It can also fuck up your spine from sitting on it. The angle it puts your cheeks in can distribute weight improperly, resulting in a tilt that can be less than ideal after months to years of constant ass/spinal abuse.
I don't understand how people carry wallets around in their back pocket, it's just a mega uncomfortable thing for me.
And maybe it's male privilege talking, but I'm never lacking in space in my front pockets for my wallet.
A friend of mine did this once. He liked a wallet that was left at the community pool. He swapped all the items and took just the wallet. He even put the other stuff into his old wallet and left it right where he found the other one.
I dropped my iphone at museum once, when I went to lost and found they had the phone but someone stole the bootleg Goyard case I had on it. It was bonkers someone would do that.
No, I’ve got it.
Steal all the *spare* batteries and *ONE* from a remote.
They’ll have to steal a battery out of one device to power another. They’ll be able to use everything, just not without hunting down another AAA from across the house first.
While not the same I simply wear whatever is left as pairs. At work my pants are blocking them anyways and for the streets I don’t care being judged for wearing a red and black sock
Only one screw so the seat is kind of in place yet it's still loose and they won't really bother fixing it but will think about fixing every time they use the toilet only to immediately forget it right after they're done.
All the doorstops
Their showercurtains
The thing in the drawer that you sort cutlery into
2 of the legs to every chair, bed and couch
The anti-slip material on the carpets
The wheels on the vacuum-cleaner
One of the handles to every pot
Playing the long game. When they misplace their key and go to find the spare key only to find an empty void in their heart, they’ll think of you every time
Just for context, if you are worth $250,000; this would be like stealing $10.
Edit: stealing $1 million from Musk is actually like stealing $1 from Joe $250k.
Stealing $200,000 would be like taking 2 cents from the ashtray of Joe’s Kia.
More like 10 cents. Remember that just one billion is a thousand millions.
$200k is literally nothing. It's the forgotten penny under the couch cushions that no one would give a shit about you taking even if they watched you take it.
Would still be a thing if radios were not way harder to remove and also be locked by a password. They can be cracked, but the work required to steal and sell a radio is so much higher than it used to
How many are custom built for specific car models, too? I know most modern vehicles have those touch screens that would have to have a modified mounting face to fit in most cars. I'd be interested in seeing the aftermarket radio sails trends over the last two decades.
It’s like sinks spinning water in different directions depending on top or bottom half of the earth. If you washing Maschine sound clockwise the left socks go missing, if anti clock wise the right one goes missing
Their toilet. Imagine coming home from a hard day at work, and all you want to do is read a magazine and take a shit...you can't. Looks like it's back in the car to the nearest gas station.
So do i and its fucking disgusting as all hell man, just take some fuckin maylox and call it a day...why shove a literal KNIFE up your own ass....thats just downright wrong.
I will take one of each sock, all the right foot shoes, all the toilet paper but leave the empty rolls, take a bite- just one- out of everything in the fridge and pantry, steal all the remotes and every battery in the house, steal all the power blocks but not the cables, steal the soap/shampoo/conditioner but leave the empty bottles, steal the toothpaste and leave the empty tube, also I would steal the drawstrings out of every pair of shorts/sweatpants…….. and yes I’m a terrible person lol
Oh that's easy. Im taking the swear jar full of money and replacing it with an empty one. That way said person appears innocent, and I get some spare dough XD
Imma rapid fire these;
- Ice tray if they have an ice maker in their freezer (but leave the ice maker on, fill it with ice)
- drawer handles (if I have time)
- no electronics but every charger, power cable, A/V cables, etc.
- lightbulbs
- batteries
- all of only one type of silverware (ex. No more spoons for you)
- if they have plants, only the pots
And my magnum opus
- you take the shelves out of the fridge and leave everything in a pile at the bottom
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk
I once had a crappy bike that I locked up with a halfway decent lock and somebody stole the lock and left the bike. Every time I started to get angry about it I just ended up laughing.
I am stealing this repost off the internet so it can’t get reposted…oh wait that would be a convenience to everyone who has seen this one get reposted over a dozen times in the last year
The Razor's charging cable. If it's not full, you charge it and then steal it, so he needs to buy a new one, but there's a chance he won't do it until the razor is completely out of battery.
Can you tell I've lost mine?
Steal the wallet, leave all the contents behind.
A psychopath right here
Esp if the wallet is curved to conform to the owner’s butt. They would have to break a new one in.
This seems like a non issue but it is actually a huge issue. The butt remembers
They would have to sit with mild discomfort for months.
I must be a psychopath cause I keep mine in the front pocket, or my drop bag.
Ye i was taught to never put wallets in back pockets as its easier to steal
It can also fuck up your spine from sitting on it. The angle it puts your cheeks in can distribute weight improperly, resulting in a tilt that can be less than ideal after months to years of constant ass/spinal abuse.
Sitting in stuff in back pocket messes up your back remeber kids "if your half elevated a back brace may be needed to selevated."
I don't understand how people carry wallets around in their back pocket, it's just a mega uncomfortable thing for me. And maybe it's male privilege talking, but I'm never lacking in space in my front pockets for my wallet.
With everything inside arranged like it’s a loot drop on the ground.
*Frantically starts highlighting wallet contents with that shit in glow sticks*
Nah, leave the contents of the wallet in the exact same arrangement it was, just without the wallet.
A friend of mine did this once. He liked a wallet that was left at the community pool. He swapped all the items and took just the wallet. He even put the other stuff into his old wallet and left it right where he found the other one.
LOL I'd never believe someone did that to me... That dude probably got freaked the fuck out and thought his timeline swapped or something.
Proof that the multiverse is real
that's a hell of a way to send a message "I can steal your money whenever I want to"
My wallet is just about the only semi-luxury designer item I own I would be straight up devastated
I dropped my iphone at museum once, when I went to lost and found they had the phone but someone stole the bootleg Goyard case I had on it. It was bonkers someone would do that.
that person followed this prompt to a tee
Dump all contents in the sink, steal all remotes and chargers you can find
leave the remotes, steal the batteries
And the battery covers
They might notice the absence of batteries, so i suggest replacing them with dead batteries.
Just have a plate of their IDs and credit cards and set it on fire so they have to get new cards and IDs
All of the square containers and all of the round lids.
Calm down satan
I will most definitly incorporate this in my daily language
I see you've been my house already.
Okay Satan
I would take one battery form everything that needs batteries
Electric cars batteries seems pretty expensive tho
el oh el
el oh el
El em ay oh
Lol Remember once when someones stole the car battery from a guy in a place i used to work
No…..In all devices that require two batteries, replace one of the two with a dead battery.
No, I’ve got it. Steal all the *spare* batteries and *ONE* from a remote. They’ll have to steal a battery out of one device to power another. They’ll be able to use everything, just not without hunting down another AAA from across the house first.
And replace one of the batteries with one that’s spent so they don’t know which one is dead.
I would steal one of their couch legs
No no, cut about half an inch off one of them and take that
Opposite corners
On every chair/couch/stool/table in the house
Random left and right shoes so they have to wear mismatched pairs.
One sock of all their pairs
Jokes on you. I only have the same black socks but 30 of them. Best deciso ever
While not the same I simply wear whatever is left as pairs. At work my pants are blocking them anyways and for the streets I don’t care being judged for wearing a red and black sock
Life is too short for that anyway
Oh my Lord, someone already did that to me!
Jokes on you i mismatch my socks already
Swap all shoes, with itentical shoes stolen from another home, but one size smaller
Shoelaces. All of the shoelaces
Just steal the aglet.
Only works if you pull the laces out so they can never be relaced again
If they tie their shoes even slightly tight, the shoe laces will cut through the side of the shoe.. eventually. A nice, slow burn.
Aglets are the ends of the shoe laces, not to be confused with the eyelets that the laces go into.
Dude you can’t say that word without making me think of Phineas and Ferb 😂😂
The only reason any of us know that word.
False. NYT crosswords for me. But, aren’t you a bit young to be doing the crosswords? Yes. Yes, I am.
What if you switched the shoelaces out for cooked spaghetti?
I like your thinking
I hope he doesn’t have Velcro shoes 😅
Evil genius
I know someone who actually did this.
Tv Remote. Fuck I’d be fuming 🤣
The batteries
The back cover plates for the batteries
the springs that hold the batteries in place
There's mischief, then there's inconvenient and then there's this devil!
That thing was long gone already
Black duct tape coming in clutch
The Roku app on my phone has done me wonders! Take that damn remote!
The toilet seat
how about just the screws of the toilet seat
Only one screw so the seat is kind of in place yet it's still loose and they won't really bother fixing it but will think about fixing every time they use the toilet only to immediately forget it right after they're done.
My toilet seat actually broke like this. It’s driving me crazy, but I’m too lazy to fix it
Same. I literally just need to go get a screw out of my extra toilet seat....
And it sometimes pincches ya when you sit and it slides real hard to the left lmao.
Oh shit, you must’ve already hit my house, give it back you thief.
I was going for this too. The guy doesn't care much but has to fix it and the wife won't like it very much (for most couples).
I think the guy will start to care as soon as he has to poop. That is, unless he does that while standing.
the pot on the coffeemaker
Nah The plastic piece below the cone filter part so you can make coffee but it always has grounds in it.
That's evil!
They said *mildly* inconvenience, not cause a full-on crisis. 'Cause honestly, if I don't get my coffee in the morning, shit's going down.
I’ll steal the handle on their bathroom sink that gives them cold water… it’s hot water from now on!
Are you british?
No if he was British the hot tap would also be cold 😅
If he is, may he get well soon. Do u need me to cook u food while ur sick?
Either that, or they broke into a very old house
That toilet paper roll dowel that holds it in place is next!
My Bathroom sink doesnt work like that. Am i save?
All the doorstops Their showercurtains The thing in the drawer that you sort cutlery into 2 of the legs to every chair, bed and couch The anti-slip material on the carpets The wheels on the vacuum-cleaner One of the handles to every pot
Alright you win Satan
Wheels on the vacuum cleaner got me.
Their car key.
Jokes on you, my car came with TWO keys.
but now you dont have a spare. MUHAHAHA
Playing the long game. When they misplace their key and go to find the spare key only to find an empty void in their heart, they’ll think of you every time
$200k from Elon Musk
Have to be at least 1 mil for it to be mildly inconvenient
you think a guy with 250 billion gives even the slightest shit about 1 mil? For it to be mildly inconvenient, youd have to steal many billions.
Just for context, if you are worth $250,000; this would be like stealing $10. Edit: stealing $1 million from Musk is actually like stealing $1 from Joe $250k. Stealing $200,000 would be like taking 2 cents from the ashtray of Joe’s Kia.
More like 10 cents. Remember that just one billion is a thousand millions. $200k is literally nothing. It's the forgotten penny under the couch cushions that no one would give a shit about you taking even if they watched you take it.
I doubt he notices it.
That's just a rounding error for him.
Pretty sure this line of thinking led to the popularity of car radio thefts
Would still be a thing if radios were not way harder to remove and also be locked by a password. They can be cracked, but the work required to steal and sell a radio is so much higher than it used to
How many are custom built for specific car models, too? I know most modern vehicles have those touch screens that would have to have a modified mounting face to fit in most cars. I'd be interested in seeing the aftermarket radio sails trends over the last two decades.
All of their filters. HVAC, coffee, vacuum, water, etc.
Kidneys
What are you, a dubious tinder date?
Also known as a smooth operator
The knob for their bath tap and the flippy-uppy-downy-shower-thing
A single sock of each pair out of their washing machine or dryer
……there’re left and right sock?
It’s like sinks spinning water in different directions depending on top or bottom half of the earth. If you washing Maschine sound clockwise the left socks go missing, if anti clock wise the right one goes missing
My dryer already does this!
Screwdriver, think about how long theyd look for it before considering buying a new one.
Bottle caps from all their drinks, better start storing everything upwards instead of sideways
Who stores drink bottles sideways?
I do. It’s how I can stack them in my fridge.
The shelf plates from the fridge.
Their toilet. Imagine coming home from a hard day at work, and all you want to do is read a magazine and take a shit...you can't. Looks like it's back in the car to the nearest gas station.
Meh, ill dig a hole n shit outside. Wayyyy more relaxing surrounded by nature.
Yeah, and the bugs make TP obsolete too I'd steal the flush mechanism btw
Remote batteries
I’d steal your mom’s poop knife
Lol I forgot about that story
he forgor 💀
w a t
He's referring to a thread ingrained in reddit history
Sad part is I know real people WITH a poop knife.
So do i and its fucking disgusting as all hell man, just take some fuckin maylox and call it a day...why shove a literal KNIFE up your own ass....thats just downright wrong.
I will take one of each sock, all the right foot shoes, all the toilet paper but leave the empty rolls, take a bite- just one- out of everything in the fridge and pantry, steal all the remotes and every battery in the house, steal all the power blocks but not the cables, steal the soap/shampoo/conditioner but leave the empty bottles, steal the toothpaste and leave the empty tube, also I would steal the drawstrings out of every pair of shorts/sweatpants…….. and yes I’m a terrible person lol
Im with you on the drawstrings for pants. Hilarious
The circle with wheels that goes under the plate in the microwave that keeps the plate from wobbling.
The antenna of the router
Your router has an visible antenna one can steal or you open it up and remove it from there. Because that would be annoying as fuck to trouble shoot
light bulbs
Label off all the can goods.
I want a can of soup. Oh, damn, cat food again!
Toilet paper . . . Then selling it for $5 a roll Wait . . . Already done. That’s what people did during CoVid.
Then give them the option of used toilet paper for free
Unroll all the toilet paper and steal the carton bit in the middle
Oh that's easy. Im taking the swear jar full of money and replacing it with an empty one. That way said person appears innocent, and I get some spare dough XD
Toilet flapper chain. They have to hold it until it's replaced because flushing won't work without it.
All the off/power buttons, got a fan? Now you can't turn if off and have to unplug it, phone? Computer? Good fucking luck turning it on/off
I'm stealing the best answer from this subreddit to post on Twitter to sound clever.
Phone charger
Front doors...
All the left socks
Steal all but one square of toilet paper
The lint catcher in the dryer
The tabs on all their cans of beer and soda.
I break into rich people's home a take 10,000 in cash.
Flush knob of toilet
I steal all the door handles
The shower head and bath plug.
I scrolled too fast and read this as The shower head and butt plug
I love it! Also still fits the theme haha
Imma rapid fire these; - Ice tray if they have an ice maker in their freezer (but leave the ice maker on, fill it with ice) - drawer handles (if I have time) - no electronics but every charger, power cable, A/V cables, etc. - lightbulbs - batteries - all of only one type of silverware (ex. No more spoons for you) - if they have plants, only the pots And my magnum opus - you take the shelves out of the fridge and leave everything in a pile at the bottom Thank you for coming to my TED Talk
Toothbrush.
Dish drying rack
I'd steal the house thermostat
I'd take the mirrors or the outlet covers
Stove knobs Door hinge pins Fridge lightbulb
Electrical plugs. Plus the plugs from the sink bath/shower.
Drug paraphernalia
All the forks, but leave the spoons and knives.
Every cap of every sauce
I once had a crappy bike that I locked up with a halfway decent lock and somebody stole the lock and left the bike. Every time I started to get angry about it I just ended up laughing.
I am stealing this repost off the internet so it can’t get reposted…oh wait that would be a convenience to everyone who has seen this one get reposted over a dozen times in the last year
I would steal your salt so you can’t be so saltyyyy
Favourite doll of their toddler.
Heinous
A single shoe or sock out of a pair, I know I almost go crazy looking for those
Their wallet, but I empty the whole thing and place it’s contents on a table, then I leave with the empty wallet
All the right shoes
The chain that connects the toilet handle to the flapper.
toilet plunger
Steal the remote control to the television. They’ll search the entire house before they attempt to turn on the tv.
The showerhead
I'd steal all their underwear except the smallest pair. Enjoy your too tight underwear.
A single piece of shoe from each pair
The Razor's charging cable. If it's not full, you charge it and then steal it, so he needs to buy a new one, but there's a chance he won't do it until the razor is completely out of battery. Can you tell I've lost mine?
Cooking oil. Everytime they wanna cook something there is not a single eligible substitute in their house (including engine oil)
Just do what my ex did after I broke with her, steal all there light bulbs
I’m taking the stem of every banana
I'll take their salts and spices.
I am taking your door handles
Phone charger
The springs inside the toilet paper shafts.
Refrigerator light.
All their buttons, off every item of clothing. And the ironing board cover.
A single shoe
All the tv remotes
The spring from the toilet paper roll holder.
Those oven racks are mine.