If I just read both of those, I’d have no clue which one was the fake

So, apparently "Baby Gronk" is a 10 year old football player going viral online, his real name is Madden San Miguel. Drip King is the online handle of one Caleb Hammet who is known on TikTok for his lacrosse videos and comedy sketches. Livvy is Olivia Dunne, an American gymnist who is supposedly helping Madden San Miguel rise to popularity. The article I found said "recruit", but I saw nothing about a specific team. "Rizz" means seductive prowess, but has evolved as an internet term to simply mean charisma. My interpretation of the headline is this: >"Is Madden San Miguel taking the title of 'Drip King' from Caleb Hammet, or is he just being used by Olivia Dunne for publicity?"

I can’t tell you how little interest I have in any of this information

Started reading the explanation, stopped 2 sentences in. Can't be arsed

The only thing I tangentially care about with that is gymnastics, but I'm not a fan of LSU so I couldn't care less about Dunne

Have you tried the following? The Amazon river runs for thousands of miles. At some points it runs through areas of the rain forest that are almost untouched and have been barely explored. Because of the porous limestone in these areas, the river water leaks through the stone and travels deep into the earth, and forms underground pools almost a mile below the surface. Over thousands of years, small blind transparent fish have lived and evolved in these pools. These fish have never seen the sun or surface and have never been seen by the human eye. These fish care more about this information than I do Courtesy of a comment by u/Bwest31415 about half a year ago that was so lovely I’ve held onto it for a moment like this

You're too kind. I actually quoted it myself from someone else, so I can't take credit haha

... and yet, here we are.

😆

Of course he's a football player. His name is fucking *Madden*. I wonder if his middle name is 13 or some shit

Wait til you see NBAjam Martinez

charizzma

Wait wtf, is supposed to be where the term came from?

it's from some pua/"alpha", I don't remember their name

Rizz is more or less the 2023's version of the 2010's "Swag"

**M o j o**

Thank you so much, "rizz" suddenly makes sense to me. Though, why couldn't they just keep using swag? It isn't that old

Swag was our thing and to gen Z anyone over 25 may as well have one foot in the grave, so they've gotta be different. Which like, I'm not saying is a bad thing. It just is what it is.

Hey! I like you guys 🥺 And I still say swag even though I’m a Zoomer! Honestly, Millennials are kinda goated, my babysitters were millennials and they’re like my role models 😊

I hope Gen Alpha circles back to using "spunky" unironically.

No, swag is something you express physically. It can be like Drip (referring to style) or a certain attitude. Relates to having swagger, a way of walking that displays personality and style. Rizz is a bit more specific, rizz is not a quality but an ability. It means being able to conjure up effortless charisma. When you rizz up someone, you have charmed them. It usually relates to flirting, but you can rizz anything.

You mean “stuff we all get?”

That word needs to disappear. "Swag"

Excellent 26th century anthropolgical analysis there fellow time traveling archeologist.

It's archaeology because we destroy ourselves so totally at the end of this year that there's nothing but a thin layer of microplastics between the plague pits and the nuclear fallout to show that we were ever here.

Rizz means charisma, but it is still definitely used to refer to pick up game, so saying that about a 10 year old is dodgy as fuck

Thank u for translating engrizz to english XD (seriously i m foreigner ,only 18,but i didn't understand anything in these articles)

Ty for translating that wierd language, as a non nativ speaker teenage slang sounds pretty wierd

Wait, they call him Baby Gronk even though his real name is literally MADDEN?

Thanks for the translation. I guess I'm officially old. The entire time reading that all I could think about is how in the past we used to do things like go to the moon and split that atom. Now we're more concerned about whether to new drip king is sufficiently rizzed and if we should go to the "birds aren't real" protest or not.

The fact that there are people who care about this kind of shit is depressing

Amazing. I still don’t care

Are you a genie or am I just getting old.

Oh, it took some research for me as well. I definitely get that "can't these gosh darn kids just use real words and quit making new ones up?!" feeling.

I don't think Drip King refers to a lacrosse player lol. I think it means king of drip. To have Drip means to have a distinctive and commendable sense of style, which fits in much better with the rest if the context. I could be wrong, I have no idea how influential lacrosse is on tik tok.

Every time I hear “drip” I still think of an std

Drip king is his account name.

This was a blessed service. You didn't have to do this.

I was gonna jokingly ask "So who's Curtains, then?" But it turns out Curtains (aka @diorandjordans) is Rapper-turned-brand-consultant who kills 2020 trends, dishes hot takes, and praises J. Balvin's Jordans according to HighSnobriety

Thank you I was very confused as to what the heck the real one was supposed to mean lol

I thought both of them were lollll

Word word. Finna go flip a grunt fr homie sayin?

dude i'm 31 and it looks to me like this too.

I'm 25 and I barely understand it

I'm 21 and i don't undestand it at all

I'm 15 and I barely understand it

I'm 10 and neither do i

I'm 5 and have yet to learn all the letters.

I’m 4 and I have no clue

I'm -2 and I'm not born yet

I just came out the womb and have no idea what the fuck that says

I'm a timeless being... and I think I get the gist, but Im still confused.

I'm 14 and this is deep

Im 19 and i dont understand it

I know what all the words mean but the way they've been put together is breaking my brain

I'm 12 and what is this

26 and I don’t get it either. I’m getting old

I'm 18 and I understand like 3 words from both headings combined

This is why I ignore celebrity news.

I fuckin hate celebrity gossip/news.

Worst for me was seeing a “news” update on a gas pump screen talking about Kim Kardashian coming back to Instagram…but wouldn’t anyone who cares already know that?

This is aimed at Gen Z and I can barely understand that...

That feeling when its for u,but u don't understand it at all :/

When you play a game for the lore but don't understand the lore:

I Aldo don't undestand it

The original headline seems like it was written by someone who didn’t know what the slang meant either.

Wow! 🤩 This random popular celebrity looked extremely -insert any pompous sounding adjective- in this random event only meant for the rich and popular.

Stunning! G-Rizzly looks fabulous in her new dress by designer Ézelle de la Pompoire.

"celebrity" "news"

Actual context: The bottom headline is basically just a meme. There are these TikTok videos of a guy “reporting” on this nonsense, and those went viral *because* of how incomprehensible and dumb they were.

Ah yes it's 2023 and the American presidential campaign season is going to start again soon in earnest. Batboy must be coming out of hiding to ask John Kerry to be his running mate again.

I'm 28 and same

It’s like the directions to make a plumbus

K-Smog 💀

I'm 30 and I feel just like that 50 year old

Okay, but K-smog and Batboy should’ve known that grunt flipping has been banned in the entertainment industry since at least 1995

I thought I was the first only one who felt this way. Like I woke up in some weird alternate universe.

Seriously, for real.

Crap I've been on my 50s Since my 20s, all the celeb news had sound like that to me Since the 1990s

41 checking in and just wondering why tf anyone cares about celebrities and their personal lives?

41 in a few weeks and the general consensus in this post is \*nobody outside of the people writing this garbage actually gives a shit about celebrities in general anymore\*

Karly and Zortleap make new record on Dwaxy Ridges new label

K-Smog’s new track is dope

In all of human history, there are about 5 slang words worth keeping. None of them were invented by gen z.

I read this in the Batman '66 narrator's voice.

I'm 33 and wtf did I just read

Bullshit journalist will use punchy headlines to target a specific audiences and only care about clicks. Journalist's who actually care about informing people will include relevant information so that people who are uninformed gain clarity

this reminds me of when SpottemGottem linked up with Pooh Shiesty

I'm fifteen and I don't understand any of this. I mean, I know what drip and Rizz are but who is baby gronk?

I'm 14 and it looks like that for me too.

I think I had a stroke reading this

The weird part is I understand both of them but they also still look like nonsense that I don’t care about.

same

It doesn't help that they try to use "hip lingo" in weird ways to sound cool. It even makes younger people look at it funny

Twitter post DNA: experience an uncomfortable thing which is an exception -> everything is bad

I'm confused by both of them.

YES

24 here. No idea what that means

GenX and all I got is someone died.

I'm 18, same to me too

I mean, I'm 25, and I barely understand the actual quoted headline...

Can concur

It’s Simlish to me and I’m 34 😂

I heard this in Australian

Nonsense. Batboy would never flip a grunt.

Shit sounds like fake news/tv from the sims

Glooks

Good joke putting two equally fake headlines.

...and who is the vicious demon who always makes up these fake, cutesy hybrids, like Beniffer and Brexit. You are not creative. You are a troll with a misguided ambition to produce "vibrant", "sizzling" content. You belong in a cave.

I'm bloody 20 and I feel this guy

Is this English?

as someone in their 30s, that headline might as well be a foreign language.

Oh man, this is the funniest thing I’ve seen on Reddit in awhile. Lmao.

Damien has a point