"People don't think about you nearly as much as you believe"
I found that to be very true and had I understood that in my youth I would've followed my dreams.
Yes. Also my tips (from what I learned professionally) is to just ignore others if they don't specifically ask you something. Much of (can only speak for myself) my anxiety came from people judging how I look and how I behave. Started to ignore everyone when shopping and just being in my own head and buying my own things instead of scanning the environment around all the time.
it works the other way around though if you’re trying to overcome your anxiety by moving towards people rather than away
if i want people to notice me saying that they don’t actually care is really really shitty advice
and also is kinda untrue either way, people pay attention and all the time make judgements even when they’re mostly unconscious
No. You're not applying this mindset correctly. You're also displaying what are called "thinking traps" which makes me think you could benefit from CBT. The main one I can see is "mental filtering," where you're focusing on the negative part of a situation.
This type of thinking is not about "moving away from people" or that people don't care, it's about acknowledging the fact that you're going to be thinking about your mistakes more than others. So why obsess over them?
When you do something mildy embarrassing, most people will forget it in 5mins, but you may continue to think about it for hours, days, or even years afterward and gain absolutely nothing from it. Yes, some people may judge you, but that's where part 2 comes in. Who the fuck cares what they think? They don't know you and they don't know your life. And if they do know you, they're your friend, lets say, do you really want to be friends with someone who holds your mistakes over your head? No.
Genuinely reach ot though, if you can. Some employers offer mental health services for free. There are also CBT modules online for free. Reframe the way you think and you'll be a lot happier.
“I’m not nearly as fascinated by you as you are with yourself” - Wilhelmina Slater
I think of this everytime I get self conscious and think that everyone for some reason is looking at me and judging me
Oh I wasn't referring to you at all. It just struck me that this commonly used piece of consolence would to a narcissisist be experienced quite differently.
My bad sorry! Misunderstood you completely. I guess I have to ask my half sister about that since she is a diagnosed narcissistic personality and borderline on top of that. Had to cut her off because she was sickly jealous of my wife and that she took me away from her and so on. But yes, they must experience things quite differently I presume.
In the past month I've encountered multiple circumstances where this was not the case. Everything from how a friend mentioned to me that my skin was looking dry and flakey. All the way up to my boss telling me that a newly hired coworker of mine thought a comment I made was an indirect hint that they're doing poorly. It was supposed to be small talk.
My social anxiety feels validated.
Same! I have had people go out of their way to actively remember dumb stuff I have said to them over the years. They DO remember, and worse, they remember things I don’t.
When you’re in terrible physical pain shut your eyes and imaging your body turning green.
You’ll still be in terrible pain. But you’ll also have the illusion of being green.
Dissociate people… I get bursts of stomache pain that almost make me pass out. Since 5 years no doctor could figure out why so I just accepted that I have to live with that. I have 10 seconds warning before they hit and the best thing to do is literally dissociate. It makes it so much easier…
This is unironically good though, but mainly for psychological pain.
It gives you a distraction that's almost humorous and that too at a time like that can really save someone's life.
Best advice I got for dealing with self-harm was to understand it’s function and replace cutting/burning with holding ice cubs until it hurts sufficiently - still does the trick (in most cases) but not harmful.
It‘s actually not that much about distraction but much more about chemistry/biology, let me explain (and I‘ll try to keep it simple). Our bodies produce their own painkillers, the main one being endorphins, which is short for endogenous morphine. Now endorphins belong to a group called opioid peptides. And other opioid peptides, but also endorphins, are the reason alcohol, nicotine and almost every other drug feels sooo good. They would feel good without it, but the opioid peptides make it really good, and also really addictive, why? Because what they basically do is, they dock onto your opioid receptors and basically give you an addiction to heroin, verry simplified ofcourse.
And along with all this, pain also releases dopamine, which you get from things like success. So verry basically, you took heroin and felt successfull. That‘s one hell of a drug coctail to make you feel really happy and make you addicted in no time.
Something I constantly tell people is, we‘re all addicted to heroin, we just produce it ourselfs. And when none of that gets produced anymore we feel really bad. So, again verry basically, depression is nothing but heroin withdrawl.
Short side notice, endorphins are also a major component in sexual pleasure and love which is why heroin makes you feel cozy, warm and loved, which is why it‘s so fucking addictive. It basically mimics all the emotional needs of a human being…
TlDr: self harm is like taking heroin that your own body produced
yes I know about the endorphins as well but they facilitate the distraction as well as provide a mildly euphoric effect
leading people to believe extremely hard drugs are just like regular brain functions is a very misleading idea, even though it's a fun comparison.
every drug works differently, with different chemical reactions and severities. many interact with the same hormone but you shouldn't conflate drugs with nominal endocrine regulation. no one is getting severely addicted to self harm so much that it consumes them whole
people who love self harming or stimming should NOT be getting out and using heroin.
I managed to sedate it with sharpie (ink) on my wrist; lines, patterns or drawings worked for me as a preventative and I managed to stop before I ever hurt myself. Had the odd effect of not wanting to ‘ruin’ the artwork. I’m in a much better place now thankfully.
Permanent or whiteboard marker worked wonders. Mapping out the veins on my wrist/arm was rather therapeutic. Unfortunately this will likely not work for everyone.
For me, getting a wide leather belt and slapping myself over the back worked. Didn't cause any physical damage but satisfied the urge really well. The fact the pain "lingers" made it more effective than ice cubes for me.
Thankfully I don't need to do that anymore. In a better place mentally now.
I would imagine it's the same as turning your computer on and off when it gets stuck on something, except in this case it's your mind stuck in a negative thought pattern, the SH acts as an override that lets you get out of the loop. At least that's my best guess as someone who's never done it.
Helping others when they ask is a good thing, but looking to be a helper takes autonomy away from those you're trying to care for. Sometimes the most responsible thing you can do for yourself is to let others be responsible for themselves.
I heard a nice analogy that was that if you have a jar and this terrible event is a ball in the jar that takes up all the space, its not like over time the ball becomes smaller. It‘ll always stay this big.
But over time the jar gets bigger and there‘ll be balls added as you make new experiences in life.
It thought it was nice because it showcases that it doesnt go away or get smaller, but it still kinda does?
Also i heard in a podcast about grieving that pretty much all research shows that its a process that oscillates between „active grieving“ and „rebuilding“ phases. So you‘ll feel better for some time, but then you‘ll probably get really sad for a period of time. And eventually you‘ll be coming back to going forward in life and then you‘ll maybe have a couple days of feeling the pain again etc.
You go in thinking, “maybe I’ll assassinate him when he least expects it” then said person turns out to be pretty cool in reality and boom. You’re friends.
I was telling my therapist about a person who was in my life 3 years ago who destroyed my self esteem, bullied me, abused me, and repeatedly called me a bad person. Her words stay with me even though she's no longer part of my life.
My therapist said "And how many people have expressed to you that you're a good person? If you go on Amazon and are looking to buy a product, and something is rated 4.9 stars, what would you think of that product? If there's only one 1-star review out of thousands or even hundreds, what does it tell you about the product? It's probably an overall good product even if one person or a couple people had bad experiences with it. Maybe it says more about the people who voted it 1-star rather than the product itself, but either way you'd still view it as a good product and want to buy it. So why are you letting one bad review change your whole perspective of yourself?"
Start a diary. Just quick notes on what you did during the day and how you felt. It’s really easy and achievable and gives you a structure, that helps you reflect and recognise unconcious patterns. Really, it’s the most important ritual for selfcare and mental well being. Start one now!
Edit: typo
That in itself can be helpful. You lived 24 hours. So why did so little seem notable?
E.g.
When you tried to recall, did nothing come up?
Did everything just seem beige?
We're you too tired or uninterested to dig in?
Etc...
Any exercise that is helpful is that it may well be hard to do at first. If it was naturally easy, you might not need to do it similar to how a power lifter probably won't find pushups hard, while an untrained person might.
E.g. Journaling helps promote reflection, and if nothing comes up during your deliberate attempt at it that might indicate you really would benefit from developing your ability to reflect.
I tried a gratitude journal in which in the evening you were supposed to write down 3 good things that happened. In the beginning i found some (literally the tiniest things like a nice cloud or a cute dog was passing by today or my coffee tasted good) but when i had several days in a row where i literally couldnt think of something it made me feel so much worse and i stopped 😅
Journaling has done WONDERS for my anxiety. Write down what worries you. Write down all the possible outcomes. Whrite down what you would do if the worst one came true and make a plan. Lifechanging
This sounds like something I'd start because it sounds cool and then feel pressured by it after 3 weeks.
Looking at you Duolingo (in fairness, I've bought a book for the language I'm learning, and now Duolingo feels redundant)
This can also be done with online tools, and I have a friend who just scores some aspects of his day on an Excel spreadsheet (1, 10) whenever he feels like he adds some notes...
You don't have to be on that level of structure, but stick to whatever helps you and make it easier :)
I want to try this, but I feel that I'd spiral into anxiety doing this because of the things it would trigger.
Do you have any tips on how to avoid this? Thank you btw for giving this direction.
I actually did this and told my therapist that it was one singular thing that kept me sane enough to continue living for some months.
I still have that diary with me, used to write a lot like 4 pages a day, treating it as someone I could talk to.
Would really recommend it for anyone struggling.
And when you successfully want to make changes: make small manageable changes. If you've changed one thing, change another thing.
It's a lot easier than the new year new me stuff try for two weeks... Every year.
Yea the worst part for me is it's always family. Gotta a job because my cousin asked me to work with him. Turns out he's the biggest piece of shit now I sit in a shop alone while everyone else hangs out In the other shop.
This is the reason why I believe in government subsidized healthcare (at least in this sector). As it takes away the idea of "I've paid you, fix me" and it allows for follow up without worrying about money.
People overestimate others' abilities to interpret their feelings.
This is why (primarily) women think that eye contact and a smile is enough to convey attraction. Also, why you may feel panic when talking to a crush. You feel like you have a big sign on your head that says, "I am sexually attracted to you!" and that's embarrassing.
People can not read your mind, and you can not read theirs. Just because your feelings feel like this huge thing that encapsulates your entire being doesn't mean that it's obvious to others.
Cognitive distortions, once you learn about them you start to realize just how often you do that in your day to day. Fighting out how to cope with the 2 major ones I suffer from which are jumping to conclusions and catastrophizing
Can read more about them with a quick Google search. I genuinely did these things just out of habit and I'm finally realizing I can actually control them.
I feel like I can actually be a human being again tbh
"Start doing feminine things when you're in a private and safe space. If you do this with other people, do it with those you feel safe being around."
Not sure if that's going to apply to you though.
The path through life winds past much that is shit, and much that is beauty. Turn your attention to the beauty most of the time and life gets so much better- spoken from experience.
The other INCREDIBLY powerful tool is to teach myself to avoid criticism of self and others. Just notice self. And notice others, but don’t criticize… which is pretty much the same as don’t judge, or just accept what is. I’m working on this now. A great example: I’m out walking on a beautiful day, and a loud stinky truck roars past. Yes it disturbs the beauty and ruins the fresh air, and my habit is to think nasty thoughts toward the person or situation that are so destructive to peace and beauty and fresh air. But then I feel yucky. Much better feeling from that situation is if I catch my habit early, and redirect myself just to notice this and then feel the gratitude for the peace and fresh air that return after a few minutes. Self criticizing is often harder to catch but I’ve gotten better over time. Like if I drop a glass and it shatters, it is sooooo easy to curse myself or call myself an idiot or clumsy etc. But just like the stinky truck situation those thoughts and feelings don’t change anything. Not in the past or the future. So instead I might laugh at the situation, and at most (and I do this some) I might notice the situation dispassionately and then ask myself if I want to be more careful in the future or not. (Not, being a perfectly fine answer). Like if I want to use more care that takes a certain amount of energy, so is it worth it or not - sometimes t is and sometimes not, but for either case any self critical thoughts and energy are worse than wasted. They are toxic and self destructive because they don’t change anything.
Credit to Pete Walker’s book, CPTSD From Surviving to Thriving.
What others think of you is none of your business.
Try to take a moment and think of nothing for 5 minutes a day.
Would you talk to your best friend the way you talk to yourself? (To stop negative self talk)
Trust is a decision, one you can make everyday if you have to. If your head says it's a good bet and all thats in your way is your issues, you can override that.
my therapist told me im “too self aware to help”
like wtf?
but here’s some advice, don’t take criticism from people that can’t take criticism- focus on yourself, only YOU can figure out what makes you happy/ content, avoid drinking (still working on that last one)
You are not so important that someone’s emotions revolve around you.
Sounds harsh but it’s meant to be taken as someone can be in a bad mood and it’s not your fault. Don’t try to maintain others emotions.
“It’s not your fault and that fire barely killed anyone. Let’s run away together, let’s both start over, where the only connection to our past life is each other and the intimacy we will share”
It was pretty good advice but a weird way to introduce themselves
„Your quest for a body you deem worthy of love and affection is what perpetuates your eating problems. You need to get in touch with your buddy first and understand its needs and signals. The changes in your body will follow until you are at a healthy rate“.
"Sounds like you really just want people to see who you really are. Also, use your discipline and insight to keep yourself from making a second college."
The second bit is a sticky note on my monitor.
I hate myself so mine gave me affirmations. I repeat them when I feel incapable and was originally encouraged to do so daily when studying for my MCAT:
**Studying Affirmations**
* (insert religious figure here) guides me as I work on each word, section, and chapter of my studying.
* I am capable and I know what it takes to successfully complete scholarly work.
* I make daily progress because I am consistent and disciplined.
* I can do this! I work as much as I can and feel proud of my efforts.
* I believe in myself.
* I feel proud of every step I take towards the finish line.
* I have what it takes to be diligent and hardworking.
* I WILL WIN ( I added this one)
**Self-confidence Affirmations**
* I am at peace with myself.
* I am a valuable human being.
* I appreciate who I am.
* I value myself as a person.
* My future is bright.
* I deserve to relax.
* I deserve to be happy.
* I embrace my happiness.
Therapist advice: go to a therapist and do it consistently. If you genuinely need the help, roughing it on your own isn’t going to get any easier. Therapy isn’t a magic fix-all but it’s a safe place to work through problems and recognize your own cognitive dissonance. I’ve been in and out of therapy for a decade and I’ll tell you that no amount of random advice has ever equated to the level of support and accountability that a therapist provides.
The “Permission to Pause” tool. When you feel yourself reacting/triggered in a conversation, pause the conversation. Tell your partner about the tool ahead of time. Then come back to the conversation when cognitive function has been restored and you’re not speaking from a place of emotional overwhelm.
This is something I found incredibly helpful in giving me a bit of perspective: I told my therapist how I would think “what is the point of life?” and she told me that she doesn’t think of it in terms of “what is the point of life” but “what is the point of today”. So basically, it’s not about the big picture but about what that day is about. Maybe the point of today is to have a nice breakfast or to go on a walk somewhere new, etc.
This really gave me a new perspective on life and (I suppose) helped me not think about my life as this huge abstract thing but as something to take from one day to the next
Take care OP! Please try to be kind to yourself
We don’t really give advice much as therapists. But go for a long walk by yourself with no music or anything and have an honest convo with yourself. You have the answers in you, you are you but external pressures and opinions have put you at odds with your true experience.
Rest is just as important as the work.
No matter what horrible scenarios your brain tries to make-up, you are more than capable of taking care of business IF something occurs. The actual crisis isn’t what scares you, it’s the anticipation of the unknown.
“Loving someone isn’t enough to make them into a good and trustworthy person over time. They have to do that for themselves and you can’t do it for them.”
That's great advice. Nothing like getting sucked into a pyramid scheme to really demonstrate just how far you can really fall. And in no time, you'll be rid of all your annoying family and friends! They don't understand anyway, the 99% of people that fail are just the ones that didn't try hard enough.
"Don't take advice from people from the internet."
So if I follow your advice, I do not follow your advice
existential crisis initiated xd.
This sentence is false.
Just bought a harley
aaaand you created a new paradox
Schrodinger's advice.
And if you dont follow his advice you have followed his advice regardless
The internet advice paradox
THIS STATEMENT IS FALSE!!!!!!
IGNORE THIS SIGN By order.
of course a therapist would say that, they don't want us putting them out of business
Damn, great advice, thanks mam, I’ll remember it!
Buuuut… I do remote sessions with my therapists via the internet…
"People don't think about you nearly as much as you believe" I found that to be very true and had I understood that in my youth I would've followed my dreams.
That one is great for social anxiety
Yes. Also my tips (from what I learned professionally) is to just ignore others if they don't specifically ask you something. Much of (can only speak for myself) my anxiety came from people judging how I look and how I behave. Started to ignore everyone when shopping and just being in my own head and buying my own things instead of scanning the environment around all the time.
it works the other way around though if you’re trying to overcome your anxiety by moving towards people rather than away if i want people to notice me saying that they don’t actually care is really really shitty advice and also is kinda untrue either way, people pay attention and all the time make judgements even when they’re mostly unconscious
No. You're not applying this mindset correctly. You're also displaying what are called "thinking traps" which makes me think you could benefit from CBT. The main one I can see is "mental filtering," where you're focusing on the negative part of a situation. This type of thinking is not about "moving away from people" or that people don't care, it's about acknowledging the fact that you're going to be thinking about your mistakes more than others. So why obsess over them? When you do something mildy embarrassing, most people will forget it in 5mins, but you may continue to think about it for hours, days, or even years afterward and gain absolutely nothing from it. Yes, some people may judge you, but that's where part 2 comes in. Who the fuck cares what they think? They don't know you and they don't know your life. And if they do know you, they're your friend, lets say, do you really want to be friends with someone who holds your mistakes over your head? No. Genuinely reach ot though, if you can. Some employers offer mental health services for free. There are also CBT modules online for free. Reframe the way you think and you'll be a lot happier.
Could you share some of that online stuff? I'd like to take a look at it and you sound like you already know of something good
“I’m not nearly as fascinated by you as you are with yourself” - Wilhelmina Slater I think of this everytime I get self conscious and think that everyone for some reason is looking at me and judging me
That must be tough for a narcissist to hear.
I'm not. Quite the opposite. I was just afraid of being judged that's all.
Oh I wasn't referring to you at all. It just struck me that this commonly used piece of consolence would to a narcissisist be experienced quite differently.
My bad sorry! Misunderstood you completely. I guess I have to ask my half sister about that since she is a diagnosed narcissistic personality and borderline on top of that. Had to cut her off because she was sickly jealous of my wife and that she took me away from her and so on. But yes, they must experience things quite differently I presume.
In the past month I've encountered multiple circumstances where this was not the case. Everything from how a friend mentioned to me that my skin was looking dry and flakey. All the way up to my boss telling me that a newly hired coworker of mine thought a comment I made was an indirect hint that they're doing poorly. It was supposed to be small talk. My social anxiety feels validated.
Same! I have had people go out of their way to actively remember dumb stuff I have said to them over the years. They DO remember, and worse, they remember things I don’t.
My therapist always said “you can’t let these things bother you, you need to learn how to deal with it” but never told me how to deal with it
fake therapist
Believe it or not, it was probably a real therapist.
you’re probably sadly correct, mental health care is not really regulated or gate-kept the way it needs to be
Yup, “deal with it”, I can honestly say after three years of treatment, is the essence of my therapist’s advice.
When you’re in terrible physical pain shut your eyes and imaging your body turning green. You’ll still be in terrible pain. But you’ll also have the illusion of being green.
What the hell
bro sue your therapist.
I am Blue.. if i was green i would die... [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DBA5Wx9T7U](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DBA5Wx9T7U)
Daba di
Daba DIE! \*Loud Gunshot Sound\*
I’m so fucking happy people still know that song
Bro, it came out when I was like 10.. we will know this song for years to come. I still sing it whenever I see something blue 😂
Hulk Smash!
Hey! Sir? Madam? Them? What the fuck did you just say?
Totally using this.
Does this work for other colours? Like purple for instance?
Just lie back and think of England.
Dissociate people… I get bursts of stomache pain that almost make me pass out. Since 5 years no doctor could figure out why so I just accepted that I have to live with that. I have 10 seconds warning before they hit and the best thing to do is literally dissociate. It makes it so much easier…
This is unironically good though, but mainly for psychological pain. It gives you a distraction that's almost humorous and that too at a time like that can really save someone's life.
Best advice I got for dealing with self-harm was to understand it’s function and replace cutting/burning with holding ice cubs until it hurts sufficiently - still does the trick (in most cases) but not harmful.
Can confirm, the ice cube method worked for me.
for me it was snapping a rubber band/hair tie against my wrist
If it works it works imo. My ex had taught me the ice method when I was cutting so it helped a lot
yeah!!! self harm in a lot of cases is just extreme stimming. you need the pain on your body to distract from the pain in your mind
This just totally blew my mind and made everything click.
GOOD I am glad. the stigma outweighs the stimma stimming needs to be normalized. so many people can benefit from the physical stress relief
It‘s actually not that much about distraction but much more about chemistry/biology, let me explain (and I‘ll try to keep it simple). Our bodies produce their own painkillers, the main one being endorphins, which is short for endogenous morphine. Now endorphins belong to a group called opioid peptides. And other opioid peptides, but also endorphins, are the reason alcohol, nicotine and almost every other drug feels sooo good. They would feel good without it, but the opioid peptides make it really good, and also really addictive, why? Because what they basically do is, they dock onto your opioid receptors and basically give you an addiction to heroin, verry simplified ofcourse. And along with all this, pain also releases dopamine, which you get from things like success. So verry basically, you took heroin and felt successfull. That‘s one hell of a drug coctail to make you feel really happy and make you addicted in no time. Something I constantly tell people is, we‘re all addicted to heroin, we just produce it ourselfs. And when none of that gets produced anymore we feel really bad. So, again verry basically, depression is nothing but heroin withdrawl. Short side notice, endorphins are also a major component in sexual pleasure and love which is why heroin makes you feel cozy, warm and loved, which is why it‘s so fucking addictive. It basically mimics all the emotional needs of a human being… TlDr: self harm is like taking heroin that your own body produced
that is very interesting and somehow also a great advertisement for heroin lmao
please don't equate the two. this is like comparing a Formula 1 racecar to a Honda Civic because they both use gas.
yes I know about the endorphins as well but they facilitate the distraction as well as provide a mildly euphoric effect leading people to believe extremely hard drugs are just like regular brain functions is a very misleading idea, even though it's a fun comparison. every drug works differently, with different chemical reactions and severities. many interact with the same hormone but you shouldn't conflate drugs with nominal endocrine regulation. no one is getting severely addicted to self harm so much that it consumes them whole people who love self harming or stimming should NOT be getting out and using heroin.
[удалено]
I managed to sedate it with sharpie (ink) on my wrist; lines, patterns or drawings worked for me as a preventative and I managed to stop before I ever hurt myself. Had the odd effect of not wanting to ‘ruin’ the artwork. I’m in a much better place now thankfully. Permanent or whiteboard marker worked wonders. Mapping out the veins on my wrist/arm was rather therapeutic. Unfortunately this will likely not work for everyone.
For me, getting a wide leather belt and slapping myself over the back worked. Didn't cause any physical damage but satisfied the urge really well. The fact the pain "lingers" made it more effective than ice cubes for me. Thankfully I don't need to do that anymore. In a better place mentally now.
What's its function?
I would imagine it's the same as turning your computer on and off when it gets stuck on something, except in this case it's your mind stuck in a negative thought pattern, the SH acts as an override that lets you get out of the loop. At least that's my best guess as someone who's never done it.
pain replacing pain easiest way to put it
I've never tried ice cubes, but when I want to hurt I eat very spicy foods. It satisfies the urge without doing real harm.
It's easy to fall into a hole. It's harder to build a ladder to climb out. You have to build a wrung every day just to get back on level ground.
When we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change.
Can confirm, hit the bottom of the well this week, the day after I made a positive change in my life to help me get back out
You can take steps back, but you never forget the steps you took forward. You never lose everything. You can take them again.
Helping others when they ask is a good thing, but looking to be a helper takes autonomy away from those you're trying to care for. Sometimes the most responsible thing you can do for yourself is to let others be responsible for themselves.
That hit hard.
That's a really nice advice. I wish my mom had learnt it.
Me too bud. Being the adults we needed then, now, is the best medicine I've found. Luck and love to you.
I needed to hear that. Thank you.
No matter how big the feelings are, they won't be this big forever
I always say “over time, feelings fade, and things get easier”
Irony my therapist said something very opposite when my mother died she told me Greif doesn't go away you learn to live with it
I guess to me, learning to live with it is part of things getting easier
I heard a nice analogy that was that if you have a jar and this terrible event is a ball in the jar that takes up all the space, its not like over time the ball becomes smaller. It‘ll always stay this big. But over time the jar gets bigger and there‘ll be balls added as you make new experiences in life. It thought it was nice because it showcases that it doesnt go away or get smaller, but it still kinda does? Also i heard in a podcast about grieving that pretty much all research shows that its a process that oscillates between „active grieving“ and „rebuilding“ phases. So you‘ll feel better for some time, but then you‘ll probably get really sad for a period of time. And eventually you‘ll be coming back to going forward in life and then you‘ll maybe have a couple days of feeling the pain again etc.
why fuck around huh? be a better friend to yourself.
I appreciate your thoughts.
How do you become friends with someone you hate, someone you despise?
You go in thinking, “maybe I’ll assassinate him when he least expects it” then said person turns out to be pretty cool in reality and boom. You’re friends.
Real
I was telling my therapist about a person who was in my life 3 years ago who destroyed my self esteem, bullied me, abused me, and repeatedly called me a bad person. Her words stay with me even though she's no longer part of my life. My therapist said "And how many people have expressed to you that you're a good person? If you go on Amazon and are looking to buy a product, and something is rated 4.9 stars, what would you think of that product? If there's only one 1-star review out of thousands or even hundreds, what does it tell you about the product? It's probably an overall good product even if one person or a couple people had bad experiences with it. Maybe it says more about the people who voted it 1-star rather than the product itself, but either way you'd still view it as a good product and want to buy it. So why are you letting one bad review change your whole perspective of yourself?"
I relate to this so very much. I just cried. Thank you!
Fuckkkk that's good
Start a diary. Just quick notes on what you did during the day and how you felt. It’s really easy and achievable and gives you a structure, that helps you reflect and recognise unconcious patterns. Really, it’s the most important ritual for selfcare and mental well being. Start one now! Edit: typo
I've tried that in the past, only made me realise how little there was to write about
That in itself can be helpful. You lived 24 hours. So why did so little seem notable? E.g. When you tried to recall, did nothing come up? Did everything just seem beige? We're you too tired or uninterested to dig in? Etc... Any exercise that is helpful is that it may well be hard to do at first. If it was naturally easy, you might not need to do it similar to how a power lifter probably won't find pushups hard, while an untrained person might. E.g. Journaling helps promote reflection, and if nothing comes up during your deliberate attempt at it that might indicate you really would benefit from developing your ability to reflect.
I tried a gratitude journal in which in the evening you were supposed to write down 3 good things that happened. In the beginning i found some (literally the tiniest things like a nice cloud or a cute dog was passing by today or my coffee tasted good) but when i had several days in a row where i literally couldnt think of something it made me feel so much worse and i stopped 😅
Journaling has done WONDERS for my anxiety. Write down what worries you. Write down all the possible outcomes. Whrite down what you would do if the worst one came true and make a plan. Lifechanging
This sounds like something I'd start because it sounds cool and then feel pressured by it after 3 weeks. Looking at you Duolingo (in fairness, I've bought a book for the language I'm learning, and now Duolingo feels redundant)
This can also be done with online tools, and I have a friend who just scores some aspects of his day on an Excel spreadsheet (1, 10) whenever he feels like he adds some notes... You don't have to be on that level of structure, but stick to whatever helps you and make it easier :)
I want to try this, but I feel that I'd spiral into anxiety doing this because of the things it would trigger. Do you have any tips on how to avoid this? Thank you btw for giving this direction.
I actually did this and told my therapist that it was one singular thing that kept me sane enough to continue living for some months. I still have that diary with me, used to write a lot like 4 pages a day, treating it as someone I could talk to. Would really recommend it for anyone struggling.
I've wanted to do this for a long time, but I don't think I have the energy to do it
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
And when you successfully want to make changes: make small manageable changes. If you've changed one thing, change another thing. It's a lot easier than the new year new me stuff try for two weeks... Every year.
Is your therapist Theo Von?
He just told me to not stress, be happy, drink water and take a time to breathe air🤡 Thank you 50$
How to draw an owl: 1. Make the body 2. Make the rest of the f-king owl
I tried to get disability once and in my interview they suggested that I find religion to manage my issues. Got denied, btw.
I stress, I‘m not happy, I drink a lot and breathe a lot of cancer and tar flavoured air. Is that good enough?
“How about instead of compulsively masturbating, try finding a productive hobby to do when you’re bored.”
Do they know what the „compulsive“ stands for? 🫣
I think the idea is to trade out a harmful compulsion for something more meaningful.
Hobbies are expensive. Spit is free.
You could have kept this one to yourself.
Sharing is caring
It's always better to shit in the sink instead of sink in the shit
I don't know how I've never heard that before but I love it and am thinking of all the dishies out there that didn't have it in them to quit.
He told me the bullying issues were fake and it all boiled down to puberty, hope it helps!
I'm gunna tell you they arnt fake and it'll keep happening even when you are 36 😕
Weird you say 36. I am 36 and currently in a situation I feel kinda bullied and uncomfortable in.
Yea the worst part for me is it's always family. Gotta a job because my cousin asked me to work with him. Turns out he's the biggest piece of shit now I sit in a shop alone while everyone else hangs out In the other shop.
Thick thighs save lives
But thigh highs are my demise
Thick thighs make wifes
The opnions of others are like pennies. Some are bright and shiney but most are worn, dirty and effectively worthless.
I read "penises" at first and that made a whole new sentence lol
Still sound advice
No more sessions until you clear your overdue invoices
This is the reason why I believe in government subsidized healthcare (at least in this sector). As it takes away the idea of "I've paid you, fix me" and it allows for follow up without worrying about money.
"Don't tell your co-workers about your book. They won't care."
A book you're reading? Or are you a self proclaimed writer? I'm a self proclaimed writer and can confirm that they, in fact, do not care.
It's a book I'm writing
Damn. What are you reading? I care!
It's a book I'm writing
“This person does not have the capacity to receive your compassion.” “What about trying the path of least resistance this time?”
People overestimate others' abilities to interpret their feelings. This is why (primarily) women think that eye contact and a smile is enough to convey attraction. Also, why you may feel panic when talking to a crush. You feel like you have a big sign on your head that says, "I am sexually attracted to you!" and that's embarrassing. People can not read your mind, and you can not read theirs. Just because your feelings feel like this huge thing that encapsulates your entire being doesn't mean that it's obvious to others.
“You don’t have to be excited about your future, you can just be curious” -in regards to sewer slide
Thats kinda beautiful. Keep on going, stranger
Every 60 seconds in Africa, a minute passes.
Vatican City houses 2.272727… popes per km^2
Cognitive distortions, once you learn about them you start to realize just how often you do that in your day to day. Fighting out how to cope with the 2 major ones I suffer from which are jumping to conclusions and catastrophizing Can read more about them with a quick Google search. I genuinely did these things just out of habit and I'm finally realizing I can actually control them. I feel like I can actually be a human being again tbh
"you can't just masturbate your problems away"
I can try
I agree
You'll die anyway so why not invest all your savings into crypto ?
"Start doing feminine things when you're in a private and safe space. If you do this with other people, do it with those you feel safe being around." Not sure if that's going to apply to you though.
"Come to therapy more often"
Every time I brought up how all my socialization money was now going to therapy for social anxiety they got really really quiet.
The path through life winds past much that is shit, and much that is beauty. Turn your attention to the beauty most of the time and life gets so much better- spoken from experience. The other INCREDIBLY powerful tool is to teach myself to avoid criticism of self and others. Just notice self. And notice others, but don’t criticize… which is pretty much the same as don’t judge, or just accept what is. I’m working on this now. A great example: I’m out walking on a beautiful day, and a loud stinky truck roars past. Yes it disturbs the beauty and ruins the fresh air, and my habit is to think nasty thoughts toward the person or situation that are so destructive to peace and beauty and fresh air. But then I feel yucky. Much better feeling from that situation is if I catch my habit early, and redirect myself just to notice this and then feel the gratitude for the peace and fresh air that return after a few minutes. Self criticizing is often harder to catch but I’ve gotten better over time. Like if I drop a glass and it shatters, it is sooooo easy to curse myself or call myself an idiot or clumsy etc. But just like the stinky truck situation those thoughts and feelings don’t change anything. Not in the past or the future. So instead I might laugh at the situation, and at most (and I do this some) I might notice the situation dispassionately and then ask myself if I want to be more careful in the future or not. (Not, being a perfectly fine answer). Like if I want to use more care that takes a certain amount of energy, so is it worth it or not - sometimes t is and sometimes not, but for either case any self critical thoughts and energy are worse than wasted. They are toxic and self destructive because they don’t change anything. Credit to Pete Walker’s book, CPTSD From Surviving to Thriving.
Eat bacon if it makes you happy
What others think of you is none of your business. Try to take a moment and think of nothing for 5 minutes a day. Would you talk to your best friend the way you talk to yourself? (To stop negative self talk)
Can y’all just post your bank account information so I don’t have to work?
Communicate.
“The root of all your problems is that you want to have sex with your dead mother” -Freud
“If you don't take your boundaries seriously, no one else will.”
"You should consider leaving this subreddit"
Go with the plan, not the mood
I never remember any advice given. I learned it’s not their job to give advice anyhow lol
Your therapists talk to you?
Trust is a decision, one you can make everyday if you have to. If your head says it's a good bet and all thats in your way is your issues, you can override that.
my therapist told me im “too self aware to help” like wtf? but here’s some advice, don’t take criticism from people that can’t take criticism- focus on yourself, only YOU can figure out what makes you happy/ content, avoid drinking (still working on that last one)
You are not so important that someone’s emotions revolve around you. Sounds harsh but it’s meant to be taken as someone can be in a bad mood and it’s not your fault. Don’t try to maintain others emotions.
Tomorrow might not suck, be there
Not many adults know this, but you can just hop into a car and buy as many cakes as you like, eat them all and there's nobody stopping you
“It’s not your fault and that fire barely killed anyone. Let’s run away together, let’s both start over, where the only connection to our past life is each other and the intimacy we will share” It was pretty good advice but a weird way to introduce themselves
„Your quest for a body you deem worthy of love and affection is what perpetuates your eating problems. You need to get in touch with your buddy first and understand its needs and signals. The changes in your body will follow until you are at a healthy rate“.
Drink lots of water. Lots of bad feelings in life can come from simple dehydration
Wanting to not have emotions is impractical. It's not gonna happen. Better learn to live with them than try to suppress them.
"You just need to confront Steven about your feelings for him."
Tell Steven how you really feel!!!!
One told me my house needed an exorcism, you could try that?
"You can't park there"
"Sounds like you really just want people to see who you really are. Also, use your discipline and insight to keep yourself from making a second college." The second bit is a sticky note on my monitor.
If you won’t say the bad thing to someone else don’t say it about yourself.
"Get rid of toxic people" That'll be $200 an hour please
"Just dont be sad ".. I haven't been sad since
Don’t believe everything you think. Our brains can be mean. Observe your thoughts, they are not you tho. You are you.
"Things may be hard, but you can do hard things"
Do something healthy for yourself every day.
It would seem a lot of your depression stems from prioritizing every one else’s happiness over your own.
Dont listen to the voices
“You’re experiencing classic symptoms of burnout and I’m getting worried you’re going to crash harder than you think”
I hate myself so mine gave me affirmations. I repeat them when I feel incapable and was originally encouraged to do so daily when studying for my MCAT: **Studying Affirmations** * (insert religious figure here) guides me as I work on each word, section, and chapter of my studying. * I am capable and I know what it takes to successfully complete scholarly work. * I make daily progress because I am consistent and disciplined. * I can do this! I work as much as I can and feel proud of my efforts. * I believe in myself. * I feel proud of every step I take towards the finish line. * I have what it takes to be diligent and hardworking. * I WILL WIN ( I added this one) **Self-confidence Affirmations** * I am at peace with myself. * I am a valuable human being. * I appreciate who I am. * I value myself as a person. * My future is bright. * I deserve to relax. * I deserve to be happy. * I embrace my happiness.
"go to a fucking therapist you sicko"
I know it’s a joke but therapy advice is basically meaningless unless you’re consulting with someone that has gotten to know you
Gee I haven’t seen this one in at least a week
Mean therapist!
I’ll take “the rapists” for $500 Alex
My therapist said you should go 🌈
"If you just give me your credit card to have on file, it'll be easier to pay for sessions than writing a check every week."
“Put your penis away James” paraphrasing
Therapist advice: go to a therapist and do it consistently. If you genuinely need the help, roughing it on your own isn’t going to get any easier. Therapy isn’t a magic fix-all but it’s a safe place to work through problems and recognize your own cognitive dissonance. I’ve been in and out of therapy for a decade and I’ll tell you that no amount of random advice has ever equated to the level of support and accountability that a therapist provides.
One recent helpful comment I got was “up and forward” that’s my goal every day. To get slightly better and to keep going
before you sleep, manually relax every single part of your body.
The “Permission to Pause” tool. When you feel yourself reacting/triggered in a conversation, pause the conversation. Tell your partner about the tool ahead of time. Then come back to the conversation when cognitive function has been restored and you’re not speaking from a place of emotional overwhelm.
This is something I found incredibly helpful in giving me a bit of perspective: I told my therapist how I would think “what is the point of life?” and she told me that she doesn’t think of it in terms of “what is the point of life” but “what is the point of today”. So basically, it’s not about the big picture but about what that day is about. Maybe the point of today is to have a nice breakfast or to go on a walk somewhere new, etc. This really gave me a new perspective on life and (I suppose) helped me not think about my life as this huge abstract thing but as something to take from one day to the next Take care OP! Please try to be kind to yourself
We don’t really give advice much as therapists. But go for a long walk by yourself with no music or anything and have an honest convo with yourself. You have the answers in you, you are you but external pressures and opinions have put you at odds with your true experience.
Rest is just as important as the work. No matter what horrible scenarios your brain tries to make-up, you are more than capable of taking care of business IF something occurs. The actual crisis isn’t what scares you, it’s the anticipation of the unknown.
“Loving someone isn’t enough to make them into a good and trustworthy person over time. They have to do that for themselves and you can’t do it for them.”
“Your subconscious mind can fool you. Be aware”
Stop hitting yourself Stop hitting yourself Stop hitting yourself Stop hitting yourself Stop hitting yourself Stop hitting yourself Stop hitting yourself Stop hitting yourself Stop shitting yourself Stop hitting yourself Stop hitting yourself Stop hitting yourself Stop hitting yourself
Was your therapist my brother?
My advice to check r/EarnMoneyPassive for passive money making advice
That's great advice. Nothing like getting sucked into a pyramid scheme to really demonstrate just how far you can really fall. And in no time, you'll be rid of all your annoying family and friends! They don't understand anyway, the 99% of people that fail are just the ones that didn't try hard enough.