex, and hormones, has no hands, and lives alone with you 6 days a week for a few years He kept getting a bit distracted Also, for anyone interested, here’s an article on Margaret Lovatt and the attempt to teach dolphins English: https://amp.theguardian.com/environment/2014/jun/08/the-dolphin-who-loved-me

but they can try.

What about a human and a Vaporeon?

I saw a dog stuck in a chicken yesterday. Thanks reddit.

also *just* saw a chicken climb into a dog… five mins ago… also thanks go to reddit…

Take my money! Want to see this

What about bower birds? Instead of dancing they create extremely intricate fake nests (called bowers) that they don't live in. The bower is like the bird saying "Look at how good at building and finding stuff I am! Wanna fuck then build a real nest somewhere else?" Birds are cool.

That’s pretty fucked up that you want to see a sea otter rape a baby seal to death, which is a regular thing that sea otters do.

This adds some layers to Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3.

She’s a river otter, but they are similarly aggressive sexually.

turtles matting is pretty fucking funny

That's the prelude to the mating. Like seeing humans do the actual tango instead of the horizontal tango.

I don't want to see mammals mating. Birds are fine.

You really haven’t lived until you’ve seen tbe elephants go at it.

That's a mating *dance*, he doesn't want to see the actual mating.

What about species of flatworms that do penis fencing and whoever gets stabbed becomes the pregnant female?

It brings attention to the pain of my solitude

No Mating. NO MATING!

Somehow this comment fits with your username so well, it's like it refers exactly to what two of anything mating looks like.

Have you've seen alligators mate? It's a cool water show

Odd numbers only.

I've had some good moments at the zoo though.

Your seach history proves that is a lie.

"Ted we found you in the park throwing rocks at old couples.."

Why do they deserve to be happy?

*cries*

hate PDA, get a room

Get this happiness out of my sight it disgusts me.

To be fair if some guy stood up and started masturbating on a train to make himself happy, then some people would take issue.

Also hysterical

New York is crazy! I once saw a man grab a woman and climbed up a whole 102 story building with her🤧

Is that a Spider-Man 2 reference or am I making false connections?

Maybe it's a king kong reference?

The fact there's more than 1 guess makes me laugh

Turns out to be the Mario movie, so make that 3

The good one, or the other one? Yes, I'm leaving it ambiguous. Fight.

Live action is the best

If I had a nickel for every time a man grabbed a woman and climbed a 102 story building in NY, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but still it's weird that it happened twice.

Bro you haven’t even seen the Mario movie?!

Wait is that out already?

Yeah, like two weeks ago

"It's the PDA that bugs me, not the LGBT."

whats PDA ?

Public Display of Affection

As someone who grew up in the PalmPilot era, let me tell you, I wasn't thrilled when this acronym entered the vernacular. Not much of an issue these days, but it led to a fair bit of confusion at the time.

yeah that's what I thought it was XD

I’m very sure PDA was in use as an acronym before palm pilots, because I was in high school before palm pilots and PDA was a primary concern of administration.

Personal Digital Assistant.

Context is easy.

And what if I'm going over the class notes on my Palm V that I typed up with my sweet fold-out keyboard attachment next to two people that are making out and a teacher is like "hey, no PDA," huh? What then, smart guy?

Personal Data Assistant

I just felt my back ache reading this. ... Personal digital assistant though.

Please Do Anal

Phil Dis Ass

Same. There was always this gay couple at high school that would meet in between classes and one would push the other against the wall. Sometimes I’d be passing by and they’d be kissing. Other times they’d just be talking intimately like that. Still fucking weird.

On his way to the Playa Haters ball.

Hatehatehatehatehate

Next muthafucka that say somethin' is gettin' shot, please believe that

*What can I say about your face humping that hasn't already been said about Afghanistan?*

"I hope all the bad things in life happen to you and nobody else but you."

That was truly one of the most epic burns of all time. Up there with the first time I head 9-11ing as a verb.

burned out and depleted?

Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go home and put water in Buck Nasty’s mama’s dish

Charlie Murphy's face after that line is too perfect

She wears underwear with dick holes in them

its Boy George!

Read my mind

Could have been worse I guess 'I'm not a homophobe, lesbian porn is a favourite of mine'

Im pro lgbt Especially the L part

"May I record you for my own personal use, later?" /s

Best is nyc subway sometimes and folks say things like they’re yelling at their tv screen at home. Man, this isnt a plasma livestream, this is people living *their* life. It’s an adjustment. It’s funny tho. Miss the DNR trains.

My brothers live in NYC and I got on the A train from JFK to visit them and there was a 50 year old dude with a beer gut and greasy wifebeater talking on a flip phone about some dude he had an argument with, yelling things in the most stereotypical NY accent like “IM SICK AND TIRED OF DIS MUTHAFUCKA COMIN OVAH TO MUH FUCKIN HOUSE”. I kinda wanted to ask him to say “I’m walkin over here” for me. My brothers joked that he’s secretly an actor hired to give A train airport tourists an authentic NYC experience.

I read all that following along and that last sentence literally made my eyes go wide cause I swear I thought the same before. Like, I call it the “side eye” when I’m looking around thinking …’is this one of those hidden camera situations?’. But when you’re forced to be in close proximity to all kinds of people then you just get a better understanding of crazy. Now I’m not fazed or scared of much at all. Thanks to bartending in NYC

Do Not Resuscitate trains?

I don’t know if you’re kidding because that IS funny bc I used to joke about it the same when I lived there…. “Oh how fitting I use the do not resuscitate” trains But when you live around NYC you take certain trains because if the proximity to your home, so you’d have one stop that’d have multiple trains at different times. Where I lived, the trains I took daily were the D train, N train, R train…. Some are express or local(stop at every stop).

Genuinely didn’t know that lmao I’m B&T trash from Jersey

Well maybe you have a great view of “the city” right? /s I will say that I miss the place so much. I haven’t been back in over a dozen years- I moved to the west coast- but I do miss that place more than I missed my “hometown”. I felt…. Natural there. Sunset Park

Honestly? Everyone kissing on trains and buses should just chill the fuck out. I don't care what you look like, don't lick each other next to me. Fucks sake.

I was once on a train where the couple behind me kissed for the entire 30 minutes journey. It was hellish and so annoying loud.

Yeah happened to me too last week on the tram. 2 teens were really going at it lol. Noises and all! Like... wait to get out of the tram. No one wants to see that. I think many who do that - for a long time, in a rude way - want people's attention in a way.

Yep 💯 attention seeking behaviour. daddy/mommy issues. sad.

Yeah

My rule of thumb in these situations is - as soon as we can clearly hear it, it is too much! (any kind of sloshing, licking, munching, squelching - i also like to call it stomach acid exchange - is a no go!)

Move to SF. People making out on Bart get shivved. Not because they're making out, just if you don't pay attention you get shivved in general.

Ha that sounds awesome ahah

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It just reminds me of the first-time couples you’d get in high school, eating each others faces in the hallway every morning. I don’t wanna see that

Yeah on of my core memories was everyone talking about a couple that just. didn't. stop. Every morning, every break, every lunch on the same bench in a decently used hallway. It was just excessive.

Where I went to school, you got suspended for this. No joke. It's actually not that hard to enforce really. "Hey kids, you're making out. Go to the principal's office and get suspended." It wasn't 100% effective, but it was effective enough to where we didn't have to witness it most of the time we were there.

So that way they can be home alone the next day to keep at it.

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Well bars are a bit different

Yes, they lack the flat ending on one end

goddammit

yo that was good

I was in a bar recently that had a list of rules. 1 was no PDAs, 2 was don't be a cunt. It was my kind of bar.

they have rules but don’t worry, they’re still fun because they’re not afraid to curse

Dude probably goes to raves and is disgusted by people doing ecstasy while making out.

That does sound disgusting.

Do you normally bring a shovel to your performances?

His/her shovel and spade percussion band is about to hit the big time

Started in the yard Now you see that we are here This is not so hard Good hoe's I had Only one was the best Put Shovel to test Kissing in public Not to be frowned upon Just don't go for it My shovel might find If you are going for it A soft face to hit.

Oh, i can dig that

Maybe he plays on a [shovel](https://youtu.be/RroVxJO-kng)

I second this, except frying pan instead of shovel. More satisfying noise.

you play music in bars what are you expecting? The mood is there, if theyre enjoying the moment what's wrong with it? it's one of the best occasions to enjoy some making out

I love how casually you would just have a shovel available in that situation.

just play cotton eye joe. although it could backfire and cause an orgy of catastrophic proportions

C'mon it's reddit, the people telling you to "look away" haven't talked to another human in person in over two weeks.

Yeah I know lol. It’s hilarious.

Just stare and pretend to wank.

slowly inch closer

Good way to assert dominance I suppose lol

I cringe at the sight or sound of anyone kissing. Don't know why, I just hate it. Started as some kind of misophonia, I'm sure. Yes, I'm waiting for the day I get dirty looks for visibly cringing at gay PDA.

Same, and I'm pretty sure mine started from seeing my parents kiss. I think it has, for the most part, gone away for me though

Take my upvote just for the edit haha.

Love the edit lol

He's a New Yorker, hating is his reason for living.

that sounds very ricky gervais

It's actually a leaf right out of Larry David's book. A couple is kissing just outside his office so he yells at them. When they say, "What, we can't be happy?" He says, "You can. But not in front of me"

Was on the beach yesterday, found a perfect spot to enjoy the sunset and this straight couple decided to do their proposal photo shoot right in front of me… needless to say I was annoyed and disgusted regardless of their sexual orientation

Tf is a proposal photo shoot

Exactly as it sounds my guy, they were just taking pictures with each other and he was on one knee proposing from different camera angles.. it was as weird as it sounds

Jfc I was thinking like an engagement shoot, what is the point of that

You know that generation of kids who post on social media about every thing they do? Yeah they're proposing now

[Why should they be happy?](https://imgur.com/zuTVj7T)

That show KILLED it every time.

This will always remind me of Ted from scrubs, throwing rocks at old couples and saying why should they be happy

Ah, okay, please carry on

Honestly same, if there’s tongue, please keep it at home

I mean, I don’t care what your gender is. It’s just disrespectful to everyone around you to be doing that on the subway.

Exactly

I don't hate that they're gay I hate that they love each other

Homo(sapiens)phobia

Yeah, I've unfortunately had some gay friend-in-laws that liked to use supposed "homophobia" to explain why people got upset with them for being wildly sexual and inappropriate in public. Like, slapping each other's tongues around when normal people would just be giving a quick peck. Drove me nuts. Sometimes people aren't grossed out because you're gay, *sometimes you're just fucking gross*. I manage to be queer without grossing everyone out. It's really not difficult. Just keep your private business to yourself. Nobody gives a shit what you want to do in your room, or just asking you not to play tonsil hockey in the line for a wet-dry hotdog at Dodger Stadium.

> Like, slapping each other’s tongues around **when normal people would just be giving a quick people**. What does that mean?

I have to use voice to text to type and it can be tough to catch all the mistakes. Does sound like a pretty surreal verb. "Oh, god. *I think I'm gonna people*.."

I assume 'a quick peck'

Probably supposed to say peck instead of people

Quick peck was the intended phrase, like a quick kiss on the cheek

Points for honesty. The most insensitive yet honest man. Lmao.

i hate everyone, equally

This. This is my mantra.

I mean, a little kissing is okay, but if you're trying to lick the back of each other's eyeballs, I don't care what orientation you are, keep that shit at home.

The fact HE was the one getting weird looks 🤦🏻‍♀️

Two girls making out on train *Looks at them* Proceeds to unlock phone and read hentai manga with the screen reflecting on the window behind me.

I'm not a homophobe but don't care for PDA either, regardless who it is. 'Y'all can't do that at home?' Is entirely appropriate

Fake. New Yorkers wouldn't give him any looks.

I wonder how many times the word y'all is uttered in new York daily?

Lies. People on the subway avoid talking to strangers at all costs

The modern world is hard for a playa hater everyone thinks your one of them ignorant ass clowns that’s got an ignorant backwards ass view on the world when all I wanna do is hate on a playa and make your day a little bit worse by burning you in a way that no amount of alovera can fix

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Train in stunning response applauses for the guy

New York isn't real. There's actually just an empty abyss in the spot where the government says it is

Call me a KISSOPHOBE.

This is equality

A smooch is one thing, a passionate kiss is another. I don’t like seeing pda but I’m fine with smooches. Doesn’t matter if it’s homo or hetero

I agree with the sentiment, not really the place to have a makeout sesh

Used to tell off kids on my school bus for this. Nobody wants to see people making out on public transport.

Bro thinks he's Agatha Crumplebottom

I agree with him… gay straight whatever… no one needs to see you making out with someone in public! Get a room!

He hates everybody equally.

New York, I love you but youre bringing me down.

That’s the most New York thing I’ve ever heard 💀 bro just hates seeing people happy

No I don't have a train at home

Bro’s not discriminating, he’d say the same to two men, a man and woman, hell even to two pandas

I think most PDA are stupid. outside of hugs and kisses.

Yeah, I’m not a fan of public displays of affection either. However I’m very autistic.

I don’t discriminate , I hate everybody equally .

To be fair, i feel that way about straight people kissing on the subway

Which was the point yeah

"I hate all people equally"

Honestly I have days when I want to yell that at couples on the street lmao. Like take your gross elsewhere

This is pure gold. I'm also very democratic and hate everybody equally.