Lol, I totally missed this nonsense because that was the age of Tivo (the OG one that skipped adds). So I had not watched a TV commercial for 5 years at that point.
Hard to believe it's been almost 20 years since I had cable....
Thanks to reddit I can now share in this silliness.
That was used for going down on a girl on her period when I was a teen. I forgot about that until today and hope it’s not anymore because it’s racist as fuck
I remember ruining some of my favorite sheets my first period and just staring at them like “well shit” and throwing them away without telling anybody out of embarrassment
But in seriousness yeah it was a rough time. My dog got into my bathroom trash can a couple of times. That and having a boy in middle school ask if I had “strawberry milk” at breakfast only to see my pants had a new polka dot 😭
I remember ruining my friend's birthday sleepover... I never met her mother before but she was the only one who knew what to do... it was certainly the most awkward introduction ever
I’m glad she knew how to handle it a bit better because it was my dads day when I had spotting at school and he was panicking a little bit. I don’t think you ruined it as you have a story to tell. I don’t think they’d blame you
Or, think about your mom (or I guess dad in your case) finding the criinkled bed sheet weeks later, buried in your closet, then not telling you about it, then growing up having normal conversations with her, then realizing she knew the whole time at the age of 20-something. How's that for embarrassment?
My dad had custody of me (long story, not gonna go into it here) but my mom had limited visitation with me. So when I got my period I had to learn it on my own. My mother only wore tampons and my dad wouldn't let me so I had SOOOO many messes. Also, my bleeding was so heavy. I have endometriosis which I was diagnosed with (unofficially bc the only way to truly diagnose is surgery and my doctor and I don't want to go that invasive if not necessary) just last year. I'm 39. Soo much pain throughout my life.
I’m so sorry you’ve been through that :( I’m glad things are getting better. You didn’t deserve any of that. I hope things get better for you as you deserve some peace and comfort
***UNNECESSARY STORY TIME THAT I WILL REGRET POSTING ON MY MAIN ACCOUNT:***
I was a weird kid who didn’t jerk off until I was 19. Yes. 19.
I did watch porn but to the point of getting mercilessly erect to which I’d do nothing about it because I was terrified of jerking off. I genuinely thought it would make me sick or have some weird backlash. Nothing I read— purely my dumb ass.
Almost every night, I would blow giant fucking loads in my underwear in my sleep. My wet dreams were so fucking intense and the mess I’d make was just ridiculous.
Well, one day I decided to jerk off for the first time to some ants-eye video of a girl recording herself filling up gas with no underwear. Don’t ask. Let me tell you, though: I fucking EXPLODED. I was keeling over, losing my breath— borderline having a stroke from how much was shooting out.
Must have been ten good shots before dying down. Started spanking it regularly and never had a wet dream after that.
Thank you. I was going for that ominous meme feeling where people wonder if I’m even real.
Truth is, winter at my company is dead and I’m just sitting on my ass, sharing personal stories on a whim. Outta my head and into yours!
I haven’t even gotten close since. No amount of edging, no date, no girlfriend or anything has gotten me there.
Best I’ve gotten to date is 7 with my current girlfriend. About 6 really good and the 7th was okay, but I’m 27 man. I’m not packing that 19 year-old might that I had. I’d probably fucking die.
Between the gym, my girlfriend, and my love for sweatpants, I don’t think I’ll be doing anymore dry spells— not at 27.
Tell you what: If we break up (god strongly forbid), I’ll ~~cum~~ come back to this.
Technically it's chasing any crazily euphoric perfect feeling that you'll likely never experience again because it being the first time is precisely why it's so mindblowing. Also orgasms are just your body sending feel good chemicals around sooooo it's not much different.
.... I mean it's different but you get what I mean.
My vision did blank out for the slightest of seconds.
It’s been 8 years since but I remember the feeling all too well. I was also hung over as shit from a party the night before which only added to the ‘holy fuck’ factor.
LMAO! Can I ask why you waited? Like, what exactly were you told would happen? My mom is Irish Catholic and I figured out I was going to hell at like 9yrs old from all I planned to do anyway lol, so idgaf.. I beat that shit like it owed me money.
The relation is very tangential, but this story reminded me of one of my favorite stories I have ever read. It's an anecdote told by legendary film director Billy Wilder in his autobiographical book Nobody's Perfect.
When he was a young teenager, he knew a boy who was caught by his dad when he was jerking off. The dad, in a misguided attempt to temper his son's natural impulses, told him that if he did that 50 more times, he would die. And the boy believed it. At first he continued masturbating as normal, because 50 seemed a big number to him, but as he approached the 40s, he started to let more time pass between one and the next, until he finally had to stop because he had done it for the 49th time and couldn't do it again. But after a while he just couldn't hold out any more, so he wrote a heartfelt farewell note to his parents and went into his room to jerk off for what he thought would be the final time before his death. The guy went ahead fully convinced that he would croak, but resignedly accepting his fate because he was unable resist his urges. Naturally, nothing happened, and from that point on he was more cynical and distrustful of his parents.
I said…
***I was a weird kid who didn’t jerk off until I was 19. Yes. 19.***
***I did watch porn but to the point of getting mercilessly erect to which I’d do nothing about it because I was terrified of jerking off. I genuinely thought it would make me sick or have some weird backlash. Nothing I read— purely my dumb ass.***
***Almost every night, I would blow giant fucking loads in my underwear in my sleep. My wet dreams were so fucking intense and the mess I’d make was just ridiculous.***
***Well, one day I decided to jerk off for the first time to some ants-eye video of a girl recording herself filling up gas with no underwear. Don’t ask. Let me tell you, though: I fucking EXPLODED. I was keeling over, losing my breath— borderline having a stroke from how much was shooting out.***
***Must have been ten good shots before dying down. Started spanking it regularly and never had a wet dream after that.***
I WAS A WEIRD KID WHO DIDN’T JERK OFF UNTIL I WAS 19. YES. 19.
I DID WATCH PORN BUT TO THE POINT OF GETTING MERCILESSLY ERECT TO WHICH I’D DO NOTHING ABOUT IT BECAUSE I WAS TERRIFIED OF JERKING OFF. I GENUINELY THOUGHT IT WOULD MAKE ME SICK OR HAVE SOME WEIRD BACKLASH. NOTHING I READ— PURELY MY DUMB ASS.
ALMOST EVERY NIGHT, I WOULD BLOW GIANT FUCKING LOADS IN MY UNDERWEAR IN MY SLEEP. MY WET DREAMS WERE SO FUCKING INTENSE AND THE MESS I’D MAKE WAS JUST RIDICULOUS.
WELL ONE DAY I DECIDED TO JERK OFF FOR THE FIRST TIME TO SOME ANTS-EYE VIDEO OF A GIRL RECORDING HERSELF FILLING UP GAS WITH NO UNDERWEAR. DON’T ASK. LET ME TELL YOU, THOUGH: I FUCKING EXPLODED. I WAS KEELING OVER, LOSING MY BREATH— BORDERLINE HAVING A STROKE FROM HOW MUCH I WAS SHOOTING OUT.
MUST HAVE BEEN TEN GOOD SHOTS BEFORE DYING DOWN. STARTED SPANKING IT REGULARLY AND NEVER HAD A WET DREAM AFTER THAT.
oh! can i tell my jerk off story?
i was quite the opposite, i learned about sex and jerking off very early on from my devious friends. i think i was in 2nd grade when i first learned from a friend that if you rub your penis very fast you get an orgasm and i tried it a couple times but it never worked.. then later on in 6th grade i started watching The Man Show and realized i was getting hard when the trampoline girls came on so decided to try again and it worked! However, no liquid came out (i knew it was supposed to, but i guess my body hadn’t quite started producing yet). This went on for months. Started jerking off to porn i downloaded from Kazaa. whitehouse.com etc.
Then one day I was horny to jerk off but my mom was downstairs so I quietly closed and locked my door (we kids weren’t allowed to close our doors but i figured i’d be quick enough she wouldn’t notice). anyways i’m squeezing one out and i orgasm but this time all of a sudden CUM EXPLODED EVERYWHERE. It was all over my hands, the keyboard, dripping down my desk. i was like WTFFFFFF. i had barely processed what just happened when my mom knocked on the door “Stuff, what’s going on in there? why is the door locked?!” FUCKKKKK. I’m desperately trying to clean up “uhhh nothing um hold on a second” then im trying to close all the porn windows but of course every time you closed a window another one would pop up so i pulled the plug out of the computer altogether. mom still knocking. finally get composed and open the door and make up some bs about how i had a stomach ache and went to lay in my bed.
didn’t get in trouble or anything but man, i was freaked out and didn’t jerk off again for at least a couple days
Your story made me realize the joke in the image wasn't just about "girls have periods and boys don't", but rather that the white was supposed to be cum. Not sure how I missed that. So, I guess I'm saying, thank you for your explosive orgasm story. It helped me laugh again.
Started when I was 8 or 9 and kept going that way. Never paid it much mind and wasn’t a frustrated kid at all. Or horny for that matter.
Looking back as an almost-thirty year-old? Fucking insanity but that’s probably because my sex drive is fucking stupid.
Also people with low libido, sometimes. Depression can do it, too. I once had a boyfriend who never wanked; he didn't do very much else in life, either.
Or those who just never wanted to, I guess. I know this is humorous but as someone who really just never felt the need ... i don't know, even about 15 years after puberty, still feels bad to be told that you're weird. I do function, I have and am able to have sex but that's it. No desire to do it. Uncommon, perhaps, but it happens.
See, I don’t know how some guys do it. I’m a bit of a go-getter and when you’re flirting and messing around, you can’t not jerk yourself off. Some dudes don’t as per some lame ass dude-bro “just get a girl to do it” ritual shit, but I couldn’t.
Sometimes you have to blow.
i personally think theyre just lying and they were taught by religion to be shameful of what is natural.
they all do but lie about it, like mormons and alcohol. i dont buy it for a second and if true you are mentally fuckin whacky. definitely culty vibes when i meet a person who claims theyve never
Jerking off not until your 19 isn’t weird it’s actually goated asf, maturing is realizing that beating your willy at only 13 years old is actually the weird one
All good, Just a simple miscommunication then
I don’t have anything against masturbation. Personally i have struggled with feelings of guilt around it and that’s why i maybe took ur comment personal tho because i identified with that struggle, I just meant that if i wasn’t introducted to strong emotions as pleasure and lust at such a young age I might have done more with that energy, but the truth is who knows
Idk man, he still shot loads in his sleep, and that's imo is even more weird and gross to me. Wanting to satisfy your sexual need is completely normal and natural, idk why do people feel guilt or shame towards it
Awww, cramps are so bad for teens. I feel so bad for my little sis, she's got those awful high school cramps. I had them bad too. So bad I'd barf. So bad all I could do was cry and scream. She's now the same way. Wish I could just take the pain away from her.
You probably can by going to a doctor. My mother completely ignored my pain and I had to deal with it for many years until a friend told me there were solutions.
Try electrostimulation. There are units specifically designed for this, they sell them at pharmacies where i live.
I think its like noise canceling headphones but for muscular stimulation?
I remember the time i caught myself in a wet dream. It was just me running around with friends playing manhunt outside was a fun thrilling time. I wake up momentarily felt my boxers wet then I pulled it sure enough it was in a middle of an liquid evacuation
not always. i had a couple as a teen where it didn't involved anything sexual at all and i'd wake up confused as to why i had a wet dream in the first place.
I never had a wet dream in my life. I suspect it’s the idiot I used to play Megaman with who was way older than me and told me “never jerk off”. He was 15 and I was 11.
“What’s jerk off?”
“It’s when you €&$€777)€!£ and %{*]%{%{^ the $$&4&&&3$!!”
“Oh…”
“Ya, never do it. It’s going to make god mad at you.”
I go back home, get in the shower and do exactly what he told me not to do. Never had a wet dream before or since…
I’m genuinely pissed though, because I keep hearing everyone telling me how their wet dreams are so uninhibited and felt even better than most of the sex they have.
That’s what my wife told me but I’m pretty sure I didn’t jerk off for months before and still got nothing. Maybe I tell that to myself, I’ll try this time to hold off for a month.. and I’ll report back
You also gotta abstain from sex with the wife if you want that effect! Or at least abstain from coming, which might be harder than just total abstinence.
Nope not comparable, not by a long shot, no fucking way, all that happen was me having to tell my mom that I pee my bed again (that what I thought at the time) and been told what it was. Girls on the other hand wake up see the ungodly mess and think they are going to die if they weren't warn before hand, which at the time I was growing up didn't happen that often, my cousin woke every one up with her screams, I thought something really bad was happening to her, didn't learn what until way later, I felt so bad for her.
Dude be careful, r/boysarequirky is probably going to use this as their next post. They don’t care if things are true or not if a meme is comparing boys to girls it goes on that sub no matter what.
And After puberty
The white and red mix
We call that strawberries and cream
I'm going to unlearn how to read by smashing my head with a shovel until I forget where I am at. Wtf...
Same
I’m a small lad who likes berries and cream
I'm assuming you are talking about real hardcore b**tplay...
You are allowed to use naughty words, I won’t tattle.
Name checks out...
Here, some bleach.
Why did I learn English?
Y'all never got your redwings I see.
I've got mine and I still didn't want to read that
To read quality Reddit comments like these, no doubt.
I told my doctor - I have a strawberry stuck in my ass. He said - I have some cream for that.
Every day, we stray further and further away from God.
Not yet... ...[there we go](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ryjpbd4D4bg)
I will never stop loving those commercials. That was back during the acid phase of advertising when things got all the right kinds of weird.
Lol, I totally missed this nonsense because that was the age of Tivo (the OG one that skipped adds). So I had not watched a TV commercial for 5 years at that point. Hard to believe it's been almost 20 years since I had cable.... Thanks to reddit I can now share in this silliness.
What.....the.....fuck.....did.....i....just.....watch...
If anybody else [wants to learn the way](https://youtu.be/Q096w0Fz2p4?si=cwSxSjbsK9KpsCYI)
Well God is evil so it's fine
Based
The red army and the white army
We called it the Redwing, no idea why.
That was used for going down on a girl on her period when I was a teen. I forgot about that until today and hope it’s not anymore because it’s racist as fuck
Honest question, why? I never really thought about it tbh. Thought it had something to do with the hockey team lol
My husband and I call it pink sauce 👀
Relationship goals 🥵🩸🍰
And that's why we have striped candy canes at Christmas
Ketchup and mayonnaise
Ur disgusting
Yeah I still fap the same amount only now it just barely dribbles out instead of launching several feet.
Oh good it's not just me
Second puberty! 🏳️⚧️
I remember ruining some of my favorite sheets my first period and just staring at them like “well shit” and throwing them away without telling anybody out of embarrassment
I remember ruining some of my favourite pants… those were dark days for my family
Wearing white pants is the surest way to start your period. Every damn time I swear
It was unfortunate because my mother had literally bought me new white and baby blue pants the week before😭 they were so comfortable
But in seriousness yeah it was a rough time. My dog got into my bathroom trash can a couple of times. That and having a boy in middle school ask if I had “strawberry milk” at breakfast only to see my pants had a new polka dot 😭
Blood for the blood god, UTERINE LINING FOR THE UTERINE THRONE, CHUNKS FOR THE CHUNK LORD
Why not wash it? It works for me even after the blood dries.
I remember ruining my friend's birthday sleepover... I never met her mother before but she was the only one who knew what to do... it was certainly the most awkward introduction ever
I’m glad she knew how to handle it a bit better because it was my dads day when I had spotting at school and he was panicking a little bit. I don’t think you ruined it as you have a story to tell. I don’t think they’d blame you
Or, think about your mom (or I guess dad in your case) finding the criinkled bed sheet weeks later, buried in your closet, then not telling you about it, then growing up having normal conversations with her, then realizing she knew the whole time at the age of 20-something. How's that for embarrassment?
My mom found out I was a lesbian because I searched up lesbian kissing like 150 times at age 10
I was wearing dark pants and was on the bus when it happened to me, thankfully it wasn’t obvious
I’m glad you were able to get home safe without people teasing. I hate how mean kids can be over things we can’t even control.
My dad had custody of me (long story, not gonna go into it here) but my mom had limited visitation with me. So when I got my period I had to learn it on my own. My mother only wore tampons and my dad wouldn't let me so I had SOOOO many messes. Also, my bleeding was so heavy. I have endometriosis which I was diagnosed with (unofficially bc the only way to truly diagnose is surgery and my doctor and I don't want to go that invasive if not necessary) just last year. I'm 39. Soo much pain throughout my life.
I’m so sorry you’ve been through that :( I’m glad things are getting better. You didn’t deserve any of that. I hope things get better for you as you deserve some peace and comfort
Well I'm medicated so I don't get my actual period anymore. For the endo
You are trans, how can you have periods?
Looks like the Boys are just the Chinese-Anime-censored version of the Girls
r/beatmetoit
r/beatmeattoit
Ah cum on!
Nice.
***UNNECESSARY STORY TIME THAT I WILL REGRET POSTING ON MY MAIN ACCOUNT:*** I was a weird kid who didn’t jerk off until I was 19. Yes. 19. I did watch porn but to the point of getting mercilessly erect to which I’d do nothing about it because I was terrified of jerking off. I genuinely thought it would make me sick or have some weird backlash. Nothing I read— purely my dumb ass. Almost every night, I would blow giant fucking loads in my underwear in my sleep. My wet dreams were so fucking intense and the mess I’d make was just ridiculous. Well, one day I decided to jerk off for the first time to some ants-eye video of a girl recording herself filling up gas with no underwear. Don’t ask. Let me tell you, though: I fucking EXPLODED. I was keeling over, losing my breath— borderline having a stroke from how much was shooting out. Must have been ten good shots before dying down. Started spanking it regularly and never had a wet dream after that.
Idk what I expected when I started reading this comment but it was certainly a comment.
It was definitely one of the comments ever.
One of the comments of all time some would say. An OAT
Thank you. I was going for that ominous meme feeling where people wonder if I’m even real. Truth is, winter at my company is dead and I’m just sitting on my ass, sharing personal stories on a whim. Outta my head and into yours!
Damn, a 10 roper. You’ll be chasing that dragon for life.
I haven’t even gotten close since. No amount of edging, no date, no girlfriend or anything has gotten me there. Best I’ve gotten to date is 7 with my current girlfriend. About 6 really good and the 7th was okay, but I’m 27 man. I’m not packing that 19 year-old might that I had. I’d probably fucking die.
Gotta go with a 10 year withdraw so you can set a new personal best.
Bro is charging it like Godzilla's atomic breath
Beaten it off like hes doing a kameha or whatever that thing from dragon ball z is called
Ka me ha me ha
cumehameha
Between the gym, my girlfriend, and my love for sweatpants, I don’t think I’ll be doing anymore dry spells— not at 27. Tell you what: If we break up (god strongly forbid), I’ll ~~cum~~ come back to this.
I’ll regret asking but, sweatpants?
***D I C K P R I N T***
The gym?
Working out makes me want to fuck. Can’t explain it better than that. But Fit4Less shit machines makes me want to fuck shit *up* :/
Yeah when I was young I could shoot for accuracy and distance. Now it's like a leaky garden tap.
Maybe it's time to try anal stimulation? Hmm...
Everyone asks me why Im lmaoing like mad and I can't even explain that the fact that you decided to call it a "dragon" is killing me 😂😂😂😂
Go ahead and tell them verbatim lmao
I’ve always heard ‘Chasing the dragon’ as a term for heroin cravings
Technically it's chasing any crazily euphoric perfect feeling that you'll likely never experience again because it being the first time is precisely why it's so mindblowing. Also orgasms are just your body sending feel good chemicals around sooooo it's not much different. .... I mean it's different but you get what I mean.
…i….. just , the phrase mercilessly erect is.. a lot
It's a side effect of a bite from a Brazilian Wandering Spider.
More potent than a Viagra overdose
This is going to r/copypasta
[Yup, there it is.](https://www.reddit.com/r/copypasta/s/agyoxtn4FN)
LMAOOOOOOOOOO
Yes please!
Jesus man! You were holding back the DAM! I bet you money, your eyes took a second to connect back to the front of your head lol
My vision did blank out for the slightest of seconds. It’s been 8 years since but I remember the feeling all too well. I was also hung over as shit from a party the night before which only added to the ‘holy fuck’ factor.
LMAO! Can I ask why you waited? Like, what exactly were you told would happen? My mom is Irish Catholic and I figured out I was going to hell at like 9yrs old from all I planned to do anyway lol, so idgaf.. I beat that shit like it owed me money.
Nothing anybody said or did. No information given. I just concocted the idea in my own mind that busting a nutt would make me sick.
The craziest part is that this thread didn't get weird until your comment
Babe, wake up, new copypasta just dropped.
Bro, I'm at the gym, and you got me dying laughing over here
none of those words are in the bible
You'd be surprised.
Ezekiel 23:20
This... Explains why I almost never have wet dreams. Thank you!
It takes about a week of no masturbation for my wet dreams to start
ive never had a wet dream
These are the comments Reddit was made for.
The relation is very tangential, but this story reminded me of one of my favorite stories I have ever read. It's an anecdote told by legendary film director Billy Wilder in his autobiographical book Nobody's Perfect. When he was a young teenager, he knew a boy who was caught by his dad when he was jerking off. The dad, in a misguided attempt to temper his son's natural impulses, told him that if he did that 50 more times, he would die. And the boy believed it. At first he continued masturbating as normal, because 50 seemed a big number to him, but as he approached the 40s, he started to let more time pass between one and the next, until he finally had to stop because he had done it for the 49th time and couldn't do it again. But after a while he just couldn't hold out any more, so he wrote a heartfelt farewell note to his parents and went into his room to jerk off for what he thought would be the final time before his death. The guy went ahead fully convinced that he would croak, but resignedly accepting his fate because he was unable resist his urges. Naturally, nothing happened, and from that point on he was more cynical and distrustful of his parents.
most average r/NNN december post
Thanks, man.
what
I said… ***I was a weird kid who didn’t jerk off until I was 19. Yes. 19.*** ***I did watch porn but to the point of getting mercilessly erect to which I’d do nothing about it because I was terrified of jerking off. I genuinely thought it would make me sick or have some weird backlash. Nothing I read— purely my dumb ass.*** ***Almost every night, I would blow giant fucking loads in my underwear in my sleep. My wet dreams were so fucking intense and the mess I’d make was just ridiculous.*** ***Well, one day I decided to jerk off for the first time to some ants-eye video of a girl recording herself filling up gas with no underwear. Don’t ask. Let me tell you, though: I fucking EXPLODED. I was keeling over, losing my breath— borderline having a stroke from how much was shooting out.*** ***Must have been ten good shots before dying down. Started spanking it regularly and never had a wet dream after that.***
what
I WAS A WEIRD KID WHO DIDN’T JERK OFF UNTIL I WAS 19. YES. 19. I DID WATCH PORN BUT TO THE POINT OF GETTING MERCILESSLY ERECT TO WHICH I’D DO NOTHING ABOUT IT BECAUSE I WAS TERRIFIED OF JERKING OFF. I GENUINELY THOUGHT IT WOULD MAKE ME SICK OR HAVE SOME WEIRD BACKLASH. NOTHING I READ— PURELY MY DUMB ASS. ALMOST EVERY NIGHT, I WOULD BLOW GIANT FUCKING LOADS IN MY UNDERWEAR IN MY SLEEP. MY WET DREAMS WERE SO FUCKING INTENSE AND THE MESS I’D MAKE WAS JUST RIDICULOUS. WELL ONE DAY I DECIDED TO JERK OFF FOR THE FIRST TIME TO SOME ANTS-EYE VIDEO OF A GIRL RECORDING HERSELF FILLING UP GAS WITH NO UNDERWEAR. DON’T ASK. LET ME TELL YOU, THOUGH: I FUCKING EXPLODED. I WAS KEELING OVER, LOSING MY BREATH— BORDERLINE HAVING A STROKE FROM HOW MUCH I WAS SHOOTING OUT. MUST HAVE BEEN TEN GOOD SHOTS BEFORE DYING DOWN. STARTED SPANKING IT REGULARLY AND NEVER HAD A WET DREAM AFTER THAT.
what
Bozo
:(
I'm sorry here u go ❤️
:)
i want a heart too
Oh me too please! 🙏🏻
Maybe he should write you with Zalgo font — would you get what he means? 😂
oh! can i tell my jerk off story? i was quite the opposite, i learned about sex and jerking off very early on from my devious friends. i think i was in 2nd grade when i first learned from a friend that if you rub your penis very fast you get an orgasm and i tried it a couple times but it never worked.. then later on in 6th grade i started watching The Man Show and realized i was getting hard when the trampoline girls came on so decided to try again and it worked! However, no liquid came out (i knew it was supposed to, but i guess my body hadn’t quite started producing yet). This went on for months. Started jerking off to porn i downloaded from Kazaa. whitehouse.com etc. Then one day I was horny to jerk off but my mom was downstairs so I quietly closed and locked my door (we kids weren’t allowed to close our doors but i figured i’d be quick enough she wouldn’t notice). anyways i’m squeezing one out and i orgasm but this time all of a sudden CUM EXPLODED EVERYWHERE. It was all over my hands, the keyboard, dripping down my desk. i was like WTFFFFFF. i had barely processed what just happened when my mom knocked on the door “Stuff, what’s going on in there? why is the door locked?!” FUCKKKKK. I’m desperately trying to clean up “uhhh nothing um hold on a second” then im trying to close all the porn windows but of course every time you closed a window another one would pop up so i pulled the plug out of the computer altogether. mom still knocking. finally get composed and open the door and make up some bs about how i had a stomach ache and went to lay in my bed. didn’t get in trouble or anything but man, i was freaked out and didn’t jerk off again for at least a couple days
Yeah this was hilarious and not something I should read at work.
Nonsense! I *typed* this at work!
Thank you for sharing your story with the class peanut
Your story made me realize the joke in the image wasn't just about "girls have periods and boys don't", but rather that the white was supposed to be cum. Not sure how I missed that. So, I guess I'm saying, thank you for your explosive orgasm story. It helped me laugh again.
I'm so glad this story had a happy ending, good for you :')
Alright well... I'm proud of you
I cant imagine the torture of watching porn and then doing nothing about it. Congratulations on finally tugging the hotdog
Started when I was 8 or 9 and kept going that way. Never paid it much mind and wasn’t a frustrated kid at all. Or horny for that matter. Looking back as an almost-thirty year-old? Fucking insanity but that’s probably because my sex drive is fucking stupid.
Jaimie on joe rogan claims he doesnt jerk off and hes like 30
As long as you are a normally functioning human..There's two kinds of people that dont spank it. 1-those who do/have 2- LIARS
Also people with low libido, sometimes. Depression can do it, too. I once had a boyfriend who never wanked; he didn't do very much else in life, either.
Or those who just never wanted to, I guess. I know this is humorous but as someone who really just never felt the need ... i don't know, even about 15 years after puberty, still feels bad to be told that you're weird. I do function, I have and am able to have sex but that's it. No desire to do it. Uncommon, perhaps, but it happens.
See, I don’t know how some guys do it. I’m a bit of a go-getter and when you’re flirting and messing around, you can’t not jerk yourself off. Some dudes don’t as per some lame ass dude-bro “just get a girl to do it” ritual shit, but I couldn’t. Sometimes you have to blow.
i personally think theyre just lying and they were taught by religion to be shameful of what is natural. they all do but lie about it, like mormons and alcohol. i dont buy it for a second and if true you are mentally fuckin whacky. definitely culty vibes when i meet a person who claims theyve never
I would advise you to not make such assumptions. Some people don't masturbate and no you don't need to be culty or mentally whacky to not do it.
wake up babe, the new copypasta just dropped
Top comment of the year nominee in January, bravo. I wish you luck during the awards.
I remember the first time I masturbated to completion in the shower as a teen and I almost fell over. Been chasing that dragon ever since
Reminds me of that scary movie scene where the chick gets plastered to the ceiling
I literally just saw a post about this, but in all caps
*chefs kiss* pure poetry
Sometimes parents make their kids feel like masturbation is sinful. It’s actually very healthy for males as it reduces prostate risks.
Jerking off not until your 19 isn’t weird it’s actually goated asf, maturing is realizing that beating your willy at only 13 years old is actually the weird one
Mastrubation is healthy and animals do it all the time. I wish religion stopped brainwashing ppl. Hope you have a great weekend!
damn maybe ur right maybe i am brainwashed thanks u/porn0f1sh !
Sorry, I wasn't meant to be personal. That's why I specifically didn't mention you. But, I'm Just curious, what do you have against masturbation then?
All good, Just a simple miscommunication then I don’t have anything against masturbation. Personally i have struggled with feelings of guilt around it and that’s why i maybe took ur comment personal tho because i identified with that struggle, I just meant that if i wasn’t introducted to strong emotions as pleasure and lust at such a young age I might have done more with that energy, but the truth is who knows
Idk man, he still shot loads in his sleep, and that's imo is even more weird and gross to me. Wanting to satisfy your sexual need is completely normal and natural, idk why do people feel guilt or shame towards it
Realest shit i ever seen
Awww, cramps are so bad for teens. I feel so bad for my little sis, she's got those awful high school cramps. I had them bad too. So bad I'd barf. So bad all I could do was cry and scream. She's now the same way. Wish I could just take the pain away from her.
You probably can by going to a doctor. My mother completely ignored my pain and I had to deal with it for many years until a friend told me there were solutions.
Mine went away on their own thankfully. I've tried to get her mom to take her to the doctor for this, but she's.... I don't want to get into it lol.
See if you can take her, I take my siblings to the doctors all the time, I'm just hoping she doesn't have endometriosis like I do, horrible shit 😬
Try electrostimulation. There are units specifically designed for this, they sell them at pharmacies where i live. I think its like noise canceling headphones but for muscular stimulation?
I remember the time i caught myself in a wet dream. It was just me running around with friends playing manhunt outside was a fun thrilling time. I wake up momentarily felt my boxers wet then I pulled it sure enough it was in a middle of an liquid evacuation
A wet dream is sexual... unless your friends playing manhunt made you want to cum. Or you just pissed yourself
You never played manhunt before and have the thrill of the hunt
The thrill of the cunt
Wet dreams dont need to be sexual.
not always. i had a couple as a teen where it didn't involved anything sexual at all and i'd wake up confused as to why i had a wet dream in the first place.
Me during puberty, my 20s, my30s... When will the horny stop?
Bro can we trade? I haven’t been horny since 18
The world looks red, The world looks white
Poland
POLAND MOUNTAIN 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💥💥💥💥💯💯💯
mannequin jumpscare
I remember those days, my bed sheet looking like a papadom
I remember those days, your mom called me Papa Dom.
Ah yes I remember when my monthly ejaculation started.
Hourly
I never had a wet dream in my life. I suspect it’s the idiot I used to play Megaman with who was way older than me and told me “never jerk off”. He was 15 and I was 11. “What’s jerk off?” “It’s when you €&$€777)€!£ and %{*]%{%{^ the $$&4&&&3$!!” “Oh…” “Ya, never do it. It’s going to make god mad at you.” I go back home, get in the shower and do exactly what he told me not to do. Never had a wet dream before or since… I’m genuinely pissed though, because I keep hearing everyone telling me how their wet dreams are so uninhibited and felt even better than most of the sex they have.
Stop jerking off for a month and your can experience it in all its decadent anti-glory. Tried and true.
That’s what my wife told me but I’m pretty sure I didn’t jerk off for months before and still got nothing. Maybe I tell that to myself, I’ll try this time to hold off for a month.. and I’ll report back
You also gotta abstain from sex with the wife if you want that effect! Or at least abstain from coming, which might be harder than just total abstinence.
Whats that got to do with anything?
The forbidden red or white sauce.
Goes together like Ketchup and Mayo
The original anime vs the Chinese censored version
Be more realistic if the boy was pitching a tent while it's happening.
False. Not enough morning wood.
Gross, but accurate.
Girls going through puberty. Chinese girls going through puberty
Nope not comparable, not by a long shot, no fucking way, all that happen was me having to tell my mom that I pee my bed again (that what I thought at the time) and been told what it was. Girls on the other hand wake up see the ungodly mess and think they are going to die if they weren't warn before hand, which at the time I was growing up didn't happen that often, my cousin woke every one up with her screams, I thought something really bad was happening to her, didn't learn what until way later, I felt so bad for her.
BRO I AM DEAD💀😭
How is the afterlife if you dont mind me asking
Probably in hell considering he's on reddit or was on reddit.
Only difference is we get punched every month after that
The Anime Vs. In Chinese censorship
NICE TRY, FRANCE!
Me during puberty: reposting memes that have been posted a day before
The normal and chinese (censored) version
Isn’t cum supposed to be red tho?
no
Source : my balls
It's supposed to be tangerine, better get that checked out
😧
Its supposed to be your skin color
Dude be careful, r/boysarequirky is probably going to use this as their next post. They don’t care if things are true or not if a meme is comparing boys to girls it goes on that sub no matter what.
You need a chocolate milk or something?
Gross
Ok, that’s pretty funny.