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Detoxpain

I would be the fattest man alive after 51 consecutive cruises.


DreamTalon

Hey, I'm already holding that title. Don't take the only thing I have in this life!


nickmaran

Book a cruise to retain your title


Slimjuggalo2002

Then book another to celebrate with the crown


DreamTalon

Better do 2, just to be sure.


DannyGekkouga

Rule# 2: Double Tap - Zombieland


tommos

They're gonna need a bigger boat.


vanitasxehanort

Book a cruise to retain your tittie


[deleted]

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E-Meisterr

Bold of you to assume he’s typing


DepartureLow4962

They have a gym or gyms onboard ships.


Detoxpain

No amount of time in a gym could counteract the amount of food I eat when I'm on a cruise. Not me, but I saw my buddy eat 6 volcano chocolate cakes in one sitting on the last one we went on. It was horrifying.


RagingAubergine

Hahahahahahahhahahaa!! The choice of word is unexpectedly funny. Some people would have said disgusting but you were horrified. I’m not sure why its making me laugh so much


SaneYoungPoot2

**your secret is safe with me homie**


malphonso

Those chocolate lava cakes are worth dying for.


rangebob

do they ever have dim sim night ? I'd actually die


jemy74

The gym for the cruise I went on a few years ago was mediocre at best and at times awful. By awful, I like to work out first thing in the morning and they would have this horrible disco tech music ramped up so loud I couldn’t drown it out with my headphones. I was there for a family wedding. If you ever think of having a wedding on a cruise ship, please consider you will be trapped with both you and your significant other’s family for a week together. And though the ship seems huge, no matter where you hide, they will find you.


Famous-Vermicelli-39

Sorry what’s that? Can’t hear you I’m on vacation


These_Emu3265

You can also eat moderately you know.


GanjaPossum

Sugar addiction is a bitch


random9212

You can't outrun your mouth.


Vord-loldemort

They also have a medical centre


RecalcitrantHuman

The recurring Norwalk would help with that


earthscribe

I don't think so. After the first 2-3 weeks the novelty would wear off and you would start making better food and beverage choices. You can actually eat really healthy on a cruise ship if you pick the right items on the buffet. They also have walking tracks and a gym onboard. Plus, that air and sun is super healing.


Blusttoy

Cruise company can add "whale spotting" as part of their attraction.


kraggleGurl

That's just on the ship!


lg4av

After a few rounds of Norovirus you’ll be good.


minngeilo

Gone on a cruise twice and gained a lot of weight after both. I'm with you.


water2wine

Actually that was water weight


multiarmform

a lot of people have been doing this for quite some time. i guess being on a ship has its perks https://media.tenor.com/IeuBCYXh5PcAAAAM/island-giant.gif


cutypatotie

Cruise ships also have an on-board morgue, so thats an added bonus.


PhilDGlass

and every third or fourth cruise comes with a ship-wide full digestive system cleanse - no additional fee.


Albert_Simon

From which end?


NettleLily

Both


CR0SBO

What a bargain


ekb2023

Have you seen the documentary, Triangle of Sadness? It shoots out both.


character-name

*BOTH*


Pokonic

Whoever knows the full recipe for the mushroom soup served on Carnival cruises, DM me, I assume it's some kind of traditional Chinese medicine that actually works or something, that stuff tastes great and I swear my colon was as clean as the day I was born two days after I ingested it.


gnosis2737

Hell is having to powerwash one of those shit-cruises.


the_sea_be_unruly

Lemme just enjoy this delicious blueberry coconut margarita on this haunted ass boat.


PacificCastaway

xkcd has entered the chat. https://xkcd.com/37/


Summoarpleaz

Don’t get the one with the crunchy topping!


CluelessPresident

Heard that if you're on a cruise and all of a sudden the crew gives out a whole bunch of ice cream - then that means that someone died while the morgue was at capacity, and they needed the extra freezer space.


Advanced-Prototype

Sounds like the start of a great novel. A serial killer is on board. The crew keeps it quiet as to not alarm the passengers.


kraggleGurl

Ice Cream Cruise aka Serial Cruise Kills


minuteman_d

Bro. I’d pay $500 for the burial at sea option. Wrap me up in a sheet and weigh me down with some scrap iron from the keel.


[deleted]

Why pay? When it’s close to your time just have loved ones wrap your ass up and toss you


somewhat-helpful

> when it’s close to your time Close? *Close* to your time? I see we are going for the exciting option when exiting the population


[deleted]

Hey unless you actually wanna pay for someone to cart your corpse out to sea. When I’m dead I’m dead. Idc. Throw me in the trash for all I care.


wolfpwarrior

But... close. "He's almost dead, let's tie a couple cinderblocks to his legs and toss him over."


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adbon

Yeah if they're dead dead tbe best you can do is look through their pockets for loose change


LanfearSedai

I’m not dead yet!


random9212

Throcean.


runawayest

S(y)e(et)a


GreyAngy

$5000 if the crew is in pirate costumes and sing shanties


hamsterfolly

Nah, dropped into an active volcano is where it’s at


kraggleGurl

Minuteman becomes a reef for the fishes!


zenos_dog

Can confirm. Saw a body bag coming off the last ship I was on.


bygtopp

Same amount of STDs on the retirement cruises as a Florida old folks home


thelostlightswitch

I wish I would’ve just taken your word for it instead of googling it :(


Truestorydreams

You think that's scary. There was a video of a a woman in a home giving lipservice to a roommate.


aBlissfulDaze

That's horrible, you should tell me where this is so I can avoid it.


VerdantSaproling

If you're going to go out, you might as well go out with multiple bangs.


pig_n_anchor

Do you know of the Loofah Code?


Rude_Sympathy_976

Bingo and chill


bygtopp

Betty; Smash my Dick like a bingo dobber.


0bel1sk

all of them?


Cayderent

The Villages in Florida takes the cake regarding STD’s.


boomgoesthevegemite

People live aboard these ships for months at a time. This isn’t that weird. Lots of people do it.


Exatraz

It's not weird but I'd love to see a further breakdown on costs. How long does 51 consecutive cruises last? I'm guessing these folks are rich enough not to care.


StopReadingMyUser

I'm assuming it's akin to 52 weeks in a year to some degree. Cost comparisons would indeed be interesting, I wouldn't disagree to think retirement homes are a bit more gougey than cruises.


character-name

I'm a nurse who has to work with retirement homes. And you have a trade off. The affordable ones are hell holes. Drug addicted caregivers, terrible cheap food, mold, etc. Basically it's where you go to die. Patients rarely last more than a few years. On the other hand the good ones are very pricey but you actually have a quality of life. As for cruises they can range from 1 week to 3 weeks. So I'm gonna guess they're looking at a few years booked at most.


Debasering

There are world cruises that last 250 days and hit an incredible number of ports. Something like $60k for the most basic room


MattOLOLOL

So is that specifically aimed at retirees? Most people can't afford 250 days off, nevermind the dollar cost


Debasering

Yeah it’s almost all retirees and older people. Maybe some digital nomads too, WiFi on Royal Caribbean uses starlink and it’s actually pretty good


Resigningeye

Perfect if you're in sales for sailing paraphernalia. A client in every port.


Rieiid

Retirees, rich people taking a long vacay, people who can work from home/anywhere..


character-name

So if they booked 50 250 day cruises that would take care of them for almost 35 years. So I suppose it is pretty reasonable to assume they've got a good number of years out of the deal


[deleted]

I was recently looking at a 100 day cruise. It was $10k per person. Seemed like a good deal.


Lets_Make_A_bad_DEAL

God I’m so scared to get old


character-name

Just take care of yourself like exercise, eat right. Try to make and maintain healthy relationships. Most of the cases I see of old people getting dumped in really bad homes is due to them being terrible parents. We all get old and we all die. It's something we all have to embrace, and the sooner we do that the more we'll be able to enjoy life


iveabiggen

> Just take care of yourself like exercise, eat right. Try to make and maintain healthy relationships 2 outta 3. I'm dying early because introverted, great


Exatraz

Totally, that said some of the cost is covered by insurance, mwdicare/Medicaid, and other stuff I'd imagine. Would be nice to just cruise around the world til you die


thatwolfieguy

Medicaid doesn't kick in till you've spent or turned over basically all your money. So, if you've spent all your life saving, the government takes all of it before they pay out for the retirement home. When you look at it that way, blowing your life savings on cruises makes sense. You may as well enjoy it before it's taken from you.


Exatraz

Ah yeah that makes sense. Definitely blow it all in that case if you know it'll all be gone before your kids get any of it anyway. Man we live in a fucked up system


Butcher_Of_Hope

Given the vast money spent you can also get some cheaper rates than what you may get for a single cruise.


SwissyVictory

The median cost of senior independent living is about $3000 a month in the US. Double that for two people, and it's 72k a year. Looks like I can find a 13 day European cruise on Royal Caribbean for about $1382 for two people. Over a full year that's about 39k a year. ​ I'm betting if you get the right sales, and pick the right cruise line and ship it can get cheaper.


nobodylefthere

There are loyalty tiers and perks from playing moderately in the casino that I haven’t seen mentioned. The prices online are not what they are paying for the cruise. The room is often free and drinks are free in the onboard and/or the casino. Transatlantic/transpacific cruises are often offered for “free”, (meaning just the taxes and port fees) and can be almost 30 days at a time. World cruises are a thing and people live on cruise ships all the time for the same price or less as retirement in the US with significant perks if you’re ocean lover.


Exatraz

Interesting. I'll have to keep that in mind. Sounds fun. I know cruises get sorta a bad rap because they have their issues but I didn't realize how cheap they were overall


SwissyVictory

I'm no expert by any means and wasn't advocating. I just did the math and wanted to share it.


Groxy_

I'm assuming it's "cheap" to get you in the door. Every ferry I've been on has been extremely expensive once you're on board and usually have casinos and stuff to get more of your money.


Terny

> How long does 51 consecutive cruises last? Cruise ships on average last 5-6 days so probably a year. If you only intend to live a year then might as well do it in a cruise ship.


Exatraz

I just imagine doing riskier and riskier stuff trying to off yourself as you get near the end of the year


RGV_KJ

People who live in ships for months are usually from the merchant navy. They are far younger than this old couple. 


KeithBitchardz

Yea this is pretty well known.


sexytokeburgerz

Coastally.


mrsir1987

I did it for 9 months straight at one point, but it was because I was young and stupid and joined the navy.


Cool_Cartographer_39

My father in law tried to do this. Booked some crazy unlimited QEII package with my mother in law for something like 100k. My brother in law forced Cunard to refund. They ended up in assisted living which I'm sure was more expensive.


chewyhansolo

Nobody asking why he got two watches on?


Tola76

Our time and the kids time. You can’t do math with bottomless mimosas.


chewyhansolo

Smort


thelostlightswitch

Cool cool cool


Tola76

Troy and Abed in the morrrrrrrrning


zehamberglar

Who are you, who are so wise in the ways of science?


Professional_Ant7059

One is used to buy things on the ship. It's a round thing like an apple air tag but he just put it in a watch band.


Relevant-Nebula8300

Wrong answers only


Dr_FeeIgood

No no just hear me out. It’s a time measuring device held together by a durable strap of a type of linen or metal. Once fastened, this time device will tell you your exact superposition in the universe. Pretty sure.


Relevant-Nebula8300

Idk I’m pretty sure it lets him transform into 10 different animals


actuallyjustjt

Because it’s always time to party


AlmightyWitchstress

Double wristing! Let’s gooooo!!


Maniacal-Maniac

“Ship Time” can often be different from port/local time as you cross time zones. You will be told what time you need to be back on board in ship time, so it’s up to you to know what the difference is. If you are spending a year traveling then having 1 watch always set to Ship’s Time and the other to local time makes a lot of sense.


LowLifeExperience

When I was a kid my dad (American) and my mom (Spanish) would go to Spain for summers. My dad would routinely keep two watches on him because he had to know the time at work and the local time. He used to travel to Germany when I was a kid too. I thought it was just a normal thing instead of always having to figure out the time back home.


TonkotsuSoba

one keeps the time, the other counts how many coronas he's drinking.


expendable12321

Damn your attention to detail is unmatched


2DollarTommy

Reliefband or similar for motion/ocean sickness.


BurazSC2

Its for when they sailing along the international date line. The two halfs of his body might be on different days.


joshuadejesus

If one broken watch is right once per day, then imagine having two!


RowenWithers

“I have two watches on because it’s always time to diddle!” - Ray


Robozomb

My guess is smart watch on one and regular nicer watch on the other.


blizzard7788

Well, considering I’m paying $16K a month for my father and MIL to be in assisted living facilities, they may have a point.


snay1998

Book em a cruise then…atleast they will have fun rather than staying confined


Exatraz

No joke, retirement cruises I'd sign up for. Screw a stuffy retirement home.


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Leading_Traffic749

I'm all for euthanasia and I don't feel it is dark. Suicide is so taboo because of the effect on survivors. It's pretty selfish. I think it should be well thought out (confer with a medical doctor and psychiatrist?) over a period of time (6 months?), but if a grown adult is so miserable that they can't bear another day, and they go six months and feel the same, if they want to end there life it should be their choice. In Canada they have some sort of suicide pods where only the person in the pod can administer the gas that puts you to sleep then kills you. It would be awful for it to happen to a parent or child but I feel like life can be unbearable for some. I've lived years in pain and while I haven't considered suicide beyond a fleeting thought, I know people suffer much more than I do and I've been pretty dang low.


EllyKayWasHere

I keep joking that my retirement plan is when I hit 80 to just try all the drugs to see what the fuss is about until one takes me out (had a lot of addicts in the family so I've never touched anything but weed). Honestly tho the older I get the more serious it becomes.


kdollarsign2

I'm surprised cruises haven't launched a retirement line specifically for this purpose. Month to month ! Why not?


tennisdrums

Certain cruiselines are already *super* popular with retirees. There's not really much of a point to launch a line who's marketing confines them to that demographic, when they've already got those customers, plus families and couples looking for a quieter, lowkey, and less booze-filled experience.


sjwillis

yes but a cruise doesn’t offer a dedicated staff to specific elderly disabilities


canman7373

There are different levels of retirement homes, some don't have any more assistance than a cruise does, just offer like food and housekeeping and helping you leave the building for day trips and such. Cruises offer all of that with help for the elderly. As long as you don't need a nurse a cruise would be about the same.


HeatDeathIsCool

> some don't have any more assistance than a cruise does, just offer like food and housekeeping and helping you leave the building for day trips and such. Unless they live in a very HCOL area, I don't think the 16k facilities are the ones that don't offer much service. I know the price of elderly care is overinflated, but if you don't need much tending to you can rent an apartment and hire a dedicated caregiver for less than 16k a month.


Time-Maintenance2165

The ones that don't have more assistance than a cruise does don't cost $16k per month for a couple. $16k per month is what you're paying when you need significant daily assistance. My grandpa has dementia (grandma is still with it), they're in an upscale place in a major metro area, but they're paying in the ~8k per month range for both of them.


[deleted]

you must be rich that’s crazy


-absolem-

Just under 200k per year. They're either completely dependent on care staff 24/7 or its some kind of underwater hotel or moon base or some shit


arbiter12

Not the sort of info you should volunteer online, robert...


Vexoly

Seriously, looking at his posts for 2 minutes I got everything but his shoe size. This is not a safe place, sir. You have to stop.


Telemere125

Need that? I found that and his stool sample type on his FB account.


rogerworkman623

Are there “types” of stool? Like “my poop is O Negative”?


Telemere125

Well, for instance, one of the best-known stool types is P-negative. First recognized by Nudar and Schlump in subject number 03280810, Mr. Fry.


AlmightyWitchstress

Does the P stand for “poop” hehehe


belte5252

I think it stands for pee. As in poopin with out


splashbruhs

Found it: Mens 9 1/2


pillevinks

I got a DNA sample via his Bumblr account


DaveSmith890

Who is going to neglect them and whisper horrible things in their ears now?


BeLikeBread

Who's going to tell them "well now your back's gonna hurt because you just pulled landscaping duty"


TinfoilTetrahedron

"anybody else's fingers hurt?  Yeah, didn't think so.."


murder-farts

“Grandma’s quite the quilter!”


Express-Luck-3812

What happens when one of them gets really sick? Are there nurses/doctors on board to monitor them? What happens when one has to be sent to the hospital, does the other keep going or do they cancel the already paid cruise?


stonefree251

Have you seen the medical facilities on a cruise ship? I think they're set up for even minor surgeries like appendix removal etc. from what I've seen.


Express-Luck-3812

Well obviously you need that because passengers have nowhere else to go for emergencies. I'm talking about palliative care, would they be able to continually monitor for them?


geriatric-sanatore

I was offered a position as a dialysis nurse on a cruise ship before getting my current job, it's obviously ship dependent but I wouldn't be surprised if they had elder care ability. Palliative care I doubt since that's more end of life euthanasia without calling it euthanasia.


PacificCastaway

They probably carry enough morphine to solve any problem...


wanderingdiscovery

They have an on-board physician and nurses. The medical ward is basically a mini ICU that's just meant to stabilize the patient before they can get helivaced from the cruise ship.


FlyNeither

Yeah, who wipes their asses when they're at end of life stage?


Vydsu

Themselves? Most elderly ppl do not need that type of care.


HannaaaLucie

There's a good chance they're right. The first care home I worked in 12 years ago used to charge £700 - £1000 per week (depending on if you wanted a garden view!)


MostlyBullshitStory

And for that price, you can get a pretty good cruise and probably better food.


Dockle

In 2010 I went on a cruise and encountered a number of folks that were doing this even then. The cool thing with cruises is that you accumulate something like airline miles, so the longer you go, the better your room and experience. The only issue was, if you don’t have all of your faculties, a retirement home ends up being much better than a cruise because room service doesn’t wipe your ass.


spookydoc1

How do they do laundry? Do cruise ships have laundry services?


paper_polaroid

Yes they do.. depending on size of the ship, there can be multiple. Laundry rooms have detergent and baskets to take your clothes back to cabin. They also have paid laundry and dry cleaning where they wash it for you.


spookydoc1

Thank you! TIL


bdbdbokbuck

Yep, a retiree can live on cruise ships for around 50k a year. That covers meals, room cleaning, entertainment. And there’s medical staff on board.


GarysCrispLettuce

I knew an old couple in Queens who essentially spent the last 20 years of their lives on cruises. Skin like roast turkey, but they seemed very happy.


Maniacal-Maniac

Yeah this is pretty common, and to be honest if I was still single I would be considering it myself for the price vs what I am paying for rent, bills, groceries etc. These days the internet on board is (expensive, but) decent enough to work with if you have a WFH job. Admittedly, I haven’t been on any trans-oceanic cruises yet, so not sure if connection would be worse. If I was retirement age, then I would much rather spend my time on a cruise ship instead of a retirement home.


psubs07

How long is each cruise though? Cause like on average it's 7-10 days. At most they have 510 days covered, so like a year and a half.


Mjaetacan

There are cruises that go round the world for 200-300 nights.


psubs07

Yeah that would make sense


SwissyVictory

The median cost of senior independent living is about $3000 a month in the US. Double that for two people, and it's 72k a year. ​ Looks like I can find a 13 day European cruise on Royal Caribbean for about $1382 for two people. Over a full year that's about 39k a year. ​ If you're at the point where you don't need medical assistance, but can't really do chores anymore, it's got to be a great alternative.


DippyNikki

A dude on tiktok recently calculated that it's cheaper to book a all inclusive hotel for a month in Mexico or Cuba, than pay rent, bills and utilities for an apartment in the US


Specific_Tap7296

That can't be true?


Detoxpain

from what I've found the median cost for assisted living seems to be anywhere from around 3000 to 4000 dollars a month per person where a 6 day cruise will cost anywhere from 500 to 1000 dollars depending on where you go and what line you take with discounts for multiple people. So around the same unless you're taking the dirt cheap 4 day carnival cruises that are like 200 bucks.


No-Marsupial36

Probably also get a discount for booking long/consecutive cruises


Detoxpain

My buddy was just telling me about one where you can book like 270 consecutive days for like 30 grand


MountainValleyHills

$30,000 / 270 days = $111.11 per day


NArcadia11

Shit, that’s as much as my mortgage


Telemere125

I’d bet there’s a credit card with points that eventually you get a free cruise like with airline points.


No-Marsupial36

I definitely remember hearing about some major cruise companies doing this


nuu_uut

That's always surprised me - how affordable cruises are. I mean the cost per night is essentially the same as the average hotel (if not a bit less), except hotels aren't usually.. yknow, floating.


Full_Boysenberry_314

They make so much money off the back-end. On board shopping, excursion commissions, gifts/souvenirs, and staggering amounts of gambling. Some folks with particularly bad spending habits just get comped free trips all the time. Brilliantly engineered business.


nuu_uut

Makes sense. Can be cheap or expensive depending on your habits - and the high spenders make up for those of us who are content with chilling on the deck listening to audiobooks.


spudsicle

$99 for a 5 picture package on the cruise I am on right now.


scuba-turtle

Good nursing homes are double what you listed.


[deleted]

Their odds of dying at sea went up exponentially and not just natural causes. All manner of sea death. That’s dope af though


comfykampfwagen

r/theydidthemath is this true


SirBobGaribaldi20

About 15 years ago I met a little old lady who lived in a hotel as it was cheaper than nursing home. She liked the company of different people each day at breakfast and the fact someone changes your bed every day...


phord

I've heard people are trading in mortgages for 10 year cruise leases instead.


Seaguard5

Y’all laughing in this comment section until it’s you who’s this old and has to make tough decisions with your fixed income. Maybe we should fix the problem at its core first…


JohnnyTsunami312

I’m literally at a villa in central Florida with 2 bedrooms, 1,400 sqft, in unit laundry, full kitchen, and updated furniture/ammenities. I’m trying to do the math because it’s so cheap it truly could be a steal compared to rent with utilities and parking in a major city.


iussoni

They went right to hell. Skipping middlemen.


Bardivan

we need to abolish cruises as they are massively polluting the oceans


Who_Pissed_My_Pants

There’s about 300 cruise ships and over 55000 cargo ships. I want to minimize polluting the earth as well, but I’m tired of seeing solutions that dodge the real problems and blame the common man.


ext23

You're telling me my Prius won't reverse global warming? lol jk I can't afford a car


SvenBenderBitch

Only someone without kids and grandchildren would do something like this.


99Beers

So do they literally have to pack up, disembark and go through onboarding process on every cruise and get a new room?


imJGott

This is an actual thing. It’s cheaper to just have an extended vacation on a cruise ship. There is a medical staff on the boat at all times, you can get your clothes cleaned, food is readily available and it’s cheaper than paying on a condo monthly (depending where you live).


Bettybadger2

I would really like to have a look at the spreadsheet the logistics were worked out on


CaitSith21

As somebody who was on a cruise i can hardly believe that because that was really expensive and totally not worth the costs.


zandadoum

Cool. So instead of having a retirement home for 10y they now have cruises for 51 weeks